#like i am fine in this moment but i just really feel like it’s happened
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scarletemeterio · 2 days ago
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hii, saw u wanted arcane requests. from what ive seen on tiktok, apparently jinx was able to escape after the explosion in the very last episode and survived and ran away on that blimp thing, so could u please write a jinx x fem reader where after the explosion, jinx comes to get reader and they run away together happily to another region to have a fresh start and have a quiet, peaceful life. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 pls and thank you.
A Fresh Start (Jinx x Gn!reader)
Warnings: mentions of death, use of (Y/N) once
Genre: angst, hurt/comfort
Fandom: Arcane
Summary: see request
Word Count: 1.6k
No set pronouns for reader
•••
You still remembered every detail, every word said, replaying the moment in your head. You'd had a fight with Jinx, nothing serious you'd thought, but when she and Ekko found you, you could see the pain in her eyes. She came running to you, wrapping her arms around your neck.
“I'm sorry, I didn't mean all those things I said,” she apologized, her voice breaking. “You've always been there for me, and I've been ungrateful about that.”
You hugged her tightly, with your arms surrounding her waist, hiding your face in her shoulder.
“It's okay, it doesn't matter now,” you mumbled. “Are you okay?” You asked, breaking apart and caressing her face.
She simply nodded, but you could read her like an open book, and you knew that there was something she wasn't telling you.
Before you could keep questioning her, Ekko decided to speak.
“I hate to interrupt the sweet moment and everything, but we have to hurry if we wanna survive,” he said. You gave him a confused look, slowly breaking your embrace with Jinx.
“Yeah, the world is basically about to end,” the girl said. And both she and the boy tried their best to give you all the information you needed, trying to come up with a plan.
When you were almost finished with the globe, Jinx pulled you apart for a moment, wanting to talk to you.
“I really am sorry about before," she started saying, “I just couldn't think straight at the moment and I took it out on you.”
“Hey, I said it was okay and I meant it,” you comforted her, grabbing her hand.
“I just don't want us to be on bad terms, we don't know what could happen out there,” she whispered, trying to hold back her tears.
“We're not on bad terms, okay? Don't worry about that, my love,” you answered, not wanting to think about the worst case scenario.
“Thank you for not giving up on me, (Y/N), I'm so lucky to have met you. You mean the world to me, and I love you so much.” Tears were already falling down her cheeks, making it hard to contain yours too.
“I love you, too, baby.” You pressed your foreheads together, closing your eyes to better savour the moment. “Don't worry, we're gonna be okay,” you tried to reassure her. “I'm not saying today will be easy, but we'll make it, and soon this will all be just a dark moment from the past.”
She wrapped her arms around your neck once again, not being able to control her sobs anymore. You were taken aback from the sudden action and her reaction. Her embrace was tight and almost filled with dread, almost as if she was certain something bad would happen. You decided to get those thoughts out of your head. Danger was knocking at the door, and you couldn't ignore it anymore; the moment to fight had come.
When you got to the fight scene, Vi quickly joined you, and so did Vander. Ekko took control of the globe, making it crash into the building, knocking the air out of your lungs. When you finally got back on your feet, you quickly went to help Vi and Jinx against Vander, but a hard blow at you was the last thing you remembered before losing consciousness.
You had no idea how long you were out of it. Ekko's figure was the first thing you saw when you woke up, and he helped you sit down slowly.
“Hey, easy there,” he said. “You got hit pretty badly.”
“I'm fine,” you groaned. “Where’s Jinx?” He ignored your eyes, tilting his head. “Ekko?”
He only had to look at you, and you could instantly feel the world crumble around you. Tears quickly flooded your eyes, still looking at the boy in front of you.
“Tell me it's not what I'm thinking,” you pleaded.
“She sacrificed herself to save Vi.”
You closed your eyes, letting the tears roll down your cheeks. You wanted it to be some sick joke, for her to get into the room and tell you that it wasn't true, that she was fine and you didn't have to worry about anything. But you knew her, and you knew something felt off about her in that last conversation you had. Turns out something bad did end up happening.
•••
Not many days had passed, the pain still fresh. You were lost in your thoughts, staring at the city in front of you. You were in the spot Ekko had shown you not long ago, trying to find a bit of peace in contrast to the mess in your head.
Life in Zaun was very unpredictable, which made it difficult to make long-term plans, but also made it easy to not get attached to anything nor anyone. But Jinx was the exception. You just couldn’t stop yourself from getting attached to her, and now you were suffering the consequences.
To be honest you wouldn’t really change anything, not even the pain you were feeling right now. Changing things would mean not even getting to know her, and you were grateful to have met her, to share your life with her. You were simply paying life’s price for love.
You suddenly felt a presence behind you, but you kept your gaze to the front.
“I'd really like to be alone, Ekko,” you said, assuming that the boy had come to check on you.
“I'm not Ekko.”
You froze in place. You had to be hallucinating, it had to be the only explanation. She was gone, and nothing would change that. You shook your head in disbelief, looking up at the sky.
“I'm even hearing her voice now,” you said. You could feel that presence even closer now, and you quickly grew frustrated with what you thought was your own mind. “Leave me alone!” You screamed, turning to the presence behind you and freezing once again when you finally saw her.
“Hey, it's me,” she whispered.
You quickly got up, never breaking eye contact.
“But- You- How?” It was all you could say, barely whispering, still not truly believing what you were seeing. She was right there.
“I guess being injected with crazy amounts of shimmer to keep me from dying had its perks,” she explained almost jokingly, trying to lighten up the mood. “I managed to escape the explosion.”
“But I don't understand. Why didn't you come back right away? Why let us believe you were dead?” You had a million questions in your head, and you could feel your heart beating like crazy.
“I needed everyone to believe it, to have a fresh start. Vi would never give up on me if she knew I was still alive; she'd follow me to the end of the world.”
You still kept your distance from her, it all seemed unreal. A few minutes ago you were grieving her, and now she was right in front of you, as beautiful as ever. But you felt anger inside you as well. She could've told you, she could've saved you from that horrible pain of thinking she was actually gone for good.
“You knew you were gonna fake it all along, didn't you?” You realized, thinking about that last conversation you two had. “That's why you were so emotional, so shaken and distressed.”
“Baby, I-.”
“You knew, right?” You interrupted her, voice cracking with your words.
“I did.”
You closed your eyes. You didn't really know when you'd started crying, but the tears kept falling down your face.
“You let me believe you were dead, Jinx! Dead!” You didn't even try to hide how emotionally distressed you were. You needed to let everything out. The blue-haired girl broke the distance between you two, holding you in her arms while you sobbed into her chest, quickly collapsing to the ground.
“I'm so sorry, baby. I made a mistake and I should've told you,” she said while running her hand through your hair. You could tell by her voice that she was also crying, filled with guilt. “I'm sorry, please forgive me.”
“I get why you did it,” you told her after a while. “I don't blame you for wanting peace, but you have no idea how much it hurt me to think that I'd lost you.”
She cupped your face and made eye contact with you before pressing your foreheads together. “I'm sorry,” she repeated, feeling like she could never say it enough times to express just how much she regretted not letting you know before.
“I'm just glad you're actually okay, love.” You leaned in to her touch, savouring the moment after such turmoil.
She gave you a kiss on your forehead before speaking.
“I want you to come with me,” she uttered.
“Come where?” You questioned.
“I don't know, away from here,” she replied. “I really want that fresh start, but I know that trying to live without you would be absolute hell. I've had many uncertainties in my life, but you just feel right. If there's something I'm sure of is that I love you, with every part of me.”
“I love you, too,” you told her. “And I'd also follow you to the end of the world.” You let out a hopeful smile, and so did she before cupping your face to kiss you.
Her lips against yours felt absolutely right, like it was just the way it had to be, forever and ever. You belonged together, and there was nothing you wanted more than to build a future with her, away from all the ghosts from the past. You knew it wouldn't be easy, both of you had a lot to let go of but with her by your side everything felt a bit easier, and for the first time in a long time, you felt hopeful.
•••
i absolutely loved this request, thank you anon! i'm a sucker for angst
also i'm 100% sure she's still alive
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tossawary · 3 days ago
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Recent "Star Trek" reboot universes have really tried to sell me on three different romances for Spock with other TOS characters whom he did not have romantic relationships (at least not positive ones) with in TOS, which makes it particularly annoying when some fans try to squirm away from the idea of ST ever doing a future reboot or remake in which Spock/Kirk are explicitly queer.
Like, "But it's not in the original! They want to be faithful to the original!" really, REALLY does not pass the "I think you might just be discomforted by queerness and you should work on that, rather than making appeals to the authority of textual accuracy to avoid being called a homophobe or transphobe" check here. Because it's not as though these reboots care about perfect faithfulness on pretty much any other front. We'll accept that the costumes and special effects get updated to move with the times, we'll accept wildly different characterization choices that essentially give these characters new personalities, we'll accept new timelines that change the entire political map of the galaxy, but you as a fan draw the line at "What if this character was bisexual this time?" Really???
To be clear, I am not trying to dunk on Spock/Uhura, Spock/Chapel, or Spock/T'Pring here, I am merely trying to illustrate a frustrating double-standard. TOS Uhura does notably flirt with Spock several times! I see it! I remember TOS Chapel's feelings for Spock being one-sided, but I also don't think it's a bad thing to try to update TOS's more misogynistic writing choices regarding female characters. TOS T'Pring did... kind of try to kill Spock because she didn't want to marry him, but again, I don't necessarily think it's immediately a bad thing to try to explore her as a character and her betrothal to Spock. It's fine! It's fine by me to explore new takes in new AUs.
It's just that none of that evidence from TOS for those relationships holds much of a candle to whatever the fuck Kirk and Spock had going on to inspire The Premise. "Amok Time" is an Experience. There's only so many times that Kirk can say something like, "The cost [of abandoning Spock] would have been my soul," before you want to put your face in your hands. They are taking shiny pebbles from TOS and trying their very best to sell them to me as the basis for romantic relationships in reboots, sure, while they are standing in the shadow of Spirk Evidence Mountain (TOS).
(Yes, I have seen the recent "Unification" short film. Yes, I enjoyed it. No, I will not consider Spirk "officially canon" until all plausible deniability for the squirmy folks has been completely, explicitly destroyed by a HUMAN kiss onscreen.)
And okay, I must admit, at the moment, I don't actually want Spirk to eventually happen in "Strange New Worlds" now that they've finally met. I'm mostly indifferent to their Spock and Kirk actors, personally, and the writing for every canonical romantic relationship in both SNW and "Discovery" so far has gotten a solid "well, they certainly are standing next to each other" from me. (Yes, even the gay marriage in "Discovery". I just haven't been into it so far.) I think the writers would fumble Spirk if they tried it in this specific show and then annoying fans would use the fumble as "evidence" never to try to do Spirk or queer retakes on other TOS characters ever again, or as "proof" against other queer ST in other shows characters generally.
I'm mostly just mildly annoyed that I have to keep watching Spock specifically, famously read by many people as a queer man, be straight and messy about it, especially when there has not really been a significant queer relationship onscreen in SNW yet, unless you count M'Benga's daughter Rukiya and her glow cloud friend named Debra, which I personally don't, honestly. I'd like an onscreen relationship with a main character with zero plausible deniability. There's definitely nothing yet that comes remotely close to the screentime that Spock/Chapel, Spock/T'Pring, and Kirk/La'an have all been given so far, unfortunately. (Sulu is not here yet. Scotty has just shown up. If Scotty gets to make out with a guy next season, or Uhura or Ortegas gets to make out with a lady, without it being part of some god-like-being's fantasy world, then I may be satisfied.) (Also, yes, I am aware of queer characters and relationships in other "Star Trek" shows, thanks. I very much enjoyed Mariner having her incredibly silly breakup with her girlfriend in "Lower Decks".)
"Star Trek" is one of those properties where some people's double-standards regarding romantic interpretations of the original series really jump out. "They can't do Kirk/Spock because they want to be faithful to the original!" Get real.
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chaoticshifter18 · 1 day ago
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My NON shifter friend shifted and she's in shock
I've openly talked to my friends about shifting for the 4 years I've been in the community, and they've always been skeptical but respectful about it, so it shocks me how my friend just told me she shifted the other day.
She says she woke up at 4 a.m and couldn't fall asleep back again, so she just went on tiktok and scrolled for hours, apparently listening to paranormal stories and that kind of stuff that only pops up on your fyp at 4 a.m (nothing about shifting btw). Without realizing it, she fell asleep, and she says she woke up in a place that looked nothing like her place.
She immediately thought "Am I in a sleepover?" "Whose house is this??", but the room she was in didn't look familiar AT ALL.
She says the walls were paper white, and there wasn't much furniture except for the bed she was in, a nightstand next to her, and a closet in front of her. The closet had a mirror, so she saw her reflection and noticed she was wearing her usual pijamas.
In that moment, she proceeded to touch everything and freak out about how unbelievably real everything felt. She touched her hands, her face, got on her feet and stomped on the floor... Every single thing she did just felt WAY. TOO. REAL. Her surroundings, her own body...
Guys she swears with her life it wasn't a dream.
The realization hit her, and she came by with the idea that she might have shifted. Out of her mind, she got out of the room and explored a little bit of the house. She says the house was huge and felt really modern and expensive.
As she was traveling through the corridors and getting down the stairs she couldn't help but freak out again and again. She couldn't believe it. And to make things worse, when she reached the ground floor, a group of people approached her and greeted her as if they knew her.
"Hey, did you sleep well?"
"Look who just woke up!!"
And she was like "Excuse me, who are you?". (She just thought it, she didn't say it)
Suddenly, a guy came by and KISSED HER, a guy she hadn't seen in her entire life, and he said:
"Darling, are you okay? What's wrong?"
That shocked her, but she just told him she was fine and says she got away from there as quick as possible.
In the living room, one of the walls was completely made out of glass, so she could perfectly see that they were in the middle of the forest and it was nighttime.
Since she didn't know where the hell she was and the situation was just TOO MUCH to handle, she proceeded to walk around the house in awe, and she says she did that for about FOUR HOURS.
Four freaking hours just staring at everything in denial and avoiding everyone.
At some point, she could't stand it anymore and layed in a couch with her eyes closed to try and shift back, but no matter how hard she tried to visualize her room and this reality, she kept opening her eyes to that damn house.
About to cry, se got up, went to the kitchen and sat down, she stayed there for a good hour just zoning out, and at some point, she says she heard her alarm (her CR alarm, cause she had to go to uni).
She claims she didn't even realize how or when it happened: in the blink of an eye, she was back at her CR, sitting down in her bed with her eyes WIDE OPEN and her heart racing.
And that's her storytime...
I feel sorry for the stress she went through, but this just proves to me everything that needed to be proved as my friend was the number one person to believe shifting's just lucid dreaming.
Thanks for reading and happy shifting!! <3
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marimeeko · 2 days ago
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Yo why the fuck is Katsuki and his relationship with Izuku getting done so dirty in this epilogue? Like he led the super suit project. He likely started it bc he couldn't dream of doing herowork without Izuku. All Might credited him when giving the suit to Izuku. He held out his hand. Izuku, I'm guessing, took his hand. Fine, good, wonderful.
But suddenly, Katsuki fucking asks him to start an agency with him so they can work together, literally their fucking DREAM SINCE THEY WERE KIDS? AND IZUKU SAYS NO?? What was this entire exercise for? What was showing us how deeply they MEAN to each other, how dependent on each other they are, just for izuku to casually shoot katsuki down with a smile, even FOR?
Please what the fuck. What the fuck am I looking at.
As far as we know yet, we dont know if the two get a conversation specifically regarding katsukis devotion to the suit project, we don't get Izuku getting to realize and appreciate what Katsuki has been doing for the last 8 years, how devoted the man is?
And yeah I know katsuki ain't doing it for clout or recognition or a pat on the back, but that doesn't t mean he doesn't deserve some form of emotional payoff for the whole thing(as well as the audience who was rooting for him!)
Ooof I know I know, I'm angry over a manga(I wasn't mad before) but this part has driven me up a wall bc...
Idk, katsuki just deserves better. He feels like n afterthought in this epilogue.
I know I know, I need to wait out the full release and see everything for myself but DAMN
I feel like he's getting done a little dirty in this.
Technically no izuku doesn't owe him for the gift HOWEVER this is a story with thematic elements and THEMATICALLY, izuku and Katsuki have been so intertwined and woven together, and played as so desperate to keep each other in their lives, to compete, to fight alongside each other, and then the PAYOFF is a SHRUG and a rejection to just that?? Thematically, this is UNSATISFYING AS FUCK.
Like, what is their entire arc if it just ends in a casual rejection?? What the fuck were we building up to and getting so emotionally invested in for their relationship? Please it's so anticlimactic. This was a story about THEM. There was no Izuku without Kacchan, there was no Kacchan without Izuku.
Katsuki Bakugou deserves better.
And 0 percent of this is about the shipping. It's simply what Horikoshi wrote when he wrote them as a duo. When he framed their relationship as the CORE, the heart and SOUL of the story. When he made "win to save, save to win" a running theme, when he made Izuku someone who would kill for Katsuki, and Katsuki someone who would die(and live) for Izuku.
Maybe as more info drops and actual releases happen, this post will age badly. Part of me really hopes it does and there's some sort of misunderstanding or something, bc I did NOT want the thread of BKDK(be it platonic, romantic or other) to end this...unfortunately.
Again. I don't give a shit about the shipping in this moment, in this rant/vent. It's not about that rn. It's literally just the setup not matching the payoff.
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areafiftydun · 2 years ago
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this is gonna make zero sense but i feel like i was recently hit by a car in an adjacent universe
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firstkhao · 1 year ago
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guys this is going to sound really heavy? insane? but. first of all going on a hiatus. i’ll put the rest in the tags because idk. it feels really weird doing this but also unfortunately it is very very necessary at this point.
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silverselfshippingchaos · 13 days ago
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ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..
#ash rambles 💚#negative#part of it is definitely the weather#it's so dark and dreary and i never wanna leave my bed#but also just. my mood akdjajs I'm kinda down in the dumps today#im recovering from being sick which always fucks me up#and i just cant shake this feeling of anxiety..? and i feel kinda a lot like my f/os wouldnt like me or would fall out of love or never see#me as more than a friend and other stuff like that#i.. actually got broken up with yesterday irl!#it wasnt messy. he said that this isnt what he wanted and it was fine and we're back to being pals. i wasnt sad at all in the moment and#i dont think i am now..? it's weird. we were laughing like always literal minutes after having the chat. when we got together we said that#if things domt work out we wanna keep being friends. and we're doing just that. honestly i saw it coming and idek if i LOVE him anymore#what even does love feel like..? regardless I'm not upset or sad at my breakup since i saw it coming and I'm honestly happy he just. Talked#to me about it. we communicated and then three minutes later went back to talking about x.enoblade LMAAOO it was fun!#but it is ridiculous for me to expect to feel NOTHING at no longer being in a relationship. i cant just feel nothing. i dont feel sad per s#just... in my thoughts i guess? I don't think the feeling of my f/os not liking me stems from me being dumped though. i think thats just me#being me sjdjaksj I'm very insecure a lot of the time. i dont think being dumped helpd very much though LMAAAOO#I'm doing okay i promise. and I'll be alright. theres just both a lot and nothing going on at the same time and i feel... idk what i feel.#i hope my f/os love me 😭 i hope that a lot#and honestly i know this community is ass and I'm more than happy in my own corner with my couple of followers but. ngl I've really felt as#though I'm not valued here and all that junk as of late. yeah just.. i think everything is happening at the same time and I'm tired and#i feel like I'm a confused kiddo who doesnt know anything anymore BAHAHAHA#holy shit it just sounds like i need a shower and a nap huh- I'll be alright I'm just. dealing with stuff akdjsks but i also hate to always#bring the mood down like this! i always try my best to be haha silly and all that shit. I'm just gonna try to daydream about f/o cuddles#(and try to convince myself they dont hate me ofc)#oh and. i know i mentioned this but. i hate the weather. so much. I'm sad all the time. November is actually my least favorite month too 😭#I've gotta study a lot today and I'll try to sneak in some k.urohyou and hopefully start watching monster too but yeah i apolgize if#I'm acting off these days ajdjajs I'm very stuck in my own mind these days. not exactly the most fun place to be 😭#delete later#i mean akdjajs i literally started crying the other day because my friend said that my husband (k.yohei) loves me ajdkahdb come on ash..
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gemharvest · 1 month ago
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How many times can I go "I feel like ass but it's fine I'll be fine" until it becomes hollow to everyone around me. BHASJGFNJFGNK
#ventings#<- ig#i feel like this happens so. frequently#im fine one moment and then bad the next and i feel bad for it. i hate having some weird brain instability#i will be real this one time ! me going `ill be fine` is more my ward so i dont feel guilty or attention-seeking for venting than it#is an actual true statement atp. i mean like. tbf. i will be fine. my mood kinda just Swings and ive dealt with this brain long enough#to be used to that and used to the fact that ill just feel like this until my brain latches onto something and is able to snap back#but eh. euuuhghhhhhhhhhhhh. fuck#also while im giving myself one post to talk abt this shit before falling silent on it again. i always feel bad when people tell me i can#vent to them. bc its like. my brain wont allow it#i feel like a burden for it when i know ill be fine eventually even without getting to talk it out with someone#i will never tell people its better to check in with me than it is to tell me i can vent. bc my brain wont let me open the door but#if the door is held open for me then i feel i am allowed. ive been invited. does that make sense#but again ill never tell anybody bc thats just. it feels like a lot to ask when nobody needs to hear my bs anyways#idk. idk if i even wanna talk about this really. i feel bad still for typing it all out. beh#im gonna go play some silly billy and then maybe start doodling. that or i play silly billy and then check in with my mom#to see if she remembers the wendys thing. cuz i know she struggles with remembering things too
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dreamerlynx · 1 year ago
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#sigh. puts up the barricades please I do not want to see d.nf on my dash#and again I do have it super filtered#I’m just soooo tired every little thing being HARD LAUNCH HARD LAUNCH until the next thing bc of course that didn’t happen#and life went on as usual#look I get it I’m the minority I’m aroace and easily exhausted by shipping esp real ppl shipping#but it’s times like this I miss the lore fandom bc man the complete focus on platonic dynamics and relationships was so nice#look if they ever actually say they’re dating I guess I’ll eat my words but so far I am not getting the sense that that will ever happen#and so it is extremely annoying to want to follow drm fans and get 90% of One Single Ship#and no sap except as third wheel for said ship#sorry I’m the only one who seems to not care abt George 😭😭 not in a bad way just. he’s fine and funny sometimes I guess but#I Just Don’t Care. and also another thing I need to get off my chest#why do ppl act like George is really shady and passive aggressive and ‘oh he should interact w X person who wronged drm he’d ROAST THEM!’#like huh#George is one of the most Don’t talk about anything be vague be private ppl ever#I’m not saying he hasn’t had his moments of public support for drm but I just don’t get it#(it’s probably because he’s so vague and noncommittal that fans can just project their own feelings onto him)#sigh anyway I’m done that makes me feel better a bit#no tags just venting#<- it’s funny that became my venting tag now that I only vent in tags#bc some things such as this I am afraid to even put under read more lol
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kimmkitsuragi · 7 months ago
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not my first reaction to this information as i learned it during the intermission of challengers (yes i finally went to see it) and i was having a lowkey breakdown through the intermission and the beginning of the second half a little bit but ummm: well of fucking course i literally dont deserve anything
#why did i even try this hard. i dont think i deserve anything tbh#dont mind me sounding dramatic im actually fine like lol#im sad but ok but also like. i got used to being a failure and a disappointment this last year so#i feel very tired now. it wasnt a bad day overall and im happy i decided against going alone today#bc i wouldve literally ended up crying in public if i was alone lmfao#ah. ahhhhh :/ i really really really was hoping for a better outcome#stupid girl as always#anyway i really am fine i just need to be dramatic for a moment. i truly do not deserve anything i get ever im sorry#if anyone read until this point and wondering what the fuck couldve happened that got me like this#well it's truly not that important in the grand scheme of things and im being stupid#got wait listed for another scholarship lmao </3#truly stupid and foolish of me to even think from the start that i could do this lmao#what's even more stupid is im still like well. well 🤠 hey maybe 🤗#i just know im going to be feeling extremely guilty for even existing even if i end up being able to go at this point lmao#and it's so stupid to even write all this. over something like this when people have real problems and stuff lmao#truly what did i think make me worthy of this chance im so not special and dont deserve this etc etc#all this negative self talk and i will still be sleeping like 😴😴😴 still hoping for the best dont worry#and that's because im stupid#🗒#i will drink tea this day has been lacking tea so critically :/
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arklay · 2 years ago
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WIP DAY.
tagged by @girlbosselrond @morvaris @aartyom @risingsh0t @phillipsgraves @leviiackrman @indorilnerevarine & @denerims over the past month! sorry it's taken me so long to get to anything at all, i'm sure you guys have heard me address it enough, but thank you all so much for continuing to tag me in things while i've been inactive ♡
tagging @aelyosos @brujah @calenhads @florbelles @jendoe @lightwardens @liurnia @nokstella @nuclearstorms @shadowsofrose @shellibisshe @steelport @swordcoasts @wrymbloods @voerman & all of those who tagged me again cause i'm so behind + anyone else who'd like to share anything they're working on, not just writing! ♡
i haven't written anything since the last wip game i did, but i started trying to put diana's timeline together at the start of january, so i mean... i'll show that instead. as you can see, fatigue hasn't let me do much with it even though i've got all of her timeline already done and strewn about all over the place.
started with 1995 onwards cause it was originally going to be an ewskers timeline situation, but then wanted to include all of her backstory so i went back to the start and still have the late 80s and early 90s to get through before then, but yeah :]
it's going to include like all little moments i've thought of between the ewskers just for me and placing them on the timeline, so you can imagine how long this is going to get if i have to go to 2021 for village... like just 1996-1998 is going to be so much... she's very special to me if you couldn't tell already lmaoo
never sharing this though, it's just for me, and like will help for when i do her timeline page (more in-depth version of what's on her oc page) to just run through canon events and brief descriptions and whatnot. you understand.
everything is blurred out besides 1995 ewskers momence and the years, just cause like idk her i feel weird sharing her in-depth backstory unless it's in dms or something, just cause there's lots going on there and yeah. things. idk
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i also made a carrd for twt if you wanna have a look at that :] there's some cheeky subtle things with the two resi items i used as pics hehe
actually, you know what, i'll give a lil bit from where i left of with that rewrite anyways, even though it's been months since i wrote it. but why not
Wesker left a fleeting kiss behind her ear then reached around her and hooked his fingers beneath her coat, prompting Diana to glance back at him. But all he did was gently pull it from her shoulders. She watched him from out of the corner of her eye as he hung it up on the rack by the door, his movements careful and almost calculated, until he turned back towards her, and the warmth of his body returned once more. He pressed up against her side this time, as opposed to her back, and one of his hands found a home on her waist. The way the arm it belonged to was resting firmly against her as he began leading her towards the kitchen was comforting, secure, yet unmistakably possessive. And she revelled in it. He had quite the knack for handling her just the way she wanted.
#tag games.#keep going to do picrews and just zoning out 😭 i'm so behind on literally everything but it's fine it's okay (lying)#i'm having a day and a half even though i woke up feeling okay but oh well. my last month has just been like watching videos during the day#or playing games when i have a bit more energy but like i can't do anything that requires me to actually read or write things like words#are just not computing in my brain at the moment but it's okay like i'm just exhausted and hoping soon i can get back to writing because i#still have over 30 wips going lmao but yeah it's been a time a half with lots of appointments and seeing specialists again and trying to#sort things out. i've been more active on twitter which i've mentioned before but it's just because like it's easier for me to sort of just#like and rt things and not having to do my organisation tags and things like i know that sounds so just small and simple but that's how#i've been lately like to my brain rn that seems like a really big task. so i just keep coming on here randomly for a few minutes then#disappearing so i'm sorry that i've definitely missed so much and i haven't been around to just show my appreciation and love to your#creations!! also just everything that happened in december and then a bit at the start of january too like i'm just a lil paranoid about#being on here honestly so i'm trying to get back to it and be okay with posting again and i'm going to make a promise to myself to actually#filter more tags i think? just to help me with like not exposing myself to things that do make me feel uncomfortable in any way!! i'm#rambling now but sorry sometimes i just need to lmaooo idk but yes so cute lil subtle things from my carrd i wanna talk about cause why not#i didn't have to change the blue herb from re0 besides making it brighter because it's already teal toned which is so sexy but i shifted#the hue on the spade key like SLIGHTLY like it was so little. but anyways. i use this emoji ✨ on my twitter name and yes cause sparkles but#also. three stars. the s.t.a.r.s. badge and logo :] then blue herb because i will have no poison in my safe space!!!! take a blue herb or#leave please!! only good vibes and safe space here!! spade key because i'm ace <3 i was going to include the diamond one in there as well#because am demiro and like those are the symbols in the community. ace of spades for ace. diamond for demis (both orientations)#but wasn't sure how to weave the pink through the rest of the carrd even though cyan and pink together is so pretty omg
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varjopeura · 1 year ago
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#hmm its been an interesting week i suppose#very busy in a good way. but that is always how it starts. i make myself so busy and it feels good and then i wobble and fall out of my body#so im feeling wary. also bc ive been under sleeping more than ususal but im not really tired but im also not boiling out of my skin with#energy. i just feel ok. so thats good. but also a demon in the back of my head is always like: then stay up all night. lets see how far we#can push this. which is not good. and in fact ive been proscribed like basically emergency mood stablizers to knock me out if i start like#losing my mind and not sleeping lol. bc i dont wanna b getting ready for something big and like completely unavailable to control my#ability to think. and ive also been proscribed birth control to get a handke on my fucked up hormones. so we'll see if that makes things#less all over the place. hopefully it works bc im so busy i kinda dont have time to like freak thr fuck out#but i am a lil apprehensive bc like i can count on my hormones to make me feel things when a lot of the time i dont have much emotional#range. so its like fuck finally i can cry abt this. or like fuck this is so beautiful. but then i also cant function sometimes#so i guess i just gotta see what happens. sigh. also the typical frustrating in having to read so much. like ppl hear im dyslexic and r like#oh do u want accommodation? like literally wtf r u gonna do to help me as a grad student? it just takes an agonizing amount of time to#understand thing. i have my computer read to me and i suffer. theres literally nothing else to b done abt it. and fucking next week i have#to teach a fucking lab abt reading scientific papers. they have to read a paper in class. fuck off. those r the types of exercises that make#me feel so fucking stupid. like do this thing right now. read it right here and answer questions abt it. and i fucking read it and retain#fucking nothing. im fucking 26 and literally in my grant writing class i have to apologize to every person before i give them feedback like#lol sorry i can barely fucking read. i fucking cant understand language. its fine but it sucks. theres nothing to do abt it. it just makes#me mad i have to teach a class that would have made me cry as an undergrad. so ill prob hold their hands thru it more than the other TAs#will. bc fuck u im not making them read a whole fucking paper in class. fuck u#plus the frustration of not being able to express myself well in thr moments. like theres a delay in my brain so i feel so dumb when im#trying to convey myself off the top of my head. like give me time and ill write it all out for u i just cant actually process wtf ur saying#to me. also i probably spaced out for a sec so i missed part of the convo lol. frustrating but at this point its just how it is. it makes me#more empathetic when i have to teach i guess. like listen ive got all kinds of fucking learning probs i just wanna help u learn something#how can i help? fucking dyslexia. god. i dont wanna prep for class this weekend. ive gotta show up like yea i kno reading papers is hard at#first but it gets easier! fuck u. its worth the suffering if i enjoy to topic but its always suffering. but thats what i get for going into#academia. thr dr who proscribed me stuff was like well sounds like u have a stress trigger and ur a phd student where life is stress... u#gotta figure out whats gonna work for u. sometimes thats a career change. not in like a pushy way just like: if what u do makes u suffer#then wtf r u doing? and hes got a point. but in contrast to what i was doing this is a massive improvement#well see if its manageable. ugh. i just wanna draw#unrelated
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icelogged · 1 year ago
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i coughed up blood and phlegm <3 the holy spirit is working in me ♡
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vampiremourning · 1 year ago
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trying soo hard to be normal and Good At Conversation this time
#i will make at lease One irl friend to hang out with regularly !!!#dont get me wrong taking time off work to do school was a great decision but like. i dont rly talk to anyone anymore#save for the two days per week i have class :/#and it sucks idk.#i havent had a Best Friend TM that i actually get to see more than once every 12 months in years#& im also struggling to control how i usually put more importance onto other people than they do me#like this week in particular im rly feeling the whole experience of labelling someone as a really good friend only to find out that i am#at Best just a pleasant acquaintance#which is fine yk not every relationship has to be something super deep#but still. sucks when it keeps happening.#like id rather the reaction to me almost just be actual disgust bc then thats pretty unambiguous#no room to get hopes up or create a narrative.#anyway i usually go with the strategy of just talking to someone like we're already friends bc ive heard thats the most effective#/least awkward way to get to know people. & im also only focusing on a couple people at a time so i dont get overwhelmed#bc last time I just. yeah it wasn’t the best moment#struggling in general with people and just pacing out of much of Myself is a tolerable dosage#recently I just feel like I’ve green falling onto the ‘over eager and annoying’ cycle :/#been*#I don’t want to be a Chore I guess.#I keep thinking about how nice it would be to not feel that way#like maybe I’m not the most exciting person ever and it takes me a minute to get used to someone but :/ idk I think I’m good company#(god knows I spend enough time around just myself lmao)#usually I can tell when I’m feeling like this again bc I start spending more money on hobbies and Stuff#just to fill time/give myself something to look forward to#but I can’t really do that rn lmao/don’t want to#I’m not rich I can’t just have retail therapy every time I start to feel lonely :/#it’d be nice lmao but no not practical#man I just want to talk to people. have conversations. feel like people are actually Happy that I’m talking to them.#that’s it that’s all#they say never trust your brain after 9pm but what if you’ve been sitting with it for weeks?
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zemnarihah · 2 years ago
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started moving some of my shit over to my new apartment today adn well. its moving.
#i hate moving so bad. i hate the fact that this is like my 5th(???)time moving in the past#like 4 years?#also like. i doooo think this new place WILL be better but also i really liked my current place:( like i probably wouldve chosen to stay#here but my roommate rlly hated it.#this was the biggest room ive ever had it was sooo nice i love having space.#the new place will be nice bc its v close to my school and my friends and fam like ill be able to walk to school. where i live rn its like#a 20 min drive. and itll be nice to not have to deal w parking at my school bc those parking lots are literally hell on earth. and im gonna#be spending so little on gas#it just is like. well im literally done w in person class until fall semester. so all of that quite literally doesnt matter at the moment.#the only immediate change happening is that. its gonna be smaller#also its gonna be just me and my bestie. which will be good i mean our other roommate isnt that bad by any means but i think it will be#nice to have it just be the 2 of us#also im gonna sneak buttercup in bc its also more expensive and no way am i paying more for a smaller apartment and ALSO paying pet rent#pet rent is insane anyway but especially for buttercup like SHES A CAT.#but yeah they asked if we had pets and i was like no:) and the girl at the desk goes#okay just let us know if that changes bc if we catch you:) theres a fine:) and idk if she like noticed the cat hair im always covered in or#smth but i feel like she knew. but im not worried lol it was funny though#anyway. i will have to oceans 11 heist smuggle her in (take her on saturday when management isnt there)
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