#like how awful do you have to be to see that a trans person is in multiple positions of marginalization...

[transfemme-shelterdog]

I know this sentiment is like, rampant, on any subreddit that isn't transmasc specific

But right now especially, it really hurts

And I don't know what to do

https://www.reddit.com/r/trans/s/hZVLpf6qmq

Aw jeez, that's a doozie of a post. Let's go through this line by line, indents are from reddit, italics are from the Executive Order:

The language of Trumps executive orders regarding trans rights have just been revealed. It is beyond disgusting that his approach to transgender rights was to specifically target transfems and transgender women in his language. 

Well, not to be a pedantic bitch, but Trump didn't write the thing. Stephen Miller did. Anyways, the author of this post is wrong. The order is very unilateral and affects both trans men/mascs and trans women/fems

Some examples:

(b) “Women” or “woman” and “girls” or “girl” shall mean adult and juvenile human females, respectively.

(c) “Men” or “man” and “boys” or “boy” shall mean adult and juvenile human males, respectively.

(d) “Female” means a person belonging, at conception, to the sex that produces the large reproductive cell.

(e) “Male” means a person belonging, at conception, to the sex that produces the small reproductive cell.

(f)  “Gender ideology” replaces the biological category of sex with an ever-shifting concept of self-assessed gender identity, permitting the false claim that males can identify as and thus become women and vice versa

(b)  Each agency and all Federal employees shall enforce laws governing sex-based rights, protections, opportunities, and accommodations to protect men and women as biologically distinct sexes.  Each agency should therefore give the terms “sex”, “male”, “female”, “men”, “women”, “boys” and “girls” the meanings set forth in section 2 of this order when interpreting or applying statutes, regulations, or guidance and in all other official agency business, documents, and communications.

(d)  Agencies shall effectuate this policy by taking appropriate action to ensure that intimate spaces designated for women, girls, or females (or for men, boys, or males) are designated by sex and not identity.

As you can see, the order talks about both "men" and "women" in it. It's not targeted only at trans women/fems.

Nearly all orders did not mention the existence of transmascs and transgender men, and used dehumanizing terms and phrases to generalize all transgender people, primarily transgender women.

Buddy, did you read the order? It talks about how men are men from birth, which I can assure you, isn't talking about trans women. What do you think "permitting the false claim that males can identify as and thus become women and vice versa" means?

Us transmascs will not suffer the most- it's clear

Too early to say which will suffer "more" (whatever the fuck that means), but trans men/mascs will suffer

WE HAVE WORK TO DO AND WE HAVE BEEN ELECTED BY THE GOVERNMENT ITSELF TO STEP UP AS THE MORE PRIVELEDGED PEOPLE WITHIN THE TRANSGENDER COMMUNITY.

Literally what? Babes, honey, of two current elected officials, one is a trans man, James Roesener, and he's a state representative in fucking New Hampshire. The other, Sarah McBride, is a trans woman, and holds a higher position than James. No trans man has been "elected by the government".

Do social work for trans people, participate in campaigns, spread online awareness, stand up for our trans sisters, protest for easier hormone access.

Ah yes, Estrogen, Spiro, and Progesterone, the hard HRT to get. Nothing like those trans men who can just order testosterone off the internet, right? /s

Does that mean that literally anyone can just access feminizing HRT? Nope, but it's definetly a fuck ton easier to get, and actually possible to get, on the grey market, compared to T. If anything, people should be fighting for more access to T, but I guess not.

Even though trans men aren't as targeted as trans women, we WILL NOT STOP FIGHTING for you.

Oh honey, there's still a lot of targeted Trump policy that affects trans men. Have you forgot about the mass protests about the revoking of Roe v Wade? Or how Trump signed another order that revoked Executive Order 14020 which focused partially on access to reproductive rights, 14021 which focused on trans kids rights in school, 14075 which is another bill that gave rights to trans mascs?

Hell, Trump axed a bill that would form an initiative to focus on how to combat the act of corrective rape, which disproportionately affects trans men/mascs, as sexual violence against trans women/fems is usually public/with an audience such as forced genital exposure (Doan-Minh, S. (2019). Corrective rape: An extreme manifestation of discrimination and the state's complicity in sexual violence. Hastings Women's LJ, 30, 167.)

This reads almost like a trans woman pretending to be a trans man, trying to push a narrative that it's the women that are truly affected the most, when in reality, trans men/mascs and trans women/fems are fucked differently, in different ways, with different issues for each.

That whole post gives me the ick, and if the OP is actually transmasc, then I feel bad for his need to prostate himself before trans women and downplay the trauma that his fellow men/mascs undergo daily.

[genderqueerdykes]

Another weird thing about the TME/TMA thing is that the people who push it often believe that any suffering or bigotry we face for being transmasc is by nature lesser. When like I can list on and on the social alienation and violence we face and have faced myself as a transmasc person.

And also it doesn’t fucking matter what intent a bigot has behind their violence, if they’re pointing their violence at me I’m still a victim of that violence! I had a friend almost got attacked while walking down the street cause he’s a trans dude who was wearing drag. Like aw man sorry you got attacked by violent bigots, it seems however your labels don’t match up with that bigots intent. Guess what happened to u doesn’t mean anything!!!! What a weird concept.

i'm sorry you experience it as well. it sucks ass, i'm so tired of people trying to weigh transmasculine oppression vs. transfeminine oppression on a scale to see which one's heavier. like stop that, why are we trying to compare situations to see who has it worse? why are we telling people who are also oppressed that their struggle is "lesser"? what does that accomplish? all it does is hurt the person being downplayed. it doesn't uplift trans women to put other people down. that's not how this works.

i really don't fucking understand this current mindset of "person who has it The Worst gets to talk all the time forever for as long as they want and be as rude as they want and everyone who has it Less Bad has to shut the fuck up and sit with rapt attention and listen and never speak or comment or have an independent thought of their own on what they got lectured on." those people still have problems even if they're ""less"" bad, why do only certain groups of people get to talk about them? everyone in the queer community has problems, it doesn't matter the "severity," they all deserve to be discussed. and yet.

i'm really sorry that happened to your friend, holy shit. that is terrifying. but it happens. you're dead on the money. it doesn't matter what their intent is. they committed an act of violence. it does NOT matter what was going through the attacker's mind. they chose to commit an act of violence. sitting there on your petty ass high horse going "well akshually, i have a transfem friend who got attacked by TWO bigots and it was way worse so be grateful and shut up," isn't helping a goddamn soul. please stop shutting people up when they talk about their pain and trauma.

i don't know how else to tell every other transfem and trans woman on this website that we are not the only trans people who suffer. like i really need every single one of us to step down off the damn horse already and admit that we aren't the only fucking queers that suffer because we're not. we can't keep controlling the narrative like this. that's what we're doing at this stage. we are COMPLETELY controlling the narrative, making it ENTIRELY about us and our suffering and how we have it bad. we DO have it bad. but other people do, too. y'all GOTTA accept that other people suffer. y'all GOTTA accept that trans men are assaulted and killed every single day for being trans men. y'all GOTTA accept that most trans men don't and will never benefit from patriarchy. y'all GOTTA accept that transmascs and trans men have it really, really damn bad too.

i am honestly just so sick of the victim complex already. can we finally discuss how these currently emerging transfeminine and trans woman victim complexes are just out of fucking control at this point. i've wanted to talk about this forever and it's just getting worse right in front of my damn eyes. i've been in transfeminine spaces for a long time, but lately i just don't have a single desire to spend time in them. way too much arguing. way too much hostility. way too much anger directed at the wrong people. yes we are miserable, yes we suffer, yes we are heavily oppressed, yes we ARE very much victims. but so many transfems and trans women make that their entire ass personality and it's gotta stop.

womanhood isn't about being a victim. i don't know if i like the idea of making "woman" and "victim" synonymous. that's not empowering. that's not feminist. if you only see yourself as a victim, that's what you'll be. you will never progress to being a survivor if you keep thinking like that. you can't turn being a victim into a personality. it's a state of being, but it's not an identity. you are relinquishing power when you voluntarily identify as a victim. you are surrendering your control voluntarily if you keep throwing your hands up in the air and giving up like this.

someone else talking about their suffering doesn't diminish ours. someone else talking about their pain is not somehow an attack on you. trans men and transmascs talking is not an attack on you or transfemininity or trans womanhood. trans men existing are not an attack on you! stop with the victim complex already! it's not empowering! not everything is an attack! the world sucks but not everything is an attack on trans women and transfems!!!

i don't fucking care how much it offends you that people other than you suffer, but they're not talking about their suffering to make you feel like yours is lesser.

so why are you doing it to them?

[thejokulatrix]

You're the first person to acknowledge I'm an ex radfem, though to be fair, I hate noting that as well.

I never had a peak trans moment - or rather, I was that moment, I guess? I couldn't accept that I wasn't only a woman or only a man, and spent years struggling to force myself into one box or the other and failing. In exhaustion I turned to the people who promised to make the whole entire question go away permanently. I spent most of my time in the detransitioner circle, because that was where I felt most comfortable. But as I spent years with radfems, reading and reciting their views, questions started to arise.

If dysphoria could be cured by ignoring it, why were the facebook groups constantly full of posts of people on the verge of killing themselves in misery? Why did none of them get better like what they promised?

If males are innately evil and females are innately weak, what is the point of feminism? Radical feminism is built on the concept nothing can change and the only way to be safe is to hide away and shun.

Who is this 'average woman' and why does every radfem insist on limiting themselves to her capabilities? Every time anything was brought up, like lifting weights, I'd get tons of replies that the 'average woman' can not do that, despite statistics like that not even being meant to be used in that context! Its supposed to track trends!

If sex is so solid, why does science keep showing how a lot of women have 'male' traits and vice versa. Back when I was around the radfems of this site rejected the sexed brain theory, but just a casual scan shows ya'll accept it now? Even today I keep finding new studied showing how our bodies are basically the exact same, just with different parts active due to hormones.

I'm not sure if yall still do this, but back in my day there used to be these lists of physical features only males and females have, and I became so insecure because my skull was male-coded! And that was with me being too white to understand the other racist undertones to those lists.

If you can not identify into an experience that is not your own, why is one of the base tenants of radical feminism political lesbianism?

All the books and essays write real pretty - but the only thing they do is take trauma response and spread them further, convincing you your fear response isn't paranoia, but a legitimate threat response, to the point a lot of radfems I knew on a one to one basis were afraid to leave their house.

All of the things I remember radfems screaming for is happening now, and just like trans people tried to warn them, it has led to awful things for everybody, to the point we now live in a fascist country. No I'm not saying radfems solely caused project 2025 and all that, I'm saying they worked real, real hard on adding to the fire that led to all this.

Honestly, despite this, I still stuck around far long than I should have. The breaking point was when I joined spinster and left the cozy little cache of tumblr rad feminism. See, here, yall are still somewhat seated in reality, and those who start to become extreme are ran out of the community. You reject polilesbianism and still try to be open to everybody (except trans people....). But elsewhere, that is far from the truth. I became somewhat known on spinster, which allowed me to see all of the community that had gathered there at once, and it terrified me. The transvestigators on twitter screaming how everybody around them is trans and personally out to get her and writing big long diagrams to show Marilyn Monroe was born a man? THAT is late stage radical feminism. That is what all of the people here are headed for if they don't get out. And the sheer vile hatred towards everyone was overwhelming. Those radical feminists were gloves off about how they thought detransitioners were disgusting mutilated freaks, how actual lesbians were predators who were basically men because they were attracted to women physically instead of it being a political movement, even the mobs against women who dared to have sons. There were women bragging about having nazi friends because they supported her transphobia.

I left 5 years ago. A lot of my initial post is aimed at the fears and doubts I had walking away, that I would be alone and shunned and considered tainted by anyone I met. I was used to the treatment already from radfems for not being a gold star lesbian and they had done everything they could to convince me the outside world hated me, only they would ever tolerate my presence, and I believed them. And to be fair, even when I got out, with my obligatory thread about how I was actually innately evil, a spy, not really a radfem, a male this whole time!, all the favourite mental disorders that every exiting radfem gets saddled with, I was still half rabid and not fit for civilization. I did not leave to go become a trans ally or whatever, but to just get away before I was permanently broken too. It took a lot of time for me to pull all those fears and self hatred and ignorance out of my head, and ironically, it took an abusive relationship to make me realize how far I had fallen as a person. Before radfeminism, I prided myself in how I was never afraid to step up and even physically fight anybody who tried to hurt me, considering myself immune to abuse because of that. But as one of the radfem's pet detransitioners, I had became small, meek, and afraid, and since she too was a radfem, she was good at tearing me down in ways I was still raw about. Even though I saw what was happening to me, I still reacted the way i had been trained to in my time in this community, slicing parts off of me and trying desperately to force myself into the shape she demanded I be so she'd stop hurting me, and it just grew worst and worst. She finally abandoned me after I stopped being fun to emotionally kick around, and then I felt as alone as I had feared I would be.

But. . . it was then, separated completely from the radfem sphere, with only myself and my beloved brother to pick me up, was I able to start to heal. Without the constant feedback of be afraid be afraid be afraid and going out and having good interactions, I began to relax. I found that my obnoxious judgements of people based off something as stupid as a misspeak on their part or not matching MY political purity or even their sex was stopping me from getting friends, so I dropped them. I gave them room to be people around me, and I found I loved them, and in return they loved me, and through their eyes, I came to love myself in a way I never had before. And when I approached people as people, instead of just the labels I was taught to straddle them with, I learned and it expanded my world so much. I truly hadn't realized how tiny and grey my world had become, how isolated and shut in I was. And now I'm engaged, I have things I do every week with my friends, I'm greeted when I go out and am invited to things. Hell, the depression I was convinced was chronic hasn't popped up in almost 2 years now? Turns out it was situational, and I just never managed to get out of the Situations long enough to figure it out before, haha. I finally got over my internalized transphobia and accepted I'm both man and woman, and its okay. All of the mental strain and distress I had put myself under resolved immediately and I'm so much healthier now. And that was before I found out I'm intersex and physically both too. I embraced my transness and in that other trans people found me and became my friends, even when I admitted my past mistakes, because they see how I strive constantly to be better and to make up for them. The people who knew me as a terf and now tell me I'm a completely different person. Even the really bad misogny I had picked up from radical feminism because it puts womanhood on a too high to reach pillar then punishes anybody who can't reach it disappeared. By seeing women as people first and foremost instead of just their sex, I let go off the weird assumptions I was trying to hold them too. That makes me a million times the feminist I pretended to be back then. In short, I finally grew up emotionally.

Damn, I was hoping I could answer all your questions in my story, but I can't see where to slot them in.

I don't have any radical feminism beliefs anymore, and will never have any of them ever again, because they don't mesh with material reality.

The woods thing isn't related to paganism, but both a reference to the female only radfem camping trips that used to happen yearly up in California and a weird message I got on Spinster inviting me out into some woods close to me in order to (I always forget the exact word she used! I wish i remembered) center my feminity, reconnect with Womanhood, something like that. Is the camping trips cancelled? To be fair, a lot of the rad fems I hung around and knew by name were Californian for some reason lol.

I avoided men so hard that the first time I heard Markiplier speak I had the cat fear response because I was so unaccustomed to deep male voices at that time, lmao.

Really, I wrote this post as a love letter to the me that existed 5 years ago. I wish I hadn't started with a sarcastic meme joke, but when I started that post I figured I'd delete it and it wouldn't matter, but then decided what the hell. Radfems can't hurt me anymore, and who knows, maybe something I write there will resonate with other people wanting out but hasn't mustered the courage yet.

I wish all current and future radical feminists a very quick escape your cult.

Don't believe their lies.

People leave the cult all the time. They just memoryhole them to keep up the lie of 'nobody stops being a radfem'.

They are NOT the majority, there is a reason you find the same faces on every site and group. Once you escape, you won't believe how big and wonderful the world is.

There is forgiveness and healing for you.

Being afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing is NOT normal or feminism!

You won't be alone if you leave. There are plenty of people out here willing to embrace you, even as you're going through your healing pains as you get deprogrammed.

You cannot power your way to being cis, regardless of what they say. You can't divine goddess weird forest female only ritual your way out of dysphoria, and looking back, it will honestly just be weird and embarassing lol

I know most of the deep in the sauce radfems will ignore/mock this, but those of you who want out and are afraid of being alone or hated because of your past, it is a lie. Don't be afraid to jump for freedom. My messenger/inbox is always open if you need a helping hand.

[uncanny-tranny]

I was told by someone that I couldn’t call myself a transsexual because I had to go off T for health reasons and I haven’t had any gender affirming surgeries yet since I’m poor and disabled. Is this true? What are like, the requirements to be a transsexual? /gen

The requirements to be transsexual: to identify as transsexual

This might seem too... straightforward, but genuinely, medical transition is so complex and individual that it's worthless to make it so ridged. There are so many reasons you have to stop some aspect(s) of transition, even if you didn't want to! That doesn't mean you never transitioned or that it's "lesser" now that you stopped.

Genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, I, for one, couldn't care less if you call yourself a transsexual. To my mind, it is as political as it is an identity. Being a transsexual isn't just about your identity but also your place in this world. "Transsexual menace" isn't just a cutesy little slogan but a political battle cry. It can be an attitude about changing sex, about the lucid and plastic nature of people, and so much more.

The word transsexual was made and popularized, honestly, with the idea that we are separate from others. I think we can take this back and make it ours. We can start by actually making it our own, not the cis world's own.

[feline-evil]

Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Hello Shalom! I hope you're having a good day.

I am a lurker on your blog, seeing someone finding so much belonging in another people brings me joy. I'm sending this because of the post in which you were worried you were a philosemite and to be honest it is a worry that has crossed my mind as well as someone who enjoy tumblr content, conversion blogs and enjoyed learning about Jewish cultures and (I hope) becoming a better ally to Jews.

So, my question would be, what is a philosemite and how not to be one? /gen

First: Thank you, I'm so pleased to know you're here - I feel honored to see you 🩵

So, philosemitism is a specific branch of antisemitism wherein people will often fetishize jewish people, jewish culture, or judaism. I call it antisemitism because - much like chasers for trans people - the problem isn't that you (impersonal) find fascination with another group of people. The problem is that you don't engage with jews and jewish culture from the standpoint of being equals, you specifically will characterize whatever it is that's gotten your attention.

With that in mind... I've been trying my best to avoid even looking like a philosemite because I don't want to be one. I think such a big part of that comes with a territory in that... having jews around you who are comfortable and speak about their experiences helps. Engaging with a jewish community has been really helpful - we talk, joke, laugh, and just... engage person-to-person, and it adds that human connection that brings you closer to others. For many philosemites, they are only happy to engage with the idea of jews but not the idea that jews are people with real feelings. So much of my desire not to be like that is being trans and being subject to many chasers (to clarify, a chaser is somebody who specifically fetishizes trans people).

For many minority groups, there are people who are only willing to engage with the minority insofar as that minority is not a person. The moment that person becomes a person, the illusion falls, and the interest is exposed as, essentially, a sham.

I worry a lot that my intentions are unclear to some, that I don't know how to expose my heart any more than it is now. I remedy that by trying to read, learn, listen, and ponder on actual jewish thought and opinion, and try to engage with as much of jewish culture as I can.

Now, to be clear, not every person with an interest in judaism, jewish culture, or allying themself with jews is a philosemite. That is wholly inappropriate to assume, and I would never apply that label broadly to any non-jew who, like you've expressed, wants to be an ally. The problem arises specifically when the tokenization and fetishization makes one believe that jews are not as human (don't have human thoughts, needs, opinions, complexities, feelings, the things that make us who we are).

[wild-at-mind]

If you ever see me becoming one of those transmisandry people, please fucking call me out immediately.

[moshieee]

Ew, essays :[

I miss the old days of kindergarten when we attempted to color butterflies and ate erasers and glue

-🎁

I hated kindergarten

Essays may suck but at least now I'm not the weird kid in the corner wishing I had friends

However yes I absolutely despise essays with all my being... in fact!

Achievement unlocked: you somehow found a topic moshie hates enough and on a bad day to start them ranting in the tags...

Warning there are curse words, poor spelling, and caps locks

Sorry in advance

[jackass-jones]

Girl help I keep thinking about freaking persona 4

[planetarytransformation]

so many of the transfems i know spent their time pre-transition performing a kind of lifelong exercise in self-deprivation, the goal of which was to find out exactly how little a person needed to live. they starved themselves, dressed carelessly, shunned friends, and hollowed themselves out so as not to be burdens on anyone but themselves.

i see it now, too, in the girls around me. i'll ask if they want care – a home-cooked meal, relaxed company, sex without the expectation of reciprocation – and they say no, no, thank you, i don't need it; what would you like, what do you want, because in their head they're still doing that awful calculus, still training themselves to disappear in the eyes of the people around them.

i don't think i'd have died without transition – not in the conventional sense, at least – but to take that leap, i had to stop thinking of myself as a human experiment in fuel-efficient living and start nurturing the anemic, atrophied flame of desire in my heart. i had to learn to eat well, to exercise, to style myself beautiful, but harder than that, i had to learn to ask the people around me to work on my behalf in order to enrich my life and give me the things i wanted.

and i did it; i learned. and it was agony, but courage is a muscle you can train, and every day i get better at accepting gifts with the hungry gratitude i never learned in my years and years as a sad, scared, lonely boy.

so be patient with the trans girls in your life. better than that: be proactive, attentive, generous; be forceful, if you have to, and learn to distinguish real discomfort from the terrified reflex of self-denial that so many of us once learned to rely on.

and if you are so lucky as to love a trans girl, you must insist upon her. you must insist upon her happiness, her comfort, her pleasure, and her rest, because she may still not yet know how to make those demands for herself. if you can devote any amount of energy to becoming an engine that nurtures the flame of even a single tgirl then there is a place for you in trans heaven, which as far as i'm concerned is the only one worth going to

[reversetimelord]

The takeaway should absolutely be “this guy fucking sucks and shows that trans men can also perpetuate misogyny, transmisogyny and transphobia in general (he also displayed bigotry against transmascs whilst trying to present himself as One Of The Good Guys™️); it’s deeply important to fucking check yourself and not fall into bigotry against your own community as well as others”, not “transmen™️ are all like this, they don’t really experience oppression and transfemmes should stay away from them” as some people seem to be taking it (not OP, her advice is solid)

to the trans girls saying "this would work on me" about that trans guy's guide to fumbling a tgirl, please develop some more self respect, don't let yourself get used by guys like that

[drchucktingle]

i have copied this comment without name because i think it is very kind and respectful and i do not want buckaroos interpreting it the wrong way. PLEASE UNDERSTAND this buckaroo is very sincere and has important points and please respect their way. i am going to answer in a way that is counter to their point and i do not want buds to go after them IN ANY WAY. THEY ARE PROVING LOVE AND THEY HAVE GOOD POINTS

okay here is what i have to say:

i have not transitioned and in this lifetime i do not expect to. i think you have a good point of 'how can you know?' and honestly i cannot know that is just how timelines and reality and perception work

HOWEVER i must caution against this train of thought slightly because what works for one buckaroos MAY NOT WORK for another. every time i talk about my non-dysphoric way there are plenty of well meaning buds, particularly fellow trans buds, who show up with posts in the tone of 'its only matter of time.' like i just do not understand yet.

this reminds me of bisexual buckaroos who are told 'you just do not know you are gay yet'. as difficult as it is to step out of our own dang minds, i implore buckaroos to accept that there VERY JOYFUL AND FULFILLED NON-DYSPHORIC TRANS BUCKAROOS who do not need to transition and never will and are healthy and happy without that. just like there are bisexual buckaroos who are not just on their way to being gay

a good way to look at it is like this: I LOVE MY MALE BODY. i think i am a very handsome buckaroo. i have masculine features in my muscle and height and frame. as far as how fate could have placed me on this timeline I WON MY OWN PERSONAL FOOTRACE. i am up on the podium and i am standing here with a medal around my neck. GOOD JOB CHUCK

HOWEVER when i look down i see that medal is silver. i am not going to lie and say it is gold. it is silver.

YES my gold medal is a female body. that is an objective truth to my trot. i believe my gender way is that of a women, but there is no part of me that is upset about where i have placed.

I GOT SILVER. i am not upset. there is no tragedy. in fact i am OVERWHLEMED WITH JOY not just to be on the podium but to be in this race in the first place. HECK YEAH I DID IT AND I GOT A MEDAL

of course this is not to dismiss the difficult journey of others. many do not feel the way i do and their trot is VALID. a dysphoric way matters and is important and these voices are important. they should be elevated and supported. i understand some do not share this podium imagery, and they feel PAINED by trappings of their body.

i feel so much for this. i understand and care for my dysphoric buds, but the simple truth is that is not my story. i cant just lie and say that it is.

it will never be my story. i cannot say this enough: i love my body. however i STILL believe my truest way is that of a ladybuck. if it was a simple button push to change me, then i would push it without hesitation.

but it is not a simple button push.

talk to almost any buckaroo who has transitioned and they will say 'transitioning is hard'. it takes time and work and money and emotional support. i am in awe of the bravery of buckaroos who trot this path, but all of that is not worth it for something that i already feel good about. SCRATCH THAT, i feel GREAT ABOUT. i feel overwhelmed with joy every day over just existing in this male body that i have been blessed with. YES buckaroo, i feel joy existing in a male body that i know is ladybuck on the inside. it feels interesting a cool and exciting.

but my truest way is STILL a ladybuck trot

i guess i am just trying to say that i love second place. im happy to celebrate it. i think my male body is really dang cool. it is not a 'perfect me' but it is really dang awesome, and i never really bothered with trying to be perfect

[genderqueerdykes]

there really is a cultural pressure for transmascs & men to detransition, and it comes from all sides. it comes from the queer community too, not just terfs and cishet transphobes.

it took me a while to realize why transphobic people and transandrophobic queers utterly despise trans guys & mascs who are over the age of like 25- it's because it pisses them right off that we've resisted their attempts to make us detransition. it makes them so angry to see they were unable to groom that person into a life of self-shame and repression. it really seems like MOST people believe that trans men will just detransition eventually in life? people NEVER think about older trans men, only teenage trans boys and trans men in their very early twenties.

when i was involved with my local punk scene i was addressed with condescension, almost everyone around me didn't accept transmasculinity as a legitimate identity and thought that we would've transitioned by now in life. i encountered folks who would talk about transmasculinity with subtle disgust that made me feel like i was doing something wrong, and people who expressed overt disgust, saying in plain english that they were disgusted by breasts and vaginas because they were gay men. all along the way i was literally mocked for not having a penis, and one of my roommates started treating me differently once they found out i didn't have one (because they were attracted to me)

i've been on T for 9 years, and been out as a trans man for a bit longer than that, and i noticed as i've aged i've also attracted a lot of folks who have tried to deter me from identifying as a trans man, either through directly telling me that trans men are inherently dangerous, or by implying that women or another gender are safer, quieter, calmer, "less traumatizing to be around," etc. one of my exes told me they were terrified to date me (despite literally going out of their way to do so for over half a year) because they were scared i would be transphobic to them because i'm a transmasculine lesbian.

i received pressure from online friends to either detransition and become an intersex butch woman, or to something feminine adjacent or nonbinary. for years i dealt with a few friends who kept subtly hinting that i should stop identifying as a trans man or trans masc because of how awful transmascs are- going as far as to sending me screenshots of transmascs speaking, complaining about them and calling them whiny, annoying. talking about how all transmascs are entitled, how all transmascs take things too personally, how we complain too much, and so on.

people make no effort to make space for transmascs and men. i met 0 transmascs in my local punk community that i was able to stay in contact with. none. i met a few in passing but none that actually were introduced to me in a capacity where i could actually try to befriend them. it really felt like other punks in the scene were desperately trying to keep the transmascs apart at times. excuses were made as to why i couldn't hang out with other transmascs i liked, but i was constantly being forced to befriend transphobic cis gay men and transandrophobic transfemmes who outwardly expressed hatred and disgust of us. it really felt like it was on purpose... almost as if other members of this community wanted our attention, but never wanted us to give each other attention or a sense of community. like we were objects, not people to be included in the community for real. satellite friends, if you will.

i'll be honest with you. i was at my lowest at this point. i realized i wasn't just a trans man and that i'm a genderqueer person who experiences multiple genders, including womanhood and an "other" gender, which was great. however now i was being forced to completely stuff down being a man for the sake of other people. instead of folks telling me they'd rather not hang out with transmascs, folks rather just attempted to guilt me for identifying as such in the hopes i'd stop identifying that way. i was being told daily that trans men and mascs are inherently violent and terrible to be around. i was in discord servers where transmascs were being kicked constantly for getting even slightly upset about transandrophobia, or being unfairly targeted by staff.

it's violence, but nobody wants to call it that. i pulled myself out of there and am now able to contact other transmascs and trans men who are proud of who they are and have elevated me back into a headspace where it's okay to truly be myself. just keep in mind that if you feel like you're in that situation, you're not alone. people who attempt to groom others are often very subtle it's not always up front. they will start slipping in hateful sentiments very slowly and make you feel like maybe they're the ones who are actually right.

it feels good to be an almost 32 year old trans guy. there's nothing to be ashamed about there. people project their feelings on to my gender and that has nothing to do with me. it has nothing to do with you, either. people will just project on to you for whatever reason- hatred is usually the motivator there. if you encounter folks who keep trying to badger you out of identifying as your gender, no matter who you are, transmasc, transfemme, transneutral, trans anything- they are not good for you. they are not your friends. they do not accept you as you are and you deserve so much better.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

big question. i'm cis (afab) and my gf is trans (amab) and i'm sorta having a hard time reconciling something. i've been a hard line feminist since i was about 8, by 12 i was a practical library on everything and anything womens lib. i'm spending a lot more time around trans people especially my gf now and i'm sorta struggling to reconcile the trans experience with my feminism. like- i'll see trans women being like "i hate my body :(" "my voice is awful" "i need [x thing to try to pass] ugh" and like my first thought is always "NO! THATS HOW THEY FUCKING GET YOU!!! THE PATRIARCHY WANTS YOU TO HATE YOURSELF SO YOU ENSLAVE YOURSELF TO CAPITALISM AND LIVE IN A CONSTANT STATE OF NEED FOR NEW PRODUCTS TO WARD OFF THE EVER PRESENT SELF HATRED BROUGHT ON YOU BY SOCIETY" and they go "well then how do i pass/transition?" and i honestly don't know and i also don't know how far it goes before its no longer dysphoria but instead the intentional subjugation of women by patriarchy for profit. i wanna help my fellow ladies but i honestly don't know how to like- apply the feminism i was taught as a child to trans women and i want to learn as soon as possible so that i can start doing it like yesterday

hi there,

I'll be honest: if it feels hard to apply the feminism you learned as a kid to your trans friends, that's probably because the feminism you were taught didn't have trans woman in mind.

luckily, the answer to this is something that I consider to be feminism 101: what a woman does with her body is, ultimately, her fucking business.

listen: I agree with you that the beauty industry(TM) is evil. it's misogynistic, it's exploitative, it thrives by making women feel bad enough about themselves to make them spend money on shit they don't need, etc. we all know this.

now, having said that: women who like makeup or wear heels or get laser hair removal or whatever other asinine thing are not my oppressor, nor are they my enemy. dare I say, we have bigger problems.

we also need to consider that many trans women are coming to these choices from a VERY different place than many cis women are. while I think my fellow cis women really benefit from reminders that they're allowed to stop shaving or wearing eyeliner or dieting or whatever, that's because most of us have had those actions forced on us from very young ages and may genuinely need a hand to feel secure breaking out of those behaviors.

the majority of trans women are not coming from a background where they were encouraged to partake in the same personal grooming habits and modes of presentation as cis women; many of them have, in fact, been ostracized, bullied, threatened, and otherwise hurt because of forays into forms of presentation that are considered feminine. no matter how good your intentions may be, approaching your advice indelicately can, unfortunately, make you come across as no different than any transphobe on the street trying to enforce cisnormative societal expectations. it also must be said that, for many trans women, the ability to "pass" is a matter of security - for having their status as women recognized at all, and to avoid harassment and abuse in public spaces. if you live in America, like I do, politicians in power currently have an extremely explicit anti-trans agenda that can make it harrowing to be visible as a trans person, and trans women in particular are frequently targeted for violence.

there are absolutely critiques to be made the way the many trans women are expected to perform hyperfemininity. the notion that someone is duty bound to drastically change their appearance in order to transition at all is itself extremely rooted in cisnormativity, and "passing" is often contingent on being young, thin, able-bodied, reasonably wealthy, and hewing as closely to Eurocentric standards of beauty as possible. that's not awesome! but that's also not the fault of any individual; no trans person asked to be born into a world where gender norms are so narrow and failing to pass can come with a very real risk of physical danger.

also, if I can circle back to this: again, women who participate in aspects of the beauty industry are not our enemies. there are always going to be some number of women who enjoy doing their makeup or like spending time fussing over their little outfits or want breast implants or whatever. some of those women are going to be trans. my official feminist stance on this is that I don't give a shit, because I believe in bodily autonomy even when it involves things I would not do personally and the choices that individual women make about how they want to style their little meat body don't even crack the top 100 things that I'm worried about right now. it's actually kind of vitally important, politically, that trans people be able to safely pursue their preferred gender expression; while it's not particularly revolutionary for a cis woman to go outside all dolled up, whether a trans woman can do that safely is a pretty basic litmus test for how safe a given space is for queer people. it's a ridiculously low bar, and many places will still fail to clear it.

so, yeah, I don't know, dude. be there to talk to your trans girlies if they want to start unpacking some of the pressure they feel to conform to a very rigid idea of womanhood, but whether or not they can walk down the street in your neighborhood safely is a WAY bigger issue than whether they decide to do voice training or not.

if you really want to cut to the root of the insecurity and vulnerability that the beauty industry thrives on exploiting, your time is much better spent working to ensure the trans women in your life feel safe and supported and have a community where they can find support regardless of how they look.

necessary disclaimer I'm a cis girl, any transfemme folks please share your voice here and feel free to clap my ass if I've said something out of line.

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

i feel like i should add: all of these are good and important points to discuss, but in both this case and in general, i keep seeing people say variations of 'NTA for ending the friendship, but.....'

scorching hot take here, but if you would abandon a rape survivor for engaging in bog-standard therapy that in no way involves you you are a piece of fucking shit and should be censured for it. end of.

like on the one hand it's awful to do to anyone, and i don't want to give ground to the idea that trauma therapy is The Only Valid Reason Someone Would Like Dark Fiction. but that's what it comes down to. if you'd YTA someone into the sun for the bizarre, petty cruelty of doing this to a so-called friend who does breathing exercises to cope with flashbacks to their rape, rip people a new fucking asshole for doing this.

I (26, NB) dropped a long-term friend (23, not disclosing gender, I'll call them X) for being a proshipper, and now they're trying to get in the way of my other friendships.

A little more than a month ago, an old friend from when I was an itty bitty teen on the internet (we met when they were 12 and I was 15 or so) messaged me on twitter asking if we could share discord since they're more active on that platform, and they missed hanging out. Ok, no prob!! I missed talking to X and life was going kinda icky for me at the time. We exchanged discords and started talking more frequently, before we would talk through twitter dms maybe one day every few months, and we went from almost no contact to talking every single day. It was like being a teenager again; we still shared similar interests and we really fast clicked over old and new fandoms we were in. We talked about college and how they're starting to get the hang of their new job but needed support, talked about our family lives, etc., and in general I felt really comfortable and happy to be chatting again with someone I've known for so long. We were inseparable for weeks.

However... of course, as adults, and having known each other for YEARS, we started talking about fandom ships and fics we enjoyed. We didn't have the same taste in pairings, but that was okay. Until it wasn't anymore.

I shared my NSFW twitter with them, and they followed me. A few minutes later X told me, "I see you have "proship DNI in your bio, I just want to let you know that I am a pro-ship and enjoy some things in fandom that you might think is gross. I hope that's okay."

I was kind of weirded out, and told them that as long as they didn't like anything that would be criminal in real life, that's fine. They told me they *did* enjoy things in fiction that they "wouldn't condone in reality" and even though they "don't talk about it publicly" they still wanted me to know. For some reason. ?? Even though they KNOW that I have an irl history of abuse as a kid, they still told me this.

I was so fucking uncomfortable and really, really sad, and honestly I felt betrayed? I stepped away from my account for like, an hour before messaging them back and saying I didn't want to continue talking to them anymore. That I didn't know they were that kind of person and I'm not comfortable being their friend. I didn't read their response to me because I soft-blocked them.

While I was getting over that and trying to move on, a few days later I was talking to another mutual friend of ours when they asked if I was still friends with X. I got chills remembering how I broke off with them, and said no, we weren't talking anymore. That they were the kind of person that made me really uneasy and uncomfortable to be around. The mutual friend, I'll call R, said that X was "feeling kind of down about losing a friend recently" and talked about it in a discord server they share. X didn't mention my name but R wondered if it was me who dropped them since I was really touchy about boundaries online. I freaked out a little thinking about them talking about me, and asked what else they said, and R told me "not much, just that they felt sad but it was your choice in the end because you two were different" and I don't know why but it left a bad taste in my mouth. Were they trying to make people seem like I was the bad guy or something?? Idk.

I told R the reason why I stopped talking to X, and that X is a proshipper who likes things like inc*st and rape, and R wasn't as supportive as I thought he would be, saying that he understood how I felt but if X was being honest and open about their interests, it probably meant they trusted me and didn't want to "lie" to me. I don't understand how that's even relevant if X is a fucking proshipper. I don't want their trust in the first place if that's who they really are, and I felt betrayed that someone I knew for so long was hiding that for me until we were bonding again. R basically dropped it there and said "idk then" and I told him I was going to shut off my notifs for a bit. I really don't want to talk with him again right now especially since he didn't seem THAT bothered by X being a proshipper who's into really criminal shit.

Since then, friends of mine who are also friends with R (because he's a friend of X still, for some reason), haven't been replying to me as much anymore and I'm super sensitive to noticing these things, at first I told myself it was nothing, but there's an obvious decrease in our interactions. I can't help but think that X actually said bad stuff about me, and R didn't want me to know, or maybe X convinced R that I was a terrible person or something. I still haven't read X's reply to me because I genuinely do not want to interact with them ever again, but for the past few days I've been so angry and hurt by my other friend's actions that I can't help but want to blame them, since this all started when I left them.

AITA for dropping a friend because their interests made me SEVERELY uncomfortable? I don't know what to do.

What are these acronyms?

[bitchface24-7]

trans!vik getting all annoyed bc (reader) yapped and mocked how a strap can’t even please someone because it’s just plastic… so he’s gonna prove them wrong… pretty please

ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? - VIKTOR X READER

synopsis: you've been told ever since you were young, that one day your big mouth is going to get you in trouble. After another failed date, your roommate offers to have a few drinks; and for you to bitch to him about these horrid dates. You say one thing that makes him want to prove you wrong, and prove you wrong he does.

warnings: trans!viktor (post-op for his chest), gender-neutral terms for R until smut scene where R is described as AFAB, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, vaginal sex, teasing, dirty talk, degradation/praise, hand/finger kink, voice kink, Grammarly as my beta

genre: m/f or m/m (if you're good with AFAB smut scene)

p.s. Unless asked, I typically assume smut will be AFAB. I can write m/m smut (ie. Steddie on my ao3 account) but I've only had one person specifically ask for a male!reader getting his freak nasty on. So I hope y'all are ok with that

You’re gonna swear off men, honestly! They're useless! The dates are subpar, their manners are atrocious, and the sex is awful!

You say harder, they go faster. You say faster, they go harder. You tell them don't stop, they change the whole momentum. You have to constantly shove their hand back to your clit, but they love rubbing your left lip raw.

The door slams shut as you enter the apartment, you're huffing and stomping the whole way to your room. Until a lovely accented voice stops you in your tracks, “Bad date?”

“The worst!” you explode, damn near ripping your hair out, “I’m swearing off men, I'm done!”

Viktor’s lips thin as he holds in his laugh, “That bad? Wanna bitch to me as we have a few shots?”

You look at him, your eyes wide in admiration, “Please? I love you, oh my god!”

“Go get comfortable, feel like we're going to be talking for a while.”

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

You've changed into your pajamas, an oversized shirt and pj shorts. You see Viktor already sitting on the couch with a bottle of sourpuss blue liquor. You giggle at his choice, it's one of your favourites. It tastes like blue raspberry jolly ranchers and it's like 15% alcohol. Strong enough to get you buzzed and not wake up with a hangover.

You bound over to the couch and hop into your spot, a shot is already poured for you and you take it gratefully and shoot it back.

"Men are awful. They don't listen to instructions, don't know what foreplay is, and completely focus on themselves. I should just stick with my vibrator."

Viktor chokes as he laughs, "It's sad that you're right." Viktor takes his shot, "You deserve better."

You smile at the handsome man. God, why can't you build up the guts to flirt with him? He's so beautiful, both inside and out. You've had a crush on him ever since you met him but he became such a good friend; you didn't want to ruin it.

"Thanks Viktor."

He pours two more shots, he shoots his back and he hands you yours. You stare at him, his long neck, his pretty side profile. God, he's ruining you and he's not even doing anything to you.

"Why don't you hook up with a woman? Or a trans man? They'll know what they're doing."

"Uh..." You stutter out, you take your shot, "Real dick doesn't feel that good, I can't imagine a plastic one feeling any good. Also, I want my partner to feel pleasure too!"

Viktor's golden eyes narrow at you, and you feel small under his stare, "We do."

"Do what?"

The pretty mans demeanor freezes, his eyes dart across your face as his lips purse, "You don't know?"

"Know what?"

"I'm trans."

You lick your lips and hum in consideration, "I would've never assumed. I always thought you were just a very handsome man."

Viktor deeply inhales as he looks at you, his eyes darken, "Handsome?"

You bite your lip and Viktor's eyes immediately zero in on it, "Mhmm."

"So..." Viktor starts as he casually leans back, his arm draped across the back of the couch, his fingers playing with your hair, "Shall I show you how good plastic can feel?"

There's only one thing you can say to that.

"Yes please."

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Viktor ushers you to his room, it's nice and tidy with a cluttered desk, there's some posters and pictures on his walls, you don't get a clear look because before you know it; Viktor is kissing you.

His lips are soft and you quietly moan at the feeling. God this is already feeling better than all the hookups you've had to endure.

You gasp in shock as Viktor pushes you onto his bed. He get's on top of you, straddling your waist and kisses you again. He pulls away and you feel like you can't breath, he's so hot you feel like your brain is malfunctioning.

He fiddles with the hem of your top and looks imploringly at you, you nod quickly and then you're half naked in front of your best friend. You're tempted to cover your chest but you don't when you catch the look on Viktor's face. It's hungry, he licks his lips as he observes every inch of exposed skin. He brings his hands up to your chest and fondles it, pinching your nipples, he drags his hands down so his nails scrap your sides, he rubs your hips.

You're getting kissed again, then he moves to your check, down your neck to your chest, down your abdomen; leaving a trail of hickeys his way. His fingers hook into the top of your shorts and he tilts his head to the side, "May I?" his voice is rich, deep, and rumbly.

You whine out a yes as you nod. Then you're fully naked in front of Viktor as he's still fully clothed in his own t-shirt and lounge pants.

A broken moan escapes your lips as he kisses and nips your thighs, sucking your clit into his mouth. Fuck fuck fuck. He's amazing. You squeal when he adds a finger into your entrance. His long, nimble finger searching until you cry out. He found your g-spot.

He adds another finger and abuses your pussy and he sucks harshly on your clit. God, you could've had this this entire time if you had the guts to flirt with Viktor. Maybe even just asking him would work.

That's how he got you here in the first place.

You cum with a shout and grip his hair tightly. He doesn't let up, doesn't change anything about his pace or strength. He only stops when you pitifully whine and push his head away.

He does as he's told, his face is red, his lips are shiny, and he climbs up and kisses you. You can taste yourself on his lips, it's kind of a turn on.

Viktor gets up and strips himself of his shirt and pants, now he's completely nude. He's lean, lithe, but still has a small bit of muscle on him. You have to squint to see his scars on his chest, they're small and incredibly well healed.

Your eyes trail down and you see a happy trail. Then there's a small bush of auburn curls surrounding his dick. His lips are flushed and puffy. You can see a shimmer of arousal.

A chuckle is heard, "Take a picture, it'll last longer."

He walks to his nightstand and pulls out a strap, a nice sized cock, and a bottle of lube. He harnesses himself, inserts the cock, and get's back into bed with you, "You ready?"

"Please, I need it." You whine out as you open your legs farther. Viktor growls and opens the lube, coating his cock and your entrance, you gasp at the cold feeling.

He positions himself and slowly pushes in. His phenomenal head game and the lube has made the slide incredibly easy. You hear a slight squish and you feel like dying.

Viktor stills for a moment, "You okay? Can I continue?"

You just nod and grasp at his shoulders, your nails digging into his skin. He slowly but surely starts to pound into you, and you're a moaning mess.

He chuckles, "Plastic doesn't feel good, huh? Look at you, you're taking it like a needy slut. You're so good for me. So pretty. I've wanted to do this for months."

"Fuck, Viktor. Please keep talking! You sound so good."

"Yeah? You like my voice? You're not very subtle. I see how you shift in your seat as I talk to you, when I yell. You bite your lip and flutter your eyes like a common whore. Don't get me started on how you look at me when I work with my hands."

You whine in embarrassment, your pussy clenching as more arousal leaves you, "You can't blame me! You're so nonchalantly hot it's frustrating! I've wanted you for so long, with my stupid embarrassing crush on you. But I didn't want to ruin anything." You state in between moans.

Viktor halts for a second before truly pounding you into the bed, "Fuck! We could've been doing this all this time but you had to go out and fuck other people. You need to make it up to me."

"I will, I promise! Fuck you're gonna make me cum."

All you can do is squeal as a massive orgasm takes over you, Viktor thrusts a few more times before he stops, a shiver wracking his body as he groans.

He slowly pulls out of you, unhooks his strap, and plops onto his back next to you, "Did you cum?" You breathily ask. Viktor laughs at that, "You sound like all those guys you complained about." "Shut up. Did you, it looked like you did but I couldn't feel it."

"I did. My harness has a vibrator option so I get to feel good too."

"Oh," You sigh, trying to catch your breath, "if you didn't cum I was going to tell you to sit on my face."

"I lied, I didn't cum."

You laugh and smack him in the arm, he laughs with you and cuddle up.

"Next time." He says contently as he wraps his arms around you, putting his chin on top of your head. You smile at that, "Next time."

A small silence is shared before you break it, "We're dating now, right?" Viktor snorts at your question, "I thought we we're on the same page, guess not. Yes darling, we're dating now."

"Good." You state as you kiss his collar bone, the two of you shimmy under the duvet and pass out. The thin white sheet perfect for keeping you comfortable.

You can't wait for next time.

BRO WHEN I FIRST WROTE THIS MY APP GLITCHED AND ALL THE WRITING I DID AFTER THE READ MORE SPLIT WAS DELETED!!! I SWITCHED TO MY LAPTOP AFTER THAT

I was so mad I was calm, I re-wrote everything so I hope y'all like it! ❤️