#loveless aro positivity

[our-aro-experience]

“love is what makes us human—”

WRONG!!

[aaa-battery-not-rechargeable]

about a month ago, my uncle asked if I had a significant other. I appreciate his gender inclusivity, of course.

I'm used to the question. it's not like it's something outrageous that he's asking. so I simply said no, that's not for me.

he looked at me and said "well, someday." not someday maybe, just.... someday.

of course I'm not quick to anger, but there's a part of me that's a little more defensive about my aroace identity. so I jumped to my defense.

my uncle isn't a bad guy, he's quite nice and tries his best to be respectful in the current political shit storm by supporting queer people. but apparently that does exclude me, an aroace.

I reiterated that I'm just not interested in a romantic or sexual partnership, and I really do not ever see that changing.

and he said something to the effect of "it's okay if you don't want that now."

and I said, "no, it's just okay that I don't want that."

and he said that I was pessimistic. as if I was secretly searching for a relationship or a partner, but was rejecting love because I could not find one.

I calmly (with all the rage in my veins) told him "no, a life without love or sex is something optimistic for me."

he had the gall to look horrified.

I'm sick of aroace people not being seen as normal human people when they don't want the outcome of their life to look like everyone else's. I'm sick of the white picket fence, I'm sick of the assumption that everyone has another half out there.

I'm whole on my own.

[love-me-love-my-weirdness]

Cishet aspecs are queer.

Cishet aromantics are queer. Cishet asexuals are queer. Cishet aplatonics are queer. Cishet afamilials are queer. Cishet anattractionals are queer.

Aspecs are queer as hell and excluding them only isolates queer people from their community.

[gordontheengineswifenirmal]

Why am I having NOT having something then? And if you think it’s for attention, why am I happy

NOT getting attention? Stop your ignorance, you make no sense.

“This person is not like me! They don’t like what I like, or what makes sense to me! They must be bullshitting!” You sound like ur doing straight people logic. Or lack thereof. Be BETTER.

Also, I did not create the flag images. I only did the bit in black. Please Google search to find more, and explore your identity further. I may try to edit this to include more in the future.

And for even MORE information -

Here’s more for the whiners who can’t take the initiative to carry on the inspiration of this n make their own great post (also googled) -

[monstrousparalysis]

Fuck it, on this Valentine's Day, here's a post devoted to every single aromantic who fits the negative stereotypes!

Every aroallo, no matter what other labels they use!

Loveless aromantics, especially ones who are loud about not feeling love and refuse to listen to the countless "but what about"s!

Aromantics who don't feel other, even more "universal" attractions, like platonic or familial ones!

Aromantics who lack empathy, who are "cold", who prefer logic over emotion!

Nonhuman aromantics, especially the loveless ones, for whom "Love is what makes us human" is a dismissal in both directions!

Aromantics with trauma, trust issues, or fears of intimacy!

And of course: the aromantics with personality disorders, especially the narcissistic or antisocial aromantics!

If you meet one or more of the above criteria, you are entitled to keep being who the fuck you are and to do so with pride!

Arophobia is not our fault, it is the fault of the arophobes who use our image to justify attacking others. We are hurting nobody just by existing as we are.

No matter what you want in terms of relationships, be that friends with benefits, queerplatonic partners, multiple partners, or no partners at all, ever, I hope you get it!

[puppyoclock]

happy pride month to the aros, the aplatonics, the loveless aros, everyone who is sick of hearing about love from everyone else. i see you and i appreciate you. your queerness is just as important and welcome and wonderful as everyone else's

[mossy-aro]

ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.

when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead instead’ it's not because I don’t think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!

that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.

but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if that’s where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!

joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. it’s not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.

and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! it’s good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, that’s not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we can’t change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.

tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.

[roses-are-repulsed]

You can be repulsed by QPRs btw. That's a valid form of repulsion. it doesn't matter if it's "not sexual or romantic tho!!!" because repulsion doesn't start and stop at only romance and sex.

Not every aspec has to like the idea of being in a QPR. being repulsed by QPRs is not an anti-QPR stance. it's just a kind of relationship that people can have a multitude of feelings on like any other.

[purplereadingenthusiast]

I don’t think people realize how wonderful and freeing a loveless life can be. You can just vibe with yourself in your own little world without needing anyone else’s validation to make you feel happy

[sapphic-sprite]

I feel like this needs to be said, but some of y’all really need to start learning to mind your own business when it comes to alloaros. especially alloaros who are loveless or don’t perform aromanticism the way you want it to be. being exclusively aromantic isn’t a bad thing and the only reason y’all think it could be is because of amanormativity. sort that out on your own time and stop making aromantic people explain it to you when you are perfectly capable of looking it up. thank you.

[aaa-battery-not-rechargeable]

a very fucking special shout-out to aros who have been the token "weird queer" friend amongst a queer friend group, only to have the novelty lost and find yourself left when they all decide their romantic relationships matter more than you, or your aromantic worldview becomes off-putting because they don't (and don't try to) understand what amatonormativity means.

i have many qualms. this happens to a lot of aros, and it just speaks to the infantilization of aro folks (and ace too!) when all we're seen as is the weird one who doesn't feel love, there for the amusement of "normal queers" and then cast out when they find something more interesting.

if your friend group did/does this, it may mean they weren't truly seeing you, or doing their best to be actual allies to aro and aspec people.

it's the gay best friend trope all over again. everybody loves the gay best friend because it's trendy to have one and not treat them like a person outside the stereotype.

and it fucking sucks. ive been there.

it's not your fault you're not "palatable". let them choke.

[disbestyx]

It's Pride Month, which means I crawl out of the fetal position in the corner of my room to produce these spectacular pride memes for you, the people of tumblr!

[gordontheengineswifenirmal]

For those who say how don’t know if u havnt tried it?

You know how it is when u sample something n it makes u throw up? Yea. It’s that for me.

[actuallysafe-for-aro]

Being on the aromantic spectrum is normal and healthy.

Not identifying with the word love at all as an arospec is perfectly fine, and actually amazing and cool.

Not applying the concept of love to anything or anyone in your life is ok, it's more than ok. It's wonderful.

Aros are not mentally ill on the basis of being aro.

Aros are not unhealthy on the basis of being aro.

Aros are not inherently lonely on the basis of being aro (though aro loneliness is real and valid)

Fuck anyone who tries to tell you otherwise

[knifearo]

i feel like i haven’t said it in a while so!! loveless aros you are so cool and you bring such great perspective to things and i always always always wish you all the happiness in the world however it may appear for you. this blog is always and forever a safe and positive space for loveless aros and i am always so happy to see you guys here :)

[ayspec]

i love being aplatonic!! i love being aromantic!! i love being asexual!! i love being asensual!! i love being simultaneously lovequeer and loveless and arolovic!! i love defying what’s expected of me!! i love looking at amanormativity and spitting in its eye and kicking it in the balls and watching it fall to the ground as i beat it with a stick!! i love being alive and happy and queer and weird and free!! and i hope aspecs everywhere learn to embrace their identities and be happy with who they are too <2