#literally just feel so fucking awful rn and idk why

[demon-country]

#wiggles hands #i personally think that stolas had it wrong because even before blitzø started yelling #stolas thought blitzø didnt feel the same and immediately ditched as opposed to like?? giving him a fucking minute to process?? not cool??? #like yes the trauma response about being yelled at and setting boundaries and all that. thats fine #but Why stolas did you Immediately leave it wasnt even a rejection he just didnt Understand #give him a Fucking SECOND!!?? #which is smth blitzø also yells abt in full moon iirc! bc like DUH!!??? #and there IS power imbalance in the way stolas just tosses blitzø outside via teleportation. #it DOES imply he thinks little of blitzø In That Moment bc hes 'seeing his abuser' #but like... he would not teleport stella outside like that. even when he asserted his boundaries w her he NEVER did that shit #it WAS disrespectful to blitzø. it was. and the immediate dismissiveness the next morning obv didnt fuckin help #cuz blitzø immediately went on the defensive and like yeah he said horrible shit but FUCK DUDE he didnt instigate it! #like yeah stolas doesnt have to sit there and take it EXCEPT HES THE ONE WHO FUCKING INITIATED THE ISSUE? SO YES HE KIND OF DOES HAVE TO#HEAR BLITZØ OUT AND SIT THERE?? #puts my head in my hands. #and all the ppl talking abt ou well its stolas' house so he gets to portal blitzø out! #you are a fucking dick? you cant spring a huge relationship change on somebody and then run off and act the hurt party when they havent even #processed it yet! and then KICK THEM OUT when they understandably get ANGRY at you dismissing them? and HELLO. STOLAS DISMISSES BLITZØ.#HES NOT ONE OF YOUR SERVANT IMPS DUDE! HELLOOOO?????? #idk idk idk like stolas was definitely going through it but HOLY SHIT you guys cant be serious when you say it was equal on both sides #when theres a very obvious clear systemic power imbalance. like youre FUCKING WITH ME?? you cant be serious rn.

Wow. This... sure is a lot of extremely bad faith misinterpretations of those scenes. I'm going to address all of this step by step, I guess, because my dude, you are wildly off the mark on basically everything you accused Stolas of. So I hope you're ready, because this reply is going to be very long.

"#i personally think that stolas had it wrong because even before blitzø started yelling #stolas thought blitzø didnt feel the same and immediately ditched as opposed to like?? giving him a fucking minute to process?? not cool??? #like yes the trauma response about being yelled at and setting boundaries and all that. thats fine #but Why stolas did you Immediately leave it wasnt even a rejection he just didnt Understand #give him a Fucking SECOND!!?? #which is smth blitzø also yells abt in full moon iirc! bc like DUH!!???"

Yeah no, Stolas had every right to walk away, and was 100% justified in doing so. Maybe it wasn't entirely fair to Blitz, because on his end of things it looked totally different, but you already seem to understand what it looked like from Blitz's pov, so since we're talking about whether they equally fucked up or not, then I want you to step back from that and think about how it looked to Stolas, too.

Blitz did not respond to Stolas' confession with "hold the fuck on" or "what the fuck?" or "what do you mean?", nor did he do literally anything at all to suggest that he was confused or needed a moment to process what Stolas was saying. Blitz's immediate, snap reaction was to go "ohhh, okay you're fucking with me! This is an interesting roleplay, never done this one before but I can get into it. 'Ohhh, Stolas, I'll stay with you~! I love you sooo much~!'"

Perhaps you've never experienced this, but let me assure you that it is soul-crushingly awful to confess something important to you to someone you trust, only for them to completely write it off as a joke and/or make fun of you for it. It's extremely humiliating and feels like a deep betrayal, because you trusted them and were vulnerable with them, and in return all you got was mockery.

I've asked a number of real life actual people who have all, without fail, said that if that happened to them they'd end the conversation right there and walk away. Most of them, including me, said they'd leave just so they could go cry in private, and one said that they'd basically say "fuck you" and leave because they were pissed off. Stolas was the former. Take a moment to really, genuinely think about what your own reaction would be to having someone you love and trust make fun of you after you confess something important and vulnerable. It doesn't have to be a love confession, mine certainly wasn't, but do you honestly think you'd want to stick around after that?

So Stolas would have been justified in walking away just from that. He was very kind as he took his leave too and tried to bow out as gracefully as he could without causing a fuss, which is made all the more impressive because Blitz unintentionally triggered Stolas' trauma with the roleplay bit. Stolas has lived with Stella for 18 years at this point in the timeline, and part of how she abused him was humiliating him and mocking his feelings. He hides it decently well with Stella, because he's had decades of practice at this point, but we see in Ozzie's that being humiliated, especially in public, is a trauma landmine that Blitz tripped right onto. Yeah, he's going to leave, and it's not a fault that he does.

Moreover, you'll notice that Stolas doesn't kick Blitz out here or tell him to leave. He walks away further into the house, and yes he's probably expecting that Blitz will take it as an opportunity to bounce, but he does not tell him to go. Blitz could have waited as he took the moment he needed and thought things over, and then talked and asked whatever questions he needed to after Stolas came back. It was his bedroom and it was midnight, it's not like Stolas wasn't going to come back within the next couple of hours. Or Blitz could have left, thought things over, and come back. Instead, he followed after Stolas, which wasn't a great feeling for either of them, because Stolas was only barely staving off a breakdown and Blitz was getting hit in that abandonment trauma all over again, but Stolas walking off scared him so he acted on the impulse to not let Stolas get away. 

And he started off fine! Even though he was basically chasing Stolas, he wasn't angry or anything. He asked "wait, you were serious?! Hold on now, Stolas. What the fuck?" and Stolas did his best to answer even as he kept walking, rather than telling him to go away or kicking him out. His answer was poorly worded though and it set Blitz off, which is when we get to your next point.

#and there IS power imbalance in the way stolas just tosses blitzø outside via teleportation. #it DOES imply he thinks little of blitzø In That Moment bc hes 'seeing his abuser' #but like... he would not teleport stella outside like that. even when he asserted his boundaries w her he NEVER did that shit #it WAS disrespectful to blitzø. it was.

???? How on earth did you reach this conclusion?? Of course Stolas would never teleport Stella outside like that. That's not respect, that's fear. It took everything he had to stand up to Stella the way he did, which we know because he collapsed as soon as she was gone. He was terrified of her; he was backing away while she approached and knew she was about to hit him. He was fighting back, yes, but you can tell from her reaction that he almost never has in the past. It had nothing to do with respecting her, because his normal response seems to be either standing there silently taking the abuse or shrinking in on himself while trying to placate her.

As for what happened in the ballroom, Stolas was triggered for the second time in just a handful of minutes, this time by Blitz slamming open the door and yelling. It says absolutely nothing about how much Stolas does or does not respect him that these actions triggered a trauma response in Stolas. Trauma doesn't work like that. Anyone doing that to Stolas would have made him panic, because when you're experiencing a traumatic reaction, even if you're somewhere safe with someone you implicitly trust, your brain freaks the fuck out.

It was in no way disrespectful to kick Blitz out, it was just Stolas going into extreme Flight mode. Blitz wasn't letting him leave and at the end even ran towards him (to apologize, but Stolas had no way of knowing that and Blitz was already half out the portal before he started to say sorry and didn't even finish it. Also, you hear Stolas very faintly saying he's sorry before the portal closes), of course he's going to force Blitz out! He didn't want a fight with Blitz like he had with Stella, because he wasn't angry, he just wanted to be alone.

"and the immediate dismissiveness the next morning obv didnt fuckin help #cuz blitzø immediately went on the defensive and like yeah he said horrible shit but FUCK DUDE he didnt instigate it! #like yeah stolas doesnt have to sit there and take it EXCEPT HES THE ONE WHO FUCKING INITIATED THE ISSUE? SO YES HE KIND OF DOES HAVE TO#HEAR BLITZØ OUT AND SIT THERE??"

No, he really, really does not have to sit there and hear Blitz out. Stolas made it very clear in actual words that he did not want to see Blitz right then, because he was feeling too raw so soon after everything and Blitz was not giving him any space to breathe. And Blitz, once again, did not leave. He also, you'll notice, didn't force Blitz to leave, he just asked him to go, because this time he wasn't outright panicking. And even then, he kept giving Blitz chances to talk things out with him, showing that he wasn't dismissing Blitz.

Also, you're really telling me that you think a victim of domestic violence should be forced to stick around when someone is yelling at them? It doesn't matter if he "initiated things", that doesn't mean he's going to okay when someone starts grabbing and yelling at him. If Blitz was being calmer about it, and wasn't continually intentionally mocking Stolas and his feelings throughout that conversation (which, again, big trigger for Stolas, he's just hiding it better now because he was braced for it. Note that he's reacting a lot like he did when Stella was mocking him at the party) then I might agree with you. If Stolas had actually instigated the garden scene by telling Blitz to come over and then refused to listen while Blitz tried to explain, that'd be super fucked up. But Stolas didn't ask Blitz to come over, explicitly told him to leave because it hurt to much to talk to him right then, and Blitz was not being calm. Blitz was self-destructing and was being both clingy and aggressive, because he was scared of losing Stolas but was even more terrified of being vulnerable, and he habitually masks his fear with anger.

"#puts my head in my hands. #and all the ppl talking abt ou well its stolas' house so he gets to portal blitzø out! #you are a fucking dick? you cant spring a huge relationship change on somebody and then run off and act the hurt party when they havent even #processed it yet! and then KICK THEM OUT when they understandably get ANGRY at you dismissing them? and HELLO. STOLAS DISMISSES BLITZØ."

Buddy. Dude. Stolas didn't actually spring this on Blitz. Blitz literally says at the beginning of the episode that he's been avoiding Stolas because he knows Stolas wants to talk, and he doesn't want things to become complicated. He knows things will change as soon as he actually talks to Stolas and that freaks him out, because in his mind it can't possibly be something good, and this fear is exacerbated by what Loona told him. He literally tells Fizz that Stolas does things to show he likes him, and multiple people have flat out told Blitz that he does, and Blitz can't believe that for multiple reasons, but this entire thing has been building up for months and he knows it. 

Stolas also did not spring his "feelings bullshit" on Blitz either, despite what Blitz claimed. It might have felt like it, because up until then he was in complete denial of those feelings being genuine, but Stolas has not been subtle, by any means. He has, in his and everyone else's minds, been showing Blitz that he cares about him at the very least as a friend, since this whole thing started. Even in fucking Loo Loo Land, despite him awkwardly trying to flirt with Blitz a couple of times, he doesn't actually try to start anything while they're there. He doesn't even seem to expect something sexual to happen between them at all, because he says he wants Blitz and his employees to come and immediately offers to pay Blitz with money, rather than sexual favors like Blitz anticipated. He's using it as an excuse to hang out with Blitz - because he's an idiot who didn't think about how uncomfortable it'd be for literally everyone involved, especially Octavia - and Blitz even knows that because he knows Stolas doesn't actually need one bodyguard, let alone three.

He invited all of them to the harvest moon festival because he thought it'd be fun, again with no expectation of anything sexy happening. He came to rescue I.M.P. with no ulterior motive, he just wanted to help them. He didn't ask for or suggest that he wanted sex in return for the save either, he just asked for a thank you in a very pouty voice because none of them thanked him, and Blitz turned things sexual, which he was happy to follow the lead on. He was super excited for the date, dressed up super fancy, proudly walked into Ozzie's holding Blitz's hand, tried over and over to talk to Blitz because he thought it was a real date, stood up to defend Blitz from Verosika (which Blitz didn't see and which he didn't get to follow through on, because Ozzie took that chance to go on the attack and publicly humiliate him), and even after that disaster he still invited Blitz in solely to hang out and maybe cuddle a bit.

He would ask Blitz to stay the night after they were done having sex instead of just kicking him out, which we see in the memory fragments. He called Blitz on the regular just to talk about his day and was frequently interacting with him on social media, both for approximately a year and a half. He was oblivious to how condescending his attempts at flirting were and had no idea how demeaning it was for Blitz until Blitz finally showed him how much all that hurt him (after Ozzie's), but he only was acting like that and talking that way because he genuinely believed that it was what Blitz wanted and was into, based on their first night together (doesn't excuse it, of course, but it was another way he was desperately trying to show how much he wanted Blitz).

For close to two years by the time The Full Moon rolled around, Stolas has been trying very hard and kind of ineptly to show Blitz he likes him, and at the very least wants to be real friends with him (that also have sex). Literally everyone who has seen them together knows how much Stolas likes Blitz, including Blitz despite him being in denial of it. He has tried again and again and again for nearly two years to show Blitz he cares about him and wants him around, and Blitz - for understandable reasons given his own trauma, history, biases, and hangups - has rejected him time and again. That's why Stolas was expecting Blitz to reject him following his confession. He expected Blitz to tell him to fuck off or to just take the crystal and run without looking back, but he didn't expect to be (unintentionally) mocked. He didn't expect Blitz, who he trusted, to humiliate him. Even without the trauma he has surrounding that, after all the other rejections of course Stolas is going to take Blitz mocking him as another rejection. He didn't think Blitz was confused, because he thinks he's made his feelings pretty damn clear for ages now, and that's why he said he had his answer and was trying to leave before he started crying - which most people hate to do, because crying in front of other people is often a mortifying experience.

"STOLAS DISMISSES BLITZØ.#HES NOT ONE OF YOUR SERVANT IMPS DUDE! HELLOOOO?????? #idk idk idk like stolas was definitely going through it but HOLY SHIT you guys cant be serious when you say it was equal on both sides #when theres a very obvious clear systemic power imbalance. like youre FUCKING WITH ME?? you cant be serious rn"

He wasn't dismissing Blitz. He super fucking did not. He wanted to be alone so he could go cry his guts out, and Blitz was scaring him by getting angry and slamming open doors. That's not dismissing someone, that's going into panic mode. He wasn't treating him like a servant, if he was he would have been bored and unaffected and told him to go. He. Was. Scared. He was hurt and humiliated and scared and Blitz was chasing him down and yelling at him. It's not playing the victim to be scared and it's not playing the victim when your feelings get mocked and you want to get away from the person who just stomped all over your heart.

Blitz's reactions make sense from his end, and absolutely he was being triggered too - he was in fact the one triggered first, though that too was by accident. Yes, his anger was justified and he had every right to express it when he felt he wasn't being listened to. Yes, he wasn't intending to scare Stolas. Yes, Stolas has messed up and hurt Blitz in numerous ways over the course of the series. But my god, that does not mean that Stolas' feelings and reactions are any less justified and reasonable.

It was equal on both sides. They both equally fucked up. They both accidentally hurt and triggered each other. They both were scared. Stolas sending Blitz away was the only thing he could think of to de-escalate the situation, because Blitz was actively trying to pick a fight and Stolas had no idea that Blitz would stop just because he started crying (you think anyone else has ever stopped just because he cried? We literally see both Stella and Paimon mock him for it, and Stolas isn't exactly in a rational sort of mindset here).

Are you really, honestly, truly telling me that you would be fine just standing there and letting someone who just hurt you scream at you in a way that reminded you of both your domestic abuser and the person who recently tried to murder and mutilate you? Are you kidding me? You have completely misinterpreted everything Stolas has said and done in those two episodes by refusing to look at it with any amount of sympathy or compassion and immediately jumping to the worst possible scenario.

"Stolas shouldn't have portalled out Blitz during Full Moon" this and "Stolas should have stuck around and listened to Blitz in the garden during Apology Tour" that. Do y'all not realize how it sounds to demand that a domestic abuse victim stick around when someone is yelling at and insulting them? And on the flip side of that, do the other half of y'all not realize how it sounds to demand that someone, particularly someone from an oppressed group, never get loud or demonstrably angry just because it might scare someone?

Like Blitz had every right to air his grievances in Full Moon, and being angry when you're treated poorly is a perfectly normal, reasonable response. It's not inherently abusive to yell and stomp when you get mad, and it's completely unreasonable to say that Blitz is just because he did. But at the same time, Stolas does not have to sit there and take being yelled at when he's already had to suffer though someone doing it to him maliciously for at least 17 years. He does not have to take being grabbed, being screamed at, or having his clearly stated boundaries ignored either, like at the beginning of Apology Tour. Him getting upset when someone does that to him, when he's only just gotten away from his abuser and was almost murdered for it, is not some failing on his part or him playing the victim.

Blitz's trauma doesn't care that Stolas wasn't actually going to abandon Blitz, and it doesn't care that that the hurtful things Stolas has said and done have come largely from a place of ignorance rather than a lack of care. He's protecting himself the only way he knows how and is blinded by the sheer intensity and longevity of his self-loathing, but frankly it was a good thing for him to finally speak up about how some of the things Stolas does makes him feel, and it's a very good thing that he's actually trying to fight to keep Stolas rather than just booking it and throwing a grenade behind him on the way out.

Just like Stolas' trauma doesn't care if he knows Blitz is different than Stella and wouldn't actually hurt him, and it doesn't care that Blitz's anger comes from a hurt, scared, and traumatized place as opposed to the pleasure Stella took in hurting and scaring him. Stolas hasn't had any time to even begin to heal from the damage she did to him, and frankly if he's scared and breaking down like in Full Moon it's actually a step up if he's removing himself from whoever is triggering him, even if it wasn't fair to Blitz who was, in his own way, attempting to work things out.

Neither of them is the bad guy here, they're just very reasonably upset and having clashing trauma responses. You can be compassionate and understanding of both sides without saying that either of them should have to just sit there and take it when someone is greatly upsetting them. It's normal to get angry when you're scared and upset, and it's normal to cry and run away when you're scared and upset, and neither are wrong or bad just because in the moment when emotions were running high they each did several things that accidently set the other off, especially when they had no way of knowing it was a trigger beforehand.

None of this is say that the way things shook out was great or productive, and they definitely need to work on healing so that they're not letting their fear and trauma control them. If they're going to get to place of real understanding, then at some point these two need to sit down with the intent to talk things out and have an honest and open conversation with each other, without Blitz yelling or Stolas running or either of them letting their preconceived assumptions and biases get in the way of actually listening. Blitz needs to not self-sabotage and Stolas needs to not shut down, and that's going to be really fucking hard for both of them, because that's how they've been coping with their trauma for literal decades.

And to his major credit, Blitz got it right at the end of Apology Tour, the only thing he got wrong was the timing because Stolas was so drunk that I'll be honestly surprised if he remembers most of it in the morning. He wasn't in any state of mind to listen or pay attention, but at the same time, to his credit he's already been reflecting on what Blitz has been saying to him and trying to figure out where and how he fucked up and hurt Blitz. And also, he kept saying things like "right now", which means he will be ready to talk things out eventually if he's just given a little bit of space to put himself back together and think about things.

And guys, please. Just because some people will start crying to try to manipulate and guilt trip those around them whenever someone gets upset at something they did, doesn't make that what Stolas did. He was trying to get away so Blitz wouldn't see him cry. And just because some people like to fly off the handle and rage at every perceived infraction, doesn't make that what Blitz did. He had justifiable cause to be angry and in Full Moon he didn't think Stolas was listening, so he tried to make himself louder and bigger in an attempt to make himself be heard and his hurt be acknowledged. If one of their reactions made you uncomfortable, that's fine, there's nothing wrong with that. But the story isn't about those kinds of people, it's about two fictional demons who aren't trying to hurt or manipulate each other, they're just struggling to juggle trauma, ignorance, and the desire to be together. They're not able to yet, but that's what character arcs are for.

And just to head off any comments on it: no, the narrative is not villifying Blitz and it's not babying Stolas or trying to sweep any of the shit he's done under the rug. Blitz being angry and self-destructive doesn't make him a villain, and Stolas crying a few times and still being pretty ignorant of how he's come across doesn't mean they're trying to say he's done nothing wrong.

[clowngremlin]

i have been sooooo depressed these past two days.......not entirely sure what's going on with that because it could be a number of things but i really wish i was still on vacation or at gavin's house rn </3

[nobodybetterlookatme]

Glad to know everything is okay with you and your coworker! Don't be too hard on yourself for making a mistake. We've all been there, and you're tired and not feeling well, and you've been though something traumatic that you were reminded of to boot. Rational thought probably isn't all there right now, and that's okay. Take care of yourself!! Get yourself under some blankets and get some sleep! You sound like you need it! 😴 Hope you feel better soon!!

Thanks 😭💙 sleep better fix me tho, like wtf happened 😭

[whyse7vn]

SHIPPED -

[ot7 x reader]

TAEHYUNG -

tae: pop quiz should i kill myself?

y/n: please

tae: knew it

you fucking hate me and you ARE in love with that mingi guy

y/n: mingi

tae: it’s okay baby no need to apologise i know how crazy fans can get and i know you love me and me ONLY

not mingi

come here let’s cuddle (fuck)

y/n: k

tae: wait 😭😭😭

baby you forgot you apologise

y/n: for what

tae: mingi

they are shipping you with mingi

i can’t even say his name

y/n: you’ve said his name like four times already

tae: ok but i threw up every time

y/n: but you still said his name?

tae: what is your problem

y/n: i miss mingi i’m sorry

i get mad when i don’t see my man for a while

tae: aw babe 🥰

come over

y/n: did you even read what i said?

tae: i’m depressed

y/n: cool don’t care ur not mingi

tae: i could be

y/n: no you couldn’t

tae: ok but

y/n: but?

tae: nothing

y/n: that’s what i thought

loser

tae: don’t call me that

yk it gets me hot and bothered

y/n: are you horny or depressed

tae: don’t ask me stupid questions wtf

ofc i’m horny 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

do you want to fuck?

say yes

y/n: saying no

tae: ok wtf

you really are with mingi aren’t you

y/n: yeah

tae: babe

ur changing i can’t stand this my heart can’t take this damage and the way i feel can’t stand this mmmmm baby i don’t understand this

y/n: did you just sing xxxtentacion lyrics to me

tae: he gets me

y/n: ok

tae: you don’t get me

y/n: thank god

tae: ok now say omg tae ur the only one for me not that moji guy

y/n: moji?

tae: motor?

y/n: ?

tae: mistletoe????

y/n: what

tae: minion

y/n: mingi?

tae: mitochondria

y/n: mingi.

tae: microscope

y/n: it’s mingi

tae: no i think it’s misconstruction

y/n: what do you want from me rn

tae: tell miscarriage to fuck off

y/n: i literally met him once

tae: so???

he wants you

i know it

all the shippers know it

and all these STUPID edits know it

delete his number now

y/n: i don’t even have his number

tae: oh

ok then

y/n: yeah

tae: so like

y/n: don’t ask me anything stupid

tae: thoughts on iceland banning the colour green

y/n: you just made that up

why

ur so strange

tae: babe can i sing for you again

ik u love it when i sing

y/n: leave me alone tae

tae: do you let michael sing to you???

not jackson btw

cuz he’s like dead

y/n: would you like to join him

tae: mingloo or michael jackson???

pls be more specific babe

hey

where did you go

seen?????

ur leaving me on seen are you fr????

ok at least it’s not delivered

or a block like last time

ur real mean yk

at least i know my worlds are getting to you

now let me sing ok?

it might seem crazy what i am 'bout to say

sunshine she's here you can take a break

i'm a hot air balloon that could go to space

ok why did my messages go green

oh

i’m blocked

again

hahahahahaha

cheating fuck

FUCK YOU AND MINTY

SEOKJIN -

jin: the way i don’t even care

y/n: what

jin: i don’t care

y/n: idk this song i’m sorry

jin: i’m not singing

y/n: oh

jin: can he cook

y/n: who

jin: ur mc buddy

y/n: minghao?

jin: yeah

ur new boyfriend can he cook better than me?

no nvm

don’t tell me i don’t even care

not one bit not even two bits

y/n: okay?

jin: no it’s not ok

what about this is ok

OH WOW UR NEW BOYFRIEND IS 26 I DONT EVEN CARE

y/n: why are you shouting at me

jin: I DON’T CARE

LOOK AT ME DOES IT LOOK LIKE I EVEN CARE

y/n: lowkey

jin: he can’t cook

look at his fingers they look weak

a man with weak fingers can’t cook

y/n: ur so right

jin: yeah i know

so can he cook?

y/n: idk babe

jin: why don’t you know

y/n: because i don’t

jin: he’s your man says twitter

you should know these things

y/n: is this you jealous rn?

jin: i don’t even care what are you talking about

y/n: my fault i thought you cared for a second

jin: well i don’t

do you have his number

y/n: yeah

jin: don’t care

y/n: u sure?

jin: whatever man

he was weak fingers

he looks like he has a lisp does he have a lisp?

y/n: no??

jin: yes he does

stupid lispy bitch

y/n: SEOKJIN DONT BE MEAN

lisps are cute

jin: do you like his lisp?

bet you wanna kiss him every time he speaks

bet he’s all like “i theriously thlipping love thew” all in ur ear

and u blush so bad

y/n: LAMSOSOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

jin: i don’t care take ur 26 year old lisp bitch

y/n: all this because of a few stupid shippers?

jin: he looks at you a lot

and you look at him

A LOT

there are so many videos

you look at him like you wanna get him pregnant

y/n: what the fuck

jin: you should only look at me like that

y/n: i’m sorry????

jin: i don’t care for your sorry

or this situation

or that ur new man is 26

i don’t CARE

y/n: ok baby

jin: if i smoked i would light a cigarette rn

y/n: i believe you

jin: good

would be like a chain smoker rn

y/n: i believe you baby

jin: and i’m not talking about that little emo band thing or whatever

y/n: didn’t think you were

jin: me

cuz i’m i’m a chain smoker in spirit

y/n: !!!

jin: girlfriend

y/n: boyfriend

jin: ….

so like i’m gonna be honest

y/n: ok

jin: i do care

y/n: no way

jin: ik it’s hard to believe cuz i’m a good actor and all

y/n: naturally

jin: but wow why is he looking at you like he needs to be inside of you

y/n: ok ew?

jin: right i was thinking the same thing

y/n: why would you say that

jin: WHY WOULD HE LOOK AT YOU LIKE THAt?????????

y/n: let’s end this conversation

jin: let’s end his life

y/n: gn jin

jin: think about it

y/n: no

jin: when he looks at you do you feel uncomfortable

y/n: i’m uncomfortable rn

jin: OHMYGOD IS HE WITH YOU

IS HE LOOKING????

BABE TELL ME

y/n: no

jin: i’m literally a chain smoker

in spirit

cuz smoking ages you

look at jungkook 26 looking 206

y/n: goodnight jin

jin: so is ur new man with u or not??

y/n: no jin

goodnight

jin: good i didn’t even care anyways

YOONGI -

yoongi: fuck you

you know what you did

y/n: contrary to popular belief i am unfortunately not all knowing nor am i a mind reader

yoongi: kill yourself

y/n: full of love and joy today i see <3

yoongi: do you know

how may edits i’ve seen of that one clip of you and soobin

why is he smiling so hard at you???

tf is his issue

ur not fucking funny at all trust me i know

and you look really good

why are you looking good around other people???

and WHY did you touch him

and why the fuck did he blush so hard?

you need to kill yourself it’s the only option

y/n: strange way of telling me ur deeply in love with me but i’ll take it

yoongi: kill yourself

y/n: WAIT WDYM IM NOT FUNNY

yoongi: am i laughing rn?

y/n: okay that’s not how being funny works

it comes naturally

yoongi: naturally it doesn’t come to you and that’s fine

y/n: yes it does

soobin thinks i’m funny

and so does everyone else

yoongi: soobin doesn’t count cuz he’s a loser

he was also looking at ur tits the whole time i would be smiling if ur tits were in my face too

and everyone else? yeah shut up

ur not funny and that’s ok

y/n: HE WAS NOT

just ur a sick pervert doesn’t mean every man i come into contact is as well

soobin is a nice respectful young man

and are you trying to say my only personality trait is my tits????

that’s real fucked up actually!!!

yoongi: i mean it’s not ur humour thats for sure

y/n: and you think ur comedian of the year?

yoongi: i pull my weight

y/n: YOONGI

baby

babe

be fr

i’m the funny one in this relationship and that’s ok

your good at other things

yoongi: that’s crazy

we must be a really unfunny couple then yikes

y/n: what is ur beef?

yoongi: you and soobin

y/n: soobin is a baby to me

there is no me and soobin

yoongi: yeah ok

he’s 6 ft yk?

y/n: i know

stood next to him

yoongi: did you compare hand sizes

y/n: are you calling me a whore?

yoongi: is he funny?

y/n: yoongi

yoongi: is he funnier than me??

y/n: no yoongi

yoongi: wow that’s insane thought i wasn’t funny??????

soobin must have the personality of a fucking rock then

y/n: rolling my eyes real hard rn

yoongi: is he a good kisser?

y/n: ok now ur being ridiculous

yoongi: you touched his arm

y/n: he’s suit was fucked up

yoongi: have you imagined him in a wedding suit

y/n: what

yoongi: was his skin soft when you touched him

y/n: again he was wearing suit didn’t feel his skin at all

yoongi: bet you wanted to

y/n: ur impossible actually

incoming FaceTime call from yoongi :3

yoongi: answer me

y/n: are you going to apologise for telling me to kms

yoongi: no

want to see ur pretty face tho

answer pls

y/n: why would i answer after that

yoongi: pls

y/n: you want me so bad

yoongi: me or soobin?

y/n: …

yoongi: ok sorry

answer :3

JUNGKOOK -

jk: hey can wonbin do a kick flip?

y/n: idk probably

jk: wkjsjsjxjdjswiiwskdkekekdkwkke KSSKXKSKSKSKCKDMDKDJDJSKDKKKWOQWOSODKDKSKDKDJEKDKDKSKDDKDKDKKDKSKDKDKDKDKKCKMDKDCDKDKDKKDKDKFDKDKKDKDKDDKKDDKDKDKDKKDKDKDKDDJDKDKKDKDKDKDKSKDKDKDKDKDKKDKDKDDKKDDKDKDKFKDKDKDKAKS/@@:@;’ wmkdkdkdkdkd sskskdk kddkmdmdmdxm-@/29/929920//09/9/9:9

y/n: woah ok?

you don’t even skate why does this matter?

jk: exactly

y/n: i’m not following

jk: do you know his songs?

y/n: pulling back the sirennnnnnnnnnnn

jk:😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

y/n: ??

you literally asked me to? why are you crying

jk: do you have his number?

y/n: yeah

jk: /‘sjdjdjcjkdidfkckkdkfkdkdk&/&&/&/8/88/8/8/8/88/8818:’snn@2@:’dndn’dmn**$*****$\$$\$$€!!!!’annanjjjsnsnsndjxjxjjxjjxjzjj&/&:&:&/&7(7(7(7(&?&!@!@)&();6;6:5;7)&??,(:3-;:&)9!£0£@!&()::54:(,£,&?@£9£0&0£9£9£9)&(7;5:437)&££9&9)@(7(7(6(£?&!9&0@!’ b gxfxgxgstdgcnjhkbvkhnb hchdtsrdhchvkhopjpjojonobkvjbjvgihighij

y/n: jungkook…

jk: has he ever looked you in the eyes?

y/n: babe

jk: he has hasn’t he?

KILL ME NOWWWWWWWWEEWWWWWEJEJEJJEJEJWJWWWWENENEJEJEJNEJEJEENENNENNWJEJEJEJJEJWJEJEJEJEJEJEEJJWJWEJJEJWJWJWJWJEJEJEJENEJEJEJEJEJEJEJJEEJJEJEJJWJEJWJWJJWWJJWJWJWJWJWJWJWJWJWJWJJWJWNWNWNWNWWNWNWNWNWNWNWNENENNENENENENDNRNNRNDNNRNDNENENNENENENENENENENENNE

but can even sing?

y/n: yes kook

that is literally his job

jk: NOOSIEOSOSOOSOSOSOOOOO SNJSJSJDJDJSJSJDNMDNDMDNCMDMNDNDMDNDNDNDNDNDNNXJDJDN SNJSJSNDMDMDNDNDJDKXJDCJNXXNNCDNNXNXNX SJSJZKSJXNSJXJX JSJXMMXMX JXNXNDNNXNNDXNSNDN SJDJNDNXNXJXJX JSJXJXNXJCXJXJSISKS SJDJDJNDNDNDNDKNXXND NSJXJJDJXJDJD NJDJDJSJSJSJDJKDKDD DNDJKXKXKDXNXJX JSJDNDJDJSKISISOSKSKKS

there are so many tears in my eyes i can’t see

i cant think

i cant be

my left lung has given out and i’m losing hearing in both my ears

they are probably gonna have to amputate both my big toes and a couple fingers

it’s fading too black

baby

babe

pretty girl

can you hear me

do you care for me

did you ever care

did you even love me

y/n: jeon jungkook

jk: loml

y/n: get over it

jk: ok

y/n: ….

jk: i’m sorry

i love you

what even is a wonbin?

my biggest enemy in this life thats who

y/n: what happened to being sorry and over it?

jk: but babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

everyone is saying he’s like in love with you

and he can do a kick flip

what if you pick him

y/n: i said he could probably do a kick flip

not that he actually can

why does that even matter?

jk: cuz kick flips are cool

and bitch takeable

y/n: what

jk: he might pop a kick flip out of nowhere and steal you

i cant have that

y/n: learn how to kick flip then idk?

jk: BUT YOU TOOK MY SKATEBOARD AWAY

y/n: oh yeah i did

didnt you almost brake ur face?????

AND you kept riding it in the house

pretty reasonable of me

jk: so what ur saying that ur waiting for wonbin to kick flip in front of you

y/n: ?????????

no

jungkook i am not leaving u for wonbin

jk: you say that but when he drops the most sexiest panty dropping kick flip known to man right in front of you i’m gonna be left single and depressed

y/n: you are stressing me out

jk: can i have the skateboard back

y/n: no

jk: 😞

Y/n: i said no jungkook

jk: 😕

y/n: stop

jk: ☹️

y/n: fine whatever idk break all ur bones

jk: kick flip kook coming soon >.<

JIMIN -

jimin: pretend i’m wonho for a second ok?

y/n: wonho?

jimin: yeah wonho

y/n: boob

jimin: hey lol ur really pretty 😍 😋❤️‍🔥 you should totally ditch that ugly lame excuse of a boyfriend you have (jimin) 🤢🤮 and come be my girl 💯🤗🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️

y/n: boob 🤤

jimin: be mine

y/n: show me ur tits

jimin: u fucking cheating bitch

y/n: wonho don’t be mean 😢

jimin: i am no longer wonho

i am jimin

y/n: lame

turn back

we want wonho

we want wonho

jimin: who is we

y/n: me and the voices in my head idk

jimin: even the voices not even fucking with me anymore???

ohmygod

the wonho shippers were right

y/n: what the shippers saying

jimin: “y/n just looks so bored with jimin” “did you see her smile when wonho was mentioned”

y/n: WAITTTT THEY SPITTING 🙏🏽🔥🔥🔥

jimin: do you know how insane that is

LIKE YOU LOOK BORED WITH ME

BABE LIKE THATS SO INSANE

y/n: ig u got to get ur funny up idk

jimin: do you understand how this is impacting my mental health

y/n: i like when their a bit insane dw 😍

jimin: i’m real fucking insane

i hear voices

constantly

they tell me to do things

i listen to jay park

you like that huh?

y/n: ok calm down i said a bit insane not jay park lover insane

wtf is wrong with you

jimin: are you bored

y/n: sorry what were you saying i almost felt asleep

jimin: i hope wonho treats you right

y/n: yk i’m tit level to wonho

isn’t that perfect

my face just all up in there

constantly

jimin: me and him are the same height?

y/n: ok but it’s more exciting with wonho

jimin: should i get a boob job???

y/n: please

jimin: WOW

the standards these days are insane

you were supposed to tell me my body is perfect the way it is

y/n: it is

jimin: wow ur so convincing!!!

y/n: i mean it fr fr babe love u body yk that

little tittes matter too

im for the cause!!!!!!!!!!

jimin: i came to you for love and reassurance

y/n: i think i provided

jimin: i’m gonna kill myself infront on wonho

so he’s traumatised

y/n: i did say i like them a bit insane

but whose to say he’ll go insane from watching YOU die????

jimin: excuse me?

y/n: i’m just saying

jimin: a lot of people would go insane from watching ME die

y/n: not wonho

jimin: you can never be too sure

y/n: no i’m sure

jimin: are you trying to find out rn???

y/n: do it

you won’t

jimin: do you love me be honest

y/n: the most

jimin: fucking simp lmao

NAMJOON -

y/n: HIIIIIII JOONIE 😝😍

namjoon: hi

y/n: ????????????????????????????????

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

namjoon: ?

y/n: where is my “hi love”

where is the love

where is the life

not even a silly emoji???????????

who took my bitch

namjoon: death soon i hope

y/n: emo era joon omg?

namjoon: where are u rn?

y/n: some boba place with tae and kook

namjoon: oh

we’ve never gotten boba together

y/n: you don’t like boba joon??

namjoon: taste buds change??

y/n: we can go on a boba date tomorrow if you want?

namjoon: no

y/n: LAMOSOSK

ok babe

namjoon: yk people think ur fucking tae?

y/n: ew

namjoon: i’m not joking

like people think you’re cheating on me with tae

y/n: people always think i’m cheating

namjoon: yeah…

but like not with tae :/

and there isn’t always all these edits and stuff

people are even in our weverse talking about it

y/n: people are so silly

namjoon: yeah

…

why are you calling me?

y/n: why aren’t you answering?

namjoon: don’t want to interrupt ur date

y/n: my date???

namjoon: your date.

y/n: namjoon

namjoon: yeah

y/n: ur being silly

namjoon: in this clip ur looking at tae like he hung the all stars in the sky for you or something

y/n: get off twitter

namjoon: i’m gonna end my life

y/n: babe

namjoon: cheater 😔

y/n: jonnie r u jealous rn >.<

namjoon: i’m not jealous

y/n: what are you then?

namjoon: heartbroken?

sad

depressed

on the verge of suicide

y/n: tipsy?

namjoon: NO HAHA WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT??????

y/n: yeah thought so

this is a little out of character of you babe

kinda jungkook core idk

namjoon: did you just compare me to jungkook???????????????????????

do you want me to kill myself that bad

oh my god

are you fucking jungkook too??????

y/n: ?????

namjoon: is boba code for sex

y/n: no namjoon

namjoon: yeah ok

cheater 😞

after i learned what rizz was for you..

y/n: i’m am not fucking tae or jungkook my love

namjoon: was my rizz not good enough

y/n: are you listening to me joonie????

namjoon: it wasn’t was it

ofc it wasn’t

i’m sorry i wasn’t good enough

sorry i didn’t have enough rizz

i’m really sorry

y/n: namjoon

namjoon: no you know what

i really tried it wasn’t my fault

no one deserves to be cheated on like this

it’s all your fault

y/n: oh

namjoon: i’m guilt tripping you

y/n: what

namjoon: are you coming home now?

y/n: ???

namjoon: baby

y/n: you can’t tell someone ur guilt tripping them

that’s not how it works

namjoon: baby i’m not guilt tripping you

y/n: it’s too late now

i know what ur doing

namjoon: baby

y/n: wait…..

namjoon: waiting

y/n: no

ur not

namjoon: baby what’s wrong???

y/n: baby?

don’t tell me ur horny rn joon

namjoon: would that be so bad baby?

y/n: these mood swings??? insane actually

thought i was a cheater

now you wanna fuck???

namjoon: life is crazy

are you coming home???

or would you rather fuck taehyung instead

my fault

i’ll just go…

y/n: ur toxic

namjoon: ur a cheater

come home cheater

y/n: yeah yeah give me 20

HOSEOK -

hobi: hawk putuh

ik ur awake

and i know you see these rumours

y/n: did you just fucking spit on me??

hobi: yeah and what

will do it again

hawk putuh

told you

i don’t lie in these parts of town

don’t enjoy it too much

flipping freak

y/n: what rumours

hobi: don’t ignore my second spit wtf

y/n: shut up

hobi: u trying to get drunk and nasty rn? 😝

y/n: ?no

hobi: no u right we supposed to be arguing

y/n: i’m always right

and why are we supposed to be arguing?

hobi: umm that’s NOT true

and people are literally shipping you with mingyu rn…

y/n: how is that my fault

hobi: WRONG ANSWER

hawk putuh

y/n: stop spitting on me

hobi: you like it

y/n: no i don’t

hobi: wow you’ve changed

you used to like it

did mingyu change you???

where is the y/n i know and love

where is my y/n who likes spit

you should never let a man change you

be who you are

and what who you are is my spit loving girlfriend so act like it

y/n: i have never let you spit on me

like ever

hobi: why is that ur focus rn

you should be denying the fact that you’ve changed for mingyu

y/n: i haven’t changed for mingyu and i don’t like spit leave me alone

it’s 2 am hoseok

hobi: why are they shipping you with him what the hell pretty 😞

i’m in my feels rn

feeling aju not fucking nice rn

y/n: cheer up

hobi: no

y/n: ok fuck you then

hobi: i bet mingyu is giggling and blushing and at all of these stupid edits

UGH

by bts

i’m sick to my stomach

y/n: get better

hobi: word on the street is head makes the pain go away

y/n: on the street by jhope ft jcole

hobi: would you give head to mingyu be honest

y/n: you don’t want my honesty right now…

hobi: i do

y/n: let’s just say

hobi: NVM

nvm

let’s not say anything

how about we just hold hands at look each other deeply in the eyes

y/n: i’m cool with that

hobi: are you cool with mingyu

y/n: cool with you by newjeans

hobi: me?

little old me >.<

y/n: always you

hobi: lol stop loveboming me wtf

y/n: yeah kys

about to give mingyu the sloppiest top known to man

hobi: mingyu doesn’t even like girls like you

y/n: girls like me???

hobi: yeah

i don’t need to explain i think you get it

y/n: are you calling me ugly rn…

hobi: you said it not me

y/n: ok

hobi: ok

y/n: hawk putuh

hobi: you didn’t….

y/n: i did

hobi: what fuck

y/n: yeah and what

hobi: what if i said

y/n: no

hobi: yeah

i enjoyed it real bad

do it again

let me catch it this time

😋

y/n: fuck off fuck you leave me alone

hobi: mingyu would never treat you like i do

y/n: i’m sold

tell mingyu i’m on my way

hobi: …

—

tags: @piw6n @92jinnies @birdie-vhs @kooksmilitarywife @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @leleluvsbts @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @jazminethecreator @k4ngelz @jmnscutie @sopebubbles-replies

lowkey hating joons and kooks but it’s okay better shit to come this just my warm up ong 🙏🏽💯🔥

[stunie]

ok so i hit 30 tags pretty early so i wanted to add extra thoughts under here i am SOOO SORRY OMFG ITS SO MUCH 😭😭 GOD

attempt 1 at reading - thoughts:

i love how you wrote the nervousness and hesitation of both reader and atsumu ): this relationship feels so genuine and realistic, like every thought is so real and complex and it all just plays out soooo vividly in my head. i can literally feel every single thing in MY SOUL. it got me holding my breath, my heart racing, my stomach churning

the kiss . the first kiss where mr suna interrupted . when i tell you i read it like this >//////< EXCEPT MY HAND WAS CLASPED SO TIGHTLY OVER MY MIUTH. oh my god the reaction i had. it really felt like a first kiss all over again, i was genuinely WARM and all blushy

attempt 2 at reading - thoughts:

i loved how u wrote out the tension again .. and your characterization for all of them ?? kita being all observant? osamu being all curious ?

the emotional rollercoaster i am on in this chapter is crazy. i took my first break after suna interrupted (the kiss killed me), and im taking my second break right after atsumu confesssd (i was killed a second time). i was irritated during the cafe bc WHY r u avoiding me, and then the next second i’m like squealing 😭 the way that u write yue !! the way that u write . i am such a mess right now give me another moment

attempt 3 at reading - thoughts:

holy shit this scene . the kissing ? THE AAY YOU DESCDIBED IT from the first kiss ?? this one made my stomach FLIP omfg .

oh god the neck kisses . the .. the everything . my left leg has goosebumps idk why it’s only my left leg am i okay yue ? am i okay what’s wrong with me

i have a little ways to go i’m almost done but i need yet another break holy shit i have been reduced to a dizzy lil mess what have i become

attempt 4 at reading - thoughts:

oh my god ): oh my god ): what am i even supposed to say here. i love how u wrote the smut part ?? it feels like actual love ? he is so sweet pls

osamu interrupting had me jolting upright BECAUSE SUNA FIRST NOW OSAMU ? is kita the next victim ?? poor baby

AGHHH THE ENDING IS SO CUTE i fr feel like im in an anime ): i feel so pretty and so lovely THIS WAS SO LOVELYYY TYSMMM YUE FOR WRITING THIS

v. MISUNDERSTANDINGS

miya atsumu x f!reader

── next: vi. Epilogue: Sakura sweetness | series masterlist

synopsis: A drunken conversation with Atsumu leads to a cascade of events that has your mind practically exploding with endless questions, and with the way Atsumu has been acting, you want clear answers, and you’ll get them one way or another—even if it meant arguing in the twins’ shared apartment on a late Thursday afternoon.

chapter content warning: college au, mentions of alcohol use, intoxicated characters, cockblocker suna (rip), angst, hurt/comfort, awkward tension, atsumu & reader are dumbasses, arguing, light smut (mdni; nothing too explicit), nsfw, implied unprotected s*x, fluff towards the end yay, kita graduates from uni!, mutual pining, slow burn, requited unrequited love, friends to lovers, not beta read.

word count: 6.1k

notes: AAACKKKK last chapter!! also happy 1 month to this series !! i’m surprised i got to finish this in less than 2 months lmao considering how slow i am w writing :< divider: cafekitsune.

Light. Everything felt light—your head, body, voice, heart.

It felt like all the weight of your shoulders had been lifted, and you could be as carefree as a bird soaring through cerulean skies to be one with the wind. Because right this very moment, nothing mattered at all, not even the fact that you stood before the person you’ve been trying to avoid since the new year rolled around.

Tucked neatly at the back of your mind like a silent reminder, you knew you shouldn’t trust your intoxicated self right now—whether it be your thoughts or feelings but the urge to stop wasn’t there, and you felt extremely optimistic about this—all thanks to the burning alcohol that clouded every bit of your judgement.

Everything felt right.

As you met his caramel gaze, your vision tunnelled, everyone, and everything that surrounded both of you slowly turned into nothing but a mix of hazy hues, upbeat music that spilled from the speakers fading into the distance as you, and Atsumu entered your own world—even the orange-haired male with the bright, doe eyes melted away from your view.

Just you, and Atsumu, exactly how it was supposed to be.

With a bated breath, Atsumu wordlessly nodded, and awaited your next move, as if shackled in a hazy trance. He was fully aware of the thundering heartbeat that rang in his ears, the way his slender fingers ever so slightly dug into the scarlet plastic cup in his hand, cheeks burning with unexplainable emotions.

“Let’s talk somewhere else.”

It took all the effort for Atsumu to ignore the feeling of your bare skin against his, the searing touch of your fingers around his wrist as you hurriedly whisked him away into the intimate space of their kitchen, as if to shield you both from everyone else’s prying eyes. Despite a stained judgement, the blonde was sure no one gave a single damn if you were to talk it out in the living room, everyone was in their own buzz anyway.

Nonetheless, Atsumu let you take the lead, whatever you wanted, he obliged. As though he was floating on cloud nine, his body became lighter with each step taken, head lightly spinning, warmth that radiated from your palm seeped into his flushed skin, prickly, miniature kisses engulfing his body.

“I’m okay now.” Resting your lower back against the ivory granite countertops, you stare up at Atsumu through your lashes, not noticing your lingering fingers curled around his wrist. For a brief moment, your breath hitched, stomach churning at the sight before you. The lighting behind Atsumu made him look like absolute heaven, flaxen strands glowing like the first rays beneath the warm illuminant, casting an ethereal halo at the back of his head. It didn’t help how he stared down as if your eyes held the cosmos in them, completely awestruck.

Whatever, you chalked it up to his intoxicated state. What else could it have been?

For a brief moment, Atsumu wracked his brain for context behind your words, and as the invisible lightbulb atop his head switched on, he was reminded of the situation at hand. It definitely pulled his consciousness into sobriety. Just a tad bit.

“A-are y’sure?” A breathless, almost dainty whisper slipped past his rosy lips. He took note of the way your gaze shifted ever so slightly downwards, eyes crudely lingering on the plush of his bottom lip as his tongue briefly swiped against it.

Atsumu’s Adam’s apple bobbed at your not-so-subtle stare, stomach churning with want. He knew this feeling all too well—it visited him whenever he was alone in his room, mind wandering over to thoughts of you which filled every corner of his mind; sometimes the feeling was too strong, other times he could bear it. Tonight, though, Atsumu wasn’t sure if he was immune to this feeling, let alone erase any impulsive thoughts from his intoxicated mind.

What pulled you into this decision was something you’d never figure out; maybe it was the fact that your yearning heart grew tired of the icy distance between the two of you or maybe you’ve truly come to terms with his unreciprocated feelings—you didn’t know. All you knew was that nothing good ever came out of inebriated conversations, especially when it involved feelings. But this could be an exception, right?

“So . . Does that mean we can be friends again?”

It was weird. Atsumu’s voice brimmed with a sense of hope—as if he’s been waiting for this very moment for the past two weeks—but the strange glint in his caramel eyes betrayed the blonde entirely.

Despite your better judgement, you chalked it up to the warm light that casted a soft shadow upon his features; maybe you were too dizzy to see things clearly, or maybe you were looking too deep into Atsumu’s expression—hoping to find some sort of sadness upon hearing your decision to move on, and accept his rejection.

Atsumu watched as your eyes traced his features, closely observing them as if to find some kind of answer; as selfish as it seemed, the intensity in your eyes gave him a tinge of hope that perhaps you could let yourself pine over him just a little longer because he wasn’t sure what he’d do with the knowledge that your heart would no longer yearn for him.

The situation was a double-edged sword, really.

You let out a puff of breath, “Yeah, of course. We’re friends again.” Friends. That word should have given you more relief than sorrow but could you really blame yourself? It felt like a bitter reminder of cold rejection which resembled salt pressed against an unhealed wound, a searing itch that left your skin feverish.

Even if it meant selling yourself short.

Avoiding his eye contact, you swiftly unwound your fingers from his wrist, mentally cursing yourself for not noticing any sooner. A cold embrace engulfed Atsumu’s wrist, where your fingers were mere seconds ago, he tried his best to ignore how his body yearned for your warmth. He gave a small smile, one that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

For a moment, you stood in each other’s silence like two predators sizing up one another, eagerly waiting for one’s move before pouncing, the silent hum of the fridge making up for the lack of conversation between one another.

How strange, this agreement should have cleared the unsettled air between you, and Atsumu but why did it feel like the complete opposite? As if the air turned into something more uncertain. You both knew you could feel the uncanny tension rising up, up, up but not one dared to address it.

Swiftly burying it under the rug, Atsumu spoke, thinly slicing through your trance, “You’ll find someone better.”

God, he must’ve really matured this new year because he didn’t know how he was able to say that straight to your face. Being one to wear his heart on his sleeve, this was completely foreign for Atsumu—or maybe he just got better at masking his true emotions.

You closed your eyes upon hearing his response, as if doing so would help you brave the weight of his words. It didn’t. That was the last thing you wanted Atsumu to say to you, ‘someone better’, it was brazen of him to think so poorly of himself, as though he wasn’t that certain someone. It was entirely unfair on your end because who was Atsumu to determine which person was for you?

Even just thinking about it had you fuming, rejection was one thing but completely disregarding the reason behind your feelings for him was another because in your eyes, Miya Atsumu was that ‘someone better’; he was the one who understood you the most, the one who always looked out for you, the one you fucking wanted.

And despite your mind telling you to nod along, and suck it up, the alcohol in your body was stronger; so, you opened your eyes, and furrowed your brows at him,

Nothing good ever came out of inebriated conversations.

“But I don’t want anyone better, Tsumu. I want you.”

Atsumu’s eyes widened, the desperation in your voice was something he hadn't heard before, it definitely pulled at his heart, guilt gnawing at his skin for being the sole reason for your drunken actions. He may be drunk but he wasn’t stupid, Atsumu knew you should’ve kept that one to yourself, he could practically see you brimming with temerity but he’d be lying to himself if he said his heart didn’t skip a beat or two.

I want you, too. God, he wanted to say it back badly. The words were lodged in his throat, unable to slip past his lips despite the best efforts to do so.

It dawned on him—right then, and there—the severity of your feelings for him, the immense weight of it. Now, guilt really ate him away; he could only imagine how the past two weeks were for you. Did you cry while thinking about him?

That was the last thing Atsumu wanted.

Though, amidst the guilt, something else blossomed in his chest, it made him feel like he stood upon the highest pedestal. Atsumu didn’t know whether it was pride or greed; as fucked up as it was, he couldn’t bring himself to push the impulsiveness away as though you’ve infected him with your own. His heart hammered at a thought that formed in his mind, even just thinking about it stirred his chest.

Despite Atsumu’s better judgement, he held onto the feeling with a tight grip, and opened his mouth, tongue nervously swiping at the bottom lip,

Nothing good ever came out of inebriated conversations.

“Is . . Is it bad that I really want to kiss you right now?”

You sucked in a breath, heart pounding at Atsumu’s sudden confession. If you were sober, you’d have a million thoughts racing through your mind right now, questioning the feelings he really had for you but unfortunately, only one thing was on your mind—how badly you wanted to kiss Atsumu too.

Dragging yourself further down, down, down the void of uncertainty, you shook your head in a daze,

Nothing good ever came out of inebriated conversations.

“What if I say I want to kiss you, too?” 

Barely audible but Atsumu heard it just fine over the pounding of his heart, over the incoherent conversations beyond this kitchen, over the muted bass music because as long as it's you, he’d always listen, even if it meant drowning out the entire world.

Then, there was a heartbeat, a passing second, a dip of a finger to test undisturbed waters; the funny thing was that even a minute disturbance could cause a ripple effect for miles, and miles, awakening the dormant creatures that lay beyond the azure surface.

It was swift, as though Atsumu had been waiting for this very moment to happen—one second you were locked in a trance, the next his lips were pressed against your own, a shared warmth of intimacy searing both bodies in an eternal blaze like a blue flame that dangerously destroyed everything in its path.

Shy. Warm. Soft. Rosy. Like it was meant to be. The list could go on, and on but it was as though your thoughts came quickly before your mind could register them, leaving you in a white, empty haze. With the plastic cups long forgotten on the counter behind, you closed your eyes as Atsumu’s body eagerly pressed against yours, strong arms coming up to rest on the granite countertop behind you, fingers digging into the material to ground himself.

For a moment, everything was still, lips unmoving against each other, a time to bask in this newfound intimacy—the foreignness of one another’s body. The earth felt like it spun on its axis way faster than usual, as if day, and night merged to become one; hues of late dusk, and early dawn intertwined like your bodies.

Bitterness from Atsumu’s rosy lips lingered on your own; you never liked the taste of beer but oddly enough, you didn’t mind it at all.

Your hands cupped Atsumu’s jaw, fingers gently digging onto his soft skin, eager for more as your lips moulded together. Slowly moving his mouth against your own, you followed suit to match the sensual pace he had set, falling deeper, and deeper between the hazy boundaries of friendship, and something a little more. Low whimpers slipped past between each feverish kiss as a drunken greed gradually controlled your bodies.

The initial softness of the kiss dissipated as each second passed, slowly turning into something more carnal, and passionate—breaths becoming heavier, and faces eagerly pressed against one another, angled in a way to grant more access.

Was this what cloud nine felt like? Exhilarating? Euphoric? As though there was no one else—

“Oh!—Holy shit. Did I interrupt?”

A familiar voice violently pulled you, and Atsumu back into reality, swiftly jumping away from each other’s hold, and looking over to the owner of the voice. Suna. The brunette stared at both of you—looking like a deer caught in headlights, chests heaving—his expression was unreadable, almost like a mix of shock, and amusement. You, and Atsumu kissing in the kitchen was absolutely not in his new year bingo card.

Well, this encounter certainly was enough to strip you into sobriety.

Your head spun a little, lungs severely deprived of oxygen. Shame, and realisation settled deep in your bones—shame because Suna just caught you, and Atsumu almost sucking the soul out of each other, and realisation because everything about this whole situation was so wrong; a million questions formulated in your mind as each awkward second passed.

On the other hand, Atsumu was equally as horrified, albeit annoyed that he didn’t have the chance to kiss you longer. The thrumming of his heart pounded in his ears, his mind trying to come up with anything to say just to stop the thoughts formulating in Suna’s mind—oh, he knows that look on his friend’s face very well.

Your view became obstructed by the expanse of Atsumu’s back, a subtle attempt to block you from the brunette’s gaze.

“W-what the hell, Suna?! Don’t jus’ barge into the kitchen, ya scrub!” Atsumu tried his best to act tough but miserably failed with the shakiness in his voice betraying him.

As if to make matters worse, Suna didn’t back down, a smug look painted on his flushed face as the blonde shamelessly blamed him,

“Well, how was I supposed to know that you two were sucking each other’s faces in the kitchen?!”

Did he have to word it like that?

Atsumu opened, and closed his mouth, trying to think of ways to deny Suna’s accusations but his mind went blank, even with just the brunette mentioning your kiss had him blushing like a mad man. Silence yet again occupied the kitchen, low bass music spilled from the speakers, and incoherent chatters from beyond the space making up for the lack of conversation.

Before the situation could get even more awkward, you spoke up, “I . . think I’m just going to go . . ” This gained both their attention, carefully watching as you navigated past Atsumu, and out the kitchen.

The blonde watched as you staggered past him, and Suna; he wanted to go after you, and talk about what just happened but the soles of his feet stayed rooted on the ground, too heavy to lift, even the words he wanted to say were lodged in his throat.

So, Atsumu decided it was best to let you go.

Monday. 

Everyone’s enemy but also a day to gather around the campus coffee shop with friends, and be productive for a while. The calming aroma of coffee engulfed your senses; low chatter from other customers, faint jazz music, and the occasional hum of the coffee machine filled the table from the lack of conversation. Despite the café’s light ambience, it didn’t do much to hide the growing tension that surrounded the group, specifically you, Atsumu, and Suna.

Kita was the first to notice the subtle shift of aura that emanated from you three, especially after catching a glimpse of Suna’s narrow eyes trailing from you to Atsumu over his laptop screen; though, he had much more things to worry about than to indulge himself in whatever tomfoolery this was. He’d ask questions later.

On the other hand, Osamu was more than curious, especially after his older twin started acting out of character—Atsumu wasn’t one to engulf himself in thoughts to the point where he’d be staring at an inanimate object, in a complete daze but lately, Osamu has seen him behave as such.

The latter could practically feel the weight of awkwardness pressing against his skin as he subtly watched the three of you. Of course, he did his best to pry off information from the blonde only to no avail; Osamu didn’t know why Suna was even caught up in this but he suspected it was from the party a few days ago.

He remembered seeing you stumble out of the kitchen when he was on his way to grab more drinks from their fridge, the younger twin thought nothing of it until he was met with Suna, and Atsumu awkwardly standing in the kitchen. Normally, Osamu would’ve asked questions that night but the alcohol in him couldn’t care less about the situation.

Staring at the untouched document pulled up on your laptop, you ducked behind your screen to avoid Suna’s wandering gaze, and Osamu’s not-so-subtle curiosity. This was hell. You didn’t even know why you decided to turn up today after that shit show at the party—maybe because you thought you could shove down that memory especially after telling Atsumu that you were fine or maybe you craved the closeness you two once had, and now you were here to rebuild that.

As easy as it sounded, you feared it might not be so with the way Atsumu has been avoiding you like the plague. First, it started when you walked into the café at the same time as the twins, Osamu greeted you at the door before heading inside leaving you, and Atsumu outside. Now, that would’ve been fine if the latter didn’t make a show of taking a couple of steps back to let you go first as though you carried some kind of incurable disease.

The second time was when Atsumu realised the only vacant seat was next to your own, thus, asking to swap with Osamu just so he could sit farthest away from you. And the third was when you had asked him if he was alright while waiting in line to order only to be met with a mindless nod before returning to his phone in his hand.

You tried your very best to ignore the blooming pain in your chest; sure, being sad about Atsumu possibly avoiding you was reasonable but then again, you were the one who told him you were okay now—how Atsumu decided to act after the party was beyond your control.

God but it pissed you off. Swallowing one’s pride, and making effort to rekindle a cold friendship was not an easy feat when the other doesn’t do the same. It shouldn’t work you up this much but it did, and now you were second guessing yourself that maybe it was an irrational decision to abruptly tell Atsumu that you’ve come to terms with moving on.

That night at the party, were you lying to yourself just so you could be around him again?

Whatever. It was too late to take it back anyway.

The days ahead were monotonous, and boring; you, and Atsumu remained orbiting around one another, careful not to get into each other’s path of trajectory but it was tiring. Not only did it feel like navigating through eggshells while he was around but the constant questions from your friends tested your limits. Though, it wasn’t their fault for simply being curious, and getting left in the dark about the whole situation but the prying felt like endless jabs of sharp needles along your skin.

From their point of view, you, and Atsumu were stubborn about the whole situation. None dared to speak up about it, acting as though everything was fine, so your friends were left with very little to work with.

It felt like a game of cat, and mouse where you were the feline chasing Atsumu around. The longer the days dragged on, the more thoughts formulated in your mind, and they all involved the blonde in some way or another. And just like everyone else, you had your limits too; you were tired of Atsumu acting like a stubborn idiot.

When you confessed to Atsumu, sure, you expected an awkward phase but this was even worse. There wasn’t just distance between the two of you, it felt like you were strangers.

He was known for brashly saying the sharp truth, so why couldn’t he be straightforward with you? Was he disgusted by the kiss, and deeply regretted it? Did he think you were weird? You didn’t know, but you were bound to find out even if it meant knocking at the twin’s apartment door at 5:45 PM on a cold, rainy Thursday.

With the sun hidden behind the looming grey clouds, the late winter afternoon was even darker; the roads were packed with vehicles while the sidewalks occupied students, and company workers alike trying their best to shield themselves from the heavy downpour. Despite the streets being illuminated with a tinge of warm yellow from cars, and streetlights, it did nothing to brighten up the gloomy day.

Funny, it was as though the universe knew how you felt today.

“If yer lookin’ for ‘Samu, he won’t be back until 8 PM.” Greeted with Atsumu’s shocked face as the ivory door to their apartment opened, you couldn’t help but visibly roll your eyes at his stubbornness. Yeah, like you’d be here at their apartment looking for Osamu—you knew each of their timetables like the back of your hand.

Flaxen strands that sat atop his head were unruly, a sign that he must’ve been taking a nap sometime ago. Atsumu donned a light blue hoodie paired with black sweats; you tried your best not to ogle the man, after all, you were here for a sensible talk.

“I’m here for you, Miya.”

Atsumu gripped the metal handle a little tighter, the coolness of it seeping into the warmth of his skin. He tried not to flinch at the sudden formality of the conversation. Nonetheless, the blonde pulled the door wider, a wordless invite to their humble space. Giving him a small smile before walking inside, you tried not to think about the last time you were here, and how you found yourself drunkenly kissing Atsumu in their kitchen.

The sound of the door closing shut behind Atsumu reverberated throughout the walls of their apartment, followed by a deafening silence. Met with his honeyed stare, you awkwardly coughed, and played with the hem of your jacket, “I’m not going to take up too much of your time . . but I do just have one question.”

There was a momentary silence as Atsumu waited for you to proceed; he had so many questions running through his mind right now, and it took all his willpower to hold them back, and let you speak instead. It was getting harder, and harder to focus as each second passed with the pounding of his heart—Atsumu didn’t know what to expect.

“Did you—Did you regret that kiss . . ?”

Your skin burned as the question lingered in the air, a beat or two before Atsumu finally spoke up, “. . N-no, why’d ya ask?”

Sighing, impatience prickled your feverish skin. ‘Why’d you ask?’  What the hell does he mean by why would I ask? We made out for fuck sake, that’s something friends don’t do! Why is he acting so casual about it? 

“God, this just made it a lot worse. I have so many fucking questions that my mind wants to explode right now,” Pinching the bridge of your nose, you slowly paced back, and forth, the floors beneath silently creaking with each step. So, Atsumu didn’t regret the kiss but he’s acting like you’re strangers—fucking hell, why did he even kiss you in the first place?!

Your mind was a complete mess.

Trying to calm yourself down with slow, deep breaths, you decided to address the elephant in the room first, “Then why have you been avoiding me, Atsumu?—I’m sorry but I’m the one who got rejected, I cannot think of any reason why you should be avoiding me like this.” Atsumu hated that look on your face—the desperation, the sadness, the frustration. He never thought that he’d be the one making you feel all these negative emotions, and it pained him as much as it pained you.

Atsumu let out a sigh, carefully formulating the right words into a coherent sentence, “I’m just . . trying to be careful, okay?” His stomach dropped as your face contorted with more confusion.

Did he say something wrong?

“Careful about what, Atsumu?! You—ugh! It’s so hard to talk to you when you’re giving me all these stupidly vague answers! I’ve already told you I was fine. I don’t care anymore that you don’t like me back. I just want us to be back to normal again.”

Now, it was Atsumu’s turn to be upset. He couldn’t bear the thought of you moving on so quickly, and that’s why he’s been acting distant lately; it annoyed him how easy it was for you to talk to him like nothing happened but Atsumu knew he couldn’t tell you the reason—why couldn’t you just try, and understand his situation? Rejecting wasn’t an easy task to do, especially if it was the person he had been hopelessly pining for.

“Well—maybe things aren’t meant ta back ta normal!”

What?

You stared at him for a second, brows furrowed as you tried to comprehend his words that lingered in the cold air of their apartment. Silence engulfed the two of you, the distant sounds of Hyōgo’s late afternoon rain seeping through the slightly opened window.

“Do you feel uncomfortable around me after knowing the fact that I have feelings for you? Is that it?” “God, no—I could never feel that way.”

It took all of Atsumu’s patience not to wrap his arms around you—he wanted to hold you against him badly; that defeated look on your face broke his heart but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. Maybe Atsumu was the coward after all.

“Then tell me what’s wrong, ‘Tsumu!”

“It’s hard f’me as well, y’know?!” “What is?”

Atsumu closed his eyes, the words he’s been wanting to scream at the top of his lungs lodged in his throat, threatening to slip out. A wave of adrenaline rush coursed through his veins, heart pounding like crazy with this newfound high, it made him feel as though he was invincible—as if he could say anything, and everything without a care for its consequences.

Fuck it.

“Fuck—It’s because I like ya back, okay?! I always have! And rejectin’ ya was so goddamn hard f’me because I’m still not over ya. God, I think about ya every single second, and it pains me so much because yer already movin’ on, and ‘m still stuck here.”

What?

Flabbergasted, you stared at Atsumu all wide-eyed, the thrumming of your heart becoming increasingly loud against your ears as each slow second passed. Did he just say he liked you back? As though mother nature was watching, the rain outside poured harder; sounds of droplets of heavy water against the roof filled the silent apartment, pulling you back into reality.

“Then why—If you feel the same way then why did you reject me?”

When you knocked on the door to the twins’ apartment, you expected a sincere conversation with Atsumu, not him confessing his feelings out of the blue. You were absolutely speechless—you didn’t know whether to jump for joy because he actually does like you back or whether to massage your temples from pure confusion.

“Back then during the trip, ya told me ya weren’t ready for a relationship yet, and that ya only wanted ta confess ta get rejected n’ move on. I wanted ta respect yer decision, so . .”

Flashbacks of said conversation from the trip quickly came into mind, and how you told Atsumu about not being ready for a relationship yet.

Oh.

Oh.

The weight of frustration from your shoulders slowly dissipated, the pent up annoyance you held in your heart was gone too. Suddenly, you weren’t so frustrated anymore after learning about the whole truth behind the situation. You were able to breathe better with the bad air finally cleared between you, and Atsumu.

Looking at it now, you felt absolutely silly. The whole situation turned out to be one big misunderstanding, it was almost laughable—now, you truly understood the essence of communication is key.

You let out a humourless laugh, “You’re so stupid, you know that?” Taking a few steps toward the blonde, you leaned your forehead against his chest, a hand coming up to curl into a fist to lightly hit it; a faint scent of his musky cologne lingered on the fabric of his hoodie, effectively invading your senses. Atsumu didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around your torso, pulling your body flush against his before resting his chin on the crown of your head.

For a beat or two, you, and Atsumu remained in each other’s hold, basking in the cosy atmosphere. 

“Would I be more stupid if I tell ya I want ta pick up where we left off at the party?”

Before you knew it your lips were sealed in a searing kiss—this time, it felt raw, all things passionate, and eager. Hands impatiently roaming each other’s unexplored bodies, sounds of wet kisses slowly filling up the apartment. The atmosphere shifted from cosy to something more sensual, light groans, and moans slipping in between each kiss.

Your hands rested on Atsumu’s golden strands, fingers gently tugging at it as he worked his lips down the column of your neck, teeth lightly nipping at the feverish skin. Atsumu focused on a certain spot just below your ear, nipping, and sucking at it which pulled a dainty whine from your lips.

“‘T-Tsumu—Ah!” You gasped, his tongue leaving trails of goosebumps beneath its sinful licks against your skin. He cursed under his breath, the dizzying tone of your voice awakening the slumbering carnal beast that resided in his core. With each dulcet moan that slipped past your swollen lips, Atsumu became greedier, he wasn’t going to settle for mere kisses on your skin—he needed to hear more.

Pulling away from your intoxicating scent, Atsumu looked down at you with parted lips, and hooded eyes, caramel gaze clouded with nothing but pure desire. “I think we should take this ta my room.” He panted.

Nodding at his proposal, hurried footsteps padded over to his room as though each second wasted was crucial. As soon as the door behind Atsumu slammed shut, his lips were on yours once again, strong hands deftly working on the layers of clothing you wore, slowly slipping them off of you one by one; Atsumu could practically feel himself shaking with nervousness, and excitement.

Discarding your top on the wooden floor beneath, Atsumu stared wide-eyed at your torso, both hands coming up to cup your breasts through the fabric of your bra, earning a low moan from you. The air of the room felt cold against your skin but Atsumu’s touch was enough to ignite you.

“So beautiful . .” He absent-mindedly gasped, a lovestruck look in his honeyed eyes.

Hands eagerly tugging at the hem of his hoodie, Atsumu swiftly pulled the fabric off his torso in one movement, golden strands tousled from the action. Goosebumps formed upon his sun kissed skin, bare torso met with the cold winter air; your eyes raked Atsumu’s physique up, and down, shamelessly ogling his muscled chest in all its naked glory. God, you used to just fantasise about this, and now it was served right in front of you on a silver platter.

You decorated each other’s skin with endless love bites, sinful hues of dark red, and purple peppered along your chest, and neck. Atsumu took his sweet time to savour every bit of you—your taste, your scent, your sounds, everything. He made sure to bask in your serene beauty, the gentle glow of your bare figure before utterly devouring you like a starved animal, ravaging your purity with carnal desire.

Atsumu let himself go at the raw intimacy of your bodies, the feeling of your sweet warmth brought tears of pleasure in his eyes as he pushed, and pushed towards the newfound ecstasy you both shared. The chant of his name slipped past your lips like a sinful melody, mere fuel to the relentless drive of his hips. But Atsumu held you dearly against his naked body through it all, fingers intertwined with your own as he keenly chased both your pleasures, choked out moans of your name whispered hotly against your sensitive skin.

And as you both tipped over the edge, Atsumu didn’t fail to tell you how much he loved you in between each pathetic moan as he painted your insides white, the dizzying pleasure contorting his handsome face in pure ecstasy. You held him in your arms, nails digging crescent-shaped marks on his skin, whispering saccharine praises to him as you let go, and emptied the words of your heart.

As the gentle aftermath of the passionate exchange rolled around, Atsumu held you in his arms, hearts beating as one, and lulling you both to sleep. The last thing you heard was a faint ‘I love you’ before passing out from exhaustion.

“‘Tsumu, what did ya want for—Oh my god! What the fuck?!” 

A familiar voice abruptly pulled you, and Atsumu out of your sleep, followed by the loud bang of his door slamming shut. Muffled expletives from outside the room could be heard as you both stirred beneath the ivory sheets. “‘Tsumu, what the hell?! Ya should’ve warned me before I went into yer room!” Osamu yelled from the other side of the door.

Atsumu groaned, rubbing his face before turning to the door, “Shut yer trap! Ya should’ve knocked!” At his twin’s silence, he let out a sigh, and slung a heavy arm around your waist, pulling you flush against his naked body before closing his eyes once again.

You let out a soft chuckle, “We really need to stop getting caught. First, Suna, and now Osamu.” Atsumu hummed in response, too sleepy to even think or form a coherent sentence. Snuggling closer to him, you closed your eyes, and went back to sleep as well.

Oh, you could get used to this.

Winter slowly turned into spring as March rolled around—the end of the academic year.

Trees that were once bare slowly blossomed with flowers, hues of yellows, and browns were replaced with endless greenery, and frigid air became more welcoming like a warm embrace. Most importantly, the cold distance between you, and Atsumu no longer existed, instead, it was replaced by fluttering heartbeats, and fluffy moments that hinted at a sweet forevermore.

“There he is! How does it feel to be a fresh graduate!” Suna whistled as Kita walked over to the group, clad in a black academic gown with a matching trencher propped neatly on his head, the golden tassel on the cap swayed with every step taken; he donned a warm smile, one hand holding his well-deserved degree.

The buzz of excitement outside the venue was high, the graduation ceremony having finished just a few minutes ago. You were all surrounded by graduands, all with heartfelt smiles on their faces as they conversed with family, and friends alike. 

As your friends fell into a merry conversation, a warm hand interlaced with your own, giving your hand a comfortable squeeze. Atsumu. Looking up at your boyfriend, he cheekily leaned into your ear, whispering an ‘I love you’ before slowly blinking at you, mirroring a cat’s action. You let out a small laugh, shaking your head at his antics.

“Are you two lovebirds done, now?” Suna coughed, pulling you back into reality.

Met with amused expressions plastered on your friends’ faces, you, and Atsumu returned a sheepish smile before joining in their conversation. “Anyway, we were talkin’ about how we should celebrate Kita’s graduation. It can also serve as a treat for us for makin’ it through another academic year.” Osamu explained, earning a hum of approval from you, and Atsumu.

“How about a spring trip to Kyoto?” —

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© atsumou 2024 | don’t plagiarise, repost or steal my header.

[angstyx]

one where the reader donates some money to get a tts message to play? (gender neutral, wilbur, fundy, and karl or more if you can ^^)

Reactions to You Donating to Them

Includes: George, Wilbur Soot, Fundy, Karl, Tommy, Sapnap

TW: cursing, small cringe? idk

Requested?: [Yes] [No]

Note: i didnt know if you wanted platonic or romantic so i did a mix of them

also ngl this was fun and i had a bunch of ideas so let me know if you want a part 2

and hey, been a while hasn’t it? This has been finished for a while I just didn’t feel like posting it

Masterlist // Rules for Requesting ───── ⋆✩⋆ ─────

George

« [username] donated $10! » “hi babe can do me a favor and go get the food I just ordered <33"

he's literally so confused from how random the message was

you knew he was streaming so of course you had to tease him

chat is laughing and telling george to listen to you and to go get the food

"[name]... you're literally in the room next to mine. You could get it yourself."

« [username] donated $10! » “shhh don't expose me like that and fyi im binge watching my favorite show rn so i'm busy"

literally deadpans at the camera

"[name] i'm literally streaming right now"

« [username] donated $15! » "aw okay :(( well no mcdonalds for you then... and i was hoping i could feed you too </3 "

blushes from your teasing

chat is going wild. i repeat. chat is going wild

[dsmp_fan] "george listen to [name] and get the mcdonalds so they can feed it to you >:/"

in the end he gave in and got the mcdonalds for you

chat wouldnt let him live the moment down but hey at least he got to eat some french fries

Wilbur Soot

« [username] donated $20! » "wilbur open the fucking door right now"

"huh [name]? what are you talking about?"

« [username] donated $10! » "i was bored so now i'm outside your office cause i want to be on your stream. now open the fucking door"

"say less"

literally RUNS to the door to open it without giving it a second thought

he was still un-muted though so chat could barely hear the conversations between you too

"why are you here [name]? and... why do you have a box of cookies with you"

"like i said i was bored and did i forget to say i'm hungry?"

"it's 2am"

"yet you're streaming?"

"touché"

Fundy

« [username] donated $15! » "babe what do you want for lunch"

"oh hey [name]! uh i'm not sure. what do you have in mind?"

« [username] donated $10! » "well we can either go out or have it sent to us"

"well i think we both know what's the better option"

« [username] donated $10! » "doordash it is. how does [your favorite restaurant/food] sound?

"perfect"

the viewers who were new to his streams were absolutely confused

was this normal? do you two usually communicate like this? with you just donating to him?

the viewers who always watched his streams were used to it

it happened almost every other stream basically

Karl

« [username] donated $30! » "KARL!! MY FAVORITE STREAMER AND MY BEST FRIEND!! :D"

a huge smile appears on his face the second he reads your donation and message

"[name]!!! MY BEST FRIEND!! HOW ARE YOU DOING?"

quackity who was in a call with karl couldnt help but fake-gasp

i mean basically everyone knows he loves to be dramatic

"KARL I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR BEST FRIEND" D:

« [username] donated $20! » "shut up quackity :/ karl is my best friend, go find a new one. oh and i'm doing good karl"

karl just laughs while quackity fake sobs and starts cursing at you

« [username] donated $10! » "karl can i join the call? it'll be easier to talk to quackity "

"uh sure... no yelling please"

« [username] donated $20! » "no promises"

the second you joined, you began cursing and yelling at quackity

like you said, no promises

Tommy

« [username] donated $10! » "hey idiot, can i join your stream"

"first of all, how dare you call me a idiot and second of all, no"

« [username] donated $10! » "why not"

couldnt help but scoff at your message as chat begs tommy to let you join

chat absolutely loves the banter between you two though it usually ended in tommy's mom yelling at him from how loud he was cursing into the mic

"because i said so"

« [username] donated $50! » "what if i give you money"

"that won't make me change my mind"

« [username] donated $10! » "okay fine :/ how about i stop being annoying to you"

he was actually thinking hard about this one

not even joking

"wait actually? hmm... what do you think chat?"

« [username] donated $10! » "hurry up and decide"

"okay fine, you can join"

« [username] donated $10! » "yay :D"

*queue you joining the call*

"I never said how long i'll stop being annoying so ha hey you bitch"

*queue you being kicked from the call*

« [username] donated $1! » "fuck you"

Sapnap

« [username] donated $10! » "did you eat my ice cream"

literally looked at the donation message for a second before immediately looking away

the guilt is clearly on his face

"I don't know what you're talking about. I never saw any ice cream in your mini-fridge."

« [username] donated $10! » "huh strange, I never mentioned it being in my mini-fridge"

oh shit

he's done for

"uh well i guessed cause i always see food in there like ice cream"

« [dsmp_fan] donated $5! » "stop fucking lying sapnap"

"how could you betray me like this, chat. I swear i didnt take your ice cream [name]"

« [username] donated $10! » "fine i believe you"

"thank you"

...

...

...

« [username] donated $10! » "you fucker i literally see the empty ice cream pint on the table behind you"

───── ⋆✩⋆ ─────

Taglist: @thenotsohottopic @0littlem0-0 @bi-narystars @707xn @sakurapartridge @ryxjxnnx @boiciph3r @maxiewritesfanfic @nightwalkercrescent @missusstark @multifandomgirl-us @sophia902103 @sunnyxlove @marrymetheonott @voidgonemissing @alec- lost-bee @ttakinou @izuruus @chaoticotaku @joyfullymulti @oh-mcyt @sxltedcxramel @dawnfallx @blushingduckling @blueberrystigma @youngstarfishdinosaur @poookii @beepbopbee @dazedgxth @wrenqueenisboss @saturnhas82moons @itsonlydana @comonlokbut2 @lacunaanonymoused @sirsleeps @toodeepintofandoms @sparkletash @luluwinchester @buckyswhxre @jadecameron69420 @sarahwasfound @isaac-foster-my-beloved @dukina @arcanine-doves @auralol

Send in a ask or dm me to be added! | bolded means you either changed your url or your settings makes it so I cant tag you

[straightontllmorning]

can i say (as a bi woman) that it genuinely bothers me that like... so many ppl are like 'its not biphobic for a bisexual to have casual sex' when i don't think anyone has ever said THAT is the issue? i don't care what bisexuals do in real life. if they wanna have safe and consensual casual sex, go right ahead, idc! it's not for me but as long as i'm also being respected in my decision, idc what other people do. it just baffles me because buck in season one was talking about how he was a sex addict and how he didn't want to ruin things with abby by rushing into sex too fast because he genuinely liked her and that was like... kind of a huge part of his character? is that he DIDN'T really like the casual sex so much but actually wanted a real relationship? so why is oliver begging to have buck sleep around again when his character like... wanted more than just sex??? i don't mind character regression but it just feels like bad writing to retread that plot again.

also idc what other people say about thinking OS wasn't biphobic in his remarks. the guy dropped the ball hardcore. he could have easily said "i think buck can continue to casually explore his sexuality with other men and women now, he's still bisexual even if he's single" and it wouldn't have felt so... idk. fetishize-y to me. i'm just tired of bisexuality in fiction always being linked to promiscuity. real bisexuals can do whatever they want. but bisexuals in fiction are held to a different standard for a reason. what else should i expect from a ryan murphy show tho considering brittany on glee never called herself bisexual (bi-lingual, bi-corn) and she was portrayed the 'stupid slutty cheerleader' stereotype. i was just hoping for something different ig :(

it just makes me mad because... they didn't have to break up buck and tommy Like That. tommy could have easily had to move away and he and buck could have broken things off mutually as a result. idk sorry for ranting a bit in ur asks im just so miffed over this and over people speaking over bisexuals expressing their thoughts and concerns toward the biphobia that's going on rn :(

Sorry it took me so long to answer you, but please rant away! Honestly I agree with everything you've said. And unfortunately this really does prove that yeah, this is a Ryan Murphy show and it's par for the fucking course. I was gleek and that always bothered me too that Britney would never say it (and most of her characterization in general was just awful)

I wish Oliver had said something different, I wish he hadn't worded it that way. And again, people can have their opinions but it just feels so gross given how the show decided to do this.

They could've had bucktommy break up in any other way for any other reason. They brought up the Abby plot, they could've used that as the hurdle. They could have had them talk about wanting different things in a relationship. Literally anything that wasn't Tommy basically telling Buck it's over because he's not enough of a stereotype. Because bisexuals don't know what they want. Clearly.

It's very infuriating and I'm so sorry that yet another piece of media treated bisexual people like fucking shit.

And it's really fucking infuriating that people who aren't bisexual are defending Oliver over his comment. Again, have your different opinions but don't speak over people that are bi and already have to deal with biphobia in our shitty society

This show went about it all in an awful way, and I'm really sad that we were all tricked into believing they'd handle it better

[running-in-the-dark]

so, at my appointment today my new dentist informed me that my psychiatrist told her I shouldn't get laughing gas because I could react badly to it. because of my 'neurological condition/disorder'

bitch I have anxiety. what???

and.... I would 100% be willing to risk a bad reaction! no one fucking asked me! I'm SO afraid of going to the dentist now, I don't fucking care if I dont react well to that, I just wanted to TRY at least once!

I fucking switched dentists in part because I wanted to finally try that. and now I can't because that dude said so. like, cool, give me something else for the panic I get at these appointments??? but no it's just like 'yeah no you get nothing bye'

I'm so angry 😭

had a pretty shit day today - I was already in pain, and then I somehow hurt my back (literally just stood there and moved my arm to pick something up and suddenly had this awful pain in my back). so I've just been lying on the couch all day. it's better now but still pretty painful.

I wanted to paint today but obviously that didn't happen. and yesterday I was so tired that I just fell asleep so I didn't paint then either. tomorrow I've got a dental appointment and that always leaves me very fatigued, soo I'm guessing I won't do anything tomorrow either.

then my niece is sleeping here, then my brother is coming over to help me go through all the stuff for my thesis, then it's my sister-in-law's birthday (which I'm also making a cake for).

I'm so tired.

[antoncore]

rip okay home from work now !!!

okay so bff!sungchan and bff!anton and gaming and taking both their fat cocks UGH yes threesome between both of them as ur bffs is actually like in my wips rn (as in i wrote bff!sungchan x fem!reader x bff!anton in my drafts and was like ok great🥴🤕🤕)

idk if u were thinking DP for this idea but.. i lowkey think both of them with huge cocks would literally split u in half in like a bad way so i’m thinking more of like passing u back n forth🤭🤭 this may be an unpopular opinion but in my mind, DP is meant for sweet 6-7 inch cocks (or smaller 😉)

i’m also not sure what type of gaming u imagined but i’m thinking console? sitting on the couch, sandwiched between them, their elbows bumping into ur ribs as they button mash and yell at the screen😓 i’m imagining a co-op game like mario kart or super smash bros, you’d be winning, and they couldn’t handle that, so sungchan would try to distract you, eyes still trained on the tv screen but the words coming from his mouth are more lewd than anything you’ve heard him say to u before… “y/n… have you ever wondered what it would be like to fuck one of us?” and you’d be so thrown off, that they’d both jump ahead of u in the game and then have to battle between each other for first place but ur confused, asking him what he means and why he would say that. “well, we’ve both thought about it plenty of times. have you thought about what it would be like to take both of us?” alternatively, they’d be touching u and telling you to keep playing, but u can’t focus on both at the same time🤭🤭

part of me thinks it’d be cute if anton was a bit more inexperienced than sungchan and sungchan was kinda of showing him, with you, how to use his fat cock😩😩 doesn’t wanna hurt u so sungchan shows anton how to make u wet enough to take him, fingering u and sucking on ur tits, telling anton to eat you out and make u cum once before even thinking about putting his cock inside of you.. showing him by fucking you first, how you just have to rock ur hips slowly until you bottom out inside your tight little cunt<333

the praise from them is always so sweet, anton telling you you’re such a pretty girl, look even prettier like this<3, eating up ur moans with his tongue and playing with ur nipples while sungchan fucks you and u sit/lay in anton’s lap “look at you, even your cunt is so pretty” he’d say smth like that just🤭🤭🤭 anton is just in awe of everything about you, from ur sweet little moans to the squelching of ur walls against sungchan’s cock, to how you nuzzle into his hands when he cups your face and lets you suck on his fingers :((

then they’d switch of course, and sungchan is either the type to be greedy and make u choke on his cock while anton fucks you from behind, or if he’s feeling more cooperative, then he’ll do the same for you as anton and let you lay in his lap, keeping ur legs spread while anton slides inside of you… just.. omg it’d be insane, and seeing anton’s pretty, sweaty face in front of you like that, like… i could see anton being a cute drooler if he got really fucked out from the way you’re letting him use ur body and being such a good girl for him :((

sungchan would tease u “we’re going to make you our little slut, seems like you’re already there” marking up ur neck and chest and taunting you more as you wail and moan from the intense pressure in ur abdomen… would probably press down on ur lower stomach when anton bottoms out and not let up even when you cry and babble about how it feels too good! can’t take it!! sungchan would command you to cum on anton’s cock, and then tell the younger boy to keep going, encouraging him to pull another one out of you before he cums inside u “you’ve got another one in you, don’t you, princess?” and you’re fucked too dumb to even respond😩 feeling your next but not final release build up inside of you again

they’d both also definitely cum inside of u and fill you up, then switch and keep fucking the other’s cum inside of you, filling you up over and again and making such a huge mess omg🤭🤭

- 🧸 anon

I AM LITERALLY SCREAMING AND SPEECHLESS THIS IS EVERYTHING I HAVE NOTHING TO ADD IYS SO HOT AGHHH😭😭 and yes i can see what you mean about dp, i think it would have to be 1 bigger cock and 1 smaller cock or 2 small ones otherwise it would be too much :/ fr tho it would be so fucking hot to watch sungchan teaching anton how to fuck you!!! thinking of another scenario where you’re anton’s girlfriend and you’re both still virgins so he gets sungchan’s help. i haven’t even elaborated much and i already feel insane about it AAAA

[ikamigami]

AHHHHHHH LAST EPISODE- I CAN'T EXPRESS HOW HURT SUN MAY HAVE FELT DURING THAT OMFGGGGGGG

*cries*

Yeah.. I'm devastated..

I- uhh.. well.. I knew Sun wasn't the best option to talk to Moon..

Moon is awful af.. I- and his mental state isn't an excuse!

Also people are annoying for being angry at Sun (I know wild but some people are angry) when he had to went through some awful shit because of Old Moon.. he has depressive psychosis because of Old Moon's abuse and trauma that also was mainly because of Old Moon!

And yet people have audacity to just be so upset because Sun can't take it anymore?!

Moon brought it on himself.. that's true.. and in today's episode he just crossed every possible line.. he didn't only act like Old Moon at worst times but also like hallucination of Old Moon that Sun saw..

Well.. the only thing that is cruel is Sun saying computer to shock Moon but at the same time.. maybe these shocks will change something in this stupid dense head of this mf..

I'm sure that Sun doesn't want Moon to do anything stupid.. I still think he cares actually and that's why Moon's words hurt him.. he just tries to act like he's past that but that's just bullshit..

Also nothing can excuse Moon's bullshittery! Nothing! Cause while delusions and hallucinations are scary af no one should just be a jerk because of that.. and it's actually not that Moon said a bit of mean words.. what he told Sun today is too far..

I'd beat the crap out of Moon and I hope that Old Moon will do just that.. seriously..

Like "I can't sit and do nothing cause it won't fix anything. It won't change how I feel".. and being a jerk will change something?! Or trying to kill someone will?! Vsjsndjdkkssks Fuck you, Moon!

Literally! Moon can only suck like a loser because "boo hoo poor me, it's all my fault but I'll just cry about it cause I'm a loser"!

I- I'm mad.. I just.. I can imagine how awful Sun feels with all of this.. but idk if I'm fine with doing analysis on that rn..

I'm sorry if it's a bit too much in your opinion.. let me know but I.. hate when people try to excuse their actions because of their mental state.. and Moon is doing exactly that..

I explained already how it was different with Sun so I'm not going to do that again.. what Moon told Sun about not being able to handle killing Bloodmoon was so fucking low..

Thinking about it makes my blood boil..

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas! I'm sorry just need to rant so day's been pretty shit my marks are vv bad.....but expected tbh like I told u these exams are vvvvv hard I got 71/100 in eng lit 70/100 in geog 80/100 in phy I've been depressed since after skl and skl was omg so fucking bad C wont even talk to me My seatmate R was a great help I had 3 panic attacks today and she kinda helped me through them But now at home it's just total shit After I came from tuition (sort of like tutoring for certain subjects) I was literally in the car with mom on our way home and both my mom and tuition teacher were criticizing abt me and I was already crying before then They tell me that I'm too helpful or that I panic and that is no reason IFK THAT IT IS NO REASON......NO NEED TO POINT IT OUT!!!!!!!!! And skl is off tomorrow so I will be even more depressed at home My dad's gonna kill me idk if i'll get my pc now and I just honestly want to die cuz this shit is maddening On top off that my skl teachers embarrassed me My English teacher told me that she expected more from me My Hindi teacher called me in front of the whole class and asked me why I used a red pen for heading Bitch was colorblind it was fucking pink and I couldn't point that out to her cuz she'll be more bitchy And everyone tells me that I hv boards (sort of like GCSE's) in 10th so considering my status i'll probably fail They tell me it's useless to cry...and I'm just making a big deal (idk how that came up) basically I'm crying to show that I realize my mistakes but I dont reallly realize it.... LIKE BITCH I WOULD CRY FOR SHOW DO YOU FUCKING THINK I WANT EVRY1 TO KNOW I'M DEPRESSED!?!?! My class thinks I'm some dumb kid and honestly idk wht they think(glad idk) Idek anymore..... Like the pain is so bad I cant express it and I feel numb just literally no emotions rn except depression(edited) tx for listening <33

Hi!

Okay so I don't know the grading system where you live but isn't a 70 and 71 still a passing grade? Passing is still something to be proud of. These adults sound awful, like...how are you supposed to feel like you're able to succeed when all they do is make you feel stupid?

Please try to take deep breaths and be kind to yourself. I am so proud of you and I know how hard it can be. These grades are nothing to be ashamed of <3

[vypridae]

9!!! 10!!! 11!! 12!! 13!!! or pick and choose <3

IDK WHICH FANDOMS U MEAN BUT IM GONNA DO EACH ONE AND ILL JUST PUT MY HAZBIN/HELLUVA ANSWERS UNDER A CUT SO U DONT HAVE TO SEE THEM

9. worst part of canon

ok the worst part of dgrp canon has to be the way they handle characterization, like especially with trauma. specifically in mind i have korekiyo rn, like they mega rushed his entire Thing and wrote it in a way that paints HIM in a terrible awful light when it very likely (or definitely) wasnt that at all, but the way it was written just fucks up so, so much. also the Danganronpa Repitition TM (flashbacks to

bsd uuuh oh my god i have to think about this one cuz i love bsd with a passion BAHAHA its hard to find flaws with that one (in part i havent consumed the media in forever), ik it might be just bc the series is still being written but its irritating that some things from like the first seasons are just not touched upon again? and maybe its because ihavent read the manga but like. did atsushi join the ada and suddenly the bounty on his head is just Gone? am i misremembering if they went back to that or not its been like a year since ive watched bsd i need to rewatch it but thats about all i can think of. im not even mad about the not killing any characters because fyodor is alive still

10. worst part of fanon

dgrp has a TERRIBLEEEE shipping fandom. i hated oumasai for the longest fucking time because i encountered this one rper way back when that like was a mega red flag SBGJKFDHGKA i hated them for a while after that (then they grew on me). you get shit on for liking, like, the more toxic ships in the fandom no matter your reasonings or whatever, and i feel like its just a really negative place to be a shipper that likes to explore bad dynamics (such as i)

i think the worst part of bsd fanon is similar. shipping sides of fandoms are ALWAYS bad i feel like, and there are a lot of people that will be like "skk is real fuck you for shipping anything else" or like "if u ship nikolai with anyone but fyodor i dont trust u" or something like??? its a fucking ship chill out its fictional it doesnt hurt anyone irl CALM DOWN

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

for bsd uh . only two surprisingly, and its two ships that i cannot physically make myself like?? thats all apparently

for dgrp i have uuh two and its literally also only two ships that i dont like BHASFKAHSK

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

for bsd am i allowed to say fyodor? idk if he necessarily counts as "unpopular" but i see way more hate of him than i see people liking him, but god fucking dammit i love him with my whole heart. hes so evil and those kinds of characters litearlly just make me gravitate towards them, hes so smart and cunning and you can do so much with his character, especially learning his ability oh my god? jhes so complex and i love him

for dgrp, i feel like every character is "unpopular" BAHSAJKAHk but for this i think i wanna go with chiaki. people hate chiaki because shes "boring" or at least they Did back when i first got into the series but shes so different in the game compared to the anime because the game shes based on her classmates' memories of her! shes only this "perfect" individual because thats how her entire class saw her, like she was made the class rep for a reason

13. worst blorboficiation

ok this one im trying to figure out what the fuck the definition is BAHAJSHFAJK from what im SEEING its like, the character that doesnt deserve to be liked as much as they are. (i dont think i answered this one correctly but shh its fine)

for bsd thats really hard for me to think of because i like literally every character but uuh if i had to say one ig i'd say uuh . maybe dazai? i feel like this is in part because people typically take away from dazai's entire complex everything because he's too complex for a lot of people (including me) to truly understand, like im not saying i understand him but i feel like a lot of people will take the wrong parts of him/exclude anything they dont like about him and go with that? if that counts but idk i still like dazai so i cant say that too much

for dgrp its the exact same situation with kokichi. they take his character, of which is incredibly complex, and dumb it down into the typical fandom woobification of "uwu baby who cant do anything wrong" LIKE!!! STOP!!! NO HE IS NOT!!! HE IS SO COMPLEX AND YOU'RE LIKING HIS CHARACTER FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS!!! people that dont understand the complexity behind certain characters and are incapable of taking that as their blorbo and instead creating this silly incorrect version in their mind and making THAT their blorbo i just. thats not ur blorbo atp thats ur oc my guy

hazbin/helluva answers

9. worst part of canon

both of these shows are kinda not the best when it comes to being serious???? like there are some topics that shouldnt be joked about i feel like, and there are points in the shows that joke in relation to these topics. also theres not enough voxval but thats a criticism for another time

10. worst part of fanon

not even just the ships tbh, its liking any character thats either painted in a negative light or is just generally unpopular. the ships too but i could get to that another time. for EXAMPLE, me, i like valentino. a lot. he's one of my favorite characters. i feel like i cannot express the fact i love val because i will get called an ACTUAL rapist for saying it because "if you like val you condone his actions and thus are a rapist/terrible person/etc" when thats absolutely not at all how it works. i acknowledge that val is terrible, i understand that its bad, but i can still enjoy him as a character otherwise. his actions are what i dont like, ive never liked him (i actually hated him at first because of it but then i saw him being more silly in the series with vox and he grew on me), but you will actively get told to kys if you say that you even REMOTELY enjoy vals character

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

i have none for helluva but for hazbin i have four. three of which are for the sAME SHIP and one is another ship i dont like

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

MIMZYYYY dude she gets so much unnecessary hate. like, everyone sees her as annoying and terrible and i GUESS i can see where they're coming from but a. theyre in hell, everyone's terrible, b. people just see her as annoying because she interrupted hells greatest dad and they dont like that because they want their radioapple song or wtvr. i love her and no one can convince me otherwise

13. worst blorboficiation

ok THIS one i might actually be able to answer with the correct definition of blorboification. i feel like alastor gets way too much unnecessary love, and maybe thats just because i think hes too popular for being what he is but hes just not all that to me. like, hes a good character, yes, but some people like him to an extent that i feel like doesnt do him justice?? its like i said with uuuuuh the dgrp side of this question, they dumb down his character a lot and are just generally bad at making him ACCURATE to the point its irritating. (hey so yk how i said i could answer with the right definition of this i lied)

[icedmetaltea]

Yesterday was ok, today anxiety's been awful again...

(rambling abt anxiety and nonsense venting below)

felt dizzy/bit of vertigo throughout the morning and when I checked my BP it was 154/108 so that scared the shit out of me... I took a bit of propranolol and that seems to be helping but I'm worried bc when I asked about what a dangerous BP was my stepdad said 160 and up and that's uncomfortably close. The last time it was high it was only like 140/90 so this was really scary

I called the number the crisis ppl give me from a resource sheet on friday again since I never got a response after leaving a message on monday but this time they told me to call yet another number and they said I couldn't get any kind of help till I came to their office to fill out some forms and like??? I CAN'T LEAVE MY FUCKING APARTMENT

Do these people never get ppl with severe agoraphobia?? The last time I had a full-on panic attack I screamed at the top of my lungs and had to call 911 to get ppl to calm me down so I'd stop hyperventilating, you want me doing that in public again??????

Anyway she told me I can call the supervisor and see if she could make an exception in my case BUT ofc she wasn't available and I had to leave a message, no clue when I'll hear back and when I do I doubt she'll even be able to help me

I fucking hate this system. This is why so many people kill and hurt themselves. When they are lost, when there's nowhere else to turn. When the crisis ppl come they give you a whole list of resources but what is there for people like me who are stuck at home, broke, unable to work bc they literally cannot function like this when it gets this bad every couple of months (sometimes more frequently)

it's either go to a psych ward where they'll pump you full of meds that'd just give me the same "locked in" panic attacks which trust me are far worse than toughing it out at home where at least it isn't bright and loud and horrible or face shit on your own

I thought it was starting to get better, yesterday I cooked 3 meals for myself, I went outside and sat on the step for 5 mins, today I can't get out of bed bc every time I try the room spins. Even when I'm laying down like this it's bad. Even if I close my eyes it's bad... I slept better last night and I thought I was doing well but no, midway through the day everything's horrible again. I keep feeling out of breath no matter how many deep breaths I take... other times I feel like there's "too much air" and I'm breathing too fast and can't slow it down... how do I even describe it??

I feel like I'm going insane but at the same time I know it's been this bad and worse before. I remember my childhood. I remember laying on the floor struggling to breathe, alone. I remember begging god to take this sensation of dread to go away, or to just let me die. Anxiety has a habit of always seeming... idk unfamiliar? No matter how many panic attacks you have, they always feel new

and what's worse is I can't even remember how I eventually always overcome these phases bc I ground rule growing up stemming from OCD I had at the time was I wasn't allowed to write anything in a journal bc it was "bad luck" or something (at the very least my OCD isn't nearly as bad these days) Idk if it takes days, weeks or months to get better. If I spend half a year or longer just waiting for things to get better then like um... it kinda becomes a quality of life issue, doesn't it?

Idk maybe it's the weather. It's 65 rn, yesterday it was mid forties, so maybe that's it. Well then I'm fucked bc it's only gonna get warmer as it approaches summer, and ya know climate change and everything wooooo

Doesn't help that the past two times when my stepdad witnessed me having those really bad attacks he said I should go to a padded cell or something... I know where he grew up there was no such thing as mental illnesses or therapy, only "crazy and not crazy", but damn it hurts. At least my bio dad understood what was going on to some extent. He knew anxiety was out my control, that I was going through it but that it didn't make me "crazy", just that my body was reacting physically to something seemingly unsurmountable on a mental level.

My stepdad was even surprised when I told him anxiety is the second most common mental illness nation-wide. I've talked to many other bad anxiety-sufferers, the reason you don't see us outside a lot is bc most of us are inside afraid to leave our houses! We're literally just trying to survive in bodies with malfunctioning nervous systems and in a society that literally is built around causing stress on a daily basis- on normal people, so just think about how that is if you literally have the being-stressed-out disorder my guy

it also seems like whenever I talk to my mom about this she tries to immediately talk about something else. Like I messaged her earlier today and when I brought up feeling dizzy and having a high BP she just said "Sorry you're having a challenging day! We're at the library getting library cards. Libraries are nice!" like sure some ppl like talking about light hearted stuff to distract them but sometimes I just need someone to be there and listen, you know? All it does is make me clam up and bottle all my emotions in, which ofc makes it worse.

I'm scared to check my BP again. I feel like there's something terribly wrong with my body but it's not as if I can see a doctor if I can't 1. afford it till medicaid processes or 2. fucking go to the doctor. You want me to have another one of those soul-crushing panic attacks and shriek around some stranger in an uber?? Hell no

So yea idk what to do. I have a math test this weekend and I've barely studied at all, can't get myself to focus on anything. I can't drop out again, I've already failed this class twice. I don't think they'd let me take it again and I'm pretty sure I've run out of financial aid to pay for it

Ofc mom and dad are gone, my sister said she'd visit me the other day but "forgot" to, so I'm alone. Completely and entirely alone.

The one thing I have going for me is the PMDD won't start up for another week or two so at the very least I have a will to live rn. Anxiety and depression usually go hand-in-hand but since it's just anxiety atm I'm still able to have the motivation to cook and clean when I'm not ya know unable to get out of bed bc my heart is beating out of my chest

When it does come back, well... I'll keep those crisis numbers on speed dial. I've survived all this horseshit, I might as well make it worth something. Idk maybe the thing I'll keep living for rn is a fucking pet fish someday. I have to hold on to every tiny thing that gets me through the day bc there is a chance, even if extremely slim, that things will in fact get better

[pastelpousay]

Hi again…I’m sure we all know what the hell this is for 😭💀

Sorry ik I keep coming on here about my stupid personal problems but lowk I think I might take another break I still wanna draw and write and stuff but that junior year depression hit me so hard I literally can’t rn 💀 I feel so isolated and alone and I feel like my friends hate me ( except for like one but still I don’t even get to see them cuz we have no classes together anymore.) I’ll still post art when I feel like it but I think the depression actually hit me so hard I don’t even care about how many people like my art anymore 💀 that’s saying a lot and school is not a help- I’ve felt like this for a while even before school but like at least I can write it off now I can’t and it’s literally only the second week 💀💀😭 this shit is sad as fuck.

So yea I might just go offline I hope to come back on here and I may like stuff every now and again and check in on some people but other than that idk I just feel so unmotivated I haven’t done much of any digital and the ones I did I hate or I just don’t feel like working on them, like I legitimately feel awful 😭 Hades and Rina is my only comfort it makes me so happy I love talking about them idk why I made it feel like such a job when literally no one gives a fuck about this shit but me. It’s why all my friends hate me, why everyone thinks I’m weird. And literally I already know no one in my school fucks with me they legit look at ppl like they’re some science experiment. This is basically a fucking repeat of last time but yea. I literally can’t it’s about to be my birthday and I feel so ass I’ll post for my birthday but that’s it I can’t do this anymore I love Hadina with all my might I want them to be real I wish they were I don’t understand why I have to here at school practically completely isolated I feel like I don’t have anyone anymore, like I don’t even feel important whatd the point do I even matter at all?? Like what if people just pity me or something idek why I care I feel so stupid saying this but I need to get it out and I can’t go to my friends because 1. I feel like most of them don’t like me 2. I’m so sick of them trying to reason with me I’m grateful for the help but it’s the same every time it feels insincere or like they don’t even care anymore. It lowkey might be karma but yea.

Sorry for the vent I don’t even know if I’ll leave I’m literally so desperate but I don’t even care. I miss when i started this blog when I was actually having fun and stuff now it just feels like I’m working I don’t want to do that it sucks all the fun out. I never complete any writing or anything and this is why. I hate school I hate everything about it.

OAKY AGAIN SORRY FOR THE VENT IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO STUPID

[whyse7vn]

SEVEN -

[ ot7 x reader ]

sevendaysafreak

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

tae: we are watching jungkook slowly become alpha

namjoon: can you be normal today

jk: do you really mean that bro…

tae: with all my heart..

oh my god i’m tearing up

this is what being a real man is about

jimin: begging for pussy??

jk: I DID NOT BEG??

hobi: you harassed that poor woman for a whole week

yoongi: all for a hand hold

y/n: crazy!

tae: okay??

but it was literally real as fuck so does it matter??

jimin: it was real fucking sad

jin: personally if i was her i would of called the police like sexual harassment hello???

yoongi: right

namjoon: it was a great song jungkook

jk: > //// <

i’m blushing

that was me blushing

and i giggled a little

smiling rn

hehehehehe

namjoon: a thank you would of done it

jk: thank u >.<

jimin: she should of punched him

jin: was there need for an explicit version like??

we got the point the first time

i didn’t need to hear how horny you were for a second time

hobi: he just wanted to swear

tae: no he’s just real as fuck you wouldn’t get it

jk: real as fuck

yoongi: ig it was real as fuck for jungkook

he begs for pussy on a daily

jk: proof?

hobi: by bts

y/n: i’ll leak our dms

jk: DON’T DON’T DON’T

i’m sowyy 😣

jimin: i’m gonna punch him

hobi: fucking seven days a week doesn’t seem right

is that not how you get an std?

jk: no?

yoongi: is that not when you fuck multiple people?

y/n: you fuck multiple people jk?

jk: NO?????

jimin: why is ur no a question

hobi: suspicious

jin: jungkook has crabs

tae: that’s a real man disease

y/n: that’s gross

jk: i’m real

jimin: real itchy

namjoon: can we not talk about stds pls

y/n: i bet jay park has a couple of those

jk: ???

jimin: REALLLL

jin: that’s why him and jk are friends bonded over the burn

jk: i’m not his friend anymore

y/n: character development okay!!!

yoongi: was that bcs he stole from you?

jk: stop talking to me rn

jimin: OMG GUYS

yk i had the worst dream ever yesterday tae was in it

tae: and?

jimin: wdym and

tae: i hope you die

namjoon: pls don’t wish death upon people tae

jimin: yeah tae

tae: all of you can fucking die idc!!!

not jungkook tho he real as fuck

y/n: say real as fuck one more time and i’ll snap ur neck

jin: hot asf

yoongi: ew?

tae: nobody wants to see us winning jk it’s sad 😞

jk: i’m sobbing 💔💔😞😞💔💔

tae: they literally told us to kill ourselves

namjoon: literally no one said that

jimin: in fact YOU said you hope i die

jk: he could of meant by natural causes

tae: right i would never tell you to kill ur self that’s sick and evil

yoongi: kys

tae: ur not going to heaven

yoongi: aw man 🙁

hobi: what if we put tae in the electric chair

jin: what if we put tae and jungkook in the electric chair

jk: wtf ☹️

tae: i could easily survive the electric chair it would feel good to me actually

y/n: i’ve been telling you guys for years we need to lock them up

do you actually read the bullshit they say on a daily it’s actually insane they need help

like professional help

jk: i didn’t even say anything

jimin: you don’t need to

we just know

namjoon: i agree

we could send them to a camp

or something

tae: why are you talking about us like we’re not RIGHT here

jungkook get them omg

jk: i can’t go to camp

too much raw air exposure is bad for my skin

and i have a dentist appointment soon

yoongi: raw air?

jin: how soon is ur appointment?

jk: so soon that i can’t go to camp

tae: JUNGKOOK STAND UR GROUND

WE WILL NOT BE PUSHED AROUND

REPEAT AFTER ME

WE WILL NOT BE PUSHED AROUND

namjoon: tae shut up

y/n: right

tae: i liked it better when you guys just ignored me in this gc

now all you do is be mean

jimin: maybe u deserve it

*you definitely deserve it

hobi: stop talking then idk

yoongi: i will gladly ignore you again

jk: i love you tae i’ll listen to you talk

jin: jungkook the biggest dick rider ever

tae: he’s my little dick rider 🥰😍❤️

hobi: yeah definitely stop talking

namjoon: okay!

y/n: oh my god

jimin: ???

yoongi: um

jin: this is what seven was really about

jk: bro..

tae: lol

jimin: you're really gorgeous i would deadass fight 3 mountain lions in a mcdonald's handicap bathroom stall with my hands tied behind my back and my only weapon is a shake weight glued to my forehead just to get a chance to get to know you and take u out tbh

jin: nurse he’s out again

jimin: wrong chat lol

tae: and you wanna put ME in the electric chair

ur all out of ur minds

namjoon: you were gonna send that to someone????

jimin: is it bad?

y/n: so unbelievably bad

jk: blushing

yoongi: wow

tae: yikes

hobi: bts never beating the rizzless allegations

y/n: who were you gonna send that too?

jk: was it me?

yoongi: that was flirting?

jin: probably the notes app

jimin: no one

jin: told you

notes app.

jk: it wasn’t me?

tae: i’ll be nice and give you some better lines jimin dw

jimin: the only lines you have are of coke

tae: nvm fuck you stay bitchless

namjoon: leave jimin alone

jimin: right leave me alone

namjoon: he’ll open up in his own time

jimin: i fucking won’t

you guys deserve to know NOTHING about me

yoongi: okay don’t care kys

jimin: i have a crush

jin: i’m hungry

hobi: is this the same crush you talked about like 4 weeks ago??

jk: on me?

sorry jimin i’m already in love with someone else

yoongi: didn’t ask

jk: i won’t tell you who it is it’s a secret

namjoon: a secret from who??

jk: what does that mean…

namjoon: don’t we all know…

jin: i SAID i’m hungry

jimin: all you do is eat like omg??

get a job or something??????

jin: i have a job

i serve face for a living i would suggest you look into it since you have so much free time to BULLY and HARASS others but with a face like urs idk if you’ll make the cut

y/n: wow

jimin: i’m not reading all that 💀

y/n: never use that emoji again ew

jimin: 💀💀💀💀💀

y/n: this is why whoever ur trying to rizz up probably thinks ur a loser

yoongi: is it taemin again?

tae: ew you run back to taemin every 4 months it’s kinda embarrassing

jimin: taehyung you actually need to shut ur mouth

breathing the same air as you is embarrassing

and at least i have someone to run back to you are actually genuinely bitchless

tae: u are taemin’s bitch

so technically ur as bitchless

yoongi: gay

jk: don’t be a homocrome

namjoon: stop talking

jimin: it’s not even taemin so shut the hell up

i’m not talking about this anymore

moving on

hobi: what is your mbti guys

jk: physical touch

namjoon: that wasn’t the question

y/n: just say ur horny and go omg

jin: don’t

seven was actually enough

i will hear NO more about jungkooks sex life

everything i have learnt has been without my consent

my lawyers will be in touch

jk: my lawyers are ur lawyers

jin: not anymore

jk: omg…

hobi: oh my oh my god

namjoon: jin stop facetiming me i’m not answering

jin: pls joon pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee

namjoon: i’m not sitting there for you to look at urself in the camera for an hour

i have things to do

jimin: that sounds like very jobless behaviour to me tbh

jin: you can’t be ugly and jealous pls pick a struggle

tae: and rizzless

hobi: i know ur not talking…

tae: ????

hobi: tae i need you to do some self reflection

tae: okay?

i’m hot as fuck

cool as fuck

and real as fuck

i feel well reflected ty for suggesting that hoseok

y/n: i told you i’m gonna snap ur neck if you said that again

start running

jin: coming to watch 🥰

[life-winners-liveblog]

(( Hihi it’s me, the person who gave the “nicest threat” returns, just wanna say rq that everytime i come back to tumblr, this is one of the first things I check and EVERYTIME I DO, I KEEP GETTING JUMPSCARED BY MUCH HAPPENED SINCE I LEFT- Anyways You are amaaaaazing yes ik i already said that but that’s bc it’s true <3

Anyways I’ll actually interact with the winners for once ))

-[ Heeeellloo hello hello! Social anxiety is consuming me once again but nevertheless, y’all can call mee… *pulls out a list..* Nate. Y’all can call me Nate- cause this is my first time talkin to y’all but I have been observing for a while,,,

and FOR THE NEW GUEST BAD MAD SAD BOY JIMMY SOLIDARITYGAMING! our favourite canary, ima send him two whole packet of marshmallows, feel free to share them with everyone else! Or gatekeep it for yourself, up to you.. ima riot if the two observing steal them- aND also ima give Scott & Grian a bunch of plants/flowers bc i can, Pearl.. have a book & a pencil case full of stationeries And for martyn.. *gives him a note that reads* “you get nothing <3” *immediately after, another note drops* “ jk have these, choose your favourite! Share if you want but knowing you, you probably won’t “ proceeding to drop him a bunch of hair clips of different variants

Turning over to the two observers, don’t think I forgot about you even though I just mentioned you guys literally a paragraph ago.. Scar you can have my keychain collection, you seem like the typa guy to like keychains idk why, Scott you don’t get shit cause respectfully.. fuck you <3 ]

(( WOW THATS LONG! Sorry not sorry for that <3 but I am sorry if it’s difficult to read,, Im very tired rn & my brain is not braining! ))

(Aw thank you so much!!!! :D)

LimL!Jimmy: Marshmallows?!?! ✨✨

Scott:... Well that was an emotional 180, It's giving me quite a bit of whiplash... Also thank you for the flowers they are quite nice.

~~~~~~~

Grian: Plants? hmmmmm, we can use these on the base don't you think? Maybe if we put them over there or... Maybe up next to the lighthouse? We could make a garden somewhe-... Are you even listening?

Pearl: Oh, yeah sure.

Grian: What was I saying then?

Pearl:... Something...something...plants...?

Grian:....

~~~~~~~~

Martyn:... I am going to share them just to spite you because screw you.