#like i dont even know how to put it into words bc
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Silent Living
Characters: Noelle, Kinich, Lynette, Beidou, Diluc x mute GN!reader
Summary: You're mute, and cant talk? not a problem for your partner, they can find other ways to communicate, and honestly wouldn't have it any other way.
Warnings: mute reader, most of them dont know sign language but there are people where i think they would either have learned it already or will learn it for you, gn reader as always
Note: hehe its kinda hard to write for Noelle tbh, i just can't see her romantically if that makes sense, its like a platonic obsession i have for her. but i chose to write for some girlies bc i felt like it, luv you :P
Noelle
She's a sweetheart and i fully believe she would try to learn sign language the day you meet for the first time. but for the sake of the cute gestures lets pretend she barely knows any words in it, or that you arent the best yourself despite probably needing it heh.
(she would teach you some if so, or learn with you)
In a classic Noelle fashion, she does literally anything for you, though people would normally just have to speak her name, you can't. so she always keeps an extra eye on you to ensure she's there when you need her help. that may be a given, but its truly what shes best at doing.
Loves writing little notes for you, whether its just so you can remember something or if its to invite you anywhere, she loves it. and she has definitely not been carrying pen and paper with her for weeks so you could write notes for each other, no no.
I dont imagine her being the best with words, but is always very good at comforting. so if you need some reassurance or just comfort you can come to her. and you can let her know to be silent by putting a finger over her mouth if you like the silence more. she wont be offended don't worry.
Kinich
Not very good with words and likes silence when possible, so it's very common for you to sit in silence doing an activity together. he's best with actions at least, both giving and receiving, so just doing a tiny chore for him would mean more than words could.
Though it may be difficult to do anything for each other since he's quite busy, and so could you be. but he always has time to sit with you for at least 30 minutes a day and just spend quality time together.
if you ever need anything from him, he has a notebook on him at all times that you're free to write in. Although Ajaw has made a fuss about it being annoying to wait for you, but he'll shut up if Kinich locks him up.
Lynette
She loves the silence you bring. being around her brother all the time can get annoying, no matter how much she loves him, so a quiet tea time with you is often just what she needs. she knows you can feel out of place or left out even since you cant communicate as easily with her siblings. but she is always ready to talk for you.
No matter how much she hates public speaking, and how often she gets her brother to speak for her, she'll speak for you. if there's anything you'd like to say, just write it down and show it to her. she might even know what you wanted to say, by how you stand and how your muscles move. so she will sometimes speak for you before you even get to start writing it down.
She has made sure you're a part of the conversation, not just there and looking around. she might have some knowledge about sign language, but she knows many do not and makes sure everyone understands you.
(she might even ask father if they can get classes in sign language, or at least the siblings of hers that you interact with most often)
Beidou
Maybe not the best at silent communication, but she tries her very best. if she doesnt know sign language she'll learn it, mostly because she feels it would make you more comfortable, but its also something that she may find interesting.
She is very good at dealing with different kinds of people though, so expect yourself to feel right at home wherever you are on her ship. she might even have started teaching her crew how to talk with you properly, whether thats getting you something write down on or learning them a bit of sign language that im not sure of.
Unfortunately it all goes in weird directions when she's drunk, while she talks for you it might be hard to get her to pay attention enough or even speak your thoughts properly. Kazuha is your savior in this case.
Diluc
He has made sure every single maid and anyone he hires learn to speak through their hands. he might even have prepared for it before you started dating, and even some of his staff you have never met before just knows how to speak with you.
Its a given that you're going to be well treated at the dawn winery, but Diluc makes sure you feel the most at home you'll ever experience. you have at least 1 maid whos ready to tend to you in a seconds notice, whether its jsut that you need something to write on or you need to know where you lover is.
Will literally drop anything for you with just a finger on his shoulder. whatever you need, he'll do it. need a hug? no need to even gesture it he knows, someone doesnt understand you at all? he's ready to talk in your place for hours on end.
I might have written it weirdly again sry, im not mute and i just like writing, Luv Ya- Masterlist
You are welcome to reblog and like any of my posts, but you CAN NOT translate, copy or hate on anybody for liking my posts
#genshin impact#genshin x reader#gn reader#noelle´s maiden#diluc x reader#diluc ragnvindr#noelle genshin impact#noelle x reader#beidou x reader#beidou#lynette x reader#lynette#kinich#kinich x reader#k'uhul ajaw#genshin impact x reader
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it's really funny rereading the early chapters of s-class heroine because ailette calls tesilid all sorts of names and it's such a far cry from her round 17 attitude
#tesilette#losing my mind at the way ailette is so so so fond and soft for tesilid now#she used to keep calling him high-maintenance and a pushover and other mildly but not really derogatory terms#and w a tone that suggests she thinks its a hassle#and now she's like#((ROUND 17 SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY))#when other transmigrators call tesilid annoying and cant believe shes trying to romance him#she just stays quiet and despairs on her own#and the. the. mermaid dungeon line#'i wish i could create a cabinet in my memories to store away his expression so i could look at it whenever i feel depressed or sad'#like GIRRRRL GIRLLLLLL WAAAAAHHHHHHH#falls onto the floor#anyway mimin examining ailette's character development era let's go?#like the way she KEEPS getting distracted and captivated by his looks. its so funny!!!!#and i dont rmb which chapter it is (prob mirror dungeon) but theres one whr she reflected that back at the very start#she wanted to be at the late stage loops so she could have an easier life#and now she's glad she's at round 17 bc it means she can spare tesilid all that pain#she will hard carry him if that's what it takes. she's been training ten years for this purpose#if thats not love idk what is....#like gngbfnghgnghgnghgnfhng yes she needs to be that strong anw if she wants to SURVIVE#but her narration is SO tesilid focused its crazy#(me trying to find info on hestio and ephael for my trio fics and finding next to NOTHING. thanks girl 😖👍)#like i dont even know how to put it into words bc#her love for tesilid permeates like every single goddamn word and i cant possibly analyse all that#idk... webnovels being sparse on the prose and description but#nonetheless having SO much packed into them... crazy. i love them webnovels#man. me being forced to write in tags bc its SO rambly like idk what goes on and how to explain it but AILETTEEEEE#like how is it that i get so much from rereading this one single story just by focusing on different characters' povs#this is a webnovel w like zero descriptions going on!!!
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i know astrology is fake but i'm not too keen on how a lot of people on this website seem to be clowning on it as a hobby a bit too hard. i swear the woman who thinks it's neat how she and her friends with the same sun sign are all similar isn't trying to say that you are who you are born as and there is nothing you can do to change it. it's a hobby. an interest. what happened to finding meaning and joy in the small things. does it affect you if someone enjoys tarot reading or crystals. does it make you upset someone has interests that they enjoy.
#im not saying astrology/tarot/crystals/etc. get clowned on so much bc theyre hobbies mostly enjoyed by women But....#i saw a post about some astrology study and made the mistake of opening the notes on that bad boy#not fun. and that reminded me of that old post that was basically like ''liking astrology is transphobic''#anyways idk maybe its just that my bestie is very much a ''crystal girl'' but like. stuff like that are such neat hobbies#she makes some cute little jars with pretty rocks and they make her feel better bc if you believe in something you can make it happen#when it comes to small things#like yeah if you pick up a stone that's like ''this can help you be more open with your emotions'' and you are like ''oh hell yea!''#ofc that will be on your mind and the item will be a constant reminder and actually help you with your goals#and its like. ok what really stuck with me was when i was talking with my bff and i was like ''i think all this stuff is interesting but i#feel bad bc i am superstitious and believe in some signs like lucky numbers but i know that logically its just. if i pick a lucky number of#i pay extra attention to it but i want to believe its lucky but i know how human brains work in that aspect''#and she was just like. ''so? those things dont have to exclude each other'' and it clicked#if i have a little tigers eye with me it does not make me feel more grounded magically#but if i decide (or believe) it's grounding then it will b bc it's a reminder for me to calm down#and stuff#like. ah idk how to put my thoughts into words#but i just think its unfair that a few rotten apples have ruined the perception of fun hobbies for a lot#not every astrology enjoyer is trying to sell you mlm essential oils or genuinely believe peoples entire lives are dictated upon the stars#or something#idk i just feel like these things are v misunderstood even tho im not personally like super into them myself#but ppl super mean about that stuff arent invited to look at my medieval themed fortune telling cards#idkk im sleepy and cant articulate my points someone else say this but better#leevi talks#im just saying. i dont think its bioessentialism to decide to believe you personally have a season for growth when the stars are in a#certain position or whatever
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im actually really good at admitting when i dont know things its just that people keep talking to me about things that i know a lot about and am objectively correct on
#this is a cartoony exaduration of a very real sentiment#whoch is that im often told that i come off like i 'need to be right about everything'#but i have achived a place in my life where i recognize when i dont have all the info or perspective nessesary need to Listen#and that i dont have to have a strong opinon abt everything#and that admitting that i lack knowledge or opinion rather than masking that with false confidence is better in the long run#bc it dosent put you on defense - makes you more receptive to new information + perspectives + corrections#its just that people will try to tell me their opinions about lawn mowers and im not going to pretend like i dont know more than them#when i do. which happens to be all the time#never met a person whos done as much reaserch on lawns + lawn care industry and related issues such as sore machines#(small off road engines)#i know theyre out there but the chances of me finding them is small and i have yet to do so#and then people try and give me their opinions abt this subject and if THEY dont shut up and listen i go rabid#like i know when its my turn to shut up and listen but sometimes im right and OTHER people need to be shutting up and listening#but also even outside of that i tend to come off as harsh/agressive/judgmental even when relaying info that im not obsessive abt like lawns#its the autism. i just word things blunt and talk with flat affect and dont know how to soften the blow well when correcting people#or even just adding my own perspective + ideas to convo without intent of 'correcting' anyone#such is life i suppose#just so long as nobody tries to tell me lawns are ethical ill be fine#<- remembers when i made a post that accidently got attention abt this subject and melted down#bc the strangers on the internet dont understand that this is my WHOLE THINF#if you knew me in real life youd understand. its my passion#text#im putting this is the lawn tag actually#lawn posting
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at what point is an intro post necessary?
OH WELL HERE IT IS!
my name on here is skate, im a minor, im a girl, i use she/her pronouns and i have no idea what im doing!!
im in highschool so im a busy girl and i will complain about school
some fun facts about me are: i play 6 instruments and sing, i like reading, my favourite season is winter, i speak a fair amount of french and italian and i can crochet.
im also mentally ill so just prepare yourself for that!
most of my posts are about osemanverse but i love taylor swift and will not shut up about her. i am in a pitch perfect and dead poets society phase at the moment so expect some of that too and mostly i post whatever else pops into my head at the time.
my asks are open and i love answering literally anything and if you ask a question ill probably fall in love with you or smth
my tags are 'skate has words' for my writing 'skate answers' for answering asks and 'skate rants!' for rants obviouslyyyy
also my messages are open and, yes, i am extremely awkward, i would LOVE to be friends !! i need to add that i am very unwell sometimes for long periods of time and will sometimes just not respond to messages. i am sorry but ill get there eventually.
im very infrequent on here and will sometimes forget tumblr exists for weeks so im never ignoring you im just stupid and i have memory issues
if youre gonna be mean to pretty much anyone i dont really want you here. just dont be an asshole guys.
anyway have a good day !! :)
#please never read this#this is embarassing#if you even think for a millisecond that you might know me in person i am politely asking you to leave immediately#intro post#i dont know what to put in here#ps i only did this bc i saw pickledsad do one so shoutout to her!#i dont know how to tag this#i also dk how to use tumblr#how does this work#theres like 120 of you so i figured at least one person would care at least a little bit and if you dont then still be nice i have feelings#( whispers )#if you wanna call me december im okay with that#it was nearly my name#anyway#nobodys gonna see this#but#if you do see this#feel free to call me december i guess#it would make me happy#but no pressure#also like#should i put my tags in this#i will#skate has words#skate answers#skate rants!#i love referring to myself in the third person#i do it ALL THE TIME#its kinda bad#but like
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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just watched the episode where naruto meets minato, and. idk if it's because i completely skipped the battle beforehand & therefore tense battle atmosphere or if i'm just older and more resentful now, but.
if i were an orphan who had no adult guardian most of my life and had to fight for respect, and then train my butt off to survive because my dad sealed a fucking wanted monster inside of me, and then said dead dad said "😀 i did it because i believe in you. you're my son after all. idk how you're going to solve the systemic problems of our world but i blindly believe in you because that's what parents ought to do". i think i would have puked and also aimed at his shoes.
#he's not even angry at naruto's behalf#naruto#rant#like. maybe it's bc what naruto needed at the moment WAS j some calming and encouraging words even if it were baseless#but the way minato's face was so calm the whole time rly got to me tho like. this is your son?#who didnt even know he was your son?#whom you watched go thru some much hardship his whole life?#also the way naruto said 'everyone puts so much expectations in me but i dont know how to live up to them!'#and minato just said 'haha i too believe in you' 😭😭😭😭#idk i guess its what naruto needed to hear. not me tho#rewatching naruto and going oh yeah maybe i really have aged out of this show#i think i need to rewatch kushina's scene too bc she reacts a lot more emotionally iirc#i get that he's a young first-time parent who doesn't have any role models bc he's an orphan but bro.......#that's some poker face i guess...?
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"my education is my highest priority" everything returns to vocaloid
#delete later#shitpost#vocaloid#?? idk i might keep it up. yes ik turning off rbs is a thing now technically but i always keep forgetting and also naaaah.#i might go edit proper tags in later just bc i dont this to show up in main pages but i needdddddd the organization on here#i made this a while back procrastinating on a linguistics reading and then never posted it#AND THE CIRCLE IS COMPLETE BC IM POSTING IT NOW WHILE PROCRASTINATING ON ANOTHER LINGUISTICS READING LMAOO#dudeee i gotta lock in. oh my god. its so bad up in here triple assault. i cant focus on SHIT. WHY DO I ALWAYS GET IDEAS WHEN IM BUSY AHGHH#this might be revealing a bit too much info but pls this is legit what happened LMAOO 😭🥴#we're starting ipa alphabet stuff now and im like 'hey i already know you...' from phoneme fuckery ive had to do for voca shitposts#knowing linguistics is cool cause u get to dissect what makes languages work and i thought that'd be genuinely helpful for things#like i plan to do more english/spanish translation work specifically so yuh. but also I KNOW internally in my heart...#despite trying to give the professional justifications I KNOW my stupid ass is secretly just absorbing all this knowledge for voca purposes#my brand of shitposting goes against the very origin of the word since 'shitposting' originally refers to very low effort low quality memes#so there's been a semantic shift in definition even outside of mine but i still think its really funny. i put a lot of genuine hard work#into making stupid little jokes to amuse primarily myself and maybe anyone else who finds it on the internet. so yea#no but genuinely though its unironically incredible how much shit i've learned direct or indirectly for vocaloid shitposting purposes
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i wanna be a horror artist i wanna be a weirdcore artist i wanna be a character artist i wanna do instimate scenes between characters i wanna emulate lisa frank or rainbow brite or the last unicorn i wanna emulate 90s anime i wanna evoke '00s numetal i wanna evoke '10s sadboy music i wanna evoke catchy vocaloid music w disturbing lyrics i wanna be like j-horror i wanna make yaoi i wanna do surrealism i wanna do abstract i wanna do cartoony i wanna do anime/manga i wanna do illustrations i wanna do comics i wanna do animation i wanna stick to askblogs i wanna express every part of me y_y
#txt#im a complex tangle of a wide variety of influences and aesthetics and interests and foundations#and i feel like my art maybe reflects uuuuuuuuh 10% of it#maybe#i wish it was more im just STUPID#AND DONT KNOW HOW#ive studied for YEARS#whats the SECRET#when it comes to art im really like...not uh#i dont wanna say not good bc im not here trying to put myself down (entirely)#more like im just not as uhhmmm rrerrmrmrm refined? no thats not the word either like. i'm not really an Artist in the full sense of the wo#i feel like tons of ppl have a better idea of the fundamentals of art and i dont just mean the techniques and physical skillsets#i mean mental and even emotional#i feel really stunted and behind and have ever since college x_x#and ive been so lost on how to grow in anything but physical skill#like my anatomy knowledge and persepctive knowlsdge and etc etc etc#get better#but how to express myself? just gets worse tbqh#idk how to like...approach ART as a practician#and not just an observer#like i just wish my art was more ART and emotional and raw and stylistic and ME#and not just uhhhh literal scenes of characters#bc thats all my brain can conceptualize#i wanna thinK DEEPER RAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i wanna create art as deep as the art i like SEEING
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also like i partially found out i might be intersex because i was looking at trans stuff and there was like "(however many) months on t and finally seeing some bottom growth" and like pictures of t-dicks and i was like.... um.... that's kind of just what my clit looks like anyways. so i was like "hey google give me a quick rundown on this" and learned what clitoromegaly was and then i was like. hm. intersex resources. and it's like a sign? symptom? side-effect? of certain intersex conditions
#i mean like pcos runs in the mums side of my family but i dont have all the symptoms of that#i do also have like. more hair?? than the average afab person#like dark hair on my stomach and chest and back#and my face. whats disappointing about the face hair is that it isnt enough to be able to grow a beard#so i cant even fuck with gender that way#tagging as nsft just because of like genital mention#genital mention#nsft#shoutout to transmascs on t who show their t-dicks on the internet it was really helpful#also i dont know how to describe it but like. my natural face shape is kind of masculine??#like it would be plausible for a cis amab perisex man to have my face without looking feminine#if you get what im saying??#if it sounds like im reinforcing sex or gender essentialism please say i am struggling to find words#unshoutout to the boys in primary school who made fun of me for having hair under my arms and starting a whole decade of insecurity-#-about having hair on my body lmao#for the record i dont think certain face shapes are indicative of gender and all im just going by like. patterns?? in afab vs. amab faces#also not that i think afab vs. amab is the entire categorisation of human sex characteristics but um. working with what vocab i have here#i think what also really kicked it off. was relating to a fair few experiences intersex people have socially#particularly intersex ppl who were afab and faced a lot of pressure to make their bodies conform to feminine beauty standards#and it was like.... oh lol.... my mum did that to me!!#it comes from her own internalised shit bc she has pcos (idk if she identifies as intersex even tho she could if she wanted) but still.#dont project that onto a 10 yr old lmao. she keeps buying me hair removal products#ALSO floored by an experience i have. in which apparently half my friends dont feel pressure to shave their legs#because the hair on their legs is like. light and thin and barely visible and i was like?? huh??#what do you MEAN your legs don't look like your brothers/fathers if you dont shave??#im starting to think they dont shave their arms. their arms might just naturally not have a load of hair#i dont shave my arms though. cannot be bothered with that and also like. why would i do that#also you know that like. happy trail i think its called?? on “men's” stomachs??#yeah i have that naturally yeah thats right im naturally sexy#if you cant tell i am putting “girls” “mens” “boys” “womens” etc. in quotes to indicate that is just the normal society way of saying it
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As a fellow Dovewing lover, it's frustrating how the fandom watered her down into a whiny brat who never cared about Ivypool. I mean, seriously? Not only did Dovewing care about her sister (reacting in horror when Lionblaze, her own mentor and Jayfeather are willing to potentially sacrifice Ivypool's safety by employing her as her spy instead of trying to get her out of the Dark Forest's clutches, hiding a thorn in her nest to cover for her scarring from her training).
Heck, even the scene where she tries to feed Ivypool her catch during a hunting patrol was demonized because 'she was trying to make Ivypool break the code like SHE does, as if it doesn't matter' and because she got upset when Ivypool started arguing with her! But you guys said she didn't care, right? Plus, people act like being forced into a prophecy is something you should be grateful for, as if it didn't irreparably change her close relationship with her sister? As if Lionblaze and Jayfeather didn't still keep her out of the loop (and for all the fussing they made about keeping it a secret, Lionblaze confesses his power to Cinderheart and Jayfeather doesn't even care).
Meanwhile Nightheart is angry he isn't orange and hates his mom for being exiled and the whole world has to stop for him. 🤪 And Bramblestar is simply so tortured by having an evil father, the only choice is to train with him and his evil half-brother and hide this from his wife! (But remember, it's bad when that witch Squirrelflight hides the parentage of the three from him, even when Blackstar and Leopardstar were still around after being complicit in the torture and killing of halfclan cats.) Why are these male characters sympathized with, even when they actively harm people (Nightheart forcing himself into Sunbeam's life by lying to everyone about being her mate without even asking her if she would be fine with that beforehand), Bramblestar (we all know what he does), but when Dovewing or any other female character is upset, people freak out and call them whiny brats or abusive for (checks notes) asking her partner if he loves her anymore after they argued multiple times in a book. Really makes you think! (Sorry this is so long, you just have based opinions!)
dovewing being characterized as this flighty airheaded vain popular girl stereotype in fanon is like. one of those biggest "we didnt actually read the books" things in the fandom. like theres so much fanart where shes grinning and giggling over the prophecy and shes besties with the trio and shes got preferential treatment, and then in the actual books shes basically the autistic kid no one actually likes. people really, REALLY overexaggerate that one scene where she snaps at ivypaw and brags. (and i dont wanna shit on amvs but i am forever side eying how the animation community handled dove back in the day. more than one person animated her getting murdered. normal.)
i do think its gotten better recently at least. but wow does it feel like at least one person on the writing team has a bone to pick
(also awww thank you <3 no need to be sorry i love getting stuff in my inbox)
#it does also feel so insidious to me just how long the bramblesquirrel conflict was painted as ''equally kind of wrong''#the ppl who put words in squilfs mouth sometimes which. btw ill get to that when i read the book#and tbf part of it is that sometimes abuse isnt as easy to spot if youre primed to the mainstream version of it#like. bramble isnt a born evil wifebeater everyone can see coming from a mile away. hes a complex guy with his own insecurities#and his own goals and people he openly cares about. and even in some fanon stuff i see ppl kinda erase that part of him#(which i wont pretend im above- ive been trying to walk that line myself)#and that doesnt match how abusers are usually percieved by the public. or in this very series.#like. the main excuse for clear sky is literally ''hes sad his sister died and tried to save her! no one changes THAT much''#anyone can be an abuser. you could be an abuser. i could be an abuser. that doesnt mean that we ARE but we are capable of it#and the thing that catches ppl off guard is that abusers are really good at hiding who they are and theyre often charming#i often hear this account of abuse that goes something like ''my parent abused me but no one believed me bc theyre nice in public''#you dont know whats going on behind closed doors. and ik this is about funny kitties at the end of the day but its quite telling#so... yeah bramble has his nice moments. hes got his GREAT moments even. i love his relationship with his mom for example#but those moments dont mean that hes not capable of being worse. of being a monster to his loved ones#its why squilf keeps getting sucked back in. hes not a one dimensional asshole. hes capable of being kind to her.#and thats what makes his disgusting moments hit so much harder#wow ok i got off topic in the tags but yknow. idk i got feelings abt this matter as someone who's experienced toxic relationships
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man i love the people im surrounded with. how did this happen. youre all so lovely😭
#istg tumblr is the BEST place to find people#all my current online friends who im close asf with are people i found on here#my girl my besties hell even some of my mutuals i dont talk to bruh#almost all of em were found on here#who knew life would turn like this bro. who knew#its grateful hours rn stfu idc#like yall. i cannot put into words how much you mean to me#im finally getting out of a mental rut thats lasted me a few months (school related) (school just ended)#and the fact YALL STAYED BY ME???#its small nd yall r gonna be like dub miguel. friends do that#but i aint never had that#like the past three years around this same time i have lost people important to me and lost core support systems over and over and over#and it feels nice that im better enough/healed enough#and surrounded by people who truly care for me#that thats not the case anymore. its so liberating and god does it make me want to cry tears of gratefulness that this is my life now#i am loved in so many ways that i cannot even recount right now.#sorry maternity classes gang (group chat) im gonna lovedump later on you tonight probably#man. mann.#this is my life#like#/pos#thats so lovely man.#wanna namedrop yall so bad bc people deserve to know you all and deserve to know how beautiful and loving you are#but ik i shouldnt for privacy😭#ily all tho#even if we aint talk much ur presence is always appreciated by me#sorry sorry ill shut up now😭#indigo speaks#yapping
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sometimes i think about the fact my grandparents literally overnight just cut us off and im like. how did u even do that. does it torment you
#eeaao's 'how did you let me go so easily' moment. like i dont let myself even THINK about this too often#bc i immediately beat myself back with the 'if it's hard for you then imagine how hard it is for mum. her PARENTS cut her off'#but like. idk. my nan i couldn't give less of a shit about which is something i always find so interesting#bc even as a child with NO basis for it or any understanding of her behaviour both past and present i still wasn't Comfortable around her#like children are smart actually. i just Knew her vibes were off and i Knew my mum was weird when she was around#like i truly dont think i ever loved my nan even when she was a very frequent part of my life#but my grandad? i ADORED him. id see him multiple times a week and he's the kindest man ive ever met#and hannah what i told you about my mum saying certain people have magnetic auras THAT WAS ABOUT HIM#like i cant actually put into words what it was about him but people just wanted to know him and spend time with him#but he was weak and let my nan walk all over him and when push came to shove he chose her and now ive not spoken to him in 3 years#& i KNOW he loved me. he thought the world of me like it's a bitter unspoken thing between me & my sister that we KNOW i was his favourite#he used to buy me egg butties at agricultural shows when my mum said no and specifically ask for two eggs#he used to sit and eat his soup with me when he came over to do work at the house#he used to play with me. he used to smile all the time. i can so clearly hear the way he'd go ''iya [my name]' with his proper rural accent#or how he'd tell anyone who would listen 'she's tough as old boots that one'#and i could make him laugh like NO ONE else could and he'd light up and go 'give over' and he genuinely enjoyed my company#i KNOW HE DID. and i havent spoken to him in 3 years. he'll be dead soon#and i cant talk to my mum about it bc it's her DAD it is so much worse for her and i cant talk to my sister about it#bc she wasn't close with him like i was and she just shuts the conversation down and those are the only two people#who know my grandad and know what he meant to me so im just here like. he literally stopped speaking to me overnight#i stopped hearing from him i stopped meeting up with him im so so angry with him the love is still there i dont know where to put it now#why couldnt he stay. why did he pick her when she's a loveless void of inhumanity. why werent we enough#hella goes home#my grandparents on my dad's side are also not in the picture funnily enough but idgaf about them. she got that grandparentless swag
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I think every social media website should have an effective tagging system, just my thoughts
#clemramble#i want to post some more of my art on twt but i also want to tag it effectively but idk how the tagging system works on there#since hashtags seem to do very little on there#if theres one thing tumblr has done right its the tagging system . this is awesome i love putting things in tags like its me whispering#directly into your ear extra info that you really didnt need to know#and also the ability to mute hashtags is awesome. even if it doesnt completely hide it#twt is so weird in its hidden words. i have so much stuff blocked on there but the moment it gets popular the system just#doesnt work and im stuck seeing it all again. very annoying.#anyways yeah this is also a call if any one knows how the muting system on twt works and how i should best tag my stuff.please share#your wisdom. if you dont mind. i asked on twt but my regular posts kind of flop if its not art. not that i mind but the point remains#..i had thought about making another account just dedicated to like ship stuff on twt bc i have enough stuff to do that but#would it be unnecessary? idk . ignore this part sorry im rambling outloud to myself virtually through tags#i might just end up not posting it there. its like a little tumblr exclusive#im not even scared anymore ive bossed up. twt just makes me feel awkward now. its like when you enter a giant classroom and theres no empty#seats so youre forced to go up and down the isles trying to find a spot that open
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i dont think melt down is supposed to be a sad song but the way i teared up while listening to it anyways
#the lyrics are the most youngk lyrics ive heard in a while#feel like i can trace the concepts to so many lyrics that he's written#its a direct answer to not gonna love#which btw the krn title has the word ice in it and so he spends a lot ofthat song with a play on words and talks about how he needs#someone to melt his heart#similar word uses of like shivering#reminiscient of wonpils stranded which youngk helped write iirc#using the phrase 'its okay' (seems to mean so much to him fr fr)#'youve done well' wyls helloooo#better better has similar concpts of like being able to withstand a day bc of someones smile#bruh better better was stuck in my head today too lol#and just the idea of finally giving back to the people he loves its smth he explores like in thanks to and want to love you#the only thing that would have made this more youngk is if he had used the word 'thanks' somewhere in the lyrics lol#tbh surprised it doesnt show up def a song where that would have been a very appropriate lyric#as always theres just something so raw and so pure about his lyrics and how he delivers it i dont even know how to put it to words!!#rambles
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I'm rlly worried that people are gonna think me exploring my gender and presenting differently is coming out of nowhere or me being "faddy" bc I don't really talk to anyone about it apart from my gf for fear of not being taken seriously. why can't I wear a placard saying "this was a long time coming"
#i cant tell everyone i meet my history with my gender and thinking i was trans for a long time. but god i wish i could#because outwardly to everyone i know in my life ive been quite a feminine girl this whole time. and im suddenly switching up#but thats not the case#im also scared to start presenting more masc in certain ways like cutting my hair. binding etc#because my family is uhh how you say. a bit transphobic#and i just know my mum is gonna freak out on me if she believes even a little bit that im erring into presenting as a man#idk its ughh. i work with and know trans men whove only known me as a girl and they obviously dont know ive been confused for a long time#bc i dont discuss my gender with anyone apart from my gf!#so i dont want anyone to think im switching up on a whim and taking any of this lightly. which im not.#going by a more gender neutral name would be super confusing for everyone too i think#i already go by a different name to my birth name and my family still insist on calling me my birth name#so id end up with different people calling me 3 different names and itd be so weird. but my current name is so steadfastly a girl's name#sorry sorry i know this is super venty im just. all these feelings ive been having for a long time are finally breaching the surface#and im struggling to deal with it all and put it into words
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