#lol sorry i can barely fucking read. i fucking cant understand language. its fine but it sucks. theres nothing to do abt it. it just makes

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[dreamii-yume]

SPOILERSSS for Twisted Wonderland Chapter 6 : 1-16!!!

*rubs hands* aight it wont take long before genshin has me in its gacha hell grasp again, I just barely escaped this time— NOW ITS TIME TO SEE THE BOIS CHAPTER 6 omg— wtf happened last time lol it’s been too long

So, no voice over because of some problems which is understandable but— meh I don’t feel like reading lol So I’m watching otome ayui translations this time, because im that one dumbass student who skipped kanji class and now i cant read without sounding like im five _:(´ཀ`」 ∠): “what up im yume im way passed 19 and i never fucking learned how to read”

Also watching Hanayura Kanon stream for the rest that’s not yet been translated lol Because he’s very good at voice acting for the characters and he’s funny af lol

- OKAY OKAY— WTF HAPPENED EXPLAIN

- Fun fact : I haven’t watched Hercules yet so I legit don’t know what’s about to come lol

- Aw, that’s cute— We called over Ace and Deuce late at night AND THEY REALLY CAME OVER AAAAA

- I forgot how fckin pure their friendship is _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):

- Aight, so we actually have a huge-ass scratch from feral Grim lol That’s just fantastic, isn’t it

- FINALLY— We’re talking about Mickey and the stones my monster cat has been eating with Crowley AAAAA

- “Yeah there’s this bitch called mickey and i took his photo—“

- WE’RE FINALLY TALKING ABOUT THIS. AFTER 6 CHAPTERS.

- Bruh this crystal of blot sounds really dangerous why are we discussing this just now

- Speaking of this crystal, Crowley— you were looking for this crystal in chap one and when we asked you about wtf you’re trying to find you just went— “oH itS NothING.”

- I SUPPOSED ITS NOT NOTHING NOW IS IT

- I didnt see you searching for crystals after every chapter mr. crowley where were you 👁👄👁 dont you think it was weird that you didnt see a single one after like— five blotting incidents

- Oh so its rare i see— BRUH R U SURE ABOUT THAT grim literally found one every single chap LMAO

- Okay okay— see, he may be violent but listen— you aint gonna throw out my fucking cat okay

- Wh— THERE WAS A FESTIVAL!? Im dumb so its not just VDC LOL

- Listen LISTEN— GRIM IS FINE. HOLD UP— NO NEED TO THROW HIM OUT JUST LET ME HAVE ANOTHER LOOK AT HIM

- Aww, Ace and Deuce looked pissed about it too AAAAHH THE TRUE DEFINITION OF THE BOIS

- BRUH NO— ALL THE DORM LEADERS TO GO AND CAPTURE GRIM?? HE’LL DIE

- CROWLEY PLS— WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS, HONEY

- #Grimportectionsquad

- “It’s bout time for them to come” Who?

- FUCKING— CROWLEY STOP SAYING ITS NOTHING— This is why this school is so fucked, you never tell us anything ahead of time _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):

- Aight he left, Ace Deuce hurry help me what you guys got

- He may be a monster but see— the worst he did is eat the whole tuna stack SO PLS HES STILL BABY AND I LOVE HIM

- THATS RIGHT DEUCE MY MAN GRIM CAN DO NO BAD I SWEAR

- HE WOULDNT EVER AGAIN I SWEAR

- Ace ヽ(；▽；)ノ The character development— im so proud of you, son

- THIS IS THE BOISSS— LETS GOOOO

- Fuck this is so beautiful— just me and the bois on our way in the middle of the night to find our MISSING CAT I—

- CROWLEY REALLY DID ASSEMBLE THEM DORM LEADERS AAAAAAA AT THIS HOUR TOO WTF

- BRUH WE CAN TALK

- Kalim Kalim Kalim Vil Vil Vil— Pls we’ve been through so much last chapter ＨＥＬＰ

- Leona…A big fat ｍｏｏｄ honestly lmao

- Ey ey riddle pls— dont make this any more difficult—

- Shut up azul stay where u are all you’ve done is nothing but chaos since you arrive so SHHH

- MALLEUS IS NOT HERE AGAIN LILIA PLS— where is he when we need him the most LOL

- Ortho, your bro where?? Also— SURVIVAL STATUS BRUH—

- YES PLS DONT HURT HIM OMG

- oh i forgot idia lives in his tablet LOL OF COURSE

- Omg he’s in the apple trees still looking scary as shi aaaaaaa pls kitty come home u just had too much catnip

- OH GOD 15m HE’S CLOSE

- “Starting operation” ORTHO WHAT TF

- EY EY EY oh good he’s knocked out sighhh

- Aight I know this has been translated but I can’t help but to look at the original japanese and im just— wtf is RTS and TAS idia i dont understand this advanced gamer otaku language

- But Idia and Ortho really do be speedrunning on who can fucking kick my cat the hardest LOL

- THATS RIGHT IDIA You understand me— Fellow cat lovers unite, Grim is very cute, he can’t do no bad

- …so can i have him back pls—

- Can we just appreciate the fact that these bois are willing to take the risk of getting their heads chopped off by Riddle by doing all this for us??

- If this isnt what you call true friendship then i dont know what this is

- Lol ambrose is going to appear in this festival again and crowley’s prideful ass is QUAKING

- WHY are we not allowed to see him crowley im sure we can handle it— We’re the BOIS. CMON

- Imagine if they just summon a fcuking— magic vet or something lol

- It’s the next day lol

- HAH ITS THE VDC LOSERS BY ONE VOTE SQUAD

- I mean the NRC Tribe— ٩( ᐛ )و

- VIL. what you have my queen

- Vil pls dont remind me that my cat isnt here but thank you for saying thank you i do not deserve—

- AWW THE ADEUCE SQUAD LOOKS SO SAD AAAAA

- Vil i miss the bad bitch but absolute oneesan energy but the apology— yeah are we gonna cry again lol

- AAAAAAHH why am i so proud— THAT vil is apologizing

- You dont need to maam what we had in chapter 5 was a fucking journey i regret nothing

- I swear if rook goes like— bitch that aint beautiful imma bonk him I WILL DO IT dont think i forgot what u did last chap

- Man i love me a man who can openly admit his mistakes MMMGH

- Rook i swear—

- Im glad that we’re not toning down ace’s brutal honesty lol

- BRUHHH I DONT LIKE IT WHEN VIL US TAKING ALL THE BLAME i mean what he said was kinda true BUT STILL

- Cheer up Vil, it’s not like it’s a complete failure anyways (；ω；) it was fun at least

- Hearing Jamil encourage Vil like this feels surreal BUT YES BOI U TELL EM

- What is this beautiful character development

- Ooff way to hit where it hurts the most vil my queen lol

- AAGH IT HURTS VIL RECOGNIZING NEIGE’S HARDWORK LIKE THIS— THE PRIDE I CAN FEEL IT ＣＲＡＣＫ

- Bruh we appreciate Neige’s impeccable smile in this household— REMEMBER WHEN EVERYONE WAS LIKE NEIGE’S GON BE A BAD BOI??? WELP—

- It was me, i was that person and i shall drown in apple juice for it

- Of course, the ultimate Neige simp already knows that lol

- Bruh the background music has no business being this sad　ｓｔｏｐ

- I hate it when vil is right sometimes omg— TRUEEE KALIM especially wouldn’t be able to stand properly on stage after knowing Neige’s own hardships aaaa

- NOO BABY DONT CRY

- Vil redemption arc??? 👀👀 you can help us cure our cat—

- !? Are we gonna get that money promised in that poster?? 👀👀

- WHAA FUCKING WAHAA VIL IS GONNA PAY THAT US??? THE WHOLE 5 MIL EACH??!! VIL CALM DOWN WHAT I SAID WAS A JOKE

- Damn vil is ＳＴＡＣＫＥＤ He really didnt want to owe anyone anything LMAO YES QUEEN

- WHA— KALIM IS ACCEPTING??? OUT OF EVERYONE HERE, I DID NOT EXPECT YOU TO ACCEPT THAT KALIM

- Kalim is making my heart go boom boom again baby boi ✨👁💧👄💧👁✨✨

- HE’LL DONATE IT TO THE RAMSHACKLE DORM BABY BOIIII

- …sumimasen kalim for having a very rundown dorm 👁💧👄💧👁 but thank you for being nice about it lol

- OKAY OKAY KALIM YOU DONT HAVE TO LIST ALL THE THINGS WRONG IN MY DORM PLS—

- THIS IS EMBARRASSING PLS KALIM IM SORRY FOR BEING POOR

- But this man be such a sunshine holy shit i cant even be mad about it lol

- AW YEAH RAMSHACKLE DORM IS GONNA GET A MAKEOVER

- EVERYONE BE DONATING THEIR MONEY TO US AAAAA Were they always this NICE

- Aight adeuce pls— y’all dont have to force yourself to donate my guys (´；ω；`) being friends is enough lol i get it my bois

- Find me a man who can make me feel like this the way Vil can

- Man if only Grim is here :’) he’d be soo happy :’)) you can have all the tuna you want buddy :’)))

- GRIM PLS ADEUCE IS WILLING TO TREAT YOU TO LUNCH BABY

- Bro this is so wholesome omg

- Im sorry but still up to this day, my understanding of Epel’s accent is still　ｌａｃｋｉｎｇ lmao

- Aight they be talking about how Rook already knew that they were going to lose from the very beginning

- The FORESHADOWING LOL The difference with how Rook said “What a wonderful performance” rather than “What a beautiful performance” sigh

- Honestly we gotta respect Rook’s resolve here lol man just knows what he wants

- Rook and Vil’s friendship lmao

- 👁👄👁 …!?

- EARTHQUAKE WTF How dare you ruin such moment—

- WHAT IS GOING ON

- EY WTF DONT DESTROY MY DORM WTF ARE YOU GUYS

- WHAT ARE THESE ROBOTS OUTSIDERS KILL THEM WITH FIRE

- They look like something that belongs to the Ignihyde dorm HUH

- Oh bruh— Vil in his Dorm Leader mode is so cool AND YES I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE TIME BUT wheww~~ Vil YAS QUEEN

- KALIM TOO AAAAAA JAMIL’S 「はっ！」SO COOL

- so SO— the dorm leader’s have a protocol for outsider attacks like this 👁👄👁 OMG THEY’RE SO HOT

- They don’t seem like our bois anymore aaa just pure professionalism at this point—

- GOD I FORGOT HOW COOL THEY ARE OMG

- HEEEYYY OUR DORM IS GETTING DESTROYED WTF ARE THESE GUYS’ PROBLEM

- We were just talking about renovating it too wtf

- AAAAAHHH HOW DARE YOU— VIL R YOU OK

- Bruh i dont know what is going on but dont touch my man’s face

- They’re targetting Vil and Jamil WHY— overblot men!!??? WHERE ARE YOU— GIVE THEM BACK

- I didnt understand what epel said here lmao BUT—!?

- THEY HAVE GRIM TOO FUCK HE’S BACK LET GO OF MY FUCKING CAT

- WHAT IS GOING ON DARLINGS

- BUDDYY >:’0000 Grimmm MY HEART—

- Are they kidnapping the overblot men?? What— the fucking absolute ｂａｌｌｓ on these robots

- God we’re getting absolutely ｆｕｃｋｅｄ in here

- AND THERE’S A CAULDRON IN THE BACKGROUND LOL DEUCE WENT HAM

- BRING ME BACK MY FUCKING CAT— >:’0000

- I thought there’s going to be a festival not a fucking kidnapping event HEY

- Oh 👀 Rook pls help

- AAAHH SERIOUS ROOK IS HOT—

- IS THE OTHER DORM LEADERS CHILLING WHERE ARE THEY KALIM PLS BE SAFE

- OH RIDDLE IS NOT ANSWERING THEY GOT HIM TOO

- Oh ghad they got him during clubs WTF HOW—

- *nervous hornii chuckling* …angry expression silver 👁👄👁 im sorry

- AAAA Dorm leaders actually be acting like dorm leaders is soo cool i cant—

- Bruh the story is all chaos what is this chapter

- Are they gonna get Leona and Azul too what—

- RIDDLE BABY Jesus christ dont overblot like this again lol

- DAMN HE STRONG FOR A SMOL BOI THO

- Whoever made these robots wtf is their deal lol TO BE ABLE TO BEAT A DORM LEADER—

- …Bruh where is our horned friend when u need him

- Silver and Sebek theorizing with dorm leaders but they took Jamil tho?? It’s probably the overblot men they’re after

- Also Malleus is probably good so you two calm down lol Lilia’s probs having tea with him right now

- Okay, Leona how are you going to get captured KING.

- Omg everything is getting destroyed wtf

- AW LEONA SAVED RUGGIE THATS CUTE AND COOL AF

- Bruh leona these are material robots— cant you just turn them into sand lol

- Oh they do have some kind of brand cmon just turn them into sand pls

- WHAT THE FUCK

- LEONA-SAN!? WHY ARE YOU GIVING UP— OJI-TAN!!!

- OLD MAN WHAT—

- *hearing leona whisper his reasons ✋ 👁👄👁 🤚 okay sir im sorry

- Damn Leona acting like a real prince right now— it’s kinda hot 👀👀

- BRUH PLS COME BACK DONT TALK LIKE YOU AINT GONNA

- BRO WHERE ARE THE TEACHERS

- THE BOARD GAME CLUB

- Idia : “bro we just chilling be cool— MY CHESS PIECE“

- “Aight ortho what’s the situation” “ｆｕｃｋｅｄ＂

- So Idia of course knows about this— why does he look like he’s so done lmao me getting the feeling this isnt the first time idia has encountered this situation before lol

- Man i want to see azul in action too but mehh— Idia told him to settle down cries

- LOL WHAT IS THIS KARONE ROBOTS

- Wait— are they taking idia too?? OH IS THIS THE DOING OF IDIA’S FAMILY

- WHERE IS CROWLEY— THE TEACHERS, YOUR IMPORTANT STUDENTS ARE GETTING KIDNAPPED

- AH THEY ALSO KNOW ABOUT THESE STYX BITCHES WHAT— and they’re just letting them GO whaaat

- Sounds to me that this must be idia’s family taking care of the overblotting students?? Like to protect Idia or something?? I DONT—

- “Gather all the dorm leaders” No, sir, they’re already gone besides my sunshine and the horn boi

- Malleus??? 👁👄👁 TSUNOTAROU

- Pls kill the robots they destroyed my place

- AAH UPSIDE DOWN LILIA long time no see lol

- Bruhh the diasomnia students are so lucky to have Malleus as a dorm leader omg

- BRUH LILIA’S RINGTONE IS SO CUTE LMAO

- Kalim sounds so desperate im so sad

- ARE WE— ARE WE GONNA MEET MALLEUS AGAINNN

- Bruh they just goku teleported their way out of the dorm lol

- AAAAHH EVERYONE IS HERE THIS IS SO FUN

- Wait jack is not here lol did they just forget about him wtf

- Oh shit we here too i did not know LMAO

- S-So are we just gonna..continue school like— like these styx bitches didnt just ruin half the school, my dorm, injure my bois, and took my cat or…???

- GASP AAAA STYX IS A BLOT RESEARCH FACILITY WHAAAT

- So that’s why leona and idia be like bro this is not worth it

- O-Oh yeah— they…they didnt know that Vil overblot— PFFT

- Malleus pls information who are you talking about—

- WHO— LILIA MALLEUS OH NO

- Ey, overblot squad are assembled lol this looks so dangerous

- LMAOO Riddle was sleeping on Leona’s lap for three hours THATS SO CUTE

- Where the fck did they take them, ITS CRAMPED AF

- Bro they’re just exposing Vil and Jamil’s overblot that’s supposed to be a SECRET LOL

- Oji-tan can sound so wise and reliable like this if he really tried lol sugar daddy energy

- Wtf these guys never thought that idia was from a big shot family??? They thought it was just coincidence that they had the same family name PFFT

- AZUL AAAA He was right there my guy BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY MAN

- oh. They finally opened— isn’t this the ignihyde dorm what

- WHAT THE FU— IDIA

- Bro— WHAT WAS THAT IT WAS IDIA ALL ALONG???

- WHAT IS THIS CHAPTER

This chapter is a fucking roller coaster like— literal 0 to 100 ＱＵＩＣＣ From having a moment with Vil and the bois to a FUCKING TERRORIST ATTACK LMAO IM HYPED FOR NEXT CHAP—

It’s been so long, I hope they released the next part soon (๑>◡<๑) I forgot how fine these men are lol at least I want to hear their voices again 👁👄👁

[of-faunsandyellowflowers]

Tw: long fucking post.

Sorry to keep bringing up autism but

Man..... and you dont have to read this. That's fine. I dont have anyone in my life to talk to about this so, tumblr is my space to vent 🤷‍♀️

I know I've lived with this since I was a kid, but just reading more, learning more....I finally understand why I do things the way I do. Newly diagnosed autism reaaallllyyyy was like an aha moment for me lol. And it's not just my PTSD, anxiety or anything like that...its just how my brain is. I'm starting to realize when stuff happens and why....

Yesterday, I was doing ok. I went to the store (I have a routine of going nearly at the exact same time every day) because I needed some groceries. Some days I have to have headphones because of loud noise. I hate going into regular check out lanes cuz I dont like when ppl ask me stuff. I freeze. Sometimes I'll make an odd comment that the cashier will just find odd.

Anyway, I got home and all of a sudden everything was just brighter than it usually is, louder than it usually is and nothing could block it out. I was really itchy, and could barely move. I've already got a hard time even attempting to tune shit out, I HEAR everything, SMELL everything....etc. But, when you get into meltdown mode....everything is worse.

Then I couldn't talk. My dad kept saying something to me, and I tried to open my mouth to speak but I couldnt. I put my headphones on because if I have music playing normally I can somewhat calm down and cant hear anything else but that...and it's nice to only hear one thing. This happens so often and what I once thought was just a panic attack....its not. My panic attacks arent like that.

I went upstairs....and that's when my normal 'coping' kicked in. I've just learned that my habits of 'comfort' are in fact stimming.

The things I tend to do mostly without noticing I'm doing it, some more so with meltdowns:

Blink rapidly

Twitch my nose rapidly

Move my foot up and down like I'm rocking my knee

Pick out my hair in search for these little curly hairs that grow on my head obsessively

Feel the softness of my foot from my other foot and repeatedly petting my foot with my other foot

Pet soft things

Pace. Alot.

Sway. Rock back and forth. Especially in lines.

Color by number books.....I get obsessed over them

Twiddle my thumbs, fingers,

Obsessively scratch parts of my skin

Staring, especially at walls while rocking

Biting the skin around my fingernails, or clipping the skin with fingernail clippers

Repeatedly cussing or speaking to myself

Whistle

I remember as a kid, doing all these things, in response to too much stimulation, or change in things.

I CONSTANTLY had meltdowns, shutdowns, and full on rage as a kid and would have meltdowns often. I dont have them as much now...but they are there.

Shut downs after really any social exchange for longer than a certain amount of time. I can no longer speak even if I tried.

Refusal to eat certain foods because the texture was bad, and eating the same foods over and over again, every day for months.

Loud abrupt noises????? I think the fuck NOT

Being touched. At all. Especially without my permission. I hate hugs.

Having attachments to more animals than ppl, and learning about said animals to an 'obssessive' degree.

Cant wear clothes with tags, or things that arent soft because my skin is so sensitive and it's too much (that's also to do with my fibromyalgia but it's just gotten worse since fibro)

I like to call my brain the monkey brain. It never fucking shuts up. Ever. It just swings from one thought to the next.

Do you ever go to work and actively dont go to the parties or speak to anyone st work because you know if you do you'll spout out something that no one really needed to hear? I stay away from people in life because of that. Or because they will be too loud, and I'd rather just go home and read.

Telling people things they had no desire to learn and being blunt about it is a specialty of mine that I dont seem to realize upsets ppl until they actively tell me they are upset.

Not being able to know what someones feeling unless I empathetically tune into it

Cracking jokes at inappropriate times. Laughing at inappropriate times.

Always noticing details of things and making analysis of why those things are there and trying to understand the context of it

Seeing patterns in EVERYTHING.

thinking any human on the planet who is nice to me MUST like me more than friends because that's what ppl do when they like you from what I was taught

Terrible at body language, many facial expressions, cant grasp any hints on someones intentions unless they tell me

Being told I have RBF because I dont show a lot of emotions

Told I'm extra sensitive and weird ALL the time.

Cant keep a lot of friends for too long because they find me weird

The only thing I know how to talk about is myself, or things that I'm interested in/anger me/make me feel a certain way. I also cant relate to experiences unless I myself have had it happen...

Forgetting things all the god damn time and not knowing where to put things because if I put something somewhere I'll 1. Forget about it and 2. It's not in the right 'spot' and needs to be 'perfect'. I'm a disorganized mess and if anyone helps me I freak out because I dont eant my things touched, everything has to be done a certain way.

Special interests that I'm so obsessed with....like baking, archeology, history...

I know I'm forgetting more things....just learning that this is me. This is my life, this is how I've always thought, and that's ok.

I may be the sensitive, weird, over the top person that no one 'understands'..but this is me.

I'm autistic, and that's what makes me special in a neurotypical world.

[jasperstan408]

January 10, 2021

holy shit so much has changed and i have so much tea for myself lmao 1. i got my first job as a graphic designer!!! after months of being insecure and depressed about it, i start tomorrow!!! 2. i got my first heartbreak that isn’t A!!! Sad but exciting that it’s not him im crying over anymore. 

writing my notes from my app on here

I am so upset right now. I went over to fuck bryan in a hotel room. We had sex for 20 minutes, i didn’t even cum. He said i can be on top and then i never got the chance. And then we just laid there on opposite sides of the bed. We talked a little but mostly just watched family guy awkwardly. He kept checking stuff on his phone and then he played a game on his phone while i watched. This is just stuff i would do if i was bored or didn’t want to be where i was at the moment. Even when we sat close, he obviously just didn’t want to be there like he didn’t touch me at all. Barely talked to me. He was so distant and i hated it. I think it just triggered something in my brain that reminded me of how andy acted around me and it upset me. Ive been crying all night about it. I hate andy so fucking much. He literally ruined everything for me. Is this how it’s going to be with all men? They just want me for my pussy and nothing else? When we had sex the first time it was amazing. I felt connected and it was good. This was literally just to fuck me and be done with it. I tried to keep the conversation flowing and nothing. He didnt even ask me how my day was.

Yeah i was gonna talk to you about how you were weird and distant last night so I’m glad you noticed and its not just in my head. I’ll be honest, i dont really know what to say back. I could just tell you why im upset about this and how upset i am but i just feel like it doesnt matter what i say tbh. It’s not going to change anything. I will say you made me feel like shit. I just felt so used and unwanted last night. It was obvious you were only there to have sex and nothing else. It was such a shitty feeling for me to lay there after and have you not even notice. I didn’t pay $40 to watch family guy with you and to watch you play a game on your phone. Yeah it wasnt a relationship but if we were friends with benefits, the friendship part wasnt there. Neither were the benefits since last time i gave u a bj and this time i didnt even cum. That hurts that you feel that way because i really did like spending time with you and was excited to keep spending time with you but its also out of my control and i cant make you feel a way you dont so i guess it just sucks. 

What you are not about to fucking do is downplay how i fucking feel and try to make what you did any better. If you felt this, you felt this i dont fucking care but you had so many chances to fucking cancel and so many chances to be honest with me but you still went just to fuck me. Im not a fleshlight you can stick your dick into to hopefully forget about someone else, if there even is someone else. I cant even trust you after you lied about so much. Cincinatti and the keys and who knows what else. Dont treat me like im a fucking idiot like i didnt pick up signs that you weren’t interested anymore. If youre not interested, okay fine but dont lie to me. I thought we could get a hotel room and it would be a good time like the first time. Not have you fuck me for 5 minutes and then ignore me for another hour and a half. So dont say “we knew what we were doing when we got the hotel room” because I thought you actually wanted to spend time with me. That shit hurt and my feelings are valid. What did you think would happen? I would wake up and see your text and feel sorry for you? I would say “oh sorry you feel that way hit me up when you wanna fuck me again 😏😉😍🥺😂” we’re not gonna just be friends so you can string me along and fuck me whenever you want. I’m not anyones rebound or second choice. And dont use my fucking words against me like that. When i said “fake scenarios” i meant that I thought us sleeping together last night wouldve been fun like the first time. Not me creating a scenario where you used me. I didnt create that, thats what happened. Get the fuck out of here with that shit. 

The thing you don’t understand is that it was so out of nowhere for me. I thought you were interested and then acted like it didn’t matter if i was there or not. Waking and reading a text saying “I’m not over my ex but we can be friends” made me think you were getting back together with an ex and just wanted to soften the blow by saying we can just be friends. Like you didn’t actually want to be friends, you just were trying to make it easier on me. Idgaf about how you feel. If you’re not over your ex okay but that’s your baggage and that’s your problem and you didnt have to dump it out on me like you did that night. 

Okay so like I’ve said and like you know, I was really hurt the other night. I get everyone has their baggage and their insecurities and that’s okay but what was not okay is projecting that baggage on to me and hurting me like you did. I have my baggage with my ex and I spent so much time working through it so I don’t do this to anyone. That’s all your problem, not mine. I did like spending time with you and talking to you. I do want to be friends. We can still talk every once in a while and maybe we can hang out and smoke but I just don’t think I want to hook up or anything like that. That was just way too much and it obviously didn’t end well.

My hopes were crushed because i liked what we were doing and it sucks that it had to end so soon. I just miss talking to you and i miss that time in my life, being excited that you were in it and it just sucks that it had to end so quick. It sucks that you didn’t feel the same as me. It sucks that none of this is my fault. I cant change anything about what happened and i cant make you feel a certain way that you don’t. It’s scary that we went thru the same experience and had different feelings about it. This was all out of nowhere for me because i really thought you were into me tbh until we were in the middle of sex and i felt like something was off. And then you sat there, wouldn’t look at me or talk to me and honestly it made me think i did something wrong. You dumped your baggage on to me.

Id like to go back to how it was when we first met. We can just be friends. We can hang out every once in a while, smoke and get something to eat but obviously sleeping together isnt a good idea and i dont want to do that anymore.

Reading your message, I thought that you were saying you and your ex were getting back together and by saying “we can still talk and still be friends”, you were just trying to be nice and not hurt me i guess?

Love language is quality time

Hey can we talk?

Okay so i just kinda wanted to be open about what i think and am feeling. Im sorry if this is out of nowhere. I know this was 2 weeks ago lol i just have not had any time to talk to you. So when you first texted me the other day, I took it as “my ex and i are getting back together and i wanted to fuck someone for the last time.” Maybe I was just jumping to conclusions idk but I took you wanting to be friends and saying you wanted to talk to me like pity tbh. Like you didn’t actually want to do that, you were just saying that to soften the blow. I did like talking with you and hanging out with you. I would like to be friends but I don’t want to intrude if you’re with someone else, I feel like that’d be awkward lol

I’d like to just go back to how it was before it got messy. I’m fine with still talking and maybe someday we can smoke and get something to eat and hang out. I did like hanging out and talking with you but obviously, sleeping together isn’t a good idea and I don’t want to do that.

So I do want to talk about the other night just to get some clarity and it can stay in the past. I understand how you felt and tbh I’ve been there before too. I’ve gone on a date with a guy and the date was fine but the whole time I was just sad over my ex and it ruined things. It happens and it sucks, I get it. But the thing is, that’s your baggage that you need to deal with. Not mine but you dumped the baggage on me. I have baggage with my ex but i dealt with it and healed from it so I wouldn’t do this to anyone. My ex was the worst and that night, you were acting like him and it triggered something that made me really upset. My love language is quality time so when i hang out with someone, it’s important that they’re there with me and their attention isn’t somewhere else which is also why i got really upset.

I just remember at one point, the way you were walking or something made me flashback to him and i just wanted to leave. You’re the first guy I’ve opened up to like this since we broke up so you acting like that made me think every guy is going to be like that towards me and i got upset. I know now that’s not the truth. My love language is quality time so when I’m with someone, id like them to be there with me. To talk to me instead of being on their phones and acting like i wasnt there. Having sex with me and then ignoring me was how my ex was the last half of our relationship and it triggered something for me. That night just wasnt a good night for me. Like i said, we all have our baggage but it wasn’t okay to treat me like that. I would just like to go back to how it was when we first met. We can smoke and get something to eat but sleeping together isn’t what I want right now.

Basically, you already know, but the way you treated me wasn’t okay. I understand how you felt and I’ve been down that road too but dumping that baggage on me wasn’t okay. It made me uncomfortable and it upset me. My love language is quality time so when i do hang out with someone, I’d like them to be focused on hanging out with me but you weren’t. You were on your phone and watching tv instead which is why i got upset. Like i said before, the way you were acting reminded me of my ex and it triggered something for me which is also why i got upset. After all this, i am a human with feelings so of course I’m going to get hurt. I would like to be friends. We can still talk and maybe we can still hang out and smoke together if you’re down but obviously sleeping together isn’t a good idea right now and i dont want to so that.

I’ll be honest, the whole time you were talking to me, i just kept waiting for something like this to happen and here it is.

You’re right. You’re very confusing and obviously don’t know what you want. You made all the first moves and ended it first too. You said you wanted a friendship and i said i did too and now you dont even want that. You’re very back and forth and yeah, i dont need someone like that in my life. You aren’t listening to anything that ive said, youre just getting defensive when im trying to just talk through it. We were just fwb i get it and like ive said multiple times, thats all i wanted from you. I never saw you as a guy to meet my parents or to hang out with my friends. Just someone to fuck at the end of the night. This all got messy because of you. I’m a human with emotions so stop trying to gaslight me into making me think what i feel is wrong.

[wickymicky]

i got tagged by @chuukitten like a month ago lmao oops

rules: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people (im too lazy lol im sorry i just like to talk about myself so thats what im gonna do HAHA)

im gonna put this under a read more cause it got long

1. nickname: my bf calls me cube

2. zodiac: i dont do zodiac shit lol sorry

3. height: i dont actually know, im bad with remembering things like that

4. hogwarts house: the “fuck jk rowling” house (okay fine im hufflepuff)

5. last thing i googled: farmersonly… dont worry about it

6. favorite musicians: i mean yall know my kpop ones haha… loona, dreamcatcher, fromis 9, pentagon, exid, red velvet, twice, eyedi, weki meki, etc……. outside of kpop oh man where do i begin… its tough cause ive basically only listened to kpop in 2019 but okay so i’d say the band idles, death grips, grimes, streetlight manifesto, huh idk i have a lot that i like but i dont know who else i would consider my “favorites” at the moment

7. song stuck in my head: right now its pirate king by ateez

8. following: 1800 lol

9. followers: on this blog 264, but 724 on my main

10. do you get asks: occasionally

11. amount of sleep: i should sleep way, way more than i do

12. what are you wearing: pajamas

13. dream job: hmmm. i mean i dont dream of working, i dont have a dream “job”, but if the question is about my dream “thing i wanna do a lot of in my life” then i guess my answer is… idk… something where i can just engage in whatever is interesting to me at the moment. like in the vein of my tumblr blogs where i can just post and talk about stuff im interested in. idk if that means being a youtuber or journalist or just someone who does something else and engages in my interests as a hobby, but yeah. or something to do with linguistics of course. though like i dont wanna be a teacher and thats basically the only path lmao (that i would even consider, anyway)

14. dream trip: you know i dont actually have a lot of interest in travel. idk, it stresses me out. i cant think about going places without worrying about how i’ll get around, what i’ll be doing, what i’ll be able to eat since i have a lot of food anxieties… idk. if someone i love wanted to go on a trip with me i’d probably be down, but i dont really know on my own.

15. instruments: i wish i could do music lol

16. languages: are amazing and i love them. okay fine lol i only speak english, but i took german in middle and high school, i took latin in high school as well, then took latin and ancient greek in college, and then after college i did a lot of looking into hungarian, vietnamese, a little bit of indonesian, turkish, and polish, and then recently i’ve been pretty focused on korean for obvious reasons. i speak none of those languages tho, lol. if i heard someone speaking some of those i could get the gist of what types of things theyre talking about most likely, but honestly my whole thing with languages is that im more interested in learning about the intricacies of how languages work and especially how they change over time than i am in actually learning the language. i’d love if my dumb adhd brain allowed me to focus hard enough and really commit to becoming fluent in a second language because so far i’ve only steadily approached being barely conversational, i’ve never actually reached even that point yet lol. and being only fluent in english makes me feel like a stupid american lol. i pick up bits of language really easily, but the rigor of learning ALL the vocab and ALL the little details you need to become actually fluent is where i fall off. 

like whenever i go through an anime phase, i pick up lots and lots of japanese. like if they keep using a word i’ll see it in the subtitles and figure that it must mean that, and then i’ll pay attention to the endings they use and how they inflect it and i’ll make little inferences about what those signify, so then when i hear a word that i dont recognize but it has a grammatical ending that i know, i can infer the meaning of the word from context, and im going through this same learning process with korean now and it’s super super fun and i’m loving how much progress ive made (though i could have been making progress like three times as fast if i was actually taking a korean class)… but the actual work of learning common phrases, learning the sheer volume of vocab, all that stuff… yeah that’s where i fall off. so idk how fluent i’ll get in korean, but i’m down to find out, lol. maybe this is the one i’ll really try to focus on and achieve it with!

17. 10 favorite songs as of now: of all time????? um okay i cant possibly do that without spending a looong time thinking about it, so i’ll just do the first ten songs that come to my mind when i think of songs that i adore more than most others

keep the streets empty for me by fever ray

colossus by idles

watch it crash by streetlight manifesto

lucky girl by fazerdaze

realiti (demo) by grimes

egoist by loona (olivia hye)

picky picky by weki meki

mother by idles

peekaboo by red velvet

hi high by loona

18. if you were an animal: red panda maybe haha

19. favorite food: pizza cause im a garbage trash person

20. random fact: idk... if yall couldnt tell and didnt already know this, i’m a linguist haha. i went to school for linguistics, i majored in linguistics and classics (latin, ancient greek, etc) though honestly i was only into the languages, roman and greek history is cool and all but not really what i’m most into. majoring in classics was a mistake lol but oh well. i didnt end up graduating though because of unrelated reasons.... adhd, depression, just a general sense that the way the whole system works just wasnt made for me and it didnt click with me and ive never been good at forcing myself to be good at school... and like i was tired of hearing from professors that i have “a very organized mind when it comes to linguistics stuff” (something a greek professor said that meant a lot to me) or that i “understand how language works better than most other students my age” and that im a natural and that its impressive how nuanced my understanding of these concepts is.... while also failing or almost failing all of the classes whose professors said that about me. like basically all those statements were followed by a “, but” or a “, so if you just-”.... sigh. so i guess i’m not “actually” a linguist. whatever “actually” means there. 

so other random fact i guess, which is still related but anyway... i have a conlang! that’s a constructed language. ive been working on a language for like 6 or 7 years. its at a state right now where it’s not really something i can just like... speak? it was at one point, maybe. but basically what i like to do is try out various ideas i have about language and phonology and morphology, so my language is kind of like a sandbox lol. if youre a scientist you conduct experiments, if youre a linguist i think you should try making a conlang. its not a common hobby but its something i spend an unconscionable amount of time thinking about lol. like basically 24/7. i’m almost always thinking about my word for x thing im seeing or thinking about, or like some sound change i heard that some language had, and how that would sound if applied to the words in my language... 

like the reason my language isnt at a point right now where i can speak it is because getting into korean has made me think about massively reconfiguring how the grammar works. its always been kinda like latin and german, cause those are what i was taking when i started, and then it got kinda like ancient greek, so the grammar has/had a lot of complicated conjugations that are just honestly so superfluous... its such a mess lol... i have a much better understanding of how those systems come about in language now, so even if i remake my language to have verb conjugations like latin or greek, it’d be a much more coherent and natural system than the one thats existed in my language for years... but after learning about hungarian and korean in particular, i really wanna try making it a lot more logical like those languages are. but my big thing is phonology (speech sounds), so i just get hung up on sound changes and cool new consonants and vowels to add, so i keep putting off actually fixing my language lol. also ive become attached to my awful, amateurish words haha. im so bad at this... a real conlanger like tolkien or the dude who made the languages for game of thrones would look at mine and scoff haha. most of my words are just straight up stolen from words in latin, german, many others, but predominantly... english. i just mangle english words and call it my own lol, and ive been trying to replace those words with original ones that i made up arbitrarily... like my word for nose is just “nass” and my word for dog is “handir” which is just based on english “hound” and german “Hund” and stuff lol. i wanna change those

21. my aesthetic: if you actually read this long ass post, you know that my aesthetic is just “too much information” but not in a sexy way or even an interesting way