#like i dont think i realized just how mean to myself i was | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

theladyinwhite13 · 2 months ago

Text

♡

#just journaled for the first time in over a month and that was genuinely one of the happiest entries ive had since i started this #like i dont think i realized just how mean to myself i was #until i suddenly had really kind things to say about me and my life and people and where im going and #i think im okay with this actually #took three months but yeah #maybe u were right and i am way better off <3 #sky.txt #to delete #probably idk

24 notes · View notes

lemongogo · 16 days ago

Text

oo u want 2 draw soo bad..

#i hate that my ability to draw is so conditional #its soo frustrating but i dont know how to break it. this has been the one thing thats never changed.ill never be free #times like rn i just do studies but its soo fking BORINGGG euuhh...#but if i try 2 draw something for funsies i just stare at the blank canvas. literally immobile. & u know how people r like just draw #something anyways. a line. something. and its like no i cant do that oi cant even do that u underestimate my freak #i want 2attack myself from the pov of someone else #i think im having the realization tht i will never be able to do art stuff frls and its driving me crazy i think.#like im actually sick and unwell frm the thought of it.my friend commissioned me and im ab 2 send the money back #after two weeks bc i cant do it im literally frozen dude.i want 2 cry and die and explode into a million pieces #wait im back to add more.idk if anyone feels the same way but its like. i know its entirely a Me issue its a mental block issue #theres something thats not connecting in my head but its like.why is it so easy for everyone else ykwim...and thats a lie too right #like everyone else struggles w art and its not.it cant exist Without you struggling and practicing hard and trusting yourself #but in my brain im just convinced that like.i cant do this i cant do this like everyone else can do it like second nature and it freaks me #tf out #but also its the one thing i want to do more than anything else in my life and so like if i cant do it i dont know what to do.ughh.#not me freaking the fuck out rn lawl.lols.even #and on top of it i feel like i cant express myself well and i think my friend. < SOOO awesome and well meaning and NICE and legitimately #pushing me to try and believe that i can do this stuff but i feel like they wont understand the sort of like.mental block im struggling wit #like its less that i hate my art or something i dont its more like.i just feel soo physically restrained and incapable of doing it.suddenly #i cant think and i cant do anything.i have no creativity i have no ideas my mind is quite literally blank and empty

31 notes · View notes

puhpandas · 6 months ago

Text

hi mutuals im just curious.

#im a ggy lover myself and would obviously love to see it realized in a game #but i also like gregory as a character more than his semi-canon backstory #and have complicated feelings on if i want them to confirm ggy at all.#i love ggy but dont want it to take screentime away from gregory #who alongside vanessa havent been focused on in years #(ruin was mimic basically the whole time #doesnt count) and need the screentime desperately.#personally #after THIS long (2 and a half years since gregory screentime and over a year since GGYs release)#i cant help but always wonder if theyve just. waited too long and they shouldnt confirm it.#at least just that they shouldnt release something just for the sake of confirming it and just leave it as book knowledge.#if they did focus on ggy in a game i'd want it to serve the plot involving multiple characters and progress slowly #i dont want it to be confirmed then its just background knowledge i would want there to be a plotline of #gregory remembering it throughout the plot of a game and dealing with it.#it'd confirm it then but it'd also still be wholly focused on Gregory alone and also be a natural reveal for people who dont read the books #for me its option 3 i guess. by all means its for sure canon at the moment im just talking about how it would be revealed in a game #or if at all and left as knowledge someone who read the books would know #my idea is wishful thinking we'd never get something that intricate #i can hope though #i could be so cool #but damn theyre just handling the story so strangely rn #pandas.txt #pandas talks #poll #thoughts #pre hw2 dlc #jic

45 notes · View notes

megumi-fm · 6 months ago

Text

.

#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn #but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one #so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot #i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks #they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary #anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place #and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot #and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop #now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg #a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context #point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop #and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight #i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop #anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever #and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation #and i was replying with one word answers #and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then #after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place #then i got too embarrassed and chickened out #yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way #i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny #megumi in the tags

26 notes · View notes

orcelito · 2 months ago

Text

Actually, on the topic of the baby fever. God it's so frustrating. Bc when I was like 14 ish I was Adamant that I never ever wanted kids. And my dad said smth around the lines of "that'll likely change" (probably from his own experience with this) and I was like NO. it WONT.

And then eventually, age 21-22 ish, I admitted that Okay, I still don't want to have my own kids, but someday maybe I'll adopt...

And Now, 27 years old, I got the general baby fever on occasion. It Did fucking change. And I don't know if I actually WILL bother with having my own kid (I still don't want to go through the hassle and massive body changes). But god. I do see a fucking baby and feel that stab of longing. It's almost like my damned hormones betrayed me or smth. Maddening!

I shall simply write fanfic about it.

#speculation nation #pregnancy ment/#honestly though i hadnt felt the wish to have my own until after my dad died #and i realized just how small our family is getting. and just felt this stab of NEED. to continue the line. continue the family.#my family's fucking dying around me i need to add to it. need more family. yknow?#so i dont actually know if this is. because of hormones or because of grief or What #but it was enough for me to put the hysterectomy idea on hold. bc id been genuinely considering it back in like. april? or so.#but then this happened and now im like. fuck dude. i dont know. but the uncertainty's enough to keep me from doing it.#yeah i dont wanna deal with periods anymore. but also. i need more time to decide.#i think no matter what i do want to raise kids someday. once im more stable (financially and emotionally)#but whether thats adoption or putting myself thru fuckin body torture. well i'll just have to decide. later.#maybe the deciding factor will be my own body aging lol. if i wait too long. my body will decide for me. who knows!#i Have thought about what id do if i got accidentally pregnant. especially relevant back when i was sleeping with a trans woman #and used to be id abort no hesitation. but well. i mean abortions illegal here anyways rn so id have to go to another state #but if i decided it i could make it work. it's not That far of a trip.#but. when i thought about it. the concern was less about the theoretical baby. and more about finishing school.#thinking 'man itd be fucking awful to finish school if i got pregnant right now'. but not. hesitating over the baby.#if i was out of school and relatively stable and i got accidentally pregnant. then. well. Maybe.#so me doing my dad vash au where he gets accidentally pregnant and goes all in with it #thats me. sorting out my feelings on it i guess. putting them somewhere.#idk. it's a lot to think about. i dont want to condemn a child to my genetic problems. but at the same time...#i dont know. To Be Decided Later.

8 notes · View notes

bunnihearted · 4 months ago

Text

🦈2

#even tho it was so hard for me. ofc when u can only communicate via the internet so much is lost i think... sm extra things u need to be #more secure kinda? like physical presence does a lot on its own #but yeah.. ok i actually wrote more but u can only have 30tags per post and safari on ur phone does not tell u when it's stopping so half o #what i wrote just disappeared ._. i cant rmbr what i said... and i mean this is just for myself to vent but grr im so annoyed #yeah just that he was sm more patient than i realized. i just was in the start of learning how to live w my avpd #i wasnt able to do a lot. even if i wanted to. he helped me sm to uncover things in myself to start that thing within me #i just desperately wish i had found him earlier and that i've been this far along in my anti avpd limitation abilities.... truly wish that #so im trying to accept it and just think bc i dont have a choice :') i've never wanted anyone like this and that just is how it is #i will always love him simply bc he is who he is #he's so so cool and amazing to me in so so many ways. and i always loved just how he talks and communicates bc it resonates w me #and there are simply sm details i just adore. but yeah... i probably shouldnt think abt that? i feel like.. it isnt my place to think abt i #but it is what it is but it hurts so incredibly much. will i ever be able to let go of him? the love i couldve experienced? the wonderful #person i couldve been with? will i be able to stop thinking abt all his great qualities and how much i wish he was mine? and all the things #wanna do and talk abt with him? he's just.. he just is .. i cant describe it. it feels like more than just earthly love...#maybe i sound insane or too intense or dramatic or smth but.. it feels so much larger than everything #so i struggle sm with letting go bc i want to touch him and i want to love him and i just want to be with him and experience everything w h #but that isnt my place. i know... why.. have i only ever felt like this w him... what do i do with this?? am i crazy? am i going insane? is #there smth wrong with me?#he is worthy of everything and he is so so wonderful but is there smth wrong w me for being so..#for having love that actually truly is all consuming? what is this... it's scary. esp when i cant unleash it. it's like a wild beast i have #to learn how to tame. and i want to be able to find mutual love too. but i cant force anything. will the universe grant me that?#i cant imagine myself ever being able of letting go of him but if that is what the universe has planned then..#ok im actually starting to sound intense and weird and idk O.O i think i think too much #.. it hurts that i wont get to do all of the things and talk abt all the things i wanna do w him. i'll never get to hug him...#if i could ask for only one thing it'd be one hug from him....#maybe is ound crazy but with all my disorders and feeling disconnected from the world.. and finding someone that makes me feel tethered #and safe and real.. and having to let go bc it just wasnt meant for me... why is the universe so cruel.#in the end i care abt him so much i just want him to be loved. i want him to finally feel loved.#someone else.. someone else without avpd can do that for him. i want him to be oh so so loved and .. yeah.. :(#i wish i couldve loved him as he deserves but .. its not my place. not my place... all i want is to hear his voice and live in his arms

8 notes · View notes

cathalbravecog · 1 year ago

Text

i'm the antonymph of the internet

#how many tributes to this song will i make in my life #MANY ! it literally changed my life and means a lot to me. i love antonymph and vylet pony's music is worth checking out - please do.#unsupervised internet access as a queer neurodivergent kid anthem !!#i chose to do misty since we all know i like drawing her in experimental pieces and putting her in outfits. she also has art in a gir hoodi #from the clash team in treasure trove!! :D #this is also experimental/stylistic as well!! had fun!! nice to just draw something in one day and not worry. leaves me tired but...#haven't done a nice piece like so in one day in a while!!! i'm very proud :] it's a fun one #anyways... both a little tribute to the song and misty as a character #ihave so many thoughts about misty even if i dont talk publicly on them. shes a very interesting character to me and i care about her so #much. i compared her to fluttershy in the past - and realized that if i liked ttcc as a kid she would've been my favorite.#fluttershy on her own meant a lot to me as a child. including mlp itself as it's one of the core things that got me into drawing art online #a lot of my analysis on misty and headcanons at least on the more emotional scale do come from a bit of projecting but...it makes it more #fun to me when i can put myself into the shoes of a character like her who i already relate to. rrghh too bad im scared to talk about her #too much in nuanced detail in public since some people are... not so nice about her. though i know the tumblr audience is nice and unders #standing!!#anyways from me just having fun being me #i let misty have a little bit of fun... something i think she would possibly enjoy? i do see her as someone who gets nostalgic #and is stuck in more childish things and matters. she wants to play ip dip with you...its very sweet to me. letting myself and her be #confident through a song that means so much to me is kind of powerful to me. i had a lot of fun making this drawing.#anyways. love this song. love ttcc. love mity /p. be swag and be self indulgent and have fun. you can do anything u want forevah #toontown #toontown corporate clash #antonymph #guz art #rainmaker

53 notes · View notes

opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months ago

Text

...

#sorry im thinking abt death again #because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died #that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from #time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed #i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she #died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way #my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today #for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days #and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt #future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her #last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that #and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless #others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club #i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her #stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i #dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my #family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters #probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a #full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length #unrelated

13 notes · View notes

doctorweebmd · 6 months ago

Text

so there's this post floating around about like, feeling like an outsider even in a group of outsiders and i almost reblogged it being like

'aha i do that'

except. like. i know exactly why that happens, and its 100% my fault

i just have trouble maintaining relationships because i'm a poor communicator. that's been the case since high school. i dont really initiate conversations or remember to text or call people. its not from a place of indifference or anything like that - i'm sincerely an 'out of sight out of mind' kind of person.

i can not talk to and not see someone for months or years but my feelings for them don't change. it doesn't bother me if people dont check in on me or don't hang out with me or don't text me. i still like them. unfortunately that is not how 99% of the population communicates. people (rightfully) assume that when someone doesn't initiate conversation or hang-outs or doesn't check in on you, that they don't care about you. for me, thats not the case at all. like if i like you and consider you my friend, you are ALWAYS my friend. i would do anything for you and would be more than happy to talk/see each other/support you/etc. its just the day-to-day communication that i really struggle with. but thats how most relationships form - regular, consistent communication.

i've gone through periods of extreme guilt for this where i sincerely try, and make new friends, and re-connect with texting and phone calls and hanging out more often but inevitably something happens, i get busy or i forget and suddenly all this time passes and people think i dont care anymore. unfortunately that's not the case whatsoever - time is kind of abstract to me and i dont understand that while my feelings don't change, others feel more distant or abandoned.

and i've really hurt people in my life like that. friends that i've known for many years from high school/college are a LITTLE more forgiving because they know i'm just 'like that' but still. it does hurt people. like i haven't spoken to my dad in probably at least a year - not because i dont love him, but because of that same reason. he doesn't reach out and i forget and it just steamrolls because he gets hurt, doesn't reach out because he thinks i'm intentionally 'ignoring' him, and i continue to forget, and its just this viscous cycle. i haven't talked to my grandparents in months. my mom knows better and texts me every week or so, but it still hurts her that she has to reach out so regularly. she also plays these games where she sees how 'long' it takes for me to remember to reach out. a lot of people in my life have done that. its like i'm being tested on something without ever being told its a standard test, ya know? i'm always destined to fail it because i dont know how long is too long. at which point will the time and distance be unacceptable? i still dont know the answer.

and i think it makes me come off as a really heartless and callous person. its made me kind of keep people at arms-length because i know i'm not capable of being a part of most people's lives. i have perfectly normal and pleasant relationships with my coworkers and all that, but i'm generally not close with them. and i can see the confusion, because we hang out and i'm pretty normal or whatever and we have fun and then they don't hear from me for months and they're like 'uhhhh.... okay? so i guess you don't like me?'

i do. i just have different relationship maintenance standards than others i guess. so i just overall avoid being around others just because i know i'll disappoint them. it is what it is but it really is sad, in a way.

#i've been meaning to write this out for a while.... hmmm #personal #it really bothers me that i'm like this #and i've tried to change and fix it but again inevitably i go back to how i've always been and it only hurts people more #i'm an outsider because i choose to make myself that way #obviously also i'm very very forgetful (...which now i know is probably an adhd thing)#so like people say its not because i dont remember WHEN your birthday is #i just didn't realize thats the day it was.#it makes me seem really callous and uncaring #which is kinda a bummer #but. i am what i am. its been like this for 15+ years and i dont think its going to change #its just... i used to be really normal about stuff like that. loved talking with my friends on the phone every night #and hanging out and inviting people to things. it was effortless. something changed for me in high school and like... i never got that back #and i'm fine with being a casual acquaintance with people forever #i just dont want to let anyone down or make them feel unloved #sometimes i think thats why i love writing and ao3 so much #you're communicating parts of yourselves and your thoughts and feelings #and you form a connection with others without the standard regular convos #just reading each other's works and supporting each other and enjoying little snippets of their lives #but also.... i AM too freaky for the normies #and too normie for the freaks #i'm kind of a nothing person tbh #there will never be a 'community' for me because i'm not capable of being part of a 'community'#thats my fault. and its ok.#i do feel a little jealous. my partner has his friend groups and just randomly calls people or texts people and like... just does that #i dont get it. i dont know how to do that. even when i try i fail miserably.#what low social intelligence does to a mf ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

8 notes · View notes

satoriberry · 15 days ago

Text

tha terf paradox of promoting acceptance of oneself's biological nature and not changing it for societal ideologies but then turning around and criticizing any person that has a different perception of their biological nature that doesn't immediately enter the "male or female" binary hmmm,,,,

#berry.rambles <3 #does this make sense #like #ok cool. lets remind women that just because they're gnc doesnt mean that they have to transition (which isnt a malevolent idea at all imo)#but then the second a gnc woman (that's consciously aware that society sees her as a woman) decides to go by she/they or anything else #she's suddenly the woke version of not like other girls???#HUH #what does that even mean #do you people realize that some women just dont really care about the language used when they're talked about #like its not a “distancing myself” from femalehood (??) thing its literally coming to terms with the fact that language is not rigid #i go by any pronouns because i literally dont care #im a girl i know that #but im not gonna flip out if you call me he or they or she or it #like i have bigger problems didya think about that for a second!!!#this idea that any kind of personal uniqueness/individualism is ALWAYS patriarchy-related is so???? yes the patriarchy doesnt care but #why shouldnt we care about what the women feel too???#its so insane how they'll talk about eliminating the patriarchy/distancing themselves from it to weaken it #but then the second a woman talks about her unique experiences as a female and how it differs from other women's #they jump into her comments/reblogs talking about “yeah sure whatever but remember you'll always be seen as nothing but a female”#“men don't care about that so you might as well not even view yourself as unique or different from other women”#“patriarchy doesn't care about (insert gnc/trans thing) cause you're still female”#literally using the patriarchy as an excuse to lump all women into a monolith #i dont wanna be with other women #some of you are dumb!!!#traditionalists. conservatives. zionists. religious women. liberal women. libertarians. nationalists. some of you are vile im not gonna lie #some women reject class consciousness as women #thats on them #some women think that their societal condition is natural. thats on them unless they change.#you'll never get everybody on your team #which is why instead of yapping about this nonbinary person or that he/him lesbian

3 notes · View notes

thedrotter · 6 months ago

Text

cw blood (kind of? in different colors that dont make it look quite like it), organs

warm up + greyscale screen filter challenge !!! featuring yuuichi eating normal human (in origin) food😁😁😁

#re:kinder #fanart #yuuichi mizuoka #he was meant to be eating watermelon #but as usual my brain felt silly goofy and decided to twist it for the lols #havent done rendering since i was 15 have mercy #since this is a warm up there are. more mistakes than usual but in my defense i forgot how to draw #michael how did you forget how to draw you were drawing JUST 4 DAYS AGO #ocurre y acontece the yet to be diagnosed and determined hand condition has been acting up in those days i have not drawn #AND SOMEHOW IT MESSED WITH MY HAND TO EYE COORDINATION it got rid of my inner calibration settings ig #but since being out of it for days in pain made me sad I WAS NOT ABOUT TO BE STOPPRD FROM DRAWING YUUICHI FOR THE MILLIONTJ TIME #it would have been a bad idea to let myself rust even longer because i dont know if unspecified undetermined condition will act up tomorrow #so irs best to draw and warm up and set back them inner calibration settings #IT WORKED AND THIS DRAWING TURNED OJT BLUE😭😭😭#OF ALL THINGS I DID NOT THINK IT WOULD TURN OUT BLUE whenever i did look at the color wheel i swear. i was on the warm side #placed greyscale filter on computer so i wouldnt see color and painted like that tossing random colors AND YET IT TJRNED OUT UNIFIED #which. welcome results but i cannot believe it is blue and green. i swear whenver i looked at thay cplored wheel it was up in the warm side #well most of the time i did not look at it so it makes sense i didnt realize but i seriously did not think it would look as coherent #doesnt have any deep meaning or anytjing i just found random referenxe and flew from there #but interpret as you will if you wanna

7 notes · View notes

her-canine-teeth · 8 months ago

Text

paper doll by flower face

#yellowjackets #jackieshauna #i started making this. like right after i uploaded isobel (finished yesterday but it was too late to put in on here lol)#meaning in not much time (so that's why it's probably not my best work)#realized i used the same scenes like too often on the third rewatch which is the rewatch i do on here #n i dont want to go back and change it the save it and upload in on here. sorry #tbh im REALLY not sure if anyone is even watching those. mainly doing this for my code of honor #(<- thinking to myself 'omg im gonna edit the whole albim the shark in your water by flower face to jackieshauna #and then acting like I swore my life to that cause)#(more like code of HOMOr amirite)#anyways. considero g how not much time i took in this im still proud of it #mitos incredible life #mine art tag #also I just realized this (or my edits in general) might not make that much sense withiut my thoughts?#like (most of the time) i have MANY thoughts abt the lyrics and I could analyse i think all of my edits very in depth #and it IS THAT DEEP bc im the creator and what i say is true fr #might do an analysis. if anybody likes this i see that as confirmación that ppl want it.#and if it's for the imaginary person thatll find this in ca 5 years (named him jesú.)#anyways jackieshauna brainrot REAL i cant listen to baby teeth anymore withiut thinking sbt them and violently feeling a lot of things #jackieshauna: The Shark In Your Water

7 notes · View notes

1-bastard-1 · 7 days ago

Text

I don't think ive updated my lovely audience of about 60 people about what I'VE been UP TO!! well today

Right after I got home from school I was like

Oh joy! Homestuck time! And then it came to me

MAKE KANAYAS CHAINSAW AND STAY UP ALL NIGHT WORKING ON IT OR ELSE.

Soooo

I'm gonna be falling asleep during class tomorrow.., 😓☹️ totally worth it.

Next update on the chainsaw.. When I finish lmfao

OH AND DID I MENTION IT WORKS TOO?? TOTALLY SICK!

I'd be down for some more crafty suggestions!! (Lol mainly Homestuck or colorquest related since I'm an insufferable NERD.) Soo uhhhh

Suggest like uhm I dunno? Horns? Other props? Or maybe some accessories that some of the characters have? Or Kandi (I'm working on a nepeta cuff lol)

I've been wanting to make Kandi horns!! I might try to do that after I finish the chainsaw!

#sorry gang im a nerd #but arent we all #homestuck #kanaya maryam #colorquest #i orefer doing art instewd of being on my phone for waaaaay too long..#thats sll ive been doing this week snd its been fun!! im not on my phone as much as i usually am #i mean well i guess kt would be nice to be on my phone just a little more..#but i dont reslly have anyone to talk to besides for mj.. but theyre usually busy 😓#snd at school i often keep to myself #gee #im kind of just realizing how lonely i am #but at least i have SOME people to talk to #maybe im just being stubborn?#ooor maybe people just dont like me?#but that would be sort if reasonable because i dont like a lot of people i know irl #because.. gee #they suck.. i csnt even describe it #i think i just might be a bit depressed #or maybe the election just really got to me #or maybe im just tired #im not entirely sure so thst probsbly just means im tired?#whatever #loll im rambling #but hey #its my blog and i kinds use this blog as like a journal! and writing these super long posts makes me feel like im actually talking to someo

4 notes · View notes

fullbody2flip · 1 month ago

Text

What? Who is this?

#I realize this is the Sona Slop account but I felt like drawing myself as normally as I could #Aynywyays . To clarify there is no deeper meaning to the omission of most of my facial features #I just fucking hate drawing normal human faces. Like a lot. It makes me mad+angry. So I dont do it. I avoid it as much as Ican so as to no #& hurting others+myself in a blind fit of rage. You know how it is #I'll draw the mouth but that's as far as I'll get on most days #I realize it is possibly an area I could try+work to improve on but It's easier to make it a purposeful stylistic choice.#Saves me some frustration & heartache & wasted hours. Keeps me sane(r)#It's not like I find myself drawing normal human people very often #On account of all the faceless robots.& angels that are more typical of what I draw.#come to think of it I dont even draw them as much anymore actually .It's kind of saddening. Hm . Hm. Hm..#I dont draw much of anything of value or interest on most days you know It really makes you think. Hmmmmm.#Hm hm. Two(2) A.M the time on the clock really gets me typing words on my keyboard. I should hit sleep button now #art

5 notes · View notes

wolverinedoctorwho · 2 months ago

Text

How many things am I gonna try thinking "oh this will finally reveal to me whether I'm trans" before one of them actually *works*. I'm tired of this grandpa.

#vent tag: i never let them see the worst of me #'lily doesnt the fact that youre doing this mean youre trans' I DONT KNOWWWW THATS WHY IM UPSET #ive bought multiple different gender-affirming items thinking 'ill put this on and ill Know'#both times? nothing.#i mean i do like wearing chest binders now i guess. i like how i look in them.#but does that mean i want to completely eschew womanhood??? to be a man???#i dont know #but i want to. i want it to just click #instead of me playing around in the mirror and realizing im trying to find the posture that makes me look more masculine #instead of me increasingly preferring male terms being applied to me #instead of me tiptoeing my way into gender and waiting to be thrown out #instead of convincing myself over and over that im just tired or havent eaten or am about to start my period or just hate my body normally #instead of friends telling me 'hey i think u might just be trans' and that somehow still not feeling RIGHT #i dont want to be a guy i just want to have all the qualities of men that i find attractive or aspirational #i dont want to be a guy i just want to have the experiences guys have #i dont want to be a guy i just want to not be expected to be a woman #who am i? what am i? and how much longer can i bear to not be SURE?#god!!#(if you read these notes and reply 'egg moment' im egging your fucking house btw)

4 notes · View notes

pleasedontcareaboutme · 2 months ago

Text

I don't care when people don't include me in stuff, I'm used to it but-----

my own family going on a trip w/o even asking me kinda felt

shit 🫠

#like i understand cuz they gave up on trying to talk to me butttttttt #why the fuck am i the villain in the story even like this 😭#its okay if u dont give a fuck abt me. but at least dont make me feel like i deserve it lol #like yes sorry but i have a reason for lowkey disliking all of you #and i know damn well all of you know why #yet they always say that it makes no sense i behave this way #behave this way means keeping my healthy distance and trying to move out asap #i dont spread hate and im not an asshole with them???#but me not acting all lovey dovey is a problem too #yes idk i always think i should cherish that they are still alive and i could better my relationship with them but #What to do when you can see your own dad literally hating you #like when he talks to me he always does so in a cynical and angry way #man im sorry i was born and shit its kind of your fault for not using a condom :/#lol okay i think imma delete this later but yes #yes i hate it that the only people i feel loved by are de*d ffsssssssssssssss #like all is well lately but i wish! love wouldn't only exist in my head man! im happy this way but when i realize the situation its kind of #pathetic and idk until how long #can i keep on staying sane like this lol #im kind of already insane if we think abt it but how long will it take me to lose my marbles completely 😭#yes this crisis was spiraled by just me not being included in a trip i wouldnt have gone to regardless if they asked me #but yes like. Idk they could have just told me at least😭 i called my sis in the morning and she responded like 10 hours later that they are #w dad and a womannn doing some funsies eating pancakes n shit 👻👻#i hate pancakes and i hate myself but 👻#im jealous of you guys frrrrr🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛ for being so normal n happy 🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛

5 notes · View notes