#part of me thinks it would be cathartic to fail a unit and get that pressure off but i really don’t want to

[djungleskogs]

has anyone else failed a uni class because i swear no one i know has (outside of deliberately not completing assessments) and i am soo scared that i am going to fail one of my units this semester and i am kinda spiraling

[ruby-whistler]

This is targeted at your dream apologist post, just to be up front. Just wanted to give my two cents in on some of the stuff w/o doing a whole rebuttal, since… I don’t really want to lol. To start off, I had an issue with how you framed the beginnings of Lmanberg. How Lmanberg formed wasn’t colonizing, it was just independence from the greater dsmp from a set of members that disliked the way things were ran by Dream (and by more direct extension, the rest of the dsmp citizens, namely sapnap.) Dream was protecting his power, not any kind of attachment made to the server, I’d argue, becuz in the end the way he relinquished control was by gaining more; by getting leverage over one of the original members, Tommy, via taking his discs.

Another thing, you shouldn’t be angry at ppl for not feeling sympathetic for a character that’s done such heinous things against other characters. You’re more then welcome to feel bad for him yourself, but no one else has to. After watching the whole of Tommy’s exile arc, it’s very clear to see the Dream was cruel and horrible to a child that hardly deserved it. Dream was dehumanizing to Tommy. Making him put all of his self earned items into a hole every visit and promptly destroying it all, telling Tommy that his friends don’t miss him, blowing up Logstedshire after finding Tommy’s secret room (that he hid from Dream to stop him from destroying it) filled with Tommy’s resources for escaping, not even allowing him to leave, these aren’t the actions of a good person put into a hard place, or a person with trauma dealing poorly with said trauma. That isn’t justifiable. Dream shouldn’t be allowed to hurt and inflict trauma onto another person becuz he has trauma. What he did to Tommy and to his friends (saying he didn’t care about them, saying he only cares about Tommy’s discs, Sapnap even had that sad moment of “you don’t think he meant it did you?” which. Yknow. Look between the lines methinks) was awful and doesn’t have to be forgiven by either the victims or the fans of said victims.

My opinion on the prison stay is…. I don’t really care lol. I definitely do see it as he deserves it, because what he did to Tommy was horrific. I don’t have any real sympathy for an abuser, especially one that does shit that I’ve had done to me before and done against a character I relate to heavily. So. Sue me if I think that Dream should have his shit rocked. Ignoring that Dream had very clear reasons as to why he was put into the prison and the fact that many characters have reasons to hate his guts and also not feel sympathy for him is…. Definitely the Dream apologist mantra. Noah fence ^^

One last bit since this ask is getting real long, but it was narratively cathartic to see Dream actually receiving punishment for his actions. Cathartic quite literally means “psychological relief through strong emotions” so. Yeah. Sorry ppl were getting it mixed up with catharsis, but there’s the word they probably meant to use. Didn’t realize it would be such a crime to mix up two very similar words but what can you do with a younger audience.

This isn’t meant to be an attack, or mean, so I’m sorry if I’ve been a little passive aggressive in my wording, but to be fair. Your post was as well ^^ Cant wait to hear your response, if you feel like giving one.

Alright, so first as a quick disclaimer, I’m going to out a summary of the original post’s points, just to ensure that we’re on the same page;

The post does say:

- don’t dehumanize c!Dream because it continuously hurts people who relate to and/or sympathize with him, also dehumanization in general is an inherently wrong mindset

- don’t attack people who sympathize with him because he’s a victim of abuse besides other things

The post never says:

- you cannot hate c!Dream and not sympathizing with him is wrong

- the things c!Dream has done are to any degree excused

- don’t dehumanize c!Dream because he’s a good person

- people who dehumanize c!Dream are real life abuse apologists

If you read the post and didn’t get these points from it, i advise you to reread it as I made pretty much all of these abundantly clear.

I don’t know why you’d start talking about L’manberg, but sure; I never said it was colonization. I said some people who have had their country colonized relate to him because he had his home torn apart and is desperate to return it back to its original state. This is a completely valid reason to relate to him as it is a pretty big part of the character.

Dream wasn’t protecting his “power”, because he didn’t actually have any power on the SMP besides technically owning it. Before L’manberg, all he’d do is walk around, fix creeper holes and the prime path, jump into conflicts and end them if they got too pointed - he even fixed Tubbo’s house once after Tommy burnt it down, he got unfairly mugged by Sapnap and Tommy because he had weaker armor etc. He never used his position as landowner unfairly and was on the same level as any other member; his only concern was too keep the community united and semi-peaceful. Of course he had an attachment to the server, it had been his home for months, maybe more on the SMP timeline.

Do you genuinely think listing the bad things he did is going to do anything to my empathy or the empathy of other c!Dream fans?

I saw the entirety of the exile arc live, and I saw what was happening, and I hated it, and I hated c!Dream. Yet I’m sympathetic to him when he goes through a similar situation, perhaps because I’m not a biased hypocrite.

I never said c!Dream was a good person. Saying “these don’t look like actions of a person with trauma” doesn’t make sense to me because, as you said later on, it isn’t justifiable either way. I’m not saying anyone has to forgive him. You don’t need to forgive an abuse victim for their prior actions to recognize their situation is messed up. You’re making up points to fight against in your rebuttal that I never actually said.

I’m not saying “don’t dehumanize c!Dream because he’s a good person”. I’m saying “don’t dehumanize c!Dream because he’s a person and dehumanization is wrong” and “people who relate to him shouldn’t be hurt or harassed”.

He didn’t even do “terrible things” to his friends, by the way. Tommy has said like five times that he doesn’t care about anyone but the discs but when he said that isn’t true his friends believed and forgave him. Dream says it once while something that matters to him is being threatened, so that it doesn’t get destroyed, and suddenly he’s hurting his friends (double standard methinks). As if he didn’t repeatedly try to help them and care about them up until that point and they abandoned him even despite his prior actions. He did things that might’ve hurt them, but that doesn’t compare to the amount of things he did for them. Saying he doesn’t care is blatant mischaracterization.

If you think (fictional) people who have done bad things deserve to be horribly abused and have their basic human rights violated, you know what, you do you. Be a fictional abuse apologist, be as bad as the people who say c!Tommy deserved it, go on. I disagree with you however, and I’m sure many people who are actually sensitive and care about/relate to fictional abuse victims (I have seen many c!Tommy apologists say the torture is awful and he doesn’t deserve it, thankfully) will disagree as well, so why should I care about your wrong opinion? If you’ve dehumanized him and are failing to see you’re incorrect and hurting people, bad for you. You’re just proving me right that this is a very real problem that this community has to do something about.

[radramblog]

What happened to Dirk in Homestuck^2?

Why am I doing this to myself.

I memed a little yesterday when I was posting that article around social medias about Homestuck jokes, because once again we are in lockdown and I am therefore Stuck at Home. Canned laughter goes here. But there’s a topic related to the comic- or more specifically, its aborted sequel, Homestuck^2, that I’m interested in delving into a little bit. I’m going to avoid talking about spoilers as much as possible, but considering said comic takes place not only after the events of the massive sprawl that is Homestuck but also the more linear but still messy Epilogues, some amount of sus shit is inevitable.

Anyway. Much maligned is what the Epilogues and 2 did to everyone’s favourite decapitation target, Dirk Strider, and I have a theory as to why it happened this way.

To begin with, let’s summarise what and who Dirk is through the course of the comics. Fair warning from me, though, it’s been a while since I read through this.

Dirk Strider is a teenager who grew up in a post-apocalyptic future Earth, completely devoid of physical contact with other people and only really ever gets to talk to 3 other people, only one of whom is in anything remotely resembling a relatable situation. He struggles with self-identity, having created numerous robots including an artificial intelligence based on his own brain, aka Lil’ Hal. He’s somewhat of a control freak, and a bit of a cold aloof asshole, but means well, and is pretty gay. NBD. The kinda guy to set up a plan meticulously and thoroughly, not informing any of the moving parts even if said parts are his friends, and often involving some form of self-sacrifice.

Throughout the comic he further reckons with self-identity problems and his own self-loathing including entering a relationship with Jake which doesn’t go well and he eventually breaks off since he knows his overbearing and manipulative behaviour is Not Cool and Pretty Toxic but doesn’t know how to shut it off. Eventually he reaches the God Tier as a Prince of Heart, gaining the power to literally annihilate souls, which he never actually uses since he gets yeeted into deep (Paradox) space and then everything goes to shit. Except none of that happens because of the Retcon (aside from the God Tier bit) and we don’t actually see how that shit progressed in the canon timeline. I think. Dirk’s arc, as it were, doesn’t really come full circle- while he does assist in Dave’s character…growth? he really isn’t the focus of that conversation. This immediately precedes the action climax and there isn’t literally any dialogue after that so that’s what we’re left with.

I like Dirk in Homestuck a lot. It’s hard not to, considering the flashes heavily featuring him (Unite/Synchronise and Prince of Heart: Rise Up) are genuinely excellent, along with many of his music themes being absolute bangers. He gets to interact with Caliborn a lot, with a pretty great banter, there, and the whole splintered personality thing is a really interesting hook for a character. I think he’s my favourite of the Alpha kids, a controversial pick considering I know everyone loves Roxy so much. I think, I’m not as in tune with the fandom as that statement implies I am.

And then the Epilogues/Homestuck 2 came.

Now I read the Meat half of the epilogues first, but that’s more interesting, so we’ll tackle Candy first (this is going to get real confusing for those who haven’t read this comic, huh).

In Candy, Dirk almost immediately kills himself, citing the irrelevance of the timeline as cause, an act considered by whatever mechanism governs God Tier deaths to be Just because he hates himself (and also bc of things we’ll get into), so it actually sticks. This isn’t super relevant for the discussion, but that’s just kinda so unbelievably fucked up? Entirely? I’d imagine if you read Candy first you might get entirely turned off by this, which I’m sure a lot of people did.

Meat is where the, well, meat of post-canon Dirk is. You see, a concept very quickly introduced in the tail end of the original comic is the Ultimate Self, an idea where you somehow encompass every different timeline iteration or alternate version of yourself. This was pretty clearly tacked on to make it so characters whose arcs all happened in the retcon timeline could have their not getting an actual arc explained away, but it didn’t land then and it sure doesn’t land for me now. Anyway, in Meat, Dirk becomes his ultimate self, making him near-omniscient and able to control the fabric of the story himself- for much of this story, he is the narrator. And he uses this power to fuck with all his friends really distressingly without their knowledge (or consent), including breaking up a marriage, in order to further his own goals which largely appear to be just keep the story going so to not fade out of relevance. It’s a plot that makes no sense with his previous characterisation, but I guess now that he’s the Ultimate Self he’s a different person? But I liked old Dirk, and I don’t like New Dirk. He’s a villain now, but he made a much better anti-hero.

But this would be fine if he (or the epilogues, or Homestuck^2) were written well. But they aren’t. Dirk’s dialogue is long, painfully drawn out, with tangents that tend to amount to pure wank, misused literary references and pointless metaphors that go on and on, filling the screen with a bright orange screed that hurts to look at as much as it does to comprehend. It’s not fun. And we’ve seen Dirk communicate before, obviously, the story of Homestuck is built around chatlogs, but it wasn’t like this. He was sarcastic, dryly witty, blunt at times. Even when he was literally talking to a different version of himself it didn’t get that masturbatory.

I was so confused about what the hell happened to Dirk, because I had no idea what the hell someone writing this character was thinking when they turned him into this. And then, the 21st page of Homestuck^2 dropped.

And it all came together.

What Ultimate Dirk and Terezi are referring to is Pony Pals: Detective Pony, a children’s book about some girls who hang out with ponies and solve a mystery. It’s a real book, buy it for your 5-year-old.

Except they’re not referring to that, they’re referring to the Homestuck Canon version of Detective Pony- a birthday gift from Dirk to Jane, heavily edited and to be much more obscene and eventually developing into it’s own story, stated to be “tough, emotionally draining, but cathartic in all the worst ways possible”.

Except the quote “Remember Longcat, Jane?” and references to philosophy, dead languages, and ancient earth culture aren’t referring to the three pages of the Dirk-edited Detective Pony we see in the actual comic itself. That quote doesn’t appear there.

That image is from Detective Pony, by Sonnetstuck- the 40,000 word fanfiction from 2014 that serves as a completed version of Jane’s copy of the book. An expansion of what we see in canon. And it’s a tough, emotionally draining read, but cathartic in all the worst ways possible.

It’s a very good fanfiction.

In the later bits of Detective Pony, we can start to see the origins of what would become Ultimate Dirk’s signature style of writing. Long blocks of rambling text, orange dripping down the page, references to philosophy and history and language that go on and on. And it probably does look familiar to those who read the Epilogues and ^2. 

But there are a couple of key differences here. First of all, it’s just better written? The way these rambles circle back on themselves is so excellent, the absolute absurdity of this being written on top of a pony book for little girls, the humour (beyond some of the more immature stuff), it’s just a really well-written piece of fiction. Hell, you don’t even need to be familiar with the character of Dirk to enjoy it. It’s a harrowing piece, but it’s also self-aware- because it’s not supposed to be tough, draining, cathartic etc. just for Jane- it’s clearly that for Dirk himself.

The second part is, of course, that this is a fanfiction. It’s not canon, it’s not official, this is by someone who really likes Dirk for people who really like Dirk. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, so if you bounce off it (and I’m sure a lot did), then you don’t have to keep reading it, it’s fine, thanks for playing. As much as Homestuck^2 tried to doll itself up as “dubiously canon” it’s still the official continuation of the story, and that means if it’s as difficult to get into as Detective Pony, that’s going to be a problem for a lot of people.

The other part of it is that Detective Pony’s exploration of Dirk’s character is, well, in character. When the man himself steps in as a character in his own book, the explorations of what he is as an author, who he is as a person, make perfect sense for what we see of him at the start of the comic. He is that manipulative, blunt person, and he is aware of his faults. He’s the kind of person to hide a lamentation on his own failings inside an impenetrable maze of a story layered on top of a book about fucking ponies. Ultimate Dirk does not act like Dirk, outside of the “manipulator” angle, something that Dirk was aware of and trying to improve in the comic. But I guess people don’t have arcs, right?

It’s so interesting to see the seeds of Homestuck^2 laden within Detective Pony- because the meta angle that and the epilogues take is also represented in said fanfiction. While the nature of canon is a facet of the work, the idea of authors and narrators fighting for control of a story, different ideas in mind for the characters, one being more personally connected to them than the other, it’s all there. When I wrote about Fallout 4 in the past, I mentioned being worried that Bethesda took the wrong lessons from Skyrim- seeing something successful and trying to recapture that lightning in a bottle. I think Homestuck^2 is an extreme example of this- the writers of the comic saw Sonnetstuck’s masterwork and thought, yeah that’s great, we can do that. But they just can’t. And with the comic crashed and burning, the probably won’t ever get a chance to. Dirk is forever stuck as this amalgamation of himself that looks nothing like any individual version of him ever did.

At least we will still have Detective Pony, and many other excellent fanworks, for actually good Dirk content. I admittedly haven’t looked into much fanfic written during/post-epilogues, and I’m kind of afraid of what I’ll see- I can only hope the fanbase didn’t take the same wrong lessons as the official team did.

[yunatheintrovert]

that one time in Kandahar | Bell/Belikov Soviet-Afghan War AU one-shot

You sighed, staring down at the many empty shot glasses of vodka in front of you. His presence against you was a comforting, familiar one as you leaned against him with your legs touching his. Your vision blurred ever so often under the flickering lamps hanging over the bar. 

The flames erupting from one shot of vodka set alight by the enthusiastic Afghan bartender blurred into the scorching flames greedily consuming the wreckage of the armored APC downed by the dushmani. 

That was one you and your unit hadn’t been able to save. 

And then there was the news when you got back.

Another Mi-24 gunship on a convoy escort mission had been shot down over the Hindu Kush mountains, a region your unit would soon be moved to patrol over. The crew of the crashed gunship hadn’t survived. The pilot opted to pull the pin of his one grenade over the possibility of capture. 

You couldn’t blame him.

Blinking away the orange blurs in your vision, you sighed once more. Routine missions like that could easily go so wrong. All it took was one lucky shot by the dushmani with their accursed Stingers the Americans handed out like candy-

Resting your head against his shoulder, you glanced up at your companion. 

 If it came down to it, you preferred to go out in the initial fiery impact of the crash. Still, that was selfish...

“Please don’t die,” you murmured before leaning closer-

Warm chapped lips brushed against your own with the familiar scent of vodka and aviation kerosene greeting you like an old friend-

You blinked, staring up into those gunmetal blue eyes. 

Like an old friend, the words echoed in your mind.

You vaguely heard the sound of breath hitching in surprise. 

The vodka, you distantly thought while you pulled away from him, was really helpful.

Even in the cool Afghan air of Kandahar, your cheeks heated as did your lips oddly enough. 

It was the vodka. 

Before you could stumble over an apology, Dimitri abruptly pulled away from you, suddenly calling out for another round of vodka. You stared at the tan fabric of his Afghanka winter coat as his back faced you.

You only meant to give him a kiss on the cheek.

...And was the kiss really that bad for him?

“Sorry, Mitya,” you murmured before looking back down at your shot glass dejectedly-

“ДА!” Charkov suddenly exclaimed beside you, shaking his fist in the air, “You hear that, Gusev? I won the bet! I told you it would happen before Kabul. You owe me seven packs of Marlboros, my friend-”

“Nyet, nyet!” Gusev vehemently denied, leaning forward against the wooden counter of the bar. He slammed his shot glass down, “It was one-sided. It does not count!” 

You dazedly glanced between the two, only registering the word “one-sided” with a wince. Dejectedly, you looked down once more. You didn’t mean to ruin the night for Mitya and yourself…

“Comrade,” Charkov suddenly said lowly, grasping the Mi-24 gunner’s shoulder as he leaned closer with a smile befitting that of a zampolit, “We made no such rule.”

Gusev gulped before nervously laughing, “But you know my friend...There are other fish in the sea for young Bell there. Like that Spetsnaz captain-” 

You didn’t know what exactly happened right then and there. One moment, Gusev was looking up at Charkov with a placating smile, the next, his face suddenly paled as Charkov stared down at him.

You blinked.

Before you could ask if the caviar went down wrong for Gusev, he hastily looked away, laughing once more. 

“Ah, b-but you know, perhaps I was mistaken. Sometimes, couples are just fated to be with one another-” 

________________________________________________________________

The exposed gray ventilation above you on the safehouse’s ceiling came into focus as you stared up at it. Rain pelted the roof above you in a distinct pitter-patter, yet you could still register the cheery sounds of drunken soldiers talking amongst themselves and that one enthusiastic soldier exclaiming about him winning those Marlboros. 

You blinked, dazedly brushing fingers over your warm lips. 

The smell of vodka, aviation kerosene, and Afghan dust still lingered in the air like an old friend. 

What a vivid dream, you thought sleepily. And an odd one at that. 

Along with other soldiers, Belikov was in it and you had-

You had kissed him. 

Kicking away the thread-bare sheets at your feet, you sighed and rubbed the back of your suddenly warm neck. 

Someone must have turned up the thermostat.

It really was an odd dream. 

Shaking your head, you laid back down onto the sheets only to find yourself staring up restlessly at the ceiling moments later. Hollowness ironically filled your chest in a vague sense of loss- no longing. Distantly, you brought a hand up to your aching chest right where your heart was and grasped the fabric of your shirt there. 

Why, you thought slowly, do I mourn a dream. 

There really was no point.

Dreams weren’t even real. 

Yet you never did get any more sleep that night. 

________________________________________________________________

You leaned your head against your hand, staring longingly at the pot of coffee brewing at the corner. The familiar sound of the boiling dark brew already woke up slightly. 

Usually, Sims or Lazar would make the coffee in the morning. But you hadn’t gotten any sleep and woke up at 0400 hours to make coffee. 

Now that you thought of it, ever since you came to the safehouse with Adler, you had been rather sleepy... But this was different. Just a restless night that came with an oddly vivid dream, you asserted. 

Yawning, you perked up at the sound of footsteps behind you. 

“...Good morning,” you said sleepily. 

“Доброе утро, my friend,” an all too familiar accented voice greeted in turn. You blinked, jolting awake ever so slightly at the sound of his voice. 

Quickly, you went back to staring at the brewing coffee pot by the corner and gestured to it with one hand, “I, uh, made some coffee.” you said rather lamely. Words seemed to fail you in the early unholy hours of 0400. 

You heard Belikov take a seat beside you. Hearing the timer beep and the boiling come to a low, you perked up and walked over to the coffee pot. You glanced back at your companion questioningly. You heard coffee wasn’t generally consumed in the Soviet Union…

Belikov nodded with a smile. 

You awkwardly smiled back and grabbed the paper cups in the corner, pouring you both a cup of the dark brew. Hopefully, he was okay with drinking coffee black. The safehouse ran out of sugar and cream yesterday and Lazar was up for grocery runs…

Setting back into your seat with coffee in hand, you sighed, enjoying the familiar aroma of caffeine. A silence settled in the air as the rain pelted the windows outside. There was a storm system rolling through the Berlin metropolitan area according to the weather forecast...

“Did you sleep alright?” the Russian suddenly asked, his voice filled with friendly concern. You bit your lip guiltily. Belikov was always so friendly and nice, asking about your wellbeing. Only Lazar ever really did that before. And to think you had that weird dream about Belikov when he was this considerate…

“I-I’m fine,” you asserted, “I just had this weird dream-”

Deep down, you knew better than to start explaining that dream to him. But if you left that brief kiss part out, maybe it’d be cathartic and you could move on from it. 

Like giving a confession, you thought sleepily. 

4am thoughts really were the best. 

“-where we were both getting drunk in this bar in Kandahar. And there were soldiers around us drinking vodka as well. And one soldier kept on exclaiming about him winning packs of Marlboros for some reason…” you rambled on, feeling the guilty weight off your chest lessen. 

Suddenly, you heard Belikov choke on his coffee. 

“Are you okay, Mitya?!”

You worriedly patted his back, hearing him cough even more. After a few tense moments of coughing, he settled down. You opened your mouth to ask if he was alright, only to be interrupted when gunmetal blue eyes suddenly stared at you with an unfamiliar intensity.

“Ты помнишь? Это я, Митя.”

________________________________________________________________

Author’s Note: I debated on whether or not to post this since this is probably a rather confusing AU to read. 

Basically, this is an AU in which Bell and Belikov serve together as Mi-24D pilots in the same helicopter assault unit during the Soviet-Afghan War. The overall timeline of cod cold war is shifted more than several years since the Soviet-Afghan War really started happening in the 1980s. Also, I'm leaving things vague but things happened in between Bell and Belikov's service in Afghanistan and the events of the campaign that made Bell have amnesia. So Bell doesn't remember her close past with Belikov. 

On a side note...this is why I don't write kiss scenes. I'm horrible with writing them XD. Although to be fair, this was kinda meant to not be really romantic cause Bell's drunk haha. 

Well, I hope this was tolerable to read. Thanks for reading!

[wordywarriorwrites]

Chapter 13: Settled Scores

Masterlist: The Boss of Brooklyn A03 Link Author: @wordywarriorwrites Summary: When it comes to being The Boss, James Buchanan “JB” Barnes rules with an iron fist. For him, there’s no room for sentiment, and certainly no time for distraction, even if it is in the form of an old flame. Steve Rogers had bowed out of the life a long time ago, but a twist of fate brings him right back into the fold, and face-to-face with a man he once loved. When a game of cat and mouse turns into a matter of life and death, both will be forced to decide whether they’ll be loyal to the business, or faithful to each other. A/N: Bucky Barnes Mob Boss AU. Stucky. For: Star’s Multi-Fandom Follower Celebration & Sherry’s Fall Into You Challenge. Warnings: Language, violence, drug use, alcohol, smoking, explicit sexual content, illegal activities.

As soon as he got back to Brooklyn, Bucky put everyone to work.

The Families were stronger together, and their combination of intelligence and brute force had never failed them before. The business may have been nearly destroyed, but it wasn’t irreparable, and they were nothing if not resilient.

Everyone had expected the fight to come to them. They’d planned for it and were ready for it, but nothing could have prepared them for what actually happened.

The first indicator that something wasn’t right was the sudden, unexpected lift on an offshore account they’d frozen months ago. When Bruce and Wanda dug into it, they discovered the money taken had belonged to Steve, but neither of them could figure out who had gotten their hands on it, let alone where the money had gone.  

Then, a few days later, Natasha found an article in the newspaper. Page six, below the fold, buried beneath the rest of the international news – an abandoned warehouse in Barbados had been blown sky-high. The local authorities suspected foul play, but other than the remnants of what appeared to be shell casings, cages, and camera equipment, they had nothing to go on.

Things went quiet for about a week, but eventually, another bombshell dropped. Barton had been overseeing a product shipment when Sam Wilson was found passed out in the back of a cargo container. Though the man hadn’t eaten, bathed, or slept in days, the first thing he asked for was a meet with the Boss.

At three o’clock in the morning, in the back seat of an Escalade parked by the docks – that’s when Bucky learned Steve had uncovered the truth and discovered who had sold him out. Sam wasn’t able to tell them where Fury and Steve had gone, or give them any names, but he insisted the only reason he was alive was because of Steve.

In the month that followed, there were a lot of whispers, but no actual confirmed sightings. Cuba, Haiti, Dominica, Grenada, Venezuela – it appeared they were hopping all over the West Indies, but nobody could be sure whether they were in pursuit of the betrayer or if they themselves were being chased.

It all eventually came to a head when Bruce uncovered suspicious movement in Tobago. Apparently, several plane tickets to New York had been purchased all at the same time. Since they’d been bought with cash, Bruce hadn’t been able to trace the buyer, but in the end, he hadn’t needed to.

Of all the people he could’ve called, Steve reached out to Thor; he said to expect them in five hours, and asked him to send Sam and Natasha to retrieve them at the airport. Their imminent arrival meant Bucky would get the answers he was owed and get his revenge, but first, he needed to prepare.  

Another day, another grave, and this time, there would be no mourners.

Wanda and Thor had provided the supplies. Tony made sure the police steered clear. Clint ensured those who worked the territory were given the night off and compensated for their troubles. After the four of them made their contributions, they let him alone to handle the rest.

Bucky could’ve easily paid someone to do the digging for him, but this particular hole in the ground was special, and he wanted it done right. The land was hard, nearly frozen solid, but that didn’t stop him; he forced the soil to give way and steadily worked toward making a six-by-six-foot chasm.

The blisters on his palms, the sweat on his brow, the ache in his back, the burn in his lungs and arms – it was cathartic. As the shovel moved and the dirt pile grew, he was also taken down into that silent, dark space inside himself, and he admittedly enjoyed the slow crawl into it.

Part of being Boss was ensuring that what occurred back stage stayed backstage. They always put on a show to distract the public, because what happened behind the curtain was bloody and violent, and those with delicate sensibilities couldn’t be permitted to know or see how shit really went down.

Things had gotten out of hand, and unfortunately, the masks had slipped, and they’d exposed themselves a bit too much. Outsiders had been allowed to infiltrate and rewrite the script, but he would no longer tolerate it. Steve may have selected the time for the song-and-dance, but Bucky had chosen the venue, and he was for damn sure running the show now.

This was his fucking city. These were his fucking people. And he was done fucking around.

When Bucky was satisfied, he tossed up the shovel, and used the small step ladder to climb out. The old paper mill he’d chosen for the meet was vacant and tucked out of the way, which meant there was nobody around to see him ready the center of the factory floor with thick, plastic sheeting. He’d just finished laying it and taping it down when the front doors opened and Natasha stepped over the threshold.

It only took a minute for everyone else to make their way inside, and those sixty seconds were very telling. The dead Senator’s wife and Sam’s little helper had huddled up close, and their expressions conveyed they’d chosen to cling to each other for safety, not warmth. Fury and his crew entered next, and their stoicism suggested they knew what was coming. Bucky fully expected Sam and Steve to bring up the rear, but when only Sam appeared, he looked to Natasha for an explanation.  

“He’s not here, but asked me to give you this,” she murmured. “Said it’s his payment in full.”  

A small tablet in a protective, leather case. Innocuous in and of itself, but once turned on and perused, the contents shook the very foundation of the business. There were dossiers on all of the heaviest hitters in both Brooklyn and the West Indies, and the material had the potential to completely shift the balance of power. On top of it, there were other records, which included detailed profiles on Fury’s crew, along with evidence that proved who was responsible for the debacle that had been his life for months.

Bucky lifted his gaze from the tablet and locked eyes with Fury. He didn’t have to ask if the man knew everything, nor did he have to wonder if the rest of his crew knew they had a traitor in their midst. One look at Sam and Natasha was all it took for Bucky to know they were also well aware of what had to happen.

Perhaps if it had been any other time, in any other place, Bucky would’ve shown mercy, but he’d run out of compassion long ago. He had zero sympathy for the so-called innocent and absolutely no desire to show a single ounce of leniency toward the guilty. The only recompense for treason was blood, and as Bosses, he and Nick were responsible for putting their perspective conspirators down.

“You know what you need to do,” Bucky stated calmly.

Fury said Maria’s name and both Natasha and Sam sprang into action. The rest of the crew gave them a wide berth, and while the other two women had to be forced onto their knees, Maria knelt willingly, and she was the only one who didn’t scream and beg for her life.

Bucky retrieved his gun from the base of his spine and disengaged the safety. He didn’t torture them or allow them any last words, and the only small courtesy he offered was a quick, clean death via a well-aimed bullet to each in turn.

Sam gave Fury his weapon, and though he’d accepted it without reluctance, he didn’t immediately pull the trigger. It could’ve been because they’d known each other a long time, or maybe it was because he just needed closure – whatever the reason, he hesitated, and asked her why she did it.

The litany of excuses was as predictable as it was pathetic. Maria accused Fury of replacing with her with an amateur; said it was her plan that got them into the United States; insisted Nick was the one who screwed it up because he was weak, old, and allowed sentiment to get in the way.

Fury reminded her Steve only got caught because she’d set him up; told her the man didn’t deserve to die because of her greed and jealousy; explained he did what he did in order to save Steve’s life and avoid a war. Maria retorted that Fury was going to retire and leave everything to Steve, and she did what she had to do to protect the mantle that was rightfully hers.

The back and forth went on for some time, and Bucky managed to tune most of it out, but when she said Steve was feeble, treacherous, and pitiful, he couldn’t help but be drawn back in.

“Unlike your precious, golden boy, my loyalties have never been divided,” she spat. “And you’re an idiot if you think Steve’s so-called respect for you will ever outweigh his obsession with Barnes.”

Fury shook his head, but before he could say anything more, Maria shifted her ire, and focused it on Bucky. She sneered that Steve was a chatty drunk, and all it took was a few drinks for him to get sloppy and start blubbering on and on about how James Barnes was, “the one who got away.”

“Bucky, Bucky, Bucky,” she jeered. “You pity-fucked him once, and he still cried out for you like that in his sleep. And I knew – I knew when he caught up with us that he’d crawled back into bed with you. He sold us all out! He’s nothing more than an unworthy, ungrateful, deceitful whore!”

Rage, threadbare patience, and itchy trigger fingers – it was a bad, bad, bad combination, but it wasn’t Bucky or even Fury who decided to finally shut her up.

Natasha tersely muttered, ‘that’s quite enough,’ aimed, sent a knife flying.

Whatever else may have spewed out of Maria’s mouth was cut off, and the next sound she made was little more than a wet gurgle. Blood dribbled down her chin before it bloomed across her chest.

Then, she was gone. Chapter 14: Vortex

Everything: @jennmurawski13​ @nerdy-bookworm-1998​

Steve Rogers: @patzammit @hearttoearth​ The Boss of Brooklyn: @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety @captain-rogers-beard

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael After Midnight: C.H.U.D. & Us

Do you like horror? Do you feel for the plight of homeless people? Do you despise Ronald Reagan and everything he represents? Well congratulations! You have a functioning heart and mind! But you also might be in to the B-movie cult classic that is C.H.U.D. This is a film that has at least partially wormed its way into the cultural consciousness as the titular monsters have become something of a go-to descriptor for any sort of sewer-dweller as well as an insult used to describe alt-righters and other nasty bastards (it works too since alt-right people do often look like they crawled out of a sewer). Unless you’re a cult film aficionado though, you may not have actually sat down and watched this film, which is a shame, as it definitely has quite a bit to offer.

But you know who almost certainly HAS watched this film? Beloved filmmaker, comedian, and actor Jordan Peele! And I know this because his second feature film Us is pretty much a semi-remake of C.H.U.D. No, I’m not joking. I would never fuck around about something as serious as trashy B-movies and Jordan Peele films. This is serious business right here. These movies are pretty similar thematically and even slightly plot-wise, but at the same time their different approaches really help set them apart and make each film great in their own right.

The big thing with C.H.U.D. is its function as a criticism towards the Reagan-era treatment of the homeless and the mentally ill. Homeless people are portrayed very sympathetically, with them going missing being what really kicks things off… or it would be, if anyone in power gave a damn. No, the people in power only start caring when people they start caring about go missing. Things go from bad to worse when it’s revealed that the C.H.U.D.s are not only mutated homeless people, but that the United States government is complicit in their transformation, having decided to dump toxic waste into the sewers. Aside from giving Jason Takes Manhattan’s ending some level of plausibility, this is a pretty brutal showcase of how society treats the less fortunate, and especially how the government treats them. As far as B-movies go, this one has the most instantly believable problem causing the monsters.

And it is similar with Us. The film has a much broader application than Peele’s previous film Get Out, which is pretty blatantly about left-wing condescending racism. But the way the Tethered function, their nature as failed experiments left behind by the government to rot, and their desire to simply be given all that they had been denied because the powers that be deemed them less worthy is not just stellar thematically, it is the sort of message that in this day and age is needed more than ever. Reagan is long dead and burning in Hell, but the evil he perpetuated still stands.

The big reveal at the end – which I WILL refrain from spoiling – changes the entire perspective of the film and showcases the Tethered as not just victims, but people who if given half a chance could easily excel in the upper world. But they were denied this chance, shunned as mindless monsters, and then are we to vilify them when they rise up to take what they deserve? Both of these films certainly show their “monsters” as vicious and violent, but ultimately they are merely scared, terrified beings lashing out at those who have oppressed and hurt them, intentionally or otherwise.

Both films certainly do show the oppressed commit monstrous actions, but it never really stops sympathizing with them, instead (rightfully) demonizing the government and the people who constantly put them in those positions of oppression. C.H.U.D. certainly is more cathartic, featuring the major government antagonist being not only shot but blown up, but it also tends to feel a tad more exploitative, what with literal homeless people being mutated, though I must stress the movie doesn’t demonize the homeless and paints them as sympathetic victims of a cruel, unfeeling government who just decides to kill ‘em all to cover up their own fuckup. This is one of the single most realistic depictions of government ever put on film, and for that C.H.U.D. deserves some praise. Us certainly paints a more sympathetic picture for its “monsters,” beginning with the story Red tells her captive audience, and while the reveal of their true nature is a bit more sloppily executed than the reveal of C.H.U.D. it still manages to bear down with the full weight of its allegorical impact with late-game revelations.

Another interesting thing with C.H.U.D.: the monsters don’t even appear all that much. When they do, they look absolutely fantastic; the suits are stunning achievements of practical effects, though the scene where one stretches its neck out is a bit dubious. But for the most part, even at the film’s climax, the C.H.U.D.s are mostly absent, with a “less is more” approach being used in regards to them. I don’t recall there ever really being more than four or so onscreen at once, and there’s no massive invasion of monsters. Honestly, it helps keep the film from feeling like a bloated spectacle, and the fact the film slowly builds up to the monsters appearing after a brief appearance in the start really helps them feel more memorable and iconic than other forgotten throwaway monsters of the 80s, while at the same time letting the mystery, atmosphere, and grimy New York backdrop congeal and allowing the message of the film to just ooze over and permeate you.

Us, on the other hand, keeps the Tethered front and center starting at the second act, but in this case this is a good thing; the Tethered have a lot more personality, seeing as they are essentially fully human, where the C.H.U.D.s are mutated humans whose last vestiges of humanity were washed away by the waste the government hid beneath the streets. Lupita Nyong’o in particular is masterful as Red, and is incredibly skilled to be able to pull off playing two roles who frequently share the screen and who are essentially copies of each other while still managing to make them distinct and different. Tim Heidecker and Winston Duke too really do a grand job as their Tethered counterparts, in Heidecker’s case probably more than his regular person character (not to say he’s bad, but seeing Heidecker selling a creepy killer is a lot more impressive than seeing him play a douchebag husband).

Out of the two, I think it goes without saying that Us is the better film. It has all around better acting, it has the most incredible foreshadowing I have ever seen with every little thing foreshadowed getting a satisfying payoff, it has a great soundtrack, it has some moderately enjoyable humor, it’s paced very well… but here’s the thing: C.H.U.D.s big reveal of the true nature of its monsters is a bit better executed. A lot of people get hung up on how Us overexplains the origin of its monsters, and while it certainly doesn’t bother me because the Tethered are still an effective allegorical implement regardless of their in-universe origin, I can’t help but feel the reveal that the government mutating homeless people into cannibalistic sewer monsters and then just… not giving a shit about it was just a bit better executed. However, I feel like watching C.H.U.D. actually helps improve the big reveal at Us by token of being so similar that the latter’s twist becomes far easier to swallow.

Both of these movies are great for what they’re going for. Jordan Peele’s Us is a fantastic horror film that uses the genre as a way to showcase the effect privilege has on those without it, whether you intend it to or not; C.H.U.D. is a classic B-movie that, while perhaps still a bit exploitative, is ultimately incredibly sympathetic to the plight of the homeless as well as extremely critical of the government that would put them in such danger. Both films are fantastic in their own right, and I highly recommend both to any horror fans, especially those who love some sweet, sweet allegory alongside their brutal murders.

Both of these films are some of my favorites for really pushing the boundaries of what a horror film can do, story-wise. I think C.H.U.D. is a bit more ambitious in some ways, being a pretty direct attack on the Reagan-era government, as well as being relatively sympathetic to lower class people in a time when that wasn’t really the norm. For its time, it really is an impressive work, while Us, while certainly delivering a message that has strong impact, is a bit more open to interpretation and honestly lacking a bit of the gut punch that Peele’s Get Out had in terms of conveying and delivering said message. Still, I think Us is just better for refining what C.H.U.D. was trying to do and delivering it in a more polished form with better actors, a better budget, and just overall more intelligence and visual flair… which is not to say C.H.U.D. was lacking either, as it paints an incredibly dark and grimy picture of New York that I absolutely love, it’s just that it’s hard to deny that Peele is just a better filmmaker than the director of C.H.U.D. and really knew what he was doing. But again: both fantastic films in their own right, and both definitely worth watching.

[langwrites]

Lang Plays Fire Emblem: Three Houses

So a while ago I said I was planning on playing the story routes in this order: Blue Lions, Black Eagles, Church of Seiros, and then Golden Deer.

The Golden Deer made a liar out of me.

So, here’s an approximation of What Happened During Verdant Wind.

So many spoilers below the cut, you guys. I do a lot of route comparisons.

Okay, I’ve been staring at the “which house do you want” selection screen for an embarrassing amount of time.

This shouldn’t be hard. I had a plan.

But no.

I clicked the Golden Deer, just like that. What the fuck, Claude. I blame you.

Immediately upon talking to this rop of students again, I can feel the difference in the social group from what the Lions were like. The latter were really a bunch of noble kids around their prince, and they felt really tight-knit. Classic Fire Emblem starter crew.

The Golden Deer is the fucking Scooby Gang.

First impressions of individuals:

Raphael, thank goodness, is the one character who absolutely has his shit in order. Sure, he’s bad at book work and thinks everything comes down to MUSCLES, but all of his emotional issues are handled by the time he arrives at Garreg Mach. He’s the brightest of sunshines.

Ignatz needs some more confidence in his art, and also I want to see his painting of Seiros. Now, if only both of his offensive stats and growths weren’t incredibly bad.

I was so close to making him my dancer. Just because he sure as hell wasn’t gonna be useful anywhere else.

Lorenz! I don’t like him. His haircut is a monstrosity.

Leonie! We are going. To be. Besties. Even though the timing of your support conversations are incredibly bad.

Marianne no please don’t be sad everyone loves you

Hilda is the greatest enabler I have ever seen. By which I mean she enables other people to do all her work for her.

Lysithea is going to have the last word with God. And especially he Death Knight.

And finally Claude! Teamwork makes the dream work, so obviously meme work does the same.

I’m sorry.

PRE-TIMESKIP

Mock battle! Marianne’s great and I love her and also the only healer oh god.

OKAY. I have access to New Game+ bonuses. What do I do first?

Immediately crank the Professor Level stat to max to avoid ever having to run short of activity points again.

Next, raise all skills I can’t easily get to at least Rank D+. HEAVY ARMOR IN PARTICULAR.

Third: Boost supports with people whose support ranks are an absolute pain in the ass to earn. Lookin’ at you, Rhea.

Also, put glasses on Byleth (named “Yuri” for this playthrough). Glasses are the bomb. I am the evil genius.

LEVEL GRINDING TIME.

It’s a lot harder with Blacksmith access being story-locked, but I can do this!

As a direct result, every single battle after this point is a complete curbstomp in my favor. Because the grind don’t stop.

I broke a lot more weapons than last time, though.

I will befriend Leonie and Ferdinand if it’s the last fucking thing I do. I will befriend everyone, and I will not get timeskip-locked out of supports! >:(

Ferdinand was my first recruit. Oh dear.

Okay, there are like five born cavaliers in this game. Leonie, Ferdinand, Lorenz, Sylvain, and I guess Dimitri if you’re on the right route.

Last time, Sylvain was a great paladin and a decent Dark Knight before he started getting one- or two-stat level ups for like thirty levels. Similarly, Dimitri was great until all his ultra-secret-awesome promotions didn’t use a fucking horse.

Contrast Leonie who, despite sitting out 99% of the game out of spite from me getting locked out of her support chain, went to endgame with a ten-level deficit and still rocked.

Ferdinand didn’t count since I failed to recruit him last time and he died. These two facts are directly related.

I didn’t use Lorenz at all; I recruited him to keep from having to kill him later.

This time, Lorenz straight-up sucks, Sylvain did the terrible level dance for like the entire game, and Dimitri’s not recruitable.

Contrast, again, Leonie. Her support chain with the player character is hot garbage, but she plowed through most of the game as a mainstay of my team and made it to Bow Knight first out of anyone.

Bernadetta and Ashe as Bow Knights don’t even come close to being as durable as she is, except for Ashe’s absolutely bananas Resistance. 29?! WHY?!

And Ferdinand is also awesome. His only real weak point is Resistance, but he doesn’t need it. He dodge-tanks everything, is faster than Leonie, and has two Saints’ relics he unknowingly stole from Seteth.

He still talks in MLA format, though.

I started putting off recruiting people so I wouldn’t have to level-grind them up to par with the rest of my team.

But if these people wanna join, of course I’m saying yes.

Lord Lonato’s rebellion and Miklan yoinking the Lance of Ruin feel way less relevant on a Golden Deer playthrough than on a Blue Lions one. None of the Herd really know who the hell these people are.

I say that despite having already recruited Sylvain for this playthrough and deploying him in the relevant level. He wasn’t treated as there by the game’s preamble cutscenes.

At least the Holy Mausoleum stuff feels more...handled? Claude actually asks questions about rebellion and about the “assassination plot,” where Dimitri didn’t really.

OKAY SO there’s this whole plot thing where Flayn goes missing for a month. With the Blue Lions, this is handled like a manhunt. Dimitri’s seriousness about the issue rubs off on everyone except Sylvain, and Felix actually correctly identifies the culprit almost instantly. He doesn’t know he’s done it, though, because basically everyone is just throwing out accusations. Manuela is the real MVP.

CONTRAST THE DEER. The very first meeting reads like a Scooby Doo episode, when they’re piling up clues and throwing out suggestions like the gang of goofball teenagers they are. Claude’s got this group running like Persona 4′s Investigation Team. None of them are jaded or frantic, they’re just doing this.

Why did Rhea entrust the investigation to a herd of teenagers.

Anyway, the rest proceeds as usual.

I don’t know why the game tries to drop the same set of hints for each route. “OoooowoooooOOOOoooo, your house leader might be the FLAME EMPEROR.”

The Flame Emperor wears heels. And is still too short to be either Claude or Dimitri. Especially Dimitri. Who the fuck let this kid get so tall.

The only real result of all this bullshit is that my wyvern-riding sniper of doom is not available during the first map where Yuri personally beat the Death Knight into the ground.

Which, by the by, was hilariously cathartic.

It doesn’t exactly matter, since the only unit who can make real use of the Dark Mage and Dark Bishop classes is unrecruitable, but bragging rights.

Remire Village’s drama is about as bad while playing as the Golden Deer. One of the foreshadowing cutscenes, though is excellent:

Claude actually finds a book that depicts The Immaculate One before its debut, only to have it confiscated by Seteth and learn that it wasn’t a library book at all; it belonged to “Tomas.” Like, all of his suspicions--which he shares with the player--start lining up. Censorship! Monsters! Sword of the Creator! What the hell is going on here??

Dimitri’s version of the cutscene involves him being caught investigating Lord Arundel by the player and Sothis. Which--since his route doesn’t meaningfully deal with the Morlocks faction aside from steamrolling them as incidental opponents--seems kinda useless.

Kicked the Death Knight into submission again out of spite.

Sylvain was useful! Mostly because I had him sit there and distract the incidentals while Claude and Lysithea cleaned house, but still!

Claude is the only lord character who seems to understand that the transforming Morlock faction probably needs to be taken more seriously. For the remainder of Part One, no one does so.

Rhea you’ve got some ‘splainin to do.

Marianne’s my team’s dancer this time. She’s a sweetheart. She seemed happy to be asked and to pursue the lessons, and being able to use Physic is a good trait in someone who’s nearly always going to be waaaaay behind the rest of the group.

Dad-stabbing happened.

Again.

Boop boop Solon’s dead.

Again.

Dear diary: I learned the definition of irony and set the Flame Emperor on fire.

I kid.

But Claude took her out in one completely overpowered shot, because crits are a thing, Flame Emperor class skills don’t reduce damage enough to survive it, and his Dex stat is through the fucking roof. And he was on a wyvern at the time because fuck it, why not.

Claude’s reaction to all of this is a minor letdown compared to the fully-rendered cutscene in the last route.

This would become something of a trend--taking out OP bosses with unexpected critical hits.

I didn’t expect to like Lorenz and now I do. How.

This is hilarious simply because he seems to be the only character that Mercedes hates. What the fuck, man.

Once again, Edelgard invades! Once again, I drop someone unexpected on her head!

Not really. It was Yuri.

Yuri does the timeskip shuffle and we’ll see everyone again after a nap.

FIVE YEARS LATER.

Aw, Claude was waiting for Yuri to show up. Adorable.

The post-meetup fight is actually harder than it was in the BL route, despite excessive level-grinding. This is due to three factors:

Claude is automatically on a wyvern, meaning that he has inherent class vulnerability to archers on a map with at least five of them. And less range than they did, for some fucking reason.

Lorenz and Ignatz started out on the same corner of the map and both of them are shitty offensive units who could barely kill a mage between them. (Neither of Ignatz’s offensive stats cracked 20 for another thirteen levels.)

I don’t have Ashe and his personal skill Locktouch, and nobody started with a Chest Key or Door Key, which meant I had to keep various enemies alive long enough to steal all of their stuff. And the enemy item drops came up one short of the number of chests on the map. I want my stuff, dammit.

LET’S MAKE A SCENE.

Randolph, as a boss in Verdant Wind, did not get any better at figuring out when he’s outmatched. Therefore, I killed him with Raphael again.

At least he straight-up died this time.

Claude didn’t even get to set the damn place on fire.

Ingrid is turning out to be way better of a unit this time than she was last time. She’s a little slower, but a lot stronger.

FELIX, WHERE THE FUCK WAS ALL THIS STRENGTH HIDING LAST TIME. YOU’RE TEN POINTS AHEAD OF THE GUY WHO HAS STORY-BASED SUPER STRENGTH.

AND SPEED.

Iiiiiiiiit’s JUDITH!

She only shows up on one map in the entire Azure Moon route, and that’s a damn shame. She’s so cool in Verdant Wind.

A lord-class character who isn’t also a Lord! WOO!

Also her spies are better than anybody’s apparently.

I am choosing to believe that because Ingrid’s family is related to Judith’s, her badassery in this route is the direct result of meeting her distant cousin and absorbing badass radiation.

There’s something funny about having to pull one over on Lorenz’s dad to get anything done. The Great Bridge falls not to power, but Claude baiting Count Gloucester’s entire army to be somewhere else. (FEAR THE DEER.)

As a result, Ladislava dies alone. (As opposed to taking Ferdinand with her due to plot shenanigans.)

Lysithea and Ferdinand’s paralogue was really quite sad, for all that the only named guy who died was deeply unsympathetic. Ferdinand’s dad was an asshole, but he wasn’t the asshole for this particular scenario, and now both of his parents are gone. :(

Felix...hasn’t heard from his dad in a while. Worrying.

Oh, and Caspar’s uncle is still dead, in case we were keeping track of that.

Dorothea’s happier with Ferdinand alive. She did an impression of the Gatekeeper. :3

Gronder Field! FUCK.

I delayed playing this chapter for two solid days because I already knew what was gonna happen. Specifically: Edelgard gets injured and evacuated, and Dimitri drops of exhaustion just in time to get run through like ten times by the Emperor’s rearguard.

I eventually got my shit together enough to do the thing.

Marianne, Raphael, and Ferdinand went after the Kingdom army first. Leonie and Felix hung back and then reinforced them after taking out the archer on the central hill.

Claude killed everyone in the center of the map, which meant Edelgard set the entire hill on fire and if Bernadetta had not been recruited she would’ve burned to death there on the spot.

Ahem.

I sent Yuri to clear the entire left side of the map by herself.

She succeeded.

Raphael KO’d Dimitri with a luck Gauntlet crit, got blasted down to half health by a Warlock, then plunked ineffectually at Dedue until Marianne used her Levin Sword to sort him out.

Ferdinand killed everyone else on that side of the map.

Claude once again got the kill on Edelgard with a lucky crit, after Yuri had killed everyone else (up to and including the Demonic Beasts) single-handedly.

And then the plot moved on. Hilda’s account of Dimitri’s death was awful, Dedue’s reaction was worse, and off we go to punch Edelgard’s teeth in.

Again.

Annette’s dad is probably dead now.

Felix’s, too.

(I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH THE DAD-STABBING.)

FOOOOOORT MERCEUS.

No matter how many times I think about it, Claude’s Almyran army reinforcements only make so much sense. How the hell and fuck did he manage to sneak an entire foreign army across a whole country to help with one battle?

But hey, they’re here, and Claude almost admitted the reason why he could do that. And the arrow greeting between him and Nader was cool.

(Spoiler: On top of being the Alliance’s leader, he’s also the crown prince of Almyra!)

The Death Knight had the gall to run from my army.

Yuri punched his ticket for the third time, which was not the charm.

And then Fort Merceus took an intercontinental ballistic missile and suddenly defeating the fort’s garrison feels a lot less triumphant.

Spot the miscolored eyes in this cutscene!

Welp. Fuck it, we’re off to Enbarr. Time to also punch Hubert this time! What a change of pace.

Eyyy, it’s the Enbarr map. I totally forgot to bring Seteth and Flayn along to check out the opera house, despite a whole bunch of characters talking about how they totally wanted to check that place out at some point. No room for deadweights in a map that has SO MANY ARCHERS.

Managed to get the special dialogue between Ferdinand and Hubert, and now I’m sad again.

Killed Hubert with Claude.

And because this is a two-part map, we immediately run off to chase down Edelgard. Due to the player army not doing a really weird 180 in the middle of the plot to kick Cornelia out of Fhirdiad, she didn’t have time to turn into a giant demonic thing! She just has WAY TOO MANY MAGES.

Strategy: Forget what Door Keys are, split the team by Avoid rating, and go to town.

Claude nearly died thanks to a critical mass of Gremories and Mortal Savants (and still, what the fuck is that name), but Dedue-as-guest-character didn’t, so I count that as a win! His defense was so high that the Giant Demonic Beast couldn’t even scratch him.

Claude, Petra, and Ingrid all having Alert Stance as a skill means dodge-tanking is hilariously easy.

Also, Ingrid was supposed to just take a chunk out of Edelgard’s HP bar for the final assault and ended up crit-killing her on the first attack. With a bog-standard silver lance.

Weird as the situation turned out, I guess that means one of Dimitri’s friends really did avenge him after saying they would. Even if Dedue was the only one who had a special cutscene about it.

We rescued Rhea! And the characters being happy about it doesn’t mean I’m happy about it. I want answers, same as Claude, and being forced to RP Yuri being oh so worried about Rhea’s safety felt incredibly disingenuous.

Claude actually yells at her over the “...” she seems to think is an explanation. THE TIME FOR SECRETS IS PAST.

WHY DID ALL THIS SHIT HAPPEN.

WE’VE BEEN AT WAR FOR FIVE YEARS.

A WHOLE BUNCH OF PEOPLE DIED HORRIBLY FOR BASICALLY NOTHING.

Incidentally, this is why I didn’t end up playing Edelgard’s route as planned. Her logic for kicking two other sovereign countries in the balls felt incredibly self-centered.

At least Catherine’s happy. Same with Alois and the rest of the Church crew.

They are soon going to be not as happy.

I’m filling out the ENTIRE support log before endgame. I have absolutely no idea what characters are going to end up together as a direct result.

The last conversation? Seteth and Manuela’s A+ support!

Because so many of the support conversations are romantic at A/A+ level, I guess we’ve managed to turn this ragtag army into a polyarmory.

Oh boy, Thales sure is a sore loser.

I say, as though I didn’t kill EVERYONE he knew over the course of an hour and also split his skull open under Seteth’s axe. His racism would have keeled his ass over before death set in.

That sure is a ICBM.

GOD DAMMIT RHEA, THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A Q&A SESSION AFTER THIS.

WHY DOES EVERYONE WHOSE JOB IS EXPOSITION UP AND DIE.

Meanwhile: THE UBER-DEAD PEOPLE.

Claude, your route is batshit. What is this genre anymore?!

I wanna point out that, despite seeing Rhea/Seiros do the dragon thing, the player character never told Claude what the fuck that was about. I feel like one of the first things I would have done after the class reunion would be going, “By the by, did anyone else notice the fucking dragon?!”  WHO IS ALSO THE POPE???

Bah.

ANYWAY. Looooong-overdue exposition time!

I notice that Rhea didn’t out Seteth or Flayn, which was nice of her.

Claude, she can turn into a fucking dragon. I don’t think immortality is that far from being plausible.

GOD DAMMIT NEMESIS, CAN YOU FUCK OFF FOR TEN MORE MINUTES.

Uuuuuuugh fine, fuck everything, I’m putting your head on a pike.

CLAUDE, THE SWORD OF THE CREATOR LOOKS LIKE A SPINE.

OF COURSE IT’S MADE OF BONES. A BUNCH OF THE HEROES’ RELICS MOVE ON THEIR OWN!

The frantic music is not helping.

Time to kill a bandit king.

“My flabber is completely gasted by now.” Okay, that made me laugh.

Nemesis’s boss mechanic is pretty neat. To kill him at all, you need to kill all of the minibosses in the level and take down his friendship-based-plot-armor.

Or it would be, if I didn’t already make a habit of steamrolling everyone else on the field before tackling the boss at the end.

CUTSCENE.

Cutscene lesson: “Fuck honor duels.” It’s time for CHAIN SWORD LIMBO.

Claude, your bow shoots LASERS. SINCE WHEN.

Also getting kicked across the field by a dude twice his size didn’t seem to actually affect his mood much.

Awww, Yuri smiles now. Adorable. :D

AND THAT’S A WRAP.

Pairings: Yuri/Sothis (mostly to get them out of the way and see what everyone else would do), Claude/Petra, Raphael/Marianne, Catherine/Shamir, Lorenz/Mercedes, Ashe/Annette, Felix/Sylvain (bad end; the former straight up disappears), Seteth & Flayn wander off, Manuela/Dorothea, Lysithea/Linhardt (again), Leonie/Ignatz, Ferdinand/Bernadetta, Caspar/Hilda, and a couple of people are alone. Cyril gets to actually be a student after the story’s done, though!

Whew, that was fun. Gonna mix up the pairs a bit next time I play through the endgame and see what happens.

[coffeebased]

Would it be terrible if I kept doing this: popping onto WordPress once a year, for a week, just to chirp energetically about the things I’d done the previous year, before disappearing into the aether? Who would sanction me? Other than myself, of course, but I think that I have enough things to distract my conscience. My annually-updated reading blog hardly takes precedence over my other responsibilities and the reparations that have swallowed up my life.

  I know that I was due one more blog post in January 2019, about reading stats being compared across the years. How convenient it is that that is exactly what I shall be doing now, here in January 2020.

  My ideal posting schedule for 2020 will be as follows:

  2019 Books I have read and my 10 favourite ones (right now! Oh, happy day!)

2019 Reading Statistics (1/11)

Reading Statistics: 2013-2019 (1/18)

Goal-setting for 2020 (1/25)

  This was the system I tried to implement last year. Two out of three posts completed is still a failing mark. And goodness knows if I will manage to stick to that schedule this year, let alone what happens after those posts. That’s every Saturday for January settled. In previous years I used to do everything in one big post and that was great, like, very cathartic, but posts had gotten more and more unwieldy.

  This is such a heartening beginning to a blog post: complete abandonment to the four winds. No commitment! Just my own satisfaction. In 2020, forget overpromising, we are lackadaisically mentioning that we have some ideas that may or may not push through.

  I read 126 books in 2019! You can view the complete list: here. It’s the second least number of books I’ve read since I started documenting my reading habits in 2013. I’m not really surprised since I spent most of the year gathering data in the field or studying. More on that in succeeding blog posts.

  Previous year-end reading posts are here: 2013 | 2014 | 2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 a b|.

  My Ten Favourite Books from Those I Read in 2019

    The Sparrow and Children of God by Mary Doria Russell

  In 2019, humanity finally finds proof of extraterrestrial life when a listening post in Puerto Rico picks up exquisite singing from a planet that will come to be known as Rakhat. While United Nations diplomats endlessly debate a possible first contact mission, the Society of Jesus quietly organizes an eight-person scientific expedition of its own. What the Jesuits find is a world so beyond comprehension that it will lead them to question what it means to be “human”.

Kid Gloves: Nine Months of Careful Chaos by Lucy Knisley

  If you work hard enough, if you want it enough, if you’re smart and talented and “good enough,” you can do anything.Except get pregnant.Her whole life, Lucy Knisley wanted to be a mother. But when it was finally the perfect time, conceiving turned out to be harder than anything she’d ever attempted. Fertility problems were followed by miscarriages, and her eventual successful pregnancy plagued by health issues, up to a dramatic, near-death experience during labor and delivery.This moving, hilarious, and surprisingly informative memoir not only follows Lucy’s personal transition into motherhood but also illustrates the history and science of reproductive health from all angles, including curious facts and inspiring (and notorious) figures in medicine and midwifery. Whether you’ve got kids, want them, or want nothing to do with them, there’s something in this graphic memoir to open your mind and heart.

    The Raven Tower by Anne Leckie

  For centuries, the kingdom of Iraden has been protected by the god known as the Raven. He watches over his territory from atop a tower in the powerful port of Vastai. His will is enacted through the Raven’s Lease, a human ruler chosen by the god himself. His magic is sustained via the blood sacrifice that every Lease must offer. And under the Raven’s watch, the city flourishes.

But the power of the Raven is weakening. A usurper has claimed the throne. The kingdom borders are tested by invaders who long for the prosperity that Vastai boasts. And they have made their own alliances with other gods.

It is into this unrest that the warrior Eolo–aide to Mawat, the true Lease–arrives. And in seeking to help Mawat reclaim his city, Eolo discovers that the Raven’s Tower holds a secret. Its foundations conceal a dark history that has been waiting to reveal itself…and to set in motion a chain of events that could destroy Iraden forever.

    Lent by Jo Walton

  Young Girolamo’s life is a series of miracles.

It’s a miracle that he can see demons, plain as day, and that he can cast them out with the force of his will. It’s a miracle that he’s friends with Pico della Mirandola, the Count of Concordia. It’s a miracle that when Girolamo visits the deathbed of Lorenzo “the Magnificent,” the dying Medici is wreathed in celestial light, a surprise to everyone, Lorenzo included. It’s a miracle that when Charles VIII of France invades northern Italy, Girolamo meets him in the field, and convinces him to not only spare Florence but also protect it. It’s a miracle than whenever Girolamo preaches, crowds swoon. It’s a miracle that, despite the Pope’s determination to bring young Girolamo to heel, he’s still on the loose… and, now, running Florence in all but name.

That’s only the beginning. Because Girolamo Savanarola is not who—or what—he thinks he is. He will discover the truth about himself at the most startling possible time. And this will be only the beginning of his many lives.

    A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine

  Ambassador Mahit Dzmare arrives in the center of the multi-system Teixcalaanli Empire only to discover that her predecessor, the previous ambassador from their small but fiercely independent mining Station, has died. But no one will admit that his death wasn’t an accident—or that Mahit might be next to die, during a time of political instability in the highest echelons of the imperial court.

Now, Mahit must discover who is behind the murder, rescue herself, and save her Station from Teixcalaan’s unceasing expansion—all while navigating an alien culture that is all too seductive, engaging in intrigues of her own, and hiding a deadly technological secret—one that might spell the end of her Station and her way of life—or rescue it from annihilation.

    Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up with Me by Mariko Tamaki, Rosemary Valero O’Connell

  Laura Dean, the most popular girl in high school, was Frederica Riley’s dream girl: charming, confident, and SO cute. There’s just one problem: Laura Dean is maybe not the greatest girlfriend.

Reeling from her latest break up, Freddy’s best friend, Doodle, introduces her to the Seek-Her, a mysterious medium, who leaves Freddy some cryptic parting words: break up with her. But Laura Dean keeps coming back, and as their relationship spirals further out of her control, Freddy has to wonder if it’s really Laura Dean that’s the problem. Maybe it’s Freddy, who is rapidly losing her friends, including Doodle, who needs her now more than ever.

Fortunately for Freddy, there are new friends, and the insight of advice columnists like Anna Vice to help her through being a teenager in love.

    Tiempo Muerto by Caroline Hau

  Two women meet on the island where they shared a childhood. One is looking for her mother, the other her yaya. One is an Overseas Filipino Worker, the other an heiress. In an old bahay na bato haunted by scandal and tragedy, secrets and ghosts, the women find their lives entangled and face the challenge of refusing their predetermined fates and embracing their open futures.

    Gideon the Ninth, The Locked Tomb #1 by Tamsyn Muir

  The Emperor needs necromancers.

The Ninth Necromancer needs a swordswoman.

Gideon has a sword, some dirty magazines, and no more time for undead bullshit.

Tamsyn Muir’s Gideon the Ninth unveils a solar system of swordplay, cut-throat politics, and lesbian necromancers. Her characters leap off the page, as skillfully animated as necromantic skeletons. The result is a heart-pounding epic science fantasy.

Brought up by unfriendly, ossifying nuns, ancient retainers, and countless skeletons, Gideon is ready to abandon a life of servitude and an afterlife as a reanimated corpse. She packs up her sword, her shoes, and her dirty magazines, and prepares to launch her daring escape. But her childhood nemesis won’t set her free without a service.

Harrowhark Nonagesimus, Reverend Daughter of the Ninth House and bone witch extraordinaire, has been summoned into action. The Emperor has invited the heirs to each of his loyal Houses to a deadly trial of wits and skill. If Harrowhark succeeds she will become an immortal, all-powerful servant of the Resurrection, but no necromancer can ascend without their cavalier. Without Gideon’s sword, Harrow will fail, and the Ninth House will die.

Of course, some things are better left dead.

    Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City by K. J. Parker

  This is the story of Orhan, son of Siyyah Doctus Felix Praeclarissimus, and his history of the Great Siege, written down so that the deeds and sufferings of great men may never be forgotten.

A siege is approaching, and the city has little time to prepare. The people have no food and no weapons, and the enemy has sworn to slaughter them all.

To save the city will take a miracle, but what it has is Orhan. A colonel of engineers, Orhan has far more experience with bridge-building than battles, is a cheat and a liar, and has a serious problem with authority. He is, in other words, perfect for the job.

    Trick Mirror: Reflections on Self-Delusion by Jia Tolentino

  Trick Mirror is an enlightening, unforgettable trip through the river of self-delusion that surges just beneath the surface of our lives. This is a book about the incentives that shape us, and about how hard it is to see ourselves clearly in a culture that revolves around the self. In each essay, Jia writes about the cultural prisms that have shaped her: the rise of the nightmare social internet; the American scammer as millennial hero; the literary heroine’s journey from brave to blank to bitter; the mandate that everything, including our bodies, should always be getting more efficient and beautiful until we die.

  Thanks for bearing with me. Keep a weather eye for the next post.

[Reading] My 10 favourite books from 2019 Would it be terrible if I kept doing this: popping onto Wordpress once a year, for a week, just to chirp energetically about the things I'd done the previous year, before disappearing into the aether?

[ifollowfugo]

hey can I request the bucci gang making their s/o feel better after a particularly shitty day at work? thank you so much !!!

Hey! I’m trying something new. It’s the same setting for all of them, because I couldn’t find six different settings for this. Sorry! And also I’m very sorry about the wait, I can’t explain how tired I’ve been lately.

***

After a difficult day at work, you made your way home slowly and effortlessly, wanting to get there but not really feeling like transporting there. You felt oversaturated, irritated, the day truly couldn’t have gone any worse. You got there around forty minutes later than usual because of your lack of will to move, opened the door, and realized your boyfriend is already there, worrying.

-

Bruno was sitting on the couch watching tv but not really paying attention, so the second he heard the door open he jumped to go greet you.

“Tesoro, where have you been? I was already starting to worry!”

“I’m sorry, honey. I just had the worst day and I wasn’t really feeling like moving so I just made as little effort as possible.”

“I’m so sorry to hear about your day. You know what? I’m treating you tonight. What do you want to eat?”

After Bruno bought your favorite dish from your favorite restaurant, you two sat on the table to eat in comfortable silence. The atmosphere was so peaceful you could feel yourself calming down and finally start talking about your day, to which Bruno listens with all of his attention and makes some remarks on how you could avoid certain situations.

After washing the dishes you sat on the couch with him by your side and cuddled with him for a while. You felt like his arms were made specifically for you as you fit perfectly between them

“I was thinking.” Bruno let out a little time after. “I think the fact that you put up with all of that today really shows your mental strength. You should be proud of yourself. I know I am.”  

-

Abbacchio is on the kitchen preparing some tea when he heard the door open. You made your way tiredly to his side and just sat on the table and stump your head on it. He is looking at you, you know he is, but he won’t be the one to talk first. He wants you to tell him what is on your mind. So you start talking, which turns into yelling because you are still feeling angry. He just lets you unwind. After you’re done, he spoke calmly.

“You know, you shouldn’t let things get to you like that. I understand it’s hard, but is necessary, a part of life, and we just have to suck it up.” He spoke like he doesn’t care about what you’re going through. You are already feeling like an idiot because that made you feel like you might be too sensitive. And then he continued. “But that doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to be angry. embrace your anger, turn it into determination. Tomorrow you are getting there and kicking every problem on the fucking face. I know you can do it. That is one thing I adore about you, your power of will. I know you will be able to get everything you want in life and sort anything it throws at you.”

All you can do at that moment is hug him, hiding your face on his chest for a few minutes before turning to his face and kissing his lips. Both of you wanted to just stay there forever, united in a soothing silence you both enjoy.

-

Mista is so nervous you haven’t gotten home yet. He is standing in front of the door waiting for you to finally get there. When you do, he throws his arms around you and picks you up.

“I’ve been worried sick, babe! What happened to you?!”

“I’m sorry, Guido. I just didn’t feel like walking today and walked slower. I would have called but I was too spent to do anything.”

“What happened, baby? Tell me everything.” He said as he led you to your bedroom and then the bed.

Both of you got comfortable together on the bed and you started venting about what happened. He listened, making funny faces here and there with the intention to make you laugh. You appreciated the effort but you were still too angry to focus on anything.

“You know what you need?” Mista got up and went to get something. Came back with oils. “Massages. I’ll help you relax. I can promise you my massages are the best.”

You took off your clothes and positioned yourself on a towel on the bed, neither of you wanted to stain the sheets. Mista started working his way through you back with his hands, and they felt heavenly. He wasn’t kidding about his massages. His hands felt so good on your body, you started to feel more and calmer until you just dozed off.

After realizing this, Mista repositioned your body the way it should be on the bed and covered you with the sheets, getting in by your side and cuddling, dozing off himself.

-

Narancia hasn’t really noticed what time it was, he was really concentrated doing homework because Fugo had threatened him if he didn’t have it again the next day. You got into the living room and sat by his side, spying on his work to help him if he needs it. Although you offered, he wouldn’t let you help him because he wants to get it himself, and you couldn’t find neither the heart nor the energy to tell him he was really wrong.

“Is something the matter? You are really quiet today.” It warmed your heart that he noticed. You really adored this boy.

You started talking about the events of the day as you tried (and failed) to be calm. After you’re done describing some moron you had had to deal with, he looks really intensely to your eyes and asks:

“Would you like to get some ice cream? I’m up for it. It always makes me feel better after a long day.” Of course, you do.

Together, you make your way to the shop while talking about nothing important, holding hands, doing some childish stuff. Who cares? You deserved it. Narancia had a way of making you as happy as you were as a kid, and that was priceless. He made everything a thouand times more enjoyable, and you weren’t about to waste that.

-

Fugo was sitting on a little individual sofa, reading a book you had recommended. He heard you get inside and immediately got up to greet you. You noticed he was stretching so you guessed he had been reading for a long time. Must have had the day off.

“Hello dear, how was your day?” He greeted you with a hug and a light kiss on the cheek and he could sense your stiffness. “What’s the matter?”

You tell him about the awful day you just had and start getting frustrated over the same stuff you had been trying to forget. Luckily, you know your boyfriend experiences this kind of stuff all the time, and you trust he has an answer or at least a suggestion.

“Well, maybe there is something I can do. Feel like having a walk with me?” You didn’t, but maybe it was worth trying. 

As you two walked, he looked like he knew where he was going, so maybe it wasn’t just a simple walk around the city. You arrived at a storage unit and he got a key from his pocket, and that was where your curiosity got the best of you.

“What have you got here, honey?” He looked at you and grinned from ear to ear.

“This is where I come when I can’t get the anger out. I thought maybe you could try it.” He opened the door and revealed a room filled with plates and things made out of glass, with an area with bats and safety goggles and gloves. “I come here and I break stuff to calm my nerves. It’s just so cathartic.”

You spent hours in there, just throwing plates around and hitting vases with a bat. When you felt like you didn’t even have the energy to be angry anymore, you made your way home. You felt happy he shared this with you, and now you felt like you knew him better.

Back home, you sat on the couch and watched a movie enjoying each other in an embrace. He caressed your hair with the utmost delicacy and placed some light kisses on your forehead.

-

Giorno was making dinner by the time you arrived. If he had started so early, you knew it was going to be something special. How does he always manage to do this kind of stuff exactly when you need it? You never knew. He peeked his face over the wall that separated you.

“Amore?” He took one look at you and decided you needed a hug. He knew you so well. “What happened today? Was someone rude to you?”

You told him what had happened and you were clearly carrying so much frustration and tiredness you couldn’t continue with your day without letting it go that Giorno offered to prepare a bath and you practically begged him to do it. He chuckled at this, turned everything in the kitchen off for a while, and went to the bathroom. In the meantime, you decided to make a relaxing tea.

Sometime after, while you were sipping your tea sitting at the kitchen table, Giorno returned to tell you he was done, so you made your way to the bathroom. The sight alone was impressive, he had lit candles everywhere and rose petals floated on the water in the tub, but the smell really completed the atmosphere. It was perfect. You kissed Giorno and thanked him with a smile and got into the tub.

You enjoyed your bath while Giorno cooked, so when you got out the place smelled delicious. That man really knows how to spoil you. You got dressed comfortably and enjoyed dinner with some renewed energy and the feeling of being loved intensely.

[fixingaheart]

It Was 50 Years Ago Today....

August 26, 1968.  It's hard to believe, but it was 50 years ago that the Beatles released "Hey Jude."  "Hey Jude" was the first single on the band's label, Apple Records and it spent nine weeks on top of the charts in the United States.  The longest for any Beatles single.  "Hey Jude" was different for that time as a single due to it's length, 7:11.  At that time it was unheard of for a single to be that long.  But it was the Beatles, so normal was not something that they ever followed.  Contrary to what John Lennon believes, the song was written by Paul McCartney as a song to John's son, Julian.  At the time John and his wife, Cynthia, were in the process of separating and eventually getting divorced when Paul was making a drive out to visit Cynthia and Julian to see how they were doing.  The original title was going to be "Hey Jules", but Paul changed it to Jude because it had a better sound to it.  John Lennon always believed that the song was about him and that Paul had written it about Yoko coming into the picture and that he was feeling like their partnership was ending due to his new relationship.             For me there are bands that I love that I think about what my favorite song is and it's hard to really decide what it is.  But for the Beatles it's no contest, my favorite is "Hey Jude" by a landslide.  I absolutely love this song and depending on my mood at the time it is one of two possible songs that I consider my favorite song of all time.  It's a song that can brighten up your mood no matter how you are feeling and believe me over the past five or six years I have used this song constantly as a pick me up on the days when I have not felt my best.  The song has one of my favorite lyrics of all time in it.  "Take a sad song and make it better."  I always say if I were to ever get myself a tattoo I would def get a song lyric and that would be one of the two I would consider getting.  One of the other really great things I love about the song is the line "The movement you need is on your shoulder."  I saw an interview with Paul about how when he played that line for John he told him he would take that out and John said no he wouldn't because it was the best line in the song and everytime he plays it live now when he sings that line he thinks of John.  I always think of that interview when I hear that line in the song.  And you go through the great lyrics of the song and then you come to the outro part with all the "na na na na's" and oh my god how great is that!  Over four minutes of "na na na's" and listening to Paul just lose his ever loving mind screaming ad libbing is just amazing.  If I were ever to have a wedding, one of things I want to happen at the wedding is to have this song played and everybody comes out to the dance floor and the outro part of the song is just sung as loud as can be.  It would be such a fun time.  Two of the best days of my life, August 18, 2010 and July 7, 2014 I was lucky to see Paul McCartney in concert and when he had the audience singing the outro part, first everybody, then the guys, then the ladies just one of those moments where you honestly have to pinch yourself and ask if this is real life right now.              I always liked the song a lot but it wasn't until about six and half years ago that it really became my favorite Beatles song of all time.  At that time in my life I had just gone through something that hurt like hell and I was really struggling with stuff in my life.  I was living in Virginia, I felt alone, I felt like my life was falling apart and I was in a hole that was becoming too deep to see any way out of.  One night as the painful thoughts refused to leave my head I decided to throw on some music to try and escape my sadness.  It was on that night that this song came on and for the first time in a long while I was able to forget about the hurt and crack a little smile.  So I played it again, and then again, must have listened to it five or six times in a row that night and every since that night any time I feel the pain, I will turn to this song.  A couple months ago I was back in that hole again, even worse than it was those years ago.  Nothing seemed to matter anymore.  I would come home from work and all I would do is sleep, some nights I wouldn't even eat just sit on the couch and sleep, wake up a few hours later and go to my bed and go to sleep.  I was having scary thoughts, things that used to get me excited I couldn't have cared less about, including music.  I would cry for what seemed like hours and when I thought I was done for the night, I would start to cry again.  I would use all the energy I had just to pull myself out of bed in the morning and go to work.  And one night just like those years before I said I needed to do something and so I went to my computer and turned "Hey Jude" on again and again and again.  And it was cathartic for me to hear that song.  Why?  Because "Hey Jude" is a song of hope for me.  A song that is meant to chase away the sadness you may have in your life.  It's a song that just makes you smile each and every time that you listen to it.  It's a song that even when life is not going all that great, such as mine the past few months, it still never fails to provide some amount of hope to a hopeless situation.  It's a song that has stood the test of time for 50 years.  And it's a song that will stand the test of time for the next 50 years.  It's a song that has save my life on numerous occasions.  It's a song that will never ever get old for me.  So to Paul, John, George and Ringo thank you for giving the world the hope is so desperately needs.  And to "Hey Jude", happy 50th my friend.

[theroguesrandom]

Stranger Things s2 Reaction

So I just finished the second season and I have to say..... overall I was really pleased with it?? It wasn’t quite as strong as the first season, but it would have been hard to be after the sheer newness of the world wore off. I was dreading season two since I heard about it, simply because I loved season one so much and didn’t want to see it all fall apart (and so many shows fall apart hard after a strong start) but this season managed to hold its own, keeping the characters (for the most part) engaging, the story heartfelt and organic, and failing to tread over the same tropes and plots as the first season, while still paying homage and throwing in cute shout-outs throughout (from Eleven’s “mouthbreather” to things as subtle as Steve picking up last year’s Christmas lights while sorting through shed remnants).

The plotting was a little weaker overall, less cohesive, with some threads hanging looser by sheer value of the world just getting bigger... and, in my opinion, a few unnecessary side quests. But overall i was not disappointed. This was a successful addition to the Stranger Things universe and I was really happy with it.

Let’s talk characters

Season MVP: Dustin The show has really struck gold with Gaten Matarazzo and they used it this year, giving him a dynamic arc, great one liners, and every opportunity to shine. All the kids had their own storylines and pulled them off admirably, but Dustin’s bond with Dart, his slightly lopsided triangle with Max and Lucas, his surprising sibling-esque relationship with Steve, and his great sense of humor made every moment he was onscreen totally engaging. If Mike was the “main kid” of the group in season one, Dustin really took the spotlight this year.

(He was also the absolute star of that finale dance scene, despite two main couples kissing. Seriously, that was some last second heartache and triumph I didn’t see coming, that was hard to watch and then had me throwing my arms up excitedly in all the best ways. I love the full circle back to season one, with Dustin getting a sweet moment with Nancy.)

Runner up: Steve. Because Steve. Do I even have to say anything else? Last season’s last-second hero, this season’s group dad, total sweetheart and totally engaging. I love everything about this man, right down to his Farrah Fawcett hairspray. (And I’d also like to throw out: he was absolutely not a bad boyfriend, and I’m pretty pissed that Nancy let him think that he was.)

Most unnecessary character: Jonathan. I hate to say this because I adored him in season one... but he really did absolutely nothing this season. While every other character had some kind of independent arc, contributed something, set something in motion, poor Jonathan was stuck tagging along on other people’s arcs the entire season. Driving with Nancy to help her expose the facility (don’t tell me she wouldn’t have done this alone). Assisting his mom and Mike in interrogating Will (yes he contributed but, again, this would have gone the same exact way without his specific memories added in). Standing there while his mom burned the monster out of Will... even their reunion hug seemed sadly indicative of his role this season –– the two of them hugging and Jonathan kind of latching awkwardly on afterward. He didn’t change anything. Not one plot point of season two would have been affected if he hadn’t been there. (And obviously it would have raised a lot of questions if he wasn’t there, I’m not saying he shouldn’t have been... but the story really let him down this season.)

Runner up: Eight. Your mileage may vary on this one I guess. She did add a bit of backstory for Eleven (whether you think it was necessary or not is really a matter of opinion; I lean toward no, and lean toward it opening more plot holes and raising more questions than it answers) and acted as a bit of a foil for El, giving her a chance to choose the kind of person she wanted to be: vengeful or forgiving. But... was this really necessary for the story? Did it ultimately lead anywhere? Couldn’t El’s “runaway and return home” plot have been satisfied by seeking out her mother and visiting her aunt, without the additional side quest?

To be honest, it felt like a wasted episode.

Season’s Unexpected Hero: Bob CAN WE TALK ABOUT BOB?? I’ve loved Sean Astin since his days as LOTR’s “unexpected hero,” and I was looking forward to seeing him this season. But... we all knew from second one that he was monster fodder, right? He was the new guy. He was dating Joyce, who we all know will end the season standing with Hopper. It was obvious. ...Except then it really wasn’t? Because, like with so many things, Stranger Things turned all the possible tropes associated with a character like this (good natured, bumbling, and ultimately useless) on its head, making him useful and clever, and strangely capable of dealing with and adapting to all the impossible horrors suddenly being thrown at him. The show made us root for him, made us bond with him, made us think no maybe he could actually make it... and then tore our hearts out and fed them to the demodogs.

But at least he got to live on as Will’s superhero.

Relationships

Best relationship: Eleven and Hopper Even after those waffles in the woods at the end of last season and the parallel to his lost daughter, I didn’t expect this relationship to hit me the way it did. They were so... imperfect and sweet and painful and adorable and real. I ached for them both, knew exactly where they both were coming from in every second... and that’s a hard thing to achieve. The way they cared about each other and the way Hopper looked out for El made their little fractured found family such a joy to watch and had you rooting for them to reunite the whole season.

Runner up: Steve and Dustin This one crept up on me but wow. Who would have guessed these two would bond the way they did? Right down to Steve driving Dustin to the Snow Ball and giving him last second encouragements based on his own failed dating experience? I would watch a whole show about these two hanging out and looking out for each other, could we please have that spinoff? They were the MVPs of the season for a reason.

I also want to give a shout out to both “kid couples.” Lucas and Max were adorable throughout with really great chemistry. And even though Mike and Eleven weren’t given much chance to interact this year, their moments of missing and pining for each other were really poignant this year.

Weakest Relationship: Nancy and Jonathan Jonathan’s arc continued to disappoint here. Arguably his only plot point of the season was finally getting together with Nancy, but I just... didn’t see the chemistry. It felt very much like a plot point they forced in because they implied it was heading in that direction last year and felt like they needed to. These two getting together, along with Eleven’s side trip to Chicago, were easily the weak point of the season.

Other Things

Billy –– I have to say this right now... I really wish they hadn’t taken the time to make Billy sympathetic. Without that insight, without having seen his dad’s abusive nature, Max’s victory over her brother in the finale would have been hugely cathartic. She took him down, intimidated him, and made sure he wouldn’t torment her anymore. Standing up to her tormenter is huge and I don’t want to dismiss the significance of that for her... but knowing that Billy’s entire home life is ruled by fear and abuse makes her victory –– and her later moment preparing for the dance, where her mother dotes on her and shows her kind attention, something Billy clearly never gets –– a bitter one. If the show had taken it further, gotten them to understand each other somehow, gotten them to team up against some demodogs and then come home united against their dad? That could have been amazing.

That said--

Max –– was such a great addition to the kids’ group!! I don’t have much else to say except that it’s hard to fit a new character so seamlessly into an established group like that, but I ended up loving her pretty much immediately. The Zoomer is more than welcome in the party in my book.

Dart –– Demodogs are so freaking cute as babies, what the hell?? I kept waiting for him to come back, for that relationship to pay off, and I wasn’t disappointed. I was hoping he’d managed to find a way back to his dimension before the Gate closed, though. That made the end just a little bit heartbreaking.

Will’s Rainbow Ship –– I’m just curious about what the internet’s going to do with that, honestly.

Barb –– I’m so glad the show didn’t forget her or downplay the significance of her death. Ultimately, her loss was what brought the facility down and I think that was just such a perfect tribute to her, and her friendship with Nancy.

And I’m sure I’ll come up with other things the second I post this, but I think I’ll just leave it there for now. Great season overall, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on it!

[katiekart]

Eating Disorder Fight Club

I’m still not entirely sure why anorexia chose me, but for most of my adolescence I was firmly within its grip. Memories from then remain so fresh, as though frozen in time, and although i’ve been recovered for almost a decade my eating disorder remains a huge part of me and who I have become.

Something that will always stay with me is the loneliness. The feeling that no one could possibly understand and the self-inflicted isolation left me in my own little fantasy world, where nothing but the numbers and routine mattered. Despite the pain and the exhaustion, I convinced myself I was happy because I had ultimate control over my body. I was fooling everyone and I was succeeding at being a good anorexic. The nervous adrenaline rush before every weigh-in and the little kick I got out of every meal missed was enough to keep me going and going and going.

I realise now, of course, that I could never have been happy. It was never enough, and as my body grew smaller and weaker my spirit shrunk with it. Eventually I wasn’t really Katie anymore, I was just anorexia. This is where the thought of recovery became so scary and impossible. I was riddled with self-doubt and a complete lack of confidence. Anorexia became a safety blanket - at least if I wasn’t good for anything else, I could always be anorexic. It became my identity, and so intertwined with my being that the thought of recovery was tormenting.

At some point during the spiral my friends, teachers and eventually parents became concerned about my wellbeing and I was dragged to the GP, who thankfully took us seriously and referred us to a local Adolescent Unit. I struggled for months at home but eventually, with my parents unable to handle my condition and my anorexia too devious, I was admitted as an inpatient. I still remember the nursing staff who became like Aunties and Uncles to me, their silly stories making meal times marginally more bearable, and their hours spent playing pool keeping me from being constantly miserable. I will always be grateful for the care I received, I know I was exceptionally lucky to have found the right help so quickly. Many are not so lucky, and with resources getting more strained and eating disorders becoming more prevalent the future is scary.

I still struggle with my confidence, and this has manifested itself into anxiety in recent years which brings about its own hardships, but the mark left by anorexia is so profound that this in comparison seems totally manageable. My work as an artist suffers as I deal with constant thoughts of not being good enough or of failing, but I have taken a leap of faith designing these badges and just hope they bring some people some comfort.

I enjoy using symbolism in my work, and look to traditional beliefs and superstitions to instil a deeper meaning into my illustrations. I thought very carefully about what I wanted to say with these badges. I wanted to try and represent everyone in the eating disorder journey.

The moth symbolises intuition - I have always had a bit of a "spidey-sense” when it comes to people who are struggling. I feel very deeply and although I don’t think much of myself, I am compassionate towards others. It’s about not being afraid to confront problems and ask questions, acting off of your gut and stepping in if you think something isn’t right. It might be uncomfortable, and they may even hate you for a while, but they will be thankful eventually.

The dogwood symbolises love undiminished by adversity - how my Mother, in particular, continued to love and support me through those years baffles me. I was a horrible person to be around, I consumed all her time and thoughts, and yet she was there without question. Never forget about those around someone with an eating disorder, because they are struggling too. I still feel guilty about what I put my family through and will always appreciate their love through that time.

The mushroom symbolises resilience - going through an eating disorder is going through a battle of a lifetime, it’s tough, especially when you’ve been ill for a number of years. Eventually as your body gets healthier and your mind gets stronger, fighting back becomes easier, but it takes a lot of courage and will. There will be bad days and better days, but don’t lose your resolve to get there because life is better without anorexia, I promise.

I hope this gives a little insight into why I made these badges. This has been a really cathartic process for me and whilst dwelling on my past can be painful, I think it’s important. If you would like to contact me for whatever reason, please do any time. If you’ve ever been affected by an eating disorder, I send you all my love and luck.

If you have stumbled across this post and would like to purchase one of my pins, details can be found here - katiek.bigcartel.com

50% of my profits will be donated to the wonderful Beat charity - a vital resource for people afflicted with an eating disorder.

[rayshippouuchiha]

You write Steve/Tony and like Steve, so I was wondering your opinion on the post-CW spitefic is? Where Team Cap is destroyed and drags out all their faults and entitlement. I saw you read Wix on ao3, who I found when looking for not-Steve-friendly fic. Is reading Steve bashing hard for you or do you think he had good points in CW even if Tony is your trashbaby?

Okay I’m gonna go in depth with this because this isn’t the only ask I’ve gotten on this subject.

So sit down, buckle up, and get ready for a ride Nonny.

So to truly explain my feels on spite fic I’m going to, perhaps unnecessarily, go into a bit of detail about my MCU!Steve and Civil War feels as well as my feels when it comes to Steve’s arguments in Civil War specifically.

Now, as stated before, I am a Stony shipper and I do adore Steve, he’s my precious triangle of justice and I love him.

That being said, as much as I love Chris Evans, I don’t really see MCU!Steve as Steve once we get past Cap 2 if that makes sense.

I just ... don’t.

The Steve I love when it comes to MCU is CA:TFA through most of CA:TWS Steve and even then I’ve got some quibbles with his characterization (here’s looking at your ass Joss Wheat-thin).

But post WS and into AoU there is a bitterness and hypocritical slant to Steve that I’m not that fond of.  A sort of derisiveness towards Tony in particular that grates at me.  And he’s not the only one either.  The majority of the team is dismissive towards Tony in a way that just ... blows my fucking mind.

(Now, to be fair, this is also taking into account that MCU!Steve seems to pull heavily from Ultimates!Steve from the comics which is a whole different kettle of fish than 616!Steve.)

I’m quoting some of my past posts here directly but the points all still stand for me.

I am and always will be forever bitter that MCU gave me the coming together story of Avengers and instead of following through with that and giving me stories about team work and found family and overcoming differences for the good of mankind on a larger scale they chose to go the opposite route.

We could have had The Golden Age of Heroes(TM) but they stole that from us.

The Steve&Tony friendship is one of the areas where the MCU dropped the ball in a major way.  Their relationship has been as defining part of both of their lives over the years in the comics and the MCU fails to even really touch on the depth of feelings that have always existed between the two.

Overall in the MCU the relationship between the two is, in my opinion, decidedly one sided.  There is, again in my opinion, no real evidence that Steve values Tony as an individual beyond the “I’ll miss you” comment in AoU.  Steve shows a blatant disregard for Tony and his emotional well being as well as his general well being.

In two separate movies Steve shows more trust towards a man he barely knows (Sam) and a woman who was an active enemy (Wanda) than he ever shows towards Tony.

(And don’t even get me started on my belief that it took two separate characters to give Steve the rounded friendship he should have gotten with Tony)

So instead of my Golden Age of Heroes(TM) I got an MCU driven by Tony Stark/Steve Roger’s untreated PTSD and a shit ton of in-fighting where they managed to make the Iron Man/Captain America relationship all kinds of toxic without even the courtesy of giving me the bright days first.

This unwillingness and/or inability to build a correct Steve/Tony relationship in MCU plays a great deal into my ability to read spite-fic where Steve is concerned.

Cap 3 itself gives me the rest of what I need to be able to set my love for him aside in a way that I can’t for Tony.

Specifically the issue of The Accords and Steve’s response to them.

I’d like to preface this by saying that even though I’m firmly Team Iron Man when it comes to this issue I’m aware that Tony made some mistakes (what they were is another topic entirely).

That being said I find myself incapable of being overly sympathetic to Steve in this instance outside of the fact that I too would do my best to protect Bucky Barnes.

I just would try to find a way that didn’t involve spitting in the face of 117 countries in the process.

In Civil War Steve argued from both a place of privilege and ignorance.  He is one of the elite telling the common man that his way is better.  It smacks of self-righteousness and rings tone deaf for what is supposed to be the core of his character because the narrative and information we’re given in the film doesn’t back up his argument.

He also goes against the will of the very people he’s supposed to be protecting in order to protect Bucky (who was indeed not to blame for his actions under HYDRA but that’s a separate issue) and in the process damages a great deal of infrastructure and injures a number of otherwise innocent individuals.

It’s actions like this that prove that the Accords as they were presented in Cap 3 look to be necessary and needed even if they aren’t perfect.

I, personally, don’t see how anyone could think they’re not at least a vaguely reasonable precaution in the MCU even while admitting that they’d need overhauling and tweaking (which Tony did).

The comics were different in a lot of ways.  There was an actual moral dilemma concerning registration and things of that nature that wasn’t put forth in the MCU.  The history was richer, the relationships were deeper, there were enough heroes/villains/enhanced individuals of various kinds for it to be an actual war instead of a pissing contest in a parking lot.

The MCU didn’t have that.  The MCU didn’t have the background to show the Accords as anything but a reasonable starting point even if they were flawed.

Hell the MCU didn’t even give us enough information as to what the Accords contained for us to actively take Steve’s side and say that they were inherently wrong.

Hell Steve and the rest of “Team Cap” didn’t even have the time to read and understand the Accords themselves before uniting against the restrictions they supposedly placed on the Avengers.

(Because one shot of Steve flipping through the packet is not the same as reading/understanding that amount of legal jargon and I will willingly meet anyone who says otherwise in the fucking pit.)

I’ve said in the past, and I maintain the stance still, that MCU was not in the correct emotional and/or plot position/stage for Civil War to be a Thing™.

I also maintain that it was basically two movies smashed together.

It’s basically Hey Guys Here’s Some Rulez and Up All Night To Get Bucky jammed together and forced to fit.

And the story, the characters, and the fans suffered for it.

Instead of a heartbreaking story centered around the super human community, on Steve and Tony and their differing views but desperate love for each other (because it’s there even if you don’t think it’s romantic), and such we got a heartbreaking story of how Steve is a short sighted jackass who’ll plow over anyone and everything who stands in his way even if that is the rest of the world that he’s supposed to be protecting and Tony is, once again, everyone’s punching bag.

Honestly this is just a long winded way of saying that I’m cool with spite-fic for the most part.

There are some that take it a bit too far logically but it’s fic and that’s allowed.

Also I think that a majority of spite-fic isn’t hate based when it comes to Steve and Team Cap.

I think it’s disappointment based.

Because Steve, thanks to the writers, let a lot of us down when he put one man in front of the entire world and ultimately his team and Tony.

I think a lot of writers use spite-fic as a cathartic way to work out their emotions concerning those issues and I’m cool with that.  I think they use spite-fic as a way to dissect the arguments from different viewpoints and with an admitted amount of bias.

I also think that a lot of spite-fic isn’t even really spite-fic it’s people using basic fucking logic and world knowledge to rip the flimsy ass premise of the movie apart with extreme prejudice and in doing so Steve and his side comes out look far worse than Tony and his side because logically most of their actions made little to no sense.

So yeah I’m good with spite-fic and it doesn’t really bother me to set Steve to the side to read post-CW stuff that shows him in a bad light both fairly and unfairly.

[multiverseofmiracleshq]

Due to the increasingly hostile tension between the nation of Krakoa and President Osborn, the Quiet Council of Krakoa held a meeting for mutants on Emma Frosts’ ship in the sea beside the the Island nation. As a result they reached the conclusion that they would need to divide and conquer in order to cover all of their bases.

THIS IS THE OFFICIAL COMPLETE CHAT LOG COVERAGE OF THE IC

MOIRA: Her presence wasn’t supposed to be known. Moira Kinross ( Mactaggart ) was not a prideful woman. She had lived ten lifetimes and had worn many faces, but pride had never gotten her very far in any of them. Quite the opposite, actually. Her proudest moments had led to her flesh melting away by Pyro’s powers and Mystique’s rage. But that was seven lives ago. In this one she had come the closest she ever had to achieving her goal of mutant peace. She let Charles and Erik walk in the sun while she hid in the shadows. If Moira Kinross died, so did Krakoa. Her tricky little mutation would reset everything and once again she’d have to labor through trying to get people to unite and work together. She, Erik and Charles had conferred and the safest place for her was what the three dubbed Moira’s No-Space, sector 18. She stayed quiet and advised but the world needed to think she was dead so it didn’t lose its progress. That was, until Charles Xavier went missing. It was peculiar timing coupled with Osborn’s rise to power but there was little they could do if Cerebro couldn’t detect a trace and the mutants who covertly searched couldn’t either. Knowing that she might have had three lives left - if she was lucky - made it more complicated than just showing her face. Still, she sat in Charles’ place at the table on Emma’s opulent boat, a founder of Krakoa most didn’t even know was a mutant. She had put a vision in his mind decades ago and they were too close to perfection to lose it. “Obviously we have much to cover.” Fingers drummed against the cold white table. “Our children being arrested, our team being copied and, of course, Charles. I’d prefer to not be here for the sake of us all, but it seems we’re past the point of preferences. Anyone like to begin?”

KATE PRYDE: The rock of waves against the hull wasn’t as prominent here, in Emma’s yacht that made her supply ship look like a pontoon. In fact, it sat remarkably still, as if undeterred by the ocean carrying it. Sitting at the far end of the table, she felt remarkably still and intrinsically, she missed the lull of a rocking ship. Crossing one leg over the other, she examined her fingernails while Moira spoke, a lingering question on the back of her tongue that she knew wasn’t the time to ask. Near her, Kate could feel the presence of Emma, and while they had moved to better terms, things were still complicated between them. Namely, the broken nose thing. As much as Kate hated to admit it, she knew she was developing a habit that was causing her to spiral and react to things, instead of work through them. Looking up just as Moira closed her statement, Kate went ahead and scanned the eyes of everyone else that sat with them, skipping over Emma, Jean, and Scott. When no one else seemed to make an immediate move, she dropped her hand into her lap and sat forward. “Dismantling Osborn did rank top priority, but with Charles gone, everything got a lot more complicated. But Osborn had the ability to poison the mutants from the inside, so I don’t know if reallocating our resources to finding Charles is smart right now.” It was a difficult statement to make, and a difficult direction to suggest, but Kate still remembered the chaos from Emma sitting on the Cabal, and how little of a threat that was in comparison to whatever Osborn had planned.

ERIK: “Charles has the potential to have incredible influence over people-- you all know that. In the wrong hands, that potential could be devastating.” Erik’s view on the topic at hand was being pulled in two directions, and he was doing his best to make himself seem impartial. He wasn’t, of course. And that wasn’t exactly a secret. But he tried to make it seem as if it wasn’t too drastic. “I’d argue that finding him should be closer to the top of the list than the bottom of it.”

MOIRA: “He was always supposed to be the figurehead.” Moira’s head nodded in agreeance. “It’s not just his telepathy we’re losing.” They had omega telepaths but they needed Charles and everything he stood for. The face of the X-Men, the face of Krakoa. “If they keep arresting minors, however, we’ll lose footing outside of the nation as well. From all accounts they’re dehumanizing our children.”

KATE: “Than what does go to the bottom, Erik? The kids being arrested and having who knows what done to them, or a sociopathic Avengers? Not to mention the, you know, evil X-men. Sounds like we’re juggling our weight and then some in total bullshit and there really isn’t a right way to go about this. All I know is that we can’t have Osborn in our team anymore and we can’t keep letting him kidnap minors with abilities. You want to talk about weaponizing for the wrong reasons? You give him a bunch of untrained mutants and what do you think will happen?” Despite the aggression of her words, Kate’s tone was level and as calm as she could keep it. She loved Charles, most of them did, and it felt more like an impossible decision, but the matter at hand was they were facing a threat with more power than they understood at the moment.

EMMA: Letting them all onto her pristine boat was the least Emma could do after her involuntarily abhorrent behavior. Moira’s reemergence had come as somewhat of a surprise but she had brushed it off with the cool indifference she had decided to permanently adopt until her pride could heal as flawlessly as her face. “If the Cabal knows where Charles is they never let me be privy to any details. I’d be surprised though. Egomaniacal sociopaths don’t care much for anything outside themselves.” How sad it was that they thought it plausible she could be from their ranks. She was sitting rather close to Scott, one gloved hand lingering near his own. Sometimes you needed people to tether you and Emma was, on occasion, flesh and blood. “I can assure you his mutants are very trained. Madelyne has done nothing but cause trouble,” her eyes danced over Nate noncommittally. “And Mesmero is far more equipped than he should be. My concern will always be the children and their wellbeing. We have no future without them.”

ERIK: “There really isn’t a bottom to the list, you’re right.” He replied with a side, eyes glancing down to a non-specific and unfocused place. After a few seconds there they slid over to Moira, making it look as if his next question was solely for her. It was meant for the entire group, but perhaps he was looking for specific answers that he thought she might have. “So how do we decide which lives and which problems to put first?”

MOIRA: She had shared the lives she had lived before but it had never been done well before. Xavier, Apocalypse, Magneto. She had tried and failed to achieve what Krakoa was. “Perhaps we need to put them all first, divide our strength and energy. That’s how this Island was created, mind you.”

SCOTT: “We might not have another choice.” Scott said grimly from his place at the table. The dull throb of a headache that had existed behind his eyes for two days was front and center again, and even with the aid of his glasses, the lights were still too bright. From the Cabal infiltration to the aftermath of rescuing Emma, Scott hadn’t been sleeping much. And now, with news about Charles. “I agree with Erik, regardless. Charles has to be top priority. We don’t leave people behind.”

KATE: “That’s under the assumption we have the resources to exhaust. I’m not trying to be a pessimist, but we don’t want to stretch too thin and then lose everything.”

JEAN: For a number of reasons the baby had been left at home, one of which being Jean got seasick and an infant + a boat seemed destined to fail. She had remained quiet for the most part by Logan’s side, but her gaze had repeatedly fallen on her husband across the table. Her head turned slightly to the side, mind brushing out to meet his in a brief brush of what was intended to be relieving. “We have more than most know. X-Force has been working around the clock looking for Charles and trying to give warnings of C.R.A.D.L.E. to mutants. Dividing may not be a bad idea when you think about the number of heavy hitters we have. We do have some range.”

BETSY: "I do have some contacts.” Betsy reclined in her chair, armor clinking. There was always something going on in Otherworld and she had come straight from some mystical mess. “Pete Wisdom with MI6 is a good friend. He can’t get involved in your politics, obviously, but there’s resources we can use to look for Charles.”

ERIK: Erik glanced around at the seats around him, taking it all in. He gave Scott a nod in agreement and then spoke after Betsy finished. “Not only do we need to get the job done, this is a good opportunity to once again show how resilient we are; to show the world how we will protect our own, no matter what. We will stay together, and we will fight for each other. Giving them another reason to second guess meddling in our affairs in the future isn’t something I’m necessarily against.”

LAURA: “We can burn down C.R.A.D.L.E.” Laura shrugged a shoulder. Ever since they had left the facility it felt like her claws were about to extend involuntarily and the last thing she wanted was to hurt someone she cared about. Maybe it would be cathartic. “Some of us don’t have much to do otherwise.” Just hide on the Island. They had already asked the Wolverine’s to track Charles’ scent but it had been a dead end.

LOGAN: “I don’t blame you for wanting to, and I can’t believe I’m saying this.. but that might not be the best idea.” In the past-- yeah, Logan might have been all for it. He would have done something like that solo. He looked to Laura, a bit stern and a bit concerned, but he understood where she was coming from. “Runnin’ around with claws out gets us the wrong kind of attention.”

KATE: Forcing herself to swallow a breath, Kate settled back into her seat, trying to relax. She couldn’t really get the image of Emma out of her head — of the words she spoke and the way her cold eyes raked over Kate like she didn’t deserve to breathe the same air. Kate had come a long way since being the girl with the small voice entering Xavier’s school, but she still looked up to Emma as a friend. As a mutant. As a person. And a driving force behind her urgency was her need to put a stop to Osborn for what he did. Even if she could admit that they had the resources and the people, Kate never actively saw that. It wasn’t entirely real to her — but Osborn was. “We’d have to secure Avengers support. They weren’t a big fan of us last time, but it’ll be impossible without them.”

LAURA: Her hands twitched slightly but Laura kept them by her side. She had been sitting as silently and stilly by Warren as possible but now the restless energy that had been bothering her was flaring up. “I’m not running around with my claws out. I’m going one place, taking them out and doing what I have to do.” Gabby would understand. It was almost hurtful that Logan didn’t get the urge to burn a facility to the ground when he knew what they could turn you into.

CABLE: “Who’s gonna take one for the team and talk to them for us?” Nate piped up, leaning forward with both arms against the table in front of him. “I mean, I don’t have the best track record when it comes to getting people to side with me. Otherwise I would bodyslide over there right now and give it a shot.”

LORNA: “You’ve got an Avenger for a kid.” Lorna’s words were directed at her father, spoken as if she wasn’t blood related to Wanda as well. “And she helped us when we needed it. Think maybe you could try and see if they’d do more than focus on whatever bullshit Osborn is throwing at them?”

LANA: “My teammates work with the Avengers. Former sidekicks, mentees, whatever. I can float it with Spider-man, Amadeus and the others.” However, it still felt weird to contribute in any way to a mutant thing. It felt like she didn’t belong. “That being said, we have our own C.R.A.D.L.E. @#$@# to deal with. Ms. Marvel is still... Well, there’s a lot going on, y’know.”

LOGAN:  “You don’t want more blood on your hands, do you?” Logan wasn’t saying it to be hurtful. It was just to try and make Laura take a step back and think about it for a second. In the end, he knew he couldn’t stop her if she had her heart set on it.

EMMA: Even though she registered hearing Kate speak, Emma’s eyes remained fixed on a spot over Logan’s head where a white clock was silently ticking away. When she decided to speak once more her gaze was anchor-less and one hand hovered by white painted lips. “Katherine is right.” She still didn’t glance over, mostly because she hated feeling embarrassed and Emma was bursting with shame. “But that may not be enough. Osborn’s little Cabal I had the pleasure of sitting with is making their work turning distrust away from the Avengers and their adjacent��s.”

LAURA: “They already gave me more.” Laura hissed. They didn’t have to kill people. They just needed to wipe it clean. For a moment her mind registered the hot sting of how much she hated Warren seeing her covered in blood with a snarl on her face, but sometimes that X-23 was the one who got the job done. “It would be worth it if it kept others safe.”

ILLYANA: Most of the time their conversations were boring. Illyana listened because it was the smart thing to do but she very rarely focused in. As they discussed Illyana moved down the tiny buffet they had set up, a singular bite taken out of a finger sandwich. “Scott,” she swallowed bread and lettuce. “You’re Captain Commander. Designate some teams. The Council gives their blessing, we stab who we need to and then we can leave the Island without getting picked up by some stupid American.”

ERIK: “I could talk to Wanda, yes.” Erik glanced between Lorna and Emma. “There are a few different paths we could take, different connections we have available to us. And even if the public is losing their trust in the Avengers, we luckily know better. It’s a smart option-- perhaps the best one we have right now.”

WARREN: “What about you though, Laura?” Warren spoke up before Logan could answer. “We want you to be safe too. I mean-- don’t get me wrong, I know you can take care of yourself. But I’m not big on the idea of you going back there.”

LORNA: “I feel like she owes us, considering the -- you know...” Lorna waved a finger in the air as if that would clarify decimated our race and took our mutations without straight up calling Wanda out. Her elbow was resting on the table, hand tangled up in the green. “So, it’d be a real dick move to not step up right now.”

REMY: “Neither am I,” Remy’s voice carried from where he sat near Lorna, lounging back in his chair. His eyes weren’t focused on her, rather, they were watching the drum of his fingers against the table. Though his demeanor indicated boredom, his tone towards Laura did not. “But Logan,” he didn’t even bother addressing Warren, “It’s not our place.”

BETSY: “I’ll phone Pete and see what he can do. Otherwise, Excalibur needs to focus on the Otherworld. That’s a whole pot we don’t need to get into right now.” There were moments where Betsy resented her new life and the role she used to play. Even throughout the struggle it was, in some ways, simpler. “Do we know how much time we have before the public tears us apart over his disappearance?”

SCOTT: His eyes swung to Illyana, a fraction of this moment spent humoring her. “It’s not that simple.” he then settled back into the conversation bustling around the table. “If Wanda can convince them on mutant behalf. I feel like we’ll need more reach than that to get everyone on board, if they’re not sympathetic to the cause. If anything, they’ll want to take down Osborn just as much as we do, and we can allocate people to other duties instead — like finding Charles.”

LAURA: What they were saying made sense but Laura didn’t want to admit it. She had made so much progress but after seeing red once again she couldn’t shake it.  A stubborn part of her - the part that probably came from Logan - had tricked itself into believing that if she eliminated the thing that had hurt her, the thing that was bad, everything could once again move. “I have to.” She replied simply to both her father and Remy ( who may as well have been family ) while also leaving Warren out. “You.” Her sights locked on Cable. “I saw what they did to your girlfriend.” The words were spoken as if Lana wasn’t beside him, and she didn’t even try to get into whatever was going on with Quire. “Jean and Scott can help look for Charles. We can handle C.R.A.DL.E.” It was then that she finally looked at Warren. “They can’t kill me. I’ll live.”

JEAN: “I think it’s going to be hard for us to get the Fantastic Four to help us.” Jean sighed. “Not with everything going on with Franklin, but if the Avengers help us they might as well.  I know things have been tense with Reed and Sue as late, but we need all the alliances we can get.”  That being said, one ear was being kept on the other situation to make sure it went smoothly.

ILLYANA: “Well I’m a Captain of Krakoa,” Illyana set her appetizer down. “So maybe I should designate. Laura goes to not get killed with other youth, Lorna and Erik appeal to their treacherous blood traitor and then you can decide who looks for Charles and who fights the reject X-Men.” A snarky smile briefly passed her lips. “You’re welcome.”

WARREN: “Laura--” Warren was looking at her, expression tense and eyes full of concern. “You’re pretty damn near indestructible but..” What could he say to convince her? He wasn’t sure. But he was scared for her.

KATE: “Yeah I’m starting to see why, Yana.” Kate shot a glance in her direction, not one of malice or ill-intent, but also not one of amusement. Somewhere in the middle. “I don’t know if you’re helping.”

ILLYANA: There was a noncommittal shrug before Illyana returned to her bread and lettuce on the peripheral of the room.

LORNA: “Sometimes you just need to blow stuff up.” Lorna knew that all too well. “Can we just get someone to supervisor this explosive visit?”

CABLE: Nate took a quick glance at Lana before facing Laura again. He took a pause, thinking it over but not sure if he should say everything he was thinking. “They’re bastards, that’s for sure.” That was the truth. Part of him was itching to get them back for what they did. “They deserve it.”

LANA: Even though she had been rudely ignored, Lana leaned forward slightly. “I have a really bad habit of blowing things up, so I think I can help. I just can’t get arrested again. I ran out of strikes like three times ago.”

CABLE: “See, that’s what I’m worried about. That’s why I’m not.. 100% on this idea.” A thumb jutted out towards Lana after she mentioned not wanting to get arrested again. “They deserve it. But is it worth the risk of you guys going there again?”

JEAN: “Logan.” Jean shifted in her chair to face him fully. They were on shaky ground but finding their way back together once more and she was grateful for that. “The Council can’t authorize a suicide mission. Not when we have so much at stake already. Of course, there’s a chance we might get ignored altogether.” That was directed at Laura. “So let’s find some middle ground here.”

LOGAN: He heard his name and turned to Jean, locking eyes with her for a long few seconds. He got lost in that connection briefly, and then found his words again. “Is there middle ground here? I dunno if I can see it.” His voice was at a low whisper-- hinting at his frustration. “I can’t let those kids run off like that but I have a feelin’ we’re gonna have a hard time keeping ‘em down. Had this been ten, fifteen years ago, I might have even been in Laura’s shoes.”

JEAN: As much as Jean wanted to enjoy their recently awakened connection the buzz of tense minds around her was beginning  to build up behind her eyes. “Ten to fifteen years ago I would have tried to stop you.” Bright eyed and bushy tailed, a fresh X-Men. “I know they hurt you.” Jean’s voice softened. “A lot of you. And that’s not okay. It’ll never be okay. Scott, you wouldn’t mind helping assemble a team that could deal with C.R.A.D.L.E., would you? We can do this but it needs to be the right way.”

LOGAN: One corner of Logan’s lips perked into a smile for a split second before disappearing again. The two of them were good at being nostalgic at the worst times, but he welcomed it anyway. Then he glanced to Scott, not saying anything but waiting for an answer.

SCOTT:  Just parked in this chair, on Emma’s yacht — it had Scott itching to jump up and do something, anything. The nervous energy that bounced around was felt in the drumming of fingers, the restlessness of legs bouncing, and of the constant chatter. They were also fighting for solutions to something that seemed impossible. Hearing his name drew his attention to Jean, who he saw facing Logan, though her words were directed to him. “It doesn’t have to end there, but yeah. We’ll have to figure out what resources we can allocate towards what causes, and that’ll be after we find out how much help we can get from the Avengers. It’s a lot like sitting on our hands, but if we just react, we could end up making this worse for ourselves. And for Charles.”

LOGAN: “Gotta love when we’re on the same page, Summers.” Logan replied, his tone only slightly sarcastic. He wasn’t here to ruffle feathers. “These kids are about ready to jump ship--” Pun definitely intended. “We can’t let ‘em run off.”

EMMA: “While you all blow up that torturous playpen I have a very specific date with Mesmero. Which means I’m officially appointing myself head of the Cabal and X-Men task force. Any issues with that?” Emma only waited for a singular beat with an arched brow before continuing. “Scott, darling, I’ll just be needing a few people for that. Katherine, Quire, the standard fare.”

KATE: For the first time since arriving, Kate’s eyes landed somewhere on Emma’s face. She had meant to meet her eyes, but her gaze instead landed on her nose and she involuntarily winced a little. “Sounds like a plan,” it was as much of a response as she could give in return.

EMMA: The blonde’s lips twitched downwards in displeasure momentarily at Katherine’s gaze. “Most excellent. As much as I’d love to, I’ll comply with the Council and will not kill him. I make no promises to his mental state.” In other words, she’d rip him apart.

QUENTIN: Quentin, from where he sat with his feet up on the table, gave Emma a lazy two fingered salute-- small sparks of blue energy trailing behind his hand as it moved.

LAURA: Sitting rigidly, Laura watched them all debate while knowing that in the end they ultimately might not change her decision. Not even Warren, with his sad eyes. A part of her felt betrayed by Logan but that was ridiculous. Then he was making eyes at Jean and Laura’s head was shaking. “As long as it gets done and I’m there then I don’t care. But we don’t have time to wait on you to rally your troops.” She gutted her chin at Scott.

JEAN: For some reason it would always feel a little wrong when Scott and Logan got along, but Jean was grateful for it all the same. “I’ll keep looking for Charles then. I’ll use Hank and Monet to start. Erik, you’re welcome to join after you talk to the Avengers.” The offer was really just  to be nice.

SCOTT: The brief, subtle movement of Scott’s hand just brushing against Emma’s was a tell that he didn’t want to broadcast, but he wanted to make her aware of his presence next to her. He’d been there in the immediate aftermath, and he’d been there through most of the healing. “The Cabal will be dealt with accordingly and will fall within the laws of Krakoa.” But he agreed with Emma, and he’d stand by her decision to deal with Mesmero however she saw fit.

ERIK: “I appreciate that, Jean. And I might just take you up on it.” Erik gave her a nod. “It will give me something to look forward to.” Talking to the Avengers was certainly not on his list of favorite things to do.

EMMA: Perhaps a different woman would have been abashed by the fact that she was sleeping with the husband of the woman across from her, but they had settled into a strange normal. She and Jean were of no threat to one another and as Scott brushed her hand there was the slightest sigh of internal relief. They’d get everyone off her boat and she would drink champagne on the deck, diamond tears plinking into the ocean. “Love your enthusiasm, Laura, but we have an image to protect. We need a statement ready.”

ERIK:  “We can keep it simple: “Be ready.”” Erik gave an almost playful sideways glance to Emma.

KATE: “So it’s settled then.” Just like the rest of them, Kate was ready to get off this boat and get back on solid ground — which lately, hadn’t really been her thing. She was already gripping the arm rests and beginning to stand. “We designate teams, we try not to stretch ourselves too thin, and we take Osborn down. Now we just need a when, a game plan, and we’re set.”

LAURA: As soon as they were dismissed Laura’s chair was pushed back and she was heading out of the room without a word. She needed to get off the boat. Wolverine’s could drown, after all, and there was enough shit to worry about.

MOIRA: She had remained silent for a large part of the conversation deliberately. Her role in Krakoa was not supposed to be participatory at this stage. Moira knew what she knew about the world, and it was more than most. She always maintained a fear she would be the one to knock everything off its proper course. “Then I believe we are through. I’m sure we can count on the Council to be efficient.” Moira rose, looking everyone over. “If they were better circumstances I would say that it’s good to see you. It’s not, however, so all we can do is strive  towards improvement.” With that she turned to leave, back to the No-Space where she could no longer pretend like she did not exist. They were all in the thick of it now, for better or worse.

[moviegroovies]

oof. in the last few days, i’ve watched five (5) new movies, at least three of which i have opinions on i’d like to share. for convenience’s sake, i’m going to start with the most recent, and work back from there. 

so: troy (2004) 

as someone who was coerced into studying the iliad at a liberal arts college, this movie enraged me. as someone who likes to enjoy himself while watching movies, this movie horrified me. all around, i’m going to rate it a solid 3/10, and that might be generous, but there WERE a few things i liked, which i’m going to talk about, because what else do i do here, anyway.

i’m not even going to get into all the ways this was an unfaithful adaptation of the source material, because there just is not the fucking time, and i’m sure other people before me have done it, so let’s just say that the moment they cast brad pitt as achilles, all hope was lost. i will comment that they of course no-homo’d achilles and patroclus, but had i gone in expecting to see any representation in this movie, i would have been an even bigger masochist than i am. that does not mean i wasn’t still a little disappointed, though.

troy takes into account much more than the actual span of the iliad, beginning (long) before the start of the epic and ending after it finished. in this way, we see the full span of the story, which i suppose is a good thing, although it did stretch this painfully milquetoast adaptation into an agonizing three hours. we see everything from agamemnon’s quest to unite all the kingdoms of greece together underneath his rule to the sacking of troy, meaning we also get to see paris seducing helen, achilles’ death, and the sacking of troy with the trojan horse, all of which the iliad does not include. being that the actual content of the iliad isn’t quite so battle-focused as the general public might think, these things are all probably good for the telling of an actual story. i can forgive most of the changes to the story that we did see, because i think that, given that you don’t know the source material, it makes for a cohesive and satisfying narrative, all in all. menelaus’s character being changed to make helen’s choice to leave with paris more sympathetic made the choice to have hector kill him a cathartic one. even better was briseis getting to take her revenge on agamemnon for his treatment toward her and, more generally, the fact that he was the one who brought war and soldiers to her front door. sure, that totally ruins the play orestes, but that was never going to be the sequel we were waiting for, anyway. 

side note, i think of the actors, agamemnon (played by brain cox) was the best. he just had a really good love-to-hate-him thing going, and played up his part pretty excellently. orlando bloom also felt like a good choice for paris (i would for sure leave menelaus for him, for instance), and vincent regan as eudoros was sort of a dark horse in the cast for me; i’d never heard of him before, and his character was small, but there was something striking about him. maybe it was just his eyes. 

in the movie, the siege of troy went from spanning ten years to like... maybe a couple of weeks? that was the one change from the source material that i really couldn’t abide, but What Ever I Guess. if they had just begun in the 9th year of the siege, it might have made the casting of then 40 year old brad pitt as achilles make a little more sense. as it stands.... whatever. sure. do whatever the fuck you want. i can’t stop you. 

generally, i like brad pitt in things (one of the other movies of the five that i watched, for instance, was se7en, although i don’t really have any particular comments on that other than, it was good, i liked it, i probably won’t choose to watch it again just on a whim), but i really could not get behind this particular performance. it had some of the same problems as him at the start of interview with the vampire; i think he kind of warmed to the role with that one, but the scene with him as a dissociating human felt... off, in terms of acting, but maybe that’s just me. either way, i’m not sure he ever really warmed to being achilles. 

and that sucked, because achilles could have been such a good character. 

obviously my personal bias is being taken into account here (yes, i read TSoA, yes i am letting it influence my perception of the dude), but if troy’s achilles had been prepared to put the raw emotion latent in the iliad’s achilles into the role, i think the character would have hit harder than he did. i personally didn’t love the expanded romance with briseis that they shoved in, but there was potential to see some tenderness there, and that could have been played up more, especially since she acted as the catalyst, here, for achilles to consider accepting the happy but unremarkable life he could have lived, instead of dying for glory in troy. failing that, i think patroclus’ role should have been more pronounced, and i’m not even saying that as a proponent of the patroclus/achilles relationship; even if they kept the two of them as cousins as they did in this setting, i think we needed to see a lot more interactions than the ones we did (although there was a fair amount, and given how long the movie turned out, i understand why it wasn’t fleshed out better) to really justify how hard achilles took the death of patroclus. there WERE some times that achilles got to exhibit emotions other than like emotionally stunted badass soldier either brooding or being pissed off--and that’s one of the highlights of the film, i’ll get back to that in a second--but the emotional climax between achilles and hector didn’t live up to my expectations. for one thing, in that scene in the poem, achilles didn’t just fight hector in retribution for the death of patroclus. he fought EVERYONE, up to and including hector, and more than that, a fucking RIVER DEITY. it was wild, unabashed grief that made him do horrible things. i would have personally loved to see an unhinged rampage, and instead, it got boiled down to one single fight between achilles and hector that lasted, i think, far longer than it should have. achilles was more powerful than hector, no matter how good hector was. i think it might have been more to my taste, at least, if we were shown that achilles had the strength to kill hector in a second, hardly taking him on to fight, and simply hadn’t before this because he was never given a reason to. 

all i’m saying is, movies are more interesting when characters are allowed to fully break, fully snap, just go buck fucking wild. but that’s just my onion.

i said i was going to come back to the “more emotions than emotional constipation” thing, and let’s do that now. one thing i DID like about the choices made in this film was that achilles was allowed to cry on screen, and he did, several times. i don’t know how to express how refreshing it was to see the archetypal badass soldier, the best of the greeks, break down into tears, especially when you consider how few movies really show men crying, much less movies of this particular genre. it’s kind of one of those “don’t give them props for scraping the bottom of the barrel” things, but i liked it, and since there were so few things i really did like about this movie, i’m going to give them props there. not just that, either--i also liked the way that paris could not face his death in his fight with menelaus, and crawled, terrified, back to his older brother. i liked that, while he degraded himself for the act later, the narrative and other characters never treated this like the wrong decision. sometimes, it’s impossible or incorrect to be noble at the price of yourself, especially in something like the fight over the hand of a woman who made her decision on where to go. paris did not win the fight, but he had a brother who loved him, and menelaus couldn’t understand that. and he died.

interestingly enough, paris also loses that fight in the epic, but rather than going to hector for protection, he’s whisked away by aphrodite before he can be killed. this was changed, naturally, because at no point in troy do the gods, who play by all accounts very important parts in the trojan war as told by the iliad, actually appear in the movie. they’re discussed throughout, and achilles’ mother, a goddess in the epic, appears to speak to him before he leaves for war, but it’s never affirmed whether or not she is divine, whether apollo is truly taking revenge for achilles’ desecration of his temple, whether godhood can be trusted or not. this is a theme that’s discussed and subverted many times, bringing in a type of ancient agnosticism to both the characters of achilles and hector, but ultimately it’s left unsolved. since they went the route of not being including the gods as characters, i’m happy with that conclusion. one of the more powerful bits of screentime between achilles and briseis was when he confided that he believed the gods were jealous of humans for their mortality, so ultimately, it was fitting that this story was told about the humans and the heroes, a celebration and examination of humanity, rather than throwing in divine intervention and cheapening the plot. 

there was a theme of love in the movie which i liked pretty well, especially for the fact that it wasn’t focused entirely on romantic love. the war began because helen ran back with paris, but not really: agamemnon was itching for a war anyway, and was happy to use his brother’s missing wife as a reason to begin the fight with troy he had been craving. menelaus clearly had no problem being cruel and unfaithful to helen, so her leaving him is not framed as a slutty and frivolous choice as it has been in other media. she goes off with someone willing to give away everything (up to and including his family and his palace) for her, and it’s honestly hard to blame her for that. plus, the war could have also been averted by hector turning around the ship and returning helen to her husband, which he very nearly does, except that if he did, he knows paris will try to fight menelaus for her and die, and he cannot bear the death of his brother. therefore, the war begins with two sets of brothers and two sets of lovers: helen chooses paris because he genuinely loves her, hector allows it because he loves his brother, and agamemnon profits off his brother’s loss because he loves nothing more than power, and the loss is a chance for that. achilles nearly costs agamemnon the war because he’s ready to leave and live his full life thanks to the love of briseis, until his love of patroclus and his grief at his death take that option away. priam gets a speech toward the beginning about there being worse reasons to fight a war than for love. i think this is honestly kind of simplistic and missing the point of what war is in general, but it was a nice scene to play into the theme.

outside of that, other things i enjoyed were odysseus’s narration book-ending the action, because he’s my favorite character of homer’s, if not in troy (i honestly don’t like sean penn in the role, but that’s my own personal cross to bear), the scene around patroclus’ death where eudoros looks on in horror when he thinks it’s achilles and then gives a visible sigh of relief, even as it’s mixed with the horror of patroclus’ death when the helmet is removed and he sees it’s not, the part where agamemnon looks on at patroclus’ funeral and comments how “that boy just won [him] the war,” which was such an asshole thing to say but also honestly what i was thinking, and that one little scene with paris giving the sword of troy to aeneas as a fun little shoutout to the aeneid. i could go into other things i DIDN’T like, but after watching that movie for three fucking hours, i think i’ve put enough time into that as it is. 

coming soon: pointless commentary on the first back to the future and fright night (1985)! get hype!!!

[tonystarktogo]

I've just read about Tony feeling unwanted and man, it breaks my heart! Could you write something about Tony having enough? Like, he feels that Team Cap thinks they don't need him, they don't appreciate him and they never did. So he leaves, he doesn't stop being an Iron Man, but leaves Avengers. Maybe he has his own team with Rhodey and Spidey and whoever else. Maybe he helps Defenders from time to time. Maybe he works alone. (1)

But the point is, even if Avengers think that they don’t need him, they really do. Because he did so much for them all this time. Like, when SHIELD fell, he and his company invested them, repaired their equipment and made new one, took care of PR and media. And they never even knew, or just never cared, until he left. Now they have no one to replace him and to be as efficient as he was. They’re just too close to failing apart.(2)

I can and I most certainly will! All those angst-filled headcanons from yesterday didn’t just make me want to curl up under a ton of blankets to hide from the world, they also, they also reminded me how freaking bitter I still am. So yeah, hope you don’t mind, anon, but I thought your ask would be the perfect way to kick off bitter Sunday!

Because we’re talking about Tony Stark, guys. We’re talking about the man who build a suit of armour in a freaking cave. Who got kidnapped by the bad guys and blew his own way right back out. Yes, he’s hurt. Yes, he’s fucking heartbroken. Yes, most days the weight of his own mistakes and failings almost crushes him. Yes, being confronted with the team he was never allowed to belong to he lost is rubbing salt into the slashing wounds that still haven’t healed, bleed sluggishly from time to time.

But.

There’s a line he’s drawn into the sand a long time ago, back when he first became Iron Man, and it matters. He does what is expected of him. Shakes the returning Avengers’ hands. Smiles for the cameras. Is quoted stressing that he supports the UN’s decisions, that with the new and revised Accords in place, there’s no room for old grudges and vendettas. And he means it. What he doesn’t say though, is that there’s no room for old friendships and favours either.

Truth is, Earth needs as many heroes as possible. It needs them in once place, with stable communication channels, capable of working and strategising and organising together. The exiled Avengers are a rare resource they can’t afford to waste. There is also the fact that being trust back into the limelight limits them in a way working from the shadows doesn’t, forces a vague but still present sense of accountability on them that Tony may or may not take a great amount of pleasure in.

But here’s another, much more fortunate truth: they don’t need to be a team to save the world. It’s a truth that’s been hanging over them from the beginning, back when Iron Man wasn’t a part of the Avengers because he didn’t have to be for the plot to work. In retrospect, Tony can appreciate Fury’s actions for the well-played moves they were.

So he does what he would have done years ago, if not for sentimentalities and a misplaced sense of loyalty holding him back: he cuts the wire.

With the new accords has come a committee and a new governmental agency in charge of handling the nationally and internationally operating enhanced strike teams. Tony uses this development to his advantage, separates his business from the agency entirely, because really, a billionaire shouldn’t own parts of an organisation designed to keep him in check.

Tony signs the new agreements and as Iron Man he is to be deployed whenever necessary, but he is no longer part of any team. And he makes a point of proving that time and again.

When members of his ex-team are involved in a fight he wasn’t, he refuses any comment on the actions, they are none of his business after all, and really, shouldn’t you ask the people who were actually there? He doesn’t get involved in group press conferences unless there are more than just the ex-Avengers present because presenting a united front as enhanced humans is one thing, presenting a united front with them is another thing altogether. 

He doesn’t build weapons, suits and other improvements for anyone but himself and the people he deems worthy of his gifts either–those designs have always been too dangerous to be allowed into the hands of a government agency, and none of his former team mates make the cut onto the trusted list anymore. 

He doesn’t interact with them anyways, unless it’s on the comms during a fight or via a representative or his official email account (his private contact information is no longer available to them). All his employees knows better than to give them access to anything non-public without a properly scheduled meeting, and even Pepper doesn’t disagree with him on this one. She’s the one that usually shows up on these meetings anyways, and she doesn’t give them an inch, because there’s a reason Tony hired her in the first place.

And it might have started out as simple avoidance and being petty but you know what? Tony’s doing pretty damn well on his own. He doesn’t need the team, he’s always known that, but proving it to himself ends up feeling surprisingly good. Empowering. Freeing even. 

Because even though it feels like that in the very beginning, Tony isn’t actually alone. He’s got Pepper, with whom he’s slowly working out the post-failed-relationship-awkwardness, and Rhodey, who’s recovery is a slow, painful process but still a process, and loyal, steady Happy. He also has Peter, who’s too eager and reminds Tony too much of himself, but who doesn’t leave or get bored by Tony’s enthusiastic rants. He’s got Harely with whom he face-times at least once a week to science and chatter.

He’s got people who care about him and enjoy spending time with him, and the more time passes, the more Tony realises how not-okay his relationships with his former team have really been, how not-okay he’s been. And he still misses them, from time to time, but it’s the fleeting yearning for a missed opportunity, not the heartbreaking free fall into a bottomless darkness it used to be.

The point is, Tony is in a good place. Without the team that never wanted him. 

(And on days he still feels a little down, watching that Youtube clip of a tiny, three-year old girl in an Iron Man t-shirt throwing her ice cream at Steve Roger’s face with devastating accuracy, the one that cuts off right as the older brother is shown laughing so hard tears are streaming down his face and assuring his indignant little sister that yes, he’ll get her a new ice cream, he’s very proud of her standing up against bullies, is surprisingly cathartic.)