#made me feel so masc
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@tic-loud-tic-proud here they are! the good husbands! :3
(i still need to watch the second season, so no one spoil anything in the tags/comments please <3)
#(they didn't just request this randomly btw. i mentioned it in the tags jkfgb)#good omens made me genderfluid#/j corpse husband did#kjfgn rly th good omens fandom taught me what genderfluidity is#n then after lowkey questioning it for a while. copying corpse husband's like. hand style. with th rings n black nail polish#/that/ was my genderfluid awakening lmao#made me feel so masc#but ye i love crowley#th genderfluid icon#good omens will always have a special place in my heart#aziracrow#aziraphale#crowley#good omens#didderd art#am rusty with hair#but i rly like how az's came out#struggled with it a lot at first lmao#but 't looks nice
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why is being a young butch kind of the most isolating feeling ever
#i feel like people hate people like me#we’re not represented anywhere#not even in media made by lesbians for lesbians#it’s so fucking lonely#lesbian#butch#butch dyke#butch lesbian#masc lesbian#queer masculinity
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honestly want abby to fall asleep on top of me- snoring n everything. her head on my chest, leg hiked up on my waist n all. i’d neverrrrr let her move.
literally want nothing more than this. abby’s leg hiked up around your waist her head laying against your chest and snores coming from her pouty lips. all of her weight rests on top of you, but you welcome it. you were supposed to leave a few hours ago to meet some friends, but you don’t have the heart to move her. so you just rub her back, run your fingers through her hair, smoothing over the top her head. abby whispers your name in her sleep, and it makes you smile.
it’s never like this with her. she usually likes to be one who holds rather than being held. you take comfort knowing how vulnerable she lets herself be around you. her soft breath on your exposed chest, her hands subconsciously land on your hips as her thin sheets barely hold over her hips and yours, her bare skin feels like heaven. strong, freckled back is a sight to see, and you can’t help yourself watching her. you never want to leave this moment, always want to say right here in serenity with her.
#✭・۪ ⊹ ֗ ray nd her nonnies#wow i just made myself feel so single w this 😭#yeah okay abby need u on top of me rn#rayne answers#abby anderson#abby anderson x reader#abby anderson x masc reader#abby anderson x fem!reader#abby anderson x female reader#abby anderson x gn reader#rayne writes
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#I am normal about that old man#doctor who#classic who#classic doctor who#once again he gives me gender euphoria bc i do this and i've been made to feel insecure about it by people#bc if i want to be masc i can't be doing stuff like that anymore. but he does! and he is masc! so fuck you!#doctor who classic#the doctor#second doctor#2nd doctor#the second doctor#patrick troughton#jamie mccrimmon#frazer hines
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Never feel more masc then the times I try to look fem
#Crossdressing as a woman is truly the epitome of being a man#I HAVE to be the most confusing person at the grocery store#Voice of boy? but makeup like girl? but boy mannerisms? Girl hair? Boob? lesbianism? Man? Woman? Man? They? It? Maybe#You'll never fucking know. I hope it keeps you up at night#Committing gender fuckary? In my city?. it's more likely than you would think#It's very obvious how boy I am when I try to girl#I love being a weird little guy#I'm that boy thing wearing a dress what's not clicking here#Transmascs im telling you WEAR THAT MAKEUP!!!!!#PUT ON THAT DRESS!!!#only if you want to ofc but there is nothing more euphoric then dressing like a woman and still feeling like a man#but that's the process. A couple years ago wearing nail polish made me sick to my stomach. AND IM AGENDER!!!!#totally just like rambled in the tags mb#transgender#trans masc#transmasc#agender ism#genderqueer#nonbinary#trans man#trans joy#just fishdeath-ing#genderfluid#genderfuck#multigender#xenogender#genderflux#abinary#transneutral#don't know why I'm tagging this so hard but i learned like three new terms so that pretty cool
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I know this is 100% my personal problem and idk if anyone can relate but as an afab person with some weird gender shit going on I kinda hate it whenever dnp make jokes like "you know us we don't like pussy/tits" etc like 😭 I love that they have fully healed from the comphet "fyi I like vagina" era but I hate being made to feel like a Woman™ because of my anatomy if that makes sense. Like my brain interprets it as "we don't like those traits because they make you a woman and we're gay" idk it gives me like a weird wave of dysphoria every time they say it 😭😭 the first time I watched BIG I interpreted Dan's monologue about "I don't care what kind of anatomy you've got going on, I don't feel attracted to the signs on bathroom doors" as being like trans inclusive but I fear he's walked it back with these constant jokes dsdfghjkl and to be clear I'm not saying anyone is obligated to find me or my body type attractive like that's not what this is about. It's just the equation of genitals/anatomy with gender idk. And this is not even really something that's specific to dnp and I know there's a lot of discourse about genital preferences or whatever idk idk maybe I should've just sent this to phannieconfessions and allowed everyone to take it in the worst possible faith over there. I just need to get it off my chest
#im still trying to figure out if i should book an appointment with a gender specialist#i do have a gender dysphoria diagnosis on my file#but one of the things that's held me back from wanting to try T or whatever for such a long time is this fear of not passing#or of like not fitting into anyone's ideal of gender#like if i were to go on T and start presenting more masc. would that even make me feel better#if i still had to constantly listen to people saying “yeah but you're still a woman tho bc you don't have a dick sorry :)”#i know they're just joking but people on here certainly seem to take those jokes very seriously idk and I'm starting to take it to heart#as well i guess#i need to get back in the fucking gym im so skinny rn and it's making me feel even worse#I've been having trouble eating lately and I've lost a few kg. my arms are so skinny i fucking hate it here#sorry I'm relistening to the stereos and dan made a “we don't like slits” joke + i got like 3 hours of sleep bc i woke up with a migraine#and I'm losing it a bit idk#turning reblogs off because i know this is the piss on the poor website and ppl will decide to interpret this as#“im gonna kms unless dan and phil tell me they wanna fuck me” dssdghhfdjkljhjll 😭😭😭
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tomboy trans girls ily <3 by the law of equivalent exchange, there's got to be a masculine trans woman out there that i switched places with gender-wise. hope she's doing well
#in all seriousness it was trans women who made me finally get out of denial about my own transness#i kept writing off trans men from being Really Men bc i thought every woman hated womanhood and being female‚ and just suffered through#bc society brainwashes you into gender conformity#and ''well‚ i may as well deal with this horrible lot in life'' which is what i thought everybody else also thought#but trans women very obviously were NOT brainwashed by society into wanting to be and enjoying being female. so clearly there was something#wrong with that assumption i had made....#and also‚ with how much people insist you're ''saying women can't be masculine without really being men‚'' it was great to find out#that i don't have to worry about there being less butch women in the world‚ bc there are many trans women who actually love and enjoy being#masc AS WOMEN‚ and i don't need to force myself to be that bc there are people out there who really do want that for themselves‚ despite#everything society tells them#and ofc cis women can be and are butch as well but I'll always feel much more of a connection with masc trans women#bc we're both masculine and trans‚ even though they're obviously going in the opposite direction to me#mtf#transfem#transgender#transsexual#trans#o.
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its crazy to me how people sometimes see kusuo and kusuo transformed as kuriko/kusuko as like.. different people but not ??
im not sure how to phrase it but like.. i once saw fanart of kuriko being shipped with one of the boys and then she transforms back into kusuo and the guy lets go of her and is like "ew.." LIKE BRO WHAT😭
what do u mean u ship kusuo as a girl with someone but not kusuo as a boy.. are YOU being homophobic or do you think the character is homophobic?? either way, what ???
#ive seen this in fics a couple of times but the fanart really got me cuz it was like rlly good art too#its like seeing a genderfluid person as a different person depending on how masc/fem they feel that day#like if u date them are u gonna say ur straight and then not be dating them on whatever days they dont feel like the opposite gender#im ngl not to be dramatic but the fanart made me really sad LMAO#like it feels like.. angsty.. for kusuo#OMG IT REMINDS ME OF MY WIP FIC#OF 'KURIKO' AND AREN WHERE KUSUO DOESNT TELL AREN ITS HIM#maybe thats why it feels sad to me but it just kinda is sad#like imagine being a gay guy but u look like a girl at some point and a guy likes u#but then finds out ur a boy and they're like 'yuck!'#thats so satousai core actually#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo#meows post
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so I just finished reading the spirit bares its teeth and never before have I felt both so seen and so horrified and so viciously satisfied in my life
Anyways I’m gonna go have a crisis about it now, happy reading
#the spirit bares its teeth#silas bell#daphne luckenbill#andrew joseph white#literally tho this book made me feel so seen while also capturing some of my darkest fears as a trans masc person#And I would literally die for daphne you Don’t Understand#Anyways guess I’ll sit in silence and stare at the wall for a couple hours in blank contemplation now
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i watched I Saw The TV Glow and now i’m debating my gender very terribly hard rn
#venting in the tags sorry public#i actually did sort of ‘transition’ in 7th grade#i went by a different name i cut my hair and it actually made me really happy#the only reason i was (TW) doing so bad mentally was because i hated my body#i also was on drugs and obviously that isn’t good#but i felt so judged by my peers that i was embarassed to be ftm so i got more feminine#and not only that but coming out was too tiring#way more tiring than coming out to everyone as a lesbian#and i got comfortable in my femininity and it was never an issue but i have always felt like something was missing#i love being masculine and i like he/him pronouns a lot#but 9 times out of 10 when i’m feminine i just don’t feel like me#i feel like someone else#but i’m scared to admit or even consider the possibility that i’m not a girl at all#i’m comfortable identifying as genderfluid but…idk#the label has never felt like me.#none of them do. and i know i don’t have to label myself but unlabled/queer isn’t me either#the only one that i felt comfortable being was trans masc/trans ftm. so#i’m going through it#gender identity is confusing#reia rambles idk
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On the topic of hormones, I love trans men, transmasculine people, abinary, multigender people, or whomever else who takes estrogen and trans women, transfeminine, abinary, multigender people, or whomever else who takes testosterone.
There is no "right" way to transition. You don't have to be a perfectly binary, gender conforming trans person in order to take hormones. We all have different levels of estrogen and testosterone, and that means women and nonbinary people don't have to have estrogen-dominant systems and men and nonbinary people don't have to have testosterone-dominant systems. Do what sparks joy and if it's shit, hit the bricks!
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#i think people who take 'nonconforming' hormones for their gender are so cool 👍#and it's made me so much more comfortable in my own relationship with hormones and my body and how my identity plays into it#because my sense of self is nuanced but i was always under pressure to think 'i'm a man so i can ONLY have testosterone in my system'#and that's shitty because at that point i couldn't transition medically and i felt like less of a man#but the people who are so commited to breaking gender apart with their teeth have made me so much more comfortable#i wish somebody could have been there to tell me my hormones didn't dictate my entire sense of if i'm a 'real man' though#also this isn't an attack on trans men/masc people taking testosterone and the inverse for estrogen#sometimes i see people reading way too into these posts and assuming that the OP is saying they hate 'conforming' trans people#(i'm a trans man* who is transitioning 'conformingly' if anybody is thinking the tags previously are true)#(also i am very content being a trans man who takes testosterone so my gender doesn't feel threatened when a trans man takes E y'know?)#(you don't have to understand it but you DO have to treat them like human beings who have bodily autonomy)
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alright i finished this so i need to celebrate my accomplishment (???) by sharing it to the world
BETTER versions of my trio designs. because boo boo the other old ones were BORING and TOO SIMPLE and lowhighkey UGLY. i had no idea what i was thinking when i made this but i guess design notes before to see if i can figure out what the fuck these mean 💀
killer🔪:3
he got a GLOW UP!!! when i was figuring him out i was thinking like. this man needs to look combat ready he CANNOT look chill and relaxed he MUST look good to fight. killer can't catch a break 💀 anyways. it's ALSO not revealing (⁎˃ᴗ˂⁎) because i feel he would NOT wear that stuff cmon flirty =/= revealing. his charms are found through his words and actions (stabbing someone through the heart) (speaking of the heart i couldn't be bothered to draw his soul mb)
the gloves/shirt/leggings under his clothes may LOOK seperate. but its actually all one big piece!!! because i thought it would be silly and funny :3 but like on a serious note i like this because it provides an extra layer of protection (both in a fight and not) and like. a sense of anonymity i guess??? like you can't see killer's natural body you cant SEE who he was before because hes changed that much (or i guess HE cant see who he was b4 wtvr)
actually a lot of killer's outfit has meaning behind it. knee pads = unnatural body imitation killer is a whole new being now not monster (also adding 2 the combat look :3) belts = restraint killer needs to stay in line and do as he's ordered (i needed some visual interest 💀) zippers on shoes?? actually no meaning i just thought it would be cute. somehow i managed to find meanings 4 all of the trio's zippers. killer's is jammed in that spot. show like idk he is irreversibly changed to what he is now (a lot of this makes no sense)
horror 🪓 :3
if you remove all the rips in the clothes he'd be the most basic out of all of them. but theyre there so he's NOT the most basic! 4 horror i was thinking like "you can see he's fucked up but you can also see he's desperately trying to keep it together" type feel. i totally didnt steal those under socket lines (thank you mania and paranoia for donating to your og versions :3) to make horror look more 🌀🌀🌀 (cannot describe it)
the cloak was stolen from undyne trust. he wears it as a power move FUCK YOU!!! to her :3 also it looks royal and regal which could kinda show like horror's power and sway over snowdin. he's DEFINITELY not a king but he is a provider and a lot of what he says goes around those parts. a lot of ppl look to him as like world's shittiest leader(ish). also i just wanted him to have something unique!
underneath horror's jacket his shirt is reaaaally torn he should probably replace it. there are some holes from when he was pinned down with spears during the core incident and then the whole lower half is just totally torn off from that one comic 💀 but thats why the jacket is zipped up! however the zipper broke and now the jacket can't unzip! (because horror struggles with the fact that horrortale ISNT gonna be perpetually shitty (everyone say thanks aliza) and would rather nobody see him vulnerable)
dust🧣:3
i didn't change much about him lowkey he's pretty much wearing the same CLOTHES. just that the style and way he's wearing them changed. wanted him to give like,,,,, comfy (because bro did not change out of his sansish clothes) but also like FOCUSED o(≧口≦)o like horror he has the under socket line but thats just to make him look more stressed and tired
i moved around the scarf to NOT be around his neck bc it was sooo annoying drawing the hood and then having to account for the scarf. it kind gave him a baby face vibe which i did NOT like. also i think dust would wear the scarf however. very versatile as long as the scarf remains intact. so it COULD go around waist COULD be around neck COULD be around limbs
i didn't mean to do this but the black thingy around his shoulders (was originally there just to fill in the empty space without the scarf there 💀) could be seen as like mourning wear. again with the silly zipper symbolism but dust's zipper is fine its not broken like horror or killer's are because he chose to go down this path. dust CHOSE to zip it up and now its too late to go back now (so bro MUST power through ‼️‼️ he cant unzip the zipper now!!!!)
overall i like these. usually i like coming up with cool unique character designs its so fun but my trio was hard (im hard). probably bc i didnt wanna make then wear anything too weird Dx BUT NOW AT LEAST THEY ALL LOOK LESS BABY!!!! i think i depicted how i see them though like ughhh cannot explain but now they look like how i want them to sound
#i love love LOVE the cloak i gave horror its so fun and silly#it makes him feel so much more im better than you superior asshole vibes#these were inspired by like some old mtt but girl drawings i made a year ago and never showed anyone#so like. i feel like it shouldve been MORE fem looking than the olds ones but surprisingly not#they look gender neutral now!!!! YES!!!!!! mtt just skeletons could look fem or masc but i dont think they would#so they wear clothing in between!!! besides if i wanted to make them girly i have jk fashion au for that#i said no slutty killer but i feel that way for all of them. they wouldn't go around shirtless or wearing tight clothing#they are covered up i swear. none of these fucks are comfortable enough with themselves and anyone else to wear anything revealing#me when i see killer or horror with no shirt on (PUT ON A SHIRT!!! ESPECIALLY KILLER!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING SHIRTLESS THAT EXPOSES YOUR SOUL#and horror's probably scrawny and his bones are brittle so why would be expose them to the elements even more 😭😭 AND he lives in snowdin#something something dust and horror have more classic similar smiles while killers isnt#i was just bullshitting with the mourning outfit dust thing but from the upper half he lowkey does look like it#like a grief stricken depressed maiden. what a surprise that he feels bad after killing everyone he loves#i drew killer with knives here but what i really wanted to draw were like chained blades. sickles. a sword. other blades than just a knife#i actually was gonna draw my trio with different weapons 😭😭 but then i got sidetracked and just drew them with different clothes#when i was drawing dust i was like OH SHIT HE LOOKS WAAAAY TOO MUCH LIKE CLASSIC SANS.#it was unnerving. this is why i give them all different eye shapes to differentiate them!#now they all look more serious and grown up. even tho theyre all grown adult fucking men and damn horror's like 30#dust and killer look more ready to fight and horror looks more like. authoritative???? idk but its a good look 4 then#i desillyfied them. i /srsed them. i got rid of all the fun and whimsy but its ok i guess. maybe these will be easier to draw at least#UGHHH now i have to memorize these designs. only downside.....#now they all dont look similar or like branches of eachother. idk how to feel about that#prior they were clearly all connected. like a precure team they had differences but the overall vibe was the same#does this mean i have to change the mst's outfits to fit with the mtt's now 😭😭 dont wanna!! i dont wanna redraw the mst!!!#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#tricule art
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it’s crazy how much having a safe place to be yourself and express your identity and personality and interests, both online and irl, can change your will to live. honestly.
#i came out to my fav professor/mentor today#it was kind of impulsive but idk#she’s just made me feel so safe and supported and cared ab#that honestly all i wanted to do was tell her#and hear what my new chosen name sounds like when she says it. idk.#anyway she was So incredibly receptive and understanding and supportive#like she said things i needed to hear that i didn’t even know i needed to hear#at one point she essentially reassured me that she doesn’t and won’t ever love me any less as a boy#and she immediately wanted to call me by my chosen name and use my preferred pronouns#and she kept telling me too that there’s no pressure or need to stress and that if i ever wanna adjust the name or pronouns i can#and that gender isn’t a fixed thing ofc#she told me that she’s proud of me too#god i’m so luckyyyy dude#i feel so loved and cared about#also i said in an email recently that i was looking for a part time job (like totally as a separate thing i mentioned bc of scheduling stuff#and totally unprompted today#she started talking to me about getting a paid position for me set up with some grant money ig??#which we were already tentatively planning on doing next semester#but bc she saw me say that she’s trying to get it set up now 🥺🥺#AGH i kinda love my life rn#but i’m so terrified to and im even more afraid to admit that#anyway so sorry this is an excessive amount of tags#silas speaks#vent#trans#transmasc#trans masc#transgender#queer#lgbtq+
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its also crazy bc in the past few years ive changed so much in how i present myself. since i was in middle school i used to hate how feminine i looked, and i would actively try to appear masculine, and felt my skin crawl whenever i was referred to as a girl. and now im in a place where i can look and feel feminine and not hate myself for it
dont get me wrong, i still experience dysphoria! esp abt my chest. but ive done a lot of internal work to find myself at peace w how i look. there's certain aspects of myself that will always catch me off guard or bother me, but at least i'm not scared of myself anymore
#like im v much still leaning towards masc#and i use masc pronouns for myself#but ive embraced loving frills and girly things#and its made me feel so so much better
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one thing I wish I saw in trans representation more was having hormone discorders/etc. i don't think I've ever even seen a trans masc with pcos in a show or anything! or a trans fem with hormone deficiency!!
#if younger me had seen that kind of representation i feel they'd be alot more confident#for me pcos can be gender euphoric thanks to more muscle mass and hair and etc; but it can be so isolating as well#i have to dig around everywhere to see if hrt will be different for me and more. its tough.#like having pcos has made doctors look at me like im a broken woman or just a tomboy#its a little scary#anyways ramble over#van's shitbox#pcos#trans#transgender#trans masc#trans fem
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locus is so gender. no I will not elaborate.
#rvb locus#rvb#(yes I will actually)#(wearing my hair back in a simple lil pony at the nape of my neck like he did)#(made me feel so masc for some reason)#(am I an 18th century boy off to fight the British or am I a merc off to fuck up a planet)#(you decide)#text
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