#loving me despite my changes
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Most recent writing (thing-ish):
Pile 1: For Your Eyes Only
(This is a pile for things that I'm not averse to people seeing.)
A Day Off With Fluttershy [file under MLP, fluff]: | 1 | 2 |
I, Spy (ao3 link)
Starry Knight [file under MLP, semi-graphic depiction of violence, death... isekai. lol]: Death
CAR [file under MLP, nosleep]
Soldier TF2 and Medic TF2 in... Roughing It! [file under TF2, dnadispenser contest, implied death]: The First Part
School Projects [file under wild_card]: A Poison Tree
Minty Python's House of Horsefeathers (fimfiction link)
Pony Rituals [file under MLP, uhhhh idk fluff?]: The Whole Dang Doc
Rainbow Factory (same as below): Showing Off
Miscellaneous: Winter's Stare
Pile 2: Destroy Before Reading
(These are only here for posterity and archive purposes and so I can keep track of them. Highly recommend you do not read.)
Prototype [file under MLP, death, injury, dessication, body horror, etc.]: What Did I, How To Learn, After The Talk, The End For Him At Least, How To Learn & How To Know
Rainbow Factory [file under MLP, Rainbow Factory]: Exposé, Experimentation, Introductions, What are you..., Some kind of uh...
The Amazing Hero's Journey of Vinyl Scratch [file under MLP, bad idea and bad execution that doesn't even fit the original bad idea I had]: The Calm
Something Something Bon Bon = Changeling [file under MLP]: Doing Something Nice For Lyra, Sweet Dreams, Sweetie Drop, Fear is Power, Ponies are Cute!, They would know / Now they'll all know
Miscellaneous [file under haha yeah the contents of these posts are not indicative of the author's mental state. also, they're not well written (c'est la vie), cringe]: I'm sorry They won't Live to See - the Promise of Eternity, Some more lies I want to get out of me
#my little pony#mlp#mlp fim#mlp g4#fanfiction#fanfic#writing#pinned post#loving me despite my changes#rainbow factory: prototype#rainbow factory: escape#not my art#minty python#the amazing hero's journey of vinyl scratch#no escape from the rainbow factory#pony rituals#tf2: roughing it#tf2#fluttershy
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hope you feel better soon!
I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!
#ask#non mdzs#My health journey has been: Hernia -> acid reflux -> Vocal pain due to aforementioned reflux -> chest infection.#I'm terrified to know what's about to hit me next. Please let it be something kind. PLEASE.#The consequence of living with linguists is that you'll wake up with a wacked up voice -#suddenly you're sitting you down in front of a program called something like Praat having your shimmer and jitter levels calibrated.#They gave me a GRBAS of 33012. I have a fun thing called a pitch break where a whole octave just does not exist.#My vocal pain was bad enough I ended up seeing a speech pathologist and that whole experience was super neat!#I learnt a lot about voice - to be honest I might make a little comic on it after some more research. Fascinating stuff.#For example; your mental perception of our voice modulates the muscles of the vocal folds and larynx.#meaning that when you do have changes (inflammation = more mass = lower frequency)#your brain automatically attempts to correct it to what it 'should sound like'. Leading to a lot more vocal strain and damage!#And it gets really interesting for trans voice care as well - because the mental perception of one's voice isn't based on an existing sampl#So a good chunk of trans voice training is also done with the idea of finding one's voice and retraining the brain to accept it. Neat!#Parkinsonial Voice also has this perception to musculature link! The perception is that they are talking at a loud/normal volume#but the actual voice is quite breathy and weak. So vocal training works on practicing putting more effort into the voice#and retraining the brain to accept the 'loud' voice as 'normal'.#Isn't the human body fascinating?#Anyhow; Now I have vocal exercises and strategies to reduce strain and promote healing.#Which is a lot better than my previous strategy of yelling AAAH in my car until my 'voice smoothed out'.#You can imagine the horror on the speech path's face. I am an informed creature now.#I'm my own little lab rat now. I love learning and researching. Welcome to my tag lab. Class is dismissed.#I'll be back later with a few more answered asks </3 despite everything I'm still going to work and I need the extra sleep.#Thank you for the well wishes! And if you read all of that info dump; thank you for that as well!
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din’s champion
#tloz#ocarina of time#oot#ganondorf#din#um#ganondin#…..does anyone here ship them ha. hahaha#i mean their whole thing is funny actually because she didnt even choose him but he managed to steal her triforce and#so then hes her ‘chosen’ by technicality. but with her virtue being power it’s maybe kinda one and the same#and anyway beyond that point i feel like she loves shaking him around like a mortal dog toy#but like in some way she also must have believed in him enough to give him Power in a different lifetime. so he’d survive his own execution#i;m just saying there is so much you can interpret about their relationship. despite her being#literally an unseen 4th dimensional being who is the embodiment of power and fire and change amd earth itself etc#like what do they think of each other. what does she think of this tiny mortal who somehow stole a piece of her and now theyre bound by it#take my hand walk w me thru mortal x god hyperdimensional traumatic power imbalance situationship. and youre both girls
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you know im unable to shut up when i have any opinion on zelda (though i try and have thus far succeeded at not commenting on any other concept from the darn book)- i find most totk ganondorf concept art worse than what we got to insulting even (of those i have seen) ..... this one though
much more the one in the background than the one up front, still at least he has the collar and the weapon we saw in the first trailer of things that never happen in the end (like so much else)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#it looks like he got actual shoes in the bg one#which i like#also the big flowing robe is jsut cool as fuck#i like old japanese aesthetic but i still dont think it fits at all in totk#like its so clearly done to other him from the gerudo despite wearing their symbol all over#idk it looks so much more unique and memorable#sorry but totk gan normal looks a lil boring though i like the pattern in the robe#and his deeeemon form looks more like they tried to do demise again but not quite#like yeah lets use the design things on the uncool and forgotten and possibly retconned villain#and staple it too the much more known one :)#like yes he looks different from the gerudo still and very much still japanese in this concept#but it .... just kinda looks more unique and interesting to me#like in an either go all the way or leave it kinda way#yes i am biased#i love both demise and gan#anyway- i am still a prisoner of art (cant draw weeeee)#(plus IRL stress with my parents and weather change thus migraine yippiiie)
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Thinking about vampires, death, life, and the space they occupy in between
#to be or not to be. that is the question#ty adam for being my model for dramatic vampire moment#musings on the thinkings about:#when to live you are required to hurt others. you must repeatedly ask yourself what the value of your life is#To sleep... perchance to dream...#ah. THERES THE RUB.#ok I actually couldnt come up with too many thoughts. I had a lot more while I was drawing this but I guess I put them in the painting LOL#reading that soliloquy and being like damn this is just like vampires#the reality of course is that the soliloquy is a debate over suicide and ultimately making the choice to live#even if just out of fear of the unknown#and vampires are about dying and then in undeath choosing to continue to live#despite the fear of eternity and loneliness and hurting others#theyre not the same. but like let me thiiink come onnnn I'm allowed to thiiink and have incomplete thoughts#I would have to write like a proper essay about this to organize my thoughts. this is the tags on a tumblr post.#anyways finished episode 79#working on patreon stickers for this month (and next month soon)#and working on book 4. taking a pause from episodes cause I've got 3 weeks of buffer now... UGH#I'm so mad that they changed it. it would have been 5 weeks before but it's fine it's whatever#anyways yeah taking a break from episodes to make my book now!#its good stuff.#and this painting is good stuff#banger after banger from me tbh#this was a little relaxing giving myself a couple hours to muse#it's necessary for my health and I always forget that til I do a painting...#I loved doing the little landscape in the background too I should do that more! I love how plants are just like whatever shape you want#like you can make up any plant you want and not only does that plant PROBABLY exist somewhere#a weirder plant exists somewhere too. so. literally whatever you want#ok bye again for a few days while I get back to work
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The first ever "links meet" au I ever stumbled upon was the sweetest fic ever that I'm so sad I lost and haven't found again yet cause for the longest time that au was just 100% canon in my head lol and I still like it so much I want to find it again :( I remember it being actively updated back in 2014 when I was active in the zelda fandom (before my 10 year hiatus and me joining back again this year lol)
But basically the au played with the idea that hylia has like a special place in the afterlife for the hero's spirit, as compensation for their service to her and the 3 golden goddesses, so when a link dies the little afterlife space starts getting buildings or landmarks the link loved during life
So the au starts with ss!link chilling there alone, but he's able to see what his successors do from the afterlife! Then mc!link joins him when he dies and basically the little space starts getting bigger and bigger the more links die and join the little afterlife space
The only link who never joins because he is like THE hero's spirit is the first hero, and if I remember correctly ss!link tries the entire fic to meet him despite knowing it won't happen :(
Since it was during 2014 I remember the last link joining everyone was albw!link and I thought it was THE cutest cause the other links nicknamed him ALBY and like isn't that the cutest nickname ever
ANYWAY, i may have gotten some things wrong cause like...IT'S BEEN 1O YEARS LMAO but if anyone remembers it or if the author reads this, just know that I haven't stopped thinking about that au and that I love it with all my heart and I would love anyone forever if they find it again for me 🥺💖
#it was pretty great cause ss!link was like THE senior link and everyone like respected him and he was the leader#but like he was just chilling and being his eepy self despite existing for millenia lmao#i remember mc!link was my fave cause he pulled the seniority card with the other links all the time#but he liked representing himself as a little kid in the afterlife which made the dynamic so funny lol#also his nickname was mini which was like so cute mini hero#ravio was there too like albw!link (alby) perpetual roommate even in the afterlife lmao#ANYWAY THIS AU...THIS FIC....IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME#AUTHOR I LOVE YOU YOU DON'T KNOW ME BUT YOU CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER#i really wanna find this fic again it's ao special to my heart and soul#miry's yapping
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The manticore, origami, one square sheet of paper
#mine#origami#manticore#RED#what a lovely sendoff to this red wax pastel.... completely different feeling depending on your screen I'm afraid.#for me it's sharingan levels of hurt on mobile and almost disappointingly orange on desktop.#do switch around your devices for the complete manticore experience.#this is adapted from a winged lion model by Mauricio Flórez Pinzón#I'll make a post with a link and some photo resources#basically the only changes needed was a modification of the tail and a bit of unfriendlyness added to the mane#his was more inspired by st marc's lion i imagine#too much of a cherub vibe for my purpose#otherwise absolutely excellent model#very easy collapsing#GREAT weight distribution: despite my moving the tail to the center and the head being pretty voluminous is still stands on its 4 legs#i had no problem of the model opening up and flattening itself or anything#and there are plenty of sculpting possibility#all the while the shape is pretty understandable already from the collapsed model
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toji with prompt 5 pretty please
( deadbeat dad /j. )
౨ৎ incl. toji fushiguro.
౨ৎ a/n. i KNOW what my bio says but i'm multifaceted. literally so in love with this deadbeat and i hope it shows.
The second time Toji ever felt love was when he looked into Tsumiki’s big, brown eyes for the first time.
Then the third came with a small head of black hair and the name he’d chosen long before he'd known whether his kid would be a boy or a girl: Megumi.
From then on, life was a journey for him.
Growing up, Tsumiki was much calmer than Megumi, who would fuss and cry at every little thing. His papa wouldn't read to him long enough? He'd bawl his eyes out. He couldn't reach the fridge handle because his legs were too stubby? Waterworks. His toy was missing after he'd been the one to misplace it? He'd throw a fit.
Toji would honestly curse himself for even thinking he could fall asleep for more than 20 minutes before his son would toddle into the room, promptly disturbing his dad's nap by pouncing onto his stomach or latching onto his arm.
You, however, found it pretty funny.
"Shit's not anythin' to giggle about," Toji would grumble at you, his beauty sleep interrupted as you laughed, glaring at Megumi as he clambered onto his father's chest, bouncing his bottom up and down and beating on him with his tiny fists.
There have been multiple instances where Megumi's been in a good mood, though. You'll never forget the pictures you took of him napping, holding his big sister's hand in his smaller one as they both rested on top of Toji's large chest, his hands cradling both their heads while he snored.
Toji is so bad at not cursing in front of his kids. It's a horrible habit, but he can't seem to grasp the fact that 4-year-olds aren't supposed to be saying the same unsavory words that roll off his tongue so easily.
"Fuck!" he'd let it slip a few times when he accidentally hurt himself, and in typical kid fashion, they were always around to hear something they shouldn't.
"Fuk?" The fact that Megumi was the very picture of innocence while such a filthy word came tumbling out of his mouth (and paired with a smile!) rattled his father.
"What's 'fuck'?" Tsumiki asked, barely much older than her brother. Toji could only pray you didn't hear that.
"Wh— not so loud! Don't repeat that shi— that stuff. Yer gonna get me in trouble with Mama."
(you indeed did hear and he got his ass beat later)
Calls Megumi and Tsumiki 'rugrats.'
He didn't realize just how little time he'd have for romance with his kids around. Every single time Toji leans in to press his lips on his yours, no matter where you two may be, they come running from around the corner (apparently, they'd been watching for a while), darting between your legs and making fake retching noises as they giggle at the scowl on their dad's face.
Toji's the kind of dad to lose one kid in the store, turn around to ask the other kid where their sibling went, only to find them both gone LMFAO.
Stiffens up when he hears an "I love you," or even when he receives a hug from either one of his children. Hugs take some coaxing from you, but he doesn't dislike them (he'd never admit it, what with his tough guy persona, but Toji's kids make him so soft inside.)
#toji fushiguro x reader#toji x reader#toji fushiguro#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen toji#sorry i’ve been on hiatus#okay let me rant. i'm obssessed with the way toji's first and only love until the very end was megumi's mother#like. he was looked at like a piece of shit because of the fact that he couldn't see curses by his clan#but then here comes ms fushiguro. and she LOVED HIM despite all of his shit. SHE LOVED HIM SO BAD GUYS OH MY GOD#and till the very end he NEVER got over her. NEVER.#gege you make me sick btw#probably gonna change my layout again#ᴊᴇʟʟʏ'ꜱ ɴᴏᴛᴇʙᴏᴏᴋ .ᐟೀ#ᴊᴇʟʟʏ ᴀɴꜱᴡᴇʀꜱ 𓈒 ˖༉ 𓇼
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˚˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚ 𝓻𝔂𝓾𝓱𝓪𝓲𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓶
there was an ache in my heart when i awoke in a strange, beautiful world that wasn’t my own. even as months turned to years, i still missed the familiar skies, the voice of loved ones and the home i had left behind. i wrote letters that went nowhere and whispered silent prayers that reached no one. it was like i was plucked from my own reality and placed in a world where i didn’t quite belong.
yet, as much as i longed for home, i was determined to learn in this new life. sumeru became my sanctuary and the akademiya, my solace. i learned their languages, customs, and secrets while sharing stories of the stars, landmarks, and beauty of my own world. the scholars listened, fascinated by the similarities and differences, but none more than al-haitham—a student assigned to guide me through this foreign land. he was a quiet presence. thoughtful and curious. he did not pity me.
and over time, he went from guide to peer to something more. over time, i wasn’t just seeking knowledge but also him. but what was the point? what was the point of falling for him if one day, i could just disappear—vanish back to my world, leaving him and teyvat behind? this could slip away at any moment. this might be as fleeting as a dream.
despite all reason, i still found myself loving him deeply. in a world that wasn’t my own, he had become my home.
𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐬: very slow burn, mutual pining, friends to lovers
𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐔𝐒: 22.10.22 | playlist | genshinverse ryu
𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐒: modern au | season of love
#is this an intro… or a drabble…#i got carried away#did i really just isekai myself into the genshinverse?#yes#don’t laugh at me please !!!!#be kind please !!!#i loved the academic rivals to lovers thing i had going on but that backstory belongs to my oc nahla (who i had for haitham before#i decided to self ship with him)#for my s/i i found myself daydreaming about this scenario and it’s probably a bit too ambitious for genshinverse but hey#the power of fiction lets me do whatever i want!#and our dynamics still stays the same ^^ i just changed my lore. i rlly tried to keep this intro as short as possible#but i think there is something so deeply romantic about falling for someone despite there being so many barriers and crossroads#if i wasnt clear enough we meet as students! i can picture him watching me curiously from behind his book when i first enrol at the akademi#he could be pragmatic at first but over time he brings me things that remind me of my home. perhaps books that could comfort me or#asking questions to allow me to talk about it#not knowing whether or not i'll suddenly go *blip* makes every moment so precious#nothing better than finding your beacon of light in an unfamiliar place#*he* fell first *i* fell harder me thinks#because i was never going to open myself to love but did it anyway#anyway who’s even reading this far i should have like a certain emoji for people to comment if they’ve reach this point#maybe 🌎#selfships#selfship moodboard#my selfships#genshin self insert#self insert
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Wei Wuxian and Narrative Agency – Part Three
For Xiantober Day Five: Past and Present, in which the author gets very unhinged about what parts of the past are shown and how that’s affected by the present!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
The Power of Agency: Shaping the Narrative
When I've discussed Wei Wuxian's agency previously, I’ve talked about how what’s shown and omitted tells us about a character, and we’ve talked about the character himself. Though this is a niche topic, it’s not necessarily something out of the ordinary to analyse, and we can assume everything up to here has been in some way intentional.
This? Linking structure to a character’s in-universe preferences?
This is where we get unhinged.
Before I start, let’s quickly establish something which will be important later: although Wei Wuxian is the central character, MDZS isn’t strictly from his POV. While omitting events a character doesn’t like to dwell on and concealing things the character wishes to hide is common in books with only one narrator, MDZS has multiple narrators which it switches between relatively quickly. This includes Wei Wuxian, but it also includes nearly every major character that appears in the story, and omniscient narrator as well. As a default, this format doesn’t lead to this deliberate shaping and omission because of one character’s preferences, since we have many other sources of information and events – which is what makes Wei Wuxian’s influence over the narrative and structure so interesting. We could have access to a lot more information, and access to it at different times, than we do (and that’s not an insult, quite the opposite!).
To begin: we’ve established that times such as Wei Wuxian’s time on the streets, his three months in the Burial Mounds and his loss in the Siege aren’t shown because Wei Wuxian has little agency there. But that’s not the only special thing about them. They’re also the three most traumatic times in his life, and so moments Wei Wuxian himself either can’t remember, or doesn’t like to dwell on.
This is why discussing Wei Wuxian’s treatment of tragedy in his life was important. Firstly, it shows he doesn’t focus on the tragedy in his life, so the idea that the narrative not focusing on this tragedy relates to his character has merit; secondly, it affirms that this is not a passive trait, but a choice. Therefore, when the narrative omits events due to this aspect of Wei Wuxian, it’s respecting not only a character detail – which would be cool by itself – but also an active decision. One that shapes the story it’s made in.
In other words, its very structure is respecting Wei Wuxian’s agency!
Now, of course there are flashbacks to other moments of his past he probably wouldn’t like to dwell on, too. But within the structure, they’re only shown when Wei Wuxian is thinking about them (or when he has reason to)!
Wei WuXian hadn’t woken up yet. His eyes were still tightly shut, yet his hand didn’t let go either. He seemed to be dreaming, muttering, “… Don’t… Don’t be angry…” Lan WangJi seemed somewhat surprised. His voice was gentle, “I am not angry.” Wei WuXian, “… Oh.” Hearing this, as though he finally felt assured, his fingers loosened. Lan WangJi sat beside Wei WuXian for a while. Seeing that he was motionless again, he was about to stand up when Wei WuXian grabbed him with his other hand, hugging his arm and refusing to let go. He shouted, “I’ll go with you, quick, take me back to your sect!” Chapter 63, EXR translation
Which, of course, is him dwelling on…
Lan WangJi spoke one word at a time, “Go back to Gusu with me.” Hearing this, both Wei WuXian and Jiang Cheng were surprised. Quickly afterward, Wei WuXian laughed, “Go back to Gusu with you? To the Cloud Recesses? Why go there?” He immediately seemed to realize, “Oh. I forgot. Your uncle Lan QiRen hates crooked people like me. You’re his proudest disciple, so of course you’re the same as him, haha. I refuse.” Chapter 62, EXR translation
…the painful flashback immediately preceding this. The third set of flashbacks (which are also painful) are a similar case. Look at the contex:
He lifted the bottom of his robe, revealing a prosthetic leg made of wood, “This leg of mine was destroyed by you, that night in the Nightless City (…)” (…) “Wei WuXian, I won’t ask you if you remember or not. Both of my parents died by your hands. You owe too many people. You definitely won’t remember them either. But, I, Fang MengChen, will never forget! And never forgive you!” (…) “In the fight at Qiongqi Path, my son was strangled to death by your dog Wen Ning!” “My shixiong died by poison, his entire body festering due to your cruel curse!” Chapter 68 (immediately preceding the flashbacks), EXR translation
And Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts and words:
Wei WuXian looked at the cultivators before the Demon-Slaughtering Cave. Their expressions were the absolute same as those of the cultivators from the night of the pledge conference, pouring their wine on the ground as they took the pledge to scatter the ashes of the Wen Sect’s remnants and him. (…) Wei WuXian, “Now it’s time to ask just whom it is that treasures it so much. It’s like Wen Ning. Back then, some certain sects or so were scared to death of the Ghost General. They said they’d kill him on the surface, but behind their backs they hid him for over ten years. How strange. Who was the one that said his ashes had been scattered back then?” Chapter 79 (immediately succeeding the flashbacks), EXR translation
Once again, Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts relate to the flashbacks we’ve just been shown. And, as I previously mentioned, though all the events which are shown are tragic, they’re also events which Wei Wuxian’s own choices and actions shaped – which he has this to say about:
“The things I did, not only do you remember them, I remember them too. You won’t forget them, and they’ll stay even longer in my mind!” Chapter 82, EXR
Admittedly, this applies more to the third set of flashbacks than the second (which is still fitting as the third set was the most recent), as in the second, although he still had agency within and influence over his circumstances, the majority of the pain was caused by others’ actions (excluding, of course, the Golden Core transfer… which is something we know stays for a long time in his mind, albeit with a caveat we’ll soon discuss). But it’s still important to note – especially considering that otherwise, focusing on this very painful time in his life wouldn’t seem like something very in-character for Wei Wuxian to do.
Of course, this can all just be explained by good writing. It is best to insert flashbacks when they’re relevant to the characters and events in the present day! But it is interesting to compare these to the start of the (not painful) Gusu flashbacks, which open this way:
At a later time, Wei WuXian pondered upon the reason why his relationship with Lan WangJi wasn’t good. Getting to the root of the matter, everything started when he was fifteen, coming to the GusuLan Sect with Jiang Cheng to study for three months. Chapter 13, EXR
Again, considering the circumstances around which these flashbacks take place – returning to the Cloud Recesses for the first time since the lectures, and meeting Lan Wangji once more – it makes complete sense for Wei Wuxian to be thinking about these events*. So it does fit the pattern of Wei Wuxian dwelling on something, thus leading to the narrative dwelling on it, too (and being shaped by his thoughts)… but there’s another layer to this. Importantly, it is the only flashback where Wei Wuxian’s present thoughts don’t lead to this happening, with his thoughts at an unspecified future time leading to it, instead. I like to interpret this as the text saying that, since these events aren’t something Wei Wuxian wouldn’t focus on in normal circumstances, he can dwell on them at any time. Therefore, they’re free to come up in the narrative at any time as well, even if he’s not dwelling on them in the present moment!
So, to summarise: Wei Wuxian’s decision not to focus on the painful times in his life directly influences the narrative to not focus on these times. When painful times are brought up and shown to us, it’s in the context of him thinking about them in the present day, and even then, his most painful moments still aren’t shown to us. His agency in this regard is still respected by the narrative structure.
This is the main way his agency influences the structure of the narrative, but I’d like to talk about the revealing and concealing of information, too. For example, I said I’d talk about the Golden Core transfer – though Wei Wuxian does think about this many times, as evidenced by his internal narration in Chapter 103. But unlike everything we’re shown through the flashbacks, this is something Wei Wuxian is actively trying to hide from others. And the narrative respects this choice (Wei Wuxian’s agency, again), never reveals it even when it would be relevant in the flashbacks, and we find out not through narration, but through a character’s dialogue!
And to clarify – I know these aspects may not be in the book for this exact reason. Showing flashbacks in relevant moments is good writing, concealing an important plot point you want to do a reveal for is necessary writing, and MXTX has said she didn’t want to write about Wei Wuxian’s time in the Burial Mounds, due to not liking to write transformation sequences (and also because it would not be pleasant at all, which likely also applies to Wei Wuxian’s death). That doesn’t prevent it from also being intentional – MXTX’s intelligence is shown in many aspects of this book, and there’s nothing disproving it – but there’s no proof for either option, so I won’t pretend there is. I bring this up because I know this feels like I’m overanalysing, as I feel that way as well.
But, whether it’s intentional or not, it exists in the text, and I adore it – so, regardless, it’s something I’ll explore. Because taking this into account… We aren't just told about Wei Wuxian having agency, we aren’t just shown it in the text, we aren’t even just shown it through which parts of his past are shown and hidden in the structure of the text (as I talked about in Part One). The parts of the past that are shown and hidden also have an in-universe reason for being shown and hidden, this reason being the choices he makes! Agency is the ability of a character to influence the story they’re in, but Wei Wuxian’s agency, as a property of a character who only exists in-universe, shapes the out-of-universe structure as well! That’s how we’re shown its importance! How cool is that?
At The End Of The Road: Summary and Final Thoughts
In this essay, we’ve covered how important Wei Wuxian’s agency is not only to the events of the plot, but to the structure of the narrative as well. The narrative omits periods in which Wei Wuxian has little or no agency, in favour of showing us periods in which he does, even when important events happened in the former. This indicates that who Wei Wuxian is without agency isn’t important enough to be shown to the audience, and therefore that his agency is an integral aspect of his character in MDZS. We’ve discussed how both in-universe and out-of-universe, tragedy does not define him – out-of-universe, the tragic events in Wei Wuxian’s life are used not to build sympathy but rather to show his strength of character and who he still is despite going through them; and in-universe, he chooses not to focus on the negativity and resentment caused by his circumstances or others’ actions, instead staying true to his moral compass and enjoying his life in the present day. Finally, we’ve also explored how this choice is another reason for the omission of certain events from the narrative, resulting in his agency shaping the story in a very literal way – it affects the out-of-universe structure, as well.
It’s quite fitting, for a story whose essence is about defying a conventional narrative – that of righteous clans rising up and defeating a great evil – and about a character who defies many conventional narratives on his own – that of status defining how skilled you could be, that for a golden core being necessary for cultivation and other paths being unavailable, that of a tragic but complete story of someone killed for staying true to their moral code (instead, that character returns to life and has a happy ending) – to have its own narrative play a role in such an important and interesting way.
(Or, if an image would be preferable:)
Thank you for reading!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
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*This strong relation to the present day circumstances is another reason I love the flashback placement so much (and why I think it’s such a loss both screen adaptions altered it so strongly)!
#get ready for tag thoughts because there are a LOT of them#it’s for THIS reason that fanon wwx bothers me so much (didn’t want to get negative on the acual post)#bc so often all the changes are changes that woobify him!#self-sacrificial idiot wwx?? only doing things because… poor him he has so many internal issues and values himself so little-#-so of course he’d sacrifice everything before thinking of another option? woobifying#(whenever he sacrifices something it’s a deliberate choice to act on his morals because he values his morals so much – and he’s also very-#-capable and DOES often find ways for no people to get hurt!)#wasn’t aware that what happened to him at lotus pier was wrong and needs lwj to tell him that for him to have any idea if it?#woobifying (as we see in the lotus seed pod extra he KNOWS it’s unfair)#(he downplays it retroactively in his memory (links into not focusing on the bad things in his life))#(but that’s the actions themselves that are being downplayed not their fairness!)#he chooses to act! he is defined by acting! not tragedy – all the more impressive in the face of the amount of tragedy that’s happened#he could SO EASILY have been a woobie but instead he’s the opposite of one: defined BY his agency instead of the absence of it#that doesn’t mean he’s not impacted by tragedy or trauma – he is! but it’s not the most important aspect of his character (bc he doesn’t le#it’s also something that bothers me about the changes cql made#by making qq path and nightless city the fault of someone else it means he IS someone who’s more a victim of circumstance than anything els#he had no control over the tragedies of his first life at all#apart from ig his death being controlled by him? because he just leaps off the cliff during the nightless city siege?? but in THAT case it’#i watched that part recently (i’m getting through it very slowly) and yeah it reaffirmed my love for this aspect of the book even more#despite. having these exact thoughts for two years already#he also dwells on the past events a lot more than book wwx which adds to that version of him BEING defined more by tragedy rather than who#anyway over 7.3k words total (and 400 more in the tags apparently)... it'll be posted to ao3 in its completion this evening!#mdzs meta#my meta#wei wuxian#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#魔道祖师#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#gdc
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Bon Bon is a Changeling! chapter (3.?)
Finally, after many minutes of slinking through the shadows and the alleyways of Ponyville with an antenna keeping a listen out for trouble, I reached our house. Home sweet home.
Huh. Bon Bon’s in the window. That means the lights are off. At least her mane looks its usual bobby bubbly best now that I fixed it…
I carelessly unlock the door to the little hovel I share with Lyra, though I’m the one who mainly pays the rent. Not that I don’t mind paying for the house, since, well, I do feed on her, and all.
Aaaand that brings me back to what happened earlier. I’ve been running the events through my head for the whole rest of the night after I’d clocked out, and I still don’t get it. My hoof pauses at the doorknob.
Really, how did I get from the Changeling hive to Sugarcube Corner during my shift? Wait… I was in my shift already when I was taken there suddenly and then back just as suddenly for no reason but I kept my disguise between the supposed teleports and— Gah! Brain fry!
I’m just getting worked up over it unnecessarily. Maybe if I relax and think it over I’ll be able to process it better. Maybe just a little lie down on the couch?
No, I gotta wait a bit before going in, so I can digest my negative emotions easier. Mustn’t touch any of Lyra’s love and spoil its delicate fluffy balance with all my slimy bad feels! And knowing how she keeps the place, there’s gotta be love all over the place.
(Seriously, she just leaves love lying around everywhere she walks! It’s like food that grows out of the ground! Agghhh, Lyra’s so cute, she’s giving me a heart attack! Lyra, Lyra, Lyra!)
(No, damnit, get over your hunger! We have to go over our feelings!)
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Oh no! Not now! I immediately burst through the door to my room and ran to my special magic changeling stash under the floorboards, right in front of the mirror. The love had dissipated from the room, leaving just the cold. Rummaging blindly through a knapsack in the dim lighting, my hooves failed to find what I needed.
Please please please, I need the potion! I need it, I need it, now, now, NOW!
I found it, the little vial that was who I am, the potion that would stop my transformation into a vile freak! My salvation from the me that the changeling hive had denied…
But it was too late. My shedding had begun, and with it, a period of vulnerability as my disguise would smolder in a pink fire and eventually burn away, leaving me utterly unable to be myself. That means no Bon Bon for me to turn to, and no friends of Bon Bon, either.
And no Lyra.
Fear flooded my nerves, my head pounding as my brain tunneled through itself to escape like a crazed animal. Hunger from the tantalizing false promise of love gnawed at my rapidly deteriorating abdomen like a timberwolf tearing the flesh of a drone as the flames burst around my disguise, my negative emotions their fuel. I—I could only break down, my legs buckling as I started sobbing, gasping for breath between desperate howls.
I got a good look at myself in the mirror.
#mlp#mlp fim#my little pony#fanfiction#fanfic#writing#bon bon#lyra heartstrings#loving me despite my changes
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Turtle Takedown Teamwork.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#tulu xuanwu#Something about changing the action sequence to something gentle is hilarious to me.#The lesson here is “Be nice to turtles. They are gentle creatures. And many are very endangered.”#don't get me wrong here; I love this scene a lot. LWJ's string technique is one of my favoyrite things.#We do get a fair amount of LWJ fighting but I always loved how the theme of strings comes into play.#There is actually a lot to unpack with LWJ being associate with 'strings'.#The musicianship: Of dedication and rigor in one's practice.#The tension between following along a path or composing your own way forwards (playing what has been written vs composing)#A string is a tightly coiled/taunt entity; The same tension that makes it sing so beautifully can be it's downfall if pushed too hard.#And as a non-musical string - something that binds. Be it to his sect and family or how he binds his fate to WWX -#LWJ cannot exist without his binds. It is not something which ties him down though. It keeps him together.#And he himself *is* a bind. He 'ties wwx down' in ways that are initially negatively viewed ('come to gusu' - feels like: come be trapped)#But later it is shown how (despite being introduced as a free spirit) WWX truly wants to be bound to something and someone.#Marriage is a bind he wants. He wants to be tied and grounded by LWJ.#It's starting to sound like innuendo. Let's call his fondness for being literally tied up smart thematic writing.#Finally. Sex scenes that are important to the plot and characters
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I wanted to experiment with my coloring (I need to get more adventurous in that regard), so I just drew Akechi
Yup
He’s just there
Close up of his face + two silly expressions
#I’ve been using a new brush for the past month and I haven’t been drawing him so I guess this is me learning how to draw him again?#I love him though#my art style has not really changed… I guess improved despite me not making completed drawing in.. a few weeks#maybe more#anyways the last picture is so funny#look how angry he is lmao#goro akechi#persona 5#v’s art#I need to work on making backgrounds.. later
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i haint watched the dang chibisode and idk if ill actually watch it with sound on sdfjk but i have a hurt feeling about them casually imbuing perry with speech for a one off gag because the idea that he needs to talk to communicate is fake. we had 4 seasons of wacky magic hijinks cartoon where perry never needed verbal speech to communicate. they couldve done this gag at any point in the show but they didn't, and the fact that they didn't felt significant. perry's muteness is such a core part of his character, to me, to the way i conceive of him/write him. i don't wanna overreact to a goofy little side cartoon (even tho i'm doing it anyway) but it's still the characters, and it still upsets me! ok that's it i've said my piece
#ill watch it at some point but despite my silence i have been like obsessively anxious about this cartoon#and pestered my friend to watch it for me sDFJKL#in a month this will have either ruined pnf for me forever or i'll have changed my mind and i like it actually its fine#for now anyway i have tons of comic sketches about perry's muteness that i no longer wanna finish and share...maybe someday but not now#i had a rly great day actually but now im falling asleep in bed tipsy and a little teary over this. cuz i love perry a lot he's#really special to me. i also got that star wars perry shirt in the mail today btw. and. it's such a good pj shirt#but back on topic#it sucks when an aspect of a character that is CORE to your appreciation of them becomes casually disregarded by the writers at some point#like im certainly not ever accepting an interpretation of perry like 'secretly hed really like to be able to talk' because its#never ever been communicated. like the idea that heinz wd prefer if perry was human. its just not in the show. the opposite is true in fact#so im left feeling stupid for caring about something that some writers(inc. dan) felt was unimportant. makes me not wanna continue my art#which sux cuz i like my comic ideas! id love to finish them. i hope i get over this.#i overreact to live-updating media when im fixated on it wh is why i prefer getting into dead fandoms haha#but they keep on bringing them back to life dont they...im never safe#it was funny me trying to explain to my friend why i efel so strongly about this meanwhile hes tried to explain why he feels so strongly ab#ut AYA and my stance on that episode has always just been “cute! its fine” lmao#@ dwampy you guys made the show that follows a specific rhythm and set of rules designed to appeal to obsessive autistic brained people ok#you invited my overreaction. unsheathes katana etc#ok im goint to sleep#meta
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My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)
When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.
She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.
She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.
She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.
...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.
Remember this line?
You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:
Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?
...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)
As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.
She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.
I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.
...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.
I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.
And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.
She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.
During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.
She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.
But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.
Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.
...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?
But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.
If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.
I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.
She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.
Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.
So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.
She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.
For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.
She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.
But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.
If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.
But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.
He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.
He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)
She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.
He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.
Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.
They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.
None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.
It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.
Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.
She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.
She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...
She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.
I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.
How much he loves her.
And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.
Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.
It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.
She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.
I feel like this moment here...
-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.
Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.
And it's all thanks to Sonic.
If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.
Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.
He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.
Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.
Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.
They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.
"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
#piko rambles#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#Meant to be platonic but I don't care if you tag as ship lol#I've been meaning to post something like this for the longest time now but never really got into posting it-#-because you guys REALLY hate seeing these two together for some reason.#Well not for SOME reason. There are valid reasons why you don't ship them. Everyone has valid reason why they don't ship this or that.#But sometimes those reasons can just sound so petty to me. Like the reason why is because Amy is a stalker or Sonic hates her which is FALS#Also those age gap arguments are understandable but so goddamn annoying sometimes. Maybe when they hit their late teens or early twenties-#then they can be together if they want to. Besides a good percentage of Sonic ships are better off if they waited til they're old enough im#I love them regardless of whether they're just friends or an awkward older cringe fail couple lmao#But them being just friends and hiding away all their emotions towards each other just to keep them safe and happy with them- 😭😭😭#Son/adow is my favorite ship of all time and sonamy is my favorite childhood ship/platonic ship because they both have one thing in common.#ANGST 😀#I've been thinking about Sonic and Amy's dynamic as of late and MAN-#Mixed with some personal headcanons of mine and their dynamic as of late just makes me so emotional.#Sonic and Amy have gotten so close now and it's so sweet but so heartbreaking at the same time when you think about it.#I'm so happy they are getting along better and being there for each other but there is so much to dissect here. So much to think about.#I might be a little silly but Amy losing her parents and being alone for so long and being the reason why she's always hanging onto Sonic-#-explains SOOOOOOOOO much about her. At least that's my headcanon for WHY that is.#Amy with abandonment issues speaks to me on a personal level. I'm always afraid of being forgotten or left behind by my family.#I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough no matter how hard I try. I do not blame Amy. I relate to her a lot. It's one of the many reasons#-why Amy is my favorite character besides Sonic and Shadow.#She fights hard to prove she's a valuable member of the team and hates getting left behind but despite all that she wasn't afraid to-#-express herself and her love for people. But after the Eggman War there was some changes that made her less expressive about her love.#Yeah she still loves Sonic but she doesn't admit it because none of that matters anymore and she thought that not being loved by Sonic#-is better than being loved since she nearly wasted her life loving someone who she thought has constantly bothered. 🥲#But I think after TMoStH I think she'll be less afraid of being expressive about it. She and Sonic are just so caring for each other 😭#I love these two way too much that when I think about them for too long I'll start SOBBING 😭😭 I'M EVEN SOBBING RIGHT NOW LMAO
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Excuse the light but look who finally got her hands on one of @mayakern 's stunning hand shirts!!!
I'm so happy it arrived safely AND that it fits perfectly 🥰
#listen...... i fell in love with the design instantly#also i have the mighty need to play slay the princess again bc of the hands#i'm so so happy it fits bc usually my shoulders are too broad despite me being. this skinny#and they scrunch up weirdly but this is looks so good!!!!#i changed pants for these photos#like i got home from work opened the package (which i did not expect to be the shirt) screamed and changed clothes#excuse the messy room btw
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