#like taking care of someone else always makes me take better care of myself

[redshift-starfire]

You got me reminiscing about my last job. I worked at a candy store that was in the middle of the city center, so there were a good number of homeless people around, especially considering that the homeless population in my city had been steadily increasing over the past few years (the local government seems to be making things actively worse in a lot of cases)

Some of the other workers treated them awfully, calling them subhuman, wanting them to "just go somewhere else" and avoiding them at all costs. Others were at least empathetic to them, and most were indifferent. Occasionally people would come in and ask for stuff, water most of the time, and every time unless there was a regional manager actively breathing down my neck I would take the risk and just give it to them. Even if we mostly sell sugary trash that isn't considered a "bare necessity", they still deserve a treat. Especially if they're sitting outside hungry and dehydrated right next to a place that's plentiful of food and water that tourists easily pay over $50 for without a second thought

I was both a cashier and a kitchen worker so I a lot of times if we had extra stock or bad batches or spare ingredients I would be given the option to take it for myself (as well as anything else I wanted so long as I was sneaky with it). Every time someone made chocolate covered pretzels, there would always be at least a whole bag's worth of broken pretzels left over that would otherwise be thrown away. After the end of my shifts, sometimes I would go and donate any money I could (I got a lot of cash tips so the amount would usually be $5-10) along with a little treat or pretzels if I had enough to share. And then I'd take the opportunity to just have a nice conversation with them if they were open to it. I've never been homeless myself but considering everything I know about it and all the close calls I've had with it, I know how just meeting someone who cares can go a long way. Money is one thing and food is another, but it can be so easy to lose faith in humanity when you're forced to live like that. I struggle with it even with a bed to sleep in. So many of people I've met were apologizing while asking for bare sustainance and trying to spend money they didn't have. The withholding of essential survival is so normalized for them that they can't do anything without feeling like a burden; like feeling like they're doing something wrong

So I show them that there are people who think more highly of them, who can remind them that they do deserve better, and that the world isn't as indifferent to them as it may seem. We'd talk about music and share stories. Discuss shared struggles and mental illness. I'd listen to what they had to say, cause I know so few people would give them the time. They were great and insightful conversations, even with my social anxiety. Every time they'd thank me I'd say that it's the least I could do, because it really was

It sucks that I got laid off from that job. As much as I hated it, being able to help people in that small way and contributing to that community did soften the experience a bit. I hope those people are doing ok

When I was 19-21 years old living on the streets in california the people who cared for me the most were never the people who could care for me comfortably. It was never the channels that were intended to or designed to help me. Not my dad or my local government or anyone with the authority to make things happen. It was my friend's stoner mom who got by on community aid who made me the best damn lentil soup ill ever have (no really that ruined the dish for me nothing has ever come close to that soup) and let me sleep on her floor. It was my ex who hated my guts but still set me up with toiletries when i needed them. It was the father of a classmate who met me by coincidence one time in a park and brought me home to share taco night together. It was the barista who got in trouble for giving me free coffee. It was the other homeless person who I shared some candy with who gave me his blanket. It was the randos at the bar who brought me to get stitches one night. The have-nots have always had more to give than people who believe themselves in a position of power. You can pick any one ivy league graduate and they will have a sob story for you. They will have excuses for why they don't care. They're scared and gormless and it'll take a hell of a lot to make me care about them. I guess what I'm trying to say is that as much as everything sucks and we're all fucked over every day, nothing can ever impede your own actions more than the feeling that you cannot make an impact. The initiative needed to make the world a better place lurks in everyone, it's your responsibility to nourish it. Volunteer somewhere, talk to someone on a bad day, give people the time of day to explain themselves. When you can, reach out to help someone. And when you can't, don't ignore them. Be kind to your friends and neighbors. It's literally always been and will always be about community. I love every one of you truly.

[stelyost]

broken promises

I'm always grateful and humbled for those who are still interested and looking out for my work, characters, despite being fragmented + incomplete stories. It's something I never take for granted, especially given my wavering activity over the last decade. in recent years, I had loosely spoken about possible promises towards varied project commitments or releases (whether it was my comics, ESCkey, Division 0, or my UTAU voicebanks, or potential other things? I tend to not have the best memory of what I say, BUT I'm quite cognizant of the fact that I've promised things and did not follow up. )

At the time, those statements were said largely with the hope that they’d push me forward and finish things; because someone out there is waiting for it.

however, that largely backfired and transformed into empty promises. It is something I'm truly not proud of, because I want to be a man of my word, and I simply haven't been. Failing to do so has weighed on me and had made things worse.

Truth is, I barely had the capacity to create. I grappled with health issues for several years - not just physical, but my mental health was in far worse straits than I had even realized.

I was going through a massive, layered amount of burnout from a mix of work and the impact of several major life events, and I had no realization of the full extent of how bad it was until I truly healed from it. Extenuating life events have piled up like a massive intersection multi-car wreck, compounding more and more damage.

While I had rationally acknowledged that they deeply impacted me, I didn't allow myself the proper space to step away and take a hiatus, thinking I still had to "perform" and put myself out there for fans. I thought forcing myself to do my personal works would make me happy, but I wasn't happy.

I was truthfully hating most of the things I drew or made, and everything felt like a chore. I was always dragging my feet to create. The stuff I was able to put out over recent years was an uphill, excruciating battle. I was struggling within the process of my own work. I didn't genuinely like a lot of the stuff I was producing.

Over the past few years, I've put in a significant amount of work to recover, get various avenues of professional help/treatment, and rebuild myself.

I had a ton of personal realizations about myself that built up over time, and recently, significant creative revelations. Recently, (actually just last month) I also overcame a significant blockage of my own that had originally sucked all the joy out of drawing for me. After that, I actually now love to draw again. It feels effortless and light and fun now, like it was for me in the past.

I had not felt that in so long.

I’m in a better place now. A far better place. I’ve been working silently and diligently through things, and for the first time in a long, long time, I feel lighter, clear-headed, and above all else, genuinely happy. These words don't come lightly.

For anyone who happens to read this and still looks out for my work, I am very grateful for your support and interest, even when I faltered. I will far more be careful with the words I say, and hopefully, there will really be more content soon.

[napping-sapphic]

No but listen if we were dating i could inspire you to do your daily mental health walk when you don’t want to which would also force me to do MY daily mental health walk when i don’t want to it’s a win/win situation absolutely no downsides

[sacrificial-lamb-please]

Is safety on? 4

@honey-floret took the decision!

The only sensible choice is to cooperate now. I have a gigantic indestructible bundle of vines in front of me, that for some reason is nice to me. She could do whatever she wants to me, but she's nice. I need to listen to her.

"What do you think Petal? I promise that you'll wake up in a comfy bed"

I need to do this. I put hands on my rebreather preparing to take it of. She's not lying. She has my best interest in mind. After years in Navy I need to believe that someone does.. Everything is better than the navy

I take the rebreather off and breathe them in

"I trust you"

I'm laying in a gigantic bed filled with colourful pillows and plushies, showing creatures so weird that I never even imagined something like that. I feel warmth and comfort that I haven't felt in years. I feel weirdly rested, but i don't remember how i got here. Room around me is really peculiar. It's simply gigantic. Twenty feet high ceilings with enough foom for eight bunkbeds. Walls look as if they were made out of light, high quality wood. Who has enough money for such luxuries? Maybe I died and that's heaven?

When i try to to sit up I realise, that a leaflike cuff is wrapped around my right upper arm. It seems that it's not heaven. I am in custody of the Affini. Why am I capitalising their name in my head? Let's ignore that for now..

I try to take the cuff off not sure what it even is. It peels surprisingly easily. When I try to identify its purpose i feel a weird genderless voice speak to me.

"Nice to see you wake up little one. You've been so adorable since Rana brought you here! I'm Ave Tera, it/its eleventh bloom. How are you feeling?"

I look at the weird creature. It looks differently than the first one I saw. First one looked like a vaguely connected net of vines, yet this one looks like a ten feet tall humanlike basket made out of sticks. Tera is decorated with big violet flowers, that fall from it on vines looking like garlands

"i... i'm fine... pretty rested..."

That big creature looks at me as I'm trying to find words to say

"Are you confused little one? I hope the plushies brought you some comfort"

I look at it and then at the plushies and then back at it

"I'm pretty confused... i will be honest, i know nothing about your species.. i don't know why do you treat me so well... and thank you for the plushies? I'm not a kid"

"Not being a kid doesn't stop one from enjoying soft and adorable creatures! If it did i would be one. Many species have objects of high importance. Terran ones are the most adorable out of all that I saw. I made those in your bed myself. I like your traditional handcrafting, even though i do more of vine crafting than anything else"

It talks with weird enthusiasm. It seems that it's Ave's subject of interest. It's weird to see one of those gigantic aliens like something like that.

"Coming back to the confusion, I'll give you some basic information. You are under the care of the Affini Compact. You are currently on a small affini ship headed to a terraforming space station, that's preparing another world for little one's like you. At this moment you're in my veterinary clinic"

"Veterinary? You mean a doctor?"

"I take care of all the little ones, not only humans. Translators found that the veterinarian fits better meaning wise."

I think about the fact that I've been downgraded to a simple animal. Then i remembered that I've always been an animal, and that's just the terra conditioning speaking

"okay... So... why are we heading there?"

"I was going there to meet my friends and maybe find some cutie to take care of"

I don't know how but that basket looks sad for a second

"Rana goes there to continue studying humans. You all seem to be her hiperfixation. She's a great affini, but sometimes not so good with schedules"

Ave giggles a little making all of her woven sticks rub, making a pretty wooden sound. It's similar to branches moved by wind. It's been so long since i heard that

"There is also Amarylis. He led the rescue mission on your ship. to be honest he caught all of them but you. I hope you'll get to meet him soon. For now he's busy with less cooperative parts of your crew"

I look at Tera with terror in my eyes after hearing that last part

"what... what is he doing to them?.."

"He's trying to calm them down. Don't worry little one. We do not hurt sophonts. We hurt no one. They just need a little help in the beginning of their wardship. Can I ask you for your pronouns?"

"Ze/Zir"

I answer before thinking. The doll like face smiles hearing that, so I feel comfortable enough to continue

"What.. is.. wardship?.."

I ask unsure if I can. I'm still not sure what is allowed here and what is not. I am scared of breaking some taboo or something.

"Glad to finally know your pronouns! They are different from the ones we found on your ship. I will correct this terrible mistake after I stop talking with you."

It calmed me down greatly. They are not as bigoted as I was worried they are

"Wardship is when an Affini takes care of a sophont for some time helping them acclimate to the life in Affini Compact. Thinking about it you still don't have one. You've been really cooperative, so I think it won't be hard to help you get used to new life. You can choose Me, Rana or Amarylis. We are all on the top of the list of volunteers that wanted to take care of you. You can of course choose someone else instead. It's your choice. Would you like to talk more with me, or get to meet the other two a little bit better?"

What should I do? Who should i choose first? Help me decide in the comments

Is safety on?

The sound of vines piercing the armour of TCN PINE is terrifying. Gigantic sheets of almost indestructible alloys peeled off like a synthcube wrapper, followed with the sound of their spores being injected into the hull like some kind of terrifying narcotic. I barely managed to put my rebreather on. I think the only think that saved me from their terrifying spores were the clogged up vents. Now there is the only one thing left. I get my never used handgun out. Looking at it trying to remember the non existing training i went through two years ago. I think its now in the... safe mode? How to call that. Click. Okay. It should work now right? "I can fight." I look around remembering that I'm currently on the toilet. The only place that i can have any privacy. "So now I'll die alone.." What should I do? Hide? Fight? Something else... No one ever managed to even nick one of them. Why would my shitty gun be any different?... "Hello petal~ My scanner tells me that there is sign of life in this room. I know that Terrans are pretty shy with their physiological needs, so I'll give you some time to take care of yourself. Don't make me wait though!" Terrifyingly enthusiastic voice of someone that is DEFINITELY not a part of my crew. Why do they sound like that? Are they happy? Are they mocking me?

What should I do? I look at the gun with many ideas, not knowing which one of them is the right one Please tell me

[outer-edges]

r/regretfulparents is my hellscape. i know most of them are just going through hard times and venting and probably don't actually regret it but like. i genuinely think motherhood would be my most awful prison. the whole sub is like the scariest horror game the internet has to offer for me.

[flowachild]

one thing I’ve learned is that as long as you’re alive it’s always gonna be something

[pears-trinkets]

.

[radiotorn]

having to restrain from saying anything when my dad dares to say that men get paid LESS than women. in what world. are you out of your fucking mind old man.

[starkeyisthelastname]

OHHH ANOTHER THOUGHT!!!!!!!

idk how the porn community works HALSJKS but if its a thing to like ….. ship them ig??? … how would rafe react to r’s video with another dude being posted on twitter (maybe the first vid she’s made since her vid with rafe) and everyone’s in the comments being like “omg yas this is so hot!!!” “omg this is so much better than her and rafe!!” BALJEKS IDK

the first time someone’s talked negatively about him and it’s actually effected him 😅 he doesn’t like this ego being bruised

It was rare that Rafe checked social media, he just didn’t care about what people thought. He was pornstar and was used to being judged for his career choice and especially for the brutal way he fucked his costars. It was the Twitter notification he got though, with his name and your name tagged along with someone else’s who he didn’t know that caught his attention.

He opened the video, his blue eyes darkening as soon as he saw what it was. It was some nobody with a dick half the size of his, trying to make you cum. He could tell by the moans you were giving that it was all an act, and it ignited something in him he didn’t like. Watching another man fuck you, even if it was your job wasn’t something he particularly was a fan of. He had always loved pussy and money, and never once thought of ever quitting his rather successful porn career for anyone, until you started occupying his mind all day every day. He just couldn’t bring himself to end it yet, his addiction to sex and money way too deep.

As he went to exit out the app, a comment caught his eye. “Wow. She’s a pro at taking dick.” He scoffed as he read it out loud. What dick were you takin? That clown was the size of a pinky compared to him. It was the next one down that had his head raging in a way he had never experienced. ‘Her and @therafecameron video was weak compared to this. 🤣’ He seethed, these stupid idiots comments getting to him and bruising his extremely high ego. His knee bounced rapidly, thumb at the edge of his mouth as his mind raced wildly.

It was the phone, turned into landscape mode as Rafe’s long arm aimed it down to let it capture you taking dick. His free hand was wrapped in your hair, yanking your head back as he drilled into you at a brutal speed. The makeup you had on was smeared, tears streaming down your sparkly cheeks as he had some point to prove. He didn’t exactly say what, but it was a chance to get fucked by the man you were becoming obsessed with.

“Who’s fucking dick are you takin?” Rafe asked, his voice dripping venom as he yanked your head to make you look at him. His blue eyes, peered down at you in a predatory manner as he forced you to give him an answer.

The answer you gave was incoherent, your words coming out in babbles as an insane amount of pleasure was taking over your body. Your eyes rolled back, his huge dick tearing you apart as he wrapped his fist around your hair even harder. The phone that was recording the raw homemade scene was now shoved in your face, his hand on your head forcing you to look at the lens.

You were still so pretty, completely cock drunk off his monstrous ways as you were being his good personal whore. He leaned down, mustache brushing over your ear as he looked at the camera. It was quite a sexy sight to see his wild hair and striking blue iris’s making eye contact with the phone. “Tell them who’s dick your fuckin takin.” He spoke lowly, eyes watching your face through the screen. “Don’t make me repeat myself, I swear you’ll fucking regret it.” He gritted out, toned hips slapping against yours.

You cried out, his hand removing itself from your head to force your chin to look at the camera. You had no choice but to let out a loud whine, screaming the man’s name that you just wanted as yours. “Rafe Cameron! I’m t-takin Rafe Cameron’s dick!” Your voice cracking as you clamped down onto his cock.

As soon as heard that, a smirk came to his face and his nuts tightened. He tilted your chin towards him, sloppily kissing you with his tongue as the camera caught something Rafe never did with anyone. If the kissing wasn’t enough to make people a little shocked, it was that he posted it to his Twitter account, caption reading ‘The only dick that can get her screaming 😱 remember the fucking name bitches.’

[stsgooo]

Look at Him.

✩࿐ summary: your attempts at reentering the dating scene is foiled by your ex-husband.

warning(s): past relationship, clingy!gojo, ex-husband!gojo, co-parenting situation, crack fic. wc; 1.6k

pairing(s): gojo satoru x fem!reader

a/n: this is purely just a goof fic because i've put nothing but angst out there so far sooo have a laugh. hope yall enjoy :3

“So, what do you do for a living?”

"A teacher."

"Oh, wow! What grade, subject?"

"Uh, highschoolers and the subject kinda varies on the day."

"Like a substitute teacher?"

"Um....sure, yeah! Substitute teacher."

"That's awesome. Mad respect, kids can be demons."

You were quickly discovering that the dating field had changed in the five years that you had been married. An endless back and forth about what someone did, what's their favorite color, what's their hobbies. Boring questions that you would ask your students on the first day was used in over the table date conversation. Until, until, they got to that question they so desperately wanted to ask.

Would you want to take this back to my—

There was a vibration against your thigh as your date started to go onto a monologue about how much he disliked kids. In all honesty, you couldn't really remember his name. The introductions had been awkward and a little nerve wracking�� you were almost sure he had no idea who you were either.

You tugged your phone out of your pocket and resisted the audible sigh that threatened to leave you when you saw the notification.

Satoru please tell me why my beautiful, radiant, amazing, intelligent daughter just said her mommy is on a date. feeling sick to my stomach, don't tell me this is true.

You rolled your eyes. Your ex-husband had always been so overdramatic. His main focus was always on the bit that could come from a situation. However, this was a quality you do used to admire about him. His ability to make any situation seem like it was a funny happenstance that you'd never encounter again.

Now, it was nothing more than a nuisance.

Satoru oh my god, you left me on read. it's true. it's true. i hope you know i just threw up. i threw up everywhere. i might die. at least, tell me he's ugly. please god let him to be ugly.

A sigh, you typed out the quickest message you could without your date asking what's wrong.

You I hope you're not ignoring said daughter to ask me about some date. I'll be home later, please refrain from texting me.

You were about to set your phone down when another text came through. This one appeared to more distraught than the last.

Satoru o h your tone. it's over. it's really over. i might just kill myself this is the worst night of my life. y/n, i'm genuinely feeling sick. please, is he ugly? he must be boring because you're texting back.

You were almost inclined to remind Satoru you both had been divorced for a year already. That this was bound to happen and you two had, in fact, spoken about it months into the divorce. You had played with some 'what if's and there was a mutual agreement that the other wouldn't get jealous and be dramatic about the other getting in a relationship whenever the time comes. It was a surprisingly adult conversation.

You should've known better when Satoru proudly proclaimed he didn't care who you got involved with.

You Satoru, we talked about this. We're adults and we're divorced. Please bother someone else, like Suguru.

Satoru i don't wanna talk to suguru. i wanna talk to youuu (;﹏;) i can't believe you've done this. ten years. ten years of loyalty. im sick to my stomach.

You You asked for the divorce.

"Is everything okay?"

You eyes snapped up from your phone and towards your date. He had the good grace to be wearing a relatively concerned expression, eyeing you wearily.

You quickly tucked your phone back into your pocket, ignoring the insistent vibrations it gave to smile apologetically. "I'm sorry, my daughter had an accident and I had to, you know, send a quick text to her babysitter." It was easier to explain away a daughter than it was a clingy ex-husband who was well in his dissent into insanity. Really, you were doing this guy a favor keeping him in the dark.

However, his face still paled and he straightened. "You have a kidI'm so, so sorry. I just went on a two minute rant about how much kids are equivalent to demons." He seemed to spiral as he pressed his hands against his face, uttering curses to himself. "I get so nervous with these dates. I truly meant nothing by it."

You smiled in amusement, "It's no problem, really. I'm not exactly disagreeing." He peeked from between his fingers and blinked at you dumbly. "Just because I'm a parent doesn't mean I don't agree. I mean, my kid can be a bit much sometimes. I love her, but she's a lot like her dad in that way."

It always made your chest blossom. The way Saori was a carbon copy of Satoru. From the rambunctious personality, to the piercing blue eyes, and white hair. Your genes hadn't won in the battle, but you were almost grateful. Satoru tried to tell you that she had your smile and your wit, but you weren't entirely convinced. She was Satoru and Satoru was her.

You were extremely lucky that he was a good dad.

"Oh? Do you mind me asking if her dad's still around?" His tone was indication enough: a daughter and an ex of some kind was pushing it for him.

You tensed up, feeling deep regret already. "Uh, yeah." His eyes shifted away and you reached forward, taking his hand. "But, he's not, like, crazy or anything! He's just a good dad."

Your date chuckled nervously. "I-I just don't want to get involved in some, um, some family dynamic."

You thought it was a little presumptuous of him to think this would go that far, or he'd get in the way. But you were too focused on defusing the situation.

"Oh, no, it's not like that! We've got a healthy balance, y'know? He does his piece, I do mine— that's it!"

He scrunched his face. "So... an open relationship?"

"No!" You press your hands against your face with a huff. "No, we're not together anymore. We just co-parent."

He opened his mouth to further question you when your phone vibrated very audibly. His eyebrows raising. "Your daughter?"

You sighed. "Please give me one moment."

With jerky movements, you pull your phone from your pocket. The assortment of messages that came where spread over the ten minutes you decided to ignore him.

Satoru okay, you've got me there. but my big heart is breaking. i hope he's ugly and he smells. okay, i spoke with suguru and he said i'm an idiot who should apologize. in my defense, i'm a little itty bitty drunk. and no, saori is not awake. papa put her to bed before bringing out the whiskey. im so sorry my beautiful deity. that not ugly, not smelly man is so lucky to be in your presence and i hope you have a good date. also i hope he gets hit my a car. (＾▽＾)

You I'm going to kill you with my bare hands. Genuinely, count your days, Gojo Satoru.

Satoru hot, hot, hot!!! (●´□`)♡ did he actually get hit by a car?

You Is there something you want?

Satoru him dead. and you home :((((

You You don't want me home. I swear to god, if you're on my couch, drinking when I get home, I will ruin your life.

Satoru promise??? ╰(✿´⌣`✿)╯♡ but, actually, i wanted to ask your opinion on something

You For real?

Satoru for realsies. [Image Attachment]

Completely blinded by your irritation, you don't even hesitate to open the picture as it loads. Although you regret it the moment it does.

It's a picture of Satoru. He's at what seems to be the beach (must've been the fun activity him and Saori were going to join Suguru for), his sunglasses were on the top of his head, and he was grinning at the picture. One hand was resting against his pectoral and the veins in his hand was prominent. An obvious attempt at being charming and flirtatious. It was working too.

If it weren't for the fact that you knew him and were his ex, you might've just swooned.

"Oh, my god, is that him?" Your date was staring at your phone with wide eyes. His face even more pale than before. He started to shake his head as he stood, snatching his jacket from the back of his chair. "No way. I am not getting involved! I'm sorry, you're a nice woman, but I know when I'm not winning. And I'm definitely not winning against that."

Your eyes widened considerably, "What? No! Please don't leave. He's an idiot, I swear there's nothing—"

"He is... a hunk. I am not. In no shape or form am I at all comparable to that. Look—" He reached forward, grabbing your phone and holding the picture up to be beside his face. "Look at the difference! Model who has won Japan's hottest man at least eight times before he's 30 to me— Look at him!"

"It's not even like that!" You snatched your phone back and stared at him in frustration. "He's my ex, I do not want him!"

He waved his hands in front of your face. "I know how this will go. You think you like me and then your super hot and super sexy ex-whatever makes you realize the familiarity is good. Then I get dumped." He straightened, latching his hands onto the lapels of his jacket. "I just realized I am a side character. In my own life. Goddammit."

He barely glanced at you as he paid for the dinner, then left as quickly as he could. Still, you didn't even know his name.

Satoru oooo taking you awhile to respondddd still in love with me? (人◕ω◕)

[milkoomi]

finding & knowing your worth. ᥫ᭡

i wanted to take some time and talk about self-worth. this is something that was extremely difficult for me to find and realize for myself, but as i look back on my life and reflect on my growth, i’ve found myself truly knowing my own worth. of course, i still have those days that are more difficult than others, but i’ve been able to quickly pick myself back up. why? because i know my worth. i want to share a few things that have helped me realize that for myself, so i hope this post is able to enlighten you. ㅤ♡

let’s begin …

୨ৎ — lose interest in outsider opinions

in simpler terms: stop caring. i kept asking myself, “why do i care so much about what others are thinking of me?” and then i came across a couple quotes where one said, “if you wouldn’t trust their advice, why would you take their criticism?” and the other said, “i would never want to trade lives with someone who hates me.” those two quotes really stuck with me because it reminded me that those people who didn’t have a good opinion of me were the same people i needed to stop caring about.

so what if someone didn’t like me? that person is either no longer a part of my life (for good reason) or they don’t know me in the ways that my loved ones or my own self do, so why should what they have to say or think about me matter?

i knew myself better than anyone, so whatever anyone had to say about me shouldn’t have bothered me, and i let it stop bothering me. i also realized that as my day goes on and i find myself not thinking about what someone said, i tell myself that it wasn’t even worth a single thought in the first place because, clearly, it doesn’t bother me anymore!

if it won’t matter to you in 5 years, don’t continue to give it any more of a meaning.

୨ৎ — stop seeking validation

to piggyback off of my previous point, seeking outside validation is 1. not worth your time and 2. pointless. other people should never be the ones who define your worth. you have to seek validation from yourself. nobody else has a right to tell you whether or not you’re worthy.

i was always looking for validation from others, and it made my own journey to finding myself even more difficult. there were so many different opinions about me that i kept hearing, and it made me feel lost. it felt like i was getting further and further from truly discovering myself and feeling like i was worth something.

i had to pretty much force myself to seek validation within myself rather than from anyone else. it was hard, but the longer i kept searching for some kind of worth to others the more miserable and empty i felt.

୨ৎ — self reflection

time to bring out that journal, babe. we’re going to write about ourselves.

no, seriously, take some time to reflect on yourself. look within yourself and understand yourself a bit more. getting to know yourself and taking the time to focus on yourself can help you figure some things out and even bring you one step closer to truly knowing your worth.

prompts for reflection:

what are 3 characteristics about your personality do you like about yourself? why?

what are your strengths? how do those things about you make you a better person?

what’s your favorite thing(s) about you? how would they compare to what a loved one would say about you?

what are the things that weigh you down? what can you do to lift that weight off your shoulders?

how have you changed within the last 3 years? what about you has changed that you’re really proud of?

self reflection has helped me grow so much. i’ve learned so many new things about myself and it’s helped appreciate myself way more. you’ll be surprised at all the things you find about yourself, and guess what? one of those things will be your own worth.

୨ৎ — surround yourself with positivity

the people who you surround yourself with will play a huge role in how you feel about yourself. i spent too many years surrounded by people who made me feel like i was never enough, and i continued to keep the same kind of people around. i was sick of it. i was tired of being mistreated and feeling betrayed. those people made me feel miserable and they only ever brought me down rather than lifted me up.

even the media i consumed didn’t help me. i was always so focused on comparing myself to those instagram models and tiktok girls who looked nothing like me, and it made me feel worse about myself. even watching videos or shows that brought me down made my esteem drop too.

it’s important to surround yourself with people and media that make you feel good, that lift you up, and that help you feel confident because that kind of good treatment is what you deserve! you shouldn’t have to submit yourself to negativity, it only makes you feel worse and it’ll continue to get worse the longer you keep those things and people around.

now that i have people in my life that make me feel genuinely loved and cared for, i feel like i can offer that same energy those people give me to myself! it really makes a huge difference who your close circle consists of, so make sure those people are people who are genuinely and unconditionally there for you.

୨ৎ — final notes

if you do need a reminder: you are worthy, and you always have been! finding and knowing your own worth is no easy feat, but the journey you’ll go on to discover it and implement it into your life will be so extremely worth it. i promise!

you will always be more than enough, and i hope you can continue to remind yourself of that. treat yourself with genuine love and kindness, and don’t ever take yourself for granted. you have achieved so much and you have so many things to offer in life. you may not see it now, but once you do, you’ll see just how beautiful and bright your own light is.

with lots of love, faustina 🌷

[livinggxd3adgirl]

Sukuna yearning for you back.. (part 1)

“Sukuna, that's your 6th shot. I think you're drunk enough” Urames worried voice hit Sukuna like a drum constantly going with no end in sight.

“I want to be black out drunk before she comes to get me” Sukuna downs another shot. His tab is only getting longer and pricey. Sukuna had one simple plan.

have you back in his arms where you belonged.

He lost you. That’s his fault and his alone. He was too dumb and immature to see that his angel truly was his only saving grace in this cruel world. First, sukuna thought that getting you gifts upon gifts and just bugging you would do something. It didn’t. So he started spam calling and texting you like you guys had never broken up. Though he knew he deserved the cold shoulder, it still hurt to see what his words and actions could do to his sweet angel.

So started the operation ”play the hopeless maiden.” (In yujis words)

A simple plan, really. Get Sukuna so drunk to the point he can barely see or think about anything else, but call you so you can take him home so Sukuna could talk to you and bring you back home. Easy, right? WRONG Sukuna got way too drunk way too fast. His sight blurry as you shuffled him into your car and drove off. He was practically seeing stars in his drunken state. But Sukuna knew that he only had one chance or else you would be gone like the wind again.

Fast forward to now…

He saw the panic in your eyes. Gloss painting over them. That’s when he knew he had you in the palm of his hand. All his again.

“Listen angel.. I know I was cruel, but these past months made me realize so much” sukuna thumbed at the tear that was already escaping your glassy eyes. How Sukuna missed this. Not being broken up or your tears, but the intimacy of it all. You sat there practically holding your ribs open, letting him see your heart. And so was he. Sukuna was never known for being gentle and vulnerable. But right now? He was letting you cut his chest open for dissection. He didn’t care at all because you deserved it. All of him is yours. His body, his mind, and soul.

“If you don’t want to be with me, okay.. you deserve better. But I, Ryomen Sukuna, will never leave you alone. Even if you get married to someone else, have kids and a house on the hill” His confession made you giggle through your tears and sniffles. “I’m ready to give you that and all more angel. I’m ready to bare myself out to you. I just want another chance.”

“Jeez kuna, you always knew how to make me cry” Even at a time like this, you tried joking.

“So.. Do I get another chance?” Sukunas sly smirk told you that he already knew the answer. But he meant it when he said that he was changing.

“Shut up and kiss me kuna”

MADE BY LIVINGGXD3ADGIRL

omg guys thank you so much for 1k likes. That genuinely warmed my heart so so so much. Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated

[joonjuul]

fallen angel is so good wow it's like god answered my prayer because not long ago i was talking to myself about how i wish there's a good demon jk fic who likes to corrupt innocent souls and you served a very delicious meal thanks maam 🙏 i see your reqs are open! would you like to entertain this idea of werewolf jk who stole someone else's mate 😙 her mate could be abusive so that's why jk "saves" her or maybe jk did it for funsies bcs he's just obsessed with her lol 😆

creature of the night. jjk

pairing: alpha!jk x beta!reader

wc: 6.6k

warnings: werewolf!jk, softdom!jk, super super desperate reader, reader is taken, cheating, pwp this is nasty yall, slight coercion, light fingering (f receiving), light oral (f receiving), overstimulation, light crying, light blood, pet names, light voyernism, some aggressiveness/abusive behavior (not from jungkook), jimin is reader’s original mate !!

a/n: my first req !! tysm anon for requesting !! im not super familiar with the werewolf trope so i hope you like it !! (this fic lowk had me distracted halfway through writing phew its a nasty one) reqs still open !!

╋━

you were always happy with jimin. at least that’s what you told yourself.

it wasn’t until he stopped touching you that you realized something was wrong. he made excuses, he was busy, he wasn’t in the mood, he was stressed about his pack i mean being an alpha isn’t easy work after all. but you had been through three separate heat cycles now, and you were frustrated.

every month passed, another heat you had to endure, waiting for your alpha to take care of you, but he never did.

and then, there was jungkook.

he was the alpha of an enemy pack, a competitor, and jimin’s lifelong threat. and he was obsessed with you, the idea of stealing jimin’s most prized possession right out from under his feet drove him wild, and he never failed to show you just how bad he wanted you.

“you look tired, sweetheart. long night?” you hear the familiar voice creeping up behind you. you could smell him coming from a mile away but gave up on any attempts to avoid him, knowing he would always track you down.

you continue piling the wood in front of you, preparing for a long winter, after all it was your responsibility as the alpha’s mate to take a maternal role for the entire pack.

“no. and even if it was i wouldn’t tell you about it.” you respond coldly, you hated his presence, and you hated that he could see right through your relationship struggles.

you didn’t even need to look at him to hear the grin on his face, slicing his words in half as he spoke.

“awww is jimin really treating you that bad, sweetheart?” you can feel him coming closer to you, but you continue to ignore his approaching frame as best as you can, continuing with your woodpile with your back facing him.

“jimin is… jimin.” is all you can muster before grabbing a stack of wood and heading to your cabin, without even a glance at the man standing behind you. but you already know he’s following, like a lost puppy looking for his mother.

“that bad, huh? i know what will make you feel better.” his footsteps follow behind you as you approach the cabin. luckily for you, the whole pack including your mate were out hunting for the day, preparing for what was supposed to be a frigid winter. you knew if jimin saw him on his territory, he would throw a fit, nevermind speaking to you. he knew jungkook had taken an interest in you recently, but he never knew the true extent of it. the paw prints by your window in the snow, the scent he gave off when he was in your presence. the flirty comments were the least of your concern being that your heat was approaching again soon, and being alone with an alpha, especially not one that’s your mate, was a very bad idea. you didn’t have full clarity in your mind or control of your body during a heat, especially not around an alpha.

you threw the wood down at the foot of the cabin door, turning around to face jungkook for the first time since your interaction had started.

his frame was large, almost larger than normal, hair a curly mess on top of his head, with his arms crossed along his chest. if you didn’t know any better, you would’ve thought he looked like a real alpha, the one you’ve been dreaming of the last couple months. but you pushed these thoughts aside quickly.

“oh yeah? and what will make me feel better?” you mimic his stance, crossing your arms and tilting your head, keeping your cold demeanor as best as you can. it was hard to hate someone you had no reason to hate, especially since jungkook had been nothing but nice to you, aside from the occasional harassment. but you were jimin’s mate, and anyone jimin hated, you hated the same.

“me.” he smirks down at you, taking a step closer to you, towering over you as he slowly approached, his gaze darkening as you begin to feel a bubble arising in your stomach. your heat was supposed to begin tonight, and you needed to stay far away from an alphas that weren’t your boyfriend.

you resist the urge to back up as he walks closer to you, instead, walking past him and brushing against his shoulder in the process, making your way back to the wood pile that was calling your name.

“in your dreams, jeon. do you want jimin to kill you?” you call out as you pick up another pile of wood and begin bringing it back to the house. you feel your heart drop as jungkook takes another step closer to you, grabbing the wood from your arms and placing it next to the original pile by the cabin.

“jimin couldn’t kill me if he tried. plus, even if he did, i’d at least die going after something i wanted.” he glances at you, smiling, before going back to the wood and picking up another arm full, doing your job for you as he continues bringing more and more to the foot of the cabin.

“jungkook, you seriously need to stop with this. i know it’s your lifelong dream to destroy him or whatever, but find some other way to do it, i’m not getting involved.” you say, watching carefully as he finishes placing down the last piece of wood, leaning up so he’s now towering over you once more. he reaches a hand up, gripping your chin gently as he tilts your head to look up at him. you feel your stomach twirl at the small gesture, but never let your face show it.

jungkook however, as an alpha, has a very keen sense of smell. especially when it comes to betas that aren’t being properly satisfied, or are in heat. you, are both of those things. and jungkook could smell how desperate you were before he even reached the property line.

he smirks at you, watching your expression carefully. “you’re already involved, sweetheart.” he releases your chin and watches as your eyebrows furrow together. “plus, i couldn’t stop if i wanted to. not when im so close to getting what i want.” he tucks a hair behind your ear carefully before turning around and walking away, without even a glance behind him at your frozen stature at the foot of the cabin.

-

“do anything productive today?” your boyfriend’s sweet words echo through the dining room. you glance up from your food that you had barely touched and watch him as he eyes you carefully, waiting for a response.

“not really. brought some wood inside, that’s about it.” you bring your fork down to your plate, poking at the meat lightly before putting it down completely, leaning back in your chair. you couldn’t eat, not with the impending doom of your relationship in the back of your mind and that god forsaken alpha next door that won’t leave you alone.

jimin quirks an eyebrow before bringing his fork up to his mouth, taking another bite. “that’s strange because i heard you had a visitor.” he says in between chewing. you feel your heart drop. how could he have known? and the fact that you lied about it wasn’t helping your case whatsoever.

you gulp gently, trying to regain your composure. “y-yeah. i didn’t talk to him long though. i made him leave.”

“that’s not what it looked like, y/n.” his voice is calm, but that only makes you more nervous. how could he have seen? he didn’t get home until hours after your interaction with jungkook.

“jimin, i promise you have nothing to-“

“like hell i don’t!” you feel your body jump involuntarily as jimin smashes his hands down on the dinner table, causing the silverware to vibrate aggressively. you feel your heart begin to race, your mind swarming with thoughts as you watch him take a breath and calmly bring his fork back up to his mouth, taking another bite of his dinner.

“you know how i feel about him, y/n. why would you even utter a word to him. not to mention his obsession with you.”

“he’s not obsessed with-“

“i swear to fucking god if you finish that sentence.” you watch as jimin points his fork at you, almost threatening. you gulp again. you had no idea what had gotten into him lately. this wasn’t his first outburst recently, but if you had told the you that met him years ago that the sweet boy you knew would’ve turned into this monster, you would’ve never believed yourself

“jimin, please-“ you mutter, feeling defeated.

“you should be begging for my forgiveness, y/n. dumb fucking slut all you care about is getting dick. the second i get busy with the pack you start running off with my arch nemesis.” his words hit you like a ton of bricks, and you feel your heart pang in your chest. how could he say those things?

“jimin i never-“

“the next time i see you even breathing the same air as him, we’re done. you want to be an alpha’s slut so bad? go have him.” you watch as the love of your life stands up from his spot at the dinner table, throwing his silverware down onto his plate and storming off.

you were in shock. you didn’t know what to say, what to think. but you didn’t have time to process this right now, your heat was approaching and you needed to prepare for the night.

_

you feel the warm water consume your body as you bring yourself into the bathtub. the heat comforting your cold heart almost instantaneously. as much as you wanted to push the day’s events to the back of your mind, you couldn’t help but hear jimin’s words ringing in your ears. you could barely control when jungkook approached you nevermind ignored him completely. it was nearly impossible!

you take a breath and exhale, sighing as you lean your head down and under the water, allowing it to swallow you hole.

you are only under the water for half a second, finally feeling some sort of relaxation, and then, it hits you. the first wave.

your body shudders, your heart dropping to your stomach as you feel a deep flutter between your legs.

you immediately come up for air, inhaling deeply as you cross your legs, trying to make the feeling subside in any way you can. the first couple waves are normally not that bad, but because you hadn’t been stuffed by an alpha in so long, the waves only got worse, and worse.

you feel a moan escape your lips, quickly covering your mouth before standing up from the tub and grabbing a towel, wrapping it around your bare body and escaping to your room with quick strides.

since you and jimin started to struggle, you had been sleeping in the guest room of the cabin, which is typically reserved for a member of the back during a time of need, but right now, that was you.

you quickly sit down on the edge of your bed, trying to breathe through the wave as best you can, your knuckles turning white gripping the towel across your chest.

the room is silent, air slightly chilly, enough to make your nipples harden underneath the now cold towel.

you groan, knowing that this is only the beginning, and that you needed to restrain yourself quickly before you got any funny ideas about running next door to find an alpha to mate with.

you barely had time to grab the restraints from your closet before another wave hits you, hard. you feel your knees buckle underneath you, growing weaker and weaker with each stride as the flutter travels from in between your thighs, to your desperate hole.

you feel another moan escape your lips as you regain your composure and bring the restraints to your bed.

typically you would prefer to be clothed during your heat, but right now you didn’t have time for that considering each wave was approaching faster and faster.

you lay down quickly, heart thumping in your chest as you fumble with the restraints, tying yourself to the headboard as best as you can.

once you’re fully immobilized, you take a deep breath, your legs clenching together as the heat circles around your core, the sweet tingling only making you more and more desperate, and before you know it, you’re a mess.

writhing on top of the covers, a thin sheet of sweat covered your body, your nipples exposed to the cold air only making you more sensitive. you couldn’t help the whines of desperation that left your throat. you were trying to be as quiet as possible, knowing damn well that a beta in heat without a mate was like a magnet for any alpha within a 10 mile radius, but there was only one you were worried about right now.

jungkook knew your heat was approaching before he even laid eyes on you this afternoon, and he knew that jimin hadn’t mated with you in at least three months judging by your scent.

he relived the moment he first saw you over and over in his head, staring at the ceiling longingly as he imagined how perfect you would look taking his cock, how much he would love to make you scream his name, how he would love for jimin to watch.

he smirks, feeling himself get hard at the thought of you.

but his smirk quickly drops when he hears a gentle cry in the distance.

jungkook had decided to sleep with his window open tonight, hoping that he could air out the lingering scent of you off his body before it drove him mad. but what he wasn’t prepared for was the sound of you whining across the pine trees from beside his window.

he feels his cock twitch as he makes the realization that those weren’t whines of pleasure, but whines of desperation. he figured your heat was approaching, but he didn’t realize it was here already. and not only that, but the fact that jimin wasn’t taking care of you filled him with a rage he couldn’t describe.

he feels a pinch in his palms as he opens his hands and sees the crescent patches painting his palms red, a sign of his anger, of his rage.

i should go check on her, make sure no lingering alphas get any ideas. but his thoughts are fruitless, as he’s already outside your window by the time the brain wave is complete.

but what he wasn’t prepared for, was the sight of your bare, naked body chained to your bed.

he groans darkly at the sight of you, writhing in desperation as your body pleads for some sort of relief. he brings his hand down to his pants, palming his hard on gently as his brain twists and turns at the image.

and got your scent. it was seeping through the walls. how could jimin function, nevermind sleep through this? never had he seen such a needy beta, not even in their first heat had he ever seen one so desperate.

what kind of alpha would he be if he didn’t take care of her?

you feel one of the waves finish, sliding off your body gracefully as if it didn’t leave you destroyed. each wave got more and more painful, and you were wondering how much longer you could put up with this before it consumed you completely.

your legs were shaking tirelessly, beads of sweat dribbling down your forehead as you take a deep breath in, trying to regain your composure as best you can.

but, there’s something wrong. you picked up a strange smell in the air, something you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

suddenly, you hear the gentle creek of your bedroom door. your body freezes, completely consumed with fear as you see a tall shadow standing in the doorway of your room.

jimin is not that tall.

you begin to whimper in fear, moving your legs so your sat against the headboard. your pleas are gentle, but any good alpha could easily decipher what they meant; please spare me.

you watch carefully as the shadow takes a step towards you, a beam of moonlight from the window shining on a small portion of his face.

“j-jungkook?” you whimper, your legs shaking gently at the feeling of another wave coming your way. you had to deter it as best as you could, you knew that you wouldn’t be able to control yourself once it arrived, especially not with him in front of you.

but, he didn’t respond, only walked closer to you, as if in a trance.

he brings a hand up to your leg, his finger gently sliding across your burning skin, carefully examining every mole and freckle along the way.

“jungkook?” you say a bit louder this time, and you watch as his face snaps up, awaking him from his day dream.

“i-i smelt you. m-my window was open, and i c-couldn’t stop myself.” he stutters, his voice less dominant and more nervous as his finger continued to trace lines up and down your thigh. you suddenly became aware of your naked state and felt a wave of guilt rush over you. jimin was going to kill you if he found out.

the feeling of jungkook’s hand on your skin stirred another wave of heat through your body, and you can’t help the moan that escapes your lips as you double over, your legs shaking aggressively as a line of slick leaks from your throbbing hole, landing on the sheets beneath you.

you’d be blind if you didn’t notice jungkook’s eyes quickly travel from your thigh, to in between them, widening as he sees the mess you’ve made already of your bed sheets.

you feel another moan escape your lips at the mere thought of his presence, silently scolding yourself for feeling this way, but you couldn’t help it, it was in your nature.

“jungkook, p-please. you c-can’t be h-here.” you stutter in between whimpers, your body shaking aggressively now as the wave takes over completely, washing you from head to toe and causing more slick to leak out of you in the process.

jungkook however, is stuck in place. his eyes were dancing around your body, from your face, to your breasts, to your gushing hole and everywhere in between. there was no way he was leaving this room now.

he feels his dominance kick in at the sound of your moans, knowing that an intense wave just hit you, and suddenly, his alpha stature comes out.

he quickly takes a seat next to you on the bed, brushing the hair out from your sweaty face.

“shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay just breathe.” you feel your core twist and turn at his words. you had never seen him so gentle before. he was always just harassing you, his alpha side must’ve kicked in when he was you experiencing a wave.

“j-jungkook. please. i won’t be able to s-stop myself.” your legs shake, your eyes closed tightly as you fight the urge to lunge at him and break your restraints.

jungkook noticed and gulps, feeling his dick twitch at the thought of being able to fuck you, mark you as his, mate with you, while jimin is right in the other room.

his mouth salivates at the sight before him, his eyes locked on your core as he watches it leak more and more slick, the bed sheets saturated with your desperation.

before he has time to process what he’s doing, he leans down, his face now in between your thighs, his breathing short and ragged as he watches your hole throb around nothing.

“just one taste…” you hear him mutter to himself beneath you. you open your mouth, wanting to tell him to stop, but nothing comes out, and your body suddenly shakes as he licks a stripe up your core.

you moan loudly, hands wrapped tightly around the restraints in an attempt to hold yourself up, your legs quivering harshly as he licks another stripe, stopping at your clit and sucking on it tightly.

you feel feral, completely overwhelmed, your body sweating profusely now as he continues to lick and suckle on your core, you can’t stop yourself from the uncontrollable moans and groans that leave your mouth.

“f-fuck. jungkook, p-please stop.” you plead, your voice weak and trembling. as much as you wanted him to stop, for the sake of your relationship, your body was desperate for the slightest bit of touch he could give you, and the more he continues his ministrations on your core, the less you’re able to control your heat from consuming you entirely.

he wraps his arms under your thighs, getting a better grip on you as he continues to eat you out relentlessly, his tongue never once faltering as he buries his face into your sopping cunt.

you moan loudly, unable to control the volume of your screams as you internally panic at the thought of jimin hearing you, or worse, being able to smell jungkook in the house. you pray to anyone that might listen to you that he’s fast asleep, but you know better. he may have been able to conceal it, but jimin’s alpha instincts would never allow him to sleep during one of your heats, it simply wasn’t possible.

jungkook pulls away from your core briefly, his face covered in your juices as he looks up at you from between your legs. the sight of you covered in sweat and heaving struggling to retain any air in your lungs only fuels him more.

“you taste so fucking good.” his voice is low and growled as he begins to move so he’s hovering above you now, your faces merely inches apart as he looks down at you. his eyes tracing your figure, his mouth agape and lips swollen, skin shining with the reflection of your juices.

you feel like you’re unable to function or think under his intense gaze, you gulp harshly, your mind overwhelmed with thoughts of your relationship, but your body unconsciously leaning up into his, trying to gain any sort of friction you can.

“let me take care of you.” he whispers, leaning down into the crook of your neck as he peppers kisses along your sticky skin. you moan deeply, cursing your body for reacting to him so easily. you hadn’t been touched in months, and he was doing everything perfectly, like he somehow already knew your body inside and out, and it was driving you crazy.

“j-jungkook.” is all your able to mutter before he begins sucking harshly on your neck, marking you in desperation. you buck your hips up into his at the sudden force, arms pulling harshly on your restraints in a subconscious attempt to break free.

“so needy, so sweet, and all for me.” he whispers in between kisses, trailing down to your breasts before taking a nipple in his mouth and sucking harshly. you feel another wave of heat consuming your body at his actions, causing you to scream out again, your legs trembling and core pulsing as it leaks more slick out onto the bed.

you’re about to protest, stop him, do anything to save your relationship until you feel his hand slide in between your thighs, prodding your wet hole before pushing inside you, still marking your breasts and chest along the way.

you moan out again, body tensing as you feel yourself tighten around his fingers harshly as he starts a steady pace on your cunt.

“let’s do something about that heat of yours, yeah?” you groan again at his words, the feeling of his fingers pumping in and out of you almost too much for you to bare. your eyes clench shut as you begin to shake even harder now, desperate to feel more. you bite your lip in an attempt to stay quiet but it’s no use, only breaking the skin on your bottom lip as it begins to bleed lightly.

jungkook smells the blood almost immediately and returns his attention to your face, admiring your swollen red lips. he continues his ministrations on your cunt but leans forward, devouring your lips in a passionate kiss, licking up the small drops of blood that hover on your skin.

you groan into his mouth, feeling the way his fingers curl up into you, and the heat of his tongue on yours, bucking your hips up involuntarily and pulling on your arm restraints harshly, wanting to be closer to him.

jungkook notices your attempts to escape the restraints and removes his fingers from your hole, feeling it tighten around nothing at the sudden emptiness. he brings his hands to your restraints and begins undoing them, pulling away from the kiss and watching as your eyes widen with panic.

“i-i won’t be able to control myself.” your voice shakes as you plead to him not to undo your restraints.

“i don’t want you to.” he says calmly as he fully releases you from your confinement, your arms falling down to the bed harshly as the panic sets in on the intensity of the situation.

he looks at your expression, seeing the worry in your eyes as your arms shake, your body fighting its natural urges to pounce on him and ride him until you can’t walk.

he brings his hands up to your face, cupping your cheeks gently as he reassures you.

“mate with me.” his voice comes out in a beg, filled with passion and need. you widen your eyes again at his request. he was asking you to leave jimin for him ? was he insane ?

“what?”

he looks at you again, his touch soothing the patches of sweat on your face, moving your hair so it’s no longer sticking to your forehead.

“mate with me.” he repeats, his voice just as desperate as the first time he asked. you’re unable to think. how could he possibly ask you to leave jimin ? he knew how much you loved him, not to mention your dedication to his pack. you suddenly get flashbacks to your dinner with him earlier, the way he yelled at you, his aggressive behavior, what he said about jungkook. you gulp harshly, consumed by your thoughts as you feel yourself begin to drift away from your current situation.

“you’re not happy, y/n. when was the last time he touched you ?” you feel a pang of shame in your heart at his words, you knew he was right, but you’d never be able to forgive yourself if you betrayed jimin like that.

“a true alpha would never let his mate endure their heat alone, even if he was mad. it’s not right and you know it.” you hear his words but you’re unable to respond, all you can think about was how jimin was in the next room, whether or not he could hear everything that was happening, all your happy moments together.

jungkook watches as you drift away from the conversation, and he brings his head back down into the crook of your neck, suckling the skin gently.

“mate with me.” his voice is more desperate now, kissing from your neck down to your shoulders. you feel yourself moan at his touch, your head lulling back as you allow him to take more space on your skin.

“mate with me.” he repeats, dragging his lips down to your collarbones and chest, passionately pecking any free patch of skin he could find.

“mate with me.” he brings his hands up to your shoulders and lays you back on the bed, kissing all the way down to your stomach and thighs, running his hands along the wet skin and scratching it gently.

“mate with me.” he leans back, bringing his hands down to his waistband and pulling them off quickly, his hands finding the hem of his shirt as well, pulling those off too, leaving him just in his boxers as he teasingly brings your hand to the waistband, tracing it gently.

you’re eyes widen at the sight of his hard on, he was bigger than you could’ve ever imagined. you feel his soft skin under the waistband of his boxers, feeling the gentle goosebumps arise as you run your fingers along it, instinctively wrapping your fingers around it signaling for him to take them off.

without a word, he follows your instructions, pulling his boxers down as you watch his cock spring free, drops of precum trickling down the head as he returns to his place above you on the bed.

he leans forward, his cock laying on your tummy as he kisses you passionately, your hips bucking up into his cock as you feel another wave rush over you. the feeling of his cock being so close to your core driving you wild.

you moan gently into his lips, your legs shaking slightly as you grind up into him, the base of his cock swiping against your core softly causing you to cry out again.

jungkook pulls away from the kiss, admiring how fucked out you looked already, bringing his hand down to his cock and aligning it with your entrance, prodding your hole gently.

“mate with me.” his voice now barely a whisper as he rubs the head of his cock between your soaked folds. you moan loudly again, feeling completely overwhelmed by every movement he made. you wanted nothing more than to say yes and allow him to fuck you right then and there, but you couldn’t stop thinking about jimin, and what that would mean for your relationship.

he brings the head of his cock back to your hole, watching as another heat takes over you, leaking hot liquid onto his tip. he growls at the sight, pushing the head gently into your core and watching as your mouth falls open at the feeling. he brings his hands to your hips, holding them in place against the bed as he stays still, only keeping the head of his cock inside you, and never once moving.

“mate with me.” his voice is now a low whisper, watching you struggle to keep your composure under him. you’re fighting against his hold, bucking your hips up as he holds you in place, anything to make him push into you deeper, but he never does.

“j-jungkook, p-please.” you groan, desperate for him to fuck you. you wiggle your hips at an attempt to gain friction but it’s no use with the way he holds you against the bed. you were cornered, you could either say yes and get what you wanted, or say no and watch as he leaves you even more desperate than you were before.

“mate with me, y/n.” his voice is sterner now, his gaze burning holes into you as you look up at him, his eyes dark and full of lust. you knew he would be an aggressive lover just by looking at him. nothing about him screamed gentle.

“p-please.” your eyes begin to well up at the overstimulation.

“do you know how fucking good i can make you feel?” your breath hitches in your throat as he rolls his hips forward, pushing his cock into you, slowly.

you feel your walls stretch around his length as he slowly moves his cock deeper into you, he was so big you thought it would never end.

“do you know how well i’d take care of you if you were mine?” you’re unable to form words as he bottoms out inside of you, still holding your hips in place as he settles within your cunt, stopping once he’s fully inside of you.

“you’d have your heat every night with the way i’d fuck you.” you feel a moan fall from your lips at the feeling of having him inside of you, his words only stirring the butterflies inside your core.

“mate with me.” he places a hand on your chin and forces you to look up at him, watching as your face is contorted with pleasure and overstimulation. and before you have time to process it, the word is leaving your mouth.

“okay.”

he quickly brings a hand up to your mouth, covering it tightly as he fucks up into you at an inhumane pace.

“good girl, fuck.” he mumbles, his cock stretching you out deliciously as he fucks you into the bed. you realize now why he covered your mouth as you begin to cry out loudly, his palm muffling the nasty sounds that spill from your lips.

his cock was big, bigger than you were used to, and the way it perfectly hit your g-spot with every thrust was driving you insane. you brought your hands up to his shoulders to find something to hold on to, feeling as they tense under your touch.

“god you’re so fucking tight. when was the last time he fucked you?” you moan again at his words, feeling him move his hand away slightly for you to respond.

“t-three months ago.” you stutter, your voice shaky as he covers your mouth once more, groaning as he fucks you even harder.

“fuck. i’m gonna take such good care of you, baby. you’re gonna forget he ever existed.” you feel your body shake aggressively as he picks up his pace, wrapping your legs around his back to allow him to fuck you deeper. he growls at the small action, moving his hand from your mouth to your throat as he wraps his fingers around your neck lightly.

“bet he didn’t fuck you like this, did he?” he tightens his grip around your neck, your head swirling as he cuts of your ability to breathe. you feel a head rush wash over you, your vision darkening slightly as you do your best to whisper a response.

“f-fuck, no he didn’t.” he releases his grip around your neck at your words, watching as you shake in pleasure beneath him. he can’t help the smirk that falls across his lips knowing that jimin was in just the next room.

he wraps an arm around your waist and flips you over so you’re on your stomach, pushing his cock into you once more as he grips your hips slightly.

you moan out loudly at the new position, already feeling like he’s pushing you closer and closer to the edge.

“wanna hear that pretty voice, wanna hear you moan my name, want jimin to hear it too.” he slaps your ass harshly as he continues pulling your hips down to his own, fucking you from behind.

your knuckles are turning white from your aggressive hold on the sheets, your lips bit tightly between your teeth as you shake your head, the thought of jimin hearing you scaring you half to death.

but jungkook doesn’t like that response.

he wraps a hand around your hair pulling you back roughly, you let out a squeal at the sudden aggressiveness. his hips never stalled as he brought his other hand to your front, dragging it down to your clit and rubbing torturous circles with his fingers.

you moan out loudly as he continues to fuck you like this, his hands on your clit pushing you towards the edge faster and faster.

“wanna try that again?” he whispers into your ear as he continues to fuck into you, your mind is completely blank, all you can think about is your approaching orgasm and the way his fingers feel against your clit.

jungkook smiles to himself, noting how easily you get overstimulated, and lets go of your hair to watch your upper half fall back to the bed roughly. he brings both of his hands back to your hips and begins to fuck you harder.

“close already, huh sweetheart?” your body begins to shake, his mocking tone shooting straight to your core as you feel yourself begin to teeter on the edge. all you can do is moan loudly in response, you’re sure jimin could hear you, anyone in a 10 mile radius probably could.

“cum baby, wanna feel you cream on my cock like a good pup.” and at his words you can no longer hold back, your cunt tightening around him as you begin to squirt, coating his cock and balls with your slick, your vision turning black and head spinning as you scream loudly.

jungkook’s hips stall slightly at the way you squeeze him, almost pushing his cock out of you completely. his lower half entirely soaked with your slick as he groans loudly. he’d never seen a pup so desperate for an alpha that they squirted on him. he begins to fuck into you faster, his high approaching quickly too as he runs his hands up and down your sides, soothing you gently.

“shhh it’s okay, baby. you did so good, such a good girl for me.” his voice is shaky but he never shows how much you affected him. you begin to come back to reality, your entire body convulsing in overstimulation as you feel him continue to fuck you. his soothing actions by your sides only turning you on more, making the overstimulation worse as you writhe and wiggle under his hold.

“ahh- fuck.” you squeal, you had never felt this level of overstimulation before. normally jimin doesn’t even make you finish.

“almost there baby, fuck.” jungkook’s thrusts become sloppy as he fucks into you harder, making your cunt scream out in pain. he takes his final couple thrusts before groaning loudly and spilling his seed inside of you, filling you up completely. it’s more than you’re used to, you’ve never seen a man cum so much.

“fuck.” he mumbles, his thrusts slowing down as he fucks his seed into you. after a couple deep breaths he pulls his cock out, watching as the mixture of your fluids leak out, your hole pulsing with need as they drip onto the sheets below you.

you collapse onto the bed, feeling completely overwhelmed, but even more fulfilled knowing that you finally have an alpha that can take care of you and your needs.

jungkook collapses beside you, bringing a hand to your head as he tucks a hair behind your ear.

“what did he ever do to deserve you?” he mumbles just over a whisper, watching as you close your eyes gently out of over-tiredness.

just when you feel you’re about to drift into a deep sleep, you hear a creak in the doorway, your heart dropping to your stomach as you open your eyes widely, seeing jungkook’s cocky expression as he watches his gaze shift to the bedroom door.

“what the fuck.” you hear jimin’s familiar voice across the room, feeling an overwhelming sense of regret and shame wash over you, but you’re internally glad you’re not facing the doorway and can’t see his expression.

jungkook stands up from off the bed, reaching for his boxers before sliding them up over his legs and cock proudly.

“i told you i’d get her.” you hear jungkook respond confidently, finishing putting his clothes on before leaning back down to you and wrapping a towel over your figure, picking you up in one swift movement.

he looks down at your face, seeing your eyes scrunched up tightly, an expression of guilt painted on your beautiful features.

you can feel his chest grumble, but don’t open your eyes or respond as he shoots jimin a glare and brushes past him, walking out the cabin and into the wild.

you were his now, and he wasn’t going to let anything stand in the way.

[bitchesuntitled]

Wrong Delivery

Summary: Sleepin' with the hot construction guy doing the remodel at your work, he winds up buying flowers for someone else...

Warnings/Tags: 18+ MDNI go on get! No outbreak/pre outbreak(you decide), fluff, smut, miscommunication, cussing, oral f!receiving, unprotected piv(don't do that, make smart choices), cream pie, Joel being a dork.

A/N: First time I've ever actually finished a Joel story I started working on! Many thanks to @strang3lov3 for the encouragement and taking a look at this, @jay-zzle as always for giving me ideas and making moodboards for me because I hate doing them myself! ❤️❤️❤️

🌹This is for @morallyinept’s flora & fauna challenge! 🌹

Divider provided by @saradika-graphics

Masterlist||AO3 Link

As you rush into the building, trying to avoid the construction team surrounding the place, a timid smile crosses your face when you spot Joel, the man responsible for why you’re running late this morning. Instead of getting ready for work like you were supposed to, Joel Miller decided he wanted to spend his morning coaxing another orgasm out of you, as if the three last night weren’t enough. It’s been a couple of months of this. 

It had never been your intention to start sleeping with the hot contractor who had been doing construction at your place of work, you both just happened to be at the same bar one night. One thing led to another and now it’s been this, whatever this is.

“Mornin’ guys,” you say passing the crew, each giving their own sort of greeting back, be it a grunt of acknowledgment or repeating the greeting.

“Mornin’ ma’am,” Joel says with a cheeky smile, “Runnin’ a little late?”

“Yeah, woke up late,” you shrugged, feeling your face heat up.

“There you are!” Becky shouts, making her way towards you, “Angie is up my ass right now about where you are with those reports you said you’d get done yesterday.”

“On it,” you sigh, “Nice talking to you Joel.”

“Oh!” Becky said with a smile, grabbing his bicep, “Hi Joel! You guys sure have been working hard on all of this.”

You try to keep your eyes from rolling at Becky’s consistent attempt at flirting with Joel. She has definitely tried her hardest to get his attention, made cookies “for the crew” but only handed some of them to Joel, tries to talk to him every chance she can, wearing lower cut tops so her cleavage is on full display, batting eyelashes and laughing at any dumb thing he says. It’s starting to get on your nerves, if you’re being honest. Making your way to your desk you open the drawer, shoving your purse inside before closing it and turning on your computer. You open the teams app, sending Angie a quick message to let her know you’ll put the file with the reports in the folder outside her door, grabbing the file and making your way to her office.

Becky is still talking Joel’s ear off and you have to stifle your laugh, watching his eyebrows scrunch together and his polite nod before excusing himself. She catches you as you're on your way back to your cubicle to start the work day.

“That Joel Miller is a man,” Becky sighs, walking beside you, “The things I would let him do to me.”

“Oh jeez,” you laugh awkwardly, sitting down at your desk.

“I wonder what his dick is like,” she continues, “I bet it’s big.”

You turn to your computer hoping she can’t see the look on your face because then the jig would be up.

“Uhm,” you say, clearing your throat, “You better be careful. Don’t wanna get turned into HR.”

—

“Hello,” a frazzled delivery guy announces himself at the entrance to your cubicle. “I have a delivery for you, miss.”

“For me?!” Becky asks excitedly, seeing the bouquet of flowers. The delivery guy nodded, handing her the flowers. “Who are they from?!”

“Uh… Joel Miller?” The guy says, looking at his sheet. Your jaw drops upon hearing his words. Why on earth would Joel send Becky flowers?

“Oh my god!” Becky squeals with delight, grabbing the card, “Aw! Look! It says darlin’ on the envelope!”

Becky opens the card, reading it aloud:

“Figured a pretty lady like you should have some flowers to look at. Been havin’ the time of my life gettin’ to know ya and would love to take you out. He signed it off with a heart and J. Miller! How sweet is that?!”

Beside yourself on handling this, the only thing you could think of was finding the man himself. If this entire thing between you two was just for fun so be it, but you needed answers.

“Real sweet,” you mutter standing up, “I’m…  uh… I’ll be back.”

“Okay.” Becky hums dreamily, staring at the flowers on her desk.

You make your way to the front of the building, spotting Gus, one of the construction guys.

“Can you tell Joel I need to talk to him?”

“Sorry ma’am, he had to leave earlier, something about Tommy.” Gus shrugs. 

“Uhm… okay.” You nod, deciding to make your way to the breakroom, sitting at one of the tables trying to collect your thoughts. Maybe it’s for the best that he left. That way the entire building wouldn’t see you blow up. Are you even still supposed to see each other tonight? That had been the plan when he left this morning. What the actual fuck, you think to yourself, give annoying ass Becky flowers to ask her out, and then fuck you? That two-timing son of a bitch!

“So fucking stupid,” you mutter to yourself.

—

You make it through the workday, as best as you can, trying not to think of Joel and how mad you are all while Becky continues to talk about him all day. What should she wear, wondering where he’d take her, what they would do, should she sleep with him on the first date. Hopefully, the Excedrin will kick in soon to help with the teeth grinding headache you’ve had all day. Walking to your car Becky’s shrill voice rings out wishing you a good evening.

“Yeah, you too,” you grumble, pulling your car door open and throwing your purse inside. You’re still so mad, fuming, seeing red as you drive towards your place. Once getting home, you quickly change into comfy clothes, and see you have a text from Joel.

JMiller: Can’t wait to see you beautiful ;) Leavin’ Tommy’s

You scowl looking at the text. How do you even respond to that? Petty, that’s how.

You: K.

You see the text bubbles pop up, disappear then pop up again before his face shows on your screen with an incoming call.

“Hello,” you snap.

“Hey,” Joel says hesitatingly, “Bad day at work?”

“Well, Becky got some lovely flowers delivered at work.”

“Oh?”

“Yep,” you say with a harsh pop at the end.

“And?” Joel asks, “Is that it?”

“Delivery guy and card said they were from you.”

“Fuck me,” Joel groans “Those were not for goddamn Becky!”

“Sure about that?”

“I got them for you.” Joel argues.

“Yeah, okay.” You huff into the receiver, rolling your eyes. “Look, I get it. It’s fine if you didn’t want this going anywhere but you could’ve been honest with me about it.”

“Fuck, darlin’,” Joel groans, “I do want this going somewhere! Like I said, the flowers were for you!”

“Sure,” you say, shaking your head, “Just be honest, Joel. This has just been fun, that’s it. You’re getting your dick wet, stringing me al—“

“God damn it! I am telling the truth!” Joel growls, cutting you off. “I even have proof!”

“What proof?!” You spit back, “The proof of the flowers you sent Becky? Yeah, I saw them, and the card too. Sweet touch signing it off with a heart and then your name.”

Suddenly there is a knock on your door. You cock your head to the side, hearing the knock sound through the phone as well. Of fucking course, Tommy’s is a five minute drive to your place, making your way to the door you swing it open to see Joel standing there. His nostrils flared, phone held up to his ear, dropping it and angrily stuffing it back into his pocket.

“Just give me five minutes, I swear, they were meant for you and I have fuckin’ proof,” Joel says, holding up a piece of paper.

“What the fuck, Joel?” You groan, smacking your phone onto the entry table.  “Why are you here?”

“I was on my way home from Tommy’s. Figure I’d come here first,” Joel says, holding the paper out to you, “Go on, look at it.”

You grab it, glancing it over. Farrah’s Flowers printed at the top, with your name listed as the order’s recipient, eyes bulging out of your head as you look at him.

“Told you.”

“Wait, then how the fuck did they get to Becky then?”

“Somebody fucked up, that’s all I know but that is my copy of the receipt for buyin’ them in the first place, and that is your name on it,” Joel smirks in triumph, crossing his arms across his broad chest.

Your shoulders relax as you open the door wider, motioning your head for him to come in. He gives a subtle nod, making his way into your home, you slump against the door once it’s closed.

“Joel,” you start, “What the fuck are we?”

He cages you against the door, pushing his lower half into you. You sigh, looping your arms around his neck, looking at those dark chocolate eyes.

“Well,” Joel says, kissing your cheek, “I want you,” placing a soft kiss against your lips, “More than just for sex,” he whispers, against your lips breathing in each other's air causing you to feel a dizzying arousal. Lips collide with him in a hungry kiss, tongues rolling against one another, gasping when his hands creep down to hook around your thighs lifting you, grabbing onto your ass before pulling you away from the door and carrying you to your bedroom.

Joel lays you down on your bed hovering over you, never breaking away from your lips, licking into your mouth with desperation like this might be his last chance. Arousal begins pool in your underwear. Hands gliding down his back, feeling the warmth radiating from him, lifting the bottom of his shirt until he finally lifts to fling it off.

“Don’t want anyone else,” Joel husks, lightly biting your neck, causing you to moan at the sensation of his teeth against your skin, “Just you.”

“Joel,” you whimper as his hand travels down the length of your shirt, pushing it up to expose your tits, ducking his head down. He sucks a nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the stiffened peak before switching to give the other equal attention, kissing a trail down the soft flesh of your stomach until he reaches the top of your leggings.

“Can I?” He asks, looking at you, fingers hooking into your waistband. You give a firm nod and he pulls them off along with your underwear. He sighs once they are off, using his shoulders to spread your legs further apart, “So fucking pretty,” he hums, nipping and kissing along your inner thighs, slowly making his way to your center.

You can feel his breath against your folds, trembling with anticipation for his tongue and lips to make contact, letting out a soft moan Joel begins lapping at your folds, sucking your bundle of nerves into his mouth. Tongue massaging circles against your clit.

“Fuck,” you moan, raking your fingers through his hair and lightly tugging.

Joel’s hum reverberated into your core. His mouth opened and he began to fuck you with his tongue while firmly holding your gaze. You’re back arched at the sensation, letting out a gasp. You roll your hips against his face, his nose pressing deliciously against your clit. He grunts, moving his thumbs to spread your lips, licking a stripe up to your clit and sucking it into his mouth. Your legs begin to shake at the sensation.

“Oh my god, Joel!” You whine, arching your back, feeling the band tightening within your core, begging for release. Joel sinks two of his thick fingers into you causing you to cry out, moving them to massage that sweet spot against your walls, “Yes! Oh my god, fuck!” You could feel the smug smirk on his face, knowing you’re about to come.

“Come on,” he coos, firmly licking your bundle of nerves “Let me have it baby.”

You cry his name out over and over as you feel the waves of pleasure crashing through you. He continues lapping at your folds, wanting to make sure he gets every last drop before you push his head away. He crawls up the length of your body, the denim of his jeans scratching against your skin.

“Good?” He asks, you nod giggling and he smirks, grabbing the nape of his neck you pull him closer to your face, looking into your eyes he whispers a hi. You can’t help the smile that spreads across your face, surging forward to kiss him, tasting yourself on his tongue. He groans into your mouth, grinding his bulge against your center, the rough denim providing friction against your core. His hand moves to his belt, swiftly unhooking it and unbuttoning his jeans. Hands sliding down to help him push the denim off his hips, boxers following suit. You grip his hard length, stroking it from tip to base. Palm spreading the precome over his long thick length. Joel lets out a soft moan at the touch.

“Want you inside me,” you whimper, rubbing his cock against your slick heat. “Please.”

He bats your hand away, grabbing his cock to tease your folds more, rubbing his tip up and down your slit. You let out a moan when his tip catches against your entrance. Only for him to slide back up to your clit, rubbing agonizingly slow circles against you.

“Joel,” you begged, titling your pelvis, “Please, please fuck me.”

Joel smirks, sliding his cock back down to your entrance, feeding you his bulbous head. You writhe, feeling the stretch. He sinks into you slowly, filling you up until his tip kisses your cervix. Fingers gripping his back, each of you letting out a satisfied moan.

“Fuck, darlin’,” Joel murmurs into your neck, nipping and sucking on your pulse point, letting you adjust to his size, “Best pussy ever,” placing gentle kisses along your jaw.

“Joel, move,” you plead, hitching your legs up on his waist, “Need you to move.”

He pulls out slowly before snapping his length into you again, letting out a shaky breath at the harshness of his thrust. Your grip on his back tightens, sinking your nails into his skin. He lets out a hiss as he rocks his hips into you, trying to find that spot that makes you see stars. 

“Fuck,” he grunted, “Don’t want anyone else, darlin’.”

Breathy moans shared between kisses, sweat slicked skin gliding against each other. He pushes your thighs back further into a mating press, finding that sweet spot inside your walls.

“Oh my god,” you whine, back beginning to arch, “Right there!”

His cock massages that spot with every stroke, causing your muscles to tighten. You can feel the coil in your belly tightening, walls beginning to flutter around his shaft as he drills into that spot over and over.

“Jesus Christ,” Joel growls, feeling the heat of his skin slapping against yours, “I need you to come, baby. Ain’t gonna last much longer.”

You moan wantonly as you feel his dick twitch inside of you. Joel holding out to make sure you come first. The coil in your belly finally snaps, sending you over the edge, white hot electricity flowing through every limb. He thrusts into you harshly half a dozen more times before his hips stutter.

“Only you, darlin’, only want you,” he grunts, as he empties himself inside you, painting your walls with his sticky release, “only want you.”

Joel collapses, holding himself up by his elbows on either side of your head, nuzzling his nose against yours, placing soft kisses against your lips.

“Only want you,” he sighs.

—

You spent the next hour, in each other's arms, talking, snuggling and kissing.

“I can’t believe you would think I’d want Becky,” Joel booms with laughter, eyes crinkling around the edges. You smirk playfully, slapping his arm.

“Look,” you giggle, “I didn’t know if her flirting finally wore you down!”

“Hi Joel!” He says in an exaggerated high pitch, batting his eyelashes, “My, you sure have been working hard!” he adds with a girly giggle, lifting his pecs to create some sort of cleavage.

“Oh shut up!”

“Did you see the flowers though? Like actually look at ‘em?”

“Not really,” you sigh, playing with a loose thread on your blanket.

“Purple tulips for new beginnings and love,” Joel says, planting a kiss on your cheek, “Jasmine for devotion,” he continues, kissing your other cheek, “and pink roses for appreciation,” he smiles before kissing the tip of your nose.

“Really?”

“Yep, the florist helped me pick them out,” Joel says, grabbing the back of your neck pulling you into a kiss, “Told ya they were for you.”

[felassan]

David Gaider on Fenris, under a cut for length:

"Fenris. Now, DA2 is a story all on its own but I'm not going to go there other than to sum it up as "we had just over a year and a half to make this". It's why I only wrote one follower, Fenris, and although it'll make his fans mad: I probably shouldn't have. Let me explain. The way we'd approach making the followers is brainstorming a list of concepts covering first the array of gameplay classes (and sub-classes) and then making sure they each have some skin in the game when it came to the story's conflicts - ideally having characters on both sides of the major ones. Why? You can't make a player care about the world, but you can make them care about characters who care about the world. It's the easiest way to provide hooks into a conflict, outside of it knocking on the player's door. Heck, it's probably better than that. Players will burn the world for approval. After that, we'd decide things like romances/sexuality. Then the writers would pick who they'd write. I always let my writers pick first. I figured they do their best work when it's something they're inspired to write... and they got so few chances at ownership, I wanted to give it whenever I could It's why I (reluctantly) let Patrick wrest Cole from my grasp in DAI, a character I'd created in Asunder. It's also why I let Jennifer take Anders in DA2, who I'd started in Awakening. In this instance, it meant I was left with the angry elven warrior character who nobody else appeared to want."

"It should have been my first clue that something was up. The second was how the artists had zero clue what to do with him. The art concepts were all over the place - from mages to crows to... well, even weirder. No matter how hard I tried to explain the idea, the artists simply didn't seem to get it Does this mean he was a bad character? Not exactly. Just an idea that probably deserved some re-examining. You can tell when an idea has a certain spark, and part of that is being easy to communicate. Sadly, there wasn't time for any re-examining even if it'd occurred to me. And it didn't, not yet. If it had, if I had time, maybe I'd have re-booted him as a templar. Someone pro-templar rather than anti-mage, who could give a personal hook into Meredith and give the templars some badly-needed humanity. But this falls into the shoulda-woulda-coulda category. I had a follower to write. Quickly. I struggled, at first. It was hard to get away from "Fenris hates everything, all the time". It felt very one-note, and I didn't know where to take him. My third clue, I guess. I also wasn't sure if I was the right person to write a former slave. I did know that couldn't be the center of his story. I did know trauma, however. How it can eat you up. How the hate and resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. How it can infect your relationships. Fenris's trauma isn't my trauma, obviously, but here I dipped into a more personal part of myself than I'd ever done before."

"It gave me the center of his story I was missing, but wow was it uncomfortable. In a good way, maybe. I likely wouldn't have, if I hadn't been so desperate. In a way, I think DA2 had some of our best writing *because* of the timeline. It was raw, with little time to sand down the interesting parts. I wouldn't have done the "Fenris doesn't talk to you for three years" thing if I'd known we were going to cut all the reactivity initially planned for the time jumps. When that call was made, I campaigned to cut the jumps to a year, but there was no time for the revisions it'd need. So, um. Awkward. I used to get asked where the name came from, and I... don't remember? Obviously it's derived from Fenrir, but I don't recall why we picked that. Someone pointed at Fenris the Feared from Joe Abercrombie's books... and I did read them, so maybe the name lodged in my head? Wouldn't be the first time. Casting Fenris turned out to be easy. He was the first time I requested a specific VA and got him. (The other times were Merrill and then Solas, my two "I want these specific Welsh actors, please".) Why? OK, if you must know, I'd played a bit of Final Fantasy XII. I heard Balthier. "Yes, that." 😅 And Gideon Emery was a delight, as it turned out. Consummate professional, and that lovely gravel in his voice... good god. Bite the knuckles. There was a struggle to find the voice at the outset where I did my best not to say "just pls do Balthier" but he found Fenris on his own and it was amazing. Overall, Fenris turned out better than he had any right to, considering the rocky start. He had a lot of soul, a vulnerability forged by pain that struck a chord with a lot of players, and I'm glad. Do I regret anything? Probably having him live in a corpse-filled mansion that would never update. That's a hindsight thing, though, as again the cut to reactivity over the time jumps came late. Outside of that, maybe letting the player give him back to Danarius? Poor shock value and a waste of resources because almost nobody took the option. Good evil options are ones that are tempting to take. And the lyrium tattoos. Interesting concept, but they're probably why you'll never see Fenris in a future DA. He requires a custom body, and the tattoos make that expensive. It's why I put Fenris in my 4th DA novel - the cancelled one. Don't fret, though. He died in it, so this way he lives on. 😉"

[source thread]

User: "Wait wait how does he die in [the cancelled novel]??" David Gaider: "Gloriously, after taking up a cause he didn't believe in at first but then made his own, one that allowed him to rediscover what it meant to be elven." [source] David Gaider: "I’m not sorry about the novel cancellation. I’m the one who cancelled it. I am kinda sad we couldn’t make it work, though. Considering it was after I left the DA team, it would have been my final DA hurrah." [source] David Gaider: "From my perspective, it was kind of "well if you're never going to use him again, let me at least give him a proper send off" and the story required a glorious death... but I get that's not the story his biggest fans would want (which is Hawke + Fenris 4ever), so it's just as well." [source]

User: "You all did some incredible work with such a tight deadline" David Gaider: "I'm of the opinion that even if we'd had only another six months to bake, DA2 would be remembered as a classic and not either a flawed gem or underbaked sequel, depending on who you ask." [source]

David Gaider: "Just to clarify the "they're probably why you'll never see Fenris" thing, as it's spawned commentary: 1. It's the reasoning as was explained to me back then. 2. Obviously, if Bio *really* wanted to, they'd find a way around it. But it was a complication that meant he couldn't be included casually." [source]

[azrielbrainrot]

In the Face of Your Love

Pairing: Azriel x F!Reader

Description: A love confession wasn't in Azriel's plans for the day.

Warnings: a tiny bit of angst

Word Count: 1,3k

Notes: In the face of writer's block I bring you another quick little story (that actually took me entirely too long to write). Hope you enjoy!

No matter how hard he tried Azriel couldn't remember the last time he had been in this situation. That's not to say he had never been confessed to before of course, that was far from the truth, but he didn't quite remember what to do in such a situation.

It didn't help that you were his friend, and because of it, someone he hadn't ever considered as anything more. If it were anyone else, he would probably be searching for the words to let them down as gently as possible, but looking into your expectant eyes, he can't help but wonder why exactly he had never thought about it before.

You were exceedingly beautiful and kind, remarkably intelligent and hard-working. You took care of your friends and helped them to the best of your abilities, always offering them a shoulder to cry on. Even though you weren't a fighter, Azriel was time and time again reminded of just how strong and fearless you were. You were perfect in his eyes, one of the best people he had ever gotten the pleasure of meeting in his centuries of life. He knew all of this as your friend, so how come he never looked deeper into the connection you shared?

Azriel knew it was partly, or mostly really, because of his lack of luck when it came to such things. Spending centuries in love with the same person, out of habit more than anything, pushing away everyone that threatened to make him feel anything of consequence gave him a long list of detachment issues unsurprisingly, and when he thought he could have something special with the middle Archeron sister after finally moving on from Mor only for it to blow up in his face before it even started, he was forced to take a good look at himself and his actions, and upon realizing that he was in no way ready for a relationship even though he felt desperate for it, Azriel came to conclusion that it was best to focus on his work and his friends, and leave such glittering dreams behind him.

That had been almost a decade ago, before he even met you. For the first time since then, he finds himself thinking of what it would be like to wake up next to someone, share his thoughts and dreams with that person, have someone to hold him through the hard times and take care of them in kind. For the first time in years, Azriel wonders if he could deserve someone's love after all.

His hesitation seems to start weighing on your excitement, pretty eyes moving to watch the ground as a heavy breath escapes you, not bearing the sight of his wide hazel eyes anymore. When you look up at him again a bitter smile is etched on your face, one that makes Azriel’s chest feel heavy and constricted.

“You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know, it felt like it was eating me alive keeping it to myself.” The humorless laugh you let out brings a furrow to his brows, but you keep going before he finds the right words. “I hope I'm not making things weird between us, nothing really has to change-”

“Wait,” Azriel finds himself calling out when he notices you taking a step back, away from him.

Unfortunately he stays quiet a second too long after and you end up taking yet another step back, your next words even more heartbreaking than before. “It's okay, Az. You really don't have to comfort me.”

“I don't want to comfort you.”

“Oh.”

He grabs onto your arm gently when you go to turn around, intent on walking to the door this time, cursing himself when he notices the wetness gathering in your eyelids.

“Please don't go,” he begs, staring into your eyes, hoping his will show you a glimpse at all the emotions swirling around in his heart, maybe you could make better sense of them than him. “I'm not good with words and I'm even worse with my feelings, but I can try to explain myself if you just give me a moment. Please.”

“Alright.” Your voice is barely above a whisper, your body letting go of most of the tension as you watch him. He drops his hold on you and offers you a small, grateful smile.

“You caught me off guard, I never noticed your feelings for me weren't entirely platonic,” he starts carefully, eyes flickering down towards your hand, wondering for a moment if holding it in his would be too much, too unfair to you.

“Some Spymaster,” you tease him back, a breathy chuckle escaping him and releasing the tension from his body, his hand reaching down to hold yours.

“I gave up on love a long time ago, long before I met you. Things have never worked out for me, partly for my own faults, making me think I just wasn't meant for these things.” The frown that settles over your face makes his heart skip a beat. Cute, it was cute, adorable even. Gods, how had he been so blind? “So, you see, I never stopped to wonder if we could have a relationship beyond our friendship even though I cherish your presence in my life immensely.”

“And now?”

“Now I'm thinking back on all our time spent together, the times we laughed and cried together, the times you cared for me and I cared for you.” This time he's the one to move, except he's taking a step closer to you, the distance feeling too big now. “I'm wondering what it would be like to come home to you every day, to hold you in my arms at night, to take you to every restaurant and bakery shop you talked about, to hold your hand in mine whenever I want.” Azriel squeezes your hand softly, your smile widening at the gesture. His other hand reaches for your cheek, cupping it delicately before continuing in a hushed tone, “Now I'm thinking I really want to know what your lips taste like.”

“Az,” you breathe out, eyes falling on his lips. He leans down and pecks your cheek softly, taking a step back to look into your eyes.

“If you still mean what you said…”

“Of course I do.” It's your turn to squeeze his hand, tugging on it to pull him back closer to you, he finds it extremely hard to resist you, but he wants to do things right.

“Then I want to invite you for dinner tonight,” he says, a weight he didn't realize was there before lifting off his chest when you nod immediately. “I think we should take things slow, for both of our sakes, and I don't want to promise you anything, the last thing I want to do is hurt you, but I want to try. I want to know what it's like to feel loved and give it back in kind.”

Your face lights up, smiling up at him with an intensity that threatens to blind him. Familiar dark thoughts start swirling in his mind, telling him how he would only snuff it out of you, but he does his best to tamper them down.

Azriel knew he loved you, that much was never up for discussion, and when comparing the love he had for you to the love he held for his brothers or the rest of his family, he can only feel disbelief that he had never questioned it. He would never do anything to hurt you, he would give his life for you without question, and was ready to face his fears and faults head-on if it would make him worthy of being by your side.

“It's a date then?”

He smiles even wider, his face hurting with the unfamiliarity of it, bringing your interlocked hands up to his face and dropping a kiss on the back of your hand, heart fluttering in his chest.

“It's a date.”