#listen it’s either one of a few things
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LMAO <3
WAIITTTT THIS REMINDS ME OF WHEN I CASUALLY MENTIONED TO HAL THAT MY DAD HAD DIVORCED A THAI WOMAN BEFORE GETTING MARRIED TO MY MUM AND SHE WAS LIKE WTH HOLD UP REWIND AAHAHAHAH
#listen it’s either one of a few things#my parents#my family#my extended family#family lore#friend lore#crazy online situations#education#education and its impacts on me#the education system and its teachers#friends#I love my friends#I hate them#why did they do that#oh my god they did that !!!#I’m in love with everyone I meet#I despise the existence of everyone I meet I hope they die#dora daily#kms#( 0.00000000000000001% chance saying eh life is a tinyyyy bit okay! )#I feel sorry for my mum#I hate her so much#my dad is nice#why can’t my dad just get away from me I’m so uncomfortable#:P#WOAH THATS SO COOL#uhm …. anyways#I cbb#I HAVE TO WORK SO MUCH SO HARD CRAM CRAM CRAM#this is all I talk about basically; that and oh my God I hate kaveh and alhaitham sm 🙄
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we let the ocean drown out our voices/enjoying the bitterness/in the chaotic light, I close my eyes and see
#dredge game#spoilers. technically lol#my friend mim (at mimzalot on twitch etc) streamed dredge at it went the FUnniest way it couldve#two streams in we made a joke abt the collector and the fisherman being in toxic old man yaoi#divorcee-on-widower situationship together. and the joke kept up Literally Until The Very End#iykyk#could not have stumbled into a better way to keep the surprise#and The Best Thing Is. I do still think the yaoi is meaningful to the text#like mim brought up how resurrection is inherently a selfish act. I sat on that for a While#but also I do just enjoy body double. abdication of responsibility through othering a specific part of yourself#pairing that with specifically Being A Villain as like. a deliberate act#u see my vision. u ever played dredge#anyways uhhh caption is from no party for cao dong's devotion#yes its bc red candle game's devotion is like a quarter of my personality but also I do listen to no party for cao dong recreationally#also been really feelin this kind of ink recently. U Will See. Soon Ish#seems I have like... phases of trying to figure out specific textures in ink#a long time ago I was Really into drawing metal with just ink. and a few years ago it was fire. and now: water#one day I'll get all five. and then I will be able to see the future#okay I either finish up a thing or go to bed now... depends. we shall see. take care and be kind to urself yeah? lets draw smthing tmr
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Most Sherlock Holmes adaptations I've seen tend to place their Final Problem towards the mid point of the series (or even a bit earlier) - it's also in my opinion the best way of going about it, so you have time enough for the characters to adjust after the reunion but they know each other well enough for the events of Fina to be devastating.
Sherlock & Co is done with 20 of the adventures. How many are there? Fifty-something? Almost sixty? Let's say we'll be entering mid-point territory after the 25th story.
So let's pretend for a moment that we have 5 more stories until The Final Problem. Ok.
Estimating an adventure at 3 episodes each, that would mean little over 3 months - maybe 3 and a half? Starting, of course, from the end of Sign of Four, which will be somewhere in December.
So let's say 3, maybe 4 months into 2025. That would be, what? Late march, early april?
Early april?
John having to tell the listeners that Sherlock is dead, in early april?
Quick calendar search reveals what I was praying it would - the 1st of april will be on a Tuesday next year.
So what I'm saying
What I'm saying is Sherlock &Co has the opportunity to do the funniest fucking thing
#fyi I don't mean John pranks us about Sherlock dying#i mean it's just the first Tuesday after sherlock “dies” so that's just when he happens to tell the listeners#maybe he's not even aware of the date#and is surprised to see the reactions are less “oh my god oh no” and more “haha good one” or “funny but actually don't joke about that”#ahhh and then he'd have to double down either on the 2nd or next Tuesday and explain again that his best friend is actually dead#oh that would hurt but it would also be absolutely hilarious#for us who know Sherlock's not actually dead#anywayy#for the record i don't actually think they'll do fina as early as april#(but wouldn't it be funny)#They might do it at the actual midpoint#after the 29th story so let's say june/ july#Hoping they don't place it too late cuz then we won't have enough time to see how it affects all of them#Even if it's around the 3/4 point i think I'd be a bit bummed#Also midpoint is a good place to take a break#Of course fear nr 1 is leaving it for the very end and making empt the last episode#and the reason why the podcast ends is “look what happened if it wasn't for the podcast maybe Moriarty wouldn't have noticed Sherlock”#Like a “it's becoming too dangerous” thing#but that's the evil timeline (not us!!!)#Honestly if it were me I'd make fina the midpoint.... then hiatus...... return...... second half......#and then get another big dangerous villain for the last few eps#Maybe one of them (sherlock) almost gets killed (again) and that's why john decides that#it's been swell but we're ending the podcast cause apparently we're putting (too big of) a target on our backs#Almost lost sherlock again the risks outweigh the benefits etc etc#Of course they'll keep solving crimes together just stop broadcasting them to the world#And that's how I'd do it! :D#God i can't be trusted with tags#If you read this far I love you#sherlock & co#theories
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i’m not posting this for any other reason than to cry over ichiro’s voice as he teases kuukou lmao 😭😭😭
#this is vee speaking#read an ichikuu opinion that left a bad taste in my mouth actually lol#but it did like reopen the question for me why does it need to be family for kuukou lol#like the leaders’ traumas are being healed by their team set up eg ichiro’s abandonment issues came from his father leaving first#and so his brothers despite also leaving him have stuck by his side after trials and tribulations lol#samatoki and sasara watched their parents’ relationship crash and burn one was explicitly a betrayal of vows the other a gradual decline#and so samatoki’s team chooses his side despite their varying agendas and sasara’s helped him see you can still save your relationship#so like……….. why the importance on family for kuukoulol#it’s found family too like even tho it’s now been coloured with the we’re like brothers or whatever#it still ‘all you need are a few friends you can call family’ as kuukou had put it#which also makes me wonder why ichiro and kuukou have to be aibou lol#it’s been a very long time since i listened to the sasasama track lol but i could have sworn they were also aikata???#and kp were each other’s nirvana???? which is crazy of jakurai and ramuda btw LOL#like i don’t think either bond between leader and leader or leader and team are any less important than the other#but like even with rmjk nirvana thing they’re still finding respite with their team so it lines up with their bonds both new and old#and the same can be said for samatoki and sasara!!!! sasara obvs with aikata and tho they wouldn’t put that name to it mtc are aikata too#so why aibou for nb if it has to be family for ichiro and kuukou lol????#why aibou???? why family????? I WANT ANSWERS!!!!!!!!!
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clint mcelroy creating a dnd character: oh yeah, this bad boy can fit so much simple zest for life in him
#eliot posts#taz#the adventure zone#merle highchurch#zoox anthellae#ive not listened to graduation yet (and idk if i ever will) so idk if this applies to argo or not#i remember so little of amnesty and am only 10 eps into steeplechase so i can't speak for the non dnd campaigns either#it's funny how a lot of people's ttrpg characters often have common themes in them#me and my friend john from our irl dnd group were talking about that and it's like#alicia plays the most Friend Shaped girls imaginable. caleb's Cause Problems On Purpose. julia's are sassy and tend to do their own thing#john's are edgy in theory but extremely friend shaped and caring in practice. and i tend to play The Mom Friend.#not ALWAYS but pretty often. and basically always they're just really looking for human connection (whether they know/accept it or not)#even my goddamned PISS WIZARD is quickly careening towards mom friend territory??? somehow???#very few people tolerate him so he's protective of those who do. even if it's mostly just a coworkers situation in the party#and most of the party is So Fucking Stupid#it's a very hilarious party composition overall. just 5 guys all thinking ''wow. what a bunch of freaks. good thing i'm normal :)''#and the only one who is REMOTELY accurate in that assessment is the cleric whose catchphrase has quickly become#''hey. don't look at me. i just work with them.''
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I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...
Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner
*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)
And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -
TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows
This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).
So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.
Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.
Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.
Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).
But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).
In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.
Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.
Now, doing the same thing for movies-
Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)
That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).
116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.
So, a for broader summary stuff..
I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.
If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.
ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.
I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0
#maybe this is my version of spotify wrapped lol.. Lifetime Media Google Doc Wrapped.. kind of.. except I'm not going over specific titles.#I can't do this with music since I rarely EVER look for new music or add to my Youtube To MP3 folder library as I just don't really#listen to music that often. When I'm working (the majority of when I seek background noise) I need like.. people's talking voices#for some reason. Just instruments and singing are not distracting enough to me to work as background noise because theyre#almost TOO in the background if that makes sense? like if I put music on then I just tune it out and it's virtually no different#than if I were daydreaming stream of consciousness thoughts in an entirely quiet room lol. And I can't really do it with books since#essentially 100% of what I read is non-fiction. usually about some specific subject or academic topic OR stuff like#1800s magazines or cookbooks or historical people's diaries. Which is not really.. the type of thing I would#rank as easily I guess? like 'ooh yeah putting the sociology textbook in my top 5 hee hee right next to the 1920s radio recipes book' lol.#Then for games... I just sadly dont play enough of them. I've been banned from new games as I've told myself I cant play anyting#long form (no rpgs or etc) until I actually finish MY OWN game first - to keep me from wasting time. so on average#I play... 0 new games a year. ToT... I do play the sims sometimes but that's really all (which is not a new game at all since#I've been playing it on and off for years). Thus I guess movies/TV are really the only things that make sense#to collect this sort of information on. I could do youtube videos I guess also but that seems kind of strange like...#giving a rating to every single video I watch in a ranked list lol.. Especially since I would say a good 85% of the time#they are exclusively background noise whilst I'm working on something or cleaning the house or etc. and not things I pay serious attention#to. There are only a few specific topics/types/creators of videos I watch where I'm ACTUALLY sitting in front of a screen paying#direct attention to the content (usually when it's educational or political things). Everything else is too mindless to even rank.#ANYWAY... ever analyzing my little hermit Weird Relationship To Media (in the sense of seemingly not processing or getting the same#things out of it as many other seem to). I think that can contribute sometimes to the whole difficulty socializing and stuff#since our culture is very centered around media consumption generally speaking. People want to talk about The New Movie that came#out or The Big TV Show Of The Year. and for me it's like.. highly likely I just plain have NOT seen it. Or if i have. statistically#I most likely was entirely ambivalent if not slightly negative towards it lol. Which just kind of takes the steam out of a 'fun' 'casual'#conversation and you seem like a bit of a bummer if most of your only feedback is either 'idk what that is' or 'oh yea... i did#see that one.... i didnt like it all that much though... I think it'd be better with elves in it.. and 7 hours longer..'' lol..#Which I am not disliking things in a 'grr i hate it bc its popular'/just to be contrarian way. I actually dislike that mindset/find it#silly (by striving so hard to be counterculture you are thus still defining yourself by the whims of external culture - just in the#opposite direction. but are still just as preoccupied with the mainstream (going against it) as everyone else. etc. lol..)) In my#case I think it IS just having niche hyperspecific tastes.. for example- it peeves me when cell phones are in media bc I dont want to be#reminded at ALL of the real world. so.. cross off anything set in modern times. so on & etc. Judging all things by these weird criteria lol
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🗡 mad cowboy disease....
#‡ ooc#high noon tbt.#thinking of Them while walking to the shops... on my own little quest...#there may be typos but ignore them#listened through mars hn yone playlist i loved watching the 2 hr movie in my head#listening through my hn playlost now maybe ill make tals a spotofy thing too for easier listening....#got so many little scenes in my head#talon munching any lil bug/lizard critter they catch. whether they actually Need to eat is unspecified#but you know. probably. anyway thinking evilly at how i can describe their meals as either tantalising or DISGusting#talon being afraid of ending up an almalgam of feathers and sludge but ove talked abt that before#need to write more talon monologues or story times#reminiscing now. will add more later#talon trying their best to get through a Normal Human interaction on a bar or smth tryong to hide what they are and keep their hat low but-#and theres always a but- someone either catches a glimpse of theor face n compliments them or gets in theor way like 'hey-' or they catch#a glance at feathers or brimstone....#talon getting chased to be put in one of those carnie 'strange encounters' shows... they either do get caught or...#get rid of their would-be captors#time for more thoughts. i need to design talons demonic form and maybe even what their gradual corruption looked like 🤔#i also need to decide on a few factors abt how im treating their cape as tendrils instead... like if they naturally had 5 or lost one...#and how much control over individual segments they have#thinkin abt talon getting in trouble but not like. threat of death danger maybe a malevolent third party who wants them for something else#be it their blood or feathers or smth like that. maybe even after REDACTED and they get a bounty set by the sulfur king for REDACTED reason#to be brought back alive and hunters go after em......#oh. who can a demon slash half angel turn to in these trying times... 🥺😔 not that they want to rely on anyone#talon would rather die than rely on another creature for help. im kidding. :] or am i#thinking abt the thing i said to mars like. after their travels together talon tries to keep their distance from rell and yone but.#fate or something worse keeps bringing them back together. i said it better beforehand but anyway.#if its during this time of being hunted and they cross ways i can imagine talon not staying long at all or just turning 180 at the sight#part the fear the other two will join this hunt as well. the other part is that theyll be in danger if talon asks for help...#nor do they want to owe a debt to these two ough 😒
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ur post about queerbaiting and the dismissal of people in fandom to critical analysis is so incredibly true thank you. i feel like marcille's writing in the anime has been super misogynistic a lot of the time and every time i bring this up all anyone wants to say is "well maybe this isn't for you! and you shouldn't watch the show!" like. i don't think this is about taste lmao, i am analyzing the text in front of me and coming to conclusions about the craft of it.
[This is in reference to this post]
YES!!! THANK YOU!!!!!
It is so so frustrating!!!!
It's like being at a restaurant and being served a bunch of delicious appetizers, but then one of the bread appetizers is literally just a plate of crumbs; and then when you're like, "Hey, uhh, why are we being served literal crumbs?", a bunch of the other folks eating at the restaurant are like,
"WELL HOW ABOUT YOU JUST DON'T EAT HERE THEN??!? YOU MUST NOT BE THAT HUNGRY, SO JUST FIND ANOTHER RESTAURANT AND DON'T EAT WITH US!!"
And maybe they say it politely, but "Aw, sorry, maybe this restaurant just isn't for you 💖" is just trading out an aggressive dismissive tone for a patronizing dismissive tone. It's the same message.
And it's like! I was honestly happy to move on from the crumbs once my complaint was acknowledged because the meal overall is still delicious, but then all these folks got SUPER WEIRD AND DEFENSIVE ABOUT IT, so now I find myself double-checking all the other dishes -- and, actually, you know what those eggs DO look a Iittle misogynistic undercooked!!!!
#original#queerbaiting#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi#falin x marcille#marcille x falin#marcille donato#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi marcille#listen i like marcille but u r right she is basically there to be a wet blanket a LOT of the time and that is a sexist trope#i think the bar is super super low for female characters in adventure anime and the lack of constant ogling maybe makes the female#characters feel better written than they are. i mean falin basically has no personality. she's got an innocent heart but that's nothing.#and i think these conversations are worth having bc no piece of media is perfect and this is how we learn to do better#also like. I've seen media criticisms that make me go 'oh you straight up should reserve commentary bc you#haven't watched the show and you're wrong' or 'i see what you're saying but you are simply incorrect' but like#i don't think I'd tell someone to just NOT watch Hazbin Hotel bc they have a bad take - and certainly not bc they have accurately#pinpointed a real flaw about the show (of which there are more than a few but frankly not what became the biggest subject of Disc Horse)#Angel is actually an amazing character & i think people mistook a criticism on the way abuse is glamourized as actually glamourizing abuse#like his song about abuse is called Poison and he's trapped in an abusive performance contract - bringing to mind Britney Spears#i think it is a wildly triggering and painful scene but i think a lot of people took the pain it gave them to mean it was bad art#but tbh they are still allowed to eat at the table if they so choose!!!#sorry i got sidetracked - as an abuse survivor Angel just matters a lot to me. i have a couple serious criticisms of vivziepop's work but#Angel is very much not one of them#also in regards to the actual subject of this post i think the most audacity of the responses i got was the one that said#that by complaining about queerbaiting I was 'de-incentivizing writers to write any interaction b/t women that could look even a little gay#and I'm just like. good. I hope they stop writing entirely. if the takeaway from 'please don't sell me bread and then serve me crumbs' is#'WELL NOW I JUST WON'T BAKE ANY BREAD PRODUCT' then that person is a bad chef. they should find a different job.#or at least do a whole lot of work on themselves. but either way i wouldn't be too broken up to know i won't be getting any food from them.#'just leave then' is so obviously a gut reaction defense mechanism & it implies media criticism should only be for things you don't like
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I support the "Batman was unfairly biased to Stephanie for XYZ reasons" crowd so strongly bc DC claims that Bruce is a master planner who is able to understand anyone's psychology but he didn't realize that literally every single one of Steph's problems as a teenager would've been solved by her joining a shitty punk band. If he couldn't figure that much out then he didn't understand her for a minute
#ramblings of a lunatic#PLEASE TALK TO ME I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ON STEPHANIE IN A SHITTY PUNK BAND#her bandmates have turned into ocs it's stage 5 at this point boys#anyway what is steph dealing w/ pre-52 as spoiler that got her in hot water?#1. the anger issues. easily fixed by her getting to scream about beating her dad to death without actually doing it#2. nobody fucking listens to her (including batman). well when u are playing music ppl are definitely fucking listening#3. has no non-batfam friends and thus ends up feeling abandoned almost every time she gets kicked out of the group. bandmates are friends!#don't like being in your shitty house? go to your band mates house and jam!#need to articulate the anger issues in a way that doesn't disturb your frazzled paranoid boyfriend? write angsty songs!#also I do genuinely have a lot of thoughts on how music was applied to Stephanie's character and what it tells us about her#like she loved it. clearly. and she was GOOD at it too. steph is constantly perceived as a screw up and has pretty low opinion of herself#piano was something she could take pride in. in i believe issue 113 of tims og robin series-#-tim is AMAZED at her playing all these years later. so is nocturna a few issues earlier#there's a standard visual language in comics for good or bad music- notation drawn in either shaky or smooth lines#stephs are all smooth and golden. she's good even after all these years of not practicing#but all she says to tim after he compliments her is ''i used to be better...'' SHE SEES THE WORST IN HERSELF AND HER ABILITIES#SHE DESERVES A CHANCE TO FEEL GOOD AT AT LEAST ONE THING LIKE SHE FINALLY GOT TO AS BATGIRL IN HER SOLO#and onto my final point: dinah has several times expressed some degree of fondness/admiration for steph. steph has likewise trained w dinah#and thinks she's cool as fuck. which makes sense. bc dinah is cool as fuck#and what is dinah in??? that's right. a band#steph should join dinahs band for her mental health. this has been an essay#stephanie brown#spoiler dc#dc batgirl#batgirls#<- since that series re-canonized pianist steph!! bless them!
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wish i could stop losing stuff irretrievably. some hardware error emptied out my recycle bin a couple days earlier. just to shit on a day i'd spent being genuinely happy about the art i create. i guess. i'm tired of compromises, sick of lying that "it wasn't that important anyway", and throwing up at "oh well, can't be helped".
and yet. and yet. despite every pain, both major and minor, the love is there. the love is still there. guess i've just somehow miraculously hit that point (or gone past it a long time ago) where every grievance beyond a certain amount hurts an unspeakable amount more than it should. and it stacks. probably went overboard a while back. don't know when.
still, i adore my project. still got someone in whose arms i feel safe. hope i'll get out someday. hope i'll get a win.
#i truly do believe that if i get the rest of my work back‚ the important bits#then everything else is gonna be all fine. negligible losses. one more pain on the road to victory.#i learned what digital corpses look like yesterday. zeroes where bs and 4s and Hs should be. it sits badly in my gut. it is difficult to#have hope.#and yet#and yet i will never lose mine until it's all truly over#i'm hoping for a win. it'll be the biggest win of my life at this point. everything else can go to hell at that point.#just give me the news‚ doc. give me the tiebreaker. tell me to live or to despair.#got things to live for beyond that one piece of art i've made. got a few of them‚ in fact.#yet a life without my art seems as bleak as they come. don't know what to look for beyond that. just let me win this one time.#seven years of constant pain is more than enough no matter how you slice it. if i'm not given closure here‚ for this one thing‚ then i'll#give it to myself. will be cruel. will be tough. think it holds less pain still.#but i don't want it. don't wanna think about it. crying as i write this. don't wanna face the music. hate how it hinges on that. are all#artists like this‚ or is it just me who is insane?#i've moved on with the help of my art. without my art‚ i can't move on. can't move on from the lack of moving on‚ either. just loss after#loss after loss. but maybe. maybe not. if i win‚ i'll just cuss out this pain i'm going through right now for the rest of my days and#eventually laugh about it. losses will become scars on living tissue. emphasize on l i v i n g tissue. living‚ as in can create‚ can#continue to love‚ can continue to adore and to help and to play and to smile and all sorts of things. can do all that good stuff that makes#a life worth livin'.#so. dunno if i'm transmitting. dunno if anyone's listening. but i'm hoping for contact.#logs#black blank blah-blah-blah
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i can't remember what it's like to just casually listen to music from lots of different bands/artists all the time without getting severely attached to just one and wanting to only listen to them for a large amount of time
#me#i did that when i was a teenager#i had one big mix playlist#i don't even remember how i felt at the time#i think i was just trying to learn more bands by listening to a few songs from each one a lot#and i just threw them all into one playlist and played it nonstop for a while#and kept adding more things to it#but i don't think that lasted too long either before i got attached to one#and my boyfriend is the opposite of me#he likes having a big list of different things#he will rarely listen to a whole album#i loooove albums#if i'm gonna listen to something from a band i'll probably want to hear more from that same band#because it's like#that song just put my brain into whatever place that band created in it#if i listen to a song from a different band that feels like it's changing to a different place in my brain now#because each band has its own brain slot#and i like to stay in one place for longer than just one song#it's like too much traveling back and forth in my head otherwise and feels exhausting after too long#if any of that makes sense to anybody other than me#even just having my sudden memory of rooney and going back into that for a day or two was like.#yes but also no because i need my russ back#the speed at which i started missing russ was like. immediately. and it increased in intensity the more time i spent on them#hoW DO PEOPLE LISTEN TO MANY DIFFERENT THINGS EVERY DAY? i just can't#(i do love learning other music and having it sent to me though but that's different. everyone should send me songs)
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i love doing things for fun !!!!!
#i believe im well prepared for tomorrow's exam so i didn’t want to study anymore and i tried studying for the next exam but they are pretty#much the same stuff except we have a few more things for the next one and i didnt want to study for that either#so im catching up on some things i didn't have the time or the energy for this week#and it's so nice#also earlier i baked a banana bread and listened to fun music and danced around#it's nice to be happy#jo says stuff#personal ramblings
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had an amazing interview yesterday.... was told I'd know by Monday.... but it's alleged they DRUG TEST and I just bought 6 packs of weed edibles 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#AND!!!!! AND!!!!!! IVE GOT THE HOUSE TO MYSELF FOR A SOLID WEEK!!!!!!!#i guess ill know monday if i can get high that night or tuesday but like.... i want to have one now lmao#like.... the paper i signed was more worried about being drunk on the jo#and OBVIOUSLY i wouldnt show up to my folder customer service job high off my ass..... but that thc can stay in your system for awhilw#i had one last nigbt tk celebrate the interview so idk if im even in the clear to begin with#and like.... i told them my start date would ve the 20th & im out of town vefore that so the goal is like.... they go to achedule#and we have to schedule it way out so i have time to like.....not worry & get my pee clean#like.... it wouldnt matter so much if my parents werent LEAVING this E N T I R E week... like.... this is MY vacatioj too!!!!!#and i just bought it after a horrid week 😭😭😭😭😭 worked my ass of it for it in order to relax this week#like#i know i shouldnt be dependent on it and im really trying not to ve#but the anti-anxiety relaxing of it all helps so much#and im reeeeeally not the biggest fan of drinking....i pee too much 😭😭😭😭😭 ironically 😭😭😭😭😭😭#like.... at this point.... its like..... do i care about getting this job more than i care about letting my brain and body relax this week#i always put myself first & listen to my heart & soul to dictate what to do#but my mind just keeps thinking about getting that failed drug test back and going back to the job hunt#but im still IN the job hi t#*hunt#AND HERES THE THING!!!! walking around that damn office.... seeing what people were wearing.....#its professional but i know damn well theres people in there smoking weed#like.... 25 of the 50 employees i saw showed up in casual loungepants these people are not prestigious#and like.... the paper i signed.... they didnt even edit to include the company name????#it kept saying “the Company will not like you to drink on the clock and assumes you will not get behind company vechiles drunk either”#like.... tooooootally understandable i just wanna eat some edibles before im an official employee of your folder business my loves#let me have a 50mg and zone out for the night while im finally free from all these losers..... PLEASE#anyways......personal problems that my brain needs to expel so it doesnt tumble all around for the next few houes#WHILE I DOORDASH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 fuck me#like..... i got this interview through indeed ill just keep going till i cant if it fails
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initially this post had some commentary about interests right now. and then it turned into a ramble about personal healing in the tags. so the interest post is going separately.
#i have been possessed by my fourteen year old self.#except now i am *way* less ashamed of my interests#<- oh wow when you're in a place where all your interests that are unique to you are shamed constantly you stop enjoying them#there were so many things i hoarded as ''just mine'' because i was scared that they'd be stolen from me in one way or another#because either it'd be co-opted and i'd have to confirm to their view of said interest. or i'd be shamed and belittled for enjoying it#there are so many little things now (even wider than like. media interests. like literal aspects of myself) that feel wrong to share becaus#the only way to keep it safe was to keep it close to my chest#there are a few names i'd love to go by but as soon as i think about actually telling someone it i feel like i might#(and sometimes do) have a panic attack about it#which is stupid!!! the people around me now love me!!!! and i love them!!!!!#all that to say. being able to post about armand and dm is kind of like. a rebellion i guess#tvc and specifically armand were so important to me because back then i kind of saw myself in him? v. jaded and disconnected with the world#and seeking someone to bring them forward and into a new space to try and reinvent themself#and wanting someone to love them hard enough that it encompassed everything#i wanted to be what daniel was to armand and what armand was to daniel#<- very healthy way to think about the world and relationships btw <3 i was so normal and fine and this was not a sign something was wrong#god this turned into a bit of a vent thing huh.#i'm not like. feeling big feelings i should clarify. i feel like i'm examining them from a distance and taking notes like a scientist lol#it's a thing of like. knowing how unhealthy everything was and acknowledging that i'm healing. slowly; sure. but i am healing#i got to play a game one of them had tainted last week. it was hard and fun and i had big feelings when i was playing#because it was a little triggering. but i did it. i managed. i felt better for it.#i told my partner about one of my favourite bands back in 2021 and now they listen to them too and that's a little bit of joy#because it was one of the things that was deemed ''bad'' and that i can share that with someone now and feel safe to love it is good#and being able to be as obsessive and hyperfixated as i am right now without it being unsafe is really really lovely#and it is making me lean into it! i can engage with this without guilt! i want to fuck that old man!#it's silly and difficult and big and great and awful and complicated. but it's allowed to be. i'm allowed to be.
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on one hand I wanna write my fic ideas wherein my marvel oc gets sent to the alternate universe of Gotham and hijinks ensue whilst she tries to survive and get back and the batfam and such slowly learn more info abt her world and how it's being threatened atm and she needs to go back and help and whatnot.
But on the other hand, the readers wouldn't know the marvel related backstory of this OC and would have. No context for her going in
But ALSO then the readers would know abt as much abt this mysterious figure as the batcrew do, and get to learn via flash backs and her slowly revealing info to them as safety allows
Then there's also just a general. Idk if there's any sort of oc etiquette when it comes to writing oc centered fics? My brain goes so hogwild when I read anything that I usually avoid oc fics other people write just bc I usually read and enjoy fics at face value but I also go "now what would happen if this OC was here?" And that gets real complicated when other people's ocs are involved
#jasper rambles#this is a rambly one yall#fanfic discussion#fanfic etiquette?#i just. listen. i made a vampire oc for captain america specifically of the mcu.. and i was thinking and like. gotham is the Perfect City fo#r a vampire to live right. so like. then i was like what would she do if she ended up in gotham. how would that go. and then i could reveal#her marvel backstory thru tidbits she drops and flashbacks. bc i have her mcu timeline pretty well planned out#tho also her existence (along w a few pther ocs) drastically changes the course of the mcu so some things hapen VERY differently (mainly civ#il war and then the start of the following arcs) so like id aalso have to reveal where the canon divergence from the mcu is during the flash#backs. and then ALSO i have a p decent grasp of the batfam and whatnot but i havent had the oppurtunity to read many comics so i dont even.#what if i just FAIL at their characterization and im actually wronf magically#and then ALSO comes the question of should i include my batman dc oc? bc SHES a whole. package. theres a LOT to unpack w her. tho for this s#pecific fic idea i think itd be fun to just. have her be Another Batfam Member. like yeah shes got her own stuff going on. but this fic woul#dnt dive into it anymore than it dives into the other batfam members#the other issue is deciding where in the mcu timeline this oc gets thrown into an au and why and how or if that affects the mcu timeline fro#m there. cuz thatd need to be decided for the sake of flashbacks. and if im gonna ise flashbacks id love to try and plan it out so it aligns#with the plot happening in gotham. i dont necessarily want like. a running Plot in the flashbacks. but id want them to be scenes from her li#fe in mcu that reveaal stuff that helps understand the decisions she makes in the gotham plot#but ALSO in the gotham plot. id wanna have it either be that her presence has caused some sort of ripple that the gotham baddies are using t#o hirt people or else some other unrelated gotham baddies plot is happening and this oc being herself sees trouble and runs towards it to tr#y and help people. even tho she has her own stuff to deal w. and then makes herself a target of the gangs and also potentially screws someth#ings up bc she doesnt have as intimate of knowledge abt the baddies and gangs as the batfam do since most of em grew up in the streets of g#otham one way or another#so like. and like she can hold her own. she was a young woman in brooklyn in the 30/40s. but its still a different environment in gotham rat#her than in brooklyn new york. so itd be. yeah. tbh i feel like the fact that im putting this much thought into it means i will probably try#to write and post it on ao3. idk when tho. im trying not to post more fics on ao3 so i can focus on my xmen fic#sso. anyway if you read all this feel free to share your thoughts and or like. sorry not sorry for the rambly essay of tags <3#i told you jasper rambles
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oh my brain is truly mush this time what do you mean i have clancy AND (suddenly) nex gen to process in less than an hour what a fine evening this is to be alive
#the absolute whiplash of nexgen surprise dropping 2nite was NOT a crossover i anticipated for this evening's events#but one i will happily embrace regardless#is now a good time to share that i only really know overcompensate and *briefly* heard next semester once#because sometimes (more often than not) my brain doesn't like to process multiple singles before an album#i keep envisioning the stream in a half hour getting to next semester/backslide/the craving and everyone just having a few moments 2 chill#while i lose my marbles hearing these songs for the first (or first and a half#in the case of next semester#time#on the other side of things i admittedly didn't listen 2 koolaid either for similar reasons#part of it is also that i like to have most of an album be new 2 me when i listen to it for the first time ya Know#oh this is like barbenheimer except niche to wavernot4love this time#i am very excited#pilotsposting#bmthposting#wavernot4lovetalksmusic#twenty one pilots#clancy#tøp#bmth#bring me the horizon#nex gen
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