#i think i despite judgement ending more than anything else in the game for so many reasons

[natasha-in-space]

So I'm replaying Ray's After ending rn, and it got me thinking that what I adore so much about Rika as an antagonist is just how damn scary she can be. I always found those who cause harm with good intentions (at least in their point of view) much scarier than those who hurt you with pure intention on hurting you. I think the best example of it is this CG in particular:

Look at that. Such a loving, gentle expression on her face. Probably kissing his forehead. Because she loves him. Heck, without any context, this CG looks even sweet, if you think about it. And yet, all that is while Saeyoung is forcefully sedated on a powerful concoction of drugs even a trained agent like him can't do anything about (and Saeyoung WAS definitely trained to deal with this sort of thing, hence it's mentioned that this is a 'special' kind of drugs). He looks miserable. Bags under his eyes, his expression pained and troubled, even his hair is paler than usual. All that as a direct result of her actions. But she's utterly blind to it. What's scarier, is that she knowingly shuts off her understanding of what's really happening. She's not oblivious to it at all. She just chooses not to see it that way. Simply because she doesn't want to.

Rika is the type of antagonist that will cup your cheek into her warm hand with the most loving of smiles on her face, all while you are getting elixir poured down your throat. Even whispering to you that you're doing great, that the pain will soon pass, and that she can't wait to see you reach the happiness she knows you deserve. I won't be surprised if she even cried genuine tears of compassion during some ceremonies for her believers. All while being the sole reason behind their suffering.

And that's... God, that's terrifying to me. I love that about her.

Rika Kim, they could never make me hate you

[weldedskeletons]

My own Curly analysis because his character is one of the deepest in the game and I find him really interesting.

Warning: Spoilers for Mouthwashing

Curly isn’t a terrible person, truly But we know he isn’t a very good person either. We see him as relatable, with the conversation he has with Jimmy, how he feels like yes, he reached a really high point in his life, maybe the highest… but is it really where he wants be? Could he try other things? And if he did, would he have to abandon this life and job that he’s not even sure is fit for him but does really well? The way he’s portrayed like this makes him someone we can empathize with, for the most part.

He also has fairly good intentions. He cares about his crew, about their well being and also respects them as people. He wants to do a good job as a freighter captain, even if he’s unsure if this is right for him. He checks up on his crew, is responsible, and genuinely cares.

The problem arises mostly when he puts more value in friendship than making sure Jimmy is held accountable for his actions, mainly against Anya of course. He knows, to some extent at least, what happened to her, and he does care to an extent, he does check up on Anya, making sure she’s okay. But that’s pretty much where the acknowledgment/sympathy ends. He’s known Jimmy for years, and he doesn’t want to break that friendship (which is somewhat reasonable, okay, that conflict of knowing and caring for someone for so long and finding out they did something horrible, having some sort of conflicted feeling doesn’t automatically make him evil or a monster) even though he knows he SA’d her.

He mostly ignored the problem for his own sake, maybe told himself that if he’s helping Anya herself then it’s enough (but can’t be entirely sure about that). He couldn’t have done much about Jimmy, realistically even if he did confront him. It’s not like he can throw the man out the ship (although that would be ideal) or anything, but he should have confronted him, at the very least. His want to believe that his best friend isn’t really that bad of a person, or that there’s good in him and he can be reasoned with, takes over his duty and responsibility to hold him accountable and ensure everyone on the ship is and feels comfortable and safe.

I think he has other flaws too, but that’s the main one we see during the game. And really, if he had taken responsibility and confronted Jimmy about it directly or at least didn’t pretend to him mostly like nothing happened, than I feel Jimmy wouldn’t have felt as compelled to crash the ship and try to fucking kill everyone. At least it would’ve deterred him a little bit.

Curly also trusted Jimmy too much. He didn’t really anticipate him crashing the ship, because well, what kind of lunatic would do that (Jimmy because he is a fucking lunatic), and because he put too much faith in him despite knowing what kind of person he can be, he wound up in the front if the ship trying to save them. And likely, if he hadn’t been there, they would’ve died.

And though he did even up taking responsibility for himself and his actions (much more than Jimmy anyway), it was too late. The damage had been done, Jimmy had won. And perhaps that’s one of the most tragic parts of it, too.

Of course, there is more to his character I could have mentioned, and this doesn’t touch on post-crash curly much, which warrants an analysis of some sort in itself, in my opinion. But this is my take and opinion on the situation and his character.

I’m tired of people going to the extreme, saying he’s “only a victim” and nothing else, or he’s “just as bad as Jimmy.” Neither of those are true, he made some fatal mistakes that hurt people, and made him human, but not as bad as Jimmy. Obviously nothing like that excuses his actions, but sometimes humans make terrible mistakes. Sometimes our judgement and reason is clouded. It isn’t good, of course, but it doesn’t make him as bad as a literal sexual abuser.

Jimmy never cared about anybody but himself, and especially not Anya, didn’t even try. At least Curly took some action in attempting to console Anya, even if it was less than he could and should have.

[carlyraejepsans]

you just mentioned in the tags ''toriel stopping sans from [cutting the humans' journey short] by killing them'' ive always wondered, do you think sans would actually have killed the human if he hadnt made the promise to toriel? i think you mentioned once that the ''youd be dead where you stand'' moment is another one of sans fumbling attempts to seem threatening but despite that, do you think he wouldve actually done it ? if hed seen them kill monsters or during a pacifist run? or do you think it wouldve played out similarly to canon in the genocide route or that he wouldve been just less involved with the human during their journey in a pacifist run?

(ok i found this in my drafts and I don't remember where i was going with this, but i kinda went off so have this as it is lol)

i keep 5 versions of sans that are Ever So Slightly Different According to How I Interpret Different Details simultaneously rotating in my brain at all times. so uhhhhh yes and no.

jokes aside, I'm starting to gravitate more towards the interpretation that like... the threat he made at the restaurant? full on jackassery. shithead extraordinaire. he WAS messing with us.

but would he have tried to kill a human if toriel hadn't made him promise otherwise?

...yeah i think so. let me elaborate

here's the thing though: i think people put way too much weight on that! i mean it's a fighting RPG, every single other character—bar toriel—fights you to either capture and have you sent to the capital or to kill you themselves. either way they want your SOUL. papyrus... is his own neutral case here with his refusal to kill you.

my point being: every monster you meet wants to fight you. it's through that fight (or what happens afterwards) that you actively challenge their point of view and befriend them.

you don't go through this with sans. he never fights you, so you never need to change his mind because that belief was challenged before we even got to the underground, through toriel's words alone. that's... kind of admirable?

but it does frame his actions in a very creepy way from our point of view in-game. not to forget his dumbass scary pranks. because we go from someone a bit mysterious though ultimately friendly and goofy whom we thought we could trust, to someone who openly tells us he could've been a threat for us... and then never delivers. at least, not in any playthrough where we hear that line of dialogue.

so much of sans' character and appearance stems from tonal dissonance. he's shamelessly comfortable in the game's tone and vibes, but still stands out as an outsider. he plainly doesn't play by the same rules as everyone else, so we don't judge him by the same standards, either.

even more, if he actually kept his promise the way toriel meant it, that would've meant playing the entire game like a tutorial. sure, you can enjoy the story, but did you enjoy playing the section in the RUINs when she's with us? it's basically handholding the entire time. it's BORING for us, and ultimately, Undertale is a game! so it should be enjoyable to its player. which brings me to our next point:

ultimately... yeah maybe he would've tried to kill us. and yes it is kinda shitty that he only kept his promise by not doing that. in a sans characteristic troll way, i mean. but acting like the "sans was happy to watch a baby get beat up and killed" jokes are, well, anything other than jokes is just a plain bad reading. forget about post pacifist. during a gameplay, frisk IS the Human IS us IS the PLAYER. which means capable of RESET and SAVE. which means essentially immortal, at the end of the day. it's the "special power" sans tells us about in his judgement. you can't treat us with the same moral lenses as an NPC. the power we hold over their world in the game is lovecraftian. we can literally destroy it entirely, an outcome that was scientifically predicted by some characters in the game...

...sans being one of them. every interaction with you, every joke and every hand extended in friendship and eye closed to your shenanigans. all of it, the good and the not-so-good. it's all colored with the knowledge that the "human" in front of him could end the world. whether you actually do that or not.

this is one of my favorite moments in the canon. one time. one second where the mask slips and we see through the cracks in the façade of laid back confidence. and what we see is a mirror, held up to our face.

and it's fucking terrifying.

"waaaa sans is bad because he lets us die" boo-FUCKING-hoo brother! cry me a river then throw ice cubes in it. mans goes through all of this on the daily and still gives us a chance, you should be thanking him.

i have a few other opinions on this topic that i feel are relevant, but I don't feel like putting them into a coherent argument so I'll just list them instead:

there are some collateral factors that i think would've prevented him from killing us outside of toriel's promise. mainly the fact that papyrus was feeling down and meeting a real human would've cheered him up. then he would've befriended us because of course he would, and of course sans wasn't going to kill his brother's new bestie.

so would he have fought us in a pacifist or papyrus-friendly netral run? maybe not! but he WOULD'VE whooped ass sooner if things got out of hand.

it's kind of a given that sans figures out you can manipulate time very early into the game. he works for/with asgore, who knows from first-hand child-murder experiences that it's an ability humans have, he's a scientist who studied the space-time continuum of their world and he's a friend of alphys', the royal scientist who studied human souls and determination (and let's not even get into his connections to gaster). he's a bright lad. he put two and two together.

while he COULD have seen taking a humans' soul as a necessary evil for monsterkind's freedom (promise to toriel aside) he openly sympathized with the anomaly. he's not there to be a time cop. he just wants to avoid the literal annihilation of the universe.

[...? yeah i never continued this. still stands tho.]

[justali-anne]

Thought Week: Sans

Of course Sans was in the top 3. He's been the face of Undertale for too long for him not to be, heh. Anyway, I can't wait to unleash my true thoughts and feelings about this sad, pathetic little man.

(Once again, if you have any thoughts on Sans, I highly encourage you to share them in the notes! Without further ado, here we go!)

First Impressions

I first encountered Sans, not as a meme or anything, but in Minecraft animated music videos, the same as Papyrus. I have heard of Sans before that, obviously, but Down To The Bone, Way Deeper Down, and Judgement are the songs that actually introduced him as a character to me. Although now, to this day, I cannot watch the final minute of Judgement because its ending was way too sad for me to handle.

On first watch, Sans was... kinda creepy. He just came across as this guy who acted friendly but if it weren't for a certain promise that I didn't know about at the time, he would've killed you. He genuinely looked like he ACTUALLY wanted to kill you. And that freaked me out. That's probably the reason why I latched onto Papyrus first, actually. I thought Sans was kinda cool, but a little too creepy for my taste. Until I got to see the actual content from the game... And TV Tropes' Woobie page, actually. I think it was learning about Sans' predicament that kickstarted my intense hyperfixation on him. I've always loved characters who broke the fourth wall, and Sans fascinated me because I didn't really consider the consequences of knowing you're living in a video game world, and what impact that would have on your psyche. Now, my brain still has a grip on this pathetic little guy, and it won't let go, no matter what I try, so I guess he's here to stay!

My Impressions Now

Okay, I said I'd give my honest opinion, so here we go. (Sharp inhale)

...

He gives me cuteness aggression.

Like GENUINELY. I actually find him cute!

Not in a romantic way, of course (aroace check!) but he's more like... a silly kitten you just watch and occasionally laugh at because his antics are just so goofy and hilarious.

I think I've just grown numb to his creepy moments, honestly. For example...

YOU THINK YOU CAN SCARE ME WITH THIS CRAP? YOU, A FOUR FOOT TALL LITTLE GOOBER IN A BLUE HOODIE, YOU THINK YOU CAN SCARE ME? I WILL SQUISH YOU SO HARD YOUR HEAD WILL POP OFF YOU LITTLE-

How can a guy be so silly and so tragic at the same time? How can he be so pathetic and yet so badass, like PICK A LANE, SANS!

This little guy will ask himself if spiders have legs and then beat your ass moments later.

And in the murder route...

Are you seriously saying I have to murder that little face? Uh, how about NO?! I already had a hard enough time mustering up the willpower to kill Papyrus, I'm SPENT!

I'm resetting, screw it.

Anyway, that's enough ranting. Now onto the calmer thoughts.

Sans shares the top spot with Papyrus as my favourite character. And I know that might sound basic at first, but actually... I don't think it's that basic anymore. I think the fandom has largely moved on from him now, save for the thousands of AUs revolving around him. Even then, I consider those AU variants separate fan characters more than anything else. Sure, Sans is still popular, but I'm glad that people are focusing more on the other characters now... So I can hyperfixate on him all I want tee hee hee hee!

My favourite part about Sans is that when it comes down to it, he's basically a kindhearted goofball with a dark side. And kindhearted goofballs are my favourite type of characters. I like to call them "friend-shaped". I love his inner conflicts and how subtle they are. I love how he cares for the people around him despite giving up on basically everything else. I love that he's basically a little dork hiding under a calm, cool charisma.

Ah, apologies. He's a little bonehead under his charisma. (But yes, I love that he is a self-proclaimed dork, he's owning it. Good for you, Sans!)

The thing about him that appeals to me the most is both his good heart and his mysterious nature. Because, like I said in the Papyrus one, it gives him more flexibility. More room for creativity and taking liberties when it comes to his backstory. He gave us some bits and pieces, but I like that it's up to us to fill in the gaps a bit.

To be honest, I hope his backstory never gets revealed, so that fans can keep coming up with various interpretations of his backstory for us to explore. To look at them and think, "Ah, yes, this makes sense!" or "Aww, poor baby!" or, "Oh, that's... wow." Things that really keep the fandom going, you know? I just feel like revealing everything in canon would take part of the fun out of him as a character. Besides, he's SUPPOSED to be mysterious! It's a huge aspect of Sans! Taking that away would just be... be... BLASPHEMY!

As for his dark side, well, I can't fault him for that. Little man probably has a lot of suppressed rage under that big grin of his, and I don't blame him for it. He is a very tragic character, but I'll get to that in a different section. The thing is, I actually have a hard time being mad at him, even when he actually does display his faults, which is fair, really. He's not the perfect model of a Tumblr Sexyman, but he was never intended to be. (Perhaps that's why he won a couple of years ago...)

I just really prefer focusing on his good side. He's a genuinely good person. Not perfect, but he's good.

Canon VS Fanon (and why I like both)

(Credit to the original artist)

And it's not just his eye. But yes, I like both canon AND old-fanon Sans. (Apart from the sexual stuff, I find that a little icky for my taste, but I won't judge... unless it involves the more problematic ships [you know the ones].)

Canon Sans is a gem. He's mostly humerus (though he has his moments) and a fun character to have onscreen overall. When I play Undertale, and I see him standing around, waiting for me to interact with him, I smile. Because he's friendship material, but the "ooh, maybe you shouldn't underestimate him if you know what's good for you" kind. I mean, come on!

Imagine going on a long journey through Hotland, and then all of a sudden, you see a familiar friendly face selling hotdogs. And then he stacks them on your head if your inventory is full, because he's awesome like that! Little man pulls off harmless pranks (key word: HARMLESS, because obviously, Sans knows what a good prank is) like painting the telescope and loosening the ketchup lid. Sometimes I like to think messing with people is just his love language lol. Sans doesn't want a lot, he just wants to enjoy his life. He's a troll, but he's still a nice person overall. He's a bro.

But he has a backbone. He knows how to call it quits. The poor guy learned that from hard-borne experience (cough cough the machine in the workshop ahem). Funnily enough, he doesn't HIDE his emotions, but he definitely shows a lot of restraint. He knows when it's appropriate to express his anger. For example, in the Undyne ending where you kill Toriel, if Papyrus is alive, he'll show restraint. But if Papyrus is dead, Sans will make it clear to you how angry he is. And it's a cold kind of anger too. He doesn't hide it, but he's definitely restrained. He's really good at handling his emotions, actually. Has anyone noticed that? I think the only times he truly lost control of his emotions is during the Lost Soul segment (he was brainwashed) and his fit of rage during the end of his boss fight (and even then, it didn't last for more than a few seconds).

And he still has a tragic undertone to his character, but unlike fanon, Sans' grievances (and possible depression) are only really implied in the mercy route and outright stated in the murder route. And when he does reveal his awareness of the time loops, it's either in a more positive light (with the passwords - if your friend is an anomaly that can reset time, why not use that power to prank them?) or with a tired sorrow (think of the neutral judgement where he asks you if you think you should do the right thing with your power, and how he outright states his awareness during his boss fight - Sans is upset, but he's not bawling or anything, he's just sick and tired).

As for Fanon Sans, I'll be talking about the early fanon of around 2015-16-17. I like that as well because back then, it was people having fun with the character and pushing him to his limits. And yeah, it can be out of character sometimes, but when has any fandom ever kept their characters in character, especially where shipping is involved? I'll be focusing more on the "Woobie" fanon Sans because I don't want to touch the "Sexy" side of it. And besides, I actually do like the "Woobie" side.

In a lot of fanfictions I read where Sans was suffering from stuff like depression and PTSD, I've noticed that a lot of it was the writer venting their feelings through a character they really like. And I think that's great! Well, not the fact that they have mental health struggles, but writing to make a character more relatable to you is fine in my opinion. I've been guilty of that when it comes to my autism, so who am I to judge?

Sans' awareness of timelines and resets spawned a lot of what-ifs in the fandom. "What if Sans remembered resets?" "What if he got PTSD from those resets?" "What if he had nightmares?" "What if he tried taking matters into his own hands?" How many AUs spawned from this concept alone? AUs that thousands of fans still enjoy to this day. And don't get me started on Gaster! "What is Sans' relation to Gaster?" "Are they even related at all?" "Was he around when Gaster kicked the bucket?" That sort of thing. How many AUs involve Gaster being a significant part of Sans' life, for better or worse? Isn't it fun to explore? Fun to read? Fun to write?

It's cathartic to see an otherwise composed character break down in tears, isn't it? How many comics of Sans depict just that? Who knows? Maybe he actually does need that release. What would it take for Sans to actually cry? If he really does have depression, wouldn't it be nice to have him finally let out all his sadness and frustration? So he can get better? Can he get better?

Not to mention, Sans is one of the most mysterious characters in the game. It's only natural for a character as popular as him to be speculated about by the fanbase. And that's why I enjoy seeing fanon portrayals of him.

Still, I tend to keep Canon Sans and Fanon Sans separated. I don't let the fanon affect my view of the canon that much. Heck, I created a whole AU so I wouldn't let my story affect how I see canon. Because I love canon as it is, but I love exploring fanon too.

The Narrative

Story-wise, Sans is one of your most consistent allies because he made a promise to Toriel. And he judges you for your EXP and LOVE. He teaches you a lot of things, like how blue attacks work and how the aforementioned EXP and LOVE work. And that's good and dandy. Sans isn't exactly important in the main storyline, but he's got his own thing going on.

Now, meta wise? I'd say Sans is extremely important there. He is a very tragic character when you really get to know him. He deconstructs the "Meta Guy" character type in more ways than one. For example, if he knows how the mechanics of the game work, then why not use that to his advantage? The reason why his boss fight is so hard is because he exploits the game mechanics and uses it against you. You know the drill. Taking the first turn, placing bones in the menu, dodging, the works. Hey, if you could dodge, why can't he? He knows that he's weak without using cheats. So he cheats. His goal isn't to have a fair fight, his goal is literally stopping you from destroying the world. Sans is actually a really creative person, when you think about it. Who else uses bullets in the MENU? (Other than Asgore, maybe, but he just used his trident to destroy the MERCY button. Hey, why can't Sans just destroy the FIGHT button?!)

Another way his self-awareness is deconstructed is the impact the resets have on his psyche. Imagine knowing that your world operates like a video game and someone has the ability to reset time at their very whim. However, when that person resets, everyone else (apart from the ones who had that ability) forgets almost everything. All that's left is deja vu. I think Sans does have some semblance of deja vu too, but either his is weaker or he's just really good at hiding it. Still, though, in an otherwise chill life, that would be a huge weight to carry on your shoulders. Sans isn't the only one who knows about the resets. Flowey and Asgore (and possibly Alphys and Papyrus) know too. But Sans is the only one besides Flowey who explicitly states that, "yeah, i know what's going on here. i know you have this power. and i may or may not be dying inside because of it, can you stop?" Sans is just a guy who's trying his best in a video game world, but he's tired. And he won't stop being tired unless you give him what he wants. And that is a happy ending with friendship and laughter and good food. Because he's a simple skeleton at the end of the day. It doesn't take a lot to make him happy.

Conclusion

Sans is my absolute favourite character in the game besides Papyrus. I think he's an adorable character and I'm sick of pretending he's not. He's just really friend-shaped to me, I don't know how to explain it. I just wish he was real so I can hug him. Speaking of hugging...

If not friend, why friend-shaped?

WORTH IT!

[kaigarax]

To My First Love

Oikawa Tooru x Reader

Quote: “Fall in love with someone when you’re with them.”

Oikawa falls in love like the ending of a song. His journey tells tales of perseverance, heartbreak and adventure. And at the end, despite all melancholy and anticipation, he finally allows himself to fall into what he has always known will come.

---

“And oh, what a beautiful contradiction falling in love was.”

Oikawa made a face, “that’s so cheesy, (Y/n).”

You laughed, putting the book down and looking towards Oikawa who was now sprawled across his bed, “and what do you think love is, Mr. Heartbreaker?”

Oikawa is certain you expect some snooty and half assed response. It’s almost exactly what he would have given you if he had been but a few years younger. Now, he ponders for a brief while before smiling while thinking back to his own experiences with the strange phenomenon known as love.

He thinks he shall impart some of his wisdom, be it a small amount, onto you.

“Well, love is pure and kind. It’s giving your everything to someone else without reservations and not expecting anything in return.” Oikawa turned to look at you before a flush coloured his face, “if that makes sense.”

Perhaps his explanation was a little too… in depth? He knows you haven’t had much experience with romantic relationships (none at all) so he isn’t sure if the concept will appear cohesive or alien to you.

“Yeah, it makes sense.” you reply. Oikawa lets out a small sigh of relief (because he won’t have to elaborate further) while you plop down beside him, “so tell me about her.”

“Her?”

“Well, from the way you spoke about it, I can definitely tell there’s someone you’ve been in love with. I just assumed it was a girl with all the girlfriends you’ve had.” you gave the setter a shrug, “but no judgement from me if it’s a guy.”

Oikawa gave you a light shove, “come on.”

“What? Iwaizumi is a pretty good looking guy and the two of you are pretty close~”

“(Y/n).”

“Alright, alright!” You laughed, “so tell me about your first love.”

---

The rallies of the game had been long and the anticipation of the audience only seemed to be rising. Oikawa’s nerves from the beginning of the game have long evaporated, replaced with watered down gatorade and exhaustion.

He’s sweaty, tired and sore. All he wants to do after this match is take a long shower.

This game is tiring.

This game is dragging out.

And this game is paradise.

This is where Oikawa Tooru wants to be for the rest of his life.

The world seems to move differently as he makes his way to the right spot (just exactly at two and a half) just as he has done so many times before.

All his blood, sweat and tears have narrowed down to this single moment. Everything here will determine if he is worthy of his position or if he will be cast down from paradise.

And as the ball touches his fingers Oikawa thinks to himself that there will never be anything in the world that can rival this feeling he feels while in the midst of a game. That there is no other thing in this world that can make him feel so flustered and brave at the same time. He thinks that if there is only one wish he could ever make then this is it.

He wants to experience this exact moment over and over again.

Even as his teammate stumbles to hit the perfect set Oikawa knows that this is it.

That he has reached the pinnacle of his life’s meaning and there will never be anything more.

Of course, like all young and naive children, Oikawa doesn't understand just how fast the euphoria and dopamine come crashing down. It hits harder than a spike to the face as the ball falls from the net to the ground.

He did everything he could, and still it wasn’t enough.

Many adults will find it difficult to comprehend the complexities of a child’s emotions. Especially when contrasted with the simplicity of a child’s mind. The height from which Oikawa had fallen was one he might never recover from. Truly it was such a shame that the match had gone this way.

Oikawa is in every way a loser.

A failure.

His mother and father will not have the words to console him and they likely won’t understand how he’s feeling. In their own minds (which have been programmed to be strictly rational) Oikawa has tried his best. It’s not his fault another boy hit a ball into the net. Yet he will still feel the crash.

The burning sensation of a loss.

Something that will either make or break him.

Oh how cruel life is.

But cruelty is beautiful. It’s beautiful in the strange sort of way that makes you cry. Perhaps it’ll make you a stronger person one day and when you look back you’ll be thankful. Right now though, Oikawa’s heart isn't sure if he’ll ever be thankful even if his mind says otherwise.

And then ques the entrance of you.

Your eyes are bright and shining. They’re filled with so much awe and excitement that Oikawa feels that feeling infect his own being.

Oikawa may be a smart child but he is still a child.

Everything seems to flash past him as you give him that smile reserved strictly for him.

“You’re amazing, Oikawa!” You exclaim.

It’s a strange feeling that overwhelms him. It feels as though everything has suddenly halted and standing here with him is just you and him. Him and you. You’ve always been the girl next door, someone Oikawa has seen everyday but only now does he suddenly realise how pretty you are. The way the light seems to reflect off your face makes the expression in your eyes so much gentler and your hair seems to be done just right.

You’re standing here across from him, praising him for something he’s done. You’re here admiring something he’s poured his heart, body and soul into and it’s the most romantic thing he’s ever seen in his (eight years of) life.

This is a moment that will linger with him forever.

“Thanks,” Oikawa isn’t sure what to say and so he stumbles out words he will regret for the rest of his life. “Keep your eyes on me.”

In retrospect, the words don’t haunt him for the rest of his life but he definitely thinks that there are better things he could have said. You teased him about it for a short while but Oikawa doubts you still remember those words now. You’ve met so many other people and experienced so much more of life.

“Well, my first love was-”

“(Y/n)-chan!” Oikawa’s mother (well, Mrs. Oikawa) burst into the room with a bright smile on her face, “I didn’t know you were in town!”

You’re quick to leave your spot beside Oikawa as you greet his mother.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to intrude. My mother and I came into town to visit her sister and my cousin. My cousin ended up catching the flu so I was wandering around when I ran into Tooru.” you explained.

Mrs. Oikawa smirked, “and he brought you up here to his room?”

“Yeah, he wanted to give me this book.”

Mrs. Oikawa nodded along but Oikawa could tell she didn’t buy her words, “so do you plan on staying for dinner?”

“Oh no.” you apologised, “I have to catch the train back to my cousin's house.”

“Oh, that’s a shame! You know what, before you go could you help me with something? I’m knitting something for Tooru’s older sister and you look to be around the same size as her. Would you mind trying it on for me?”

“Of course.” you said, following Mrs. Oikawa out of the room.

Oikawa isn’t sure if he’s happy you’re gone or not. There is relief of not having to tell you that you’re his first love. Of course, he’s long over you. After having four (or maybe five) girlfriends, Oikawa has gotten over you long ago. He had been perfectly fine with telling you that you were his first love but he wasn’t exactly sure how you would take it.

You’d always been the kind of person that liked admiring people from afar.

He wouldn’t want to ruin your friendship over something that’s happened in the past.

Besides, back when he was in love with you he hadn’t been aware that other girls existed. It had been just volleyball, the other boys that played volleyball and you.

---

Growing up, there had only been two things Oikawa had wanted.

One, he wanted to make it to nationals. At least once in his middle school (which would eventually turn into highschool) years, he wanted to show that he was the best. At first it had been because of his love for the sport. The feeling of being on court was almost unmatched by any other. Then it had eventually transitioned into wanting to beat other people and prove he was the best.

He wanted to feel the euphoria of being on court. The addraline of victory. The determination as he made his way through the ranks.

Each and every step was something he looked forward to. Each and every motion was something that would push him forward and keep him in the paradise that he so loved. Nationals was the pinnacle. It showed to everyone, not just other volleyball players, that you were good (brilliant even) at what you did.

He wanted to be good enough to stand with the best of the best.

And then, secondly, he wanted you.

Not in that possessive and obsessive way but in the way that a boy likes a girl. Something sweet and innocent. In the sort of way where he could hold your hand and know that you also wanted to hold his as well.

You had always been by his side, following him around, but he could never actually call you his. Not that he wanted you to have as a possession of his own! He just… wanted to be with you forever. The way his parents were with each other and the way his sister was with her special friend.

Girls flocked to him constantly. Not just was he good looking but he was kind and charismatic. The perfect combination for a chick magnet. But the only girl’s attention he wanted was yours.

It was horrible.

The worst feeling was the jealousy that came when you spoke to other people with that smile. That smile that made people feel like the center of the world and made their hearts flutter the same way he did. And you were always such a fickle person, giving attention to anyone that caught your interest. Why did you have to be so nice?

He always made sure to walk you to and from school and he liked the rumors it started. Even if you denied the rumors every time. It kept unwanted attention from you.

Oikawa knew he could never stop you from being friends with anyone but that never meant he couldn’t deter you from certain people. Especially people that could swoop in and steal you away.

He wanted to be your first and last boyfriend.

And then came the horrible news.

You and your family were moving away. Into the big city of Tokyo. Your parents had acquired bigger and better jobs which meant you and him would no longer be just a house over. You would still be just a phone call but it would be different when he wouldn’t be able to see your face right after.

Eventually, those feelings that swarmed Oikawa’s chest whenever he thought of you faded away.

His heart stopped racing whenever you crossed his mind.

HIs breathing no longer hitched when he heard someone mention your name.

And it was strangely relieving.

Perhaps he may have lost a little bit of himself but it was now a part of him that was gone and made him stronger. You would become a memory he would think back on and smile. You would be his first love that he would think back on fondly.

Okay, maybe not his first love but his first crush.

“Tooru!”

“Hm?” Oikawa perked his head up at his mother’s loud call.

“You would think that there are bees in your brain.” his mother sighed, “I asked if you could grab the pot. The one on the top shelf.”

Oikawa nodded, “okay.”

His mother sighed again, “what’s gotten you in such a dazed mood?”

“I bet it’s (Y/n)-chan.” teased Oikawa’s older sister.

Oikawa rolled his eyes, “please. I don’t like her that way anymore. She’s just an old childhood friend. I don’t even talk to her that much anymore.”

His sister gave him a strange look, staring at him for a long and uncomfortable moment before turning away, “then don’t regret it when she gets swept off her feet by someone better than you.”

“As if there’s someone better than me out there for her.”

“Oh, there are tons of better guys out there just look at-”

“Oh hush you two, I’ve had to listen to adults bicker about pointless things for hours. I don’t want to have to listen to my grown children bicker about pointless things too,” his mother exclaimed, “and Tooru, are you getting that pot down or what?”

“Oh, right.”

“Did I hear someone mention the (L/n) girl?” Asked his father, peeking his head into the kitchen.

“You mean the one Tooru’s in love with?” teased his sister.

Oikawa scoffed.

“She left her umbrella.”

“Oh, someone should-”

Oikawa was quick to snatch the umbrella from his father and race out the door. Of course you forgot your umbrella and just when it looked like it was going to rain. It looks like you haven’t changed from when you were younger.

Oikawa was never really the mom friend but he always found himself looking after you. Whether intentionally or not.

It’s cute. Not having to take care of you but knowing there are still parts of you that are the same. After seeing you in all those volleyball magazines Oikawa wasn’t sure if you were the same clumsy and impatient girl. He suppose it's nice knowing that there are parts of you that are still.. you.

You’re probably still at the bus stop, right? You did just leave five minutes ago. If you were gone, Oikawa would just wait for another day to give it to you. Besides, it would mean you’re on the bus not getting wet. He would definitely need it more if you’ve already borded the train.

Turning the corner, Oikawa lets out a sigh.

There you are.

He recognizes you immediately despite seeing you from behind. Anticipation tingles from the tips of Oikawa’s fingertips to the edge of his nose. His heart’s thumping erratically as swear forms in the palms of his hand.

It’s as if the stars have aligned just for him as you turn and smile. That one smile that’s reserved strictly for him. Your eyes, with that gleam he’s grown to love, meet his own. Then, his heart stops.

Ah.

He’d forgotten this feeling.

It looks like not much has changed about him either.

Fall in love with someone when you’re with them.

[fantasyinvader]

So, I'm looking over the new endings added to SMT V. The Law ending is effectively that scene from Bruce Almighty where he just autogrants anything people pray for, while the Chaos ending is basically the end of the Elric Saga except you aren't betrayed by your partner. These are also supposed to be more radical than the endings in the first game, upsetting the Mandala system. I know these endings are currently controversial within the fandom… but I fucking love them. Because they are radical if you think about the implications of each one.

In Law, no wish will be denied. We saw how messed up this could be in Bruce Almighty, but what happens when one's wish contradicts someone else's wish or freedom? What if some teenager wishes to date a hot classmate, does that mean the MC is using their godly powers to push them together forcing the classmate into a relationship against their will? Or if the classmate wishes to break up and the teenager doesn't, whose wish gets granted? If the MC has to make judgement calls on what wishes get granted, as they are supposed to guide mankind, it goes against the idea that all wishes are granted. So the implication is that they really do grant all wishes and effectively become mankind's bitch. It's a situation ripe for chaos and it makes the all powerful a servant to the people.

The Chaos ending, on the other hand, follows the Elric Saga's ending except no Stormbringer turning on the MC. The world and the laws that govern it are wiped out, with the possibility of making a new, better world. In the Elric Saga, it wasn't Chaos who wished to destroy the world. It. Was. Law. And it also helps that Yoko was meant to work with the previous God of Law to create the world, guiding them until she was the one betrayed, and now wants to destroy his world. In a way, she has guided her new partner to his role as as the new god of law, but it's not just that she wiped out the previous world she wiped out the entire system.

The Law Ending is supposed to be a world where there are many possibilities, whereas the Chaos only has one. In Moorcock's works, Law is presented as an upright arrow, indicating there is only one path, while Chaos is eight arrows all emerging from the same point, representing the freedom and the various possibilities. In Shin Megami Tensei Vengeance, Law moves towards becoming Moorcockian Chaos and Chaos ends up becoming Moorcockian Law. But at the same time, Moorcock's works make it clear there must be some sort of balance between the two for a world to properly function.

These endings are radical because they reverse law and chaos. The "Law" ending will lead to Chaos while inverting the idea of law, that the strong dictate the world and the weak accept it. The Chaos route will establish a new Law after destroying everything. Both of these are said to break their worlds, or potential world in the case of Chaos, out of the Mandala system and will be left alone by the Great Will. But there's no "neutral" ending to this path because… how can neutrality be radical? And yet, despite this, it's also said that the True Neutral ending of the regular game was the only one where the world was freed from the Mandala system, just that it didn't do much to harm it.

And, again going by Moorcock's works, the Cosmic Balance that governs the conflict between Law and Chaos is simply the rules. There are creatures powerful enough to not be affected by it, even shatter it, but people can also assume control of Law and Chaos and play it as a game called The Game of Time. The Cosmic Balance may have actually been created by mortals, in line with how gods assume the forms based on the beliefs surrounding them in SMT, and in the destiny of the Balance is to shatter the balance and remove all gods or demons from that world before one side tilts the scales too heavily in it's favor. It's the true neutral ending making a world for mankind only, where God's can't interfere with it.

The old True Neutral Ending is still probably the best ending to SMT V out of it's now six endings.

That said, I don't have a PS5 or current Xbox, there's no option to update my Switch version, and the only physical PS4 copies seem to be in Asia. My only option for a Physical copy is to buy a new one for the Switch, because my Switch's memory is alreay at the limit with games and digital means I would just be deleting other stuff off of it. Same with a PS4. So I'm probably not going to get this game at least until there's a good price drop.

[knighteclipsed]

"Sir Valter?" Lilina pokes her head in, clad in her everyday wear instead of the sacrilegious wear the place had given her. She hopes God could forgive her for her deeds. "I..." She begins, clasping her hands, uncertainty written on her face. She couldn't blame him for pointing fingers at her, it was almost certainly a possibility, but she needed to set the record straight.

"If it means anything, my hands are clean. I deeply regret the outcome it yielded, how... how angry it made you and others. People doubted me, a feeling I will never forget and don't want to experience again." She shakes her head before looking up at him. A small smile now.

"I... I hope we could be friends, despite it all. You're passionate if nothing else, chasing down what you believe, seeking the truth. Perhaps there is much I could learn from you."

His ear harkens to the title, a simple adjustment from his stint as ‘Monsieur Brunette.’ (Truly, he had never fully assimilated into the role—it was easier being himself, not having to release all he was, even if just temporarily.) He also quickly recognizes the voice speaking to him, one of the last Brunette conversed with during the trial passed:

Reverend Green. (Or rather: Lilina.)

He lets her speak—biting down the will to interrupt, make clear his distaste for the girl. When she says that she is innocent, his eyes can only narrow.

What, then, was the point of being so antagonistic?

He can only forgive it through the lens of what it truly was—a game, lest that be forgotten. At the end of the weekend, all was undone—no murder, no trial, no execution. There was no consequence for the proceedings of the two days’ happenings, and as such, there would be no consequence by his judgement for those present—save of the characters they each had possessed.

“ Is this your method of apologizing? ” For being so unnecessarily difficult to work with? (The words lack in their sting, merely being intolerant for its own sake.) He wants it to bite more—deeper than that, but the will doesn’t mutter, damped down by the remarks surrounding.

‘…seeking the truth.’ (No, actually. That wasn’t right.)

“ I’m… ”

His actions during the trial were with the determination to win—nothing more and nothing less—and though he collaborated with the rest of the innocent, it was only to iron out the details of the work he had already done. (That was the source of his insistence—his ‘good’ character on display.) Had the circumstances been different, he would’ve submitted to his true self—the one who lies and cheats and manipulates to his favor. Brunette was tame in comparison to Valter.

(Eyes fall closed, voice hardly above a mumble.) “ …not so good as you think. ”

There is nothing good to be learned from my example.

“ But if you wish to subject yourself to my command, know that it is not without consequence. ” (Truth be told, he needed time to think it over.) With a scoff, returning to his own business, he finishes:

“ …Just cooperate next time. ”

[katyspersonal]

I didn't know much about the whole situation in the BB fandom, and honestly, i am more of a lurker than anything else, only occasionally reblogging something here and there. I came here thinking i would find vile, bigoted stuff in your blog, but all i found were extremely passionate posts about something you love. Not only this, but frankly, i am in awe at how you remained strong all this time, holding your ground despite everything that could have forced weaker people off this site forever… And the only "bigotry" here being that you "don't like" westerners for being huge babies online, which… lol. Anyway! All of this has only earned you a secret admirer, now. ❤️

🙄 Well, thank you for this, anon. Based if true xD I just can't tell whether you're genuine or not all factors considered, as I am in a complicated situation both nationally and ideologically x_x"

Yeah, I am sure not at peace of westerners thinking they've claimed the internet. I could never @ will never have the same strength as a western person myself, since my country is a halfling , and I am myself is a halfling, but if you anon believe in things like nation and culture, you know I am half - motherfucker that will never give up and half - motherfucker that is dead inside 🙄 (Ukrainian + Russian)

I know Souslborne games are infamous for giving different people different messages, thought, so here is what I think. You know how falsely accused people sometimes go all "if X is what they want from us - then X is what they get from us"? I personally always admired Miyazaki from writing the stories that gave various people the room to be seen! And really, I saw the metaphor for Frenzied Flame for it in Kale's cut questline, too. You must have seen falsely accused/cancelled people that went 'well, your enemies were right' mode? It is easily what that questline taught me! Not all enemies of your enemies are good! Not all fellow convicted 'witches' are nice Some of them were vicious from the start! And the part of the fun is to see who were unfairly convinced from who were malicious from the start!

No worry if you are genuine; I'll see my way through unfair judgement. I won't think of my enemies as perfectly right ones only because our enemies indulged in unfair court; and I don't think the enemies of my enemies are right only by the virtue of the opposition! My enemy is lack of common sense, and my friend is what seems to make sense! The battle that never ends, especially with my unstable mood swings ass mode! But in the end, we are ALL wrong. We are ALL looking for our way out of this wretched system. We are all wrong now, but right years later.

[aaronymous999]

Overview of my thoughts on all the main movies/movie franchises/tv shows of the MCU, also a ranking on what’s worth watching:

Ironman: Tony Stark is an awful guy and these movies reek with some weird propaganda and odd writing choices, but if you like Robert Downey Jr’s acting and the funny quips? Enjoyable enough films.

Captain America: 2/3 of his movies are pretty good once you look past more propaganda, although I think after the first movie it’s not as big of an issue for him. He’s a bit boring but his first movie, propaganda aside is pretty alright. I was so fucking tired during the second one so I barely remember it but I’ll trust everyone else’s judgement, it’s probably good. Civil war is god awful.

The Incredible Hulk: Half this movie is retconned, they recast Bruce Banner, they don’t really bring up this movie ever again and it’s awful don’t watch.

Thor: ALL of his movies are aggressively mediocre, yes even Ragnorok, that movie is only enjoyable because of Hulk. Thor is a boring character, his first movie is an alright one off but pretty boring and he has no need to have four movies like c’mon. His villains are not enjoyable and honestly I’d recommend skipping all but maybe the first ( if you already like Thor ) and Ragnorok, because that movie has important plot stuff.

Avengers: All pretty alright movies, especially Endgame that’s a great movie ( Scott Lang my beloved, tbh he makes it great ) and all of them are plot important would recommend.

Guardians of the Galaxy: All bangers left and right, amazing movies, hilarious, can be watched separate from the MCU spare for the third. The characters are wonderful and the only weak members of the bunch were post Guardians 1 Groot and Drax, but even then they were alright.

Ant-Man: His first movie is fucking amazing and it doesn’t even feel like an MCU movie which is my HIGHEST praise. Only watch the other two if you REALLY liked Scott Lang and the first movie.

Doctor Strange: Boring character, first movie was just alright, second was only fun because of Wanda and America. Other than that both his movies are kinda boring.

Spider-Man: If you like Spider-Man, these are great and still really fun despite the- MCU-ness. But if you don’t like Spider-Man the hype kind of disappears and it’s easier to notice the flaws, honestly I’d just watch No Way Home if anything.

Black Panther: First movie is good and solid! No complaints, haven’t watched the second although tbh pretty fucked up what Marvel has done to Tchalla after Chadwick Boseman’s death- mini rant but do y’all know that in like every Black Panther media right now even outside of the MCU they just killed him off?! Like imagine playing an iconic character and you die, and like it’s cool the movies are honoring your legacy! But then they kill off your character in comics, upcoming video games, etc like what the fuck?

Captain Marvel: It’s alright, not feminist at all the alt righters have lied to you. Biggest flaw of the film is the military stuff, the Kree and Captain Marvel’s actress because she does not emote the emotions she is supposed to in scenes so she just ends up visually looking like an ass but the writing wants to make her out as a playful girlboss???

Wandavision: GOOD!! Underrated honestly, Vision and Wanda are both wonderful characters and the filming techniques and storytelling is amazing. The pacing is off like all MCU shows but I think Wandavision makes up for it!

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier: Boring. Falcon becomes Captain America at the end, boom all you need to know not worth watching, they don’t even explore cool characters like Issiah well and it sucks.

Loki: BAD SHOW. First 3 episodes are fascinating but then it becomes a shipping show all about Loki wanting to shag the female version of himself and it’s like dude WHAT. I never really liked Loki, but the TVA is a cool concept but it’s barely explored because of the Loki and Sylvia crap. The ending also sucks and explains nothing and the villain is boring.

Black Widow: It’s okay. Skippable.

What If…?: Eh it’s alright. Managed to make Thor more funny though than he’s ever been in his movies!

Shang-Chi: Pretty boring. Skippable.

Eternals: Boring and horrible and awful don’t fucking watch it it makes you brain hurt and oh my god was that harry styles at the end or was I hallucinating

Hawkeye: Haven’t watched it yet, I have a feeling it will be awfully boring.

Moon Knight: GOOD AND INTERESTING AND FUN!! MOON KNIGHT IS COOL! The depiction of DID isn’t. The best. They do show concepts in a more realistic way in terms of how alters are formed often as a survival method but it plays into some evil alter tropes and stuff so justified if you don’t want to watch. If you can enjoy the show despite that it’s a good watch! Steven Grant is precious I love him <3

Ms. Marvel: It’s? Alright I suppose? Middleground for MCU shows but ultimately skippable.

She-Hulk: I am. Mentally preparing myself to watch it okay I’ll do it later.

Werewolf by Night: Haven’t watched but I severely doubt it will be relevant to the overarching plot.

Secret Invasion; Haven’t watched. I hate Nick Fury.

[goldstargloww]

okay, so yes, this idea, i very much enjoy this idea, but- i might be about to derail this a bit

now take the eyesandears stuff back into the picture.

this, the stuff i'm reblogging here, this is close to what everyone is experiencing. what everyone's going through, what everyone thinks is going on.

they're all in a loop of death games. they have no idea why. they have to participate. sometimes they're left out of the loop. some don't get a break. sometimes people act off for a week. some people hurt, some people kill, some people betray, lie, gaslight, manipulate, and you aren't any different.

you don't know why you're here. you don't know why this is all happening. you don't know who did this. you don't know if anyone did. but it's all just a game, and you all treat it as such, until it isn't anymore and you all die and then all of a sudden it's a game again.

say you're martyn, though - there's voices in your head sometimes. they promise you the world and you do what they ask. you do as they say against your better judgement and it gets you nothing in the end. the one time they drop the veil and reveal the slightest bit about the reality of your situation, you don't remember it, not in the slightest. all you know is that you were promised the world and it never amounted to anything, and you haven't heard those voices since. maybe limited life felt a bit strange at times, but everything feels a bit strange.

say you're grian, though - you know what's going on. or, you know all you can. there's still things you don't know, nothing's in your control—you just hope you can make it more bearable for everything else. maybe it hurts in the process, but you'd rather be here than watch from afar. and void knows they hate you for it—they've even managed to paralyze you for a week, but they made a mistake in making you one of them, and so their efforts are essentially futile.

say you're pearl, though - your memories of a week feel a bit strange, and you were acting a bit off that week. you don't have any clue as to what that was. you don't know why joel called you lizzie that week.

say you're cleo, though - your memories of a week feel a bit strange. your behavior changed that week quite a bit, too. and didn't martyn mess with you? you went along with it for some reason, and were worried he was being genuine. ...what?

say you're tango, though - you're shoved to the side of your head for a week. someone familiar was in the driver's seat instead. by the time next week comes around, you just think you had a weird week. that person you were talking to was probably just torchy.

say you're lizzie, though - you find yourself in a familiar game in a familiar body that isn't your own with memories that aren't yours either. you try to blend in for the week, not knowing what else to do. someone else is in the same boat as you, you recognize both their vessel and who they really are, despite the vaguest and foggiest of memories being all you have of them to go off of. you live out the week, and by the end of it, you remember none of it.

say you're gem, though - you find yourself in an unfamiliar game in a somewhat familiar body that isn't your own with memories that aren't yours either. you barely know anything, but you try your best to blend in for the week, not knowing what else to do. there's someone else who you can tell is in a similar boat, and you very vaguely recognize them. you live out the week, and by the end of it, you remember none of it.

say you're ren, though - you were in these death games, then you just weren't, for a bit. then all of a sudden, you were again, in a familiar yet completely new environment. the first time you see martyn is when he drops an anvil on your head. you almost wonder what's changed until you remember the person whose body you're inhabiting is currently in passenger's seat of their own head, and that you're in the driver's seat, and this isn't your vessel. you live out the week, and people ask questions, but they're ones you know how to navigate. by the end of it, you remember none of it.

nobody has anywhere near enough pieces to put the whole picture together. grian's probably the closest, but even he doesn't know the vast majority of it - he has no idea what else may be in the picture, he has no idea to what extent the watchers are interacting, he barely knows what the secret keeper is and how it really works.

to almost everyone, the games are just as they seem on the surface. only a few have broken beneath in the slightest—none of it was by choice, none of it puts anything into context. after all, if they all really were just playthings for some higher entity, some toys two godlike siblings fight over... well, that wouldn't happen, right? they aren't that important. that's just absurd, who would even think to guess that?

Life series lore is insane, but especially if you take most of the ‘understood’ Watcher and Listener lore out.

Because here’s the thing, I love ‘the watchers are just the audience’ and ‘Grian used to be a watcher’ and ‘they Pushed Jimmy!’ As much as anyone else. But there is something so much more terrifying about them never being there.

You are trapped in a loop of death, where dying is treated like a Game, where the world Ending is treated like a game. And there is no one to blame.

You’re neighbor turns on you, angry and vicious, and there was no possession. There were no voices in their head.

You wake up in a ring of people that are your closest friends, your greatest enemies, the only real beings you have ever met, and you are going to kill them all or be killed by them before the year is up. There is no one that put you there. There is no one to fight.

You are here of your own volition. You have known nothing else. It’s always been this way. The universe itself is keeping you here.

(There is no reward to winning. There is no escape when this is all there is. It is just all of you and you’re own bloody hands clutching each others)

[1000punks]

you ever hear the phrase "the best revenge is to live well?"

some thoughts on astarion, ab-se/SA trauma and some personal reflections and opinions under the cut so cw for some very frank discussion of those topics

i want to preface this by saying that i'm not here to shit on ascended!astarion and put spawn!astarion on some sort of pedestal. my argument is that both timelines are valid responses to a great deal of trauma. one being what i'll call "the angry route" and the other being what i'll call "the formerly angry route." if i were to make an objective and moral judgement, ascended!astarion is the evil bad ending, and spawn!astarion would be the more pacifist good ending.

i don't really care either way what anyone does, because both, like i said, are valid responses to trauma but there is absolutely one objective option here that *doesn't* really contribute to character growth/development. and that's fine, it's an option that's also present in other characters in the game, not the least of which being shadowheart, gale, and wyll.

however- that's not the point of this. so read more before you bite my head off or it's 100% fine to leave this post as well, since i'm one person with one experience to share.

when it happened to me, i wanted to do exactly what you'd think. i wanted to put an end to my r-pist's life and i wanted to lash out at every single person and system in place that allowed those chains of events to happen to me. reacting with anger is exactly what i did for a very long time. acting out of anger and fear is how i dealt with what happened to me. i attempted to control the relationships around me so that what happened would never happen to me again. so yes, i can relate to and appreciate a video game character that has a storyline who can potentially reflect that and get closure on what was done to him in that way.

however, i also want to offer a caveat: attempting to control the other relationships you have and acting out of fear and anger isn't necessarily a long term solution for healing. trying to control other people and bind them up in your will, especially when and if they are people who want to have a healthy relationship with you and have done nothing to deserve it (nor have they had any intentional or personal hand in your trauma) is a bad thing, objectively. it's a valid response to trauma but it is a bad thing, because it hurts you and it hurts them.

now on the other hand, i can also relate to the narrative of "finding what you want." approaching new relationships not with the expectation that they *will* hurt you, but that they *can* hurt you is a middle ground that you might find. setting boundaries/expectations and letting the other person meet them and respect them. not being motivated by fear but being cognizant of it, i think that's what spawn!astarion's narrative end looks like, which is also a valid response to trauma. and it doesn't have to include "forgiving" the person who initially did what they did to you. it includes forgiving *yourself* and forgiving the *person right in front of you in a healthy relationship* - because you occasionally will act based in fear or motivated by your triggers, and that person approaching you in a healthy relationship will occasionally trigger you despite both of your best efforts.

i can also see a natural through-route between those two narratives. i was angry and i lashed out in ways that affected the people around me and my romantic relationships for a long time. i also calmed down a bit from that because i could see the effects in my day to day life. i still have bouts of anger because i'm not perfect and i do have the right to be angry about the things that were done to me- but channeling that anger into something constructive (like building a healthy relationship with another person), has had a far greater impact on my healing than anything else.

i had to accept that in my personal case, the only closure i would get is the closure i could give myself. and obviously, that absolutely sucks to hear because sometimes when you're healing from something like this you feel utterly powerless. how you choose to approach "taking your power back," as it were, is just that - your choice. you can choose to take it back by force, or you can choose to take it back in more subtle ways. you can choose to take it back by living and loving well, even if that makes you fearful.

[seijorhi]

Unprofessional

as promised, the MSBY manager AU 💕 

MSBY Black Jackals x female reader

TW non-con, smut, gang-bang, nsfw(ish)

You second guess yourself, now that the Captain’s right here in front of you, fidgeting in your seat like a little kid sent to the principal’s office.

In all fairness, you were the one to ask him to come in early, figuring that it’d be easier to say what you needed to before everyone else arrived, rather than having it eat away at you while you waited for practice to end.

Yet under the scrutiny of his dark eyes, you wonder whether you should have just let it slide. At least for a few more weeks. Taking a formal complaint to the higher ups was a step too far, and you hadn’t wanted to bother the coaches this close to the start of the season for something so… trivial. Meian seemed like the better choice. He’d listen to you and be able to help; you trust the Captain and you know the team does, too. If he told them to back off, they would, you’re almost positive. But now that he’s here, there’s this nagging feeling of-

A hand touches your shoulder, and you flinch at the sudden contact, jerking back to the present. 

“Hey,” he says, a slight frown marring his features. “Whatever it is, you can talk to me - don’t think I haven’t noticed you’ve been a little out of it lately.”

There’s nothing but concern in his eyes - no judgement, or irritation, and something inside of you eases just a fraction. This is Meian, right from the moment you signed onto the team - granted, only a few months ago - he’s done his utmost to make sure you’ve felt welcomed and part of the team.

You take a breath, offering him a small, tight smile. “I-it’s um, some of the guys- well a few, I guess…” your fingers twist in your lap, and Meian squeezes your shoulder lightly in response. 

“Miya hitting on you, right? Getting a little outta hand?” he surmises. 

And for a split second, you’re surprised. But really maybe you shouldn’t be. Miya’s the one who’s overt about it, drawling stupid, cheesy pickup lines whenever you walk in, slinging an arm around your side and dragging you close, all the winks and the innuendos about as subtle as a tank.

Of course Meian noticed, but that’s just how Atsumu is. He doesn’t bother trying to hide it because nobody but you seems to mind. And maybe, if that’s all that it was, you’d be able to grin and bear it, but it’s not. 

“Yes and… no.”

His brows draw together. “No?”

Taking another deep breath, you begin to tell him everything. Miya’s incessant flirting, all the hugs and touches that fell just the wrong side of what you considered professional. They’re a tactile team, with one notable exception, and you understand that, but the way Bokuto, Hinata and Miya feel comfortable just grabbing you and dragging you around, interrupting you in the middle of whatever task you’re doing to make you pay attention to them is a little alarming. 

And then there was the incident last week, when Inunaki had caught you smiling at your phone during their cooldown and called you on it, which drew the attention of the rest of the team - only to have Bokuto snatch it out of your hands and start reading through your messages. Of course, Meian was there for that, putting a stop to it only when the wing-spiker had started reading them aloud, much to your mortification.

But he hadn’t been there two afternoons later, when an old friend of yours had swung by to pick you up and you’d had to deal with half the team glaring daggers at him over your shoulder like a pack of overprotective mother hens.

Even Sakusa, who usually kept his nose out of the others’ nonsense, stood off to the side with his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket, glowering at your friend until you both disappeared from sight.

The texts that blew up your phone in the hours that followed crossed so many lines, it honestly scared you a little. 

Meian doesn’t say a word as you talk, the words flowing easier the more you tell him. It’s not that anything they’re doing is wrong per se. They’re not hurting you, and you think that aside from Miya, the team’s attitude is coming from a good place - some protective, irritating big brother kind of thing. 

There’s nothing wrong with it, except the fact that you don’t want any part of it. You’re a professional and this is a job - a new one, an important one. If you ever want anybody to take your dreams of coaching a pro team seriously you cannot have so much as a whisper of anything less than absolute professionalism. God forbid, if rumours start spreading that you were sleeping with somebody on the team you can pretty much kiss your dreams goodbye. 

At the end of it, Meian’s chin is resting on his fist, faint dissatisfaction pinching at his face, and for a moment, you’re worried that he’s about to chew you out for wasting his time - you know he’s stressed with the start of the season only days away - but he only sighs, leaning back in his seat and shaking his head.

“Thank you for telling me, I’ll talk to them.”

And it’s like this huge weight just falls off your shoulders and suddenly you can breathe easy. “Thanks, really,” you tell him, and the smile on your face is genuine this time.

“Anytime.”

—

You don’t know when he finds the time to pull them all aside, but the next morning when you walk into the gym and Bokuto catches sight of you, golden eyes widening in delight, he starts to bound towards you-

“Bokuto.”

-and stops mid-stride, face falling like a kicked puppy. His shoulders slump, glancing over his shoulder at the Captain, watching the both of you through narrowed eyes.

He doesn’t say another word to the wing-spiker, turning back around to continue his conversation with Adriah - something about tightening up their blocks before the game against the Adlers - and despite the fact you can see half the team’s attention drawn towards you both, none of them say a word either. 

It’s strange, compared to the last few weeks, it’s suddenly like you’re a ghost. They thank you when you pass them their towels and bottles, and for once Hinata sits still when you help him tape up his ankle, though his eyes still follow your every movement with unnerving focus.

They’re polite and respectful, but unless you’re directly addressing them or they need something, it’s like you don’t exist. 

Even Atsumu manages to keep his comments to himself when it comes time for the team to stretch out, though judging from the scowl on his face whenever he glances towards the Captain, he’s not particularly thrilled about it. 

There’s one more day before game day, and they’ve got bigger things to worry about, but for you it’s like you can suddenly breathe easy. You don’t have to tiptoe around your own discomfort, you can just do your job and help them. It’s not that you hate them, not even Atsumu - though he does grate on your nerves at times - you just can’t afford to let them fuck this up for you.

They’re your team, and you’ll help them and you’ll stand on the sidelines and cheer and support them until you’re red in the face. You’ll celebrate with them and commiserate if they lose, but there has to be a line. 

And maybe finally they’re realising that.

Meian sends you home while the others head off to the showers with a clap on your shoulder. “Go home. Today’s been long enough, and you need your rest. We’ve got an early start tomorrow.”

You don’t fight him on it, already feeling the exhaustion creeping through your body. 

But after months in this job, it shouldn’t come as a surprise to find that by the time you’ve had a quick catch-up with the coaches about tomorrow’s training, changed and gathered up your things, you find yourself falling into step with Sakusa, freshly showered and also on his way out. 

Dark eyes find yours, but he doesn’t say a word - at least until the two of you reach the big double doors at the gym’s entrance. “Do you need a lift home?”

It’s rare of him to offer, but you suppose that it’s later than you’d normally leave, the sun already disappearing beneath the horizon. Nevertheless, you shake your head, “No, it’s only a ten minute walk, I’ll be okay,” you say. And almost as an afterthought you smile and add, “Thank you, though.”

He regards you silently for a moment, but simply shrugs his shoulders, “Fine.”

Sakusa turns to leave, heading off to the carpark when a sudden thought strikes you, and before you can think better of it, you call out to him, “Your lineshots were incredible today, by the way. You played well. And please don’t forget we’ve got an early start tomorrow!”

It’s a pointless statement, on both counts. Sakusa doesn’t crave praise the way some of his teammates do, and you can imagine how little it means coming from you of all people. He’s also the most punctual, usually the first in, preferring to get stretched and warmed up before the rest of the team arrived. But the change in plans was kind of last minute and a reminder never hurts.

Sakusa pauses mid-stride, glancing back at you once more over his shoulder. “I know,” he says, and maybe it’s a trick of the light, but you swear there’s something different in his eyes as he stares back at you. Not angry per se, but… you can’t quite put a finger on it. It’s odd, you think, out of character for the usually aloof spiker. “Captain told us.”

—

It’s still dark when you arrive at the gym, and the lights are all off, not a soul in sight. That in itself doesn’t strike you as odd though, checking your phone you see that there’s still twenty or so minutes until you were all supposed to meet, but you would have thought that the coaches at least would’ve been here, or Sakusa maybe, if not Meian.

“Mornin’ princess,” a familiar voice drawls, and you jump a little at the sudden weight of his arm draping over your shoulders.

Atsumu’s smile is far too wide and upbeat considering it’s only a little after six in the morning. You’re used to a dead-stare, don’t-talk-to-me-until-I’ve-had-caffeine Atsumu, and it’s almost startling enough to make you forget the arm he has around you.

Either that, or you’re just bewildered that he’s actually arrived early for once in his life.

“You’re awfully chipper,” you mutter, trying to shove his arm off of you as you walk in tandem towards the gym. It’s a pointless endeavour - he replaces it a moment later, tugging you closer. “And early. Do you normally do this the day before the season starts, or can we expect to see you bright and early every morning for training?”

The corner of his lip quirks into a lazy smirk, and Atsumu laughs, “Nah, I’m actually late. All the others are already here.”

You’re halfway through fishing for the keys when he just pushes the door open, and you falter. “Wait- they’re here already?” you glance inside, and the lights are all still off and there’s not a soul in sight, but- “I thought Meian said we were meeting at 6:30.”

There’s something in the way that his smirk widens that’s almost unsettling, but he’s already pushing you forward, flicking on the lights as you pass.

“Oh, he did.”

Your eyebrows draw together in confusion, but it’s too early and you’re too tired to try and decipher Atsumu’s cryptic bullshit. He already has you on edge with how close he’s got you - you can feel the heat radiating from his body, the familiar scent of his cologne invading your nose. “Fine, whatever. Just- just put your stuff away, grab the others if they’re here and I’ll see you on the court in a few minutes.”

You try to shrug off his arm, but his grip only tightens, “Nope,” he says, firmly steering the both of you in the direction of the locker room.

“Miya,” you start, squeezing your eyes shut. You can already feel the beginnings of a headache taking root in your skull, but Atsumu just chuckles lightly, patting your shoulder. 

“Relax, wouldja? Jeeze, yer so tense!” 

With no other sound but the eerie echoing of your footsteps across the linoleum floors, his laugh is too loud, too grating. It sets you on edge, and you have to bite back a scowl of your own and remind yourself that you only have to put up with him a little longer - just until Meian gets here. Unperturbed by your silent irritation, Atsumu continues, “We know how hard you’ve been working lately. We came in early to say thank you, y’know, for everythin’ ya do for us.”

And for one split second, regret fills you, snuffing out the spark of irritation simmering through your veins. Here you are, seconds away from slapping the setter when he is - for the first time in his life - actually trying to do something nice for you. You sigh quietly, smoothing your expression over as he slows down and pulls you to a stop.

He lets you slide out from under his arm, your back to the locker room door, moving so that he’s standing directly in front of you. You open your mouth to speak, an apology on the tip of your tongue, but once again, Atsumu beats you to it. “Yer the best manager we’ve ever had.” He takes your hand in his, twining long fingers with yours and steps closer.

Too close.

“Atsu-”

“We really do care about you - love ya, even -  which is why it kinda felt like a kick in the balls when the Cap came and told us ya wanted some space. Said we were bein’ too ‘overbearing’ and ‘inappropriate’, just cause we want ya nice and close.” Dark eyes harden, “It hurt us, baby. You gotta realise that.”

The grip he has on your hand is painfully tight, but you don’t have a moment to focus on that. Not as Atsumu sweeps forward to close the distance between the two of you, his lips crashing against yours. Hungry. Demanding. A tongue snaking between your lips, melding with your own.

His arm snakes behind you to open the door, and for a moment you’re stumbling backwards into the dark-

Only it’s not dark, not as the blinding fluorescent lights flicker on around you, and you’re not stumbling, not as you collide with a warm, muscular chest and strong arms find your middle to steady you. 

“You took too long,” Bokuto whines, and you’re yanked from Atsumu’s hold and spun, barely having a second to register the gleaming golden eyes before he’s dragging you into a needy kiss of his own.

Dizzy, lightheaded, your heart thumping erratically, you can’t think straight as his hot, wet mouth moves against yours. Greedy fingers grope and squeeze at your body - utterly frozen in shock, pliant under his touch. 

“Aw, quit yer whining, Bokkun,” the blonde growls as Bokuto finally pulls back enough to grant you a few precious gulps of air, gazing at you with a kind of love sick adoration that makes your stomach clench. 

A scoff sounds behind Bokuto, “A bit rich, coming from you, Miya. The two of you just are as bad as each other.”

It’s then that you realise the three of you aren’t alone. Wide eyed, on the edge of hyperventilating, you glance over your shoulder to find two pairs of eyes watching; russet eyes blown wide, enraptured, and swirling black depths, narrowed and glaring over at the blonde. 

Hinata and Sakusa.

It doesn’t feel real. Even with everything they’ve done so far, their possessive behaviour, their smothering affection - even the kisses, it feels like a fever dream. 

Even as Atsumu’s fingers are tugging your jacket off and Bokuto drags you forward, you can’t bring yourself to accept it, to properly fight back against it.

(Not that it would make a difference. They’re professional athletes, and there’s four of them against one of you.)

When your eyes fill with tears, Hinata’s there to brush them away, smiling down at you as he shrugs his own shirt off. “Don’t cry, angel. We’re gonna make you feel amazing, just wait!”

His words don’t fill you with ease. They can’t, not when he has that manic excitement bleeding through his expression - the same one you know he gets when he’s lost in the game, flying across the court like the laws of physics don’t apply to him. 

Hands are on you everywhere, teasing and exploring, too many to keep track of. Your clothes are pulled off, tossed aside and discarded without a second thought, and theirs follow suit. Fingers are tweaking your nipples and palming at your breasts, smoothing over the curve of your ass and trailing between your legs to play with your clit. 

“So fuckin’ pretty, ain’tcha? Our pretty girl, gonna be such a good little cockwhore for us.”

There’s lips against yours, at your neck, trailing down the column of your throat with a pleased hum. And between the kisses, you think that you’re crying, pleading for them to stop and let you go, but nobody listens as you’re manhandled onto one of the benches.

Your legs refuse to obey you, trembling as you try to kick out and wriggle away, only for rough hands to find your hips and drag you back. “C’mon, baby. Be good for us, you’ve already made us wait so long.”

Somebody smacks your ass and you jolt, crying out, only for a hand to soothe over the welt, another squeezing at your hip in a mockery of reassurance. “Don’t make us have to hurt ya, sweetheart.”

It’s easier, you think, to just close your eyes tight and pray that any second now, you’ll wake up in your bed to the blaring of your alarm. But the moment they flutter shut, teeth digging into your bottom lip as fingers dig into your thighs, warm breath ghosting across your sex, a low voice whispers in your ear, “Look at me.”

And you have no choice but to obey, forcing your eyes open to find Sakusa standing to your side, stroking his cock. It’s pretty, you distantly think, and you suppose that it suits him. Well groomed, long but not terribly thick with a slight curve, flushed pink at the tip and glistening with the pre-cum beading at his slit. His other hand comes to rest on your cheek, cupping it with a gentleness that feels out of place, considering the hunger burning in the black depths of his irises. 

He doesn’t say another word as he coaxes your mouth open and guides your head forward to take his cock into your mouth, but the low moan that escapes him as your lips wrap around his length makes you shiver. 

Sakusa isn’t gentle as he fucks your mouth, his thumb stroking your cheek as fresh tears well, but it’s hard to focus on that alone when Hinata’s face disappears between your legs, his tongue laving at your cunt, eager for a taste of you.

It doesn’t take long for the other two to join, and you’re manoeuvred between them, forced to sit on Bokuto’s lap, his thick cock stretching you out while Hinata sits between your legs, diligently slurping at your folds, sucking at your clit, one fist wrapped around his own length, lazily pumping it. Sakusa continues to use your mouth to get himself off, uttering backhanded praise between instructions, hissing in pleasure when he hits the back of your throat and you choke around him, while Atsumu has one hand playing with your tits, the other gripping yours, forcing you to jerk him off. 

It’s too much for your brain to take. 

Your sobs and whimpers, already muffled thanks to the cock in your mouth, are lost to the symphony of grunts and moans, lewd squelching and the sound of skin slapping against skin. There’s too many hands touching you, too much pain fused with unwanted pleasure, overwhelming you as heat and panic and terror build up inside of you, and it feels like there’s an inferno burning beneath your skin, and you can’t breathe and you just want it all to stop, you want to wake up, and-

Suddenly, the door to the locker room snaps open, and all five of you freeze in place as the Captain stops dead in his tracks and eyes the scene before him. 

There’s no possible way for Meian to misconstrue it, not with everything you told him. Not with your face flushed and teary, your eyes glazed over and all but broken from the sick, twisted debasement his teammates have subjected you to. You’re naked, your body littered in love-bites and bruises, spread out before him like a feast.

And still, your eyes meet his, silently pleading for him to say something and stop this.

Meian takes a single step forward and a muffled whine leaves your lips as the cock inside of you twitches insistently. Sakusa draws his hips back, pulling himself free from your mouth, and despite the burn in the back of your throat, you swallow and try to speak.

“Please.” It’s little more than a squeak, hoarse and choked, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. 

The Captain barely acknowledges that you’ve spoken at all, his attention fixated instead on your body; the way your pussy’s clenching around the base of Bokuto’s length, the tremor of your thighs under Hinata’s rough hands, the way your tits rise and fall with every quickened breath, your lips, swollen and beautifully fucked, glistening with spit before finally, those dark eyes meet yours once more.

And slowly, a grin breaks across his face. “You’d better hurry it up, the others aren’t too far off.”

[speliviya]

I don’t appreciate the narrative that Olivia hasn’t done anything for Spencer in their relationship and that he’s done all of the heavy lifting. Calculating every gesture tit for tat in a relationship that has been displayed to us as an equal partnership is weird and unfair. They got into one little argument and ppl now are trying to erase her numerous efforts and unwavering support of him this entire relationship and entire SERIES. They love differently and both require different things to feel loved and supported. Like their official romantic relationship has been from 3.19 - 4.11 and I can name something she’s done for him in every episode.

3.19 - After rejecting his kiss because she felt uncomfortable and saw that he was upset, she fixed it immediately and went on to tell everyone about their relationship. She called him before his game to wish him luck and tried to reassure him about Billy being angry at him.

4.01 - She showed up for him at the graveyard so that he wouldn’t be dealing with his pain alone. Her presence literally made him feel better. The minute she heard he was about to throwaway his future she set up an intervention with all of his loved ones and got Darnell to catch a flight and come talk some sense into him. Ultimately, this approach didn’t make him change his mind but that doesn’t change her intention to be there for him and encourage him to prioritize his future.

4.02 - As soon as she dropped him off at work, she went straight into her house and confronted Billy on his behalf. Her father was being an ass to her boyfriend and that was putting a strain on her relationship and she demanded that they fix it; not only for her but for the sake of Spencer’s and Billy’s relationship itself. Then she made sure to thank him at the end of the night and apologized for Billy’s behavior.

4.03 - Literally first scene with them, she’s listening to him talk about the Toledo offer and immediately encourages him to take it no questions asked. Someone with the history of feeling abandoned and unprioritized all of her life not even hesitating to encourage her partner to do what’s best for him and his career takes a tremendous amount of growth, love, and support. She wants what’s best for him and that has always been established since chromosomal DNA. Let’s not rewrite history over one lapse in judgement.

4.04 - She was assigned to write a ‘fun and poppy’ piece and with that she wanted to highlight Black Excellence so the first person that came to mind was Spencer. In this conversation, she’s visibly getting upset at hearing him start to doubt himself and immediately called out the fact that the Toledo coach was gaslighting him. Bonus points for saying that she thinks he’s perfect regardless, period. She felt this story was way more important than what she was assigned and chose to prioritize his (and Simone’s) story despite it possibly costing her the chance to get an internship she really wanted. Olivia understands Spencer in a way that no one else does and would never misconstrued what he’s saying for a story like all the reporters have done to him in the past. Journalism is just as important to her as football is to him. So YES, this was a ‘I’ll sacrifice something that could be best for my career path in order to highlight your story’ moment because it’s more important to her than her being fun and poppy like they asked. Again, just because YOU may not consider that a big deal doesn’t mean it wasn’t a huge gesture in honor of him on her end.

4.05 - I mean she’s giving this man a massage after his scrimmage game which gives them the chance to bond over their day and debrief. Which is something they both adore doing with each other. And I will bring up here that in this episode that is where he encouraged her to take on the responsibility of Jen as a sponsee (not to say it wasn’t ultimately her choice to do so but it’s not completely far fetched that the first time she has to enact her Sponsor duties post Jen’s initial relapse that she reaches out to the person who ultimately persuaded her to do it in the first place). Right after this, she was the ONLY person to recognize why Spencer was hesitant to accept the offer with the coach he had a connection to. She understands him and that means SO much more to him than big grand gestures and surprises. She’s the ultimate pusher that made him take the leap to choose his GAU scholarship. Despite it looking rough right now in the current episodes, having THAT much impact on the journey to someone’s success is a HUGE deal. And she was able to provide the clarity and reassurance he needed to make a decision that was best for him and his future.

4.06 - Kind’ve 4.11 but in reverse? In this scenario, SHE’S the one who has something important to do for her job. He expressed his annoyance and she immediately stopped all three times and prioritized being present for him regardless of her needing/wanting to get the assignment done before the night was over. She didn’t dismiss him, get upset at him, or react negatively at all. She simply stopped and gave him her attention because she didn’t want him to feel like she was prioritizing something ahead of him. Maybe this doesn’t count but the night ended with her giving him some so 😭🤷🏽‍♀️. Spencer had no complaints, that’s all imma say 😁

4.07 - Oh look, Olivia gave him a promposal right at the top of the episode establishing that women can make big gestures too. Energy.. effort.. stop playing with her? This is also the episode where he states that Jen is important to her after she explains how hard it is to be a sponsor. Let’s fast forward to the best part of the night where she tells him that she always knew she was going to love him from the first time they met and he was absolutely worth the wait. He even THANKED her for being patient with him.. she loved and showed up for him unwaveringly DESPITE having to watch him in a whole relationship with her best friend during some of the loneliness and darkest times of her life. If you haven’t caught on by now… someone understanding him, being patient with him, riding behind him no matter what, and showing dedication to making their relationship as healthy and stable as possible are all things extremely valuable to Spencer James. And guess who has been consistently doing this for him since the beginning of their relationship? Oh. Yeah.

4.08 - Very similar energy to 4.01. Who was right by his side the entire episode? Despite him literally trying to throw away his future for the SECOND TIME THIS SEASON ALONE. She was not having it because that’s not what she wants for him. She’s been at the forefront of people in his support system trying to help him get out of a situation that, quite frankly, HE put himself in. Now idk if she was the one who arranged all of their friends to come and strategize a plan for him or not but since she brought him there and told him what was happening I’m crediting that effort to her. Standing right along with him to fight for a future he just tried to throw away an episode ago.. Yes, operation Spartacus or w.e was JJs idea but she stood right by him to make sure she was right there if he needed back up. Then at the end she coordinated with Grace to help throw him a graduation beach party. Another grand gesture to ensure he felt loved and celebrated.

4.09 - She called his face pretty, confirmed that he was special, and moved his friends into her home after setting that crooked yt man straight on their behalf. Olivia loves HIM and will make sure his people are straight too.

4.10 - She recognized he was struggling to keep up with his schedule and as soon as she considered the fact that maybe she was the one straining him, she offered to step back a bit and let him prioritize having an actual snack break and bonding with his teammates over squeezing her in. He said NO. He wasn’t having that at all. At the end of the day he set the expectation that snack breaks are important not only to him but to the health of their relationship as a whole.

Trivializing the argument in 4.11 to JUST her being upset about him missing snack time just proves that you missed the whole damn point. They were both wrong and both took accountability for their actions. Saying that she hasn’t planned or done anything on her end of the relationship just because he apologized first and set up a candle lit dinner after he blew up and hung up on her before giving her the chance to apologize is just a clear indication that you’ve been foaming at the mouth waiting for her to be the one to mess up. That’s bias and unfair. If you don’t like Olivia or don’t like Olivia for him then just say that; don’t rewrite history and act like she hasn’t been an equal partner in this relationship just because his gestures have “seemed” more grandeur than hers. They’re different people. Olivia has the background of feeling forgotten and unheard so that makes Spencer want to be extra attentive to make sure she feels loved and reassured at all times. Spencer has the background of carrying the entire world on his shoulders and feeling like he wasn’t enough for his father to stay, making Olivia want to always show up for him and help carry some of the burden to let him know just how much she cherishes and adores who he is and what he stands for. They LOVE each other and are in it for the long haul. GET OVER IT.

[softukiyos]

a pinch of the jeekies | han jisung

𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚: 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘣𝘭𝘦

𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙘𝙧𝙞𝙥𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣: 𝘫𝘪𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥. 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴.

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: ~2.7k+

𝙧𝙚𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮: 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘯

𝙖/𝙣: 𝘩𝘪 𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘦! 𝘪 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘢𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘵 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦! 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘴𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘣𝘭𝘦, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩! >.< 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺!

Jisung liked to take pride in his cheeks. When he'd first entered elementary school, he despised them. Everyone had seemed to shed their baby fat very quickly, but his squishy cheeks never left. After a few years of struggling with his self image, he entered high school, confident and proud of how he looked. 

His cheeks were unmatched. No one would ever have cheeks that could even come close. 

At least, that was what he thought before he met you, his strict, grumpy tutor that his chemistry teacher had assigned to him in hopes of raising his abysmal grades. 

Jisung didn't like you at first. He'd known you from afar like most other people did; the top of the class, intellectually brilliant but aloof girl that didn't seem to care about anyone in the school. 

Jisung didn't like you when he first met you in person. Your tutoring sessions were hard, and he meant really hard. You never let him get away with a single thing, not one missing unit, not one problem where he forgot to show work, nothing ever passed your watchful eye. And as  much as he tried to resist, he found his grades improving at a rapid rate, which only encouraged his teacher to send him to you more. 

After a month or so, however, it sort of hit Jisung like a truck when he finally had the revelation that you weren't so bad. As Spartan as your teaching methods were, you never belittled him for asking a stupid question, you wouldn't laugh if he asked you to slow down, and all in all, you were genuinely quite considerate of his feelings while still managing to get the results out of him. The first time he saw you genuinely smile was when he handed you his first B+, where you looked him in the eye and told him that you were proud of his improvement. 

Jisung couldn't even remember the last time he received a compliment like that from anyone. So after a while, he began to think that maybe you didn't show care towards anyone in particular because no one ever bothered to look past your reputation to see you for who you were. 

After another day of classes, he headed to the library, ready for another grueling hour of chemical reaction exercises. However, as he turned the corner into the little nook that you liked to study in, his steps faltered as he saw you slumped over the desk, your head resting on your arms as you slept soundly.

Now, Jisung probably shouldn't have gotten so excited to see you sleep, but he did. After all, he'd never seen you in such a relaxed state around him, and as he took a peek at your face, he physically had to stop himself from cooing out loud at how adorable you looked.

Woah, woah, woah. What?

The boy did a quick double take. When did he ever think his chemistry tutor was cute? Well, there was that one time he saw you scurrying down the hallway when you came to school late, there was that one time you sneezed on your way up to the whiteboard and looked a bit like a deer in headlights. There was also that one time he saw you giggle when you came across a quokka doodle in his notes and--oh my god that was basically 98% of his time with you and the other 2% was the time he was just staring at you from afar. 

Gulping nervously, he slid into the chair next to you and very carefully placed his book bag on the table. To be honest, he was waiting for you to wake up on your own; with a brother named Changbin who was a literal demon if you even so much as nudged him while he was asleep, Jisung was well aware of the dangers of waking people up from naps. He wasn’t sure what type of riser you were, and he wasn’t going to find out.

But as the minutes ticked on and crept into your normal tutoring time, you still didn’t wake and Jisung just sat beside you, picking imaginary petals in his head to decide whether or not he should give your shoulder a light nudge. He wanted to, because he knew you’d probably get upset at him if you woke up later to find that the two of you had wasted precious time, but on the other hand, you did look quite exhausted, even more so than usual. The bags under your eyes seemed slightly more defined, and this nap looked like the first moment of decent sleep you’ve gotten in days.

Eventually, Jisung decided not to wake you. If you got angry, then he’d just promise to study on his own when he got back home. He could put off playing games with Felix for one night if it meant that you got some rest. When you made an expression of discomfort, he even shrugged off his bomber jacket, rolling it into a pillow before gently maneuvering it to replace the book you were sleeping on.

With nothing else to do, Jisung found himself spending much of that time on his phone, but he couldn’t help but take some of the other time to gaze at you. Now that you weren’t wacking him with a rolled up test that he failed or glaring at everyone, you actually looked quite innocent and peaceful. You looked even happy, and Jisung wondered what you were dreaming about.

But what really caught Jisung’s eye were your cheeks. With your face squished against your arm, your cheeks were puffed up adorably, and it took every ounce of self restraint for Jisung to not poke them at least once. They looked like little marshmallows, and as the minutes ticked on, Jisung found it harder and harder to control himself.

He even felt a little bit of jealousy curling in his gut. What moisturizer did you use? Why did your cheeks look softer than his?

“Oh, the two of you are still here!”

Jisung almost jumped out of his seat as the librarian peaked her head into the corner, “A-ah, yes!” He stumbled over his words nervously.

“Well, you better hurry out. I’m closing up in five,” she said before finishing up her rounds so she could leave for the day. Checking his phone, Jisung realized with a start that it was almost six in the evening, thirty minutes past when your normal tutoring session ended. He didn’t even notice.

He glanced over at you, who was still snoring away without a care in the world and his expression softened. Looks like he’d have to wake you up after all. He almost didn’t want to, but against his better judgement, he leaned towards you and gave your cheek a gentle little pinch, full of fondness that he didn’t even really understand yet.

“Y/N,” he murmured your name as softly as possible, his smiling widening as you let out a soft groan in response. Wow, your cheeks were fluffier than anything he’d ever touched before.

“What…?” you mumbled, eyes fluttering open as you sat up, gripping at Jisung’s jacket in confusion.

He smiled, “Rise and shine, sleepyhead,” he ducked under your sleepy attempt to flick his forehead.

“What time is it?”

“Almost six,” Jisung said, helping you pack your book bag as you regained your bearings. As you finally managed to process where you were, your eyes widened almost comically.

“It’s almost six.”

Jisung laughed, “Yes? That’s what I just said?”

You shoved his jacket back at his chest, cheeks unnaturally hot, “Why didn’t you wake me up?!” Gosh, you were more than embarrassed. It was one thing to miss a tutoring session, it was another to sleep through it with your student literally right next to you. Especially when the student was Han Jisung.

He took his jacket back, still amused by how flustered you looked. In all the time he’d spent with you, he’d never seen you look so frazzled before, “I wanted to wake you, but you looked so tired!” Jisung explained, deciding to take the moment to try and reach out to you once more, “Is everything alright? You looked really drained. I noticed in class, too.” 

You tensed up, not expecting Jisung to be so observant. No, scratch that, you knew Jisung was always observant, but you never thought that applied to you. 

“I just have a little more on my plate now,” you explained the best you could without actually explaining. 

Jisung felt a pang of disappointment. It was the blank wall to the face again, like he always got when he tried to get to know you better. Two steps forward, four steps back.

“But, regardless, you should've woken me up,” you continued, huffing at him as you reached into your bag to pull out your planner, “It's my fault for oversleeping, so let me know what time you'd like to reschedule--”

“Woah, woah,” Jisung waved his hands frantically, shaking his head, “Didn't you just say you have more on your plate now? You don't need to reschedule.”

You gave him an inquisitive stare and he physically had to hold back a gulp, “Are you just trying to get out of tutoring?” You asked, but he noticed that your voice didn't hold any edge to it, another red flag that you were probably a lot more exhausted than you let on.

“I'm not, I promise,” he held his arms up in surrender, “I'll go over the material and do the assignment myself. You can check it over next week!” 

A moment of silence passed before you relented, placing the planner back in your bag with a sigh, “Okay, but the three mistake rule still stands. Got it?”

Jisung smiled, “Got it,” he said, grabbing his bag and standing up, “I won't let you down after all the help you've given me.” 

“You really think this is helpful?” The surprise in your words spilled out despite your best attempts to keep your mask of passivity. Fuck, it was always Jisung that made you like this. Any other person would tried to tear down your mental walls, only for you to build them up twice as high and twice as thick. But Jisung--Jisung just walked past them like they didn't even exist.

“Um, yeah? My grades literally went from C’s to B’s and A’s because of you!” Jisung exclaimed, practically offended for your sake at the mere thought of your question, “If that isn't helpful, then what is?” 

A dry chuckle left your lips as the two of you walked out of the library, “That isn't what I meant. Normally, people would say that I'm a bit...harsh? Overbearing? Un-fun?” 

Jisung bit his lip, his eyes rounding with a mix of realization and guilt as he saw the expression on your face. You probably didn't even notice it as you looked up into the sky, but he could see it as clear as day. A bittersweetness that looked a bit like hurt, but it wasn't quite either. 

So you did know of what people said about you, and it did affect you. The guilt festered in his chest as Jisung came to the painful realization that he was part of that group of judging before knowing only a few weeks before. 

“Um!” Jisung blurted out rather clumsily, grabbing your attention as you turned to face him, “You're a good teacher. Y-yeah, sometimes you can be a bit strict, but people should know that you do it only because you want them to succeed!” 

A moment of awkward silence passed between the two of you, and Jisung was about to disappear into the ground when you let out a giggle, covering your mouth with the back of your hand and failing to hide your amusement. 

You laughed. You laughed because of him. You were smiling because of him. Jisung held your expression, your moment of happiness, close to his heart, and he wanted nothing more than to see it again. 

“Thank you, Jisung,” you said after your giggles died and you stood before him, a bit of distance still between the two of you even though it wasn't quite as tense or awkward as before, “That means a lot to me, really.” 

Jisung’s face lit up, and he nodded, “And I really mean what I said! I wouldn't have gotten so much better without you.” 

Your cheeks felt unusually warm in the chilly evening, and you realized that you should probably make your escape soon before you found yourself falling more and more for this boy who wore his heart on his sleeve. 

“Well, thank you again,” you said sincerely, clutching the strap of your book bag as you gave him a smile, already beginning to turn away, “I’m gonna head home, so I guess I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

Jisung felt the joy in his heart stutter a bit at the way you turned to glance down the road you were about to take, and his mouth worked before his brain, “Wait! I could give you a ride!” He blurted out before wanting nothing more than to bonk himself in the head.

“Oh?” You turned back around to face him as you crossed your arms, “You drive?”

“Uh, I have a bike, which is still faster than walking,” Jisung supplied the follow up information rather unhelpfully, but it made you smile nonetheless, “And you live close to Seungmin’s family bakery, right? I live right around there, too.”

There wasn’t much about that offer that you could really refuse, and you found yourself not wanting to anyway. You were still pretty exhausted and you were already dreading the walk back home. 

And besides, a little extra time with Han Jisung never hurt anyone except for your poor heart, which was beginning to grow tired of fighting your obvious attraction for this boy. 

“Alright,” you said, shifting your bag strap higher up your shoulder as you gestured, “lead the way.” 

The ride was quite silent, but neither of you minded. If anything, you enjoyed the silence, and Jisung knew you enjoyed it, so he didn’t bother to pry or start conversation. With your hands resting on his shoulders for balance as you sat behind him on what was normally the basket rack, and with the sky loosing its pinkish tones and exchanging them for the dark blues and purples of night, everything felt strangely perfect and--dare you say it--romantic. 

When you finally told Jisung to stop in the front of a house just a couple buildings down from Seungmin’s bakery, the air between the two of you had shifted somehow. It wasn’t a big change; you weren’t suddenly head over heels in love with him and he wasn’t suddenly filled with the urge to kiss you like they do in shoujo mangas, but there was a comfortable and mutual sense of affection for one another that didn’t need any pushing or rushing from either side. The two of you just...knew it somehow. 

“Thanks for the ride,” you said, your voice soft as you swung your leg off and found yourself next to the bike, face to face with Jisung. 

“Don’t mention it,” he smiled, leaning against the handle of his bike in a way that made him look deviously adorable. You bit your lip, hesitating for a second before reaching up with your fingers and giving his soft cheeks a light squish.

Huh, they were even softer than you’d imagined they would be. 

Jisung’s eyes grew as wide as saucers, which snapped you out of your daze as you quickly pulled your hand away and cleared your throat awkwardly. 

“Don’t forget to go over today’s chapter when you get home,” you said, trying to mask your embarrassment and keep your voice steady as you gave him one last smile before rushing into your house, fumbling a bit with the keys when you pulled them out of your bag.

Jisung stood in front of your house for a moment longer, his eyes dazed with surprise as he reached up to rub his cheek. Fuck, if you mess around with him like this any more, he’d be head over heels in love with you before the semester even ended. 

And as Jisung biked back home, he didn’t even care that he actually lived in the opposite direction and he’d lied a bit in order to make sure you got back safe. Your smiles, your laughter, and your gentle retaliation for his earlier pinch of your cheek made it all worth it. 

Jisung thought he had the cutest cheeks in the world, but he was pretty satisfied with being second best now. 

[mercy-burning]

Laundry Day

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Reader and Spencer meet again in the laundry room and decide to have some fun. PART 1 / PART 2 / PART 3 / PART 4 / EPILOGUE Category: Smut 18+ (oral sex- male and female receiving, unprotected penetrative sex, slight exhibitionism?/potential of getting caught, slight degradation) Warnings: sex, language. (As always, if there’s anything I missed, let me know what I should include in warnings. I want to be as mindful as I can about what I post. Thank you!) Word Count: 3k

Note: Surprise!! I was going to wait to post this on Saturday but Taylor Swift had me feeling like dropping a surprise, what can I say? 😂 Anyway, I wasn’t going to make another part to Pretty Please, but for one thing, it did way better than I was expecting, so thank you all for your kind comments and tags! And also, @rainsong01 mentioned something that gave me an idea for a laundry room scenario, so you can thank them for this one! I had so much fun writing this and I hope you like it! Thanks for all the love! 🥰

***

Y/N hated laundry day.

There was nothing more boring to her than loading clothes into the washer, waiting, then loading them into the dryer, waiting, and then folding them and putting them away, not to mention the laundry room was kind of dingy and felt like being in a gross, scary basement.

Thankfully though, years of living in the same building had given Y/N a pretty decent schedule of when the laundry room was empty. It wasn't like she disliked talking to people, but laundry made her cranky enough, and the last thing she wanted was human interaction, making small talk with building residents that acted like they cared to know about everyone else's business.

So it was Friday night, 7 pm, which meant that depending on if she had to work, the only other person in the laundry room would be Olivia from down the hall, someone Y/N had only had a few conversations with, either in the laundry room or on the way out the door.

She walked in, silently thanking the laundry gods after hearing complete and utter silence as she made her way to the washer and dryer to the far left of the room. Then she reached into her pocket and realized she forgot her phone. Cursing, she settled on basking in the silence as she loaded her clothes in the washer one by one, at least grateful that no one would be bothering her with pointless small talk.

Until she heard the door open, as if the laundry gods decided they were angry at her. She tried not to outwardly groan, hoping that whoever it was would just say, "Hello," and leave it at that. Or better yet, not say anything at all and let her do her own thing. So she closed the washer and entered the quarters, knowing that it would be a long ten minutes. She could have went back upstairs to her apartment and waited there if she really wanted to, or grabbed her phone at least, but it felt like it would have been pointless, and so she just hoped it wouldn't be awkward.

Maybe I'll just go walk around the building aimlessly for 10 minutes.

But the laundry gods had other plans, apparently.

"Y/N?"

She turned around and saw none other than Spencer Reid, clutching a large cloth bag, presumably filled with laundry.

"Spencer? Hi," Y/N greeted, a small blush forming on her cheeks. The two of them hadn't really talked since their... escapade about a month ago. Most of the time Spencer was at work, but whenever he was home there hadn't been anymore thin wall scenarios or overhearing something she shouldn't. They'd seen each other in the hallway a few times, winking as they passed, but that was it. Y/N had to wonder if maybe it was just a once-in-a-lifetime thing, being absolutely fucked into oblivion by your neighbor so good that you couldn't walk for two days.

Thinking about it made her cheeks burn hotter, so she cleared her throat and only slightly avoided eye contact. "I thought you did your laundry on Sundays?"

Spencer shrugged, walking over to the machine set next to hers. "Normally I would, but I just got back from work and I needed clean clothes. It's... pretty empty in here right now."

"Oh. Yeah, that's why I do my laundry on Friday nights whenever I can. Everyone's either out or staying in relaxing. Laundry's already boring enough, right, who needs annoying small talk?"

He laughed, opening the washer and putting in some of his clothes. "Touché."

Y/N wasn't really sure what to say after that, so she sat on top of the washer and crossed her legs, swinging them a little as she waited.

"Look, I know you've already given your stance on annoying small talk, but... What are your plans for the weekend?" Spencer asked, and she turned her head to meet his gaze, immediately feeling butterflies in her stomach.

"Um... Not a lot, really. Other than some grocery shopping and a few other small errands, I was going to have dinner with my mom on Sunday for her birthday. We might have to cancel though because she might have to go into work, but we'll see... What about you?"

He shook his head. "I don't have anything planned unless I get called into work either."

"Oh... Well, if you ever feel like having some company, you know where I live," she joked.

Spencer laughed. "I might just have to take you up on that. Things at work have been kind of... stressful."

Despite her better judgement, she smirked. "I seem to recall a similar conversation between the two of us not that long ago, Bud. You're not trying to fuck me again, are you?"

She just couldn't help herself. Admittedly she was a little worried she was too forward, but in the end it paid off, because he turned to look at her, shutting the washer and grabbing quarters from his pocket. "Would it be so wrong of me if I wanted to?"

The low tone of his voice made Y/N clench her legs tighter together, her mind racing with all the things that could happen in the next few days, the next few minutes even... She thought back to the last time he'd fucked her, seeing his face between her legs as he completely unraveled her. She felt herself growing wet at the thought.

"Absolutely not," she finally managed to respond. She hoped he would come over to her in a few long strides, pulling her in and kissing her right there, but instead he simply said, "Hmm," and turned back to his machine, putting in quarters.

He could have been playing games with her again, but she didn't want to take the chance. So she grew bolder and leaned back on her hands, puffing out her chest to the air and tilting her head to the side, letting her hair fall and exposing her neck to him. "Well, we have some time to spare, babe. What do you say we make the most of it?"

She was genuinely surprised to see him blush and freeze in his tracks, fumbling with the last few quarters as he inserted them into the machine and started the timer. "R-right now?"

"Duh," she replied, giggling.

"Somebody could come in... O-or hear us." A twinge of worry dripped from every syllable as he spoke, and though Y/N's first instinct was to apologize for suggesting it and letting it go, she thought better of it after remembering what got them into this situation in the first place.

So she scoffed. "Oh, please. You weren't the least bit worried about someone hearing us before. Y'know... When you promised to fuck me so hard I would scream your name and everyone could hear, and then I did? And besides, even if someone walked in right now, they'd probably just leave and come back later. People probably have sex with each other in here all the time."

"I doubt that, this place is filthy. Hardly the right setting for something so... intimate," he replied more clearly, obviously trying to win this argument. Though, something told Y/N he really was a little bothered about how dirty the laundry room was.

She shook her head. "You and I both know that what we did wasn't intimate. It was downright filthy, so if anything it works perfectly for where we are."

"Y/N, I don't know..." He chewed on his bottom lip and shuffled on his feet, refusing to look at her.

"Well, I'm not gonna force you to do anything you don't want to do, obviously, but... You can trust me. I've been doing my laundry here basically every Friday night since I moved here, and since Olivia is working tonight, she won't be here, and neither will anyone else."

"Well, I showed up, didn't I? Anything could happen."

She sighed, a little tired of arguing but still wanting to win. Her body tingled and practically ached at the sight of him, needing to feel his touch yet again. Maybe it was slightly pathetic, but if there was just the slightest chance that he would fuck her like that again, she had to try her damnedest.

So she had another trick up her sleeve, silently praying to the laundry gods that they would take pity on her and grant her this one thing. "You're right, but don't you think that you coming down here just moments after me was bound to happen? Like after everything we've experienced, we were always meant to have a quickie in the laundry room of our apartment building?"

He genuinely seemed to think about it for a moment before shrugging his shoulders. "Truthfully I think it's more of a coincidence than anything that we showed up here at the same time."

There's your chance, Y/N, don't fuck it up, she thought to herself, hoping that with the seductive tone in her voice and the puppy dog look in her eye, it would be enough to get her what she wanted. "I was joking. Of course it's a coincidence, I just want you to fuck me."

He only stayed silent, fiddling with his hands and his eyes flicking between her and the floor before he caught her eye. In another attempt to entice him, Y/N batted her eyes and slowly spread her legs wide, scooting back a little so she could rest her heels on the top of the washer. "Don't you want to fuck me into the washing machine, baby?"

That was the last straw, the thing that pushed Spencer over the edge. He whispered, "Fuck it," to himself before striding over to her and cradling her face in his hands, bringing her to him and kissing her hard. She initially yelped at how harsh he was, but after a second she melted into him, leaning forward and bringing him closer.

She tried to wrap her legs around his torso, but he grabbed them by the ankles and kept them spread open, pulling away to look into her eyes. "Keep 'em open, pretty girl." The old nickname made her whimper, just like he knew it would, and his gaze burned into hers hotly for a few seconds before he bent down, kissing her inner thigh just below the hem of her shorts. She sighed as he trailed his lips and tongue along every inch of skin, switching to the other leg and giving it the same attention until he was ready for more.

Rather than pulling off her shorts and underwear, Spencer simply pushed the fabrics aside and immediately licked a long, flat strip up her pussy, to which Y/N sharply inhaled and reached out, grabbing his hair. He explored her just as thoroughly as he had the last time, his fervor unmatched and absolutely intoxicating as he pushed himself closer and closer, practically living between her legs. Due to the short time constraint and fear of getting caught, he didn't waste time teasing her, and he seemed determined to finish before the buzzing of the washer signaled clean clothes.

Naturally though, he couldn't not tease her, so just as she was about to finish with his lips wrapped around her clit, he pulled away and left her breathless and frustrated.

"Really? We're doing this again?" she huffed, pouting.

Spencer unbuckled his belt and raised his eyebrow. "All in due time, sweetheart. Come here."

Unsurprisingly, she did what she was told, jumping off the washer and waiting further instructions. It didn't take long for Spencer to move, only a few seconds passing by before he turned her around and pushed her against the washer, to which she instinctively bent her torso over it. She gripped the sides of it tightly as he ran his hands up her shirt and caressed her back, eventually using one hand to grip her waist and the other to lift her leg up, setting it on the washer. She readjusted, reaching her hands forward to grip the top of it as he slid his hand down her leg and toyed with the fabric of her shorts.

"Listen carefully," he said, causing Y/N's heart to pound harder in her chest. "I'm clean. Are you?"

"Yes," she stated simply, loud and clear, though adding a hint of desperation as to hopefully speed the process along. She knew this communication was important, but damn if she didn't just want to be railed into next week already.

"Birth control?"

She swallowed nervously, hoping it wouldn't change his mind. "I'm not on it."

"Noted," is all he said, before deftly moving her shorts and underwear to the side and slamming into her with no warning. She yelped, leaning her head back as he pounded into her, the cold metal of the washing machine digging into her skin. It was the best kind of painful pleasure, only made better when he gripped her hair into a makeshift ponytail and yanked her to him, deepening his angle inside of her and hitting that sweet spot every time.

"Spencer, I'm..." She could barely breathe, and she loved it, already feeling herself start to unravel.

"Close already, pretty girl?" he purred in her ear, right before pressing a wet kiss to her neck as he craned her head to the side for better access. "Figures... You've always been so easy to please. Such a good, needy little slut for me, huh?"

Y/N groaned at the new name, and it spurred him forward, encouraging him to push them both further into the washing machine as he moved his hips harder. "Please," she gasped, only seconds away from losing herself.

"Tell me what you want," he growled in her ear.

She squeezed her eyes shut and spoke as clearly as she could, not caring how loud she was being. "I wanna cum! Please, Spencer, please!"

"Do it," he grunted, giving her a few more deep, purposeful thrusts to aid in her high. "I got you, pretty girl." That's what did it for her. She yelled out as her body tensed and her walls fluttered around him, everything absolutely burning and blinding until eventually she was spent.

Spencer held himself inside of her for a few seconds, bringing himself closer to the edge before he roughly pulled out and away, leaving Y/N empty and alone. She was tired as hell and completely fucked out, but still she wanted more than anything to help him, ever the needy little slut, as he'd so eloquently called her. So she turned around, peeling herself away from the washing machine and dropping to her knees in front of him, not waiting for him to say anything.

She promptly leaned forward and wrapped her mouth around his cock, wasting no time hollowing her cheeks and setting a fast pace sucking him off. It had somewhat taken him by surprise, but he welcomed it, gathering her hair away from her face and watching as she went to work, practically worshipping the ground he stood on. Eventually she pushed herself all the way forward, allowing him to hit the back of her throat. Instead of pulling back to breathe, she held herself there and gagged, looking up at him with tears in her eyes before removing herself, taking two deep breaths, and going right back to work.

"Look at you," he mused, his voice barely there but with enough volume that allowed Y/N to hear him. "You look so good, pathetic and choking on my cock. Such a good fucking girl, fuck—"

In no time he was gripping her hair tighter and his breathing started to falter. Y/N held herself still as he came in her mouth, most of it hitting the back of her throat and all of it coating her tongue. She moaned around him, blinking tears away and running her hands over his ass until he pulled away from her and let go of her hair.

Standing up, Y/N swallowed most of his cum but purposely let some of it spill out of her mouth and down her chin, to which she used her middle finger to scoop it up and slide it back into her mouth. She kept eye contact with him the whole time, watching as his tongue flicked over his bottom lip before he bit it softly.

Once she was done cleaning herself up, Y/N ran a hand through her hair and smiled. "See, that wasn't bad at all. No trouble."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure the only trouble is you. Eavesdropping, making me fuck you in a semi-public place, et cetera..." He laughed as he pulled his pants up and re-adjusted himself as though nothing had happened.

"Don't act like you don't like it," Y/N teased, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing a deep kiss to his lips. He laughed against them, pulling her closer by her waist and resting his hands there when she pulled away.

As if to signal the end of their... whatever they were going to call it, Y/N's washer buzzed and she turned around to attend to her laundry. As she transferred the clothes from the washer to the dryer, Spencer came up behind her and brushed the hair away from her neck.

"You know, I wasn't trying to be mean or anything when I... called you a slut. I would never want to be mean to you or anything, and I'm sorry if that made you uncomfortable."

Y/N almost laughed, amused again by how dominant he was during sex but then immediately a big 'ol softie once it was over. It was such a fun contrast, and truthfully, as much as she loved his dominant side, she wanted to see more of his softer one. So she turned around to meet him and caressed his cheek, smiling kindly. "I know you don't mean it to be mean. It was hot. And I appreciate you checking up on me, it's sweet. You're sweet."

Before he could say anything, his washer buzzed. So he settled on leaning forward, kissing her cheek, and walking away to do his laundry.

The two of them worked in silence for a while, just enjoying each other's company until they realized they both had to wait for the dryer. 20 minutes.

"Round two?" he asked her with a mischievous grin.

Y/N returned it and took a step towards him when the door opened, laundry gods be damned.

"Oh, hey guys!" Olivia from down the hall chirped as she walked in, striding to her own station.

At least they had the rest of the weekend.

[cafecourage]

The moment they realized they loved you. (Isekai Au Edition) Part 1

Because this was my first time doing this I went a little crazy. If you want more information on this AU here is the Link!

Time:

- It had been welcomed with open arms.

- You two are literally the opposite but also very similar. Time is calm and stoic. You are chaotic and loud. But both of you are very cryptic.

- You’re the only person in the kingdom of hyrule currently that remembers what he had gone through. He feels like he can trust you with anything.

- It’s started with a slip up by wind and just spiraled out of control.

___________________________________

Time was discussing the groups inventory with Twilight and Wild when it happens. A small slip of the tongue followed by a laughter that could be mistaken as a fairy chime. He looked over to see your bright smile shining through under your hood. In front of you was the target of your amusement, the youngest link.

“That’s so cute!” You exclaimed to the horror of Wind, who was red in embarrassment. “Wait who’s dad?”

“Can we let this go?” The teen was covering his face now.

“It’s Time.” Four said without looking up from his book. Utter chaos broke loose in camp with just a few words. A chorus of any forms of agreement was making you laugh even harder. Time though covering up his true feelings about the situation was very lost. While yes, he acknowledged that he had slowly became the father figure of the group. That title didn’t involve you.

Unless…

“Time! I didn’t know we were married!” You bounced over to their leader looking at him with a playful smirk.

A life with you flashes in his head.

There could be a small cottage farm surrounded by the forest that reminding him of his old family and home. You could take care of the garden while he could take care the animals. In a few years the two of you might just have a few kids running around. Playing with each other without a care in the world. No more fighting. No more traveling. Just a simple lifestyle with a tight knit family. It looked peaceful. Everything he would want.

“You should have told me.” He was brought back to the present by your face looking up at him expectedly.

“I thought you knew.” He said super seriously. “We’ve got to raise nine children together already.”

“Hey! I raised you during the war old man!” Warriors called out from across camp.

“You’re the uncle then!” (Y/n) countered “I already say Twilight is our first born!” You declared pointing to Time’s flustered descendent. The rest of the conversation was tuned out as he went back to his thoughts once more.

Time lived longer than most of the heroes here by age 11. Yet not once did he stop to think about a future and family. He was so busy trying to keep out of hero work that it just slipped. Yet see you with the other heroes, knowing now that you were just as much a parental figure to the others as him. It made his softer just thinking about it and he welcomed that warm fuzzy feeling with open arms.

Reaching out he brush’s hair out of your face to kiss your temple. “I’ll propose to you properly later.” He said in a teasing tone to suggest he was only joking to hide the truth in that statement. Seeing your entire face flush red was really worth it.

“Gross Mom and Dad are flirting!”

___________________________________

- He’ll never once tell you straight if he liked you or was just playing along with the ongoing joke that the chain has.

- This time instead of you observing him. He wants to see how far he can go until confessing.

- It drives you crazy. Since you can’t get a read on him. You attempt to flirt back in retaliation. However, it always ends with you being the most flustered.

- Who knew the Old Man had it in him?

Twilight:

- It became a melancholic hopeless feeling that spiral out of control.

- He already had his heartbroken by someone before and he knows he shouldn’t get attached to you too.

- Yet he can’t stop himself from wanting to be near you. He heard you so clearly before.

- Now that he can actually speak to you directly, he wants to get to know his other travel companion more.

___________________________________

Being alone in the forest with you wasn’t what Twilight planned when dropped in a different Hyrule but here you two where. You offered to go on patrol with him when the others were setting up camp claiming it was too see if you could identify the era. It didn’t matter since Twilight enjoyed your company no matter what. The lack of conversation between the two of you didn’t bother him. If anything, it felt the most natural. Only a few words were needed for the two of you to understand each other. “Do you mind if I use my wolf form?” Twilight asked fiddling with the chain that attached to the shadow crystal around his neck.

You paused to think about it. “I mean you can. But be aware I will baby talk you.”

This got Twilight to stop walking. Maybe he lied. He doesn’t need a few words to understand your thought process. “Excuse me?”

“I can’t control myself around cute creatures.” You simply stated like it was the most obvious thing.

Instead, Twilight was burning up. You thought his wolf form was cute? Of all things you used that word? What did you think of human Twilight if you thought like that? Did he want to even know? He was searching for any way to take this conversation but it all lead to dead ends. “Cute?” Was all he could ask. His voice pitching up as he got flustered.

“Yeah?” You looked at him just as confused as he was. “Wolves are just like big dogs and to be honest you look more like a giant dog then a wolf.” Your explanation did not help at all with his situation. “If it makes you feel better you’re very handsome as a Hylian and also built like an go-“

Twilights brain was malfunctioning he couldn’t hear any more of what you had to say about him. He grabbed on to the shadow crystal, turning into his wolf form he ran. He didn’t hear you call out his name in surprise.

Hylia, what was wrong with him? You were just a friend. A very blunt yet gentle friend. Nothing more. Nothing less. Why was his heart racing so much? He had heard you shower him in complements before while on his first adventure. But hearing you say it to his face with no shame whatsoever was a different story.

Twilight knew what these feelings were and deep down he really wanted to act on them. But was it ok? Was his heart finally healing from his last love? Twilight was already aware this time that you had to leave at some point. He didn’t need to act on them despite wanting to. He could just be your friend and continue the relationship like that.

His heart was already breaking a second time.

Twilight was in love you and it was driving him crazy.

___________________________________

- Like Time, Twilight isn’t going to tell you about his feelings. Instead, he is going to forever pine for you.

- It’s going to be a slow process and you need to be aware that he will get hurt if you’re going to go back home.

- He’ll see you off with a smile, but as soon as your gone he will break.

Warriors:

- It was full of denial and fear.

- He went through the receiving end of someone’s obsessive love.

- And it doesn’t help that you’ve watched over their adventures. He vowed to not get that close to you.

- There was a need to destroy the endearing feeling he sees when you smile at him.

- Yet seeing you with a sad far out look on your face makes him scramble to your side to find out what’s wrong.

___________________________________

It was just the two of you. Weaving throughout the crowds of castle town. You were currently in Four’s Era and in the middle of the Picori festival. The group was long spilt up, leaving Warriors alone with the dimensional traveler. Soon even (Y/n) was walking away from him. He didn’t know why he followed, the argument in his head was telling him that it was so they didn’t get lost. Yet there was a part of him that knew that wasn’t it.

“Where are you going anyway?” He thought to finally ask as you reached a quieter area. “It’s going to be hard to spend time in the festival from here.”

“Yeah, that’s the point.” You were a bit snappy today, “shouldn’t you find someone else to hang out with?” Warriors just shrugged as you slowed your pace down to pause in front of the small river that ran through castle town. The silence now filled with the rushing of water as you sat on the bridge.

Against his better judgement Warriors sat next to you. Finally, he got to talk to you one on one but the normally impulsive and excitable person Warrior’s grew to expect had changed in that moment.

You looked so tired.

“Hey Link?” You finally called out to him “I know I shouldn’t ask you this but…” hesitation was new to your character. “How do I even start?” You rake a hand through your hair. Sweeping a part of your hair out of your eyes. “Was I ever helpful during your Adventure?”

Oh… Oh he really wasn’t the right person for this talk.

You look back you and towards the festival and he followed your gaze. From where they were he could only spot a few of his party members. Wind was with Legend and Hyrule playing some of the stall games. While Four was with his Zelda holding hands as she pulled him further into the crowd. “Last time I saw this festival it ended up destroyed by Vaati.” The wind mage was only brought up a few times by Four. All Warriors really knew was that the villain was supposed to be sealed away by the Four Sword, and that his power was connected by the dark mirror. “I found myself wondering if my presence even mattered.” Your shoulder slumped in defeat as you curled into yourself.

The instant need to comfort shot through Warriors. He wanted to reach out. He fought the urge to hold you. He bites his tongue when he started to think of embellished words to make you feel better.

What was wrong with him?

Warriors had to say something though. “I don’t know about Four or the others.” He didn’t even think about your presence in his adventure too much. If anything, he actively tried not to think about it. Here you were though a person and not a figment of in his imagination. “During the war, your voice and presence is what broke the tension. The moments that could have been my lowest, you were there saying things that I wanted to repeat out loud.” There was a fondness while he was looking back at the memories. From the moment he ran on the battle field foolishly as a trainee soldier. His pride grew upon hearing your praise and surprise when seeing him fight for the first time. To your excitement while meeting his friends from the other Eras. He shared your sentiments about Mask as you cooed over the child as Warriors fought by his side. Then your anger, disgust and pity towards Cia. While on his side, your empathetic nature had you morning during her passing. These where just the tip of the iceberg.

Just having someone voice out mutual thoughts on a situation helps when you can’t do it on your own. You feel crazy thinking the way you do. “With you there it’s like you always have someone by your side cheering you on and supporting you.” He paused to look at you. Conflicting emotions clashing together. You turn to look at him, your eyes only briefly visible through your bangs. Curiosity and guilt were swarming with in them. “I’m not the person to talk to about this.” He finally admitted out loud. “But I would be lying if I said your presence wasn’t important to us.”

The silence that followed was deafening. Was that not what he was supposed to say? Warriors tried to stay calm under your gaze.

You let out a huff of laughter covering your mouth and turning away from him a bit to calm down. “I didn’t think about it like that.” There was a pause where you looked back at the festive before turning back to smiling softly at him. “Thanks Cap.”

The smile that you had on your lips had Warriors stomach do back flips. A blush decorated his face as he turns away. “It’s something that should have been said a while ago.” He manages to say without stuttering.

You were really pretty.

The sound of a picto box followed by winds snickering, was ignored when the thought had just register in his head. He finally realized how far he fell for you.

___________________________________

- one by one his defenses lowered.

- With every smiled sent his way, with every laugh that he earned. He found himself wanting more.

- He slowly opens up, a slow process but it wasn’t as scary as he thought it was going to be.

- A teasing nickname here. A gentle touch there. He realizes he has gone too far.

(Part 2)