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saucy-mesothelioma · 2 months ago

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Just a list of some of my favorite quotes. I tried to sort them at least a bit but eh.

Funny Quotes:

• "If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now." - Zaphod Beeblebrox, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

• "The way it [Pizza Hut pizza slice] dances is insulting." -Charles White

• "You know what they say, when fate closes a door, luck opens a window. And karma deactivates the alarm system." -Sam, Poker Night 2

• "We're only at the top of the food chain because sharks don't have good guns yet. They're workin' on 'em tho." -Sorrow TV

• "Behind every great man, there's a woman with a vibrator." -Hawkeye Pierce, M*A*S*H

• "I'm not suicidal, I just wish I was never born." -Adrian Monk, Monk

• "We just cut up our girlfriend with a chainsaw...Does that sound fine?" -Ash Williams, Evil Dead 2

• "Hi Kevin can you maybe consider finding a hobby or possibly even a friend" -Poptarts

• "I live in a flat for divorcees where they make you pay six months up front in cause you hang yourself." -Gregory, The Outlaws

• "Mousetrap. I wanted to play Mousetrap. You roll your dice, you move your mice. Nobody gets hurt." -Bob the Tomato, VeggieTales

• "Yeah, it's a death trap. But it's a really powerful death trap. What, you suddenly care about safety now?" -Slate, Outer Wilds

• "How insecure do you think I am? Seriously, how insecure do you think I am. I need you to tell me. Will you please tell me?" -Shawn Spencer, Psych

"Oh, get over it. I shot ONE baby. And, in fairness, it was being a dick." -Handsome Jack, Borderlands 2

"We protest you calling us 'little kids'. We prefer to be called 'vertically-impaired pre-adults'." -Yakko Warner, Animainiacs

"If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring. Apple could put the entire text of 'Mein Kampf' inside the iTunes user agreement, and you’d just go agree, agree, agree – what? – agree, agree." -John Oliver

• "Always get a contract when working with a dark, omnipotent power." -Joel Robinson, Mystery Science Theater 3000

• "Why does he have to kill them to prove his point? Can't he just show them a pie chart or something?" -Tom Servo, Mystery Science Theater 3000

• "No, no they're not eating people anymore, because we made it illegal." -Wendigoon

• "I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by." -Douglas Adams

• "Girls were falling all over me in school, and not just because I would extend my leg when they walked by." -Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events

• "If God were edible, not that I'm Catholic, but if it was cool to eat God, he'd be a chicken finger." -Troy Barnes, Community

• "I'm like the fun dad that comes and brings you a bike but doesn't pay child support" -Chris Tergliafera

• "The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

• "You can run, but death runs slightly faster." -Flamingo

• "Studies show keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That's why I have ten guns for if some maniac tries to sneak a ladder in here." -Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls

•"Well believe me, Mike, I calculated the odds of this succeeding versus the odds I was doing something incredibly stupid... and I went ahead anyway." -Crow, Mystery Science Theater 3000

Quotes on Life:

• "If we don't go crazy once in a while, we'll all go crazy." -Hawkeye Pierce, M*A*S*H

• "Remember what the good book says: Love thy neighbor, or I'll punch your lights out!" -Father John Mulcahy, M*A*S*H

• "It is difficult, when faced with a situation you cannot control, to admit you can do nothing." -Lemony Snicket

•"All my life, I have been happiest when the folks watching me said to each other, 'Look at the poor dope, will ya?'." -Buster Keaton

• "At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey." -Lemony Snicket

• "Honest to god-or whoever's in charge-you are not alone." -Harlan Ellison

• "You are not entitled to your opinion, you are entitled to your informed opinion. If you are not informed on the subject, then your opinion counts for nothing." -Harlan Ellison

• "If one has no sense of humor, one is in trouble." -Betty White

• "As a child, I considered such unknowns sinister. Now, though, I understand they bear no ill will. The universe is, and we are." -Solanum, Outer Wilds

• "While skepticism is healthy, cynicism, real cynicism, is toxic." -John Oliver

•"You can wish your life away. But if you're going to dream, you're going to have to get out and, like I always say, you have to put some wings on them dreams, and some feet and fingers and some hands. They gotta get into some stuff. You can't just sit around and think of all the things you want to do. You've got to think of what you want to do, and then you've got to get out and make that happen." -Dolly Parton

• "Be yourself. No one can say you're doing it wrong." -Charles Schulz

• "It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things." -Lemony Snicket

•"If you know someone whos depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn't a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather." -Stephen Fry

• "When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them." -Lemony Snicket

• "Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life." -Dolly Parton

• "Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily." -Lemony Snicket

• "Don’t try to be young. Just open your mind. Stay interested in stuff. There are so many things I won’t live long enough to find out about, but I’m still curious about them." -Betty White

• "I know that pain is the most important thing in the universes. Greater than survival, greater than love, greater even than the beauty it brings about. For without pain, there can be no pleasure. Without sadness, there can be no happiness. Without misery there can be no beauty. And without these, life is endless, hopeless, doomed and damned. Adult. You have become adult." -Harlan Ellison

• "I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone." -Robin Williams

•"Find out who you are. And do it on purpose." -Dolly Parton

• "Like a wind crying endlessly through the universe, time carries away the names and the deeds of conquerors and commoners alike. And all that we were, all that remains, is in the memories of those who cared we came this way for a brief moment." -Harlan Ellison

• "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." -Gandalf, The Fellowship of the Ring

• "Not all those who wander are lost." -Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

• "Please, don't worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me. Make your life spectacular." -Robin Williams

• "I think I've discovered the secret of life -- you just hang around until you get used to it." -Sally Brown, Peanuts

• "It’s [old age] not a surprise, we knew it was coming – make the most of it. So you may not be as fast on your feet, and the image in your mirror may be a little disappointing, but if you are still functioning and not in pain, gratitude should be the name of the game." -Betty White

• "Don't be scared of dying, be more frightened that you haven't finished living." -Dick Van Dyke

• "In lieu of even as you’re waiting for a major change that you think might not come, incremental change is possible and valuable." -John Oliver

• "You can lie to anyone in the world and even get away with it, perhaps, but when you are alone and look into your own eyes in the mirror, you can’t sidestep the truth. Always be sure you can meet those eyes directly." -Betty White

Quotes that go Hard:

• "In death, there are no accidents, no coincidences, no mishaps, and no escapes." -Bludworth, Final Destination

• "War isn't hell. War is war and hell is hell, and of the two war is worse!" - Hawkeye Pierce, M*A*S*H

• "I'm sorry, if you were right, l'd agree with you." -Robin Williams

• “To linger on an ending is to rob it of its life.” -The Shifting Mound, Slay the Princess

• "There is only me. There is only my way. There is only the forest. And there is only surrender." -The Beast, Over the Garden Wall

• "Life is cruel. Why should the afterlife be any different?" -Davy Jones, Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest

• "When belief in a god dies, the god dies." -Harlan Ellison

• "There are few things more terrifying than one's own heart, and there is almost nothing more terrifying than sharing it with another. But most terrifying of all is leaving one's heart unshared." -The Moment of Clarity, Slay the Princess

• "I don't mind you thinking I'm stupid, but don't talk to me like I'm stupid." -Harlan Ellison

• "In all of mankind's history, there has never been more damage done than by people who thought they were doing the right thing." -Lucy van Pelt, Peanuts

• "I bet we were fun." -Gamora, Guardians of the Galaxy 3

• "A thousand staring morsels stood, and not one of them believed themselves sane to look upon it. And in the centre, the door that would open to all the places that were never there, was me." -Michael, The Magnus Archives

"Ain't that just the way." -Greg, Over the Garden Wall

• "The pain of your absence is sharp and haunting, and I would give anything not to know it; anything but never knowing you at all (which would be worse)." -Plume, Outer Wilds

"Only things that one could imagine happening to real people, I guess, remain in a person's memory." -Buster Keaton

• "Look, I've got a gun out there in my purse. And up to now, I've been forgiving and forgetting because of the way I was brought up. But I'll tell you one thing: If you ever say another word about me or make another indecent proposal, I'm gonna get that gun of mine... And I'm gonna change you from a rooster to a hen with one shot!" -Doralee Rhodes, 9 to 5

• "You're only given a spark of madness. You musn't lose it." -Robin Williams

• "All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed. For after all, he was only human. He wasn't a dog." -Charles Schulz

•"...How beautiful. It’s different than I’d envisioned. Whatever happens next, I do not think it is to be feared." -The Prisoner, Outer Wilds: Echoes of the Eye

#idk I just wanted to share these #meso's musings

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psychoticcharacterbracket · 2 years ago

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[ID: a picture of Harrowhark Nonagesimus from the Locked Tomb. She is looking forward and has a weapon on her back.

Picture of John Ward from Faith: Unholy Trinity. The picture is blue and pixelated.

Picture of Stanford "Grunkle Ford" Pines from Gravity Falls. He is smiling and has his hand up, pointer finger extended. END ID]

#psychotic character showdown #pseriouslypsychosis #pseriouslyschizoaffective #pseriouslyschizophrenic #pseriouslyschizospectrum #actually psychotic #actually schizoaffective #actually schizophrenic #actually schizospec #the locked tomb #faith: the unholy trinity #faith unholy trinity

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jakesuit0 · 2 years ago

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Mystery Train Review

Finn is turning 13. Birthday episodes don’t usually permanently age up the main characters in cartoons but as usual, Adventure Time doesn’t play by the rules. I love seeing Finn grow up and this kickstarts it. It’s also not the only status quo change this episode brings…

Finn thinks everything is a birthday gift. Whether it’s an orange blindfold or a train, Finn loves his gift, showing he’s happy getting anything from Jake because he loves him. And considering how the episode ends, Jake effectively did get Finn a train.

They board the train, which is driven by a creepy conductor. Colonel Candy Corn makes his first appearance here. He’s a funny addition to the recurring candy citizens. I could have sworn he made a few more cameos over the next few seasons, but apparently he doesn’t return until “Something Big”. Well, he’s funny and should have made cameos in more Candy Kingdom episodes. I like the gag of Candy Cane Guy smacking Colonel over and over again. I like jokes that could only be done through the strange objects that people in Ooo are based on.

After Colonel Candy Corn threatens to kill him, Candy Cane Guy is replaced by a skeleton, setting up Adventure Time’s first of many murder mysteries. While this mystery isn’t nearly as compelling and well written as say, “Candy Streets”, this episode is more focused on just using the premise for comedy. This includes Finn getting very close to cursing. Unlike Grunkle Stan, I don’t think he followed “son of a” with “bitch”. Ooo has its own lingo. Finn thinking someone owning a dictionary is evidence, because of three words it contains, is a good idiot Finn joke. Finn is just not good at this yet. In fact, he doesn’t figure out who the murderer is until the conductor is the only person left alive. Yet, Jake still congratulates him.

Jake is the next to die (Jake death foreshadowing). Finn picks up a new sword to battle the conductor. The root sword looks just as cool as Scarlet, but isn’t as iconic. This sword is never addressed in the show, but Jake must have put this sword here so he can battle the conductor. Another nice gift, since he knew Finn was in need of a new sword. The battle is neat, I like them jumping between train carts. The conductor skateboards during the fight. This would be cool foreshadowing for the identity of the conductor if Jake’s skating was already established. Still neat that this trait was established here.

Finn almost kills the conductor, until he transforms into Jake. Jake being the conductor isn’t a mind blowing twist, but it’s done really well. There are no contradictions in the episode. The only time Jake and the conductor are both on screen, there is a place where Jake can be seen stretching off screen. There are hints that set the twist up that aren’t big enough to make it obvious, like John DiMaggio voicing the conductor and Jake claiming the conductor is cool. It turns out the murder mystery was the gift. The entire thing was staged. The candy people probably don’t actually have skeletons anyway. Now it makes more sense why they were so calm seeing their fellow candy citizens being murdered.

The train derails and falls off a cliff, landing on gelatin, and they arrive at the birthday party. The party is full of the random candy people from the train. I get why Jake wouldn’t want Finn’s friends on the train, as his close friends dying probably would have distracted him from solving the mystery. But, it’s lame that his friends like Bubblegum, BMO, Marceline, LSP, and Tree Trunks aren’t at the party. The episode ends on an unsettling note. Jake reveals their fall from the cliff wasn’t planned and they almost died. Random tangent, it’s very distracting hearing a background song that Spongebob uses all the time. It’s weird that they used stock music in this episode.

Grade: A-

#adventure time #mystery train #finn #jake the dog #finn and jake

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bloggerspam · 5 months ago

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Hi hello it's been a while everyone, thank you for waiting! Here it is, the finale!! hopefully everyone is happy with this one.

===

Danny’s not actually sure what he’s here for.

After the BatCave debacle—and Danny sternly scolding Grunkle John for being dramatic and seeing things that were clearly not there—he had given his number to all three of the teenage heroes out of pure spite.

Danny had found himself added to a variety of group chats, one of Gotham Heroes, one of Teenage Heroes, and for some reason one very inactive chat for Justice League Dark.

He was a little overwhelmed by the sheer amount of texts flooding through though, so he decided to do what any self-respecting 17 year old socially awkward half dead boy did: He set the chats to mute, and occasionally lurked. When he had the spoons.

RR and Superboy had him in a separate group chat (SB had named it A Trois a couple days in, but he’s not sure what that is a reference to, and is too afraid to ask at this point), and that one was way more manageable in his opinion.

The weirdest part was how often they would reiterate how single Superboy was, and as a result Red Robin being single was brought up in response just as often.

Danny felt compelled to point out that he knew, and made a joke about single’s club, but he doesn’t think it landed despite the amount of ‘lol’s and ‘haha’s he got in response. The vibes just felt so off.

But he likes Superboy and Red Robin. They’re fun!

Kon-El is a frankly phenomenal sparring partner, and Red is astoundingly intelligent. It’s honestly intimidating, but it’s like meeting a more mechanically inclined Tucker in a weird way. It’s honestly like watching an Alternate Universe’s version of him and Tuck. If Danny were an alien instead of a ghost, and if Tucker were more stoic and emotionally closed off.

And if Danny and Tucker were wholeheartedly and hopelessly into each other.

Because he’s pretty damn sure that Superboy and Red Robin are like, super into each other.

And look, he gets it, okay? It’s that whole ‘don’t want to ruin a long-lasting friendship’ thing. The whole ‘what if I lose everything’ thing. The dumb ‘I’d rather suffer a one-sided love than have my feelings out there and ruin the one good thing in my life’ thing.

Danny reads fanfic. He knows about the tropes.

The point is: he’s hung out with couples before, without being a third wheel.

So why is he here, feeling like the biggest wheel to ever third wheel on Kon and Red’s not-date?

When Superboy and Red Robin had asked to spar and hang out to get milkshakes at a local diner after, Danny really wasn’t expecting this.

Danny sips noisily at his mint chocolate chip milkshake as he watches the two teenage heroes squabble over each other on the other side of the diner booth.

“Rob, please, as if you actually believe you have no game.” Superboy scoffs, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.

“You’re the one bringing my ability to ‘game’ in question! I did not bring it up, not once have I brought it up—we were talking about your ability to flirt, not mine! Right Phantom?”

Danny blinks slowly, meeting both their eyes in sheer confusion at how they even got here.

“I’m not sure I’m at liberty to really answer that question?” Red Robin tilts his head questioningly, and Kon-El leans on the table towards him.

“What do you mean?” Superboy’s tone is confused, and wary. Danny’s not sure what to make of that.

“Well, it’s not like I’ve actually seen you flirt.” Danny shrugs, finally pushing his drink away.

There’s a long silence, Red Robin and Superboy meeting each other’s eyes before quickly looking away as if embarrassed.

Danny sighs. He’s used to mediating fights between Sam and Tucker, in comparison awkward silences were a piece of cake, so he fills in the silence by changing the subject.

Thankfully, the rest of the hang out goes by swimmingly, and he heads home feeling pretty pleased with himself. He even managed to get them laughing so hard they were leaning against each other for support, causing Red to blush a little bit (it was hard to see, but Danny has really good vision) and Superboy to grin widely.

By the time he gets settled in for the night, he realizes that maybe they need a little nudge.

He lays in bed, searching for a fic to read himself to bed to and thinks that maybe they’re just testing the waters. Maybe having someone new, someone who didn’t know them as well allowed them to be a little freer with their affection.

Well. If they needed a buffer, all that had to do was ask.

He filters the fics to Friends To Lovers and decides yeah. Yeah, he could totally do this!

He falls asleep to single beds and roommates and a wistful little smile on his face.

===

“I’m not talking to you.” Danny says, crossing his arms and furrowing his brow. He turns away from the hand offering a lemon flavored hard candy.

Grunkle John heaves a heavy sigh, stuffing the candy in his pocket and hunches his shoulders.

“Look, mate, I’m sorry, okay?” Danny huffs, refusing to respond.

“Danny, c’mon, they were all sniffin’ around you and beggin’ for any type of scrap from ya!”

“That’s not true and you know it Grunkle John!”

“Your Majesty, come on, I know yer Ace and Aro, but yer not blind.”

Danny sputters, and very maturely sticks his tongue out at the older man and blows a raspberry.

He steals the lemon hard candy for reparations.

He deserves it.

===

“So, what, you’re gonna get them together?” Tucker says through a mouthful of fries.

“Yeah, I figure it shouldn’t be that hard, I've done a lot of research on it.” Danny takes a bite of his Nasty Burger Special with relish, savoring the weird flavors that are alarmingly good for an establishment such as this.

“Danny. Danny, that’s the dumbest idea you’ve ever had. And you literally ate Dash’s stinky underpants.” Sam presses her face into her palms, trying to smother herself the way she does every time she thinks Danny or Tucker is doing something stupid.

With that kind of abysmal lack of confidence, he hopes she asphyxiates. (No, he doesn’t, but that’s not the point! It’s the lack of trust! The utter betrayal!)

“What kind of research we talkin’ here? Romance novels? Science papers? What else does he read?” Tucker thinks aloud, before gasping dramatically and pointing a shaky, ketchuppy finger at him.

“Danny. Danny no. Danny, please don’t tell me your research is fanfiction. Did you search up Red Robin/Superboy RPF?” Danny doesn’t answer, which causes Tucker to slam his hands on the table to lean over to him.

“Danny, shipping real life, actual people is kind of cringe, dude.” Tucker says, sitting back down when Sam pushes his face back.

“Coming from a furry? You gonna kiss the high horse you’re riding in on too?” Sam snarks, stealing a fry. Tucker immediately lunges for her, and they start a frankly pathetic looking slap fight.

Sam must be in a forgiving mood.

“With friends like you, who needs ghosts?” Danny mumbles into his next bite, not expecting them to hear over the sounds of skin slapping painfully as they bicker.

“Butchering a proverb to make it fit your life is not clever. It’s overdone and frankly, below you.” Tucker says primly, dashing his expectations.

Sam scoffs, “From a guy who regularly drops puns not only in his fights, but in his daily life? I’m not sure there is a below for him to have.”

“Ha. Ha,” Danny rolls his eyes after he swallows his bite. He takes a sip of his drink to wash down the taste of utter and complete lack of faith in his skills.

Hm. No, still bitter. He finished his burger sulkily, instead.

===

John is having a cuppa in his Kitchen, when he hears the House creak and a door slam open.

The open archway shifts, the room that was previously there (the living room) stretching passed to admit directly to the mudroom with the back door exit.

His Majesty King Phantom stomps in, dumping what looks like a hastily packed duffle bag and three different backpacks (is one of them spider shaped? John won’t think about it). Danny steps back out before John can make a joke about moving in, but pops back in relatively quickly.

This time, there’s a whole dresser with the drawers all sloppily taped shut for transport. He blinks as Danny dumps it right in front of the archway, partially blocking the view. John gets up with his coffee to stand in the archway and watch, deciding to wait until Danny stops long enough for him to say something.

The boy king repeats this process, once with a truly ludicrous amount of stacked books and once more to dump what looks like a wicker basket full of Fenton-Tech. B

When Danny pauses to survey his ‘loot,’ John is finally able to say something.

“Mate, what’s going on? Fumigation happening or somethin’? Usually you leave the furniture…” John’s voice must surprise the lad, considering he jumps into a spectral tail.

“Grunkle John!” Danny says, despairingly. John is immediately on alert.

It’s been a couple months since the young king last visited, both of them just missing each other on their various and respective missions. John with Dark, Danny with Clockwork. They just didn’t align, but all missions were simple, if time-sensitive. There shouldn’t have been anything wrong. CW would have told him if it had.

But John is pro at thinking the worst of things, and his mind whirls.

“Grunkle John, I’ve made many terrible mistakes.” Danny moans, clawing at his face. John awkwardly squeezes over and through the furniture currently in his path to comfort the boy, firmly grabbing the hands causing a bloody mess over soft cheeks.

Danny whines, the shallow cuts healing instantaneously, and thumps his head against John’s chest. “Danny, you’re going to have to give me more than that, I’m trying hard not to lose it right now—is this a salt and brimstone situation? What are we up against? Is it your parents? You said you would tell me when you would—”

“Grunkle John! Grunkle John, calm down, I’m sorry I—”John’s mouth clamps shut. John is man enough to admit he’s panicking, and thanks gods he doesn’t believe in that Danny interrupts him before he can pick his kid up and just leave. He watches as Danny breathes a sigh of relief, before freezing abruptly, looking suddenly very shifty and embarrassed.

They stand there, surrounded by bags and taped up furniture, in loaded silence. The young King fidgets, not looking at John, growing greener and greener as is normal for a Realms being of his coloring. The constellations that make up the markings of his skin are growing more and more pronounced, and the boy seems to grow smaller and smaller in his apparent shame.

What could be bothering him so much that he’s reluctant to share it with John of all people? Danny has never been ashamed or shy about anything other than that time he wanted John to visit more. Did something happen with his parents?

“Danny?” John tries, unsure and honestly a little scared.

At the sound of his voice, Danny hiccups in surprise, shrinking suddenly into…what looks like a baby naga. A little baby half snake? John instinctively catches the boy in his palms of his hands, despite the fact that Danny could float on his own.

“Danny…what—” Danny curls into his palms into a little pile, eyes going wide and teary, looking up at John with a bright green blush glowing on his face. “Danny, whatever it is, I’m sure it will be fine. Was it your parents? Did….Did something happen?”

At this, Danny covers his face with his tiny little…paws? And whines. He almost melts into a puddle, hiding his face into his ghostly little tail, and mumbling something in a child-like voice.

“I didn’t catch that, mate. Could you be a little louder?” John asks, bringing Danny up closer to hear better. Danny grumbles a high pitched whine, before finally sticking up straight with his eyes shut tight and an expression like he might die from mortification.

“RED ROBIN IS TRYING TO SET ME UP ON A DATE WITH SUPERBOY!” Danny screams, the House helpfully offering an echo in the ensuing silence.

“....Come again?” John asks, dumbfounded and left with nothing else to say. Danny peeks open an eye, still with that mortified look, before frowning even, almost on the verge of tears from the embarrassment.

“Red Robin and Superboy have been asking me to hang out with them every weekend and I thought they just needed someone who wasn’t part of their regular friend group as an excuse to hang out with each other because clearly they have crushes on each other but are too shy or afraid to take the first move—” Danny doesn’t actually need to breathe in this form, but here he takes a deep breath, “---so I thought I could maybe help wingman for them so I researched a lot of fanfiction and was trying to set up a lot of little tropes but it was harder to execute in person than I thought, so then I figured subtlety is out the window and texted them to watch this romantic movie together, and then bailed and told them to watch it without me and tell me all about it—” Another breath, “---but then Red Robin showed up in my throne room in the Realms somehow and told me he was disappointed because hewastryingtosetmeupondatewithSuperboy!!!!!!”

Danny is panting now, and John is still trying to compute what he’s just heard.

When it finally hits him, well. The only thing he can really actually say in response is laugh.

So he does.

He laughs for so long it’s a genuine fear that he would pass out from the loss of air.

“It’s not funny!” Danny whines, high pitched and indignant, hitting John on the wrist. John is crouched on the floor now, still holding Danny in his little baby man form aloft in his palms. John is literally shaking.

“I—” John tries to not laugh, but simply cannot. “I t-told you so m-mate!.” He takes a deep breath, calms himself down more firmly, and straightens up to look around them.

“And? What was the mistake that caused you to try and move entirely to the House?” John asks, on closer inspection he realizes this furniture is from the Keep, and not from FentonWorks. John recognizes the furniture.

“He told me he was tired of me being obtuse, and didn’t want to third wheel us anymore.” Danny grumbles, pouting. “I told him if anyone was third wheeling, it was me.”

John waits for the rest, because surely that can’t be it. “...Okay? That hardly warrants a move, Your Majesty.”

“...Red Robin then proceeded to try and tell me that the chemistry between me and Superboy was insanely palpable, and pulled out a tablet to do an entire powerpoint presentation on it.” Danny flicked a glance at John, before resolutely looking away. “I got into a fight with him about it, and made my own powerpoint on the spot. We got a little….heated and I opened a portal to Mount Justice and we ambushed Superboy to talk about his feelings.”

Danny flew up, shoving himself into John’s shirt pocket like that’s a perfectly normal place to be. Somehow, he fit. “Superboy, apparently, took this as an elaborate confession and asked us both to be a polycule.”

“....and then you told him you’re Ace and Aro, yeah?” John asks, despite knowing the answer.

“.....I said over my dead body.” Danny hisses. “And Red Robin pointed out I kind of am dead.”

John snorts, but stays silent. “And then?”

Danny sighs. “And then I grabbed one of Red’s masks, put it on and turned into my human form.” Danny grabs said mask (now strangely miniature and white) out of his chest to wave it around, “And then I told him not to drag me into their weird kinks, and ran away.”

John pauses. He’s….not really sure what to say about that. Except. “Ah.”

Danny phases the mask back into his chest and seems to shrink even further. “They know where I live, Grunkle John. So I’m moving here. This is an order. From your King.”

The House, ever helpful and playing favorites, decides now is the time to shift everything around. John suddenly finds himself standing in the middle of a room he wasn’t aware existed before, all the bags and furniture neatly arranged with a matching four poster bed and desk included.

Sticking his head out of the door, he realizes the room is right next to his. Lovely. He walks back in.

“Who am I to deny a Royal Decree?” John says, amused, fishing Danny out and placing him gently on the bed. He mocks a formal bow, before grinning at the Young King sulking on the sheets and trying his damnedest not to laugh. He’s largely unsuccessful, but he still manages to get himself together.

“Welcome to the House of Mysteries, Your Majesty. Mi Casa estas Su Domo and all that.” John says, massively butchering the Spanish and forcing some Esperanto in there into some kind of abomination just for the hell of it.

Danny unshrinks, and throws a pillow at him.

===

When Ellie and Sam and Tucker find out, they laugh for 30 minutes straight.

Sam and Tucker almost choke from the lack of air.

Danny doesn’t lift a finger to help them.

===

Monday - 11:37AM

RedRobinYUM: Phantom, we apologize if we have given you offense SuperStud: Could we please meet?

Wednesday - 6:13PM

SuperStud: Please? RedRobinYUM: No pressure, if you don’t want to please feel free to say no, if we make you uncomfortable please tell us and we will leave you alone.

Saturday - 12:44PM

SuperStud: Come on Your Majesty, throw us a bone here RedRobinYUM: What Superboy is trying to say, Your Majesty, is that we’re really sorry and didn’t mean to ambush you SuperStud: Speak for yourself, you totally meant to ambush him SuperStud: And I didn’t ambush ANYBODY. SuperStud: I was the ambushee!! RedRobinYUM: We also didn’t mean to force you to reveal your human status(?) SuperStud: We were just trying to shoot our shot! RedRobinYUM: We were trying to shoot YOUR shot, SB. Stuperstud: You guys were the ones with full on powerpoints about the chemistry between us. RedRobinYUM: I was trying to be a good friend, not trying to instigate a polycule! SuperStud: Oh stuff it, you think he’s cute too! RedRobinYUM: just because I have EYES does not mean automatic interest SuperStud: Be honest. You were totally considering it when I suggested it—come on, Rob. RedRobinYUM: Not the time nor place, Superboy. SuperStud: Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t think his engineering prowess and ability to kill me was hot af. I know you, competence kink a mile wide! RedRobinYUM: NOT THE TIME NOR PLACE, SUPERBOY. SuperStud: Should I make a powerpoint about the chemistry between you and Phantom? RedRobinYUM: NO. PhanDUMB: Please, stop. Gods, PLEASE. SuperStud: Only if you agree to meet with us. PhanDUMB: FINE.

===

There is a sullen teenage King draped all over the sofa.

“Rough day, Your Majesty?” John asks, because he might as well. He was, after all, heading towards the Kitchen from his room only to walk straight into a coffee table. Clearly, the House wants him here. Either the House is playing favorites again, or Danny is in so much of a state it’s getting annoyed by the moping.

The boy is in his human form, a more common occurrence nowadays, and is mumbling something forlornly.

“You’re mumbling again, lad.” John crosses the room to sit in the armchair beside the sofa, making himself comfortable. “Did the talk with Red Robin and Superboy not go well?” John might have to inflict a terrible curse on the lads, if so. Bats might kick up a stink about it, but John will pull out the diplomatic immunity card if he’ll have to. Even if he doesn’t have to, he would do it anyway. Nobody messes with his neph–ahem—with the King of the Realms and gets away with it. It simply won’t do.

“The talk was fine.” Danny huffs, rolling over to contort in a very uncomfortable way in John’s eyes. “Ellie tagged along for moral support.” John snorts, wondering where the lass is now.

Ever since Danny moved in a couple weeks ago (John was amused to find that Danny has been telling his parents he’s living in dorms, nevermind that he’s going to the Amity Park Community College for his first couple of years) she’s been visiting on and off again. There’s even been some talks about enrolling her into high school, though Jazz has been talking to him regarding the pros and cons of high school vs GED.

“How kind of her.” John drawls. Danny gives him a look.

“Her version of moral support is apparently immediately going up to Red Robin and saying to his face, for someone who works with the World’s Greatest Detective, you sure aren’t detective-ing great.” The lad covers his eyes with an arm, flailing about with the other.

“When Superboy asked what she meant by that, she did the Will Smith pose at me and said he’s Ace and Aro, dummies!” John blinks.

“...Will Smith pose?” John hesitantly asks. Danny gives him another look, this one almost disappointed.

“For someone who use to be in a band you’re losing a lot of cool points to me right now. It’s an exaggerated jazz-hands pose, Grunkle John. Get with the times.” John coughs, still confused but getting the gist of it.

“Well, at least they know now, right?” Danny groans.

“Yeah, and now Red Robin keeps sending me gift baskets for the faux pas, I think he’s afraid they started some kind of interdimensional incident. And Superboy is trying to find, and I quote, the exact flavor of aro and ace, because apparently he wouldn’t be opposed to some casual make out sessions if Red Robin is willing. Which apparently, he is.”

“...Do you want me to hex them for you?” Regardless of Danny’s answer, John suddenly feels like pay the Kryptonians a little visit. He contemplates the pros and cons of messing with one of the Bat’s kids, but ultimately comes to the conclusion that even the Big Bat himself wouldn’t blame John. Diplomatic immunity could go a long way, if he plays his cards rights.

It would only be a little hex. Maybe. Probably. He wonders if that Sam girl that Danny talks about would like to learn some curse magic. She seemed to be of the ilk.

“Bad Grunkle John. Bad. No hexing!” Danny hisses, transforming and flipping around to float over to John to drape over his shoulders and head, as if to weigh him down and prevent him from moving. As if John would go now whilst Danny was visiting, as if Danny weighed anything in this form.

John feels fondness flow through him, and pretends to try and get up, which causes Danny to hiss a little more and wrap tighter around him like a toddler having a little tantrum.

“Fine, fine. Just this once.” John pretends to acquiesce, causing Danny to purr a satisfied rumble. Hexing can wait. What Danny doesn’t know, won’t hurt him.

Maybe he’ll even call over Clockwork and the girls over for dinner. That’ll be a nice treat.

For now, he sits back, plopping down more securely, with his new nephew scarf.

Warm.

DPxDC prompt: Danny Phantom is an extremely high-level threat due to his capabilities and experience battling against his ghostly enemies. Batman is creating a contingency plan for him and Constantine's advice, as the one who dances the tango with the Infinite Realms? A bone-weary sigh of "plop him down a telly and put on a NASA documentary or something. It's like you haven't been dealing with teen kids for decades now fer fuck's sake."

#finally i can put this AU to rest #please assume that Danny commutes to college from the House of Mysteries #Technically speaking this is neither good parents nor bad parents au #its one of those “my family isn't GREAT but they arent BAD either” situations #like when you spend holidays with them and call them and enjoy your time together but you cant seem to bring yourself to come out to them #in case the implication wasnt clear enough timkon is canon in this #bc i am nothing if not an opportunistic bastard #platonic everlasting trio polycule my beloved #you know what #sam/tucker probably #who cares #whatever you want #duke was in fact still dating izzy and just thought danny was nice #there hopefully thats everyone #oh yeah batman is just batman #the end!#finale #my writing #danny phantom #timkon #grunkle john au #dpxdc

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bburn-art · 3 years ago

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John Constantine on a sticky note from work

#john constantine #hellblazer #vertigo #constantine #vertigo hellblazer #john constantine fanart #vertigo comics #comics #hes gotta be my favorite grunkle #looks 30 and 60 at the same time. as one should #billy idol inspiration as always

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bloggerspam · 1 month ago

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Why you should date Superboy: A powerpoint presentation by Red Robin

“...Red Robin then proceeded to try and tell me that the chemistry between me and Superboy was insanely palpable, and pulled out a tablet to do an entire powerpoint presentation on it.” Danny flicked a glance at John, before resolutely looking away. “I got into a fight with him about it, and made my own powerpoint on the spot. We got a little…heated and I opened a portal to Mount Justice and we ambushed Superboy to talk about his feelings.”

-The Trials and Tribulations of Raising a Ghost Boy (And Dating His Ghost Dad), a Grunkle John AU by Me!

================================================

Powerpoints by the lovely @ashleyreyland !!!! Thank you again Ash!

#everyone go say thank you to ash #danny phantom #dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #danny fenton #grunkle john au #red robin #superboy #timkon #aroace Danny Phantom #extras!

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unalivejournal · 3 years ago

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oh i am dying to hear your gravityfallsnatural thoughts and who is who (gruncle bobby???)

THANK U FOR LETTING ME UNLEASH THE FLOODGATES OK SO this got long i’m sorry

gravityfallsnatural.....

there’s the obvious one where sam and dean are dipper and mabel staying with their weird uncle bobby for the summer

i actually don’t have many ideas for this one it’s just cute :)

the shows are pretty similar so i don’t think a lot would change for this one? except ofc for the fact that sam and dean are 12 not 30

very much preseries stuff, sam and dean are clearly traumatized from john and bobby is reluctant to take care of them at first but they’re sweet kids and they soften their uncle bobby’s stone cold heart

before leaving for their trip, sam stole one of johns mysterious journals that he never let sam and dean touch (it’s one from like 15 years ago so he doesn’t realize it’s missing okay just go with it for the plot) and it’s the one that documents his experience with gravity falls

this is the journal they use to solve the mysteries of the town instead of journal #3 bc that one comes in later.. 😏

then there’s the other one where spn x gravity falls meets like. (s4ish)

probably in the headhunters episode because spn and gf both have an evil wax museum ep so it’s like

sam and dean are hunting the wax museum that comes to life in nowhereville oregon and dipper and mabel drag themselves along with them even though they try to keep the kids out of it

dipper and sam connect instantly because they’re so similar to each other but not so much dipper and dean bc dipper reminds dean too much of the innocent kid he wishes he could’ve been

however dean and mabel get along surprisingly well even though sam is mabels favorite

(sam lets her put clips in his hair)

anyway after the hunt they plan to leave but end up getting caught up in the town after hearing news about gideon, who claims to be a psychic faith healer but is actually working with bill cipher in trade to help bill start the apocalypse somehow

then castiel shows up and he’s like “the angels have been keeping tabs on this town for a while now due to the absurd number of anomalies that occur. however, now there’s something cosmic happening right as we speak” SO it’s like kripke apocalypse kind of but in oregon

grunkle stan thinks cas is really funny and takes him gambling

AND FINALLY MY FAV AU which technically is a sequel to the first one w grunkle bobby. (season 9ish)

it’s like ~20-25 years into the future and deans taken over the shack. claire and jack are the siblings that end up getting sent to stay with him for the summer

(btw i’m bending some ages here but the other teenagers like kevin, kaia, ben, krissy, patience, alex, etc play the roles of wendy, her friends, candy, grenda) (kevin is wendy)

claire and jack havent met before this! they’re both “troubled” kids from different sides of the family. jack is 14 and claire is 16

nobody is particularly happy about the situation at first. their uncle dean is cranky, closed off, and is not in any way fit to take care of two teenagers. claire thinks of the entire thing as some sort of alternative punishment instead of being sent to juvenile detention and jack is bummed that his entire summer is gonna be spent with two mopes when he was looking forward to making memories with his new family members

then claire finds journal number three in the forest and Claire and Jack’s Mystery Solving begins

cas is human at this point and he’s the shack’s handyman (like soos but he’s. not soos at all do u understand what i mean)

him and dean aren’t together yet but they’re very much pining and they do get together by the end of it

claire and jack love cas and cas loves them! he’s kind of awkward but doesn’t have many social hang ups which jack appreciates, and claire doesn’t like him at first but they end up connecting over the course of the story because cas is the only one who will admit to her that she’s right about the supernatural phenomenons in gravity falls

(OK SKIPPING OVER SO MUCH BC I COULD LITERALLY WRITE A NOVEL ON THIS BUT I WONT FOR YOUR SAKE)

ok and SAM. sam is a combination of mcgucket and ford right

basically he created the memory removing contraption to cope with his season 7 hell trauma and ends up forming the society of the blind eye in order to help keep people in gravity falls oblivious to the pain of the real world

during this time he gets really into discovering where monsters come from (bc eve doesn’t exist in this au i guess)

he finds out that they escape through a rift to an alternate reality and starts to create a machine in order to close that rift (think s8 closing the gates of hell trials type of thing)

following gf canon, he ends up getting stuck in the alternate reality as the rift closes and dean dedicates the next couple of decades trying to get him back. he eventually gets him back around the same events of s2 beginning (i haven’t watched gravity falls chronologically in 5 years so my memory is hazy around all of this sorry)

AND YEAH OKAY IM STOPPING i could literally elaborate so much more on everything but i’m cutting myself off just know that gravityfallsnatural is all i think about every day

#sorry for answering with an entire essay do you still think i’m not #*hot #gravityfallsnatural #asks #transkaia #thank u for asking it made my day to rant abt this

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fancysasquatch · 11 months ago

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Update #2. I'm now 10 episodes in, meaning I'm halfway through season 1 and a quarter of the way through the show.

Before moving on to new business, I'll be clearing up some old business. I finally figured out the Aoshima thing. When watching the ending credits of the episode "Irrational Treasure" I noticed it was directed by John Aoshima. I went back to the episode the clue was from, which was not directed by John Aoshima. While I had the episode pulled up I decided to rewatch the whole thing (at 2x speed) because most of the end credit messages were related to the plot of the episode, and I might have missed something. It turned out that I had. At one point in the episode while Mabel is experiencing a sugar-induced hallucination, she says "Onwards, Aoshima" referring to the dolphin she was riding.

Now back to business. This is the message from the end credits of episode 7. As expected, shifting the letters back three spots in the alphabet (or any other number for that matter) no longer translates the message. My next step was trying a reverse alphabet cipher, which ended up translating the text to be "Paper Jam Dipper says: 'Auughwxqhgadsaduh'" That string of garbage text was a little worrying, but in the episode Paper Jam Dipper did just yell, and "auugh" is a classic onomatopoeia for yelling.

I stopped taking screenshots of the messages at this point, mainly because I forgot, but continuing on in the next episode the end credits message translates to "E. Pluribus Trembley." In episode 9 they translate to "Not H.G. Wells Approved." In episode 10 they translate to "Sorry, Dipper, but your Wendy is in another castle."

In "Double Dipper" it's revealed that Grunkle Stan has a photocopier that can make copies of people, so I'm currently leaning towards that being where his doppelganger comes from. Or maybe the Stan we've seen is the clone, who's replaced the real Stan (since the intro tells us that Stan is not what he seems), but we've also seen Stan get wet without melting so maybe not. At the end of the episode most of Dipper's clones get melted down, but I noticed that the two that stole Robbie's bike never came back and presumably are still out there, so I'm keeping an eye open for them to possibly return.

In "Irrational Treasure" they show a -12 dollar bill, where Bill Cipher replaces the Eye of Providence. There's also some number that I thought might be a code. It doesn't work as a date, phone number, or lock combination, and when I tried turning it into coordinates the only places that wasn't in the middle of the ocean was a random location in Northern Brazil (-02.395, -48.604). I tried converting it into text by breaking it into a string of two digit numbers (02, 39, 54, 86, 04) and counting out that letter of the alphabet, but I came up with bmbhd with I couldn't turn into a real word through reversing and/or shifting the alphabet.

There's also one moment in this episode where Dipper is flipping through several sets of symbols while trying to translate a page. One of the alchemist symbols (the top middle) stood out to me as being something I remember seeing several times when they show pages of the journal. I'd previously chalked it up to decoration, like I'd done with the red W seal, but this indicated there might be more to it.

In "Irrational Treasure" they also find a document listing government coverups, including a "time devouring baby" frozen in Antarctica. In "Time Traveler's Pig" we see a giant flying baby with an hourglass shape on it's forehead, which I'm assuming is the same baby.

I also finally figure out that Robbie's sweater is the heart design from the circle around Bill Cipher in the intro freeze frame (I somehow missed that the first several episodes he's in). Also the glasses look like the ones that a young Stan is wearing when you see him while the twins are time traveling, which is different from the ones he wears in the present.

Now I don't actually know if that's Stan or if it's his clone/twin. There's already a symbol in the circle representing Stan in the form of the lobster claw, but there's two symbols representing Mabel (the shooting star and the llama) so maybe some characters get two symbols. Or maybe the glasses do belong to Stan's twin/clone and one of the Mabel symbols represents somebody else we haven't met yet. The only symbol from the circle I can't explain is the bag of ice.

So far in the show, bags of ice have showed up twice that I can think of. The first time was in the haunted convenience store, when Wendy's friends are dumping ice down one kid's pants, and when Dipper goes to get them another bag he drops it when he sees a ghost and gets scared. The second time is when Dipper is grabbing a bag of ice for Wendy's black eye, but when he bumps into the time traveler he drops it again. The ice bag in the symbol does look ripped in one corner, so this might mean something.

The three characters involved during both ice bag incidents are Dipper, Wendy, and Robbie. Dipper and Robbie already have symbols, and Wendy is the most major character currently without a symbol, so maybe the ice represents her. But she hasn't actually interacted with ice, she was just there when Dipper was interacting with the ice, so maybe the bag is for Dipper. In that case Dipper (tree and ice), Mabel (star and llama) and Stan (claw and glasses) might all get two symbols. But then Wendy wouldn't have a symbol while several less prominent characters do. Unless she has something to do with the journals, and is represented by the handprint?

I've decided to watch Gravity Falls, and I want to see if I can figure out the various mysteries without looking up any answers. I'm going to catalog my efforts to do that here on tumblr.

Going into this I've only seen two episodes back in like 2013 (the pilot and one where there's a pig) but I'm not totally in the dark about the show because there's a few things I've gleaned from cultural osmosis on tumblr. Namely, the bad guy is a pyramid man named Bill Cypher and also Grunkle Stan either has a twin or a clone, I'm unclear which.

I'm currently two episodes in and I've already discovered and cracked one secret code, and am keeping my eye on a couple other things. During the credits of episode one I noticed a string of garbage text, pictured below

Knowing this show's reputations I figured this might be a coded message, probably either a substitution or transposition cipher (since this was a code meant for children and those are "Baby's first cryptography" material). I put it in an anagram finder and got back 48 results that all contained the word "fjord" but none seemed like an actual message, so it probably wasn't a transposition cipher.

If it was a substitution cypher then there were three options that seemed the most likely to me. It was either a shifted alphabet (each letter in the message is shifted a certain amount up or down the alphabet, so A becomes B becomes C, or A becomes C and B becomes D, et cetera), a reverse alphabet (every letter is mirrored back to front, so ABC becomes ZYX) or a keyed alphabet (where every letter's replacement is randomly determined by a secret key).

If it was a keyed alphabet then I was out of luck for now, I would have to wait until either they reveal the key or I collected enough messages to brute force it. I tried a reverse alphabet first but it was still garbage text. So it was down to being one of 25 different shifted alphabet keys (unless it was multiple codes, like a reverse alphabet and a transposition, but I'd finish dealing with single codes first).

I could have tried each of the 25 possible shifts first, but that's a lot of work, so instead I focused on the two letter word. One of those two letters has to be a vowel, and there's only six vowels so that means 12 possible options. Only two of the options were real words. Shifting back two letters turned "wr" into "up" but the rest of the message was nonsense. Shifting it back three letters turned "wr" into "to," and applying that to the whole message made it read "Welcome to Gravity Falls."

With that code cracked, I moved on to episode 2. I hadn't paid much attention to the intro during the first episode but this time I paid closer attention, and noticed a few things (and then went back and confirmed they were the same in the first episode's intro).

In Dipper's title card there's some symbols on the wall that look like runes, but the only real rune is the third symbol. The others don't seem to appear in any actual runic or pseudo-runic alphabets I can find online. I'm going to be writing this off as purely decorative for now, but I'll keep an eye out in case these keep popping up as a symbolic alphabet, like the alien alphabet from Futurama.

At the very end of the intro this pops up for a split second. That guy in the middle is Bill Cypher, I already know he turns up later. I recognize several of the symbols surrounding him as being from the show. The shooting star is on Mabel's sweater, the handprint is on the cover of the book, the tree is on Dipper's hat, the lobster claw is on Grunkle Stan's hat, and the question mark is on Soos' shirt.

To the right there's a string of text which, when translated using the same alphabet shift code from above, reads "Stan is not what he seems." It also has the Konami code, which I'm just taking as an easter egg.

On the left there's a few possible number codes. In red it looks like something in binary but it's doesn't actually mean anything in binary. But if you convert it to morse code it could be either "sror" or "oksk." Using the same -3 shift, "sror" becomes "polo," which means nothing for now. Reverse alphabet shifting does nothing, I used an online tool to test every other alphabet shift but nothing came up. I don't even know where to begin working on the other two possible number codes.

The credits for the second episode had another hidden message. Using the -3 shift, it becomes "Next week: return to Butt Island."

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beelieveinfandom · 3 years ago

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Convo from the 18+ discord about a very silly star wars crossover I wanted to share.

gremgeous the gem pillar Just had a GREAT idea for a star wars crossover Just dipper visiting the star wars universe for whatever reason (multiverse vacation maybe? Idk. Dipper maybe dusted off that old portal in a fit of nostalgia or smth) and palpatine finds him and tries to tempt alcor to his side by offering him power Standard stuff for the sith really Except Well If you offer a demon unspecified power, in what form are they going to take it if not in the one who is offering's soul? Biggest and best tasting power boost there is, really! And then maybe he takes over the empty shell of a body afterwards which may or may not grant him force acess and alcor has a grand old time making a mess out of running the republic (or at least running lose in the senate) This is like... early prequals or pre-preauals era maybe. When palpafucker is still undercover and being all covert and unsuspicious and stuff I call this.... "palpatines penechance for grand speeches and unspecific ominous statements to try and seem all powerful and cool and dramatic fuck him over" Or in shorter terms ... . "There's a demon lose in the senate" And it basically runs like that one john mullaney bit With a side dashing of that one journak 3 thing where bill posesses a guy, messes with a roman army and then makes a guys head explode Also like nobody knows who alcor is or that hes even there bc theres no demons or dream demons in star wars (that i know of) so he gets the run of the place Even moreso than back home in gravity falls bc no one knows magic, its all "force this" and "force that" Dippered probably spends a lot of time nerding out over the different alien species since they dont have those back in his dimension (theyve got aliens but theyre different kinds) and also about the laser swords (just like the one Grunkle Ford made for them all (Ford, Dipper, Mabel, Stan, Soos, Grenda, Candy, Grendas boyfriend, Pacifica, and even waddles and gompers) back in 2017! Good times, good times.)

swbeeworm oh this sounds like fun

gremgeous the gem pillar Right???

swbeeworm if i was familiar enough with the star wars universe to write anything in it i'd give this a shot

gremgeous the gem pillar right???

swbeeworm like i know star wars?? but i don't know star wars n i have to know something to be confident in writing it

gremgeous the gem pillar Sadly everything i know comes from time travel fixit and semi-salty pro-jedi meta

swbeeworm but just.... the sheer chaotic potential of this...

gremgeous the gem pillar Gosh yes....... Oh its be so good..........

swbeeworm oh mood it would be

gremgeous the gem pillar @Abigor u like star wars too gimme ur thooooughts When ur awake and have them to give

swbeeworm ugh i should. probably not be awake, i have stuff to do tomorrow n i have a headache but this is fun to think about

gremgeous the gem pillar I had another thing thats fun to think abt too Clone wars era, alcors there and everyon thinks hes a brand new sith player b/c gold eyes

swbeeworm just the shenanigans. the bullshittery. the sheer what-le-fuck reactions of everyone from the senate to the jedi to the people ooooooooo

gremgeous the gem pillar YES!!! Exactly.

gremgeous the gem pillar Oooooh jedi can do mind things i wonder what alcor wpuld feel like to them

swbeeworm my first instinctive responses were: 1) constant Screaming and a whirlwind mishmash of colors/concepts/etc that makes everyone who 'looks' too long start bleeding thru the nose/eyes 2) wii music on loop and these are VERY different prompts to have back to back but that's what i got

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDHSGGSHD I LOVE IT Oh what if its both at the same time Ajdhegdhdj what rven is the music like in star wars anyway

swbeeworm the fkin,,,, cantina music

gremgeous the gem pillar Like how would they react when confronted w wii music

swbeeworm is the equivalent i would think

gremgeous the gem pillar Do they even have the same sorts of instruments do they even know what electronic music is

swbeeworm just. that spawned another Thought imagine that the cantina music from That One Scene is the sw-equivalent of the wii music and just. just imagine that same scene playing but with wii music on loop in the background

gremgeous the gem pillar Gosh "wii music on loop" i love it AODHDHSHSJD

swbeeworm it would probably FIT they have the same vibe

gremgeous the gem pillar Im crying Mits so good

swbeeworm sdjlksdafj i saw a post the other day that was talking abt the music there n how it kept playing on loop n the poster joked that it might have been like,, the john mulaney salt-pepper-diner-story situation which is only tangentially related to this topic but i had to recall it

gremgeous the gem pillar AJSHH i love that Gosh ok i feel like take 1 would fit with the new sith in town scenario And take 2 fits with theres a demon lose in the senate

swbeeworm sfsdkfjh yES

gremgeous the gem pillar But how FUCKING HILARIOUS would it be if in the senate story its the former, and in the oh so serious sith story its the wii music on loop im akdhsjdvsjdhsjbd

swbeeworm ASLDJSLKFJ plEASE take 1: gritty, serious, angst, deadly miscommunications--and fucking wii music on loop take 2: lighthearted, cracky, shenanigans and bullshittery--and fucking bleeding out the eyes if you try n read the guy talk about dissonance

gremgeous the gem pillar "Big scary sith! Look at the yellow eyes! What dastardly plots cpuld he be thinking/partaking in....." [Hard cut to alcor pov/inside alcors head] wii music plays as he stares off into space during a supposedly very important meeting

gremgeous the gem pillar OH I DO LOVE THE DISSONANCE Gsjdgysgsvsjgd wheeze its so good i love it

swbeeworm me tooooo .....for the sith one. would ppl see blue fire n think lightning

gremgeous the gem pillar Theyd probably think its some other secret sith technique

swbeeworm fair enough

gremgeous the gem pillar Everyone thinks one of the other sith lines that was supposedly wiped out had it since this sith deffs aint the line of bane- even the cirrent sith wanna know where alcors popped in from "Lightning was the bane line specialty.... guess where ever this kids guys from fire was theirs"

swbeeworm= adjlsdfkjlfkjf the shenanigans n bullshittery one imagine alcor-as-palpatine just. going incorporeal, still visible but not able to be touched, and the jedi go from "what the fuck is going on" to "why the fuck is he a force ghost"

gremgeous the gem pillar AJSGSHSGSHSA

swbeeworm alcor, who'd done it only bc his ~ornate robes~ had got so caught/tangled on something he could only get free by phasing through it: ??????

gremgeous the gem pillar wheeze Alcor: how the fuck did this guy move around in these AJDHSGDH ALCOR NOT KNOWING ABOUT THE SITH- SHOWS UP TO THE SENATE IN THE SITH ROBES

swbeeworm asdlkjsfkjsdfdf

gremgeous the gem pillar CALLS IT A "FASHION STATEMENT" WHEN CALLED OUT ON IT

swbeeworm a fASHION STATEMENT YES alcor: :blobsweats: alcor: what the FUCK is a sith alcor: and why do they have better style than the jedi

gremgeous the gem pillar WHEEZE He doesnt know jack shit abt the jedi or anything hes just vibing!!!!!!

swbeeworm yesssssss

gremgeous the gem pillar AJDGSGGDJS YOU KNOW WHATVWPUKD BE EVEN BETTER ALCOR THINKS THE SITH LOOK IS TACKY AF

swbeeworm alcor: no listen. listen. i picked these space robes out of my space wardrobe because they looked cool, not because i'm part of some. some space cult ljflskdajfslkdfjsd

gremgeous the gem pillar BUT HE STILL THINKS ITS BETTER THAN THE JEDI

swbeeworm that's even better

gremgeous the gem pillar space cult im HOWLING

swbeeworm you KNOW he'd be so excited at being in space this DORK

gremgeous the gem pillar Ph gosh imagine it starts out all dark and serious and angsty and creepy in the whole beginning exchange But as soon as the day after alcor takes up palps role hits it takes a sharp turn into crack terriotry

gremgeous the gem pillar OH HE WOULD

swbeeworm yESSSS

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor takes one look at dooku and is like "youre the only one aroynd here with any sort of fashion sense" "And its HORRIBLE"

swbeeworm sljflskdjfsd

gremgeous the gem pillar Just roasts him And by extension everyone else too

swbeeworm dooku has NO IDEA what's going on but at this point ""palpatine"" or whatever's taken over him is ten minutes into a rant abt the layers on layers of boring robes jedi wear and at this point he'll take the backhanded compliment about his own style

gremgeous the gem pillar Akehdsjfssksgsjd

swbeeworm just to shut him up

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDHDJDGDJDHD Alco goes on a 30 minute rant on why suits are SO much more professional

swbeeworm snaps "palpatine" into a suit and goes "...except maybe for this guy idk if anything could make him look good"

gremgeous the gem pillar And its more of a backhanded insukt than a backhanded compliment but anything to shut the guy up, right?

swbeeworm how much we roasting palpatine here

gremgeous the gem pillar To a blackened crisp

swbeeworm as it should be

gremgeous the gem pillar Its better than his wrinkly old rasin look anyday

swbeeworm lskjdlsakjfdf agreed

gremgeous the gem pillar Be hard NOT to improve on that honestly But the dude sinks so low i bet hed somehow manage it

swbeeworm --alcor getting fed up w palpatine's body and just. showing up to the senate meetings, full alcor, eyes n his normal face n everything, in palpatine's robes, and when someone rightfully asks him who the hell is he, he just deadpans "i'd think by this point you'd recognize your own chancellor" and just straight insists he's palpatine (and has the knowledge to back it up) every time someone sputters

gremgeous the gem pillar Also i included the bit abt the journal 3 thing bc my saga of alcor repeating bill's patterns, behaviors, and ideas unknowlingly and without awareness that that is what he is doing shall continue >:3c

gremgeous the gem pillar AODHAJDBAKWJHEVEJDJDHSHSHSJWOWKJEHEE I LOVE IT OH HOW I LOVE OT ALSOWHSKJDISOSOAJAIW Oh gosh what if he fuckin

swbeeworm because at this point it's less about blending in and more about trolling the whole senate and being as distracting as possible because with everyone paying attention to his trolling theyre less likely to notice the bills for clone rights n abolishing slavery n such that he's pushing thru in the background misdirection at its finest

gremgeous the gem pillar I was gonna say a thing abt alcor replacing palps b4 the election and so they did elect alcor to chancelorhoood But it might be funnier if he took him over AFTER abd still says that bit abt recognizing their own chancellor Oh gosh in that secind scenario it would be hilarious if the jedi are all :blobglare: @alcor except for obi-wan who is all like "i am looking away" bc at least THIS guy (whiever the hell he is) has stopped being such a creep abt anakin

swbeeworm the jedi are sent in to figure out wtf is going on and. they, unfortunately, bewilderingly, confirm that this is the same person as the chancellor who'd been showing up recently??? same wii music/bleeding effect??

swbeeworm alcor, finding appointments with some random jedi kid on palpatine's calendar: wtf why is this creep trying to meet with a kid alone, yeah how about i cancel that

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJD Alcor, looking at palpatibes planner: "every day i am more and more glad that i ate thig guys soul" "Like i knew it was oily but im suprised i havent got an upset stomach from it yet"

swbeeworm sjlskdfjsdf alcor the next day, after finding stuff abt the order 66 chip things, gagging: "i spoke too soon"

gremgeous the gem pillar Obi-wan to the council: hmm? Yes this is totally the chancellor, i know this because of all the previous meetings and close relationship he has had with my padawan which you allowed and helped facillitate- "Palpatine":[has a completley different body type, height, and face. Plus he actually has hair and is maybe even floating a little but its hard to be sure in those black and gold robes- and with a completely different voice] oh, yeah, totally, Im the chancellor and i totally know who this guy and that kid is yup yup yup-

gremgeous the gem pillar [UGLY LAUGHTER] AkdjskkdkdjsysAODJSJEUEIEIIEF

swbeeworm ASDKAFDF "palpatine": [grins with very sharp teeth at a nervous senator] council: "okay that is NOT normal" obi-wan, deadpan: "i'm sorry, it sounds like you're discriminating against non-human beings? that's not very jedi of you now is it"

gremgeous the gem pillar ALDHDJDHD Wait wait no what if its "This is completely normal behavior. I, as a human, know this for certain" "I can do this too, but i dont, because it is impolite, but hes the chancellor he can do whatever he wants"

swbeeworm asldksajflksdfjsdf;jsdf yes yes beautiful

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor and obi-wan team up to be passive agressive at everyone who allowed palps and anakin to hang out ABOUT them letting an unsupervised minor chill w a suoer duper old guy Shoulda had a chaperone at LEAST Butalso

swbeeworm the other humans on the council: "uh, actually-" obi-wan: [manages to sip tea (which he shouldn't even have access to in a council meeting btw) with an aggressively polite smile and silent Threat] the other humans: "....um."

gremgeous the gem pillar "Thats not very jedi of you now is it" AODHSJSIDHALSVD IM HOWLING I LOVE IT THE SASS wheeze*

swbeeworm i live for obi-wan sass it gives me LIFE

gremgeous the gem pillar SAME oh its so good Love that one post where obj-wan is on tatooine and calls all the force ghosts to view his powperpoint presentation about how letting palps have acess to analin was a bad idea as hed been saying all along-

swbeeworm u need to know i wrote this with the "that's not very plus ultra of you" meme, which is a bnha offshoot of the "that's not very cash money of you" meme, in my head on repeat

gremgeous the gem pillar Ph him terrorizing all the people palpatine had in his pocket...... Ok this is veering into even MORE crack territory but at some poibt alcor replaces, uh, whats the dudes name, palps second in command - mess something-or-other? - with a nightmare Not just ANY nightmare But a DIFFERENT nightmare each day

swbeeworm ASDLSDFKLDJF PLEASE

gremgeous the gem pillar They took it upon themselves to go on rotation They couldn't decide who should go when alcor proposed the idea so its everyone One at a time They dont even look REMOTELY human Or like anything the galaxy has ever known or seen And theres no "secretive supernatural species" excuse for them to fall back on here lmao

swbeeworm random dude: "what is that???" alcor, cheerful: "that's my assistant" rd: "is that--is that supposed to be a sheep?" alcor: "no they're my assistant" nightmare: [sound that, if you ignore the reverb and microphone-screeching and kazoo effects, might be a "baaa"] alcor: [smiles aggressively wider with sharp teeth] rd: [sweats nervously]

gremgeous the gem pillar ALDJDKSIEJEHAJWJWHEI Obi-wan: i am still l :eyes:king away Anakin: oooh, the wool is so soft master. Come feel it! Obi-wan: really? Ooh youre right The council: ....

swbeeworm rd: "okay but this is a DIFFERENT one than yesterday right?? right???" alcor: "i have absolutely no idea what you're talking about :)" obi-wan, still with tea he should not have, this time with space whiskey mixed in: "sir i think you might be seeing things, they are clearly the same individual as yesterday"

gremgeous the gem pillar Mace: ...hrm it is quite soft- The rest of the council: ??? When did he get-

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDHDHD JUST LYING THROUGH HIS TEETH ALDJDHFJF

swbeeworm obi-wan looking mace dead in the eye and chugging his spiked tea which is more whiskey than tea at this point: "how dare you accuse me of lying. me, after everything i've done for this council. i am betrayed. heartbroken. never shall trust again. i am leaving until i recover" -and promptly fucks off on a vacation with anakin

gremgeous the gem pillar The jedi start getting a LOT more missions about busting slave rings and giving aid in the outer rim - plus some more dimplomacy docused ones in regards to solving teeaties instead of putting down rebellions

-alcor shows up on the vacation with zero explanation and obi-wan at this point is like "fuck it why not" -a nightmare takes his place in palpatine's robes in the senate for the week they're gone

gremgeous the gem pillar ALSJSHDJDJSKDHEE Weirdly enough some of the more corrupt senators go missing after that week No one knows what hapoebed to them but the robes the "chancellor" wore that week have some awfully suspicious stains WAIT WAIT WHAT IF ITS NOT A NIGHTMARE WHAT IF ITS GOMPERS alcor didn't even ASK gompers to be there he was planning to not even warn anyone n just vanish but gompers just SHOWED UP the nightmares were the ones who put the robes on him

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor doesn't even KNOW gomoers is there He gets back after the week and is like "what the heck" The nightmares are pretty proud of themselves for that one

swbeeworm the nightmares, collectively: "this is gonna be HILARIOUS" alcor, halfway across the galaxy, sees a newsfeed of a senate meeting with gompers in the robes in his place, and spits his drink clear across the room

he's only mad because he didn't think of it in the first place

gremgeous the gem pillar wheeze Hes proud of them

swbeeworm he IS

gremgeous the gem pillar Its so HILARIOUS

swbeeworm i pity anyone trying to read this mess later but i hope we at least make them laugh once

gremgeous the gem pillar Same Its such a joy Alcor teaches anakin the secret to mabel juice

swbeeworm oh no

gremgeous the gem pillar Only the children thank him The minders.... not so much

swbeeworm alcor: "okay so what i'm hearing is, the adult jedi have been making Stupid Decisions and not paying as much attention to the kids, as evidenced by them letting that one kid have meetings one on one with the creepy older guy i stopped putting effort into impersonating a month ago. so, clearly what needs to happen is something that forces the adults to pay attention to the kids and start keeping a closer eye on them, but it can't be something that actually hurts the kids because then i'd feel bad" alcor: "...." alcor: :blobamused:

gremgeous the gem pillar akdhdjsgshsjhdsjdjdj

swbeeworm alcor in a totally not suspicious trench coat and sunglasses: "hey. hey, kid. you wanna try some mabel juice?"

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDJDLFKFIFJIF WHEEZE "With the creepy older guy i stopped putting effort into impersonating a month ago" ALDJDBDJDJDDHDHDJDJDJDJDJDJDJSJDJEJEJE

gremgeous the gem pillar AKSJSHDJDJF

swbeeworm star wars kids: "mr chancellor why are you wearing that" alcor: "because i think it's funny" kids: "it isn't" alcor: "look do you want the juice or not"

gremgeous the gem pillar I LOVE ALL OF THAT LOOK DO YOU WANT THE JUICE OR NOT

swbeeworm i am having WAY too much fun with this ldjsldkfjdsf;

gremgeous the gem pillar "Were not supposed to take drugs from strangersl" "Its not- just take it!"

Hooooh man thats so funny Oh gosh Alcor uses a different time/date system

Than the star wars one

swbeeworm ooooooo yes

gremgeous the gem pillar Nit super sure where im going with this but.... Pretty sure he woukdnt know the star wars one At all Maybe the in-umuverse knockoff calendar maybe Hes wnough of a nerd to have that memorized But the star wars proper one

No, no i dont think he knows that one

swbeeworm nope no chance

gremgeous the gem pillar Omg yes

gremgeous the gem pillar Well its a good thing we have this..... and the mistaken sith version too :blobamused:

WAIT WAIT QAIT FLASH OF INSPIRATION ALCOR GIVING ANAKIN THE STRANGER DANGER PPT

swbeeworm i have 1 scene i can think of that actually almost made my friend cry and i have 1 au scene of a different au of mine where a character who canonically dies and gets brought back to life...doesn't come back (which is extra angst bc this is a Ghost Seeing Fic) and both of these i wrote at like 3-4am

swbeeworm SDFJKSDLFSJf YES :blobamused:

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor: "you know, i usually save this one for the kids who followed the stranger with the nice candy into the alleyway and end up as sacrifices but I feel like you could benefit from it too"

swbeeworm alcor: "no talking to suspicious ppl" anakin: "except you right?" alcor: "....in any other situation i'd say no but if i say that you're just gonna up and leave (i see that grin thanks very much) so in this one singular personal case it is fine that you trust my very suspicious self"

gremgeous the gem pillar AKSJSJDJJD "My very suspicious self" Aksjdhdd

swbeeworm obi-wan, straight up knocking back shots now: "the man has a point anakin"

gremgeous the gem pillar Haha nice Obi-wan is taking notes Hes also re-inventing alcoholic mabel juice He weaseled the recipie out of the kids

swbeeworm asldfkjsdlkfjd imagine if somehow SIDIOUS CAME BACK and tries to take back over the senate but everyone at this point is used to alcor and one of two things happens: 1) they assume this is alcor messing with them with a clone/double (they don't know how he'd do it but at this point given his "assistants", the goat that somehow made more eloquent speeches than the "human", and the other things involved, they wouldn't put it past him) and just ignore him 2) they look between the real palpatine who'd been pushing thru some very sketchy bills, and between alcor who's been sneaking through law after law protecting all kinds of sentients, and they turn back to palpatine and go "how dare you impersonate the chancellor" and kick him out

swbeeworm at this point he deserves it tbh

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDHFDJDJDJD Ok i preffer him dead and gone and forgotten in favor of alcor (its what he deserves) but oh those are hilarious

swbeeworm agreed to both counts alsdjalsdk

gremgeous the gem pillar ESPECIALLY if the senate chooses to keep alcor over palps XD Ph man we can work that into him being dead and gone too- alcor starts dispersing the power and the other half of the senate w bail and padme are like "yeah seems legit" along w obi-wan The jedi only put like, a token effort into investigating and are more put out by trying to figure out what happened to the real palpatine and all his past shady dealings than exposing the current "palpatine" for a fake

swbeeworm palpatine: "excuse me?? i am the chancellor of this republic" councilmembers, with the same deadpan as alcor's been pulling on them all year: "sir, i think you're confused. this is the chancellor" [points to alcor, in palpatine's robes from his closet, making no attempt to hide his lack of resemblance to palpatine, with a nightmare at his side wearing a small top hat that proclaims its position as "chancellor's assistant"] palpatine: [screams of frustration]

gremgeous the gem pillar Once they reaize the shift in mission assignments can be attributed to new palp

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDJSJSJSBEJSJSJSHSJSKS

swbeeworm yesss this

gremgeous the gem pillar I wanna say maul gets the joy and pleasure of offibg palpatine the second time in that version

swbeeworm FINALLY they get a chance to pull one back over on someone, pass along the suffering a little bit

swbeeworm oh definitely

oh shit we've been at this for an hour

gremgeous the gem pillar Maul comes back and offs palps and evrryone is jist like "Maul!!! How?!?" And completley ignore the palpatibe corpse 2.0 Ajdhhd so we have Niiiight book

Also from a tumblr post the phrase "your pal friendpatine" is hilarious and i think yall shoukd enjoy it too As is "SOMEHOW... MAUL RETURNS" Both taken from the same post lol Okokok so switchibg tracks for a bit Revisiting Some groundwork for the mistaken sith version Alcor is there..... because al-v was there first, made friends with the droid army mid clone war, and caled his dad in to help Which puts alcors initial point of contact as the separost foot soldiers

gremgeous the gem pillar No matter what the dominant language alcor has most recently been using OH OH OH ALCOR WITH ACESS TO OTHER UNIVERSE SLANG CONFUSING ALL THE SENATE WITH HIS NONSENSICAL PHRASES AND IDIOMS AND SLANG/PROFANITY LIKE "over the moon" AND "hot belgian waffles" AND "fuck" "Palpatine": [drops paperwork he JUST spent so much time disorganizing (as in putting in a dissaray)] FUCK Senator: .... sir, what is a 'fuck' "Palpatine": ......... im not explaining that to you Or conversley he makes smth up Alcor, upon realizing the most common swear word is "kriff': yeaht hats stupid im not saying that Alcor mercilessly roasting the star wars profanity And how stupid they all sound. This one is great for the al-v and alcor make friend w a droid army and maybe-sorta steal them while massivelt confusing and mystifying everyone along the way, bc why not add a language barrier on top of all the other assumptions and misunderstandings >:D But also at the same time it would make sense for him to have got thw local language in an infodump somewhere along the line (maybe an older version) if its located in a different galaxy but the same universe........... but also what if theyre just suoer far away so he didnt get priority acess...... or even if he traveled back in time ............. [Shrug] idk Mwanwhile inexplicably having the same language is hilarious in the demon lose in the senate ons but also imagine alcor pretending to be palpatine while unable to speak the common tongue lolol I know it wouldnt work (he has to be able to understand palpatine on some level to take MASSIVE advantage of him and eat his soul) but it is hilarious to think abt the shenanigans............ OH GOSH ALCOR TAKING CONTROL OF THE SENAT BUT BEING UNABLE TO R E A D AKDBSKSKJFF Okokok Imagine the basic/english language inexplicably being the same structure w a few different words and concepts...... when spoken And completley different when written down SO ALCOR CAN SPEAK BUT HE CANT READ Meanwhile in mistaken for a sith land alcor either doesnt have any knowledge of the local language or else gets a SUPER OLD AND POSSIBLE DEAD LANGUAGE in an infodump (to help feed the misunderstandings and rumors and future clashes w the sith and the jedi hehhehheh) bc semi-omniscience is not total omniscience and so is not everything and, once again, is not very helpful But ill leave off for tonight on the thought of alcor, lose in the senate, in the seat of the chancellor, lord of all paperwork for the galactic republic....... and able to read NONE of it And barely understands it too (demons are not ones for politics, Brian the Organ Duck and his 200 year sucessful presidency run aside) (his is soemthing of the exception, not the rule.) Meanwhile all those humanitarian aid bills and the like are all being passed by bail and padmes group all over the place bc their strange and inexplicable source of resistance was devoured like, a week ago Not ones to look a gift horse in ths mouth until AFTER they get what they want the group passes a ton of bills without delay - and manages to break up a few monopolies along the way Now im not saying that "palpatine" suddenly acting off and the bills facing a lot less resistance is a noticeable coincidence...... and around the same time he stops asking after anakin ............... but im totally saying they notice it and realize its probably, absolutely, not a coincidence and theyre not going to say anything bc they like this new "palpatine" better. Despite all the other mindbending weirdness and mindfuckery going on there The jedi are only mad abt alcor bc a few of their own started bleeding from the eyes nose and ears when they tried to investigate initially so theyre a little ticked off abt that, which, fair.

Also the blantant lying and lack of trying on alcors part is a little insulting to them as a whole ("does he think we'll really fall for that") and is slightly concerning to them ("who the heck is this, someone is inpersonating the chancellor of the ENTIRE REPUBLIC-" Which is, admittedly, a little concern worthy) but if the council is honest (or some of the council anyway) with themselves its pretty much the darn best entertainmnt theyve had in a good long while, headaches aside, sot ehyll focus more on the okd palpatines dissapernace and dealings than the new "palpatine" so long as he doesnt start doing anything ACTIVELY damaging to the republic. A little mischief doesnt technically count as harm- and hey theys preffer to find the og chancellor b4 upsetting and potnetially causing the new one to do smth drastic by attsmpting to out him (not that alcor would, its so much funnier to deny everything to their faces while blatantly lying but they dont know that. So caution (and stress) it is)

#Transcendence AU #Discord Convo

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tikkunolam-bitches · 4 years ago

Text

Random characters that give me similar vibes

Feel free to add, this is me blowing off my hw so I hope u enjoy

Smarter then they look

Kevin (Up), Goose (Captain Marvel), Mona Wu (DCs legends of tomorrow)

Badass women I would die for

Peggy Carter (Agent Carter), Sara Lance (DCs legends of tomorrow), Carol Danvers (Captain Marvel), Daenerys Targaryen (Game of thrones)

Confused besties

Daniel Sousa (Agent Carter), John Watson (BBC Sherlock), Gary Green (DCs legends of tomorrow)

SELFISH smart/ manipulation, ‘I play all sides that way I always come out on top’

Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls), Crowley (Supernatural), Petyr Baelish (Game of thrones)

SELFISH smart/ manipulation, plays one side

Cersei Lannister (Game of thrones), Mapleshade (Warrior cats), Malcom Merlin (Arrow)

Self LESS smart, fighters

Dipper Pines (Gravity falls), Ray Palmer (DCs legends of tomorrow), Nate Heywood (DCs legends of tomorrow), Zari Tomaz (DCs legends of tomorrow), Sam Winchester (Supernatural), Five Hargreaves (Umbrella Academy)

Self LESS smart, commanders

Sherlock Holmes (BBC Sherlock), Jayfeather (Warrior cats), Tyrion Lannister (Game of thrones), Nick Fury (Marvel), Mycroft Holmes (BBC Sherlock), Martin Stein (DCs legends of tomorrow), Ford Pines (Gravity Falls)

We just wanna be parents

Kara (Detroit Become Human), Mando (The Mandalorian), Pogo (Umbrella Academy), Hank (Detroit become human), Grunkle Stan (Gravity Falls)

The ones keeping the hero’s from getting killed

Inspector Lestrade (BBC Sherlock), Gideon (DCs legends of tomorrow), Ava Sharpe (DCs legends of tomorrow), Bobby Singer (Supernatural), Chloe Decker (Lucifer)

Brutes with feels they refuse to admit

Mick Roary (DCs legends of tomorrow), Diego Hargreeves (Umbrella Academy)

Optimism

Mabel Pines (Gravity Falls), Trixie (Lucifer)

Drunk British brains

John Constantine (DCs legends of tomorrow), Rip Hunter (DCs legends of tomorrow), Lucifer (Lucifer)

Batshit crazy

Charlie (DCs legends of tomorrow), Maze (Lucifer)

Identity struggle hero’s

Dean Winchester (Supernatural), Bucky Barnes (Marvel), Connor (Detroit become human), Arya Stark (Game of thrones)

Chaotic neutral

Thanos (Marvel) Elijah Kamski (Detroit become human)

Evil turned good

Damian Darhk (DCs legends of tomorrow), Nora Darhk (DCs legends of tomorrow), Leonard Snart (DCs legends of tomorrow), Markus Pierce/ Cain (Lucifer),

Revolution/judge, jury, executioner

Markus (Detroit become human), Oliver Queen (Arrow), Castiel (Supernatural)

Die in a hole

John Winchester

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itsbenedict · 3 years ago

Text

Two-Faced Jewel: Session 10

Connections

A half-elf conwoman (and the moth tasked with keeping her out of trouble) travel the Jewel in search of, uh, whatever a fashionable accessory is pointing them at. [Campaign log]

Last time, the party arrived in Cauterdale, the heavily-fortified port city at war with nature. They arrived in search of members of the Deathseekers' Guild- the organization of professional adventurers and monster-hunters that likes to be very up-front about its mortality rate- to handle a dragon problem that they're personally a little underleveled for.

While Looseleaf had a fateful encounter with the Plot at the Temple of Andra, Saelhen and Oyobi were headed to the barracks of the city guard, to speak to "Mags", the guard on duty when the local Deathseekers were last seen leaving town. And there...

You remember Medd Cutter, right? Highly-memorable Medd Cutter, the NPC who got oneshot by a T-rex and whose life the party saved? Well, to spite Rex... whatever his last name was, the pro-patria-mori asshole guard captain guy, Saelhen has decided that she's going to start spreading the word of Medd's heroism.

Oyobi, unfortunately, is bent on spreading the word of her own extremely ill-advised heroism, and so the two are having some sort of hype-off as they make their way into the barracks and effortlessly charm their way past the guards to where their quarry is posted.

These two are manning some sort of huge brass contraption, bristling with lenses and dials. One of them is a yuan-ti pureblood- which there are an unusual number of in the city guard, compared to the general population. Weird. Saelhen politely introduces herself, and Verity Truescale refers them to Magnaranth aka Mags, the loxodon who last saw the Deathseekers leave town.

Mags doesn't have a huge amount to tell them- the Deathseekers, evidently, were going hunting, out east somewhere. They brought a lot of torches, so apparently they were headed somewhere dark? Underground, maybe? They were pretty cagey about what exactly they were going out to do. Still, Mags can provide the names and addresses of the Deathseekers in question.

...And Verity, checking the instruments, notices that something is wrong with the tides- apparently something large is disturbing the waters, but they can't quite pinpoint what- it's not any of the usual suspects, which include things by the name of "Darkie" or "Unnessie". Ominous!

After that, the party meets up at the local Temple of Iska, their designated rendezvous point. They catch each other up on their gains, and decide... well, the Deathseekers are going to be back within a couple days, so they'll just wait for them in town and get going with them, to make sure things in Barley and Wheat go smoothly.

Of course, the question then is "where do we stay?"

Options aren't great- Cauterdale is crowded, and the B&B market is incredibly shitty. The best lodging is on Eman's Knee, the island just off the coast of Cauterdale, but getting the ferry over there is expensive, and resort lodging on a tropical island is also expensive.

That- you can't just- I mean, just because- I'm- I'm allowed to be predictable, okay???

(And anyway, it's Corolos where I ended up doing a murder mystery.)

So, Looseleaf gets a 24 investigating the town's B&B market, and finds a pretty good place! It's a weapons shop Saelhen noticed earlier, which is renting out rooms. The place has a huge fence topped with spikes, so they probably won't even get robbed!

Aria of War, as it happens, is run by an elderly yet ripped-as-hell tabaxi man, who Saelhen... vaguely recognizes.

Benedict I. (GM): So, this shopkeeper's coat is familiar to you. It's definitely not the same person, but you once knew a girl in Timber Towers named Toothbrush, with almost the exact same coat. Could be a relative! Saelhen du Fishercrown: Yeah, tabaxi have a lot of coat variation; it's not a safe bet that they're related, but Saelhen is willing to go out on a limb with him. "Good evening, sir, and I'm sorry to bother you, but I felt I had to ask..." Fish Especially: "No discounts." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Do you have any relation to a..." Was Toothbrush her real name? Benedict I. (GM): As far as you know! Tabaxi have weird names. Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Toothbrush?" Fish Especially: He looks surprised. "Hold on, you know Toothbrush?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...I knew I knew that speckle pattern." Saelhen smiles widely and without guile. "I met her in Timber Towers a while back. She played the violin." "More specifically, she couldn't play the violin, but she always failed very effectively." Fish Especially: "I'll be! Her theatre troupe doing all right for itself, then?" "Even with the noise of that awful thing?" "I never know what to think when she writes those letters..." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Last I saw of them, they were doing pretty well for themselves! To be honest, I did a stint with them for a bit, they wanted advice on a traditional elven piece..." Saelhen leans in on her elbows. "Oh, she mangled it, but she compensated with charm and that one face. Her confident face, you know the one, where you think she's so confident that maybe it's supposed to sound like that?" Fish Especially: He laughs. "You do know my girl!" "She hasn't written in- I think a year, now. How's she been?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Oh, it's been so long, I'm barely an authority by now -- but I remember she was talking about taking classes in -- what was it..." "...oh, where are my manners -- I'm Saelhen du Fishercrown, it's a pleasure." Saelhen reaches out for a very unelven handshake.

That she says this is notable for one big reason: this is the first time she's used her real name, and not "Lady Noeru de la Surplus". Nobody else in the party has heard this before!

It's also notable because according to Fish Especially, Toothbrush thought Saelhen was dead- and he's going to let her know otherwise.

Anyway, the deal for rooms goes through without incident, and the night also goes without incident! As is entirely normal, they hear Vayen in the halls making some sort of attempt to sneak into Saelhen's room in the night... and this time, sighing and going "never mind" without even attempting to pick the lock for some reason.

In the morning... Looseleaf grills Saelhen on the name thing, and she confesses the truth of the matter to the whole party- who take it fairly well.

After team bonding, the party heads to the Temple of Andra to check in and see if the Deathseekers have showed up. And by the stablehand's account, they have- or at least, a bunch of weird old people showed up to meet with Gabbro.

Gabbro seems surprised to see them- he was under the impression that they'd leave the matter to them. The further involvement of the party should be unnecessary, right...?

Looseleaf: "Oh, yeah, I was going to let you know we were staying in town and ask for you to let us know when the deathseekers showed up, but, uh, judging by that meeting we interrupted, they're already back and right here." Gabbro: "That is correct," he says, as the stablehand leaves. "I was just briefing them on the mission, you see." "The situation is well in hand, so you needn't concern yourselves with it any longer." "That pesky dragon shouldn't be an issue." Looseleaf: "W-well, uh. I was, uh, we were, kiiiinda hoping to travel with you back to the dragon's tower." "I mean, it's our quest, so, it'd be nice to, for us to see it happening so we can be sure of it, y'know?" Gabbro: He looks somewhat taken aback. "That... seems... risky, don't you think?" "To bring along... certain... people?" Looseleaf: "We're going to stay very very far away from the action! We're not that dumb!" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...I assure you that we have no intention of fighting the dragon ourselves, sir." Gabbro: "Ah, yes, of course not..." "However..." He gives Looseleaf a pleading look. Saelhen du Fishercrown: "And there are... certain persons in the nearby town, whose safety I would like to check up on. Personally." Looseleaf: He doesn't seem to want people witnessing the fight? It could be explicable through just, him being worried we'll get hurt. But it could also be, 'their deathseekers fight with methods that Orluthe in particular should not be allowed to witness.' Gabbro: "Ah, well, if that's the case... if you don't mean to get involved with the Deathseekers and their work..." Looseleaf: "We're not going to- we don't want any claim to the loot in the tower either, if that's a problem! Everything in the tower is you and your group's prerogative to deal with however we like."

Gabbro seems... put slightly more at ease, and decides to introduce the group to the ones who'll be their traveling companions shortly- the Cauterdale Deathseekers.

In order:

Doon Softbreeze, half-halfling rogue and all-around Grunkle Stan-type, friendliest with the party.

Kevin Softbreeze, Doon's soft-spoken herbalist husband and that's it, probably, just a gardener.

John Human, an extremely decrepit extremely human man who seems to make weird buzzing sounds when he speaks, as if with mouthparts instead of human lips.

Ryuusatsu Takuma, totally silent elf (not present at this meeting with Gabbro) who probably just doesn't like talking, is all.

Lady Fidelia Greatholder, heavily-armored and heavily-everything human noblewoman (also not present at this meeting), who- well, she shows up next session.

Gabbro makes a point of making clear to those present that Orluthe, who they'll be traveling with, is a cleric of Diamode- apparently they need to know this for some reason!

Doon's pretty friendly with the party, and offers to take on their job pro-bono- on the basis that, c'mon, if they could actually afford them, they wouldn't be knocking on their door for help. So it looks like they've enlisted some highly-capable dragonslayers with no ulterior motives! Fantastic.

Next time: The road back to Barley, and the tying up of a few loose ends in town. Saelhen needs to get her kimono back!

#tfj log #twofaced jewel

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