#i feel like im going fucking insane
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Idk i love my guy fucked up and bloody <3
Something a lot of people have been pointing out is that PVPEvbo acts a LOT more immature and got called "kid" multiple times, he is Very teenager/early adult coded to me, like 19ish, and yet he is stuck in the cycle of death and violence, a chosen one who cant even save himself
and then there is pkc evbo who is kinda just vibing, like he is OBVIOUSLY not without his issues but he made it, he healed the world as best as he could and he is living pretty solidly, he made it forward by his own motivation and determination, where as pvp!Evbo felt more driven by external forces
#pvp civilization#pvp civ#parkour civilization#parkour civilisation fanart#evbo#evbo fanart#i feel like im going fucking INSANE
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Re that last rb, it's fucking maddening trying to expose Zionists without them crying antisemitism because they purposefully entrench themselves in and perpetuate antisemitic stereotypes. Then, when you point this out, they play victim like they weren't the ones playing toys in the sandbox of blood libel and media control stereotypes to begin with.
Obviously it's a very insidious and clever tactic, but jesus fucking christ there is no good way to break through the walls of it, and anti-Zionist Jewish activists and communities are suffering for it. Zionists claim to want to protect Jewish lives, but all they're doing is endangering them while they rabidly celebrate genocide.
#i feel like im going fucking insane#free palestine#end israel's genocide#gaza#free gaza#anti zionisim
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good morning ive already been awake for 3 hours trying to study for a test at 10 but i literally just realized how horribly dark my eye bags are
#its amazing what almost two weeks of little to no sleep will do to a person#i feel like im going fucking insane
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What's fucking wrong with me man. What a pathetic fucking life.
#ik whats wrong really#its multiple diagnosed mental illnesses#but it still doesnt explain it all#people seem very confident online that it is possible to live normally with these conditions and yet i dont#i feel like im going fucking insane#and i do it alone#i have no control over my life. i hate myself. my friends ignore me. my living condition fucking sucks. weed is too expensive.#fuck man i just cant anymore#i need things to get better and yet they never do#i fall back into the old patterns every time no matter how hard i try to crawl out#because the new patterns make me feel even worse. even more alone. even sicker.#talky#literally nothing#vent#please i just cant do it forever#how am i supposed to fix myself. how am i supposed to be happy. if when i try it means all my friends vanish.#when it makes me feel so fucking miserable#fuck. man. please just kill me
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i need to get blasted with vegetables fucking stat
#personal#gonna walk into my fucking doctors appointment tomorrow and theyre gonna tell me i have vitamin deficiencies out the fucking wazoo#n im gonna be like yeah :)) i wonder why :)) thats happening :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))#rolling things over in my head im losing my mind fr fr#i am so hungry. i am so starved i literally want to eat so bad but there is fucking. there is fucking nothing with any taste in this house#im going to pop open the frozen broccoli in the freezer and stuff the entire bag into my fucking mouth. my brain is numbing as we speak#i FEEL like im going fucking INSANE#smashes my head into the fucking walls i need to find something to put in my mouth before my head explouds
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the hill that i will die on is that cas would have never said he loved dean if he had to deal with the consequences of it afterwards, meanwhile dean (who was SUPPOSED to tell cas he loved him in the original crypt scene script) would have eventually worked up to saying it without external pressure
#listen#LISTEN#i know there's a bunch of takes out there that basically amount to dean being too emotionally stunted to know what he's feeling#but dean's problem has always been being TOO connected to his emotions and being unable to process that#meanwhile cas our sexy avoidant king and chronic ghoster would rather die than acknowledge something that big#like are we forgetting that cas's big move after fucking everything up was to go insane and basically not deal with the problem#meanwhile dean is trying to have a heart to heart with every family member love interest and pseudo adopted daughter every six seconds#ANYWAY yeah#if cas hadn't have made a deal with the empty and if that deal didn't ultimately conveniently correlate with saving dean's life?#cas wouldn't have said shit#FREAK <3#mean while dean winchester (WHO HAD MORE TO SAY IN PURGATORY!) would have eventually worked his way up to it#and im not saying he'd handle it well bc he'd probably drop it and then be weird about it forever#but he's more likely to be the first to acknowledge it if they weren't being pressured by outside forces#dean studies#cas studies#im so fucking normal about them#dean winchester#castiel
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In the what we do in the shadows ending (alternate version 2) at one point Armand will randomly spawn and instead of canon nandermo we'll have canon armandermo as foreshadowed in episode 1x01
#i feel like im going insane#this has to be a fever dream#what the fuck do you mean 3 alternate endings#and what does that even mean in the context of a documentary#wwdits#nandermo#what we do in the shadows
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i think that if kabru saw that “laios meeting falin for the first time” strip he’d be sobbing uncontrollably
#feels like it is SO fundamental to understanding laios on a deep level#idk something about not expecting ‘common sense’ from babies#something about how he is so deeply laios. maybe im just projecting#but that comic resonates with me SO hard#the lack of expression (taking her in) and the way he looks up for permission#and by that time his father already knows? that hes looking for permission to leave. he doesnt say it. he just looks.#and then! he runs to his kitty! and whispers like its a secret! hes a big brother now kitty!#and he whispers to the chickens! he’s got a little sister chickens! shes called falin doggies!#to see laios as an adult and to know he cares for his sister is par for the course#to see that he was enamored with her the second he met her and told all of his friends is just. fuck#they tell you many times in the series that these siblings care for each other above ALL ELSE#like knowing that all people die is separate from knowing there is no reality for either of them that doesnt contain their sibling#im going insane over the touden siblings#but i think kabru would go through these same motions and cry idk#dunmeshi#labru#if you squint#kabru of utaya#laios touden#falin touden#dungeon meshi#bumblysdumbly
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one of my favorite things about zedaph is that on a server full of people that find strange and oft-overlooked minecraft mechanics or rare events and then see just how far they can push them in the name of spectacle or efficiency or world-breaking, zed is over here finding these mechanics in order to do the weirdest things he can think of in as entertaining a manner as possible
like i 100% have faith in zedaph's theoretical ability to be just as efficient or spectacular or world-breaking. if he wanted to do that stuff, i trust that he absolutely could. but thats so far from being his priority. instead, hes going to spend around a week of irl time focused entirely on eventually having the good luck to spawn in something insanely rare so that he can convert it into something even rarer, the result of which being something that 99% of the server reacts with complete and utter shock that it even exists in the first place, just because its zany and funny and he wanted to. and i love that
#zedaph#hermitcraft#genuinely i adore the clucky few project im not even done watching the episode and i had to pause and make this post#i saw impulses video first and went ''that HAS to be some sort of datapack or something-''#only to immediately go ''no. no it cant be. because this is zed#and its practically a trademark of his to push the limits of the game as far as possible in the direction least expected#not for the purpose of efficiency or spectacle or intimidation or whatever like some players who push limits#but purely for the purpose of making something so funny you cant help but laugh at whats going on#and maybe being a bit impressed that he ever thought of it in the first place''#at which point i went ''holy shit. since its zed doing this. somehow he ACTUALLY got a villager on a chicken. with no cheats. thats INSANE'#i was relieved when i checked my subscriptions to see what the next video i had to watch was and saw he would be next in line#bc if i had to sit through 19 other hermits videos before i could watch his and find out what the fuck he was doing i would have been so sa#sidenote but i feel like a zed video where he interacts with this many other people all in the same video is so rare#idk i didnt watch season 9 and i know he started collabing a lot more w/ other hermits then#so maybe its not nearly as rare these days#but like the last one that *i* saw where he interacted with this many people at once was towards the end of season 8#when all the people he experimented on earlier in the season came back to experiment on him#and like i would like zeds videos with or without the collabs. but its a lot of fun to see him interact with people#so its very cool to me when he does it with a lot of people all in the same video
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Nomura was insane for that statement he made. I know I should be focused on the foreteller part of it but I'm stuck on the inspiration for so much coming from the story of an American blues musician meeting with the devil to get guitar skills.
Like on one hand. Darkness/mom, mom/foretellers, marluxia/sora, mom/xehanort and xehanort/terra all being the devil and guitar player throughout the series imo. But also all I can think about is the devil went down to gerogia because that is so xehanort and sora to me in kh3 like is that literally not their vibe and it's also such a hysterical vision in my mind. I'm sorry like:
"Well, that ol' Devil bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat
And he laid that golden fiddle down on the ground at Johnny's feet
Johnny said, "Devil, come on back if you ever wanna try again"
Also "this means demyx is mom" I will kms if that's the truth. I think its funnier if demyx also somehow "made a deal with the devil" but he's the only literal interpretation of this story in kh and that's why he has a sitar it would incredibly hilarious
[Edit] tumblr mobile is being a dick not letting me add a link here's what Nomura said irt BBS 15th anniversary on twt:
#also bbs com and ux are my favorite games so him talking about them specifically like. im fucking WINNING#nomura drawing from american music also not new since he's reaponsible for frank sinatra in stranger of paradise lol#my friends know I went down the rabbit hole of christian game reviews of kh and christians love kh as a god honoring game#so those guys are winning too#anyway later I'll go back and put this all under a microscope for foreteller purposes#SORRY I FEEL INSANE I WANTED TO SAY MORE ABOUT SORA AND XEHANORT BUT DIDNT WANT TO LOSE THE PLOT#kh#khux#im rambling#khux essay#kh3
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cute date idea: feel a bit homesick while watching aurora borealis for a bit before absolutely destroying yourselves on black sand
#i love when theyre stupid like this in ep[REDACTED]#good stuff. gill healing them just so they can keep going is so fkn incredible#just roll with it#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#jrwi chip#jrwi fish and chips#my art#*colors a sketch* *colors a sketch* *colors a sketch* *colors a sketch* *colors a sketch* *colors a sketch*#ive drawn so much shit today#i feel absolutely insane and damn i havent gotten through any eps bc ive been too busy drawing the fuckers damn#its been like 10h of mostly just drawing them. im so sane im so fucking normal im so fucking normal im sooooo sane
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I think that the party's communication issues can be summed up as "man, is it awkward to tell someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with them if you've only know them for a few months? Probably."
#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#listen they will kill for each other but also its such a short time???? like??? thats part of the tragedy tbh#like!!! yeah theyll go back to their previous lives bc who in their right minds throw out everything they were doing before for people youv#only known for a few months and it turns out all of them do bc theyre insane for each other but!!!! like!!!! thats still a big ask!!!!!#yeah lets throw out everything we've ever know to be together lets fucking go and then they do in the end!!!! but!!!#thats because theyre all are ride or die to the extreme for each other!!!!!! far more than siffrin thinks anyone will ever be for him!!!!#anyway I have a lot of feelings about the party and just how bonkers (affectionate) they are#yeah no siffrin I too would not expect people to put aside their previous lives especially if its clear they have other plans#'yeah im gonna invite myself over to your house to live here lol' yeah no I would not assume that!!!!!!!#the issue is more that issue doesnt communicate what he really wants because if they do and his family says no then... being together truly#will end so he doesnt ask so they never will get a no so it never has to end (and has his reason to keep going)#this is turning into an essay in the tags but like. God its a wild set of circumstances so#tbh Siffrin not thinking the party wants to travel together is not wild to me neither is family not communicating#them wanting to be together ALL OF THEM wanting it is... unbelivable in these circumstances#but they do bc theyre all insane and ride or die but the extent of which is a mystery to all of them#anyway thats my essay in the tags#just read the no loops fic where the adults minus siffrin all offer to bring bonnie to bambouche and had FEELINGS about it#my posts
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im just imagining nandermo in a very enclosed space like for some reason they gotta be chest to chest pushed up against a wall and its awkward for a moment but then nandors eyes are just boring into guillermos and guillermo has that uncertain but unwavering stare too, and is this what is gonna take for them to kiss?
#at this point im just running all scenarios in my mind and spilling all my thoughts about them into the ether#i swear i am not fine#they kiss nandor blurts out i love you please dont ever leave me please dont die#and they share their feelings while kissing and bang against that very wall while telling the other how much they mean to them#nandor expecially is a flood of YOURE SO AMAZING GUILLERMO I LOVE YOU PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE#im going INSANE over them hahahaha#guillermo is too stunned and enjoying the physical sensation to be so close to nandor and to see nandor be so vulnerable#nandermo#wwdits#what we do in the shadows#atp im just saying whatever insane shit is passing through my head at any given moment. but thats what tumblr is for basically you will#forgive me about it. i just am a very physical person and i think a physical moment is always very good to unfuck a totally fucked dynamic#like talking of course would be preferrable but these two have so much shit under the bridge#that theyre sort of stuck in this ‘the love is requited they are just idiots’ cycle#annnnyway#bye#some messy liveblog tag#comment#*
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IN THE BACK OF MY MIND....HER LIPS.....ARE ALWAYS THERE
#self ship#selfship#spacie scribbles#anya mouthwashing#broooo i fucking cant#some of these doodles based off of fanfic i read#there was one where the reader was so nervous about everything and didnt wanna come onto the anya and meanwhile anya#was just like: thinks about gay sex thinks about gay sex thinks about gay sex#AND IT WAS REAAAAAAAAAL OBVIOUS ANYA WANTED REEADER#BUT LIKE READR WAS AS DENSE AS A BRICK#and also didnt wanna be disrespectful to anya ☝#i would feel bad lusting after ppl like reader you are soooo me#if someone wanted me as bad as anya did i wouldnt even fucking know. it would all go over my head.#reader finding out anya wants them carnally: :monnie_jawdrop_emote: WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING?!?!?!#reader: i cant lust after anya and think shes beautiful shes been thru so much..................#anya: i want yopu. .#oooh#im crazyyyy im insane#ok good night
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i love it when a tv show has lows that are so low you're so ashamed to ever show it to anyone ever but then highs that melt your brain a bit, like, "good fucking god, this is genuinely such an astounding piece of craftmanship... my perception of the medium, and perhaps of myself, has been challenged/changed in 40 minutes" but you cant even express that to ppl without feeling like youre fucking deranged bc my god the lows .....
#Egg.txt#sorry i saw gar watched Hush recently and like#my god thats such a good episode of television . like sincerely fucking solid. like damn man.#and theres other eps of buffy i'd rank among that i.e a certain s5 episode that just still gives me chills to think about#but this also goes for trek + doctor who + farscape + and any and every lame little campy show out there#that just needs to fuck your head wide open sometimes#maybe that why i have enjoyed bsg but i havent like fucking Melded with it yet because its highs and its lows are both there but it doesnt#ever touch the extremes of either#i need something so so bad and so so good at once that makes mefeel like im insane#god i might go rewatch some tos soon#but yeah ok abt bsg maybe its alsojust#laccking a sincerity to it sometimes#and not just in how its a darker/grittier#but just in general i feel like .........hm. idk..#let me ponder
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Colored a bit of this Light doodle
#guys Krita is so good#i rlly should draw more in this art program#also feel like I’m insane for coloring/rendering an unfinished doodle instead of making clean lineart but im so fucking lazy#I always just leave the sketch as the lineart and just clean it up as I go#what the hell is lineart#death note#light yagami#my art
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