always-offended-skeleton

[always-offended-skeleton]

Hey!! I know that guy! Congratulations to both of you! Your dress is beautiful and he looks dapper in that outfit!

I know this isn’t Bojack related, but recently instead of turning men down by saying “no, thank you”, I experimented with saying “I’m engaged” and flashing a ring instead. Needless to say, I am not engaged. It still worked better than just saying “no”, but then came questions like “so where is your fiancé?” and “he let you go out by yourself looking like that?” or just remaining persistent in asking for my number. So I went into my closet, and pulled out a fiancé. Now when I turn men down and they need further proof, they can know that I would rather lug around a 5 foot tall plastic skeleton to Steak n Shake and fake a proposal than give them my number.

[always-offended-skeleton]

Wait. Did you come up with this on your own or did you see me last night? If it's the first, disregard the second.

[always-offended-skeleton]

... At first I was offended, but I actually like this better.

[always-offended-skeleton]

I love dogs... But keep them on leashes? I've been searching the park for the last two hours after one stole my leg and buried it somewhere. It's hard work, hopping around like a boney pogo stick.

[always-offended-skeleton]

Today, someone told me I'm mean. I don't have a mean body on my bones!

[always-offended-skeleton]

Wait... Is that not how you're supposed to do it? Have I been doing this wrong all these centuries?

[always-offended-skeleton]

To the tune of Mr. Brightside:

COMING OUT OF MY CRYPT

AND I AM SO OFFENDED

[always-offended-skeleton]

Happy New Year, I guess. I'm still a walking, talking skeleton, though, so I don't see why it's so "happy".

[always-offended-skeleton]

However, I specifically left my comfortable crypt and made a Tumblr to tell you I am offended. That should tell you how offended I truly am by this.

[always-offended-skeleton]

@normal-horoscopes I'm offended.