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acposter16 · 3 days ago

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Ahhhhhhhhhhh, my heart!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Crushed Lavender/Sonadowtober Day 29: False Alarm

Okay so two things.

1. I know it’s the 1st of November, but I saw and started this the 29th. So it still counts. I don’t make the rules.

2. The prompt was ‘false alarm’, but this turned more into a ‘close call’ or ‘saved your skin’ kind of thing. But it’s close enough.

Anyway!! Here’s my mediocre and belated addition to Sonadowtober!!

Takes place after Sonic Frontiers! Also, TW for thoughts of unaliving oneself/depression. c:

One shot:

It’s not that Shadow is a worrier or a pessimist. He’s a realist.

And the reality is that Sonic is one of the most danger-prone Mobians Shadow has ever met.

And ever since he returned from Starfall Islands, he hasn’t been quite himself. He’s not all there in his head. It’s as though sometimes he doesn’t know where he is at all, somewhere else far away.. or not there at all even.

It doesn’t help that Sonic’s usual group of misfits seems to be awol at the time. Apparently they’ve all gone off to “find themselves” in some way.. or at least that’s what Rouge has told him. She was pretty torn up Knuckles wouldn’t be around to irritate anymore— though Shadow thinks she’s more upset over the fact he didn’t ask her to come with him on his journeys.

Either way, Sonic is not seemingly on his own most days now. His support system now gone and leaving him to deal with whatever has begun plaguing his mind all on his own.

So what other choice did Shadow have but to take it upon himself to occupy the blue hedgehog’s time?? Otherwise, Gaia knows what trouble that dumb faker would’ve stirred up.

It began with Shadow happening to be in the same place as Sonic on a run. They raced, naturally. And that was that. The hedgehog seemed in good spirits after that.

This happened regularly for a month or so.

Until once after the race, Sonic didn’t seem so happy-go-lucky and smug like he usually does. No banter being shot for Shadow to bicker with on who won or who cheated. No victory dances or laps or anything. Sonic simply finished the race, Shadow turning to him and finding him staring off at the ocean they had ended at. Staring down at the waves from the cliff he stood on. Emerald eyes glistening from the reflection of the moon but there was no light behind them.

It was one of those moments.

He wasn’t there anymore.

Dull and absent eyes stared down at the crashing waves, Shadow watching and feeling an uneasiness settle over them with every passing moment. He frowned. It was like Sonic was drowning and he hadn’t even touched the water far below yet.

Shadow knew that look…

He use to stare into space like that..

Shadow’s brows furrow, arms crossing as he turns a bit more towards Sonic. Standing only a few yards from him as he tilts his head just slightly and observes him a long moment. Unsure what to do. What to say. Should he even say anything?? Maybe he should leave..

No one ever helped him through his own moments of dissociation, and he wasn’t sure what he would’ve wanted them to do even if they had.

But before Shadow can dwell on it much longer, he watches Sonic lean a little more over the edge.

A little too close for comfort.

He steps forward, arms uncrossing to reach a hand towards the blue hedgehog,

“Sonic..?”

Sonic’s flinches at that, blinking emerald eyes before turning them to look at Shadow a bit too wide for Shadow’s liking..

Then Sonic’s blank expression turns to a slow, wobbly smirk as he gives a thumbs up to Shadow, “Heh—“

And then the world stops.

Or— the edge Sonic stands on crumbles just enough to make the hero lose his footing. And Shadow watches as Sonic’s face goes from surprise, to horror… then to nothing.

Sonic’s eyes shut, and he falls back. The fastest thing alive has plenty of time to regain balance or dash out of the danger zone.. but he doesn’t move.

And Shadow watches in shock and then heavy realization. Realization that’s abrupt enough to snap him out of said shock and send him rocketing to Sonic as he watches him disappear over the cliff side.

Shadow skids across the ground, sliding onto his stomach to grab at Sonic’s hand only to miss by a breath. His gloved fingertips graze the hero’s, Sonic’s eyes never open.

He falls.

Shadow doesn’t think.

He doesn’t even breathe.

He just jumps.

Lunging off the edge, sending himself surging down towards Sonic’s plummeting body. The waves beckon them closer, gravity paves the way. Shadow’s eyes are locked on cobalt blue as ocean blue approaches in the background. His arms are outstretched.

Reaching.

Grasping.

Touching.

Gripping.

Holding.

Cradling.

“Chaos Control!”

A bright light reflects just above the salt water and then flashes again far away.

Somewhere no cliffs are near and in their place are simply rolling hills of lavender.

The safest place Shadow could think of.

They crash against the ground as they had been falling, rolling as a fumbling ball of red, black and blue until they crumble and skid to a stop on plush flowers.

Shadow is groaning from the impact, having taken most of it due to practically curling around Sonic protectively in his arms. Sonic laid on his back with emerald eyes wide open once again, his chest rising and falling with heavy and desperate breaths.

Drowning again.

No where near the water.

“What the hell were you doing?!” Shadow snapped, shoving himself off the ground onto his knees to glare over at Sonic unabashedly.

Sonic doesn’t answer.

He doesn’t acknowledge Shadow.

This just boils Shadow over.

Shuffling on his knees over to hover over Sonic, he scowls down at him disapprovingly, “You blue idiot— don’t just lay there ignoring me! What the hell was that??”

Shadow’s hands move to grip Sonic’s shoulders, this seeming to knock the hedgehog out of his daze. Sonic’s wide eyes snap to Shadow with a hard flinch, seeming shocked and bewildered by the ebony hedgehog above shaking him.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you had a damn death wish, you—!!”

Shadow’s shaking halts.

He stares down at Sonic who is still breathing concerningly quick. More like gasping for air than actual breaths, swallowing huge gulps as if they’re not enough.

Shadow’s anger slowly stifles, eyes losing their heat and instead melting into something of concern and discomfort..

Seeing Sonic like this..

It was.. unsettling.

“Hey.. hey, Faker..,” Shadow’s voice rasps, removing hands from Sonic momentarily before repositioning them to place one on Sonic’s chest over his heart to feel it pounding against his gloved palm and then moving his other to grab Sonic’s wrist and bring the hero’s hand to his chest so Sonic can feel it rise and fall,

“Breathe..”

Shadow’s breaths are slow and easy. Steady and deep.

Sonic’s own breaths stay panicked, not quite computing what Shadow is even saying for a long moment. But eventually, his eyes lock with Shadow’s, and he steadies himself. He begins trying to even out his breaths, matching them with Shadow’s so that his chest rises and falls with Shadow’s own.

This seems to do the trick. Sonic’s previously tense and terrified disposition easing into relative discomfort. Which still isn’t ideal but it’s progress.

Sonic’s raised quills slowly flatten and his wide eyes grow more tired and calm.

But with that calm exposes something vulnerable and scared too..

And before Shadow can even think of what next step to take..

Sonic’s ears flatten back and his frown trembles.

He doesn’t cry. He doesn’t shatter and break.

But he cracks.

Just a little. Just enough.

Taking a shaky breath, Sonic slides his wrist from Shadow’s grip and lets his arm fall over his eyes as he shuts them.

He blows a long, uneasy breath out, and his trembling mouth slides into a forced grin, “Man!… That was a close one, huh??”

His sideways smile and jittery, breathy chuckle makes Shadow feel ill..

Shadow sits back on the backs of his heels, his hands retreating to his sides as he looks down at the cracked hero. How he tries to hide from what just happened behind his arm and a mask.

Shadow can’t look. He turns his head away with a frown and furrowed brows.

Sonic just breathes a few moments longer before pushing himself up with a grunt. Leaning back on his arms, he looks around with his casual smile and his glossy eyes at their environment.

“Where even are we??? I don’t think I’ve ever been here be—“

“You wanted to fall.”

“Huh??”

Sonic looks at Shadow.

Shadow is looking straight back at him.

It’s not anger. It takes Sonic a moment to place it.

Disappointment.

And.. something else.

“You wanted to fall. You were gonna let yourself go.”

Betrayal.

Sonic looks like a deer in headlights for a pause before he rolls his eyes and looks way with a shrug and grin, “What kind of dumb accusation is that— I slipped, Shadow. The cliff crumbled under my feet, and—“

“You were standing way too close to the edge—“

“—I didn’t have time to catch my footing again—“

“—you had plenty of time to jump out of the way or grab onto the ledge—“

“—and I don’t have a chaos emerald so I couldn’t flash myself to safety like you—“

“—you shut your eyes like you didn’t even want to bother with your own life—“

“I don’t even know my own life!!”

Sonic’s smile is gone.

He’s glaring at Shadow with those glossy eyes.

Shadow frowns.

“What does that even mean—“

“I don’t know— I-,” Sonic fumbles for words, hesitating on if he even wants to be saying any of this. If he even can say any of it.

“I haven’t felt like myself— I’m not even sure what myself is even suppose to feel like anymore! I think— I think I’m still on those stupid Islands! Like parts of me were pulled out and hacked into pieces and scattered all over that place and I’ll never fully get them all back!!”

Shadow stares. Trying to understand. Trying to process and listen and take in.

He doesn’t speak.

Sonic keeps going.

“I didn’t even know my own name for a minute! I didn’t know who I was— what I was!! And now— now the only people I trust to tell me and remind me of that are gone! And I’m— I’m so, so happy for them! I’m so proud for them! But I’m still confused and lost and feeling like I don’t even know myself anymore so what’s the point, ya’know?!”

“Yes, I know.”

Sonic blanks and then huffs at that, looking away as if offended by Shadow’s simple and quick answer to his outburst. He opens his mouth.

…

Then he shuts it.

Realizing that Shadow’s simple answer was… honest.

He looks at Shadow again, his offended glare turning to something a bit more sad. Ears folding back and raised quills relaxing as he looks at his counterpart with a hesitant gaze..

“…You do know, huh?”

Shadow doesn’t speak. He just looks at Sonic a long moment and then looks down at the lavenders he’s knelt down in.. his gloved hand rubbing over one as he gives a single nod of confirmation.

Sonic watches him. Tired and scared and open.

“…How do you deal with it??”

Shadow shrugs. Sonic huffs at this, immediately impatient that he doesn’t have an answer only for Shadow to speak quietly.

“You.. are confused for a while. You try to remember who you were and who you were created to be. Who you worked so long and hard to become. You think of who made you into this person you are and why you must be that person for them because of it. And when that doesn’t work, you-.. you’re angry.”

Shadow’s fist closes around the flower, pulling it up from the ground and lifting it with a grip of vice. Sonic’s eyes follow it, hearing the ever so subtle sound of tiny purple petals being crunched together.

“And you try and point that anger somewhere.. give yourself a purpose. A validation. A justification.. Fighting battles, protecting,… revenge.”

Shadow’s palm opens and reveals the crumbled flower in it.

“But in the end, you realize you’ve done more harm than good.. and you wonder if you yourself are more harm than good..”

Sonic’s brows knit up, a hopeless frown on his muzzle as he eyes the obliterated lavender in Shadow’s palm and then averts his gaze. Unable to look at the damage done any longer.

“…But there’s something inside you still. The very essence of your being. The reason you exist. The reason you’re even here..”

Sonic’s eyes return to Shadow at that, exhausted and with a slight and reluctant glimmer of hope.

“… to just live.”

Sonic’s brows furrow at this, seeming unsatisfied with this answer.

He opens his mouth but before Sonic can say anything, Shadow turns more towards him and continues.

“You don’t have to prove anything, Sonic. You may feel like you’re obligated to be some perfect being. That you have to match some prophecy or legacy left to you. That you have to be some sort of Ultimate Lifeform..”

Sonic’s head tilts a bit at Shadow, hanging onto his every word.

“..but you only have to be what you deem worthy of being. Past or future, you are only what you choose to be. You are all of you, forgotten or not. And right now, if being alive is a battle, it’s a damn worthy one to fight for yourself in my opinion.”

Shadow’s gaze meets Sonic’s and Sonic’s own emerald orbs hold slow understanding in them.. revelation.

Shadow gives a tiny smile. He holds the crumbled lavender out to Sonic, the blue hedgehog slowly holding his palm out for Shadow to pour the tiny petals into his cupped palm.

“Even crushed lavender is still lavender.. and it can still have purpose when crushed..”