#like i know logically it’s not the end of the world but im already graduating a semester late and a failed class is going to destroy the | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yhmisun · 4 years ago

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*//𝒇𝒊𝒍𝒆: introducing 𝐘𝐄𝐎 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐔𝐍!

hi petals 🥰 i'm so thrilled to be here with you all and bringing you this gullible little lioness!i promise i'll get to all ims soon, but my alias is penny, my pronouns are she/her and i'm in the est tz! this is my bby misun - the very soft-spoken principal of kwangsook academy. despite the shady way she ended up with it, she quite loves her job, as well as all the students and faculty at kwangsook :D i will have her full bio up sometime soon, but for now, you can find some relevant links and some bullet points under the cut! if you'd like to plot something out, feel free to hit the heart so i know and i'll come buzz you in ims! tw - brief mentions of death cw - workplace affair

statistics. // bio. // headcanons. // plots. // musing blog. // pinterest.

━ ❖ (kim ahyoung “yura,” cis female, she/her) hey thank you for coming to town hall to update your information yeo misun! you’re a citizen correct? good to know! are you enjoying yourself around yunhwa? you’ve been staying here two years right? i’m glad! remind me, are you born on 14/12/1992? we’re so lucky to have someone so dedicated around as a principal at kwangsook academy even if sometimes you can be credulous. hope to see you around the house #3034, hwesakgu!

born and raised in busan, the city was imbued in misun's veins. she was in love with how the highest skyscrapers mingled with the clouds on overcast days and how life always seemed to be racing by. her childhood was a happy one, as she gained a younger brother and sister along the way.

her mother was a science teacher and her father a commercial fisherman at the local dock. it wasn't uncommon for him to be gone for weeks at a time in order to bring an income into the household, so misun was often left in charge of her younger siblings. it was something she thrived at honestly, as she'd always had this nurturing way about her. she didn't even argue with her siblings much, she mostly just played peacekeeper when they fought amongst themselves.

she ran through the typical cycle of dream occupations as any child would. she had a particularly tight grasp on astronomy for awhile, but she also always appreciated her mother's work in the field of education.

misun could be be rather mild-mannered, but she loved to run free in the yard, as if the fence that boxed it in existed in another realm entirely. as she grew older, she picked up several hobbies that always seemed to lend to a tranquil state of mind, as it was her favorite feeling in the world. painting and surfing were two of her favorite things to do, once she learned the basics of them. some of her most cherished memories of her father were the trips they took to the beach whenever he was home for the week so that he could see what she had learned for himself. she'd never forget the proud smile he wore.

[tw:death] she was fourteen when her father's boat sank in the korea strait, he and all of his crew being lost in the tragedy. they were at least able to hold a funeral for him; and misun always knew it was something that could happen in the logical side of her brain - but that was rarely the side she wanted to agree with. it was extremely hard on the family for his already too brief presence to have lessened to nothing, and it was years before any sense of normalcy was felt. [end tw]

it was fortunate that misun was so prone to being a parental figure in the household, as she was able to help her mother with her brother and sister while the woman grieved. it was simply in misun's nature to forego her own feelings to give another what they needed.

there was a desperate need for the lost income to be restored in some way, as her father had been the primary breadwinner for the family. her mother's salary as a teacher simply wasn't going to hold four people afloat in the city for very long. misun spent years juggling her workload in school along with working part-time, putting her all into not only bringing home good grades that her mom could be proud of, but helping to keep the family's bills paid, as well.

by the time she graduated, misun had excelled so much in her studies, that she was offered two different scholarships, both of which would have easily covered the expenses of attaining her degree, a miraculous offer for the family who had no way to afford college for any of the three children in it.

the college experience was everything misun had hoped for; a chance to better herself, find herself and take a bit of a break from the full workload she'd been carrying for so long. she still worked part time, so that she could slowly add to the college funds of her brother and sister while she attended school herself, but it was nice to have such a heavy focus on her studies.

she'd come to find that she wanted to go beyond teaching. she enjoyed the thought of administrative duties in the school system; fighting the good fight so that students could always have the help they needed to prosper. it wasn't just about filling their brains with meaningless facts they'd forget over a summer anymore - it was about making sure they had the tools to make it in life.

while she did receive some brief classroom training as a teacher in her initial transition, once misun got her master's degree, she was able to fill the position of principal at one of the schools in the city. she fell in love with it immediately, as it fit right in with her facilitating nature. she had a knack for keeping the peace around the school and making sure things ran smoothly so that all the teachers and other faculty could do their jobs properly.

she even had a positive working relationship with the local school board and her superiors, one of whom seemed to have taken quite a shine to her. he'd find any opportunity to speak with her, even about the silliest things. it was quite odd for misun to see him go back and forth from a very personable man to a very stuffy superintendent on an almost weekly basis, but there was definitely something charming about him.

before she really knew it, he'd swept misun off her feet entirely. suddenly they were sharing their lunch breaks at romantic cafes and making excuses to see each other during inconvenient times. misun always saw the best in people, and the things she saw in him made her feel love on an intense plane. she felt special with him; wanted. she might have said he'd broken down all her barriers, if she'd ever bothered to put them up.

as sweet as the feelings were, she supposed she knew the relationship was inappropriate considering that he was practically her boss. still, she didn't want to let go of the happiness she felt, and that she thought he had felt to.

it wasn't long before he informed her of his suspicions that some of his co-workers had an inkling he was having an affair with one of the school faculty members in the area. he seemed to know it was only a matter of time before the truth would come out, so he would cover his tracks. he would make sure no one ever found out.

initially, they were only meant to 'cool things off' a bit so that the suspicion would die down. admittedly, if word got out about them, misun knew it would be quite the scandal, and he may have to step down from his position. it seemed like the logical thing to do to lay low for awhile.

she didn't see the next part coming, though; apparently it had been decided that she would take the hit entirely, in order to save them both. her superintendent had crafted the brilliant plan to transfer her to kwangsook academy out in the small town of yunhwa and away from the city that she'd always known and loved. she wouldn't have to worry, he'd told her. the job was all but hers after the glowing recommendation he gave her. 'thank goodness, right? now you won't have to face any humiliation.'

she was confused, hurt and more angry than she had ever been in her life. as lovely as yunhwa was, it wasn't her home back in busan. it wasn't her school district. why was it her life that had been uprooted, and hers alone? was he suffering any undesired changes in his life in the city? did he even care at all that she was gone?

still though, misun's resilience remained steadfast, even after her heart was broken. as bitter as she was about the forced move, she'd been given a job to do, and she was going to going to do it right. getting used to the small town lifestyle has been a major adjustment for her, but she's not really one to complain about her circumstances.

two years on, and she remains in yunhwa, functioning as the head of kwangsook academy. as lost as she'd felt initially, she's come to fit in at the school at last. she's a rather amicable person who gets along well with the other teachers and staff members. she's always willing to lend a helping hand when it's needed, and is extremely dedicated to making sure the school has everything it needs in the way of funding, materials, healthy lunches and meaningful extracurriculars. as unassuming as misun can be sometimes, she's very protective of her students!

#introyh #/pls forgive me for how long this got!!

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kasiopeia · 4 years ago

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i was wondering why i felt rather off the entire day. i think its because this morning my dad talked to me. so like i did pretty good in my previous semester. actually i did very good.

and this semester i was thinking of finishing up my studies, so the subjects are a lot with the addition of project 2. i thought of just going for it and risking my grade, better than putting it off and never actually doing it. but my dad really really really wants me to graduate with a 3.9 pointer. i told him im taking quite a bulk of subjects this sem, but ofc he said i can put some off if it meant securing my grade. but the thing is i dont want to. i dont want to be...alone yknow? every one of my friends are graduating this year and i dont think i’d be functional if i dont have them with me. ofc i cant tell this to dad, he’s gonna think its stupid. and logically, it is! the world is your own, right?

i feel incredibly alone rn. i tried talking to someone but they made it worse. its only the start of semester and i really want to die already haha

i wish my achievements were remembered. i wish someone was genuinely in awe with me and gets inspired instead of feeling inferior. i want someone to be proud of me, like really proud of me that they wont shut up about the cool thing i did. stupidly enough i wish i was at least one of my lecturer’s favourite student. i wish one of them would brag about me to their students. i wish someone would tell me ‘you never fail to amaze me’. i want to be good, i want to be great, but it seems im just stupidly forgettable. if i go missing no one would even notice.

every day i feel like my life is going to end soon. i’ll never reach 30 and frankly i dont think i care. i try to live, i want to love life and love being alive, but i think deep down i know i’ve given up. yknow how when u find urself in the bad route of a game, and theres no turning back? so u keep playing just to finish it? its feeling like that. im getting sick and tired of everything. i put on a tryhard, never give up front , but im actually done.

im so exhausted im so exhausted i want someone to pick me up. please care for me. why is helping me such a chore to everyone? im so tired.

#vent idk #personal

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lefaystrent · 5 years ago

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In your Kid Logan AU do you think maybe one day Logan gets really like torn thinking there all going to leave him but Virgil finds out and like have a bonding moment??? Sorry im a sucker for platonic analogical

Pomp and Circumstance

Fandom: Thomas Sanders, Sanders Sides

Pairings: platonic LAMP,platonic analogical

Word Count: 1920

Masterlist Link

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It’s Spring and Patton isgraduating.

They all knew it would happen. Anobvious outcome. Why wouldn’t it happen? Logan didn’t meet Patton until hissenior year. The months in between then and now are not altogether infinitesimal.Logically, Logan knew this would happen.

But as Logan sits up in thebleachers of the auditorium, sandwiched in between Virgil and Roman, he findshimself frowning down at the sea of red-cloaked graduates in their seats downbelow, each one waiting for their name to be called.

Logan didn’t think he would behere. That’s it, isn’t it?

That first day, when Patton draggedhim across the lunch room to sit with his friends—Logan never imagined apossibility that it would lead him here, sitting in the crowd, supporting his friend.

What does Logan remember from hisown graduation? Hardly anything, if he’s being honest. The principal and valedictorianand whoever-else-just-had-to-say-a-speech droned on, and he had sat amongst hispeers tuning all of it out. He’d never been a fan of fanfare, and the ceremony hadnumbed his brain with boredom.

Pitiful, isn’t it? Logan had beenbored at his own graduation. What was there to get excited about? He had knownhe would get his diploma and go on to college. It had been an absolute. Whathad there been to celebrate then? His classmates’ success? Although he knewthem, he didn’t know them, so why should he care?

Practical, if not cold.

Logan watches as one-by-one thestudents walk up onto the stage when their name is called. Throughout the entireceremony, Patton has been looking up at them every couple of minutes, facebeaming and hand waving excitedly at them.

Logan wonders if he himself wouldhave been this excited if he had formed any lasting attachments in high school.His parents and grandfather had been amongst the audience that day, there tosupport him. They had been very proud, but that was his family and that hadbeen expected by that point too.

On either side of him, screamserupt. He startles, only to realize that Virgil and Roman had shot up to let loosea chorus of cheers.

Patton’s name had been called andhe almost missed it.

Logan stands as well, clapping andoffering what he can. Patton looks beyond joyous. He hops up the stage stepsand—rather than shake the principal’s hand—he outright hugs the man.

“Look at that dork,” Virgil snorts.

“He’s so happy,” Roman agrees.

“I think the principal is uncomfortable,”Logan comments.

“How much do you want to bet thatPatton’s doing that on purpose?” Virgil asks.

“Why would he do that on purpose?”

Virgil and Roman share a look overLogan. Logan huffs. This is all part of theirPatton-can-actually-be-really-passive-aggressive agenda.

“I just don’t see it.”

“That’s the point, Specs. He’s goodat it.”

Patton smiles a satisfied smile allthe way back to his seat. The principal straightens his jacket like he’s justbeen knocked over by an unruly dog.

“What do you think, Finding Emo?Should we do the same when we graduate?”

“Or we could accidentally push himoff the stage.”

“Virgil.”

“What? I said accidentally.”

The conversation continues, mostlycentering around how much they disliked the principal.

From down the rows of bleachers,Logan’s gaze drifts down to Patton’s family. His parents and all of his siblingsare in attendance.

Patton’s little brother is watchingLogan. He’s looking back over his shoulder, staring up at him. Dee’s expressionis blank, observing what Logan will do.

Logan turns away and listens to astory from Roman and Virgil’s freshman year when they got in trouble with theprincipal.

The ceremony drags on and eventuallycomes to an end. Everyone’s getting up from their seats and Logan doesn’t makea fuss when Roman steers him through the crowd.

“What? You’re so tiny. Don’t wantto lose you.”

“Figuratively bite me.”

Well, not much of a fuss anyway.

They go to wait out in the lobbyarea. So many people are coming and going and grouping off and taking picturesand smiling. Roman and Virgil are talking with some of their classmates, andLogan’s just …

He’s not contributing to theconversation anymore. Not that anybody is asking for his opinion on anything.He sees that his presence is inconsequential, so he doesn’t feel guilty forslipping away.

Logan heads outside. There’s morefamilies and graduates hanging around by the entrance. Logan steers clear ofthem and makes his way to Roman’s car. They’re all going out to eat afterwardsanyway. It’s not like Logan will miss anything.

Virgil finds him sitting againstthe back bumper. It can’t have been more than ten minutes.

“Found ya,” Virgil says.

“You were looking for me?”

Virgil shrugs. He plops down besideLogan. “Sorta? I’m not really a fan of crowds. Thought I’d might as well findwhere you snuck off to. So, two birds, one stone.”

“I see …”

The noise is not as oppressive outhere. People walk by and cars filter out, but it’s all in passing and gonebefore it’s really began.

Fleeting. It’s all so fleeting.

“Patton is … happy,” Loganobserves. It’s not anything new, merely a conversation opener. It’s not really hisstyle and Virgil knows it. He’s staring Logan down but Logan is busy watchingthe world pass them by.

“I’d be happy too. High school isjust a load of bullshit. Patton’s free now.”

“He still has college.”

“Yeah, but that’s better than highschool at least. Don’t have to deal with all the petty drama and stupid kidsand teachers who think they know everything.”

“There are also professors whothink they know everything, even when they clearly do not.”

“Touché,” Virgil acquiesces, notcommenting on how familiar Logan seems to be on the subject.

“How much longer do you think they’llbe?”

“Forever and a half. They’reprobably taking about a million pictures.”

“Unlikely. I’m sure their phones donot have that much memory storage.”

“You know, sometimes I think you takethings literally just to mess with me.”

“I have no idea what you mean.”

Virgil laughs and it’s a softcomfort.

Night had fallen a while ago. Beamsfrom headlights break through the shadows from time to time. Red-robed figuresare easy to pick out. One of those graduation gowns could belong to Patton, butfrom this distance it’s hard to tell.

“Lo … what’s wrong?”

“What makes you think something’swrong?”

Virgil levels a look at him. “Ialways think something’s wrong. And sometimes I’m even right about it.”

“And you think that this is one ofthose times?”

“I know that this is one ofthose times.”

“Irrefutable evidence, surely.”

“Is it Patton?”

Logan digs his fingers into the legsof his pants. It’s wrinkling the material. Logan hates wrinkled clothing, yethe’s doing it anyway.

“What makes you think my unconfirmed‘wrong state’ is caused by Patton?”

“You’re the one who brought him upfirst.”

“We are at his graduation.”

“Yeah, we are.”

“…”

“He’ll be moving away soon forcollege.”

“… yes, I know.”

“A whole four hours away. Notexactly a quick trip.”

“Yes Virgil, I know.”

“We can call him if we want, but I’msure he’s gonna be super busy with college stuff.”

“Yes, he will be.”

“And then even phone calls willprobably turn out to be too much effort. At some point we won’t even be talking.”

“Do you have a point to thisnegative ruminating?”

“It’s what you’re thinking, right?Patton’s going to move away soon, and we’ll still be here, and he’s going toforget about us.”

He’s not wrong. That surprisesLogan more than anything, mostly because Virgil has given words to a verycomplicated bundle of emotion that Logan has been struggling to unravel.

“How do you know that?” Logan asksquietly.

Virgil shifts, his forearms restingon his knees, fingers laced together. “Because I’ve been thinking it too.”

Oh.

Somehow, in all of Logan’spondering, he’s forgotten that Virgil and Roman have known Patton for manyyears more than he has. And that Virgil is prone to anxious thoughts. Thisshould have been expected.

Or perhaps not so expected. IfLogan is struggling to pinpoint his own emotional distress, he can be evenworse at times when it comes to other people’s emotions.

“You have Roman, at least,” Logansays. It’s an attempt at comfort, but the words are layered with a hard edge.

Oh, that’s jealousy right there.

Virgil’s brows furrow. “What do youmean? I’ve got you too, right?”

Logan tilts his head back, eyesroaming over the dark sky. There’s nothing but clouds. “Not for long. You andRoman won’t be long behind Patton, and then I’ll be …”

Here. Alone.

Funny how that’s never bothered himbefore.

Virgil groans loudly, making Loganjump in the relative quiet. He covers his face with his palms, pressing theheel of his hands over his eyes.

“Logan, do you really think we’regoing to forget about you or something?”

“Perhaps not forget, but it is entirelypossible that when encountering a new environment and workload that—”

“Nope, stop, don’t even finishthat.”

“But—”

“Seriously Lo, that’s not how it’sreally going to turn out. We’re not going to lose touch or anything.”

“But even you said—”

“I know what I said. I’m wrong a lotof the time. I might be worried about it, but I know Patton’s not goingto let us stop being friends. I mean, have you met the guy?”

“… perhaps once or twice.”

Virgil snorts and Logan feels alittle better for it. “Alright smartass. Just admit we’re both being dumb andthat the power of friendship or whatever will prevail.”

“The power of friendship?”

“Ugh, leave me alone, it’s probablywhat Patton or Roman would say. Just admit we’re dumb already.”

“I’m quite smart actually. Have youseen my GPA?”

“I hate you so much,” Virgil saysand Logan laughs.

Later, when much of the parking lothas emptied out, Roman and Patton find them.

“You guuuuys!” Patton yells,running up to them. His red cap is missing and Logan wonders if he’s alreadylost it. “Where were you? We were taking pictures!”

“Ew,” Virgil and Logan say at thesame time. They smile at each other.

“Not really my thing,” Virgil says.

“I’m not partial to them myself,”Logan agrees.

“And I’ve heard cameras steal yoursoul. Wouldn’t want my soul to get sucked out, if I have one.”

“Yes, that would be terrible.”

“You both are terrible,” Romaninterrupts. “And clearly you enable each other too much.”

“Look at Princey, pulling out thebig words.”

“From where did he pull them?”

“I would say ‘brain’, but the jury’sstill out on that one.”

Roman gasps in offense.

Logan watches them bicker, afondness overcoming him, syrupy sweet. He glances over to Patton who’s watchingthem with the same expression. He catches Logan’s gaze and smiles.

“One picture?” Patton pleads. “Justof the four of us? For me?”

Logan puts on a show of sighing. “IfI must, then so be it.”

“Yay!” Patton cheers and throws hisarms around Logan. “Thank you Logey-Wogey!”

Logan’s expression softens. “You’rewelcome … Patty-Watty.”

Patton’s excited screams can be heardall the way back to the auditorium.

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General Tag List: @spectralheartt @a-pastel-pan @notalwaysthevillian @rose-gold-roman @ijustrealizedhowdumbmynamewas @katie-the-noble-fangirl @yourroyalydramaticanxiousness @aroundofapplesauce @merlybird500 @beach-fan @jemthebookworm @whats-going-on-kiddos @randomsandersides @gamerfreddie @unring-this-bell @that-royal-ravenclaw @analogicallythinking @lilygold23 @punsterterry @levy-the-b00kw0rm @tacohippy56900 @accio-hufflepuff-power1 @just-another-rainbowblog @georganabanana @grey-says-heck @crookedlyoptimisticdestiny @thesynysterunknown @idont-know-what-im-doing @idioticsky @fadingglowcloud @whizzie72 @theinvisiblespoon @greyyy523 @opaque-puppet @just-fic-me-up @wowimsogoddamnoriginal @sos-fandoms @loganeatsbooks @trust-is-overrated @theitalianalchemist @im-crunchie @mourning–star @4amanxiety @hogwarts-my-love @enby-phoenix @justanotherpurplebutterfly @internet-or-sleep @absolutesandersidestrash @seaspider10 @nonasficcollection @small-words-to-say @satanblessi @an-absolute-failure @analogical-mess @noisyeggpizzapatrol

Kid Logan AU list: @under-the-blue-moonlight @broadwaytheanimatedseries @joyful-milkshake-observation @absolutesandersidestrash @midnightmagi @justcallmepancake @nerd-in-space @thestrangedino @deathshadowrules @entitydark @vintage-squid @max-is-tired @deceitfullyanxiousprince @shai-uwu @teacupfulofstarshine @the5thcoy @occasionally-pauciloquent @oakskull @teepee-honesty @mrtacothethird @fandomobsessed-nerd @mychemicalcheezwhiz @that-smol-tired-gay @skittlesun @caterpiller-tea @sanders-sides-rebloger @penguinkool @its-the-cat-queenliz-a-bell @theresneverenoughfandoms @i-know-im-smart @ever-after-aaa @007ardra @starbucks-remy @lovebug5151 @yyeeeeeeeeett @adoratato @theobsessor1@stupidbullshitallday @soijusthavetoask @ab-artist @always-in-a-fandom @iris-sanders-athena @doing-my-demibest @connors-writing-sux @lizziepopanime @charakitcat @dall-off-weekes @kylie-with-purple-hair @wowimsogoddamnoriginal @sign-from-god-complex @pumpkinminette @cosmic-melodies @sullycreatesstuff @lovesupportandcookies @som3thing-cr3ativ3 @unicornlogansanders @rainysharkfreaklover @potato–justpotato @ghostscantdie @virgilneedsahug @thatonenerdphotographer @the-cactus-lord

#sanders sides #kid logan au #logan #logan sanders #virgil #virgil sanders #roman #roman sanders #patton #patton sanders #deceit #deceit sanders #writing #fanfiction #virgilneedsahug

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clamorbelli · 5 years ago

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hey lovelies ! i’m jaz, & i’m here to enter ur lives with my incessant use of the exclamation point & love hearts !!! <3 <3 <3 i love videogames, milkshakes, and i’m currently melting in this uk heat since i’m a simple winter child. pls excuse the parts of my blog that are still messy af, i’m slowly sorting out stats, nav, etc ( all the boring bits ) and trying to make it all look semi-presentable, so whilst i do that there are some key points about my two babies, angelo and noelle, under the cut. i apologise in advance for how long these got! pls don’t hate me ok i’m bad at pArApHrAsInG.

like this if you’d like to plot or feel free to message me either through my ims or on my discord – arcanine#0252 !

◟ * ◊ ─ benjamin wadsworth + cismale + he/him » * believe it or not angelo belongs to the mancini family. they are 19 years of age and are known to usually spend their time around magnolia’s coffee shop. the college dropout has been living in victoria for his entire life. the people closest to them describe the heterosexual + capricorn to be +placid and +tenacious as well as -calculated and -faultfinding » ◦ ° jaz, twenty-two, she/her, gmt◝

trigger warnings: death, suicide mention.

meet angelo ! more commonly known as angel by his late mother and those in his super inner circle. youngest of the mancini clan, and now 1/2 of the remaining duo, he’s dropped out of college to keep a close eye on rocco and the family estate in general.

i’ll put more about his past in his biography, since i’d ideally wanna’ iron all the details first, but he was a massive momma’s boy and always has been despite her problems. all you really need to know for plotting is that he’s been in victoria his entire life, except –––

from when he went to college last year !!! wow ! smart boy. angelo actually got accepted into MIT to study biomedical engineering, and for the year or so he was able to attend, he was incredibly passionate. he hated being away from his mom at the time, but he never let it show, as he did with most things.

when she died in late 2018, after only a few months of angelo being enrolled, he was a mess behind closed doors. he found it hard to cope, and even harder to come to terms with the fact he hadn’t been there for her in her final moments, even if it was self-caused. however, not knowing his father’s own mental state, angelo chose to stay in massachusetts, planning to come home for the funeral and that alone.

the news of his father’s suicide came not long after, though angelo’s reaction to that was far less visceral. he chose to come home only for a week, to see how his brother was and to attend funerals and events, mind falling straight into business mode and making sure to give his brother a long list of things he needed to keep an eye on. angelo had faith that rocco would handle things for the next two years whilst he graduated. things fell apart quick.

he continued to attend MIT for as long as he could, but news of rocco’s lifestyle and attitude always slinked its way down the grapevine to angelo, the nineteen year old boy at the university of his dreams. for him, a loyal mancini til’ the grave and a child who’d lost his mother, the choice to drop out of university wasn’t difficult. he left at the end of his first year, at the end of june, and has been home ever since. the staff tried to stop him, his circle of friends tried to stop him, but the choice had been made. he was going back to victoria.

does he resent his brother for what he’s had to do? not at all, he could never resent his best friend, but angelo would be lying if he said victoria was where he wanted to be. he’s now working closely with the current family accountant, being alongside him so he can keep the closest eye possible on the family finances and know what kind of deals and discussions he can afford possible business partners. it’s not surprising most turn their noses up at a nineteen year old trying to make business deals, but most are thrown onto their asses when he speaks.

PERSONALITY –––

angel is... kinda difficult? but also compared to his brother, he’s super easy to deal with. he’s a bit icy, but he doesn’t do it to ‘keep people away�� or anything like that, it’s just his natural demeanour, and he always appreciates people who aren’t bothered by his cool attitude at first and are willing to forge a friendship with him of some kind, though his persona in general naturally rubs people the wrong way.

he’s incredibly calm, and there’s very little that can be said or done to provoke any kind of reaction related to anger out of him.

he doesn’t like failure, but he is of the mindset that it makes you better as a person. however he despises people who let their failures or traumas affect them massively as people, so much so to the point where it affects their success. that’s one thing angelo has inherited from his father, his drive. his greed for succeeding. money isn’t the goal here, power is.

he’s practically a prodigy. his intelligence is off the scale and whilst 50% of that is natural ability, the other 50% is his own hard work and diligence. he’s not afraid to let you know how smart he is, nor will he accept anyone trying to tell him he’s only where he is because of his family. he seriously works his ass off, so much so you’d forget his family’s already wealthy and think he’s gone some kind of debt to pay off. angel’s always working on something, always scribbling away some kind of idea in his notebooks or planning something.

literally never stops pointing out faults in other people, thanks angel.

tends to think entirely with his head and is good at pushing emotion out of the equation 99% of the time. he’s very, very logical, plans pretty much all of his day, every day. spontaneity isn’t a word in his vocabulary and he doesn’t think his life is any worse off without it.

he has a penchant for pastries and good coffee and so you can nearly always find him these days at magnolia’s coffee shop. he enjoys his own company and therefore is usually alone, but won’t turn down the company of a friend so long as they don’t speak. at all.

◟ * ◊ ─ phoebe tonkin + cisfemale + she/her » * believe it or not noelle mercier is working for the bianchi family. they are 28 years of age and are known to usually spend their time around crystal woods. the escort, who has been a part of the alliance for 3 years, has been living in victoria for 4 years. the people closest to them describe the bisexual + pisces to be +tenderhearted and +intuitive as well as -pithless and -elusive » ◦ ° jaz, twenty-two, she/her, gmt◝

trigger warnings: death, sex work, suicidal thoughts, predatory behaviour, murder.

disclaimer: noelle’s soft. as fuck.

she was born in the south of france to two very french parents. she grew up there for most of her young life, living idyllically with little care. she was brought up to be kind and compassionate. her mother ran a sanctuary for local, injured wildlife and her father was a passionate journalistic photographer who travelled the world. she was exposed to culture, love, and nature when she was younger, and it shows to this day.

life was not to be all sunshine and rainbows for noelle. at sixteen, her father got caught up in a warzone, shot in action and killed on the spot. noelle’s mother experienced a complete psychotic breakdown, unable to look after herself, let alone noelle. the young girl watched, helpless, as the woman she had admired for so many years disappeared, taking the final memories of her beloved father with her. noelle was sent to live with her aunt in america, a continent that didn’t favour girls as gentle as her.

she quickly realised her only friend and ally in this new place was her cousin, louisa. her aunt was a horrible, hard woman who seemed to hate both of the girls with a seething passion, and her uncle leered at noelle whenever he could, copping feels and whispering inappropriate nothings into her ear. noelle and louisa protected each other, spent most of their nights out, eventually finding trouble.

noelle met him when she was on the brink of turning eighteen. maybe that’s what he used to justify it in a state where the age of consent was 16. robert misfer was rich. he was the diamond in their city. he paid for everything and anything anyone could ever want. he got whatever he wanted, and he wanted noelle. she was young, she was impressionable, and she fell so madly in love with someone she thought was her prince. they dated for four years when she should’ve been with boys her age. he had a wife and kids. she had her high school diploma. he put her through university. she answered his every beck and call. louisa tried her best to stop her, but what could she say? robert took noelle from the prying eyes of her uncle. in noelle’s eyes, they weren’t the same.

sometime during this whole ordeal robert bought noelle and louisa an apartment, allowing them their independence at the cost of noelle’s dignity.

until one day, robert disappeared. he had moved away with his family the day after noelle’s graduation. she was destroyed. she couldn’t do anything for weeks straight, louisa could do nothing except convince her to keep living – and eventually, she began to recover.

that was when louisa revealed a secret – cam work. noelle was in a bad place, she was a beautiful young woman who felt unloved and unwanted, so louisa suggested she cam on the side for cash. louisa didn’t realise just how desperate noelle was for love, the love she had replaced with the attention she gained from her fans.

she worked as a cam girl for years, doing it partly for the money, partly for the enjoyment she got from feeling empowered, and partly for the toxic reason of finally being able to get the affection and attention she wanted. she loved being a cam girl, it was her whole life, until word got out in their neighbourhood.

they shunned noelle. treated her as if she should’ve been ashamed of what she’d been doing despite the fact they all did much worse behind closed doors. she withdrew into herself again for a week, stopped streaming completely and closed down her account. it rocked her fanbase but noelle could hardly cope. she wasn’t built to receive criticism like this, especially criticism for something that had brought her so much joy, something she saw nothing wrong with.

it all came to a head one night. noelle had locked herself in her room when her aunt and uncle came to their apartment, demanding to see her and berate her for what she’d done. louisa stood at the front door, defiant, radiant, beautifully strong... but she was no match for their horrendous uncle, her own father, who beat his own daughter with his bare hands until she couldn’t breathe. noelle witnessed it all, had left her room when she heard the screams, held her cousin – no, her sister – in her arms as she died on their living room floor. her uncle had disappeared by the time the police arrived, and once the police themselves learned of noelle’s job? they could barely afford her a drop of respect. louisa’s death went unpunished. the world continued revolving. noelle was lost.

the harassment eventually got so bad that she had no choice but to move, but where was she even supposed to start? it’s not like she had any family anymore, all of her friends had long since abandoned her to avoid the fallout of knowing her, and the last boyfriend she’d had... well, we all know how that went. it wasn’t until she stumbled upon an old newspaper clipping tucked away in her cousins belongings that she knew where to go – victoria.

as morbid as it was, the newspaper clipping described the deaths of fifty of the victoria residents at the bronze, and noelle knew immediately it was where she needed to be. no one would judge her there. it was a place seeped full of history that people daren’t speak of. it was somewhere she could hide, and that’s what noelle did best.

she successfully moved to victoria four years ago, where she finally restarted her cam girl career. eventually, after a year, someone involved with the bianchi family sought her out and offered her the job of a lifetime. not only was noelle protected as an escort, she earned much more money. whilst in her day to day life she was still awkward and shy, her camming allowed her to separate her job from her personal life, letting her focus on her goal of making people happy and making her a very effective escort.

she loves animals! loves nature! wiccan! this will all be in her stats but like !!!! U NEED TO KNOW !!!!!

PERSONALITY –––

noelle, despite everything, is perhaps the most tenderhearted person you could meet. she’s gentle, trusting, and patient. she treats everyone as if they’re the most precious person in the world and looks at everything with a sense of wonder and amazement. she’s v generous, just loves !!! helping people !!!

wishes she was a princess and is waiting for a prince to sweep her off her feet. i’m not joking. literally loves love and romanticises everything like jesus shut up noelle please.

she has no backbone. her parents, and then louisa, were her backbone for her entire life, protecting her and coddling her until it was too late for her to develop a spine of her own. she allows people to walk all over her with no consequence, lets them use her until there is nothing of her left, and she’s the one forced to rebuild. but it doesn’t matter, if the other person is happy, that’s all noelle wants.

she’s surprisingly elusive and distant about her past. whilst her warmth radiates into every part of her life and other people’s lives, noelle... doesn’t talk about her past, where she’s from, and if the conversation ever veers that way she’s a pro at steering it differently. no one ever thinks anything of it because of how open she seems to be, but truthfully she’s incredibly private, nobody truly knows much about her of worth at all.

she’s pretty emotional (shock) and cries a fairly decent amount. she doesn’t deal well with being shouted at or scolded, but she does well at hiding her tears in those situations and has learned to separate that from when people are genuinely pissed at her. she cries more when people are in pain, are upset, or if someone’s genuinely hurt her.

that’s it

it’s over

thank god

#❛ · ˚ . — 𝒗𝒊. casey frey fan club! › out of character.#victoireintro #love island is on !!!! i'm distracted !! forgive me !

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tanyatakaishi · 6 years ago

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I never understood the colloquialism: you gave me a heart attack, until I met Tai Kamiya.

That’s what it feels like when I shut my locker door to find him behind it, phone on speaker and Mimi’s voice squealing at me. She’s also given me a better understanding of the phrase.

When I was young and my mom claimed I gave her a heart attack after emerging quietly from my room, I told her: “a heart attack is caused when something obstructs one or more coronary arteries and is usually hereditary or caused by a variety of environmental factors over a long period of time, not a singular moment of fear.”

She smiled and told me how smart I was.

When I tried applying the same logic to Tai and Mimi, they laughed at me.

I don’t bother using the phrase myself, even though I get it now. I know it’ll just rehash my aptitude for spouting textbook knowledge.

Instead, I hold my chest and glare because Tai and Mimi are the type that understand body language better than words.

“Mimi says you have to come to my game,” says Tai. “Tell ‘im, Princess.”

“I hear you’re locking yourself up in your room again,” Mimi tsks over the speaker. “Izzy.”

“What time is it there?” I ask her, even though I’m very aware that New York is exactly fourteen hours behind us, putting her near 9 PM Thursday evening. It’s Friday morning here and I have a vague idea of what the purpose of this long distance call is.

“I don’t know, it’s dark,” she says. “So I’m coming home next week. You better emerge from your nerd cave by then.”

Tai’s smirking as he leans against the locker and I’m already pulling out my tablet. Not too many people have them yet. Its PineApple’s newest release. I’ve volunteered to beta test a number of programs over the years. It definitely has its perks. I key in a couple lines and start walking toward my classroom.

“Izzy!” Tai says, before muttering into the speaker, “Yeah, yeah, I got ‘im.” He flanks my side, arm bumping my shoulder, messing up my stroke. I try to ignore him.

“So you have a choice,” he says. “Some fresh air at my game tomorrow or some down and dirty partying with Mimi at my graduation party next week. Your choice.”

“I’m busy,” I tell them.

Mimi lets out a very audible huff. I’m not surprised I can hear it over the commotion in the halls. “Izzy, there’s a thing called ‘self-care’ that I feel you aren’t versed in.”

Tai’s smirking again and I give him a look as I shove my tablet back into its case.

“He’s glaring at me again,” he tells her.

“Take his laptop.”

“He threatened to report me for theft last time.”

“Izzy!”

I roll my eyes and can’t wait until the technology improves so she can see it.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, Mister!” she says.

How does she do that?

I nearly trip looking for some hidden version of skype on Tai’s phone. The tech for it is in the works, of course, but Tai’s phone is so outdated it can barely get a decent picture let alone run that sort of software.

Tai’s laughing and I know, in the end, that they’re just looking out for me. That they care. I smile a bit, but it fades too quickly because they don’t know.

They don’t know that I’m here now.

That I'm torn apart, regretting skipping the game and the party, wondering if the possibility of saving the world was worth losing the things that make it worth saving at all.

...

Also on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9314519/chapters/41053793

#izzy izumi #izumi koushirou #innocent games #rewrite #my fanfiction #digimon fanfiction #omg this rewrite is a beast #i'm 2/3 #maybe 3/4 done #math is not my subject #love me with reviews

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hayleymarshalldaily · 6 years ago

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can I ask something because I'm confused and I feel like your the best person who could maybe explain. Why do people say hayley was pregnant for over a year (most commonly i see 13ms) ? why do people say hope's birthday was in may? i have scoured episodes for definite dates / references that hope was definitely conceived in april and born may the next year? its one of the biggest criticisms i see of the TO show and i feel like im missing something because i dont remember it, sorry to bother you!

Honestly I think it all stems from the wikia which people generally use as the bible of TO/TVD related stuff. They say that Hope was born the 2nd May 2012 after being conceived 24th March 2011.

Tbh I’d argue that both timelines (the actual show’s / the wikia’s timeline) is inaccurate tbh. It seems like (from me going over it quickly - so people feel free to correct me here) that the timeline puts a lot of TO / TVD events happening concurrently when there’s no proof they happened at the same time. Assuming that they skipped the same amount of time etc at the same time etc

There’s also stuff like this

“Damon mentions it’s been days since Elena turned off her humanity, most likely Elena hasn’t been at school for weeks since Jeremy’s death, so that some time has passed.”

So they’ve skipped around 6 weeks… it could’ve been a helluva lot longer than that? Half of this is guesswork (with all respect to the people that sat and ‘worked’ this out, it is guesswork with some logic behind it, but it is guess work all the same)

And again, there’s this

Note: Elena could have been locked up for many weeks trying to get her humanity back it couldn’t have happened over a few days, so most of May was all about this.

They’re skipping another 5 weeks here just to get to the 15th of June because that’s when the full moon ‘technically’ was in that month that year which leads me to my next point;

It also seems like they’re applying a lot of real world logic that I dont think the writers would’ve ever even looked at. (like the example i mentioned above for graduation they quote that gradation tend to happen in June and on that particular year the full moon was june 15th so that HAD to be the day even though I’d put money on it that the writers never looked at the Lunar Calendar. So ‘logically’ in the real world yes graduation happened on that day but it prolly didn’t in the TO timeline)

for the second skip, that could’ve been legit just a week. Which means if they’re insisting on sticking to the June 15th thing, they could’ve added a whole extra month onto the first time skip, meaning that Hope wasn’t concieved in march at all but at the end of April (doesn’t completely rectify the situation with how long Hayley is apparently pregnant, but still, I’m just showing here how the wikia’s timeline isn’t infallible and can be tweaked)

Hope’s conception could’ve easily happened later if for example Carol’s memorial had taken place later on than the wikia states it did. If things happened over a longer time span than the wikia says.

It depends how you want to look at it, going off season 2 canon;

Hope’s first Christmas was when she around 5 months old in 2012 (Hayley said she spent 6 months of Hope’s life away from her in 215 and then there was some time Hope spent with Cami and Elijah which Hayley said as weeks. Phoebe also said the twins were five months when they started filming *and* the casting call was for babies around that age) which means her birthday should be July 2012 which means she should’ve been conceived around 2011 October the previous year. But if Hope was conceived in March 2011, she should’ve been born in December 2011.

However, going off season 4 canon;

Rebekah said she spent eight months with Hope as a baby

Which if Hope were born May 2nd 2012 as the wikia is quoting, Hope would’ve been near enough 8 months old at Christmas. So if you go by Rebekah’s retcon, the wikia is right on her birth date

If you go by Hayley’s (and the age of the twins and the casting call which asked for them, which usually the actors age isn’t important but when you’re a kid and you change rapidly within the space of literal weeks I kinda feel it’s important? Because 5 month old and 8 month old babies look compleeeeeetly different) then fuck knows tbh

People have been saying since literally the day Hope was born that she was born in May though and I think that’s because the episode aired in May.

This could’ve aaaaaall been avoided though if they hadn’t done the crossover with Matt and Rebekah in 501 of TVD though. (Lets just discount season two for a minute here)

If you agree that Hope was conceived March 24th 2011 like it says in the wikia, and that Klaus finds out about Hayley in early May (as it says on the wikia) - we know that Rebekah gets to New Orleans the night or so after after she leaves MF (labour day 5th sept so anytime between the 5th and the 7th maybe) then Hayley’s already 5 ½ Months pregnant when Rebekah gets there

she’s not showing at all like not a tiny little bit (I think Rebekah even comments on that?)

and the whole wolfsbane thing wouldn’t just be an ‘upset stomach’ at that point because you know… developed baby.

Had they not had Rebekah go to MF on the 5th september, you could argue that it legit only took a month for Rebekah to go New Orleans after Klaus. And you could’ve argued that (as logic would dictated) that all the events of Season 1 took place between June and november (hope was early remember) - but either way it’s a mess that could’ve been resolved had they not made crossovers.

#Anonymous #ask #original groupies #sticking it in the OG tag in case someone wants to either refute my logic or add anything I've missed #we can all agree the timeline is fucked up #but im tired and I feel like I've made no sense and I've made a thousand mistakes with this #so feel free to correct me if needed

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kendrixtermina · 7 years ago

Text

Baby Reacts to the Latest Steven Bomb

SPOILERS

So apparently we’re getting the obligatory beakup/ couples-first-argument storyline

It seems to me that Steven’s optimism and rose tinged glasses are being adressed as a character flaw... and let me tell ya, it IS, or at least can be no matter how much our current society worships “positivity”. A person who wants to pretend their problems dont exist isnt always inclined to see yours, even if they are otherwise a generous and nice person.

my mother has this particular flaw and while i love her to bits (after all there are no perfect humans),this has at times very frustrating for my sisters and I.

and ohhh political unrest!

MODERN political unrest as in how it is changed by internets & stuff

there were certainly some analyzeable lines in there

who knew granny pizza gave such good speeches?

a lesser show would just have pulled a new character out of their sleeves instead of grabbing a random sensible cast member wth some leadership ability

aww steven not everything is your fault

thats one way to end the episode...

ep 2

im not surprised that Lapis wants to bail after all she’s been through but i expected more of a reaction from peridot like wasn’t she resolved to protect the earth join the rebellion and stick it to the diamonds?

i mean i was never among the ones who claimed she had been sillyfied but if this doesn’t get mentioned later imma be upset this was THE opportunity for conflict/character nteraction/ serious content here

Ohh OHH I take it all back I see where this is going

She does actually want to help the rebellion, but her “follower” tendencies wouldn’t completely go away because shes in a new situation and she may have been a tad overwhelme finding herself caring for someone who was recovering from so much punishment so she’s walking on eggshells around lapis now

Onions Onions lol

So they’re playing off the expectation that they’re this comey duo now but subverting it

In the end they did stay true to Peridot’s character here like of COURSE she wants to stay and fight everything weve seen from her so far would suggest it

aww poor bby the thing with ddoing the right thing is there’s not always a reward

Is that a sort of relationship deconstruction, conclusion? I may need to rewatch things & see if there was always a tedency for ‘Dot to accomodate Lapis perhaps by acting all silly, i mean they were abvle to have at least silly arguments in “the crsytal temps”

I emphasize with Peridot here I mean when you’re less affected and the other person went through something you couldn’t imagine and someone ~should~ be there to help them your own concerns start looking insignificant

Also she may feel some residual guilt for kind of dragging Lapis into this...

Then again having ‘Dot in the temple may mean more screentme especially as the Diamond’s arrival drawn nearer

Again the contrast here is interesting - Peridot is much weaker in terms of powers but has a personality suitable to fighting whereas Lapis for all her power is just plain terrified

So far the eps have been meaty enouh compared to the long stretch of calm-before-the-storm town episodes we’ve had but they haven’t even talked-over the big developements of the last bomb or the very promising trailer clips with Greg, Pearl and the others.

Indeed, distinct lack of Garnet, Amethyst and Peal so far wouln’t they have something to say about the Lapis situation?

Though mybe that is meant to emphasize this arc of Steven taking all responsibility onto himself instead of going to them like he would have earlier - it isn’t just Lapis, he hasn’t talked to them about the Connie Situation either

ep 3

It’s Greg! That at least seems like a promising sign

Texting feels

Aww even around Greg he’s this worried about effing everything up

I like the narration of the texts

Likefinally a show that instead of being “you kids with your trinkets” explores the emotional dimensions these things have become involved with

Aaand of course Greg notices * sigh * if only there were more dads like Greg in this world

And he doesn’t even push it, just “do you want to talk about it” Oh Greg you wondrous human

The house! Haven’t seen it in ages

So Greg probably mobilized the gems into cheering Steven up. They DO notice & care

lol Garnet

They try and its precious after what felt like long empty eps in which its just Steven and his thoughts, playing the “responsible” role

“a projection of the self compared to the intended delivery of the writers” lol Best joke in ages and i dont even like meta jokes that much

Ronaldo has never been so relatable

“Cool Ranch”

Steven is RLY feeling those angsty teenage years atm not too long ago he would have been super excited about this

Same observation as with Roses’ scraps I guess

And its painful because its a logical consequence of what he’s been through but on the other hand the wonder and appreciation were always what we loved about Steven?

Now he’s even dismissing extra info

PD and everyone else’s past selves just drooping as the explanation is cut off tho

I guess he’s trying hard to be mature about it and accept it; Demanding xplanations would contain a morself of curiosity or accusation

But II wanted to here, stevieboy

Its rly heartbreaking how different hes acting from... “his usual self”? IDK man maybe its jut the adult-er version of him which is not what I’d want it to be but it could nonetheless be true

OHH and now it gets RLY RL again

The parenting conversations, Greg being all out of his depht and yet very much worried for Steven’s wellbeing

Pearl continues to have some particular hangup about the PD situation

Pearl as the most rooted in homeworld society is surely not helping, portraying it as a “not that bad “ question & still believing in some of the mysticoism of their society even if she’s rejected the beliefs themselves

Now we KNOW there’s a secret there

But alas, Steven was dealing with a way more humany-teenagery problem there...

Baby’s first breakup

Human Dad to the rescue!

Aand at long last ther’s some adressing of the whole thing in a holistic way that separating it into “gem stuff and human stuff” would not have accomplished

And off COURSE it was ronaldo

the best ep so far

aww family cuddles

lets hope that was an actual shooting star and not the incomming diamonds

ep 4

lol dat grungey morning sequence esp the minimalistic ear

And using the kitchen sink b/c Dot lives in the bathroom now

The Amethyst approach to music

Aaand of course Zuke couldn’t help piling on the breakup aesthetic even though the last ep was going a different direction?? IDK man

But Dotty listening to sad music when sad is very relatable and yet more proof that wre long lost soul sisters

Was she holed up in there during the vacation tho? I guess those conversations happened offscrean to preserve the feeling of isolation in Steven’s Pov

“Uuuugh...” DAT Face too too memetastic not to laugh

I think I would ignore this if the knowledge of the backstage drama and agenda pushing didn’t leave a bad taste in my mouth

And I mean look at that relatable overdramatic grean bean the whole sequence is weirdly perf

“Whats the poooint...”

I felt compelled to admire this magnificence several times over

The unhelpful purple has now graduated to agressively tryng too hard purple

I love how Amethyst wants to go revisit & reframe everything now that she’s gotten this different POv on it and feels better about herself

“You can make us feel dumb by telling us stuff we don’t know!” She knows Peridot well XD Such wholesome friendship

Dotty doesn’t even deny it

Gotta love Amethyst

Aww its that train from back then!

Even the musical allusion

“Very convenient Warp Pad”

My lil purple has come so far

So apparently “-”Dot” is canon now

Oh. OHHH

Right we saw that Dot was actually proud of her job but I guess this is also a reframing for HER something SHE now views differently. It used to be like the birds & bees for her, but now...

Thank you , day saving flower

WH0000T I thought the plot had forgotten about Peridots “renewable energy” pland she mentioned to YD and how this could revolutionize the Gempire but it seems Dotty is going to DO SCIENCE again

You know shes down when not even the traktor RLy cheers her up

Steven & amethyst tho

This whole project holds a deep almost “spiritual” significance for all three of them when you think about it, a kind of purification

the shovel thing was so cute

Super soakers!

The Ame-Copter is back

Loving this ep

Stylish Garden flamingo

The hyping is already making me think it didn’t take; Dot was right that they should hve analyzed the flower first

Called it.

Ohh... didnt see THAT coming tho

Its like a corrupted anglerfish

I wonder if that used to be an amethyst

Ohh its a surprise smokie ~<3

not an amethyst maybe but purplish enough to be another former resident

Of course it wasn’t going to work overnight nothing ever does

but hey, hugs~

and perhaps thats just the setup for an ongiong plot arch still this could have used more of a sciencey approach

ep 5

Well judging by the title sadie is prolly heartbroken too

She prolly is but shes holdig up well enough

And hey at least Steven seems to be feeling better

Perhaps hiring a new donut boy would not have been that bad of an idea

This is surprisingly real

The whole crappy american millenial job situation

Steven is... REALLY bad at this

Lets appreciate that Sadie had a surprisingly deep character arc just trickling there heding everyting away so her mom don’t hijack it, pining away after an asshat to an unhealthy degree until she eventually just stopped obsessing over it all and letting her own self shine?

Also nice treatise on the process of art

ep 6

Soo... Kevin’s back? That sounds... interesting... especially in the light of the whole breakup situation, he was usually Stevonnies designated rival but they`re unlikely to be in the ep

Is he gonna try to recruit Steven to dudebroism in his moment of weakness? That sounds interesting bc as much as pickup artists, MRM scum redpillers ETC are frightening evil, to stop them one has to understand how they spread and what they often do is prey on young men with low self esteem - young men who don’t feel very privileged, are desperatre unhappy youngsters etc so they make themselves sound reasonable at first (at least to those who dont recognize their sales pitch/ rhetoric) to exploint natural curiosity, skepticism and a tendency to support supressed truth to then feed a person all sort of bullshit untill they blame women for all their problem - actually racists and other hategroups are much the same

They offer group identity, recognition & confidence to those who dont have it - So when it comes to fighting them, “immunizing” young boys against their salespitches with information and knowledge is just as important as fighting its most malignant supporters if not more but that doesn’t rly get as much attention bc bashing obvious evil people is satisfying and people who have been hurt & traumatized and had real harm done to them may find it hard to sympathize with young men... clearly its not the victims who need to do the work but society and those who raise & educate boys at every step of the way if society could be arsed to care

Ehh I should probably stop ranting and watch the actual episode

Should you really be giving Kevil your number?

“my crush will be at the party” is such an old cliche so the question is how exactly theyll subvert it

Unknown faces all around, prolly the less friendly side of town god job at establising the uneasy ambiance

Is that a BREAKUP HAIRCUT?

Ohhh the music slowing down the background fading away

So steven is one of those ppl who just keeps texting the void and connie is one of those pp who don’t

And I’ve been in this situation and im with connie here like if the relationship is not working because of legitimate reasons, are those reasons going to go away just because you cave and text the person back? Why would anyone keep texting like the problems will magically go away, or text back, what could the result be other than causing you both more pain

Like I understand it ttheoretically in a “humans process feelings differently” kind of way and im not bashing on Steven here but ill never understand-understand it

Conclusion: again this show gets real

Kevin is such a platonical ideal of an asshat, you almost gotta admire the purity of his asshattery

Case in point he cannot understand the friendship component

Meanwhile of course conny has been having her own private freakout

And they didnt go the cliched angle of forcing the fusion right then & there

So I suppose this made sense as a miniarc and had some pretty real moments & necessary explorations though I do want to get back to the plot now

Soo lets see whom the fandom has decided to hate and distort THIS time...

#steven universe #su spoilers

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ashavant · 7 years ago

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The American University System: Oppressing the non-elite.

So let me get this straight...in the 70's there was a community outcry to lower the amount of tax money that got put towards college tuition for future generations? American tax payers used to cover over 70% of college costs, allowing the young students straight out of highschool the ability to work a minimum wage summer job to literally pay their entire tuition. Those with part time jobs while in school were not very common. This allowed for an ability to succeed without the unnecessary baggage of financial stress and lack of sleep at 18 years old while taking 14+ credits, which for those of you who dont know is a true 40-60 hour work week alone. All of this hard work and achievement paved the way for these kids to enter adulthood as educated, debt free, and with the world at their fingertips. Not to mention, they had the incredible privilege of not having to become a self sufficient adult in the middle of the worst economic crisis since the depression...

Compare that romantic reality to our drastically different reality today. I will use my experiences as an example for this, while probably on the extreme spectrum of experiences, they are valid and carry merit nonetheless. I was always told as a child, "you have to go to college, its not an option" Yet, when i graduated highschool, my parents grew quiet. I grew up in a 5 person household in Orange County, CA (one of the most expensive places to live in the country) in a family who made roughly $40k a year, give or take (thats poverty folx). My step-father was an electrical contractor so income was often spuratic. Anyway, needless to say they had not one penny saved for my college tuition. My parents failed to put a single penny aside for anything regarding my well-being honestly. With no car, no money, no job, and no idea when or how I could recieve a college education, I was kicked out of my parents at 17 years old with nowhere to go. I couch surfed and was able to get a couple jobs, one at a crafts store and one at a sandwhich shop. After 2 long years of working my way out of homelessness, all I wanted was to start college! So, at age 19 I applied for financial aid. However, I was told because I was under 25 I needed my parents tax information. Well, my parents never filed on time and were incredible dodgy with communication. So, after months of going back and forth I ended up paying out of pocket for a full time coarse load at a community college. I was able to work my jobs and pay this, but with nothing left over for rent or food. I ended up getting kicked out of my place, had to apply for foodstamps, and had to start over from square one. Little did I know I would have to wait 5 years before I could finally give college another shot.

I had almost given up the idea of higher education. I was making good money in the food industry at this point and had a nice company car and a great home with an awesome roommate. But then, I met a boy. We traveled the country for three months with his bluegrass band and saw 32 states. Afterwards, we again found ourselves broke and homeless. We hunkered down, worked 80+ hour weeks, saved up, and moved to Portland Oregon, "where young people go to retire". Little did we know, retire would be the LAST thing we did when we got there. Cost of living was rising in Portland, but still nothing compared to Orange County, CA. We got good food jobs and nested for about a year. My boyfriend (we will call him N) got great grades in highschool and high test scores in his exit exams, so in 2014 he chose to get back into school as a Music Composition Major at age 26. His journey is a whole other terrible story. I wanted to return to school so badly, but knew I had to wait until I was old enough to not warrant my parents tax info. Finally, at age 24 I filed my FAFSA and went to a career counselor. I was directed in the career of Civil Engineering. Having no prior knowledge of this career or topic, I dove in blindly headfirst. I chose a community college due to the fact that I barely finished highschool and did not take ant exit exams. To my surprise, I did very well in my college settings. After one year I was able to transfer to a university! Me! I WAS GOING TO A UNIVERSITY! I could not believe it, and was soo excited. I had no clue how hard this would be, not the work, but just surviving through it. I should mention here that I have a mild dissability. I have endometriosis which is a chronic illness linked to hormones, ovarian cysts, and all that jazz which can result in disabling pain and in my case an emergency surgery from time to time. I also suffer from a mild form of PTSD. So, with those alone handling high stress loads can be very hard on my mental and physical well being.

Ok, so I was a 24 year old first generation college student (first person in my family to go to college) disabled lower class person wanting a higher education. Seems logical right? Well, once I got accepted to the university, I chose to change my major to Architecture, I had taken an intro class for general ed and fell inlove. My beginning of my first year was great! Lots of lectures and reading. Aside from my tuition multiplying literally 3x from my community college tuition which did not affect my financial aid disbursement, I was fairly stress free. Now keep in mind, my partner and I are both working 20-30 hour weeks to make ends meet while taking 12-14 credits. Its basically having 2 full time jobs. Anyway, the last term of my first year came around-my first studio class. I was so excited! Time to actually do architecture! I got the syllabus and was told was supplies were needed to be successful in the class. I was also told that doing all of the requirements for the assignment would result in a C grade, if any grade above that was desired extra work had to be put in. I thought, no biggie, bring it on. The next thing she said was, "absolutely no sleeping in the studio!" Thats when I had a feeling I was gonna be in trouble. After class I went to the art store got my supplies. I almost started crying as they read my total to me: "$682.80, please." And that was with my student discount and not including all of the future supplies I would need just for that term, which I will tell you now after all the drawings and models ended up being about $2,000. That is a whole lot. These studio classes also require many all-nighters just to have enough time to complete the assignments. Many times, due to having to work outside of school I could not complete my assignments or had to do them with less craft and care than I would like just to turn it in. This year, I recieved less in financial aid, my rent has gone up significantly, tuition went up, and there are new grade requirements: if you get anything less than a B-, youre immediately dropped from the school of Architecture. So, not completing assignments isnt an option anymore. This last term costed my much less money, but once I told my instructor I was out of money, his response was, "well, this is Architecture school." What the fuck am I supposed to do with that!? A roll of Velum (drafting design paper) costs $50-$70 pencils are $2 a piece, models cost like $100 each, the list of tools go on and on. I am already paying $10k a year for tuition, ensuring at the very least $70k of debt including my masters degree which you need to get your Architecture license. And at least $100k with the $500 a month I need to borrow a month for rent. I should not need to add thousands more of that for supplies my school should be providing. And this insane pressure of pulling all nighters to get done the amount of assignments it would take us to do in a whole week last term in 2 days!

The moral of this very long story is that college is not meant for those of us trying to climb the life ladder. Its meant for the already elite. Its meant for kids right out of highschool with parents who make enough money to pay their tuition, their rent, their whole lives! Meant for kids who travel to Europe for the summer instead of working 60 hours a week to make up for the money lost during school cuz you physically cannot work more than 25 hours. Its meant for kids who can call their mommies and complain about how mean their teacher is, not for those of us who cry every night about being afraid of ending up back on the streets in the snap of a finger. Its meant for kids who can work and think about school all day every day, not those of us preoccupied with being able to pay all of our bills and being able to afford food and health insurance.

HOWEVER, even if you are like me, worse, or better, YOU CAN DO IT! I have a damn 3.7 GPA. I may only get 3 hours of sleep a lot, cry almost weekly, probably have lost years of my life due to stress, and feel scared for my health, but shit IM FUCKING DOOOOIN IT! Even though our government, or school presidents, and pretty much everyone in power disagrees, you are so worth it and you are so capable of success no matter how much harder you have to work than everyone else. Because we have to work so much harder now, we will get to party that much harder when we make it. I WILL GRADUATE IN SPITE OF THE SYSTEM! I WILL SUCCEED IN SPITE OF THE SYSTEM! I WILL CHANGE THE FUCKING WORLD CUZ I AM A BADASS AND CAN DO ANYTHING YOU PRIVELEDGED FUCKS CAN DO, JUST BETTER!

#university #college #university system #academic witch #academia #opression

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pinksweatergettingbetter · 7 years ago

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ah i almsot forgot: warning, the following has mainly snarky opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

and we’re back to our scheduled programming

time to be rendered unconscious against your will you lil shit

“i hardly think anyone could pass out from eating something like this”

clearly you dont know what world youre living in, Sadmad.

...also he... might be allergic, guys. ever thought of that?

yes, EAT! EAT OR WE WILL HARASS YOU, POSSIBLY INNOCENT BYSTANDER!!! YOU THINK YOU HAVE RIGHTS???? CRAM THAT SHIT DOWN YOUR THROAT BEFORE I DO!!!!

...uh;

FIVE IS NOT AN OCCUPATION!!! EAT ANOTHER BUN AS PUNISHMENT!!!! REGRESS FURTHER!!!! HFKJGU;SUUSRSO

coping jokes aside holy shit

don’t hurt this tiny boy!!!

i hope you all feel guilty for being such pricks.

look at him. he's curled up under his jacket like a traumatized baby

at least this personality... sort of aligns with how DID is supposed to work? But now i just feel even worse. Someone get that kid a teddy and a juice-box, stat!

“Its clear that none of his personalities could be the killer!”

A) one of the three could still be lying

B) there’s four so far, what’s to discount a fifth? triggered by... i dunno, a reefer brownie.

C) I'm actually glad he's not the killer anyway just wanted to point out the possibilities youre discounting there

i love that theyre playing the goofy X people music for a traumatized five year old who witnessed a horrific murder of a loved one.

“I believe the person who laid the cards out is the very person who killed the victim” WELL.... DOY.

“How quickly you move onto a new theory when your old theory proves false!”

WELL.......... DOY

I love that theyre all just yelling and screaming about murder while the tiny child cowers behind the bench

hello??? anybody with compassion anywhere? maybe in the gallery? a bailiff? anybody???

“his emotions are spiralling out of control! something must have really frightening him”

maybe

THE FUCKING MURDER????

athena youre a psychologist; dont you know anything about calming people down or at least putting them at ease? youre gonna put scars on this kid’s scars!

i mean at least Cody Hackins was fairly fearless and defiant about what happened to him and only really broke down once it dawned on him what he’d actually seen. Owen is clearly very, very upset.

i passed out *image promptly closes eyes*

“poor kid, he's absolutely terrified of something”

KDJFKLDGDGL

“whatever it is, it might be the root of his out of control emotions!”

DSHFA;SLGHOHSO GIRSHG’

“see, all we got out of this boy is a tale he dreamt up”

fuck off sadmad

(sigh) Owen’s on his side, Shisho’s laying down, just get to it already

“rotating your thinking about?”

“oh! you mean turning your thinking around!”

“yeah, whatever...”

(SNERK)

“like the forehead, perhaps”

is that... just a random location or is it actually going to come true

also, back at the office, Apollo winces and he can’t figure out why

oh yeah its definitely gonna come back.

WHOA; OK, MANHANDLING

MANHANDLING, NOT GOOD

STEP AWAY FROM THE ATTORNEY, BLACKQUILL

yeah just fucking manhandle the stressed out anxious girl. you piece of shit. i knew me being your friend wouldn’t fuckin last.

“MOTIVE, OPPORTUNITY, EVIDENCE??? IS THAT ALL IT TAKES TO MAKE YOU STOP BELIEVING IT YOUR CLIENT?!”

to be fuckin fair, cuckoo, thats usually what loses most cases.

would phoenix manhandle athena?? would he berate her and shake her into doing her best?? i highly doubt it.

“prosecutor blackquill was just giving me a pep talk, thats all!”

athena thats unhealthy

legitimately simon’s been nothing but unpleasant this entire time. its fun to watch him wreck sadmad’s shit but he needs to keep the hell away from athena. whatever protective, elder-brotherly instincts he had for her in DD seem to have stayed in DD.

man I'm looking back at my previous commentary and i was. i was just so optimistic. how foolish. franziska, bring down your lash upon this foolishly foolish fool.

atcuall dont i bruise like a peach

jeez now I'm imagining Super Dad™ Phoenix Wright cross examining Owen with Athena instead and it’s melting my cold, hard heart

“unfortunately, i spy nothing of the sort”

again Sadmad acts like if he doesn't see the answer, then it’s nonexistent

not very monk-y of you, Sadmad.

gotta admit, i love this unique murder weapon

ive actually nearly suffocated under soft, cold, gloopy stuff and lemme tell you, its not fun.

...i love that simon took that logic-attack for us

maybe the animators just wanted to play his OH SHIT animation again

i know it looks like i pick on everything but in fact i edit these down. sometimes i take out whole statements because i rationalize them and realize that theyre actually plausible and i let them slide. so just, y’know. if you think I'm just blindly going at it, i am actually giving this game the benefit of the doubt. you just dont see it.

...if you read these

...uh

they used the pre-prepped noodles in the fridge. c’mon guys, as athena would say: Andale!

“perhaps the victim was simply playing with the cards, and they hold no other meaning”

oh NOW THEY COULD BE UNRELATED TO THE CASE

OF COURSE, NOW THAT IT’S CONVENIENT TO YOU

you sack’a shit

nice cliffhanger, kid.

Oh well; I’m partially glad that the poor lil guy can get a rest, and partially upset that his last two surfaces put him through intense anguish. maybe get Uendo drunk and go to the theatre or something, guys. poor baby could use a pick-me-up.

n no–– rise from the ashes flashbacks–– RISE FROM THE ASHES FLASHBACKS

THE LUNCHBOXES

SO MANY LUNCHBOXES

AAAAAHHHHhhhhi gotta give bucky a hand; being drunk and riding a skateboard while supporting a tower of bentos isn’t an easy feat

ew slurping

and simon extends his douchiness to the guys he's even shafting Athena for.

just, fuckin, lighten the fuck UP simon, CHRIST

TIDDIES

seriously tho; we haven’t had a proper boob joke in ages. actually Geiru kinda reminds me of April May...

Meanwhile we’ve had several testicle references, a drunk guy, and the bloodiest overarching plot the series has ever had. I think we’ve left Ace behind and graduated to Edge Attorney

to be fair the judge could totally be talking about her actual rubber balloons, considering his childlike personality at times. so maybe ITS YOU, SADMAD, WHO’S THE VULGAR ONE!

GET YOUR MIND OUTTA THE GUTTER!!

bloooon. i think Drifloon says that, too. Is that a japenese onomatopoeia or something?

ooh he sadMad

heh

i guess its up to simon’s brilliant mind tricks to save us again..?

...yehhhh i knew it

...huh. didnt expect that. impressive use of air...sword... skill.

IM NOT A KOORAHEENIST, SHE’S NOT GONNA HEAR ME ANYWAY.

i know what theyre building up and yes, i am super excited to see all those balloons pop

...i gotta ask tho, why does Athena think those balloon animals are bad?? theyre extremely intricate and they look a lot more like the thing she promised than most of the ones ive seen.

aw no the cake disappeared. i want a huge explosion at the end!!

“I’ma cut ya, witch!”

...

.....

........

i uh, i have to um,,,,,,, go now

SHES GONNA CUT OFF A TIT

GIRD YERSELF ATHENA

me, into my DS mic: HOLD IT. Hold IT. Hold it. hold it... hold it... bold it

athena; HOLD IT

simon: athena youre stupid do something. I'm not helping you.

simon: this time I'm going to do something, but god forbid you dont run with it

i dont think we’ve ever had a co counsel add something to the testimony for us before. we’ve had them hint at answers and interrupt trials to get us out of tight spots, but never directly ordering something like that. Guess that proves just how highly BK thinks of Athena’s abilities......

ooh the cakes back and there was a pop

im super ready for this

shit thats a strong balloon. i wouldn’t advice biting very thing plastic...

............

the... fuck???

sadmad: here is what will prove that Geiru IS NOT the murderer!

(geiru reveals buckwheat allergy and ACUAL RED HAND)

how the fuck does that help your case, Sadmad?? We know that the killer used the dough to kill the master by suffocating him with it. Pointing out that she came into contact with the dough, WITH HER HANDS, IS PROVING SHE DID IT.

YOU JUST GOT HER CAUGHT LITERALLY RED-HANDED.

HOW DOES THIS HELP YOUR CASE??????

ok well apparently she could die just by being in the room but if we look at how badly her hand has reacted, and is still reacting, Geiru should probably have at least some difficulty talking if “breathing in the flour” was dangerous. If her hand reacted that badly from minor contact, her throat should be shut like a steel trap. what I'm saying is, she’s probably lying about the severity.

“As if I would do anything so underhanded”

oh sad-‘trigger my enemies into yielding’-mad, youre hilarious

y’know i just realized, it is a little insensitive of Taifu to make/buy/keep soba around the place. if Geiru is this deadly allergic, he’s risking killing her simply because he can’t give up his precious noodles. thats like living with someone with a deadly peanut allergy and being all “can’t get enough of my PBnJ!!”

its time for

Off!

Brand!

Logic!!!!

oh. its not. ...ok

hang on didnt she say the dough was udon already, or am i misremembering? if she did and everyone just forgot, thats a little sad.

anyway, i guess thats... an alright twist. i still say that saying your witness is allergic to something and showing a reaction on the body part associated with the murder is stupid thing to do.

“dont lose your nerve now. keep charging forward or you'll feel my blade at your back”

I'm just gonna let that speak for itself.

ah THERES the off brand logic. and we’re finally gonna talk about those fucking noodles in the fridge. its been a long time coming.

i like that ‘ramen’ is a third choice every time

that was a pretty involved murder. “alright, kill the old man, hmm hmm... make a dish that i’m deathly allergic to to throw of the scent; just gotta get the cooking! make sure Uendo doesn’t wake up and catch me in the act~~ get rid of the dough in a way that is probably time consuming, lalala~ and there! Blooooon, the perfect crime!”

how much time did she have??

also how much blood did she lose form that knick on her forehead? if its enough to permeate an entire clump of dough, she should probably need a transfusion.

simon: dog pun. have you figured out the twist yet???? DOG PUN, BY THE WAY. JUST SO YOU KNOW.

all the balloons are there. its time.

seriously, thats gotta be a lot of blood. I'm getting Gingerdead Man flashbacks.

“i wanna thank you, simon. without your constant abuse, i wouldn’t have been scared enough to succeed for fear of what would happen if i failed!”

...its a bit premature for breakdown animations; the police haven't gotten back to us about the dough...

...i didnt like this balloon explosion as much as i thought i was going to. this is kinda just... uncomfortable.

you know, she shouldn’t have resorted to murder or blaming the crime on an innocent, but I feel like Taifu should’ve.... I dunno, either Trained her properly or let her down easy instead of forcing her to be a sexy balloon clown.

It’s clear she really, really wanted to succeed her father’s name, (which I'm a little confused about; was he one of Taifu’s students? What is Uendo’s real name then? what is any of their real names...) so I’m sure that if she just practiced enough, she’d probably be able to do what she needed to get to that level of entertainment. And if she couldn’t, letting her down easy and encouraging her to find something she actually liked instead of making her do... um... balloons would probably be a whole lot less nasty.

also wtf uendo; what did whet ever do to you

man all of these people were kind of dicks. except bucky. the guy who came to his trial drunk.

Sadmad: Hmm.... upon further deliberation... seeing as you won... I believe I shall afford you a basic sense of human respect..................

Athena: thats all I ask, prosecutor sadmahdi!

heyy he’s sobered up! or should I say... SOBA’D UP AAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH but seriously i don’t think they’ve said drunk or hungover once in this entire case what the fu

“no way... i almost got convicted out of convenience?” you, larry butz, maggey byrde and a shit tonne of other characters in the series. its actually a fairly common occurrence.

“he didn’t give her the name because he wanted geiru to find her own calling in life...”

...you know. after foisting a sexy balloon routine on her. to encourage her to quite entertainment.

obviously Taifu was using the Simon Blackquill approach to encouragement.

“making udon was his way of showing his support of her in her new endeavour”

...what does that... mean

“oh, i’ll make safe dough instead of the stuff THAT KILLS HER to prove that i support her!”

genius

“So this entire situation happened because of a misunderstanding? How sad...”

i think you mean,,, hhhh

i hate misunderstanding plots so so much

this entire case is just “he was being an asshole to ENCOURAGE you, see!! now you HAVE to forgive him!!”

newsflash: no i dont. you know what works better than fear tactics, threats and coercion?

BEING ACTUALLY SUPPORTIVE

“he probably used some tough love on you so that the shop wouldn’t just go belly up”

I SAID SUPPORTIVE. ARE YOU DEAF???

see? athena is being a little misguided but at least she's using a positive -food- to try to accomplish something.

“i’ll make sure its got all the TLC Master Toneido would’ve packed in it, too!”

you got it! one ice-cold, bitter, al-dente bowl with a side of vinegar, comin’ right up!

no athena!! brand loyalty!! mr eldoon will never forgive you!!!

“do us all proud, bucky”

or else

(flashes air sword)

Athena: I wonder if this gave me any experience as a lawyer...

Simon: HAHA WRONG, IF I HADN’T BEEN THERE YOU’D HAVE HAD THE SHIT KICKED OUT OF YOU. YOU SUCK, ATHENA, AND YOU DO EVERYTHING WRONG. FUCK YOU~!

see what annoys me about this is that when I first played Athena, I had some issues with her being too inexperienced to be a proper lawyer, especially with her court-related PTSD which could seriously endanger her clients.

However... Why are they bringing up her lack of experience in the one case (it’s not even a full case) in a game that isn’t even about her? And ignoring all the progress she made in Dual Destinies?

The way they’re talking about it is as if theyre setting up some kind of sequel; ‘you need to improve athena, you need to practice’. Which would have been all well and good for one of the cases in the first run of her own game... but Athena has been and continues to be a side character to Apollo and Phoenix. Rather than this moment coming at a crucial moment in her own game, it comes out of nowhere during a case she got last minute, couldn’t have prepared for, and is abused throughout.

what I'm saying is, the ghosts of DD past has come to haunt us. They introduced Athena too early and are bungling up her character development. Lawyers need a full set of games to let them grow. Just make an actual Apollo Justice 2 or Athena Cykes 1, but don’t insult us by pretending that this five minute shit actually did either of them justice.

Simon: I hope you stay shitty so that I can always win

brilliant.

you know, usually when a character is jerk with a heart of gold, that ‘heart of gold’ thing is supposed to show up at the end.

i was going to ignore the horrible joke but then Widget said “ROTFL”

what a... great way to end this....... great case

and so we close this one off, and for a case about tasty food, it sure left a bitter taste in my mouth.

#sulking over SOJ #soj spoilers #soj spoilers obvs]#i had so many hopes simon

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kremlin · 3 years ago

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here's an oldie (probably 2/5 stars imo)

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i've never worked a night shift before. it's been about three weeks and i am only starting to get in the swing of things being wide awake and ready to wind down with a beer at 7:30 AM on a tuesday is a strange place to suddenly be. living in a suddenly frozen desert swamp sort of adds to that uncanni-ness. it has frozen in texas and my pipes are cracked and broken there is almost no part of this shanty house that isn't elligible to join the AARP. it's one of the last ranch style ramblers left in montrose, all of the others have been replaced by bizzare brutalist white cube apartments which i assume house pod people our ballbusting 900 year old landlady (slum lord) sent out the handyman steve. steve is not a plumber which is a point expressly made to me, by steven, several times we were not forewarned of this & steve's arrival came unexpectedly 8:00 AM thursday morning is now my time to furiously discuss drugs, on drugs, with internet strangers soon to be nebulous internet acquaintances, then friends, then perhaps even those friends from the internet you've known for a decade suddenly from my desk, if the door is open, i catch about a half-degree of the window facing the backdoor. a full degree if i lean back. i lean back as to kind of avoid the bizzare reality that the other players of the space game seem to deal with the same problems i do at an alarming frequency. i lean back There;s a fucking guy back there angry at the fact that i have to now deal with this, i find our friend steve in the back yard, sauntering around, muttering to himself in a way that's between mumbling but below speaking "surely that man has a blue tooth head set" but i was already smiling wide knowing he didn't. if you're going to appear in my backyard unannounced, milling around babbling to yourself is the way to do it steve doesn't really speak english. you'll read that and think he's like any other non english speaker but that is not the case with steve. steve will get out about four or five sentences in perfectly spoken english before switching to (hindi?) for a bit. you'd think that if 80% of his communication was clear, that'd be enough for mutual understanding, but steve is all over the place steve was furiously pacing around the broken pipe when i got to the back door. that is a fact i'm only coming to realize is important now, writing this, because the person standing near a broken pipe with a wrench is a plumber, someone who is allowed in my back yard in this circumstance HEY YO i tried to whistle but made a stupid faring noise with my mouth he swings around at the perfect moment to make my sudden departure all the more awkward as i realized how waistbanding a pistol in sweat pants was extremely not working. remember where we are by the time im out of my room steve has his head poked through the back door YOU COULD NOT WITH YOUR FINGER POINT A WORSE PLACE FOR PIPE BREAK and boy howdy he was right. if you're going to break a pipe, don't make it the one between your meter and a valve, and especially don't make it one on the ground next to the garage you keep all your weirdo electronics and "vintage computers" you "collect" i sort of like plumbing. i've done some plumbing. there's an illegal stipulation in our lease that lets the landlord, you know, just not maintain the place. with my engineering background i am of course compelled to think i am somehow qualified to solve these problems. i'd like to use the expression "dive into with full force" to describe my approach but combine that with the imagery of a blind person gracefully swan diving into an empty concrete swimming pool but this is not about me, i am not particularly interesting. -- steve. steve is sort of interesting. his murmuring grew to a breathless combination of words which i thankfully mostly understood (individually, not collectively). steve was upset with the pipe situation to be described later in this document's best paragraph. he was upset at the last person to work on the pipes here because they fucked up. he was amused by how preposterously

inconvenient the broken pipe lay. this amusement was not anger what followed next was clearly anger. perplexed, astounded anger ice on the ground is something you see once every 4 years in (excellent) swamp i live in. it's a pretty reasonable assumption that a broken pipe after a freeze/melt cycle is due to the freeze/melt cycle this was not the case the pipe had ruptured due to a sequence of truly insane and utterly nonsensical choices made by the previous plumber who almost certainly kicked the bucket in the reagan years as suggested by the lead solder used to seal joints and lead paint used to, well, just hold on the pipe burst because a large metal rod was inserted *through* it. the details on exactly what went down are a little fuzzy as my simian mind was preoccupied with thoughts about some weird software that started as a fluid dynamics simulator and is now a physics simulator and an insane person simulator. i would digress and expound on this but my thoughts aren't yet settled on the space game the rod went through the pipe and into the ground, on the other end were rusty wires. it is a grounding rod, you know, for electricity. i unfortunately know a litle bit about this. you can ground a circuit through a cold water tap, like when you're lining the fence with copper wire to create a makeshift shortwave antenna with your weird kind of racist dad. water is conductive. more commonly the rod goes into the ground, which is also usually conductive so, this grounding rod, sitting between a 3 foot gap between the back of the garage and fence, an overgrown mess of decades of detritus and weeds that had grown into vines that had grown into weird anemic trees. this grounding rod was painted. it didn't come painted. it was painted. it was painted the same color as the garage. paint is not conductive. the circuitry in my house was not grounded. thankfully there is no ground pin on the outlets in this ancient home besides the one i strangely installed one day. the amp plugged into it now gives a hum where it didn't before. the ground was subsequently disconnected to eliminate the ground loop as we are in our early 20s and cannot die, especially not in an electrical fire it's sort of nice to know that even back in the 1940s people screwed up as royally and maximally as possible, employing such a degree of backwards demented logic as you'd expect from a home owner's association bylaws handbook or normal computer software anyways, steve, ohoho. oh boy. steve did not fuck with this at all. steve, the man who is self purportedly not a plumber, immediately took to the valve between the city's water main and our house with the wrong implement. an implement used to unwrench joints around a u-bend underneath a sink. it worked perfectly `I just use this for many valve. It works mostly. No need for heavy T` (steve's parlance doesn't transcribe to text very well) steve continued, `Too many tools is too bad. I use this one for tiling and for drywall and for ducks` (ducts?) he spoke while gesturing listlessly at nothing in particular. it became clear that steve's limited, nebulous tool set was carefully chosen. when you are the un-fuck-it man for an ice queen landlord you sort of have to be a plumber and an electrician and a roofer and sometimes a debt collector. the arcane set of tools used to approximate all of these trades made a bit more sense the lack of a monkey wrench did not make sense. none of steve's esoteric implements could wrench like we needed them too. i offered to purchase one from the nearby hardware store which was a great excuse for me to go to the nearby hardware store and purchase a monkey wrench, *my* monkey wrench. steve objected but i was deadset. i was buying a wrench today. the newly purchased wrench calmed two agitated souls: one was drowning in thoughts about drugs and space and coincidence. the other was angry he couldn't wrench down a pipe joint a few hours passed. several trips were made to the hardware store by my roommates and the new tennant in the garage apartment, less than $20 was

spent. i sort of farted around not helping while getting jawed at by steve who had permenently changed the subject to grand life philosophies. i'm about the last person that'll tolerate some windbag wasting my time, but between the fun of trying to decipher what the fuck steve was saying and what language (or nonsense utterances) he'd conclude thoughts with, i realized that his sensical words actually, uhh, rang true steve believes in doing a good job. read that last sentence without the disinterested, vaguely-trying-to-be-funny style this document has maintained so far this hit me on a deeper level than i was expecting i'm young and do not really understand the world very well. i'm not so young that i'm blind to the depths of what there is to understand about this world, i'm allegedly content with the resignation that for the time being i'm sort of a dumbass and will continue to be a dumbass in the future, although less so hopefully i'm going to tell you that i believe in "doing a good job", "doing things properly", "taking your time to properly solve a problem", or "solving a problem for the sake of solving a problem and nothing else". i am going to tell you that these are some of strongest and earnestly compulsions i feel. i'm not lying when i write this but i wasn't lying when admitted to how little i understand anything at all, so maybe weigh those two facts against each other nearing 200 lines, i realize i have spent the hours meant for sleeping writing a truly innappropriately verbose wall of text all because of how stoked i was that an angry muttering tom bombadil character spent an extra 45 minutes to fix a pipe properly the new pipe was measured and cut, threaded. steve's measuring tape is interspliced with further, smaller graduations he hand-scratched into a long measuring tape. the previous graduations on the tape presented steve with an unsuitably low resolution of 1/8th of an inch i'd guess this was a 12 foot measuring tape. i never saw the end of the graduations, i don't doubt for a second they extend the entire length of the tape. do you know how many notches you'd have to painstakingly scratch on to a 12 ft measuring tape to change it from 1/8" -> 1/16". well, don't: 1152 steve might be a little nuts but holy shit a master plumber could not have done a better job. the dude fuckin laid on his back, in the small pond of pipeleak water, so as to see up a length of fixed pipe so he could better lay teflon tape on the *inside threaded surface of the pipe joint*. i challenge you to try and imagine what such a manuever would be like, considering the damp slimy pipe surface, the fucking hell that is teflon tape (fuck teflon tape) all while laying in a pool of possum water at the impossibly cold temperature of 45 F my pipes don't leak anymore. there is no longer a bizzaro steel rod puncturing the most critical pipe on this property. i own a monkey wrench when i did not this morning. i am thinking less anxiously about the space game, still. me and steve sat around smoking cigarettes and communicating with each other through a method i can't describe but wasn't reliant on words. we talked about the virtues of work ethic and then we talked about those that have broken our hearts. the conversation, as well as this text, ended with a solemn mutual acknowlegement of how terrifying electricity is and how terrified of electricity we are

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pa-awesome · 6 years ago

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Small Lies That Escalated Into “This Is My Life Now”

• Found out a coworker was from the same city I grew up in. He asked what my "old man's" last name was. Being an unmarried woman, I assumed he was asking about my father to determine if he knew my family back home. Apparently he was asking about my non existent husband, so until he quit I carried on the facade that I had a husband from back home.

• My mom gave my sister a chocolate orange about 15 years ago and she kind of embarrassed the family by saying it was gross. I didn't want to make my parents feel bad so I said that I'd eat it. It was gross but I pretended to like it. Now every year for Christmas I get a chocolate orange.

• Pretended to be a girl on World of Warcraft for a solid two years. I didn't actually set out to do it, just never corrected anyone when they assumed I was and by the time I thought to come clean it seemed too awkward.

• I convinced pretty much everyone in my life that I was allergic to coconut at a young age. I simply just didn't like it at all and it was a good way to avoid eating it (logic of a pre-teen mind). My mom played along. It wasn't until about 3 years ago when my mother in law had a surprise birthday party for her husband and she made a german chocolate cake. The kicker here: she did HALF of it coconut and half without so I could enjoy the cake and not have an allergic reaction to it. I broke down. Laughed. Told them it wasn't true and I actually am not allergic. Her face melted. I hadn't realized how long I had kept up the lie until that very moment.

• When I was 12 years old, I lied about my age and made myself older for about 3 years, so I could still be somewhat cool in WoW. Now some of my WoW friends settled over with me to other games, and whenever I meet someone new, they're likely connected to them. At this point it's too awkward to explain that I'm not the oldest, but in fact the youngest in our friendgroup.

• Told one guy i was canadian bc they asked why i apologized so much. That was in 1st grade, im now a junior in highschool and people are shocked when they find out im not canadian

• I dated a guy who's father was a minister. I liked this guy a lot. I knew their church was one of those loud, dancing talking in tongues churches and his parents asked me to come to church with them. The dad did this whole long ass sermon about premarital sex and being saved. The guy I was dating kept nudging me and his family kept smirking so when they asked who felt the Holy Spirit and wanted to be saved I walked up to the front, everyone was jumping around and people were getting popped in the forehead and going into convulsions on the floor. I pretended to feel it. They smacked my forehead, I fell back, I just laid there with a few other people on the floor with my eyes closed wondering if I should twitch or something. Afterwards everyone was hugging me and his parents were crying.....

• I was working at a small company about 10 years ago, around the holidays. It was approaching Thanksgiving, and the ladies in my department had organized a pot luck luncheon. I was adding my contribution to the sign-up sheet when I noticed that one particular co-worker had signed up to bring brownies. She was a nice, single, older woman who had many pets at home (2-3 cats and as many dogs) and was regularly covered in a layer of pet fur. The day of the party had arrived, and everyone was going around filling their plates. There they were on the dessert table - the brownies. I didn't want to eat any of them, but I also didn't want to be impolite - so I told her I couldn't have any because I was allergic to nuts. Fast forward 9 years, and I am out with a friend (who had also been a co-worker at this company) I had kept since that job. After a few drinks, I tell her, tearfully, that I have a confession to make - I'm not really allergic to nuts. She burst out laughing, thinking it was going to be something much more serious than that. She is the only person I have made this confession to.

• A dude I knew was giving this girl some shit and she kicked him in the nuts. Ok, extreme reaction, but such is life. He doubled over in pain, but since he was kind of a douche anyway, no one cared much. The next day (a Friday) his dad took him out of school for some reason. Then when he returned on Monday he learned that the big rumor was that his balls ruptured from the kick, and he had to get emergency surgery. Rather than correcting anyone, he went along with it. This went on for years. People made fun of him, and he just joked about it. There were idiotic songs people sung about him. He laughed about it. Never denied it once, in fact participated in some of the joking at times. Finally, one day about 3 years later he comes clean. She didn't even actually kick him in the balls, just in the gut and it really knocked the wind out of him. After all this time, the dude who got kicked in the balls was basically his identity. Strange turn of events.

• When I was 16, I humored some Mormon missionaries to make my best friend and his family happy (they were Mormon). So after a few home "lessons" about the LDS church I had already showed a lot of fake support and interest. Being awkward, I didn't want to admit to not being interested. When they asked if I wanted to be baptised weeks later, I said yes, imagining I'd eventually back out. I didn't. Became an athiest Mormon. After months of living this double life, attending church, etc, my mom decided to show support by becoming Mormon. I was mortified. My recovering Catholic dad pulls me aside and asks me if I really believe this stuff. I explained everything to him and he thought it was hilarious. I also made him promise not to tell Mom because, again, awkward and too far deep. She asked me to baptise her and I refused. This insulted her. Fast forward a year or so and I distanced myself from church people while still maintaining the close relationship with my friend and his family. It's been 12 years now, and we still hang out weekly and nobody considers me Mormon. I never explained this to him.

• The second or third week of college my freshman year I stumbled into a room where a newly acquired friend and his roommate were playing kingdom hearts. We briefly talked about how much they loved the game, etc. Eventually, I fall asleep on their futon from general college induced exhaustion. An indeterminable amount of time later, I wake up to them quietly talking about what to do with the person napping on the couch. Not wanting to be rude, I tell them "Oh sorry - I wasn't really napping" They call me out on my buffoonery, and I decide to double down that I WAS NOT NAPPING. We get into a pretty heated argument about what constitutes a nap and the specific things that I was doing if it were not napping. I do not back down and start essentially yelling at them that I was not napping. This grew into an uncontrollable inside joke where whenever I would go anywhere with these guys they would say something like "man, its a good thing bendernas doesn't take naps", he'll be the life of the party. Or some shit. This slowly spreads to basically everything we did (small school of ~ 3000 students, where most people had some sort of obscure connection to most other people) and I eventually became known as the person who didn't take naps. (edit: i love naps) A few years later we became roommates and the proceed to wake me up basically every single day whenever I took a nap.

• When I got out of college, I got accepted in an internship. After that internship, they hired me. When they asked about my diploma, I said the truth, that I needed a few more general classes(French and PE) to finish and get my diploma. They said: No problem, but you have to get your diploma. I said(the beginning of the lie): It's alright, I'm already registered for the classes next semester. They said: Ok but make sure you get it soon! Then never asked about it again, even after changing HR management twice since then. I've been working here for 10 years now, never went back for my diploma. I know it's stupid, but let's hope I end my career here or something.

• Living in a College Town, every year around spring graduation there's one or two "I'm here to see my kid graduate, but I haven't been able to locate them" families. Usually kids that stopped going, pocketed their parents money, and/or just gave up and couldn't handle telling the family. It ends sadly sometimes. That's a big lie/deception to deal with and maintain. It almost always comes to a head.

• My first relationship. A few days in, then-girlfriend tells me she isn't ready to go public just yet and if we could just pretend we weren't together for a few days then she would be ready. Six months later, I had lied to so many people for her I can't tell whats real anymore and any time I asked her if we could stop because it was messing with me she refused and argued her way out of it. Looking back on this fucks with my head to this day. Amazing how much things like that can snowball.

• One time someone who I wanted to be better friends with showed me a metal gear solid meme and me being me I pretended to understand it. I then was forced to research all the games and their plots, Easter eggs, quotable characters, and other memes to better fake understanding. I still have never played a metal gear solid game.

• My fiance has a great one. She's a picky eater, and rather than tell her best friend that she doesn't like bananas, she told her "I'm allergic to bananas." For YEARS, her best friend would make sure everything was banana-free. From cakes, to desserts, to even clearing her house of anything banana related. After close to 15 years, my fiance finally told her "Hey, I just don't like bananas." Nervous, thinly veiled hatred in the form of laughter ensued.

• One teacher at school said my name wrong and I was too anxious to correct him. Long story short it’s almost been a year and I’m in too deep to say anything else.

• I live in Cambridge, UK and my go to answer to those "interesting-facts-about-you" moments (you know, corporate icebreakers or interview stuff) is that I got knocked over by Stephen Hawking whilst on the pavement near my house. Partly true as in he lives in the city, travels out and about on said streets. Truth is I just saw him on a path once. I was driving. People love that it's a bit different so imma keep using it.

• A buddy of mine's dad had a funny ongoing joke of sometimes referring to his son's friends by similar, but incorrect names. Trent became Trevor, Scott became Sam, Ethan became Eric. Just silly stuff like that. So in that vein he starts calling me 'Donald' (jesse is my middle name, my first one starts with 'D'). At first I thought he was joking, but he just. Didn't. Stop. Its been years, and now that we're all moved out and on our own I rarely ever see him. But he still calls me Donald whenever I do, and at this point its way too late to correct him.

• This is a small thing, I don't go by my full name but when I sign up for classes at my gym, it's done through an app and shows up on the roster as my full name. I never thought that anyone there would eventually know me by name, so when the instructor would take attendance I just never corrected in. But now I'm a year in and I'm casually friendly with most people there and I'm in way too deep to correct them now. It's not that I mind my full name that much, I have just never really gone by it.

#repost #liar #lies #story

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somedaypast-thesunset · 6 years ago

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I tell him in plain language I haven't eaten and have no money for food. He offers to loan me money and that I can come over. But it's -2 and all my cold weather wear is garbage from the 5 min I spent just going to the store. He says he has to charge his phone. I'm like OK but u can also do it on your laptop. "yeah but then I'd have to find my wallet". I gave a huge exaggerated laugh because who the fuck responds to someone asking to eat like 5hat? He thinks my reply is weird. I tell him I assume he's joking so I'm laughing otherwise I'm just depressed. He replies, "do you need money now?"

SO GCDFHJFFDXDJKCFYBVXSSJKCF

DO I NEED TO EAT TODAY? DO I? GYESS NOT BECAYSE I WOYLDNT WANT TO BORHER YOU TO FIND YOUR FUCKING WALLET.

the only mature non combative response I had was no response because I'm not even dignifying such a stupid fucking question with a response. Fuck you man. Just fuck you. I'd get more respect sucking dick for 40$. Quicker too.

And I'm trying soooooooo hard and it's just nothing. I'm doing nothing but expending the absolute most amount of effort I currently have before becoming sooo exhausted and frustrated that I'm becoming impulsively violent - much like traits I had very young that I worked to control. Like my day consists of waking up and being brought home. I smoke weed, find a podcast or video or movie to listen to but barely pay attention and try to bring myself to do anything. Like changing my clothes from yesterday. Going out to get food (which if I do is my entire morning and I'm done after). Lately I want soooo badly to get back into my shit. I used to be productive. Like I lost alllllllllllllllllllllllll drive for anything. I cannot fathom going to a job. My whole disposition says I want to die every moment I'm awake. I watched this doc about this crazy lady who starved to death in an abandoned house on an occupied street like ppl walked by the house she had neighbors but she like actively chose to just starve and die. And everyone's so confused like oh the neighbors were there she could've gotten food but no. I get this lady. I am this lady right now. I am in an abandoned house that is my body and my neighbors can see I'm here but they don't care if anyone is home. They wouldn't feed me.

In some ways I was like oh no. This lady is me. But she was delusional. Like she made ppl up. I haven't ever. But I am becoming like my mother more and more but I guess I empathize more. This lady was so depressed like she really wanted to die all the time and she was miserable and couldn't keep friends and I get it now. I got it before but now I really get it because there's no choice anymore. At some point you like... You're standing on the edge of the abyss and then u let go and from that point on its just free falling out of control. You can't stop it once it's hit full momentum. And I'm screaming cuz I did the drugs. And I can do them again so I can placebo effectvmyself for 2 weeks and crash again. I am existing solely for the purpose of a few other ppl right now. Like I can't die right here because my roommate has to find it and he's the last person I want to find dead me. Like if a stranger could spot a body that is me, that'd be good. Or like a dog finds me first. I want to go in a forest. I want my body to refuel the earth and I want animals to tear me apart like when the Indians let vultures eat their dead. I'm dead you know. People have too much control. I'm used to no control and I embrace the lack of control one has in death despite society trying sooo hard. And I'm still there you know cuz I want to control when I die. I wan5 to choose and death is not about choice. And it's hard to die. Killing yourself takes like extreme effort. I cannot selfishly take my cats with me tho I want to. I want to die with my cat in my arms, the only thing that ever really loved me besides my dad. I just want to go far far out where it's no coming back. Like even if I last minute didn't want to I want to be so far out in the woods I can5 make it back in such condition so I just die because wanting to live is the moment of weakness. This is not a moment. I am not in a decade long moment. I am suffering and I hurt and the "system" is a fools game. Like it took 100 yrs to accept certain medications and procedures as fucked up because it takes society 100 yrs to figure anything out and like I guess my hope is that because we're evolving technology so fast maybe in 5 years they will know how to fix depression. They will look in my brain and s3e the suffering and fix it. And I'll flick a switch and my memories will be neutral in feeling, not ptsd.

It's not even ptsd anymore. No, it's not JUST ptsd anymore. It's the starting long term effects of poverty. It's like.. My own mental issues maturing with me as I'm getting older and it's not easier at all?

Like I tried to do my shop and realized its so half assed and like I can't be this age and present this level of effort. I can do better I just chose not to but I spend effort doing it half assed still. I took apart 80% of my jewelry and have yet to go back to it because why. And that's sad. Like I have to be careful now to maintain what I do have or I may not care enough to do it again. I have alllllllllllllllllllllllll the time in the world to do something. Anything. Any. Thing. And I've listened to 350 episodes of last podcast, know deeply a 38 yr old man I never met who plays video games online, watched anything deemed good on Netflix, am totally up to date on s3veral news websites and podcasts and I smoke like 400$ worth of weed a month.

I don't even want to know me.

But like.. I don't pretend I just don't talk. I talk to others, share commentary occasionally but I just don't talk about anything. I especially don't talk about how depressed I am because it just bothers ppl and creates both positive and negative opinions none of which are helpful to the illness.

So im very very secluded. And I used to use isolated but that's negative. That's saying I'm forced into it. I'm forcing it. I'm not. I actively choose it now so I am secluded and extremely private.

I'm still trying though? Like I don't even know why. Today I signed up for usertesting sites because I already do contract tests for consumer reviews so maybe I'll make some money but at the same time I feel like its another dead end. Just go work at McDonald's.

Art wise, there is so much I could do to revamp my shop. All new, well made jewelry. I need all new photos including ones of my art with close ups and stuff. I want to "graduate" my art skills a bit. Like really make nice well cut paper with borders for matting and start to sign my work and like all of this means higher quality so a higher price. I can do fucking better. And honestly I'm not doing anything else right now. My mind is completely disabled and to consider working is laughable now. I know I'm not going to so I can stop being anxious about it. Fuck em. I've been doing a depression project for charity cuz that's what I did earlier this year too but this one is more personal. I have 3/5 of what I wanted for my goal but at the same time what I made is so.. Average. It's not great at all. It's just iok and does the job and I tried my best but maybe I didn't? The fact 3/5 have all turned out with fairly major issues makes me feel less inclined to continue and the whole thing pointless cuz why give something to the homeless that sucks. So u can feel good?

I don't want therapy or medication. I deeply hate society and most of humanity. I used to be OK with it and I wanted to be apart of it but I was so shit on by so many people that I can't do it anymore. It's not worth it. 30 years of shit for like 30 y3ars of average? Cool.

Still trying tho. Still asked for money for food and I'll go hungry today but I'll havevmoney tomorrow I guess. That's life. Me and the 45 ppl on main St homeless. Somedays you eat Somedays you don't. He will probably realize at some point he made a mistake - hopefully. Because if I have to chase him for it, I'm probably going to hang out by myself tomorrow too.

I'm now worried I have no good winter clothes and my boots have holes in them. I'm already in super debt. I have to get a new jacket and boots before it snows. I could've gotten an extra 10 if I braved the cold for 25 min tonight but I'm just so tired I don't care enough. I can't talk to anyone about this. Then I'm just poor and a burden cuz I have no job and spend money on weed. And I did. I put myself far into debt just for weed. I'm now working on this plan that since I've quit smoking I must be up some money so I'll slowly build funds back up by not smoking and not spending crazy. Which even now sounds bullshit. But I'm trying the testing thing as well. If I get my shop up before Xmas rush. These are reasons to try but I'm only trying because d3pression put me in debt. If I wasn't this sad I wouldn't spend this money. I wouldntvlive like this.

Honestly until I get this money I don't even have funds for the bus to get my birth control. At the same time tho I was willing to sit all of this out and wait but I have like 7 days to be paid and I can't go 7 days without eating at all.

I spent myblast 3$ on cat food and honestly just this run down alone describes how insane I am. Like there's no way it's OK for me to be on my own to this degree. No sound psychologist would say yes 100% clearly functioning on their own in need of no assistance. If someone described this to me in my moments of sound mind I would be like this bitch is dead in atleast 5 years. Prob less. Meds aren't enough. Therapy is not enough. And I don't deserve to be in a psych ward because my capacity for reasoning and logic is fully there and it's unfair to have success in q team monitored to be released into the same conditions you know.

What am I doing when my father's gone? This because no one recognized that in a Co dependent relationship there are two people who are d3oendent not just one and instead of really assessing the situation people chose to think I was lazy and living off my father (even tho I was not) ignoring severe depression and suicidal t3ndencies. Thanks.

I am the abandoned house.

Today I was trying to get ready to leave when he said he still wanted to smoke from my bong and ohh where do I have to go that's so important. And it's not just him. It's anyone who knows myclife. They d3cided my time has less value because someone who's not them d3cided to pay me money in exchange for menial tasks. Since I don't have that my time is meaningless and they can not show up to qppts or show up late or leave late or make me wait X amount of time cuz I have all the time in the world. They work u know. But I no longer care. For the people who know me I'm no longer accepting this and just going about my lif3 without them. For those who don't, I'm no longer going to share anything about my life with anyone. I'm just as valuable as you. My time is equally of worth. Fuck you for ever thinking different.

Just remember - anyone else alive, not your problem.

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