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feralphoenix · 3 years

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SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS: The Mechanics of the Infection

welcome back to feral’s essay tag where the hot takes don’t stop from keep being hot!

this particular meta has a Lot of citations from canon, and my plan is to have them as actual footnotes in the dreamwidth mirror when that goes up (as i always crosspost my meta there in case my layout text is too small for any folks accessing these from computer and not mobile).

CONTENT WARNING FOR TONIGHT’S PROGRAM: This essay contains discussion of body horror, cancer, and many of the darker aspects of Hallownest’s society.

ALSO, AS USUAL: I read Hollow Knight as anti-colonialist fiction and all of my meta approaches the text from that angle. This essay is strongly critical of the Pale King and Hallownest, and affords sympathy to pre-Hallownest societies & native characters, including Radiance. If you come from a Christian cultural background (regardless of whether you currently practice the religion or not), some of the concepts I am going to discuss may be challenging for you. Please be responsible in your choice whether to engage with this content, and also, be respectful here or wherever else you’re discussing this essay. Thanks.

SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS: The Mechanics of the Infection

If you’ve ever looked through my Hollow Knight tags, you have probably seen me joke about the Infection like a lot, usually along the lines of Radiance casting Level 9 Inflict Tang on Hallownest, or “(radi voice) the End of EVA will continue until you Let My People Go” or some such. In addition to being some of the most beautiful body horror I’ve yet seen in fiction, its appearance also makes it a veritable meme factory.

It is also something that inspires a lot of very wild theorizing amongst fans, because canon tells us WHY the Infection exists but doesn’t ever directly explain WHAT it is. To name just a few of the guesses I’ve seen, people have posited that it could be some sort of pupa juice, or maybe some type of parasitic fungus.

I have my own guess, though, and it’s based on hints we can find in-game. I would like to share it with the class today, so let’s take a quick look through the sauce, starting with what we already know!

WHY

We learn why the Infection happened from Seer and Moss Prophet, and this is also summed up more directly in Team Cherry’s dev notes attached to Seer.

The Pale King wanted to be the only god of light in the crater,* so he tried to kill Radiance by thralling her children - attracting the moths with his light and making them forget about her,** assimilating them into Hallownest. Radiance survived because some moths still remembered and tried to preserve what they could of their original culture,*** and eventually she attempted to reassert her existence and communicate with the bugs of the crater by speaking to them through their dreams. However, the Pale King realized what was happening and ordered his worshippers to shut her out.****

Radiance did not give up, and continued to broadcast her message through dreams. This unstoppable force VS immovable object conflict could not last forever - something eventually had to give, and what gave was the mortals.***** The Infection was an accident that Radiance did not initially intend, but presumably chose to weaponize after the fact as a way to attempt to pressure TPK into releasing the moths and leaving her alone (or, barring that, a way to thoroughly destroy his kingdom at the very least).

SOURCES:

* “No blazing kin. Only one light shall shine against the dark.” - Lore tablet hidden beside the Pale King’s throne in the White Palace.

** “None of us can live forever, and so we ask those who survive to remember us. Hold something in your mind and it lives on with you, but forget it and you seal it away forever. That is the only death that matters.” - Seer’s 1200 Essence dialogue.

*** “But the memories of that ancient light still lingered, hush whispers of faith... Until all of Hallownest began to dream of that forgotten light.” - Seer’s 2400 Essence dialogue.

**** “The King and the bugs of hallownest resisted this memory/power and it started to manifest as the infection.” - from Team Cherry’s dev notes attached to Seer.

***** “Light is life, beaming, pure, brilliant. To stifle that light is to suppress nature. Nature suppressed distorts, plagues us.” - Moss Prophet's dialogue.

HOW

Now that we’ve recapped why the Infection exists, let’s examine the process of how the Infection works. We see some examples of this with various characters in-game, and the Hunter also shares his observations of the Infection’s mechanics in his commentary on the Infected Crossroads entries.

Since we’ll be bringing up the Hunter's Journal here, I want to first examine three entries to establish its dual authorship and how trustworthy it is: The Shade’s entry, the Lightseed’s, and Radiance’s.

We know that the bottom section of the Hunter’s Journal is the Hunter’s personal notes on each creature because the game itself tells us so. So who writes the notes on top that give a brief explanation of what each creature is? It’s a common fan theory that Ghost writes these, which I believe is indeed the case.

First let’s look at the Shade, which is automatically unlocked when we receive the Hunter's Journal in-game regardless of whether we have died and fought the Shade or not. Mechanically this is important because if the Shade weren’t unlocked by default it would be impossible to attain the Hunter achievements without dying at least once - this would REALLY suck for anybody who likes to suffer enough to try to complete the journal in Steel Soul mode.

The Shade’s entry reads:

Echo of a previous life. Defeat it to retake its power and become whole.

Each of us leaves an imprint of something when we die. A stain on the world. I don’t know how much longer this kingdom can bear the weight of so many past lives...

Notice that the top text knows exactly what the Shade is and how it works. In story terms, this would imply that Ghost has died and come back enough pre-game to understand the mechanics of how their revivals work.

The Lightseed’s entry reads:

A single-celled organism, completely infected. Scurries about simple-mindedly.

Strange air has been seeping down from above for years. Some of the air became liquid, and some of that liquid became flesh, and some of that flesh came to life. I don’t know what to make of it.

In this entry, the top text assumes that Lightseeds are a Lifeseed-like creature that has been infected, and the Hunter’s notes reveal that this is incorrect and the Lightseeds were actually born from the Infection itself. From this we learn that the top text isn’t omniscient and can be mistaken: It’s written from a limited perspective.

And here’s Radi’s entry:

The light,* forgotten.

The plague, the infection, the madness that haunts the corpses of Hallownest... the light that screams out from the eyes of this dead Kingdom. What is the source? I suppose mere mortals like myself will never understand.

Here, the top text has information that the Hunter doesn’t, and which only a handful of bugs are privy to anymore.

From these three examples, I believe it is safe to say that Ghost is in fact the author of the journal entries’ top segments.

It’s important to remember that the observations these characters make can be not wholly correct, and I’ll bring that up when I believe it to be relevant, but for now let’s build a picture of how a case of the Infection generally progresses by looking at the Hunter’s commentary on Infected Crossroads enemies, and at a handful of characters whose Infection we directly observe: Bretta, Sly, Myla, and Moss Prophet.

The Hunter describes the broad arc of Infection progression in the Violent Husk's entry: “First [the bugs of Hallownest] fell into deep slumber, then they awoke with broken minds, and then their bodies started to deform...”

The two NPCs who we can save from becoming Infected, Bretta and Sly, are initially found emitting orange fog and mumbling to themselves. In Bretta’s case, when listened to, she initially talks about being left behind and forgotten** as she assumes that all people will treat her this way even though she craves affection and attention; Dream Nailed either before or after being listened to, she mentions a “shining figure”.***

Meanwhile, Sly speaks about his pupil Oro and someone named Esmy, and when his symptoms subside he identifies that he was led to the Crossroads village ruins by a dream.****

Listening to Bretta and Sly completely brings them back to reality, after which they leave the underground area entirely to return to Dirtmouth. However, when the player encounters Myla after defeating Soul Master and obtaining Descending Dive, listening to her does not cause any change in her condition despite that she is not yet hostile.

During these encounters, Bretta is surrounded by orange fog, Sly is surrounded by orange fog and his eyes have also begun to turn orange, and Myla's eyes are glowing but there is no fog around her. So, we can deduce that for as long as the orange fog is present, a bug may still be awoken and cured (Bretta and Sly both show no signs of relapse over the course of the game), but once the fog disappears the bug can no longer be saved by external means.

The "deformation" that the Hunter mentions in the Violent Husk entry refers to the large blobs of Infection that develop on the bodies of creatures that have been infected for a long period of time. We observe these upon the Infected Crossroads enemies, as well as on Hollow and the Moss Prophet. We also see that these Infection tumors can eventually kill bugs once they grow too large and impede bodily functions, just like real cancer: The Moss Prophet and Mossy Vagabonds are all discovered in this state after the Crossroads become infected, as are the Husk Guards in the Crossroads.

So, the progression we can see here is that bugs become infected through their dreams, and while they can initially be woken, if left alone they will fall into too deep a sleep to wake up. Some time after this they will start to move around again but will be hostile to any creatures that are not infected. And, if left in this state for a very long period of time, they will develop tumorous growths which are potentially fatal.

Potentially fatal. This is an interesting contradiction to a basic assumption that most players - and even Ghost and the Hunter - seem to hold about the Infection: That is, that the Infection functions like a pop-culture zombie plague, and infected creatures are all undead (reanimated dead things that can't be killed); thus that the enemies that respawn after resting or going offscreen are the same ones that Ghost just murdered, and have simply been reanimated by the Infection once again.

But infected creatures can die of the Infection. What’s more, bosses and unique instances of generic enemies (such as Myla and the Moss Knight at the pier of Unn’s lake) do not respawn once killed. And it’s definitely not that Ghost killed them that counts: Traitor Lord dies whether Ghost fights him solo or whether Cloth is brought along, in which case she always gets the final blow. This creates the argument that the respawning generics are NOT in fact the same individuals reanimated over and over, but different individuals of the same enemy class, and that their different respawn rates speak to how plentiful those creatures are - small animals respawning faster because a new one will arrive in the recently killed one’s territory sooner, for instance.

Ghost and the Hunter both seem to assume that infected enemies are all undead - many creatures are identified as “husks” or “the remains of [whatever specific bug]” in the Hunter's Journal. But we’ve already established that sometimes Ghost and the Hunter are wrong.

So, if infected creatures aren’t undead, then what are they?

SOURCES:

* I find it a very interesting tidbit of characterization for Ghost that they refer to Radiance as the Light, as native bugs do, rather than calling her the Old Light, as Hallownest bugs did. This has some fascinating implications for where Ghost feels their allegiances to be, but that's neither here nor there right now lol.

** “Ohhh... please... don’t leave me behind! You... forgot about me...? I knew you would... everyone always forgets about me...” - Bretta’s dialogue, Fungal Wastes encounter

*** “...Shining figure...So bright...” - Bretta’s Dream Nail dialogue, Fungal Wastes encounter

**** “...ugghh, Oro you oaf.... You wield your nail... like a club... ...Esmy... how much deeper do we have to go... Oh! What?! Who are you?! ...I see. This old village. What a strange dream, to have led me down here! If you hadn’t found me, I don’t think I would’ve ever woken.” - Sly’s dialogue, Crossroads village encounter

WHAT

In a move very on-brand for Hollow Knight, there’s actually a line from Seer that gives the whole game away - and I mean this incredibly literally, she declares her loyalty to Radiance and says Fuck Hallownest and also hints at what she hopes for from Ghost all in two breaths!! - except that most players are never going to see this line because Seer only says this if you screw up platforming in the Forgotten Dream and yeet yourself off a platform before picking up the Dream Nail.

I do not doubt that I could wring a whole essay out of this one line by itself (and Seer deserves an essay from me so maybe I will), but today the part we’re concerned with is the third line of this dialogue, i.e. how she describes the Dream Nail to Ghost: “The power to wake this world from its slumber[.]”

Its slumber.

The Infection doesn’t only spread through dreams. It is a dream.

To put it in a more meta/video game mechanics sort of way, the Infection is a status ailment. Sleep exists as a common status ailment in RPGs, strategy games, and even some adventure games and platformers. Usually the status ailment of sleep is a mild nuisance that wears off after time, when a character is struck, or if the requisite curative is used; in comparison the Infection is Sleep But Bass Boosted. Appropriate, for a glorified status ailment that’s inflicted by the literal actual god of dreams.

The Infection can only be cured in the very early stages. Once an infected creature has fallen into a coma, there’s no longer any hope of a third party breaking the curse... and also, infected creatures sleepwalk. Violently.

This may also provide an explanation for why mummified bugs in the catacombs have been infected, too: If they were freshly dead and their lingering spirit was still attached enough to their corpses, and that lingering spirit retained enough of a mind to dream...

Aside from those mummified bugs, though, I believe it likely that most if not all of the infected enemies in-game are very, very much alive.

Beyond all the dialogue and lore crumbs pointing to the Infection simply being a cursed sleep, this explanation makes the most sense when thinking about Radiance as a character. She is the literal embodiment of dreams as well as the sun, so inflicting eternal slumber with bonus malignant sleepwalking is a natural extension of her power and a way to use it offensively without being directly violent.

(I've written about this at length elsewhere, but signs point to Radiance having been a pacifist prior to the Pale King’s invasion. Short version: The Moth Tribe were pacifists and Radiance was the center of their culture so it would be odd if she were an exception; she is incapable of inflicting any physical harm whatsoever in a game where lack of contact damage from an active enemy indicates helplessness and such enemies always flee from Ghost unless they have a tool they can use to fight with; her behavior in her boss battles indicates a lack of combat experience, and her nail-generating spells seem to be based on Hollow’s abilities. Real-life adult moths cannot fight - they defend themselves with flight, camouflage, mimicry, and I’m Poisonous So Fuck Off coloring.)

Now, I don’t want to downplay the harm the Infection causes - it doesn’t have to turn bugs into literal undead zombies to be devastating. What we can glean of Hallownest’s ruins suggests that as a state it was heavily dependent on labor to run its industry, so incapacitating the laborers would have turned the whole country on its head, especially because those laborers cannot be woken. The Infection also created an intense atmosphere of terror throughout Hallownest as bugs tried to discover ways to cure it or at least protect themselves. And as the Hunter observes,* because of how the Infection is caused, the harder you try to block Radiance out, the worse the Infection will get.

(A sidebar: Interestingly, the Infection's progress seems to be very slow when a creature willingly accepts it; Moss Prophet has Infection tumors when met but doesn’t die of them until the Crossroads is infected, though many Crossroads bugs are found dead of tumors immediately. Traitor Lord and his followers opted in to the Infection long ago, but Traitor Lord is still at the “orange fog” stage and could theoretically be cured, if he wanted to be. Both Traitor Lord and Moss Prophet are still completely lucid, too.)

Radiance may not have committed any direct violence against Hallownest, but the Infection does incite violence: infected creatures become hostile to and will attack the uninfected. And as we’ve discussed, the Infection itself can become fatal once it’s progressed far enough for tumorous growths to form.

A god smiting the shit out of her people’s oppressors by nonviolently but thoroughly disrupting their kingdom, Especially if that kingdom is a genocidal colonialist slave state,** as a Let My People Go And Leave Me Alone :) ultimatum is not unreasonable. (And Moss Prophet tells us point-blank that literally just listening to Radiance in the first place would have prevented the Infection before it began!) But despite that Hallownest as an institution is unambiguously awful, Hallownest bugs victimized by their own state (such as the maggot slaves and other menial workers) probably saw much less benefit from Hallownest’s genocides than the rich and nobility, and likely deserved the smiting way less than said rich and nobility.

Meanwhile Hallownest’s neighbors - all native nations who are just as much victims of TPK’s bullshit as the Moth Tribe - did not deserve to get caught up in the smiting at all.

Lateral harm in Hollow Knight is another topic that deserves its own essay - and more than that, lots of in-depth conversation! - but, again, that’s not the topic we want to focus on today. I do want to make it clear, though, that infected creatures being alive and theoretically wakeable if the curse should end doesn’t suddenly mean the Infection was actually no big deal. If you want your jimmies rustled, try Dream Nailing enemies that pull from the generic Dream Nail dialogue pool: They are on some level aware that they’re dreaming and can’t wake.***

Clues that the Infection is literally a dream are littered all over the game, from Elderbug’s initial dialogue**** to the name of ending 3, Dream No More - not only named that because that’s the ending where Ghost sacrifices Radiance’s life as well as their own to end Hollow’s suffering rather than only sacrificing their freedom.

Some of what Bardoon and Moss Prophet have to say about the Infection is suggestive of the nature of this dream, though. Moss Prophet appeals to their audience to find unity through the Infection,***** and Bardoon also remarks on this, though he cautions that this comes at the cost of being reduced to instinct.****** Dreaming does tend to come hand in hand with lack of inhibition and suggestibility, but I’m more interested in what Moss Prophet and Bardoon mean by unity, since infected creatures’ thoughts are different depending on what they are and what they were already doing while awake.

There's less specific hard evidence for this aside from how we can observe that Infection blobs are connected to Radiance, transmitting her heartbeat and birthing the Lightseeds, her unintended creations. But given that those blobs do originate from Infection fluid according to the Hunter... Radiance is not just the embodiment of dreams but the heart of THE Dream. So could the Infection be a forcible pseudo-immersion into that capital-D Dream, the Dream Realm itself?

Whether my hunch here is right or not, I can’t in good faith end this essay without bringing all y’all’s attention to absolutely my favorite bit of The Infection Is A Dream foreshadowing: The way multiple parties mention the fact that the Infection smells and tastes sweet.*******

You know... it’s sweet... it’s a sweet dream... get it.........

And now that you can no longer unsee that brilliantly awful pun, I think I'll see myself out!

SOURCES:

* “The infection that swept through Hallownest so long ago... they say that the harder you struggled against it, the more it consumed you.” - Hunter’s commentary, Slobbering Husk Hunter’s Journal entry.

** I’m referring, of course, to the maggots. See: “Weakest members of the kingdom of Hallownest. Generally looked down upon and forced to do menial labour.” (Ghost’s commentary) and “If they try to bargain for their life, just ignore them. They have nothing to offer.” (Hunter’s commentary) from the Maggot Hunter's Journal entry as well as False Knight/Failed Champion’s backstory. Remember also that maggots are the larval form of flies like Sly (you’ll see the resemblance if you compare Sly’s features to the maggot siblings’), meaning Hallownest employs child slavery. In more cheerful news Sly’s backstory must be absolutely goddamn wild.

*** “I’m not...Dead..” “Am I...Sleeping?” “I can’t....Wake up...” - Dream Nail dialogue from generic Hallownest bugs (Wandering Husk, Leaping Husk, Horned Husk, Husk Bully, Husk Warrior) and from God Tamer for some reason

**** “Perhaps dreams aren't such great things after all...” - Elderbug’s initial dialogue

***** “Embrace light! Achieve union!” - Moss Prophet’s dialogue

****** “Theirs is a different kind of unity. Rejection of the Wyrm’s attempt at order. I resist the light’s allure. Union it may offer, but also a mind bereft of thought... To instinct alone a bug is reduced...Hrrm...” - Bardoon’s dialogue (Listen four times, not counting other dialogue flags)

******* “A thick orange mist fills these walking corpses. It has a sweet, sickly taste to it. I find it foul. After you kill these creatures, I suggest you do not eat them.” - Hunter’s commentary, Husk Bully Hunter’s Journal entry, just for one example.

#hollow knight #hollow knight spoilers #hollow knight meta #long post under cut -#essay

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luminous-shifting-vibes · 3 years

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*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

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"........................."

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"points were made"

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"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

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"forbidden gummies"

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"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

#tw drugs #tw swearing #tw cannibalism #tw crime #tw food #tw homophobia #shitpost #out of context #out of context quotes #lumi's quotes

34 notes · View notes

bxthharmon · 4 years

Text

Never Go Home Again, Pt. V || JJ Maybank x reader

Words: 3628

Series Warnings: violence / talking about abuse / toxic relationships / talking about nudes sex tapes and sex tapes / drugs / underage drinking

Pt. Warnings: underage drinking / drug use

Series summary: A new girl, a shoebox of old memories, a past she’s trying to forget coincide with a hotheaded, but selfless, boy. teenagers getting in way over their heads

Pt. Summary: A trip to the cemetery and talks of the future

A/N: Okay THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT and as always, let me know what oyu think and if you wanna be tagged <3

Chapters linked in my masterlist.

“masterlist”

“I mean it’s obvious, right?” John B looked around at the group, “A family heirloom, what better place to hide a message? He had to know it was gonna get back to me, right?”

“Yeah, it’s possible.” Kie assured her friend, looking back at Pope’s skeptical face and you and JJ, currently sharing a spliff.

“It could also be possible that you’re concocting wild theories to help,” Pope started, “you know, deal with your sad feels.”

“Bro, you know how I process my sad feels?” JJ piped up.

“Do we want to?” you quipped, taking a hit off the joint.

“Dank nugs and the stickiest of ickies.” he continued, making you snort., “That’s how I do it.”

“You know,” you looked at him, as if about to make a psychological evaluation, “you’re like, such a stereotype?”

“I’m not concocting, okay?” John B snapped, cutting off your tangent, “My dad’s trying to give me a message.”

“If it helps you believe, John B.” Kie assured.

“Look, I - I don’t need a therapy session, okay? I’m not trippin’ out.”

“It’s okay to trip out, bro, but-”

“Look my - my dad is missing, okay? Missing. You don’t know what it’s like to have the person closest to you vanish and then have no idea what happened. To just wake up every morning wandering.”

“It’s been almost a year.” Kie soothed.

“Hey,” JJ piped up, again, “He could have been kidnapped - that’s definitely a possibility.”

“Yeah, could be in a Soviet sub being interrogated by the KGB somewhere.” Pope offered.

“Absolutely. Or Atlantis!”

“Because a fictional, Ancient Greek allegory is the most plausible option.” you deadpanned.

“Y/N,” Kie warned, turning back to John B, “What do you think the message is?”

“Redfield.” he thought for a second, “Redfield Lighthouse, that’s my dad’s favourite place.”

He pulled into the woods, the group leading you to a picket fence overlooking the grey and white tower and the platform of rocks it stood on.

“I didn’t even know there was a lighthouse on this island.” you muttered, shielding your eyes from the sun.

“Alright here’s what’s gonna happen,” John B walked over to JJ, “You’re gonna post up and look out for bogeys, okay?”

“Wait,” JJ frowned, “why me?”

“‘Cause you’re not coming.” Pope said, as if it was obvious.

“Why?”

“Look JJ, there are independent and dependent variables.” Pope explained.

“You’re an independent variable.” you confirmed.

“We don’t know what you’ll do.” Pope added.

“Shut up!” he yelled at you both, “just shut up!”

“Listen to me for a second!” John B shouted over him, “Just listen. Pope and Y/N, stand look out with JJ, okay? If we get split up we’ll meet back at JJ’s house.”

You made eye contact with JJ, thinking of his dad, passed out on the sofa the night before.

“Great.” Kie interrupted your thought, walking away with John B.

“I’m gonna work on my merit scholarship essay.” Pope excused, “and I’m tryna keep felonies down to a minimum.”

“A’ight, will you just shut up?” JJ said, kicking around his hacky sack. You pulled yourself up onto a joint between a tree and its branch, watching JJ kick the sack around. You watched for a couple of minutes, admiring the way his eyebrows pulled in when he concentrated and his blonde locks fell over his face, or the way he pouted when the ball fell into the crisp leaves, before twisting around and kicking your feet out to rest on the branch. He looked up at you, a determined curiosity in his eyes. You looked back down at him, bracing yourself for the oncoming question. “What happened last night?”

You glanced over to Pope, who was too busy thinking to pay any attention. “My dad got drunk and started saying shit, I didn’t wanna stick around and I had no clue where to go. Thanks, for all of that.”

“It's nothing you haven’t done for me.” he reminded you. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

You smiled a tight-lipped smile, nodding quickly, “Of course.”

You dragged Pope into a game of hacky sack, and he was beginning to get the hang of it (after much teasing from you and JJ) when you heard the sirens. You swore, running to the Twinkie as the cars pulled closer, sirens wailing and lights flashing. You all jumped in, driving away despite your point that “Pogues don’t leave pogues behind, right?”

John B had picked up you, Pope and JJ, and after a short delay caused by Kie’s refusal (you explained to the boys that John B had kissed her and been rejected, which was all Kie had told you during your shift at the Wreck) you found yourselves on the way to the cemetery.

“You mind if I just relax on this one?” JJ spoke up, “It’s been a long day, and a lot of weird stuff’s gone down. I’m just gonna lay low,” he turned to you, “Did you want a hit of this?”

You took the blunt, inhaling the weed and exhaling the smoke. You offered it to Pope, who shook his head. You groaned. “Popey, you’re a total buzzkill!”

“How much have you had?” you flipped him off, “I keep the signal clear.” he shook his head, and you handed the blunt back to JJ.

“Dude, okay.” JJ leaned forwards like an old mage about to give the wisest advice of the century, “Do you understand that your problem is that you don’t get creative? If you got creative, then-”

“Look, John B interrupted, sparing you all from JJ’s wisdom, “I - I know I was wrong about the lighthouse, alright? And wrong about everything else going on. But I was right about one thing, okay? My dad is trying to tell me something.”

“Come on.” you hopped out of the van, and turned, grabbing JJ’s handed and trying to pull him up from the floor with all your might, frustrated when he giggled at your efforts, not having moved an inch. Kie scolded the pair of you, so you let John B lead you into the cemetery, tickling Pope on the back of the neck with a bit of long grass so that he panicked, spinning around like a deer in the headlights, searching for whatever ghost he thought had touched him. You and JJ giggled.

“This place is scary.” Kie shuddered, the torch lights swaying in time with the footfalls. “John B, what are we doing?”

“Shut up!” he hissed, “Okay, so you know how you’re trying to remember a song,” you prepared yourself for an unnecessarily long explanation, “and you can’t remember who sings it?”

You all hummed in understanding.

“So. Redfield. This whole time I thought it was a place, right? But it’s not a place.” He held up the light to show the word “REDFIELD” written over the door of a tomb, “It’s a person.”

“Voi-effing-la.” JJ snarked, and you elbowed him playfully.

“See,” John B continued, “My great-great-grandmother, Olivia Redfield.” he glanced back at you, “That was her maiden name. Look, help me with the door, come on.” he stepped forwards, him and Pope beginning to push on the count of three. JJ joined.

“Are you pushing?”

“Yeah, I’m pushing.”

“Hold on, I got it.”

“This door is, like, 700 pounds man,” Pope sighed, “it’s not gonna budge.”

“We didn’t come this far, to get this far, alright?” JJ countered. You and Kie looked at each other, fighting back giggles at the macho-man display in front of you. Your stifled laughs were interrupted by a hissing, the pair of you squealing slightly as you stepped back.

The boys pulled back as well, JJ throwing his arms out dramatically in front of you. “Snake!” he yelled.

“No shit.” you whispered.

“That’s a moccasin, alright.” he confirmed, “Ye olde Dr. Cottonmouth. Death in tall grass.”

He barked loudly at the snake, crouching slightly.

“JJ, Shut up!” Kie hissed, “Shut up!”

“You’re gonna wake the frickin’ dead, man!” Pope whisper-shouted.

“They’re afraid of dogs.” JJ shrugged like it was common knowledge, ignoring your confused faces, “Everyone knows that, man. Wait, hold on.” he pulled Kie and John B back, the four of you turning back to him with unimpressed faces. “If there’s one, there’s probably dozens.”

“What?” Pope fretted.

“JJ,” you groaned. “Stop being dramatic, it was just a snake.”

Pope and JJ looked at you almost offended, with terror stricken faces.

“Can you stop? You’re scaring me.” Kie begged. JJ started barking again.

“Oh my God, Jay.” you seethed, “stop fucking barking!”

“Just making sure it’s clear!” he argued, making you roll your eyes.

“Shut up!” Pope finalised, “John-”

“It’s a snake!” JJ countered.

“We’re not gonna get in there.” Pope continued, as Kie nudged you, pointing to the whole in the door. “It’s not budging. We should probably just go.”

“I can get through.” you spoke, Kie glancing at you with a worried smile.

“What?” JJ stared at you, concern striking his face, again.

“What?” echoed John B, “No, no, you think you’re gonna fit through the hole?”

“That hole?” JJ confirmed, and you nodded.

“Look,” you turned to face John B, “I know we only met like a week and a half ago, but I can see how much this means to you. If this helps you find him, or, at the very least, find out what happened, then of course I’ll climb through that whole. You deserve to know the truth. I’ll do it.”

Kie went forward to clear the vines away, and JJ frowned at you. “Are you sure?”

“For John B,” you reminded him, “I’ll try not to get possessed, you know, like the Tutankhamun shit. Though, if I did, I’d take all of you down with me.”

With that, JJ helped pull the vines to the side, allowing you entry. “I’m gonna boost ya,” he said, leaning against the wall in a crouch position with his fingers interlocked, “I’ve seen it in the movies several times, ready?”

You turned to John B, “Remind me what we’re looking for?”

“You’ll know when you see it.” he said, arms crossed and staring straight on. You nodded, not really assured, but ready to go in.

“Hold my flashlight.” You passed it to Pope.

“Okay,” JJ instructed, “Put your hand right there, and your foot. Alright, on three.”

You ignored him, pushing yourself up and clambering through the whole, jumping down onto the dusty ground on the other side. You brushed yourself off in the darkness, hearing JJ mutter “Okay, nevermind, just forget about three then.” the lights from outside were moving, and you saw the shadow of JJ moving away, and Pope moving towards the gap.

“Okay, flashlight?” you called, and are greeted by the feel of Pope thrusting a flashlight in your face, barely an inch away. You took it from him, clicked it on and shone it around. You could see the shapes of the individual tombs, and shuddered.

“You alive?” John B called, “Got like a - a heartbeat, and everything?”

“So far. No Howard Carter shit yet.” you confirmed, hearing JJ mutter something about Tutankhamun, and you slowly turned, looking at the dusty tombstones and plaques for clues. “Uh, I need some more light.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He handed you another light, “I got ya.”

You shone it towards a gap between two stones, stepping forwards slowly, trying to make out exactly what it was. An envelope of some sort?

“You got something?” JJ asked, “Is there gold?”

“Oh my God.” you muster, picking it up. You read the front, “FedEx”, and then next to it, in handwritten block letters, “FOR BIRD.”

You stepped towards the hole, holding the envelope and light out blindly as someone took them from you. You heard Pope say “That’s not gold.”

“Holy shit.” You heard John B murmur as you tackled your way out of the tomb, tumbling out of the whole with JJ’s help, “This is from my dad.”

You and Kie smiled softly, turning at the sound of a vehicle. JJ took a hit from his Juul, “Code red.” he called, “Code red. Square groupers. Square groupers!”

“Go!” Kie said, the five of you running from the headlights.

“It’s the guys who robbed your house!” JJ yelled as you all collapsed behind some tombstones, leaning around to try and see who they were.

“Lights!” You hissed, as the boys struggled with their flashlights. You clicked JJ’s headlight off for him, and he smirked in the shaky light. “John B - your light!” he tried to stuff in his shirt, making you smirk, idiot.

You could hear shouts, “Do you think it’s them?” Kie asked.

“Homie’s got a gun.” observed JJ.

“Screw this.” You grabbed Kiara’s hand, pulling her up with you and ran towards the gate. You let go, grabbing the gate and climbing, throwing your legs over one by one, and then hopping down the other side, only then noticing that the boys had, in fact, followed. Kie jumped down beside you, then JJ and John B. You looked back, seeing how Pope’s shorts were hooked over a loop, and he was stuck. You could see him panicking, and ran back to him, grabbing his waist as he yelled complaints. You pulled him back, stepping away from the gate a cackling at the sight of him standing awkwardly in his pants.

“Nice,” JJ commented, “It’s a little tootsie roll!”

Kie grabbed your forearm, the pair of you jumping in the car in fits if barely-contained giggles.

“Dumbass,” you mumbled through your laughter, helping him in, “Ain’t you ever jumped a gate before?”

“I have limited experience!” he countered, John B driving away.

“Guys,” you wheezed, you and JJ still giggling your heads off, “I’m pretty sure that was just the cemetery guards.”

You watched JJ spread jam over two slices of mouldy toast, disgust pulling at your features.

“That bread had mould on it three days ago.” Pope said, in passing.

“I’ll just pull off the bad parts,” JJ shrugged, “Plus, mould is good for you, it’s just a natural organism.”

“Jay, deadly nightshade is also ‘just a natural organism’, and, clue in the name, it’s deadly.” you pointed out, and he shrugged, joining you next to John B as Kie called to him.

“Hot damn, let’s do it.” he came, watching as John B pulled the seal off the envelope. He took a bite from the bread, and immediately gagged, spitting it back into his hand, and going to throw the bread away. Your face contorted in disgust, again, but softened at the sight of his sheepish grin. John B unfolded the map, and the five of you leaned over to check it out.

The map showed the island, a hurricane and ‘x’ marked in with a black marker.

“Holy shit.” John murmured.

“Well, ‘x’ marks the spot.” you pointed to the ‘x’ situated on the sea.

Next, John B pulled out an old fashioned tape recorder.

“What’s that?” JJ asked.

“A tape recorder, dummy.” you chuckled, “Where’d he get it, the 90s?”

“Dear Bird,”

“Who’s Bird?” you asked.

“That’s what my dad called me.” John B explained.

“I hate to say ‘I told you so’, but I told you so. And you doubted your old man. I suspect, at this moment you’re filled with guilt and self-loathing about our last fight, but don’t kill yourself just yet, kid. I didn’t expect to find the Merchant either.” you looked at the others, seeing their matching expressions of shock and wonder, “You were probably right to call me out, I wasn’t exactly father of the decade. What can I say, kid? I could smell the barn. And hopefully we’re listenin’ to this in our brand new sugar-shack down in Costa Rica livin’ off passive investments and pulling on permits. If not, and you find this for less optimal reasons, well, that’s what the map is for. There she is, the wreck of the Merchant. If somethin’ happens to me, finish what I started. Go for the gold, kid. I love you bird, even if I didn’t always act like it. I’ll see you on the other side.”

The tape went static, and you could see John B tearing up, your heart breaking for him. He clicked the recorder off, standing up and grabbing onto a door frame, sobs racking his body.

“Holy shit, he did it!” JJ grinned ecstatically, “Big John - He found, he found the Merchant!”

You slapped his arm, eyes widening in warning as you nodded over to John B. “Can you… can you please?” JJ nodded, looking down and muttering an apology. You could hear John B’s sobs from feet away. You watched Kie hug him from behind, and leant your head on JJ’s shoulder.

You lay between JJ’s legs, head resting on his chest as he played with your hair, and you watched Kie strum at the ukulele, your faces lit up by the fire beside you, the soft, glowing light illuminating your small circle.

“How much was it again?” JJ broke the relative quiet.

“Four hundred mil.” You responded in a low murmur, looking up at his golden face.

“Alright, let’s talk the split.” he lightened up, hands leaving your hair and coming down to meet your hands. “Now, before we say ‘evenly’, may I remind you that I am the only one that can properly defend us from those groupers who are after us.” he lifted the gun to show you all, ignoring the collective groan, “Protection, not cheap, okay?”

“You haven’t trained.” Pope pointed out. “You’ve done zero training.”

“Nada.” You emphasised, “Zilch.”

“Youtube, bro!” JJ justified. “That’s at least a five percent bump right there. Any objections?” he ignored you and Pope’s muttering, “Didn’t think so.”

“Yeah.” You and Pope said in unison, and you sat up, twisting to face him.

“Complaint right here!” you leaned away from him.

“I don’t hear any.” He pouted as you pulled away, reaching out for your waist and pulling you back down to how you’d lay before.

“Guys,” you twisted your head to look at the pogues. “I’m like, new here, and y’all don’t really know me, so like, are you sure you want me in the cut? ‘Cause I’d understand if not-”

“Y/N,” Kie shut you up, “quality over quantity. You’ve helped us, we’re all getting 80 mil, JJ.” she glared at him, making you snort. “what are you gonna do with your 80 mil, Pope?”

“Pay for college in advance. And also textbooks. Those are expensive.”

“What about you Kie?” you asked.

“Yeah, what does a socialist do when she’s rich?” Pope smirked.

Kie chuckles, shrugging, “Just wanna make a double album. About OBX, the pogues. You know, the way Catch a Fire’s about Kingston. Record it at Marley studio, Peter Tosh producing.”

“Peter Tosh is dead.” Pope said.

“Peter Tosh is dead, I know.” Kie grinned, “Spirit of Peter Tosh will never die.” she toasted with her beer, “What about you, Y/N?”

“Pay off my brother’s student loans.” You paused, “And travel. I wanna see Europe. And Asia, and South America. I wanna see other cultures, you know? Might come back here, one day, I might even go back to LA for a bit, but probably not, just come straight home after a couple of years, and go full kook.”

“Yeah,” JJ agreed, “I’m gonna get a big ass house of Figure Eight and go full kook.”

“You’re gonna go full kook?” Pope asked.

“Yeah.” JJ nodded. “Gonna get a marble statue of myself and then I’m gonna get a koi pond.” You giggled, grinning up at him. “Put a bunch of those fish-”

“I’m never visiting.” Kie laughed.

“What are you gonna do, JB?” Pope brought your attention to your other friend.

He looked back around at the group and toasted, “To going full kook.”

“To going full kook!” you all cheered, all of you laughing, drinks raised, and heads stuck in your temporary bliss.

Eventually, John B clocked out, heading to his room, and Kiara gave Pope a ride home, leaving you and JJ alone for the first time since last night. You had been drinking and smoking all night, while he had stopped uncharacteristically early. As a result, he was almost sober, and you were nearing wasted as you went to grab your stuff and head home. He put his arm around your waist, letting you lean on him as you ambled slowly towards your house.

“Jay?” you mumbled, and he hummed, helping you further down the road, “When we go full kook, we should combine our money to get an even bigger house.”

He smiled at the thought of sharing a house with you.

“You wanna share a house with me?” he stopped by your door, and you turned to face him.

“Duh.” you slurred, blinking up at him.

“I’ll warn you, I’m a messy person.” he gazed down at your drunken smile.

“I’ll manage.” you mumbled, leaning up into him.

You pressed your lips to his, feeling pure bliss for a split second, but sobering when you felt him move away, punching against the kiss. You stepped back, cheeks reddening as you realised what you had done, feeling stupid and embarrassed, wanting to disappear. You felt your vision go cloudy, and he was talking but all you could hear was the voice in your head screaming that you had ruined this perfect, happy friendship You frowned, trying to keep the tears in as he stepped away from the door, backing into the road.

“JJ, I…” you watched him walk away, his shape turning into a smudge that crawled away, and disappearing completely when he turned the corner. Then, you let yourself fall.

Tags: @tangledinsparkles @jellyfishbeansontoast @lolitstiana @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @teamnick @thoughtsofthestars @obxmxybxnk

152 notes · View notes

parvuls · 4 years

Text

fic: in the space between (2/2)

word count: 6.6k

rating: teen

tags: space, science fiction, enemies to friends to lovers, pre-relationship

notes: due to length and tumblr's formatting, reading on ao3 is recommended

(part 1 | part 2 | read on ao3)

“Just a month till we’re home, boys,” Holster announces as he climbs into the bottom bunk across from Eric, addressing the dark room at large. Eric can hear him shift around in his bed, sheets rustling with his movements. “Can I get a hallelujah?”

“You can get pizza,” Ransom replies dreamily from the top bunk above him. “Because Holtzy -- The Real fucking Pep God. You and me, Matty Matheson pepperoni. One month.”

There’s one month left until landing back in Houston and disbanding for three weeks of leave. It’s been creeping up in conversations for weeks now, nestling itself in crew breakfasts and mission briefs and downtime. Shitty waxes poetry about things like dipping his toes into the ocean and breathing that sweet Terra air as often as he talks about smoking three joints at once the moment they set foot on the ground. Holster and Ransom talk about the heaps of food they’ll be shoveling to compensate for a year of outer space cuisine. Jack doesn’t talk about much other than the missions, and Eric thinks about organic chemistry and molecular modeling on good days, thinks about crying on bad ones. He talks about almost anything else to distract himself and hopes to Jesus that no one can tell.

The picture frame on the shelf by his bunk wobbles on its back stand as the ship tips into Krer orbit for the night. Krer itself is dim and murky, obscuring the shining lights of its neighboring planets and cloaking the crew quarters’ portal window in darkness. Jack said that the last mission of this tour should be coming in from Flight Director Hall sometime during the night.

Eric sighs quietly, turns onto his side, and stares blindly at the blank white of the wall as he mentally runs through the primary structure of proteins once more. Holster and Ransom are arguing about the best Toronto pizza in the background, the sound of their voices weaving in with the beeps of the ship’s machinery and the creaking noises of it when in motion.

“You gotta come too, Bittle,” Holster says, drawing Eric’s attention. He rolls his head to the other side, watches Holster’s blurred figure move in the dark to lean over the edge of his bunk. Eric must’ve missed a change of conversation. “Getting together over leave? We spend the last day before launch together, all of us. Y’know, hitting some bar, maybe watching a game, then catching the plane to Texas in the morning. Last time we went to Shitty’s -- man, that was fucking wild sauce.”

“And you gotta meet Lardo,” Ransom adds. “Crew bylaws. Sorry, rookie, everyone’s in.”

There are ten densely-printed pages about prokaryotes crumpled in the back of Eric’s personal locker, that he’s riffled through maybe twice. Eric chews his lip raw, tries to think of a carefully-masqueraded way of brushing the invitation off, but Holster grumbles lowly before he can. “Well, not everyone.”

“Right,” Ransom says, his enthusiastic tone turning slightly hesitant. “But. Us and Shitty and Lardo and probably her trainee Ford. It’s almost everyone.”

It’s almost everyone, plus ground team. “But not Jack,” Eric concludes, unintentionally dismayed. He should know better by now than to be disappointed, probably. He should, but doesn’t.

Holster sighs and throws himself back onto the mattress, bed springs groaning loudly. “Jack doesn’t really do social things. He’s too cool for them. Which -- whatever, man, who cares, it’s probably more fun for us that way. So you in?”

What Eric’s in for is a world of trouble. Eric’s in for the sweltering heat of the Texan desert, he’s in for submerging in textbooks all the way up to his ears, he’s in for never being quite enough for this world. He turns his head back to the other side, facing the wall, and stifles a sigh.

“I’ll think about it,” he promises, and knows that he will, also knows he’d never be able to say yes. He doesn’t leave them enough time to round up on him before he adds, “Now shut your pieholes, gentlemen, some people need their beauty sleep. And by some people I do mean y’all.”

“Really, he means you,” Ransom tells Holster, and there’s the distinct sound of Holster reaching up and whacking the top bunk with a pillow. Eric buries his face in his sheets and tries to think distracting thoughts loudly enough to drown out the constant screeching noise of his worries. That, at least, is something he’s an expert at.

Eric wishes he could say that he spent his entire life looking up to the stars. That would be a lie.

He spent most of his childhood looking at the ground, instead. At the toe picks beneath his feet; at the dough rising in the oven; at the floor of his school’s hallways, trying to avoid eye contact. The sky in Georgia was ordinarily clear, stars blinking in and out of view, but they’d never held much of Eric’s interest. He wouldn’t have known what to search for even if he’d tried.

Eric, aged eighteen, went to college mostly for the going and less for college. New England was as much an escape as it was a destination. He liked some of his classes, didn’t like others -- remained undeclared for most of junior year, bouncing around between classes about food and culture. He put off doing his work for too long and preferred baking to writing essays too often, but it was fine, most of the time. His days were filled with more people than papers and he found that it was exactly the way he liked it.

College was the point Eric realized that, once he’d stopped being too afraid to try, he was really good with people.

“You could charm mountains into moving for you,” his sophomore year roommate told him, not without a hint of exasperation, when Eric fretted about meeting his first boyfriend’s parents. “Literally everybody likes you.”

And Eric laughed nervously, said, “Come on now, that is certainly not true,” because he couldn’t charm thirteen year old bullies out of forcing him across the state, couldn’t make small-town Georgia like him for who he really was. Those seemed a lot like immovable mountains to him.

But people flocked to his vlog, kept telling him he was so charismatic, and his hockey team kept turning to him for advice with their problems, and in November of junior year he reviewed his credits, expecting to see every food class his college had to offer, but found Populism and Norms and Deviance and Inequality and Social Change, instead.

He got his B.A. Got his master’s, too, not particularly fond of academia but not too keen on leaving the shelter it provided, either. He accepted an offer to work as a consultant for a big company right after grad school, spent a year expertly tailoring trade relations and marketing techniques to partners and customers from foreign cultures. He understood people, liked people, and people, apparently, liked him. It wasn’t the job of his dreams but it was a decent start, and once the one year mark came and went he began considering PR work, maybe putting his people skills to a smaller-scale use. He was twenty-five and definitely not unhappy and his eyes were, always, firmly on the ground.

And then -- well. Then, one day, NASA called.

Jack gathers the four of them outside the flight deck to inform them that their crew has been tasked with the last Human-Islik Intergalactic Treaty info exchange of the quarter, in time for the summit meeting at the end of August. He tells them Flight Director Hall is counting on them, tells them to wear clean suits, and when Holster and Ransom begin chanting last mission, last mission, last mission, he sternly reminds them that being assigned to the Treaty IE is an honor. Still, when they all scatter and the two of them practically skip down the bridge, Eric thinks he sees the corners of Jack’s mouth twitch.

The mission takes four days, requires a series of security checks before entering each room and short transmissions to Houston for green lights at every step. Islikaru has the largest concentration of humans outside of Earth, but protocol must be followed nevertheless. Eric shakes hands, shakes paws, shakes tentacles, makes pleasant small talk and smiles brightly and lets Ransom ramble about science and Jack deal with bureaucracy. It feels at last like a familiar dance, and Eric tries not to think about how much he doesn’t ever want to stop dancing.

By dusk of the fourth day Shitty convinces Jack to wrap it up at a local eatery, the crew crowded around a small table in a pressurized O2 pod with their helmets thrown on the seats by their thighs. Eric finds himself squeezed between Jack on one side and Shitty on the other, a cool syrupy drink emitting translucent wisps of steam in his hand. Holster orders for all of them in rusty Isli that may or may not actually result in food, but they’re all just too jubilant to care.

“Alright boys,” Shitty hollers, banging his coaster on the table several times for effect. The glass containers holding all of their drinks jiggle with its force, creating a cheerful ringing sound. “A toast to this fucking beaut of a year. Being stuck in a cramped metal case floating in nothing for three hundred sixty-five days has been a great pleasure with your rockin’ bods for company. Fucking cheers!”

Ransom whoops, Shitty pretends to wipe a tear, Holster belts out the chorus of Cheers’ theme song passionately. Eric watches them, helplessly indulgent, and thinks: he’s actually making a home here.

On his other side, Jack shoves one of the food baskets towards Eric with his knuckles and says, “You should try the octo-bacon, if you haven’t.” His eyes meet Eric’s for a brief moment, make Eric’s lungs expand in his chest. He can’t remember the last time Jack spoke to him for no good reason.

Jack’s face is uniquely relaxed, his jaw convulsing as he fruitlessly tries not to laugh at something Shitty says, and Eric’s former thought continues, completely unbidden: gracious, I’m going to miss these boys so much. Their bickering and their worst habits and their dumbest moments. Holster’s booming voice, Ransom’s midnight thesis writing, Shitty’s insistence on nudity, Jack’s continual ability to confuse him.

“Holy shit, man,” Ransom says, slamming his emptied drink onto the table and staring at its last drops in awe. “What the fuck is this shit. I need another one ASAP.”

“Not it!” Holster calls, and then stretches his arm across the table, fingertip of his index finger pointed mere inches from Jack’s face. “But I just know our commander would love to buy his best crew another round. Right, Zimmermann?”

“You’re my only crew, Birkholtz,” Jack rolls his eyes, mostly good-natured. Holster’s wiggling finger and Shitty’s foot kicking at his shin beneath the table must goad him into action anyway, because he puts his helmet back on, disappears out of the pod and towards the service counter without further protest.

While Eric watches him go, Shitty slides closer in the booth and flings his arm around Eric, tugs him right into the crook of Shitty’s body.

“This is it, Bittle,” he sighs, eyes closing dramatically. “Once this tour ends, you will no longer hold the title of rookie. Finally, you will graduate to the same titles everybody else gets -- mainly bro, or fucker, or, if I’m spectacularly schwasted, yo, what’syourname. This is a monumental day for all. You might even get a nickname. Are you appropriately emotional?”

Eric is emotional about many things. He can't stop thinking about this crew and what they've come to mean to him, can't stop hating keeping secrets, can't stop dreading the moment they cross back into Earth. Eric is emotional about the possibility of seeing his mama again, and what it'll mean if he does; Eric is emotional about life in general, right now, so he says, “Sure thing, Shitty,” and shoves a ring of octo-bacon into his mouth. It seems, for lack of a better option, like the smartest response.

From above Ransom’s head, Eric spots Jack reappearing just beyond the glassy walls of the pod, carrying a tray with four containers between both hands. He then keeps watching, helpless and open-mouthed, as another astronaut rises from a nearby booth and slams into Jack shoulder-first, tipping the entire tray sideways and nearly knocking its contents over and to the floor.

“Oh shit, sorry mate!” the man exclaims, immediately reaching out to catch Jack’s hands and help stable the tray. His Australian accent is thick, the ASA pin decorating the shoulder that knocked into Jack glinting under artificial lights. The two of them grab the tray with three hands, containers sliding back into place still intact, before the man’s eyes flick up and catch on Jack’s face. He then jerks back, his eyes widening and his hands yanked away from Jack like he’s afraid to catch on fire. “Fuck, Zimmermann! I didn’t see it was you! Fuck my life, uh -- here, I’ll pay for the drinks --”

Eric watches, crestfallen, as Jack’s previously relaxed expression gradually darkens back into his usual scowl, lips disappearing between his teeth. “It’s fine, don’t --”

The other astronaut shakes his head vehemently, shoving his gloved hand into his utility pocket and fishing out some local coins that he then throws onto the tray haphazardly.

“Fuck no, mate, I’m not taking risks with you,” he hurries backwards, flat palms raised up, like he’s under some kind of threat Eric can’t read in Jack’s distressed body language. “For real, it was an accident, don’t get your dad to kick me off the program, yeah?”

The man backs off, scurrying back to his pod and to his whispering crewmates. Jack remains standing, shoulders rigid and tray held in clenched white knuckles, vacant stare fixed on the floor. Eric glances away from Jack for the first time since he saw him approach and notices that his whole table is silent and tense. He catches Shitty’s furrowed eyebrows and Ransom’s worried look, and becomes slowly conscious of the fact that unlike him, everybody else already know what just went on in front of them.

Jack’s mood seems to fracture, then. He steps through the pod’s sliding sealing and sets the tray down on the table too forcibly, glass containers knocking together. He doesn’t sit back down. Shitty parts his mouth to say something, but Jack latches his helmet closed before he can, muttering, “I’m done for tonight. I’ll see you guys back on the ship.”

His face is almost blank, valiantly trying for imperviousness, but Eric has never seen him look so decidedly miserable before. Instinctively, he reaches out to grab Jack’s wrist; he doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know what just happened, but he does know that Jack shouldn’t leave like that. He manages to stammer out, “...Jack --” before Jack tears his hand away from Eric’s grip with the same excessive aggression that rattled the drinks, and says curtly, “Excuse me.”

Eric stares at his back stalking off until he's entirely out of view, feels unjustly hurt and primarily very confused.

Jack Zimmermann is --

Jack Zimmermann is one of NASA’s Arctic Project’s best pilots and ship commanders, Eric learned his first year in the program. He’s exceptionally committed to his job, loyal to his crew, unwaveringly focused on the mission. He’s direct, sometimes brutally so. He’s good at following orders, makes tough decisions under pressure, and never takes the opportunity to rub elbows with the higher ups. He just loves what he does, and does it notably well.

The name and the legend is a lot to live up to, but when Eric met Jack he realized that the man is exactly as he’s advertised. Jack, in the role of Jack Zimmermann, is straightforwardly that: an amazing astronaut, an amazing ship commander, an amazing pilot.

It’s unfortunate, then, that Jack in the role of a human being is sometimes an enormous asshole.

The ship’s lights are all off when the boys straggle themselves back on board later in the evening, their boots dragging sluggishly against gravity. When Jack left, the celebratory mood followed his footsteps out the door; no one seemed the least bit inclined to talk about it, so Eric didn’t ask. Though the four of them did their best to recover, cracking halfhearted jokes and staying for another couple of rounds, even Shitty’s mustache seems to droop lower than normal by the time they finally find their way back to the ship.

Shitty passes airlock and walks straight towards the pilots’ quarters without saying a thing, so Eric wordlessly follows Holster and Ransom into their own quarters, brow still creased with puzzlement. He watches as Holster starts stripping by the door and Ransom sits down on the bottom bunk to take off his gear, and waits, and waits, until the silence is just too strange to handle.

“Alright, can anyone tell me what in the deep-fried hell was that?”

Holster glowers, rips off his support strap with gusto. He doesn’t answer, so Eric turns his frown at Ransom, who sighs as he removes the tough overshoe off his boots. “Ignore him, Bittle. Jack just gets real bitchy when people mention his dad. Which happens pretty often because, you now, his dad.”

“His dad…?” Eric prompts, desperate, because it seems like he should know something that he doesn’t. It’s not in the least a foreign feeling these days, when concerning space and science and always, always Jack.

Ransom looks up at him, one boot dangling from his left hand. “Yeah, you know, his dad. It’s a lot of pressure, living up to that. It’s probably most of why Jack is how Jack is.”

Eric doesn’t believe daddy issues are any excuse to be so surly, and he thinks, rather bitterly, that he would know something about the matter. But he pushes, still, because it’s always one step forward and three steps back with Jack, and any scrap of information making his commander seem a little more human could go a long way right now. Or even not human; Lord knows Eric can figure out nonhums just fine. “What does he have to live up to?”

Holster pauses peeling off the suit’s hard upper torso to squint incredulously at Eric. The lower torso assembly of the suit pools around his thighs. “You don’t know who Mad Bob is?”

“Uh,” Eric deflates, taking a tentative step back, the crown of his head hitting the frame of the top bunk. The tone of conversation begins to sound a lot like the time he disclosed that he doesn’t really know the periodic table or has, at any point of time, known it at all. “No. I don’t.”

Ransom throws his other boot to the side and leans forward, elbows resting on his knees and face contorting into an expression that closely mirrors Holster’s; surprised, scandalized, disbelieving. “He’s like -- Mad Bob. He was the first commander in the original Avalanche Project. He was the first pilot to leave the Solar System and come back alive?”

“They say he was the first to meet extraterrestrial life!” Holster gestures grandly with his hand, yanking off the EV glove to have free use of the other hand as well.

“That’s actually not true,” Ransom clarifies, “No nonhum races were recorded until almost a decade later --”

“Not the point, dude,” Holster waves him off. “The point is, Mad Bob is a legend. His ship nearly burned on the way back to Earth and he totally saved everyone on board. Made the first round trip, you know? He’s a big fucking deal. Can’t believe you’ve never heard of him.”

Eric blanches, digs his nails into his skin to hold his instinctual reaction at bay. Eric spent the first twenty-five years of his life with his feet planted firmly on the ground, his eyes never straying upwards. Later, Eric spent every moment of his time at Houston scrambling to prove his worth in an environment so wholly alien to him that the irony in the metaphor was no longer funny. Eric wouldn’t be able to tell Neil Armstrong from Adam, just like Eric can never really remember the difference between Newton’s and Einstein's theories, doesn't know the primary structure of proteins even now. Eric doesn’t belong here, and he’s quickly running out of time to pretend like he does.

“Oh,” he says finally, weakly. Holster and Ransom haven’t looked away from him yet, so he averts his eyes, turns to face his bunk. “Must’ve just missed it somehow.”

He can almost hear Holster and Ransom hem and haw for a few long, silent moments, before the sound of nylon rustling resumes. Eric takes a deep breath, and does his very best not to regret ever asking. It’s made worse by the fact that this hasn't really helped him understand Jack any better than before.

So Jack had spent most of Eric’s first few months on the ship treating Eric like an inconvenience. That was okay -- it hadn’t been the first time he’d been perceived like that, and it wouldn’t be the last. He hadn’t been a fresh-faced teenager from the South in a long while; he’d been older, tougher. He’d been places and had met people, nicer people and smarter people and even meaner people than Jack Zimmermann. He hadn’t really needed a pat on the shoulder or an encouraging smile, just the opportunity to do his job, and do it well.

The real problem was that Eric had always been good at his job because he understood people. And Eric, despite his best begrudging efforts, cannot make sense of Jack.

Jack, who clearly had not understood Eric’s job at all until, suddenly and out of nowhere, there was Evor. Jack who, after Evor, told Eric good work and sounded like maybe he even meant it. Jack who, after Evor, was sat by Eric when Lardo radioed to tell them that Jack’s report had made the deputy administrator call to congratulate Eric specifically.

Jack who, also after Evor, stopped meeting Eric’s eyes unless absolutely necessary. Jack, who Eric sometimes caught staring from the corner of his eye, looking lost in thoughts. Jack, who roughhoused with Shitty in the flight deck, and arranged Holster a private DSN connection for his mom’s birthday, and listened to Charlie Rich on late night piloting shifts -- but whose glimpses of personality disappeared the moment Eric tried to study them for too long.

Missions transformed into something different in the aftermath of Evor. A month after the crew’s return to action they were sent to do testing on the magnetic field of Pladora, and Jack put Eric in charge of communication with the local scientists without preambles. Eric choked, floundered, but grabbed the opportunity with both hands; he still couldn’t shake the weight of Jack’s gaze on his shoulders whenever he spoke with the Pladoran team.

Later, Jack pulled him aside and asked, “Are you capable of confidently explaining to me the exact kind of testing we’re doing here?”, stared at Eric until he was fidgeting uncomfortably in place. “It’s important that you can do that,” he added, like Eric didn’t already know, like Eric didn’t think about it every night before he fell asleep, like he needed Jack’s eyes on him for that, making the nape of his neck burn and his palms tingle with sweat. But Jack frowned at him, then, took a step back, like he didn’t understand why Eric was flushed with embarrassment. It almost seemed for a moment like he wasn’t actively gunning for humiliation.

And then it happened again. Two weeks after that they were helping ESA fix a satellite on a German space station, and Jack left Eric to discuss mission parameters unattended, but also ordered him to watch Shitty install a new GPS chip for three hours. During the strategy session for a recon mission in the Austra System, Jack insisted on hearing Eric’s opinion, but also accosted him after it to demand that Eric read about the complication with the wavelength disturbance. In a charged encounter with destitute merchants from a dead galaxy, Jack remained two steps behind Eric’s right shoulder and let him conciliate them, but when Eric later babbled about the civil turmoil caused by the demise of the galaxy, Jack asserted that he should understand the astrophysical process leading to such death.

So Eric generously thought: maybe Jack was trying, poorly. But three months after Evor the two of them returned to the ship frazzled and peeved, had spent most of the day wrangling with diplomats on Uzeru, and Eric scrubbed a hand over his face, resolved to try one more time. He offered Jack a friendly, tired smile, and said, “Wanna share bad coffee in the kitchen to drown our sorrows?”, but Jack only shook his head once, sharply, before immediately walking away.

The inability to make any sense of it consumes Eric's thoughts for much longer than he's comfortable with. Jack pushes and then pulls, hovers over Eric professionally but disappears the moment it’s interpersonal. A week before they're off for leave Eric looks up from his plate to see Jack taking his dinner into the flight deck, ignoring Shitty’s offer to join him, and thinks that maybe he can never peek past Jack's mask because Jack makes sure to turn away whenever it comes off. He thinks that maybe this is what loneliness looks like, thinks that he should still know better than to care, thinks for the first time that maybe Jack’s silent treatment is nothing more than not knowing what to say to Eric after Evor. Thinks that maybe Jack’s inept solution to not knowing what to say is to just say nothing at all.

The impact crater chipping Vylos’ surface is visible from two-hundred thousand miles out. It’s the nearest planet to the jumping point back to Earth, and its crater serves as a parking lot for all ships on their way to or from there. Its chaotic layout strongly reminds Eric of the QuikTrip station just north of Atlanta, but he bites his tongue and keeps that to himself. Jack and Shitty have probably never seen a QuikTrip, anyway.

Jack grumbles about finding a parking space on the night before leave, body curved over the control wheel and eyes squinted at the windowpane. Shitty leaves him to it, drapes his legs sideways on his armrest to tell Eric about the long claws of capitalism stretching into the cosmos, and how this has resulted in Vylosian beer being the best there is this side of the Milky Way, “Even though it’s like, totally not a real beer, dude, but -- marketing ploy!”, and how its atmosphere was chemically engineered, “To be breathable for all us Earthly suckers passing by ‘cause of the jump point. Filthy fucking marketing plot, I tell ya -- and the beer costs like my goddamn kidney.”

“Your goddamn kidney’s not worth much with the amount of Vylosian beer you regularly consume,” Jack interjects, lowering the ship into a vacant spot skillfully. Vylos’ terrain, reflected at Eric from the three surrounding windows in the flight deck, is grainy and blue.

The Vylosian bar Shitty buoyantly pushes them into is decorated in mismatched memorabilia, posters of Uma Thurman and Justin Bieber and a life-size stormtrooper suit personally signed by George Lucas looming by the wall. The AI pouring the drinks is a hologram in the shape of a Western saloon bartender, the beer is thick and neon green. Eric’s been outside the Kármán line for nearly a year and feels caught by surprise, still, almost daily; but tonight he gets to wear denim shorts instead of nylon spacesuits, gets to clink his glass against Ransom’s, gets to pretend that tomorrow isn’t possibly the end of it all. It has to be enough, he thinks, and takes a determined drink.

Their group starts out leaning against the wooden countertop, skin sticking to its surface. Later, Holster and Ransom chat their way into the table of two local girls, and Jack disappears from view. Eventually, their group winds up scattered across different corners of the bar, red-faced and loose. Eric catches himself repeatedly looking up from the bottom of his glass to the open door, at the pale glint of the sky just outside it, and after a thorough sweep around he takes his drink, gets up, and starts walking.

The bar overlooks the vast expanses of the crater sprawling beneath it, and Eric finds himself sitting outside at the edge of the cliff, thighs bare over the rough azure dirt and beer glass tilting in his hand. Vylos’ three moons are out of sync, rising and peaking and setting in a simultaneous cycle, and Eric is busy watching them when he hears heavy footsteps coming up behind him.

He’s surprised to find Jack standing there, suspended in motion with his hands deep in his pockets and his hair windswept, figure backlit by the lights of the bar twinkling behind him. He seems just as startled to see Eric; his expression wavers out of its usual stoic façade to betray some semblance of emoting.

“Oh, Bittle, I -- I thought you’re inside with the boys,” Jack blinks, a hint of a frown wrinkling his forehead.

“No,” Eric blinks in turn, unsettled by this strange creature wearing the face of his commander. He looks so different in jeans and an AsCans training program t-shirt, out of the bulky spacesuits they spend most days in. “Uh -- no. I’m not.”

“Right.” Jack nods stiffly, glances at the ground and then at a spot somewhere over Eric’s shoulder. His body language is guarded, and he looks misplaced, painfully awkward. They still haven’t exchanged more than two or three sentences in private since Evor and Eric, typically the chatterbox, wouldn’t even know where to begin. “Well, uh, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’ll go.”

“You’re not interrupting,” Eric says, before he can think too carefully about why the heck he’d say such a thing. Before he can recall the snapshot memory of Jack turning to eat dinner in the flight deck, alone. “I mean. I’m just sitting here. Drinking alien beer,” he raises his glass, the bright green liquid sloshing around, leaving traces of neon on its rim. The ridiculousness of the situation may be slightly lost on Jack, but not on him. Space still is, and probably always will be, kind of weird.

“Right,” Jack repeats, the line of his back tightening and his eyes narrowing at Eric. “Be careful with that. Don’t want you to throw up during descent tomorrow.”

Dear Lord. One step forward and three steps back. “Yes, Commander,” Eric sighs, swallowing the chagrin out of his voice. His shoulders sag as his body curls towards the view, away from Jack. God forbid Jack Zimmermann think about anything other than the mission for a single flippin' moment. Eric should know better than to be disappointed, but the sour churn of his stomach is unmistakable. Eric should, but doesn’t.

The footsteps behind him pick up again, and he expects to hear Jack walking farther and farther away. Instead, he’s shocked into silence by Jack sliding into his peripheral view, sitting down beside him on the cliff. His shoulders are rigid, his mouth pressed thin. His expression looks like he’s as bewildered as Eric by his own actions.

“Are you excited to go back?” Jack asks after a long, uncomfortable minute, during which they both sit mutely and watch the pits of Vylos before them. Its second moon has finished a full rotation and is now shining down in soft lilac beams. Jack’s voice is tense, flat; this boy, Eric thinks almost pityingly, really is terrible at small talk.

He’s been asked this question a dozen times that month, but mustering his practiced fake enthusiasm now seems hard. Maybe it’s the alien alcohol; maybe it’s that Jack could regress into not speaking to him again at any moment. “I guess so. Home sweet home, ‘m I right?”

Jack shrugs one shoulder, a short and angular movement. “It doesn't feel like going home to me,” he says, honest and plain. “I spend most of my time out here. It’s more like -- a summer vacation. Some people go to the Caribbean and we go visit Earth.”

Eric nods, absently, unsure of how to respond. He brings his glass to his lips and takes a long swig of it, tastes green all the way to the back of his throat. It’s almost impossible to imagine that in twenty-four hours he could be drinking locally-produced white wine in the Washington Corridor. Earth feels so darn far away.

“What’ll you do on your vacation, then?” Eric asks after another long stretch of silence, mostly out of politeness that his mother persistently lectured into him over years.

Jack’s attention is fixed on the moons, his profile sculpted by the sharp lines of his nose and cheekbones and chin. His eyes are so pale under the lilac moon -- big, slanted, annoyingly beautiful. He remains quiet for a moment, leans his weight on his palms and considers Eric’s question. His gaze is still flickering over the view when he says, finally, “I usually go see my parents. Read. Buy groceries.”

Eric snorts inelegantly. If he didn’t know any better, didn’t know Jack any better, that could almost be mistaken for a joke. “Buy groceries?”

“Yes,” Jack says, perfectly serious. His eyes flit over to meet Eric’s, and Eric holds them for only a moment before quickly looking away. His cheeks grow inexplicably warm. “I don’t really miss anything when I’m up here -- I mean, not really -- but I guess sometimes it’s nice to remember people. Stupid human stuff, eh? Supermarkets. Banks. I always think I'd catch a movie in the theatre but somehow I never do.”

He appears to be uncomfortable with his admission, face closing off once the words are out of his mouth. The sharp lines of his features twist back into a familiar scowl, but Eric watches them, him, thoroughly transfixed. The authentic snippet of personality cannot disappear under the reapplied mask this time; Jack has put something truthful on the table, a hint of something charmingly sentimental. A mundane humanity space can't recreate, newspapers and laundromats and coffee stands and taxes. Grocery shopping. Eric doesn’t know if the fast, erratic beating in his chest is at the sweet tinge of it, or the mere thought of Jack paying attention to such things.

“You should,” Eric finally finds his words somewhere in his strangled windpipe, slowly facing forward. Jack, and his continual ability to confuse. He can see Jack from the corner of his eye, turning his head to subtly raise both eyebrows at Eric. “Go to the movies. You should do it this time.”

“Yeah. Maybe I will,” Jack says after a long pause. “I'll tell you how it went when we’re back here.”

“If I come back,” Eric sighs before he can catch himself, and then freezes, fingers clenching around his glass. Dang it. Dang it all to hell.

“What?” Jack asks, confused, and when Eric refuses to meet his eyes, shoulders squaring and chin dropping to his chest, Jack’s voice sharpens and he repeats, “What? What do you mean? Bittle. What do you mean.”

Eric exhales unsteadily, rubbing his forehead with the back of his free hand. He thought he'd have more time. He thought -- like he always does, and is always wrong -- that he’d successfully outrun his problems by denying their existence. He could try shoving those four incriminating words back into his mouth, but Eric can feel Jack’s intense attention focused on the side of his face. Once Jack stepped back into the professional boots of Commander Zimmermann, no denial will make him let this go.

“I’m spending all of my leave in Texas. I gotta pass evaluation for the clearance to come back here with y’all. These past six months were my test run -- I’ve never passed the written exam.” Eric drags his shoe through the sandy ground, watches as the grooves he makes are swept away. “Y’all know I’m no good at the sciency stuff, Jack, alright. I don't need to hear it from you as well. If I don't get an adequate score I'm off the program for good.”

Eric chews the inside of his cheek and chances a side glance. Jack looks outraged, his thick brows drawn down and his entire face devoid of color. Eric’s immediate reflex is to flinch away, but Jack speaks before he can make a move. “What subjects?”

“What?” Eric asks, thrown completely off-balance. He was expecting a thundering reprimand at worst, an indifferent dismissal at best. He doesn’t know what the quiet, heated response he's gotten even is.

"What subjects are they testing you on?”

Eric hesitates, body still braced for the blow that isn't coming. “Uh. All of the introductory subjects. Basic physics, geobiology... mostly modern astronomy. But I swear --”

“Alright,” Jack cuts him off with a single sharp nod, his chin sticking out slightly, like Eric has somehow pushed him to make up his mind. His expression, typically impassive, is now staggeringly transparent. “I’ll help you study for the written exam.”

“What?" Eric blinks several times, glances down to see if he's had more to drink than he thought, but the glass is still half-full and Jack's figure is still corporeal by his side, intense expression still in place. He doesn't fade away like the hallucination Eric is so sure he must be. "Jack -- what --?”

Jack doesn't seem to pick up on the astonishment that has Eric stumbling over his words. “We’ve got two and a half weeks, right? You need entry level stuff to pass that exam. If we study hard, you can do it.”

Eric thinks he might be gaping, his mouth hanging open and growing dry in the arid air, but he apparently isn't capable of collecting his jaw off of Vylos’ ground. “But… what… but you’ll be in Canada…?”

“I’ll stay in Huston,” Jack looks determined. “Bittle, we're a team. You should’ve told us before and we would’ve helped you. You’re a strong crew member, you’re smart, you’ve got an edge that none of us has got. If that’s the only thing holding you back we’re going to get you over it. Study clinic, day and night.” He pauses, the self-assurances faltering for only a moment, and the lines of his mouth soften somewhat. “Just trust me, okay?”

Eric is absolutely floored. The only foolish thing that manages to leave his mouth is, “What about going to the movies?”

Jack almost smiles. Eric has spied that expression on rare occasions before, but never directed at him, and never from up close. It does something to Jack's face that Eric can't put in words. “I’ll catch one on the next leave. Which you’ll be taking as well, ‘cause you’re not leaving the program. We've got each other's backs, Bittle.”

Under the moonlight, purple shadows carving his face from marble and a mellow half-smile twisting the corners of his mouth upwards, Eric could almost let himself admit how handsome Jack is. Jack rubs the dirt off of one palm and slowly curls his fingers, holds them up in a silent offer. Eric can see the thin veins beneath the surface of his skin. He looks at the hand, looks up at Jack, and lets a tentative smile blossom on his face. He brings his clenched hand up to meet Jack’s, and bumps his fist.

#zimbits #omgcp #omgcheckplease #zimbits fic #it is the space fic! they are in space!#i cleaned up the first chapter if anyone wants to reread or catch up #check please!#jack x bitty #pavfics #okay great this is a series now. i'm SORRY

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pumpkinpaix · 5 years

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老师好！Thank you for writing! i found you through your MDZS story and i really adore your insightful writings about the show. In my opinion, i even think the show is better than the novel in their presentation of WX relationship ~ ! it feels more natural and less pandering. Another essay suggestion for you if you want to write --- In the show, who do you think fell in love first in WX? When were the "turning points" when they realized?

sldjfslikl first of all anon, it’s WILD that anyone would address me as 老师 and i’m simultaneously flattered and gobsmacked. (i’m really really really not qualified to be called 老师 friend—thank you, like, a lot?? but yeah, i gotta say i’m not that cool) thank you for reading my fic and liking it and apparently my one meta enough to come talk to me!! also, SORRY this took approximately a million years i’ve been working on it on/off for like. two weeks. (@the other anon who also requested meta—pls forgive me im really doing my best apparently these take a lot out of me)

confession: I wrote a WHOLE ADDITIONAL essay in response to your opinion about show vs. novel that i ultimately decided to cut because it flies a little too close to the discourse sun and you didn’t ask for that hahaha. if it turns out you are interested in it, feel free to hmu and i can post it (though i’ll probably try to keep it out of the tags for my own mental health’s sake im not cut out for this lmao)

that all being said, who do I think fell in love first? it was definitely lan wangji, and it was right here:

[id: screenshot of lan wangji watching wei wuxian making a wish to “protect the weak and curb the strong, with a clear conscience for all my life” from episode 7 of the untamed drama. wei wuxian’s eyes are closed, his hands clasped. lan wangji looks on with a surprised tenderness. /end id]

I think it’s safe to say that he already finds wei wuxian attractive/intriguing (see: his reaction to wei wuxian drawing his portrait, tying the lan ribbon around their wrists, the PEAK gay panic in his voice when wei wuxian trips and falls on top of him), but this is the first moment he’s really moved by him. up until this point, wei wuxian has been teasing, immature, A Nuisance™, too clever for his own good, troublemaker energy personified etc but he hasn’t ever revealed his deeper moral values in front of lan wangji—and he does it like this, without pretension, without irony. He doesn’t spend his wish on something frivolous or material: he wishes to be able to do good for all his life, to be righteous, to be kind. it’s the wish he makes for both of them. “the promise we made together all those years ago,” as he says, half a lifetime later.

like just. imagine, for a moment, being lan wangji, whose whole world is being constantly challenged and needled by this unfairly attractive, chaotic bastard and then he just comes out of left field with this. I think this is where lan wangji first recognizes himself in wei wuxian—that at their core, they share their most important values.

look what i’m saying is this is where I fell in love with wei wuxian.

(sidenote: I really think a lot of the tragedy of mdzs/the untamed is stems from this moment. wei wuxian fails, over and over and over, even when his wish never changes, even when all he ever wanted was to do good without fear.)

i had to think for a really long time to try and decide which moments i wanted to talk about on wei wuxian’s part, because i don’t think he’s nearly as easy to pinpoint. lan wangji falls in love like a lightning strike, but wei wuxian’s love is something that grows so slowly, i don’t think he realizes what it is until pretty late in the game.

so let’s begin with this moment on phoenix mountain:

[id: screenshot of lan wangji and wei wuxian facing each other on phoenix mountain from episode 25 of the untamed drama. lan wangji is waiting expectantly for an answer, having just asked, “what am i to you?”, hand behind his back. wei wuxian is holding his flute, expression complicated and uncertain. /end id]

this is the first time i think wei wuxian is asked directly to label his feelings about lan wangji, and he says, “i once thought of you as a lifelong, intimate friend.” and when lan wangji presses, “and now?”, he doesn’t respond.

two episodes later, when wei wuxian is taking the wen refugees out of their prison camp and lan wangji appears before him, I think he has some kind of answer to lan wangji’s question:

[id: screenshot from episode 27 of the untamed drama. wei wuxian holds out chenqing before him in challenge to lan wangji, who is offscreen. he is smiling, just slightly, resigned and fond and terribly sad. /end id]

“if there really must be a battle between me and them, then I would rather fight to the death with you. if i must die, then at least i would like to die by hanguang-jun’s hand. it wouldn’t be an injustice.”

if that isn’t some kind of confession, I don’t really know what is.

but it’s too late—he’s now a defector in the eyes of the four sects. lan wangji lets him go and wei wuxian rides away. the remainder of his first life, that’s how things stand. even through everything with a’yuan, the final massacre at the nightless city—even though there’s something really meaningful there between them, it’s all tinged with a sense of impossibility, you know? there’s no outcome where they can resolve it happily. wei wuxian has gone too far down that single-plank bridge.

the first moment i think wei wuxian has to confront the unresolved and unsaid things between him and lan wangji comes when lan wangji gets drunk that one night and tells him, “i have regret.”

“what regret?”

“that at the nightless city, I did not stand beside you.”

[id: screenshot of wei wuxian looking at lan wangji (offscreen) with tears in his eyes as the full realization of what lan wangji just drunkenly confessed hits him from episode 36 of the untamed drama. /end id]

“so all this time, you’ve been searching for me?”

earlier i said can you imagine being lan wangji for a sec, and i’m gonna say it again except god. can you. IMAGINE being wei wuxian in this moment. finding out that this person that you maybe suspected you had deeper feelings for but never acted on has spent the entire sixteen years of your death searching for you, regretting that he didn’t stand with you before you died? a regret that he’s been carrying in secret, alone, for sixteen years?? that’s A Lot to unpack.

however, I don’t think wei wuxian really, fully understands and accepts how he feels and how lan wangji feels in return, how far they’re both willing to go until episode 42, at the confrontation at jinlingtai.

[id: two screenshots from episode 42 of the untamed drama, right after lan wangji takes a stand beside wei wuxian against the four sects. image 1 is lan wangji smiling at wei wuxian: he is gentle and sure. image 2 is wei wuxian smiling back at him, eyes red-rimmed and wet. /end id]

even though lan wangji has been walking with him since dafan shan, he’s been doing it with a plausible deniability. and here, when wei wuxian is trying to give him an out, lan wangji puts everything he has on the line so that he can clearly stand with wei wuxian, without dissembling, without hesitation. “the feeling of of walking on a single-plank bridge into the dark truly is no worse.”

lan wangji is finished with regrets.

“it’s just funny, that’s all,” wei wuxian says, “back when the whole world flattered me with praise, you were the only one who would scold me. but now that everyone is calling for my death, all hating and condemning me, you’re nevertheless the only one standing by my side.”

i think after that, for all the remaining episodes, there’s an unspoken commitment between the two of them that underpins the rest of their interactions, which I think I can say without reservation that I like more than how it played out in the novel. EDIT 16 APR 2020: I changed my mind a while ago, ahaha. Turns out, I don’t prefer CQL over MDZS. I love them both so much. ;A; there’s something really profound about it, the trust in their unlabelled relationship. it really feels like the inexorable culmination of two adults in their mid-thirties coming together after falling in love for almost twenty years. there’s a maturity to it that isn’t present in the way the novel does the confession (which does have its own disaster energy™ charm) that I think highlights the fact that they love each other, not just because they admire each other, not just because they’re attracted to one another, but because they understand each other—because when they look at each other, they also see themselves.

#the untamed #the untamed meta #mdzs #mdzs meta #wangxian #陈情令 #mine #meta #mymeta #can i get a wahoo for the production team?#WOOF anon thanks for your patience #some of the wording in this is really embarrassing haha #i did my best!!#i hope some people like it #i also spent WAY too long on this #guys i edit every screenshot i'm not kidding #as always feel free to come talk to me about this #Anonymous #asks and replies

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softest-cinnamon-roll · 4 years

Note

22 for the college prompts!! Reddie pleaseeee

22. I’m having a rough week so I show up to class stoned and you jokingly ask me if you can join me next time so I ask for your number.

warning for recreational drug use (weed)

* * * * *

Richie knew it was probably a really stupid idea to smoke before his first class of the day, but he wasn’t exactly in his right mind that week. It had been the week from hell, from forgetting an essay deadline to getting a call saying his dad had been rushed to the hospital with low blood pressure. With him being in school in California, he had to rely on his mother calling him to update the situation.

Therefore, that Friday Richie had gotten completely stoned before leaving his dorm and getting on the bus to take him to college. His eyes were a little bit fuzzy, both due to the pot and the fact that it was just after eight in the morning. As he stepped into the classroom, he stumbled and knocked over a table full of pens, paper and stationary bursting out in a fit of giggles.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Richie opened his eyes, only to meet the soft brown ones of none other than Eddie Kasprak. Eddie was the most beautiful man Richie had ever seen in his life, he knew that from the first moment they met. His friends are constantly telling him to ask Eddie out, but the fact was, Richie hadn’t actually spoken a word to him...ever.

However, Richie was stoned out of his nut and giggling like a maniac on the floor of his college class. He nodded his head, reaching forward and wrapping his hand around Eddie’s wrist. “Ya know what Eddie Spaghetti, I have never been better.” If he had been in his normal mind, Richie would have noticed the blush on Eddie’s cheeks.

“Let’s get you up before our professor gets here,” Eddie mumbled, his eyes trained on the floor, which was something Richie did pick up on. He let Eddie help him up off of the floor and over to a pair of the closest seats and helped him down. “Stay there, I’m just going to clean up the stationary table.”

A few moments later, Eddie was back and taking a seat next to Richie. The professor still hadn’t shown up, so Eddie turned to face him with a small smile on his face, looking him up and down suspiciously. “Do I have something on my face?” Richie asked, titling his head to the side and bursting into another fit of giggles. Okay, so maybe he had a little bit too much pot that morning.

Eddie blinked and cast his eyes away, “Uh, no no you don’t have anything on your face it’s just...you’re laughing a lot and you’re more...chilled. I just wanted to know what happened...it’s like a whole new Richie.” He smiled a little, flicking the end of his pen against the table. “I like it.”

Richie choked a little on his own breathing, his eyes wide as he stared back at Eddie, “You- you like it when I’m laughing and giggling?” He asked, tilting his head to the side. “You know, I have something to tell you,” he whisper-yelled, moving closer to Eddie. “I’m really really high right now.”

“Oh I know, I can smell it on your t-shirt,” Eddie giggled, resting his head on his hand as he watched Richie carefully. “You know, you should totally ask me next time you’re planning on...you know,” he winked just as the professor walked in and called their attention to the front of the class.

The whole class, Richie moved between looking at Eddie and thinking about how he was going to ask for his number without making a complete fool out of himself. So far, in his mind he had absolutely no plan that made him not embarrass himself in front of his crush. Why did he have to show up high to this particular class on this day? When the class was over, Eddie started to pack up and Richie couldn’t help but reach out to take a hold of Eddie’s wrist. “Wait- wait, wait.”

Eddie turned to face Richie, his eyes full of curiosity and Richie felt his heart melt a little. “Is everything okay? Do you need help walking to your next class?” He was smiling now, ready to help Richie to his feet just like he had at the beginning of class, but Richie shook his head before he could. “Then what- what is it?”

“Can I get your number?” Richie blurted out, biting his lip nervously as he looked up at Eddie. There was a silence, Eddie just staring at him with wide eyes. “I mean, you asked earlier if I could invite you next time I...you know, but I don’t have your number so....”

“Oh!” Eddie’s eyes widened before he burst into giggles himself. “I mean- that was just a joke but...if you really want my number then I would love to give it to you. The truth is, I’ve been wanting to go out with you for a while now. You’re really cute and I wanted to ask you, but I didn’t think you were interested.”

Richie blinked in confusion, tilting his head to the side, “What do you mean? You’re the cutest guy here! I’ve had a crush on you since the moment I saw you walk into class that first day!”

“What?” Eddie asked, his jaw dropped a little as he tried to process what Richie was saying. “You- but you’ve never even spoken to me before? I thought you didn’t like me very much.”

Shaking his head, a huge ass smile on his face, Richie moved his hand from Eddie’s wrist to his hand, “Never. You’re the most interesting person in this room. I just- I was nervous to talk to you in case you thought I was a weirdo. Turns out I just needed to get stoned to gain the courage to speak to you.”

Eddie broke into a grin and bit his lip, “Well, instead of us getting stoned tonight, why don’t we go to see a movie or something? Get to know each other properly over dinner?”

Richie broke into a smile of his own, squeezing Eddie’s hand that was still in his grip and nodded his head. “It’s a date.”

* * * * *

Tags permanently

@bi-bi-richie @bovaque @derrylosers @eds-trashmouth @eduardoandale @girasol-eddie @halfway-happy353 @inthebreadbinwrites @isaacslaheys @its-stranger-than-you-think @jem-carstairs-is-perfection @lifesucksheres20bucks @loserslibrary @losers-gotta-stick-together @madidraw @mars-14 @marsisaplanetyall @moonlightrichie @njess04 @no-she-wasnt-reddie @oldguybones @overcastedhills @percejackson @pink-psychic @purplepoisonedgem @rebecca-the-queen @reddie-to-cryy @reddiesetandgo @richietoaster @roobarrtrashmouth @rreddies @s-onora @s-s-georgie @sedanleystanley @sloppybitchreddie @spirited-marvel @stellarbisexual @studpuffin @sunxcherries @that-weird-girls-blog @thegoshdiddlydangdoor @thejadeazalea @thorn-harvester-ven @tinyarmedtrex @tozier-boy @tozierking @toziesque @trashmouthtozierr @twoidiotsinl0ve @violetreddie @wilding-throught-thehallways @xandertheundead

#reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #writing tag

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lieberts · 4 years

Text

tagged by @jidai and @zenien and @dicennio to do these <3 not tagging anyone, but feel free to say i tagged you if you wanna do these

1. MUSIC TAG MEME Rules: Post your first twenty songs in a playlist on shuffle

can’t let you go by adam lambert oh god

the giant’s exit from the majora’s mask ost

sing for absolution by muse

all that we see by the black ryder

offering by black city lights

miss moneypenny by placebo

spusti svetlost na put by kralj čačka

dance of the knights by prokofiev

suspirium by thom yorke

the hills by the weeknd

i don’t like mondays by the boomtown rats

silence by azra

spirit of peace (part 3) by popol vuh

build that wall from the bastion ost

politik by coldplay

jenova from the ffvii ost

akira the wild from the devilman crybaby ost

jazzman by carole king

morning after by ariel pink & weyes blood

modern man by arcade fire

---------

2. Rules: MAKE A NEW POST, bold what applies to you and tag whoever you want to get to know better.

APPEARANCE I’m an I-need-to-pull-the-driver-seat-all-the-way-in kind of a person // i wear glasses or contacts // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair // i have gotten plastic surgery // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i wear makeup // i don’t often smile // i am pleased with how I look // I prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backward

HOBBIES & TALENTS i play a sport // i can play an instrument // i am artistic (ehh??) // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim // i enjoy writing // i can do origami // i prefer movies to tv shows // i can execute a perfect somersault // i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own // i have read a new book series this year // i enjoy spending time with friends // i travel during school or work breaks // i can do a handstand (kind of...... not for long tho)

RELATIONSHIPS i am in a relationship // i have a crush // i have a best friend i have known for ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // i have a long-distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online

AESTHETIC i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sunrise // i enjoy rainy days // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire // i pay close attention to colors // i find mystery in the ocean // i enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favourite season

MISC i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // i am the mom friend // i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least one dog // i have a cat ---------

3. THIS OR THAT TAG GAME (1)

4. THIS OR THAT TAG GAME (2)

indoor plants or gardens // cloud-watching or star-gazing // water or fire // paperback or hardcover // running or hiking // sleeping with socks or without socks // fruit or vegetables // hanging plants or succulents // dark wood or light wood // handwritten or typed // instagram or pinterest (both suck and are full of reposts but instagram is seriously bad) // braids or pigtails // books or movies // oceans or meadows // forests or fields // sweet or salty // ice cream or chocolate // hoodies or sweaters // long hair or short hair // piercings or tattoos // summer or winter // boots or sneakers // cars or motorcycles // curls or straight hair // castles or cottages // sunny days or storms // reptiles or birds // disney or nickelodeon // strawberries or watermelon // essays or posters // phones or laptops // glass or stone // dark or light // photos or paintings // circuses or theaters // reading or writing // dogs or cats // poetry or novels // monsters or ghosts // thrift shops or libraries // fiction or non-fiction

5. Post one picture from my camera roll (no new downloads) to sum up my personality!

6. 30 QUESTIONS TAG GAME RULES: Answer 30 questions and tag others

Name/Nickname: jeja, jeca, j, lena Gender: female Star Sign: aries Height: in a surprising turn of events im 167cm not 165 as i initially thought <3 Time: 10:30am Birthday: april 10 Favorite Bands: arcade fire, muse, placebo Favorite Solo Artists: hozier, chelsea wolfe, idk Song stuck in my head: vive la fete by noir desir Last Movie: interview with the vampire Last Show: i have no idea i havent finished a tv show in ages tbh When did I create this blog: i think january 2011? jesus What do I post: anime, art, video games Last thing googled: vive la fete by noir desir to see if i spelled it correctly Other blogs: wessobrunn but its inactive Do I get asks: i get bullied by sen a lot Why I chose my url: because i love the liebert twins from naoki urasawas monster<333 Following: 147 Followers: nah Average hours of sleep: like 7-8 hours? Instruments: none What am I wearing: beige sweatpants and a black hoodie fashion icon jelena Dream job: i dont dream of labor Dream trip: japan, asia in general, central europe Favorite food: too many im not a picky eater Nationality: montenegrin (derogatory) Favorite song: BRUH i dont have one fav song there are too many Last book read: mađarska rečenica by andrej nikolaidis Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: i think it says a lot about the kind of content i consume when i cant think of a single one that would actually be enjoyable to live in...........

#i have a whole folder with liam payne pics like that its very important to me #jtp

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dear-selena · 5 years

Text

Caught Web Handed

Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: You like to write Spider-Man fanfiction, but none of your friends know. That is until MJ catches you writing one during a study session at Peter’s place.

A/N: Hey guys! So I had this stupid funny idea the other day, and I just had to write it. I’m basically calling myself out in this as a fanfiction writer myself XD. I hope you enjoy this piece of fluff, and I hope to get more stories going in the near future!

Words: 1893

---------------

A loud cry suddenly stopped Trevor in his tracks. Turning around, he saw a large, green winged monster take off, (Y/N) dangling from its feet. She continued to scream, pleading for someone, anyone, to help them. The students outside the school panic. Some started to run while others froze in horror.

Trevor Trenton on the other hand took a different action.

Running as fast as he could into school, he found an empty janitors closet, and slipped in without anyone noticing. In a matter of minutes, Trevor’s school uniform was replaced with a familiar red and blue suit that the people of Queens have become rather familiar with. Looking into the dirty mirror above the janitor’s desk, Miles took a deep breath. “Here we go again…”

He put the mask on his head, and looked at himself. Once again, he took on the role of the one and only Spide-.

“Hey, is anyone doing the physics homework?” Ned asks, interrupting you mid-sentence. Looking up, you see your friends Ned, Peter, and MJ in the zone, working on homework. You should be doing the same actually, but you had more pressing matters to attend to.

Ever since you discovered fanfiction, you couldn’t get enough of it. It started when you were scrolling through your Tumblr, looking at the Spider-Man tag like you always do. While gushing at the heroic pictures and fanart of your favorite web-slinging hero, you came across a story. You read the summary to find that the story was about how Spider-Man might have gotten his powers. Curious, you read the entire story, and suddenly found yourself falling into a rabbit-hole of Spider-Man stories.

All the fanfiction you found on Spider-Man were completely made up. Writers created different characters for who they believe was behind the mask and what their lives were like as a civilian and a hero. You especially liked the stories where writers gave the hero a love interest. People liked to make Spider-Man so flirtatious and charming, it was kind of ridiculous. Yet you couldn’t help but start to imagine your own Spider-Man stories, where you, low and behold, would be the love interest that the hero falls in love with.

So you started writing your own fanfiction. You created a character named Trevor Trenton, a 17-year-old high schooler who was a part-time lifeguard at a local YMCA. When he wasn’t dealing with school or work, he was fighting crime as Spider-Man. You always imagined Spider-Man as someone your age, making the character more relatable for you. After all, if he was your age, the geeky crush you had on the hero would be a little less weird.

Trevor Trenton was basically your dream man, and when you started sharing your stories on Tumblr, people seemed to really like him! They loved the origin story you gave him where he was a science experiment that got contaminated with Spider venom. They loved the crazy adventures you put him through, and the wild villains you made him encounter. They especially loved (Y/N), a character you named after yourself that was Trevor’s life-long friend and potential lover.

No one on the internet needed to know you basically wrote yourself into the stories.

“I’m doing physics right now, whats up?” Peter asks from his couch, acknowledging Ned’s question.

“I’m stuck on problem 7… think you can help me?”

Peter moved from his sprawled out position on his couch to help his best friend. Looking up again, you notice that MJ got up to get a drink in Peter’s kitchen. After looking back and forth from your friends to your laptop screen, you turn back to the document you had up.

None of your friends knew you wrote Spider-Man fanfiction, and you intend to keep it that way. Yes, they knew of the weird crush you had on the hero, as you would bring it up once in a while, but that’s it. If your friends found out what you did in your free time, you don’t know how they’d feel about you… especially Peter.

You knew Peter’s worked for Stark for quite awhile, and assumed he was quite familiar with Spider-Man and who he truly was. Every time you talked about Spider-Man and your crush on the hero, Peter would get very flustered, trying to say something positive about the hero, and even getting cocky about how awesome he was. It was kind of cute. You never wanted to ask him who was under the mask though, as to not seem nosy. But you secretly wish you could get some information from your good friend.

You know, just for story inspiration…

While Peter and Ned worked on physics, you continued to write about Trevor, and how he rescued you from the monster. After web-slinging away from the scene of the crime, Trevor put you down and took his mask off, revealing his true identity to you. With wide eyes, your character gasped at the sight of their high school crush in front of them. You started to write about how Trevor started to slowly lean in for a-

“Oh my god, are you writing Spider-Man fanfiction?”

Practically jumping from your seat and switching tabs on your laptop, you turn from your spot on the couch to see MJ staring at you wide-eyed, a glimmer in her eye. MJ practically shouted her question, definitely alarming everyone in Peter’s apartment. “W-what? No I-I was writing an essay that’s all…” You desperately try covering your tracks, palms sweating. You look over at the two boys to see Ned’s mouth wide open and Peter turning an intense shade of red.

MJ’s eyes narrow as she leans towards you and takes control of your laptop. You try to fight her, but she’s already pulled up your story and starts to read aloud. “(Y/N) couldn’t believe Trevor was standing in front of her with his mask off. He was a lot more ripped than she thought he was, and was completely mesmerized by his abs that practically popped out of his spider suit and the slight bulge that showed off his-“

You immediately slam your laptop shut. “WELL THAT'S ENOUGH!” You shout, feeling the world spinning around you. The embarrassment you felt was dreadful, but eventually, you calm down enough to notice both MJ and Ned laughing hysterically.

“Hey! It’s not funny!” You pout, hugging yourself tightly to hold in any dignity you had left.

“No, it’s not that,” Ned says wiping a tear from his eye. “I just had no idea people wrote fanfiction about Spider-Man.”

“I did,” MJ cuts in, still controlling her laughter. “I just didn’t think you’d be someone to write them (Y/N). Especially a self insert! Those are so cringy-.”

“MJ stop!” You practically beg. You knew MJ would judge you if she found out, so the reality of it was overwhelming.

Ned notices how uncomfortable you feel, and decides to step in. “Hey, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. MJ’s just insensitive sometimes.” He sends a cocky glance to her, one eyebrow raised.

MJ just rolls her eyes. “I just speak the truth.” She walks back to her spot on the floor and proceeds to finish her homework.

“Well, as I was saying,” Ned proceeds. “Fanfiction isn’t something you should feel ashamed about. I’ll admit I like to read Star Wars fanfics once in a while.” Ned sends you an assuring smile, relieving you of any tension you feel. “What about you Peter?” Ned asks, smacking the boy in the arm with a smirk.

Peter’s face is still red, and he looks like he’s lost in thought. Ned smacking him on the arm definitely startles him. “Wha-? Oh! Y-yeah, I don’t really know much about fanfiction in general, b-but I think it’s cool.” Peter sent you a shy smile, rubbing the back of his neck. Butterflies erupt in your stomach, and you could definitely tell you started blushing.

“So, how does writing Spider-Man fanfiction work?” Ned asks, his eyebrows raised. “Like do you know his identity or-.”

“Oh no, nothing like that!” You quickly say waving your hands. “I don’t know who he is at all. People just like to, ya know, make up stories of his civilian life.”

“Wait, really?” Peter says, suddenly becoming intrigued. “What do people think he’s like.”

You proceed to tell Peter and Ned about some of your favorite Spider-Man fanfictions and even some of the stories you’ve created. When telling them about your original character Trevor, the two boys asked you a ton of questions about his origins. If they were weirded out by your hobby, they didn’t show it at all. In fact, they seemed to really like Trevor and the craziness you made up for his life. They however did tease you when you talked about how you self inserted yourself into the stories, and MJ even snorted, indicating she was paying attention the whole time. Nevertheless, they didn’t make you feel any shame, and you started to wonder why you kept this such a hidden secret from them.

Everyone eventually starts working on homework again, and you switch gears to do the same. At one point, Ned and MJ left for home, leaving you and Peter alone. You pack your bag up to go home yourself, chatting with Peter about the upcoming classwork you weren’t looking forward to doing.

As you were getting ready to walk out his door, Peter stops you. “You know, I liked heading about your Spider-Man character.” He says with a cheeky grin.

Once again, you blush. “Oh, y-you did?”

“Yeah, I kind of want to read it.”

You turn away from him. “No! I’m not actually a good writer! I just do it for fun…”

“I doubt you’re a bad writer. And if anything, I can just go make a Tumblr account and find them myself.” Peter retorts, a mischievous grin on his face.

“I swear to God Peter.” You say, now laughing at how completely ridiculous this conversation is. You open his front door and are about to leave when something else occurs to you. “Hey Peter?”

“Hm?” Peter hums, looking up at you curiously.

“So, I know you work for Tony Stark and you probably know who Spider-Man is and all… c-can you please not tell him about how there’s fanfiction about him? I don’t know if that’d weird him out or not.”

Peter blinks rapidly, and starts laughing to himself. “Don’t worry. I won't tell him.”

You smile. “Oh! And please don’t tell him about me and this stupid crush I have on him!”

Peter couldn’t help but laugh more. “I promise (Y/N), I will not tell Spider-Man who you are.”

You nod awkwardly. “Okay?”

After hugging Peter, you left his apartment and start the short trek to your place. You couldn’t help but think that Peter’s behavior before you left was rather strange. However, while Peter laughed at you, you knew he didn’t mean any harm. Peter likes to tease you when it comes to your crush on Spider-Man, and now he has something else to tease you about. Nevertheless, Peter is one of the sweetest people you know, and you were so grateful that he didn’t think so poorly of you.

But you’ll be damned if he actually makes a Tumblr account to find your stories.

------------

-Peter Parker Tag List-

@sweetcoffeeblandtea // @house-arya // @jovialpeanut

-Permanent Tag List-

@mindset-jupiter // @romance-geek // @imcharishope // @fakindob // @cutiekoa // @wowursofunny

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #spiderman #spiderman homecoming #spiderman ffh #spiderman far from home #marvel #mcu #tom holland #Self Insert #dear-selena fanfiction

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waywardfacegarden · 6 years

Text

Broken Souls

I’m trying to post this on Ao3 but I have tried to do it like 50 times and it doesn’t get posted, so. Okay. I’m gonna post it here.

This is the first chapter of a multi-fic to my friend @lesbiankankuro!!! I love you girl!! Happy Birthday!! You’re awesome!!

Summary: Who says soulmates stories have to be perfect? Who says everything will work out since the beginning? Who says it won't be hard and tough all the way until you finally meet them and after you meet them? Who says it will be easy?

Sasuke and Naruto. The not so conventional soulmates. The pretty boy, misterious, full of secrets, hide under couples of shadows; the favorite between the girls, prodigy and survivor of the prestigious Uchiha family and The 2007 Tragedy. And the fool, clumsy, clown of the classroom, dead-last. The newbie that came to town too late and that no one knows why. Full of secrets too, full of demons too.Sounds like a pretty unmatched pair, doesn't it?Their story is not perfect, not even near. But they're perfect for each other.

In a world where, in some way, the cosmic dust (the space matter, the one that composes you, the one that mixes with each fiber of your being), is impregnated like ink on your skin when another person cries because, inexplicably, the chemicals in your brain are connected to that other person, meet Sasuke. Meet Naruto.

The story of two broken souls who need each other to heal.

The story of two broken boys who find each other and fall in love.

Notes: Hey! First of all, this fanfic is dedicated to my friend Rav! She is totally amazing and today is her birthday! So if I can’t go and see her to give her a hug or something, at least I tried to write something! I love you, dipshit, you know! Thanks for everything you've done for me and I really hope you enjoy this! It's a long journey and I really don’t know if I'm doing this right, but I really tried! You know you are super special to me!

This originally started as a one-shot but, lucky me, it became too long and tedious to write in a single chapter, so I decided to expand it and write a multi-chapter! My first, in fact! I have everything planned and some scenes from other chapters written already, especially the last one, so I hope to finish it and update very soon! I don’t think it will be longer than 5 chapters. I hope so. However, the updates may not be as fast as I hope they are, because the school starts in a week and totally consumes me and I usually need a lot of time to write a single chapter. I worked hard in a week of holidays to be able to finish this alone. So, if I'm late, I apologize in advance and I hope you have patience! Thank you very much for understanding!

Like I said, it's my first fanfic of several chapters so I'm not sure what I'm doing with this. It is a soulmate au, like it says in the tags, a very unconventional one since the center of the story is that, but at the same time it’s not. If that makes any sense, hah. The fic will be more focused on how their relationship grows until they both realize that, in fact, they are soulmates in this crazy world. It's in my style (though I feel like is very different from my usual stuff) and probably very lazy and boring at first (and along until the end) but well! Here it is! And I hope you enjoy it!

Thank you for reading! Let me know your opinion in the comments!

(Sidenote: I have not written for a long time, so I am very rusty, sorry for the rustic and coarse writing style, I hope to improve as I continue.)

Clarifications: I have no idea how the Japanese educational system works, neither a school in Japan, and, although I know I could certainly have researched, I was more comfortable handling the system in America, since it is more familiar to me. I hope it doesn’t bother you.

The school cycles managed here are semi-annual, as in my school, and they cover from August to December and from February to the beginning of June (based on my school located in Mexico, I apologize if there are confusions).

The name of the Annual Konoha Tournament is "will of fire" in Japanese, but because my Japanese is terrible and I have no knowledge of it I used a translator. Correct me if there is an error, thank you.

Obviously Konoha doesn’t exist in real life, but I have decided that in this world Konoha exists and is a semi-Asian county located in some state of America after the agreement made in the "Civil War of Japan" and vs USA in the Second War World in 1945. (Obviously all this is a mixture of real story and fiction /more fiction/ but I hope it's not confusing for any of you!)

Madara’s death (who dies before Hashirama) according to wiki is still unknown and there are no official dates, but I needed it to be by that date, so it was the one I used (this can be confusing but you will all know what I’m talking about when you start reading!)

Excuse my vague knowledge of sports and martial arts too. I did what I could.

The huge amount of parallels with the canon is because I love doing that, heh. I hope it doesn’t bother you and I hope there is not much ooc around here! I really tried to make it as close as possible to their characterization in canon!

Any question about something that is not understandable is received! I'll gladly answer unless I know it's a spoiler! Thanks again for reading!Oh! And! Also! English is not my first language and this not beta-it, so. Sorry for any grammar mistakes guys! I tried my best!

Prologue.

Around the world, along with the time, there have been said and discussed endless things about the soulmates. It is talked about in science, mathematics, astronomy and its respective branches. Spiritually or even religiously. Is talked about energy, the universe, the cosmos. About atoms, chemicals, magnetism. How it is mathematically and scientifically impossible, even stupid. Is talked about angels and souls and reincarnations. About other worlds and parallel universes and particles. About other lives, past lives, cosmic or spiritual or astral connections. Is talked about the creation of the world. About God.

It is explained or refuted by crazy and gimmicky and outlandish and incoherent theories and ramblings. They shout and murmur arguments and essays and thousands of letters and facts and words and ideas.

The truth is, though, the concept of soulmates is controversial. Credible, not credible. Coherent, logical, inexplicable. Crazy, stupid, meaningless, wonderful.

It's all those things.

A soulmate is a crazy concept. Wild. Brilliant. Wonderful. Unbelievable.

But it exists.

In a world.

In this world.

Unpredictable. Crazy. Inexplicable. Probably even ridiculous.

But possible.

Not everyone has one.

A soulmate.

Others have it but it died a long time ago. Years ago.

Others have it and it still is not born when they come into the world.

Others have two.

Sometimes, soulmates don’t like each other like that; but they work, they connect, in another way. They have a role in each other’s lives. They are attracted to each other and they turn and dance around for their whole life until they meet because they work like a magnetic field and powdered iron.

It's complicated.

It's not as easy as they paint it in the movies.

Comments fly and they become dust and travel and the world hears them.

“You don’t understand your soulmate all the time and it doesn’t work as you always think.” They say. “Sometimes it is not what you expect. Sometimes it is much more complicated than it seems. Sometimes they just don’t connect the way you would want them to. Sometimes life revolves and they die and you never get to see each other.” They whisper. They scream.

Sometimes you two never meet.

It's strange.

It's hard.

It's new and it turns your stomach in a knot and you feel your head spinning and you feel on the peak of a cliff about to fall.

It is much deeper than a simple word or concept or explanation allows you to see.

A soulmate is not exactly what you want. It is what you need.

It is the gift of the universe to you.

Naruto longs for a soulmate.

With all the problems.

With all the smiles and laughter.

With everything.

Ero Sennin tells him stories about soulmates all the time. He tells him how it feels to have one and how it feels the ink that bathes your skin. He shows him the flowers that fill his wrists and dance between his fingers. He tells him how his parents were kindred spirits and shows him pictures of them smiling side by side.

Naruto asks questions. Naruto observes.

Naruto looks at how he looks at Baa-chan with dreamy, dazzling and dancing eyes and doesn’t understand it at all. He looks at him as he smiles at her with soft edges and looks perhaps too long at the way she picks up her hair or the way she sits or the way she laughs. He looks at him while he keeps looking at her while she is not looking back.

He silently watches him as he pursues her and tries to make her laugh. He watches him try so hard.

He watches him smile brightly as he looks at his flowers.

And he looks while Baa-chan only looks sad when looking at hers.

Distant. Taciturn.

He looks and doesn’t understand it.

Until he does.

Years later.

The first time his soulmate cries, the sky does too.

The first time his skin fills with swirls of colors and the ink marks his right wrist with delicate strokes, the sky is screaming.

It rains outside. It rains like it hasn’t rained in months. The sky is dark and the clouds dance in the sky like giant cottons bathed in a pale gray. It's raining and Naruto is only five years old and the world revolves a little around him.

He can feel it burn on his skin. The way the ink burns and itches on the back of his wrist. It hurts a little. Not too much, but enough to notice. It leaves a stinging after the flower is outlined on his skin. The petals touching part of his hand, the center at the point where it connects with his arm.

It is bright blue.

It is pretty.

His soulmate should be very pretty too.

His first flower is a rose.

A blue rose.

His knees sting a little when he falls into the ground. There are tears that threaten to fall on the edge of his eyes, and everything looks very blurry, but Naruto rubs his small fist hard on his eyelids and forces himself not to let them fall. He pushes himself to his feet and two seconds later there is a foot that is pushing him back towards the ground.

There is laughter around him and the children say cruel things as they kick the dirt out of the yard in his face, in his eyes.

Everything is very blurry. And it hurts. On his chest, on the trail of blood that falls on his knees. But more than anything, he is angry.

Naruto screams back, Naruto screams back as they laugh at him, but the others don’t listen to it. He screams, the anger bubbling in the back of his throat, because it bothers him, because it's unfair, and because he's going to kick everybody's ass, they're going to see, he's going to—

They laugh at him.

They laugh and laugh and laugh and the laughter echoes inside the walls of his mind and it hurts.

It hurts, and it bothers him that it hurts.

He keeps screaming even when the kids have left, with their mocking smiles and their faces of disgust and their eyes that reject him, that judge him, that consume him.

And it hurts, but it is more anger (that burns, that ravages everything inside of him) than pain.

He clenches his fists, he stands up. The kids are no longer there but his face still has dirt and the warm blood continues to slide slowly below his knees.

Adults who walk around send him harsh, disgusted looks over their shoulders, as if he were something unpleasant in the middle of their path.

They don’t help him.

They never do.

And he comes home with a new scratch and a new bruise and more pain and anger that makes a hole in his chest and rumbles throughout his body. And there is the angry look on Baa-chan’s face, not with him, but with others, dying in concern as she carefully cleans his wounds. There is Ero-sennin again, trying to smile without the smile reaching his eyes.

And it happens again.

And again and again and again and again.

For a long time, Naruto doesn’t understand why everyone looks at him that way. With disdain, with mockery, with disgust.

He doesn’t understand why they hate him.

He didn’t do anything, did he?

For a long time, Naruto feels angry. Feels pain.

The world is hard. It makes you fall and it drags you on your feet a couple of times.

Naruto knows it since an early age. He savors it in his mouth.

But if there is something that Baa-chan and Ero-sennin have taught him, if there is something that his own spirit has taught him, it is to keep his head held high. It is to resist breaking, even when the world is breaking you with everything it has to push you down.

So he does it. He gets up again and fights back and doesn’t cry in front of others, even if it hurts.

Over time, he also stops crying in solitude.

Over time, he learns to not feel so alone. He learns to never give up.

The second flower appears in his skin when he’s six years old. It is painted on his left arm this time, just right in the inner elbow.

It is also blue.

It is also beautiful.

There is a shower, a spate of flowers a few months after he’s seven years old.

On his back, on his stomach, on his shoulders, on one of his collarbones.

They are all blue. Of different sizes, different petals, different pain.

They are all beautiful and pretty too.

The shower of flowers stops when he turns eight.

No flower even shows up again.

Not in weeks, not in months, not in years.

Until it does again.

When he’s fifteen.

Looking back, Sasuke always had something that attracted Naruto in an almost inexplicable way. Whether it was in a negative or positive way, there was always something about him that caught Naruto's attention as the magnet attracted the metal. Since the beginning. And looking back again, Naruto seemed to attract Sasuke somehow as well. Both circulating and dancing around each other even without the other knowing, consciously and unconsciously.

So maybe it's not that weird. Maybe a part of him always knew and the other was denying it.

"Baka, that's my seat!" When Naruto looks up, with his chin still resting on his crossed arms in the desk, he meets some familiar, pretty, big green eyes and soft pink hair falling in waves behind thin shoulders.

"Sakura!" He can hear the tinge of hope, happy and sparkling, tinting his own voice as he raises his head to where she is crouching. Her green eyes move with annoyance towards him and her crossed arms tighten on her chest as she begins to rattle the ground with one of her feet. It's an habit she has when she's irritated, Naruto knows it.

"I said, you're in my seat, baka, move."

Naruto is about to answer about how beautiful she looks with that new ribbon when a shrill voice echoes behind them.

"Excuse me, did I hear well? Did you say that this is your seat? It seems that your big forehead is finally affecting you, Sakura, because I think that's my seat."

Sakura raises her eyes to where the blonde girl looks at her with a mocking smile behind him. Naruto can see the murderous aura that begins to emerge in wisps of steam out of her; one of her strands of pink hair falling carelessly over her face. His long fingers twitch in fists at the sides of her body and Naruto hears her growl "Ino" in a tone that reminds him of long nails making contact when sweeping over a chalk board and (as much as he did not want to compare the girl of his dreams with an animal) probably to the low growl that a wolf or lion makes when it has located its prey (or in other words: strident, dangerous, a little alarming) before leaning over Naruto's head and clash her forehead with the other girl’s, who continues smiling, without flinching in the least.

"This is my seat, Ino-pig."

"I don’t see your name written on it."

It's amazing how one's voice can sound so annoying and the other so sparkling. Ino seems to enjoy every time she makes Sakura angry. She even seems happier now that she has a smoking Sakura a centimeter from her face. Her blue eyes shine amused.

"Ugh," Sakura groans. "You only want it because I want it! What is your problem?"

Ino does not take her eyes off of her. Her smile does not waver, not even a little, but it takes a more crooked turn when she says:

"You only want it because Sasuke is next to it."

At the mention of the bastard, Naruto collapses a little on his seat. Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke. Why does everything have to do with him? Why would someone want to sit next to him? Why does Sakura want to sit next to him? What does everyone see in him?

"Hey! If they are fighting for the place next to Sasuke, then I got here first, so technically..." begins to say a girl whom Naruto does not remember her name.

"I arrived before you! The place next to Sasuke is mine then!"

Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke.

What the hell do the girls see in him?

Naruto keeps thinking, annoyed, and doesn’t realize that he has stood up and is grunting inconsistencies between his teeth until Sasuke's dark eyes look straight at him.

Huh? Why is him so close? When did he get there? Why is he in front of Sasuke's seat so suddenly? When did he stand up?

Stupid Sasuke. It makes his brain stop working well.

"Any problem, dobe?"

The way he says the nickname is almost condescending, and that's another problem (another, besides his stupid hair with the shape of a duck tail and his stupid pretty-boy-face and his stupid eyes that are always looking at you like he’s better than you and his countless list of stupid things in which, in fact, he was better than him, the bastard), Sasuke likes to provoke him. He likes to make him angry. For some reason. What is, if not, the explanation that he is always calling him silly nicknames and showing off that he is better than him in everything? (Because yes, he does show off that he is better than him. Someone can’t be that perfect at everything and not expect that the worst in class to notice and humiliate himself in front of everyone. Sasuke had to be winning in everything in order to make him feel bad, is obvious.)

"Teme..." he growls, hands hard on his desk as he leans towards him. He challenges him with his eyes. He does not even know what he's exactly challenging him to, but he must be challenging something, right? That's what rivals do. And Sasuke is Naruto's rival self-proclaimed by Naruto himself, so yes, he must be challenging him to something, whatever it is.

But of course, Sasuke doesn’t even back up a bit. Not an inch, not a millimeter, and his eyes are implacable, inflexible, untamable. They don’t give in or falter or hesitate; fixed on him as if they want to engrave something there where they look.

"Naruto! Stop looking at Sasuke like that!"

"Baka! Get away from him!"

"Teach him a lesson, Sasuke!"

Naruto barely registers the voices that scream and begin to explode around him when they realize the fight of looks in which they are. For some reason, the only thing he can focus on is Sasuke and the feeling that begins to flow through his veins, through his skin. It happens every time he has to compete with the bastard. It's strange. In addition to the irritation and annoyance and anger that he makes him feel... Sasuke also lights that other thing inside of him. The adrenaline. Raw and hot that begins to bubble inside of him. That makes him want to fight and compete with him all the time.

But then. Then it happens.

The detonator.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I hit you?"

Pulling the trigger.

Everything stops. Because Sasuke is right in front of him and Naruto moves so fast until he closes the small distance between them and collides with him.

And they kiss.

It lasts a very short time (although little more than acceptable, but he was surprised, okay? Give him a break) and is clumsy and without technique and Sasuke's lips are cracked against his own (points for getting something in which he is not perfect, points less for the way he got it). You can see his eyes expand a fraction before returning to his normal size, and his lashes flap, long, of the color of ink, above his pale eyelids. His skin is very pale.

The room is silent. Cloudy silence.

The kind of silence that is there before a storm breaks out.

The kind of calm is there before a hurricane.

And there is a hurricane.

The moment they manage to react, the moment Naruto manages to make his brain work again and break back (too fast, too abrupt. No lying, his neck actually cracks a bit), everything is still, as if any sudden movement can break the fragile ice on which they hang.

Sasuke looks at him.

He does not seem angry or annoyed or irritated or happy or... nothing.

He just looks at him. Stares at him.

And Naruto swears he seems a bit surprised, even confused, but before he can discern what might be going through his head, the murderous aura that he felt emanate from Sakura's pores a few moments ago comes back in waves much stronger and falls straight on him. His skin bristles.

Looking to the side, a group of girls are looking at him as if they want to tear off every limb of his body and eat it later.

Sakura is in the center.

The warning of danger that begins to ring loudly in his brain is enough to break— anything strange that was there before.

"Naruto! I should have been Sasuke's first kiss!"

Oh no.

And for some reason, that is just the moment when things start to change.

Don’t misunderstand. Sasuke was already an annoying, smug bastard with a stupid hairstyle before the kiss, but now Naruto feels that weird thing in his stomach every time he is too close to him.

Is annoying.

It makes him more angry.

He supposes that it is disgust in some way, because that kiss was Sakura's. Sasuke had no right to take it.

But whatever it is, whatever it was, Sasuke is his first kiss, and that irritates him (maybe much more than it should) a lot.

Sasuke Uchiha is his first kiss.

Just thinking about it stirs his stomach strangely.

God damn.

Sasuke is already better than him in everything (in the classes, in P.E., in the art club, the martial arts club, the literature club… even his eyesight is better, his stupid eyes that can see the letters of the poster on the other side of the soccer field), even if it costs him and it bothers him to admit it.

Did he also have to take this from him?

That bastard.

Iruka sensei hates him.

It's a fact, and it hurts, because Naruto believed that Iruka was one of the few teachers who really treated him well and even appreciated him. (He even took him to lunch at Ichiraku the first time he got a B on one exam. No one teacher had ever done that except him.)

Naruto trusted him.

He was wrong.

It's not like that. Iruka sensei hates him, and the day Naruto realizes it is the day when Iruka sensei commits the greatest possible betrayal.

The day he assigns the teams for the final science project of that year. The project that is worth 90% of his final grade and the project that, if he doesn’t pass with at least a C, he will have to repeat the school year.

Yes, the tragic day when Iruka sensei betrays his trust.

"... Team Six is..." He is saying, with his soothing voice echoing in the room, while Naruto thinks, still without knowing about the utter betrayal, "Awesome! He hasn’t named Sakura-chan yet, so he can still put me on the same team as her. I hope I’m with her. Really! With her and... well, it doesn’t really matter, as long as is not Sasuke."

"… Team seven is Uzumaki Naruto," he continues, breaking Naruto's thoughts for a moment. Hope bubbles within him and then, "... Haruno Sakura ..." Yes! Believe it! Naruto raises his hands in his seat while Sakura's head falls. Naruto doesn’t pay attention to it even if she is in front of him because he is busy celebrating in his head. Iruka sensei is the best! Iruka sensei loves me! Iruka sensei is...! (wait for it) "... And Uchiha Sasuke." (There it is, betrayal.) Iruka sensei hates me! He thinks, as he deflates in his seat, while Sakura jumps in front of him.

"Yes! In your face Ino!" She shouts, pointing a finger at the girl who just looks at her with crossed arms and rolls her eyes.

Iruka sensei gestures for Sakura to sit down. She obeys, and he is about to continue naming the teams, but Naruto gets up from his seat and points an accusing finger at the boy who seems as imperturbable as ever, with his hands joined in front of his mouth in an annoying habit that he has.

The dark eyes look at him out of the corner of his eye and his eyebrow raises a little, and that makes Naruto even more irritate.

"Naruto..."

"Iruka sensei!" He interrupts. "Why do I have to be on the same team with a liver like him?!"

Immediately, before the professor can silence them, the comments begin to float around him.

"Liver?"

"He doesn’t even know how to insult properly."

"I would like to eat liver. The one my mom prepares is..."

"How troublesome."

"What a fool he is."

"Sasuke doesn’t deserve to be on the same team as him."

"Tch."

Iruka seems about to collapse when he rubs the temples of his head with one hand and asks for silence.

"Naruto," he says, in a tone of sermon-activated, (as if he was not the one to blame for Naruto fair complains), "Sasuke had the best grade the last partial, and you had the worst..." there are giggles around him when he says, but Iruka continues anyway, "... I did it like that so it would be balanced."

Naruto stays there, gaping before dropping into his seat again, resigned. Growling low in his throat, complaining about stupid pretty boys with better grades than him.

So yes, Iruka sensei hates him. Because there's no way he can appreciate Naruto and put him on the same team as him. It's like putting Sakura and Ino together. It’s just wrong in every single possible way.

Sasuke, Sakura and he meet for the first time in the school library at five in the afternoon, two days after Iruka announced the teams, to start working on their science project.

Sakura is already sitting there when Naruto comes in (he recognizes her shiny hair in an instant), in a chair on the table next to the shelf with the letter F and the huge window on one side of the wall. She has her hair pulled back in a cherry-colored ribbon and a pink dress that matches her hair. His bright green eyes look up from the thick book she is reading when she hears the footsteps approaching.

There is no trace of Sasuke.

Naruto waves at her. She frowns.

"Saku..."

"You're late," she says, squeezing her fingers into the book she holds while Naruto drops into the chair next to her.

He wrinkles his nose.

"Sasuke is not here either!" Naruto says, indignant, because it's true. "I arrived…!"

"Silence!" The librarian shouts at him from the space she peeks out in counter. The voice is strong and authoritative. Naruto shrugs back in his seat.

"... earlier." He completes, in a quieter voice, though he still has a frown on his face.

Sakura rolls her eyes. "Sasuke is not late, he's just..."

"Did you find what I asked for, Sakura?" Interrupts a familiar voice behind him. Naruto turns around to stick out his tongue, but Sasuke ignores him anyway with not more than a little frown.

Sakura stutters a little.

"I— uh— I was looking for it but..."

"It's okay." Sasuke sits in the other chair and opens the book he's carrying in his hands. He pushes it a little towards the center so that his two classmates can see it.

The title “How to make an electromagnet?” is read with cursive letters in the cover. Naruto grimaces. Too complicated. How does Sasuke expect him to pass if he doesn’t even understand what they're supposed to do?

"I was explaining to Sakura that as we are seeing atmospheric or natural phenomena the teacher asked for an experiment on that. I thought maybe..."

"Magnets are not natural things! I'm not that stupid!"

"Dobe..."

"Don’t interrupt Sasuke, Naruto!"

"But…!"

"Silence!" Is heard on the other side of the room.

Sakura and Naruto shrink, Sasuke grimaces.

"As I was saying, I was thinking that we could make a tornado of fog or sand in a container. It is not as complicated as it seems, but for that we need to make an electromagnet first. Sakura thought it was okay, but..."

"You're not even asking for my opinion!"

"Lower your voice, baka, and stop arguing with Sasuke." Sakura hisses.

Sasuke pulls his lips to the side. Frowns. He looks irritated. "Hn. It's fine, dobe, what..."

"Don’t call me that! I'm not a loser! You think I’m one but I’m not!"

"Naruto! Lower your voice!"

"But Sakura, he..."

"Just say your idea, baka, he just said he’s going to listen to it. Even if it's stupid," she says, sounding irritated.

Sasuke glances at her.

Naruto grimaces.

"Well, wouldn’t it be easier to make just a volcano or something?"

"That idea is stupid, Naruto. Stop being so useless."

Naruto collapses a little on the table. His voice comes out as a hurt mutter when he speaks. "That hurts, Sakura-chan..."

"Well, it's the truth!" She says, with the same tinge of irritation bathing the edge of her voice.

Sasuke frowns. He looks at Sakura as if he wanted to say something to her, but he squeezes his lips and looks at Naruto instead.

"That idea is very basic, dobe. Is probably most in the classroom would do it."

"So what? What really matters is that we do the best one, not how many there are! You'll see, Uzumaki Naruto will make the best volcano that...!"

"Ugh, Naruto, you're so loud," Sakura complains. "Why do you never listen to Sasuke-kun? He…"

Naruto collapses back in the seat. Sasuke actually seems a little annoyed at the way Sakura starts talking too sweet and squeaky and leans towards him.

"Sakura, that's enough, you're also as annoying as he is. Probably more." He says, in an irritated tone.

She recoils from where she is clinging into his arm, her lips twisted down, her cheeks turning red. If it was not because her eyes are shining as if she were about to cry and her expression was so hurt, Naruto would be or laughing at how the Great Awesome Sasuke Uchiha lost his control and reacted like an common irritated teenager or complaining because he just said he was annoying (not as if it's something new for Naruto, he knows that Sasuke thinks he's annoying anyway, they have a lot of clubs together and every time Naruto calls him a bastard or an idiot, Sasuke responds with dobe or clumsy or irritating or, worst of all, one which he doesn’t even know what it means, usuratonkachi, what kind of people say such long insults?), but he will not do either of them because Sakura is about to cry.

"Bastard..." he growls, as he watches Sakura starting to cry. Sasuke raises an eyebrow at him, "what kind of...!"

Before he can throw himself at him, there is something holding him from behind. He starts throwing fists in the air trying to break free. Sasuke keeps looking at him as if he expected him to suddenly get free and start attacking him. Sakura wipes her eyes, she looks embarrassed, and immediately says:

"Sorry, Naruto is..." She starts, but something in the lady's face must stop her, because she closes her lips and bends her head in apology.

"I want you three out of the library."

"But...!" Naruto starts to protest.

"Out."

Sasuke and Sakura collect their things while the librarian takes Naruto's backpack with one hand and drags him with the other.

"Look what you did, Naruto!" Sakura shouts, when they are already outside.

"He started it!"

"Hn."

"Bastard!"

"Stop being so vulgar, Naruto!"

Their first time as a team does not start very well.

That same afternoon, while the shower water runs through his skin and Naruto can carefully inspect every corner of his body, he realizes something.

Sakura cried that same day.

Sakura cried that same day and Naruto doesn’t have any new flowers painted on her skin.

Sakura is not her soulmate.

It hurts a little more than it should.

The next day, Ino doesn’t stop looking at Sakura throughout the class. It's strange. In a way, it's like she knows what happened. Naruto wonders if Sakura talked to her about it.

He watches her carefully all day anyway, because he doesn’t know his intentions and Sakura has cried just yesterday, she doesn’t need someone else being rude to her.

Sakura may not be her soulmate, but Naruto still likes her, a lot, and he will do anything to keep her away from feeling bad. He knows that, from the bottom of his heart.

That same afternoon, they meet again in the library.

They argue again.

Sakura doesn’t cry this time, but Sasuke and Naruto argue so loudly that the people at other tables begin to shut them up. (More like Naruto screaming and Sasuke saying "hn" every time, which irritates him even more).

They are taken out of the library again.

The third time, they decide to start doing the work outside the library this time, instead of inside.

It makes things improves a little. At least this time they are already outside.

March arrives and with it comes the beautiful and fresh spring and, with it, the famous annual event of Konoha: The Martial Arts Demonstration Tournament "火の意志". Name inspired by the spirit and soul with which the co-founders of Konoha (and also founders of the event) worked, Hashirama Senju and Madara Uchiha.

The Academy, where he studies, is well known for its high scores and for the biggest number of first places won of all the schools that participate in the event at a state level.

Each year, the event is recorded and televised by ESPN and other channels and sports chains on April 16, in honor of the day one of the founders died. It is seen and known throughout the country, broadcast even on several foreign channels. It is an important event where students of second and third and last grade usually participate in order to obtain scholarships or be more recognized in the industry of this type of sports.

Naruto knows that his godfather Jiraiya participated in Japan's famous Civil War when he was younger, before starting with his trivial and stereotypical saga of adult novels (no, Tsunade, it's not cheap and denigrating pornography, it's high class literature with scenes that explore sexuality openly) just like his parents in their last years before moving to America. He was a trained ninja who fought against and beside wise samurai who trained him hard. It's something that Naruto always aspired to be when he was a child and Ero-Sennin told him stories of his adventures and his amazing, big deeds and feats with Baa-chan and the old man who likes snakes. The three of them were (and are) literally legends who fought on the fronts and saw the best and worst things in the war. Known as classic war heroes: a talented young man with deadly skills, knowledge of someone who you would think has lived a hundred years, strategic, a little cruel, sinister and mysterious; a diplomat, beautiful, incredibly strong and intelligent kunoichi with the most impressive medical knowledge and skills; and finally a kind and charismatic young man, famous among women, strong and clever and cunning. Peace symbols known among all clans. The three born leaders. The three forts. The Big Three. Veterans. Survivors. Now a successful businessman, the head running behind the Department of Hospitals all around the state and a famous writer. His own father was a student of Ero-Sennin and was known as The Yellow Flash since his very early beginnings for his speed, and fast strategic plans that guided his side to victory in the last years of war. His mother, Kushina, was known as well as the "Red Hot-Blooded Habanero". She was a general of troops; she was intense, passionate, impulsive, strong and temperamental, along with a lot of other things. She had a record of battles won as well.

In other words, Naruto carries it in his blood. The action. The passion for Martial Arts. He always enjoyed watching the tournament on television, even from a very young age, and since he moved to Konoha last year he has been training hard at the martial arts club for it.

Being born from the coolest people doesn’t mean that he was born with the skills, though, even if he had the blood and the potential. Naruto is clumsy and absent-minded and lose focus very fast. But he is more determined than everyone in his class. He’s stubborn and strong and smarter than he is given credit for. Since the beginning, he has trained harder than anyone to improve. To prove himself. To prove that he can be better than everyone, even Sasuke. And from being absolutely lousy, he feels he has an opportunity to be selected in the tournament this time.

Usually, first-year students are considered novices, and because of that, they are not allowed to participate, but this year is the 100th anniversary, and (as in the previous year) they will make an exception if they are good enough to be qualified in the internal preliminaries.

Naruto seriously wants to take the opportunity.

Last year he was a novice, he was new, and his technique was fatal, but now he has improved a lot.

He feels ready for it.

So when his eccentric professor in a too-flashy green leotard passes them a list at the club that afternoon to sign up those who want to be in the preliminaries, Naruto does not hesitate a second to write down his name. His careless calligraphy is just below the neat, clean handwriting that paints the name "Sasuke Uchiha." Hah.

After the class is over, the teacher reads the names that are written on the list and makes them stay a moment later to give them a motivational speech. He gives them a thumb up and speaks too loudly while there are tears in his eyes and gives a speech about the "passionate and flourishing youth of Konoha". Naruto doesn’t understand most of what he says, but he appreciates it.

He feels motivated, in fact.

However, things go awry.

As he is leaving the gym, he can hear the annoying, noisy and scandalous voice of the dirty, careless, dog-loving Kiba Inuzuka barking (yes, barking) derisively:

"So the loser decided to sign up? You're stupider than I thought, Uzumaki."

Naruto clenches his fists as he turns to face him.

"I'm going to kick your ass, dog's breath!"

Kiba smiles with his sharp teeth and mocks him. "If you go against me, you're going to wish that you never wrote your name on that thing." He says, and laughs. He turns around before Naruto can even answer, and Naruto clenches his fists and feels his anger boil inside of him.

"I’ll show you how wrong you are!" He shouts.

Kiba laughs again, without turning around, and makes a sign in the air with his hand, as if he is belittling Naruto's threat, as if he didn’t give a damn. It makes Naruto boil even more. "You’ll see!" He roars. He turns around and looks at some of his teammates, including Sasuke Uchiha watching. "All of you!" He shouts. "And you too, bastard! Even more than everyone here! I will kick your ass!" He threats, pointing his finger and pressing the tip into his chest. Sasuke doesn’t back down at all, (no surprise), even if Naruto's face is very close to his. His eyes look down at Naruto's finger, and then they go up to look at him straight in the eyes. He raises an eyebrow. His mouth curves a bit.

"Tch. All right, moron." He says, as if Naruto’s words were nothing.

Naruto frowns. Why do they all act as if his threats were empty? Like they didn’t care at all? Like he couldn’t...?

"All right." Naruto says.

The half-smile of the bastard only twists a little. "Hn."

If Naruto didn’t know him well, if Naruto didn’t know how much of an idiot he is... The way he looks at him... Sasuke almost seems to be paying attention to him. He almost seems to accept Naruto's threat. He almost seems... Like he’s defying him too. Huh.

"I’ll show you all!"

And with that, Naruto walks away down the hall.

Conversations explode even before he takes two steps.

"You cannot be in the same place without fighting for two minutes?"

"Tch. How troublesome."

"Shikamaru, can we go to the barbecue on the way out? Mom gave me money to ..."

Naruto boils.

I'll teach you. I’ll show you. You all will see.

The next time they meet after the announcement of the tournament, Sakura can’t attend. "An event from her mother," she says, looking a little embarrassed as she clutches her hands shyly and says it more to Sasuke than Naruto.

Since they have a late martial arts club that afternoon, they decide to stay two hours in the gym after school.

Their work is still a disaster, but at least they have agreed on the project. It will be the tornado of fog. Naruto has reluctantly agreed with many of the points that Sasuke mentioned. And Sakura agreed with him since the beginning.

As bad as the bastard is, and as much as he pisses him off, he's actually good at organizing. For some reason, he knows Naruto better than he thought and gives him tasks that are complex but simple to perform for him. Or simpler than other tasks would be at least.

Sakura, on the other hand, is an innate and good researcher to get materials from different sources, and Sasuke has assigned her many tasks that she has successfully accomplished.

It isn’t finished, nor even close to completion, but they still have time. So things at least have a beginning.

They don’t talk a lot. Sasuke is sitting cross-legged on the first step of the bleachers, buried in a thick-volume book called Science for Beginners and taking notes from time to time in a notebook that he has by his side. He bites the tip of the pencil between his teeth, rotates it between his fingers. His hair falls on his forehead. He is silent. And Naruto is too busy doing... his part, to be talking. It’s not like he’s too distracted seeing him, of course not. Why would he do that? Because Sasuke Uchiha actually does something human and bites his pencil? Pfft. No.

They are alone in the huge gym, with the murmur of the voices of the corridors around them and the echo of the sole of Naruto's shoes striking the floor while he is in charge of reading the chapter that Sasuke told him. They are alone; probably less than one meter away from the other when there is too much space in the gym.

They are alone and it is... much less... chaotic than Naruto thought it would be. Of what probably his whole class thought it would be. And it's not exactly nice, but not unpleasant either. It's at a neutral point, he guesses. Somehow, Naruto thinks, he must have gotten used to Sasuke's company after all those afternoons outside the library, because Naruto doesn’t feel like fighting so much with him this time. Because the silence that surrounds them is almost soothing.

"Hey, teme." He says as he turns and rests his feet on the second step, his head hanging upside down to the floor.

Sasuke looks up from where he has his head stuck in the pages of the book, and the black, long fringes at the sides of his face fall delicately on his cheekbones.

Naruto drops the book he's reading on his stomach and nibbles at the nourishing bar with chocolate chips that, in fact, doesn’t taste as bad as he thought it would (in fact, it's very sweet), and that Sasuke gave him at the beginning of the session because, yes, dobe, you need to eat something so you can work better and don’t fall behind; and, I’m sure you didn’t even have breakfast, did you?

Let Sasuke Uchiha be the mother hen type of friend. Huh. Who would have guessed. Not that they are friends or anything. He just tolerates him more. Just that. That’s all.

Bastard, do you think you can tell Naruto Uzumaki what to do? If the bar didn’t taste so good, I would not even have touched it to begin with.

"Dobe. Are you going to tell me something or...?"

Right.

"Do you think we will have to fight each other on the preliminaries?" He doesn’t know why, but the question has been spinning around in his head. The sole idea makes him excited.

Sasuke's mouth twists a little. He raises his eyebrow. "I don’t know." Then he adds, in a tone that sounds a lot like a mockery. "Why? Are you scared of me?"

Naruto snorts, throws his arms in the air. "Of course not. If anything happens and we actually fight, I'll sweep the floor with your stupid mop hair, you cocky bastard."

Sasuke raises his other eyebrow. "I thought it was a duck's tail."

"It can be both."

"Hn."

"Anyway, if we face it, it's obvious that I'm going to win. And afterwards, you'll have to admit that I'm better than you in every possible way. Because I am. And then, the whole school will have to do it, because Uzumaki Naruto has just got left the famous Uchiha Sasuke out of competition. And…"

Sasuke snorts. "Famous? I didn’t know you held me in such high esteem."

Naruto frowns as he bites the bar. He mumbles between his teeth, "Cocky bastard."

And then Sasuke Uchiha smiles (rather, smirks, but still) and says something that, somehow, goes inside Naruto's brain and breaks it.

"Good." He says, ignoring Naruto's insult, and as if he's not just going to say the thing that's going to put Naruto’s stomach up to jump a lot, later. "Whatever it is, I just want to know if I’m strong enough or not. To know the answer, I really want to fight the strongest ones. I've seen you train lately. The truth is, I want to fight you too."

Holy.

Ramen.

Naruto blinks as his eyes focus on the ceiling. His mouth hangs a little open even before he realizes it.

Does that mean that Sasuke recognizes him as a rival, that Sasuke Uchiha believes he is strong enough and worthy of fighting with him?

For some reason, that fills him with happiness from the tip of his feet to the tip of his head.

He doesn’t stop smiling after that for a long time.

"Kiba Inuzuka vs. Naruto Uzumaki" is written on the printed sheet stuck on the door of the gym, a week before the preliminaries, just below "Shino Aburame vs. Sasuke Uchiha".

That explains the disdainful smile that Kiba gave him this morning.

Kiba is strong, he is very strong, and Naruto knows it.

"I'm going to kick your ass, dog's breath!"

But Naruto Uzumaki never goes back on his word. He’ll show him.

He’ll show everyone.

It is a promise.

He trains. Hard. For a long time. In the evenings. Every day. In the mornings on weekends. He strives. More than anyone.

"I want to fight you too." Sasuke's voice echoes in his head, over and over and over and over again.

For some reason, it gives him more energy and strength to continue.

Three days before the preliminaries, when Naruto is arriving at their usual table outside the library, Sasuke and Sakura are already there. Which is not very strange or unusual, but this time, Sasuke and Sakura are talking, and it seems to be about something important.

Sasuke looks serious, and Sakura looks embarrassed. At least, she is blushing.

Are they talking about something romantic?

Naruto's heart rolls over in his chest. In a bad way.

On the other hand, Sakura always blushes when she's with Sasuke, so... It can't be... She... They can't... That is...

Naruto's heart rumbles in his chest. Hard. And it hurts more with each step he takes.

However, the pain doesn't last that long, because now that he remembers it, Sakura had that exactly same expression when she was about to cry the previous time that Sasuke told her she was annoying.

Holy... Naruto swears over all the delicious ramen in the world that if Sasuke makes her cry again he will...

"Oh, Naruto, hi!" Sakura says, her green eyes focusing on his.

Sasuke goes silent immediately.

Naruto looks at him. Then at Sakura. And back. And back.

"Is everything okay?" He asks, and Sakura smiles at her, almost shy, almost embarrassed.

"Oh, yes, of course, I... Sasuke and I were just talking about the advantages of using a new material in the fan holder that the device will have. You know, because the other material can get wet with the fog and ruin the project."

Naruto frowns. "Okay," he says, as if it isn't.

She smiles wider. "Seriously, thanks for worrying Naruto, but everything is fine."

Everything is fine.

Okay.

Okay, everything is fine. He will believe her. For this time.

Two days before the preliminaries, a miracle happens, because when it is five o'clock in the afternoon and Naruto starts putting his things back in his backpack to finally leave to his home, Sakura turns to him, him, Uzumaki Naruto, not Sasuke, and says:

"Hey, Naruto, do you think we can go home together? It's okay if you can't, but I've seen that you take the same path as me, so until we deviate, it would be fine if we go together, don't you think?"

Naruto stops, his science notebook half way into his backpack, and turns to see her. He blinks.

"Really?" He says, grinning. He is sure that his eyes are shining too.

Sakura smiles, her eyes soft. "Yes, really," she says, while nodding.

When they start walking, she seems like she wants to say something to him, but she stops and lets Naruto speak instead. She is friendly and listens to the conversation and asks questions from time to time, although she doesn't talk that much. She smiles, many times, but she seems a little distant, nervous.

Naruto wonders if something happened. Maybe.

Maybe not.

Sakura does not mention anything, and even if he wants to ask about it, he doesn't. He gives her space. If she really has something she needs to say, she will do it. When she feels good or comfortable enough to.

The next day, at the end of their work session, Sakura wishes both of them good luck for tomorrow.

The preliminaries are exclusively for members of the school, of all grades, and only those who are in the club can participate in them, but those who want to go and watch can do it if the date doesn't interrupt with their class schedule. Sakura tells them that she is going to go and support them both. She mentions that they should all go to the gym together, to give each other mutual support, or whatever. It's a bit strange, and Naruto thinks that maybe she's just trying to be nice when she smiles and points out how they're starting to work better together and how they are more united and bonded with one another, and how going the three of them would help both of them to give themselves a sense of tranquility and familiarity before the start of the fight.

He thinks she's decorating things to makes them look better than they are, but she's partially right. They have fallen into a routine, they know each other better. None of the three discuss as much as before. Even before Sakura began to behave more kindly around him, she didn't shouted at him as much as before anymore, she was calmer around him. Maybe she's right. Maybe is better if all the three of them go together. Maybe his nerves would calm down a bit.

Naruto and Sasuke look at each other for a second, and then nod.

Yes, it should be a good idea.

She smiles brighter at their answer.

They meet in the hallway at eight in the morning, half an hour before the preliminaries start. Sasuke is already there, dressed and leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. His eyes are closed. Naruto thinks he may be trying to focus himself. Maybe he's nervous.

He knows he is. But more than nervous, he is anxious. He's going to totally kick Kiba's ass, he made a promise. Believe it!

He's about to greet Sasuke when he hears Sakura coming. She arrives almost at the same time as him and runs to catch up with him. She has the red ribbon in her hair again and pretty pink-chewing-gum shoes. Naruto smiles at her and waves a hand when he sees her running towards him.

"Hey!" She greets them when she gets where they are. "How are you, nervous?"

Sasuke doesn't open his eyes from his position on the wall.

Naruto laughs at the question.

"Hn."

"Pfft. Of course not. I am anxious! I'm going to so kick dog's breath's ass!"

Sakura beams. "All right! It looks like you two prepared yourselves a lot! I'm sure you both will win!"

Naruto smiles, nods, raises his fist in the air and is about to say something really cool when...

"Sakura!"

That happens.

A boy with thick eyebrows, a bowl cut and a leotard very similar to the one that always carries his martial arts teacher is running towards them, waving a hand to say hello.

"Sakura Haruno!" He shouts, his voice too loud. There is a girl with brown hair gathered in two buns running behind to reach him and, further back, a boy with long hair with a stern expression and crossed arms is following her, walking. When the leotard boy comes to where they are, he gives a thumbs up and smiles. He practically shines. He doesn't even seem affected though he just run through the whole corridor as if there were a bull chasing him. "Be my girlfriend, I promise that I will dedicate my life to take care of you!"

Sakura blinks quickly, her arms limp at her sides. Naruto is so surprised that he almost falls over. He looks to one side, and even Sasuke seems to have found something of interest in the conversation. He has not moved from where he is and has not uncrossed his arms from their position, but he has opened his eyes to see the owner of the voice.

Sakura tilts her head to one side, the wave of pink hair falling on her side. "Uh, oh... I..." She stumbles over the words. "Sorry, who are you?"

Naruto laughs at his response.

The boy does not seem depressed even a little because the girl has not said _yes_ to his not-too-normal proposition, he just smiles wider; but, again, we are talking about the kind of guy who runs in the middle of a corridor and knows the name of a girl just to ask her to be his girlfriend. Everything is possible. "I'm Rock Lee! I…!"

The girl who was running after him finally comes to where they are and hugs the boy, Lee, from behind (though it looks more like an octopus trying to crash its dinner with its tentacles) and covers his mouth with one hand. She gasps a little, "Are you serious? You know you're too fast, that was cheating! And I told you to not scare her!" She scolds him, frowning. She points to where Sakura and Naruto look at the scene with big, wide eyes. Naruto seems more like he's about to fall into the ground and start laughing his head off, but Sakura seems more curious than anything. "Is that the face of a girl who hasn't just got scared because a random boy has just run to her to ask her to be his girlfriend? I don't think so!" She waves her free arm in the air as she says it, looking like a mother scolding her son because he just took a lollipop at the super when she told him not to and is now eating it. She does not wait for the boy to answer, and turns to look at them. Her expression changes to an embarrassed one, and she laughs awkwardly as she stills cover the other boy's mouth. "I'm sorry about that, he's usually like that all the time."

"Weird?" Naruto offers.

"Baka!" Sakura says, punching his arm.

"Ow, Sakura-chan, that hurts!" He moans, rubbing the spot where Sakura's knuckles have just bruised.

"Don't be rude!"

"It's the truth!"

Sakura gives him a death glare that makes him shut up. She looks embarrassed towards the others, and says, "I'm sorry, it is. Um. He meant that he's... too eccentric." It sounds more like a question than an affirmation, but the other girl laughs.

"No problem. We know that Lee is weird. We don't love him any less because of that. I'm Tenten by the way. He is Rock Lee, as he said, and our silent friend from right there," she points to the boy who is a meter behind her, with his arms crossed and dressed in an elegant combat suit. More elegant than Sasuke's, which is saying a lot, "it's Hyuuga Neji. All three of us will compete today! We are of second year!"

"This year's rookies have guts." The boy says, ironically, superbly. "Tch. Rather, I would say that they are presumptuous or very stupid. We prepare ourselves a whole year and they think they can beat us so easy? It is an insult."

"Uh, Neji..."

"Hey, Girl Hair! If you have a problem with me, let me tell you that I can kick your ass right here and right now, so...!"

There is a sigh at his side. "Dobe..."

Sakura goes forward when Naruto walks towards The Idiot with his fist raised and takes him by the arm to stop him. She laughs nervously. "Naruto, be nice." She says, with a tone everyone can hear. She pulls him towards her and her face contorts a little. "Are you crazy, baka? They are sophomores, think before you act! Besides, he's the genius of the Hyuuga family, have you ever heard of him? He has won more fights than anyone in this school, in just one year. He has medals of international events. He's going to massacre you if you fight him." She whispers vehemently.

Naruto is about to say, "I don’t give a shit if he's the prince of Europe or whatever, I want to kick his ass!" but something catches his attention at his side.

Sasuke moves from his place against the wall. His expression is tired, although Naruto can say that Neji's comment also irritated him. He can know that by the way he moves. Too rigid, though he’s trying to seem like he doesn’t care. "Tch.” He says. “Let's just go to the gym, dobe. It's getting late anyway."

Naruto frowns and growls low in his throat, because that’s not the answer he was expecting, but a look at Sasuke calms him down a bit. Sasuke’s eyes are fierce beneath irritation. They say to him, we are only going to be able to teach him what we are capable of in combat, dobe. Shut up.

They tell him he's dying to hit something right now, and to be honest, Naruto wants that so badly too.

So they move and they walk pass the group in front of them, both Sasuke and Naruto determined. Sasuke is calmer than Naruto, who walks around smoking, but his movements are definitely more intense.

Maybe it was a good thing to run into that asshole. It motivated them more.

"Hey, what's your name?" The Girl's Hair Jerk asks when they go two steps in front of them.

Sasuke turns and kind of smiles, condescending, challenging. Naruto likes the intensity and ferocity in his eyes. They have this fire that he always has when he’s challenging Naruto, but they’re even more intense. It gives him the good kind of goosebumps for some reason.

"I don’t need to tell you that. You will know it when they name me for having won."

Ohhhhhh. Okay. Wow. So Sasuke can be Sassuke. Wow. All right. Okay. Excellent.

Naruto laughs, and if it weren’t because he knows Sasuke will ignore him, he would have said something like "high five, dude! That was brilliant!"

So yes, Sasuke has just crushed the ego of a guy with an elegant last name and another boy has just proposed to Sakura as a knight in armor in a green leotard.

It was a good way to start his day.

The preliminaries begin at exactly 8:30 a.m.

Sasuke and he are sitting in the stands, on the last step stuck to the ground, next to the other competitors. The second year group is next to them. Sakura is right above. She squeezes their shoulders as the coach beings the lot to see the order in which they will participate.

Naruto gets the number 10. The last one.

Sasuke gets the number three.

Naruto doesn’t know which option is better. He doesn’t think so much about it, though.

Sakura wishes them good luck when they start the tournament.

Bushy Brow (as Naruto decided to nickname him since this morning, because Guy with Green Leotard is too-long), is the first one to fight. He goes against another senior student whose name Naruto can’t remember.

Actually, Bushy Brow is awesome. Naruto realizes this two seconds after he starts the fight.

He is fast. Very fast. He is incredibly agile and flexible and lethal too.

Naruto and Sakura make identical expressions of "Wow!", "Cool!", "Awesome!", "He's fast!" At the same time. Both waving their arms or jumping in their seats.

The girl sitting next to Naruto, Bushy Brow's friend, laughs when she sees them.

"He's amazing, isn’t him?" She says, as she watches her partner totally smash his opponent in less than two minutes. "He tried so hard to get where he is right now. He wanted to show everyone that a "simple injury" was not going to stop him, although what happened to him was more than just an injury. The boy with whom he fought the last tournament almost left him paralyzed. Or at least unable to participate in this kind of fights."

The coach announces that Lee is the winner right at that moment, when Bushy Brow gives a last combined kick that leaves his opponent knocked out on the ground. Wow. That movement is magnificent. Naruto has to ask him how to do it.

But returning to the topic that Bushy Brow almost dies...

"What?" Naruto says.

"Really?" Sakura asks, also returning to the conversation. Her eyes are wide open. She seems really surprised and horrified at the same time. Her voice is also tinged with concern. "He must have been very strong then! His opponent! Because Lee is really impressive!"

Tenten turns to see them while still applauding and smiles sadly. Her eyes look somewhat dark, as if she were remembering a bad memory. "His opponent was strong, yes, but more than anything, he was crazy. It is very sad. For a moment I thought— We all thought that— But Lee has always been impressive. Very strong too. He has always known how to get out of difficult situations and improve. I should have imagined that he would recover without any problem. But still, I was so worried. And Lee became very depressed at first, even if he was trying to hide it. I get it. That all his dedication could have gone to trash just for one fight— And the thing is… he always had to try so hard because of his condition, so..."

"What condition?"

She frowns. "Oh. How strange, I thought everyone knew. Lee has chronic osteoporosis. Weak, small bones. That means it's very easy to break them. A sport like martial arts should have leave him on a stretcher weekly. But like I said, Lee has always worked hard, especially thanks to Gai Sensei. He gave him the power to dream and to think that his dreams could come true. But then the accident happened last year and Lee almost gave up everything he had worked for, but Gai Sensei helped him a lot and we..."

"I don't think it's pertinent to be talking about our partner's condition with them, Tenten." Jerk with Girl Hair murmurs next to her. "Also, Gai sensei was wrong that time, filling his head with dreams like that, Lee could have died in that operation."

Tenten turns to him and gives him a wry smile. "Oh come on, the whole school, or at least most of it know it already, they will find out one way or another, I don't see the problem, and besides, about the other thing, you were also worried about him that time, don't pretend that only Gai Sensei supported him in his decision, we were part of it."

The boy has an annoyed expression on his face, crosses his arms over his chest. So the Jerk has a soft spot for Bushy Brow. Huh. Everyone has one, he supposes. But that doesn't take away how presumptuous he is and the expression of superiority in his face that makes Naruto want to knock out his teeth.

"Tch, do whatever you want."

Tenten rolls her eyes. "I swear, you two, honestly. But anyway," she continues, turning to Naruto and Sakura again. "A miraculous woman came after Gai Sensei went in search of her and operated him. It was a difficult decision, Lee could have died, and the healing possibility was 20% at best, but she was really impressive and patient and the operation cured him as much as possible. Lee had to do movement therapies afterwards, but just look at how he is. He did all of them in two weeks when he should have work at least months with them, and he kept training to get through. It was a complicated, very hard year. Gai sensei, Neji and I support him all the time, but he obviously was very sad to think that something could go wrong and he could never stand up again, or use his legs, or move easily. His whole life has been twice harder than anyone else, so I'm not surprised that he now tries the triple, but still."

"Wow." Sakura and Naruto say in unison, just when she ends with a somewhat sad smile.

"I know." She grimaces. "And the guy he fought with last year? A psycho, for sure. He went crazy. Lost all control. He almost kills him. I'm sure he knew about his condition because he made some... movements that put pressure on the bones. It's just that, as far as I know, nobody had ever been able to even hit him..."

"Amazing."

"He must be very talented!"

"He was. But when Lee hit him one time... and then another... and another... I mean Lee is too fast. He didn’t even see it coming. He went crazy. The host had to stop the fight and penalize him. It is very likely that this year he won’t appear again, which is good for you guys! I would never want to run into him again."

"Wow! Bushy Brow is really awesome! Get out of something like that! He is really strong!"

Tenten smiles and nods. "Mhm. He's incredibly annoying but I've always admired him a lot. And…" Before she can finish, a voice interrupts her from below.

"Tenten!" When she looks down, Lee is crying and smiling brightly at her. "Neji! I passed! I passed!"

Tenten gives him a thumbs up. Smiles. "Well done Lee!"

Neji nods besides her. "Good job."

That only seems to increase Lee’s cry. And it only gets worse when Gai Sensei appears behind him.

Tenten grimaces and stands up. "I'm sorry, but I have to go and... try to get those two to not drown or something."

Naruto and Sakura laugh. "Sure."

Naruto looks down at the scene unfolding on the field.

To be honest, and fair, if Naruto had the same story as him, he would probably be crying too. So it's not that weird.

And he sure is strong. Awesome too.

He would like to fight with him.

Looking to his side, he sees Sasuke as he looks down at Bushy Brow as well. Naruto wonders if he heard the story. He wonders if Sasuke wants to fight him too.

That would be interesting. Bushy Brow and Cocky Bastard. Hm.

"Hey, Sakura," he says, with shit-eating grin, looking up. She stops looking at Lee to look at him.

"Hm?"

"Your boyfriend is really cool, don’t you think?" His smile grows like the Cheshire cat.

"Baka." Sakura growls, as she punches him again, this time on the shoulder.

Naruto's smile hesitates a little. "Okay, okay, I was kidding, I was kidding!" Naruto begins to cover himself while Sakura throws him more punches. He laughs anyways.

The bastard is pretty impressive too. He wins almost immediately. Naruto almost feels bad for Shino. That last movement sure was going to hurt for a week.

By the end, almost his entire class has arrived. They gather next to where Sakura is and observe and make comments from time to time. Shikamaru's comments are the most analytical of all. Naruto likes to listen to them. He’s always right when he says who will be the winner.

When it's time for his fight, Naruto is anxious. Sakura smiles at him to give him good luck and even Sasuke looks at him a little more than he should and crashes his fist with his when Naruto puts his own in front of him.

Oh yeah. Naruto is going to sweep the floor with Dog’s Breath.

"So, who do you think will win?" Tenten asks them.

"Kiba." Ino, Chouji and Shino say. Hinata and Shikamaru remain silent.

"Naruto." Sakura and Sasuke answer, at the same time.

Tenten blinks, then laughs. "Okay?"

Shikamaru turns and frowns at Sasuke. He doesn’t seem annoyed or angry, but a little surprised. And curious. The others have astonished expressions while also looking at him. Everyone knows the animosity that exists between them. The tension. The usual bickering, the mutual desire to be in each other's throats all the time. But they also know they've been getting along a little better lately, maybe...

"Why do you think Naruto will win, Sasuke-kun?" Ino asks, clearly surprised. Shikamaru by his side seems genuinely curious. It is normal, Shikamaru’s strong point are the facts, the strategies. He wants to hear the arguments of how someone like Naruto, someone who started so bad at the beginning and was still very clumsy when he signed up, could beat one of the best students in the course.

"Naruto is strong." Sakura says, and it seems like she means it.

"Sakura is right." Sasuke agrees. "Naruto can be clumsy and distracted, but he's strong. He's really stubborn too, he wants to participate in the tournament more than anything, and he's determined in his goals, he trained very hard. Kiba is one of the strongest in the course, yes. He is brutal and strong, but also coarse and impulsive. Especially impulsive; he doesn’t think that much about his technique precisely because his strong point is brute force. He most likely would go with all he has and would try to finish off Naruto from the beginning of the fight. Naruto knows it, he has analyzed his fights, his style; he can be distracted and everything, but he is smarter than people give him credit for, I saw him train a lot in his blockade, he probably thinks about avoiding fighting at first until he gets Kiba tired. Kiba is tough, and he has a lot of energy, but being as reckless as he is makes him wear down everything from the beginning, which is a weak point. And knowing the dobe, if Kiba provokes him enough, he may start fighting as well instead of dodging, but even then, even if Kiba is smart or fast or strong enough to make Naruto fight instead of blocking, the fight will be reduced to see who gets tired faster. In other words, a fight of resistance; and Kiba can be tough and resistant, but Naruto definitely has a lot more stamina than Kiba. He will endure it more than enough."

Sasuke finishes just as the coach announces the start of the fight. His classmates look at him surprised, shocked.

"That's a good point." Shikamaru points out. "Very good points."

Sasuke leans forward, his eyes focused on the field. "Hn."

He doesn’t pay much more attention later to the looks that Sakura or others "surreptitiously" throw at him out of the corner of their eyes. He is too focused on something else.

In the end, Sasuke is right. Naruto tries to dodge a lot at first. It costs him a bit, Kiba has improved a lot and is faster than before, but in the end, Sasuke's analysis is correct. Kiba goes with everything since the start, he doesn’t contain himself, not even a bit. Naruto doesn’t do it either when he starts to counterattack. And although it takes a little longer than Sasuke had in mind, Naruto seriously kicks his ass.

Both pass the preliminaries. And that’s amazing.

Ero-Sennin buys him a bowl of his favorite ramen that night. Baa-chan rents his favorite movie to see it with him.

Sakura makes both of them homemade bentos as a gift.

His classmates don’t exactly congratulate him, but they look really surprised. Naruto doesn’t care that much, Kiba's bitter face as he growls all day long is enough to make him happy.

Girl Hair passes, just like Bushy Brow.

Part of Naruto seriously hopes that, if he doesn’t have to fight Sasuke on the tournament, he'll fight him. He wants to kick his fancy ass too.

Two days after the results of the preliminaries, Sakura is walking besides him again, both heading home.

"You know," she is saying, "it was really smart to change the temperature of the container, Naruto, I don’t know why I didn’t think about it sooner."

Naruto blinks. "Huh?"

Sakura looks up at him, her eyebrows raised slightly. "The temperature? On the thermometer?"

Naruto tilts his head and blinks, searching in his brain if... "Ah!" He says, while one of Sakura's eyes trembles a little, like a twitch. "That!" Sakura looks at him and the fingers at her sides twist, as if she wants to hit something. "That was just an accident when I was—" Sakura takes a deep breath, one, two, one, two. She says to herself to calm down, to breathe, to not despair. "I mean," Naruto says, laughing a little nervously. He scratches the back of his head, smiles like when he wants to apologize for something, "yes, that! That was totally on purpose! Yes, I— I just thought it was obvious, you know," he continues, as he puts his arms behind his head and grins openly. "Uzumaki Naruto is a genius, you know! Believe it! He's the best at... Uh, are you okay, Sakura? You look a little… altered."

Sakura raises an eyebrow, clenches her fists at her sides. She smiles at him, though it seems more like she wants to scare him than to reassure him. Her voice is somewhat tight when she speaks, forcibly sweet, as if she was trying very hard not to scream. "What? No! I'm fine! I'm perfect!"

Naruto frowns. "Um, but your eye..."

Sakura raises both eyebrows. "Mm? No, it's okay!"

"But it's shaking."

"Oh, it's just a nervous tic, I'm fine, don’t..."

Naruto lowers his hands from behind his head. He’s going to touch her shoulder, "Are you su—?"

"I said I was fine!" She screams, her eyes a bit mad. Naruto flinches back.

"Sorry!"

She looks immediately sorry. "Oh! No, no! I'm the one who’s sorry! I shouldn't have screamed at you! I'm. I'm just nervous that’s all."

Naruto stops in his tracks. He blinks. "Uh? Nervous? Why? We've been doing this for many days."

Sakura stops and turns to face him. "Um, yes, but... There's something..." She doesn’t look at him, she looks down instead, and rubs her arm shyly. "Well, uh... It's just that, the reason why I called you to go together the other time, and these times, it's not exactly because we take the same path."

Naruto blinks. His heart begins to bounce madly in his chest. He wants to smile, although he is very nervous all of a sudden. Excited? Scared?

"I... Well, it's... I wanted to apologize."

Naruto's heart slows again until it returns to its normal rhythm. Oh. So it wasn’t— Sakura wasn’t going to— Good. Good. Part of him already knew it anyway. He is not sure if he is happy or not because it is an apology instead of a confession though.

However, Naruto is a bit confused. "Apologize? Why?"

Sakura rubs her arm timidly again. She looks to the left, to the right, to the ground. "Well. For everything. For calling you useless and dumb, and yelling at you. We're a team now, I shouldn’t have..."

"Oh!" Naruto says, interrupting her. "It's okay, Sakura! Don’t worry about it!"

She stops looking at the ground to look at him. She tops herself with bright, cerulean eyes and a bright smile. She blinks. "Seriously? You forgive me… Just like that?" She seems genuinely surprised at his reaction, as if she didn’t expect it to be so easy.

"Yes, why wouldn’t I?" Naruto grins. He puts his hands behind his head again. "It's all good! No problem! Now we're walking together, aren’t we? We've done it several times! It's nice! I like it!"

Sakura blinks a couple of times before smiling. Her eyes become soft. The softest they’ve ever seen with him before. She seems genuinely calm and sincere when she says, "I also like to be with you, Naruto, maybe we should walk together more often. Maybe even on the mornings before we get to class, we have the same schedule, right?" She says and turns to continue walking.

Naruto does not realize that he is standing there blinking and gaping like an idiot until Sakura looks over her shoulder to nod at him. "You're not coming or what?" She says, almost laughs, at his dumb expression.

He nods, because he's physically incapable of talking in the moment.

Sakura just... Sakura just said it was nice being with him? That they should walk together more often? What? Is he dreaming? If so, please don't wake him up.

He knows her words can be empty, full of false promises, but he chooses to believe in her.

He feels like he can believe in her.

They walk together after their work the next day again.

And the next day.

And the next.

And the next, and next, and next.

And the next week.

They even start walking together in the mornings too.

She doesn't talk a lot the first times. More like listens and nods and smiles. Sometimes, Naruto makes her laugh.

The next week, though, she starts to talk too.

She is so pretty and smart, Naruto thinks. And he’s happy. He really is.

Everything is fine. Everything is more than fine.

Until it isn’t.

To be honest, Naruto must have suspected something was wrong. It's not normal for Sasuke to be so quiet all the time. Well, it is. But the silence that was there in the last afternoons was... different. More tense.

Sasuke acted differently. His movements were very rigid. His answers sharp. He didn’t even try to fight back when Naruto made an offensive comment about his hair at one time. He just decided to look angry and irritated and sit there. Besides, Naruto had seen him look at Sakura and him when they start to chat more animatedly in their sessions. He had seen him look at them in the classes. He had seen him look at them when they arrived in the morning and, when his eyes casually met Naruto's, he pretended he wasn’t looking.

Something was very weird in there.

Naruto wanted to ask what was happening, why he was acting like that. It wasn’t very normal on him.

And maybe he should have asked.

Maybe.

The next Friday, Sakura arrives a little late. Before she does, Sasuke and Naruto are alone in the table. Is quiet and there's not many others around.

Naruto greets him when he arrives and he is taking notes in his notebook. Sasuke greets him back, without taking his eyes off the book for more than three seconds to look at him.

Naruto laughs. "You're really more nerdy than I thought, you know, teme?"

Sasuke frowns. He actually seems a little irritated.

"Do you know where Sakura is now? She has the container, so I can’t try the modification without her." He says, raw and plane, as if he had no emotions.

Naruto frowns. "No, why would I know?"

Sasuke lets out something very much like a snort. "Well, you and she have been hanging a lot these days, haven’t you? I assumed she would tell you, since you two are suddenly very close friends." He mumbles something else between his teeth that Naruto cannot hear because Sasuke's face is covered with the book.

Naruto begins to feel the familiar discomfort that starts to burst in the back of his throat when he speaks with him. "What are you talking about, bastard? She and I just walk together home. Besides, why do you care about that? We’re not supposed to be irritating and annoying to you?"

Sasuke stops writing, but he doesn’t look at him yet. "I don’t care, dobe." He says, as if he cared.

"Then why do you mention it?"

"It was just an observation of what I had seen these days."

Naruto snorts, rolls his eyes. "I knew you've been seeing us weird these days. What's the matter? Why does it bother you that Sakura and I are together? I thought you weren’t interested in her that way."

Sasuke is now looking at him, and his eyes are fire. There is a wrinkle between his eyebrows. He looks angry.

"And I’m not." He states. "Not like that."

"So?" Naruto shouts, leaning over the table to look closer at his eyes. To show him that, whatever it is for, he won’t give in on this fight.

Sasuke's face contorts. As if he wanted to say something but at the same time he was trying very hard to swallow the words that scream to get out.

"Hn."

Naruto raises his eyebrows, "That's it? Hn? The Great Sasuke Uchiha gives up?"

Sasuke seems about to punch him in the face. Naruto smiles. That's it. He thinks. Get angry. Fight.

"I don’t understand what you’re talking about." He says, as if he was clenching his teeth. "I'm not giving in. I'm just not going to fight you over something that doesn’t make sense."

"You're not going to fight me because you know you're jealous and it's ridiculous."

"I'm not jealous!"

"Yes, you are! Admit it! You like her and you're jealous because I'm with her! And I’m not even with her like that, by the way! I just walk her home!"

Sasuke's eye has a twitch. He squeezes his hands hard on the table, Naruto can see his knuckles go white. His gaze is intense, penetrating in Naruto's eyes, as if they wanted to make a hole in his head.

"I didn’t think you were so stupid, dobe," he says, and he seems sincere, angry, finished; tired, "but apparently you are."

"What do you mean, bastard? I'm not stupid! You're just stubborn!"

Sasuke rolls his eyes, the way he does before finishing a fight. Before leaving Naruto screaming threats alone in the hallway because he is not interested in discussing with him anymore. He takes the book again and turns the page to read, although his movements are visibly stiffer than before.

"And you are dense like a brick."

"Hey!" He shouts, putting his hand on the pages of the book so that he cannot continue reading. Sasuke ignores him, drops the book and takes his notebook instead to keep writing down notes. "Don’t ignore me! That— What the hell do you mean? Bastard! Listen to me!"

Ten minutes later, when Sakura arrives, she finds them on the ground, wrestling like 5 years old. Both entangled with each other. Sasuke has Naruto’s legs immobilized, but Naruto is punching him in the side. Everything is a tangle of arms and legs.

"Guys?" She asks, sounding like she wants to strangle them both and like she's genuinely curious about what the hell is going on.

They stop a little to look at her from their position on the ground, their breaths fluttering.

"He started!" They both scream at the same time.

"It's not true! You threw yourself at me first, dobe! What the hell did you expect me to do?"

"You were ignoring me, what the hell did you expect me to do?" He says, imitating his voice with a fake fancy voice.

Sasuke rolls his eyes. "That's why! You can’t stop being immature even for a minute!"

"I'm immature? Really? Well, Sasuke, I don’t think mature people ignore their classmates when they talk to them as if they were five years old!"

"And there you go again with that! Who is the one that looks like a five years old right now?"

Sakura just facepalms herself. God, these guys.

Naruto thinks that maybe, maybe, he should be upset. He should be angry with Sasuke for fighting with him and for being ridiculously jealous of something that was not even happening! And that he didn’t even have the right to, considering the number of times he had an opportunity with Sakura and he wasted!

Naruto thinks maybe he's being very stupid, but the truth is, he is not angry.

Sasuke stops acting weird after that fight. He doesn’t mention anything about the fact that Sakura and Naruto are spending more time together. He’s very quiet again, but in the usual way. And he fights Naruto again, the way he always does. It's as if, in a way, the fight would have helped him to vent whatever it was... eating him inside.

Everything returns to normal again.

The most normal that can be with them, at least.

Sasuke and Naruto argue, yes, but Naruto would dare to say that it is almost... friendly.

It's strange. The way their relationship moves and changes and distorts like a flame of fire in different weathers. With water, wind, heat, cold.

Naruto wouldn’t have it in any other way, though.

Their teamwork is much better with each passing day. Naruto is sure that they will get an excellent note at the end.

Naruto is still training. A lot. All the time. Sometimes, Sasuke stays with him in the gym in the afternoons. Other times, Naruto finds him leaving when he is going inside, or the other way around, when he is the one leaving.

Is like they even kinda have a routine.

Two days before the tournament, the fights and the order of them is announced.

Naruto’s fight is the penultimate one. And next to his name is written the elegant name Hyuuga Neji.

Oh yeah.

Naruto is anxious.

Sasuke is up against a guy named Sabaku no Gaara. Very famous in the eastern school, (the big one, somewhat rustic, but outstanding in qualifications and competitions in the dry regions of the county), apparently.

Hm. Anyway, Naruto is sure that the bastard won’t be so bad. He most likely wins. But Naruto is going to destroy him in the scores, oh yes, believe it!

The big day arrives and it's— well, Naruto is more nervous than he thought.

Jiraiya wishes him good luck in the morning before leaving him at the door of the stadium. He apologizes for not being able to be there, he says he will see him on television.

Naruto smiles at him and tells him that it's okay, that there's no problem. He says goodbye to him while he sees him getting away in the car.

There are many people when he goes inside and many cameras too. Many more people than he thought... oh holy ramen...

For a moment, he thinks he's going to throw up. He feels dizzy. Maybe— maybe he was wrong, maybe he wasn’t ready and...

"Hey, Naruto!" Sakura greets him when Naruto is about to turn around and go back to the exit. "You finally came! You look good! Come on, I saved a place for you and Sasuke-kun! We are up with the others in the class. Let's wait for him there, okay? He hasn’t arrived yet."

Sakura's smile makes him calm down again.

Pfft. What was he thinking. He's Uzumaki Naruto, he obviously won’t have any problem. He came here ready to show everyone who he is, and now it's the time.

Naruto Uzumaki doesn’t back down at his words.

Sure.

He pushes his nerves to the bottom of his stomach to them be replaced with a load of adrenaline.

Besides, he hasn’t shown Sasuke what he is capable of yet.

The bastard will see it too. Naruto will boast him with how much better than he is.

So Naruto smiles and follows Sakura into the crowd and listens as she talks about how anxious she is to see them fight and who she believes will win in other fights and what she has heard from the other schools.

All right.

Naruto is ready.

Naruto is more than ready.

The tournament starts.

And… Sasuke hasn’t showed up. Sasuke has not showed up and the first fight is him, the prodigy of good genes, against the lethal redhead beast of the eastern school.

Not that Naruto cares, of course, but why the hell does not he show up.

The fight is postponed on the orders of the jury until the next fight.

Dammit. The bastard better show up already.

The first fight is between two seniors.

A blond girl of the Eastern school fights against an exotic-pink hair girl with weird tattoos of the North Music School. The fight is interesting. Both of them are very powerful and intense in their fighting style. In the end, the girl from the east wins. Temari, that's her name.

Naruto watches the fight with enthusiasm, occasionally glancing at the empty seat beside of him. He knows Sakura does it too, he knows she's worried. What the hell is wrong with that bastard?

Sasuke doesn’t show up. The fight is postponed. Again.

Two more fights.

Another.

He still doesn’t show up.

Naruto doesn’t know why it gives him an ugly feeling in his stomach.

It’s not like something bad happened to him, right?

Another fight.

"Hell, what's wrong with that bastard? Is he cowardly enough to not even show up at the fight? What is he thinking?"

Shikamaru on his other side lets out a sigh. "Naruto, stop being so restless. I'm sure he will come, he is just delayed for something."

"But he doesn’t show up! Ugh! It's making me nervous!"

Shikamaru gives him an ironic smile. "You're worried about him, huh? You two are really starting to get along, apparently."

Naruto stutters. "I— wha— no— we— I mean— I just want him to come so he can see how much I have improved and how much better than him I am! He said he wanted to fight with me! I'm sure if he sees me tonight I'll scare him to death and he'll have to admit that I'm better than him! Uh… Um. Yes! That! I—"

Shikamaru scoffs. "How troublesome. Tch. It's okay, calm down, I was joking. I know how much you two still like to be in each other’s throats."

Naruto sinks into his seat, crosses his arms and murmurs incoherently in a low voice. He is beginning to feel warm in the face. Stupid Shikamaru.

He doesn’t care about that bastard. He doesn’t.

Of course not.

Sasuke still doesn’t show up by the middle of the event. Naruto thinks he's going to have a heart attack by the end of the night. He doesn’t stop bouncing his knee against the seat in front of him. He doesn’t even pay so much attention to the fights because he's looking sideways at the door.

Stupid Sasuke.

It's almost the end of the event and it's time for Naruto's fight. It is the penultimate fight of the night.

He doesn’t know why the fact that Sasuke is not there to see him gives him a bad taste in his mouth, but still, he needs to make Sasuke aside for a moment and focus.

Naruto came to show everyone what he is capable of.

And so he does.

Naruto gives everything he has in that fight to show that he's worthy to be there. That he deserves in every single way to be there. He has hoped to prove it all his life after all.

So he tries to push Sasuke aside for a second, and he fights. Fights for himself.

Fights to prove to superb idiots like the Hyuuga genius that he, Uzumaki Naruto, can kick his and anybody’s ass. Especially the ass of a talented genius who is older than him. In particular someone’s ass who Naruto has to prove wrong when they say he’s a loser.

"It's your destiny to lose. Accept it.” He spits at him in the middle of the fight, with his pretentious long hair and his strange tattoo on his forehead. With cold eyes the color of ice in light. Violets. Hard, recriminating, broken.

Naruto shows him.

He shows him that he can win.

He shows him that he can "change" destiny. That he can choose.

He shows him that all his words about destiny and so on, are nothing more than trash and bullshit.

Naruto teaches him more than one lesson that night.

Naruto frees Neji that night. From whatever it is that is chaining him.

Something happens. Naruto breaks him, surprises him. In more ways than one.

Neji is not the same boy later that night. Or ever again.

Neji changes. For the best.

Neji learns something deeper that night.

His eyes are no longer so harsh. They don’t look so broken by the end of that fight. And maybe he didn’t win the fight, but he won something more.

Naruto not only wins the fight that night and demonstrate that he can. Naruto wins respect.

Another trigger in his life. Another detonator.

Neji Hyuuga. The boy of destiny that Naruto manages to win.

The genius of the rich and powerful family Naruto manages to break.

The genius that respects Naruto by the end of that night.

Neji Hyuuga, the guy who shoots something that day and makes Naruto's life a lot easier later.

Sakura runs and hugs him when he gets off the field. She smiles and congratulates him and Naruto feels good, feels better than he has in a long time.

Neji walks towards him as Sakura fills him with hugs and warm smiles and words of encouragement, with Lee crying inconsolably and clinging into his arm and Tenten smiling kindly at his side (his eyes are a bit weird, they have a strange mixture of worry and relief in them), and shakes his hand.

And everything is fine.

Everything is incredible.

Everything is great.

Except, that when they go up the stairs to the position in the fifth tier where Sakura is sitting with him, she tells him that Sasuke hasn’t arrived yet, and the horrible taste on his mouth returns again.

All his classmates congratulate him when he sits down, including Kiba, who seems genuinely impressed. Everyone looks like it.

And it's great, it's amazing, except that Sasuke is not there.

Naruto doesn’t know why it disappoints him so much.

Lee's fight is the one that follows. For someone who has just cried, Lee doesn’t seem vulnerable at all when he goes up to the combat area.

His eyes are determined and his posture explodes energy everywhere, it tells them how ready he is to fight.

Lee is brutal in that fight. He’s fast. Faster than anyone Naruto has ever seen. Naruto can hardly see the movements he makes because of how fast he is. He is agile, strong, lethal.

In the end, he wins the fight in less than a minute.

A record, apparently.

Sasuke shows up at the last moment, because apparently, he is a fucking show off and wants Naruto's heart to explode, the fucking bastard. He shows up right after they announce the winner of Lee's fight against a senior, in a sleek new suit and with his always-in-place hair. His gaze is tough, his posture is somewhat rigid.

Naruto doesn’t care about his new suit or whatever, Sasuke is there. Finally. Super late, but there.

"You always do what you want to do, don’t you? Arriving at the last minute when your fight is the first, damn presumptuous bastard.” Naruto tells him (when and how did he get down the stairs so fast, it's a mystery), Sakura running after him to catch up with him, but he's smiling, and Sasuke smiles too.

"Hn. That smile. I assume that you won?"

Naruto is inflated with pride. "Yup. So I'm better than you."

Sasuke scoffs, but his smile returns to its place. "That remains to be seen, dobe."

"Whatever. Good luck, bastard, and don’t lose."

Sasuke's smile twists, like he’s saying, who understands you? You’re giving me mixed signs. "I don’t intend to."

Naruto smiles. "Okay, then."

And then he turns to go back to the stands.

Sakura gives a shy wave with her hand and smiles bright when she finally gets there. "Good luck, Sasuke!"

Sasuke gives her a nod. "Thank you."

She smiles wider before following Naruto to their seats.

Naruto almost falls over as he runs back to sit down. It's a little embarrassing, because he loves to watch that tournament every year, and he always gets too excited, but he can’t remember the last time he felt so eager to see a fight before.

God. Sasuke sure is going to kick that guy's ass with the weird name of the Eastern school. He can be a prodigy, or a "beast", or whatever. Sasuke can be an idiot, and a bastard, and apparently a show off but Naruto recognizes that he is very talented.

He will kick his ass for sure.

The plans change and his eagerness becomes panic when Sasuke's opponent shows up and the host starts announcing the fight and the reasons for the delay.

Naruto does not listen to the host and his apologies, instead, he hears Tenten's gasp in front of them and watches Lee's shoulders tighten a bit.

Sakura also notices it.

"What's going on?" She asks.

Tenten turns in her seat, her eyes looking dark. "It's him, the one who injured Lee last year."

"The one that left him almost unable to fight again?" Sakura screeches, horrified.

A visceral terror begins to eat him inside.

The only thing he can think about is one thing: I can’t allow Sasuke to fight with someone like him. He is a monster. Sasuke can get hurt. Really, seriously hurt.

He doesn’t know that he is standing and ready to go to stop them until Lee is dragging him to his place again. Naruto appreciates Bushy Brow, but if he doesn’t move...

"What's wrong, Naruto?" Shikamaru questions, standing two places from him.

"That stupid guy without eyebrows almost killed Bushy Brow last year! I can’t let him fight with Sasuke! I have to prevent—!"

He is desperate. Sasuke— Sasuke can get hurt. He can’t— he won’t let that happen. He… He has to…

"Naruto-kun! Calm down! I'm sorry I made you worry, but everything will be fine!" Lee leans at an exact 90 degree angle and goes back up again in front of him. He gives a thumb up and a bright smile, very similar to the ones Gai sensei gives in his motivational speeches. "I'm sure! I was not ready to fight him that time, he was a worthy opponent, but I'm sure Sasuke-kun is too! I've seen him fight, he's amazing! Much better than me at that time! Sasuke-kun burns with the passion flame of youth, I'm sure he will do very well! Have faith in him! Trust him and the intensity of his spirit like the fire of a sunset!"

Half of those around them look at Lee as if he’s a weirdo. Others seem either on the verge of crying or laughing. Sakura still seems worried, but his classmates look at him to make him sit down.

The host announces the start of the fight.

With a dark feeling of guilt, he sits down.

He doesn’t want to let the fight happen, he really doesn’t.

But maybe Lee is right. Maybe he should trust Sasuke. Maybe it would be too selfish of him to go and stop the fight.

"Okay." He murmurs.

"Excellent!" Lee shouts, sitting back down again.

The fight begins.

Apparently, the reason why Sasuke hadn’t show up before and why it took a while to start the fight even when he arrived, Naruto would realize later, was because he suffered an injury two days before the tournament. Not very serious, but enough to damage his shoulder. His tutor didn’t want to let him participate in the event. The judges didn’t want to let him either.

But he's Sasuke Uchiha. The prodigy of one of the founding clans of Konoha. Of course he was going to fight.

Even with the injury, Sasuke makes an incredible presentation. Sasuke is precise, fast, impeccable. Even elegant. He is mortal. Lethal. And yes, maybe by the end of the round, his movements are a little more erratic or careless, but that doesn’t stop him from winning. Gaara shreds him a little. Gaara is almost a real monster. He's too talented, his skills are deadly. He is ruthless, cruel. Some strokes and movements make Sasuke actually grimace, even if his speed prevents Gaara from touching him many times. Gaara is almost as fast as Sasuke is, and his block is fantastic. However, after the time pass and Sasuke is still so resistant, Gaara begins to... despair. He presses, pushes him to his limits. Hard. He overstrains himself, it can be noticed. His movements are too abrupt, disorganized, desperate. He is losing control.

Sasuke's prowess is inflexible, he almost never hesitates. Naruto knows him, that's one of his many advantages; Sasuke doesn’t give up, ever. He has proven to be a worthy rival to Naruto many times precisely because he doesn’t give up. But things get complicated. Naruto knows him way too good to know that. He's not doing so well. Gaara is not having mercy.

Naruto feels something ugly burn his throat. Panic.

"Sasuke! Stop being such an idiot and stop playing and fooling around, you bastard! Show him what you can really do, dammit!" Naruto screams from the bleachers. Naruto roars, with his annoying, loud voice, using all the strength his lungs have.

Somehow, Sasuke becomes more... lethal and intense, from that moment. Is like sharping a sword that already has edge.

In the end, he wins.

Naruto is filled with relief inside of him. For some reason.

"What a lame way to win, Sasuke bastard, you're all beaten up!" Naruto laughs (if it's from relief or because he's making fun of him or both, Naruto doesn’t know for sure) from the stands. He smiles, delight. And Sasuke looks at him from his position in the field. He is breathing hard, Naruto can see the way his chest rises and downs irregularly, heavier, but he smiles at him anyways. More like smirks at him than genuine smiles, but that's fine. Sasuke is fine. Beaten up, sure, but fine.

Sasuke rolls his eyes like he knows what Naruto’s thinking. His eyes are mocking, teasing, and he says something with his lips before going down the side of the field. Naruto can read it clearly.

“Usuratonkachi."

Tch.

Bastard.

There are loud applauses and shouts and smiles and flashes of huge cameras that don’t stop taking pictures of them after they gather all the competitors to announce the first places and they have to go up on the big field to get their medals.

Men in suits move from one place to another with friendly and strict faces among seniors, in search of their next stars or to give offers. The competitors begin to surround themselves with people who congratulate them on all sides, even if they didn’t get any of the first three places.

There are laughter and tears and bright smiles and many people and Naruto feels a little dizzy.

He has just won second place. In the famous Konoha Tournament televised internationally. Wow. He really wish Ero-Sennin and the old woman were there.

Lee doesn’t give him much time to get depressed about that, though. He is crying next to him. He seems more proud of himself than is possible, although Naruto feels the same way he does. He congratulates Naruto, or at least Naruto thinks he does, because he doesn’t understand what he’s saying completely between all the tears that are coming down his face. He and Gai sensei hug him and cry on his two shoulders before hugging each other and crying even more. It is such a show to watch. Naruto watches it a little disturbed before Tenten arrives, with Neji behind her, running with a smile towards Lee. Her smile vanishes when a Lee full of tears turns to her with all her energy and stamps himself against her in a bear hug. She sighs, resigned with a face of "oh well, if I don’t have another option…" as she pats him on the back and congratulates him and says soothing words above his head. And anyone who would look at her face would say that she is irritated, but her eyes are soft, and there is a curve in her face, in her mouth, when Gai sensei appears to one side of her and cries and screams about how proud he is and about youth and sunsets and fire and sunrises. She is happy. Almost amused. Exasperated, yes, but soft. Like saying, "God, I really love this pair of dumbasses."

Neji approaches Naruto while he focuses too much on looking at them. He greets him and shakes his hand. He looks much calmer than Naruto has ever seen him. In peace. Almost... Happy. Much better than a praised genius who just lost a very important fight.

"Congratulations, it was a good fight." He says, in a calm voice, and Naruto smiles.

"Thank you!"

Neji nods. "It would be good if it ever happened again."

"Of course, Hyuuga, it would be amazing to kick your ass again!" Naruto says.

The boy actually smiles. More like the corner of his mouth pulls a little up, but it seems genuine.

"You are very different from how I thought you would be. You taught me many things today, Naruto."

"Oh yes, Naruto Uzumaki is awesome, believe it!"

Neji's eyes seem a little amused, and he seems about to say something else when Tenten calls him out.

"Neji, I need help here!" She screams, as she is crushed by two bodies with green leotards that cry.

Neji looks over his shoulder and sighs, a little tired, as if he's used to dealing with that kind of things. When he turns to say goodbye, he smiles a little, although it seems more of a challenge than a sincere smile, and there is a bit of that arrogant tenacity and determination in his eyes when he looks at him.

"I hope we have the chance to fight against each other again, Naruto."

Naruto nods, smiling brightly, and Neji smiles a little wider before turning and going to save Tenten.

Two seconds later, Lee is clinging into him and Neji has a look of horror as Lee cries over him and squeezes him in his arms, as if physical contact makes him more uncomfortable than ever. He doesn’t do anything to get rid of him and push him away, though, he only complains, with his arms limp at his sides.

Naruto laughs. He stops when something at his side catches his attention. A few meters away, on his left, there is a group of girls who shout and scream and push each other to see... something. Or more like someone.

In the center of the huge circle is Sasuke Uchiha, with his first place medal hanging around his neck and an irritated expression on his face.

Bastard.

When he starts to walk towards him, Sasuke catches his gaze a meter away and manages to get out of there in one piece.

He seems really relieved when the girls see where he is going and don’t follow him.

It's almost funny. In an ironic way. The way Sasuke gets so much attention when he doesn’t like it a bit.

"Smug bastard." Naruto says, when they're close enough without people around them. "Getting all the girls’ attention like always."

"Usuratonkachi." He says, like he's trying to be all smug about it and make him jealous, though he actually looks relieved to be finally alone with him and away from the hungry horde.

Naruto almost laughs. He smiles, almost cocky, and points at the medal hanging in Sasuke's neck.

"This doesn't mean you're better than me, huh, bastard? I was way cooler than you there. And I didn't win that lame."

"Tch. From what I saw..."

"You didn't even see my fight, you liar!"

"I saw the last part. They have a big screen outside and I was arriving when you were fi—"

"You saw it? Really?"

"That's what I'm trying to say, moron."

Naruto grins. He doesn't know why, but Sasuke actually looking at his fight makes him really happy. Maybe is because he's definitely getting stronger, and that way he can show off to him.

Sasuke looks like he's going to say something more, but Sakura's voice interrupts him before he can say anything.

"I finally find you two! Congratulations, guys! You deserve it! You two fought amazing, I'm proud of you both!” She is saying, smiling brightly as she gets closer. “Naruto, you were so cool back there, the training is making you so strong!" She smiles, but then her eyes toughened and she punches him in the arm. Hard. Naruto's smile goes off and dies in a grimace instead. He rubs his arm. "But you are still so reckless, baka! I was worried for a moment there!"

Naruto makes a pout while still rubbing his arm. Hell, Sakura is strong.

"Hey! I was perfectly fine! I had everything under control! If you're going to worry about someone, it should be Sasuke! He was the one who went against the devil without eyebrows!"

Sasuke frowns when Naruto points his finger at him. Sakura's face fills with more concern.

"That's right. They told me what you did, Sasuke-kun! That was very imprudent! More like, I don’t know, something Naruto would do."

"Yes, exactly!" Naruto shouts. Then he grimaces as he turns to look at Sakura. "Hey!"

Sakura ignores him as she reaches out and touches Sasuke's shoulder. He doesn’t say anything, but his face indicates that he is trying very hard to keep himself quiet and not scream at her to get away.

"Fight with an injury like that! Sasuke-kun! You could have get more hurt, I..."

"Wait, the bastard did what?" Naruto blinks.

Sakura turns to face Naruto. "He fought with a shoulder injury that should have disabled him! That's why he was late! His tutor was not going to let him participate in this!" She explains.

Naruto opens his eyes wide. There is something of the cold feeling he felt in the stands when they said that Sasuke was going to fight against someone who could kill him tumbling in his stomach again. "What? That's very stupid, teme! And you say I'm the stupid! You're very stupid! I told you you were stupid! I've told everyone that you are!"

"You had us worried!" Sakura says, accentuating what she says with the expression on her face.

Naruto stops. "Yes, we—! Wait, no! I was not worried!"

Sakura decides to ignore him, Naruto thinks, because after she says, to make it sound even worse, "Naruto almost stopped the fight! And he didn’t even know about the injury! If he had known..."

"Hey! No! No, no, no, that's not true, I wasn’t worried about him!” Sakura looks at him, an eyebrow raised. “Well, yes, I was, but only because. Uh. Because, um, I— is, because he's my rival! Yes. Okay? That’s all! And he promised to fight with me sometime! He said he want to fight me! And I want to kick his ass! If he killed him, I wouldn’t be able to! It was just that! That’s— That’s all!”

Sakura blinks at him while Naruto babbles and screams and waves his arms in the air. Sasuke actually seems a bit surprised, his eyes open a fraction more. Naruto starts feeling warm on his face.

"I swear!"

Sasuke blinks. Then he looks at Sakura, who still looks at Naruto with a mixture of surprise and confusion. "I didn’t try to worry..." he says, and he glances at Naruto, who looks away, "… in whatever way," he points out, as a clear hint to the babble that Naruto has just released, "I was fine, that's why I fought, I..."

There is a pause.

"Sasuke-kun?"

When Naruto turns to look at him again, he gets surprised. Sasuke's eyes are dark, looking at something behind him with an emotion Naruto can almost call hate. Naruto almost recoils back, Sasuke's gaze is too intense. Penetrating. And his whole face is shrouded in something somber, dismal. Dark. It gives Naruto a bad taste in his mouth. He had seen Sasuke irritated, annoyed, but as far as he can remember, he hasn’t seen Sasuke really, actually angry at all. Not even once. He didn’t even know that Sasuke could hate something. Less with that intensity.

Naruto frowns and puts a hand on Sasuke's shoulder. The tension in Sasuke's body disappears, though not entirely.

"Hey bastard, are you okay? What's wrong?" Naruto's voice is enough for Sasuke's eyes to soften a little, but they don’t stop to look at the point behind Naruto. Naruto looks back and follows Sasuke's eyes to find a tall boy with glasses that, by the light, cover his eyes, and a... Man? Woman? Man. A man with long hair, marked makeup and a macabre smile. His spooky eyes resemble those of a snake, fixed on his prey, fixed on Sasuke.

"Do you know them, Sasuke-kun? Who are they?" Sakura asks out loud, echoing some of the questions that begin to fill Naruto's mind.

Sasuke doesn’t answer. Instead, he says, "I have to go. See you later."

Sakura stretches her arm and takes him from his wrist. Sasuke doesn’t turn to look at her.

"But you need to go to the nursing first, Sasuke-kun!"

"You guys go first, the dobe needs to get checked his wrist." He says, and without looking at them, he lets go and keeps walking.

When he goes halfway, the snake-eyed man’s smile widens in a way that gives Naruto chills. The other boy puts his glasses on the bridge of his nose and opens his arms. He leans a little towards him and says "Sasuke-kun! We were just going to say hello!"

Naruto frowns. Something about that... feels off. It just... doesn’t seem okay. It gives him a bad taste in his mouth. A strange feeling in the stomach.

Sakura sighs at his side. "That was weird, but well, Sasuke-kun is right, Naruto, you need to take care of that hand."

Naruto frowns deeper when Sasuke gets to where the duo is.

"I know you care about him, and I do too, but Sasuke-kun will be fine. He knows how to take care of himself, and no matter how strange they may seem, you don’t have to judge them by their looks, okay? Sasuke-kun seems to know them. Besides, there’s a lot of people here, I don’t think anything bad will happen; he will be just fine. Come on. Let’s go get you checked.” Sakura's voice is soft, but her grip is a bit harder than it should be as she grabs him by the arm and pulls him, and when Naruto glances at her face, Naruto sees it. It can be noticed the way she tries to hide it, looking away, hiding part of her face with her hair. Her eyes are full with worry.

And although he feels bad and hesitant to do so, although he feels as if a weight were squeezing his stomach and something visceral and ugly was burning his throat with every step he takes, although there is a voice in his head that screams at him from the back to get Sasuke away from there, away from them, although all of that, he keeps walking.

He leaves Sasuke behind.

At that time, he doesn’t know that he will regret doing it years later.

Naruto is corned and asked for autographs before arriving at the nursing. There are smiles and they give him polite hugs and he receives attention from all sides.

It's fantastic. Almost unreal. Surreal. It almost seems like a dream. It's what he's always dreamed of.

It would be better if Sasuke was there, though.

Ero-Sennin takes him to dinner at Ichiraku with Baa-chan that night. He lets him order all the bowls he wants.

He tells him that he saw him on TV and that he is very proud and that they even recorded his fight on a CD. He tells him that he is more famous than he is between the ladies in the neighborhood now while he laughs and ruffles Naruto’s hair. He orders one of those double ice-cream palettes that split in half and shares it with him while he smiles and tells him how proud his parents would be of him.

Tsunade gives him a necklace with a shiny pendant and kisses his forehead when she hangs it on his neck. She smiles at him and tells him kind words and congratulates him with warm, soft eyes.

Ero-Sennin accuses him of having more luck than him with pretty girls.

Naruto laughs.

It is one of the best nights of his life.

His classmates congratulate him a lot (not as much as Sasuke, but yes) the next day.

Even Kiba does.

Things improve a lot from there.

Over time, Naruto learns to hide and push that bad feeling he had at the tip of his mouth when he saw Sasuke with that man in a corner of his mind and not to worry about it.

The three end their science project two weeks before the delivery date. They get an A+ and congratulations from Iruka sensei.

Things are better than they have been for a long time.

In case someone was wondering the places of the tournament:

First place: Uchiha Sasuke.

Second place: Draw, Uzumaki Naruto and Rock Lee.

Third place: Sabaku no Temari.

Thanks everyone for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments! Thank you!! This chapter was more than anything an introduction to how the dynamics of everyone starts here. I hope you liked it!! Thanks again!! And I'm sorry for so many notes, lol.

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