#literally no one touch me i will bite
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i told you WHAT DID I FUCKING TELL YOU OH MY GOD I LITERALLY TOLD YOUUUUUU
#i literally said the next mv they release their hands will finally touch im fucking shaking#THREEEEEE TIMES!!!!!!!!! it hapenned thrice#if you dont get why this is huge why dont you analyze the closeness of their hands in relation to their relationship#that progresses mv by and mv and maybe youll...... idk cry like me lmao#tell me why did this mv make me cry ⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️#im actually unstable the song was beautiful the mv was dramatic and moving the COSTUMES ARE GORGEOUS#yeah im saving for 5 copies of this card im so happy shu got this card holy fuck#help literally them swaying together in the shot the first screenshot is from was so beautiful and warm and lovely#literally no one touch me i will bite#edit it was 4 times one was in a wide shot or maybe even an extreme wide shot so i missed it..... anyway STREAM VALK
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So I'm replaying Ray's After ending rn, and it got me thinking that what I adore so much about Rika as an antagonist is just how damn scary she can be. I always found those who cause harm with good intentions (at least in their point of view) much scarier than those who hurt you with pure intention on hurting you. I think the best example of it is this CG in particular:
Look at that. Such a loving, gentle expression on her face. Probably kissing his forehead. Because she loves him. Heck, without any context, this CG looks even sweet, if you think about it. And yet, all that is while Saeyoung is forcefully sedated on a powerful concoction of drugs even a trained agent like him can't do anything about (and Saeyoung WAS definitely trained to deal with this sort of thing, hence it's mentioned that this is a 'special' kind of drugs). He looks miserable. Bags under his eyes, his expression pained and troubled, even his hair is paler than usual. All that as a direct result of her actions. But she's utterly blind to it. What's scarier, is that she knowingly shuts off her understanding of what's really happening. She's not oblivious to it at all. She just chooses not to see it that way. Simply because she doesn't want to.
Rika is the type of antagonist that will cup your cheek into her warm hand with the most loving of smiles on her face, all while you are getting elixir poured down your throat. Even whispering to you that you're doing great, that the pain will soon pass, and that she can't wait to see you reach the happiness she knows you deserve. I won't be surprised if she even cried genuine tears of compassion during some ceremonies for her believers. All while being the sole reason behind their suffering.
And that's... God, that's terrifying to me. I love that about her.
Rika Kim, they could never make me hate you
#mystic messenger#mysmes#mysme#mm#rika kim#kim rika#anyways ughhh she's so messed up i adore her#yes i will think about cute fluffy scenarios with her one minute and then go into her most horrible of actions the next#like it's such a contrast to all the rest as well#ray gets as close to her as possible in terms of his approach to messed up deeds but it's still different with him#like ray genuinely believes in what he does - good and bad#rika conditioned him that way#suit even points that out: 'oh i'm not like that airhead. i know this place is messed up.'#rika on the other hand? it's the way she willfully just... chooses to live in her own twisted fairytale that is so fascinating to me#it makes her scarier than ray but it also makes her more unstable#because once that fairytale of her is threatened? well she gets even more dangerous but in a completely different way#we literally see her spiraling more and more during v route and it's as scary as it is also sad#just saying: v ae could have been such a banger if they didn't absolutely mess it up#i think i despite judgement ending more than anything else in the game for so many reasons#if cheritz had the backbone they would have either removed it altogether or remastered v's ae for free I'M JUST SAYING#because what the hell was that#anyway#rant over#i wrote a huge post about how much i love rika while i am actively biting my nails every time she touches the twins BUT I LOVE THAT WITH HE#YES give me a character i keep feeling so many conflicting emotions for i will gobble that up
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happy valentine’s day! 💛💙
#persona 3#ryomina#ryoji mochizuki#minato arisato#makoto yuki#lizzy does art#GUYS... THE RYOMINA TAG IS IN SHAMBLES.... WHY IS THERE SO MUCH B0T SP4M IN THERE IM GOING TO CRY#we need a ryomina renaissance...... shoutout to these guys for inventing love + romance + soulmates + etc etc#ok but seriously though i love seeing peoples ryojis and minatos :) i love knowing that there are other people who are touched by them!!#if ryoji is smiling then im smiling. ryoji's happiness is important. but also ryoji would literally not exist without minato SOOOO#they are so inseparable and i fucking love them truly one of the top ships of all-time for me.... i cherish them lots!#also i love drawing chibis :) trying to focus on bite-sized sillies that make me happie... full comps aren't it for me atm
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Well.
#(I'm back)#It was. Uhm. A chapter#First of all: I'm ENDLESSLY GRATEFUL to the person who sent me the translation basically as soon as the chapter came out.#I even did like 90% of typesetting but didn't finish it because I had to go out#(aka with my friends were literally knocking out at my room and I couldn't make it any more late lol)#Mixed feelings about it? Mostly because there's so much exposition... I'll need to reread it another three times before it sinks in#The color page is AMAZING 10000000000000/10 I love my sskks so much they're so cute I love them so much they're so cute.#Easily the best part of the chapter.#The color page was? Very very pretty too? Like a lot more than usual if you ask me! I can't wait for the volume cover 🥺🥺#It should come out soon shouldn't it? Usually color spreads / pages open the volume...#Akutagawa fake dying again is funny. Like it isssss but also. Idk it's a little lame how we're changing the pov from ss/kk again :/#I can't even tell if I'm being biased or if it's an actual storytelling critique. I don't care right now I just want to see Akutagawa–#being cool rather than. You know. Dead on the ground.#That said! It's also very funny and touches my sense of humor precisely.#Like yeah Akutagawa being like the second strongest pm member and overall one of the most powerful ability user in the world–#that everyone fears (and I know he is! He is indeed for real!)#And yet he always ends up face to the ground 😂😂😂 Like if we don't count the ss/kk fights he literally only ever won against Hawthorne.#And even then he failed to kill him and Mitchell. It's so funny to me. I love him. He's so pathetic#“Wow! Akutagawa is so cool and invincible now!” *ends up biting the dust not even two chapters later*#It's okay because I love him. He's very very powerful and he's also very very pathetic I love that for him#That said :/ I don't really care about Fukuzawa :/ Idk :/ Like :/#Don't get me wrong I LOVE Fukuzawa (I don't. I'm mostly neutral towards him) but this is the ss/kk moment man :/ Whatchu doin#That's about it. Let's see what the next chapter brings!#Everything accounted for I'm glad there wasn't like. A ss/kk kiss or any other big big ss/kk moment#(although Atsushi admiring Akutagawa and thinking about his eyes has its fair share of neatness to it!!)#Because with everything going on this evening I really would have been let down to miss it#But I keep hope for the next chapters!! Please...#random rambles#Had tons of fun typesetting! Even though I don't think there's a point in posting it now. But would love to do it again in the future!#bsd spoilers
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thinking about mtt literally physically dragging eachother down and being restrained to eachother because theyre genuinely that fucking ass for eachother but then it means i'd have to decide which of them to humiliate by putting a collar on them. and i can't choose. if they dont all equally suffer than whats the point man 🙁🙁🙁
#i think they'd all have interesting reactions to it 2#like a permanent collar that cant be taken off. to make even more gruesome what if it were like built into the BONE????#or it could just be something less extreme like bone carvings. killer would absolutely do that shit#anyways i think horror would be the most reactive to it. anger is the most intriguing emotion#and also dog horror real. anyways he'd hate to be demeaned and disrespected like that. he has an ego and honor man and this is cutting it#dust drags him around constantly. killer pets him and disregards his boundaries. like a fucking DOG#because horror hates kist enough that he'd never let them get vulnerable enough. not that it stops killer LMAO#dust thinks some of horrors hatred towards them is a projection of his own self hatred (and hed lowkey be right)#loser. dust i think would be unique because to me he'd be a bit fine with it#i mean i think itd be hidden under paps scarf so it wouldn't be a constant reminder of horror n killer#but he lets the two hold the leash at least a bit. give him an eensy bit of touch and let a few insults slide#but the second he decides that even the smallest thing is enough he gets ticked off and then yk. someone has to put bunny back in his place#because dust is chill enough to let normal things in his eyes pass. he's not very reactionary or the type to immediately bite back#(since dust would just avoid horror and killer if he did meet them. means he has some sort of tolerance for them. keeping his peace fr)#but the moment hes reminded that god these two do suck and i shouldn't be letting this happen all of the held back anger comes out#killer would seek out the force and stuff. horror would treat him like shit because it makes himself feel good and killer look like an idio#dust doesn't even glance at him though and it pisses killer off. both of their actions do actually#like WTF DUST you guys literally put this on me. treat me like the piece of shit i know you think i am#but also STOP HORROR!!!! dont pull me around and demean me im not a pet i dont want to be treated that way even tho i say it do#yeah hes caught in a standstill. AND SO AM I do you see my issue. cannot pick one specific#all the trio would have such interesting reactions i cant just choose one to solely suffer......... anyways mttpoly am i right#should i tag this. like majority of the interesting stuff is in tags. but also i didnt post today i have a duty#dust sans#killer sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#tricule rant#this just ended up being me thinking about mtt with collars. maaan what about handcuffs and chains and other restrictive things#having them have restraining relationship isnt enough i need them to PHYSICALLY RESTRAIN EACHOTHER
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I'm like. spiraling.
My body hurts and it's falling apart and there's nothing wrong with it and there's no way to fix it. I'll never be able to have a normal job again. I can barely stand how am I supposed to finish college. I need help and I keep asking people to help me and that makes them uncomfortable and I'm asking too much of them. I say there is no food in my house. They say why don't you go buy food. I say I'm too disabled to drive. They say oof lol. How does oof help me. How are you not worried about me. How when I say I haven't bought food in a week or washed my clothes in a year people respond omg lol and not holy shit are you okay do you need help how are you alive. Not to be lazy or anything but I would actually literally kill for someone to hold me and say it's okay you don't have to do this alone anymore I'm going to help you. I would commit unspeakable acts of violence for someone to offer to drive me to the store. Once you're disabled you're trash you can't contribute to society just let yourself decay. I make everyone uncomfortable by just existing as myself and I ruin every event by either being visibly in pain and pulling an ugly face because my legs are about to give out or by not going because my spine is broken and I can't leave my bed. My family won't help me they don't believe me I'm not allowed to flinch or look like I'm in pain because my face is ugly when I'm in pain and I'm just faking it to get out of doing anything at all. I don't have a single support system or way to survive this shit. I'm in so much pain constantly there's not even a word for it because I can't just say it hurts nobody takes me seriously or understands just how bad it hurts. I can't say it's like a knife in my spine that sounds so fucking fake. It's like a knife in my spine and every tiny cell that moves hurts it because it's a fucking blade stuck between my bones. It's cutting and mangling my skin and muscles and everyone is like why don't you just stop having a knife in your back and the doctors say you do not have avknifevin your back and my parents say everyone has a knife in their back and you're just pretending it hurts and being lazy because you hate me. How am I still alive why am I still alive why does it just keep getting worse
#There's actually no reason for me to exist and I'm never going to get better or get help and no one will ever understand#I feel so useless and I will never be as good as my peers#Even my disabled peers live and handle themselves and manage their symptoms better than I can#I'm like not okay for real my brain is Fucked fucked#Shit like eating and pissing have become a fucking reward for me I'm not allowed to do it if I've been bad#I say good. you sit there and you hurt and you think about what you did and you think about this next time you want to act like a baby#But punishment doesn't even fucking work on me nothing works!!!!!!!!#I just like having a real tangible way to prove I can feel and I'm not making my pain up#I'm such a fucking toddler I expect to be fed with a spoon and reminded to use the potty and told when I need to take a nap#I need to be told how to shower properly and the right way to clean my house and the normal way to speak to people or think with my brain#Why am I like this. Why when I start to get comfortable with someone I pretend I'm a baby or a dog#Nobody thinks this way. What the fuck is wrong with you#Why can't I be a human. Why do I want to bark and bite people. Why does it hurt to touch people like a person would#There isn't a single normal thing about me. I'm so fucked up and awful and gross I literally need to be put down
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finally watched the martyn pov. Im actually gonna go feral yall that last second all but implies winners are watchers/listeners as canon
#limited life#liml spoilers#limlsmp#limlife#martyn littlewood#im actually goin feral here im biting a table and shakin so hard Im not functionin rn#you cannot tell me the purple creature in the void touching martyns hand and going fragment restored isnt implying hes now one of them i m#anyways i now see why cherri said meteor martyn that animation at the end is literally what I wanted to draw#im def still gonna make fanart of that im so vibin I had to leave family dinner early for this#aaaaaaaaaaaaa
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#can i rant abt something random for a second#i hate when people will comment on other videos of animals-#taking big cats in a sanctuary for example-#i love when the person in the video is touching the animal/giving it scritches and the specified big cat LOVES it#(cat body language)#and then people continuously comment ‘just wait til it turns your back on you’ or smth along those lines#IT DRIVES ME UP THE WALLS#people do the same thing on domestic fox videos#and its *insane* to me because its almost like these people are wishing for the owner/caretakers to get hurt by their animals??#like for one thing- cats have such unique body language and behavior#and if youre paying attention to it- you can understand them a lot better#i saw a video of a lady brushing out a siberian lynx (he was a rescue from a fur farm)#and some of the comments were just nasty#like- his tails not wagging for one / hes not growling / hes letting her touch and kiss and scratch him#at some point he does bite but its a playful bite and he ends up enjoying scritches from the camera person#leaning into it and closing his eyes n shit . he was ENJOYING THAT SCRITCH#‘that giant lynx may eat her face’ ‘she’ll learn her lesson one day’ oh my god shut upppp#literally any animal is capable of that. its only just because hes not a common household animal#ONCE AGAIN MENTIONING- THE LYNX WAS A RESCUE FROM A FUR FARM.#i should also mention he imprinted on humans. his name is marsel iirc#i dunno it just drives me up the walls when people say some of the nastiest shit like that#kazzy caws
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Wow! A ~queer studies~ article in English that maaayyybe is going to take the legacy of Blorbo From My Dissertation seriously!
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Once again I am asking myself to stop getting my hopes up. 🙄
#it's not based on actual fieldwork and idek if either of them have the language skills to access the one book they cite#which DOES take it seriously though in the general context of masculinity rather than lgbt identities#phdblr#i have a junior in my program who's literally working on this... maybe i just need to bite the bullet and tip him off#though i doubt he wants to actually touch the subject as you really have to know what you're doing to keep from getting in trouble#i just noticed that they didn't even get the name order of the citation right in the paper :/ def not from Our Glorious Discipline#(don't mind me I'm just looking for things to be irritated about)
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It's possible to love both dogs and cats,
It's possible to understand the behavior of both dogs and cats at the same time
It's possible to be good with both animals at the same time
#I get these feelings when people declare theyre a cat or dog person#and theyre so proud to not understand cat behavior or not understand dog behavior#its literally not that hard to understand both behaviors at the same time#Idk I never needed to learn these things#I knew my cat was playing with me when it ripped into my hands#And I loved playing with her like that I didn't care about the scratches#I knew cats didn't wag their tails to show they're happy they don't even wag them in the same fashion as dogs#How can someone even think that dog wag and cat wag looks the same it looks nothing alike#I never thought my cat was plotting evil deeds when sitting still and squinting her eyes#like sure maybe I didn't know the whole story but sitting and squinting is just cute? its not scary#Idk it's not very hard to see when an animal wants to be interacted with or not#cats are just more prone to being allowed to say hi to guests despite their dislike of guests#no one would allow a reactive dog to sit by the dinner table on a chair next to a guest who wants to pet it#Cats are more prone to going up to people to say hi despite not wanting to be touched#that's the only complicated thing about cats because you can stretch your hand out for them to sniff and they will sniff you and then swat#That's the only time I can think of when cats can be confusing#a dog would never be in that situation because humans wouldn't allow you to get that close to a dog that might bite#but other than that I just don't find that it's hard to respect any animals boundaries neither dog or cat
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if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more (home, like noplace is there 2014 studio album by american emo band the hotelier)
#rant incoming XP i am always overflowing with emotion#the emo band poll is PISSING ME OFF and it literally wouldnt be if they called it the pop punk poll but theyre calling it emo and#mcrs gonna win and theyre my favourite band and the best there but#idk labels dont have to be serious but if yr gonna call it a genre poll then yk#im not gonna be like. MCRS NOT EMO 😡😡 bc they def do have elements and you cant fully seperate them from the genre#but those rly Arent emo bands emo is such an important genre to me#to me emo is about desperation and grief and its kind of inherently a suburban genre almost like#midwest emo is so much about the suburbs and the way it creates this desolate childhood trapped in glass forever#anyways the best band that represents this is HOTELIER !1!!!!!!#home is a fucking perfect album .#housebroken is actually the best midwest emo song and jusr one of the greatest songs of all time but they GET IT#achggg its so perfect the layer of it being about like. police abuse and that experience of teenage recklessness growing up in northamerica#the cycles the trap!#but also tje personal touch of like#i listen to that song and i remember why i started seeing myself as a wolf when i was a kid#lycanthropy loneliness cycle of abuse#your bark might seem bad but ill show u the scars from when the state sent you over to deliver your teeth#are you fucking KIDDING MEE AHHH#commitment to the pain when irs all youve ever known... try to take out my claws expect a visceral reaction try to muzzle me up#ill lash out ill bite back..#anyways
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Now why the hell do I have such intensely realistic dreams I had to wake up and stare at the ceiling for like ten minutes to make sure I was alive.
#me 🤝 having dreams where everyone is mad at me and also I'm having a near death experience and everyone is still mad at me#literally had a dream that I was riding a bike and got hit by a car and woke up in the hospital then felt like shit but was okay enough and#then in my dream I was like hmm I wanna go to a gas station to get snacks bc that's why I was biking in the first place and so I drove to a#random gas station and came back to my car after getting snacks and there was a fucking mountain lion inside my car that immediately pounced#on me and started trying to bite my face and no one would fucking help me at all#it was terrifying and I literally like argued with my mom in the dream and she said all this personal horrible shit and didn't care at all#that I was hit by a car and then I went to the gas station and millie was there and she was mad at me for not going on some trip with her#and her family even tho I was like nah dude I was like JUST hit by a car this morning bro I don't wanna go to Connecticut with u and ur fam#and even the gas station clerk was mad at me for some reason and he tried to charge me a hundred dollars for a pack of icebreakers and a#box of strawberries like dude what the fuck is wrong with my brain but I remember every fucking detail of it like why is my brain so evil#my brain will be like hmm time to dream... let's think about exactly how it would feel to almost die once and then be mauled by a big cat#like why in my dreams do I feel everything that happens to me. why did I feel my broken nose and he blood dripping down my face and the road#burn across my body why are my dreams like yeah u can smell the mountain lions breath as you're trying to hit it with ur purse and it's like#drooling on ur face cause it's trying to wrap it's jaws around your entire head#like bruh. hey brain. did I really need that today? did I really need two near death experiences in one dream? and also everyone hates me?#was that really necessary brain? my brain also had the audacity to set the dream in New Hampshire during winter. why would I be riding a#bike in the middle of winter and then be slammed into the road and then be attacked by a lion what message is that trying to tell me exactly#when I woke up I literally touched my nose to make sure it wasn't broken thats how fucking real my dreams are I hate it#anyways I'm mad at my brain for having hyper realistic dreams where I'm in pain physically and emotionally
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BTW I have had a very interesting week idk I became least dry after 6+ months then that situation ended lul and I've been kissing my girl ( the one i am in love with that dump me for the French girl) and we have been getting rlly hot and using my toy and akdhsuwbdgqoevzkqndgsk2bdjqk2bdiwk the other day she said something that really broke my brain like more broken than it was since I met her she said she would use a strap on me skrgris3guskqvrksnwbdka exhalebxiakbezuoa 3isoab2dbakbwdvzijq I 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴 like obviously this wouldn't happen any time soon but I literally melt 🫠🫠🫠🫠 at the thought of her fucking me like that jsb3hdiqbdzhqlebziqjwb
#we have been doing lots of touching lately and she give me some love bites on my thighs and i havent had those in ages#and im so in love with her i hope she is the one i get to try getting fucked with my strap with#she literally means everything to me i hope our future brings us back together 🥺❤️
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i burned the bottom of my foot as a kid after resting it onto a wet cord. and when i say burned, i mean the middle of my pale sole became dark brown (borderline black) and flaky
it's so weird to me that everyone on this website is a human person outside of their weird internet niche so rb this with a random bit of your lore
#it was only on the epidermis tho so it just kinda flaked off over the course of the next few days#how did it happen you ask??#(no one asked)#i had (still kinda do but shush i'm smarter now) an INSANE biting problem and no one taught me about wires and electricity yet#so i was just chewing on this cord one day like an IDIOT#and then it sparked in my mouth so i put it down cause ya know OW#and then i happened to touch it with my foot and was literally zapped#sparks actually flew#it stung for like a second or so#and then i looked at my foot and it looked like a burnt toaster strudel#i was alone in the room tho so no one knew and it healed literally so fast that to this day i don't think anyone in my life knows#but now tumblr does- oop#update: just told my sister about it#also if anyone's curious#as far as i know nothing happened internally and i am perfectly fine (in regards to the burn cause i have lots of other issues)#i'm also just now realizing that that was probably my first real near death experience (yes first i have had others since then)#like i think i could've maybe died...welp#(either first or second cause this one and another happened in like the same year so-)
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How to write smut ?
(@urfriendlywriter | req by @rbsstuff @yourlocalmerchgirl anyone under the appropriate age, please proceed with caution :') hope this helps guys! )
writing smut depends on each person's writing style but i think there's something so gut-wrenchingly beautiful about smut when it's not very graphic and vivid. like., would this turn on a reader more?
"he kissed her, pulling her body closer to him."
or this?
"His lips felt so familiar it hurt her heart. His breathing had become more strained; his muscles tensed. She let herself sink into his embrace as his hands flattened against her spine. He drew her closer."
(Before proceeding further, these are all "in my opinion" what I think would make it better. Apply parts of the advice you like and neglect the aspects you do not agree with it. Once again I'm not saying you have to follow a certain type of style to write smut! Creative freedom exists for a reason!)
One may like either the top or the bottom one better, but it totally depends on your writing to make it work. Neither is bad, but the second example is more flattering, talking literally. (Here is me an year after writing this post, i think, either is amazing, depending on the context. the type of book you're writing, your writing style and preferences!)
express one's sensory feelings, and the readers will automatically know what's happening.
writing, "her walls clenched against him, her breath hitching with his every thrust" is better than writing, "she was about to cum".
(edit: once again, hi, it's me. Either is amazing depending on ur writing style. Everything at the end is about taste.)
here are some vocabulary you can introduce in your writing:
whimpered, whispered, breathed lightly, stuttered, groaned, grunted, yearned, whined, ached, clenched, coaxed, cried out, heaved, hissed
shivering, shuddering, curling up against one's body, squirming, squirting, touching, teasing, taunting, guiding, kneeling, begging, pining, pinching, grinding,
swallowing, panting, sucking in a sharp breath, thrusting, moving gently, gripped, biting, quivering,
nibbling, tugging, pressing, licking, flicking, sucking, panting, gritting, exhaling in short breaths,
wet kisses, brushing soft kisses across their body (yk where), licking, sucking, teasing, tracing, tickling, bucking hips, forcing one on their knees
holding hips, guiding the one on top, moving aimlessly, mindlessly, sounds they make turn insanely beautiful, sinful to listen to
some adverbs to use: desperately, hurriedly, knowingly, teasingly, tauntingly, aimlessly, shamelessly, breathlessly, passionately, delicately, hungrily
he sighed with pleasure
her skin flushed
he shuddered when her body moved against his
he planted kisses along her jawline
her lips turned red, messy, kissed and flushed.
his hands were on his hair, pulling him.
light touches traveled down his back
words were coiled at his throat, coming out as broken sobs, wanting more
he arched his back, his breath quivering
her legs parted, sinking into the other's body, encircling around their waist.
+ mention the position, how they're being moved around---are they face down, kneeling, or standing, or on top or on bottom--it's really helpful to give a clear picture.
+ use lustful talk, slow seduction, teasing touches, erratic breathing, give the readers all while also giving them nothing. make them yearn but DO NOT PROLONG IT.
sources to refer to for more:
gesture that gets me on my knees !!
(more to comeee, check out my hot or kisses prompts on my master list!)
#otp prompts#romance writing#imagine your otp#writeblr#writing prompts#urfriendlywriter#writing inspiration#writing help#writing scenarios#how to write a kiss#how to write smut#physical gestures#romantic gestures#hot gestures#hot prompts#love prompts#smut prompts#kisses prompts#types of kisses#kisses#otp writing#otp things#imagine your characters#imagine your ship#tips to write smut#writing tips#writersociety#writers of tumblr#prompt list#writing
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#hhhhfuck more venting#i hate not having a car or license so much#i need to make a doctors appointment (for months now already) but ive been putting it off bc my mom has to fix the car#bc the doctor is like hours away from me (the closest jaw doctor)#and its like#my jaw just gets worse day by day#i cant close my teeth together bc my teeth are so crooked#which means im like regularly having a hard time eating anything that requires a clean cut bite#but more importantly (to my mind) i have dermatillomania specifically/most commonly around biting my lip#and i cant get a clean bite#i cant even close my front teeth together they dont touch at all#i could slide paper into my mouth when my jaw is closed#so i cant bite my lip normally when it gets chapped#so i resort to picking and tweezers#and those GO DEEP far deeper and bloodier than if id just been able to one-and-done bite the problematic part#its stressing me out so badly and im constantly trying and trying to bite my lip#which is making my jaw problem worse#and the car isnt getting fixed despite the fact that ill literally give all my life saving to fix it if only shell take me to my appointment#but things are just backed up bc its not even my moms car shes borrowing it from my grandma and so its a whole thing that has to be#coordinated. and then i have to wait for my moms stress level to subside like another few weeks and then ill be able to ask again 4 my jaw#im so tired#its so painful mentally and physically#and im sick of choking on food i couldnt bite off#i hate being chronically ill on multiple fronts and it just makes it so much worse when the only tmj doc is HOURS AWAY#by the time i eventually get to the doc theyre prob gonna b like 'o man this got bad u shoulda come in sooner now ull need surgery'#or some shit like that and i wont be able to handle that on top of having to go to thousand oaks multiple times for treatment#its too fucking far i hate living in rural cali so much man it sucks here#vent#delete later / /#dermatillomania mention
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