#lovesick books

[saradotpsd]

An obsessive girl’s guide to books about obsession

Originally posted on Medium here.

The word obsession and its variations will appear in this piece at an annoying rate for you, I’m sorry in advance.

I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole and I’m enjoying it too much to leave. It is eye opening as much as it is relatable though. Books depicting obsession have been a sort of obsession for me, I’m fascinated by these helpless characters and the situations they end up in because of their intense feelings, and it was delicious losing myself in their plots.

I’ve been looking for these books because I wanted a mirror to my OCD that makes me think “oh.. so this is what my intensity of feelings looks like”, and now that I’ve found a bunch of them, I had to compile a list of every single one I’ve read.

I tried to add as many types of obsessions in these recommendations other than romantic obsession, even though that was the one that held my curiosity the most. This list will be updated as I go through more and more books in the future, but this piece starts with the first 8 books I read, and I’m doing them in the order I read them in.

The first 8 books I read so far

An Apprenticeship or thee Book of Pleasures by Clarice Lispeector

6*

On obsessive love

In this book we follow Clarice, a woman who is trying to bridge the gap between her loneliness and the passion she. harbors for Ulisses, who takes it upon himself to guide her through that path.

This book made me develop an alter ego. It made me kill my old self and create a sexier one out of it. I didn’t plunge into this genre willingly, the interest was sparked by the character portrayal in this book, I was so amused by it that I started seeking more books with similarities to this, from the way the book made me imagine Clarice, to the intense feelings and the way they’re depicted, to the progression of these feelings towards the end, all of this had me hooked and already thinking of what I want my next read to be like (and what I want my next outfit to look like).

My Husband by Maud Ventura

4*

On obsessive & controlling love

A tale of a wife too engulfed by her love for her husband to the point where she doesn’t have more to give to her own kids. The main character loves her husband, a little too much, the cup overflows a little bit and seeps through into her sanity. She keeps notes detailing her husband’s whereabouts, she has a separate notebook where she writes down his “hurtful actions” and the punishment she would give him for each. She’s not exactly the perfect wife otherwise either, with her own shortcomings and her own mishaps, but she still attributes them all to how much she loves him. This gets good when we read the Epilogue.

I was feeling for her the entire time, I didn’t know if I should feel seen or called out because almost the entire time my main thought was “I should probably not love someone ever, because this is how much I’ll love them, to the point where my OCD will push me off the edge”. This book was the first one I read where obsession is a main theme, and it has led me to the rest of the titles in this list.

Read this if you’re interested in these themes: flawed people, detrimental relationships, obsession, unhinged characters. Most importantly read this if you’re okay with books were no one is a good guy, no morals here just obsessive vibes.

New Animal by Ella Baxter

3*

On obsessive grief

Amelia is a cosmetician, at her family’s mortuary. Amelia loses her mom. Amelia goes into a haunting metaphorical journey and a quite literal one to escape that grief. But in her mind that is her way of grieving.

This may not have been a good choice for me to read but only because BDSM is not really an area for me to look into. The book otherwise had a depth that goes beyond it’s main plot. We see parent-children relationships being dissected in a way only all of us would relate to, especially the part where Amelia needs one parent when she’s away from them but she couldn’t stand whichever one she’s around, aren’t we all a little like that?

This book also discusses grief and goes in depth in how it engulfs you within it, so a trigger warning here if you can’t handle this because it does go deep about it. It also details the escapist ways people turn to to escape their grief.

This may not exactly deal with obsession, but I wanted to add it to the list anyway because of the familial attachment aspect and how that itself can be a form of anxious obsession laying dormant in most if not all of us

Acts of Desperation by Megan Nolan

6*

On obsessive love

Our main character is unnamed, perhaps on purpose. She falls into obsessive love with Cieran, the type of obsessive love where you lose yourself completely into the other person, unknowingly but willingly giving them a hold over you that you can’t escape by the time you notice it.

This is a narrative of the rejection that is breed within a person when the other is obsessed with them, and it is also a narrative of the obsession wee develop with someone when they reject us. It is a big mess of overflowing emotions and how nothing that intense is ever gratified. It encapsulates the disappointing reality of obsession.

My best recommendation on this entire list. I wish I started with it and I wish I ended with it, but it happened to be a little in the middle, fueling me to search for more books that will hopefully match up to the quality and realistic portrayal of obsession this one has. No other book has done it so far, except thee first book maybe.

I’ve seen some contradicting opinions about the ending though, and without any spoilers, I think it was rather realistic and was merely hated because of how it was out of character for those who relate to our unnamed character’s behavior through out the rest of the book.

Wilful Disregard by Lena Andersson

2*

On obsessive love

If I’m being honest, this one blended in with others in my mind and I had to go back and remember the plot.

Our main character, Ester, is a rational woman with a steady career and a steady relationship, or so she thought, until she experienced what the depths of love feel like after she wrote a piece on Hugo Rask.

Would you rather be in an all encapsulating obsessive love with all of its falls, or in a healthy boring relationship devoid of any feelings? This is my most memorable part about reading in this book and it wasn’t really the focus of it. But I think of this often and of whether or not a combination of both is ever attainable. For someone with OOCD or any personality disorder, they mess up the way we feel, display, or even. receive love. And so we wonder if there is ever a happy ending to our undying devotion and borderline unhealthy way of feeling love. It takes over us to the point where good feelings mesh with guilt and shame and a feeling of doom, that it will never be satisfied, and has it ever? Or have we simply gotten bored and moved on to the next obsession because without it, love doesn’t feel real, its not love if it doesn’t completely drown us?

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

5*

On predatory obsessions

In this book we follow Vanessa’s journey, alternating between the past and the present, slowly unraveling to us what happened to her when she was fifteen, her story is uncovered to us simultaneously as she slowly starts to realize the abuse and grooming that she has gone. through. We know it from the start but she doesn’t, she finishes the book along with us although her realization comes later than ours.

There is obsessive love, and then there is predatory obsession (for lack of a better term), and while the latter is in no way related to the types of obsession a normal person would have, but I think it is important to read this book.

Lolita has grown up and is experiencing the realization of what had really happened to her. And it is a tale all too familiar with too many women, even if we were to disregard any age restrictions from it. Too many women have experienced something, that no matter how obviously traumatizing it was, they were still never sure if it was really a bad experience or just a normal thing that happens to all women at some point. Until the day comes when they can’t deny it anymore.

Vanessa does not fit the checklist of what the perfect victim should be like in order to gain the support of the people and to be believed. Vanessa is human. That aspect of this narrative and specifically the flaws of Vanessa are the most important part of the book to me, and what makes it an. necessary read especially for those who don’t believe women. Those who scramble to find a flaw so they can finally find a reason to hate a woman, to unleash all their loathing and have a “reason” for it.

Cursed Bread by Sophie Mackintosh

3*

On obsessive fantasies

You will never guess what is the historic event that served as a launchpad to this novel. But the book has nothing to do with it really, it is just a spin on one possible storyline happening within that event.

Elodie is a baker’s wife who feels so unloved by her husband that when. she is introduced to a new couple, she develops an obsession with the both of them. Does she want to be with them? does she want to embody them? perhaps both. We follow her as she peers into their life, slowly seeping into their daily activities and the way with which their obsession with each other is displayed. She. has no clue how they portray her though, not even when she thinks she does.

I’m trying to have have opinions on this book but I cannot come up with a single one, it was simply an enjoyable read especially because of how peculiar its base story is.

I’m a Fan by Sheena Patel

4*

On an obsession with a parasocial relationship

I’m giving this 4 stars overall because of the themes discussed in this book, ranging from racism to classicism and much more. But I’d give the obsession part 2.5 stars if I’m being real.

The characters in this novel are unnamed, our main character is obsessed with “the man she wants to be with”, who in turn is obsessed with “the woman she’s obsessed with” despite being in a healthy relationship with “her boyfriend” who loves her dearly. She is pushed to the limit because of her obsession. She has a complete disregard to the people in her life and her life’s focus and purpose is to be with the man she wants to be with, as is thee case with most obsessive feelings.

Just like most obsessive feelings, we see glimpses of the unsatisfied craving all over the novel despite the main character being completely oblivious with them, another realistic portrayal of the futility of obsession. You are completely enamored with something or someone, but there’s no happiness when you finally get it. You might obsess over more and more and more. Or you might move on to another obsession that proves this feeling is only folded over itself and is never about the person or thing you direct it to. Or worse, you might get disappointed and plunged into the emptiness of the mundane. What did we think the happy ending of obsession would be anyway?

I inhaled these books all back to back so fast that the more mediocre ones of them became kind of a blur at this point and I had to go back and remind myself of what they were about, so I hope my reviews were not lacking because of this. But some of them were so good they still take a seat at the front of my mind and I compare every similar book to them.

I hope they spark your interest and I’d love to discuss them with you.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading ❤

[figtreeforever]

[mentations]

𝑰𝒇 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝑰 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒐𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒓,

𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒐𝒐 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒇𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒏 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇.

[blackbluecherryblossom]

It’s painful, loving someone from afar.

Watching them – from the outside.

The once familiar elements of their life reduced to nothing more than occasional mentions in conversations and faces changing in photographs.

They exist to you now as nothing more than living proof that something can still hurt you

with no contact at all.

~ Ranata Suzuki

[elysiumwhispers]

"I am not just terribly depressed at leaving her; I am terribly frightened of going back to my solitude" - Sartre, Nausea

[midnightw4tch3r]

❝Because I'm obsessed. I'm addicted. And I will gladly cross every single line if it means making this girl mine. If it means forcing her to be mine.❞

❝I've just found myself a little mouse, and I won't stop until I've trapped her.❞

𝐇𝐚𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞- H.D. Carlton

[fawnbae21]

𝘐𝘧 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐’𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺

[astrojellies]

[figtreeforever]

"It is better to be with a bad man who is a real person than with a good man who is only pretending."

Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

[mentations]

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒎𝒐𝒐𝒏 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒌𝒚 𝒂𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒔.

[eccentricsworld]

And then one day

someone walks into your life,

a total stranger,

and they become so important to you.

And while you've known them

such a short time,

you feel you have loved

them for a lifetime.

[leslieseveride]

i know sooner or later it's gonna dawn on eloise just how genuinely in love colin and pen really are with each other, but it still kills me nontheless that she's so vehemently against them being together atm.

[blackbluecherryblossom]

The pain of losing love is always the same. It doesn't matter if you lose someone in one moment or over a lifetime.

~ Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca

Let me know if you know how to stop

that thing from aching in lover's chest

when his feelings got stuck

with someone who's out of his reach