#c:/sgos/talking

[goldstargloww]

canary curse things. thinking about canary curse things

i'm hesitant to say the canary curse has been broken—what, no, of course it has been, jimmy died second instead of first, and the canary curse is all about dying first— okay hear me out i swear i make sense

my thought is that patterns can change. patterns aren't always static ones. just because something new happened this time around doesn't mean the pattern's been broken, it may have just changed its rules a bit.

joel had a pattern of having no true allies up until double or limited life, where it instead became a pattern of being isolated, for example

now, before we get into the canary curse specifically, let's talk about some other patterns

scott and martyn tend to drag themselves as well as their allies up the leaderboard. they both tend to outlive their allies. grian tends to kill his allies. ...i feel like i should put more here but that's all i can think of right now

now, the way i see it, is scott, martyn, and jimmy in particular all have some sort of weight to them. positive meaning they drag themselves and their allies up the leaderboard, negative meaning the opposite. scott and martyn have a positive weight, whereas jimmy has a negative one.

what i think's happened here is that martyn and jimmy's weights have tugged on each other, and as a result, martyn turned yellow and red first instead of much later on, and jimmy died second instead of first.

jimmy's pull is strong, i think, and so he tends to die first every time. just because he tends to die first every time doesn't make that a rule, though - it just makes it a pattern, one that's been broken. the pattern that hasn't been broken, though, is jimmy being one of the earliest to die, and jimmy dragging his allies down the leaderboard with him.

jimmy died first in 3rd life, and dragged scott down to 10th, and scott finally turned yellow right before jimmy died. jimmy died first in last life, and dragged mumbo down with him, and they were a similar color pretty much the whole time. jimmy died first in double life, and dragged tango down with him. jimmy died first in limited life, and joel died quickly after. jimmy died second in secret life, and dragged martyn's color down with him.

martyn, though, doesn't die yet, because of his positive weight. he's often tugged further up the leaderboard, and so while jimmy may drag his color down and martyn ends up first yellow and red, martyn still manages to stay afloat.

martyn is stubborn is the thing, lmao. he stays alive out of spite and just because he wants to, and so he does, and he makes sure he does. now that the stakes are higher and one wrong move could mean losing everything, he's being a lot more careful than he was earlier on.

and let me just reiterate for a second - he's stubborn. once he's got an idea, he's locked onto that idea until he gets it done or literally can't anymore. martyn will drive himself up the wall before he gives up on something and even then he'll need convincing or more likely a distraction. he didn't give up on ren in third life til he died and couldn't do anything anymore. he didn't give up on trying to kill scott in last life til he died and couldn't do anything anymore. he didn't give up on getting a diamond chestplate in secret life until he got it despite how much it cost him in the end. outside the life series, even, i'm rewatching rats right now- martyn will try to climb a wall over and over and over until he gets it or something gets in the way. he'll be texturing a model and complain to chat about how painful it is and still decide to spend the next hour and a half getting the damn thing done even though he should've logged off for bedtime 2 hours ago. (yes martyn i am calling you out, enjoy)

and so martyn doesn't die! he's yellow first, he's red first, and all other red names die, but martyn doesn't. because yeah, maybe he's impulsive, but he's in this for himself and himself alone and there's no way in hell he's dealing with a wither and a warden that's just killed three people. (he did try and steal the kill though. martyn do you remember what happened last time you tried to steal the kill, you fell into the void and died)

jimmy isn't as stubborn. jimmy's a lot more forgiving, a lot more lenient, and as much as he's being more aggressive this season, he's reckless about it and impulsive and his reputation isn't helping him here.

jimmy lets things happen to him. as upset as he might act about it, he never actually does anything about it, and it gets him killed. he's afraid to break the rules, he's afraid to make people uncomfortable or upset or hurt, he starts genuinely tearing up at the thought of pulling a bait and switch on skizz, and that's the kind of thing martyn does on a daily basis lmao

jimmy is forgiving and passive, martyn and scott don't forget so easily and aren't afraid to make people upset, grian's somewhere in between.

[goldstargloww]

yes. yes i think about this so much

martyn even touches on it with his lore, or at least in his post last life lore talk stream

(timestamp in link)

cause think about it. when the boogeyman counts down, and it's revealed, you're the boogeyman. sure, fine, whatever.

what's the worst that happens if you become the boogeyman? you don't do the job, you go down to red life next week.. you're not dead, you're just on red life. that's all there is to it.

if no- like, if everybody did that, if everybody got boogeyman once, went down to red, and that was it... you could live harmoniously

and that's kind of what i'm getting at here, is the fact that everybody felt as though they had to comply with this boogeyman rule.

but you didn't have to. i mean, scott's a testament to that. [laughs] you know what i mean?

if every single player had just existed in this space, got the boogeyman maybe one time or another and decided to ignore it... like, they could've all lived happily.

and that's the really fucking gut wrenching thing about it, is that every character canonically could live, and thrive, and just exist, and just have a great time...

but they all felt as though they had to get a kill, they had to do this that and the other, whether it was through a sense of pride, whether it was through a sense of bloodlust, whether it was just, like.. yknow what i mean?

[laughs] that's the point i'm tryna drive home with this little, this little section just here, about the 3 2 1, and things like that.

and how the new players, mumbo pearl and lizzie, didn't know exactly what to expect. but the third lifers did. it was presented as a death game this time around, explicitly so, but if you're new... well, how bad could it really get?

bad. it could get really, really bad, is the answer to that. and with each game that passes, the clearer that becomes.

pearl knows this by now, pearl knows it well. lizzie's understanding it, but she's still paranoid. mumbo's... still learning.

ever think about the fact that 3rd life wasnt meant to be a death game, initially. it was a hardcore series. there was the threat of eventual antagonists but no one took it seriously. and then All of That happened and now they go into each new season knowing how much blood is going to spill just not when and whose.

I think thats why last life felt so fundamentally different from all the other seasons. they started 3rd life expecting a fun hardcore smp with some fun red life mechanics. they started last life expecting to die.

[goldstargloww]

something about ren subbing in for tango and his and martyn's first and most prominent interaction being that of martyn dropping an anvil on his head

[bloojayoolie]

Af, Anime, and Apparently: , Okay Ibl, story ame when I wss younger, had this Irish friend who pred our school when w as like 17, Dude ded recently nd here丐the ballad of the merveeus bsstard be average as fuck 17 year old Bribong Some foreign guy has just joined, his family just moved here city called Dery in Mgved here with his dad and his lite sister, his mum died when he was younger He gets put in my class and ends up stting nest to me This is howl met Eigh-Beers Mgee the all him Call him a hippo because of his fucking industrial size frant teeth and his big flucking lps Greg uses his adism to get out of doing and saying whatever the fuck he wants noing EB wth she lke Greg has his desk very paricularly arranged, pens on one side in a straight ine pencis on the other Dude is OCD as fuck with his pencilcase and shit Goes nuts i anything gets moved, so this desk is sightly apart from everyone elses We all get in shit twe fuck with him an purpose, We ought to know better The sutistic hippo keeps trying to get a reaction out of EB the whole class All af a sudden EB just casualy raises a foot and pushes the Hppo's desk right the fuck over Teacher hurries oer and trying to explan to EB atma Gregs autism while Greg teaks the tack G in his chair, breathing reawy ss thoug gh nong bd sheer辍tstie resentment EB looks at Greg and betsthe teacher "Oh sorry, wedant have Wid bump with more nenhinbeland' h on EB's third day at our school He's a pretty cool guyikes the 쑈me vidya and movies as me and is a big fan of Rugby, was captan of his team back iieland ell hem the school has s rughy searn he says EB goes to check it out, starts off on the lower team because hes think theyire ston of kind of fast runners gets recks fucking everyone that next hal f hel take him Jumps on him, grabs him by the neck to pull him down and iterally rolls on him ike a fucking rolling pn -EB didniteven have the bal What the fook you playin at son I didnt even have the ball, do you even know how to fookin play the game lad EB grins You know over in Ireland you have to be fit to play sports, the fatties get leit on the sideline EB grabs his amn and tosses him to the ground dude twists his anke or something and starts twitching and squeaking lke a baby elephant with parkinsons EB gets put on top team Anonymous (D wHTHOgC) 03 19/14(Wedj20 28 25 UTC-5 No 538041137 Reple 41T months without inc dont give long as youre cool to him dents aside from a few close cals with Greg the Mildly Autistic Hppo e pretty close Apparently ㅲ Ireland they don't have gangs they have paramitanes fighting between whether Northern lreland ts Britsh or hsh >He plays 4down a kal, bd ican tell some shit mu have Pagpened because he always changes the subject when gets clos·tohame Edgy fapgot Luke comes back to school Luke hangs around with a pack of riggers who are all apparenty in a gang, he les to pretend he's part of this "gang" and carries this fucking Stanky e around that he panted red and bue for some reason aOne day at lunch Like corries up to EBied o ofnotere starts askrig his datisalcoholc Nope aound Tm guessin your mam had a far lew belore you were born though mate Well tuck Ind wanna sift speI had to sht out a dat bastardlke yourset. Jog on ン"You win t)4ck with the wrong person t y inst, boy?" EB starts laughing, IHeraly loses his sht at the ste of this Itle fagpot in a trenchc oat with a stanley knfe and actualy presses EB grabs his wrist, takes the fabled blade from the hands of the chosen one tosses t over a fence and punches him straight in the face We're out geting beer, Tm with a 7/10 GT that Ive had a crush on for tucking months Her and EB get along realy wel, athough I sort of think she only hung out with us because EB did That right when we're all drunk, me and QT end up fucking Leaving out my side because this is the ballad of Eght Beer, not me Spend ages taking with QT,estabǐshthat shè apparenty seat, ikes me back EB heads up to bed, I stay down with the other guys to watch TV, QT was askeep when 1 came down QT comes running do wwith a towel round her, soaking wet, and rung out the ont door Apparently EB sleeps naked, not surpnised since Ive found him naked before after a night of drinking Says she came on to himeven ater all he shit she said aLaugh숨 and says he took aprt to bed with hm,awas cn e tablo and when she ed onwth him he lossed all over her Threw her clothes out the wendow into the rain and told her to go and fetch Two weeks later he takes me to a pub and hooks me up with a 910 Anonymous (TDwHT HOC) 03/1914(Wed 20.43 59 UTC-5 No 538044014 Raps.4380408044772 332420 EB and me are total bros after being fnends for a few years 가%aving hm as a best friend is Ike havngtose nasty trainers as a kid Shit get pretty he avy >Him and E汨were close, mostly because EB would buy him vidya and act super interested in the anime sht he lied because nobody else other than me would loses his har chermo aGotovst him, EBisgung me there >He thinks rs awesome get our photo taken together witout any har EB lets him draw all kinds of dumb sh on his bad head, lets him draw a dumb moustache on him o Spend ages just dicking a >Son of a bitch luke who R is, Dukey the Rookie is across the bar in the same tucking trenchcoat he wore back at school >EB says hi chats away to him lbe nothing ever happened >We head home and EB spend the night sitting up with me playing Batlefront on my old P52 and drinking, just trying to cheer me up me every time Sorry for that 2sad4me post, but iti make sense later Anonymous (IO woitth%) 05/19/14(Wed)20 52 46 UTC-5 No 530045357 Reeses 씌38amsrme esaaa Lving together in a let with some chick and her boyfriend The one song I remember is "Uncle Tommy by The Rumjacks, because it played when sht went down EB told them that he "ain't lookin any trouble lads, have a beer and forget that tripe for the night aye? 4 of them jump on him, start beating the shit out of him -l tackle one of them to try help him, get the fuck beaten out of me but fuck that it's goddamn E8 in there EB broke the dudes fucking am He gets up, bleeding out of every pore in his beaunful iwish body Bouncing around with his fists up, Ieraly looks ike he could fly around the room he's bouncing that much The skinheads keep going for him but back off every time aher he swings, it looks lke he could knock a building down with that sh Babbling some incoherent shit in lrish rage, nobody understands the words but everyone understands the meaning pack up there sht ike a scene from a fucking move Eight tucking beersl You splied eight of me fucking beers you hairless tuckin mongrels Eight beers lad, eight fucking beers What's the fucking craic there lke Anonymous (D: wHTiHOgC) 031914(Wed]21:6 02 UTC-5 No. 538047326 EB sgoing back to Ireland to vist his nan, she's real sick 기we lar dr, Befast-thritrs the captal of the oth but not of Ireland ckhow t wori ed EB never eaty expla edit, 5ad you wont understand the bullsh politics unless you grew up there go 1o vist his nan with EB' Sweetest tucking old lady ever, says that EB was always a rough lad but awk he'd never hurt a sour greedy fucker This woman is clearly the most infuenial famly member in the Eight Beer famly EE shows me round Derry, tels me about how 5pIt relgusy and shows methes bg ass wall cood place Takes me to Belast agan and shows methe pace wherethe ttanc was bu -we end up going to place caled The Crown Bar Ger pretty drunk, or Tpped as EB calls it Walked around Belfast for a bt, he tells me about the history of some stuf »Spend a few nights there, have a fucking blast but decide to head home don't wanna be an inrusion on the whole nan stustion Lad you're practicaly a part of the famly Anonymous D wH7HOQC) 03/19/14Wd21 18 48 UTC-5 No 538040230 Getting close to the end now Shits hard to wrte, I miss hat fucker Life is prety uneventful for a wle pparentty some Kiddy Fiddler called Wilm Whight fucked EB when totally agan family home a load of sht, fucks 2EB spends all nut there next to her, nearly gets wolent when staff ask harto leave so doctors can sort some 닸官out calm him down and we wat r, hosptzd for brig bme B's Sister gets beter, but is pretty fucked for life Never taks never leaves the house she's pretty much a goddarmn vegetable EB spends all of his time off work with her, never comes out anymore, just sts in with her. We sometimes come ound and drink with him but he refuses to leave the house -One night while he's sieeping, EB's fucked up sister C's faul, that's pretty much the main subject of t. I don't get why she'd need to say that but whabever Tels me he waan't that close with his family back home his dad is fucked up with grief and everythings just a mess ie doesn't want to go home because he has nothng there other than remnders, but doesn't want to stay here because of what has pened Does his best to be the usual bi9dck coolguy that he always was, puts on a brave face but f you c h him on his own he's luckn9 merable ite gets in 갠 few fights when we're ot dmkrg ry one who gnestmamy 5hvt gets m edistety fucking amidated none ofths ads everyone on" that he used to do s fighting back tears already guessed, but he starts teling me about how he blames himseffor what 거had pened to his sis have tucking known better >Lterally carrot change his mid anthis shit, looks like he has himse#1uly convinced th this is his taut we talk about old imes laugh a be things actualy seem back to normal for whie Ainight mabe. Let's have one for old tme's sake, ae? Hie eventualily leaves, but before he goes he tells me that 'You've been a good mate from day one mate. Honestly out on a limb rd do fuckin' anything for ya Take t easy lad speti ong tme EB doesn't reply to teats or Cutign place doeant answer B tucking hung himsel is fanly tatoo many things that I don't need thanked every tme fucker

[goldstargloww]

really shows their playstyles, huh?

jimmy's scared to hurt people and to make anyone upset and to cause destruction. jimmy doesn't want to. maybe he tried a bit more this time around, tried to seem more of a threat, but ultimately, when multiple actual lives and builds even were at risk, he fell back on his habits and his incticts and himself and dropped the front and tried to stop things.

grian's not so scared. he's a bit apprehensive, don't get me wrong, but he needs a reason before he does anything wrong, he needs a way to justify himself. and what better excuse is there than a hard task?

Thinking about how Jimmy, the RED was trying to stop Grian, the GREEN from summoning the Wither

[goldstargloww]

thinking about c!martyn and selfishness

(every name from now on is character unless specified otherwise)

from his perspective, it makes sense. i mean, none of them are real, right? they either aren't real, or they are and they're out to get him. and we don't know if that's true or not, either

and if they're not real, why should he care about morality? just to get an advantage, really. the only reasons he has to be nice to people is if doing so would benefit him. because they don't care, they aren't real. they're just coded to seem as if they do, as if they are. and maybe sometimes it works and it feels painfully real, but they aren't, in the end—they're all just code. it's all a façade, it's all fake, it's not real.

and yet—

graecie: yknow.. maybe.. it's because it matches the energy that you give to it. d'you ever think about that?

graecie: do you ever think about how a little bit of kindness can go a long way, in these seas.

martyn: we've tried that, it doesn't get us anywhere.

gracie: have you? have you tried that? have you tried that, really? have both of you tried that?

martyn: from day dot! first thing that happened when i got here was i got swindled by scar!

martyn: then there was all this factioning business, we saw aimsey literally perish, and everyone was just "ohhh i think we'll listen to the robed figures and we'll just leave"! nobody's tried anything to save one another here, it's just all been selfish, me me me me me, gold gold gold, glory glory glory, HONOUR HONOUR HONOUR!

kuervo: maybe you shouldn't've joined the kestrels if you cared about something that wasn't glory, and money, and selfishness.

—he doesn't like it when others are selfish. because they're supposed to behave like everyone is real. they should be nicer people, they should be better, they don't have an excuse like martyn's.

sausage: wait, what do you think it meant that we have to give up something?

martyn: oh, i don't even know

graecie: i don't know...

martyn: i don't love anything, so good luck finding what i like

(acho, graecie, and sausage laugh,, nervously? sympathetically?)

acho: that's not very good!

martyn: well, it's not good, it's just- i'm doing it for my own protection

acho: that's not something to be proud of!

martyn: i wasn- i wasn't bragging about it, i was just stating a fact!

acho: ah, okay yeah, fair enough, fair enough... ^^"

and he's tired of trusting people without reason, of getting taken advantage of, of being nice just to end up worse off in the end.

and he doesn't get attached to anything or anyone, because there's a very real chance he'll lose it, especially in his circumstances. and feeling any sort of attachment is dangerous.

(apo places lava on graecie and then removes it)

apo: oh, i'm-

graecie: ...

apo: water, water, water-

martyn: why should i?

apo: water, water, water, water, WATER!

martyn: there's plenty of water all around this island!

kuervo: i don't have water. are you gonna be okay?

graecie: yeah. i'll be fine

apo: i'm so...

apo: i'm so sorry.

graecie: are you?

martyn: you can stay with them, apo, if you're gonna be like that.

(martyn goes to and gets on his boat and sails away)

martyn: i don't have to deal with this.

martyn: i've got the stone. i've got a lead. i know cruppy's trigger word now, so if it ever decides to come near me again... can easily get rid of it.

martyn: idiots. all of em.

and he's happily petty and stubborn about things. he happily takes advantage of others' discomfort to get them to do what he wants or at least lower their confidence in doing anything else.

martyn knows how to trigger cruppy, even, and has no problems with utilizing cruppy's triggers (and what is very possibly trauma) to get what he wants.

and as much as cruppy may have done some shit, as much as cruppy is a perfectly reasonable thing to worry about—cruppy doesn't act out of pure unprompted malice, and definitely doesn't deserve to be tortured and triggered over and over again.

and i don't doubt that martyn knows this. he's able to identify trauma responses—both others', and his own:

martyn:

she's dead?

...wait, hold on. what?

when did marnie die?

how did marnie die?

.. was i there when that happened?

.. i don't think i was there when marnie died..

...

oh my god, you're right, yeah- oh, my god, i can't believe i forgot about that

yeah, she was in the hole, wasn't she? she was in the hole and she was a statue in the hole

ohhh, you're right

god, i completely repressed that

that was clearly too much for me, jeez...

—he's able to effectively utilize that knowledge to get what he wants. i think martyn is aware that what he is or at least was doing is wrong.

i just think he doesn't care that it's wrong. because if nobody else is real, if nobody else is actually experiencing any of this, then it isn't wrong, right?

martyn knows he's manipulative, he knows how to gaslight and knows he's good at it, and he's not afraid to utilize that.

martyn is his own top priority. he'll do what he has to to get what he needs. it isn't actually harming anyone, from his perspective. it just looks like it is. they aren't real, it doesn't actually cause harm.

(it's what martyn tells himself, at the very least. it's not like he can concretely tell, it's not like he can confirm. but he'd rather believe they aren't real than are, because if they are... well, he's a bit too deep into this mess to worry about that now, isn't he?)

[goldstargloww]

i really need to talk about my watcher/listener alignment headcanon system don't i? well here we go

so, within eyesandears, we all know grian's a watcher, yeah? and canonically, none of the other players in the life series are watchers or listeners—grian's a special case here.

but there's also pretty popular headcanons, where people like martyn and jimmy are listeners, pearl and bigb are watchers, stuff like that. different people headcanon different things for different characters—those're just the most common ones i've seen

now, i like this idea,, kinda. i like my headcanons to be compatible with canon (and here i'm treating eyesandears as canon). it throws me off when the headcanons contradict canon, so i don't like my headcanons to do that

so, i've come up with a system that's a compromise between those headcanons and canon, which is that players can be watcher/listener aligned, and there's subcategories within those as well :>

first thing i want to note is that just because grian is a watcher doesn't mean he has to be watcher aligned or that he can't be listener aligned. the divide between watchers and listeners is more of a behavior/identity thing afaik, and grian isn't all that watchery socially.

so, i think that, generally speaking, players can be watcher/listener aligned, and then within those, compliant/noncompliant. compliant watcher aligned, noncompliant watcher aligned, compliant listener aligned, noncompliant listener aligned.

watcher aligned

i don't have as much notes on watcher aligned players as i do listener aligned ones and i don't really know why lol, i guess they're just a bit simpler than listener aligned players?

compliant

compliant watcher aligned players tend to play the games most closely to intended. they give the watchers what they want, however unknowingly, and they enjoy it. they enjoy the chaos, they enjoy the destruction, and it's not surprising if they're the catalyst.

noncompliant

noncompliant watcher aligned players more or less play by the rules, but they'll bend them a bit for fun. they'll make illegal kills for the chaos and entertainment, and often go further than they intend to, but they do so anyway because the fun outweighs the guilt.

listener aligned

i like to think that the compliant versus noncompliant categories resemble the listeners' journey as a separate entity from the watchers.

the listeners used to be watchers themselves, and later split off of them, working against them. compliant listener aligned players are most like the listeners at the start of that journey, and noncompliant listener aligned players are more like the listeners today.

compliant

compliant listener aligned players tend to function almost like a tool for the watchers—they listen, they do as they're told, they obey, they comply. they have a hard time disobeying the rules, disobeying the watchers, even if they want to, and this also tends to be out of fear of consequence.

martyn would be a compliant listener aligned player, for example—he's told by the watchers to kill, to betray, to set up things with the intention of destruction. and he follows through, or tries to, because he's scared (at least definitely scared in last life) of the consequences if he doesn't. even when he wasn't consciously aware of the watchers in any capacity interacting with him in limited life, he still did as they wanted.

these players tend to be more of a threat to the server, as they tend to be fairly destructive. so as a result, they're also threatened more themselves as other players know they're a threat and do what they can to protect themselves, so compliant listener aligned players often end up being targeted or considered dangerous.

noncompliant

noncompliant listener aligned players function more like the listeners themselves do in relation to the watchers, i'd say. they only loosely play within the rules, but play along enough to stay alive and enough so that they aren't harshly punished (some comply with them more than others tho)

some play the games out of spite, some play for fun. either way, they don't give the watchers what they want without tainting it in some way is my thought

these players tend to not kill without sufficient reason, and many don't kill much at all. when they kill, it's usually out of necessity, survival, or it's justified—they don't kill for the thrill, they don't kill for the fun of it. they aren't as affected by bloodlust as others either

they have a tendency to not take the games seriously, instead focusing on fun and enjoyment, creating things they enjoy and the like - scott and jimmy, for example, in third life, built cute houses in a flower valley, whereas everyone else built and lived in castles and fortresses lol. scott in particular's priorities always include his base looking nice

the watchers tend to dislike these players, especially the more defiant they are. scott, for example, the watchers hate scott and have since last life

if anyone has anything to add or say please do so i'd love to hear other people's thoughts on this stuff :D

[goldstargloww]

love how martyn won last season, and then had one literal hell of a time this one. the watchers really went all in on that fall from limited life's ending on a high oh c!martyn, you do so much falling in so many ways

this is literally the worst martyn's ever done (cc!martyn im sorry lmao) and i'm thinking about it so hard

he started off so close yet so far. then was told to do one thing right and got so close just to fail in the end. then was separated from and shunned by nearly everyone before he gave it one last shot and couldn't do anything about his death. then he tried again, and so much history seemed to repeat itself, and then at the end he breaks a cycle and takes the win for himself, even if it wasn't entirely him making the decision.

and then he fell so fucking far. went down and down and down and fell into the void not a second after stepping foot into the end. and jimmy followed. and then jimmy died, and everyone martyn cared about died, and he slowly started to as well.

he wanted to get revenge. he tried. it just didn't work out. nothing he tried worked out. there were blips of success, maybe something finally working, but everyone who was close wasn't close enough. wasn't close enough to the trap. wasn't close enough to death. wasn't close enough with martyn.

so maybe by the end, martyn's sort of given up. and there's this pressure on him, like he's running out of time, eerily reminiscent of last season. everyone and everything is going too slow for his liking and there's something making martyn feel like he's gonna die if he doesn't.. well, die already. however that logic works. (yes this is how i'm making cc!martyn's stress and stuff from the recording situation canon)

so maybe by the end, martyn's getting a bit desperate. maybe if he just dies before this feeling kills him first he can get it all over with. this season's been its own kind of hell anyway.

so maybe by the end, martyn's distracted, and out of it, and falls off a few too many cliffs to chalk up to pure coincidence. and hypervigilant, and jumpy, and stressed, and the thunder and associated memories really only makes it worse. and maybe a bit too reckless for his own good, hoping everyone will turn against him and kill him, climbing up a ladder without armor with an explosive in hand to his inevitable demise.

and maybe, in the end, it gets him killed. but, really, what else is new? martyn always seems to cause his own death. like he's his own worst enemy. he was too loyal, too obedient, too selfish, too bloodthirsty, and now, too reckless.

and now, back he goes, to falling.

[goldstargloww]

i like it

i think dropping your inventory on death can be really punishing, especially if you want to try to avoid grinding

it made the most sense in third life not only from a content creator perspective (as in they were expecting it to be collaborative at first and set up accordingly) but also from a‚‚ gameplay? mindset? perspective

people were grinding and getting higher levels of enchants and all that. villager trading isn't allowed anymore iirc, but it was in third life, so it made more sense in third life because people were already grinding. losing everything might sting but it likely wouldn't be that much added onto your workload

whereas, in other seasons, people started grinding less—secret life literally gave out resources when you completed task

having keepInventory on helps remove some of the grinding. you only typically die and proceed to respawn twice anyway so it's not like it's common

on the other hand, look at how often people died in limited life. can you imagine how crushing it could feel to lose everything or at least get it scattered everywhere each and every time you died?

there's the argument it takes some incentive out of killing, but since the change has been made‚ there's been rewards for killing that aren't looting the corpse—in limited life you gained time‚ in secret life you gained hearts. i think it balances out nicely

tldr: i like keepinventory. it removes a lot of the grind from the series, which is really important for overall enjoyment. can you imagine how crushing it could feel losing everything upon death, especially in limited life? maybe it takes some incentive out of killing, but that's always been balanced with rewarding kills instead

hi im curious. please vote

[goldstargloww]

hi i just had a thought

joel started the round mound cult right. and mumbo and martyn joined

now mumbo's dead. and joel and martyn are the only ones who really seem to care (as of session 6 at least) about mumbo (and jimmy and lizzie) having died and that whole situation

they've most definitely forgotten about the cult by now but. but,,, only mumbo's fellow cult members are really mourning him huh

(that's certainly a perfectly normal sentence in every context /s)

[goldstargloww]

just- okay. i've only had time to watch martyn's 3rd secret life session so far and i wanna just talk about the stuff i've noticed

scott having to get three people to say "love you" back after jimmy not doing so in limited life. and then jimmy and martyn, scott's two canonical partners failing to do so this time around

property police and task force,, martyn + jimmy have a tendency for this kinda thing hmmm

martyn showing up in his pirates skin by accident is very funny to me (for context he was doing a pirates lore stream and had to rush off to record secret life)

i noticed that martyn immediately preferred a sword over and axe and although it's a common sentiment my brain still is like hey thats the red winter trauma right

martyn is somehow now a cat and a dog. this makes him a kittydog.

[goldstargloww]

hmm, thinking about gem specifically being the one to open the end portal

evolutionists having,,, bad connotations with the end

everyone else having been in the death games before

gem being new and getting the task to open it, and not questioning it

i don't know if gem knows you normally don't have access to the end in these games, that this is new. hm

[goldstargloww]

okay, so yes, this idea, i very much enjoy this idea, but- i might be about to derail this a bit

now take the eyesandears stuff back into the picture.

this, the stuff i'm reblogging here, this is close to what everyone is experiencing. what everyone's going through, what everyone thinks is going on.

they're all in a loop of death games. they have no idea why. they have to participate. sometimes they're left out of the loop. some don't get a break. sometimes people act off for a week. some people hurt, some people kill, some people betray, lie, gaslight, manipulate, and you aren't any different.

you don't know why you're here. you don't know why this is all happening. you don't know who did this. you don't know if anyone did. but it's all just a game, and you all treat it as such, until it isn't anymore and you all die and then all of a sudden it's a game again.

say you're martyn, though - there's voices in your head sometimes. they promise you the world and you do what they ask. you do as they say against your better judgement and it gets you nothing in the end. the one time they drop the veil and reveal the slightest bit about the reality of your situation, you don't remember it, not in the slightest. all you know is that you were promised the world and it never amounted to anything, and you haven't heard those voices since. maybe limited life felt a bit strange at times, but everything feels a bit strange.

say you're grian, though - you know what's going on. or, you know all you can. there's still things you don't know, nothing's in your control—you just hope you can make it more bearable for everything else. maybe it hurts in the process, but you'd rather be here than watch from afar. and void knows they hate you for it—they've even managed to paralyze you for a week, but they made a mistake in making you one of them, and so their efforts are essentially futile.

say you're pearl, though - your memories of a week feel a bit strange, and you were acting a bit off that week. you don't have any clue as to what that was. you don't know why joel called you lizzie that week.

say you're cleo, though - your memories of a week feel a bit strange. your behavior changed that week quite a bit, too. and didn't martyn mess with you? you went along with it for some reason, and were worried he was being genuine. ...what?

say you're tango, though - you're shoved to the side of your head for a week. someone familiar was in the driver's seat instead. by the time next week comes around, you just think you had a weird week. that person you were talking to was probably just torchy.

say you're lizzie, though - you find yourself in a familiar game in a familiar body that isn't your own with memories that aren't yours either. you try to blend in for the week, not knowing what else to do. someone else is in the same boat as you, you recognize both their vessel and who they really are, despite the vaguest and foggiest of memories being all you have of them to go off of. you live out the week, and by the end of it, you remember none of it.

say you're gem, though - you find yourself in an unfamiliar game in a somewhat familiar body that isn't your own with memories that aren't yours either. you barely know anything, but you try your best to blend in for the week, not knowing what else to do. there's someone else who you can tell is in a similar boat, and you very vaguely recognize them. you live out the week, and by the end of it, you remember none of it.

say you're ren, though - you were in these death games, then you just weren't, for a bit. then all of a sudden, you were again, in a familiar yet completely new environment. the first time you see martyn is when he drops an anvil on your head. you almost wonder what's changed until you remember the person whose body you're inhabiting is currently in passenger's seat of their own head, and that you're in the driver's seat, and this isn't your vessel. you live out the week, and people ask questions, but they're ones you know how to navigate. by the end of it, you remember none of it.

nobody has anywhere near enough pieces to put the whole picture together. grian's probably the closest, but even he doesn't know the vast majority of it - he has no idea what else may be in the picture, he has no idea to what extent the watchers are interacting, he barely knows what the secret keeper is and how it really works.

to almost everyone, the games are just as they seem on the surface. only a few have broken beneath in the slightest—none of it was by choice, none of it puts anything into context. after all, if they all really were just playthings for some higher entity, some toys two godlike siblings fight over... well, that wouldn't happen, right? they aren't that important. that's just absurd, who would even think to guess that?

Life series lore is insane, but especially if you take most of the ‘understood’ Watcher and Listener lore out.

Because here’s the thing, I love ‘the watchers are just the audience’ and ‘Grian used to be a watcher’ and ‘they Pushed Jimmy!’ As much as anyone else. But there is something so much more terrifying about them never being there.

You are trapped in a loop of death, where dying is treated like a Game, where the world Ending is treated like a game. And there is no one to blame.

You’re neighbor turns on you, angry and vicious, and there was no possession. There were no voices in their head.

You wake up in a ring of people that are your closest friends, your greatest enemies, the only real beings you have ever met, and you are going to kill them all or be killed by them before the year is up. There is no one that put you there. There is no one to fight.

You are here of your own volition. You have known nothing else. It’s always been this way. The universe itself is keeping you here.

(There is no reward to winning. There is no escape when this is all there is. It is just all of you and you’re own bloody hands clutching each others)

[goldstargloww]

martyn's habit of not sleeping for the first session of each season in the life series is really funny to me because it means i get to imagine a sleep deprived c!martyn doing all the things he does

(assuming like. players only need to sleep once every three days or something. because someone going nine days without sleep is pretty concerning and is also two days short of world record. so.)

like, third life, ah yes i am going to not sleep for nine days as a marketing strategy, this is a great idea (proceeds to bring phantoms to harass everyone ever and totally not trip and fall multiple times)

the idea of martyn's experience with the aha jokes being fueled by something like six days of sleep deprivation is also really funny to me

double life going to the nether with pearl, who's essentially half nocturnal, and neither of them sleep the whole time for the fun of it

i like to imagine martyn still didn't sleep until he'd made up and teamed up with scott in limited life session 2, and then scott's just like martyn. sleep. and martyn's like finenefjlshgskdfghdfjgkd

ahhh the first session of secret life. yeah i can see martyn going without sleep for the entirety of that. he did also say he just wanted to go to bed after he completed his task so i guess i have that going for this headcanon lol

[goldstargloww]

where has martyn been disloyal in his short term alliances, what are you referring to here?

(this ask is referring to tags i put on in a reblog recently:)

i think it's funny that i got this ask and then immediately was like "oh no i don't have any examples UH"

but!!! i thought about it a bit and i have examples now

first of all, ever since third life ended, martyn's been distrusting of others. he's more secretive, while making sure to be open and honest about other things to compensate

martyn's made a lot of promises to people that he hasn't carried through on. while he and jimmy had a long term alliance in the southlands in last life, that promise martyn made to run away with him after jimmy tried to steal his life was short term, and he broke it immediately. as soon as martyn got what he wanted out of the interaction, he took it and left

martyn's very willing to do things for the benefit of him first and foremost, and his allies next. jimmy might've been an ally, but he just caused a huge breach in trust, and martyn had more allies with a better track record back home

later on, in the final four, in last life, he offered ren a short term allyship, just to immediately try to use the opportunity to explode him

in double life, he stuck with pearl for that single session before suddenly deciding at the end to turn on her. he shifted the blame onto her for no good reason, despite how it just as easily could've been said to be his fault

okay i can't think of any more examples right now because he just constantly does it he is just like this

[goldstargloww]

c!martyn definitely has some sorta dissociation and derealization problems btw. just feel like i need to say that somewhere

for the life series - his end of secret life session 6. last life. just- last life, especially with the shadow and stuff. also, the emotional resets between seasons, that's gotta create some sort of disconnect with identifying with your own memories, right? especially when it's inconsistent like it is.

for datastream - simply the fact that his reality isn't real, how do you not get feelings of unreality when that's literally what you're living, as contradictory as it sounds

just, in general - trauma, c!martyn has a lot of trauma lmao. and the trying to emotionally distance himself and failing over and over and yet telling himself he isn't attached despite feeling things that he shouldn't if that were true. separating his personal reality from the reality he's living in, and in the case of datastream, both of which are entirely separate from the reality he's native to