#made at 3:30 at night
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I found a new drawing site, so…. Roxy’s downtown theater Jane doe 🙏🙏🙏
#Roxy’s downtown theater#art#my art#Rtc#ride the cyclone#jane doe rtc#scaredy#this is a VERY quick sketch#made at 3:30 at night#Sorry if it’s bad
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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happy birthday dallon!
#dallon weekes#idkhow#my art#this made me lose so much sleep#i had to do it all in one night because. im not gonna be here may 1-5#so here i am. apr 30. cramming this when i should be packing for my dumbass trip#i have to get up at 5am tomorrow what the fuck man#its almost 3#but#id say it was worth it :3 <3#i gave up once i started drawing his jacket lol
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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it
#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL#AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP#yep that was meee :3#man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did#but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying#I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious#I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep#then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh#I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking#so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital#luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point#so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like#I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do#and I was scared it might make things worse#but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack#luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone#and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there#I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city#bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there#so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by#I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before#I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches#so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die#cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome#but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug#but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication#now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf#sleep.txt
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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it's late, you're playing tunes
[black version below]
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#doodles#practicing while in the car with my dad :) <3#these were all drawn over the course of like 30-40 minutes#//i LOVE the guaze brush sm btw i would DIE for the gauze brush ! ! ! hfbhs#//anyway this piece is heavily associated with my dad's playlist now. forever attached to those sounds lol#//aren't trees beautiful though? i don't think i think about it enough#they're so elegant. and pretty. with their leaves and lines and slopes and subtle movements#they're so Vibrant !! SO vibrant#perfect kind of creature all around. trees <3#//anywho. good night :>#i gotta rerun a bunch of the stuff i made the other week lol - keep forgetting to do thattt lol#yee :) okey ciao hfsh ~+~
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Lab Rats screenshots I took that amuse me to some degree ❇️ 1 ❇️ [2] [3] [4] [5] [6]
#it's the first day of college today and I went to bed at 10pm last night and woke up 3am which is 3 hours ahead of my alarm#and classes are from 8 am to 3:30 pm I'm going to be so tired today someone help me 😭 I wasn't able to fall back asleep and it's now 5:30#so I made this to make myself feel better. Some of these are stupid but hey they either made me exhale through my nose or smile#I'll use some of these for text posts but in the mean time hopefully you enjoy some of these like I do#spike flying through the air is absolutely killing me#disney lab rats#lab rats#adam davenport#bree davenport#chase davenport#spike davenport#leo dooley
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y’all I just got the MOTHERLOAD of all pastries
#I have not eaten this much in months#My aunt found a cool bakery like an hour away so we made it this whole thing#I stay over at her house we leave at 5:30#We buy donut for her students (12 or 15)#then the following:#Two homemade pop tarts two tag-a-long Girl Scout cookie donuts 2 thin mint GS donuts a French cruller with vanilla frosting a caramel role#3 plain cake donut one cake donut with chocolate frosting one chantilly cream mousse cake four macarons in espresso chocolate rasberry and#Black berry (I wanted lemon but panicked and said rasberry) a ham and cheese croissantFollowed by two loafs of bread and an orange spice te#And McDonald’s Hashbrowns#To be clear this is all being shared and my aunt planned to spend a decent chunk of money#It was something like 112 bucks?#Not as bad as I thought tbh#We had four boxes of baked goods. Four. Boxes.#You know what I eat every other day of my life? A bowl of yogurt in the morning and a bowl of veggies with egg at night#I don’t usually consume the amount of calories I just ate in a week#Mutuals sending you pastries#So early morning roads showing up at peoples doors and handing them treats + tea? Pretty much perfect
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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okay the hardest part of having sleep issues isn't actually the sleep difficulties. it's the potential for silliness.
doing something at night increases an activity's silliness factor by at least 50. standing on your kitchen counters during the day? okay, ig. standing on them at night? absolutely hilarious activitiy. chasing ants at 2am? god tier comedy when you tell your friends. sending wizard memes to people at 4am about how your sleep schedule is fucked up is literally only applicable at night!!!
#sorry if this makes no sense#it made sense in my head 30 mins ago#but since then the melatonin has won over the desire to be silly#and i will be zonking out to a youtube video essay in like the next 90 seconds#good night y'all <3#zip quips
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🥱...
#I've done a thing :3#been having the worst run of bedtimes and really feeling the effects (why do I do this? eh... multiple reasons but it is not helpful)#so in an attempt to have some fun with breaking the midnight to 1 am bedtime habit I made a new sideblog#it's called robins-bedtime-tracker dot tumblr dot com#anyway I plan to update that blog for a while w my bedtimes of the previous night. I don't particularly care if friends follow or view it#I just ask that you only follow it if you know me!#might turn into somewhat of a journal or something idk#and I don't know how long I'll keep updating it#but it exists! and you can track your local robin's bedtime if you want to! I don't mind!#mostly it's for my own viewing because I'm reliably on my laptop every day so I'll remember to update it daily#I don't have a set goal like every day I have to go to bed before midnight just an overall goal to get my bedtime *usually* before 11:30—#—if there aren't extenuating circumstances#and possibly to push it even earlier than 11:30 but let's not get TOO excited lol#Robin speaks
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read the scratch upd8. little too close to home
#tw vent#in tags at least#when i was reading hs like 3 ish years ago i related a lot to vriska and terezi cause i was in what i think was a really destructive#friendship qpp thing with my best friend online and a boy who liked both of us but mostly her.i was incredibly isolated irl as was my friend#and all my other online friends. i really should have seen that something bad could happen but i didnt and i got into a really deep#depression for like 3 months after but. my dearest friend girl decided to start befriending a 30 yo man and i. like an idiot. followed her#like a lovesick puppy even though all the warning bells were going off. we were in a gc with him that we texted in at all times of the day &#night and we shared selfies and dreams and our daily problems with isolation or hw or whatever. he got more and more creepy and my dearest#friend lashed out at him because she was scared while i sort of stopped talking as much because i was scared but. he still talked to me lots#in dms. he talked shit about the authority figures in our lives and isolated us from our ither online friends he made creepy picrews of me &#my friend getting married and he talked about moving in with us one day. we blocked him but sometimes he still tries to contact me. after it#blew up my friend left me and discord which is probably best and after my depression time i eventually got an irl friend or two but. i never#got over it. he did it to other people too we found out later. he always complimented me on being so sharp and talented and it was nice caus#it was really my first compliment from an adult who wasnt my family and. ig it got to my 14 yo head. anyways. the update made me cry. i had#read that it was bad and knew it would be bad for me specifically cause doc scratch always reminds me of that time in my life but. i didnt#think it would be that bad. i dont blame hs2 creators or anyone else and ig im glad i braved the storm but it was really painful to read#gonna go watch a more light hearted thing now.#if anyone sees this dw ill get over it#anyways. believe the warnings this update is very triggering and you can skip it if you want#glad i have like 5 followers rip
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hi so i just finished bridge to terabithia and now i’m unwell and my eyes are red because i’ve been crying before i’d even reached 20 minutes of it for i actually knew what was going to happen and by the time i reached an hour something something i just straight up sobbing screaming into my pillow. and now it’s 12 am and i’m still thinking about them. because god, look at them, how they were, the little world they lived in, wouldn’t you just love that, to run away, to escape, to grasp that childhood naivety and innocence that you lost a long time ago, to feel the sun in your skin and the air in your lungs and to paint fantasies and laugh and play and run hidden away from the world and find an old run down tree house and decided to make it your own little shelter and pin up canvases on the worn wood and paint and let your creativity goes wild and have someone understand you and gets you and do it with you, and wouldn’t you just love to have something so constant, so sincere, so genuine, so pure, so real, that there wasn’t anything else. if i knew i was going to cry this much, if i knew how much space this movie would make in my life, i wouldn’t have started this movie tonight. i would have been in peace on the floor of my room, not realizing how badly i actually want something like this even though i would never unironically admit this to anyone in my life or even myself when i’m outside of the familiar place of my mind, for that matters
#bridge to terabithia#how am i supposed to recover#i wasn’t planning to write a paragraph about it but yeah i kinda love this movie i guess#i needed a good cry and the universe didn’t stop me from choosing this movie i don’t know if that’s nice or simply mean#i was going to watch la la land after this but that’s not gonna happen now#i’m not reading back what i wrote otherwise i would just delete it because i’d think this movie deserves better more coherent thoughts#and i’d say that i’d just rewrite it tomorrow but then i wouldn’t#because nothing would ever beat the “everything i create has to be great or nothing” in me#and i never am proud of what i made unless it’s supposedly only for my viewing#so i actually don’t know if what i just wrote make sense but yeah#my eyes feel so weird right now#also the ending was definitely up to interpretations!! (spoiler alert* just in case)#i myself personally like to believe he dreamed up the last 30 minutes of it and didn’t even go to the museum#and so he’ll just wake up definitely shocked but then still find leslie in her house who was just about to meet him so they could go!!#and because the rope was cut off by the lightning from last night they decide to build the bridge so everyone could cross safe and sound!!#i like my ending better they really should change it#but no all and all the end was really beautiful#even though it took me maybe even an hour to get through it because i keep sobbing and have to repeat over and over to hear what they said#yeah okay anyways sorry for the rant<3#i’m not sure what this is#but glad i could get it off my chest#let’s see how to tag how to tag#movies#just#childhood#whatever <3#nadirants
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I hate taking naps but I think I'm gonna go snork mimimimimi 😴 See you guys later
#dru speaks#i only got 5 hours of sleep last night :'3#they made me be AT THE SCHOOL by 6:30 am so i could play in the band at graduation#and i'm EEPY#i don't like napping but i think i gotta this time X3
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so anxious abt work today that my brain is telling me to show up Now..... 90 minutes early............. inner chilchuck where are you...... save me....... save me inner chilchuck...............
#so anxious abt work today i also hardly slept last night#went to bed at around midnight and woke up at 2:30 (not that unusual i have intermittent sleep) but then i couldn't stop thinking#abt work today n couldn't fall asleep so i had to go downstairs and eat a whole ass meal and then play games for two hours or so#in order to calm down and then finally fall asleep for 3~4 more hours#i am once again the worker w/the most experience in our programs doing camp today which would be fine if the kids were decently behaved#but they are not and so yesterday i asked them all why we need to always threaten them with write-ups n quiet time for them to behave#and they're kids so they didn't rlly have an answer yet but i told them to think abt it#and ofc there are some kids who are Supremely Anxious abt getting written up asking me if i will write them up#and i'm like buddy you are one of the characters constantly acting up and horsing around here. the other staff have written you up regularly#n funny enough their answer yesterday was that they thought they could get away with their poor behavior#which certainly is an answer that i have No Idea how to respond to#the worm speaks#i chatted with some of them a bit more later n the details are mostly that they're acting on their emotions#so i kind of want to print out that 'decisions made in anger cannot be undone' img to laminate n post on the wall at work
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regret to report i bought the woooooorst premade strawb margaritas yesterday but pleased to announce that they are passably drinkable if you add so much extra lime juice and also strawberry syrup and drink it sort of fast so that the taste doesn't linger too much
#i like tequila but something about however they made this is Wrong. and bad even#blondiepost#yes i am having a marg at 3:30 PM. and what's more is that i'm writing yuri for the first time in like. almost a week#okay that's like a little bit of a lie bc i wrote yuri on thursday night but only a LITTLE
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