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There's a fic where a man pretends to be a cleaner and locks Miranda and Andy in the office and points a gun at them. Miranda protects Andy. I can't remember the name of the fic. Do you know it?
When the Night Falls on You by fewthistle?
#mirandy#name that fic#deleteduser12#i had a hard time finding it because i remembered the wrong parts#and i kept wanting to search for /whistle/#but i knew that was wrong#and searching through ALL the fic from ffn would have taken forEVER#but then i remembered the word /night/ and it was easy peezy after that#lol none of which you needed to know#but /when/ and/thistle/ totally mess me up every time i think about this fic#anyhoo#i hope it's the one you is looking for
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I have not been in this fandom long enough to reasonably judge others' takes however. "EPIC fans are so silly to characterize odysseus as feeling guilty for his actions don't you know he's a war criminal" is definitely a wild one. like first of all to each their own so settle down and let people enjoy things ok. and secondly making choices with a bad outcome, even knowingly and deliberately, does not exclude the possibility of feeling bad about it later. in fact it makes for a much more in depth character because then you get to explore what he does or doesn't feel guilt over, and why, and if that guilt ever edges into regret or not.
#and thirdly i actually find it fascinating the way EPIC had him take a very conscious role in the greying of his morality#it's interesting to me because from my point of view odysseus in the odyssey is almost a passive player in his own myth#and i enjoy taking that very active moral choice and applying it to some of his non EPIC actions#odysseus#epic the musical#uh what is the tag for the epic cycle#as far as I'm aware it's#tagamemnon#?#idk i just think that if you were to ask your character what they would do differently the answer should not be ''nothing lol''#that is either a character who needs wayy more development or a storyteller who needs wayy more practice#also. WAR CRIMES DIDN'T FUCKING EXIST IT WAS THE BRONZE AGE#regardless of how socially acceptable or not his actions may have been#none of those men on the plain of fucking troy was about to sit down and agree on what constituted a crime of war#like if achilles can get away with flaunting straight up deliberate corpse desecration#i don't think anyone gets to say a word against odysseus for being a sneaky underhanded bastard who doesn't fight fair#coming back an hour later to add yet another point. the point of the people with this take is ''haha dont you know hes a bad person''#which fine yes by modern moral standards he is and even by contemporary standards* some of the stuff he does is super yikes man#but that STILL does not preclude him from feeling guilt. 'bad people' can feel guilt#gonna go ahead and explain those quotes around 'bad person' btw um i do not believe in morality like that. no one is fully good or bad#i shant speak on THAT further unless someone asks though#*contemporary is an iffy word here i feel because the default is to call the time of the penning of the text contemporary#despite the events in the text taking place several centuries earlier.#in this particular case because i am speaking from a point of textual analysis i will use the former#however i think that the latter is also a useful reference point
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#I do not think that guy. watched the show#I don't think they watched the show#I legit do not think they sat down and watched the show#they write like they've only seen a few of the most gross racist canyoner's twitter posts#I couldn't READ read it#but I scrolled thru#and at one point stede said he can't swim#bitch he fucking can and did !?!?!?!? in 2x03???!?!?!?!#stede is also a sex expert who got laid a lot in boarding school in that fic which. lol. lmao.#but getting back to the racism of it all two people in the comments were like 'hey this is racist'#and they were like 'but I searched cute fic inspo on pinterest and my partner is maori and we bathe together'#BRO YOU FUCKIN. YOU FUCKIN WROTE THAT ED DIDN'T KNOW HAIR WAS. WASHABLE. WASH. A. BLE.#HE- YOU- I-- ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??#it's people like this I hate#this is just. there's no excuse. there's no good faith read.#there is no argument to make in this guy's favor#I am at a complete loss for how a person could think that this was okay to write at all#I really wanna tear this person a new one in the comments#but I know I shouldn't. I know that would start a shit storm. I know that wouldn't do any good#but gd how I do wish to tear them a new one for writing this#idc you're not deep in fandom and don't know there's been discussions about this before#IT'S NOT OKAY TO WRITE A STORY ABOUT A BROWN MAN WHO DOESN'T SHOWER UNLESS A WHITE MAN FORCES HIM TO#AND DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD LET ALONE SHOULD WASH YOUR HAIR#there is no context. none at all. to make that acceptable. it's just not#you don't need to be edjamacated on fandom discourse of ages past to know that#YOU SHOULDN'T NEED TO BE#jesus FUCKIN christ
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why are you starving your farmer's son to death. feed him
#grits teeth. none of you know him like i do#a dude who grew up with food and hard labor is going to be big. come on#im really truly not being specific bc this 'vision' of him just seems to persist endlessly.#its still actually just homophobia and fatphobia imo grow up make him big#he hates clothes and loves sunbathing and food(TREATS!) and does excersize 24/7. did we watch the same show#like that's not. donut. who is that. that's some guy you invited#everyone knows that a group of guys whos story revolves around being 'wrong' and unwanted#would primarily be made of a cishet skinny white male cast#obviously of course#the sunlamp joke made me remember something#i WISH i could go play lamia donut right now i need to do something and instead im throwing up (not related to this)#(but it is very funny to pretend soft uwu gay white blond skinny donut is the source of my woe)#im going to be tormented forever. nobody even cares about my phd#IVE BEEN HERE FOR 8 MISERABLE YEARS!!!!! !#oh god ive actually for real been obsessed with donut for 8 years#listen im talking right now inthe middle of possibley having food poisoned myself but listen listen listen#literally not my first time going on about it#he likes treats. he works out. you cannot deny he is big#i can't control you not putting some melanin on him bc i have nothing for that aside from his tanning#i PERSONALLY do not think he's white on top of that#but he is in no universe skinny#do i think he is as fat as as grif? probably not#he's definitely got enough muscle to carry some crazy shit compared to a city boy though#think actual animals (50lbs+) and bags of concrete (which can be 80+lbs a pop) and all the fucking.#donut cares SO MUCH about doing the things hes told to do. he can get it “Wrong” but how the fuck did he memorize sarge's plans otherwise#small donuts are not donuts those are holes#that is a sex object#kind of literally. lol.#i personally really dont like turning donut into a sex object from the fandom-eye view bc of how hard hes implied to be a SA victim
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WANT CON TO STOP TALKING ABOUT NOT EATING CAKE IT’S ACTUALLY MAKING ME SO SAD
#izzy hands#con o’neill#TO BE CLEAR#he’s allowed to say whatever he likes and if the idea of diet restriction triggers me that’s on me#i don’t know him and what he does and says is none of my business#he’s allowed to eat as much or as little cake as he pleases#but like#😭😭😭you get cake NOW- right con? right?#i’m just emotional lol#ignore me i’m being silly#i just hope he KNOWS it’s ok for him not to diet and do intensive workouts#and that we don’t expect a certain body type of him#which he might not know bc y’all keep drawing izzy with abs or stick thin (which is fine but con engages a LOT with fanart)#i’m digging myself into a hole arent i#i just have big feelings haha#i don’t want con to feel like he needs to diet all the time and i hope he knows he can stop if he wants to#but it’s not my place to communicate that to him and it makes me nervous not knowing if he knows that
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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I don't hate my job or anything, but man, being a float educator is so fucking thankless
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Idk if this is controversial, but studying for a English/writing degree at university shouldn’t make you NOT want to engage with writing or literature. Just a thought.
#the amount of times one of my literature professors presented us with the worst reading or interpretation (some of which were just plain#revolting) of a piece of literature almost as if she were expecting us to like it just because it was sensational and me and everyone else#going ‘um. no. sorry. not only does that make no sense but now I kind of want to throw up’#I just came here to read some gothic lit and honestly I’m feeling so attacked right now. (my fault for signing up for gothic lit I suppose)#her English survey class made me never want to look at the written word again#however I know this isn’t me having an issue with survey classes (although the rate they make you read at is kind of ridiculous and I read#fast: case in point for one of them I had to read Huck Finn in 9 days)#because I took American Survey from another professor and it was really challenging but probably the best course I ever took at university#I was not expecting to develop such a distaste for the academic world at uni but maybe that’s just my university (whenever I complain about#this my mom always tells me I need to watch Dead Poet’s Society lol)#siggggghhh anyway. hoping for some better classes with my exchange program (although none of them are writing/English as I’m almost#finished with my degree)#english lit#university#english#college
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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this entire Music Taste debate thing re:rap is getting annoying really fast. Im not USian enough for this.
#tho like. ''ohhhh i dont like it its too violent'' this argument is lame as shit. youre weak lmao. coming from a funk enjoyer#its just annoying as fuck how are always supposed to care about the us and everything about us culture all the time#i listen to rap. i dont listen to us rap however.#i literally spent an entire week last month going thru historical archives of brazilian rap n shit#which is MY culture i guess#n im not even trying to tote my metaphorical horn or anything. i like music history. and the story of br hiphop ties to br funk n SAMBA!#and its really cool! i like a bunch of them. i know the history of rap in my country and how THAT ties to racism and shit#but noooooo if i dont listen to List of 15 artists whether you want to or not youre racist#if youre going to make recommendations at least make them appealing? lmao. not guilt trippy!!!!#i dont listen to rap in english very often because i cant process english that fast. skill issue time. the vibes from the songs are cool!#but its just not my go to music!!!! if i want to listen to hiphop ill just grab my trusty Brazilian oldies#i know dj marlboro got me.#i listen to a lot of genres. from us country to caipira raiz to japanese grindcore. i enjoy a buncha indian songs even. the scales FUCK#idk#i know this is the American Racism website but can't i just enjoy my countries shit in peace. if i don't listen to yours in racist now????#i dont even got anything against it. in fact i like it. but why do i have to listen to (insert large unfiltered list here) of yours Or Else#i know you wont listen to mine if i recommend it???? like none of it.#a lot of it feels like virtue signaling lol listen to this or youre racist watch this or youre racist#and you do not want to be a bad person do you?????#sometimes just understanding why things are the way they are is enough. you dont need to enjoy everything. thats ok. if hiphop isnt for you#then thats fine#just like. stfu. stay on your lane when people who know more about it than you are talking about it#it isn't that hard#one just needs to acknowledge things. hiphop and jazz and blues are extremely important to modern music and culture#but not everybody likes it. and thats fine. the same way a lot of people dont like white girl breakup song number 469. thats also fine#and like. i listen to hiphop! not my go to but i like it. blues is also nice vibes sometimes. but idk the artists that deep.#as a foreigner thats fine ig#but a lot if those posts sound guilt trippy as fuck for the a lot of us arent from your country 👍
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I'm at work later but I suspect it to be super slow and since I'm feeling my Wagner Moura muses rn, I'd love you forever if you went ahead and like for a starter from either...
Rafael Moreira da Silva: journalist, trouble magnet, big mouth with a big heart | in his late 40s / early 50s | heterosexual
Nicolau "Nick" Moreira da Silva: werewolf, bookshop owner, kind soul, also Rafa's younger brother | in his 40s | homosexual
Caio João Oliveira Novaes: manipulative asshole on a vendetta, tech genius, doesn't know when to stop | in his 30s | bisexual
#(dunno... João could be Rafa's and Nick's half-brother if you need an explanation why I'm using the same fc three times lol)#this is for mutuals and non-mutuals alike#doesn't matter if we have none or twenty threads going#multimuse blogs: pls lemme know for which of your muses you want the starter#also wouldn't mind a two-on-two muse situation#STARTER CALL#Indie Supernatural RP#Indie Crime RP
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sonic and snufkin actually kind of feel like very similar characters to me. holding hands over “my personal sense of freedom and dedication to making decisions based on what I think is right is what matters most, and if you’ve built some idealized version of me in your head then that’s none of my business and it’s not my responsibility if the reality of who i am lets you down in some way”. also the deep connection to nature and all.
#N posts stuff#this is also a little why i am extremely picky about fanfic for these two#bc fic where like. snufkin finally settles down in the valley or lets moonin come along on his winter journey or whatever#they grate because it feels like you’re getting rid of a core of snufkin’s character for convenience.#‘he would not fucking do that’ style. i don’t like it.#like you do you it’s not a big deal it’s just personal opinion#the same for sonic. for him it’s less about being tied down in a literal sense and more to do with. conceptually#like sonic is a character very Unavailable emotionally and i dont think that’s something about himself he’s willing to change#i think that sonic is a very Internal person and his personal sense of freedom is such that like#he doesn’t Care what other people think about him. in sa2 he doesn’t seem to care that he’s been mistakenly labeled a villain bc that’s#none of his business. and in tbk he’s blunt about how he’ll happily become the ‘villain’ in other people’s eyes if he’s making the choice He#thinks is right. i don’t think his aversion to emotional sincerity or openness comes from some Hero Persona#i think he just doesn’t ever want to be put in a position where he has to navigate his friends emotions about his emotions#meaning like. being open about your problems opens you up to people who think they know better than you and want to force you to listen#to them ‘for your own good’ which i think sonic would resent on a lot of levels. so he’s unwilling to make himself vulnerable to that#but also even if someone isn’t Forcing you to listen you can still hurt people by ‘refusing’ to take care of yourself the way They think#is best. so their emotions become a coercive force intentionally or otherwise which sonic would also resent#and sonic doesn’t want to resent his friends. so he’s like ‘okay i just won’t put us in that position then’#i also think he doesn’t feel a need to Justify himself to anyone. so explaining his emotions or the Whys of who he is#feels like an attempt at justification that sonic would dislike and avoid on Principle even if he’s the only one seeing it that way#anyway ‘he would not fucking say that’ but it’s sonic having a genuine moment of emotional honesty#i do think that snufkin is more. Open to his own emotions though. and the expression of them#Comet ‘weeping over the sea’ moment my beloved. sonic Wouldn’t do that i think#i do think he closes himself off to his own emotions he doesn’t want to be tied down by Those either#which is why i also think that sonic as a character is informed by repressed/dissociative amnesia#like i Am projecting a little but i also think it makes sense for him. ‘who i used to be is none of my business i only care about#who i am Right Now’ which is another reason why he doesn’t like talking about his honest emotions#bc if he talks about them then He can’t forget them properly bc that moment is now in someone else’s head for them to remember and remind#him of. and he doesn’t want to do that so it’s for the best if he never admits to anything so he’s free to ignore and forget what he wants#In My Opinion. these tags got long i wonder if tumblr is going to delete a bunch lol
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everybodys all lets condemn people with Morally Impure Interests until all of a sudden you have an interest that is suddenly considered Impure and wanes in and out of Public Opinion for many years because nobody actually knows how to think for themselves online. personally i think we'd all be very lonely if we chose and broke friendships based on.... What Video Games They Like and like absolutely nothing else regarding the person's character
#like consider the fact that Steven Universe was considered Irredeemable Media 5 or so years ago#which sounds like me just bitching about the fact that ive been getting into pretty NOTABLY muddy media as of late (which is true)#but even when it comes down to it...#you start talking to people in real life and its like hey everyone has a voice and opinions outside of the media they consume#You know#and it doesnt just end there this is rlly why ive looped back to supporting self expression and supporting victims above all else#in supposed “darkfic” “proship” “discourse”#its just kinda like..#well none of these things are cut-and-dry. there is context behind why people do anything that they do#social media exists to curate a limiting digital image of yourself therefore people make judgment calls based on very small parts#of your whole character#and this is why i deleted twitter#because its like an ocd torture simulator#anyways i know im being incredibly vague and i mean OBVIOUSLY there are always outliers ie actual literal propaganda art and all of that#im making a sweeping statement because this type of discourse has become so aimless that words dont even have meaning anymore#like we just need to destroy the whole thing and start over.#anyways i might delete this later its just on my mind#becuase of those maia crimew posts lol
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God do I wish we weren't scared to exist as a system without judgement. Hi .
#toast notes#from sophie#Might be passive influence idk we need to go to bed ;;#I think more than anything we just want to be believed . And to know every move we make isn't being psychoanalyzed and picked apart#I don't want to have a label put on me or have to act super different from Nemo I just want to EXIST#I don't want to mask I don't want to interrupt conversations#I think I'm starting to become another host which is. Scary. Really really scary.#I don't mean to be super venty or sad I'm not usually like this just!!! Ugghhhhh can I not feel like a person for one second#(none of this is directed at anyone including the other guys in here btw!)#I'd love some reassurance. but I don't know how much good that will do for us#Whateveeeerrr I might delete this later I'm going back to getting ready for bed and thinking about the silly spire#Oh my god I just realized I worded something in here sooo badly if you think something in here sounds weird please ignore it#Brain fog mixed with autism scripts do NOT mix well. We use these wrong so often lol sorry
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Oh y'all are sharing Spotify Wrappeds? Oh sure here's mine. I'm still waiting on my actual year-end list though. Yeah I'm making a homebrew year-end chart. Yeah it won't be ready for another 24 days. Yeah I use homegrown weekly data points harvested from local scrobble aggregators. Wait where did everyone go
#bulletbilltime rambling#spotify wrapped#every year everyone gets so hyped about the spotify wrapped and I'm internally just like#ah yes. the first of 4 year end charts.#like some sort of villain collecting mcguffins 😭#like people are sharing that exact same joy that I am; which is looking back on a year of music listening#but bc I'm a fucking nerd about it I just kinda feel isolated#I know there are communities dedicated to personal charts out there so like I know I'm not alone in doing stuff like this#I just find it so satisfying to make a chart every week and then check in every so often to see how the year's shaking out!#and I try my darnedest to not spoil myself too much on the actual placements#so that when the final chart is done I can make a big reveal out of it and find out where everything landed#(tho this year I kinda spoiled myself a bit on the Q3 year-to-date BUT it's still better than nothing!)#spotify wrapped kinda does this but it's this weird black box to me in terms of data. plus it doesn't count local files.#which is an issue when my most listened song this year was one lol#not to mention it only being january-october data#I still like seeing mine tho! in fact I'm about to write down all the songs in my wrapped so I can compare it at the end of the month#with my own scoring system & crownnote's year end (a site I upload my charts to) & last.fm's final results#they always have fun divergences!#spotify apparently is more based on minutes you spend with a song?#while last.fm is strictly plays based#then my own personal charts' system gives a view of which songs had longer lasting impact rather than immediate flare outs#and crownnote's does the same but weighs higher positions more heavily#and that combined kinda gives an interesting view of the year!!#Spotify always has the wildest picks too which end up in none of the other lists#I find these data points so engaging!!!!#I wish others found them as engaging as I do :(#I need to ramble about music charts and have nobody who actively wants to listen aaaaaaaa#the post is stored in the tags
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I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent
#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little#bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the#very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the#house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks#Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a#gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a#treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of#color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration#like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a#auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies#so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk#and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver#but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and#sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an#active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have#been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start#to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've#done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks#with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm#secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool#stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers#me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or#it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for#too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been#investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely#enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed#google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj#LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!
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