#oops moshie got emotional

[moshieee-but-evil]

Hey @bunnybunnsowo @dia-smthidk @rabid-mercenary15 sorry for the @ s again

I just wanted to say you guys don't or never have to do anything for me for this holiday

Simply seeing that my words are appreciated and not thrown to the side means the world to me and made me cry a little

Before I sent the asks and notes I was worried that they would be seen as too much and was mostly running off anxious energy for a few days leading up to now

Seeing that you all care made that anxious energy disappear and is partially why I'm so tired now, but that's a good thing

Sorry for being a bit emotional about this it's a happy day for me and I hope it's a happy day for you all too

Sorry if this is too much

meant to send this sooner but wanted to make sure I was spelling right

I'm going to take a nap but hace an alrn set so I don't slep too muuch

[moshieee]

Just realized how fudged up it is that little elementary school me, (who was bullied constantly and had no friends), was called into the principal's office with my mom, only to be told that I "liked being the victim" and put myself in positions that "encouraged being picked on".

Sorry, no, my bad, my mother was told this. I sat there shaking, because I thought I was in trouble with the only people that seemed like they cared about me.

The principal never spoke to me once during the conversation.

[moshieee-but-evil]

It's a silly evil Thoooo (originally it was just designed so I could do SpOoOky art)

The only "evil acts" I do here is I talk about personal stuff, dont use tags for long posts, and can curse or occasionally pretend to be mean gshbevjsvga

Also NUH UH uno reverse cards only reverse the direction

sense there's three of us it's just gonna come at you from another angle

Accept you're an banger artist ooOoOooO 🪄✨

let your moots tell you which one you are!!!

[studyabroadtosunderland]

I don’t listen to many popular artists, so this assignment got me outside of my indie music comfort zone. Since I was really unfamiliar with popular English music, I looked up a list of the top ten artists from the past ten years. I saw some familiar faces, like the Arctic Monkeys and Mumford and Sons. However, I chose to listen to Florence and the Machine, because many of my friends listen to her and have recommended her music to me. Also, I really like her style, being a fellow redhead and also really enjoying her sort of woodsy, fantasy-like style. I’m referring to the lead singer, Florence Welch. The band is comprised of two women: Florence Welch and Isabella “the Machine” Summers. Summers a keyboardist. They created the band back in 2007, releasing their first single in 2008 called “Kiss with a Fist” with Moshi Moshi Records. Their first Album, Lungs, quickly rose to the top 40 albums in England in 2009. One particular song, “Dog Days are Over”, rose to the number 21 spot on the charts. They quickly became a popular and mainstream band.

I have listened to a few songs by Florence and the Machine before. I have listened to “Dog Days are Over” (I actually hear it in the Cage today), and my high school choir sang their song “Shake it Out” when I was a senior. I already had an idea what she sounded like, but I wanted to listen to some of her less mainstream songs. To make this more fun, I gathered my pals to work on some homework and listen to Florence and the Machine (here they are so you can picture the scene).

We just typed Florence and the Machine in Spotify and hit shuffle. We ended up listening to “Shake it Out” and “Dog Days are Over” again, but we also listened to songs like “Sky Full of Song”, “Hunger”, “Spectrum” and a few more in the mix (we spaced out a little into our homework and ended up listening to Florence for over two hours. Oops). Their music has some reoccurring themes of love and lust, as well as deep and emotional songs about coping with mental illness, recovery, losing loved ones, and heartbreak. Florence has an extremely unique, raspy, alto voice that makes this band so distinct. I cannot think of another artist who would have a similar voice to Florence. The style also swings wildly. They have many soulful, pop songs highlighting the eerie nature of Florence’s voice. They also have very preppy, upbeat songs, as well as a couple of high-energy dance tunes. They also have a  great cover of “Stand By Me” thrown in there. I overall really enjoyed the music and the ethereal tone in Florence Welch’s voice. They have a very unique style of music that caters to many audiences. It’s very understandable why they became popular so fast. Both women are very talented, and it is also not often you come across a group completely comprised of women that creates such empowering music. I would wholeheartedly listen to Florence and the Machine again.

[moshieee-but-evil]

This is an oops moshie got emotional moment ~

don't mind me and just scroll on past but it's not like I can stop you just use your judgement

Make sure to read the tags first though

(my problems are mine and I just need to write and put them out there to process everything you don't need to do anything)

I want to be viewed as kind and to be kind to others don't get me wrong

...

Is it strange sometimes I worry people only see me as a kind person?

But... Does being kind count as a personality when it's the only thing to me, is that all I have to me?

And that makes me concerned, if i don't have a personality... does that mean I'm even fully a person?

This is how my anxiety works it digs into one thought and starts spiraling, maybe that's why I'm so good at picking up on small details... details that sometimes don't even mean anything

when talking to other people I try my best to choose my words carefully like they have the same problems

That's cute, it's fine, i'm fine...

Just a few of the words I try to avoid because they've hurt me in the past, even though I know not everyone has the same issues

I worry that if I choose a wrong word I could make others start to spiral as well, or that they'll dig into it and notice something is wrong

I try to treat everyone like they have the same kind of worries I do if not more, even though I know we're all different

Perhaps that's why I worry that they'll worry, about me if I make the slightest slip up, but I don't want to force my problems or emotions onto other people...

I grew up with two parents who did that constantly as I grew up and I know how awful that feeling of being trapped in trying to... In needing to help others is, I don't want that for anyone

I worry that if I let people care for me, to listen to my problems or try to help I'll be like my parents...

And even though I know people care about me, my brain sometimes tells me I won't get reassurance, and it will just hurt if I'm ignored, or just unnoticed

It makes me feel entitled when I make a small slip up and I feel hurt by it going unnoticed, which is selfish of me

People have no way of knowing, and I don't want them to worry and look into everything I say, I don't want to make this difficult for people who care, and yet I still do this...

Either way I don't know what I want, I don't even know what I want by saying this, perhaps to get it out of my head so I can look at my thoughts better, like if I was trying to reassure another person, to give them advice...

I don't know if I want reassurance or to be ignored because both feel awful, other people already have so many problems they need to deal with, they shouldn't have to deal with me being whiny about my feelings

I'm sorry if you decided to read this and it makes you feel like you need to reach out please please PLEASE know it's not necessary.

I won't stop anyone doing what they want. but do not, do it out of a feeling of obligation

And now that I got that out of my system, let's just move on!

I like keep things positive and I'll do my best to sort this out myself after all it's the reason I have a therapist!

Have a wonderful day everyone I love yall :D

[moshieee-but-evil]

Old art/comic I kept forgetting if I posted or not but it's been in my drafts forever

I don't ever really explained what mosh-mosh at least partially represents for me

Mostly inspired by -> this masterpiece

I really recommend playing it... It's made me cry several times... And it's helped me come to terms with my own problems more...

[moshieee-but-evil]

Ace ace ace ace ace I'm going to tackle you oh my god. I also have a lot of these and I mainly relate to Gangle because I have bipolar (obviously I recommend to try and get an official diagnosis mood disorders overlap a lot) I am too emotionally charged today I think, because seeing this genuinely is making me tear up.

I absolutely adore the idea of this and as long as you're trying to be genuine (not making jokes at expensive of the conditions) and have proper research for ones you don't have the most experience with, people are going to relate/love it and I personally would love to see if you continue to develop this concept

Also I would love to help characterize Gangle if you have any questions about bipolar disorder or just want help

Au be upon ye. I NEED A NAME GUYS HDWUBFIHOIW

Again, i feel the need to say: I am not a professional by any means and just wanted to make an interesting au that could be fun.(im diagnosed with ADHD anxiety and depression, im 98% sure I have BPD, and im 90% sure i have OCD, so Id be basing it off of what I know plus personal experiences) Please inform me of any misinformation I may have spread, as this was not even remotely intended to come off as offensive.

ANYWAY I SHOULD EXPLAIN THE DESIGNS

I think Gangle is self explanatory. Tragedy and Comedy?

Zooble is based on what kinda made me think I had it. Everything needs to be a specific way. I wanted it to be ironic as they have a protractor and pencil and eraser to fix things to their liking, but then their design itself is a bit chaotic.

Kinger already gave adhd energy originally so i kinda just bade the boy unable to sit still LOL if anyone has ideas let me know

Ragatha, I wanted to dress her in something physically and mentally comfortable tbh

NOW I DIDNT CHANGE MUCH OF POMNI AND LET ME TELL YOU WHY! 1. Pomnis design draw attention EASILY with its colors, which makes her feel like everyones looking at her. 2. Shes a jester, so it feels to her like everyone is laughing at and judging her. 3 i wanted to incorporate ways for her to self sooth. Grabbing her hat, flicking her bells, rubbing the soft fabric, squeezing the chest and torso puffs, etc.

Jax? Well I just wanted to make him look comfy and confident. He WANTS eyes on him, unlike Pomni, and he goes out of his way to make others pay attention to him.

but uh yeah. thoughts?

[moshieee-but-evil]

You know what ?

It’s 3:06 AM and I’ll finally go to sleep

Good night mosh, you’re the best ✨️

Good sleep is important

There's so many times at this point I'll just call people out if I see them up last midnight...

Besides my close friends here who I have time checks set up for... I like checking in on them

sometimes when I'm anxious it feels like at least one way I can stay connected to them...

[moshieee-but-evil]

I'm realizing that part of the reason I'm starting to show how "chaotic" I am here is because society as I grew up was like "no, bad, pretend to be nuro-typical" *light smack on the wrist*

So this was basically a place for me to be how I was but people actually started following me I was worried I would drive people away so I put up a front

But now that I have friends who are also similar to me I feel safe enough to start dropping my ideal of how "normal" people act (was often told to act normal not that I assume those people are)

So I guess that's another reason I feel I'm so glad I have my amazing friends on here

[moshieee-but-evil]

Upset

[moshieee-but-evil]

Tiny bit of a vent

This was supposed to be practice but it turned into a slight vent bc sometimes I'm tired of being in pain

[moshieee]

It's okay and fine to rant, I do it all the time

And I don't mind listening/reading, since it's healthy and can sometimes (depending on the person ofc) help relieve even a little bit of weight from their shoulders, if that makes sense lol

-🎁

I... I guess it's just that this is supposed to be the fun silly art blog...

Thank you for listening it was supposed to be funny ironically but I kind of just felt bad at the end

And honestly I should be saying this stuff to my therapist or people in my life it shouldn't affect it here... not on this blog

[moshieee-but-evil]

Small vent ignore me~ mhmhmmmhh

Spiraling in my tears

It starts when I start listening to those lies

Those small little lies that are never in short supply

Some days I can ignore them tugging at my eyes

But sometimes I can't stop them from making me cry

Now with my face is covered in tears I start to spiral

I cry as I start to repeat this stupid stupid cycle

The tears become my eyes

They change how I see

Am I truly a friend?

Am I truly a person who is kind

Or am I simply trying to buy time

Before I will be left behind

If I stop being a happy version of me

If I stop being a energetic version of me

If I stop for a single moment reaching out to those I care about so much

Will they finally feel they can leave me as we fail to stay in touch

And then more tears

More thoughts

More lies

As I continue to cry

I give in and listen

crying is wrong

being so caring is wrong

asking for help is wrong

my choices are wrong

I am wrong

I know in reality what I see are lies

I know in reality what I hear is not true

But then again

Please let my tears pass

Let them stop

Let me see reality again

[moshieee-but-evil]

Look I just want to vent because I need some way to say this

Don't read this if you don't want to ...

Really all my mental illnesses, and emotions in general they mess with my life so much and I'm sick of it

Exhaustion

Iwish I could just murder my anxiety and depression

I'm exhausted of feeling like I could loose everyone I care about just by existing because of them growing bored or fed up with me

I'm exhausted of the feeling of self doubt even though they specifically say that I'm a kind person and enjoy being around me

I'm exhausted of my brain constantly whispering about how they could just be lying and actually hate me

I'm exhausted of feeling that if I cause the smallest problem I'm the worst person to ever exist

I'm exhausted of my emotions being so easy to affect by the smallest thing

I'm exhausted of being torn between wanting reassurance and wanting to bury all my feelings because it will inconvenience them with how often I break down

The worst part is that it doesn't matter what people say

It doesn't matter because my brain hates me and will just find a way to twist wanting reassurance into me just wanting attention

Maybe this is just me being exhausted or because I'm feeling sick or fucks sake it could be because I was raised to be the family therapist and now I don't want anyone to experience anything close to that

But I just want a break I just want to feel like I'm appreciated as a friend without the self doubt and hate nagging at me

I don't know what to do to get that maybe it's meds maybe it's therapy but I'm just not sure and I'm just so exhausted of feeling this way

not of life I'm not going anywhere I care about people I've met and I'm friends with too much