#like they’re fine with learning disabilities as long as you don’t actually have one??

[foulestbauble]

Confessing to my new friends that I am dyslexic (a lie) after being outed as disabled by a teacher (i am in no way dyslexic)

Bonus points for the fake ex-boyfriend (I’m not straight) like this is not healthy in the long run but yk how it is

[bumblebeerror]

data entry seems like it has to do with computers and i am pretty much akin to a boomer when it comes to that stuff. it's embarrassing, but even excel is enough to leave me stumped. so yeah idk about working with computers a lot.

i can walk around for hours no problem, but i cannot stand still in one position for longer than a minute or two. my legs will literally give out on me and start shaking like rubber. so i can walk and sit, but not stand.

working a shift? you mean like a security guard shift? i don't think i'm physically strong enough to be a security guard, unfortunately. i would not be able to fend off intruders and trespassers.

idk about me being employable because you have to pass a job interview in order to get employed in the first place. i'm telling you now, i would not be able to pass a job interview. i don't have the people skills or conversational skills. i see stories online of people who are much more put together than me failing their job interviews, so if they couldn't make it, i doubt i will.

i can't work physical labour because i'm too weak. i can't work with computers because i don't understand that. i am very good at languages and would work as an english instructor because i know that very well, but because of my terrible social skills i would almost definitely be a bad instructor. so idk.

i really want to learn how to take care of myself, but it's so painfully difficult for me. i'm so bad at it. yesterday, my horrible fear of bugs halted me from making progress. i wanted to cook myself something in the kitchen at 2AM when everybody was asleep, but there was a giant spider on the wall above the microwave, and i was terrified that it would jump on me and start crawling all over me. and a few days ago, there was a centipede crawling on my bed and i literally ran and locked myself in the bathroom for an entire hour because i was so disturbed. i barely managed to trap it with a bowl and i was shaking the entire time. i can't even handle a tiny bug, how am i gonna take care of myself or handle other humans?

and it's fine, it wasn't that long of a wait anyway, take your time with responding. i'm sorry about your car btw :( i hope everything turns out okay for you.

Eh, everything can be learned. Trawl a few Reddit posts about excel and practice a little bit, you’ll be alright. And nah I just mean like any work shift. Most of them that don’t want you to sit down also don’t want you to stand still either, so you’re probably good there.

Hell, you might like something like what I do now, I’m an after-hours janitor for an office. There’s rarely anyone else in the office while I’m there.

Interviews, eh. They suck, and you get denied a bunch, it unfortunately comes with the territory. Necessary evil sort of thing, doesn’t mean you can’t be hired somewhere else. There’s loads of tips for what questions to ask to improve your chances tho.

Everyone’s got phobias, man. I haven’t met a single person who isn’t irrationally terrified of something. Mine’s mostly spiders. I know they’re more scared of me, and I know they’re just doing their job in the ecosystem - doesn’t matter. The idea of them near me makes my skin absolutely crawl. Typically I’m okay so long as I can’t actually see them at least for a little while, but eventually even just cleaning away their webs becomes A Lot. Typically people will understand if you’re nice about it.

Idk if you live in the US, but if you do, you could look into state healthcare - I forgot to mention it before but a lot of them now do over the phone therapy and I think my highest copay is 20$ for dental, the rest are like 1-3$ and most places don’t bother collecting it.

Gotta stop putting limits on stuff you haven’t tried doing a few times man, you’re 20 - barring like, severe disability, you’re at the age where you can turn around a lot of shit you don’t like about yourself if you commit to it.

It ain’t easy or anything - none of this shit is fair, man, I’ll tell you that for nothin. But unfortunately, nobody else is gonna magically fix it for ya either. Comes down to like, you deciding you’d like to enjoy some things even if it’ll be work to get there. I really hope you do find a way.

Unfortunately the car’s too expensive to fix, and insurance won’t pay for it. Double unfortunately, I also can’t afford a new loan payment because I’m only getting about 240$ a month, so my mom and I will have to find one cheap enough that she can cover the loan on it, because my car is backup for when my brothers or my mom’s car breaks down. I just got home from cleaning out all my stuff from it so we could hand it over to the salvage yard. Tbh, I’m mostly sad that I have been slowly outfitting it so that I could camp in it, and the last two summers money’s been so thin I only ever got to take it camping once. Hopefully we’re lucky and find something halfway decent. In the meantime, I’m looking into remote jobs, since it’s getting really clear that I can’t keep doing my physical one.

[writingwife-83]

Hi,

You know what, I don't think I've seen people discussing Mycroft's admission that the Holmes children had their abilities tested.

Who were these people and what was their aim?

How did they find out about the Holmes children? And what were they testing, exactly? Intelligence? Intuition?

And in a way it almost implies that their powers of deduction are not so much skills perfected over a lifetime, but an innate ability they were born with.

It makes me wonder if Mark Gatiss/Stephen Moffat intended it as just as a little bit of fun to get fans, a little teasing hint that the Holmes are psychic. For a time they were at the heart of Doctor Who, and Gatiss has a passion for ghost stories and such, so it seems like something they would enjoy thinking about.

And, having seen the Jeremy Brett series, it would also a be small nod to that. In the later episodes of Brett's run the writing sometimes became a little odd, with talks of "third eyes" and visions of the future. Not unlike Eurus, maybe?

Do you have any thoughts on this?

Thanks

This is an interesting question, and I definitely have opinions. (This gets long 😅) I have to start by saying though, that I cannot for the life of me find the actual quote where Mycroft says that about all of them having their abilities tested as children. I would have liked to see the exact wording and context of the line, but I’ll still do my best.

Being a parent, specifically of a special needs son, Mycroft saying that doesn’t really make me blink. Evaluations of children are done all the time, for lots of reasons. It could be due to a learning disability, behavior problems, emotional issues, etc. But it’s easy to imagine their children also being evaluated simply for being very obviously advanced. The full scope of an evaluation includes general intelligence and cognitive ability, but also would include a psychological evaluation. It’s super easy to imagine the Holmes kids having that done, either because their parents requested it or because the school system recommended it. So in a way I’d say that was an incredibly realistic thing for Mycroft to say. And I’m guessing that was right before he said that Eurus was found to be a genius, beyond Newton. Which, again, makes the whole thing make sense.

So all of that is the reasoning for me saying, I definitely don’t think that statement was indicating anything in the realm of supernatural abilities in the Holmes kids. But in addition to me feeling pretty strongly that Mofftiss wasn’t hinting at anything like that, for me personally, I would just hate for that to be canon.

I love me some superheroes and characters who have superhuman abilities and stuff. That has its place and it’s fun! But imo there’s so much of that. Which is what makes the “normal” humans who have amazing abilities more special. Batman, for instance. One of the biggest reasons I love Batman is that he has no physical special abilities! No super strength or speed or mind control or whatever. Yes he has loads of money lol, but he’s smart. So he uses his intelligence and resources and drive to work for him. If anyone ever made a version of Batman where he is superhuman in some way, I’d hate that. (Which is exactly why I hated the live action remake of Mulan. They took a regular young woman who did something incredibly brave and self sacrificing and very easily could have been killed, and turned her into someone who went to war with special powers?? Thanks for killing the most meaningful part of the story lol.)

Sherlock, Mycroft, and Eurus are incredibly unique and special. And I do agree with you that partly that is something they were born with. Genetics are wild lol. But to me, what’s truly special about them is that they’re not superhuman. They took gifts they were born with and as they grew they fine tuned them into something that most people could barely comprehend. It’s almost unbelievable… but not quite. They’re still only human and it’s still just the amazing human mind at work. And I absolutely love that. 👌☺️

[cleverthylacine]

Thoughts non-Christian Transformers fans might be having this time of year...

You are allowed to write whatever self-indulgent bullshit you want, because that is what fanfic is for, but if you want to make your “Transformers doing Christmas” fics 5000% less annoying to grumpy non-Christians, here are some thoughts on how they would be less annoying to me, personally.

1. Transformers are aliens.  They have their own religions.  It would be very, very odd for Transformers to care about Jesus. It’s fine if OP puts tinsel in his windows because all the other trucks are doing it, lol, but I’m talking about TFs actually celebrating Christmas in any serious kind of way.

2. If the Autobots who are living on Earth pick up human customs as an excuse to have a party, let them be hilariously ignorant about it. Despite being the Designated Good Guys in all non-Shattered Glass continuities (except possibly Earthspark), they are just as prone to being colonialist and ethnocentric as the Decepticons. Let them be embarrassing and offensive as well as cute. I’m thinking about the level of cringe involved in Christian attempts to throw Passover Seders with no actual Jews involved, or the Japanese department store that crucified Santa in a shop window.

3. In continuities like TFA, TFP and IDW, Decepticons are have experienced the way religion is and can be used to support and spread systems of oppression, because the Primacy has used it against them that way. If they bother to pay attention to human holidays, they’re going to recognise Christianity as a religion that is frequently used this way.

4. Decepticons are not out to destroy all organic life in every continuity, but they are usually ethnocentric and frequently colonialist. Their opinions of humans vary from “unimpressed” to “annoying Autobot allies” to “gross but it’s funny when they pop” to “organics always create mechanoid life and oppress it, and we have to stop them before they get there” and you even get the occasional “If form and function don’t matter, why should we care whether people are organic or not” Decepticon, but those last ones are a minority and they know it. They’re unlikely to adopt human holidays.

5. I do love IDW Starscream’s appropriation of Christmas customs because a) he made it all about himself because he’s Starscream and b) in his post-Decepticon life as Emperor of Cybertron he IS trying to find ways to subvert the mess that is Cybertronian culture in order to consolidate power. That is one example of Doing It Right (tm).

6. Consider characterisation.

6a.  Ratchet is often a militant atheist.

6b.  Soundwave is usually a militant atheist. In IDW he’s also a master of inciting and manipulating class warfare and he would recognise what evangelicals are doing in American culture from a distance meaasurable in parsecs.

6b1. There is no canonical evidence that Soundwave’s deployers are pets or children except one IDW panel where Starscream makes a sarcastic comment, despite it being IDW canon that Ravage saved Soundwave’s life and helped him learn to manage his disabilities. There is no evidence that they are anything other than adult Cybertronians. Ravage has been with him so long that some people (like me) ship them.

Rumble and Frenzy act like kids in fanon, but in canon they act like gross army boys (affectionate) who like to blow things up and pull pranks for fun and are no more children than Tailgate is.  The beastformers are not animals except in Cyberverse, where Laserbeak and Buzzsaw are trained sentient but probably not fully sapient trained birds and “cat” and “wolf” are just alt modes some mechs happen to have instead of “car” and “aeroplane”.

6b2. Soundwave playing Santa to his deployers as if they were children and/or pets personally makes me nauseous.

[britcision]

Family death mentions ahead friends

So one of the things I learned in the arrangements for my grandmother’s funeral is that their local priest remembers me

Pretty sure I only ever met him once; he moved in long after we’d left the country, and when I went back for visits church was not a part of them

He was the one who did my grandfather’s funeral

That was an interesting time, and the first time I noticed I am actually dogshit at handling things emotionally; emotionally, I’m usually fine. Sad, tired, got a key on depression, but never what you’d call the depths

No, all of those things get autorepressed before I know they’re there, so my disabled ass processes everything physically

0/10, do not recommend this. I don’t even know what’s stressing me out half the time, I have a crazy flare and have to reverse engineer what’s wrong around that

So I was, y’know, even less disposed to socialising than you might think around Grandpa’s funeral

Didn’t go to the wake, didn’t really talk to anyone. I wrote something for him and I read it in the service, and then we went to see the hole and pour his ashes in

My grandparents lived around the corner from that church before I was born; their direct garden neighbour is the graveyard, and they used to get to church through a pair of abutting doors that led from their garden to the priest’s garden, and then immediately into the graveyard

So when I told the family to go on without me, I’d head home, well, there was no real hesitation

(I do know the legal way around, the new priest wasn’t keen on strangers coming through the garden but I suspect Granny converted him before the end

But I am the grandchild Most Likely To Just Go Hop The Graveyard Fence)

And I sat there for a while, mostly just existing

And the priest came over to see to things, because everyone else had left and he saw them go, and he didn’t think I’d be there

He offered to come back later, but it was fine. It needed to be done, and I wasn’t doing anything that would be affected by it

He warned me a couple of times that it could be hard for people, and he really could just come back, but it was fine

I helped him step down my grandfather’s ashes for when the next person would be interred

(It’s a very old graveyard and while not 100% full as far as I know, they did have a special paved garden where you could pick which stone to have your ashes under along with anyone else in the parish

Very communal, you get all mixed in. As you may suspect, this is not a church holding stock in bodily resurrections)

And we talked a bit about the garden and how that all worked, and I helped fill in the hole and stole a stone

And that was the first and last time I met him

He asked if I’d be okay to go home on my own, and I did not tell him I could just hop the fence. I went around in the street like a good adult and everything

And that was the only time I ever met him

But when they were arranging my Granny’s funeral last month, apparently he mentioned he remembered me

I couldn’t be there this time, being both devoid of an immune system which makes air travel and the UK specifically dangerous as hell, and also sick with some stupid little cold of my own that has lasted a month and will not leave or let me sleep

(Not COVID, I checked, and a round of antibiotics ALMOST kicked it on its head… and then two days ago nope we’re back to up every couple hours because I can’t breathe)

I wrote something for my mother to read, but it just… never occurred to me that he would remember me

The old priest there knew me since before I could walk (I suspect he has passed), and was party to both good and bad childhood stories

This new guy was younger than my parents, we met once and I don’t think we’ll ever meet again, but I have been repeatedly told that I make an impression, even when I’m not trying to

I guess some people are not up for a peaceful chat about death rights while burying their loved ones, but I just…

I’m not sentimental about what is left behind

The important part is what has left, and the body itself needs to be dealt with

He was my grandfather, and it made sense to me to help put him to rest

To do the last thing I ever could with his earthly remains and make sure he was interred with love

It’s apparently not something I should ask anyone to do for me when I’m done, but I don’t mind that. I won’t be there, and I’m not really worried about what happens to the meat that occasionally consented to do what I wanted it to

It is possible that growing up playing chase in a graveyard and nicking shiny stones off the graves gives you a somewhat skewed view of death, but I’d have to talk to my older siblings more to be sure

(I don’t know if the priest even knows I have an older sister. She might have visited their area on her honeymoon, but all the relatives she stayed with only had horror stories to share with me later

She didn’t come for our grandfather’s funeral when my brothers and I did

She doesn’t care about anything but her husband and now her kid, but in a very… obvious way

She barely spoke to any of them

She flew out to see our Granny before she passed with her baby for a day or so, which personally I agree is a better call than going to the funeral, but I dunno if she would have seen him - she could be flying completely under the radar)

I guess I’ve just been thinking about the imprint we leave behind when we’re gone

As a family we tend towards being loud, obvious, and usually weird (on one side - the other tends towards loud, gregarious, and aggressively organising events)

I met that guy once, for probably no more than twenty minutes after the hour long service

He’ll probably never have cause to think about me again in his life, unless he tells that story

But I’ll always know him as the priest who moved in and asked the nice little old lady behind not to cut through his yard, entirely unknowing that she would in fact be organising every church do for the next two decades and would be a stranger for about another week tops

And apparently he remembers me staying behind, chatting about death and interment while we poured the dirt back into the hole and squashed it down until the stone could fit snugly again

We did discuss how many people it would take for it not to go down properly, but they do have a plan in place - that’s why they rotate the stones, so they have about the same volume of people under them

I don’t know if my grandmother was cremated

If she was, it was three days before Bonfire Night, and they just barely missed the very funniest funeral possible, but I don’t think the family will be ready for that observation for a few more years at least

If she was, I don’t know if they’ll put her under the same stone

I think I asked if you could make requests, but it’s been a long time; I don’t remember the answer

There will be a couple extra tenants in there with them, if they do, which would make her very happy. She was a compulsive host all her life

You also don’t exactly get only your own loved one’s ashes back from the crematorium

I think you can make a special request and pay extra, but it is much less energy efficient to cool and clean the oven between each body

You just sort of get the sweepings at the end of the day, portioned out between everyone

You can also have your ashes specially compressed and turned into a diamond at a different company or all sorts of other things, but you need a lot of ash to make a very small diamond because the key word there is “compression”, along with “heat”, “pressure”, and “extreme”

It may be worth storing more than one person’s worth of ash to make something more notable

There would be something poetic in having your ashes mixed with your partner’s into a single stone for the rest of eternity

I do sort of want mine to be tossed off a tall building in a wind storm though, so that’s for the rest of y’all

Organise the polycule and go for a statement piece

But do put one of those anti moisture bags in with the ashes while you’re waiting for everyone else to go, because the brick would probably be harder to ship by weight

It is entirely possible that I’m just weird about death all on my own, honestly

But if the worst thing some people can imagine is there being just… nothing at all, you just stop existing, that sounds pretty good to me

Like my Granny, I am also a compulsive entertainer - I’m pathologically bad at just sitting and hanging out at peoples’ houses. We have to be going somewhere, doing something, have some form of outside stimuli

Even just “you’re with everyone you love having a wonderful time forever and ever” sounds exhausting

Living is hard, people are hard, and I have ADHD so I guarantee I will find a way to get sick of eternity even with all the wonders of the universe to explore

All I want is peace and the chance to just stop

Failing that, I nominate we all build the tumblr island as whatever lies beyond and develop post-vital memes that will take decades to bring the newly dead up to speed on

[volixia669]

Standing Strong in Current Political Climate

Alright, I mostly try to keep this to silly fandom and tumblr stuff, but with everything going on politically, it’s time for a serious post. About reality, about politics, and about how we survive. This is going to be about transphobia, queerphobia, and genocide, so I’m giving fair warning.

Buckle up.

Now, this is going to primarily US-Centric, as that’s what I’m familiar with, but make no mistake. There has been an authoritarian rise worldwide.

The UK has been Tory central for the past decade.

Australia has been putting climate refugees into concentration camps.

Israel has been using the pandemic to increase efforts to wipe out Palestinians.

Italy’s Prime Minister is Mussolini’s granddaughter (she’s proud of that btw) and is increasing queerphobia.

Russia is trying to recreate the USSR only with no fake pretenses of Communism (it was authoritarianism) this time around.

And the United States? Well the Republicans have been playing the long game since Reagan, and most of the Democratic party is perfectly fine with fascism since it makes them richer.

All this while the Earth becomes unlivable, people starve, and more. Oh, and covid never went away.

So.

The situation is...bad. Let’s just say it’s bad. There also seems to be a target on queer folks moreso than Jewish folks this time around, most likely since the Holocaust made most people a little twitchy about targeting Jewish folks, though that’s not to say those in charge aren’t perfectly fine with killing Jews.

Anyone who doesn’t conform to a mold is at risk.

But.

The situation is not hopeless.

I know it’s easy to read all that and think we’re all fucked, but I promise you, there is hope.

People have been unionizing, and striking at their workplaces.

Time and again, polls show that more people support queer people than oppose.

Time and again, polls show that the extremist view is a minority.

CPAC? That was practically empty this year.

More and more people are making it clear they want policies that help people and they’re tired of policies that help corporations.

People want to help the planet, they want to help other people. They don’t want to mass murder the “outsider.”

So what can you do?

Well, it varies depending on who you are, and where you are. Are you in Canada? Then vote and push for progressive policies, rather than right wing ones. In particular, you can join the push to allow asylum seekers to claim dangerous levels of queerphobia as their reason. This would help so many. Folks in other countries, I would reccomend the same. (Also maybe do something about that law preventing disabled people from immigrating to your country? Yeah, it’s a thing in a lot of countries. And there’s a lot of disabled queer people.)

You can join protests, and help local politicians canvas.

Unfortunately I can’t provide much info on what to do if you’re in most countries where being queer is either criminalized or being criminalized.

If you’re in the US though...

First off, for my white readers, are you familiar with the term antiracism? No? I recommend reading Ibram Kendi’s How to Be Antiracist. There’s a lot of racism in queer circles and it needs to stop. The way we solve these issues is through intersectionality, which means listening when black queer folks speak up. Listen. Learn. Improve.

This is important, because I need folks to understand that black queer folks are far more likely to be arrested, or worse. The cops will target black drag queens before they target white ones. They’ll target black trans folks before they target white ones.

Because this country is built on racism, and racism plays a key part in how laws are policed.

I’m not saying be careless if you’re a white queer btw, but recognize the levels of oppression here, work on improving yourself, but also? Use other people’s racism to protect black queer folk.

Weird sentence, I know, but let me explain, as this actually came up during the 2020 protests.

Say you’re at a protest, and the cops show up. The cops will try to arrest, injure, and/or provoke the black people there. But. If you’re white, you can stand inbetween the cop and the black person. If you get a bunch of other white people to join you, you can create a wall protecting multiple black people. And while you and the other white people aren’t immune from being arrested, injured, and/or provoked by the cops, you and other white people are more likely to come away unscathed.

There’s a bunch of situations this is applicable btw. Just don’t get all “white savior” about it, understand there’s a whole lot of history behind why black people might be wary of you and that’s okay, and ensure black people have the space to speak.

Alrighty, long spiel targeted to one particular demographic over. As for other things to be done? Be aware of the bills being passed in your state. Protest what you can. Make plans for escape if you need to.

Remember these things when crafting your escape plan: -Where?: This will effect everything else. A handful of states have passed bills making them trans refuge states, however getting to them may not be easy. You’ll also need to consider potential support structures that are there. -When?: This will depend on factors like what bills are being passed, how likely you are to be effected, and more. If you’re able to, consider making this a “normal” move rather than a last minute escape. -Finances: If you need to leave at the drop of a hat, can you? Are there any places you can cut back to save money? Are there any organizations that can help you? What about jobs? -Ease of escape: If you’re not in a position where you can move over the course of a month or two, this is where you need to really consider what you need and what you can leave behind. Also attempt to tie up as many loose ends as possible, and reduce the amount of objects you own as much as you can. Having a “go bag” can be extremely helpful. -Transportation: Can you drive? Do you have a license? Is getting a license feasible for you? What transportation is needed to get to the safe zone? Depending on the bills passed, you may want to have multiple options at hand. Documents: Linking back to finances and the go bag. What are your important documents? Where are they? What might you need in a new place and/or to claim asylum? Do you have a passport? Do you have a REALID? Currently you can fly domestically without one, but that could change swiftly. Keep everything together in a fireproof lockbox, until you need to throw it in the go bag. Lots of things to consider, which is why it’s important to think of this stuff ahead of time.

But it’s not all about escaping. Are you in a position you can help folks? Great! Look into mutual aid groups, find out what’s needed and how you can best help people.

So. This lengthy post is all to say the situation is bad, and we need to plan like it’s bad. But that doesn’t mean it’s hopeless. There’s places to escape, there can be even more with increased effort. We can work together to ensure that people stay safe, while also protesting.

And while I used the word “strong” in the title, it’s more complicated than that. You don’t have to be a bulwark. You don’t have to be stone. You can cry, and you can show weakness. This is stressful.

WHich is why, I want to be clear, this will not resolve in a short period of time. This may take years. The bills are passing incredibly quickly, but the resulting fallout? That’s the unknown variable.

The human body is not built to be stressed for years.

It’s just not.

That means the best way to remain strong against the tide of hate, is to have moments of joy. Watch silly videos, play silly games with friends, create beautiful art! Cry! Express your stress, and sadness. Then hold that ember of anger close to your chest, letting it motivate you, but not letting it take over until the moment is right.

Be prepared, be aware, but do not let the stress overcome you. On top of the multitude of negative physical effects, it can lead to snapping at those you love, or jumping the gun too soon. It leads to bad decisions at times those can be deadly.

But by having those moments of joy, you will survive. You will survive the hatred. Together, with the rest of us.

[nukenai]

the things that hurt are surprising sometimes

stuff like the mods in book of boba fett being regarded by so many people are stupid characters when i really related to them

stuff like “if you had robot parts, in real life capitalism would ruin it forever because blah blah”

stuff like “your own personal wishes for your body bc of a complex psychological condition are offensive to real life people with completely different conditions”

the general idea that if a part of your body is not made of flesh that you have less humanity.

stuff like “you have to accept all your problems as part of you and your identity, and being negative against them goes against being body positive, which offends other people for some reason”

i just. i’m sorry, i’m not positive about my body! i hate it and it feels wrong and i want to fix it. I wish i could delete my disabilities and i don’t like them and wish i did not have them. I wish i didn’t have chronic fatigue or a spinal deformity or a fucked up hip from said spinal deformity. I wish I didn’t get headaches if i don’t wear my glasses for 10 minutes. I wish I didn’t feel trapped in a body I am utterly repulsed by in every way! it’d be nice if some therapist could help me learn “actually your body is beautiful and you should love yourself the way you are”, but... I kind of don’t want to! i don’t want to be in pain and disgusting and repulsed by myself all the time. I don’t think any amount of someone else telling me my body is good because it’s mine can help.

90% of the time i’m ok and can deal with it if i just don’t look at myself for very long but this has been a week of nightmares for me. i cope with it through my fanfics and through some music. but then i go online and see discussions of how my personal psychological condition, and the treatment for it I wish i could get, is somehow degrading to other people who have a completely different fucking problem than me.

and i don’t know if this has a name! i’ve tried researching a ton. “body integrity identity disorder”... no, I don’t want to just remove my limbs because I feel like they shouldn’t be there. They’re just THE WRONG ONES and I DO NOT LIKE THEM. Really it’s my whole body but it’s like, I’d settle for limbs, you know?? I’m fine with settling I’ve done it all my life.

And it has nothing to do with anyone else! I think if someone thinks their body is beautiful no matter what it is looks like, and their illnesses and conditions are part of themselves, that’s admirable and great for them. This is not about them because it’s about ME and how I cannot get there. Like, how could I talk to a therapist about this? The treatment for it is defeating the negative thoughts. To come to accept myself, maybe not be positive but to just be like “eh, this is alright”. Which is where I’m at a lot of the time, but it doesn’t make the problem go away. And I also don’t feel like any actual mental health professional would believe my problem is real. When I can’t even find any explanation of it or another person who feels like this on the whole internet? When I’ve tried researching for years and have only found recognized conditions vaguely in the same general idea as how I’m feeling?

To me it feels like the treatment for this would be someone showing me a red piece of paper, and telling me it’s blue until I believe it’s blue. Even if I’m saying “fine, I guess it’s blue, and I can live with that”. but it’s just NOT BLUE and I DON’T BELIEVE THAT and the only way it can actually be blue is if you paint it! Sure maybe it’ll be red underneath still. Maybe parts of the blue paint will chip off and you can see a tiny bit of red. But you’d still go “oh, that’s blue”, and actually mean it.

and I see things like “it’s the abled people who want different limbs/enhancements bc they don’t actually life with the issues” or whatever. But am I really in that category if I feel agonized suffering every day?? if I sometimes even see my own hands and want to throw up bc I find them so awful, if i wear long sleeves in 90 degree weather bc I just can’t look at parts of my body. If today, well, I guess I’m avoiding mirrors, and if I wear leggings under this skirt I can pretend. because there’s no real fix for me.

I’d just like a name for what’s wrong with me so maybe I could feel like I’m not the only person on the planet who’s ever felt like this.

but then again. someone could so easily look at me and point and say “you’re able-bodied and have no health problems” because I look skinny and wear clothes too big for me a lot of the time and stand weird so I only look crooked because I’m standing weird. But other people don’t get to decide whether my problems are valid based on whether or not they can see them. do you have any idea how many times people have actually told me to my face “but you’re not disabled” and I get to ruin their performative little day. it has happened MORE THAN FUCKING ONCE.

tl;dr i’ve been having a really bad body dysphoria spiral for a straight week and it feels like everything i see is making it worse. which is a great thing, because i possess a problem that literally cannot be fixed in any feasible way.

[sunhalf]

have some frisk headcanons for a start! focused on the mechanics of saving and reloading, some basic chara stuff, and et cetera!

while frisk's body was rebuilt after each death, some of the damage remains; they have scars over much of their body, and while many appear quite faded ( and they faded further with each subsequent load ) they're so numerous that they're impossible not to notice in the rare event their entire body's not covered, and they're almost never seen without long sleeves / high collars / etc.

they also have a number of disabilities they gained as a result of their deaths; two major ones are partial blindness ( from one of their deaths from flowey ) and difficulty with their voice ( from one of their deaths at mettaton's hands ). these are distressing to their family, as they have no context for the change; toriel doesn't understand why frisk struggles to speak or can no longer see clearly when she remembers they had neither of these issues when the pair met.

toriel been helping them learn ASL ( and monster sign, but ASL is the current priority ) so they can still communicate during periods where speaking is especially difficult, which is nice!

related to the saves / deaths / loads, those were quite difficult to frisk psychologically. loading a save is — not physical rewinding, exactly, but frisk’s body does have to come back together.  if you could just see it in frames...  a load after a death looks like frisk’s spattered blood pulling back towards the save spot.  viscera, if any’s been spilled, doing the same.  one moment there’s blood and gore and a child’s body in the snow, the next frame the body is standing but their gut still has a hole in it and organs are still spilling and blood is traveling back to their veins.  the next frame it’s fine.  the final frame they’re back at the spot, and it’s okay. it never happened. it's so fast it doesn't really register, but it is hard.

over the course of the game, frisk's death totals hit the upper ten thousands, dangerously close to the millions. the vast, vast majority of these were are flowey's hands, and many occurred so rapid - fire that frisk doesn't tend to think of them as separate deaths.

chara is 'possessing' frisk, though it's less an active possession and more like they just attached what's left of their soul to frisk's. they can speak to the kid, and i buy the 'chara - as - narrator' theory broadly speaking. in my default ( required neutral then pacifist run ) verse, there's no point where chara really gains actual control over their body. even in a no mercy run, it takes a long time; i don't love the idea that every bad thing frisk can do is chara's fault. chara does goad frisk on in a way that's at least partially responsible for frisk killing toriel and papyrus ( and then, in their guilt, reloads a prior save shortly after both ) — you're weak, they want to hurt you, they're hurting you, if you don't kill them you'll be killed. you're pathetic. do what i say, and i'll protect you. still, those were frisks's actions, and chara is not evil, just hurting very badly — i'll talk about the specifics re : chara later, but chara is also responsible for frisk remaining alive, and does sincerely want to protect them.

once they’ve spent some time above ground and the relationship between the two is less antagonistic and more caustic support, frisk teases them a lot!  tells people about their ‘imaginary friend’ just to feel chara go red in the face.  imitates their caustic narration.  takes selfies and captions them “me and my best buddy!” even though it looks like there’s only one person there.  it’s great. chara hates it and thinks it's super funny but would sooner die again than say that.

frisk doesn’t remember their legal name, or their surname.  each time flowey killed them, they forgot things, or things got hazier — some of it’s related to monsters, but a lot of it relates to their life before.  they don’t mind for the most part.  they never liked those names, anyway.

[ssaalexblake]

fma vol 3 official translation read

chapter 9

Okay so they introduce Pinako with a townsperson getting treatment calling her Dr, so maybe Ed was talking about her in the last chapter when he said ‘they’re a surgeon/expert/mechanic’? But then Alex proceeds to call her Ms the rest of the chapter. Could be a translation thing? But It would also be weird if they were talking about her because it’s a lead character intro for Winry. 

This is no way matters. It is irritating me, however. 

Years later and i’m still stuck on the fact that the automail surgery is Incredibly painful, expensive, and you have a long rehab road ahead of you to get used to the prosthetic and probably just the sheer weight of it, and yet the Rockbells have a pet dog with an automail leg. It’s not like I haven’t seen actual real life grafted to the body animal prosthetics before, cuz they do that for animals these days, but they’re lightweight and not metal. Automail is supposed to be Horrifically painful and a long road in terms of rehabbing, and dogs can do Just fine on 3 legs. Except maybe the huge ones, but Den isn’t huge. I feel like cost benefit says just leave the dog with 3 legs for its own comfort because he’d have better ability Without it. 

I know full well the reason for this is 95% likely called ‘arakawa wanted to draw a dog with automail cuz she thought it was cool’ but The Implications are just there anyway. If a disability aid is possibly going to Impact a quality of life instead of aid it then. Like. Why? 

And Winry shoving Ed forgetting he’s wearing a leg he’s not used to and him going flying. Should not have laughed but did. 

Honestly this chapter really is an exposition one to meet the rockbells and find out what their home town is like. Small. Everybody recognises Ed. Would love to have heard the town gossip around their situation with the ‘God stole my limbs/body’ & when they burnt their house down. And when the 12 year old joined the military. Evidently nobody in this town sold them out about what Actually happened (because they’d all have at least known their cover story was a lie if not the true story). 

Love the small faces Alex does when they talk of the war. It’s the details you don’t get if you’re reading the first time. He looks profoundly uncomfortable, and that tracks with what we already know, but then later you learn about his personal experiences. That Pinako comments on the hell of war in their town and then points out the irony that from that war and the prosthetics she makes for the people hurt because of it, she now makes her money and feeds her family by profiting off the war that killed her son and daughter in law.

side note. Always impressed Pinako doesn’t wrench attack Hohenheim when he turns up again in context of all this. She raised her granddaughter because her parents Died. She half raised Ed and Al because their mum died And their dad did a runner (the reasons don’t Matter because she explicitly doesn’t know why he did it!). It could have been a thing where we learnt that winry learnt it from her. 

Aaaaaand where they got Winry to do this in a rush and do all nighters, she left a bolt out of his arm. Yeah, not good. 

[susiephone]

Imagine thinking that wanting straight people to be accepting of gay people is a "trap" and not like, literally THE entire goal of the modern LGBT rights movement since its inception

okay. this is in response to me saying “respectability politics is a trap.” which it absolutely is.

but i’ll give you the benefit of the doubt here. let’s define respectability politics, shall we?

several people who are more well-spoken than me have talked about this. to quote this article on the subject:

Respectability politics is a school of thought that utilizes respectability narratives as the basis for enacting social, political, and legal change.

Respectability narratives are representations of marginalized individuals meant to construct an image of the marginalized group as people sharing similar traits, values, morals with the dominant group.

essentially, respectability politics is when people in a marginalized group (queer people, disabled people, people of color) wish to be accepted by the majority, and thus present themselves in a way and behave in a way that the majority deems acceptable - and pressure others in their marginalized group to do the same. for example:

“Not all bisexual people are sluts, I’m bi and I’ve been in a committed relationship for 20 years!”

“I’m gay, but I’m not one of THOSE gay guys, I hate shopping and I don’t like to flaunt my sexuality at all!”

“Lesbians aren’t really all masculine, I love makeup and having long hair.”

(I’m using examples I’ve seen in the queer community because I’m queer; I know this happens a lot in communities of color, but I am not qualified to speak on that at all.)

this stems from a desire to be accepted by the majority; for the purposes of this discussion, straight people. we hear straight people say things like “i could never date a bi person, they’re all cheaters” or “i don’t mind gay guys, don’t just shove it in my face” and “why don’t lesbians act like women if they love them?” and, in response, some people go, “i don’t act like that!! you can accept me! i fit in! i’m respectable, i’m not like those guys, they embarrass us!”

there’s also a lot of people saying, “don’t reinforce the stereotype.” as if it’s OUR fault straight people stereotype us.

so this leads to shaming within our own community:

“You’re bi and polyamorous? Wow, way to make people think we’re all two-timing whores.”

“Makeup? Jesus, we get it, you’re gay, you don’t have to make it a pride parade every time you go out.”

“You look like a teenage boy, this is why everyone lesbians aren’t real women.”

and that all boils down to:

“THIS is the example you’re setting? This is the face you show to the world? Don’t you know you’re representing us? No wonder they don’t respect us.”

and that’s the real problem: telling other queer people, “it is YOUR fault you’re not accepted, YOU aren’t acceptable, YOU reinforce these stereotypes, YOU should try and be more respectable, more normal.” and the thing is, “normal” is defined by the majority. THEY decide what is acceptable behavior for us. and guess what? 

most of the time, that boils down to, “It’s fine if you’re different... as long as you’re as close to what I deem normal as possible. As long as I can’t tell you’re different.”

in the queer community, this sort of thinking has led to the exclusion of butch lesbians, femme gay men, nonbinary people, non-passing trans people, trans people in general, people who use any pronouns besides she/her and he/him, bisexual people, ace people, aro people, pan people, polyamorous bisexual people, people who have an active sex life, sex workers, people who have changed how they identify, and countless others. these people get shoved aside by the Good Respectable Gays, who are eager to say, “We’re not like them, we’re just like you!” in order to be accepted by the mainstream. and it still doesn’t work. even the most macho, would-never-guess-it gay guy is bound to face some level of oppression or otherness at some point in his life. it doesn’t matter how much he fits in, how much he distances himself from the Unacceptable Queers; it won’t work 100% of the time. how’s that for a punchline?

there is no point in trying to file off the “unacceptable�� parts of our community just to please straight people. 

if a person hates all queer people, no matter how they act or present, they’re a homophobe.

if a person doesn’t hate queer people, just the ones who shove it in your face and sleep around and won’t shut up about it and buck gender norms and use weird pronouns and expect people to learn their new name and change their identity every week... they’re still a fucking homophobe.

and why the fuck are we trying to please homophobes, again?

so when people say lil nas x is bad, actually, because he “reinforces the stereotype” of gay people going to hell and thinking a lot about sex or whatever, they’re playing right into respectability politics. why can’t he just talk about his sexuality in a normal way? why can’t he express himself in a nicer way? why does he have to use that imagery? why does he have to make straight people uncomfortable?

lis nas x is a gay black man who grew up being told he’d burn in hell for being gay. and he made an awesome song with a legendary music video saying, “fine. i’ll go to hell, just like you want, and it’ll be great. i’ll take the damn place over and make satan fall in love with me. and i’ll have a great time doing it, because i’m proud of who i am, and i won’t apologize for it or be ashamed of it anymore.”

to see that and wring your hands, worrying that a straight person will see it and decide to be homophobic about it, and pinning the blame for that on nas is missing the point.

every time we as a community make ourselves lesser or change the way we present just to be accepted by the majority, they move the goalposts, and someone else gets left behind. and the beautiful thing about the queer community is that there is a place for everyone who is left out in the cold by the straight, cis majority.

“We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it” was the rallying cry for a reason. we’re different, you think we’re weird, you think we’re deviant, you don’t get us, and that’s fine, you don’t have to get us. we’re not going anywhere. get used to it.

respectability politics is a game you cannot win. so stop playing.

[nytfythfhtyf]

what’s your damage about “gifted kids”?? i mean, i was a nightmare in class but i don’t see any reason to have issues with them

please read this im begging you. i put off breakfast for an hour writing this bc i really care about it

i even capitalized stuff and did punctuation to make it easier to read.

The biggest thing that bothers me is that there is so much content for and about ppl who are “gifted kid burnouts”. It’s literally everywhere on every website, there are thousands of posts and everyone on this site reblogs them. It’s inescapable. And because this subset of people gets so much attention, anyone who didn’t have the “gifted” experience who also wants to talk about their struggles in school gets. Basically ignored.

(Sorry this is long I just wanna explain it as well as I can) On tumblr the “gifted kid problems” thing is extremely popular bc this is the ppl-who-read-books-instead-of-talking-to-people website. Which is totally fine, and I wouldn’t mind it if it didn’t feel like I was the only person out of millions who wasn’t gifted. If someone makes a post about being a burnt out gifted kid it gets thousands of notes. If I make a post about how being the “stupid kid” my whole life fucked me up, it gets three likes from my mutuals and then dies and is never seen again.

I think it also has a lot to do with the idea that overworking yourself, and getting straight As (even if you’re not actually learning anything!), is highly praised in Society. Because schools need good test scores if they want to keep getting money. Bad test scores, while literally being part of the learning process because we learn from mistakes, don’t bring in the funds. So the “dumb” kids get treated like shit, and teachers have to teach kids how to pass tests, instead of actually getting the material into their brains in a meaningful way. If you skip meals and don’t sleep to cram for tests, you’re considered a better student than someone who prioritizes their mental and physical wellbeing.

So you get the culture of kids who brag about sleeping three hours every night and having an iced coffee as their meal for the day, and the less you take care of yourself the more cool and relatable you are. Which I don’t really blame them for. When the school system is this fucked up and you’re struggling this much, of course you want to tell people how much it’s hurting you. I think a lot of people just want someone to tell them that’s not okay, and they shouldn’t have to neglect themselves so much. But unfortunately, it’s usually impossible to graduate college without overworking yourself to the point of exhaustion and illness. So it continues.

I think it’s good that people are posting and sharing their experiences and trying to unlearn the bad habits and mentality. But unfortunately a lot of the “gifted kid” people still think or at least act like they’re the only ones who struggled in school. Because they worked the hardest, they deserve more attention. (I also think being constantly praised by teachers as a child and being the favorite plays a part in the attention seeking behavior).

So anyone who physically couldn’t overwork themselves to the point of earning the “gifted” label, because of disabilities or any other reason (don’t even get me started on the expectation that all autistic people are great at school (((non-gifted non-savant autistic kids are treated like worthless failures their whole lives)))), those people don’t deserve to have the whole internet feel bad for them. You couldn’t see them working themselves to exhaustion studying or doing homework, because their everyday lives were already exhausting, and they literally couldn’t spend any more energy on school.

So, if someone makes a post about how hard it is to do any schoolwork at all, and how their school experience was torture because the classes weren’t made to actually teach them and they weren’t good at test taking, you ignore it, because you “worked harder” and still struggled just as much. Or you comment and say “Oh same but I got all A’s and can write an essay in 5 minutes without even trying and I can read books at the speed of light” or “Oh and did you know how many gifted kids are autistic and adhd. I’m autistic and adhd and it made me so good at school” because you’re so used to having everything cater to you.

My goal isn’t to minimize burnt out gifted kids issues and trauma, it’s to get people to understand that they aren’t the only ones that deserve pity and sympathy. School fucked everyone up in different ways and it sucks no matter how good your grades were.

So no I don’t hate gifted kids themselves just for being gifted (although I will admit I absolutely have a grudge of burning jealousy bc I wish society liked me as much as them, which is where my urge to insult them comes from), I hate the way they act, on social media and in real life. You can post about your struggles and that’s totally fine, but if someone makes a post about how hard school was for them because they weren’t good at it, instead of commenting that your experience was different, or literally just ignoring it, maybe reblog it. Because school sucked and you both had it hard. Maybe even leave some sympathetic or understanding tags (without making it about you) if you’re feeling it.

but if they go on here and make fun of ppl who arent good at school or any academic skills and call them stupid then i hate them and im hitting them with my car

[queercoded-antagonist]

Any other autistics have the experience of masking by default (even if not masking well enough to seem NT) around people until you’ve known them for a long time/well and the mask starts to drop bc you trust them enough to know the Real You but then they lose interest/drop you? It’s really fucked with my self esteem having befriended so many people that seemed to like me and realizing (sometimes after months/years) that they don’t like me when I’m not actively performing and pretending to be someone I’m not. I’m scared of getting close to anyone now. And a lot of people are like “just stop masking and be your authentic self!” which sounds ideal, but for a lot of autistic folks, especially multiply marginalized, masking can be a shield from being treated with immediate hostility/judgement, having your autonomy rejected, etc. I don’t like pretending to be someone I’m not and I want people to get to know the real me. But I also don’t have the mental strength to deal with the social (and other) consequences of unmasking. I feel caught in a lose/lose situation.

I wonder about how the people on the other side of this feel too. When I stop masking around someone, maybe to them it seems like *I’ve* lost interest or *I’m* being rude because of the difference in my speech and mannerisms. Or maybe they don’t like people who act “fake”, idk.

A lot of folks think they don’t have a problem with autistic people. But the moment their friend needs something “obvious” explained, is seen struggling to do “basic tasks” independently, gets too overstimulated to speak, otherwise appears/acts unpalatable- they feel resentment. A lot of this applies to physical chronic illness as well. I’ve had friends lose interest in me when I actually set boundaries and stop pushing myself to do things that will put me in pain. The message I get from that is “I liked you until I realized you were an inconvenience”. So many people, including some NDs, only support autistic people when we are palatable enough. They like autistic people as long as the autism is something they can write off as a personality quirk and not something they have to acknowledge as a developmental disability. Even without the words “high and low functioning”, a lot of people (probably unconsciously) still view autistics in a dichotomy due to their level of support needs. Palatable vs unpalatable. Independent vs burdensome. Eccentric vs off putting. Worthwhile vs worthless. A lot of people, esp but not limited to NTs, seem to struggle with understanding that autism isn’t a dichotomy, that it’s more complex than “high and low functioning”. When they meet an autistic person who exists in the grey area, they mentally categorize us as one or the other. Lots of autistics have been told things like “if you’re capable enough to speak, why can’t you drive?” or “if you struggle so much that you can’t live alone, why expect to be treated like a real adult?” Many cannot conceive of autistics existing outside of this dichotomy. Autism isn’t a spectrum from capable to incapable, autism is a spectrum of many traits. An autistic can be capable of speaking eloquently while being far from able to understand unspoken social rules. An autistic can be a tech genius and struggle with disabling sensory issues. I am *incapable* of masking for more than a few hours at a time before shutting down, and even in the most ideal situations my masking skills aren’t good. So I’m caught in a situation where sometimes I can hide my disability at first but I quickly become unable to hide it. I feel like when people who don’t know me well learn I’m autistic, they’re fine with it at surface level because they think I’m “not that kind of autistic”. But then they find out I am in fact the unpalatable kind of autistic. And they get uncomfortable. Even a lot of well intended (including ND) folks seem to feel the need to neatly fit me into one category. I’m either infantilized, or held to expectations that I am too disabled to meet.

It’s all “I hate fake people” and “just be yourself!!” until the person in question is autistic. If I stopped being “fake”, everyone would think I was rude- even though I try my best to be considerate and thoughtful of others, I do so autistically, so it’s seen as incorrect. It’s very important for allistics to understand that an autistic person who loves being around you is not going to express it in the same way that an allistic person would. We tend to express our emotions differently. It doesn’t mean we don’t like you. And it hurts more than I know how to express when someone you thought liked you only wants to be your friend if you’re performing, and stops seeing your value as soon as you start expressing yourself authentically.

[flying-elliska]

tidbits from the webinar with Leigh Bardugo :

- With her writing, she wants to show there isn’t one kind of strong female character, that there are lots of different ways to be badass, among men as well. You don’t have to be super tough or a brooding dickhead. She wants to show fantasy doesn’t have to belong to one type of hero (white able bodied straight guy). She mentioned jk*r and seeing the heartbreak among her readers and thought she never wanted to be a part of causing that. Ppl talk about diversity as an artificial construct but it’s just...how the world is, and it’s how you tell a better story. When they announced they were casting a half-Asian Alina ppl were like  ‘why don’t you want her to look Russian’ and she was like ??? “have you ever looked at Russia on a map ?”. And borders are porous, there isn’t a firm line/wall in reality, and in the world of the series, in the border town near Shu Han Alina comes from, people are doing business with each other, falling in love across the border...it’s just what naturally happens.

- The Crows in this first season of Shadow and Bone are not the same as when we meet them in Six of Crows, they’re not quite as badass yet. We are getting some of the backstory that is in the books but not all of it, they wanted to keep some for next season (hopefully)

- You cannot write about thugs and thieves without being aware of the social/economic/political dynamics that created them

- When writing a book, she often starts in one place and ends in another, with Six of Crows she started wanting to do a fun blockbuster-y fantasy heist romp and then Kaz Brekker was ‘riding his brother’s corpse to freedom’ lmao

- Advice for writers : research can be dangerous, it’s easy to get lost and stay away from the draft. for shadow and bone she gave herself two months to really get lost in research, look into folklore, old cookbooks, to really get into the vivid details.

- Writing short stories is a really good way to better your writing

- To get somewhere you have to be bad at things. The bad days when you’re in a process are a good sign, because you are trying to do something bigger than you’ve ever done before. She had to learn to sit with the discomfort of not being good when she started writing.

- Writing process : beat sheet with main elements > zero draft, in which there is still discovery left about the characters. Everybody’s process is different, the key is to finding yr own. The process of writing a novel is so long, you have to be in love and stay in love with that idea, remind yourself what made you excited about it in the first place, and wait for the moment where you fall back in love with it. If you get haunted by another idea that won’t go away you can wonder what appeals to you about it and you can put it in your current project.

- The greatest gift you can give yourself is to finish a draft. When you’re stuck, go for a walk and talk to yourself (you can put in earphones to not look crazy lmao). Or shift POV. As a writer a critical voice is often what blocks you. You need to remind yourself that the first draft is going to be bad and you have to let it be, you’re telling the story to yourself, it’s fine to have placeholders and go back.

- When you’re a young writer the important thing is that you keep being in love with writing, there is no expiration date on your talent. When you’re in prep school mode, you’re told your value is in being young and brilliant, at some point you’re not the youngest one in the room anymore, you’re no longer the wunderkind, but that’s not where your value is. You still have a story to tell.

- She says she is a mix of Kaz (because she uses a cane, she’s a planner and she keeps a grudge for a long time) and Nina, or at least Nina is who she would like to be, the best part of her.

- She likes writing about women who get their revenge.

- Ketterdam treats people as commodities and expendable, it’s the protestant work ethic taken to extremes, and so ppl like Kaz and Inej are going to have the experiences they had. She didn’t want to do misery tourism, it was very important to approach these with caution and do a lot of research. She found it important to donate to organizations linked to things she has written about, so like against trafficking when she was writing Inej’s backstory. Writing those backstories were some of the most harrowing stuff she ever wrote as a writer. The scene with Kaz and Inej and the bandages was probably the hardest scene she’s ever written, she wanted to be respectful of what those two characters had been through, she’s written a lot of versions of that scene. It’s fun to talk about ships but she doesn’t want trauma to be ‘healed by love’, it wouldn’t feel respectful, the journey towards healing is a slow one, you backslide, etc.

- She struggled a lot writing Crooked Kingdom, she was kind of in a burnout, and wondered afterwards if it even was good. Importance of the drive to get better so you don’t stay static.

- She loooves a slow burn and had to put the brakes on the show writers several times lol when it came to kissing and such.

- Her fave episode of the show is episode 7

- She likes giving the names of her friends to characters bc they supported her so much during the writing process

- The first books are generally the easiest to write because you can throw your ideas at the wall and see what sticks, you can kind of do what you want, and after that in following books you have a lot more threads to pick up.

- Pet peeve : people talking about how this character didn’t “deserve” this : in her experience the people who deserve to go don’t and often the loving kind ones are those who lose, she’s experienced a lot of loss in her life, and she’s not going to write a book about war and danger without being honest about how these things go, it would feel disingenuous. She’s not going to stop killing people (lol).

- One fan talked about how she felt really helped by Nina being a curvy girl who is presented as charming and confident and very lovable. Leigh talks about how she’s been a lot of different sizes, she heard there was a famous author saying disparaging things about her weight and disability behind her back, she was like that’s not even original, and actually fuck being ashamed of that, she wants the culture to change and wants to participate in that. She wants it to be known that she is a very successful, adored fat woman with a partner who helps her up stairs, she also wants fans to know that they’re so much more than their appearance. (that moment was so badass, it reminded me of Kaz giving advice to Wylan about his disability)

- Our culture is garbage and you’re at war everyday with the people who want to make you feel bad about yourself so you buy things. Find people who make you feel strong and amazing, who don’t just tolerate you but who think you’re the best.

Anyway this was a really cool moment honestly, it made me even more of a fan.

[moriiartist]

Hello! I wasn't sure where to submit a request so I apologize if it's the wrong spot! Feel free to delete. Since you were taking requests I wanted to ask for anything with Rendog. Anywhere your inspiration strikes is fine, there's not enough out there of him! Love your writing. Your Scar and Etho Christmas fics are two of my favs. Have a great new year!

‧₊ WEREWOLF RENDOG HCS

PAIRING: C!Rendog x GN!Reader

SYNOPSIS: Headcanons for a werewolf Rendog that may or may not have a huge crush on you.

WARNINGS: Mild language(?), possessive behavior (not the bad kind, though)

A/N: Awww! I'm glad you enjoyed the fics! And, yes- you did submit to the right thing :) I hope you like what I've written for you, and happy simping my friend!

For as long as he could remember, Ren has been like... this.

At this point it’s not even something he’d even consider wrong with him- it’s honestly just a condition that he lives with, similarly to people with disabilities.

For the most part, Ren is a stereotypical lycanthrope: abundant and fast-growing body hair, sharper teeth and nails than the average human, enhanced sight and smell, and- oh, yeah- the uncontrollable ability to transform into a giant fuck-off wolf during the full moon.

It’s one of the Hermitcraft server’s not-so-secret secrets.

I mean, it’s not like he’s actually trying to hide his, er, ‘condition’ all that much, and everyone kinda knows that he’s not quite human, but nobody really bats an eye when they see a giant dog just zoom past them when they’re building late at night.

He’s basically just a huge puppy when he’s in his feral form. Multiple Hermits have had him just come up to them while they’re working, body wiggling from how hard his tail his wagging, and beg for them to throw him a stick.

Very cute, until you realize that he has no idea that he is not a lap dog and decides to flop his entire body weight into your lap.

Say goodbye to your legs, may they rest in pieces peace 😔

Ren never really worried about himself, fully accepting of all his quirks and flaws, until you came along.

You, who oh-so effortlessly never failed to steal the air out of his lungs with just a smile, you who sent him stumbling over his words and fighting off the urge to just bury his face in your neck and breathe you in.

Honestly, mans is whipped and it is absolute torture for him to hide it when all he wants is to wrap you into a bear hug and claim you as his own.

His instincts agree with his heart, too- making him a little more aggressive, a little more possessive than usual when you’re around the other Hermits.

He tones it down, though. After all, who’s to say that you wouldn’t be weirded out by his more animalistic behavior?

Naturally, though, when the full moon rolls around, it becomes a little bit of a different story when he’s in his more... uninhibited state, fully shifted.

It’s become so common for the other players to see him dutifully following at your heels that they don’t even question it anymore- not even you, who has to actually deal with a giant fluffy wolf man basically mother-henning you for the next twelve hours.

Once he shifts back, he’s more than a little embarrassed when he learns what ‘the mystery wolf’ had gotten into, flushing bright pink as you recount his antics from the night before with an oblivious grin.

“It was so funny, Ren. Poor BDubs was just trying to give me some of his extra cobblestone, but he just ended up getting chased around the build by an absolutely ginormous wolf instead! I couldn’t stop laughing at the end of it.”

“That does sound cool, my dude. Anyhoosle- do you know anything that would make a super awesome apology present? For no reason in particular, of course.”

Lord help this man, he needs saving from himself.

Even though Ren doesn’t want to cross any boundaries (he knows that he could never own you or force you to make any decisions except your own, and he’s a respectful person), he still finds himself becoming jealous when you come over to his base smelling like the other Hermits.

Expect him to practically throw his clothes at you whenever you see him, feeling a quite honestly unreasonable amount of pride whenever he sees you wearing something of his, practically drowning in his cedarwood and pine sap scent.

“Hey Ren, how’s it going-”

“Wear this.”

“What?”

“Wear. This.”

I mean, it’s cute how protective he gets over you, but it’s like- he does know that he’s the only one with a nose sensitive enough to notice that stuff, right?

He’s a little confused, but he’s got the spirit, I guess.

It’ll probably take him a while to work up the guts to confess, being self-conscious about the whole situation, but when he inevitably does it doesn’t take much to assuage his fears 😊

Your days will be filled with plenty of rib-crushing hugs and the usual Ren shenanigans- going along with the latest eccentric character that he invented, helping out with his totally not ominous at all chunk error of a build, and all of the affection that he can smother you in now that he doesn’t have to hide his feelings.

He even goes so far as to intersperse playful nips to your nose and ears with his kisses, unable to stop the lovesick grin that spreads across his face when you try to stifle your giggles.

At night, though, you’re not getting away with wriggling to your end of the bed, no no no: Ren is laying on top of you, one cheek squished against the top of your head, arms wrapped securely around your rib cage, and your legs tangled up together.

He’s only just got you- why would he ever let you go?

[nightcrawlerzincorporated]

i have some more bc now i’m curious about your mysterious least favorite and also i’m enjoying your analyses :)

the gang turns black, charlie has cancer (for the mac/carmen plot line), a lot of charlie gets crippled, the gang gives back, sweet dee’s dating a r person (love the rock band storyline tho), thundergun express

it’s hard for me to say i dislike episodes entirely bc there are always parts i like but yeah as a whole i would say these are in my bottom 20

The Gang Turns Black: disagree. I was shocked to learn this one was so hated honestly. I love musical episodes, and I think all their singing is perfectly fine (I don’t know why people say they sound bad??) and the songs are mostly funny and catchy. And I know people think the Quantum Leap thing is stupid but I like it. I like the idea that the gang are so racist it would take a literal magical scenario for them to learn how to be better. I like that the final message of the episode is the reality of systemic racism and police brutality, but I get that’s heavy for a sunny episode and some people find it tactless and I understand completely if anyone feels that way.

Charlie Has Cancer: agree. Honestly I’ve seen this episode so few times specifically because of that plot line. But because I’ve seen it so few times I barely remember it and so don’t have a big rant prepared. But my biggest take away is—it’s one thing to show the characters being transphobic, because they’re horrible people that’s just what the show is, but when the camera is transphobic that’s just the writers thinking the idea of a trans woman having a penis is funny and expecting the audience to find it funny too. Awful. Honestly maybe this one is my least favorite I’ve just seen it so few times and so long ago it’s hard to even remember for me. I don’t even remember the Charlie plot at all or what Dee was doing if anything.

Charlie Gets Crippled: I think agree depending on what you mean by “a lot of”. The stuff about being in a wheelchair getting them free strippers is stupid and based on the false idea that life is somehow easier for disabled people because of pity (wrong and bad). And pretending to be disabled to get attention does make sense for the characters to think of and again it’d be one thing for the characters to be proven wrong but the episode plays it like they’re right and being disabled does get you adoration which uh. If you’ve ever actually been in public with an assistance device you know how wrong that is. But I like the Dennis and Dee stuff and of course our dear friend Mr Tibbs (RIP). I love the opening where Dennis runs Charlie over in his haste to flee from his shitty dad. I love that Frank is introduced as being “manically depressed” for most of his life—it’s a good way to set up the way he acts throughout the rest of the show. But yeah a lot of bad with the good. I don’t watch it often.

The Gang Gives Back: disagree! I love this episode! The gang are so horrible I think there’s a lot of humor in pairing them up with kids (also why I love Frank Reynolds’ Little Beauties). I love Mac and Dee competing to be head coach and I love the horrible dangerous things they tell the kids to do. I love that Frank “trying to bond” with Dennis turns out to be a ruse for Frank’s gambling, something Dennis doesn’t at all seem surprised by, which says so much about Dennis and Dee’s childhood without even directly mentioning it. I even think Charlie using AA to flirt with The Waitress while she’s only interested in Dennis is funny. And it’s hilarious that Frank chastises Dennis for sleeping with The Waitress when he knew Charlie likes her when Frank did literally the exact same thing lol. Just a very funny one for me I think all the character dynamic are really good and the kids are funny.

Sweet Dee’s Dating a: Agree! You found my least favorite episode! Congratulations! I hate it so much even the band parts and Dennis’ slutty little outfit don’t save it for me, which trust me is saying a lot about how bad the rest of the episode is. It’s just. Ugh. Similar issue as the others where it’s one thing for the characters to be ableist, but the narrative itself is ableist too. And it’s not even funny like. Even the band parts aren’t funny beyond their outfits to me. Yeah the scene of Dennis helping Charlie when he’s upset is cute but even that doesn’t save it for me. It’s hard for me to even think about this episode without my blood pressure rising. It’s both boring and offensive! Worst combo. I’ve watched this one as few times as I’ve watch Charlie has Cancer but this one sticks in my mind more in a bad way which is why I say it’s worse for me but who knows maybe if I rewatched both I’d feel differently. But I don’t want to lol.

Thundergun Express: disagree. This one’s another really funny one to me. The whole “we’ll come back for youuuuu” running gag is great to me every time, I love Frank’s awful boat tour where he just rambles about his chaotic life, I love that they’re all so excited for the dong, I love Mac stealing a motorcycle, failing to drive it, and abandoning it in the middle of the street, I love the sewer (yeah, that’s shit in my hair) and I think Frank calling in a bomb threat because he’s so upset he didn’t make it is a fantastic ending. Dennis’ plot is pretty weak but that’s my only criticism, the rest makes me laugh and there’s a lot of great quotable lines from this one.

[puppypeter]

✨ All fics are complete! ✨

He Loves Me Cause I’m Cute, He Thinks I’m Pretty Funny | 2588 words 📱

He watches it back one more time after it posts, checking for typos in his subtitles and captions, and has to laugh again.

Steve fucking Rogers? His brain thought he could pull Captain America, literal superhero and America’s favorite sweetheart?

“Hello I’m a 35 year old amputee living in New York and I think that I could get Steve Rogers.”

OR

the one where bucky posts a tiktok and steve is utterly smitten.

Summer Slipped Us Underneath Her Tongue | 10712 words 🧳

Bucky is a tour guide who enjoys sharing the rich history and culture of each city they pass through with a bunch of early-20's college students who just want to know the cheapest place to get drunk.

Except for Steve, who asks Bucky for a personal tour around his hometown.

The rest is, as they say, history.

You Make My Heart Skip A Beet | 3853 words 🧑🏼‍🍳

“I made soda bread.” Steve lets out the 6’2” supersoldier equivalent of a squeak. “Oh, I love soda bread,” he says eagerly, rolling forward on the balls of his feet like he does when he gets excited. “My mom used to make it all the time when I was growing up.” The tips of Barnes’s ears turn red, and he mutters something that sounds suspiciously like, “I know.”

Ollie Meets Bagel | 5517 words 🥯

He was a skater boy, Steve said let's get bagels, boy.

Steve wants to start doing this twenty-first century thing properly. He gets help in the form of skateboarding, skateboarders, bagels, and Sam Wilson.

Taxi | 5113 words 🚕

Bucky Barnes was, he hoped, a good taxi driver.

He's so good, he actually tries to return lost property that ends up left in his car and... well. It has some unexpected consequences involving a National Icon.

Enough said.

Leg Day | 12157 words 🏋️‍♂️

“So talk to him,” Sam says.

“I can’t,” Bucky groans. “I can’t, Sam, I. He just.” He fluffs his hair up and stares at Sam, distraught. “I want him to bench press me.”

“Okay, so it’s serious,” Sam interprets. “Got it."

(Or: The one where Sam is Bucky's long-suffering roommate, Bucky is a hot mess of a millennial, and Hot Steve spends far too much time on the Lat Pull-Down machine.)

Love In Aisle Four | 2127 words 🛍️

When Bucky needs to swing by the supermarket after a long, hard day of work, the last thing he expects is to meet a cute grocery clerk named Steve…

Coming Up Easy | 45515 words ✍🏻

“Listen, I was just thinking,” Steve says, his face open, eyebrows raised in a tentatively hopeful expression. “Why don’t you come stay at my place for a while? I’ve got an office that I barely use, and a change of scenery might do you good, right? Help you beat that writer’s block?” With a crooked smile, he adds, “I promise I’m not a serial killer.”

While Bucky would normally crack a joke about how that’s exactly what a serial killer would say, right now, all he can do is blink at Steve in surprise, heart tripping over itself in his chest. Steve wants him to come and stay at his place. In Massachusetts. Just the two of them.

"Oh," Bucky croaks. "I- Wow."

“I mean, no pressure,” Steve says hastily. “Totally fine if you don’t wanna. I just thought I’d offer, in case it might help, y’know?”

“Yeah.” Bucky ignores the little voice in his head that sounds an awful lot Nat and Becca, telling him he’s setting himself up for heartbreak. “I mean, if you’re sure, that would be amazing.”

Anywhere The Wind Blows | 8845 words 👨‍🚒🎖️

After a catastrophic fire that shakes him to his core, Steve Rogers quits his job as a Brooklyn firefighter and relocates to a cabin in the remote Canadian wilderness, wanting quiet and solitude and to maybe never have to speak to another human being ever again. He gets his wish, more or less, until a recently injured Bucky Barnes is discharged from the Army and rents the cabin next door.

The Safer Course | 7918 words | Part 1 of Won’t You Be My Neighbor 🏡

When Steve moves to the suburbs in 2033, he intends to retire from superhero life.

He does not intend to fall in love with his pain-in-the-ass neighbor.

Every Year I Have You | 7064 words | Part 2 of Won’t You Be My Neighbor 🏡

Steve set the bar pretty high, as birthday presents go.

Bucky is determined to outdo him when July 4th comes around.

Beneath The Mistletoe | 21203 words 🎄

Bucky had a bet with his sister that if he didn’t have a boyfriend to bring home for Christmas by the time he was 25, he had to give her $200 and go blonde for a year. But now he's 25, it’s nearing December, and not only is Bucky as single as ever, but he’s also running low on cash. He doesn’t exactly want to bleach his hair, either.

At least Steve is willing to upgrade their relationship from best friends to fake boyfriends.

The Settler | 52203 words 🍞

“What do you want to do?”

Steve pauses and looks at them.

What he wants is to stay with them. He doesn't have any family left, they all died before he even joined the war and became... this. Captain America turned whatever he is now. But Natasha and Sam have become his family over the years. Not just because they're on the run together, fugitives and vigilantes, but way before that too.

He doesn't want to leave that.

But he knows that, realistically, he can't stay with them and they can't stay with him.

So he looks at them with a smile and lies. “I don't know.”

OR; In which Steve retires and finally finds a place to call home.

You Can’t Put Your Arms Around A Memory | 1148 words 🐈

"Alright, Bucky," Steve slows his steps, watches his neighbour stop at the bottom of the next flight of stairs. There's a canvas bag in his hand that Steve didn't notice earlier, cream coloured with the figure of a sleeping, black cat painted on it. "Have a good day."

He thinks Bucky's cheeks pink up a bit right then and there, but Steve can't tell. He's too distracted by his pounding, foolish heart, by the way Bucky smiles bashfully, and ducks his head. The way he seems like he wants to stay.

To Believe In Tomorrow | 3959 words 👨🏻‍🌾

Bucky's mornings at the community garden get a little more interesting when the new guy shows up.

Maybe This Christmas | 24873 words | Part 1 of Maybe ❄️

Bucky’s not going home for Christmas. But it’s fine. He’s spending Christmas alone in his apartment, but it’s cool. He’s not feeling up to seeing his family after his accident anyway, plus he has to work. He’s totally fine with it. But then he runs into Steve, literally, and suddenly his Christmas isn’t looking so empty after all.

-----

Hurrying was a bad idea. Bucky’s foot hits a patch of ice and slides out from under him in what would have been a comical cartoon banana-peel-like trip, if it wasn’t happening to him, and he braces himself to hit the ground. This is going to hurt.

“Fuck,” Bucky screeches, but as he lands on his back, it’s not the cold hard concrete he expected, but a solid mass beneath him. Oh god, Bucky thinks as he realises he smacked into the person behind him and took them down with him.

Maybe This Year (Will Be Better Than Last) | 133868 words | Part 2 of Maybe ❄️

Last year, Bucky Barnes met Steve Rogers. Well actually, he slipped and fell on him. What followed was the best Christmas either of them had ever had. But what happens when Christmas is over and life returns to normal? What happens after the Christmas miracle?

-----

Bucky should have known. He did know. When things seem too good to be true, they usually are. And Steve is the best thing that has happened to him in a long time, possibly ever, so of course it couldn’t last.

Maybe This Time (I Hope I Get The Chance To Say Goodbye) | 34561 words | Part 3 of Maybe ❄️

Steve and Bucky Barnes are happily married. They've made it through some hard times and come out stronger and happier, together. Then Steve gets called on to come out of retirement for the most important mission of his life and everything changes. Everything.

-----

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas…” Steve starts singing along softly, and Bucky chuckles, before leaning his head onto Steve’s shoulder, always happy when he’s in Steve’s arms.

“From now on, our troubles will be miles away…” Bucky joins in.

Dancing round their living room, just as in love as ever, their troubles seem light-years away, if not non-existent.

Sadly, they’re closer than they think.

The Unexpected Gift | 9504 words | Part 1 of When Winter Comes 🐕

Steve Rogers is fine.

After ending a long-term relationship with Sam Wilson, Steve moves back to New York. He's tired and lonely but depressed? No. At least, that's what he thinks.

From the window of his apartment, he watches a dark-haired man and his service dog sitting in the park, wondering what his story is.

The Winter Storm | 2218 words | Part 2 of When Winter Comes 🐕

"If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability you see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realize how special you are to me."

After Bucky and Steve confessed their feelings for each other, life has its own twisted way to challenge the most profound love.

One January Night | 4213 words | Part 3 of When Winter Comes 🐕

Before going back to work, Steve Rogers still has things to learn: 1- Depression is a bitch and the battle against it isn't an easy one. 2- Dating a person with disabilities comes with its share of challenges.

Bucky Barnes Has His Shit Together (And Other Lies He Tells Himself) | 14159 words 🔒

You’d think a guy who owns one of the most successful bakeries in Brooklyn, has a million-dollar smile and that antiquated good ol’ boy charm, blond hair and blue eyes and biceps for days, would know what’s what.

But don’t let that fool you: Steve Rogers is a mess.

Obvious | 917 words ☕

"Oh, I have a prompt! So, it makes me laugh how painfully obvious Steve and Bucky's feelings are to everyone when they're in that pining, slowburn, does-he-doesn't-he phase. But imagine Steve and Bucky working in a coffee shop together and constantly bickering, nudging and playfully flirting with each other. And all the employees and patrons are so invested in their relationship and just want them to kiss already but no one realizes that Steve and Bucky have been married since they got out of HS."