#like youre THAT drunk?

[greyeyedmonster-18]

(alright, imma say it: any scene in which the characters sing/sing karaoke gives me such second-hand embarrassment i can't read it and it ruins the entire fic for me)

[bunnions]

something something katsuki can't keep his hands off you when he's had a little too much to drink (see: denks the worst at-home bartender in the world, believes a shot of vodka really means four).

it starts off innocently enough, gathered in eijiro's living room, when he cracks a foul-mouthed joke and you double over into side with laughter. the heat starts to creep up his neck, but it's easy to blame it on the alcohol. he nudges you back playfully, a grin quirking at the corner of his lips.

two more shots of whatever vile concoction denki mixed up and he's melting into the couch. he's sitting on one end, a little squished with how mina, eijiro, hanta, and denki are piled on top of each other - chatting away, drinking, and desperately trying not to make eye contact with the wasted blond. katsuki's got you perched all pretty in his lap because "there isn't any room left to sit." a convenient excuse.

you're flushed and trying to keep up with mina's story and you're having a great time with your friends but katsuki's hands are looping casually around your waist and pulling you closer to him and he's leaning a little on you for support and you feel a zing speed down your spine as his lips brush against your arm. an accident.

his head's a little fuzzy, but katsuki's practically melting with the alcohol swimming through his veins. and you're so soft it's making everything even fuzzier. before he even finishes that thought he's testing out the plush of your waist, your thighs, pinching a little at the small of your back, and back down to your thighs. you squirm in his hold, and he retaliates with a soft grunt and by biting what he could reach.

the spit on your arm is more uncomfortable than the rather tame bite he gives you. you can see his eyes wobble, flitting to different parts of your face. "hol' s'till," he garbles and your heart leaps into your throat. you can feel four sets of eyes boring into you both, but you can't break away from katsuki's heavy, lidded, lovesick gaze.

[garaks-padded-bra]

People who smoke while walking: I hate you

[teaboot]

Wait you had autism and still got along with the other kids and knew what was going on with them?? I was never able to do that! I still chose to do my own thing but would have been unable to answer those questions.

I mean I didn't really WANNA make friends for a super long time so it didn't really matter? And if anyone was outright mean I don't think I noticed till like 6th grade.

After 6th a few other kids liked to throw or kick things at my face or steal my art supplies or give me mean nicknames- I remember almost all the boys in my class one year started a thing where if I got within 4 feet of them they'd yell "[tea] GERMS!" and make a dramatic mad-dash escape, and that was kinda hurtful, but IDK how long that was a thing??

Anyhow I started asking them if they had a crush on me or if they were just stupid, and when they asked what I meant I'd just be like "well there's two reasons boys act stupid around girls. Either you have a crush on me, or you're just always this stupid"

And that invariably led to them yelling "I'm stupid, I'm stupid!" or telling me, "I'd rather say I'm stupid than say I like you!"

Which might have been hurtful if I wasn't growing into a mild superiority complex that assured me I was smarter than them, and nicer than them, and there was really no need to desire the approval of stupid, mean people.

(This was, of course, backed up by the fact that my father was one of those mean, stupid sorts of people, and I fully beleived if I could handle him, I could handle anyone my size, and so what if you dont like me? My own dad doesnt like me, am i supposed to value your opinion?)

Then by highschool I got hot, and if one of them started chatting me up I'd just be like "You wrote in my yearbook in 2002 that I was a huge loser. Why would I want to hang out with you"

And by THEN I'd met enough genuinely fun, interesting people who actually liked me that I was never around anyone who openly disliked me anyways.

Not until I started to realize I wasn't 100% a girl and cut my hair off- Then I started hearing other girls whispering to each other that I looked like a lesbian- gasp- which, again, was actually pretty funny, 'cause then I'd just tell them not to get their hopes up 'cause I wasn't available.

Then I graduated, and moved, and it turns out I'm actually kind of hot funny smart and successful, and whenever I fall into the deep deep pit of dumb ugly stupid imposter-syndrome, I remember that as mean as other kids were sometimes, their parents thought I was the best.

So anyways get fucked Gabe from ninth grade, your mom used to give me candy and bail me out of detention. I had the biggest fucking crush on your mom dude

[lazylittledragon]

i refuse to believe that boycotting is hard. my favourite thing in the world is ordering maccies after a late night at work/a concert/getting drunk. yes i do miss it sometimes. but the other night i ordered from a small place near my house instead and it was the most orgasmic burger i've ever had in my life. i very rarely say this but fucking suck it up people are DEAD

[cubbihue]

What is irep and Goldie(the triangle fairy) up to in this au?

Goldie!!!! Hihihi hello!!! Goldie is a Leisure Fairy! She specializes in Light Magic, so she goes around bringing sunlight to different parts of the world on Earth. Whenever a child prays or makes a shrine asking for sunlight, she responds to it!!

She has a very bubbly and bright (hah) personality!!!!!! On the surface. Goldie has a reputation to maintain as the "cutesy happy-go-lucky sunlight fairy", but in truth, she's pretty jaded for a fairy. She drops this facade around her close friends.

Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]

[righteous-r0de0]

perhaps a silly question but are angel and baabe’s unempowered familes invited to the wedding? that’s gotta be a huge covert breach

but imagine the silly hijinks that would ensue

“hey why’s the best man (gender neutral)’s boyfriend sitting under an umbrella? it’s supposed to be clear skies all day”

“oh um he’s just super goth”

“he’s wearing a cowboy hat”

“he’s…y’allternative”

“wtf angel”

[simplydnp]

The Dan in the Shrek shirt and hat is giving “we were being silly and soft still in our pjs in the hotel room” vibes like he looks like he just woke up 😭🥺

lightly tousled for sure. a lil squinty a little flirty a little ruffled. definitely part of how they recovered from jet lag

[generalsdiary]

drunk alhaitham who yaps about the improvements the sumeru education system should make & kaveh, also drunk, attentively listening- the literal most beautiful man in whole of sumeru, with sparkly red eyes, messy blond hair, and a soft blush across his cheeks, with his full attention on the autistic scribe. flustering alhaitham to the point he stops mid sentence, averting his eyes, "oh fuck."

[bruciemilf]

The most embarrassing moment of Jason’s life is calling Bruce to bail him out for underage drinking

[icys-junkyard]

have a blasphemous new year everybody :)

Ingo very vaguely recalls typical Unovan New Year’s social drinking traditions. Doesn’t realize Hisuian alcohol is stronger than what he may have expected in the future. Fails to apply religious filters.

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 195

“Oh. It’s you.” 

The entity that had been summoned practically growled, a cloak like swirling galaxies- or was it swirling galaxies molded into a cloak- shimmering around their form. One pair of arms crossed over a chest where a star pulsed with the heartbeat of universes, alive yet dying as lazarus green eyes glowered down at the league and bats alike. 

“You know you could, fucking call, right?” they whined, aura of terror suddenly broken, unnatural fear torn away and leaving all of them wrong-footed and confused.

Well, apparently all of them except for Ras, who had an honest to fuck grin on his face, one that looks almost carefree, if a little feral. Nope. No thanks. Not this timeline-

“But phones didn’t exist last we spoke, ya ‘amar.” 

[mindmythorns]

indecision who? 🐣

[varpusvaras]

fully inspired by this post by @rooksunday. Fox can never have a calm day, can he?

Cody is already in the process of ripping his hair out when Fox runs in.

Quite literally runs. It is for the mere laws of physics that he hadn't gone through the door, though Cody thinks that it had been really close to happening anyway with how fast Fox barges in.

"Cody!" Fox yells. Very loudly, even though he is already at Cody's desk, almost going through it too. He slams his hands on the edge of the desk to stop himself, and he almost careens over the desk with the sudden stop. He manages to stop before it, but is now bent halfway over the desk, and is right at Cody's face. "Cody!"

"I heard you the first time", Cody says, grimacing at the volume. "What is it?"

Perhaps he should be worried. Fox looks like he is going to explode at any second, with his eyes wide and his breathing erratic. His new, nice clothes are very ruffled, most likely from running, and his fancy new cape is only partially clasped. It is not a state Cody has ever seen Fox. His meticulous, top-of-his-class brother, who always had even the seams of clothes in place.

"How did this happen?" Fox asks. "How?"

Alright, he should be worried. Fox is never cryptid. Always blunt and to the point, sometimes even too much, the little prick.

"How did what happen?" Cody asks. He is up from his chair now, and making it to the other side of the desk. "Fox, breathe a little."

Fox does breathe. He takes in a deep gulp of air, and looks at Cody like Cody is the one asking stupid and cryptid questions.

"The marriage!" Fox yells. "How did it happen?"

Now Cody is even more confused and concerned. Is there something wrong? The new Chancellor had seemed so nice, and Fox had been friendly with him until now. Had it all been a ruse? Had Cody, while being overwhelmed with everything, managed to get his little brother married to some kind of monster, who had only now revealed his true colours?

No, that would not stand. Cody needs to know exactly what's going on, right now.

"Fox", Cody grabs him by the shoulders. "What is going on? Are you alright?"

Fox doesn't look hurt, thank the gods, but he is still out of breath and looking at Cody with his eyes blown huge. Then again, they had all been trained to be able to sustain various injuries, so Cody would have to make sure-

Fox blinks, and then laughs, borderline hysterically.

"Am I alright?" He asks. "Am I alright? No! No, I am not! And I need you to answer my question! How did this happen? How did this whole disaster even go through?"

Cody tries not to be frustrated at not getting any answers out of Fox. He breathes in deep himself. He needs to stay calm, since Fox, for the first time ever, is not.

"I'm sorry", he says. "For putting you through it. I never should've. I-"

Fox grabs him by the shoulders as well, almost knocking Cody's hands away.

"Shut the hell up", he is suddenly snarling. "I don't care, I just need to know who authorised it."

"I did." Cody is...more confused about what is going on, now. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologising", Fox says. "Who else? Who else was approving with this?"

"The Chancellor and the Queen of Alderaan", Cody answers. The Chancellor, of course, Cody had done his negotiations with the man, but he had heard that the Queen had to authorise the whole marriage as well. It had sounded logical, as the Chancellor had been the former Senator of Alderaan, and thus still representing the whole system as well-

Fox starts laughing again. He lets go off Cody and puts his head in his hands, which makes the laughing sound more like he is crying.

"Fox", Cody shakes him a little. "Fox'ika. What's wrong?"

"The Queen of Alderaan authorised the marriage between me and the Chancellor", Fox mumbles against his hands.

"Yes?" Cody is seriously starting to feel like he has missed something big.

"The Queen of Alderaan", Fox repeats, "authorised my marriage with Chancellor Organa of Alderaan."

"Yes." Cody needs to go to his files and look through them again-

"Her Majesty", Fox says, "Queen Breha Organa of Alderaan, authorised me to marry her husband."

Cody stares.

Fox lifts his head from his hands a bit to look at Cody.

"I need a drink", he says.

Cody nods. He needs a drink too.

He lets Fox sit on the comfier chair and takes up the other one for himself, after he has fetched a nice bottle of some bright red liquour from his cabinet. A gift, for the new leader of the Vode.

The label tells him it's Alderaanian liquour.

Cody pours Fox a full glass, and then hides the bottle.

[leelubell]

Every time I finish a season of Taskmaster I’m like “noooooo I don’t want to go to the next season this is my emotional support group of British comedians”

Then I move on to the next season and find a new batch of emotional support British comedians

[nocofamilyau]

man how messed up is he? (3/24)