#i cant hold on for that long
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:-S
#i apologize in advance for the venting#………. uh#today i told my therapist that my psychiatric appointment has been set for march 5th and i told her that i was concerned because i feel like#i cant hold on for that long#that im really at my limit and being awake id unbearable at the moment and i wish i could do something to move it up or something#and i asked her if i could do it in private with a psychiatrist she had mentioned earlier#and she pretty much convinced me to not do it that way because its better with the national healthcare because its in person and the#psychiatrist would be physically near me (which is ideal) and because its way less expensive… and she said 20 days isnt that long and#basically if i held on for this long i can keep holding on for a little longer#which is true i agree but also most days i feel like im losing my mind literally#like right now….. and i truly dont know what to do with myself and 20 days seem like forever right now#i know i have to hang in there but i cant stop crying im truly at my limit besties i dont know what the point of anything is anymore
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my longest friend and companion
#persona 3#ryomina#ryoji mochizuki#minato arisato#makoto yuki#pharos#thanatos#lizzy does art#hii everyone long time no post :) been logged out of tumblr for a few months but im still alive and well ^_^#a little something to celebrate one of my favorite days in persona 3 + my favorite pairing...#ryomina is still one of my favorite ships ever because they're so uniquely shaped by their circumstances#death as minato's longest companion throughout life for ten years... always there for him even when death took so much from him#i will forever love death's different forms. pharos. ryoji. thanatos. (not displayed here: nyx avatar)#and i also loved visdev portfolios that have color keys showing rooms with different lighting conditions.#so i smashed those two together and boom :D i made this!!! it was lots of fun :)#not displayed is a fifth image where the room is empty bc minato is long gone (he's in the great seal with ryoji)#i hope everyone has had a very lovely 2024... congrats on making it this far... i cant wait to see what 2025 holds!
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I have what you're looking for. High quality. Befitting a man of my tastes. I have a room over on Divisadero, not too far a walk.
#iwtv#interview with the vampire#iwtv amc#daniel molloy#louis de pointe du lac#danlou#iwtvedit#tvedit#dailyflicks#*#dont know if i can articulate my thoughts well#but something about how daniel at first is so closed off from louis when he sits down near him#doesnt really want to talk at first but starts opening up pretty quickly#then louis is buying him a drink and it's easier to talk. mostly what he wants to talk about is his journalism work#because its so important to him. but when louis starts getting too personal (i know what you're here for danny) he starts backing off again#maybe some combo of shame for how quickly he felt attracted to louis and the flirting and the diminutive louis uses#the bartender uses it when asking if hes got money tonight. hes used to exchanging sex for things he needs but cant afford#above all it's like a sharp reminder of what louis wants & what daniel wants too even before the offer of drugs#and he's trying to hold onto the denial and excuses. it was a good place to score he did what he had to#sex with men has to be in exchange for something he can't just want it on its own#the lie he tells himself about himself#also these tags are getting long but i think you can see the moment louis decides he might not just fuck and kill this guy right away lmao
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here we have a late submission for day 6 of zukki week 2024: heist au (click for better quality)
@zukki-week
more thoughts under the cut
i got back into leverage this week so of course i couldn't not draw zukki as the ot3. i think suki would work better as a grifter than a thief (maybe even a hitter) but yk. i also stayed up way too long thinking about who is the mastermind and who is the grifter/thief remaining and i got to the following conclusions:
song as the mastermind and jin as a grifter just butters up my heart like i missed these girls like crazy and i think it would fit them (also azula as jim sterling is way too funny)
but then we have azula as nate (which i think is equally funny) and ty lee as thief
also mai as nate but thats just because i ship mailee and i wanted them together
#i spent way too long on this. and im putting off homework to post this#because again: shit time management#dont look at what sokka's holding please#the nigerian job has such dark scenes i cant tell whats in them djdhjs#like dont even ask me how long i spent trying to figure out what they were wearing in this scene#anyways i think they're iconic#like the ultimate ot3s#zukki#zukki week 2024#zuko#sokka#suki#leverage au#atla#my art
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Before I drop it I've got one more in me: I don't think Epler's dislike of Solas or Solavellan is a big deal
I care more about why the standards were loose enough for it to go unchecked. It's the oversight that's been nagging at me.
The writers got a lot of team feedback during the development of DAI. Maybe even too much because a rewrite <10 months from launch is crazy work.
Whereas with DAV it seems like everyone was kind of. Freestyling? Left to their own devices. To the point of some details being inconsistent or not aligned with the setting. Which is a bigger issue to me. 😭 Not that it matters now.
#also this isn't even the first or worst time a writer's personal feelings affected some part the game#we did not have a dwarven LI for so long for the most asinine reasons brother its always been like this#I cant hold him bc if i knew no one would screen my work id make Sigrun x Velanna canon deadass
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Don't get me wrong, I see the appeal of Rayllum as parents working extra hard to defeat Aaravos (I am writing In Absentia, after all)
But...
Seven years of longing? Of pining for the quiet domestic life they got a quick glimpse of? Wanting to relax and begin that next stage of their life, but the anxiety gets to them every time. Whenever they contemplate maybe things will work out. Maybe they've prepared well enough. Hopefully, they're strong enough.
This time they'll truly win.
For good...
But what if they're not?
What if one of them doesn't make it this time?
What if they leave their kids as orphans?
What if Aaravos targets their children?
And so they decide to wait. Seven years isn't that long and they'll still be young then.
They'll have more than enough time.
Even if Lira teases them every time she sees them, if she doesn't pick up on the smiles that don't quite reach their eyes.
"Shouldn't you have some by now if you want ten?!"
It's safer to wait...
#ngl i also like the idea of 7 years of tension k#the pining and the longing#only stopping *themselves*#everyone tells them things will work out#that they shouldn't put their lives on hold for what ifs#they just cant shake the unsettling feeling#seven years isnt that long to wait#yeah I'll probably be writing this#i know who i am as a person#rayllum#the dragon prince#tdp#rayla#callum#tdp spoilers#tdp s7 spoilers
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i like him
#somebody needs to keep me 8 metres away at all times or else ill start chewing on him#i just want everyone to know if i end up making a character who happens to resemble harvey in any shape or form#it probably wasnt a coincidence 😐and it will happen again#if i remember maybe ill try getting stardew when it goes on sale.. my friend showed me her farm and she named her chicken after doja cat#or maybe it was nikki minaj i cant remember. and she also said smth about monsters and passing out if you stay out after a certain hour#idk how accurate tht is all i know is the funny fucked up grandpas bed#i read somewhere that harveys supposed to be in his early to mid thirties and i dont have a problem with it but i think itd be very funny#if hes actually younger than he looks hes just a med school postgrad lmao. idk how well that headcanon would hold up since ive#never played the game and idk how often ppl talk about his age or if itsjust an implied thing. i just think its really really funny#im trying to get into the habit of drawing poses so im using reference images to try and build up muscle memory#i found some cute pictures of two ppl playing by the sea shore and it reminded me of xin and sailor so im gonna draw em like that#i havent drawn em in so long..... maybe i should update xins reference since i changed their lore quite a bit#myart#my art#doodles#stardew valley#stardew#sdv#sdv harvey#kinda wanna see him whimper a little bit. as a treat
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heeyyy gaaanggg
the pose and the background of the album version (left) are based on oingo boingos only a lad album art. not cause i think he has anything to do with it but just cause ive been wantin to draw that pose for like. weeks and i didnt know who to put there. so why not my latest bug man.
#my art#digital art#digital painting#fanart#resident evil 7#ethan winters#goddd PLEAAASEEEE#i havent known if i was gonna post this or not multiple times in the process of drawin this. but ultimately i spent too much time on it to#NOT post it. embarrassment be damned#but at the same time what am i even doin yknow. what is this what is goin on pleaaseee PLEASEEEEE#I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RESIDENT EVIL!!! I DONT KNOW N O T H I NG I KNOW LESS THAN NOTHING#HOW?? HOW DID I GET HERE??? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN???? i know exactly the answer to all those questions but it still boggles me how fast this#happened. usually it takes WEEKS if not MONTHS for me to start makin fanart. this was faaasttttt TOO FAST and im like. genuinely constantly#thinkin about this game. im ALWAYS thinkin about this game. part of why this took me so long to do is cause i always wanna play re7 or thin#about re7 in a strange and deranged way. ive actually genuinely been SICK WHAT HAPPENEDDDDDD#im losing it!! anyways this took me a looonggg ass time and i redrew it soo many timmmessss#i did like. 3 lineart passes. the album version i did 3 shading passes. i really struggled!! and ultimately i dont know how i feel about it#like i kinda resent it. for takin so long and makin me suffer so much#never again. never again will i spend that much time on a drawing. i HATE when drawins take a long time. i HATE that. it makes me madddd#ive been insane. ive been so insane. and im not gettin better like i cant sleep sometimes cause im thinkin about this game and this guy and#that gal like i think about them!! so! so much!! oh my god!!#in the time it took me to finish this ive done like 10 sketches for other pieces like. and ive had like 3 ideas ive written down.#and like 50 that i havent written or sketched.#IVE WRITTEN POETRY!! P O E T R Y !!!#i write the occasional poem when im feelin some kinda profound emotion but i NEVER write poetry about media SOBBING#anyways thats the post i think this is the beginnin of the end so lets hold hands and pray. ugh sorry if i get sick. im shakin.
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what up i’ve been obsessed with would you fall in love with me again like every other person on the planet and i can’t stop thinking about penelope’s final verse
she’s so angry; angry that odysseus would dare to suggest that her love for him has faltered or his actions were enough to destroy it. she’s been waiting, working her fingers raw unweaving her shroud every night, not sleeping as the suitors camp inside her home; every day a threat to her and her son, to her kingdom if an unworthy man - and they are all unworthy - should take the throne. she knew they wouldn’t wait forever, that at some point her deception would be realised; her dedication to her husband means she is at constant risk and the first thing odysseus does when he sees her - if this even is him - is question her love for him?
the very first thing he says (other than her name) is, “i am not the man you fell in love with.” penelope asks him if it’s really him standing there or if she’s “dreaming once more”. once more. she’s felt the cruelty of hope before; has looked at her doorway and seen odysseus the same as when he left (which is probably partly why she’s so shocked by how he actually looks) and felt unfathomable pain when her hopes were dashed over and over again. she asks if he is really her odysseus and he says no
yes, in his mind, odysseus can’t see how he can deserve her love after everything he’s done - the atrocities he’s committed, to himself he isn’t the same man, “i see a man who gets to make it home alive, but it’s no longer you” - but all penelope hears is her husband, the man she loves and waited for, doubts the strength of her love
penelope asks what kind of things he’s done and it must be shocking to hear; his actions so different from the man who left her behind even if he did them in name of returning to her. but when she asks him to move the bed, it’s as much a challenge as it is a test. she’s asking him to prove that he is the monster he claims to be; that if he’s changed so much and become so heartless, he should have no qualms about ripping the symbol of their love from its roots. and it’s also her only way of actually determining if this man who claims to be her husband yet doesn’t take her in his arms, is actually him
“just a moment of labour would bring me some peace” - if he does what she asks, then she will know either he’s changed so much that he’s no longer her odysseus or he’s another fake and was never hers to begin with; that her husband didn’t just stand in front of her and claim she can’t love him as he is. but she’s done. she was already willing to die when she stood behind the twelve axes she challenged the suitors to shoot through. she’s so tired. she just wants it all to be over
“only my husband knew that, so i guess that makes him you” - i guess. even after telling her something only odysseus and her knew, penelope’s still not convinced that it’s truly him. how many men came to her door claiming to be her long lost husband, banking on time and distance to dull memory of his face and voice, on her longing and desperation for odysseus to blind her into believing them?
but if this is her husband? if the man she’s loved through decades of absence has finally returned to her?
“i will fall in love with you over and over again” - an exhausted promise, the core of who penelope is and how she feels; assuaging his doubts and his own clear pain
but
“no matter how long it’s been, you’re mine. don’t tell me you’re not the same person, you’re always my husband” - penelope is screaming at him; how dare odysseus say this to her? dismiss her love and her suffering? he saw the men outside, he’s smart enough to know what they were here for and instead of apologising for being gone for so long, instead of begging for forgiveness for inadvertently putting her and their son at risk, instead of embracing her and putting an end to her torment, odysseus doubts her
“and i’ve been waiting, waiting” - the tone shift of penelope screaming at him to lamenting how long she’s been waiting is heartbreaking; it’s quieter as she gets lost in the pain of her grief, her anger failing as she recalls the memories of her long years of solitude. odysseus tries to call her back with his gentle “penelope” - such a contrast to his own exhausted anger at being asked to destroy their marital bed now that he understands why she asked that of him - but she can’t hear him; she’s too trapped in the memories. he tries again, still gentle but more insistent, and this time she does hear him and her anger comes rushing back along with her grief. her “waiting, waiting,” becomes almost accusatory; she’s been alone for so long and it’s bc of him, bc he wasn’t there, bc he left her waiting
that abrupt “oh” at the end of the verse isn’t just a vocalisation; in that moment, she’s realising that she has realised that he truly is odysseus. she knew it was him before she even processed it. she wouldn’t be this angry if he were anyone else; love and grief and anger coalescing in one single divine moment where penelope finally believes her odysseus has returned to her
“for you” - she’s been waiting and waiting, years turning to dust, her sleepless nights and days spent living in fear and preemptive grief- and it was all for him. odysseus is actually here. which means her waiting is over
“how long has it been?”
“20 years”
“i- i love you”
#disclaimer maybe that ive never read the odyssey but this is more of a song analysis than anything else#and yall know how much i love my analysis#penelope has every right to be angry at odysseus even if it wasnt his fault for being gone so long#logic doesnt trump emotion#she will forgive him - of course she will she loves him too much - but she deserves her anger and grief and blame#20 years of being left alone to raise their son and rule their kingdom#3 years of not sleeping to unweave her shroud and hold off the suitors#i cant imagine how exhausted she must be#and the first thing his husband does upon his return is doubt if she can still love him? after all that?#id throw hands penelope a better person than me on god#she couldve stooped to his level; couldve become ruthless and denied odysseus to protect herself from the pain of forgiveness#but her love for him is stronger than the pain she felt without him#this is purely from penelopes pov by the way i know odysseus was kinda justified in asking#but still#dude think it through#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#talk meta to me#ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves#meta#epic the ithaca saga#epic the musical#epic odysseus#epic penelope#the epic saga#epic saga#jorge rivera herrans#the odyssey#the ithaca saga#penelope of ithaca#odysseus
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yall i have a confession to make….i fucking hate slowburn.
#THERE I SAID IT#IM SORRY#I just cant like when it gets too long atp MOVE ON WIT IT#like i get wanting to take ur time i guess#but wtf do you mean yall are makin out every chap#holding hands#youve met the ENTIRE FAMILY#AND yall said i love you#and somehow you still dont know what this feeling is/what you are ??? please.#cus like atp yall jus draggin it#i could talk about my hate for this trope for hours#i have another one i hate but i fear i would be burned at the stake for it so#im keepin that to myself😭#cash confesses#cash is sorry (no she aint)#cash speaks <3#cash rants#cash rambles !#cash is about to ramble
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not only is he shaking, but you can hear how scarred he was in his voice. while he did succeed in his mission, there were still things he 'failed' during it even though there wasn't a choice. plus, he saw imu and barely escaped the gorosei. he is shaken up by that day
and not to make things worse or anything... (as i think about this a lot and did mention it before...) imagine sabo checking luffy's vivre card and helplessly watching it burn away. when he swore- /vowed/ to be by his brother's side no matter where he was. but all is good cause luffy's alive !!
still, despite the mission's success, he couldn't do what he wanted. he couldn't save cobra and he watched lulusia disappear. he's badly injured yet when he returned, he smiles and laughs as he is happily welcomed in arms.
and mind you, sabo Is an emotional person. he was raging when he saw kuma's state during the start of reverie. and as i looked back at chapter 1085, he screams out cobra's name as he watches him die...
imagine how sabo feels in that very moment. how he feels watching someone he wanted to save die in front of him. even though cobra told him not to, sabo tried anyway but couldnt. like how he couldnt protect his brothers because he didnt remember them until it was too late
#op spoilers#one piece#one piece spoilers#one piece 1117#one piece 1083#manga spoilers#i love him so much...#sabo is really amazing#but i cant begin to imagine the emotions hes holding together as he gives out his explanation#he must be so scarred...#and before he started explaining iva asked if he witnessed the disappearance of lulusia#and all he could give was a saddened look which iva immediately tries to switch up and look on the bright side for sabo#sabo is an emotional person and acts on them he still tries to look on the bright side on things#despite unable to save cobra he can take the blame for the 'assassination' for as long as the flames of rebellion is sparked#sighhhh im excited to see more episodes about sabo i love my wife so much#flame emperor sabo#sabo#revolutionary sabo#dain talks
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i’m so tired….i want someone to lay next to me so i can cling onto them like a koala
#wlw#wlw mood#sapphic#sapphism#lesbian#cant stop thinking about this lately#like let me hold onto you so tightly with all my limbs#sorry you are Not allowed to escape#like i wanna cuddle but like in a ‘i want you stuck with me forever’ kinda way#in a you try to get up for one second and i hold you tighter and make sad eyes at you#sorry im tired and feeling clingy for once😴#just come closer everything is fine *with the intention of trapping you with my full strength for as long as possible*#romance to me tbh#im gay and i like sleeping
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It's a time-honoured tradition- every time Sam comes across Izzy (and Ed) in their travels, he asks Izzy to marry him. And every time, Izzy turns him down.
At this point, Sam is asking more for the sake of it than any belief Izzy will ever say yes, a remnant of childhood dedication touched with 30 years of heartbreak and regret- though even now, a small part of him still holds out hope. Sam's promises have only got more extravagant over the years, from a job as his first mate, to a captaincy, a fleet at his command, a whole fucking island if that's what Izzy wants- but he knows it isn't though, not really. If Izzy was ever going to agree to marry him, to leave his life and go with Sam, it wouldn't be for anything Sam could offer him. Izzy never did care for flashy shows of wealth, for a ship or to be captain. The only thing that ever mattered to him was loyalty given, and loyalty shown in return.
It all comes to a head after Stede left and came back, after Izzy lost a toe, lost his leg. Sam hasn't seen him since before things with Ed started to really slide off the rails, before stress permanently set into the lines of Izzy’s face. So, when he sees a dishevelled man with a hoof for a leg in a no-name port, he doesn't even consider the idea that he might know him. It's only when he turns towards him, and Sam catches a glance at those oh too familiar tattoos, he realises this is Izzy, his Izzy, that stands before him.
Knowing Izzy's discomfort with pity, he doesn't treat him any differently than he would in years gone by, positioning himself in Izzy's line of sight before approaching and sweeping him up into a bone crushing hug.
“Israel-goddamn-Hands!” he exclaims, as Izzy grumbles back a begrudging “Samuel-fucking-Bellamy”, a tradition almost as old as their friendship itself. Izzy might not hug him back, but he can’t keep the corner of his mouth from twitching, just for a second.
(If Sam holds Izzy a little tighter and a little longer than usual, well. That's his business)
By the time Sam lets go, most of the crew has appeared in the town square, drawn in by the commotion. They may have given Izzy his leg and welcomed him as one of them, but still there’s an underlying tension, with nobody quite ready to set aside everything that happened before the Kraken. Seeing him cosying up to an unknown man sets everyone on edge, unsure whether to come to their first mate’s aid, or to assume that they've been betrayed once again.
When Ed sees that the yelling was Sam, his hand goes tense where it's held in Stede's. He knows the routine, has seen it more times than he can count, but as he watches them part he realises that this is the first time in a long time he's unsure of what Izzy's response will be.
Knowing that something’s different, knowing that Izzy's feeling vulnerable already, Sam doesn't go for the same flashy proposal he’s been giving for years. He doesn't promise Izzy the world, he doesn't cause a scene (or, any more of a scene than he already has, anyway). He looks at the fractured man in front of him, takes his face in his hands, and says the exact same thing to him he said when they were little more than boys. “Israel, I have to ask you. I know what you'll say, but I have to try. Come with me. Marry me and sail away with me. I'll keep you safe”
And Izzy… hesitates. He glances over at Ed, at Stede, and says to Sam “...We’re staying in port for a week. Ask me again then”
That's the moment Sam knows there is something deeply, horribly, wrong. He's not just looking at an Izzy who got seriously injured in a fight and is struggling to cope, this is something so much bigger than that- and that Ed has something to do with it. Izzy wouldn't even be considering leaving if he didn't. Whether it was negligence or something more sinister, Sam doesn't yet know, but he intends to find out.
#i feel like the little paragraph about the crew is real clunky and out of place but i wanted some kind of establishment of where those#dynamics are at. its important that the crew is something for izzy to consider in his decision; but also that their relationship isnt so#solid he would stay for them alone; yknow?#im sorta aiming for a s2e5 era but like. early in those themes. he cant be all sorted yet i need him to be struggling#anyway this is part of a much larger scenario in my head that im never ever doing anything with but i wrote THIS bit in a daze in like. jun#and i got thinking about it again and i think?? it holds its own as a 'hey think about THIS' snippet. idk you decide#youre welcome to interpret this as solo bellhands but in my head it Has morphed into sam/izzy/ed/stede#because i cant not put edizzy in things any more. izzy has two hands#i also think the comedy potential of one of your boyfriends HATING your other boyfriend is gold. 10/10 dynamic#stede is mostly along for the ride in this but also i think they need him#aaaaand. the sam/ed bracket i think can only be closed in exceptional circumstances. i think they 'hate' each other too much#...which is WHY someones getting kidnapped!!! yay#anyway its all irrelevant because ill never write it out. i can do silly chill things but thatll require work#nyxtalks#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#israel hands#sam bellamy#bellhands#i wanna also say. the general concept of repeated sam proposals has been floating around my head forever#it used to be a more silly thing like i referenced at the start but. s2 gave me angsty feelings i guess#i cant not have izzy have feelings for ed right now which inherently adds layers to Any bellhands scenarios i think.#but yeah. its a Classic Bellhands vibe for me. sam seeing izzy at sea or on shore and asking him to marry him (again)#i like to do this with jackie too. i think i just want that man to be obnoxiously desired#(theres also layers of my personal hornigold era lore built into this but i hope it holds up without u knowing it. tldr. sam lost izzy by#being an idiot n fumbling the bag. thats what matters. izzy went with ed and sams been trying to fix it ever since)#i probably should have readmore'd this but i didnt think it was Quite long enough. or had a good break point. sorry <3
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i yet again do NOT understand why people think that what happened to steven in future came out of nowhere. the main show beats it into the ground how fucked up all this stuff has him! just cause he ends the main show in a good place doesnt mean that everything was solved! he solved the gem stuff but not himself, that was the whole point!
like. those people show that they didnt even pay attention to the show AND they dont understand trauma. like. shut the fuck up !!!!
#my post#su#liveblogging#how do you fucking miss the whole EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN THE MAIN SHOW#no child or teenager should go through that!! no one should tbf but especially them#like ok fine. other shows do this stuff all the time and theres no consequences. but su was never the show to do that lol#i know im bringing up discourse from years ago but the thing is is that people STILL hold these opinions!#like. bro athena p on youtube has THE MOST JANK su opinions. she doesnt like pearl or future ? hello?#like ok whatever you dont have to like something but then she starts going into *why* and its like. bro stop talking no#yet again its just like people that say that cassandras betrayal came out of nowhere. NO IT DIDNT FUCK OFF#im so mad dude its so easy to understand this stuff for me#also trauma can absolutely wait to manifest or show its ugly head#he showed concerning behaviors in the main show but. aughhhh whateverrr whatever whatever whatever#its also that he was finally in a good calm place in future and when youre in a calm place your trauma brain goes THIS ISNT RIGHT#it gets so used to the stressful situations you were in that itll still think things are wrong even when nothing is#because it cant risk bringing its guard down in case stuff happens all over again#or some shit like that. fuck#and steven? babey hes been in stressful situations for a long time#ew why does this post have notes lol i thought itd get like 5 notes. im not opening the notes thing lmaoo fuck that
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Theres no words that can describe the complete alienation of having severe long covid. One infection, caused directly by political decisions to remove public measures, and i cant walk. Can't stand except on really good days which are getting rarer. Sitting is a privilege i dont always have. Cognitive work is too much of a risk to consider for the moment. I live in constant fear of going back to being utterly bed ridden in the sense that i cant even feed myself, drink water, speak, move my limbs beyong my fingers and toes. For days and days without relief.
Nothing feels real. Every gain can be lost in a literal second. And on top of this, the fear of reinfection. The very real possibility of death, given how weak a single infection has made me when I was healthy and young. The even more real possibility of a worsened state, where there are no good days. That means death, too. If i am constantly in a state where I cannot move, i am going to have to resort to euthanasia because it is not a bearable existence. I can barely tolerate it when it know it will end. Last time was 14 days and I am still so traumatized by it 2 months later nothing feels real.
And on top of that, i am being told that my life doesnt matter. Covid is not a real concern. Let it fester. Even if the stairs in my building didnt lock me in, all public spaces have become lethal to me. I cant see my friends because they cant avoid exposure when theres a wave. To love me, you must live in a horrific world where no matter how many precautions you take, no matter how much they ostracize you, you might still cause my death.
Covid is a privileged issue they say. Im not even in the room for it bc i cannot be in the room. You can move your body, youre not afraid of death, you havent lost everything that makes you *you*, but im the privileged one. I cant even emote the way i used to. If i get too excited, too happy, i cant move. I talked to countless people who cant work anymore, are losing their jobs their houses their partners their immigration permits but no. Covid doesnt matter. I dont matter. Everyone cheered when i got covid bc they got to party for new years eve. I hope it was a good party. I will never agree that it was worth my life.
For the past 2 years ive had to share classrooms with students and professors who know everything about my story, who have seen how disabled i am by long covid, who ive begged to mask. They all refuse to mask. And i have to sit there and pretend its not a cosmical level farce that theyre talking about social justice and ethics and just what good people they all are. Not to mention that most of them have revealed themselves to be zionists. I have to sit next to an iof soldier and act as if its ok that she gets to sit in this classroom, except im not even sitting in the room because cases are too high and im too weak to be there physically anyway, so im on zoom. At least i get to remove my earbuds when she speaks so i dont have to think about the atrocities she has committed.
#long covid#complete loss of faith in the future#no one cares if i live or die even among leftists#i cant even be in the room anymore to be seen#its been almost 3 years of living in the most horrific reality#this summer has been so. dehumanizing#please care. please wake up. no matter where you are.#covid#btw if youre queer and you pretend to care about aids but dont a give a shit about covid. i hate you personally 🧡 do better#ive found extraordinary resemblance between my despair and the despair of people dying during aids. we are the same.#except their community started giving a shit. when will you#also people with mecfs who had it before covid im holding your hand we're in the same boat my future is your future
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no but y’all don’t understand
so I’ve been getting a lot of my photos for memes off of the IMDb website and most of the photo ratios are 16:9, right? but every once in a while there will be something in another ratio
there are never any edits or anything
so WHY is there an edit of the tragic ot3 death scene in the photo gallery for the long goodbye job???

like as far as I’ve seen that’s the only edit out of any of the episodes throughout all seven seasons of the OG series and reboot
the only plausible answer: IMDb page editor secret leverage ot3 truther
#for legal reasons the IMDb editor thing at the bottom is a joke I know it’s not true#but the idea is hilarious#anyways I NEED YALL TO KNOW THIS I CANT HOLD THIS KNOWLEDGE ALONE. YOU ALL HAVE TO SUFFER WITH ME#eliot spencer#parker#alec hardison#leverage ot3#parker x hardison x eliot#thiefsome#hitter hacker thief#leverage#the long goodbye job#leverage season 5#imdb#mine#not putting this on queue because I need y’all to know IMMEDIATELY#screaming
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