#listen if you don't like the ship
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Ngl people being so against greenflame is so funny to me.
Like do I ship them? No, they are older/younger sibling dynamic to me. But the fact that so many people get so worked up over it when the fucking Hagemans were like "yeah cool ship fanart bro 👍" is just- asdfghjkl.
Like I'm sorry, but so many of y'all care way too much about the fictional brick people and it shows.
#listen if you don't like the ship#if it makes you uncomfortable#fine! valid!#but calling people sickos and harassing and being general assholes over legos?#wtf bro?#ninjago#ninjago kai#ninjago lloyd#greenflame#tw discourse#raelyn's honesty hours
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been replaying the Portal series I think this is where its heading
#i haven't drawn in like. half a month. which listen i know i don't post much here but i do draw a lot#i have another blog. but also sometimes i just don't post things. i draw for myself#just got burnt out from working on an animation final 😔#so anyway. eased myself back in with a silly comic about portal#my irl saw my shitty sketch and thought glados was painting chell which is very funny to me.#chelldos#but like. unrequited. glados is obsessed with chell. chell is not having a good time#portal#chell#GlaDOS#GlaD0S#my art#og post#1k#5k#10k#20k#30k#yuri#shipping#edit: i made this post almost a year ago and it haunts me. theres a typo. chell is out of character.#because i couldn't come up with a good reason for her to be there in the first place#and this was a shitty ms paint replicating drawing that i did just to get back into drawing#i didn't think it would gain much attention#i was Wrong#anyway someone in the comments said this is what happens when you speedrun thats an infintely better setup for the punchline#EDIT 2: ok i fixed it fuck you
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hits them with the yuri beam
#enstars#femstars#natsumugi#shumika#hiyojun#listen i still feel like 60% uncomfortable with genderbends as a trans person myself#but they're the exception because a) they're trans-coded to me anyways and b) they also hold yuri potential#i have my reasons it's what i'm saying so don't engage if you're gonna be weird abt it#anyway you can tell what types of ships i like huh#you can't take bassist mugi out of my dying hands if you even tried#doodles
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Something I really like about timebomb is that Ekko actually knows what he's getting into.
I'm not really seeing it get talked about but in season 1 they mention that Ekko and the firelights help people addicted to shimmer get off it and lead more fulfilling lives within the community. I should probably rewatch the scene for the exact wording (might be misremembering tbh) but that comment implies A LOT.
First: Ekko's mission is helping people where he can, he would probably try and help Jinx even if he wasn't in love with her
Second: He has experience dealing with severe mental illness as that often goes hand in hand with drug abuse, namely depression/suicidal ideation like what Jinx was exhibiting
Third: He's probably mapped out best course of action FOR dealing with this and has already figured out his own limits/boundaries. Meaning he knew what he was getting into trying to talk Jinx out of suicide, and was thus more equipped to deal with the aftermath
Fourth: He's probably helped ex members of Silco's gang. The firelights seem to have a theme of healing and repairing and recovering, so they've probably also learned to forgive. If they're mission is to rebuild the lanes into a safe space, they can't exclude people they don't like, they have to make room for them. I think they fought Silco out of necessity, and I doubt Jinx would be the first person they help who's killed one of them.
These all might be a bit of a stretch but I think it really fits. Beyond that, it shows that Ekko can ACTUALLY help Jinx. As much as unconditional love can do, Ekko has the tools for Jinx's recovery and a path ready for her. He also probably knows that her "healthy" will look different from AU Powder's "healthy." On top of that, I expect he knows how to respect her even in the middle of psychotic breaks and won't agitate her already frail mental state
#if you would like to (respectfully) disagree with me I'll GLADLY talk with you. I can think of nothing but Arcane atm#timebomb#ekko arcane#putting it in the tags bc I want to let people agree with my timebomb takes without having to listen to my other ship opinions#uh on that note I have some Caitlyn and Vi opinions that go a bit hand in hand with this#but I think that in contrast Caitlyn and Vi are mutually self destructive#see neither of them seem to make the others mental health... better.#Vi is desperate and needs love wherever she can get it#and Caitlyn... I'm not sure. I have a hard time reading her but a lot of the vibes I get off her feel like she just likes having the power#over vi#I KNOW THAT'S A STRONG CLAIM#hear me out#Vi in her search for unconditional love does a lot of enabling#a good example is when Caitlyn arrests that henchman in episode 3(?)#Vi is VISIBLY uncomfortable with that and for good reason!#Caitlyn just locked someone up for life for... nothing?#kinda like Marcus did to her (yes Marcus was trying to protect her but I doubt that's how Vi sees it)#but Vi doesn't voice this or push Caitlyn on it#instead she asks Caitlyn not to change#not great communication on Vi's part#but also indicative of how little their values align#and how little Caitlyn actually considers Vi and her problems and history#Caitlyn doesn't help Vi heal and she turns on Vi the second Vi stops enabling her and letting Caitlyn do as she thinks is best#neither of them are ready to deal with the others problems or communicate well#again. willing to discuss this. my opinions are swayable.#I just personally found Caitlyn made the most sense and was most compelling when she was going down facist dictator path#sure she could be more but I don't think the show ever really transitioned her away from that#you can see it in the way she treats Maddy#hhhhhh I should go to bed rather than spill every last thought I've ever had
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Me when people fail to realise that Soukoku are called that because they're Double Black. Because they're not two halves of a whole. Because they're two wholes but when they come together they amplify each other because they cover each other weak points and strengthen each others strong points. Because they're both capable by themselves but when they're together they're twice as capable. BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH COMPETENT WITHOUT THE OTHER RGHABVGHKVAGBHCKVBDGDF
#this is brought to you by#Autistic rage#yayyyyyy it's 5am#nakahara chuuya#dazai osamu#soukoku#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#listen i ship soukoku as much as the next person#im entirely obsessed with them don't get me wrong#but i will SCREAM if i see one more person act like dazai and chuuya can't work alone#they've survived for four years guys#they're important to each other#but they can BREATHE by themselves goddamn#(this is not a soukoku hate post and im still unhealthily obsessed with them)
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i've been feeling sick for the past few days, i needed to draw kurokara to heal me.
#thankfully it's not covid ( i think it's mostly just a sinus infection ) but man i feel like life is kicking me around like a football rn#anyways i don't want to get too down in the tags rn aaa#kurokara save meeee#i tweaked how i draw kara in my regular style slightly#the-orion-inexperience made me see the light and realize how good kara looks w/ a mullet#also yes the posing for the first drawing was inspired by the '' twink aboutta pounce '' meme i thought it would be funny#i think one of kuroba's favorite traits of kara's is his voice they find it soothing to listen to#oso finds this out and is kinda shocked like you /LIKE/ listening to him talk?? REALLY??#he's like '' man maybe totty was right about you being a little crazy haha '' <- this is what sparks kuroba and totty's beef w/ each other#osmt#yumematsu#karamatsu#mj ocs#oc : kuroba#ship : kurokara#mj draws
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Me approaching a random lesbian couple: so uh, which one of you is the dark religious fanatic and which is the brawny two-handed weapon fighter?
#you know#coz Baldurs Gate 3 has got me thinking about the Locked Tomb#coz like I don't know how many of you listened to the audiobook for Gideon the Ninth#but the voice acting for Karlach and Gideon is uncannily similar#and Harrowhark and Shadowheart#I mean just say those names out loud and then describe their lives and religions#AM I WRONG?#btw I haven't even finished act 1 yet so yeah if I AM wrong maybe don't use spoilers to prove it please thanks#I appreciate your patronage of my dumbassery#the locked tomb#tlt#gideon the ninth#bg3#baldurs gate 3#griddlehark#shadowlach#that last ship name is a guess I don't know their lives
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it's so sad when people delete older fandom creations. like what do you mean i can't go back and interact with this piece of media that meant so much to me, that made me feel something so strongly i still remember it years later and went looking for it because i missed it like you can only miss an old treasured memory. what do u mean i'll never be able to look at or reread it ever again and the more time passes the less and less i'll be able to remember about it
#like wanting to listen to an old favourite song but you can't remember how it goes#it's what i get for recycling the same 3-5 ships i'm into over and over in an endless loop through the years#while 90% of the ppl in fandoms move on#tw*tter fandom made it even worse since there things don't even get archived by others if OP deletes it
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I was gonna make a little 'how are we feeling gay people' joke after watching the finale, but I've seen some of y'all are being really bitter about it, and I do not want that negativity in my life. So if y'all cannot appreciate really cunty storytelling that actually makes sense when you pay attention to it outside of shipping goggles, I have nothing to tell you
#listen THERE IS VALID CRITICISM but it's not 'oh but i wanted my ship to be happy in the end#like i feel like i understood the choices they made and the story they told and it's not about liking it or being happy with it#it's about going fucking feral and insane and connecting the dots with yarn on your wall#like come ON if y'all cannot appreciate death's fucking kiss i have nothing to tell you#call me insane call me a bitch I don't care but I'm really tired of media illiteracy due to/under the guise of queer shipping#agatha all along#agatha all along spoilers#sorry i accidentally vented but if you're reading this you're very sexy 😘
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for the ask game (1)
au where bruce is attracted to his robins and batgirls. he tries not to think about it or act on it, but it's getting more difficult with every new member of his team he acquires. does anyone know? do the robins and batgirls notice his weird behavior? what do they do about it? do they ever find out the truth? who would think it's terrible and who would find it strangely hot/comforting/nice? does bruce ever act on his feelings?
for the ask game!
oh my GOD do i have thoughts for AUs like this, i love this shit so dearly, dirtybadwrong Bruce who's trying to keep a lid on it my beloved.
i think the fun of this AU is if characters would notice Bruce lusting for themselves vs would they notice Bruce lusting for a different Robin/Batgirl. like does Dick pick up on it when it's just him and Bruce? no, because it's just. him and Bruce. he and Bruce are weird and complicated and hold endless bounds of nuance. that's just How Bruce Is, and Dick is the "test run", in a sense. he knows Bruce is new to this whole sidekick/family thing and is giving Bruce grace for being rough around the edges. but when Bruce starts looking at Jason or Tim or Cass that way, that's when Dick starts to notice. it's never enough of a suspicion he feels justified to bring it up, but the thought lingers. he's hyperaware and grows less and less comfortable with leaving them alone with Bruce. it's a weird game of chicken, Dick and Bruce staring each other down when Bruce's touch lingers too long. each waiting for the other to say something first. if Bruce ever broke and actually acted on his feelings, Dick would be eaten alive by the guilt of knowing something was up, but never saying something until it was too late.
obviously, Cass would know. there's no world where Cass *doesn't* know, the nature of who and what she is would immediately clock it. but the issue is, Cass doesn't have a good framework of what family looks like. she doesn't really understand familial vs romantic love bc she has no firsthand experience of what a parent's love should even look like. so she never calls it out. she just watches. i'm a fan of Cass believing this is normal and believing she too can express and act on attraction that's vaguely incestuous. maybe it's with Babs, maybe it's with Dick or Tim or Bruce himself. but she recognizes this as Normal and Accepted within the Batfamily, so it severely fucks up her understanding of familial love and i just. man it's my favorite thing about Cass in Batcest honestly, is how you can play with her lack of experience with love, boundaries, and sexuality.
Tim is the fun one for me. because my favorite flavor of BruTim is when Tim knows, as he agrees to be Robin, that there's a non-zero chance that Bruce is going to be Weird and agrees anyway because he's decided it's an acceptable risk. so Tim knows from the get-go because he's expecting it. if Bruce acts on his attraction, i think it's either with Tim or Cass first, because they're the most likely to confront him about it in a way that isn't entirely negative. Tim has accepted it's a possibility and Cass just seeks being loved and touched so. it leads to the first time someone's ever confronted Bruce about it. and the thing is, Bruce really doesn't like confrontation about his flaws. the first time Tim tries to imply he's okay with it, Bruce would lash out at the idea, tell Tim how inappropriate that is and benches Tim for a week. it'd probably take a united front from Cass and Tim to get Bruce to even *admit* to the attraction. still Bruce wouldn't allow it to happen and he brushes them off until finally, the dam breaks. it's fun if there's a cause like sex pollen, but i think it's *more* fun if it's just. a random fucking Tuesday and finally Bruce is at his limit. he has no real reason, there's nothing particularly different about that day's routine. he just sees Tim or Cass striping armor and sighs and gives in.
i don't think Steph, Jason, or Babs would notice until anything substantial happened. not because they're not wicked smart, but just because none of them were looking for it. Jason put Bruce on a pedestal when he was alive, and when he came back from the dead he wasn't close enough to be noticing Bruce's interpersonal dynamics outside of his narrow scope. Steph has no real framework for what healthy fatherhood looks like, so if Bruce's touches linger, if he stares too long, she just shrugs and assumes it's how it is. and Babs was just never quite close enough to Bruce to notice. if and when she notices, is when actual sexual things start to happen between Cass and Bruce. because Cass would see no reason to hide it. Babs would be pissed, but it'd be tricky to navigate. Cass would be an adult, even if she's only 18/19, so technically, she's old enough to be consenting. if nothing else, Bruce is a careful man. even when he breaks and gives in to his desires, he covers his tracks well. he makes sure he has enthusiastic consent and there's no legal recourse that could be taken. age of consent and all that. there's not much Babs can *do* other than try to tell Cass (and/or Tim) that this isn't normal or okay. not that it gets her anywhere, but god would she try.
by the time Duke comes along (if we venture out of the pre-Flashpoint era) i think it's a sort of. open secret, in the Batfamily. talked about in nothing but hushed whispers and knowing glances. at some point, they've all had sex with Bruce, caving all for different reasons. some more than others. Tim sees it as a duty, Cass sees it as a way of seeking comfort, Steph sees it as getting Bruce's approval for once, etc. it's never forced on them, but eventually, they all come to Bruce sooner or later. and that's the fun irony of it, i think. they try to convince the others not to, but would go to Bruce on their own well. because complicated reasons they can't put into words. sometimes, Bruce is just a messy man who doesn't realize how prized his Attention to for the rest of the Batfamily. that weird duality of not liking him, but also wanting desperately for him to like you. all of them have dealt with it, at some point. so for Duke, it takes a while for him to understand this... whole dynamic. it's Cass who tries to explain it to him, and he's a little horrified, a lot confused. especially when Bruce starts staring at him a little too long as well. i think he'd only want to watch first but well. they all cave eventually.
also fun bonus if we venture into the Dark Knight Returns universe for my bestest girl Carrie Kelley: there's such a like, "i'm fucking around and i'm finding out" vibe to Carrie. like Tim, she's very proactive in just. deciding she's going to be Robin and she's ready for whatever that entails. (IMO canon Carrie is closer to fanon Tim than canon Tim is but *that* deserves its own post-) like she takes one look at the old man that is Batman and goes yup. he's never fucking getting rid of me now. if Bruce started having weird feelings about her, i think she'd have *fun* with it. she's decided she's in it for the long haul and for whatever being Robin means so. she's almost teasing about it, seeing how hard she can push before Bruce snaps. since it's an older, gruffer Bruce, i think he'd express open annoyance at it first, almost a sort of banter about how Carrie behave. but of course he caves and Carrie leans into it, because there's a fun in having all of Bruce's attention to herself. in the main timeline, Bruce is pretty split with so many Robins and Batgirls, but during their era, it's *just* her and him and she's very proud she's got him all to herself.
#bruce fucks/lusts after every batfam member and they all want to protect each other from him#but also they're all going to fuck him anyway bc they're hypocrite and self sacrificial.#necrotic answerings#ask game#brudick#brujay#brutim#brucass#brusteph#brubabs#bruduke#brucarrie#batcest#did i get all the ship names? god i hope so#listen i'm a pre-flashpoint girlie but know i believe there should be more duke in batcest spaces.#let him in on the fun. stop calling him the normal one. let him ALSO be toxic and gay damnit#though trying to figure out their ship name i cackling at the thought of it being bruke or duce. it's so fucking funny to me and idek why#also let carrie into batcest spaces damnit. there's so few bruce/carrie fics you're all uninspired /lh#anyway yeah i'm obsessed with the vibes of#does anyone like bruce? no but his attention. his approval. the things most of the batkids would do for it#i think you could do bruce/helena b with these vibes too#but ngl i got do mad at the batman: brave & the bold show for doing helena dirty by just making her hot for bruce#that i mentally tune that ship out#it's good. it has good potential for daddy issues.#but it just reminds me of how fucking *ass* helena is in that show. they fucked up my bbygirl.#idk why ppl like b:tb&tb so much. i don't think it's good??#is it nostalgia or something? like there's so many other better batman animated shows that can like. write women. idk that's just me#anyway love this concept so dearly <3#bruce who is so fucking bad at love he can't separate familial and romantic love my beloved <3#bruce wayne having *boundaries*? absolutely not in my good catholic batcest home.
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sometimes I see one of those harem animes where a bunch of girls whose personalities and bodily proportions are wildly exaggerated fall in love with a bland cardboard-cutout of an mc floating past the periphery of my semi-curated internet feed, and I'm like 'ugh, I don't know how people sit through these'. then I remember my all-consuming need to imagine an animeified version of Fyodor Dostoevsky having unabashedly toxic homosexual relationships with every man that crosses his field of vision, and I remember to get off my high horse before it bucks me off and I break a few bones on the way down
#i don't even want to tag ALL the fyodor ships i like that fit this description because. well. it would be A Lot#listen man. sometimes you just see a guy and know he isn't physically capable of having a functional relationship and go ohhh#i need to make him Everyone's Problem now#he would make the other person So Much Worse and I want to watch him#*this applies to Dazai also but that is more socially acceptable to say in this fandom#fyozai#fyolai#fyoya#fyobram#fyosig#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd
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They said Butcher already tried taking V because they knew all we really want is for Homelander to shoot him up himself in a weird moment of “the only person who’s allowed to kill me is you”, which smoothly translates to “I need to save your life so we can kill each other”. There is an intriguing mix of possessiveness, lust for power, empathy, sadism and desperation at play here that we wanted to see and they knew that. “I despise you enough to safe you so I can kill you. I need you so much i will give you the power to kill me.” We would also want this scene to involve Homelander touching Billy’s bare arm with his glove as he sets the shot. Also possibly holding him while he goes through the V spasms etc. I am speaking for the masses here btw. We collectively wanted that to happen.
#Billy Butcher#butchlander#listen we don't even have to think strictly shipping wise on this one. Homelander is just like that#what I’m trying to say is he’s obsessive enough for this. we know that. if he didn’t care about butcher an embarrassing amount#the man would be DEAD. he’d be dead after trying and failing (well he succeeded in some ways) to blow up Madelyn.#<- you KNOW the bottle blond can’t let him die#‘I’ll miss us’ GO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT#milkshake slurping dumbass.#you’re literally sitting pretty on V vials.
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Lanyan my babygirl,I wish people would treat you more than who they ship you with (when she finally release)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/deae4fc62ba58b45892d1d3715532878/3dd5ad8f4711a79a-f0/s540x810/caef937587a599aed4a35a99343996446d786d77.jpg)
#I understand thumbstacking her to a ship is a way to keep her relevant#but after the shippers on tiktok already causing drama#I sincerely hope people don't reduce her to a love interest when she's out#listen I like my bro gaming too as much as the next guy#them being childhood friends are super sweet#can't wait to witness their dynamic#but please I beg you gaming x lanyan shippers on tiktok#stop being the ship police to other completely legal ships#it goes both ways#don't send hate and don't accept hate#you deserve better than to engage in an argument over which pixels should kiss which pixel#and you deserve better than to be angry at someone who's wasting your time over how boring your ship is#I hope I don't come off as a hater#like I genuinely hope lanyan isn't remembered for the discourse that surrounds her when she's finally out#(a mean part of me wishes she's aroace coded so the toxic tiktok people can finally shut up)#(but that would be unfair to normal shippers that's just doing their own thing#yet again genshin tiktok proves to be the most braindead community imaginable#lan yan#genshin lanyan#lanyan genshin#genshin impact#shipping discourse#not a reblog
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Looong rant about chapter 16 Ptolemy's Gate and how being passive can add to the cycle of ab*se.
oof so I just read when Nat goes to see Ms Lutyens and I can't help but be absolutely furious at her??
I know that's maybe a little bit unfair given she's frightened of him as a magician and is obviously angry when she finds out the department he's responsible for, but honestly it kinda brings up the problem with inadvertent bystanders to child ab*se in my mind.
And I'm definitely not blaming her solely for who Nat becomes but it makes me think of all those people in huge child ab*se cases who give interviews to press about all the things they noticed that were wrong but they just...never do anything?
She stood up for him against Lovelace, and when Nat thanked her- "I wanted to say that I know you were trying to save me, and-"
''Yes, and I'm sorry I didn't" Like girl be for real did you really think that alone would undo the years of indoctrination and abuse he's already suffered and prevent years worth of the same in the years to come? And she won't take responsibility - "My job is with children, not the adults they become" and again while it seems harsh to blame her for who Nat becomes, it's so much easier to pass the blame to people who are more directly responsible rather than acknowledging you also play a part.
I think it hurts so much more because it's her specifically- Nat goes to her in sheer desperation, it almost seems like a goodbye- he wants to thank her, tries to set her up in a job that will pay well and struggles to communicate he's trying to help. At this point he thinks Bartimaeus has been summoned by another magician and his birth name will be revealed. He's sure he's about to die and if not he'll be stood on trial and lose everything.
He goes to her because she represents the peaceful moments from his childhood when he got away from his master. He's scared and feeling lost and really it's call for help; but he doesn't ask for anything he just wants to make her feel proud of him- he's looking for that validation that he's been chasing since childhood.
And that shows he still does have that little bit of childhood innocence in him; he thinks she will be proud, thinks she'll see him as the same little boy in the garden gazing up at his teacher in adoration. He can't quite grasp why she's separated the man stood before her from that little boy. Because in that moment the child inside Nathaniel is seeking comfort AND THAT'S WHY it makes me so angry. She's completely given up on him when he's at his lowest ebb, because she doesn't want to be associated with the magician he's become. As if it isn't a massive step in the right direction that he saught her out in the first place- what other magican would bother? I wonder if that's why she reacted so strongly to seeing him again? Before that moment she could go about her life wondering if /pretending her attempt to protect him was enough, and now she realises it wasn't, of course it wasn't, and the image she had of Nathaniel's childhood innocence is completely ruined in her mind.
Or was her contempt for him even grater than Nat realised? She was naturally disgusted by the rhetoric he'd started to repeat from a young age, and gently tried to correct him although she was clearly angry- was she just resigned to the fact that there is little else she could do to change his future? I always thought- couldn't she have looked for him? The Underwood house fire was in the papers and they mentioned the apprentice was being searched for. Did she ever worry about him? Surely something must have been in the papers since- an announcement of new ministers, ANYTHING! Look at how much research Kitty did to find out about Bartimaeus and Ptolemy. I just don't think Rosanna Lutyens cared enough, realistically Nathaniel wasn't hard to find- but he was no longer her responsibility so she could turn a blind eye.
And sadly it's not just her- I know everyone loves Martha Underwood including Nat; but I think her submissiveness to her husband has a negative effect on Nathaniel as well. In AOS when Nat is locked in his room for ages after setting the mites loose, and is forbidden to have any contact with anyone and she won't talk with him. I know she's been told by Mr. Underwood she can't, but it still boils my blood. She's an adult and going along with ignoring Nathaniel because her husband told her to...I can't even begin to imagine the psychological damage that would do to a 10 year old child. (It could be argued she's frightened of the consequences if her husband finds out she's disobeyed him which is fair, he could always be watching through magic- but this is Arthur Underwood we're talking about. He's lazy, oblivious and weak I doubt he'd expend all that energy each day to check up on her.)
And It's even more painful that Nathaniel is often described as fiercely loyal to her and I think to Ms Lutyens as well- he doesn't expect to be treated well by Arthur Underwood but he loved Mrs Underwood and Ms Lutyens so much he started to view them through a rose-coloured lense. He never feels betrayed by either of them, even though they absolutely let him down, because the pedestal he's put them on is too high AND THAT ABSOLUTELY DESTROYS ME.
Would things with Nathaniel have been any different if Mrs Underwood hadn't died? I don't really think so. Do you think she'd see Nathaniel's temper at 14 years old and be reminded of Arthur Underwood? He was awful, absolutely awful to Nat and to her; but he was under so much stress in an underfunded departement, where pressure was being put on him by superiors to accomplish far more than they knew him to be capable of, and he took it out on the easiest target. Nathaniel ends up in exactly the same place and he starts to take it out on the only person around him- Bartimaeus. Would he snap at Mrs Underwood all the time if she were still there? Because he's learnt that behaviour from his father figure, and subconsciously learnt from his mother figure that she'll put up with it. He learnt from the woman he loved so deeply, that if you don't resist, people will walk all over you. So you have to maintain control even if it ends up hurting people you care about because no one will step in to stop the suffering no matter how much you love them, no matter how much you want them too.
It's easy to blame Arthur Underwood and Simon Lovelace and the magicians that actively hurt Nathaniel but I just feel like it's a bit disingenuous not to acknowledge the role of those doing passive harm. It's really mean to say it but even Bartimaeus plays a role- he knows Nat is clinging on to him because he can't 'bring himself to break this last connection' (to his childhood) but instead of bringing it up properly he 'taunts' Nathaniel- a boy who has been taunted for his weakness by his master for years. And even in AOS when Nathaniel tells Bartimaeus he was beaten for the mites incident Bart just kinda shrugs it off. Like I get it, why should Bartimaeus do anything, he's suffered way worse due to the system so he doesn't owe Nat anything right? But from Nat's point of view this is the first and only time he's mentioned to anyone what has happened to him and nothing changes. It's like another lesson learnt: telling someone about it doesn't help. Another nail in the coffin.
And I like all these characters, I feel bad for them. They're all victims of the system, I think the chapter with Ms Lutyens is just the straw that broke the camel's back for me. All of those little opportunities that are insignificant to the narrative over all; the commoners have it worse, Nathaniel is in a privileged position in society, exerting control over others. He's very morally grey, crossing over into objectively bad person territory but I love him with my whole heart and all of those insignificant moments would have been massive to him whether he was conscious of it or not.
And it goes all the way back to the beginning with Nat's parents giving him up to the magicians at 5 years old. I can't get the image of that little boy sat crying all alone in the government building. And he's not going somewhere safer, or somewhere he'll be happier and more loved. Giving your child over to a total stranger, oh he'll be totally fine won't he? He'll grow up to be a magician and far richer than you'll ever be, he'll be happy and comfortable and be grateful he got to grow up in luxury. There's no way a stranger you've never met, who the majority of society is terrified of would ever hurt a vulnerable little kid right? And if they do? Well you aren't responsible anymore, how could you know? What could you possibly do against the magician taking care of him?
Every little thing is another grain of sand tipping the scale. Did anyone else have to analyse An Inspector Calls in school? It feels like that to me- those BIG moments and all the little moments in between that add onto the pile.
And it goes on to cause problems in wider society too- ab*se is so normalised to the magicians, they casually ask Underwood if he hits Nathaniel like it's nothing. Because to them it is nothing, they've all grown up in the same circumstances and are repeating what they've learnt as children. I can't help but feel a little sorry for them all, especially when they aren't looked at through the black and white lense of 'argh these people are the evil arseholes look at how they treat everyone around them, screw these guys.' When we see those little glimpses of humanity like Simon's anxiety with the amulet; looking to his master and father figure Schyler for reassurance, and what's sad is that Nat is "reminded...of his own master's cold impatience" It's clear Simon looks up to his master, wants to make him proud and loves him. But it seems like Schyler has just trained Simon up so he can get power through him later on. I love the little hints of similarities between Simon and Nathaniel; the anxious mannerisms like fiddling with his hair that Nathaniel starts to develop, the way their master's talk to them. Even though they're actively working against each other in AOS and Simon is placed firmly in the baddies category and Nat in the goodies category at this point in the series; these things always hinted to me they had similar childhoods, how was Simon treated? When he had the imp beat Nat into unconsciousness, was it because he'd had the same punishment used against him? Did he know the magicians in the room would do nothing to stop him because no one stopped it from happening to him? Did he ever have a teacher stand up for him only for it to change nothing in the end because all the negative influences were so much stronger? Is the reason he loves Schyler like a dad because he's almost developed Stockholm syndrome? It looks like love because he's never known anything else.
And Arthur Underwood- who doesn't think his upbringing, and being taken away from his family ever did him any harm- doesn't realise the harm done is that he doesn't even know another way of raising Nathaniel, because he was never shown another way. His childhood may also have been filled with people who hurt him and the people that didn't do enough to intervene.
There are so many psychology studies that show children copy everything they see the adults in their life doing. Nathaniel copies the magicians behaviour towards spirits and on a subconscious level I think he copies all the submissive people in his life. How many times does he end up upset and frustrated with the fact he seems to be going nowhere and how many times does he just hope things will be different rather than taking postive action.
I dislike the actions the magicians end up taking but I also find them fascinating to analyse. I tend to prefer villains in media because they're usually slightly more complex individuals and I love to think about how they ended up that way. They can all be seen as victims of their circumstances in a way, despite all the power and privilege they have had terrible and traumatic childhoods, and if the commoners had no valuable worldy possessions at least they had a sense of togetherness; of love and understanding and selflessness. I wonder if the magicians hated them at least partly because of that. Because out in the sea of faces of the commoners talking about nothing important, doing nothing great and noble- could be the parents that abandoned them. And when your life is on the line daily because of working with spirits, and your colleagues want to stab you in the back, sometimes not being responsible for anything important looks good. But you can't leave your life as a magician, it would be too difficult; you have nowhere to go, no real friends, no one who really loves you. So it's better to stay and be a submissive bystander in your own life because it's so much easier.
Doing nothing is doing something- being passive can be just as harmful.
#Oh boy if I was in Nat's life I'd've packed him into a box and shipped him off to therapy long ago#Listen I'm not a magician apologist per se....#But I do find playing devil's advocate for well -written baddies fun#And I am Nathaniells defence lawyer#I will not hear a word said against him#Just stressing that I do in fact like Mrs Underwood and Ms Lutyens I just wish they were a little stronger in sticking up for Nat#and I do hate mr Underwood#Simon lovelace tho.... I quite like him he can have a little space in the therapy box#I have a softspot for him because of the mannerisms that compare him to Nat okay???#Is it obvious I studied psychology at school 😅#Or that I am a huge Nat kinnie😅😅#Please don't hate me for this take#If anyone takes anything from this please let it be children copy everything they see you do including when you do nothing#This is quite tangential#bartseq#bartimaeus sequence#bartimaeus trilogy#bartimaeus#nathaniel underwood#liveblogging
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Thoughts about the Dimitrescu babies in kindergarten ?
Bela:
When Bela started kindergarten, Cassandra was still only a baby. Bela was already used to being the big sister, having heard many times how strong and brave she was, that she would look out for her baby sister, and that she was essentially her hero.
Bela has a little ego problem, which is amplified by her mother: she is smart and brilliant and can do so many amazing things.
Now, starting kindergarten was a huge step for her. She was scared, but she didn't want it to show. She is the big sister, right? She is strong and smart and crying because she wants her mother is not very strong or mature right?
But at the end of the day, she is only four years old, and having control over her emotions is not something she mastered yet. She wasn't very vocal, but Alcina sensed her daughter's trepidation. From how Bela's hold tightened on her skirt, to the way she hesitated to let go, to how she avoided looking at her teacher.
Alcina knew of the struggles her daughter was going through. She knew that Bela was trying to compose herself while her small body trembled under the weight of the emotions she was feeling.
Alcina took her aside, away from the classroom and any other person. She sat with her and hugged her for the longest time. It was Bela's first time away from home. Alcina was feeling torn at the fact; she has a routine with her daughters and she was trying to adjust to the change. If she was having a hard time with it, then her little daughter is feeling much worse.
Knowing that Bela is smart and understanding, Alcina made a suggestion. She put a watch on Bela's wrist, and promised her that she will be picking her up in an hour. She did that for a few days, adding one more hour every two or three days.
Alcina's heart broke when Bela told her one day that she doesn't have to pick her up early, she wants to stay and play with her friends. While she was proud, Alcina was sad that her little daughter is old enough to have her own social circle. She made friends, and according to her teacher, she is the leader of their group and Alcina couldn't be more proud.
Cassandra:
Cassandra wasn't four when she started kindergarten. Having her birthday in November, Alcina argued that Cassandra was too young for this transition.
One, she is clingy.
Alcina doesn't mind it, really. There is nothing she loves more than giving her children an infinite amount of cuddles and spending time with them glued to her side.
Now by that point, Bela was independent, embracing school and her friends and all of that.
Cassandra was not. She was glued to her mother and she often dealt the K.O. by declaring to Alcina 'I want you, Mama!' And Alcina goes running to her. Every. Single. Time.
Now by that time, Daniela was born. Cassandra's clinginess? It grew tenfold.
Starting school with a new baby in the house? That was a huge transition and Alcina's second daughter was not taking it with stride.
Unlike Bela's composed reaction and attempts at braving something new (and scary), Cassandra was anything but. She hated going to school. She hated having to wake up and go out so early. She hated not being at home with her Mama and her toys, and most importantly, she loathed being separated from her mother.
To Cassandra, she felt as if she was being sent away. Her Mama is getting rid of her now that she is busy with the new baby. Bela goes to school? They just dropped her off earlier so that Cassandra can see that it's normal? Didn't work.
At times, Alcina is guilty of giving in and taking Cassandra home. Her daughter would get so upset she'd make herself sick. And honestly, Alcina doesn't have it in her to watch her daughter be distressed and ignore it.
She is only three years old, she can't cope and Alcina can't handle seeing her so upset. So what does Alcina do? She gives in.
Needless to say, the first year of kindergarten was a mess. Lots of missed days, constant tantrums at drop off, and excessive clinginess for the rest of the day. It was a lot on both Cassandra and Alcina.
Both Miranda and Donna said that Alcina needs to put her foot down and stop entertaining Cassandra because her responses make her act worse. Cassandra knows if she pushes enough, Mama is going to give in. So she does. Every time.
Donna stepped in and took Cassandra to school. Her dear niece put on a show, but Donna wasn't impressed. 'You're done now? Good, now go to your classroom'. Because Donna is not against her niece expressing her feelings. Cassandra can react however she wants, but at the end of the day, she is going to school and that's the end of it.
All of that aside, Cassandra enjoyed being in school. She made friends, and enjoyed all the different activities. She is mostly quiet and shy, yet she has made a lot of friends and with time, going to school wasn't as harrowing as she made it out to be the first few months (or whole year, if we're being honest).
Daniela:
Like Bela, Daniela is very independent. Also, being the youngest, she was so ready to show her Mama and sisters that she was ready to start school.
Daniela was actually looking forward to it. Finally, she is old enough to go with her sisters. That thought made her so excited. Plus, she always considers herself 'big enough' to do things like her sisters so what if she has to be away from her Mama for a whole day?
So Daniela started school with stride.
Alcina was expecting some clinginess, this is her baby after all.
Come day one, while walking Daniela to her class, her little daughter waved at her 'bye Mama' and entered the classroom without looking back.
This time, it was Alcina who was somewhat sad that her youngest was very relaxed about this. Sure, it's a nice break from the display Cassandra did at her age, but Alcina wasn't expecting this level of nonchalance.
With Daniela, it was Alcina who had a hard time letting go. And at the end of the day, Daniela was excited to show her Mama what she did and talked nonstop about her day.
#house dimitrescu#cassandra dimitrescu#resident evil village#daniela dimitrescu#resident evil 8#bela dimitrescu#re8#alcina dimitrescu#headcanon#asks#listen cass was dealing with a lot at home and being shipped off to school every day didn't help#her flare for the dramatics started early#and her mama's response kinda sorta made it grow#dani just shrugged her way to school#she was literally like 'yay im big enough to go to school just like my sisters!'#making her mama cry because why are you so grown???#where are the tantrums and the tears?#don't YOU want your mother????#alcina needed a moment or two to process daniela and her reaction#but she was really proud with how mature her baby is
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Y'all canon really aint that serious.
#if you wanna take it serious in your analysis' and fanfiction#be my absolute guest#just remember your world aint law and no one has to listen to the books if they dont wanna#rhysand is justified and loved in canon but do you see me loving him?#nah#tamlin is hated and unjustified in canon and do you see me hating him#nope#feyre is with rhysand in canon do you see me shipping em?#nadda#nesta is with cassian in canon do you see me shipping them?#no#like what you wanna like hate what you wanna hate#if you wanna hate on these ships be my guest#but keep in your side of the internet and don't hate on other people for it#anti and pro sides exist for everything that is something that will always exist and makes fandoms beautifully complex#but there should be no such thing as hating other people for it
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