#like i just want to learn how to play an instrument let me do it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

knivestothroats · 2 days ago

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The Professionals - Tommy and Fletcher go to White Castle

the fast food place in question is not necessarily white castle i am just using the same naming convention as "buck and fletcher's excellent adventure" co-written with @victimeyez The Professionals || In The Woods Somewhere || Professional//Victim CW: long term captivity, panic attack, the realization that you got old and sold out

Tommy hated going in the basement.

It was dark and cold and too reminiscent of his old room. His old prison, more like. Especially after the last time he pissed Caius off.

Your room is upstairs, he kept telling himself. Your room is upstairs. They’re not keeping you down here.

But Tommy knew Fletcher could change that on a whim. He just had to be good and not give them a reason to. And that meant not protesting when Fletcher said he had to help look for something in the basement.

“I’m pretty sure the people I trade with are keeping more of my jars than they’re giving back,” Fletcher said. “I don’t know why else they’d be disappearing. Fuckers.”

Tommy was pretty sure the last part was said as a joke, but he wasn’t positive.

Fletcher still had shelves full of preserves, but they had said something ominous about making it through the winter. So, the two of them were digging through boxes to look for more jars.

Fletcher made sure Tommy steered clear of certain boxes. He didn’t ask what was in them.

Tommy pushed aside a box filled with clothes to check the next. But behind it was not a storage tote. It was long and rectangular - a hard case for an instrument.

Tommy flipped open the latches and lifted the lid. Inside lay a bass guitar. It was a deep, sparkling blue with a strap patterned with lightning bolts. He gingerly picked it up and held it, positioning it over his knee like he was going to play.

“Put. That. Down.” Fletcher snarled from behind him.

Tommy quickly returned the instrument to its case and shut the lid.

“Sorry!”

He turned to apologize to Fletcher, but was taken aback by just how angry they looked.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t touch your stuff,” Tommy went on.

Fletcher said nothing. Their hands were clenched into fists at their side.

“Do you… play?” Tommy asked. He wasn’t sure if he should push it, but he felt the need to claw his way out of the furious silence.

“No,” Fletcher said shortly.

“Oh. Um…” Tommy tried to think of a better way to ask, then why do you have it? “Did you… want to learn?”

“It’s my friend’s.”

“Oh! Okay. They don’t, um…”

Fletcher folded their arms and looked up at the ceiling. “He doesn’t play these days.”

“I see.” Tommy drummed his fingers on the top of the case. “Did you… want to learn? Because I can - I can only play bass a little, but I can, like, follow along to tab, um, if…”

Fletcher looked down at him. Their expression had eased up, and they looked interested now.

“You play?”

“I used to play drums in my band,” Tommy said. “My friends showed me a little bit of their instruments.”

Tommy could swear he saw Fletcher’s eye twitch.

“Drums, huh?” they said flatly.

Tommy swallowed and nodded.

Fletcher sighed, closing their eyes for a brief moment. They slowly raised their arm and pointed.

“My guitar is over there.”

Tommy’s face lit up. “You play guitar!”

“Not in years,” Fletcher said.

“Were you in a band?” Tommy asked.

“...No.” Fletcher’s eyes were wandering, lost in thought. Hands still in fists folded over their arms. They wanted to say something but wouldn’t.

“You and your friend played together?” Tommy prompted.

“Yeah…” Fletcher took a breath like they were going to say something else, then shut their mouth. “Let’s keep looking”

“I have to go into town, and I don’t want to leave you here alone,” Fletcher said. They had pulled up a chair to talk to Tommy as he sat on the edge of his bed. “Do you think you can handle coming along?”

“Um,” Tommy blinked a few times. The thought of getting out of the house should be exciting, but he had barely been out in public in years. Closest he got was the conventions he was taken to as a product demo, and the aquarium trip, where he’d had a panic attack. He ran his hands over his legs. “Like, where are we… going?”

“I have to do a supply run every month or so,” Fletcher said. “At least while there’s a group in the house. We need groceries. Sometimes I have to pick up ammo, medical supplies, things like that. But I don’t want to leave you here unsupervised, and I don’t trust the trainees to… well, you can ask Buck what happened when I left him behind to go on a run.”

It was odd to think of Buck being trapped here at the whims of violent tormentors. Tommy knew it had happened, of course, but seeing Buck come and go of his own volition made it difficult for those perceptions of him to coexist in his mind.

“So… not really a choice, right?” Tommy forced a half-smile.

“Hm, no,” Fletcher said. “Just getting a vibe. Do you think you’re going to panic?”

“Um. I don’t know,” Tommy picked at the sheets.

“Well, look, we’ll see how it goes, maybe you can wait in the car for some stuff.” Fletcher shrugged. “But, we have to talk security measures. Can’t have you running off or running your mouth. It would just be a big mess for me to clean up, in the end. You understand that, right?”

Tommy nodded.

“If anyone finds out about you or this place, I’d have to kill them,” Fletcher emphasized.

Tommy dropped his eyes to the floor and nodded again.

“So, to be safe…”

Fletcher pulled something out of their pocket that sent a shiver up Tommy’s spine.

It was his old collar. The one Caius had made him wear, with the electrified barbs that dug into the tender skin of his throat. He felt sick just looking at it.

He was grateful for the new, painless collar. Buck had still looked put off when he saw it, and it had made Tommy somewhat embarrassed, but to be honest, he didn’t know how he would feel not wearing a collar after all this time.

And now the old one was back.

What if they weren’t going on a supply run at all? What if Fletcher was taking him back to Caius?

“If you’re good,” Fletcher said, watching his pale expression. “Next time it can be a normal shock collar. No barbs. Okay?”

Tommy nodded, eyes never leaving the collar.

“Alright, c’mere.” Fletcher gestured for Tommy to lean forward. He obeyed in a stiff, robotic motion, forcing himself through the fear. They reached behind his neck and unbuckled the collar. Freed for a moment, but now his throat was rendered vulnerable to his old collar’s teeth. Tommy sat deathly still as Fletcher replaced his old collar, even when the barbs bit into his skin. He white-knuckled the sheets.

Tommy’s chest felt too tight for his heart, too tight for his lungs. Tears stung as his eyes. He couldn’t move. With a blink, the tears breached and spilled down his face.

“Woah, you good?” Fletcher sounded surprised.

Tommy tried to say “I’m okay,” but all that came out was a tight lipped “Mrmm.”

Fletcher observed him carefully. Hands twisted tight in the fabric, chest rising and falling rapidly, crying silently.

They didn’t want to walk it back - relent and let him wear a different collar immediately after declaring he needed to wear this one. But they didn’t know how to comfort someone having a panic attack. They only knew how to instill fear, not subside it.

Fletcher put their hands on Tommy’s arms.

“Can you do this for me?” They gave him a gentle squeeze. “Can you keep it together?”

Tommy gave a slow, unconvincing nod.

“I won’t use it if you’re good,” Fletcher assured him. “And all you have to do to be good is do nothing.”

Tommy squeezed his eyes shut and nodded again.

“Okay. Look at me. Deep breath, okay?”

Fletcher took a big, slow breath. Tommy followed along. Fletcher held it a few seconds, then slowly blew it out. Tommy’s breath came out shaky as he copied their actions.

“In for five, hold for five, out for five. Okay? Do it again.”

In, two, three, four, five. Hold, two, three, four, five. Out, two, three, four, five.

Despite the exercise, Tommy made an involuntary noise of distress - a muffled moan from behind his clenched jaw. He began to shake, nervous energy overflowing in his body.

“Okay, hey,” Fletcher moved their hands to his shoulders. “Watch me, watch.” They held up a hand. “Touch your thumb to your pinky, ring, index. Skip the middle. Pinky, ring, index.”

Tommy watched, unsure, before looking down at his own hand to mimic the movements. Pinky, ring, skip the middle, index.

“Okay, good. Now, pinky, middle, index. Pinky, middle, index.”

Pinky, middle, index.

“Alternate those. Pinky, ring, index. Pinky, middle, index. You’ll have to think about it.”

Tommy tapped his thumb to the tip of each finger. When he changed the pattern he hesitated, making sure not to touch the finger he needed to skip. Fletcher was right, it required his focus. His breathing began to calm down on its own.

“There you go!” Fletcher ruffled his hair. Tommy leaned into it, but the touch lasted only a moment.

There was a chill bite in the air. Fletcher had wrapped a scarf around Tommy’s neck to hide the collar, and given him a coat to wear - a heavy denim work jacket, lined with well-worn flannel. It dwarfed his thin frame, but kept him cozy.

Tommy pulled himself up into the truck, settling into the bench seat in the back.

Fletcher turned around in the driver’s seat to look at him.

“What are you doing?”

Tommy stiffened, trying to figure out what he had done wrong. “Uh…”

“Am I your chauffeur? Get up here.”

Tommy hesitated only a moment before clambering out of the back and moving up to ride shotgun. He tucked his hands between his thighs, both to keep them warm and to maintain his distance.

“What kind of music do you like?” Fletcher asked. They plugged an aux cord into an ipod and began to scroll.

“Oh, um, whatever you want to listen to is fine,” Tommy assured them.

“Not what I asked.”

“I, uh… I like punk music,” Tommy admitted.

Fletcher looked up at him and smiled. “Yeah? Like what?”

“Um, like… Billy Talent, The Offspring, Destroy Boys, uh…”

“Green Day?”

“Yeah.”

“Against me!?”

“Yes, some.”

“Bouncing Souls?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Okay, I’m just going to put it on shuffle, you can tell me what you recognize.”

Fletcher drove carefully through the woods, following a path through the trees marked only by previous tire tread. The truck bumped along steadily until they emerged onto an empty country road.

“We’re just going into town to go to the grocery store,” Fletcher explained. “There’s a farm I have a barter system with, and I normally like to go there for my produce, at least, but… I took Buck there one time. And having one guy with visible scarring who has to wait in the car is explainable enough. But a second guy with visible scarring who has to wait in the car, that starts to get suspicious. So, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t want to stop going there, but I also don’t want to have to stage a death cult situation if they catch on that something is up. They’re nice people.”

“...Sure.”

“I don’t… love going out in public, either,” Fletcher admitted. “But I’m good at lying. You… maybe just hang back a bit and try to stay calm. In fact, it’s best if you don’t talk to anyone. We can get you some headphones or something if it’s overstimulating. I don’t know how bad off you are.”

“I… I think I can hold it together,” Tommy mumbled. He watched the scenery go by out the window. Everything was frosted in snow – the trees, fields, the occasional home or warehouse set back from the road. It was all a reminder that a normal world still existed, even though he hadn't been part of it for years.

Caius usually cuffed his hands to the inside door handle. Without being tethered in place, he wasn’t sure what to do with them, so he kept them tucked away.

Tommy gasped suddenly and turned his head away from the window.

“What?” Fletcher asked, eyebrows raised.

“Just… dead cat. On the side of the road.”

“Aw, that’s awful.” Fletcher shook their head. “I don’t know why people still think it’s okay to have outdoor cats. They think their pets are somehow immune to the dangers of the world, and then they get hit by cars or eaten by coyotes or whatever. Or come home with fleas. Diseases.” They took their eyes off the road for a moment to look at Tommy, their gaze heavy on him. “It’s just not safe out there.”

Tommy swallowed and nodded, letting his eyes drift back outside.

When they got to the grocery store, Tommy trailed close behind Fletcher, hands tucked into the pockets of the coat. Fletcher would ask for Tommy’s input occasionally, but mostly moved through swiftly, stocking up in bulk. His role was as their shadow, collecting items here and there at Fletcher’s direction.

It wouldn’t be obvious to anyone else how on edge Fletcher was, but Tommy could see it. A tightness in their features, tension in their shoulders. The way their eyes moved around like they were scanning for threats.

Tommy was feeling the anxiety as well. It had been so long since he had been around so many people that were just… normal. Going about their days. Didn’t know who he was, or what he was. The aquarium visit felt distant, faded like far more time had passed than actually had. It wasn’t nearly as crowded as the grocery store was, bustling with people. He caught some eyes lingering on the pale patches of his skin, on the long scar that ran down beside his eye. He shook his hair down in front of his face to cover him as much as it could, hiding a grimace when the motion tugged painfully on the collar.

It crossed his mind - what if he tried to get help? Even if he ran up to a stranger and begged them to help him, would they? Did it make a difference if he found the store manager, asked them to call the police? What if he made a scene, screaming that he was being held against his will?

He would probably just look crazy. People would turn away, more uncomfortable than concerned. He’d seen the shocking amount of apathy people had when he was sleeping rough. Even if someone cared, Fletcher would talk their way out of it. Or, if they fled the scene, they would find him later, and take him back. And then he’d really be in for it.

He couldn’t imagine it working. Nothing had worked out for him in years. All it would accomplish would be to ruin any good graces he had with Fletcher. They would never take him out of the lodge again. He could lose privileges to food, to outdoor access, to any small luxuries Fletcher allowed him. They would hurt him for sure. Worse - they might send him back.

So Tommy behaved. He only spoke when Fletcher asked him a question. He avoided eye contact with the other people in the store. He didn’t ask for anything.

The cart was filled to the brim by the time they were done. Fletcher climbed into the bed of their truck and had Tommy pass them the bags so they could load them into coolers against the cab.

“We need to leave room,” Fletcher said. “We have more pickups.”

Tommy didn’t ask where they were going. The next stop was a house in a residential neighborhood. He waited in the car while Fletcher went up and rang the doorbell. A woman answered and welcomed them inside. They emerged a few minutes later carrying a grocery bag, which they put in the back seat before driving off again.

“You hungry?” Fletcher asked.

They took Tommy to a fast food drive through. Tommy was overwhelmed by the amount of options on the menu, and picked a simple staple - cheeseburger, fries, chocolate shake.

Tommy took a bite of the cheeseburger. It was… underwhelming. He really was spoiled by Fletcher’s cooking. Next, the fries. Now, those scratched an itch he didn’t know he had. He took a few more and dragged them through his milkshake, reveling in the complimentary flavors of salty and sweet.

Tommy had scarfed down his food by the time they made their next stop. The truck pulled up along the curb outside of a music supply store. He looked at Fletcher in surprise, but didn’t say anything.

Fletcher said nothing either, just got out of the truck. Tommy followed them inside and up to the desk.

“Hey, I’m picking up an order for Fletcher.” They rapped their knuckles lightly against the counter.

The employee tapped away at the computer. “Mkay… Fletcher? Yep, got it right here. That your truck? We’ll start bringing it out to ya.”

Fletcher nodded and headed back outside. Tommy lagged slightly as he followed, looking around wide eyed at the vast array of shiny new instruments. He badly wanted to stay and check some out, but he had to stay at Fletcher’s heel.

He still didn’t ask.

The employee wheeled out a u-cart. Most of it was in boxes. But the boxes had labels - images of what was inside. And the bass drum was in its own distinct travel case.

Fletcher lowered the tailgate and began to load in the new drum set with the employee. Tommy jumped in as well, hands shaking. He remembered packing up Avi’s van to play shows. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

Fletcher thanked the employee. They turned back to Tommy.

He was on the verge of hyperventilating. He had told Fletcher that he used to play drums, and now they were buying a whole drum set. A new drum set. But yet he couldn’t bring himself to say, is it for me? It felt too presumptuous, too fragile. If he didn’t ask, then Fletcher couldn’t hurt him with their answer. Instead he stood there and waited, wide eyed and trembling.

“Yes, they’re for you,” Fletcher said.

Tommy couldn’t contain himself. He brought his arms up, nearly squealing with excitement, before rushing forward and embracing Fletcher in a hug.

“Woah! Okay.” Fletcher recoiled at first, but Tommy held fast. They patted him awkwardly on the back. “Alright.”

“Thank you so much!” Tommy pulled back to talk face to face, but was still clinging to their coat, his eyes shining with emotion. “Thank you, thank you, what do I have to do?”

Fletcher half smiled. “Uh, not judge me for being out of practice.”

Tommy’s eyes widened again. “We’re going to play together?!”

“Yeah, I’m not going to let you have all the fun.”

Tommy stepped back, hands on his cheeks, beaming at the drums in the back of the truck.

“I can’t believe you bought a whole new kit,” he said in wonderment.

Fletcher chuckled. “I know. The employees probably think you’re my sugar baby.” They closed the tailgate and headed back to the driver’s seat. “Let’s go.”

Tommy was still buzzing with excitement, nearly bouncing in his seat.

“I can’t thank you enough, Fletcher,” he said. “Really, whatever I need to do-“”

“Relax,” Fletcher smirked at him. “I’m, uh, trying out this thing where I’m… a little nicer. I have my reasons. I’m trying to make your stay with me better.”

“I really, really appreciate it, Fletcher.”

“Yeah. I’m still gonna, you know, be mean sometimes. So.” They drummed their fingers on the steering wheel. “When I played with my friend, we could never find a drummer.”

Tommy sensed that this was sensitive information Fletcher was revealing. “Yeah, not enough of us to go around,” he offered a small laugh. “Maybe, if you want to call up your friend, we could all play together?”

Fletcher shook their head once. “He’s dead.”

“Oh.” Fuck. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s fine,” Fletcher cut him off.

There was silence for a bit, other than the hum of the motor and the rumble of rough road. Tommy wracked his brain for how to recover the conversation, not wanting to end on such a sharp turn from positive to negative, but it was Fletcher who spoke up first.

“Me and him were partners in crime. There was another guy we ran with. We tried to get him to learn drums but he wouldn’t. Couldn’t exactly audition for a drummer and not let on that two-thirds of the band were murderers for hire. So it was just us.”

“It’s still fun to jam with friends,” Tommy encouraged, his voice soft.

Fletcher nodded. They pulled out their ipod and turned the music back on.

I am a patient boy

I wait, I wait, I wait, I wait

My time is like water down a drain

The two of them cleared out a section of the basement and set up the drums. Fletcher laid down an area rug so they wouldn’t be on the cold cement floor.

Tommy felt a little twist in his stomach and the prospect of having to spend time down there in order to play, but he wasn’t going to argue.

“This thing is so out of tune,” Fletcher muttered to themself, strumming each string of the guitar over their knee. It was red, a little scuffed, and the strap was covered in pins and buttons which Fletcher had stopped a moment to sentimentally ruminate over. They adjusted the knobs as they plucked away. “Okay, let me see if I can remember…”

They played a few chords haltingly, cursing under their breath and trying different placements of their fingers. The chords came together. It was below tempo, but still recognizable as the intro to Blink-182’s “Dammit.” Fletcher giggled in accomplishment.

Tommy hesitated with his sticks above the drums. It was going to be loud. He couldn’t imagine being allowed to be loud. And he hadn’t played in more than five years. What if he couldn’t do it anymore? What if he lost the skill he had spent so long honing? He made constant micro adjustments to the over-the-ear noise canceling earmuffs Fletcher had given him.

“Just do some practice stuff,” Fletcher said, watching Tommy’s hesitance. “Like, uh… what do they call the, like, building block stuff, when you’re learning?”

“Rudiments?”

“Yeah, do some of that shit,” Fletcher said. “Just ease back into it.

Tommy ghosted the sticks above the skins a couple more times before finally bringing one down gently on the snare. It rattled back at him. He tried again, with more snap in his wrist.

One… two… three… four… One… two… three… four… one, and, two, and, three, and, four, and…

The grip felt natural. The movements were a little stiff, but he could tell they would come back with a little exercise. He smiled, biting his lip as he moved from eighths to sixteenths.

Tommy tried a roll next. It was clunky, but not far off enough to discourage him. He looked up at Fletcher, expecting to share an excited smile - a bonding moment as they both returned to their instruments after years - but Fletcher was looking suddenly morose. Their eyes were on the ground, but their vision was distant. They plucked a single string with their thumb repeatedly, barely enough to make noise.

Tommy stopped playing.

Fletcher looked up at him, saw his concerned expression, and huffed. They covered their eyes, then pinched their nose.

“Don’t fucking look at me, man,” they groaned. “Turn your fucking stool around.”

Tommy shuffled around in his seat. He faced the wall awkwardly, drumsticks in his lap.

A pause, a sniff, a throat clearing cough. Foot tapping against the ground.

“Okay. I’m good. You can turn back around.”

Tommy turned back slowly. He tried to study Fletcher’s face without looking at them straight on.

“It’s fine,” Fletcher stated firmly. “I haven’t played… since.” They scratched their head. “It’s been like six years.”

Fletcher fell to silence again, eyes again dropping into the distance. Tommy didn’t dare interrupt.

“Were you like a full punk kid?” Fletcher asked, changing the subject. Their tone was light and conversational once more. “Or just like a pop punk suburbanite?”

“Mm… I mean, I grew up in a trailer park with my mom. It was a pretty safe neighborhood, honestly. But I got kicked out, and no one wanted to hire a seventeen year old, and then it was just one bad job to another…” Tommy looked down at his lap, swinging his feet absentmindedly.

There was a long pause, and he realized he hadn’t answered the question.

“I did protests, put together some charity shows, whenever I wasn’t working. I was knicking some things to make ends meet, but I got caught, and no one paying anything would hire me. Then it was just whatever I could make off of shows and DIY shit, odd jobs, cleaning houses for friends, bottle returns. I couldn’t afford rent anywhere, so as soon as another sketchy roommate dipped, I’d be back sleeping in my car again. But when you’re in the scene, people don’t judge you so much for being poor, for sleeping rough. They’re a lot more accepting, willing to help out.”

Fletcher nodded, thinking for a moment before they spoke.

“I was never like, broke or homeless, but my family was, you know, working class. Both my parents worked and they had three kids, so I had to get a job when I was… 16 or 17 at a local diner. I was waiting tables but I was so bad at customer service they stuck me in back of house. That’s why I like to cook. But right after high school I started doing crime professionally. It took a minute to figure out how to get connected and get a name for yourself and start making money, but once you do, it’s good money. So by the time I was in my 20s I could pretty much buy whatever I wanted. But I never wanted to live the lifestyle of the rich and famous. For one, I didn’t want to flash blood money, but also, I grew up working for chump change and wearing hand-me-down and thrift store clothes, you know? Some people are desperate to ditch that lifestyle but I never felt like I should be a wealthy elite type. I always felt more comfortable in dive bars. Now, I am rich, but I try to be mostly self-sustaining, so I’m just sitting on the money.

“But - punk, right. I was into, well, all of it. Punk, emo, metal, hardcore. My parents didn’t really care if I was downtown at some DIY show until midnight, and mosh pits were the best outlet I had for my…” they gestured vaguely at themself. “You know, whatever is wrong with me. Violent aggression. And people would pick me up when I got knocked down. I always loved that about the scene. You knock each other down and pick each other up. It was violent but everyone had each other’s backs.”

They both sat in silence for a few moments, remembering those days.

“It’s funny how you end up sometimes,” Tommy mused aloud.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, uh… never mind, I didn’t…”

“No, really, what did you mean?”

Fletcher didn’t seem angry. Yet.

“Just that, you know, we were both punks, and uh, it’s like. Anarchy and rule breaking and f-freedom and stuff.”

He paused, hoping the implication would be enough without having to elaborate, but Fletcher still waited. Their eyes had narrowed.

“And now I’m like, an object. A possession. I just do whatever anyone tells me, which isn’t very punk rock. And you… you know.”

Fletcher remained silent. They just wanted him to say it.

“You’re, like, an authority figure.”

Fletcher stood abruptly, lifting the guitar strap off their neck.

“I’m done for today.”

“Wait, no, wait, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“”

“Just…” Fletcher put up their hand to silence Tommy. They picked up a practice pad and passed it to him. “Take this. Go to your room. Practice your fucking paradiddles.”

Tommy took the pad, clutching it close along with his sticks. Fletcher returned their guitar to its case and snapped it closed. Tommy scurried up the stairs, eager to get out of Fletcher’s sight and retreat to his room. It was disappointing not to get time on the set yet, but he could feel he had touched on something very precarious in Fletcher. With no way of knowing what it was, he had to tread carefully, and then some.

He closed the room to his door behind him, dropped the pad onto his bedside table, and flopped face-first onto his bed. Every time he thought things were going well with Fletcher, they’d suddenly get pissed off, and he would suffer for it.

Years of learning to be a people-pleaser, learning to read people and what they wanted from him like his life depended on it - because it did. The one thing he thought he was truly good at, yet his time with Fletcher had shaken his confidence to the core. Nothing that Caius wanted worked - offering himself as a sex doll drove Fletcher to put a gun in his mouth. Attempted flattery was punished as mockery, asking permission was met with annoyance. The apologetic nature Caius had beaten into him for years was now treated like a nuisance. Fletcher could have moments of such startling kindness, like buying Tommy a whole new drumset just today - and then turn around and deliver such cruelty. Whatever this mood was, at least he wasn’t really being punished - for now - but he could stay up all night wondering what exactly he did wrong and still be no closer to understanding by morning. It was emotional whiplash, how fast their mood could change. Tommy was used to walking on eggshells, yet he constantly misstepped with Fletcher.

He burrowed his face into his pillow and groaned, shaken by the interaction. Tommy felt frustrated and helpless. If he told Fletcher that, they might smile. Or - fuck, who knows.

He sighed and reluctantly got back up, repositioning himself to work on his practice pad. He didn’t want to know what would happen if Fletcher caught him eschewing the practice they’d ordered. Tommy started to tap out his old fundamentals, obedient.

Par-a-did-dle Par-a-did-dle Par-a-did-dle-

@suspicious-whumping-egg @whumpyourdamnpears @generic-whumperz @lonesome--hunter

@whumplr-reader @theelvishcowgirl @sunshiline-writes @dont-be-gentle-please @galesgallery

@2in1whump @sparrowsage @apokolyps @whumpinggrounds

@morning-star-whump @leviiio @alexmundaythrufriday

@defire @jumpywhumpywriter @watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees

@light-me-on-pyre @slightlydisturbedbeans @dislexiher @paperprinxe @desert-dyke

@just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @burtlederp @whatwasmyprevioususername @cursedandtired

@whump-only @misspelledwitch @redstainedsocks @thehopelessopus @im-just-here-for-the-whump

@thatsthewhump @utopian819 @pretty-face-breaker @thesuffererrrr

#the professionals #writings #original #irl tommy and i both play drums so

36 notes · View notes

supgnomie · 1 day ago

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While reading Wind and Truth I kept a list of reactions in my notes app gonna copy/paste them all below:

Day One:

28 - the wind talking to Kaladin is not making me feel better about the fact that the storm father lied

49 - idk man the thought of Kaladin learning to play music for “this last part” is already making me want to cry

50 - Wit definitely just said FUCK bootstrap ideology and I’m here for it

50 - “a virtue is something that is valuable even if it gives you nothing. A virtue persists without payment or compensation.”

52 - hey I’m actually crying a bit

68 - who is the author of the excerpts? Kal?? Or is Kal one of the witnesses??

- ok maybe Syl is the author

85 - DAMN SHALLAN THATS SICK

100 - HORSE GIRL ADOLIN HORSE GIRL ADOLIN

I never thought it was possible for Shallan to be even more of an unreliable narrator but HERE WE ARE

I’m sure there will be no horrifying consequences for Shallan-I-Make-My-Own-Reality-Kholin

Horse radiants! Horse radiants! Horse radiants!!!

110 - shardplate Shallan!!!!

Adolin’s hug is longer 😏😏😏😏

Day Two

- oh what? Jasnah and Wit aren’t working out? Who could have predicted this. (Me. Their chemistry is non existent.)

- Jasnah is so right. It is not fair that Dalinar literally is a mass murderer and it’s fine and she can’t do anything right.

- Honestly Adolin getting to experience a shower made me so happy because he must be SO. HAPPY and I love that for him.

- “He does it just to annoy me.” - Gaz suddenly highly relatable for pettiness

- Oh yeah no I do not trust the stormfather no more.

- Non-binary rep let’s goooooooo!!

- Lift checking out all the windrunners is taking me out

- GAY GAY GAY

- Really gotta admire navani’s faith given *gestures vaguely*

- SHIT FUCK MRAIZE

- “Right up until he looked up and found the Herald Ishar standing in front of him.” OH. OK.

Day Three:

- Syl and Kaladin talking about figuring out what they want for themselves is going to make me cry these babies have grown so much.

- MAYA JUST CALLED ADOLIN A SLUT 💀💀💀💀💀

- Baby Szeth ☹️ I knew math was dangerous

- Yuh I do NOT like or trust Szeth’s spren.

- Adolin winning over the Azish commander has my crying my sweet sweet boy 😭❤️

- “I want to be enough” 😭😭😭

- I’m so fucking worried Adolin is going to die in this ugh ugh ugh

- “I know the why.” - as a teacher I fucking FLINCHED

Day Four

- “the dogs will die”. The stormfather feeling sad watching the refugees pour through is rough.

- “Stormfather what lies have you been telling me!” “Only the ones that you deserve.” Damn damn damn!!

- Adolin is such a gem (visiting the wounded 🥺)

- Syl and Kaladin dancing 😩❤️

- “In that - at the edge of the world and the advent of the end of all things - Kaladin Stormblessed allowed himself to be happy. For what felt like the first time since Tien’s death.”

- Ok yes duh he is learning to play the flute because it’s a wind instrument Brando you have done it again

- “Tonight, he wrote a different story for himself. If a man who loved music. If a man who had time for music.” I’ll never stop crying.

- Adolin’s ideas about oaths I kind of super love and am here for

- Oh oh? We gonna get to see what a wimp ass bitch Szeth’s spren is?

- On this realm nightblood appeared the way it imagined itself 🥹🥹🥹

- Hey I am finally liking Szeth as a character.

Day Five:

- steel inquisitor moash so cool so cool so cool

- Szeth is so good. I am already mad at how everyone is going to wrong him. And I don’t trust this voice in his head at allllll who is itttttt

- TRANS REP AZISH TRANS REP

- “Chasmfiends could sing.” Giant crab puppy good bois I adore them.

- Omg Jasnah broke up with wit via text

- NO MORE GOOBERING 😭they gotta fight for their right to goober

- OOPS RLAIN

- I don’t trust Hmask at all and if he does anything to Adolin I fucking swear

- “I do my job. You always seem to be questioning yours. I find that aspect of you embarrassing.” FUCKING ROASTED BY A SAD BALDIE KALADIN

- Omg Szeth crying over his lamb ow owie ouch

- Szeth is Tien 😭😭😭😭

- “Neither truth nor answers are easy to find. We still have to try, rather than giving up that responsibility to someone else. Maybe someone has found the truth. I certainly hope so. But let’s talk about what you genuinely want and work from there.”

- “I don’t have a whimsical bone in my body.” Yeah ok sure Adolin 😒

- Kind of in love with Szeth’s dad and king of pissed at Szeth’s mom. Like… cannot fathom abandoning my child.

Day six:

- Sivi to Szeth, “how old is your dad? Obviously bee keeping age.”

- I’m getting real anxious about Gav.

Day seven:

- ADOLIN IS GETTING UP. TALN IS FIGHTING BACK. I AM SO ANXIOUS AHHHHHHH

- *attack on Titan music*

- The whiplash between Adolin nearly dying and renarin confessing to his crush.

- Adolin ☹️ hims poor leg

- Gav being noted as “an odd spren” in every vision is driving me crazy. What is it Brando?? What are you doing?? I know this is a hint of something!!

- “That was honestly kind of racist.” 💀💀💀

- ah fuck fuck fuck fuck ejdjwjdjsjdjwj

Day Eight

- these visions are not for Dalinar they are for Gav??? Maybe???

- fuck fuck fuck fuck

- SHALLAN IS THE DAUGHTER IF A HERALD DISBXJWJSKWJDJ

- Ok ok ok so Shallan on her wedding day is wearing boots that Kaladin gave her and Adolin on his wedding day is wearing a new sword that Kaladin gave him (when he ALSO got new swords from 46 other people including SHALLAN.)

- “Taravangian only saw destinations.” Fuck this book is so good.

Day Nine:

- I didn’t write many reactions because I was so fucking anxious.

- The whole fight with Nale and Kaladin I was ready to pass out.

- “Even if an emperor makes the laws, when we uphold them, the laws become ours. The responsibility ours.”

- holy shit I can’t believe Sig just did that to his spren codndjwkfjwjdj

- WAR NEVER UNITES

- Adolin smiling while thinking about Kaladin as he endures absolute hell is going to break me.

- fuxking djcnskcks d

Day ten:

- Every generation kicking the Odium problem to the next generation to deal with is hitting a lil close to home

- “We’re not sending a soldier up to hide steps we are sending a king.” Hello I’m crying already.

- Elhokar : (

- WHAT THE FUCK NOT ELHOKAR ITS GAV I FUCKING KNEW IT. I KNEW THE VISIONS WERE FOR HIM.

- Cry count: 1 - the deadeyes coming to Adolin’s aid.

- Cry count: 2 - idk the deadeyes just make me emotional

- Ishar just used that power of that pink haired girl from One Piece - Perona

- Cry count: 3 - “that was what it was to be mortal. Sometimes you succeeded anyway. Sometimes you failed.”

- “What are you? His god?” “No. I’m his therapist.” Brando stop FUCKING WITH ME FOENDJKDKEDKW

- Cry count: 4 - he said the words 😭❤️

- Cry count: broken

- HONOR IS DEAD.

- BUT ILL SEE WHAT I CAN DO

- RAHHHHHH

- The Herald of Kings and Wind and Second Chances 😭😭😭😭

- He dug through Kaladin’s pack and found a small woolen sheep and a little wooden toy horse 😭😭😭😭😭

#wind and truth #cosmere #wind and truth spoilers #brandon sanderson #the stormlight archive #kaladin #shallan kholin #adolin kholin #renarin kholin #rlainarin

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xo-zozo · 5 hours ago

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maxine liu headcannons •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

a/n: she's actually so me ya'll don't understand. this was actually really easy to make because i feel like me and her are the same person. anyway, enjoy!

tags: @your-mommy-ems @arqbella @reminiscentreader @x-liv25-jamieswife @inmyheaddd

@alwaysthefangirl @clarissaweasley-10 @off-to-the-r4ces @annamatix @lyrakanefanatic

@123letsgobestie @hathorneheiress @midiosaamor @riddles-n-games

she loves making people gift baskets for every occasion

she's seen every popular tv show on netflix which makes her the best person to talk to about your interests

she loves all the marvel movies and she's so seen all of them in all of the different possible orders that you can watch them in

she has the most beautiful glowy skin a person has ever seen

she has a polariod camera and she is IN LOVE with it. she brings it to every social gathering and takes a bunch of pictures to put on her wall or in a photo book

she plays at least one instrument (probably piano and guitar because when she was little she wanted to be just like taylor swift)

she has the cutest wardrobe ever and she shops at every store at the mall

i'm pretty sure i've said this before but she's definitely the kind of person to have a huge collection of jellycats

she makes a vision board in journal every year and every resolution is usually abandoned by the 3rd week

she really wants her own little puppy but her parents never let her have one

she puts bows on everything (mainly grayson tbh)

she loves her a good pinterest board

she always cries her eyes out when she watches movies and shows even when they aren't sad, she usually just feels bad for the characters

she knows a lot about flowers and her favorites are lilies

she does her own nails and she usually has a new design for every month of the year

she loves little kids (and they love her) but she's not sure if she wants to have kids herself

she attempts to make those cute fruit bowls but then she makes them too cute and can't bring herself to eat them

she learns how to do her own hair in cute styles and then she teaches xander so he can do it for her

she likes yogert and eats one every morning but she hates the oil on top of it when you open it and haven't mixed it all up

her favorite fruits are blueberries and strawberries

she gets invested in the random tiktok drama and learns everything about it so that she can tell xander and avery about it later

the question of the day is what tv shows do you think that max would watch?

#maxine liu #max and xander #max liu #xander hawthonre #alexander hawthorne #jennifer lynn barnes #the inheritance games #the grandest game #avery kylie grambs #the hawthorne legacy #the brothers hawthorne #jameson hawthorne #grayson hawthorne #nash hawthorne #headcannons

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jalo-parker · 1 year ago

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Rrrrhrhgrgrgrgrgrggrggagsgrggrgagrggrgagrggrgagaggrgrgatarhrgrgaggaaggagrrhhrrrr <- the sounds of a deranged man (he is thinking about a certain band and how badly it now wants to learn how to play a guitar) (though actually I kinda have always wanted to learn but the interest has been increased)

#parker rambles #idk if i want to learn bass or and electric guitar first but definitely one of the two #not like an acoustic one but that could also be cool #my hands will definitely be mad at me for it but it might be worth it if i can just figure it out #i probably need to find someone to teach me im not good at learning by myself unless its super easy #brain no likey hard tasks #:(#like i just want to learn how to play an instrument let me do it #someday...#brb looking up how expensive guitars are #just in case #you know #for science #definitely #definitely just for science #i wont impulsively buy one or anything #😁😁😁😁#(if i find one thats not too expensive i definitely will)#(or at least ask someone to get it for me)#look it would be cool :((( even if it does just end up hanging on my wall #(i will try to not let that happen)#worst case scenario i just paint it and turn it into a wall decoration #might still paint it anyway that could be sick #im going to run out of tags #wheres the limit #im going to hit it soon i know it #anyway yeah i could like paint a dragon or a shark or something cringe like a pokemon #(cringe is said affectionately btw i love pokemon)#i am cringe but i am free #oh theres the tag limit

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chlorinecake · 8 months ago

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✰ don’t give me that look | l.at oneshot

pairing: switch! producer boyfriend! anton x sub! f. reader

��💿 🇳🇹🇦🇮🇳🇸 ꗃ SIZE KINK, kissing, lap sitting, tit & clit play, anton records a sex-tape in the studio, unprotected sex (back shots), roughly 1.8k words … !?

a/n: for @antonitty and her delusions - hope u like it bae !!

You sat idly on the studio couch, admiring your boyfriend from afar as he silently toggled with the sound desk, mixing a few rhythms.

Crossing your legs, you eyed him up and down, taking in the view of his focused frame.

“You’re pretty good at flicking and twisting those knobs, y’know?… I wonder how nice it’d be if you used that same energy to please me…”

He let out a soft breath, eyes still trained on the soundboard as he spoke, “Babe, you know I’d rather spend time with you… I just have to produce this track sample before tomorrow…”

“And then?…”

“I’m all yours,” he finished, flashing you a promising look through his shaggy bangs.

“Fineeee,” you agreed in a sarcastic tone, slightly rolling your eyes at him, “but can you let me try something on the record first?… it might help…”

Anton quirked a brow, turning to meet your face with his own intrigued one, “You mean like… singing?”

You simply nodded in response, just before promptly getting up from the couch to sit on his lap at the music desk.

He didn’t know what to do with his hands now that you were this close to him, so he simply rested them at each arm of the spinning chair.

“You might even learn a thing or two from me if you pay attention,” you went on, knowing that he’d smile at your playful words.

“Go ahead then, superstar… blow me away,” he whispered tauntingly, keeping his thighs firm as you adjusted yourself on top of him.

With his headphones secured around his head, Anton prepared himself to hear whatever it was that you wanted to add to the track project.

Pressing the red “record” button, you let the instrumental play for a few moments as you got a feel of the beat, this one sounding more R&B compared to his usually chill rhythms.

You started by toggling in a few bass notes on the drum-pad, watching Anton’s reflection in the soundproof screen ahead for any sign of reaction.

So far, he only bobbed his head slowly, still anticipating your next move.

That’s when you picked up the mic, bringing it to your lips and letting out the most pornographic moan you could muster.

Anton’s hands flew from the chair arms to take off his headphones, reaching forward to pause the track recording as you suddenly burst into a fit of giggles.

“Babe, what the hell?” He blushed, covering his face with one hand as butterflies rushed through his stomach, the sound of your moan replaying in his mind over and over, “this is serious, y’know?”

You turned around in his lap, taking in your boyfriend’s shy demeanor as you fought to hold back the laughter growing in your chest.

“What? Was it bad? I can do better if you want me to…,” you pouted, batting your eyelashes at him as he put his hands behind his head, slightly smirking at you despite the evidently nervous red flush of his cheeks, “you can even help me...”

“Don’t give me that look, ____,” he sighed, voice sounding a bit more raspy while still maintaining its usual softness.

Was it nerves?

Was he horny?…

Either way, it didn’t matter to you because he sounded so fucking hot right now—

“What look?” you pressed with a feigned expression of innocence before very intentionally wiggling in his lap a bit.

“Like you wanna be fucked,” Anton said with a wince at your actions, letting his eyelids fall slightly while looking down at you with a clenched jaw.

You couldn’t believe those words had left his mouth so smoothly, his confidence alone causing you to squeeze your thighs together, already feeling so eager for him…

You couldn’t handle it when he behaved so switchy with you… starting off all shy before gradually becoming more and more bold.

His eyes eventually wandered back to the soundboard, so you took it as an opportunity to change the subject.

“You never told me if it was bad or not,” you started in the silence, mind just now becoming aware of Anton slowly getting harder beneath you.

“Well,” he hummed, letting his hands leave his head and slip down to your hips, “it was a solid 50-50, if I’m being honest…”

You scoffed dramatically, an offended hand flying to your chest, “How so?”

“Because… I always love the sounds you make for me, but not when you force them…”

His grip on your hips was firm now, holding you in place before just barely rocking you against his lap in skilled motions.

Despite the simplicity of his actions, your body started to feel dizzy with desire, mind fogging up as his clothed tip continued grinding beneath your core.

“Anton—”

“Shhh,” he interrupted, the feeling of his breath below your ear making you internally shiver, a feathery yet steady groan escaping his lips.

“Can I try something now?” he asked breathlessly, even though the question sounded more like a declaration than a proposal of permission.

“Mhmm,” you nodded submissively, eyes feeling heavy as the warmth amongst your bodies only grew, thanks to how stuffy the studio was.

Clicking the sound desk back on “record,” Anton slipped his headphones over your head, feeling himself get even hotter at how cute you looked in this moment, his chunky earmuffs barely fitting around your much smaller head.

By now though, Anton had easy access to your lower half, given the high-pleated-skirt you decided to wear that day.

You almost felt like half of your body escaped to another planet when Anton’s touch started to wander lower, his hands practically covering the entire expanse of your exposed thighs given how big they were.

His breath remained steady in this moment, despite how his heart kept stuttering like a broken record.

Or perhaps, a sexually excited one…

The subtle movements of your legs helped Anton to shimmy your panties down past your hips, all the way down to your ankles, and eventually the floor.

You sat with your soaking wet core atop your boyfriend’s lap now, two of his fingers soon finding your clit in slow, circular motions.

The thing was, Anton had finally let his intrusive thoughts win, having wanted to get a genuine recording of your moans for a while.

The idea always meddled in the back of his mind whenever you pranced into the studio while he was working on beats…

However, the only issue now was that you were feeling a bit shy with the recorder on again…

“C’mon baby, lemme hear you,” the boy nearly begged, words sounding a bit mumbled with the way he was kissing along your neck.

“I know you want to,” he taunted, free hand sliding up to grope your left tit while his other hand continued toying with your pussy, “no wonder you wore this slutty skirt for me today…”

His voice… it practically intoxicated you… the way it sounded so pure yet so condescending at the same time…

“F-fuck,” you stammered with a moan, furrowing your brows as his fingers applied pressure to your clit, the other hand slightly pinching your nipple as he knew just how to get you to those pretty sounds that he wanted out of you.

“Good girl~,” he whispered in a cooing manner, “but I know you can do better than that…”

He guided you to stand up on your wobbly legs, his fingers meddling with your slick as he towered behind you.

And although your ears were still muffed with his headset, you could clearly make out the sound of his belt unbuckling with tingly clinks, your pussy only pulsing with need.

Before you could even beg to be fucked, you felt one of Anton’s hands hike up your skirt, the other forcing your back to arch over the sound board as his hard length pressed between your folds.

He was way too fucking big, but part of you liked the idea of him potentially breaking you.

It wasn’t easy, but your boyfriend eventually slipped himself inside, letting his tip tease along the ridges of your heat before picking up the pace, the soft pants and occasional groans from his body sounding loud and clear thanks to the headphones you wore.

There was also something about hearing your own moans so audibly on top of his… hearing how he turned you into a whiny mess so easily…

Anton’s hazy eyes met your fucked out reflection in the glass screen ahead, your own vision wandering off to the sound wave reader on his music board.

The way it’s lines heightened with each desperate moan that left your sweaty bodies did nothing but crazy things to the knot tightening in your stomach.

“Touch me, Anton,” you practically whimpered, voice coming out in small hiccups given how hard he was pounding into you.

His hands were already so tight around your waist, but your whiny request let him know exactly where you wanted him… where you needed that extra intensity.

He went to grope your tits, lifting your body away from the sound board with ease as the sight of his flexed biceps nearly made you drool.

The pace of his hips remained fast and controlled as he continued fucking into you, the tip of his cock reaching so deep that you’re sure you felt it in your belly button.

Looking down, Anton saw that the recording had reached just over 3 minutes, despite how your pussy desperately clenched around him, a clear sign that you were close to finishing.

His mouth was full of saliva, not even remembering to swallow given how pleasure drunk he was right now.

And somehow, you caught onto this, turning your neck at an angle and guiding his plush lips to kiss you, only a few seconds passing before he inserting his tongue, grunting into your mouth.

“You sound so pretty, baby,” he said in between kissing you sloppily, right before taking his headphones off your head and tossing them on the couch, still connected to the music desk by a thin black wire, “listen…”

He whispered the last word against your lips, maintaining the most gentle look in his eyes as he kept bouncing your ass on his cock.

You meant to say something, but the weak cries of pleasure kept stalling your speech, the words becoming a jumbled mess in your head.

Anton’s strength helped to hold up your shaky body just as you felt your release gush around him, a bit of it seeping onto his thighs as he continued thrusting.

It didn’t take long for him to cum after that too, a beautiful series of moans spilling from his lips as he panted over you, letting his hand slide away to end the recording.

The screen read ‘5:18s’ before Anton reached over to save the track, leaving both of you shocked that you even finished that fast together…

Still a panting mess, your boyfriend held your hips close to his, letting his weight fall back in the spinning chair with you on top of him.

“We should totally do quickies in the studio more often,” you huffed tiredly, leaning back against Anton’s chest as he hugged you close, still inside your pussy.

“Not that I’m disagreeing with you, but maybe after I install an air conditioner in here, we can plan something,” he smiled, not even bothering to wipe the sheen of sweat from his face that inevitably kept your hot bodies clung together.

Your hand found his, fingers idly toying with the rings he wore as he adjusted himself beneath you, “I should probably let you get back to work now since I’ve distracted you enough already—”

“Let’s just stay like this for a little longer,” he interrupted, almost yawning at how comfortable he felt buried inside you in this moment, “please?”

“Of course, superstar,” you replied playfully, nestling into his warmth and letting your eyes fall shut as you listened to the sound of his gentle heartbeat…

✶ taglist: @squoxle, @nikisdubblchococake, @wonbinisbabygurl, @ashgonedash @yourmomscuntis2tighy @watamotee33 @ot7sevenlvr

✶ 🎀 ✶ check out more works like this on my RIIZE masterlist !!

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almostempty · 5 months ago

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self esteem part 3 - kick and scream (joel x f!reader)

wc: 9.3k | masterlist | rating: 18+ | read on ao3 |

previous (part 2) ⎯ next (part 4)

summary: Joel catches you on a date and communicates how he feels about it (the only way he knows how).

tags/warnings: fuckboy!Joel, dub con, smut, pwp, unprotected piv sex, fingering, creampie, dirty talk, public sex, blow job, reader is still sippin' on some dumb bitch juice for Joel (me), jealous!joel, possessive!joel, emotionally manipulative but sexually proficient Joel, toxic breadcrumbing Joel fucks, smash and dash, no use of y/n, AU no outbreak, special guest appearance by date night dave, OOC Dave bc I don’t know that man so I made him single, rich, hot, and pervy idc idc idc, more i might be forgetting rn,

a/n: please leave feedback! open to constructive criticism or delusional inspiration

thanks: to EVERYONE who read part 1 and 2, but ESPECIALLY @auteurdelabre for inspiring, I hope you enjoy it bb. I'll try to tag those who specifically asked for more brb

You stare down at the hand that just landed on your thigh, cocking your head in assessment. You can feel the scowl tugging at the corners of your mouth. As you work out what expression you should paste onto your face instead, the man sitting next to you seems unbothered. Maybe even encouraged? He continues his lecture about the benefits of indoor rock climbing. You sigh, staring across the park as he continues without pausing to breathe.

You watch the couples milling around the park, wondering if that’s what you look like with this guy's hand on your leg. You stare back down at it, his long fingers shifting slightly as he continues his animated speech. Sweat beads at the back of your neck, and you feel fidgety. Trapped under the weight of his limp hand. He doesn’t seem to notice when you squirm and readjust. He’s circled back to his earlier lecture about how you just have to learn to play an instrument. If he’d let you get a word in, you could verify that you already do, but he seems to prefer the sound of his own voice.

This guy should get a podcast. The kind where a guy with a microphone talks to himself for three hours about whatever he wants. He’d crush it. You laugh to yourself, unintentionally encouraging him with your smile. He’s not not good-looking. But you’d prefer someone interested in asking you at least one question.

You stifle a laugh at the intrusive thought of taking him home and stripping his clothes off while he prattles on about amateur bird-watching, sorry–birding, or unicycling.

Eventually, you extricate yourself from the disappointing date, accept an awkward hug, and turn down dinner. You haven’t left the parking lot yet when your phone buzzes.

Unsaved number: had a great time with u

Unsaved number: would love to see u again :)

It’s not that your skin crawls, but it is a full-body no.

You: thanks, I’m glad I got to know you more

It’s not technically a lie. You’re glad you learned he’s not a fit for you. You feel okay about leaving it at that for now. You watch the sunset from your parking spot. The park is filled with couples laying on blankets being romantic. You roll your eyes at them and then at yourself for being bitter. Your phone buzzes again, and you wince, hoping it’s not your long-winded date again. It’s not.

Joel: what you doing?

Fucking Miller. You scoff aloud in the private space of your front seat. By now, he should be on your blocked list, but the quick hit of euphoria that floods through your bloodstream, warming your cheeks, keeps you hooked. He’s a filthy drug that blinds you from logic or survival instincts. Your eyes dart to the pedestrians in the parking lot. Worried. As if the milling strangers know what you’re up to and are about to shame you. A little voice reminds you that if you feel guilty about something, you shouldn’t be doing it. You ignore that voice. Nobody in the parking lot catches on, coast clear, and you let yourself grin wide as a fool when you type your response.

Later that night, you’re grinning again. Sprawled across your couch, sweaty skin plastered to the faux leather cushions. Sated. Bought and sold on your own lie, you tell the little voice that you didn’t want Joel to stay anyway. You convince yourself some form of compromise is happening, however twisted, when he shows up and leaves you wrecked. He comes to you. You don’t have to get to know each other to make each other feel good. Whatever puts you at ease.

Sometimes it works. Some days, you feel hollow and anxious. Obsessively tapping your phone to see if he’s responded when you reach out first. Pacing around your home, stressing over whether you should stay up just in case and even in bed, you can’t help but stay alert for a knock at the door.

The cycle leaves you with dark circles under your eyes most days. But, on the mornings after Joel shows up, you have a bright twinkle in your eyes and a knowing smirk that greets you in the bathroom mirror. Katie noticed the smirk one day and called you out. She demanded an explanation for the mystery dick fairy.

You wouldn’t admit his identity to her, afraid of getting too involved with someone in her boyfriend's network. But you did admit to the toxic cycle, and your friend was not as amused as you when you tried to pass it off as a joke. She tried to convince you to look for someone to date, but you argued that wasn’t what you wanted anyway. She suggested at least someone who could commit to a plan or send a text back. You knew it didn’t sound great out loud.

As the days of summer crawl along, you wonder if she’s right. At least, it was worth considering. It’s a feeble attempt to smother your spiraling thoughts about Joel. Still, when you start getting messages from the dating app Katie chose for you, it gives you something to interrupt your racing thoughts. At first. Somehow, it starts to feel even worse. Ignoring the sinking feeling you get when it isn’t Joel’s name in your notifications gets more challenging.

You had accepted that it was a lost cause to plan anything with him, but you still can’t find the self-respect to turn him away when he shows up at your door. Sometimes, he sends you a grammatically inconsiderate text. You wonder if he somehow has a cell phone plan that still charges him by the message with the way he uses as few words as possible.

He never stays. Never invites you to his. He evades any predictable behavior. Maybe he’s worried someone ordered a hit on him. Maybe that’s all it is, you muse. Not a contracted kill. The unpredictability. Chaos. That’s what makes him addictive. The brightness of the highs makes you temporarily forget the darkest lows exist. That, and the dirty little thoughts that pour from his mouth and drip into your psyche. That stupid, sexy voice burning into your memory, yeah, that’s definitely addictive. You snort at that. I am unwell, you think. As you pick up your phone again, you see a message from someone new.

\\\///

Heat radiates off your face as you fling another shirt across the room. You’ve tried on the same three outfits over and over again. Ripping them over your head and tossing them into the pile of laundry purgatory. Maybe sweating and mouth-breathing is a turn-on for your date; if so, you’re gonna nail the first impression. You sigh and commit to option two: the little black dress. A classic, right?

“Shit,” you curse at yourself when you stumble while attempting to pull your shoes on as you walk down the hall. This is what you get for agreeing to a late evening date on a weeknight; you feel like a mess. Scrambling to play it cool and classy, you pause to recalibrate before opening the door. What was his name? You can’t remember. He didn’t look like your usual type, but Katie had convinced you to branch out a little. More specifically, she told you it was a green flag already if he wasn’t your type.

You swing the door open, hoping he introduces himself first. He looks expensive. The dark-washed denim, the boots, the jacket, and the watch. Like he walked out of an ad campaign for a brand out of your budget. Dave. He does introduce himself, thankfully. He’s more clean-cut than your usual type, but he speaks confidently and gives off an air of put-togetherness that intrigues you. His voice definitely stirs the butterflies in your stomach.

Oh. You realize you’ve definitely been busy staring at him and have no idea what he actually said with his sultry bedroom voice. Your eyes widen a little. You don’t wanna fuck this up and embarrass yourself. Luckily, he seems unbothered. He tilts his head with a seductive half-smile. He’s enjoying the way you assess him. That definitely does it for you. Stupid, smug men making you weak in the knees.

“You ready?” he asks, voice all smoky for no good reason.

“Yeah,” you manage to say as you recall how to speak and act human. Until you see his luxury car waiting for you. He clocks your beat of hesitance.

“Good.”

His authoritative voice flips the right switch in you, and you let him lead. When he opens the door for you, it’s like the final component of his spell. You are bewitched. Under a thick veil, you didn’t even notice the truck that rolled by as you sank into the leather seat. You didn’t notice when the truck pulled over up the block, idling noisily on the quiet street. No, you were busy, focused on manually breathing and taking in what you’d describe as the interior of a spaceship.

The good news is that Dave is charming. He is easy to talk to as he drives. Flirty and quick-witted. He asks you questions and pauses to consider your responses. You aren’t sure you have much in common, but you like his self-assured demeanor.

When you walk into the club he’s brought you to, you hesitate once again, feeling underdressed. The club is split with a lounge on one side of the bar–full of intimate booths and plush chairs surrounding tiny tables and trendy mood lighting. Kind of like a swanky hotel lobby, you decide. On the other side of the bar is a dance floor, dimly lit with loud music blasting. Women in bodycon dresses and heels fill the room. You feel plain in comparison.

“I didn’t know there was a dress code,” you mutter.

“There isn’t,” Dave asserts, “besides, you look good in this.” He accentuates his statement by running his hand down your spine. It settles some of your nerves and lights up others. He ushers you, hand on your lower back, towards a small booth. And as you settle in, he’s undeniably charismatic. Dave doesn’t reveal much about himself but keeps you laughing and seems genuinely interested in you.

Despite the loud music and people noise, it’s easy to feel like the room is only for you and him. You sip your drink and warm up to his affection. You’re quick to smile, and despite how serious he seems, he has a playful edge that has you on your toes.

You can taste the chemistry between you, bright and sparkling. He spurs your confidence with his dark eyes when he not so subtly lets his gaze linger on your body. You stop shying away from attention and try to bask in it instead. It boosts your ego and stirs up your desire.

When you let yourself look, really look, you decide Dave is handsome. His strong features, broad shoulders, and impeccable grooming work for him. He seems meticulous but not too uptight to have fun. A dark sense of humor flirts behind his twinkling dark eyes. You decide to let him know that you’ve determined he is a handsome man. He gives you a look. Like he already knew you thought that. Your cheeks warm slightly at that. Were you obvious?

It’s not until he peels away from you to refill your drinks that you notice how close you have been sitting. You mourn the loss of his body heat as he walks away. You had low expectations after your last few dates, but tonight, this feels different. Your eyes trail along his path to the bar, and you lazily rest your chin in your palm before your breath hitches, and you freeze.

You feel like you’ve swallowed a bowling ball. It’s lodged in your throat first, then constricting your chest, until finally, it sinks. A heavy, solid weight flipping your stomach. You’re locked on a different set of dark eyes. They’re glowering at you through lowered brows from across the room. Seated at the same bar where Dave ordered your drinks.

Joel stares at you over his drink. He downs the glass without taking his eyes off of you. One quirked brow, asking really?

Really what? Is he judging you? For what, being on a date?

Another glass replaces his empty tumbler, but he doesn’t acknowledge the bartender or the rest of the world.

This fucking guy.

The bowling ball in your gut mutates into something fiery. But, you have nothing to be guilty about. It’s not your fault he’s alone, bitter, and drinking at a bar full of people having more fun than him. In fact, you could say it’s his fault that you’re both here.

A scowl forms on Joel’s face when Dave slides back into the booth beside you. Good. You hope he suffers. You hope he sees how easy it is for someone to treat you well. And how happy you look.

You don’t hesitate to lean your body against Dave, giving in to your urges. You squeeze his arm when he makes you laugh, and your touch lingers. He preens under your admiration when you comment on his firm biceps. He is quick to match your advances. Finding excuses to brush your hair behind your ear and settling a heavy palm on your knee. His hand creeps a little higher up your thigh but doesn’t graze the hem of your dress. Respectful. That’s different.

You don’t need to look again to feel Joel’s eyes burning into you. It incites you that he has the audacity. The gall to make faces at you for showing up on a date. You decide you’ll give Joel something to scowl about, feeling emboldened by your date’s touch.

You slide Dave’s hand further up your leg, letting go when he gets the idea. You reach for your drink, feigning nonchalance, but your breath catches, and your hand trembles when he traces his fingertips around the crease of your thigh. He skirts beneath the hem of your underwear, drawing lines over your hip and back towards your center.

The soft touch tickles deliciously, and you feel the anticipation building in your core. He watches your expression, hawklike, noting the tiniest details in the features of your face. He notes when your breath stutters or your eyelids flutter softly.

“This what you wanted?” he husks, still watching intently. Yes, yes, yes!

“Almost,” you toy. Something about having both men’s eyes on you has your skin itching with desire and your blood running hot.

Dave scoffs softly, repeating your word choice and shaking his head. Almost.

“You looking for more?” he taunts as he wedges his large hand fully between your legs to cup and tease your cunt.

You can’t help the breathlessness of the yes that slips out of you. You roll into his palm, and your mouth parts at the friction and his boldness. He smiles wolfishly, flashing his teeth, when he feels you twist and rock against him. His look encourages you. And you tilt your hips and shift your legs to give him better access.

“Dirty little thing, aren’t you?” he asks, still locked on your face. You swell at this. His eyes lower to your glossy lips before he sips casually from his drink, so composed.

Your cheeks warm at his words, but he has his answer when he slips a finger beneath the damp lace between your legs and drags it through the pool of arousal gathering at your entrance. Your lips part at the contact, chest heaving, and you give him a nod and coy smile in response to his question. You’ll be his dirty little thing tonight.

“That’s good,” he declares, pressing a kiss just below your ear before adding, “I’d like to do dirty things to you.”

His husky voice and declaration stir an urgent need to be touched within you. He continues to agitate your nerves as his hand massages over your swollen sex. Your skin feels tight and prickly, tensing, ready to feel more. You’re unconcerned with the debased nature of being fingered in public.

When your eyes are instinctually drawn back towards Joel, you shudder. You can feel the twitching of your clit as your cunt floods over Dave’s fingers. The depravity that another man’s glare eases the slip of your date’s teasing touch is not lost on you. Instead, it turns you on even more. Joel’s homicidal stare has you squirming. You’ve seen darkness in his eyes before, but not like this. There’s no twinkle of mocking, and it’s not cruel in a hot way. If looks could kill, then this room would look like the club scene from Blade.

Dave murmurs something filthy in your ear that makes you gasp. Your hand flies to his thigh, gripping tightly to keep you from melting onto the floor.

“Don’t be shy, dirty girl,” he croons darkly, “you can touch.”

“Fuck,” you groan under your breath when you move your hand to find his hard cock straining against his well-fitted jeans.

He chuckles lowly at the way your eyes widen in response before he plunges two fingers inside of you, and you stifle a throaty sound. Your mind still wanders to Joel, and you wonder if he can see your perverse display below the table. Judging by his clenched fists on the bar, you’d say whatever he can see is enough to fill in the blanks. The sick part of you that feels more turned on by his agony expands within you.

“Oh god,” you whisper as you suck in air.

Dave works his fingers lazily into you. You feel intoxicated by the attention of both men. A concern flashes through you that someone else in the club could catch on or see more than you’d like to show. But a feeling in your gut tells you that it doesn’t matter. Dave seems strikingly confident with a lethal attention to detail. And the ferocity on Joel’s face only eggs you on.

When you think of humbling Joel, a sinister smile pulls at the corners of your mouth. He’s the one that unleashed the horny, risk-taking monster within you and then disappeared. Fuck moping about him. You’re getting yours, you decide.

You shoot Joel a wink. Pouring gasoline on the fire, hoping it pisses him off.

You lean into the salaciously tempting energy radiating off of Dave. Reaching to hold his jaw as your lips lock and you let him control your mouth. Kissing him riles you up more. You palm at his erection over his jeans, delighting in the noises that roil deep in his chest. You hold back whimpers as the pressure of his fingers curling inside of you finds the perfect spot.

He pulls back from your kiss and looks down to watch your hand groping at him. You like watching him watch you.

“You gonna take it out?” Oh. Fuck, you want to. It feels like more of a risk than you’ve taken so far.

“Here?” you ask him softly.

A wrinkle appears between your brows. Dave watches your swollen lips again just as your pink tongue darts out to wet them. He raises a brow at you, eyes dropping to where his arm disappears under your dress.

“Oh, are you feeling bashful now?” he goads. His fingers curl against that sensitive spot inside of you as his palm presses firmly into your swollen clit. He makes it hard for you to answer. You try to pout at him, but the reflexive rise in your brows at the pleasure betrays you. He chuckles again. “No? Just distracted, hm?”

“Fuck,” is all you can mouth. It is distracting. Not the fingers inside you, well, not completely, but the urge. The craving to leverage your lewd new lover’s lack of regard for appropriate behavior into emotional revenge. The thought of Joel growing mad with jealousy as he watches you come overtakes your critical thinking.

Eat your heart out, Joel Miller! You dare him across the room, letting your jaw fall slack and your brows knit in obvious pleasure.

“Are you going to come for me?” Dave asks, “Here in this booth? Where anyone could see?” he tuts like he’s disappointed, and it works. The danger of it all does something to heighten your senses. It’s blinding. The bass from the music blaring from the dance floor rattling in your ribs, Dave’s designer cologne filling your nose, the sheen of sweat collecting on your chest, and the daggers in Joel’s eyes when you glance to confirm he’s still watching. All the sensations clash and shove you towards your release.

“Yes,” you hiss quietly, “yes.” Your eyes slam shut as you try to remain composed while riding his fingers under the table. You flicker in and out of reality as your climax rolls through you. You’re drunk on the reversal of power when your eyes peel open, and you see the hardened expression on Joel’s face glowering at you. You wonder if his dick is just as hard in his pants, and the thought has you contracting again around Dave’s fingers.

“That’s a good girl.” Dave’s voice is somehow even deeper. It sends another ripple of pleasure to swirl low in your abdomen. You’d like to hear that again.

With a touch more clarity after the violent edge of your arousal is dulled, your hand works at his belt, desperate to feel the heat of his cock in your palm. He assists, lifting his hips when you unbuckle his belt and pop the button on his pants so you can slide your hand beneath his underwear. His tension and urgency further stoke your power trip, and you feel overcome with the need to know how badly he wants you. When you wrap your fingers around him, hear the groan he makes, and feel the mindless buck of his hips, you have a more than good enough answer. He’s yours.

Dave watches the way your eyes glaze over when your thumb smears the precome dripping from his head down his length. His hand stills distractedly between your legs, and his chin drops as he watches where your hand disappears under his dark boxer briefs. You’re constricted by the elastic waistband, but your grip is tight. Almost as tight as when he fucks his own fist. He’s mesmerized by the way you jerk his cock just right.

You feel yourself salivating with the need to taste him. You’re getting frustrated with the limited space and want to see him in your hand. You sigh, wishing you could, until you realize you can, and grin.

You pull your hand back out of his pants, and he snaps out of his stupor. Before he can comment, you cut him off.

“Keep your pants on and take me to the bathroom so I can suck your cock right.”

Your voice comes out lower than you thought it would. His eyes flare before he matches your devious look and obeys, spewing filthy thoughts you can’t make out under his breath as he does. He’s ushering you down the hall in seconds, and then you’re locking the door and dropping to your knees. Dave doesn’t wait a second longer, wrenching his belt open and dropping his jeans just enough for his cock to spring free.

You don’t tease or start slow. He admires how you waste no time like you’re desperate to taste him. And you are. Only pausing for a moment to admire the way he looks, stiff and leaking for you, before you eagerly wrap your lips around him. You slide your tongue everywhere and bob up and down with vigor. Salty and vaguely sweet, precome teases your palette. You want more. The best you can do to express that is swallow around him and suck until he’s moaning and cursing above you.

You let your saliva pool and spill from your lips so you can slide your hand down the rest of his length while you revel at the weight of him on your tongue. You find the moves that have his fists clenching and thighs straining and repeat them. You hum around him as pride blooms in your chest over how his composure cracks.

You wonder if Joel has smashed through the bar with his fists yet. At least he didn’t break down the bathroom door before you could get on your knees. Would he strangle Dave first if he saw the two of you? Or would he drag you home and gag you on his angry cock instead? You moan obscenely as your imagination runs wild. You look up at Dave. He watches you with fierce eyes. You wouldn’t mind if they shared you, you consider, but that would take a miracle.

You continue messily and enthusiastically until your knees ache, and you decide he has to come for you. You try to beg for it while he’s still in your mouth before you have the brains to pull off of him and tell him what you want. He’s endeared by your unrefined hedonism.

He grips your jaw in his palm when you get the words out.

“You want to swallow my come?” he asks.

“Yes,” you plead impatiently on your knees with a hoarse voice. You’re a pornographic sight on the tile floor with your wet lashes, swollen lips, and saliva glistening on your chin. You open your mouth for him and hold out your tongue.

“Oh,” he strokes his thumb along your cheek, smiling down at you, “that’s a good girl.”

Your eyes close at that, feeling the praise warm your skin before he slides back into your wet mouth.

Guiding you faster and a little rougher, Dave doesn’t take long to come. Spilling onto your tongue as you groan around him until he stops pulsing in your mouth. You swallow, glowing for him with glassy eyes. He helps you to stand before tucking his softening cock back into his jeans and fastening his belt. You’re adjusting your dress and reaching for your bag on the counter.

“What do you need?” He asks a little softer than you expected, causing you to pause.

“Take me home,” you smile at him dopily before pausing and wincing at yourself in the mirror. You look like a freshly face-fucked mess.

“Uh, actually, give me a few minutes to freshen up first, and I’ll meet you out front?”

He nods, “I’ll pull the car up.”

“I’d like that.” You reply and lock the door behind him after he slips out.

Once you feel more presentable, you pull your phone from your bag and tap the screen to check the time before opening the door.

Seeing Joel’s name makes your stomach flip. You open the text.

Joel: Miss me?

It snaps something in you. Something that enrages you. He has to be certifiably insane, you think. It came through a little while ago, but you aren’t sure how long you’ve been in the bathroom. You begin to spiral, debating if you should march to the bar and throw a drink in his face or pretend like he doesn’t even exist. You feel your face burning hot, and the bathroom is suddenly suffocating. You need some air before you get into the car with Dave. Just long enough to breathe normally and look less like you want to break something.

Leaving the bathroom you find an employee exit further down the hall. A faded sign on the door warns that an alarm will sound, but the rock wedged in the door jam holding it open a crack begs to differ, and you slip into the dark.

A lanky, pale kid in a black apron sits atop a picnic table in the alley.

“Oh, sorry,” you feel a little guilty interrupting his break, “just wanted some air.”

“All good,” he responds before sliding off the makeshift seating. “Last call for the kitchen anyway. Have my seat,” he waves at the table like he’s offering a throne. You accept. Exceedingly grateful to have the air and the privacy to regulate. Just some slow, deep breaths. Then, you can walk out the front door and let Dave take you home.

The door swings open again, and you tense, ready to hop off the table and find another space.

“Sorry,” you start your apology, but it’s cut off.

“You should be,” Joel accuses harshly. He’s in your space with two of his long strides. Rushing at you like you’re caught in a snare trap, and he’s starving. You briefly look the part with your eyes wide in the moonlight, shocked by his sudden appearance, until your barely dampened rage rips from your throat.

“Joel, what the fuck?” you spit out in disbelief, but he interrupts you–

“I thought I already told you what happens if you’re gonna be a filthy tease?” his voice lowers as he ignores your question and paces in front of you with a dark, wicked stare.

“What are you doing here?” you press, ignoring his threat.

“What are you doing here?” he demands. Like he has some certificate of entitlement to your whereabouts. He towers over you. Your eyes narrow to slits. If you could shoot lasers out of them, you’d do it now.

You laugh. Loudly. You’re still laughing when he grabs you and pivots your frame so your legs dangle off of the end of the table towards him. Closer. He gets even closer, standing between your knees. You tilt your face to look up at him.

“You on a date?” it’s a growl carved from stone. You choose to remain ignorant to the shiver it sends through you that has nothing to do with the temperature. How dare he charge up on you like a territorial werewolf in the night? And how dare he look so fucking good with that snarly expression? No. You laugh again. Wild-eyed. Words start coming up before you even hear yourself.

“What is wrong with you, Joel? Why were you watching me? You looking for a show?” you jab. Gnashing at him with your words. He snorts dismissively at you, and a barbaric smile creeps onto his face. Like he’s in on some joke you don’t know about. He irks you so bad your skin crawls.

“S’that what you call it?” he asks, “A show?” Continuing to ignore your other questions. He is so close to you that it burns your skin.

“No, Joel. You were right the first time. I am on a date. A real date. You know what that is, right? Like, he asked me out, picked me up on time, bought me a drink,” you’re tallying on your fingers, “answered my–”

“And then what, you fuck him in the bathroom and hide out here? Alone in the alley?”

It clicks. He knows exactly why you’re flustered. The asshole must’ve sent his text for his own slimy experiment. Trying to rattle you. What fucking game is he playing? Is he trying to win you? Like you’re Dave’s possession to lose?

You scoff at his interjection, “No, Joel, I’m not alone. You followed me out here to make sure of it, right?”

“Right,” he rumbles. His dark eyes glint even in the shadows of the alley. He leans lower and closer to you until you tip back, palms on the table behind you, then elbows. Exposing your cleavage to the moonlight. He pauses, eyes raking down your face, neck, and chest. How does he make you feel raw and vulnerable even when fully dressed?

“You haven’t answered me,” you huff. Irritated and arched beneath him.

“I asked you first,” he argues. A childish rebuttal for a grown man. You’re pretty sure you’ve asked why he’s here a hundred times, but of course, that doesn’t matter. He’s insufferable with his attitude and inability to communicate. Everything about you is taut, and you feel frayed.

Joel dips his head and his lips brush your ear, tickling you, before he rasps, “I asked if you miss me, baby, and you haven’t answered.”

A tremor runs through your body.

It’s criminal. Your mind converts his voice directly into a hot coil of arousal. The throbbing between your legs causes you to wriggle beneath him.

“I need to know,” he croons, begging you to give in.

His arm slides under your back, lowering you onto the table. Your restraint collapses terribly quickly for him. His voice. His touch. He knows all of your buttons.

Laid on your back, your legs instinctively wrap around him as he bends to meet you.

Soft puffs of air shakily flow between your lips as you struggle to concentrate. On what? You aren’t sure. Not good. You squeeze your eyes shut like maybe he’ll disappear.

“I mean it, baby,” he continues purring with a sharp edge, “you tell me when you miss me.”

You know it wouldn’t matter even if you did. If you texted him. If you called. It wouldn’t matter. It would probably make you feel worse. But when he says it, you feel your heart doing flips anyway.

He slides his hands over your body, and you feel the last of your logic escaping as you tug him towards you. You’re grinding against him stupidly without a single thought. Just having him this close to you had you feeling desperate and needy. You could come again right now just by dry-humping like horny teenagers.

The craving for him is so intense that you’ll surely die if he doesn’t keep moving. You lose any shred of composure that you were still clinging to and let out a needy whine for him. And when your fingers twist and tug at his shirt, it’s like a green light to Joel.

He closes any and all gaps between you. His hand skates roughly under your dress, bunching up the fabric. He presses open-mouthed kisses against your neck and grazes his teeth enticingly along your jaw.

Groping, grinding, grunting. All his movements dance a line between deliberate and frantic.

You have tunnel vision, lost from time and space. When his low moan vibrates through you, your hand shoots to his belt. He rasps into your ear again, “That’s it, baby, I’m right here if you miss me, don’t need some jerkoff tryin’ to waste your time.” Your fingers fumble. What– “Oh, shit!” a voice yells. You freeze. “Don’t mind me!” The drunk guy slurs as he stumbles out the backdoor and sways down the alley towards the street.

Your situation hits you like a bucket of cold water. Joel seems unfazed, still curled over you. You push at him and sit up.

“What did you just say, Joel?”

“Hmm?” he murmurs at you.

“Joel, I’m serious. What the fuck?”

He’s not listening. His hands are still searching your body. The scent of his faded deodorant is so familiar in your nose. The words are coming up again. Before he casts his trance on you.

“No. I said I’m serious,” you repeat, “I’m not playing your games. Done with your weird shit.” Your body feels rigid, and your mind is clearing through the fog of lust. “Just because I have no self-esteem and I fuck you anytime you show up on my doorstep doesn’t mean you have any claim to me.”

He blinks at you, finally registering your tone, expression shifting. “I actually tried, you know? I wanted to get to know you. You just bail. I keep suffering for it. Like an idiot. I keep thinking it would show I care.”

“Baby–”

“And now what? You see me on a date and decide it would be fun to ruin it? Ruin a chance at something better than waiting around wondering if you’ll show up looking to score?” You’re on your feet now. Livid. Ablaze in the dark. “No, you don’t even care enough to think about that,” you realize aloud.

His features harden. Your head shakes slowly, exasperated with your burgeoning understanding. All you can hear is the white noise buzzing in your skull. Your next words are quieter and lower, forcing him to pay close attention.

“You just wanted to prove something, right? Thought you’d fuck me on this table and run like you always do? For what, to prove you could?”

His nostrils flare, and you don’t miss how he grits his teeth.

You don’t falter; he doesn’t scare you. You press on with your accusations prickly on your tongue. You back him against the wall next to the door as you continue.

“You don’t like hearing it?” you cock your head at him, amused with his discomfort. “Were you going to leave me here in the alley full of your come like I’m some pathetic whore for you? Would you walk me back to my date after that? Was that your plan?”

Joel snaps, manhandling you in a split second. Pinned against the brick wall, you can hear your heart pounding. It’s a paper-thin line between anger and lust, and you can’t tell which has your blood pumping. You can’t tell if he’s about to yell at you or fuck you. You hate that you can’t tell which you’d prefer.

His eyes are locked onto yours. Not revealing anything. You shift, uncomfortable with the scrutiny. He doesn’t keep you waiting. Joel shoves his hand into your panties, fingers slipping immediately into the fresh pool of arousal between your thighs. A shaky exhale comes out of you, but he doesn’t seem to need to blink or breathe anymore.

He brings his glossy fingers to your mouth. Silent. He taps at your lip until you open and suck, tasting yourself. His mask slips a little. One brow twitches as he studies the scene of your lips wrapped around both of his fingers. But his eyes flick to yours when he pulls them out of your mouth and drags them down your bottom lip, smearing spit against your chin.

“Tell me,” he says in a whisper that scrapes across your skin, “does it taste like you miss me?”

You swallow tightly. A lump forms in your throat now, about as large as a civilization-ending asteroid.

You can hear your phone buzzing. Forgotten on the table. Panic streaks over your eyes as you wonder how long you’ve been out here. You duck under his arm, dashing for your phone. You don’t look at him. You can’t. As you sprint down the hallway, you swing the door open, kicking the rock in the door jam, hopefully locking Joel outside. Cursing at yourself for almost letting Joel fuck you in the alley across from a dumpster.

Dave sits in his car, idling along the curb near the front of the club. You’re surprised he didn’t leave. You hope it hasn’t been long. You don’t dare check your phone. Maybe it was only a few minutes, or it could have been an hour. You don’t think time functions normally when you’re around Joel.

Dave is frighteningly observant, slinking out of his car to open the door for you before you get close enough to reach for the handle.

“I was just starting to wonder if you’d snuck out the back door,” he chides.

You feel the blood rushing to the surface of your skin. Hot with embarrassment over your behavior and his on-the-nose word choice.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, “I did step out for some air. Wanted to cool down.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he assures you, tilting your chin towards his face with his thumb and forefinger. Your eyes dart around his face, wondering what he sees on yours. “Was it too much, dirty girl?” he coos.

“What, this?” you lilt mockingly as you palm over his bulge, “I don’t think so.”

“Good,” he snorts softly. “Get in the car.” He adds as he opens the door for you.

He pauses before pulling away from the curb once seated in the driver’s side.

“Is your boyfriend going to be following us home?”

“My what?” you feel the blood drain from your face.

“The one from the bar,” he continues, measured and eerily calm, “the one who followed us here?” Your head starts spinning at that, but Dave carries on, unbothered. “I assumed he likes to watch. You should’ve told me. It would’ve been easier than wondering if he’s a deranged stalker or–”

“No.” You cut him off and struggle to continue for multiple reasons. “It’s not like that. I thought it was a coincidence,” you feel a confusing mix of emotions.

“Followed us?” you’re curious.

“When I picked you up. In the truck?”

“Oh god. No. He’s,” you pause, searching for the right words.

“An ex?”

“Not even that. Jesus Christ, I can’t believe he’d follow me.”

“So he is dangerous?”

“No.” Only to my self-respect.

“You want me to take care of him?”

“No.” You reply before putting any thought behind what that means. “No. He’s just an asshole with a staring problem.”

You withdraw. You hadn’t thought about why Joel was here. How ridiculous it sounds to imagine Joel voluntarily sitting at the bar in a club like this alone. You feel the blood rushing to your ears. Stupid little butterflies flap their wings in your stomach before they’re reduced to ashes, and you begin to see red again tonight. How is Joel ruining your night without saying a word this time?

“Take me home,” you say firmly.

He does. Dave walks you to your door. You invite him in, but he’s observant, noticing the clouds in your expression. He declines your invite but assures you he would be very interested in seeing you again. He gives you a chaste kiss that makes you laugh, considering how bold you both have been tonight. It lightens your mood.

He lingers for a moment before he pulls out his wallet.

“It was on the house this time,” you snark. Curious about what he’s doing.

He hands you a sleek business card. A business card? Is this guy Patrick Bateman?

Your face wrinkles in confusion.

“I already have your number,” you flip the card over in case you’re missing something. It doesn’t say anything, just has a phone number.

“I meant what I said, that I’d be interested in seeing you again for pleasure,” he smirks, “but if you change your mind, at least keep this.”

You don’t understand why you’d need his work phone number but try to play it cool and nod.

“If your stalker becomes a problem, you call me.”

You’re still confused about what that means when he drives away. As you shut your door, you realize you have no idea what he does.

You’re still in the middle of composing a text to Katie about how her green flag date included a bathroom blowjob and a business card when you hear a knock at your door. You swing it open, assuming foolishly that it would be Dave.

Before you can blink, Joel kicks the door shut and backs you down the hallway. He looks like a man possessed as he hurtles towards you. It sends a chill down your spine that you think would trigger your fight or flight response, but yours seems to be reprogrammed to fight or fuck. Staggering backward, you yelp when the backs of your knees hit your mattress.

“Can I fucking help you?” you snap at him as you realign with reality. “Jesus Christ, Joel, were you waiting outside the window or something?”

You glare into his eyes, but a toxic part of you only wants to focus on his lips. And how close they are to yours. You also can’t deny the even more debauched part of you that flutters at the possessive look in Joel’s eyes.

He laughs darkly, “Nah baby, I knew you’d send him on his way.”

You roll your eyes at that. Cocky bastard.

And he is. He emits a frenzied energy as he takes you in. Looking you up and down like a prize. Like he’s considering where to write his name on your skin.

You roll your shoulders. Trying to shake off the idea that you’d like to be possessed by him, but it thrums persistently inside of you.

“You didn’t know shit, Miller,” you accuse sardonically.

Joel reaches for you. You think he’s going to tell you off. But his hands glide over the tops of your shoulders and up the column of your neck until he’s cupping your jaw in both hands. It feels jarring and vulnerable to be held by him this way. To feel like he just wants to look at you and to know you can’t look away. You wonder what’s going on behind his dark eyes. What he sees when he looks at you What he thinks.

The longer he looks at you, the more the tension builds (of course, because it’s Joel). You start to itch, fingers twitching with the need to grab him and pull his full weight on top of you. Despite your building desire, he’s still quietly reading your face. Joel Miller, the enigma, you muse.

Before you can flip him any shit, his mouth is on yours, and his hands drop to your hips to hold you firmly against his body. You want him to keep holding you there, but closer. You need him even closer.

He groans into your mouth, and you kiss him back hungrily. Your bodies slot together in a twisted fate. You couldn’t care less about the date you just had at this moment. You can hear Joel’s words from previous encounters that have burrowed into your consciousness, and you’re starving for more.

A selfish and greedy satisfaction warms in your chest at him being in your bedroom. He pulls your lower lip between his teeth before breaking away to tease bites along your neck and shoulder. You shiver. Your fingers dig into his shirt, pulling him closer and closer until your knees buckle, and fall into the bed with him on top of you. He doesn’t stop trying to taste you everywhere, trying to feel every part of you. You breathe out single-syllable praise as your thoughts become hazy.

You still feel needy. You writhe and strain as you attempt to work his shirt up his broad frame. You’re insistent on feeling the blistering heat of his skin against yours. He leans back up, out of your grip, causing you to sigh in exasperation. Of course, it couldn’t be this easy. What does he have to say now?

“You want me to leave?”

“What? Why?” you growl out. He is not about to body slam you into a bed and then walk away.

“Thought you were done with my ‘weird shit’ or whatever you called it,” he taunts.

“I am,” you huff.

“Tell me to stop.” You can’t.

“Take your clothes off,” you answer instead.

He does. Then, he’s pulling your clothes off and climbing over you. You aren’t sure you’ve ever both been fully naked like this. Definitely not while in a bed, at least. It’s more intimate than your relationship calls for. It makes time feel syrupy, but your other senses feel sharply tuned. Joel’s breath fans hot over your ear as he tucks his face into the corner of your neck and shoulder.

“So,” he sucks at your delicate skin before continuing in his smoky tone, “your date couldn’t satisfy you?”

“Shut up,” you snarl at him, uninterested in playing games. You’re too lost in the intensity of his physical presence. You need him inside of you, and you tug at his body, trying to pull him closer. It’s useless. His strong arms are braced like two stone pillars on either side of you.

He’s such a pest. His mouth quirks, and he looks all too pleased with himself. You roll your eyes again. You know what he’s getting at. What he wants to hear you say. But, you’re reluctant to stroke his ego. He’s going to be unbearable if. The thorn of it that hurts the most, though, is that it’s not a lie. It’s an admission. A confirmation.

He makes you feel so good in ways nobody else ever could, but the pain of knowing he’ll never be yours eats at you. It feels like exposing your beating heart in your chest to confess you want him so badly. You ache to hear him tell you he only wants you again. Even if it’s not real, you lie to yourself, you just need to hear it.

While you wrestle with finding the words, he begins to torment you. The heat and arousal weigh heavily between your naked bodies. He lowers closer and closer to where you need him most but refuses to alleviate your painful want. Wickedly, he exploits your neediness. Teasing at your skin with his tongue, teeth, and breath.

“Tell me, baby. Just let me hear it,” he says. But you can’t.

When he blows air over your strained nipples, and you arch under him seeking contact, he darts down to kiss at your stomach and inner thighs instead. When he gets closer and closer to the apex of your thighs, grazing his nose over your mound, you could snap.

You reach to dig your fingers into his hair and direct his mouth to your throbbing clit, but he’s stronger than you. Devilish man. He crawls back up to hover over your face. You know he’s enjoying it. Wondering how quickly you’ll break. It makes you want to kick and scream.

“Tell me it’s not true then,” it’s a challenge directed at you, but it feels like he’s also challenging himself.

He drags the head of his cock over the slick lips of your cunt without precision or direction. You are so convinced he’s torturing you, but he looks like he’s in pain from restraining himself as well. It makes you crazy. You try to reach down to line him up with your entrance yourself, but he’s faster. He grabs your hand and pins it above your head.

“Fine,” you grit out. Frustrated. You aim to smother your fear with sarcasm and puff your chest, hoping it works.

“You’re right, Joel. It’s true.” He doesn’t move, waiting to hear more.

“I missed your filthy mouth and your big fat cock.” You mock with an exaggerated whine. You keep going before you lose courage. “And my date couldn’t satisfy me.” You pause, steeling yourself. The corner of his mouth twitches.

“Because even when I had his cock down my throat,” you force yourself to look in his eyes, “all I could think about was you.”

You tried to keep the snarky, biting tone in that last part, but your voice betrayed you when you met his eyes. It came out sounding as vulnerable as it felt to say. His expression flickers. You feel too honest. You should take it back. You want to curl up. He grins above you.

“I know, baby,” he coos. You hold your breath. Of course he’s going to be a condescending ass about it, you start to bemoan internally–but when he finally sinks into you, it shuts off your inner monologue and slows down time. “All I can fuckin’ think about,” he says as he fills you as deeply as possible, letting a satisfied sigh fall from his lips.

All I can fuckin’ think about.

The words rattle around in your mind. Joel begins to rock into you, deliberately grinding his pelvis against you. All he can think about is you, too? Or fucking you? Or how he’s ruined you for other men?

All I can fuckin’ think about.

It echoes in your head as he picks up his pace, splitting you open with heavy, mind-altering thrusts. Suffocatingly intimate. Face to face. Skin to skin. Soul to soul. His voice isn’t just echoing in your mind; he’s also running his mouth about something. Muttering about how he knew you’d be waiting for him, how he’s going to fuck you until you forget your date's name, how nobody else can satisfy your needy cunt.

Oh.

He’s not wrong. You want to hear more.

“Yes,” You can stoke this fire. You don’t mind finding out what happens if you rile him up while he’s inside you. “Only you,” you pant, “nobody else fucks me like you do.”

He makes a throaty noise in agreement and shifts. Large hands wrap around the back of your knees and press them towards your chest, tilting your hips up. You choke and sputter as he slams into you with force. The new angle creates a blissful intensity.

“That’s right,” he says, “nobody else.”

He pounds into you like he could fuck you through the mattress, maybe even through the floor. The lewd sound of his thighs slapping against your ass fill the room. You tuck your chin to your chest to watch the way each thrust makes your breasts bounce. You notice that he’s mesmerized by the same sight, and you take the opportunity to shift your gaze, studying the look on his face.

It’s more sensual than anything you’ve done together before. You can see the sweat beading on his chest from exertion. You’re nearly folded in half and unable to stop your soft cries and moans. It’s raw, sticky, and vulnerable. You feel warmed at the thought but also fragile. Breakable. Hypersensitive emotionally and physically. It’s all too bright and hot.

You let his voice push you over the edge, and your climax rips fiercely through your body. You faintly hear him groan as your tight walls contract around him, but his voice is drowned out by the pleasure. Your legs tremble, still balanced over his shoulders.

Your core muscles spasm as he keeps sawing into you until your hips are jerking at the sensitivity of your come down. He slows, breathing heavily over you. You can see the animalistic edge in his eyes. You have to push it. Play it out.

“Make me yours,” you incite.

You definitely just meant to imply, ‘fuck me hard and come inside me, please,’ but you worry he’s interpreted it differently when he drops your legs. Wrong. He turns you over, laying you flat on your stomach, pulling your arms behind your back, and pinning you to the bed. He straddles your closed legs. Your shoulders strain a little as he leans into you. His heavy body compresses your prone form, and his cock weighs heavy against the curve of your ass; it feels right. A perverted comfort blanket, stealing your breath.

“Repeat it,” he tells the back of your neck.

“Make me yours.” You turn your head to the side. You can’t see his face, but you can hear the string of curses he chants when he lines up and wedges himself into you. The added constriction of your position unravels you both.

“Mine,” he grunts. You muffle your own noises into the sheets, along for the ride. He doesn’t last much longer before you feel him still overtop of you. You close your eyes, focusing on the sensation of the pulsing and throbbing of his cock inside you as he fills you up. Breathing deep, your back rises against his chest before he slides off of you.

You roll onto your side. Facing each other, you still at the sight of him. Another breath shared between you, chests expanding towards each other. For the briefest moment, you think he might stay. You can see the soft edge of relaxation in his features. Your hand drifts toward him, an instinct based on nothing rational, just wanting to feel him. You feel the stupid, dreamy expression settling on your face. Before you can speak or figure out what you were reaching for, he’s snapped out of the bubble of tranquility. His walls are up.

He’s dressed and leaving, walking towards the door as you can only sigh into your dirty sheets.

He doesn’t even leave with a snide last word. Just the door closing.

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previous (part 2) ⎯ next (part 4)

#joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #pedro pascal #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x you #fanfic #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #fuckboy joel #dave york #the last of us fanfiction #joel tlou smut #pedro pascal smut

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sxorpiomooon · 4 months ago

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YOUR FS FEELINGS AFTER YOUR FIRST DATE - A PAC READING

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Pile 1-

I think pile 1's fs will meet them right after their breakup with someone or right after they had let go of something very big, something that no longer served them. Also the first thing I got was shutting down so they might be really tired when they first see or meet you and I also think it'll be late at night. I also think this late was very much delayed for some reason? It's almost as if accepting your fate like you try to avoid something so hard but can't stop it from happening so you just give in by the end. That's sort of the vibe for some reason? Lmaaao this is so funny bc right after the date they will immediately feel the need to rush things and they will be scared of rushing things too. This sort of reminds me of how people always say that the moment they met their fs they immediately knew and wanted to marry them that's the vibe. I see things going quickly too right after the first date, i see you guys going on alot of dates together I'm getting a vision of like a roller coaster date? Also you girlies are PRETTY PRETTY I had a vision of those trendy skirts and softy haha. This pile might have girlies with Libra placements I heard venus as well ANYWAYS I think your fs will immediately know it's like they will forget everything and now they are so hyped up to sum up the entire thing I heard "i belong"

Pile 2-

Hmmm I see a conflict here or two people meeting together after years? This kinda second chance romance type shit imma NGL. I also think that there is some history there as I said it might be you guys starting as enemies or simply second chance romance. Right after I wrote this my father started singing a song which basically translates to "don't leave me now" or abhi na jaao chord ke for those who want to give it a listen. Whatever it is oh y'all gonna have your LORES. Anyways I see two people legit being so grumpy on a date 😭😭 sipping their drinks this might be near water or a really pretty scenary I also hear beautiful instruments playing. Anyways all this won't last long bc I see and hear very warm laughter of both of you it's like you know in movies two people fighting something happens and they crack a laugh there's this eye contact and then one of them says or admits that "I missed you" THATS THHE VIBE OML. I see a familiar feeling that you have with an old friend. I heard "old habits die hard" out of nowhere. I also see you guys sort of making a note of learning from your past experiences to build a good solid future. This connection will be tested alot but I do see you guys being resilient. Honestly very beautiful vibe.

Pile 3-

HELL NAWWW LMAAAAAAAAAAAAO THID MAN WILL THINK THAT HE HAS TANKED THE DATE COMPLETELY DESTROYED OVER THIS HE WILL THINK THAT HE IS ABSOLUTELY DONE AND FINISHED AND THAT JE WILL NEVER GET THIS CHANCE AGAIN AND THAY JE IS A LOSER WHO FUCKED THIS CHANCE UP AND FUMBLED A BADDIE LMAAAAAAO. I see this man losing his shit legit whining wailing crying that he fucked up😭😭 I think he sort of a loser when it comes to communication. I jus see him shuttering n shit for those who are watching serendipity embrace(kdrama) the vibe is exactly like that second lead pt teacher lmao. I see him being so anxious after the first date bc he will think that he has tanked it. I think he might come across as someone who's very formal and has alot of attitude but in reality he will just not know how to talk😭 I don't even see him being able to gather the courage to hold eye contact with you. However, I do see something out of nowhere happening whether it will be him being able to meet you again or you texting him something good with happen and he will be very surprised to receive this chance or opportunity

Pile 4-

I don't see a very good vibe overall I won't lie. I see your fs being very confused with the entire date. I just think that things will perhaps not go well for this pile and I know exactly why it'll happen. One person will try to speed things up too much and it will scare the other person off. I just see one person trying to hurry everything up and it just being a big turn off for the other person. I think what this pile can try to do is perhaps not take things too fast and let the other person take their time as well. The more you try to speed things up the more it'll scare the other person off and it will end up in a disappointment. I'm sorry I couldn't give you much positive my pile 4<3

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poistura · 6 months ago

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HE WAS A PUNK, SHE DID BALLET

pairings. nonidol!hyungline x fem!reader in which. reader’s perfect and calm life has been completely turned upside down since she met her boyfriend wc. 1.5K warnings. enha are basically troublemakers lol, climbing a window in hee’s one, jake’s one is HEAVILY inspired by a gilmore girls episode, mentions of fights and bruises, not proofread genre. fluff ( link to masterlist )

author’s note wrote this while listening to sk8er boy by avril lavigne and i love her that’s it, jay’s one is a bit short i’m sorry 💔 also!! maknae line’s one is coming soon 🫧

𝐋. heeseung

you were seated at your desk in your room, so engrossed on studying your books, that the sound of tapping on the window almost made you flinch.

turning around to the place the sound came from, you see him. he smirks slyly, causing you to sigh and get up, opening the window “you know, you could’ve used the front door”, heeseung climbs in “i figured your parents wouldn’t be really pleased to see me” he says as he wraps his arms around your waist.

“plus, this is way more charming than using the front door, is it?” that sentence made you chuckle “oh sure, prince charming. i really want to watch you climb down from my window now”. heeseung gulps “well, i’ll worry about it after i get to cuddle you, angel” he says with a smile before attacking your face with soft pecks, making you giggle.

it was really true that heeseung was soft and caring on the inside, but you seemed to make him melt way more often than he was used to, not like he was complaining about it anyways.

“what are you studying?” “biology” heeseung scoffs “you really have to spend your night studying something as dull as biology?” you roll your eyes playfully “at least i do study, i suggest you to try it, that would be good for you” he just simply shrugs playfully and pinches your waist, making you let out a soft giggle.

despite claiming that studying is the most monotonous thing you could ever do on a thursday night, heeseung finds himself sitting with you, listening to you revise the subject, but both of you know he’s not even paying attention to anything you’re saying, he doesn’t care at all. what he’s paying attention to, is the way your eyes look up while thinking of a term, the way your hands move to emphasize your speech and the soft hums you let out while thinking of the material you studied earlier.

actually, maybe heeseung was wrong, maybe this was the best way he could spend his thursday night.

𝐏. jongseong

you watched as your boyfriend played you his self-written songs on his guitar, feeling happy to be in his presence and to be the only girl who could have the pleasure to listen to those sweet songs he wrote for you. “what do you think?”, you smile softly “it’s really great; i love it”.

the faint blush on your boyfriend’s cheeks didn’t go unnoticed by you. “hey, can i try too?” you ask him and he looks at you surprised “the great violinist wants to play something as edgy as the electric guitar?” you roll your eyes playfully “worried i’ll be better than you?”.

jay grins and pats the empty space between his legs, handing you the guitar and guiding you through the notes “put your finger here, here and here” he says as he gently moves your fingers on the strings. your heartbeat started to quicken as he was impossibly close to you and touched your fingers delicately “give it a try, chopin” he teases as you try to play the new instrument.

after a few tries, you manage to let out a few neat notes from the instrument, eliciting a proud smile from your boyfriend “wow chopin”, you chuckle “jay, chopin is a pianist” “same thing”. you both let out a few giggles before he pecks your temple and smiles softly at you “if you learn how to play the guitar, i can’t surprise you with my serenades anymore”, you chuckle softly “well, i think my mom would be glad to not hear you play at 1am, but maybe i could serenade you too sometimes”.

jay smiles and softly pecks your lips “yea, i’d like some classical operas being played for me at 1am”

𝐒. jaeyun

you would’ve never thought to see your boyfriend all dolled up to take you to your highschool’s dance for a charity event. you insisted that it wasn’t a big deal, and you weren’t even enthusiastic about going to that dance, but your boyfriend insisted on being a good boyfriend (aka, showing you off to everyone) and decided it was important for you to attend since you were one of the top students at the school.

you arrived at the dance with jake, and calling it boring would be an understatement.

you two were sitting by a table, “jake we can leave if you’re not having fun” you said, as you knew your boyfriend wasn’t used to these boring formal events.

“don’t worry baby, i enjoy spending time with you nonetheless. plus, the food is great!” you let out a chuckle at his statement.

“i’ll go get us something to drink, how about that?” you smile at your boyfriend’s idea “alright, don’t take too long”.

he smiled before he got up and headed to get you something to drink. as you were waiting for him, a boy from your biology class approached you, teasing you like he always does.

“where’s your little boyfriend, uh? don’t tell me you came by yourself” he grins and you roll your eyes “getting me a drink, if you really want to know”. the boy looks slightly surprised at your statement “oh really? i bet he’s a punk, you could’ve said yes when i asked you to come with me, at least you would’ve been seen with someone relevant”.

just like clock work, your boyfriend arrived and wrapped an arm around your waist. the guy eyes him up and down “you must be the punk boyfriend”, jake grits his teeth and turns to you “is he bothering you, babe?” “pfft, she’s delighted by my presence”. jake raises an eyebrow and turns his gaze back to the boy “uh, really?”.

you were already preparing yourself as you knew your boyfriend, and you knew things would’ve escalated quickly. by the end of the night, you were sitting in jake’s car, treating the wounds and scars he got on his face after a not-so-friendly conversation with that boy.

“i’m sorry i got carried away”you give him a small smile “it’s alright, i’m glad you punched him. he’s annoying” “i figured you weren’t really delighted to talk to him”, you both let out a chuckle.

“hey, are you up for a frozen yogurt?” he asks, you reply with a huge smile “of course! but… maybe it’s better if you stay in the car and i go get them”. he lets out a chuckle “alright boss”

𝐏. sunghoon

“babe! what’s taking you so long?” you yell from your room, sunghoon is in the bathroom, getting ready for a dinner you insisted on having with your parents to prove them he’s perfectly fine for you. he was nervous, he probably hasn’t felt more nervous in his life, what if they ask him about his life? he can’t tell them how reckless he is, they would’ve never thought he could be perfect for you. he finally sighs before taking a last glance at the mirror “i’m coming!”.

the dinner was silent to say the least, your mother cleared her throat to escape from the awkward moment “so sunghoon, do you have any hobbies?”. sunghoon gulps “uhm… i like working out, you know, to keep myself healthy”, her mother hums, her expression unreadable.

in the meantime, you were crossing your fingers under the table, hoping the dinner would go smoothly and your parents would approve of him, considering how they’ve always considered you as a perfect child in every field.

your father asks the question both of you hoped he’d never ask, “do you study? or work?”. sunghoon starts sweating “i… i don’t work yet, sir. but, i’m looking for a job”. your father slightly scoffs and tears his gaze away from the boy, looking back at his plate and mumbling something under his breath.

the dinner luckily comes to an end, and neither you nor sunghoon were proud of how it went out.

he noticed your disappointed face, and before you two could leave and greet goodbye to your parents, he turned to them one last time “uhm… i’m sorry if i’m not exactly how you hoped i’d be, i know i might be far from the kind of person you wanted your daughter to be with, but i love her. i might not be the best and i might not provide her with everything she needs, but i love her and… and i’m here for her everytime she needs me. i want to support her in everything she does, even though i know i could never be enough for her”. his words made your heart melt, and your parents’ expression slightly shifted.

as you were getting ready to leave, your mother spoke up “we hope to see you again, sunghoon”, his eyes immediately lit up “i hope so too, mrs y/l/n. thank you”. your father gives him a nod of approval before you two left, hand in hand, and extremely proud of how the dinner turned out.

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funficwriter · 1 year ago

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Fontaine Characters with Violinist Reader!

A/N: This disappearing thing of mine is annoying, I'm trying to stop it. However, I finally got a bit of spare time to play Genshin and I am so, so in love with Fontaine. I think it's gonna be a wonderful arc. I haven't felt this much jubilation since Liyue or Inazuma!

Warnings; None, really.

Lyney, Lynette, Neuvillette, Navia, Furina, Wriothesley (no particular order)

Lyney

First off, this boy is no stranger to performing, an activity he loves. Naturally, he's going to be most interested in fellow performers, including you!

If you're the type to get anxious before, or even during a performance, say goodbye to that with him. He'll guide you through plenty of destressing rituals to help you relax beforehand.

(This included, but wasn't limited to; Taking deep breaths, doing tongue twisters, asking you to play meme songs on your violin, or tickling your sides because 'laughing is a great way to be loose'.)

Even during, should you freeze up and he's in the audience, he'll do a quick but loud magic trick to get everyone's eyes off you. Even one that makes him look like a fool, so long as you have time to put yourself together.

He'd LOVE to have you on stage with him! He adores your music and would ask you to sync it up with dramatic moments in his magic.

If you compose you own stuff, he's pretty much your biggest fan. The guy who never misses a concert. The loudest clapper. The biggest braggart.

"That gorgeous, graceful violinist we had the pleasure of watching? What if I told you that they're coupled up with an equally electric performer? That is, me~."

Lynette

It's easy to think that her brother outdoes her in terms of being your fan, but quietness hides a lot. If you think she doesn't care as much, you're so, so wrong.

She learned several music skills just to be closer to you, including sight-reading. BTW, she's got a killer voice and loves to sing out your compositions. Sometimes it helps you come up with alternative movements within them.

She can also play piano, to a good level of accompaniment. With time, one would think she is also a music assistant; It's not uncommon for her to be on your stage.

Lynette is VERY attentive to your instrument. Does it need rosin? A new bow, perhaps a re-hair? You just say the word, and she'll happily take it to the repair workshop if you have no time.

"By the way, Y/N prefers real horse hair, the thinnest you have. Don't worry. They're talented enough to thrive on it.".

She makes it a point to let you know how much she loves what you do: "All other music in Fontaine pales in its beauty next to yours. Please, keep playing.".

Neuvillette

You play the violin? (he crosses his legs and assumes his royal position). So when are you going to get married? Will you be okay playing a few pieces, even while being the spouse? /Half-joking, tbh.

For him to say that he is the lover of a music pioneer as important as you... Will never not be a moment of joy for him.

First off, what a sugar daddy. I hope you made a list of the expensive violins you wanted but couldn't afford. Because now, it's yours, never mind the Mora. Your very case may as well be coated with gold.

He won't die on this hill, but he would love it if you could play a bit during the parties he hosts. He loves live music to begin with, but after hearing you, it feels like no other pro could hope to sound as good as you.

(And side note, he likes how mesmerized everyone is with you lol)

If you're the type to remember your patron's personal preferences, and compose/play in accordance to that, just for him? Put hearts in his eyes. He's no longer joking about the wedding thing.

While he loves showing you off, he'll never force you if you're shy/nervous. If anything, he would also feel very special if he got to heard songs not out yet, compositions just for him...

"Perhaps this is Lady Furina's way of rewarding me for my years of service. Bless our Archon for giving me such a talented, show and heart-stopping partner.".

Navia

She likes that the Spina del Rosula is represented by passionate, talented people!

If you like sweets, I say just join her team. It's guaranteed pastries after each request lol.

Her detective work is cool, but can get a bit drab after a while. She likes asking you to play some violin ambiance, partly because it makes her feel cool, and partly because your music changes the atmosphere for much better.

Navia is a woman of decorum, but she'll often have trouble staying still during your concerts. It doesn't matter if there are rules to how loud a woman can cheer, she's happy for you and will make sure you know that.

She becomes even more proactive than usual. If a concert of yours falls on the same time as her work, she'll scour the ends of Teyvat for its solution, so she can see you.

With time, she might request you to play pieces that her father loved. Once they're brought back to life, through your own strings, she can't help but be a little emotional. She must have done something wonderful to have you.

"How beautiful, how poignant as you, my dear Y/N! This calls for macaroons! Which flavor would you like today?".

Furina

"Yes, Neuvillette, I know they perform and all, but why can't I keep them to myself! They're so darn great, I want that everyday!"

Of course, she's not gonna stop you, but beware; I feel like Furina would almost turn you into her own personal violinist lol.

She'd keep requesting your presence over her other personal entertainment and somewhat bombard you with song requests. Buuut if you're looking for a varied repertoire, she's your gal!

One reason she requests so much is because she so impressed with how you not only fulfill them all, you do it so creatively and beautifully. You don't just follow the note as it is... Once you're acquainted with what she likes, you modify the tune a bit to be more her taste.

She's so cute when she claps; The way her hands go so fast and she's about to get up from the seat, the huge eye and smile... Why, you might start reconsidering her offer.

"Bravooooo, Y/N!! Bravo! That was everything, I can't go on without an encore!"

If the tune is more happy-go-lucky, she will get up and dance along. Will also do it in circles around you because she's your little orb :3

Wriothesley

"Forgive me for intruding... But I was overhearing, and your playing is terrific. Electrifying. Do you happen to perform on Saturday nights? That's when I can leave the Fortress for a bit.".

Of all your fans, Wrio is one of the quieter ones, but not so much that no one knows it. For one, he's a Duke, he's bound to enjoy good music. And heavens knows he needs some fun in his life.

Here's a fun thing (ngl this is what I was excited to write): At first, it doesn't sound like he can make it to your recital. You see him on his desk, surrounded by paper mountains that only ever seem to grow. He doesn't want to make you sad, but his remark lets you know that he's not coming: "Would it kill some of these people to tone it down for a bit so I can go see my partner perform?".

So imagine your shock when you step on stage, and see him on the first row, sitting tall and handsome, shit-eating grin on his face and waving. You really bought it for a moment.

"Hehe... Did you really think I can't even make a bit of time to see Fontaine's best violinist in action? You actually bought that?".

I HC that he has insomnia, and has tried any things to cure it, but to no avail. It's rumored in Fontaine that his is incurable, but little do they know about how he lays down next to your sitting form. Little do they know of the soft lullabies you composed just for him, or how peacefully he dreams afterwards 💜

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact fontaine #lyney x reader #lynette x reader #furina x reader #neuvillette x reader #navia x reader #wriothesley x reader #genshin impact fanfics #genshin impact fluff

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joocomics · 5 months ago

Text

ಬ show me a thing or two

pairing: drummer!hendery x fem!reader

genre: smut — mdni! wc: 2.6k

contains: strangers to lovers trope, sub!reader, unprotected sex, dirty talk, very light degradation (f!rec), pet names, oral sex (m!rec), hair pulling

[ wayv masterlist | general masterlist ]

“50 bucks for a half hour lesson?” You gasp. “Can we do 35?”

“The price isn’t up to negotiation.” Hendery crosses his arms, leaning back against the desk. Not in an obnoxious way, but you can sense that the end of the conversation might be near. “It’s the average cost, I doubt you’ll find anything cheaper.”

The movements of his brows that you manage to peek at under the black cap he’s wearing show that he’s quite intrigued by the small amount of information you came here with.

“I don’t have that much money…” You mumble making sure your bottom lip puckers up.

You don’t have the money, nor the interest to learn drumming. Playing any kind of instrument has never crossed your mind ever, all you want is to get close to him, Hendery, - the hot guy who’s teaching your friend the drums twice a week. You made the big mistake to ask to take a quick look at his instagram account while your friend was texting him about their next lesson, and since then it was impossible to get him out of your head.

Hendery is exactly your type, from the way he dresses to the way he words his sentences and laughs in that boyish manner that makes your heart skip a beat. He plays in a band, speaks multiple languages, but most importantly - he’s single. Might as well give it a shot.

You walk over to the drum kit and let out a fake sigh while your middle finger traces the circular surface. You try to gather all the tricks of seduction you know in your mind in preparation to use them. You’ve won flirtatious games before, but the guys weren’t talented or smart as him. Nonetheless, you feel confident about this.

“That sucks, it’s always been a dream of mine.” You pick up a muffled sound that seems to come from his hands hiding into the pockets of his baggy jeans. He remains silent which is a sign for you take things a step further. “Can you show me a thing or two just so I can see what it’s like?”

You turn to face him. You’re already standing close to the seat and you can only hope you’re this close to getting what you really came for too. The corners of your glossy lips curl up with satisfaction after seeing Hendery’s features relax from the other side of the room.

“Please…” You extend your innocent smile just to add more to the effect you seem to already have on him.

It’s obvious that he’s going to agree, but there is no harm in letting him know how the word sounds from your mouth.

He takes a quick look at the door before turning to you again.

“Sure, take a seat.”

You push your hair back excited to feel him stand behind your back with a pair of drumsticks which you pretend to examine with interest.

“Now, both your hands should be in a similar position, like this, see?” Hendery grabs your wrists gently after you take the wooden sticks. He leans forward while doing so, and as he continues to speak, delightful shivers travel down your spine from the sudden physical contact. Every word of his brings a certain heat to your skin despite the context being not romantic at all. Looks like he just has an insane ability to make everything sound erotic. “Relax your grip, that’s it. You should be holding them lightly like a pencil.”

His slender fingers curl yours around the end of the sticks as he keeps on talking about things you don’t pay attention to anymore.

He shows you a few more tricks that you repeat after him clumsily; a few more that you forget about the moment he explains them to you - you make sure to nod like there’s no such thing though.

When it’s finally over, you return the drumsticks and Hendery puts them aside.

“Got it?” He asks behind you.

Is that genuine curiosity that you hear in his voice?

You stand up and after turning around, so close to him, he doesn’t move a bone. You notice that his cap is flipped backwards, and now you’re able to see his captivating features perfectly clear; seems like he’s really growing out his chestnut colored hair like he mentioned in one of his older social media posts.

“It’s more difficult than I thought, but yeah I think I got it.”

You stare at each other for a moment until he shifts his gaze from your eyes to your lips only to repeat the same thing again, making you reminisce about his touch already.

By the new tense look on his face you can tell he misses it too.

“I should pay you for your time,” you speak at once. “It was really nice of you to do that for me.”

Hendery instantly catches the seductive ring in your tone, and he gulps, swallowing it as if it’s a drop of honey. Something in the atmosphere keeps shifting, and you can both feel it at the same time.

He takes a step closer first, then you follow his lead by doing the same. It results into his arm wrapping around your waist.

Before you know it, your back is pressed against the wall and Hendery’s tongue sneaks through his lips, earning a taste of the sweet flavour of your lipgloss.

Your whole body welcomes him. Your mouth opens to invite his tongue; your legs separate to make room for his knee; your hands tug on his shirt to feel him as close as possible while you try to keep your breathing normal and your heartbeat steady. But it’s hard. The more contact you have with him, the bigger your cravings grow, and after he brakes the kiss you accidentally whine not wanting any of this to stop.

“How?” The question slips through his popular teasing smile as his hand takes a hold of your jaw.

Answering is pointless when your lips wrap hungrily around his thumb after he lets it glide towards the corner of your mouth. You suck it up and down and he observes with eyes heavy from lust.

“I’d like that,” he almost whispers. He’s so entranced by your scrunched lips that he doesn’t even pay attention to your eager fingers unzipping his pants. “You got a pretty mouth. Will it be able to take me the way I want though?” He tugs your bottom lip while slowly taking out his thumb. “Seems small to me, doll.”

He is bigger than you thought; and bigger than the previous ones you’ve had. Despite the black fabric of his boxers that are hiding his erection you can still tell the prominent size by rubbing your palm against it.

“My mouth might be small, but I know how to use it well.”

Hendery can only grin at your confidence.

You drop on your knees and his figure now hovers over you just the way you imagined it would.

His hand rests on top of your head, allowing its fingers to grab onto the roots of your hair as your flat tongue licks a long stripe - slowly with the perfect amount of pressure. The small dark stain that must be caused by his leaking pre cum grabs your attention and you give the spot an open mouthed kiss before resuming to tease him by rubbing your mouth and chin against his hard on.

“Shit—“ Hendery drags out a sigh just as he twitches against your cheek for the first time. His tangled into your hair fingers press you harder into his crotch. “So cock hungry, aren’t you?”

Your tongue keeps gliding onto his clothed dick only to double his frustrations.

“You’re so fuckin’ hot.” He pulls you back by dragging your hair, not intensely, because he’s not yet sure if that’s what you’re into, but not extra gentle either. “Where did you come from?”

The wider your smile gets as his question repeats itself in your mind, the more his fades away, because he genuinely wants to know.

“Less talking,” you utter staring back into his eyes. Before you came here you thought this would scare you, but fear is far from what you feel in this moment. “For now.”

You use this opportunity to finally tug Hendery’s underwear down and make the first strokes around his thick length that instantly wets your mouth with desire the moment it reveals in front of you.

Hendery sighs deeply from delight as both of you stare at the seductive twists of your hand. Your fist wraps so nicely, squeezing just the way he likes it, and he cannot believe his luck as he watches you roll your tongue over his slit.

The sweet gloss is completely erased because of his underwear, he notices. Your lips don’t sparkle anymore, instead, they’re a hot shade of red and puffy from the intense kissing and rubbing against his cock.

This sight of you turns him on even more.

The warm rush in his core doubles as you spread the transparent essence that’s oozing out of his flushed tip after you got a taste of it. In this moment, it only gets more difficult for him to control his emotions and soon enough the feeling forces a powerful moan to escape his throat.

“You’re good, fuck—“ His jaw stays open after you invite him into your mouth. Your soft lips stretch then close around half of his length while your familiar tongue glues to his skin. “Holy shit—“ It feels even better when it’s not through his clothes. “That’s it, pretty girl…“

Gradually, in a nice steady pace, you begin to swallow more and more of his size, feeling every vein and drop of salty precum on your tongue.

Hendery’s hand is at the back of your skull, helping you out by guiding you back and forth as his arousing moans echo through out the practice room. He doesn’t seem to realise how vocal he is, but you like it more that way, and you don’t stop to think if his sounds are slipping through the walls right into the hallway of the building. His voice elevates after you succeed at taking him down your throat, and you can’t resist the urge to look up with glossy eyes, as his hips thrust forward, craving to feel as much from your warm tight throat as possible. Having this sight of him hovering over you with his attractive face contorted in pleasure makes the delight in your tummy swirl like crazy.

“Fuck, baby—“ Hendery groans once again as you slowly pull back after gargling around him for a moment. “You really do know how to use that mouth, huh?” He smirks at your drooling mouth and your obvious inability to give an answer.

“Tell me your name,” he looks down, waiting for your doe eyes to meet his.

He lifts your chin up to steal your attention away from his slick cock. His other veiny hand is slowly tugging at his base and it’s unbelievable how easily that distracts you from everything including the puddle of saliva on the floor.

“Y/N.”

You can feel the burning soreness still spreading in your mouth as you speak out the letters. You feel some wetness coming inside your neckline.

Your name rolls off Hendery’s tongue as he repeats it once, then twice while you pull your panties to the side.

“Pretty name for a pretty girl,” he notes, sitting down on the chair where you were minutes ago “practicing”.

You dismiss the cliché line, thinking only about what’s about to happen after you strip him from his shirt.

Enjoying the sight of his hanging mouth, you gasp, holding carefully onto his knees for support.

“Oh, God—“ Your voice fades away as Hendery’s firm grip on your lower waist helps you sink all the way down on his dripping cock. “Hen—“

“C’mon, baby,” his fingers sink into your skin while his grasping bounces you up and down with ease. “Fuck, you didn’t say you’re this fuckin’ tight…” His airy chuckle sticks to your warm neck as he leans in to kiss it.

Your one hand drowns into his soft hair; his hat has been tossed on the floor long ago, and you get to pull it as hard as you need as your body feels like it’s melting in his arms from how amazing all of this stimulates you.

“Can…” you mumble out of breath, “c-can someone hear us?”

Hendery stops the movements of his wet lips for a second, and after mumbling back a shaky “yeah, probably”, he continues to make out with your neck. Soon enough a sharp breath slips through his bites, because of a stronger clench that comes from your gripping walls upon hearing his response.

You’re too overwhelmed by the sensation to reply right away, especially after his hands start kneading on your ass cheeks. Every little thing he does to you only adds to your arousal, pushing you closer towards your climax, and forming any kind of thoughts becomes a challenge.

“Can t-they… can we get c-caught?”

The only answer you receive is Hendery’s intensifying moans, sticking hot against your flesh. His hands are sticking to you too, roaming curiously every little place where there’s exposure to your sweating skin. His grip is growing rougher as you now roll your hips and he cannot resist the urge to speed them up; both of you are so close you cannot slow down even for a second.

“Hendery—“ You mewl. He still hasn’t answered your question.

“I forgot to lock the door.” He admits in one quick heavy breath.

You cuss quietly before biting your lip. You can’t start being nervous about getting caught now.

“Fuck, it feels so good,” you gasp.

Hendery grabs your face with his hand, the tip of his fingers dig into your cheeks as he kisses your lips with an electrifying intensity.

You focus on this undeniably ecstatic thrill. It automatically blocks your mind, and all you’re able to comprehend is the feeling of his lips, and how the burning tangling sensation beneath throbs with each rhythmic move of your hips.

Soon enough, Hendery pulls out in a rush and you quickly leave his lap to kneel down. With an open mouth and eyes closed shut you anticipate the moment he’s going to let go and paint your face.

His last moan lasts long and is the hottest sound you’ve ever heard in your life; low and emotional from the deepest part of his throat. His cum lands warm and thick all over your skin and tongue.

There’s a drop right on the corner of your mouth that you lick after taking it with your finger.

Hendery leans back into the chair as his overwhelmed panting fills the small room. You realise that he looks almost nothing to how he looked when you arrived here as you observe him under the daylight which comes through the small window behind him, reflecting onto his pale bare skin. When you entered the room earlier he was so put together; his clothes were neat without a single crease, his hair - all in tact behind his ears and held in place by the stylish hat. Now, his face has a pinkish glow, his hair is messy with a few strands sticking to his glistening forehead. His clothes are scattered in different corners of the room.

Fucked out, he's even more madly attractive.

“Will you come back?” He asks. A note of intrigue and hope causes a tilt in his voice. His sparkling eyes move in your direction as you walk towards the door.

“To be honest, drumming turned out to be kind of boring.” You catch his gaze which shows you that he’s not really sure how to react to that. But a sign of relief quickly settles into it once you add: “But you’re not.”

! please do not repost, copy or translate my works

! please keep in mind that english is not my first language. i apologise for any mistakes i’ve might missed

#— writing: wayv #wayv smut #wayv hard thoughts #wayv hard hours #hendery smut #hendery hard thoughts #hendery x reader #wayv x reader #nct smut #nct hard thoughts #nct x reader #nct hard hours

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indigovigilance · 1 year ago

Text

A Nightingale Sang in 1941

This is my inaugural meta (yay!) Eventually I will learn how to add gifs and whatnot to make this more interesting but today, I give you a wall of text.

I need to give credit where credit is due to three existing metas that I’m drawing upon heavily here:

A speculative continuation of the 1941 story, which includes an almost-kiss while “A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square” plays on the gramophone,

A behavioral analysis of Aziraphale during the S2E6 finale (will find ref later if possible)

A meta-analysis of the way in which “coffee” is used as a symbolic equivalent for liberty and freedom of choice, a running theme of this show (will find ref later if possible)

I’m going to expand upon meta #2 and #3 and explain why I think there is are very compelling reasons to believe that #1 will be canonized.

At the end of S1E6, an instrumental version of “A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square” plays diegetically, but the lyrical version plays non-diegetically over the credits (we hear it but the protagonists don’t). So we the audience could plausibly say “that’s their song,” but as of the close of S1, we have no reason to believe that they know that it’s their song. Even Aziraphale’s S1E3 (1967) suggestion that they dine at the Ritz could be a reference that only he gets, or just a fancy restaurant suggestion.

So when I was watching S2E6 and Crowley said “no nightingales,” I was jarred. What does that even mean? We know it has something to do with dining at the Ritz, but what does it mean to them? The reference only works if they know it’s their song. But we’ve only ever seen them hear it together after the averted apocalypse; if this is the direct reference that Crowley is making, it leaves our 1967 reference contextless and twisting in the wind.

If we assume that there was a romantic story beat in 1941, wherein “A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square” (which, incidentally, was written in 1939 and saw the height of its popularity at the end of 1940, so timeline-wise it’s spot-on) became their song, then a lot of events get renewed interpretations through this lens, in a way that makes this story much more cohesive and the “no nightingales” comment even more soul-shattering than it already was.

Let’s presume that immediately after this became their song and just as they were discovering their romantic potential, they were forced back into hiding. Forever after, references to the song serve as a macro for “I’d like to pick up where we left off that night.”

The 1967 suggestion of “dining at the Ritz” now becomes a directly romantic suggestion. It also gives better context for “you go too fast for me.”

Actually going to the Ritz in 2019 is not simply a celebration or even a callback to 1967, it’s a callback to their almost-romance of 1941.

When Crowley says “no nightingales” in 2023, this isn’t to say “we’re not going to eat together at the Ritz anymore.” It’s saying that the romance that began that night, the precious, fragile romance, is over.

I’ll give you a moment to dry your eyes before we move on to metas #2 and #3.

In light that this is what has been going on - they know they want a romantic relationship but have gotten so used to hiding and denying it that they are more comfortable keeping the status quo static and quo-y then trying to achieve their ideal - a lot of S2 behavior can get a fresh view.

Crowley’s reaction to Nina isn’t a realization that he’s in love - he knew that already. You can only ask someone to run away with you so many times before you are forced to admit some things to yourself. No, he’s realizing that trying to hide it (which was justified by survival), hasn’t been working, but despite failing at being stealth nothing bad has happened. He’s realizing that it may finally be safe to show it.

Crowley’s confession, then, is not a revelation. It’s making the subtext text. He’s not telling Aziraphale anything he didn’t already know. He’s saying it now because he thinks he’s safe to do so. Pin in that.

Lots of people have lots of theories about Aziraphale’s motivations in the S2 finale, which can more or less be divided into 4 camps: the genuinely held belief, the coffee theory, the lie theory, and the mutual trick theory (some version of the body-switching at the end of S1). Let me start by saying that I love all the fans and all their theories and I find their analyses to be insightful. The genuinely held belief theory, while I believe it to be erroneous, has been incredibly conducive to so many wonderful conversations and I love being in a community that has those conversations. But I’m going to explain why I think the lie theory finds the most support in canon.

Re-watch the finale (when you feel like you can) from 35:18 to 36:19 and then from 40:45 to the end, paying very close attention to Aziraphale’s words and his eyes. Michael Sheen is telling us a LOT with his eyes, and in the back half of the finale scene, with pacing.

For 60 seconds of footage, this setup is doing a lot of work. If Neil Gaiman wasn’t doing enough to beat us over the head with how evil the Metatron is, that glare at Crowley at the end with the non-diegetic ominous horns should convey the message. But again, focusing on Aziraphale. He initially refuses to talk to the Metatron; he’s made his position quite clear. There is no hint of regret or wavering; this is not someone who’s aching to return to the fold. The Metatron ignores his refusal and functionally forces him to accept a “cup of coffee.” The coffee isn’t spiked, but it is a metaphor. It is symbolic of choice. The Metatron is going to force Aziraphale to make a choice. Meta #3 does a great job of exploring the idea that a choice between anything and death is never really a choice. Hang onto that thought.

Notice I had you start up again 3 seconds before “The Conversation.” That’s because it’s important to note where the Metatron is right now. He is across the street, staring straight in through those giant windows to where our protagonists are about to have The Conversation. He is watching.

When Aziraphale returns, Crowley begins his “let me talk” riff. Aziraphale ought to be interested in what Crowley has to say, since the preamble is pretty compelling. You’ll notice that Aziraphale quickly turns to the window and back, through which he (but not we) can see the Metatron standing there, watching them. Aziraphale is then doing his best to get Crowley to STFU without raising the suspicion of the Metatron, eventually having to cut him off.

Because unfortunately, Crowley’s entire impetus for speaking up now is that it’s safe to do so. Only Aziraphale knows that they are in very real danger (or at least, Crowley is, but I’ll come back to that).

You might take something from the fact that he’s shaking his head while talking about “incredibly good news,” and seems to self-censor his criticism of Metatron (or more specifically, he takes ownership of any criticism of the Metatron, censoring out Crowley’s role in that, with the emphasis on I in “I might have misjudged him”).

Notice in the flashback that he begins the conversation reasonably relaxed. The Metatron also says a series of things about him that not only are false, but everyone, including the Metatron and Crowley, know are false: Aziraphale is not a leader, he’s a defector; he’s not honest, he lies all the time, in fact this entire season revolved around his one huge lie of hiding Gabriel. Not only does the justification not make sense coming from Metatron, but it shouldn’t make sense that Aziraphale would accept these reasons and it shouldn’t make sense to Crowley either. So is Aziraphale including these details in his recounting to Crowley so that he will get suspicious and figure out the jig? Maybe. Let’s continue.

Immediately upon being offered the job of Supreme Archangel, Aziraphale says “but I don’t want to go back to Heaven.” This is direct evidence against the genuinely held belief theory. If returning to Heaven and making a difference was a genuine motivation, we would have gotten a different response at this moment. But then we get something more.

“Where would I get my coffee?”

This is a beautiful response for a number of reasons; coffee should be trivial compared to the opportunity to be a Supreme Archangel, so it serves to highlight just how little interest Aziraphale has in returning. Taken at face value, it’s the Aziraphale equivalent of “not even at gunpoint.” But remember that coffee is a metaphor for liberty in this universe and this season. So what Aziraphale just said, in the language of Neil Gaiman metaphors, is:

I don’t want to go back to Heaven, I would rather have free will.

What does the Metatron do next?

He brings up Crowley.

Watch Aziraphale’s eyes before and after the mention of Crowley. He goes from confused to eye-flicking panic in the space of two syllables. Aziraphale already understands that his “no” is not being accepted, and that bringing Crowley into it can only possibly serve as a threat.

So the coffee, the choice, is a false choice. No one ever orders death. The Metatron has forced Aziraphale into a situation that looks an awful lot like a choice (it comes in a blue cup, after all) but it isn’t.

We definitely have some reliable narrator problems here. I’m going to presume for purposes of analysis that these cut-outs are accurate but incomplete, and that a more explicit threat about what would happen to Crowley if Aziraphale did not return to Heaven was made.

If we assume that Aziraphale has been made aware of a threat and is trying to hide that from Crowley, the rest of this scene reads very differently. Aziraphale cannot say, “you are in danger but you will be safe if you swear your allegiance to Heaven” or “I have to go, no matter what, and the only way we can be together is if you come with me,” but nonetheless he now has to convince Crowley to do the one thing he ought to know Crowley definitely doesn’t want to do all through subtext. Which we’ve spent an entire season establishing that they can’t communicate well when they are allowed to use their words. Disastrously, this is not a magic trick that Aziraphale can make work when it counts. Their failure to practice good communication means that, right now, when it counts most, they are not going to pull it off.

We see that Aziraphale is very hopeful that Crowley will pick up on his cues and play along. Obviously, he doesn’t.

If the whole riff about Hell being bad guys and Heaven being the side of truth and light is taken as genuine, it discards a massive amount of character development that we’ve witnessed in Job, Edinburgh, etc. (again, to all the genuine belief subscribers, I think it’s a compelling argument but it simply doesn’t account for the evidence). So if it’s not genuine, why say it? Again, to alert Crowley that something is Off, because Crowley should know that Aziraphale doesn’t actually believe that. They saved humanity from Heaven and Hell. They hid Gabriel from Heaven and Hell. Crowley knows that Aziraphale knows that Heaven and Hell are just two sides of the same coin. Notice again that Aziraphale glances out the window while he’s talking up Heaven; he knows the Metatron is watching, he can’t not defend the position of Heaven. I think it’s also worth noting that Aziraphale forcefully glances and gestures off to Crowley’s left (away from the window) when talking about Hell, and then turns his head to Crowley’s right (towards the window) to try to get him to realize that a representative of Heaven is literally standing right over there, just look out the window please dumbass!

When Crowley is asking Aziraphale if he said no, and we see the back of Aziraphale’s head, again we can see him turn his head to glance out the window. This is also when he changes strategies, and admits that Heaven could use a little reform. Because now there’s a problem almost as big as getting caught, which is that he won’t be able to get Crowley to go with him.

Which unfortunately makes the next part of this so much more heartbreaking. Because when Crowley begins his speech about being a team, Aziraphale wants to hear it. He can’t bring himself to shut down Crowley again, even though it could get them both in massive trouble. Notice that he glances out the window again during this, and the look of panic on his face. He begins to shake his head when Crowley mentions that Heaven and Hell are toxic; this can be taken a lot of ways but I’ll argue for the interpretation that he’s trying to get Crowley to STFU and stop saying shit that could get him destroyed.

After Crowley puts on his sunglasses we are in the “back half” and Sheen is doing a lot with phrasing here, specifically pregnant pauses.

“Come with me… to Heaven!”

“We can be together… as angels!”

Based on the pacing decision I am thoroughly convinced that the first half of each of these statements is intended to be the message to Crowley and the second half is always a qualifying statement to satisfy the Metatron.

Unfortunately, these pregnant pauses are completely backfiring in their effect on Crowley. The sentiment gives him hope and the qualifying statement crushes it again immediately. He is being taken on a horrible emotional rollercoaster with these declarations which are only further amping up his instinct to run away.

The only truly genuine, unaldulterated statement I think we get from Aziraphale is

“I need you!”

When it becomes clear to Aziraphale that there’s been an irreparable breakdown of communication between them and the subtext is not getting across, he says:

“I don’t think you understand what I’m offering you.”

He means this literally. Crowley has not understood that Aziraphale is offering him protection from whatever threat the Metatron has made.

Which makes this part extra-devastating and also absolutely in keeping with a major running theme of this season.

“I understand. I think I understand a whole lot better than you do.”

Your understanding and my understanding are different understandings.

Crowley views the offer to return to Heaven through the lens of his trauma. He understands what life in Heaven would be like. But he doesn’t understand that Aziraphale is offering him protection.

But Aziraphale just heard Crowley say that he understood everything, and he’s still going to leave. There might be a little suspense of disbelief here to believe that Aziraphale really interpreted the statement this way, but we know that Aziraphale isn’t always the brightest battery-operated candle in the drawer. So under the assumption that Crowley did understand him and is still rejecting the offer, rejecting him—

“Well, then there’s nothing more to say.”

Please pay very close attention to Aziraphale’s body language for the next part. He’s active, agitated, turning side to side, arms swinging. This is a very fidgety angel.

“No nightingales.”

Aziraphale is now completely still. He’s feeling that feeling. You know it. The one where your entire body is getting sucked into the pit of your stomach. The aching paralysis.

This is their song, the one that began their romance in 1941, the secret code for all other attempts at flirtation. Crowley has walked out on him before, Aziraphale has been stubborn and obstinate before. But they always came back together, sometimes with an apology dance or other rituals that belonged solely to them.

But now the song is over.

By saying this, Crowley has broken up with Aziraphale. We can see in Aziraphale’s sudden transition from fidgety to paralysis that he has understood it this way.

Then he turns away from the window so that the Metatron won’t see him cry.

The kiss was heart-wrenching already. But we’re not done with this analysis.

During the kiss, Aziraphale has a choice to make between two very compelling bad choices. This is the Job dilemma. But worse.

If he doesn’t kiss Crowley back, he will let Crowley think that he doesn’t love him. He will have missed out on this (maybe/probably their first kiss?) and regret it forever.

If he does kiss Crowley back, in full view of the Metatron, they are in deep trouble.

He seems to do his best to split the difference. I would even go so far to say that the awkward arm waving is Aziraphale acting for the Metatron’s benefit, to try to portray that he doesn’t want this even though he absolutely does (just not like this). The anguish when they break the kiss is absolutely real, and the first thing he does is glance out the window. Through all this he has remained painfully aware of their spectator.

He wants to say I love you. He mouths it. He breathes it.

But the Metatron is watching.

He can’t tell Crowley I love you. So he has to say the only other thing that has always unequivocally meant “I love you” when he said it to Crowley. He has to hope that Crowley understands him now, even though he never has before.

Spoiler alert: Crowley doesn’t.

My forgiveness and your forgiveness are not the same forgiveness.

One more point against the genuine belief fans (I love you): if the offer to let Crowley back in is what changed his mind, then Crowley declining removes that incentive. Aziraphale should/would have consequently retreated to his last stated position of “I don’t want to go back to Heaven, where would I get my Crowley—I mean, coffee?” [post-publication nod to @theonevoice for a great little meta] It simply doesn’t hold up to scrutiny.

I think a lot of fans were already making these assumptions about the use of the nightingale song so this meta may not feel revelatory, however, it isn’t canon (yet), and I’m sure I’ll find company that agree that canonization of this connection would strengthen a lot of these story points, as evidenced by how it is already assumed by many fans.

If you made it to the end - omg thank you! Please leave a note and tell me your thoughts!

Bonus: somebody already made the song connection here

~~~

if you liked this, you may also like:

Book of Life and what it means for Crowley

The Erasure of Human!Metatron

Baraqiel and Azazel

~~~

Recommended related (lie theory) metas by other people:

making the subtext text by @theonevoice

Aziraphale's Decision Matrix by @yowlthinks

Nothing Lasts Forever: META by @phoen1xr0se

1K notes · View notes

somethingvicked · 4 months ago

Text

Forget me (not) pt 1

An Eddie Munson story.

Warnings: female reader, angst, reader injured, Eddie being an idiot, memory loss.

Eddie wasn’t stupid. He knew that the relationship between him and Chrissy wouldn’t last forever. They were two very different people that wanted different things in life.

Chrissy wanted to graduate with high honors and go to college and then get married and have a white picket fence life with children and a dog.

Eddie was on his third try to graduate high school and he had no clue what he was going to do with his life after that. He had his band but he didn’t think they would ever make it out of the garage era, playing at a bar for only five drunks every week.

But Chrissy was really pretty, and unlike every other popular person, she was also sweet and not ashamed to be seen with him. Why not have a good time while it lasted?

He had to admit, he hadn’t paid as much attention to his best friend, Y/N since he and Chrissy started dating, after that first time Chrissy bought weed from him and they started joking and having fun.

Eddie reckoned that it was okay. He had known and spent time with Y/N most of his life – it couldn’t be that bad if he spent a couple of weeks or months with Chrissy.

Did he notice that Y/N was hurt when he turned down her suggestions of movie nights, going out for a burger or planning the next campaign? Yes.

But he figured it was alright. It wouldn’t last forever.

For him and Y/N there would be more time. For him and Chrissy, it was limited.

You wanted to be happy for Eddie when he and Chrissy started dating. And in a way you were. That Chrissy, such a popular and smart girl saw Eddie as he really was, rather than what everyone thought him to be. She didn’t judge him.

But you would be lying if you didn’t say you were jealous.

You had been in love with Eddie since middle school, when he and his band played at that talent show.

You two hadn’t become friends until high school, though, when you came over and asked if you could join Hellfire club.

Up until then you had mostly hung out with the band nerds and Robin, because your parents really wanted you to learn some kind of instrument.

You had tried to play the violin but you hated it, so when you quit you felt like you needed a new hobby and with Eddie running the DnD club, it was a given.

You had never told Eddie how much you loved him, though. He didn’t feel the same way, you knew that. You were just his best friend.

There had been other girls that he had hooked up with but it never lasted. Not like this.

And when he kept blowing you off you wondered if you were about to lose him forever?

That’s what led you to going over to his place one time when Chrissy had cheer practice. You knew Eddie rarely came to cheer practice because he didn’t like the way the jocks yelled at Chrissy, calling her a traitor and a devil’s tramp and whatnot.

Eddie opened the door himself, in sweatpants and an old Dio shirt, hair all tousled. You suspected he’d been relaxing with a joint.

”Y/N! Sweetheart, what are you doing here?” Eddie wondered, smiling at you.

The nickname felt like a knife to the heart. Even more when he asked what you were doing at his place, as if you coming over had become some strange event all of a sudden.

And to be fair, lately it had.

”I need to talk to you,” you replied. ”Are you going to let me in, or should we talk here on the porch?”

You hadn’t meant to sound so snappy but you were nervous and his reaction to you didn’t help.

Eddie’s grin disappeared and he stepped aside so you could come through the door, a frown now on his face.

”What’s wrong?” he wondered as you two walked into his room.

You sighed, your arms wrapped around yourself, trying to keep yourself together, if not mentally, at least physically.

Eddie started to look worried, clearly thinking you were about to say something horrible had happened.

You sighed.

”Eddie... I... I miss you.”

Eddie seemed surprised. ”You miss me? That’s what we need to talk about? We see each other all the time, sweetheart!”

”Do we?” you challenged. ”The only one you seem to hang out with these days is Chrissy. I... I get it that you and her... but it feels like we’re not even friends anymore!”

Eddie smiled. ”Of course we’re still friends, Y/N. But me and Chrissy... it’s going so well and she’s so sweet. You know how it is, in the beginning, when you’ve just started dating right?”

You shook your head. ”No. I don’t,” you said, looking down on your feet.

Eddie’s face fell. ”Well, maybe if you got out there and tried dating someone and have a little fun you would know. Why don’t you try it? You might be surprised.”

”There’s no one else I want,” you mumbled and Eddie rolled his eyes.

”Look, Y/N, Chrissy is my girlfriend now, and girlfriends... well, I’m sorry but they should come first, shouldn’t they?”

”We’ve been best friends for years, you’ve known Chrissy for what? Two months? I’m not saying you can’t have a girlfriend, I just...”

”Wait, wait...” Eddie said, frowning,”what do you mean there’s no one else you want?”

You blushed. ”Nothing, it was nothing.”

”So you do have feelings for someone? Why don’t you try asking them out?”

You felt your frustration throb inside your head and groaned. ”That won’t work.”

”Why not?”

”Because it’s you, you idiot!” you screamed, tears rising in your eyes.

Eddie stared at you like you had grown a second head. ”Me?”

”Yes! I... I’ve been in love with you ever since middle school, Eddie...”

”Since middle school?!”

”Yes.”

For a moment there was nothing but silence between you two, except an occasional sniffle from you.

”Why are you telling me this now?” Eddie said, his voice monotone.

”I... I didn’t mean to, I just... I miss you so much and I feel really hurt that you can just... quit me, like I mean nothing! Even if you don’t feel the same...”

”You’re damn right I don’t feel the same!” Eddie exclaimed. ”Why the hell are you telling me this now, when I’m already dating someone? If you wanted to spend more time with me, that’s the last thing you should have done! Now you’ve ruined everything!”

You gasped. ”What?”

”Yeah! How do you think Chrissy will feel about this? I definitely can’t hang out with you now, knowing you have feelings for me. She’s going to freak out.”

He was worried about how Chrissy would react?

”Well... then I suppose it will end here,” you whispered, your voice broken. ”You know me, Eddie, you know I would’ve never cross any boundaries if you weren’t okay with it. But clearly I didn’t mean as much to you as I thought. What was I – a distraction until something better came along?”

Eddie’s eyes widened. ”Of course not! I only meant... Chrissy is my girlfriend! She won’t be happy that I hang out with someone that has feelings for me. Would you if the roles were reversed?”

”I think you made it quite clear that that would never happen,” you said, wiping your eyes. ”It doesn’t matter. I can’t help my feelings and you can’t help yours. But... I need some distance, Eddie. I guess that works out good for you, protecting Chrissy’s feelings.”

Now Eddie was starting to look worried again. It was clear that even though he didn’t feel the same about you as you did him, he hadn’t expected that it might end your friendship.

”You want to punish me for not being in love with you? I can’t control something like that.”

You immediately got angry. ”Is that what you think of me? No! But you said it yourself – you can’t hang out with me now because you know I have feelings for you. And you pick Chrissy,” you told him, not being able to hold back the bitterness in your voice.

”It’s not about picking! You’re still my best friend, but Chrissy...”

”I can’t just forget that I’m in love with you,” you told him with a roll of your eyes. ”However much I wish I could.”

”Yeah, I wish you could too,” Eddie said, realizing too late how cruel he sounded. ”I wish this conversation never happened. What good did it do that you told me this?”

As if he wanted to twist the dagger in your heart even more. You inhaled sharply but didn’t reply.

You made a silent wish when you turned around and walked out of the door of his trailer.

I wish I could forget everything about you, Eddie Munson. It would make it so much easier.

You immediately drove to Family Video, knowing that both Robin and Steve was working today. As you walked inside Robin’s eyes widened at the sight of your red-rimmed eyes.

”Y/N! What happened?” she wondered as she grabbed your arm and pulled you behind the counter.

You told her and Steve everything, knowing you could trust them.

Robin pulled you in for a hug and Steve muttered something about kicking Eddie’s ass, which made you laugh.

”Steve, don’t be silly. I mean... he’s right. He can’t help how he’s feeling. He likes Chrissy, he doesn’t like me like that. I can accept that – no one can control their feelings. It’s the way he’s acted toward me until now. I guess I can understand why he wouldn’t want to hang out with me knowing I’m in love with him, because it would make it awkward for Chrissy.

”Maybe. But he was still insenstive toward you,” Steve said, shaking his head. ”Nothing should get in the way of friendship.”

”Yes. But... I can’t deny that he has a point. I would probably be uncomfortable if the roles were reversed, like he said,” you admitted.

Steve still thought Eddie had been a jerk to you. Especially since Eddie had told Steve that he knew that this thing with Chrissy might only last until she left for college. That Eddie was willing to throw away a friendship for something that was just temporary... that was such a mean thing to do.

”I’m just going to go home, lick my wounds and...”

”... have lots of chocolate!” Robin interrupted. ”Take whatever you need, on the house. You want me to come over after I’m done here?”

”No, thank you, I want to be alone. But I’d love some chocolate and slasher movies. Then I can watch someone else get fucked up instead of me,” you half-joked.

Less than ten minutes later you left Family Video, stocked with ice cream, chocolate bars and a couple of movies in your arms that you put into the backseat, before starting your car and driving towards home.

You thought once again about Eddie. You knew your feelings for him wouldn’t disappear – it wasn’t like you hadn’t tried that before.

Maybe you two would never be the same again. And you would have to live with that pain, while he cozied up to Chrissy. The girl that hadn’t said ’iota’ when her ex boyfriend tormented Eddie, tormented you and the rest of the gang.

You were so deep in your thoughts that you didn’t see the little girl cross the road until it was almost too late.

With a yelp you sharply turned the wheel, just noticing the blue little blossoms she was dropping onto the road before a large tree appeared in front of you.

As a large crash rumbled into your ears, the windowshield turning into a web of cracks and your head hitting the steering wheel with a force that made it feel like your skull exploded, you swore you could hear a small little voice chiming ”he loves me, he loves me not.”

Was it the little girl?

Then everything went black.

Eddie was still at home, waiting for Chrissy to call him after practice, thinking about what had happened with Y/N.

That she’d had feelings for him, so long. How could he not have noticed? The two of them were best friends after all!

When he remembered how her face had fallen and how she told him that she would keep a distance... it made his heart ache. Y/N had been a constant in his life for so many years. It was hard to imagine a life without her.

But Chrissy was his girlfriend now. A girlfriend had to come first! Right?

A girlfriend he hadn’t even bother planning a future with because he knew there wasn’t one...

He tried to imagine his life without Chrissy. If he had to be honest with himself… it didn’t feel quite as sad as he thought it would – because it wouldn’t make much of a difference from how he had lived until now.

Then he tried to imagine a life without Y/N.

That. That hurt. It felt like someone had punched him in the ribs.

That’s when the phone rang. And it wasn’t Chrissy.

Eddie stormed into the hospital, seeing the children, Steve, Robin, Nancy and Jonathan in the waiting room.

”How is she?” he breathed out.

”What are you doing here? Won’t your girlfriend feel ’awkward’?” Steve couldn’t help but ask.

Eddie froze in his steps, staring at Steve.

Robin patted Steve’s arm. ”Not now, Steve,” she said, glancing over to the younger teenagers.

Dustin, whom had been the one to call Eddie, looked up at him. ”A little girl walked out into the road and Y/N swerved to avoid hitting her, but she ended up crashing into a tree instead.”

”And?” Eddie wondered, breathing fast as he imagined Y/N’s car crashing into a tree, how scared she must have been.

”We don’t know. She’s hit head pretty badly on the steering wheel and has some cuts from the glass. She was unconscious when they brought her in with the ambulance,” Dustin continued. ”We don’t know if she got any other injuries, right now we’re just... waiting.”

Eddie nodded and sat down. Steve was pacing back and forth in the waiting room and when he was beside Eddie, turning around for the fifteenth time he spat: ”You sure you want to wait here with us? What about Chrissy? Don’t want to keep her waiting, right?”

Eddie glared at Steve. ”Y/N’s my best friend, of course I want to be here.”

”Really?” Steve questioned, tapping his chin. ”Your best friend? No, that doesn’t sound right. Not when Y/N herself told me that you picked Chrissy over her and that she had, ’ruined everything’.”

Eddie paled, realizing that Steve knew what had happened. What he had done. ”That’s... I didn’t mean... ”

”Enough, you two,” Dustin said, but with the way he looked at Eddie, Eddie once again felt like someone had punched him in the ribs. ”Y/N is going to want all of us here when she wakes up. We’re here for her, so quit your dick measuring contest!”

Both Eddie and Steve’s eyes widened as they stared at Dustin cursing them out before it got quiet again.

Eddie didn’t fail to notice though, that while the others spoke among each other, no one spoke to him.

It felt like they had been waiting for years when Y/N’s mother finally came out into the waiting room to talk to them all.

”Y/N... she’s most likely going to be fine. The seat belt broke a couple of ribs as well as the force of the crash, which punctured a lung, but they have repaired it now. She’s also gotten a pretty hard knock to the head when she hit the tree. I know you’re all eager to see her, and I understand that, but she’s very tired from them repairing the lung and pain medication. She needs to rest. But I will tell her you are all thinking about her.”

The others sighed, but nodded and got up. Robin gave Y/N’s mother a hug and Nancy spoke kindly to her, telling her especially what she wanted Y/N to know.

Eddie seemed to be the only one that noticed something was off. He knew Y/N’s mother well and he could tell that she was holding something back. So he pretended like he was going to the vending machine to get a snack when the others trooped out.

Then he stayed in the waiting room, until finally, an hour later, Y/N’s mother went outside again, seemingly going to get a cup of coffee.

Then Eddie quickly snuck into Y/N’s room.

The first he felt was relief. She was lying back against the pillow, the whole right side of her face purple and blue from the hit and an oxygen tube in her nose, probably to help the injured lung. A few cuts on her forehead but not deep enough that she’d needed stitches.

She was even awake, looking out the window with tired eyes. He had been terrified she’d been in a coma.

”Y/N!” Eddie exclaimed and saw how she jerked, grimacing from the pain, which made him feel bad for scaring her, and then she turned her gaze towards him. ”Sweetheart! I’m so sorry... when I heard... you can’t imagine how that...”

Y/N’s eyes widened and she shied away as if she was afraid of him and Eddie frowned, taking a step closer, ”Y/N, what’s wrong? Are you angry with me? I understand that, but...” Y/N looked into his eyes, asking in a monotone voice: ”I’m sorry... do... do I know you?”

Eddie frowned, not understanding. For a moment he thought Y/N was joking with him, but the expression in her eyes... confusion, fear... not a hint of recollection.

He heard the door open behind him and Y/N’s mother gasp. ”Eddie! I told you...”

Y/N’s mother hurried over to Y/N’s bed, taking her hand. ”I’m sorry, dear. This... this is Eddie,” she told Y/N, her voice calm as if she was comforting a scared child.

”Do I know him?” Y/N wondered, voice small and trembling. “I… I don’t… remember?”

That’s when Eddie understood.

The hit to Y/N’s head had affected her memory. She didn’t know who he was.