#platonic everlasting trio polycule my beloved

[bloggerspam]

Hi hello it's been a while everyone, thank you for waiting! Here it is, the finale!! hopefully everyone is happy with this one.

===

Danny’s not actually sure what he’s here for. 

After the BatCave debacle—and Danny sternly scolding Grunkle John for being dramatic and seeing things that were clearly not there—he had given his number to all three of the teenage heroes out of pure spite. 

Danny had found himself added to a variety of group chats, one of Gotham Heroes, one of Teenage Heroes, and for some reason one very inactive chat for Justice League Dark. 

He was a little overwhelmed by the sheer amount of texts flooding through though, so he decided to do what any self-respecting 17 year old socially awkward half dead boy did: He set the chats to mute, and occasionally lurked. When he had the spoons. 

RR and Superboy had him in a separate group chat (SB had named it A Trois a couple days in, but he’s not sure what that is a reference to, and is too afraid to ask at this point), and that one was way more manageable in his opinion. 

The weirdest part was how often they would reiterate how single Superboy was, and as a result Red Robin being single was brought up in response just as often. 

Danny felt compelled to point out that he knew, and made a joke about single’s club, but he doesn’t think it landed despite the amount of ‘lol’s and ‘haha’s he got in response. The vibes just felt so off. 

But he likes Superboy and Red Robin. They’re fun! 

Kon-El is a frankly phenomenal sparring partner, and Red is astoundingly intelligent. It’s honestly intimidating, but it’s like meeting a more mechanically inclined Tucker in a weird way. It’s honestly like watching an Alternate Universe’s version of him and Tuck. If Danny were an alien instead of a ghost, and if Tucker were more stoic and emotionally closed off. 

And if Danny and Tucker were wholeheartedly and hopelessly into each other. 

Because he’s pretty damn sure that Superboy and Red Robin are like, super into each other. 

And look, he gets it, okay? It’s that whole ‘don’t want to ruin a long-lasting friendship’ thing. The whole ‘what if I lose everything’ thing. The dumb ‘I’d rather suffer a one-sided love than have my feelings out there and ruin the one good thing in my life’ thing. 

Danny reads fanfic. He knows about the tropes. 

The point is: he’s hung out with couples before, without being a third wheel. 

So why is he here, feeling like the biggest wheel to ever third wheel on Kon and Red’s not-date?

When Superboy and Red Robin had asked to spar and hang out to get milkshakes at a local diner after, Danny really wasn’t expecting this. 

Danny sips noisily at his mint chocolate chip milkshake as he watches the two teenage heroes squabble over each other on the other side of the diner booth. 

“Rob, please, as if you actually believe you have no game.” Superboy scoffs, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. 

“You’re the one bringing my ability to ‘game’ in question! I did not bring it up, not once have I brought it up—we were talking about your ability to flirt, not mine! Right Phantom?”

Danny blinks slowly, meeting both their eyes in sheer confusion at how they even got here. 

“I’m not sure I’m at liberty to really answer that question?” Red Robin tilts his head questioningly, and Kon-El leans on the table towards him. 

“What do you mean?” Superboy’s tone is confused, and wary. Danny’s not sure what to make of that.

“Well, it’s not like I’ve actually seen you flirt.” Danny shrugs, finally pushing his drink away. 

There’s a long silence, Red Robin and Superboy meeting each other’s eyes before quickly looking away as if embarrassed. 

Danny sighs. He’s used to mediating fights between Sam and Tucker, in comparison awkward silences were a piece of cake, so he fills in the silence by changing the subject.

Thankfully, the rest of the hang out goes by swimmingly, and he heads home feeling pretty pleased with himself. He even managed to get them laughing so hard they were leaning against each other for support, causing Red to blush a little bit (it was hard to see, but Danny has really good vision) and Superboy to grin widely. 

By the time he gets settled in for the night, he realizes that maybe they need a little nudge. 

He lays in bed, searching for a fic to read himself to bed to and thinks that maybe they’re just testing the waters. Maybe having someone new, someone who didn’t know them as well allowed them to be a little freer with their affection. 

Well. If they needed a buffer, all that had to do was ask. 

He filters the fics to Friends To Lovers and decides yeah. Yeah, he could totally do this!

He falls asleep to single beds and roommates and a wistful little smile on his face.

===

“I’m not talking to you.” Danny says, crossing his arms and furrowing his brow. He turns away from the hand offering a lemon flavored hard candy. 

Grunkle John heaves a heavy sigh, stuffing the candy in his pocket and hunches his shoulders. 

“Look, mate, I’m sorry, okay?” Danny huffs, refusing to respond. 

“Danny, c’mon, they were all sniffin’ around you and beggin’ for any type of scrap from ya!” 

“That’s not true and you know it Grunkle John!” 

“Your Majesty, come on, I know yer Ace and Aro, but yer not blind.” 

Danny sputters, and very maturely sticks his tongue out at the older man and blows a raspberry. 

He steals the lemon hard candy for reparations.

He deserves it.

===

“So, what, you’re gonna get them together?” Tucker says through a mouthful of fries. 

“Yeah, I figure it shouldn’t be that hard, I've done a lot of research on it.” Danny takes a bite of his Nasty Burger Special with relish, savoring the weird flavors that are alarmingly good for an establishment such as this.

“Danny. Danny, that’s the dumbest idea you’ve ever had. And you literally ate Dash’s stinky underpants.” Sam presses her face into her palms, trying to smother herself the way she does every time she thinks Danny or Tucker is doing something stupid. 

With that kind of abysmal lack of confidence, he hopes she asphyxiates. (No, he doesn’t, but that’s not the point! It’s the lack of trust! The utter betrayal!)

“What kind of research we talkin’ here? Romance novels? Science papers? What else does he read?” Tucker thinks aloud, before gasping dramatically and pointing a shaky, ketchuppy finger at him.

“Danny. Danny no. Danny, please don’t tell me your research is fanfiction. Did you search up Red Robin/Superboy RPF?” Danny doesn’t answer, which causes Tucker to slam his hands on the table to lean over to him. 

“Danny, shipping real life, actual people is kind of cringe, dude.” Tucker says, sitting back down when Sam pushes his face back. 

“Coming from a furry? You gonna kiss the high horse you’re riding in on too?” Sam snarks, stealing a fry. Tucker immediately lunges for her, and they start a frankly pathetic looking slap fight. 

Sam must be in a forgiving mood.

“With friends like you, who needs ghosts?” Danny mumbles into his next bite, not expecting them to hear over the sounds of skin slapping painfully as they bicker. 

“Butchering a proverb to make it fit your life is not clever. It’s overdone and frankly, below you.” Tucker says primly, dashing his expectations. 

Sam scoffs, “From a guy who regularly drops puns not only in his fights, but in his daily life? I’m not sure there is a below for him to have.”

“Ha. Ha,” Danny rolls his eyes after he swallows his bite. He takes a sip of his drink to wash down the taste of utter and complete lack of faith in his skills.

Hm. No, still bitter. He finished his burger sulkily, instead.

===

John is having a cuppa in his Kitchen, when he hears the House creak and a door slam open. 

The open archway shifts, the room that was previously there (the living room) stretching passed to admit directly to the mudroom with the back door exit. 

His Majesty King Phantom stomps in, dumping what looks like a hastily packed duffle bag and three different backpacks (is one of them spider shaped? John won’t think about it). Danny steps back out before John can make a joke about moving in, but pops back in relatively quickly. 

This time, there’s a whole dresser with the drawers all sloppily taped shut for transport. He blinks as Danny dumps it right in front of the archway, partially blocking the view. John gets up with his coffee to stand in the archway and watch, deciding to wait until Danny stops long enough for him to say something.

The boy king repeats this process, once with a truly ludicrous amount of stacked books and once more to dump what looks like a wicker basket full of Fenton-Tech. B

When Danny pauses to survey his ‘loot,’ John is finally able to say something. 

“Mate, what’s going on? Fumigation happening or somethin’? Usually you leave the furniture…” John’s voice must surprise the lad, considering he jumps into a spectral tail. 

“Grunkle John!” Danny says, despairingly. John is immediately on alert. 

It’s been a couple months since the young king last visited, both of them just missing each other on their various and respective missions. John with Dark, Danny with Clockwork. They just didn’t align, but all missions were simple, if time-sensitive. There shouldn’t have been anything wrong. CW would have told him if it had.

But John is pro at thinking the worst of things, and his mind whirls. 

“Grunkle John, I’ve made many terrible mistakes.” Danny moans, clawing at his face. John awkwardly squeezes over and through the furniture currently in his path to comfort the boy, firmly grabbing the hands causing a bloody mess over soft cheeks. 

Danny whines, the shallow cuts healing instantaneously, and thumps his head against John’s chest. “Danny, you’re going to have to give me more than that, I’m trying hard not to lose it right now—is this a salt and brimstone situation? What are we up against? Is it your parents? You said you would tell me when you would—” 

“Grunkle John! Grunkle John, calm down, I’m sorry I—”John’s mouth clamps shut. John is man enough to admit he’s panicking, and thanks gods he doesn’t believe in that Danny interrupts him before he can pick his kid up and just leave. He watches as Danny breathes a sigh of relief, before freezing abruptly, looking suddenly very shifty and embarrassed. 

They stand there, surrounded by bags and taped up furniture, in loaded silence. The young King fidgets, not looking at John, growing greener and greener as is normal for a Realms being of his coloring. The constellations that make up the markings of his skin are growing more and more pronounced, and the boy seems to grow smaller and  smaller in his apparent shame. 

 What could be bothering him so much that he’s reluctant to share it with John of all people? Danny has never been ashamed or shy about anything other than that time he wanted John to visit more. Did something happen with his parents? 

“Danny?” John tries, unsure and honestly a little scared.

At the sound of his voice, Danny hiccups in surprise, shrinking suddenly into…what looks like a baby naga. A little baby half snake? John instinctively catches the boy in his palms of his hands, despite the fact that Danny could float on his own. 

“Danny…what—” Danny curls into his palms into a little pile, eyes going wide and teary, looking up at John with a bright green blush glowing on his face. “Danny, whatever it is, I’m sure it will be fine. Was it your parents? Did….Did something happen?”

At this, Danny covers his face with his tiny little…paws? And whines. He almost melts into a puddle, hiding his face into his ghostly little tail, and mumbling something in a child-like voice.

“I didn’t catch that, mate. Could you be a little louder?” John asks, bringing Danny up closer to hear better. Danny grumbles a high pitched whine, before finally sticking up straight with his eyes shut tight and an expression like he might die from mortification.

“RED ROBIN IS TRYING TO SET ME UP ON A DATE WITH SUPERBOY!” Danny screams, the House helpfully offering an echo in the ensuing silence. 

“....Come again?” John asks, dumbfounded and left with nothing else to say. Danny peeks open an eye, still with that mortified look, before frowning even, almost on the verge of tears from the embarrassment. 

“Red Robin and Superboy have been asking me to hang out with them every weekend and I thought they just needed someone who wasn’t part of their regular friend group as an excuse to hang out with each other because clearly they have crushes on each other but are too shy or afraid to take the first move—” Danny doesn’t actually need to breathe in this form, but here he takes a deep breath, “---so I thought I could maybe help wingman for them so I researched a lot of fanfiction and was trying to set up a lot of little tropes but it was harder to execute in person than I thought, so then I figured subtlety is out the window and texted them to watch this romantic movie together, and then bailed and told them to watch it without me and tell me all about it—” Another breath, “---but then Red Robin showed up in my throne room in the Realms somehow and told me he was disappointed because hewastryingtosetmeupondatewithSuperboy!!!!!!” 

Danny is panting now, and John is still trying to compute what he’s just heard. 

When it finally hits him, well. The only thing he can really actually say in response is laugh. 

So he does. 

He laughs for so long it’s a genuine fear that he would pass out from the loss of air. 

“It’s not funny!” Danny whines, high pitched and indignant, hitting John on the wrist. John is crouched on the floor now, still holding Danny in his little baby man form aloft in his palms. John is literally shaking. 

“I—” John tries to not laugh, but simply cannot. “I t-told you so m-mate!.” He takes a deep breath, calms himself down more firmly, and straightens up to look around them.

“And? What was the mistake that caused you to try and move entirely to the House?” John asks, on closer inspection he realizes this furniture is from the Keep, and not from FentonWorks. John recognizes the furniture. 

“He told me he was tired of me being obtuse, and didn’t want to third wheel us anymore.” Danny grumbles, pouting. “I told him if anyone was third wheeling, it was me.”

John waits for the rest, because surely that can’t be it. “...Okay? That hardly warrants a move, Your Majesty.” 

“...Red Robin then proceeded to try and tell me that the chemistry between me and Superboy was insanely palpable, and pulled out a tablet to do an entire powerpoint presentation on it.” Danny flicked a glance at John, before resolutely looking away. “I got into a fight with him about it, and made my own powerpoint on the spot. We got a little….heated and I opened a portal to Mount Justice and we ambushed Superboy to talk about his feelings.”

Danny flew up, shoving himself into John’s shirt pocket like that’s a perfectly normal place to be. Somehow, he fit. “Superboy, apparently, took this as an elaborate confession and asked us both to be a polycule.” 

“....and then you told him you’re Ace and Aro, yeah?” John asks, despite knowing the answer. 

“.....I said over my dead body.” Danny hisses. “And Red Robin pointed out I kind of am dead.” 

John snorts, but stays silent. “And then?”

Danny sighs. “And then I grabbed one of Red’s masks, put it on and turned into my human form.” Danny grabs said mask (now strangely miniature and white) out of his chest to wave it around, “And then I told him not to drag me into their weird kinks, and ran away.”

John pauses. He’s….not really sure what to say about that. Except. “Ah.”

Danny phases the mask back into his chest and seems to shrink even further. “They know where I live, Grunkle John. So I’m moving here. This is an order. From your King.” 

The House, ever helpful and playing favorites, decides now is the time to shift everything around. John suddenly finds himself standing in the middle of a room he wasn’t aware existed before, all the bags and furniture neatly arranged with a matching four poster bed and desk included. 

Sticking his head out of the door, he realizes the room is right next to his. Lovely. He walks back in.

“Who am I to deny a Royal Decree?” John says, amused, fishing Danny out and placing him gently on the bed. He mocks a formal bow, before grinning at the Young King sulking on the sheets and trying his damnedest not to laugh. He’s largely unsuccessful, but he still manages to get himself together.

“Welcome to the House of Mysteries, Your Majesty. Mi Casa estas Su Domo and all that.” John says, massively butchering the Spanish and forcing some Esperanto in there into some kind of abomination just for the hell of it.

Danny unshrinks, and throws a pillow at him. 

===

When Ellie and Sam and Tucker find out, they laugh for 30 minutes straight. 

Sam and Tucker almost choke from the lack of air. 

Danny doesn’t lift a finger to help them. 

===

Monday - 11:37AM

RedRobinYUM: Phantom, we apologize if we have given you offense SuperStud: Could we please meet?

Wednesday - 6:13PM

SuperStud: Please? RedRobinYUM: No pressure, if you don’t want to please feel free to say no, if we make you uncomfortable please tell us and we will leave you alone.

Saturday - 12:44PM

SuperStud: Come on Your Majesty, throw us a bone here RedRobinYUM: What Superboy is trying to say, Your Majesty, is that we’re really sorry and didn’t mean to ambush you  SuperStud: Speak for yourself, you totally meant to ambush him SuperStud: And I didn’t ambush ANYBODY.  SuperStud: I was the ambushee!! RedRobinYUM: We also didn’t mean to force you to reveal your human status(?) SuperStud: We were just trying to shoot our shot! RedRobinYUM: We were trying to shoot YOUR shot, SB. Stuperstud: You guys were the ones with full on powerpoints about the chemistry between us.  RedRobinYUM: I was trying to be a good friend, not trying to instigate a polycule! SuperStud: Oh stuff it, you think he’s cute too! RedRobinYUM: just because I have EYES does not mean automatic interest SuperStud: Be honest. You were totally considering it when I suggested it—come on, Rob.  RedRobinYUM: Not the time nor place, Superboy. SuperStud: Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t think his engineering prowess and ability to kill me was hot af. I know you, competence kink a mile wide!  RedRobinYUM: NOT THE TIME NOR PLACE, SUPERBOY. SuperStud: Should I make a powerpoint about the chemistry between you and Phantom? RedRobinYUM: NO. PhanDUMB: Please, stop. Gods, PLEASE. SuperStud: Only if you agree to meet with us. PhanDUMB: FINE. 

===

There is a sullen teenage King draped all over the sofa. 

“Rough day, Your Majesty?” John asks, because he might as well. He was, after all, heading towards the Kitchen from his room only to walk straight into a coffee table. Clearly, the House wants him here. Either the House is playing favorites again, or Danny is in so much of a state it’s getting annoyed by the moping. 

The boy is in his human form, a more common occurrence nowadays, and is mumbling something forlornly. 

“You’re mumbling again, lad.” John crosses the room to sit in the armchair beside the sofa, making himself comfortable. “Did the talk with Red Robin and Superboy not go well?” John might have to inflict a terrible curse on the lads, if so. Bats might kick up a stink about it, but John will pull out the diplomatic immunity card if he’ll have to. Even if he doesn’t have to, he would do it anyway. Nobody messes with his neph–ahem—with the King of the Realms and gets away with it. It simply won’t do. 

“The talk was fine.” Danny huffs, rolling over to contort in a very uncomfortable way in John’s eyes. “Ellie tagged along for moral support.” John snorts, wondering where the lass is now. 

Ever since Danny moved in a couple weeks ago (John was amused to find that Danny has been telling his parents he’s living in dorms, nevermind that he’s going to the Amity Park Community College for his first couple of years) she’s been visiting on and off again. There’s even been some talks about enrolling her into high school, though Jazz has been talking to him regarding the pros and cons of high school vs GED.

“How kind of her.” John drawls. Danny gives him a look.

“Her version of moral support is apparently immediately going up to Red Robin and saying to his face, for someone who works with the World’s Greatest Detective, you sure aren’t detective-ing great.” The lad covers his eyes with an arm, flailing about with the other.

“When Superboy asked what she meant by that, she did the Will Smith pose at me and said he’s Ace and Aro, dummies!” John blinks. 

“...Will Smith pose?” John hesitantly asks. Danny gives him another look, this one almost disappointed.

“For someone who use to be in a band you’re losing a lot of cool points to me right now. It’s an exaggerated jazz-hands pose, Grunkle John. Get with the times.” John coughs, still confused but getting the gist of it.

“Well, at least they know now, right?” Danny groans. 

“Yeah, and now Red Robin keeps sending me gift baskets for the faux pas, I think he’s afraid they started some kind of interdimensional incident. And Superboy is trying to find, and I quote, the exact flavor of aro and ace, because apparently he wouldn’t be opposed to some casual make out sessions if Red Robin is willing. Which apparently, he is.”

“...Do you want me to hex them for you?” Regardless of Danny’s answer, John suddenly feels like pay the Kryptonians a little visit. He contemplates the pros and cons of messing with one of the Bat’s kids, but ultimately comes to the conclusion that even the Big Bat himself wouldn’t blame John. Diplomatic immunity could go a long way, if he plays his cards rights. 

It would only be a little hex. Maybe. Probably. He wonders if that Sam girl that Danny talks about would like to learn some curse magic. She seemed to be of the ilk. 

“Bad Grunkle John. Bad. No hexing!” Danny hisses, transforming and flipping around to float over to John to drape over his shoulders and head, as if to weigh him down and prevent him from moving. As if John would go now whilst Danny was visiting, as if Danny weighed anything in this form. 

John feels fondness flow through him, and pretends to try and get up, which causes Danny to hiss a little more and wrap tighter around him like a toddler having a little tantrum. 

“Fine, fine. Just this once.” John pretends to acquiesce, causing Danny to purr a satisfied rumble. Hexing can wait. What Danny doesn’t know, won’t hurt him. 

Maybe he’ll even call over Clockwork and the girls over for dinner. That’ll be a nice treat.

For now, he sits back, plopping down more securely, with his new nephew scarf. 

Warm.

DPxDC prompt: Danny Phantom is an extremely high-level threat due to his capabilities and experience battling against his ghostly enemies. Batman is creating a contingency plan for him and Constantine's advice, as the one who dances the tango with the Infinite Realms? A bone-weary sigh of "plop him down a telly and put on a NASA documentary or something. It's like you haven't been dealing with teen kids for decades now fer fuck's sake."