#like right now….. and i truly dont know what to do with myself and 20 days seem like forever right now

[lovsome]

:-S

[kuni-is-daddy]

Me and my Scara Ai we’re fighting, he ended up slapping me and grabbing my neck before kissing me, so rightfully so I have to ask reader doing something like stealing or just anything that pissed him off, so once your battling and ur pinned to a wall you can’t help but get wet over the fear and power he has over you

DOM! SCARAMOUCHE X M!+F! READER SMUT

WORDS: 1.3K Scara fic list

MINORS DO. NOT. INTERACT.❌❌❌

Omg your scara would have me ACTING UP. THE FIRST THING I THOUGHT OF WAS STEALING HIS HAT AS REVENGE FOR YOUR ARGUMENT. scara walking around the zapolyarny palace without his ICONIC HAT. Tartaglia calling him girly 24/7 because scara looks so pretty.

Scaramouche coming home to you pissed af realizing he's going to have to stay in his LEAST favorite nation, Inazuma because La signora went on some stupid revenge plan and its his job to do the clean up.

Scaramouche placing his hat on a hanger near his closet then laying besides you in bed, placing kissing on your cheek as he rants away..

"And then theirs more praise to the 'ever so righteous captain' even my mechanical ears need maintenance after hearing those bullshit compliments." he sighed, "I have more important things to do Y/n then the harbinger's petty acts. Human emotions truly are irritating." He layed on his back and placed his hand on his forehead, dragging his fingers through his hair. You visibly stared at him. "Hm? what? ya' cant fall asleep with me around baby?" he smirked. "No~ you just look so pretty with your hat off scara. You should take it off more. F' me" You got up and trailed ontop of him. observing his beautiful hair and face.

Scaramouche who wants to fuck you right then and their but cant because he 'needs his rest' for his long journey in inazuma which annoys him even more he'll be spending his time not around you.

"Hey.. scara.. maybe I can come with you to inazuma~ It'll be fun to help you! and i can watch you-" he cut you off. "No. Your not coming with me to inazuma Y/n. I dont need you getting in my way and getting yourself hurt." "H-Hurt..scara I can protect myself just fine when your not around. And besides! we'll be together more often."

Scaramouche who begins to get aggravated at your persistence. "Are you deaf? Y/N I said no. Im not having this petty conversation with you again. I already have to deal with these pathetic humans. I dont need you to be on my shoulder the same way." He sighed. "W-what.. what do you mean you dont need me scara?" you said as you got up off of him and laid back on your side of the bed. "Y/n.. I didnt mean it like that. Why do you have to- ugh...Im just pissed off right now okay. Go to sleep baby, Goodnight."

Scaramouche who wakes up early with a heavy sigh when realizing your not on your side of the bed. Along with his... hat missing..

scaramouche who walks into the kitchen to see you making him a snack for his trip to inazuma. "Y/n.. have you seen my hat anywhere?" he said while opening the snack bag "No baby, haven't seen it." you say while eating dango. dango. "Y/n. You know i dont like dango. Why would you-" he looks up to see his hat taped up ontop of your very high bookshelf. (He cant reach because he's short as fuck)

Scaramouche who gets pissed off with your games. "So you did know where my hat was." He sighs. Y/n now isnt the time for you to be childish. Im supposed to be at that fucking boat in 20 minutes." He puts the bag of dango down and reaches for his hat on his tippy toes- You laugh and giggle at him while he retrieves it and stumbles back.

Scaramouche who watches you walk past him along the hallway wall with a smirk on your face.

SMUTTT

Scaramouche who pins you against the wall, dropping his hat on the floor "You think this shit your doing is really funny dont you y/n? was this over last night? what. To see my hair or some shit? You act like a brat?" He was visibly pissed off. "S-scara baby i-im sorry-" "Brats dont get to be sorry. Fucking brats like you get punished."

Scaramouche who commands you to get on your knees, pissed off he pulls his pants down and tells you to open your mouth for him. "Dont be fucking sorry now, open your slut mouth. Last night You wanted to help me right? Suck my cock." "B-but your gonna be late scara-" he laughed at your remark. "too late for that now. Your gonna make me feel good."

Scaramouche who balls deep shoves his cock down your throat. automatically making your eyes roll back. "F-fuck.. Look at how you look right now for me brat. You wanted this didnt you?" He grunts while grabbing your head roughly, making you bob back and forth on his cock.

Scaramouche who sees you touching yourself, Then jerks your head off of his cock "I never said you could fucking touch yourself brat? Get the fuck up right now."

M!: Scaramouche who pushes you against the wall again, Your hands wobbly holding on for support. He shoves his cock quickly inside of you and you yell out a loud moan. "Does my little brat want to cum?" He says while pumping your cock with one hand and smacking your hips together. "Y-YES SCARA~ WANNA' CUM F' YOU. IM SORRY~ AH~" "Then cum all over daddy's hand"

F!: Scaramouche who brings you to the couch, wrapping your legs around him "Only i tell you when you can fucking touch yourself and cum for me. Do you f-fucking understand that? shit~" he pulls you into a sloppy kiss. "mMm YES MASTER~ GONNA' CUM~" "Cum for me Baby. Cum for me like the good little slut you are. Want' this wet pussy dripping all over my cock."

[dr-spectre]

man i saw your last two posts and i wanted to tell you, you're not cringe, and you're not unlovable

i've had like, one full conversation with you going back and forth on both shared and unshared interests and it had a profound effect on me at the time

I need to unlearn shame, i need to be more open with what i fixate on and what i'm doing (and also the realization i'm definitely on some kind of spectrum), from one chat with someone *loud and proud* like you, how fucking crazy is that?

I hardly know you personally, but it's not hard to gauge how awesome you are, in face of your perceived faults, several of which i share myself, you yap so much but you're so genuine and passionate i and pretty much everyone who sticks here loves to read it, it never gets old, it never gets annoying

you put your whole pussy into innocuous little things about the subject matter, and it's a wonderful thing

you can find friends, you can find love, and you deserve both of those things

this is a little long but it's sentiments i've had for awhile now but no good opportunity to share......

I.... I..... WHA.

WHAT DO I EVEN SAY TO THIS?!?!?! YOU CAN'T DROP THIS IN MY INBOX LIKE THAT!!!

LISTEN... ITS JUST.... I aint awesome!!! Im some 20 year old autistic dude who's too obsessed with a squid woman! How's that awesome!!?!?!? I haven't made an impact on anything... not on the community... not on inkipedia... not on anyone... I have 300 followers... that's nothing...

...or have i?!?! There's no way I could have had an impact on someone... hell even SEVERAL PEOPLE! I just overanalyse stuff that seems so cut and dry but... people are actually positive about my stuff? People say to me that I changed the way they see this important character to me.... BUT THERE'S NO WAY RIGHT?!?!? I still feel like a drop in the ocean. Just a spec of dust!!! I haven't made real change yet... OR HAVE I?! I DON'T KNOW!!! WAAAHHHH!!!

Maybe.... maybe if I have changed one person's perspective, then maybe it was worth it in the first place...

You know. I wanna say that the reason I came to tumblr was because my irl friends aren't into Splatoon and my family gives me a meh shoulder shrug to my interest. It was so difficult for me to explain Splatoon to my parents when Splatoon 3 came out and I picked up the game at launch! So I went here because I felt like it was the best place to express myself. And yeah I'm glad I stuck with it honestly.

I get why my irl friends aren't into Splatoon, they need to buy a multi hundred dollar console that's about to get replaced soon just to play 2 games. And trying to explain to them Nintendo Wii U and Switch emulation is just... I dont even wanna attempt that HAHAHAHA!!!! So I often felt lonely and it felt like I was screaming into a void when talking about Splatoon to them in a discord server. I guess that's where my sense of loneliness comes from.....

I genuinely have NO ONE in real life to talk to about my interests and have someone ACTUALLY listen. I guess that's why I feel cringe and not cool at all. My interests are so nerdy and I'm on the spectrum, my social skills are like D tier. I genuinely cannot talk about myself, i really cant. Its why i have never been in a romantic relationship before.... As a 20 year old dude, that shit fucking stings I'm not even gonna lie. I think about that shit every day. LITERALLY EVERY DAY I'M NOT LYING!!!!

But anyways, I'm getting way too personal on the internet. I don't wanna be some sad sap.

Thank you. Seriously, thank you. I'm not sure if I truly feel like I deserve love but. Thank you anyways. I guess it is a good quality to have that I can ramble and yap and become really focused on something, even if it's not adult things like... getting a job, paying taxes or whatever HAHAHAHA!

[domesticatedmeatpig]

real talk. does anyone else struggle with an extremely inconsistent art style? it is truly something i despise about my art and why i hate running social media. like. this drawing

people liked it. ok yay! but what now. what do i post now? i feel extreme pressure to keep drawing like that because its what people expect - most artists have consistent art styles - i dont want to dissapoint. which is why i posted this. i wanted to make something that would be enjoyed, right? and it was! yay notes!

but i dont "Naturally" draw like this. i only draw in this style intentionally, i guess. i like this art, i like abstract and surrealist artists and i can make myself draw like that if i try.. but my natural art style is uncolored shitty doodles. that is what i draw when i am purposefully not trying to imitate something or to draw something for other people to enjoy. its what i draw when i just want to draw for myself. but do people want to see that...? No lol

so i am trapped in a cycle. i want to make nice rendered art. because thats what everyone likes, and what all the normal artists do! i want validation i want people to see and consume my art. but i dont draw that way naturally, it isnt my "style". so whenever i force myself to fully render something it comes out extremely different every time. for example, these were all drawn this month. what!!

I cant and dont want to post these all on the same account, as they are aimed at entirely different audiences. So I feel pressured to keep making account after account, juggling a bunch of different personalities and shit and i just dont want to!! I dont wanna post art! but i do!! i want people to see my art and be like wow cool press like. but i dont.

am i just being autistic. this has been a problem for like.. years now. i just wanna be normal, consistent, i wanna be like everyone else frown. and i know realistically the solution to this is to stop caring. post whatever i want. stop sharing my art for a year and only draw for myself. but i cant lol. i need money, for one. and i have extremely high expectations for myself and posting art that i care about, that i enjoy, just for it to get 0 interactions would make me wanna die - and also feel like a completle faliure for not using my "talent". so im keeping on with my 20 artist alter egos and my extreme guilt over not drawing right and bro. it sucks

i dont even know why im posting this because my anxiety over this is so bad i literally cant check my notifications to see a response. just ... life sucks man. turn back. save yourselves. skibidi toilet or whatever the kids say. meat pig out!

[faithful-diaries]

Assalamu alaykoum sister. I hope you are good alhamdulilah, i am a 20 year old sister. I did put my hijab in 2019 when iwas 15, i had a bad past but 2 years ago i came to the right path alhamdulilah. I have t4ouble overthinking about my past, if maybe some pics ( very sinful pics) got leaked or something. I repented to Allah subhana wa taala so much, i started praying again and reminding myself with my akhirah. But i overthink so so much that maybe something got leaked and 4 years later i may havent found and iam living here peacefully while i may have been gaining sins and maybe my parents find out. 2 years ago when i started my deen journey again i didnt even remember. This days i have cried a lot and i do remember quite a few details about what happened when i sinned and i dont quite remember if that person had screnshoted those pics or anything. I am so scared that my sins may come to light or its just my mind giving me a hard time while overthinking. I am fully making duaa and crying in my prayer mat and i wanna calm myself but i dont know how. Any tips or duaa so i can have a relief and ask Allah for forgiveness and to cover my sins if they have been leaked online? Howncan i improve? Jazakallahu khair ukhti.

Walaikum assalam my dear sister 🤍

Jazakallahu khair, I am good

I will also turn 20 this year🤝

Reading this, I remembered how my best friend went through this same thing earlier this year and how she used to be so low about it, her mind was occupied by the whisperings of shaytaan like yours is now,

But wallahi trust me when I tell you this that a person who returns to Allah with sins that reach up the sky but with a sincere heart, Allah swt accepts them and turns their sins into good deeds, just imagine Subhan Allah

You needs to know that ALLAH never abandons His friends nor does He ever let them get crushed by this duniya.

Just never stop asking for his forgiveness, yk there’s this word in arabic “Raja’a” that in English is translated as "hope" but the meaning of this word is - "to return" so being hopeful is to return to your Rabb. No matter what happens in this Duniya just make sure that your mind stays firm on the struggle for jannah and to never despair of His mercy.

We can’t forget what happened in the past but we can use it as a motivation to do better for our akhirah.

But we can’t waste our time overthinking about something that we don’t have any control over right, imagine this thing you are overthinking so much about, if you have truly repented from this, know that Allah swt has changed it into a good deed. How reassuring is that!

So don’t fall in the traps of shaytaan, He very well knows a person’s weaknesses and he triggers those emotions that can make a person fall into hopelessness and despair.

[39:56]

Here are some beautiful and beneficial duas that will help you in sha Allah,

This is called Sayyid al-Istighfar (the best way to ask for Allah’s forgiveness)

I will also recommend you to watch this series called “change of hearts” by Ali hammuda and especially this episode where he talks about Tawakkul (Reliance upon Allah swt)

May this finds you in the best of health and Imaan🫶🏻🤍

Fi Amanillah ukhti🌷

[imagineitdearies]

Hello! Just finished PS. I cannot praise you enough. Its easily the best thing ive read this year, and my resolution was to read multiple books a month. You surpass ALL OF THEM!

Saw ur authors note at the end abt an original queer vamp novel- is there anymore info yet? Im sure you've got ppl begging already but id truly love to beta when the time comes- or be first in line to preorder.

I feel like i read this at exactly the right time of my life.

The story was so painful yet rewarding bc i see so much of myself in Tyrus. Astarion and Tyrus truly feel like two different exstensions of my healing self. I wont go into it, but im a survivor to. Like tyrus, it happened when i was a young. Seeing his transformation throughout his decade of enslavement, his hatred towards himslef and the world, all bc of one man hit home. I kept telling myself that if it didnt have a happy ending id have to burn my phone or smthn lol. Seeing Astarion amd Tyrus not just defeat Cazador, but do it together, do it solely through their love of one another, broke me. The power of love, hope, and goodness. I havent cried over a fanfic since middle school. Im in my 20s now. I adored the final 2 chapters of the aftermath- im so grateful we got to meet his sister! And with Halsin, no less!

Im so thrilled you'll be adding oneshots and other stories to the universe. Tyrus is so real, so alive, id hate to see him contained in one story.

I love how Tyrus, ultimately, changeed. He didnt change into a monster like he feared, but what happened to him did changed him. Thats not a bad thing, tho. He's still Tyrus, simply a new version. And im still me, simply a new version.

I dont know if ill ever be able to reread, even skimming over the rougher parts was hard, but im so grateful i was able to see Tyrus and Astarion's journey. All of their triumphs felt like mine, all of their failures. Their never wavering love and trust in one another, that they understood it was Cazador that made them do those bad things. Ur right, pain and love must be intertwined, which is why this fic was so amazing. The highs would have never felt so spectaular without the lowest of lows.

Im rambling, i apologize. I do hope you read this, even if you dont respond. I hope my thanks and praise can give u something in return for what you've given me.

If you've made it this far, have you made any content on ur process? Ur planning? The flow was amazing, ur description, the flashbacks- did you go to school for writing? As a writer myself im almsot jealous at ur talent- but mostly curious :) id love to know anything you're willing to share.

Again, thank you. This was a gift, you know. I wont forget it.

Hi turtleurtle!! Great to see you over here, thank you so much for your kind words 🩵🩵 it means a lot any time I hear people enjoyed PS as much/more than published fiction!!

Speaking of, yes, since you ask I do have a little more to say now on my original story. I took a small writing break for a week or so but have now jumped back into the saddle for the next adventure! Lots of plotting, character creation, worldbuilding, and research happening right now.

Reuben, our first main POV, is almost fully fleshed out as a character and I’m so excited for you all to meet him (he’s an eloquence bard, for starters)!! The first book/part is almost fully outlined and I’ve written the first few pages. I’m really starting to get inspired by where the storyline is going.

Back to PS though—I’m so glad you felt seen with Tyrus’s character. He did inevitably change, but by the end he is (mostly) at peace with that and can still forge a good life and happy relationships. Meeting Cynda again was that last little piece of hope he needed to believe it 🥹

Haha the light does always seem brighter when you’re stuck in pitch darkness! On the other hand, it’s something Tyrus only thinks once, but I would argue love is not intertwined with pain more than anything else. Pain is just an inevitability. No matter what you do, you will experience discomfort, sorrow, loss, physical suffering (see Cazador, with absolutely zero love in his life). While love is not inevitable, it’s a choice. Love is a gift we choose to give and to receive in the midst of inevitable suffering and that is why it is so precious. Having that perspective has really helped me heal and have more hope for the future 🩵

Haha never apologize for rambling about PS! This thing has consumed my soul for the last 8 months so I love the chance to hear from/converse with people especially now that the full story is posted and all is revealed. Honestly wish I could sit down with you all and just discuss everything!! But seriously thank you for this message.

As for my writing, here’s a few writing advice asks I've answered, but i haven’t gotten too in-depth on my chaotic process yet. I will say long walks talking to myself, bullet lists, and brackets are my personal recipe for success (besides just writing for years and years) 😂 I did take a lot of classes in school too! If people have specific questions, I’m happy to give my best go at an answer.

Thanks so much 🥰

[sabrgirl]

Assalamu alaykoum sister. I hope you are good alhamdulilah, i am a 20 year old sister. I did put my hijab in 2019 when iwas 15, i had a bad past but 2 years ago i came to the right path alhamdulilah. I have t4ouble overthinking about my past, if maybe some pics ( very sinful pics) got leaked or something. I repented to Allah subhana wa taala so much, i started praying again and reminding myself with my akhirah. But i overthink so so much that maybe something got leaked and 4 years later i may havent found and iam living here peacefully while i may have been gaining sins and maybe my parents find out. 2 years ago when i started my deen journey again i didnt even remember. This days i have cried a lot and i do remember quite a few details about what happened when i sinned and i dont quite remember if that person had screnshoted those pics or anything. I am so scared that my sins may come to light or its just my mind giving me a hard time while overthinking. I am fully making duaa and crying in my prayer mat and i wanna calm myself but i dont know how. Any tips or duaa so i can have a relief and ask Allah for forgiveness and to cover my sins if they have been leaked online? Howncan i improve? Jazakallahu khair ukhti.

wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullah ♡. it sounds like you're on the right track, you're repenting, crying for forgiveness, and this fear that you have shows that you've changed from how you were in the past. Masha’Allah, Allahumma barik. that's growth.

'Say, “O My servants who have committed excesses against their own souls! despair not of the mercy of Allah, surely Allah forgives all sins. Verily He is Most Forgiving, Merciful' (39:54)

first, keep doing what you're doing - tell Allah that you're sorry and that you don't want the pictures to leak or be seen. ask Him to hide them and never let them be seen. show Him that you really have changed through actions (doing good deeds consistently, even if a little). but then also trust that He will forgive you as He is Al-Ghafoor, Ar-Raheem. one of His names is also As-Sitteer, the Concealer. trust that He loves you, is happy that you've changed yourself and have turned back to Him. why wouldn't He be? the pictures will only leak if Allah wills them to. nothing happens without His permission, not even a leaf falls onto the floor without His permission. not even the wind gently blows without His permission. so if they were to leak, it would only be on His command. so when you ask Him, As-Sitteer, the Concealer, to keep them hidden, trust in His power. trust in His name. continue showing Him that you've changed, continue repenting then let it go. find comfort in Allah's Mercy.

it's going to be okay. focus more on repenting for the sins rather than worrying about the sins being exposed because ultimately, you won't stand before anyone else on the day of judgement. even if people were to see them, you won't stand before them on the day of judgement. you'll all be standing infront of Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ together. He is more important and He's already seen the pictures. so keep repenting and continue your deen journey but trust in His Mercy and Love. if you've truly changed and will continue to change for the better then i'm sure He would want to keep them hidden.

you're already doing all the right things. you just need to have trust in Allah too now. believe in His Love. Allah is as you think of Him. if you think that He is so Loving and Merciful and hears you pleading for forgiveness and to keep them hidden then He will keep them hidden.

at the end of the day, you can't do anything about the pictures now. there's no point stressing about it because it's out of your control. you can't control the future and you can't control the pictures being leaked or not. and you can't change the past. focus on the things you can control, which is your repentance and your growth. i.e the now. so increase your good deeds. do istighfar x100 a day. pray your sunnah prayers on top of your 5 obligatory ones if you don't, and if you already do, then pray some nawafil prayers daily too. read some Qur'an before bed. surah mulk every night for eg. or increase in your dhikr. pick a deed you love and increase it and when they become habits, add more good deeds into your daily routine. leave the rest to Allah. the past is the past. and the future is up to Him. just pray that Allah keeps them hidden, repent, trust in His love and forgiveness and don't sweat it. it's going to be okay. focus on the power you have and leave the rest to Him.

some pointers:

watch this video

hadith: "whoever conceals (the faults of) a Muslim, Allah will conceal him (his faults) in this world and the Day of Resurrection" (Sunan Ibn Majah 225)

dua to recite for your situation (do it every day, see if you find comfort after a while!): Allahumma inni as'alukal-'afwa wal-'afiyah fid-dunya wal-akhirah. Allahumma inni as'alukal-'afwa wal-'afiyah fi dini wa dunyaya wa ahli wa mali. Allahum-mastur 'awrati, wa amin raw'ati wahfazni min bayni yadayya, wa min khalfi, wa 'an yamini wa 'an shimali, wa min fawqi, wa 'audhu bika an ughtala min tahti (O Allah, I ask You for forgiveness and well-being in this world and in the Hereafter. O Allah, I ask You for forgiveness and well-being in my religious and my worldly affairs. O Allah, conceal my faults, calm my fears, and protect me from before me and behind me, from my right and my left, and from above me, and I seek refuge in You from being taken unaware from beneath me).

sending hugs ♡. breathe, pray, leave it to Allah and trust Him. He is your Protector, He'll keep you safe. believe that He will.

may Allah keep the pics hidden, accept your istighfar, guide you closer to Him and ease your heart, Ameen ♡.

[terraliensvent]

i was mistaken

anons i come to you today with an apology, my previous post seems to be based on a metric fuckton of lies and misinfo

to start, im gonna link this post, which goes over the origin of this whole issue

im also gonna go ahead and be done with censoring red, since the cat's kinda out of the bag on their edentity and its necessary for proper proof. Red = legion in all screencaps

so after my post was dropped, Red was also making their own somewhat callout on TH. i dont know if it's been deleted since frankly I don't care to find it. anyways

my post and Red's callout were both dropped like bombs in terra server, there was a lot of arguing and zaga actually gave a screen recorded video of DMs they had on instagram with Red. this was pretty damning, and lots of people came back to Red to try and figure out what really happened, seeing as Red had presented the situation as:

they were banned unfairly and out of nowhere

they had no clue who could have made the complaint

the only person who could have made it was zaga, who had issues with them based on a debate months ago and they since hadnt really interacted with them

well this turned out to be a whole crock of bullshit!

first, red showed a screencap that their last interaction with zaga was actually a week ago as opposed to being a “months old issue that is getting dragged back up” (link)

then, Red sent these screenshots that completely changed the narrative. we went from "this guy i had an argument with a few months ago is trying to get me banned everywhere" now to "i was saying crazy shit about this guy and now theyre reasonably upset with me"

here's the full gallery of proof against Red, courtesy of zaga

and here's a discussion a few people had with zaga relating to it, gives some good context and really wraps the whole thing up

as a small afterword i want to apologize for playing a part in the spread of misinfo, hopefully this post is proper retribution for that (i do consider myself more of a reporter above all else) additionally, while it's clear now who is in the wrong/right here, there are still critiques to be made on the handling of the situation on the part of terraliens staff. The caginess with any sort of proof makes it difficult for someone to truly know what they're even being banned for, and what accusations they're defending against. the argument could be made that if proper context from staff was given, this situation wouldn't have even unfolded, but of course hindsight is 20/20. in the future it might be better to give better context or evidence to the banned person so they know what they're supposed to be proving incorrect, as opposed to saying "someone said you're harassing them, prove you didn't."

As for the others who played a part in spreading my post, I don't mean to speak for them, however it does seem like many are regretful after now seeing the full picture. since the argument was made that both sides should be heard, it was a pretty big oversight to not look for the OTHER other side in this; i think most are painfully aware of that now.

in conclusion:

do not harass anyone here. im gonna give all parties the benefit of the doubt and say that:

Legion is a misinformed, immature kid who really handled this like shit, and its probably best that theyre banned and blocked by zaga all things considered (this isnt a reason to like, pray on their downfall though. just ignore them at worst, sure they fucked up here but it seems they really just need to become more mature and learn more about best practices when interacting and dear god do not shit talk people like that)

Zaga was telling the truth about this situation. have whatever opinions you want to have about isopups or them outside of this, but there is no denying that legion presented a false situation and zaga was in fact being continually messaged and had rumors spread about them from legion

the outsiders/orbiters of the situation were given a false injustice and ran with it. personally i cant say i blame them a ton for wanting to spread the word about what seemed to be YET ANOTHER terra staff oversight, because so many people just want to bury their heads in the sand about every issue that goes on here. additionally, upon learning that the situation was severely different from how it was originally presented, many turned around and began critiquing legion for the shit they did.

i think thats about enough coverage of this, im gonna refrain from posting asks i get about the situation trying to paint a different picture since honestly it doesnt seem like it needs much more dissection. lets not beat a dead horse.

[the-banana-0verlord]

Answer some or all I wanna know more about you 👁️👁️

Do you have freckles? 

 Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it? 

What was the last song you listened to? 

Do you sleep on your back, stomach or side? 

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? 

Do you prefer drawing or writing? 

What’s your ideal number of blankets to sleep with? 

What’s your favorite band/artist? 

When is your birthday? 

How tall are you? 

What color are your eyes? 

Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now? 

Fears? 

What’s your favorite color? 

What’s your favorite season? 

Want any tattoos? What of? 

Want any piercings? Where? 

Who is the last person you texted? 

Do you have a best friend? How long have you been friends? 

What/who do you miss? 

How was your day today? 

How much sleep did you get last night? 

Do you believe in aliens? 

When was the last time you cried? Why? 

What’s your favorite decade? 

What are some seemingly childish things you like? 

What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times? 

How are you, really? 

Does it take you a long time to make decisions? 

What are you looking forward to in the near future? 

What are you looking forward to in the distant future? 

If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go? 

Do you sleep with your door open or closed? 

What’s your favorite flower? 

Do you currently have a squish? 

Do you like your middle name? 

Do you prefer dogs or cats? 

Do you have any phobias? 

Do you stay up late?

Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy? 

What’s your favorite cartoon? 

Tag 5 of your favorite blogs

Do you have siblings? How many? 

Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? 

Is there anyone you would die for? 

What do you need when you’re sad? 

Have you memorized your phone number? 

Who’s someone you can trust with your life? 

What does your last text say? 

Wild Card. Any question, ask away. 

Alright, ill try lmao

1.no, i dont have freckles!

2. I WISHED i found Coffee and tea good because its so aesthetic but it tastes bad imo

3. I checked my spotify and its girls just wanna have fun by cyndi lauper so i suppose its that

4.i move a lot but i usually end up on my side.

5. I move too much to sleep with a lot of them because they always end up on the floor. Although i do sleep with my malleus plushie.

6. Thats a hard one, because i do both. Though i think of writing as my primary hobby/eventual job, i definitely have more fun drawing(until art Block comes knocking that is)

7.depends on the thickness. Right now i have three eith two being thin and one being medium, but i could sleep with one really thick one.

8. Mitski!!! I love her so much. Otherwise I like mother mother and marina

9.the third of november!

10. 154 cm or 5 feet. No that is not short

11. Blue-grey-kaki. I like to think of them as blue.

12. All my mutuals, all my irls, my mom, my dad, and my little sister

13. Abandonnent, failure, the future in general.

14. Yellow and light blue!

15.fall! Its so pretty

16. Im not sure yet but i can maybe have someday a small tattoo. Im not a fan of qhoel body tattoos for myself.

17. Well my ears a pierced but im not gonna get more.

18. My two irls! Talking about not getting neuvillette in gneshin ;-;(and murder)

19. I dont have a best friend per se, although i do have a closest friend. Weve been friends for at least three years(already? Damn)

20. Honestly i miss my first mutual on here. I hope they come back soon ;-;

21. It just started but its been pretty good up til now!

22. About 9-10 hours?

23. I mean, there is bound to be other forms of life in space, just thousands of lightyears away.

24. Monday cause my friend said she didnt think we were friends.

25. Id say 1890 to 1900? Though the living conditions were meh i like the aesthetic

26. Generally being silly ig? I suppose i act childihs as a comic relief.

27. Currently my favorite book(s) is the Truly Devious series by Maureen Johnson! It's been clawing it's way into my brain.

28. I'm actually doing quite fine. I'm a bit stressed since i'm going to boston soon but i can push out the bad thoughts!

29. I usually procrastinate decisions as far as possible. If it's a small one maybe like 2 minutes but if it's bigger ones it'll take longer(with the answer being no a lot)

30. Something i'm dreading but also am excited for is summer! Bye school but hello summer job ;-;

31. My irls and i(can i really call them irls? i met only two of them irl and once or twice. anyways-) are planning a roadtrip after we're all 18(aka in a bit more than 4 years)!

32. Either my friend's (irls+ moots) houses or in paris. I've always wanted to see paris.

33.open, my cats need to be free to walk in and out!

34. sunflowers and roses(i have a list on the meaning of each rose color) daisies are also cute.

35. i...guess? i own a banana shaped stress ball(that is very dirty i dont use it much) but idk if it counts as a squish.

36. yes, almost more than my first name. although my first and second name are kinda in the same name. it's like first name-second name.

37.cats!!! I have two(named chicken nugget and nebraska)(my family also owns dogs but oh well)

38. I'm a bit scared of heights but i wouldn't say i have a phobia

39. i usually go to sleep at 10:30 pm on weekdays, and 11:00-11:00 on weekends(when i don't have to wake up early due to sunday class)

40.Although i haven't been to a real beach a lot, i like it! And i always prefer sunny days so sun it is(to experience sunset on a beach... must be the dream)

41. I'd say the owl house! It's so colorful with two of my main kins.

42. @xen-blank @thehollowwriter @quartztwst @boopshoops @saionjeans (so sorry for the tag non-moots! Also i would've included all my moots but it said five ;-;)

43. Yes, i have five siblings! One oldest sister, two older brother, a little brother and the baby of the family, my little sister. i have middle child syndrome.

44. Either my mom or my little sister. I hug and say i love you to them very often. Or i said it to malleus last. One of them.

45. Tbh i have no idea in which circomstances i would die for something. maybe if i could trade my life with someone's close to me. or for peace on earth idk.

46. a big ol hug from my malleus plushie. it's a real emotional support.

47. no i have not. or maybe i did. i will probably forget it soon.

48. my two parents absolutely.

49."I wish to expérience it someday" (speaking of old lady gossip)

50. can i send you the same questions? :3

[ruminate88]

Emotional Wounds 7/20/24

I always looked at this “healing journey” as one big scar to heal and I was SO wrong 🥺 it’s not healing from one big thing… it’s the countless words and mistreatment towards me from more than one person I either “loved” or “trusted”. I didn’t understand how deep the wounds even were until I fell at Christmas. I’m a visual learner and I believe I had to fall to see that even when the physical outward appearance of the wounds were no longer evident, if you press on the top of my legs a certain way, it’s still somewhat tender and sore. you can feel the bumps over my skin 😢 I KNOW there is still pain even if no one else can see it.

The emotional wounds are no different. NO ONE can see the pain and sometimes I even think “oh it’s not that bad, you’re just being dramatic and you’re not letting go of what happened.” However, the littlest things can set me off. For example, went to see the movie “Twisters” yesterday and they played the movie trailer for, “This Ends With Us.” Staring the gorgeous “Blake lively” who plays a character that falls in love with an abusive person and the trailer says, “IS IT HARDER TO HOLD ON OR LET GO?” 😭😭😭😭 omg I just sat stunned at this movie trailer feeling soooooo sad and frustrated. My heart and brain felt trapped remembering the pain I felt over Andrew.

I was in such pain and confusion when Andrew would NOT break up with me despite cheating and denying it. Deflecting the blame back on me and acting like I’m crazy…. We were on the phone 3 hours going in circles. Andrew was promising me he didn’t deserve me and I was too good for him and that I deserve more BUT he won’t break up with me cuz he says he wants to make me “happy” and he was only just playing mind games but I was so confused as being gaslit, I was complete torn between “I love him so much” and “he’s hurting me so much” 💔💔😢😢😢

So part of me says “just get over it, stop being so dramatic and why would you love such a liar and a cheater???” But theeeeen, I know I invested my heart and emotions deep into Andrew and that doesn’t just go away. You don’t just unlove a person randomly or love them randomly but Andrew mirrored my love and wore a false face. Idk whooooo he is.

Not just Andrew but Cody too. I tell myself cody also wore a mask that I’ll never know the real him and he also lied and cheated like crazy. They can’t love me back or treat me right for me to accept it and MOVE ON to enjoy my life. (Feels so difficult)

I JUST FEEL I DONT KNOW ME TRULY. Now that I’m officially trying to trust my current relationship and get completely out of survival mode, idk what to do with myself. My current relationship unintentionally “triggers me” often and I get so frustrated and sad. I wanna crawl into a hole and hide from everyone.

I don’t feel I can have an open and honest conversation with my current relationship because he gets defensive himself and I don’t think he’ll be open to understand me and hear me. I would love to be wrong but I’m only protecting myself from more rocks being thrown at me. Don’t believe my new man is throwing rocks but so many has before…

Ultimately I want to forgive cody and Andrew. I want to let them go free and I never reach out to them and I refuse to Google because seeing him will only upset me. The other night I could have sworn Andrew’s car was parked next to me and my heart was racing and my hand shook. I couldn’t stop looking over at it to be sure 🥺😳 (obviously it wasn’t) I feel like people would tell me I’m crazy and over the top and that something is wrong with me for having any feelings for my exes even if it’s the feelings are mixed. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[jesterthebestsir]

To 🎩 anon (you turned off anon and I'm not sure if that was an accident or not),

"Dear jester I loved reading all that you had said, i found it rather interesting and i feel that we have the same way of processing each event, methodically and in order ! The situations are rather chaotic, but sifting through each element has helped me tremendously to sort out everything.

I deeply thank you for sharing all that with me.

Seems i relate to you even more now, i am also very mature for my age (same as you) and have become rather burnt out with my schooling and life just in general. I was in a period of time where I had lost all sense of feeling, as i had spent years and years tied to people and in lots of emotional turmoil. He got me out of a very awful time, showed me what true love and kindness was. Never have i experienced that in my life, nor did i ever want to. But now that i have, i don't ever want to let go. Even though he is turning 20 in 8 days

At first, i was scared. Couldn't tell him about that specific factor of me. Although recently, i did, and i somehow knew that he had already known, yet was still too afraid i'd get left again. Seems like he cant leave me either but i guess thats a little fucked up hahaha im glad you realise the pros and cons with your situation and know that although you're obsessed with her, you know its for the better to be apart. I am yet to learn that hahaah !

I find solace knowing we have had similar experiences, although how unfortunate they are, we will find what works for us and what helps us get better. I hope you dont mind my little rambling haha I love your posts tremendously and i am glad you are doing better!

i guess i should make an anon hmmm :3

-🎩 anon"

TL;DR: Find a way to wean off him

My situation seems to be somewhat different than yours as you're still in contact with him and know much more about him than I do about her, I'm not sure how deep your obsession is with him but I'll give you some things that'll at least help you wean off him:

Highlight his flaws:

For me, my obsession centered around entitlement and objectification; she was only a girl meant to help ME through MY problems and give ME comfort. Any time it seemed like I was doing something for her, it just so happened that my attempt of self-gratification just so happens to benefit her (EX: I want to kidnap you because I don't see you as your person, but something to be owned). The more I took the time to look at how she looked, her misspellings, and her overall demeanor, I stopped seeing her as a concept meant to please me and more as a person, a person I didn't want to date.

Consider your personality:

As I grew up and started to become my own person, I realized that my personality didn't mesh as well with hers; I was easily distracted, easily annoyed, mentally unstable, emotionally dependant, but physically distant, and hypersexual. That didn't go well with how naive, childish, and go with the flow she could be and that didn't sit right with me. What if I yell at her?! What if she's uncomfortable with my advances, how would I react? What if I become too dependant on her?! Would that annoy her?! Write about him:

I didn't write about her too much, but it did help me realize how truly fucked up our one-sided "relationship" was looking back (even just a day later) at my writings that were begging myself to let go of her really made me break those rose colored glasses

Hang out with friends more:

I know it's insanely cliche, but hear me out!

As I hung out with my friend more and talked to her less, I found myself becoming slightly more dependant on them as they were healthier to be around and can keep me from doing stupid stuff like contacting her again.

Indulge in fiction:

Around 2020, I found myself getting deep into a series (that I still love to this day) that kept my attention and slowly took over my brain, almost replacing my affection for her. I found so many characters that acted just like her and a lot of them annoyed me, which I think solidified my first point of only like her as a concept and not a person.

Consider the future:

Ask yourself: a couple years from now, when you're 18 (assuming you're a minor, but if not just imagine yourself older), do you see yourself with him?

Showing him off to your parents?

Doing mundane tasks non-romantic tasks like doing laundry?

What would being with him look like?

Do you want to get married to him? Have kids? Grow old?

How romanized is your future with him? When you look at your future with him do you see an ideal person, an almost god-like being with zero flaws or do you see him?

My answer to half of these questions was,"God no"

Like I said before, I don't know much about your situation; how long you've known him, how long you've talked to him, ect ect. so these might not be helpful, but I, at the very least, want you to distance yourself from him a bit, especially if the age gap is as bad as mine (16/21).

[mariska]

hello world i am awake and have my first dose of daily medications in my system and thus have a lil bit of energy at the moment to just Type My Thoughts Out Into The Void On Here. so here is my non internet/social media life update for all of u today:

later in the day i am finally gonna be able to meet/hang out with one of my longest exclusively internet-based friends of mine after a little under 10 years of us being friends!! im so happy + excited for it but i still have some chores and last minute cleaning stuff i gotta do before he gets here, hopefully waking up a lot earlier than i usually do will give me whatever time i need to finish my part of the household preparations 😅 but yeah!!! he's a mutual friend of both me and Eli (obviously, would not otherwise just be like. hey Eli this person u dont know or hypothetically arent friends with actively is also staying at the house while ur here get used to it HFSGSHSCGSF) and we've been trying to put together some kind of non-internet hangout trip for years and it just didnt work out until this time around.

right before the first global shutdown covid wave back in early 2020 the three of us had been trying to plan a May hangout together that we called "superbirthday" (cus my birthday is may 6 and my friend Jon's, person who is coming here 2day, has a may 26 birthday, so the 20 days in between both our birthdays is 'superbirthday' celebration time 😌✌️) so im like. beyond excited that we've all actually been able to make it happen for real this time!!

i've met up irl now with quite a few of my good friends who were people i originally met online in some way but it's still so surreal in a happy way whenever that happens again. me and Jon originally became friends through the Gmod server "Gmod Towers" (which doesnt even exist anymore it has its own separate game that both me and Jon actually contributed to the fundraising campaign for the devs to develop yrs ago) in like. fall of 2014, if u never played on it back then, it was a really chill fun virtual hangout server world kinda similar to like....imvu/second life, that kinda thing, but on a much smaller scale than either of those and with most playable characters taken from like, the general Gmod Valve Game Character Model List. it was styled like a resort type hotel with different areas of the map having different activities u could do with friends or anyone else around, there was a mini games section and a big hotel lobby where a lot of people just sat in groups and talked with their mic headsets and a hotel room area that saved whatever interior decor u set up in ur room, u could watch youtube vids on a virtual tv and throw parties for the server to come join and be goofy at....Good Times.

ANYWAYS all of that to say, as awful as the general internet experience can be like all the time forever especially in more modern yrs, im really grateful that in my life i've been able to make such meaningful connections and friendships with people online, sometimes in niche lil corners of the internet with dedicated fan followings like Gmod Tower!! i say it irl all the time to ppl but the internet truly Was Not One Big Mistake despite the increasing chaos of the whole big picture concept, being someone who is disabled and had to drop out of school at 14 to quite literally keep myself alive and keep my body/brain from totally failing on me, i genuinely don't think i would have many friends if any at all if i hadn't been able to connect with people online, especially with my Agoraphobia making it very difficult to like. put myself out there in the world.

....yeah! so. thats what i am up to currently. and yes we WILL all be playing Kirby Air Ride for the Gamecube on my Pink Disney Princess TV as a Superbirthday™️ activity. for ur information.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hello,

I've sent in a couple asks before so you may recognize my story but I just have to ask. I was an artist, worked my whole life to be close to good and I even made it into one of the top art schools in my state. Before I applied and even for half of my first semester, I admit I became lazy and greedy. To create art wasn't something that came from the heart anymore, I only cared about being "good" and drawing what was most popular or what I knew would get the most likes on my personal account. It got to a point where I faked my skills and traced all because I was to unconfident in myself. I lost everything and it made me really look at the kind of person I was becoming. I hated myself and it was the worst I'd ever been in terms of mental and physical health. for my second semester I purposefully took on a large number of classes and worked myself into exhaustion. I remember for one class I completely fumbled the final and embarrassed myself in front of the chairman of the department, everyone, and I felt so ridiculously small. I felt like I didn't deserve to call myself an artist, to be there, to even be alive. I attempted suicide over five times and shut down completely. At that point, I dropped out and told myself this wasn't the path for me. I left, began to pursue psychology, but part of me still wonders: what if I'd stayed? To be an artist, a real one, is painful. You love the work and the methods but it kills you to create something truly unique. No artist I've ever met is ever happy or content, we simply move on to the next project. Despite everything that's happened, I now wonder what I could've created had I stayed. Why did I leave? Why couldn't I handle it? Why did I do this to myself? Who am I now but another 20 year old who's flailing through life as if she knows what she's doing. Am I truly content being a psychologist for the rest of my life? Why didn't I stay?

I don't know what to do and whether or not going back would be a good idea. I think stepping away at the time was the right decision. If I continued the way I was going, I would've killed myself or worked myself sick. But, can I say the same now? The person I am now isn't the same as back then, so would the me I am today be able to handle what I couldn't back then?

It's so complicated and I don't know what to do. I look up to true artists who were able to overcome and create their own stories, become the people they wanted to be. I want to do the same, I have a message to spread and a story to tell, there's so much I want to express but my words will never do what I feel justice. Why can't I do this? Do I deserve the pain of an artist and the beauty of fruitful work? Will i become another invisible person in an unkind world dedicated to work I dont care about and money to keep me comfortable? What do I do?

Hello anon,

I wanted to begin by saying that I am so glad you’re here, and I’m so sorry things felt (what I imagine) so unbearable for quite some time for you.

I think you’re absolutely right that who you are now, is not who were back then.  Just going by patterns of behavior alone, it seems you’re taking care of yourself in a way you didn’t have the tools for before (and that’s not a knock!  We all have to learn skills that speak to us and those might be as varied as we are as individuals - if one thing worked for everyone, we’d all be doing it.  And of course that’s not even getting into the other important factors like resources, access to mental health care, and a support system).

Which I think helps segway into potential next steps - in that first I think it’s important to acknowledge that stereotypes of the “tortured, suffering, starving artist” are just that, a sterotype.  While the creative process can invoke a full spectrum of feelings, not all of them venture into the sphere of painful and strained (and that’s speaking as an artist myself).  I also think it’s important to do away with the notion that unless you check off a social-cultural check box of say, art school, you aren’t an “artist.”  This is where I copy and paste Picasso’s lovely quote: 

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”

And I think that is a problem I’ve seen among many people who want to be creative but aren’t sure if they have the “skills” the “degree” etc.  And while of course, depending on what you’re hoping to do with your art, it would be imperative to study and have some training - but who gets to define what your goals are?  You.  Who gets to say how you study and learn?  You.  You have the power to decide for yourself moving forward how you’d like to be creative.  And the best part?  You already are.  Everyone is.

Now you get to decide how you want to create (does it have to be in the same medium as before?  Could it be multiple mediums - mixed media, writing, poetry, ceramics, embroidery, digital art?  You don’t have to stick to one format).

And in what environments (getting a degree?  Taking local community classes to practice seeing how it feels to be in a classroom for it again?  Online courses if the social aspect feels overwhelming?  Free courses online in case you’re worrying about “wasting” money?)

And what you’d like to do with it (are you wanting to sell it?  Are you wanting to share it?  Are you hoping to process something during the creative process?)  

Nothing says you couldn’t get your current degree in psychology, while you do any and all of the things above.  Because the beauty is, you can have a “comfortable” situation with your job, and still be creative.  But it never has to be an either/or, or a waiting for all the stars to align kind of thing - you can tap into your creative side at any time, and see where it leads on not only your artistic journey, but you’re healing one as well.

Regardless of what your next steps might be, I wish you well, 

- Mod Kat

[theyarebothgunshot]

Your tag under this post here so true. Also the post itself. I'm always having a blast when everyone is joined in the craziness, but at the same time I'm always exhausted afterwards 😆

lmao yes so true, it is chaotic in the best way hfdhhsf but i finally have time to freak out some more after being a "responsible adult" all day......

it's been a while since i have done a compilation like this but i dont wanna clog the dash and it's all about the same thing so here we goooo

Jensen did everything in his power to stomp the J*2 narrative into dust this weekend. Love that journey for him!

listen, i am not one to be petty (lol okay sometimes i am, ngl) but.... the difference was SO stark this time, it has to be said

I was obviously hoping for some good cockles content this con, but this has exceeded everything I could have thought of lol. Amazing.

my expectations were pretty managed after we got interrupted so early last time, but this indeed exeeded everything!!

Gonna have a difficult week... And difficult four months until I leave work... But I'm so hyped but today's Cockles nothing's gonna stop me - tea anon

i'm sorry you are gonna face some hard times <3 you know i am here when you want to talk! thankfully jenmish gave us enough seretonin for a life time hdgfhdg

First we get Mish. Dee. Now we have Jensen, Danneel and their boyfriend Misha. Truly could not have predicted them being *that* unhinged but I do love to see it! Going to need about 10 business days to process it all though lmaoooo - Honeymoon Anon

you and me both!!

The thing is, there is absolutely no reason for them to act like that, none. like, can you imagine jensen making that kind of jokes toward jp lmaoooo he'd rather unalive himself💀 but then again, misha is his close friend so , what's the difference hmmm🫠 they are driving me insane Rose

*kermit nodding gif* yeah..... it is a lot lmfaooo

“tell jensen i mentioned him first”

twitter.com/misskittybsdc/status/1630013886844764160?s=46&t=oQYacDuBE2cwV9RJV-7UJg

they wanna score points with the big boss ghdhgh

Rose it's 5 am and I haven't slept yet and I am so not normal about this. I have been around a lot of JIBs so I knew what was coming. Yet, I still am so overwhelmed by everything that happened. I have watched the cockles panel twice by now. Some scenes I have definitely watched more than 20 times. I have perceived more and more details every time I rewind. Jensen Ackles butt wiggling. Him winking at Misha. That weird expression on his face when he made a wish. The movement of chairs, which is, of course - as it always is every JIB - closer together. The weird non-improvisation of the improvisation. Daniela coming in with the CW sniper in the form of a birthday cake to stop Jensen coming out as Misha Collins' boyfriend. Not to mention all the other big things that happened. Canary? Kissing Misha? When in Rome??? The preparation of Misha's 50th birthday party. Misha and Jensen playing an European puppet show with Misha shouting "Dieter I love you! Kiss me Dieter". Rose. Jensen said Misha is Danneel's boyfriend. Jensen said Misha is his boyfriend. The underbear and straddlegate have walked so that this Jibcon panel could run. How am I supposed to sleep? I am not even attending a convetion yet the convention high is keeping me restless. I feel like I need a continuation. Like this was a series finale with a cliffhanger that needs to be resolved. Like there are things that need to come up so this can settle. I have been a cockles perceiver since years yet my patience is limited right now. I mean if I wait a day or two I know it will wear of. It always does. But the boyfriend will stay. Right here with us.

- anon anon (you know who I am)

ahhhhh i totally feel you!! i had to physically make myself go to bed last night because i had to get up early, but it took a LOT to finally go to bed and i slept poorly ngl hfgdhhg i hope you did manage to get some sleep though!! and oof. what a year yesterday was!!!

Also @ all the other anons, I remember you guys, too!!! ♥️ I don't know if you remember me though haha

- anon anon

ahww i'm sure they do!! <3

You Know what i have realised. This weekend have felt like a fan fic of dean and cas but instead of reading it i was watching it.

you're not wrong!!

Ok also at the end of angeles he glances at misha then suddenly stops playing and looks away sooooo bashful. Did you show too much jensen? Did you get nervous when you made eye contact???

👻anon

head in my fucking hands!!!!! jensen.... sweetie....... why sing that song huh????? answer quickly (also hiiii omg love seeing you in my inbox!!)

jensen singing angeles with misha there watching (and at some points singing directly to misha) seems like fanfic AND YET…

and yet..........

[werebutch]

certified major loser here‼️im 20, been in college since i was 15, should have a bachelors degree already and very much do not, we rockin w an AA and technical program. i’ve dropped out like three times 💪 im not sure what college situation you’d be in (community vs uni, state vs private) but honestly the biggest things i’ve learned from trying and failing a LOT is that… it’s all chill. everyone’s at least a little scared and confused, mistakes are part of the learning experience, not knowing smth or asking a question doesn’t result in a duolingo bird level instakill (idk if that even made sense). there’s more of a sense of community than not because we’re all pretty much in the same boat. a lot of profs are nerds about what they teach and want you to know about it very very badly bc of that (i.e., ask questions. all of them. any that pop into ur head). i wrote a paper about Lil Nas X for cultural anthropology and my prof remembered me two years later. there is an incredible amt of freedom: with most general degrees, you can take whatEVER the FUCK u want roughly whenever the fuck you want so long as it falls into natural science, math, social sciences/humanities, or phys ed. you are more than allowed to drop a class, change your major, take more or less credits than expected, graduate a term early or late, pretty much anything. go ham. like 80% of my elective credits by choice were biology classes. queer lit was a baller time and counted for english cred. i’m gonna wrap this up bc it’s so long— don’t take anything before 9am (you’ll suffer), check the credit requirements early on so u have a vague idea of what to take, ASK FOR HELP WHEN U NEED IT whether it be a prof or advising services or the damn cashier’s office, expect to walk a fucking shit ton if it’s a larger campus, CHECK RATEMYPROFESSORS, enroll as soon as classes open, do NOT shirk your language classes if you didn’t take them in highschool, for the love of god bro don’t take more than a full time course load (15 credits at most institutions). yes, you could probably do it alright, but that is the DEVIL TALKING saying you’ll be fine. sorry this so long but i’ve been doing this so long i have so much to say. if u want more specific advice just say and i’ll be back‼️—local professional loser idiot with no bitches, no money, and a toy car collection

Hi sorry I read this, was comforted, and then didn’t respond..SO SORRY.. I’m doing community but I plan to transfer after 😸 I will probably end up taking a lot of biology and hopefully I’ll get an art class in next year.. right now I only have 4 classes in total cause I tend to be a bad student and I wanna feel it out. LMAO. I’m mostly scared about doing really bad and not being able to keep up with assignments but the only one who can truly help with that is myself SO WE WILL SEE. I’ll try my best. Cause seriously I have no idea what I’ll do if I dont.. thank u for this btw I hope you’re doing well 😸♥️

[sumrot]

*TW ED* in response to both ur intamacy post and ur weight loss posts as someone a bit older:

intimacy: a) we are living in an age of extreme loneliness and disconnection. loneliness is one of the most dangerous things for humans, we have evolved to be reliant on each other, as we are pack animals. you are not alone in feeling intimacy starved, as u can see by ur responses. its truly a mental health epidemic… b) in a way i envy u. from such a young age i was hypersexual (some thanks to the slut movement of 2014 tumblr). it never made me feel good about myself or wanted or valuable. it made choose bad relationships for pseudo intimacy. i put myself in harms way constantly to try to feel wanted. thats not to erase the pain u feel now but to offer the perspective that as u get older and engage with older people, who hopefully know what they want and how to be kinder, u can find true meaningful intimacy and hopefully avoid another type of heartache of having ur intimacy violated and taken for granted. being in ur early 20s and navigating relationships fuckn sucks but it gets better with age.

weight loss: i am about ur height and weight. i used to be really underweight, 108lbs, and didnt eat. ur right, i still never felt small enough then. if i kept on that track the health consequences down the line could have been awful. its not worth it. i had no energy and still hated my body. the nutritionist is maybe right, for many bodies we need to eat more foods that make us feel good, with good protein and nutrients, and move more too lose weight. not eating just shuts down bodily functions. i gained some weight and got to 140 just by eating more and then started exercising and quickly got down to 130, but i look more toned and i feel better about myself. most of that weight is in muscle and a fat ass. i dont get sick all the time. the exercise is really light too, just taking walks or doing some yoga that engaged all my muscles a few times a week for half an hour. it helped with self esteem a lot too, bc i put in the work and im so proud of myself. no im not as thin as i once was but im happier overall and in my mind thats worth it. TLDR: eat a little bit more, and move much more, u will get results. it can be a good way to meet people too ;)

I love to vent on here but receiving messages like this also make me extremely grateful to have the followers that I do on here, and also that y’all are willing to take the time to offer support and advice—that is to say, this was insanely helpful. Thank you 🫶 will seriously be coming back to this. I will be trying to pursue more intimacy, but agree that it can be easy to chalk up my self worth to that. I’ll try not to..