#like truly what is the point of anything anymore

[jimblejamblewritings]

Okay, but picture the party finally makes it to Baldur's Gate and they go to confront Gortash first and maybe stop the coronation (if they can do so without bloodshed or at least without killing Wyll's dad accidentally). Gortash of course spills the beans all about Resist!Durge and the companions are upset. Honestly, this might be a hot take but I think they should be even more upset.

There's something so deliciously angsty (and human) about the companions being upset despite knowing that Durge has no memories of who they were before the tadpole and has actively been working to be a better person. They should try to help them and work through this revelation together but they just can't shake the betrayal long enough to see past themselves. Maybe the character they're romancing (I always feel like Halsin and Astarion work best for Durge so they'll be my placeholders for the rest of this but use whoever you romance) is less irrational. But instead of being fully on their side, they're trying to convince Durge to just give the others time and space to come back.

Maybe even Jaheira and Minsc are struggling because to be a Bhaalspawn is one thing but Durge created this entire trouble they're in now.

Durge is feeling utterly alone as they are avoided at camp like the plague. Even when the group moves into Elfsong Tavern, nothing has changed. Karlach who is normally this wonderful bubbly person is the worst of all. Gortash fucked her over majorly and not only was Durge his ally but was clearly involved with him. She can't find it in her to be reasonable.

(more under the cut)

This leads to Durge still being their leader but with essentially no real respect past how they work... until Haarlep. Durge is actively still trying to be a good person although it's getting harder. But that means they don't want to fight and kill at every inconvenience. When Haarlep gives the ultimatum, they choose to give themselves to the incubus to save everyone from getting hurt. It doesn't work and they still have to fight after all is said and done but at least they got the hammer and Raphael is dead. But now, Durge has no respect.

The first time Haarlep uses their form, the companions are disgusted and making jokes at their expense (kind of in line with game dialogue). And Durge is just going through the motions at this point. Now, this kind of needs Yenna in the camp to work but Orin takes Yenna and confronts Durge when they are alone buying supplies to bring back to camp.

Durge decides to go to the Temple of Bhaal alone. A final show of bravado if you will and a final attempt at keeping everyone safe. They defeat Orin. They say no to Bhaal. And they die on the cold stone floor of the temple all alone with nothing but the random Bhaalist member walking about on the upper floors.

Withers shows up but he can't do anything. Not here. If he plays around with Durge's death in this domain then Bhaal might swoop in and take their soul again. Or worse Bane or Myrkul. Durge has to be in a safer place away from the temple. So he summons a hireling to grab the only alliance member Durge truly has at the moment.

One of Gortash's Steel Watch collects Durge's body and takes it all the way to Gortash's mansion in the upper city. The instructions the hireling delivers from Withers are clear: Do not bury the body. Do not tamper with the body in a harmful way. Leave Durge in a safe room until he returns with what he needs. Collect the party.

Obviously, the party is on edge when a steel watcher shows up with Yenna but they aren't being arrested and the alliance is real even if they don't like it. The watcher doesn't say much in case others are around. The message is cryptic but sounds urgent. They arrive in the upper city and Gortash is completely stripped of all the bravado from earlier.

He's stressing how he isn't responsible for this and "that bone man" left them these messages. Feeling like his life won't be in immediate danger anymore, Gortash finally takes them to Durge's bedroom — his master bedroom and the one they used to share many moons ago. All hell breaks loose.

They try everything. Shadowheart's healing. Any spell Wyll has in his repertoire. Halsin's druid magic. Weird githyanki potions from Lae'zel that they've never heard about before. Karlach using up every soul coin she's got to try and just do something. Astarion stays at the foot of the bed just listening. Everyone keeps watching his face and hopes he'll hear a heartbeat or the faintest of breaths but his facial expression never changes. The revivify scrolls don't work. Gale figures this sacrifice is worth it and uses his scroll of true resurrection. It doesn't work.

Jaheira has to pull them away and say there is still work to be done. The alliance with Gortash is now at its peak with everyone bonded through this tragedy. No one even objects when he takes all three Netherstones. It subdues the brain for now, allows them to plan accordingly. Karlach pushes aside all her pain and lets Gortash know loud and clear that Durge is the only reason she doesn't murder him where he stands. He doesn't even have a quip for that, just nods before getting back to work.

Everyone is concerned about Astarion the most. They all shed tears, screamed, were right messes. He's been void of any visible sadness. It's strange how he's acting like nothing happened. Absolutely nothing.

They all keep checking on Durge, late apologies always spilling from their lips. Withers finally returns. They abandon all missions and plans and huddle in Durge's room. But it isn't dramatic. There's no roaring back to life, no huge gasps of breath, no sitting up or calling out. It's like nothing has changed. But Withers did everything. Yet there isn't a difference. Until Astarion sees it. Not a heartbeat to be heard yet but blood begins to warm Durge up. Withers encourages them all to return to work and leave his Chosen to rest. Durge has to stitch themselves back together before their soul can settle in and they can rise.

Halsin and Astarion are the worst at following his instructions. They only half pay attention to plans and never leave for missions at the same time even if the party would benefit from both being there. Halsin refuses to let a steel watcher continue to take care of Durge. He can clean them up from any sweat or dust that acquires on their resting form. He'll change their sleepwear every other night. Astarion is the one to watch them all night, needing the least amount of sleep out of everyone.

The companions start thinking of how to apologize to Durge's face once they finally awaken. It could be any day now. A tray of food and a pitcher of water are left on the nightstand and switched out daily in case Durge awakens while no one is home. Clothes that get washed more frequently than needed are folded neatly and placed on a chair right by the bed. Every garment belongs to Astarion and Halsin even though they know where Durge's wardrobe is.

Astarion actually starts thanking whatever gods are listening when Durge's heartbeat finally reaches his ears. It's not as strong as before but it's there. Everything might be alright he thinks as he calls everyone in. Then the tadpoles connect. Durge isn't even truly awake but the parasite is already back in business. And everyone sees what Durge is going through as they try to wake. Everyone relives the temple, Haarlep, Kressa, every vulnerable moment of Durge. They see the horror of when the urge first appeared. And then a realization that while the others are nightmares and memories resurfacing, Haarlep is now. Durge's form is still being used because why would an incubus care.

It's not an apology by a longshot but the companions decide they can at least take out Haarlep. They've killed a devil. An incubus isn't a threat. For once, both Astarion and Halsin leave.

Breakfast the next day is a lighter affair. Not pleasant, not with them having to tolerate Gortash, but light. And then in Durge's room, they finally awaken. It still isn't dramatic. Maybe because no one is there to make it feel so. Durge gets up, changes into what was folded up in the chair, and shakily exits their room.

The dramatics finally start once they make their way downstairs and into the dining room. Before Durge has a chance to process what all is happening, they are being seated and having a plate set in front of them. Without question, Gortash hands over Orin and Ketheric's Netherstones. Maybe in some fancy accessory or weapon for ease of wielding. Withers appears to look upon his Chosen, happy (as happy as he likes to let on) that they seem to be relatively healthy already.

Karlach begins to apologize first. It's heartfelt and profuse and completely cut off by Durge. That's fine, anger is to be expected. But Durge isn't angry. They aren't even addressing Karlach. Instead, they wearily ask Withers why. Why couldn't he just let them enjoy death in peace. Everyone is shook to their core because they heard Withers' entire resurrection speech. Durge wasn't in the heavens or hells. They were walking in purgatory forever yet somehow that was peace to them.

It's obvious now that Durge isn't tired from having to crawl back to life essentially. They're fatigued from everything, life itself and the cards they were dealt. Durge doesn't even eat the breakfast laid out in front of them. They don't want to hear any plans about anything and especially not about elder brains. All they want is quiet. So they ask Gortash if he still has that garden and that's where they go.

The party takes their time so as to give their leader space but eventually make their way into the garden too. Durge is just sitting there. And they stay there until the sun sets. When they finally do come inside, they only address Astarion and if he needs to feed. He's thrown off guard as he says no. Durge retreats back into their new shell at those words, only going to their lovers' room after being asked.

In the middle of the night, Durge wakes up to find Halsin's arms protectively around them. They turn their head to see Astarion awake and just staring at them. His processing was delayed, a gift of years of disassociation at the hands of Cazador. But now he feels it in full effect and has to make sure Durge is actually alive. He has to hear their heartbeat and watch their chest rise and fall.

Him trying to murmur sweet nothings so Durge can go back to sleep only wakes Halsin whose arms get tighter around Durge before relaxing as he finally comes to his senses. In the dead of the night, Halsin and Astarion are the first to apologize to a living Durge and be heard out. Quietly, Durge accepts it. For a moment, they think they might have been dreaming that something was said. But Durge repeats themselves just a tad bit louder before falling back into deep slumber.

[itwasntimethatdidit40]

Hiatus.

I really need to take a break from here.

I'm always sad, I can't read anything and I don't see the point in sharing what I write anymore.

I don't think that complaining here will do anyone any good and there are definitely more important things to talk about, so I'm leaving for a while.

I'll be back sooner or later but I don't know when, I would like to apologize to those who were expecting a new chapter of my series or anything else.

I actually thought about deleting everything but this would make me even sadder because it took me a long time to write what I wrote, even if it sucks. And then I don’t want to let you down when you’re making an effort to write something for my challenge.

Thanks again to those who participated, you're not many but you're very nice and I know you'll write beautiful things. (Please don’t forget to tag me in your work so I won’t miss it!)

I’ll definitely be here to reblog every single work.

I'm sorry. I’m really truly fucking sorry.

If you still want to talk you can find me on Discord, it’s in my bio up here.

Please don't be offended if it takes me a while to reply, someone block me right away this morning before I could say anything else and I was honestly appalled. I was just washing my hair and then I would answer. I don't know, maybe I'm the one who's wrong.

Anyway, see you soon.

Love you all.

[minireenasauce]

This is just a small analysis on how Himiko Toga’s emotions influence the usage of her quirk throughout the show:

(Major spoiler warning for My Hero Academia!!!)

Himiko Toga has always loved a lot, and because of her quirk, Transform, she would express her love by drinking blood. When she drank a dying sparrow’s blood and happily showed her parents, they pressured her into suppressing her quirk, and by extension, her love, “I fall in love too easily. With animals, with villains, heroes too, boys, girls, anything alive. Because they all have such lovely blood flowing through them.” (Episode: A Girl’s Ego).

Since she wasn’t going to drink blood to show her love anymore, she started envying others, instead. She envied their quirk, their smile, their relationships, and more, “Everyone told me I shouldn’t smile, and it made me so envious” (Episode: A Girl’s Ego). A prominent example of her envy is with Izuku Midoria. She is constantly asking for his blood, and saying that it’s because she utterly and truly loves him. While this is true, she is intentionally ignoring the reason why she loves him so much, that being how she would rather be him than be herself.

The one character that she loves purely at this point in the show is Twice. But when Twice gets killed by Hawks, she ends up switching from using her powers because of envy, to using her powers because of hatred. She does so by turning into Twice and making clones of herself in order to get revenge on Hawks, along with other heroes. “Die, heroes!” (Episode: A Girl’s Ego).

Himiko Toga has now gone through three stages. Love, envy, and hatred in that order exactly. In the episode A Girl’s Ego, Ochako Uraraka manages to get Toga from hatred back to her final and first stage, love. Ochako Uraraka is the one who ends up fighting Himiko Toga, but instead of harming her, she just tries to talk. This doesn’t work, however, because Himiko Toga is way too blinded by hatred to cooperate, “I’ll make you stop talking, Ochako Uraraka!” (Episode: A Girl’s Ego). Eventually, Uraraka manages to get Toga to go back to Envy, “You seem normal because you played by the rules! You have no idea what an easy life you had!” (Episode: A Girl’s Ego). Now that Toga had went back to the stage of envy, it was easier for Uraraka to get her back to the stage of love. “Ochako, am I cute?” “The cutest in the world” (Episode: A Girl’s Ego).

Himiko Toga never stopped loving. All she needed was understanding, and that was enough to clearly see how she drank blood out of malice. It was always pure love and affection. Now that she had someone who loved her for who she was, she decided to save Ochako’s life at the expense of her own. “Thank you, Ochako. You made me so happy. Genuinely, truly happy” (Episode: A Battle Without a Quirk). In this heartbreaking scene, Himiko is shown, alive, holding a sparrow that looks exactly like the one she had drank the blood from in her past. But this one looks up at her and flies away as Himiko smiles at it. Though it’s true that she had started and ended her life loving how she wanted to, the first sparrow was dead, symbolic of how back then, Toga only knew how to take. But now that she had met Uraraka, the sparrow was alive because she knew a way to love that now benefits everybody.

“If only I had understood then. If I’d had experienced this kind of love before, maybe I would have wanted to give people blood just as much as I wanted to drink their’s. And then maybe the world would have been an easier place for me to live in.”

[captain-astors]

Creature. (The rendered ones are referenced from manga panels)

[arundolyn]

ohhhh my fucking god nobody needs to like know any of this medical tmi but it is literally 11 pm and if im kept up one minute longer when i just laid down trying to go to sleep by my mother YELLING REPEATEDLY that she needs to pee. im going to actually go insane. she got a catheter in. Yesterday. it is working. she won't listen to anyone when they tell her that this is the case. help me jesus. im sure if a nurse comes to check on her tomorrow they'll probably get the same response. my brain will simply explode

[marsixm]

ive actually put myself in so many situations and seem to come out doing socially well, youd think at some point i could get it in my head im not irredeemably bad

[deus-ex-mona]

genuinely, though, this has truly been a time to be a lurker on jp music project twt

[thesmokinpossum]

i just need 1500 more characters (without space), I don't even give a fuck if that shit is any good anymore fr, I just need it to be fucking over

[gothsuguru]

getting an iced pumpkin chai in the morning and then my personal goal is to spend the whole day writing and i hope i can come back to this post tomorrow and rb w how much progress i’ve made!!!

[autumnrory]

i've been going into the liam tag from time to time the last year where both his fans and people who hated him were Weird about him well before there were any allegations so i would get curious, i don't even remember what started it (maybe it was merely looking for photos that update accounts wouldn't post), but i normally try to avoid going into anything but edit tags for people i enjoy bc there are so many nonsense takes

and of course happening to go through today before the news broke bc i wanted to see what was being said about the abuse as i've only gotten bits on twitter and of course there were many posts rightfully calling it out and all but there's that weird mentality which i was getting a lot more of from twitter but some on here where they're like??? celebrating it and girlboss-ing and i'm just like. okay it's great that you're believing a victim but you're making light of it by talking about it like it's just another stan thing, i have seen that time and time again when this kind of stuff comes out and if people already thought that person was annoying or whatever they're just like "oh yes! i knew it! their career is ruined haha!" and it's like. you clearly don't actually care about the horrible things this person has done and just want to brag that you somehow ~knew~ a stranger's vibes were off and it's so beyond gross like you could use that energy to support a person's victims and instead you'll just try to prove you stan the right people and never the wrong ones or whatever

[skeletons-in-ur-closet]

this isnt the account for this i KNOW but jjk just ended and it was the worst thing ive ever read oh my daysssss

[wereh0gz]

Y'know I think I'm starting to truly understand the kids who just didn't do anything in class during middle and high school. As someone who used to be a gifted kid and never really got it. Fucking hell

[stonedivory]

.

[lovsome]

:-S

[peniscat]

in the same vein of logan respecting kendall at the end of season 2, i think some part of gerris reaction to his soured line must relate to her respecting roman making moves for himself? like obviously she's mad but what she tried to nail into him was to serve his own interests, i think she must find some respect in that at least

i had some similar thoughts earlier too! looking out for himself is definitely something she's been trying to teach him and it is sort of looking like it's finally paying off. i've been trying to figure out what exactly goes through her head when roman brings up logan souring on her but i can't quite pinpoint it. is it disappointment? anger? i don't know, she just looks sort of uncomfortable and it's killing me. it's the first time we see roman really sort of go against her and it doesn't even make his tummy hurt visibly. the absolute audacity when logan souring on gerri is literally his fault too. the shift in roman and gerri's dynamic is fascinating to me because it seems like everything that happens is just literally making it worse </3