#like I feel like they HAVE to say it but how many adult women with adhd have they treated
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sg-444 · 1 day ago
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Okay, let's talk Eric Frankenstein.
I've seen plenty of fans on here all but excuse Eric's actions as the actions of a child, even in scenes from the present day. To build on this post and many others like it, it is true... to a certain extent.
(btw, this response isn't targeted to who i'm reblogging- just in general to the response on this show from people all over the internet, and i think this post is a good building block-)
I think the analysis across the internet of Dr. Frankenstein's bad parenting is 100% correct- he did not provide a good environment for the Bride nor Eric to grow in. But, like any other person, you will be a product of your environment but once you've become an adult, it is your responsibility to learn and grow from it. If you do not and remain an entitled man-child, you can pinpoint the root of the issue but you cannot excuse it to a certain point.
The same case is here with the Bride and Eric.
I've seen countless people claim that, while Eric's actions are wrong, he has a child's brain stuck in an adult body- and i find that to be infantilization. It begs the question, "Why do we continue to infantilize men?" Don't forget, the Bride and Eric are the product of the same man, the same home. In the present day, they're BOTH close to 200 years old. What is the reason why the Bride has grown, and Eric has not? The Bride is never acknowledged as anything other than an adult woman with a sound mind (which she is), while Eric has ALSO lived 200 years, most of them after the Doctor's death, and has many lived experiences and opportunities to learn and grow. So why do we use this excuse for Eric and not the Bride? He wasn't raised right, but neither was the Bride. The Bride is grown, a capable adult, with empathy (despite her reluctance in showing it) and not as much psychopathic behavior as Eric has displayed... depending, but it is with a different context... the Bride kills a man brutally for abusing a s*x worker and potentially being a threat to Nina, while Eric kills, often, for no apparent reason or from entitlement, or insecurity.
So why do we continue to excuse Eric's actions as anything but as the actions of an entitled, violently misogynistic, delusional man? He may have been a child trapped in a Monster's body in flashbacks, but in the present day the same issues persist. Once again, it has been close to (or over, not entirely sure) 200 years. More time than any human with an equally shitty childhood is granted, and slightly more time than even the Bride has had to mature.
Eric kills Dr. Frankenstein, not to save the Bride, but out of anger, because he views the Bride as a possession, HIS possession, and at that point in time, it might be correct to argue that he has the brain of a child having a tantrum.
But then the behavior persists. For almost 200 more years.
In the present day, we see that Eric has not grown from the person he was in the Bride's flashbacks- he still feels entitled to the Bride.
The Bride, to Eric, is a possession, and he is the rightful owner. She was made for him, and that is that. He surrounds himself with (presumably, from the context) yacht girls/sex workers when we see him in the present day, because he still, after so long, only views women as shiny, beautiful things to look at. In flashbacks, he is not interested in a wife that even knows how to speak, let alone read, or think. He does not want a woman who can speak or think. He does not want a "woman". He wants a possession, a shiny figurine to have on display.
We see the progression of the Bride's and Eric's "relationship", again, through flashbacks- going through nearly 200 years of him stalking her, and her telling him "No" over and over. He never listens, he never learns. He CHOOSES not to see, he chooses to be steadfast in what he believes- that she belongs to him.
I would say that 200 years is enough to learn the meaning of "No." We are shown time and time again that Eric does not WANT to know better. He chooses to live in his delusion. Bogdona begs him to stay, that the Bride does not love him, but that Bogdona loves him. Still, Eric sees being alone as worse than death. But what he cannot see is that, he was not alone with her, and if he had chosen to stay, she wouldn't have to live alone and he would probably be better off there than chasing a fantasy of a woman who in reality, doesn't want anything to do with him. And so, he kills Bogdona. Yes, it is childish in the way that he still views love as a fantasy. Yes, in his twisted mind, he is doing her a favor, and yes, it is still in the earlier days of his existence. But as time passes, Eric still lives in delusion. We can see him talking to Rick Flag Sr., equating both of their love lives to romantic movies. That is because he lives in a fantasyland.
Yes, Eric has the mindset of a child, but let's all analyze that through the lens of your modern age incel, rather than equating him to an actual child when he is not. He speaks eloquently, and he's very worldly about many things. He's been to many different places, and has had experiences with many different people, such as Bogdana. So has the Bride. That is why, when we see him in the present and he still has no understanding of social cues, boundaries, or consent, we should be viewing it how it really is- Eric is not a child, he is the same as a human incel playing video games in his parents' basement. It is not that he is not capable of growth or understanding, he is just as capable as the Bride, he chooses to remain stagnant, entitled, and like a child throwing a tantrum.
Eric is not a child, he is an adult man, and like many adult men, he still has childish tendencies that present themselves in the worst ways- feeling as though women belong to him, owe him something, are NOTHING else outside of him. And it is by CHOICE.
If the Bride can be a capable adult who understands boundaries and doesn't reek of entitlement, then so can Eric.
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ERIC IS A CHILD MONSTER
We have all somewhat forgotten what made Frankenstein's monster fascinating and disturbing at the same time, and James Gunn with Creature Commandos has managed to remind us of that for good measure.
Being a childlike creature, a child in its own right but with devastating physical potential makes its every action unpredictable and threatening.
The creature's first words, along with the effects of human gestation, also identify it as a human child. Picking up on Mary Shelley's book: "His eyes—if eyes they may be called—were fixed on me. His jaw opened, and he muttered some inarticulate sounds while a grin wrinkled his cheeks […] one hand stretched out to detain me, but I escaped and rushed downstairs”. Despite Frankenstein’s response of revulsion, the Creature’s initial behavior seems very much like that of an infant, reaching out with a grin and a gurgle for his parent.
Although Victor Frankenstein reacts with revulsion, the creature's initial behavior seems very much like that of an infant, reaching out with a smile and a gurgle toward its parent.
For all intents and purposes in Creature Commandos we find this version of the monster with an extremely selfish mentality. It has no problem threatening its creator with death, demanding a wife like a child demands to have the toy at the supermarket. If he wants something then he will have it; human lives are worth only when it suits him. The Bride for Eric is a perfect wife, he describes her as we might describe a figurine, we like her and we take her. It is also doubly disturbing how Eric manages to talk amicably about his obsession, as if it were totally normal to own Bride all to himself, a love he says is complex: "My bride, she plays these little fetch me games, but she knows inside, as i do, that we are destined to be together ."
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Just as in the series, Frankenstein's creature would not have become monstrous if Victor had taken care of him and provided him with a nurturing environment once he brought him to life, as a parent would do for their child.
Victor's neglect of the creature in the book, which we recall describes him as "more horrible than belongs to humanity," sets him up to be deprived forever of any sense of belonging.
A big thought to say that certain toxic and possessive mentalities can be beautifully avoided if one engages with education. And I will repeat myself as always but as the beginning of the new DC universe in the movie and TV world, I couldn't have asked for better ❤️
But hey, this series is the same as Guardians of the Galaxy so it's not worth watching.cit
(I WAS SARCATIC HERE DON'T WORRY )
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tinystepsforward · 4 months ago
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ngl it makes me want to die a little bit that it's so often trans people who feel that sex is mutable but oppression is always-forever based on asab in ways that allow them to demand that information from other trans people. like it feels fucking bad. it feels bad when it's people holding up someone who posts a lot of selfies as transition goals to a degree they have to clarify what they have or haven't done or what "direction" they're going in, it feels worse when people are out there like "caster semenya is not tma" or whatever the fuck. i am, as always, not a trans woman, but here's a sentiment echoed by many of the trans women around me who log the fuck off, quoted directly from one: "people who draw a clear line where they say that semenya or khelif are tme and then call me tma are just calling me male at this point".
like i get it. i really do. we seek community and shared experiences, and we feel betrayed when people have less in common with us than we thought they did. [*more on this later.] but that's not those people's faults and my god in the case i'm seeing play out on twitter rn this poor person did absolutely nothing to intentionally mislead people, just posted pictures of their actual kid self. who looks a lot like i did, because shockingly enough "we can always tell" doesn't fucking work for trans people either!
on the one hand i move in intersex circles which are unapologetically welcoming in cis "dyadic" people with pcos, because it serves nobody to draw a clear line where mutilation or genetics or some ineffable childhood suffering are what make somebody intersex, especially when most of us (esp in places like nz) have never been karyotyped and are being treated for symptoms without a pinned-down cause anyway. the more of us there are the stronger we are, the more pressure we can exert on a medical profession which doesn't like to consider how common outliers are, how uneasy sex is at all. and then on the other hand there's dyadic trans people on the internet who've yelled me out of spaces because a couple of traumatised incarcerated trans women i worked with as a prison abolitionist assumed i was also a trans woman and i didn't immediately tell them my entire csa-involved history of being sexed in varying ways as an infant and child and/or exactly how big my phallus was at birth or where in my junk config my urethra lives so they could decide i was tme or whatever.
returning to the * for a related but not identical thought: i think presuming shared experiences leads to some fucked shit in general! "oh we all had a radfem phase" or "oh we all were channers" no we fucking weren't and it's particularly obnoxious when me & mine are trying to build trans community locally to organise and resist the growing wave of far-right backlash against our existence, and there's just white people in there on a spectrum from "straight up being antisemitic and trying to get the n-word pass" through "handwringing about how they need to make space for people who aren't politically correct" to "handwringing about how brown people are right to be mad at them but doing shit fuckall". and then the other fucking brown people in the space are on some identity politics shit where they're like "trans joy inherently excludes those of us who could get deported" or "big city white queers are killing us by being visible instead of going stealth bc it stirs up the discourse" or whatever the fuck i've heard pulled out this year. there's a bunch of reasons i primarily organise outside of trans spaces and that's one of them. i've never felt more alone in spaces where people claim we're all the same than being left as the brownest moderator or organiser in a space full of people to whom "this is a safe trans space" apparently means they get to abdicate all other responsibilities not to lapse into presumed shared patterns that are fucking racist or otherwise alienating. i've never felt more alone than surrounded by exclusively trans people who sort people into boxes and assume everyone in those boxes has the transition goals they have. like i was on cypro until it disagreed with me to the point of endocrine crisis and now i'm on t and at both those points people were so fucking presumptive or entitled to my reasons or journey or personal relationship w my body
literally just submitted on (and was invited to consult on) the nz law commission's review of the human rights act and like. it's straight up fucked how many nz trans people fully do not comprehend that any "sex assigned at birth" type definitions fundamentally exclude migrants who have no way of proving it and many intersex people who happen to have been reassigned later or many times or never assigned at all as a baby. we can't make law with this shit and that's why we have to have symmetrical protections for all genders/sexes/expressions/presentations, bc naming and defining a protected class here often leaves the people who already are left out from those shared experiences of marginalisation out in the cold when they face violence
#reblogs turned off because obviously i'm already bracing to be pilloried for saying one thing not quite correctly or whatever#and also bc i have zero interest in having this be boosted by trans dudes on their own transandrophobia agenda either#i'm just venting#but frankly the first time i got yelled at for saying that as an intersex person some of the immense violence i experienced as a child#was motivated by transmisogyny#i was a teenager and it was someone a fair bit older than me with more local clout so like. it's been a decade. how is it worse now.#intersex spaces have made SO much progress and yet#also yes i'm femme! i'm femme in a trans way! many dykes who aren't women are!#many of us got more comfortable w it as adults who had gender agency!#in literally the same way it took my wife ages after transitioning to work out she's also butch and doesn't actually want to do femme thing#bc that's a shared experience in how we've navigated the expectations of womanhood before opting out of the parts we don't want!#anyway the lawcomm shit was fucked bc honestl i don't give a shit if someone lost their gonads as an adult in an accident#they should be protected even if they don't consider themselves intersex#and we know that gender as an axis of oppression comes back to the reproduction of the nuclear family#and that cis women who can't have kids sometimes become the political football though ofc not as much by far and like#idk. y'all ever heard about solidarity? sometimes i feel like i'm back in the place where the loudest traumatised person at the party#is yelling at another young woman like “you'll never understand what it's like to be a victim”#when said young woman was assaulted the week before.#a politics that starts by defending and defining oneself w oppression kinda fucking sucks actually#and intersex people stopped policing intersexness by who got mutilated a long time ago#bc actually we want the generations ahead to not get that treatment#and when i see “trans elders” going on about how “if you pass and got on hrt before 18 you're not trans like i am” i'm like. why! what!#anyway. tired.#may regret this. we shall see#tony muses
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itspileofgoodthings · 2 months ago
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remember when you hit the brakes too soon! twenty stitches in a hospital room! when you started crying baby I did too! but when the sun came up I was looking at you!
#remember when we couldn’t take the heat#I walked out said I’m setting you free#but the monsters turned out to be! just! trees!#when the sun came up you were looking at me!!!!#oh you were looking at me#😭♥️😭😭😭😭😭#do you ever think about how moments of connection in Taylor songs is so rare#just. that moment when the beloved is looking back AT her —it almost never happens#and when it does she’s so quick to write it down and hold on to it forever#locked in her steel-trap memory#you almost ran the red cause you were looking over at me#I am always thinking about Ann Powers saying that a Taylor song is just Taylor alone with a man creating the world of the Moment#whatever it is#and most of the time it’s profoundly lonely#the thing Taylor does NOT have (I believe) are friendships that go to the core#that are personal and individual —where she is Seen and Loved#and so she’s still looking for it in romance and mostly not finding it 😭#but man there is something so poignant about Taylor writing from and filling in the silences of a space so many women find themselves in#alone with a man who won’t look at them#I have never been there and venture to predict I never will be#but Taylor has lived most of her adult life there#and then the other half doing the work of transcribing it#shakes me to my CORE#anyways to circle back for a second—out of the woods HAS the moment of connection#and it feels as raw and vulnerable and simple as it probably was#like. for a second we really are just in the hospital room with them#when she says—when you started crying baby I did too I can SEE her just standing there#all nearly 6 feet of her probably in her little ski outfit tears streaming down her face!#but it’s still a point of connection because he’s looking back at her in that moment#I have made myself cry
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dragoninahumancostume · 2 months ago
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My favorite part of being alive is that I've never felt welcome in any space except for that one year when I thought I was a non-binary bisexual asexual girl when I was 13 :)
#Before that I was a weird kid whose only source for human communication instructions was the shows on CN Nickelodeon and Disney XD/Channel#And even though I had friends I never felt loved enough#And AFTER that I realized I was more of a trans guy and that I don't trust women enough to know if I could be in love with one but that#maybe I like men but I can't know for sure because I have the bad habit of falling for any guy who pays attention to me for long enough#And I haven't felt included in queer spaces ever since I realized I wasn't any sort of girl because people in here seem to hate men a little#too much for me to feel safe being anything but a gnc emo girl#And not even getting started on being gay cause people on online spaces that I'm around often act like “girls and the gays!!” as if I'm#effeminate and flamboyant just for my sexuality when truly I'm heavily uncomfortable doing anything deemed as girly#vent post#And even the thought that I MIGHT be a straight trans guy makes me feel horrible cause so many queer people seem to hate straight people#Like hi did you forget that this place is supposed to make people feel safe and respected and proud of being themselves#Oooh and don't forget the autism! Cause I get why people complain about the diagnosis being only for cis white boys but like#I've literally never seen that. Ever. I'm not saying it doesn't happen I'm just saying that it's much harder for me to find any sort of#online diagnosis tool for someone who's not an adult or a parent or a cis woman than it is for me to find any for a girl#Like seriously man#And how I feel like I'm a horrible person for not having g empathy. DUDE I HAVE MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES THAT I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO KNOW ABOUT#like chill I'm not automatically a murderer and rapist and toxic and manipulative just cause I can't put myself in someone else's shoes#I'm just a guy who hardly feels alive or human. Of course I'm not going to reel very much about a stranger when i feel like I'm not supposed#to be this person in this place in this body in this mind. I don't feel like I'm here I don't feel like this is me and I don't feel like I#can care about other people and I don't know why but I'd really appreciate it if I could get yk some support instead of feeling like I#deserve death#anyway i'm normal
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hawnks · 1 year ago
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not to talk shop on a wednesday morning but I feel like every therapist says they have experience treating adhd but they’re not really…. all that experienced. or at least not experienced with people who are out of highschool…..
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roastedinmarch · 2 years ago
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i love being alive and living in the world as a trans masculine person it’s so fun and everyone including the trans community definitely doesn’t either want me dead or think i’m simultaneously receiving male privilege and am basically a girl :)
#/sarcasm#god i hate being alive#cis people hate me for sacrificing my body or something#trans people hate me for wanting to be a disgusting man and poisoning myself with testosterone#i’m not allowed to enjoy masculine things about myself unless they’re feminine masculine things#i’m afraid to go on t because i’ve been trained by everyone in my life including trans people that masculinity is inherently disgusting#i’m so scared to pass because i get a pass not because i am a twink teenager but how will i be treated as an adult man#i even still have to same perspective#i see a trans man on t and i am jealous and scared and so many things#it feels like my brain has been poisoned by fucking tiktok and twitter and everyone who tells trans men that their existence as men is vile#i constantly see trans women celebrating milestones in their transition and embracing their femininity#but i never see trans man celebrating their masculinity that isn’t acceptable masculinity#we aren’t allowed to be proud of muscles or facial hair or deep voices or bottom growth without someone reminding us#that we aren’t really queer#and we don’t really experience oppression#and while it’s great we’re happy with our transition#everyone else thinks it’s disgusting and threatening and sad that we’re giving up the wonders of womanhood just cause we want to#just because we want to say “i’m a man! out loud and receive our certificate of certified male privilege#i am more afraid than i ever was as a woman#he speaks
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masterhallmark · 10 months ago
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Rant incoming
I feel like the problem with a lot of Disney's live action remakes (and arguably Wish) is they're trying to appeal to a crowd that no longer exists, namely the people who used to claim that the Disney Princesses were sexist.
All the interviews tend to include, "Well she's not chasing a MAN anymore" which...almost no one sees the princesses like that, anymore. Virtually NO ONE still believes the princesses are man-chasing sexist caricatures of women.
Cinderella is now hailed as an abuse victim who stayed strong long enough to get help to get out of her situation. Anyone who says she should have saved herself is basically regarded as a victim blamer. And it's very clear in the film she wasn't looking to marry the prince, she just wanted a night off. She was the only one who wasn't in line to meet him. She didn't find out she met the prince until he went looking for her!
Snow White is now hailed for her negotiation skills, ability to calm down after extreme stress (she had a moment of panic and had to cry for a bit, but who wouldn't after finding out The Queen hired someone to kill you?), and ability to take charge of a house of adult men. And again, she was an abuse victim, this time trying to escape ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS. While she dreamed of her prince, it was secondary to her main goal of SURVIVAL. There are also entire video essays about how Snow White gave hope to people during The Great Depression.
Everyone acknowledges that Ariel wanted to be human BEFORE meeting Eric. We all know she was a nerd hyperfixating on humans, and also standing up to her prejudiced father.
We understand Sleeping Beauty wasn't the main character, the Three Good Fairies were, AND PHILLIP WOULD NEVER HAVE BEATEN MALEFICENT WITHOUT THEM! He literally depended on them! WOMEN SAVED THE DAY! But even then, is it really such a sin for a girl to fantasize about romance and fall for someone with corny pickup lines?
We all understand Jasmine just wanted someone to treat her LIKE A PERSON. She rejected every Prince before Aladdin because they treated her like a prize. So why did they need her to want to be Sultan? How did that make her more feminist when she already wanted to be treated like an equal and have a say in her future? Is it only empowering if you want a career in politics?
We admire that Belle, despite living in a judgemental village, was kind to everyone (even though she found the village life dull), and her story teaches girls that the guy everyone else loves isn't always a good guy. What's sexist about teaching girls about red flags? And she didn't start being nice to The Beast until he started treating her with respect and kindness.
Do I really NEED to defend Mulan or Tiana? I think they speak for themselves.
Rapunzel was yet another abuse victim who just needed a little help to get out of her bad situation. In this case, she also needed to learn that she was an abuse victim, and that what Mother Gothel did WASN'T normal, much like many victims of gaslighting.
And don't get me started on the non-princess animals.
Perdita had a healthy relationship with Pongo to the point she was open to express her pregnancy fears to him, and was ready to TEAR APART Cruella's goons for daring to touch her puppies as well as adopting the other puppies. Like, she was so ferocious the goons mistook her for a hyena! She's basically that "I AM THAT GIRL'S MOTHER!" scene from SpyXFamily if Yor were a dog. She and her husband were a TEAM.....but they made a Cruella live action to turn her into a girlboss?! The literal animal abuser!? THAT'S the woman you wanted to put on a pedestal when Perdita was RIGHT THERE!?
Duchess kept her kittens calm after they had been catnapped and was classy as heck. Nice to everyone regardless of social class during a time period where that was uncommon.
Lady stood up to Tramp when she believed he had abandoned her and didn't really care about her. She found out he was a heartbreaker and was like, "Nuh uh. No. You are not doing that to me! You put me through enough."
Miss Bianca from The Rescuers was IN CHARGE the whole movie, and was willing to risk life and limb to save an innocent child. THAT TINY MOUSE TOOK ON ALLIGATORS! And she picked Bernard to accompany her because he was the only one who wasn't ogling her. And then in the sequel SHE DID IT ALL AGAIN! I wish I were as brave as her.
Like, the public haven't accused these ladies of being sexist caricatures since 2014 (Actresses and actors don't count, they're out of touch like the rest of Hollywood) yet Disney is operating under the assumption that the public still thinks that way, hence all the "sHe'S nOt AfTeR a MaN iN ThIs VeRsIOn" talk.
The live action remakes are trying to attract an audience that doesn't really exist much, anymore, and back when it did exist, was comprised mainly of people who didn't actually watch the films. The Disney princesses are no longer seen as sexist, and feminine qualities are no longer seen as weak or undesirable.
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aromantic-pantyanarchy · 1 year ago
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It's me. I'm the cis, heterosexual, aromantic man. I will never marry, I will never be married, I will grow into middle age and elder age and I will die unmarried. I will be forced to support a household of myself on only my wages alone for the rest of my life. I will be asked about women and marriage and children by my family for the rest of my life (or men, the progressive ones might say). I may not ever come out to them. I feel like I burned my coming out on something stupid. I don't want to explain it. I don't want to run them through the definitions and intricacies. I don't want the acceptance without understanding, placating me with ceased questions and poor explanations to other, drunk adults.
I like my hair to be long, I spent a year with it dyed a golden blonde with dark roots because I like the trashy party girl aesthetic. I want to dye it again with pink tips. I like painting my nails, black and blue are my favorite colors. I like wearing chokers. I also like wearing baggy jeans and ratty hoodies. I like having stubble. I like having chest hair. I like having a square jaw and broad shoulders. I wish I had a flatter stomach and a thinner profile frame. I don't know what this makes me, perhaps this is something no more GNC than Machine Gun Kelly. I think about this a lot, how queer my appearance truly is. I should think about it less. I have thought long and hard about if I could be trans or if I could be non-binary or if I could be genderqueer and the conclusion I ultimately came to is that I most enjoy being a man open to whatever self-expression I want.
I don't date, but I've thought about it. I would like to meet people, and I would like to have sex with them. But I don't want to hurt them. I fear if I explain what I am beforehand it'll scare them away. I fear if I explain after they'll feel manipulated or abused. I don't know how many people in the dating scene want what I want. I fear my own lack of experience will make me a bad lay, an embarrassing story to tell to confidants in hindsight. I fear my own virginity, a boundary to those I wish to be like. All of these fears are baseless, as I've not been able to even begin a single relationship in my life. Despite this I still heavily identify with terms like "slut" and "manwhore" and "thot" because my interests lay so deeply within casual sex, sex without great intimacy or emotion. This may be some form of stolen valor. I hope the true sluts are not too mad at me.
I made this blog several years ago because a mutual of mine reblogged memes making fun of aro and ace people, making fun of the concept of aphobia, and in addition well known aphobes. I didn't feel comfortable talking about aro stuff on my main blog, for as little as I talk about it. Living through the ace discourse of the 2016 era has largely caused me to cringe in embarrassment any time I am forced to discuss my orientation with people who aren't aro or ace themselves. I no longer follow this person. I unfollowed many people I was mutuals with from that time, most of them because they posted too often about how much they hated men and I didn't want to see that, some because our interests simply drifted too far apart, only one for explicit aphobia reasons. (Also one because they became a "both sides are bad, any vote is wasted" libertarian, but that's unrelated.)
I guess at this point I don't care deeply about what strangers on the internet think of me. If a trusted friend told me that they don't think I'm truly queer that may hurt. But I am going to continue to use the word for myself. I take up no resources. I go to events that are open to me. If an event was not open to me, I think I'd not want to go anyways. I am not a hypothetical, I am not a strawman, I am a person with lived experiences both within and exterior to the queer community. If you hate me, I will permit you to continue to do so. But ultimately, I am who I am, I cannot change these facts, and I would not choose to do so even if I could.
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incognit0slut · 3 months ago
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Pretty bunny
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PART 1 OF KINKTOBER | MAIN MASTERLIST
Sub!Spencer x Playboy Bunny!Reader Spencer doesn’t know what to do when he recognizes you from his favorite adult magazine.
Content: (18+) 3k, boobjob, male oral, public space, and Spencer being insecure of his size but we love him just the way he is, right? a/n: "WE LOVE PRINCE CHARMING REID!" We say in unison while we hold hands and continue to chant over and over again
Issue number: 662. Date: June 2009. Centerfold, pages 36 through 42, draped in nothing but the iconic bunny ears.
Spencer shook his head. No. There was no way it could be you. There was no way the same Playboy bunny he had masturbated to was casually picking up a book in this quiet library. But there was something unmistakable about you. The familiar curve of your back, the subtle sway of your hips, the way your ass rounded perfectly as you reached further down the bottom shelf.
His pants tightened uncomfortably.
It really was you.
Dear god, what were the chances? Spencer had only come to this library on a whim. It was supposed to be a simple day—run a few errands on his free day, pick up groceries, maybe find a new book to keep himself occupied. But what he didn’t expect was to come face-to-face with the very woman he had spent far too many nights thinking about. The same woman whose body he knew too well, even if you didn’t know him at all.
He shifted nervously, trying to focus on anything else—the books, the shelves, the smell of old pages—but his eyes drifted back to you. His gaze lingered on the neckline of your blouse dipping low as you bent further, revealing the soft curve of your breasts.
His tongue swiped over his bottom lip.
“Can I help you?”
Spencer’s heart nearly stopped when he noticed you staring at him.
“No,” he rushed out, the word falling through his lips like autopilot. "I was, uh, looking for a book."
Your brow raised slightly. “I didn’t know I was part of the collection.”
He could feel the heat creeping up his neck, and he looked away, trying to think of a response that didn’t make him sound like an idiot.
“No, no, that’s not—of course you’re not… I—” He stopped, realizing he was only digging himself into a deeper hole. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
You straightened up, and he took in a sharp breath when your hips shifted slightly, brushing against the shelf as you moved.
“I wouldn’t say uncomfortable. Curious, maybe.” You crossed your arms. “You don’t seem like the kind of guy who goes around staring at women in libraries.”
“I don’t,” he blurted out, his voice coming out a little higher than he intended. The way your crossed arms subtly pushed up your breasts only made it harder for him not to gawk at your chest. His gaze briefly flickered downward before snapping back to your face.
“I don’t,” he repeated in a voice he hoped sounded more confident than he felt. “You look… familiar.”
“Familiar? Have we met before?”
Of course not. Well, to you at least. He, on the other hand, had seen you more times than he could count. In photos, in dreams, in moments he’d rather not admit. “I… might have seen you in passing.” It was the truth. Sort of. “I didn’t expect to see you in a library.”
You let out a soft laugh. “I guess I don’t seem like the reading type to you, do I?”
He quickly shook his head. “No, it’s not that. I just didn’t expect to run into someone like you here.”
“Someone like me?”
"You know, someone who’s, uh, famous.”
He instantly winced when the words tumbled out, regretting how awkward and clumsy it sounded.​
“Ah,” you said with a knowing smile. “So you do recognize me.”
He paused for a moment, his eyes darting to the floor, the ceiling, anywhere but directly at you. “I… yes, I do. And I’m sorry,” he added, his second apology in less than five minutes. “I didn’t mean to make this weird.”
Your smile deepened, clearly enjoying his discomfort, but not in a cruel way—more in the sense that you found his awkwardness oddly charming. “It’s fine, I’m actually used to it,” you told him, uncrossing your arms. “And I don’t mind being recognized by someone as cute as you.”
Spencer’s eyes widened slightly. “…cute?”
“Adorable,” you emphasized. “What’s your name?”
You called him cute. Cute.
What was his name again?
Oh. Right.
“Spencer.” He cleared his throat nervously. "I’m... Spencer."
“Spencer,” you repeated, and he could hear the way your voice softened, almost breathless, like you were savoring the sound of his name as it slipped from your lips. “It suits you.”
His tongue swiped along his bottom lip. “It does?”
“Mm-hmm. It has a nice ring to it.” Your eyes flickered down to his mouth for a split second before meeting his gaze again. "Strong, but gentle. You seem like the type of guy with those traits."
Spencer felt a wave of heat run through him. “I—I wouldn’t say that...”
“Well you are,” you continued, leaning in just slightly. “You seem gentle, but there’s more to you, isn’t there?”
“I… I’m not sure what you’re getting at.”
"Oh, come on," you said with a teasing grin, your eyes flickering over his features as if trying to read the depths of his thoughts. "You've got that sweet, quiet thing going on. Like you're trying to be all polite and proper... but there's something else, isn't there?"
His eyes darted at the edge of the bookshelf. “No. I’m just… me.”
"Just you? Somehow, I don't believe that. I think there's a side to you that doesn't come out very often. Maybe you're not so innocent as you let on. Or maybe..." Your voice dropped lower, almost a whisper, just loud enough for him to hear. "Maybe you're not as gentle as you seem."
There was a flicker of panic in his eyes as he tried to laugh off your words, the sound coming out strained and awkward.
“I’m really not that…”
But you didn’t let him finish. You leaned in closer, just enough that he could feel the heat of your body, your breasts brushing lightly against his chest.
“Not that what?” you pressed. “Not that innocent, or not that gentle?”
His pulse pounded visibly at his throat. “I... don’t know what you mean,” he said, but you could see the way his pupils dilated, the way his fingers twitched at his sides.
“I think you do,” you replied softly, your fingers brushing just barely against his. You watched as he stiffened, his shoulders momentarily tensing as if the slightest touch sent a shock through his whole body. You smiled, leaning in just a fraction closer. “I like you.”
You felt his breath hit your face as he let out a strangled sound, almost a gasp, and the warmth of it urged you on. Your hand gently found its way to his arm, fingers tracing a path down to his wrist.
“And I think,” you continued, looking up at him with wide eyes. “You might like me too.”
Spencer couldn’t find the words to respond, he couldn’t even breathe properly. How could he when your sweet scent filled his senses? How could he when he had imagined what it might be like to touch you, to have you this close, and now it was real?
He took a deep, calming breath to steady himself, but his heart was pounding violently against his ribcage, and his mouth had gone completely dry. Your fingers trailed down his arm, lingering for a moment before slipping under his hand to guide it firmly to your waist.
He was sure he could combust right on the spot.
“Tell me something, Spencer,” you murmured. “Did you like my pictures? The ones in the magazine?”
He tenses under your touch. His pupils dilated even further, his grip tightening on your waist involuntarily.
“I—uh,” he breathed out, his voice almost breaking, eyes darting away as if he couldn’t quite bring himself to meet your gaze. But you didn’t let him retreat. You shifted slightly, pressing your soft breasts more firmly against his chest. His gaze flickered back to your cleavage.
“Come on, I bet you did. I bet you… enjoyed them.” You let the implication linger. “Didn’t you?
His eyes fluttered close. Enjoyed felt too innocent for what he'd felt, what he'd done. He didn't just enjoy those photos—he devoured them. He touched himself, imagining you sprawled in front of him in that same pose. He fantasized about you, dreamt of your pretty face, the sultry look in your eyes, the way those cute bunny ears framed your hair but left everything else bare.
He grew even more painfully hard at the thought, and you could feel his his arousal pressed against your hip. A soft laugh escaped your lips.
"Spencer,” you cooed, his name rolling off your tongue effortlessly. "What ever are you thinking?"
He tried to shift away.
“I-I’m not—” he started, but every word he tried to speak died on his lips the moment your hand brushed against his stomach. He felt like all the air had been knocked out of his lungs.
“You’re not?” You let your fingers trail down his abdomen, feeling the way his muscles clenched under your touch, before drifting even lower. “Because it seems like you've got something on your mind. Or..."
Your fingers passed over his belt buckle, grazing the edge of his waistband.
“Somewhere..."
You hovered over his bulge.
“…else."
Without hesitation, you palmed his erection, feeling the full hardness straining against the fabric. He sucked in a sharp breath. “W-What are you—”
You brought your lips to the shell of his ear, letting your breath tickle his skin. “I think you know what I'm doing."
Spencer's eyes glanced to the side, as if anyone might appear around the corner at any second, but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away. Not when your hand was moving slowly along his length.
“We… we can’t,” he managed to choke out. “Someone could—could see us."
“Hmm? Should I stop then?” You pulled back just enough to look into his eyes. “Do you want me to stop, Spencer?”
The hesitation in his eyes was unmistakable, but so was the desperation. Brown orbs stared helplessly back at you. He couldn’t bring himself to say yes when every part of him screamed no. So he opted for silence, hoping that his lack of protest would tell you everything he couldn’t put into words.
You understood him clearly, so you pressed your hand more firmly on his bulge, fingers teasing the sensitive outline through his pants. The shape of him grew even more defined as you moved slowly, teasingly, with just enough pressure to make him gasp.
“Feels good, doesn’t it?”
His grip on your waist tightened.
“Y-yes,” he managed to breathe out, eyes half-closed as he gave himself over to the sensation.
"I bet I can make you feel even better.”
Without breaking eye contact, you began to sink slowly to your knees, hands sliding down his body. You let your fingers trace down his hips as you came face to face with the unmistakable outline of his arousal, your gaze still locked on his as a smirk danced on your lips.
An IQ of 187 was hardly enough to process what was happening now. Every neuron in his brain fired wildly, trying to make sense of the rush of sensations, the heat of your touch, the intensity in your eyes.
How was this even real?
You let your lips hover for a moment, teasing him with the anticipation before you pressed a soft, lingering kiss against his cock. He let out a muffled cry.
“Shh,” you whispered soothingly, your fingers working at the straps of his belt. The metallic clink of the buckle was faint as you loosened it, pulling it free with a soft hiss of leather. “We don’t want anyone to hear us, do we?”
Your fingers brushed against his waistband, eyes looking up at him all doe-eyed, wide and innocent, though everything about your touch was far from it.
He was going crazy. You looked so sexy, so pretty, yet so impossibly cute in that moment, like the very picture of temptation wrapped in innocence. His mind couldn’t help but flicker back to those pictures—the pictures—where you wore nothing but those bunny ears, your gaze so similar to the one you were giving him now.
He watched as you slowly peeled down the fabric, and found himself holding his breath. The cool air met his hot skin as his cock sprang free, and for a second, he couldn’t breathe.
Because Spencer knew he was different. He wasn’t like the other men you’d surely encountered, who knew their way around a woman like you, who were confident, who didn’t hesitate. And then there was the matter of size. He couldn’t help the thoughts rushing through his mind, wondering if you’d find him lacking, if he measured up to whatever experiences had shaped you into the woman that knelt before him now.
But a smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you wrapped your hand around his cock.
“You’re so…” You let out a small, appreciative laugh, your thumb brushing over his tip. “God, everything about you is cute, isn’t it?”
Spencer struggled to steady his breath, his chest rising and falling in uneven bursts as your touch made it impossible to think clearly. You leaned closer, eyes still locked on his, and your tongue darted out to give a teasing kitten-lick along the base of his cock.
“Not too big,” you teased, dragging your tongue up the underside, tracing every ridge.
“Not too small…”
You let your tongue travel upward until you reached the tip, where you sucked gently, swirling your tongue around him in circles that had his legs shaking.
“You’ll fit perfectly.”
A pained groan fell through his lips. “Fit… where?”
You let go with a wet pop, his cock twitching as the cool air replaced the warmth of your mouth. Holding his gaze, you let your fingers move to your blouse, slowly undoing the buttons one by one. “Don’t think I didn’t catch you staring.”
Then in one sudden, fluid motion, you tugged your bra down, letting your breasts spill free. The movement made them bounce slightly, the soft curve of your flesh catching the light, and Spencer’s eyes went wide.
His lips parted as if to say something, but no words came out, just a strangled groan as his cock twitched visibly. The sight of you was too much for him to bear. He couldn’t decide where to look, his gaze flickering between your breasts and your face, like he was afraid to miss a single second of this moment. He followed your movement with wide, hungry eyes as you wrapped your hand around the base of his cock, guiding him to your chest.
“See?” you teased, pressing his length firmly between the soft, warm flesh of your breasts. “Perfect fit.”
His pupils dilated with full-blown lust as you started to move, slowly at first, letting him feel every inch of your warm, soft flesh sliding around his cock. You squeezed your breasts tighter together, the pressure creating a delicious friction that had him biting back a groan, his eyes glued to the way he disappeared and reappeared between your curves.
Up. Down. Up. Down. The head of his cock glistened as it emerged at the top again, only to slide back down into your cleavage, leaving a hot, wet trail along your skin.
“God… oh god,” Spencer choked out, his voice strained as his hips bucked slightly with each thrust. His eyes squeezed shut briefly, only to flutter back open as if afraid to miss a second of what was happening. His mind was a mess of disjointed thoughts, desperately trying to make sense of the scene unfolding before him. But all rationality was drowned out by the way you moved, the soft squeeze of your breasts around him, and the warm, slick glide of your sweat-kissed skin against his length.
He felt himself spiraling, the pleasure climbing higher, and all he could think was how good you looked, how perfect it felt, and how badly he wanted to paint his cum all over your face.
“Look at you all worked up.” You leaned forward slightly, letting the tip of his cock brush against your lips as it emerged, just the barest whisper of a touch. “You’re already so close, aren’t you?”
His fingers dug even deeper into the shelf, nails scraping against the wood. His voice was raw, almost desperate, as he let out a strained, “Please.”
With a satisfied smile, you lowered your head just enough to let your tongue flick out, circling around the head of his cock as it emerged from between your breasts, tasting the salty-sweet bead of arousal that had formed there. His hips slammed forward.
“Mm,” you hummed softly. “You wanna use me now, Spencer? Is that what you want?”
His grip on the shelf finally faltered, and you could hear the whimper in his throat, the way he bit down on his lip to keep from making a sound that would echo in the library. “Yes,” he gasped. “Please, I… I need to…”
“Go on,” you coaxed him, squeezing your breasts tighter around his length. “If you want it, take it. Use me.”
The moment those words left your lips, his hips jerked forward. The movement was sharp, desperate, and once he started, he couldn’t stop. He fucked himself into the tight, slick warmth of your breasts. He stammered incoherently, half-formed words falling from his lips, barely audible over the sounds of his ragged breaths and muffled whimpers.
“Please, I—I can’t… I can’t—oh god…”
He finally snapped, his body trembling violently as the sensation ripped through him, the pressure too intense, too overwhelming. His hips bucked wildly, thrusting desperately into the warmth of your body, lost in the heat, in the wetness, in the need to let go completely—
And then, everything vanished in an instant.
He jolted awake, eyes snapping open, his chest heaving as he took in his surroundings. No longer surrounded by warmth, no longer on the brink of release. Just the quiet stillness of his bedroom, sweat beading on his forehead, heart pounding in his chest, sheets tangled around his body… and the magazine lay open beside him, your image staring back at him mockingly.
Bunny ears perched on your head, delicate breasts spilling over, legs spread wide apart.
It took a few seconds for Spencer to catch his breath. He glanced down at himself, his eyes trailing to his painfully hard arousal, noticing the wetness seeping through his boxers and sticking to his skin. The rush of disappointment and adrenaline twisted sharply in his chest as reality hit him.
It was just a dream.
An embarrassing, all-consuming, impossible dream.
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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago
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So I ended up going into more detail about Kitty in my tags, but then I thought I'd include this part in the post proper because it bears repeating:
As an autistic Trans queer nerd, it has been my experience that my unbridled enthusiasm for all things I love - including Pokémon and skipping and shipping and puppies and Steven Universe and DuckTales 2017 and the list goes on - has absolutely gotten me more good pussy and incredible wonderful romance than it has lost me in my lifetime.
I mean it i am so dead serious that tamping down on your love and enthusiasm for life in order to seem more "adult" is INCREDIBLY common and it is a TRAP! A big grey and beige, box-shaped, joy-crushing, everything-a-child-is-afraid-to-grow-into trap!!!!
Like, yes, maybe allistic cishet people are largely bemused by me - they think I'm something of a novelty with my loud laugh and my infodumps and my intense passion for the things I enjoy - but the queer autistics desire me carnally! And I them! We infodump TOGETHER! Even when I don't share their love of something, what bliss to see how happy they are! And who else would want to work with me to create an elaborate roleplay storyline involving swordfights and character development?? Autistics and queers, that's who!!!
Also, being loudly and unapologetically myself is why I have such a wonderful partner of nearly 10 years now! That is the exact thing that first attracted her to me romantically, and it is the thing that most often has her looking at me like a big ol' sap!
For example, when she was a kid, she hid her love of Pokemon because she was convinced it would ostracize her. When I tell her now about my Pokemon go PVP battle strategy, she smiles SO BIG because she says she never dreamed of having a partner who would say things like that! Also, she thinks nerds are hot, which is great news for me!
Anyway, my point here is that I hope you never have to dull the shine of your life's joy by tamping down on the things you love - because although there are people who will infantilize you for it because they are fools, there are many MANY people who will love and desire you specifically because you don't do that!
I think one of the reasons I get annoyed with Kitty being infantilised is because exactly the same thing happens to me in real life.
So, I (apparently) look a lot younger than my actual age. I constantly get told that. I’ve also kept a lot of my interests from when I was a child, or have interests that are seen as “childish” (Pokémon, Horrible Histories, etc.).
The result is, I often get treated like a kid, even by people younger than me. People will actually apologise to me if they happen to swear/make a dirty joke and notice that I’m in the room. I can never understand why, it happens even when I laugh at the jokes.
I’m an adult. I don’t know how to make people take me seriously without changing myself and trying to act like an adult “should be”. I don’t want to give up my interests, to lose the enthusiasm I have for them.
Kitty is canonically an adult (her father said that she had come of age), but because of the way she acts, people point at her and are like “that’s a child”. People say that she’s not allowed to have a romantic/sexual relationship, because she’s just a little girl.
At the same time, Kitty reads smutty romance novels, she’s clearly very interested in sex. She can show surprising maturity at times, like when she was pretending to be Thomas’ PR agent. But still, people treat her like a kid because of her optimism and naivety.
Kitty wants romance. She wants sex. Why shouldn’t she be allowed to have those things if she wants them?
I often worry that no one will ever take me seriously enough to be attracted to me, and that I won’t be able to experience romance or sex because of that. Seeing the way people in the fandom talk about Kitty just makes those insecurities even worse.
#bbc ghosts#these are good points!#she always reads to me as a woman who didn't get to do so many of the things we associate with girlhood and womanhood#and so now she is approaching romance and gossip and looking at boys with her female friend with extra enthusiasm!#which if you add the cartoonish exaggeration all the ghosts have can read as childish to people#and people i think get a lot of emotional catharsis out of seeing a young character treated well. but you're right Kitty is an adult woman.#the only actual child character is in the basement with the plague ghosts despite how often she's in fan fic#even as a joke people should be careful of infantilizing adults and especially Black women#anyway you know who else loves stuffed animals and hello kitty and shiny pink girly things? adult trans women! a lot of the time! they are#not childish they are grabbing the joy they always wanted and showing no signs of stopping! it's amazing! it's beautiful!#like yes girl you are 6'6" in your hello kitty combat boots and i wanna fuck you so baaaaaad#also my girl and i are in an open relationship and it always tickles me when she finds a match on OKC because they are always#big nerds and also 90% likely to be a cute chubby transmasc like me! my girl has several different types but evidently#we transmascs have ONE type and it is MY GIRLFRIEND. we just love her.#we see her nerdy ass profile and go oh shit it's agender Milo Thatch!!! swipe yes swipe yes!!!!#( I forgot if it's left or right for yes )#this became not really about kitty but it is worth saying anyway#also if someone falls in love with you while you are trying not to be yourself it's going to be a bad time for both of you#you don't want someone who loves you despite the fact that you're weird you want someone who loves all your weirdness as part of you#otherwise it's going to start feeling really suffocating#*these are good points - is referring to op's points btw
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inkskinned · 1 year ago
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it is the first snow today. i think we should all have off work, even though it didn't stick. i think there should be 4 national holidays, one for each season. happy first snow, go home and make cookies. for spring it can be the first crocus. for summer the first lightning bug. for autumn, the first golden leaf. go home, kiss your dog, feed your cat (who is absolutely already-fed but somehow still starving.)
i think we should all take more showers together, but i mean that in the soft way. i mean it like taking a nap. two years ago i had 5 adult friends in my queen bed, all of us laying across each other, head over belly over thigh over hand. any time one of us would giggle, it would ripple over each of us, like pulling on a spiderweb. kim actually needed to nap and didn't get to sleep and i am still sorry for it even though this is one of my most precious memories.
i think we should all wash each other's hair, i mean. i walk my dog and i watch someone put up twinkle lights around their front porch. alex and i just moved, and i love the neighborhood. already so many of our new neighbors have stopped by to say hello. the nice lady downstairs also collects plants, like me. she gave us her number on a pink post-it note. i am trying to decide whether to make her cookies or brownies.
i am going through a very hard time. something bad happened this weekend that i do not wish to discuss. it is hanging over me. i think of the green ribbon, and the woman who had her throat cut. it feels like that sometimes, inside of my body. like i am walking and talking despite being half-corpsed. like i am hanging on by a ribbon, standing on some kind of cusp. i keep saying - at least it wasn't worse. we are so lucky it wasn't worse. the idea is river-rock smooth now, all the edges worried off.
in this very dark night - the sun sets by 3 now - people don't need to, but they try anyway. they paint the missing light into things. i have an embarrassing number of missed calls and texts, but i feel the love from them nevertheless - hey. if you need something, i'm here. i will bring you food/puzzles/anything. i got you.
i think we should all have a big group chat where we do errands with strangers. this week i got lost in a home depot, which is wild because i'm a lesbian and we are actually hatched in a lowe's lumber section. there were two other women in the whole store. we ended up shopping together, at first by accident (we all needed things in the same aisle), and then because, well, why not. one of the ladies was taller than me, so she pulled down the screws i needed. i am agile and have the personality of a raccoon, so they sent me after anything below 3 feet. we talked about holiday plans and never learned each other's names, but did learn all the drama about each other's families.
i am making you cupcakes, because i have so much affection i want to pour it into batter. you ask me if i am eating enough per meal. i wrap your gift twice, trying to do it prettily. i get excited to give it to you, just because i hope you'll be excited too.
my parents drive an hour just to see the new apartment and to do the parent thing; standing in the kitchen saying things like "oh you'll get so much use from this dishwasher" and "well, you could paint that" and "when your mother and i moved it was uphill both ways and in a snowstorm and of course your brother was an infant." my mother brought me a plant for housewarming. i always say i love you before she leaves.
i play dnd on tuesdays still, after all these years. we all keep that night free. at one point, between grad school and marriage and all of it, we had to have a serious discussion about how to keep it running. we will keep going, we decided eventually. just to see each other, even if we don't play - you are all important to me. sebastian is not prone to affection but last night he stole my usual sign off - i love you all, be good, he said. he was laughing.
i don't love the winter, actually. i like snow in theory, but i grew up in the north, and am too-familiar with the season of "mud and sludge". i don't like being cold. but i do love something kind of soft and rare: every year around this time, people remember oh yes. you and i are human together. and i have love to spare.
it is the first snow, and something in my heart is finally warm again. i have spent what felt like the last 18 months just going-through-the-motions. it has felt blank and immediate, like i would never actually feel again. that sounds extremely trite and stupid - but that is the boring and familiar experience of depression. life just washes up against your windows, and you watch it happening. you see things that should be lovely and affecting, and it just whispers too-thin. i was desperately uncreative. uninterested in my hobbies. unimpressed by my writing. i told my therapist, often, i don't know how to find hope again.
almost sheepishly, something strange and lovely is burning in my chest. i keep not-looking at it, worried it will scamper back into the shadows again. it is skittish and wild, but it is so warm i want to sink my hands into its fur and feel it breathing. i love-hate it: if it's real, it can hurt me when it leaves again. but i am icarus-born, sun-lover and poet: i can't help myself. despite my best intentions, i am falling in love with life again.
i am planning to make cookies for my friends. alex and i are going to go christmas tree shopping. we picked out matching dish towels last night, and they have little mushrooms on them.
i love you. it does come back. yes, even after a long time. even for you. i promise. keep trying. you will wake up and it will be a day you can smile about.
write me when you get there. we will take the day off of work, and i will wash your hair, and we will both be laughing.
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woso-dreamzzz · 1 month ago
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If You Were My Little Girl II
Alexia Putellas x Teen!Reader
Summary: Things are looking up
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Alexia watches from the stands.
They're mostly empty, like almost all Barcelona B matches.
Women's football has only really started picking up steam recently but only at the top flight. The lower level leagues are still having a bit of a popularity issue.
But Alexia, for once, finds that she doesn't mind.
Because it means she can sit practically alone in the stands as she watches the home match.
A notepad sits on her lap, a pen tapping against the pages thoughtfully as she watches.
Barcelona B are good and Alexia has never expected anything different. She's seen the system at work many times as La Masia churns out players like Aitana and Pina and Jana, and more recently Vicky and Martina.
There's a reason so many clubs wants La Masia products.
They're all good players but even now, Alexia can tell a great player when she sees one.
You rise up among the crowd in the box and slam the ball into the goal, the net rippling with the force of the shot.
The best part, Alexia thinks, is that you didn't even need a moment to control the ball, hitting it in on the volley and grinning as your teammates practically dogpile you.
A hattrick in ten minutes is impressive in any league and Alexia makes another note in her notebook, humming softly to herself.
She rises out of her seat at the end of the match, disappearing into the building and out the doors.
It takes another half an hour for you to appear again, hair damp and an old crew neck sweater that Alexia's pretty sure is Alba's being tugged over your head.
You slip into the passenger seat, throwing your bag into the backseat and Alexia pulls your head down to press a kiss against the side of it.
You smile shyly at her as she offers up the fries she'd bought for a job well done.
"You did good, kid," She says," Very impressive."
"Yeah?"
"Yes. But I think we're going to work on evading slide tackles next," Alexia says as she drives off," We're trying to keep those ankles of yours intact, alright? I'm going to need them this season."
You roll your eyes and Alexia clicks her tongue.
"Don't roll your eyes at me," She says," I've got a good feeling about that meeting later in the week. A great feeling, actually. You should have one too."
"I'm managing expectations."
Alexia looks at you fondly. "Well, we'll see which one of us is right in a few days."
She lets you choose the music in the car, like she always does when you've scored a goal and you pull up to the apartment a lot quicker than you want to seeing as you're in the middle of singing along to your favourite song but, still, you drag yourself out of the car and up the stairs.
"How was the match?" Olga asks as she greets Alexia with a kiss on the lips.
"She did very well," Alexia brags," A hattrick within the first ten minutes and another goal in injury time."
"Exciting," Olga says indulgently as Alexia grins, already giving her running commentary of everything that happened during the match.
You escape though, hurrying to raid the cupboards before Alexia finally comes to her senses and tries to stop you 'spoiling' your dinner.
You don't know if there's any way to thank Alexia for what she's done for you.
Just three months ago, you were convinced that you were going to quit. You had no passion for the game, no hope of what your future was going to be but now all of that had changed.
You had direction. You had a manager. You had new boots and a place to live that wasn't a group home and support and love and everything seemed to be coming together for you.
A toe pokes you in the leg.
"Move."
"Alexia says that if you're trying to nap on her sofa again then I don't have to move," You tell Alba, who huffs and pokes you with her toe again," She also says that you have your own apartment and should stop mooching of us."
"But Olga's a better cook than me," Alba complains and you roll your eyes.
"Aren't you an adult? Even I can cook."
"Yeah but it's not like you could mooch off your sist-"
Alba falls silent quickly and you pretend to not notice what she was going to say for both hers and your own sakes.
The topic of your sister is kind of off limits when you're in the room. It's not completely banned because Alexia's still Jenni's national teammate but she's not really spoken about if you're in the room.
Alba's face flashes with terror for a moment so you pretend you don't notice her slip up ever though it sends a bolt of lightning into your stomach, a deep pit forming there.
It works for the most part, everyone in the house pretending Jenni isn't who she is to you, pretending that she's just Alexia's teammate and not her friend and ex, pretending that Alexia fostering you isn't her walking on a tight rope because Jenni doesn't know.
All Jenni knows is that you didn't quit when she told you to.
Jenni doesn't know that you live with Alexia. Jenni doesn't know anything. You doubt she even thinks about you when she's got a life far away in Mexico.
She lives there, far away from you and your life here in Barcelona.
She lives there and her presence is hardly ever mentioned around you.
Life is good at Alexia and Olga's house. Life is even good at training, though you could do without the smug little smirk Alexia has on her face when she picks you up.
"You already knew!" You accuse her, waving a finger in her face.
"Knew?" She asks, lips curl up in what can only be described as pure smugness," Knew what?"
"Right, who told you? Go on. Who was it?"
Alexia grins. "You do realise I am the captain? Any time they're looking to bring someone in, they ask me my opinion."
You roll your eyes. "Yeah and I'm sure you gave it."
"You're a good player. A great player," Alexia says," All I did was tell them what they already know."
You look down at your lap, fidgeting with your fingers. You want to be mad at her, to yell at her for keeping this from you. Maybe even yell at her for promising to the staff something you're not but you know she hasn't done that.
If she thought you weren't ready, she would have told them that.
But Alexia didn't. She didn't tell them to let you have a bit more time with the B team. She didn't tell them that you don't quite have what it takes.
"Thanks."
Alexia smiles at you as she drives home, a comfortable silence enveloping you both until your hand is on the door handle.
You stop.
"When I open this door, there's going to be a party, isn't there?"
"I may have told Olga...who told Mami...who told Alba...who told the rest of the family..."
"Is that a yes?"
"Possibly..."
"And there's no getting out of this?"
Alexia ruffles your hair, a soft kiss being pressed to the side of your head. "They're here to celebrate you."
You suck in a breath, just ready to turn the handle when the sound of the lift doors opening chimes down the corridor.
Both you and Alexia turn your heads towards.
It's just a fleeting second.
Just a moment.
But your good mood plummets as the door opens.
Alexia's hand tightens on your shoulder, pushing you slightly behind her and putting herself between you and the elevator.
Between you and Jenni.
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depresseddepot · 2 years ago
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the case of the "coworker that knows exactly what I'm thinking and exactly what to say" strikes again
#aka she stopped by my desk today and said#''i have to say something to you. you don't have to look at me while i say it nor do you have to say anything back''#''what you are experiencing is trauma. you didn't need to be in the building for it to affect you.''#''i need you to really listen and understand that something really shitty happened to you and im sorry''#''it isn't a failure to ask for help or for time off or to drop out for a little while''#and i think someone warned her abt how i was acting bc she was then like#''pretending that you don't feel anything does not mean the trauma isn't there''#and i. ofc. cried like a baby#how in the world does this women always know EXACTLY what i need to hear#the ''you don't have to look at me or respond while i say it'' is what got me. like. girl you can see right through me huh#anyways i feel a bit guilty bc im worried she thinks she has to be a second mother to me now#and while i definitely need it (lmao) i don't want her to feel pressured to always Be Compassionate Like That to me#like. i am an adult and we ARE just coworkers#but man. to be percieved (affectionate) but also to be perceived (derogatory)#or whatever#i work with so many mothers that are way more touchy and wise than my own mother lol#like one of them has stopped me at the door every day since it happened and asked me if i was REALLY okay#and like. i guess they all could tell i was lying?? idk#i think my boss has been pulling people aside and telling them to take it easy on me for a while but i dont know for sure so#anyways. i also have had 1 day off in the last two weeks#all the better to dissociate through i suppose but man. i love money#this post is all over the place
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honeytonedhottie · 1 month ago
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honey's it girl magazine november edition⋆.ೃ࿔*:・🎀
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welcome back to honeys it girl magazine, this is the november catalog. get ready for the inside scoop on data that i've collected, things i've learned/started doing, and just general info like that organized in kind of a teen-magazine inspired fashion.
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before we go any further i'd love to thank you all for the wonderful year we've had of it girls magazine, writing every catalog is SUCH a joy and im glad that u guys like it to. i'll continue to work on the magazine and make it more enjoyable for u all. i hope that as the magazine grows and evolves i'll have more lovely girlbloggers featured in my catalogs. this is THEE magazine for it girls ✨ and now please enjoy, the it girl magazine.
THE HISTORY OF HELLO KITTY ;
hello kitty was born in the suburbs of london. she lives with her parents and her twin sister mimmy who is her bff. her hobbies include baking cookies and making new friends. as she always says, “you can never have too many friends”. but what else is there to know about this 3 apples tall ray of sunshine? SOOO much actually which is why i decided to write about hello kitty’s history.
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hello kitty was created by the japanese company sanrio in 1974. she was initially designed by yuko shimizu. hello kitty quickly became emblematic of the cute culture in japan and a global symbol of nostalgia and girliness. hello kitty’s representation of girliness played such an important role in defining and popularizing kawaii culture in japan. hello kitty became a subtle statement of empowerment in the 1970s and 80’s.
the average apple is 3 inches tall. take your height in inches and divide it by three to find out how many apples tall you are! im 21 apples tall…💬🎀
during the 70's and 80's expectations for women were shifting, and with this context hello kitty emerged not only as an adorable kitty but as an emblem of a new type of femininity—one that embraced softness and strength simultaneously. hello kitty is associated with things like happiness and joy. in the 21st century, hello kitty’s presence in pop culture exploded.
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a lot of celebrities are seen with hello kitty items, hello kitty collaborated with high-fashion brands, artists etc. they all appreciated her mix of innocence and global acclaim. and i think that the fact that shes maintained her grip on society even now says so much! hello kitty just RESONATES.
and honestly, hello kitty's longevity is a testament to her universal appeal. over the decades, hello kitty has gone from being just a character to becoming a pop culture icon that resonates with people of all ages and regions of the world. whether it’s a child picking out their first hello kitty backpack or an adult rocking a limited-edition hello kitty x gucci collection, she bridges generations with her timeless charm 💖
the success of hello kitty has a lot to do with her straightforward yet unmistakably unique design. her iconic bow, the lack of a mouth—on purpose, so that she can "speak from the heart"—and her endless versatility only cement hello kitty as an open canvas for self-expression. she’s playful, she’s nostalgic, she’s even edgy, depending on how she’s styled or reimagined.
hello kitty became a symbol of softness and femininity because she showed that being gentle and kind could still be powerful. when she was created in the 70s, women were stepping into new roles, and hello kitty stood for a new kind of strength—which wasn’t about being loud or aggressive but about connection, joy, and kindness.
SELF GRATITUDE. YOU'RE SO AMAZING ;
gratitude is a feeling thats really emphasized during november and i think that we should always be most grateful to ourselves! no one puts as much effort or loves u as much as u do. so lets take some time to appreciate ourselves and everything that we've done for ourselves as 2024 comes to an end.
take a moment to recognize everything that you've achieved this year, challenges that you've overcome and things that you've done for yourself this year to create a better more glamorous life for yourself. dont forget to say thank you and celebrate yourself cuz ur literally so cute and amazing and capable 💕
some ways that u can celebrate yourself and show gratitude towards yourself include…💬🎀
♡ pamper yourself with a spa day ♡ book that appointment you wanted ♡ write a love letter to yourself ♡ buy yourself a bouquet of flowers
PREPPING FOR A SUCCESSFUL YEAR ;
2025 is right around the corner so we should prepare and set ourselves up for success in this new year. so to start off prep for the next year we should make a MANIFESTATION list. title the list "2025" and write down everything that u want to manifest that year in a list fashion.
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an important aspect of setting urself up for success in the new year is to reflect on the year we just had. reflect on your year so that u can see what u accomplished this year/what u can do better in the next year…💬🎀
i break up my year into 4 quarters (each lasting 3 months) that way i can see my year broken up and i have a clear plan and i can be organized. quarter one (january - march) quarter two (april - june) so on and so forth. and after every quarter i do a little analysis. and finally wrap up some things projects, assignments and things of that nature so that u can go into the next year on a clean slate.
WHAT THE IT GIRLS ARE LISTENING TO ;
first im gonna start off by talking about txt's new album SANCTUARY cuz if u guys didn't know im a moa 🙈. i LOVED everything about this album, the concept EVERYTHING. my favorite song on the album is 41 winks and over the moon is also incredible, i loved all the songs!! literally u cant name one bad song txts ever released cuz it doesnt fucking exist their discography is perfect. 10/10. i highly recommend giving it a listen if u have not.
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tyla also released push to start and the music video is just a work of ART. tyla has been consistently giving us hit after hit, shes so incredibly talented and i LOVE push to start. i love the choreography also, but something that i love the MOST about this music video is the fashion like HELLO?? tyla rocked tiny tops and big boots in this music video and im lowkey living for it. the fringes in her tiny top in the opening scene, her teensy denim shorts that she leaves unbuttoned to show off her blinged out panties like YES.
THE ADVICE COLUMN ;
Hi! Question for the advice column. I'm going on a trip for my birthday to a retreat, with a group of 10 friends in a couple of weeks. It's only 3 days but I am so excited. I am in a part of the world where it's summer right now, so my question is: what are your essentials for a summer trip? Swimming gear, accessories, skincare etc, I'm planning all my outfits in advance, so any advice is appreciated. Thank you! 𐙚˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩
❤︎ SPF (between 30-50)
❤︎ lacy/frilly bikinis and swimsuits. they make u look like an absolute beach doll 🍬✨
❤︎ a yummy body butter + body shimmer (during the summer, we show lots of skin so its important to stay moisturized like a glazed doughnut and also to sparkle like the star u are)
❤︎ as for clothing i typically opt for tube tops, mini skirts, sundresses and things of that nature. i LOVE summer fashion
❤︎ blinged out water tumbler for fashionable hydration 💦 and ofc a portable mini fan
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Do you know how to make yourself look more exotic/tropical in appearance? Like I want to look like a tropical mermaid - cotton candy doll
❤︎ use a bit of shimmery bronzer on ur cheekbones and collarbones to achieve that glowy sun kissed look
❤︎ when i think of cotton candy key west kitten doll i think of BEACHY WAVES and bubblegum pink lips so braiding ur hair overnight can help you to achieve beachy waves in the morning, and invest in a bubble gum pink/glossy coral colored lipgloss (i recommend candy baby 🍭 from victorias secret)
❤︎ use fragrances with notes of fruit and coconut
NOVEMBER TRENDS ;
one of my favorite trends this november is the women in male dominated fields trend. its been all over my tiktok and essentially the trend is just women behaving the way many men of today behave towards women and giving them a taste of their own toxic medicine.
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this trend reminds me a lot of ciara's song "like a boy". some of my FAVORITE moments from this trend are as follows…💬🎀
♡ when hes pouring his heart out in front of me and i start practicing my jumpshot mid-argument
♡ when hes got tears running down his face explaining to me why my actions hurt him but i just ask him "why are u with me then" and carry on with my day
♡ when he catches me in a lie but i just hit him with the "alright believe what u want"
this trend puts into perspective the toxic and dismissive behaviors that are becoming more and more common and that are normalized in relationships, now that the roles are reversed. it also serves as a reminder of how important mutual respect and empathy are in any relationship.
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astroismypassion · 3 months ago
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Astrology observations 🟠🟠🟠
Credit goes to @astroismypassion
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🟠 I previously wrote about how Aries Moon native didn't receive much attention from the opposite sex in younger years, which is why some when they receive much more attention, kinda turn into players. But now I concluded it's not only Aries Moon that didn't receive attention. It's also Pisces Moon. But for different reasons. They didn't receive much attention from the opposite sex, because they were focused on their own interests and were nerdy, bookworms, loved expanding their knowledge instead. Beware though, adult Pisces Moon can easily turn into players too. However, they usually just have some imaginary people that they think are after them haha, they invent fake stories of people thirsting after them to make themselves more appealing and to make others jealous.
🟠 I noticed real life Pisces Moon men try to “buy” their partner’s love and affection. They think if they won’t share resources with them or provide for them, buy them with gifts and favours, that the partner will leave. Some Pisces Moon men even pay women for sex. Now I also found a celebrity astrology example. Rapper Offset who is Pisces Moon native was accused by wife rapper Cardi B of paying women to have sex with him. My conclusion is Pisces Moon natives feel undeserving of love and feel they need to pay for it in order to get it.
🟠 I noticed a lot of women being fed up with Cancer Sun men stereotypes. They feel Cancer Sun men are being misrepresented of being clingy and needy due to many of them turning out cheaters. But honestly, I see Cancer Sun men cheating or not based on his Moon sign. It really depends on the sign, degree and how it is aspected. I most often noticed Cancer Sun men cheating if their Moon sign is Scorpio or Aquarius, Sagittarius and Pisces. While other Cancer Suns with Taurus, Libra, Virgo for example being fixated on their partner. There are a lot more traits in astrology community about Cancer Sun men, that people feel are slept on about them. Such as financial abuse, emotional manipulation, degrading, use of control. Some say never let a Cancer Sun man to move in your home.
🟠 One combination that is so under-rated, but one that I see often is Aquarius Sun and Scorpio Sun friendship. It’s much more rare to see these two date (but some still do!), Scorpio Sun most often goes for Virgo Sun instead Aquarius Sun, since they both are cerebral and logical. But Aquarius and Scorpio Sun friendships can be really common.
🟠 Scorpio Mercury/Mercury in the 8th house is just as bad to have as Gemini Lilith. You guys both see the worst traits of your sibling(s). The difference is that with Mercury you probably have a nasty way of communicating with each other, cursing each other out a lot, making threats or backmail each other. But with Lilith, there is so much jealousy and envy going on. You noticed your sibling being privileged in certain aspects of life starting by parents, later on by co-workers, the boss in the workplace.
🟠 Having Virgo Descendant is always easier than Gemini Descendant despite both being similar due to being Mercurial Descendants. With Virgo Descendant you are still able to be really organized, methodical and have a good sense of time management. While Gemini Descendants either have ADHD, poor time management skills, can be scared of certain social interactions, like calling in for a dentist’s appointment, having social anxiety, poor focus and concentration and can’t sit at once place for too long.
🟠 Also, Gemini and Virgo Descendants are both guilty of preparing words and what they are going to say before an interaction in advance.
🟠 Why are we not discussing enough how Gemini Sun people are misanthrope/dislike people despite being so communicative? I noticed so many not enjoying people and socializing with them as much, kinda fed up with people energy haha.
🟠 Taurus Sun people are the most conflict avoidant (even more than Libra Sun), but not due to being a people pleaser, but because they are not able to see when they are at a fault. They also don’t know how to even behave and reaction to a conflict. They have very poor conflict resolution skills. That’s why most of them avoid it in the first place. That and oh, their stomach gets upset or their whole body starts shaking.
🟠 Virgo Sun is prone to have health issues or catch a cold easily, but I beg to differ, have you seen a Cancer Sun? These guys have what it seems a never-ending cold the whole winter season. They seem to have weak immune system and really sensitive bodies. I have yet to see a healthy Cancer Sun.
🟠 Leo Lilith, Lilith in the 5th house, Lilith at a Leo degree (5, 17, 29) people attract people that date them for how much attention the native is receiving. They attract people that want to “still their light”, make them feel less confident and self-assured. These natives also often attract Capricorn Sun/Venus or Venus in the 10th house, Venus at a Capricorn degree (10, 22) people.
🟠 I always see couples that don’t make sense to me. Those couples you kind of don’t know what attracted them to each other, because they seem like they are not that similar? It’s because there’s usually a Sun Moon conjunction. This usually makes people enter a partnership, even if they are complete opposites. You know how Kourtney Kardashian looked so different from Travis Barker when they first started dating? Now they dress in a similar manner and look much more alike, but at the beginning, they seemed mismatched. You would probably never suspect that they have Aries Sun Aries Moon conjunction with how they were at the very beginning. That’s why people were surprised to hear that their children were friends and had family play dates for years before they started dating, you would never suspect it, because Sun Moon conjunction is such a “quiet”, not-in-your-face aspect.
🟠 I studied the Natal charts of married couple Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard. And they are such good definition of being complete opposites literally (he is a Capricorn Sun at 11, an Aquarius degree) and she is a Cancer Sun at 26, a Taurus degree), but they match each other’s freak.
🟠 A moment of silence to all Scorpio Moons who have dated an Aquarius Sun or Moon at least at one point in their life. Also to the Scorpio Venus and Aquarius Venus couples.
🟠 Gemini Descendant natives can be prone to vitamin deficiency.
🟠 A lot of opposite Moon signs really do work, because there are so many traits in common. Such as one being Aries Moon and the other Libra Moon, Scorpio Moon- Taurus Moon etc. But one Moon opposition I see doesn’t work is if one is Leo Moon and the other is Aquarius Moon. Leo Moon wants to be treated differently than the rest and being treated differently than other makes them feel special. While Aquarius Moon treats everyone the same, friends, family members, lovers, partners.
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Credit goes to @astroismypassion
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writella · 5 months ago
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Reckless Romantics
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Synopsis: Can be read as a stand alone or part two to getting ready for me; a return to innocent, inexperienced!reader and her relationship with Rick Grimes; two weeks after their first time together there has been some distance, but now Rick wants to make up for how hasty he was when he touched her last.
Details: Rick Grimes x fem!reader, smut: oral (f receiving) and teaching reader how to give a handjob, unspecified (of age) age gap, sweetness + kissing + a little mutual pining maybe, probably cliche, and leaning more into Rick as the dutiful leader and gentle lover (I feel this is just as in character as dom!Rick). Reader is a music lover— any kind of music you like— but she also likes a specific band only because I watched a documentary about them at the theater in July so it made its way into the story. Slightly proofread— will be corrected more later. wc: 5-7k (I lost track after finishing it on tumblr).
A/N: I wrote this message before I returned for the summer, but I still want you to read it: Been spending time outside this summer, trying to reach some goals— time got away from me. I don’t think I’ll ever stop saying I miss you, but please know it’s always true.
— with love from writella, my beautiful reader. ♡
Rick Grimes was not a man to give in to temptation.
My mercy prevails over my wrath, he’d say— his secret keepsake phrase. The one he whispers to himself in moments of hardship; the one he uses when he needs to make decisions only a leader would. Rick was a man of discipline; honor. He never boasted about how seriously he took these qualities, but when others did— admired, applauded, stuck by him for it— it would be a lie to say that he didn’t take note and use their pride to keep him going. This is how he knows he is strong-willed, why he wouldn’t fall for foolish, forbidden things. He was better than that. The safety and prosperity he brought to Alexandria proved it, reaffirmed it.
So why couldn’t someone remind him of that two weeks ago before he touched you?
As for you, you believed yourself to be a girl who wouldn’t fall so easily for the first man who showed you any kind of affection.
From an adolescence of peers who never seemed to take notice of you to one filled with walkers and adults who were either dead or seldom your age, you learned how hard love, let alone any connection, is to come by. It has made you quite the perpetual daydreamer because of it. One with a heart and mind filled with fantasy worlds, creating what you lacked externally. It often made you see yourself as much younger than you were despite all you’ve been through. No regular person your age in the old world has probably escaped as many deaths and wannabe cowboy dictators as you have. Still, they probably knew what it was like to have a high school romance, or at least go to the movies with friends, and have graduated from well, anything. You were simply born too late and shoved into this new world too early to experience even half of it.
This upbringing has brought you up to believe yourself precocious, although— maybe you were already too old for that word now. No, you were, so maybe– sensible, realistic despite the overactive imagination; you could decipher between right and wrong, real versus fake. This is why, for as long as you could, you did not entertain any thoughts of Rick Grimes.
Other people would though, women mostly. But you did have your suspicions of others who thought the same— they just weren't as shameless. Those who were, could be found during lunch breaks from work on house porches; or laughing and whispering at community gatherings and at the back of town hall meetings. Basically any time or place they could turn into a gossip session, which was often. And it didn’t always have to do with Rick. It could be about any one of the men in town; or retelling funny moments to their friends or complaining about their co-workers. But anything of true, great interest always had to do with the community leaders. You wish you could say you were the exception to this interest, but hypocritically, you loved a good inside scoop, and luckily for you, you had a trustworthy way about you. Almost everyone who spoke to you or allowed you to sit with them and their friends for meals agreed: you were a intent, quiet listener making you the best kind of person to say things to without judgment; and people assumed you as shy, yet you loved to laugh which was great for boosting egos. They often treated you as a little sister in that way, as if the pleasure was all yours to get to hear their ramblings because they were either older or perceived themselves to be more sociable and experienced than you. You tried not to care too much about what they took you for. It was nice to feel trusted, even if people could be a little too mean or weird for your liking because no matter who it was, they made you feel as if you were watching television, and you missed television. They told you things from period mishaps– (it’s the apocalypse, there are a lot of free bleeding queens okay)— to which people in their workstations annoyed them most with very detailed explanations as to why and, of course, rumors or general talk about the leaders: who they thought each of them has slept with, if there seemed to be any fighting between them and what side they were taking, and obviously, anything that had to do with one of the guys. Some were downright obvious that one or the other was their type, while others might try to be more sly about it, always bringing whichever man it was up more than the others. But unless they were diehard Daryl girls, wanted to dominate Glenn, or had some military man, hot priest, or doctor kink for Abraham, Gabriel, or Siddiq, most of them apparently felt that Rick was the love of their lives. He was like a local celebrity. A band’s frontman.
“So, what about you?” One of your scavenging partners asked on the ride home. “Which one do you like?”
“They’re all attractive guys,” you say, keeping your eyes on the road. “But I don’t really think about them like that.” You feel a flush coming on. Crushes, or anything romantic, is a part of your internal world, not something you discuss aloud.
“Come on,” she prods. “You never join in. You just laugh at us for being delusional.”
“Whose us?” Rosita asks, her voice sharp, humorous, and not without judgment. “I don’t talk about that shit.” But secretly, she loved the drama as much as you and would have many questions for you later tonight about why you have yet to tell her of the town obsession of treating her friends like the cast of a reality show.
“I don’t laugh at you! I like it when you guys talk about that stuff.”
“But what I’m saying is that I didn’t let you ride shotgun this time so you can hold out again,” the girl jokes half-heartedly.
“What do you mean this time? I get to ride shotgun because I’m the one with the CDs.”
And it’s true, the only thing that cancelled out the silence of drive in moments where conversation ceased was your Oasis album playing in the background. Learning about the band was your new obsession. Much like listening to the crazy imaginations of the girls in town, you found the Gallagher brother rivalry riveting even if you only knew pieces of the story from the music, scraps of magazine articles, and by asking whoever in town happened to be a teen in the 90s. Thankfully you had hit the jackpot today though. One of the houses you visited was once occupied by a dad and daughter with an insane music collection in the living room and a smaller, more curated one in the girl’s room. After gathering what new music you wanted to try from downstairs, you also found some old issues of QuizFest in the girl’s room, filled with activities that were themed with shows you remember from when you were a kid, but the most important discovery— the find of all finds— was one of those Ultimate Guide, Complete Life Story magazines of none other than the band Oasis.
You would now probably know all of the drama between the brothers to tell a coherent story about the band’s history to anyone who wanted an escape from walker related events and farming talk. When you weren’t listening, that’s what people would come to you for: to borrow music, get recommendations, or to tell them a story. In all, you were getting the reputation of being the town’s music historian, meaning you usually used your knowledge to avoid talking about yourself. And it mostly worked.
Except for now.
“Well, if I had to guess,” the girl persists despite your silence, “I think it would be Rick.”
“What?” Noticing the incredulity in your tone, you calm your voice. Shrugging you say, “Why Rick? Everyone likes him.”
Rosita sends a look your way. It’s innocent enough, probably just showing that she is still listening on as she drives but you were refusing to look at anyone now to know for sure.
“Exactly,” the girl says. “He’s a classic knight in shining armor type. I feel like he’d talk you through it, which I think would be good for— someone like you.”
Your face is on fire, you can’t even speak properly. “I- first of all, what do you know about my experience?” you ask, the incredulous tone returning. But all you get as an answer is knowing snorts and chortles from the two women. Ouch. Nonetheless, you continue, “Second, you think shooting a guy in the head in front of his wife and the whole town is chivalrous?”
Oh—
That makes car goes quiet.
You know you made a mistake.
You didn’t mean it as crassly as you said it, and you did feel bad for saying it knowing that the situation was more difficult than you summed it up to be, but you didn’t apologize. All this talk about crushes and especially Rick made you embarrassed. It’s not that you didn't see what others saw anyway. Of course you noticed how nice Rick’s curls are, how he doesn’t have to use any product for them to look as they do; or those blue eyes and how when you get closer, they become that much more stark and crisp; or how good he was at talking to people, convincing them of things or simply just reassuring them as a friend; and that southern drawl that still sometimes catches you by surprise by sounding so pronounced at the end of certain words, making his voice that much more intoxicating. Of course you saw the appeal, but that didn’t mean you had a crush on him.
Right?
Maybe it doesn’t matter. You just felt you knew better. He was like a president. You know of them, and you believe in them, but you don’t get close to them. And it didn’t matter that he told Carl to personally deliver you a stereo he and Daryl found while out once. How he remembered how you liked music. How he told Carl to tell you this one was probably better than the old one you had, that it was louder. You only showed him your old stereo that once when he was helping you move. He was just a perceptive guy with a good memory. All leaders are like that.
Right?
Anyway, let’s get back to your crass… joke.
“Hilarious.” Rosita says and you hear the low contempt in her voice at your insensitivity.
“That was ages ago though,” the girl chimes in, saving you just a little, “and he did it to help her. He didn’t care about the mess he made. He save her. I’d say that’s pretty romantic.”
“Let’s not call that romantic,” Rosita scoffs, and despite the slight frustration, there was a quiet sadness in her voice at the memory. “That wasn’t love.”
“That was reckless, not romantic.” You agree. Partly because you truly do, but also in attempt to win back favor from your friend. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”
But after that day, it was all you could think about.
The idea of a knight; a romantic; someone that would do anything for you, ruin his reputation for you; find gifts from the outside that he’d send is son to give to you. Maybe you did find it charming, idyllic.
These thoughts soared in your mind so much so that on one night when thinking about boys from books or your favorite artists wasn't enough during moments under your sheets when your back arched and your fingers trailed up your thighs, your mind switched from people you would never meet to him, to Rick. Your eyes scrunched tighter, and you tried to shake it away, telling yourself it was just the women in town and the talk in the car getting to you. But then you thought about how rich and hot pink his lips looked on a bright sun-burning day and how it would feel like flames firing inside of you if he kissed you with them.
Ideas like these went on for nearly a year now. You even started questioned if maybe you had always liked him, maybe you were always just like the other girls even though tried to not be. You had thought it made you respectful, realistic; after all, how could Rick be the love of your life if he was everyone’s? Wonderings like this became even worse and more confusing when Rosita had asked if you’d like to move in with her. Becoming closer with her meant being around the leaders more often, which meant coincidental encounters and conversations with Rick as well. Quickly, he wasn’t just that president or celebrity anymore who talked to you sometimes and got you that stereo that once. He was becoming a peer— at least in some ways. One who was curious about your interests as much as your opinions. But it’s not exactly like you were in the in-crowd now as some people assumed. You didn’t get to go to leader meetings, and as much as you knew Rosita must have been telling you more than others know, she couldn’t have been telling you everything. But you did see him more than other people now, when he and the leaders came over to the house or when Rosita was invited over to theirs and she’s tell you to come too. And now, with these thoughts spiraling, you can’t help but to look back at the at the times where Rick approached you, gave you all his attention no matter how small it was and asked you about what you were listening to or reading that week, letting you ramble. He was an older guy, yes, but he cared, he actually listened, and he didn’t make you feel like the childish little sister others do.
Sadly, you did become the fawn like you had told yourself you wouldn’t be. But you couldn’t stop picturing him when you closed your eyes, and in fact, it was nice to imagine someone to fall asleep with, to wake up to. It was just going be your secret. Part of your fantasy world. But then— it all caught up to you.
Through the sliver of the open door he saw you, fingers between folds, goading yourself on as you chanted his name in whispers.
And to your surprise, he encouraged it. No, he did so much more than that— he helped you, made you come; gave you your first orgasm and made you his like no one has before.
You loved it. You gave into it. Even if it was just one secret moment. It made you give into the idea that this would continue but of course, it didn’t. He hasn’t spoken to you in almost three weeks until—
“Woah-” you gasp, almost crashing into just the person as you exit your room.
“Sorry,” you both say in unison, holding onto each other's forearms before quickly letting go. Your arms cross over into your chest before dropping as you enter your room again, clearing the hallway, and his hands go behind his back. He’s still as unsteady as you are, his mouth is slightly open, thinking of what to say.
“Hi,” you whisper tentatively.
“Good morning,” he politely replies. His eyes now smile slightly as he nods to you. You don’t miss how the light emanating from your bright room makes them shine. And he doesn’t miss how the light shining behind your figure makes you, in your white cotton sundress, look like an absolute angel.
“Good morning,” you repeat, giggling slightly, not knowing what else to say.
“Good morning,” he says again, lost and as giddy as you are.
“Oh wait— is the leader’s meeting here today?” Rick starts to nod and answers yes as you continue to speak, “I totally forgot! I’m sorry. I know I should be gone by now.”
He shakes his head, “It’s fine. I was just going to the bathroom.”
“Here? Was someone in the one downstairs?”
“Just wanted to be away from everyone when they came. Daryl and I came early so we started talking and I just- we didn’t see eye to eye on something. I needed a minute.”
You nod. That seems to be your signature when to talk to him. You hated it honestly. Often over-analyzing your words, worrying you’ll sound immature or stutter in front of him. “I'm sorry,” you tell him sympathetically. For a moment there is only silence which makes you worry he will go away, so without thinking, you ask: “I know you’re busy but, if you need a moment, maybe you would like to come in here instead?”
Rick freezes but then, inevitably agrees. As he enters, you close the door and quickly go to shut off the low playing stereo and rehang some of the dresses on your chair in the closet— you had been getting ready for the day. Rick goes to sit on the chair after you empty it but you stop him. You sit on the vertical side of your bed and guesture Rick to sit in the spot next to you, closer to the headboard. You wanted to sit next to him.
Rick doesn’t question this, maybe he wanted to be as close to you as you had, so as he sits, your thighs touch. You try not to move too much at the first contact. Still, the heat that starts to burn inside you makes you realize how much you’ve craved this. Can two weeks feel like a lifetime? It’s like you haven’t felt him in ages.
“What were you playing today?” He asks and you realize you eyes went straight to the area where yours and Rick’s legs touched. You know he noticed but still you try to answer normally.
“Selena. Rosita loves her. It’s one of her most famous songs: Amor Prohibido.”
He nods. “I probably wouldn’t understand a bit of it,” he laughs.
He would probably remember the singer from the news if you gave more context but you don’t. There is a silence that follows until you ask, “So,” starting slowly, “what’s wrong? Is Daryl aright?”
He doesn’t answer. His mouth is open as if he’s deciding what to say, but nothing comes out, so you continue, “You know, nothing is ever right in the world when Rick and Daryl fight. It makes me sad.”
The joke makes those lines at the sides of his eyes appear— a quiet laugh. “Well you know I’d never want to make you sad. Especially not you.” You two exchange a light smile while that heat rises fast to your heart. “We’ll be fine,” he finally says, but then he goes quiet again. Rick seems unsure if he wants to continue. He even looks at the door, wonders if the others have shown up yet, but— he knows he doesn’t want to leave. And even more, he knows he shouldn’t after ignoring you like some teenage boy. He decides to tell you what’s happening: “Daryl wants us to bring new people in. You know how he’s always going out there. But I think it’s way too soon.”
You hum agreeingly, but at the same time, you understand Daryl. “I think he just likes to give people what he never used to have,” you suggest.
“I know,” he nods a bit annoyedly; “and that’s a nice way to put it, but you know him, when he has his mind set on somethin’ he can be so damn stubborn. It’s frustrating. He won’t compromise or listen to anything.”
Endearingly, you try to withhold a laugh, your lisp pursing. Not only because when he says anything, it actually sounds like anythang, but because Rick sounds like he’s describing himself and he doesn’t even realize it.
“And,” he adds, pausing for a moment before he continues, scratching his beard. It looks as if maybe he shouldn’t tell you what he’s about to. His head hangs low to say: This is not information for everyone to know, okay? But the last time he went out there with Glenn, the reason Glenn’s arm is in a sling right now, is because they met a group, tried to bring them back and before they could make it even close to home, the group fought ‘em, tried to steal what they scavenged, and almost kill Glenn.”
You widen your eyes at the statement. You actually already knew this from Rosita, but that will stay between you two. All you feel is humbled that he felt he share it with you, despite it being a dark thing. It was a close call. Rick was right for being very cautious right now. “Wow,” is all you can get in before he speaks again.
“Imagine if we lost him. Fought this war with his wife and unborn baby at the time for nothing? So he couldn’t even meet him?” Rick shakes his head, and you notice his foot tapping lightly, making his knee bounce. This had happened a month ago now but it was obviously affecting him. “It was reckless and I told him that. That right now we need to be focusing on what’s inside these walls. People have only just started getting back to being comfortable now; to feeling like this is a home.”
Your eyes remain wide, “We did so much rebuilding you.”
“We did complete rebuilding.” He corrects, though not rudely. Shaking his head, he goes back to talking about Daryl: “I think I made it seem like what happened to Glenn was his fault. So not only were we arguing but I must’ve hurt him,” Rick realizes, “and now he definitely won’t be back today— maybe not even until next week.”
A silence hangs in the air after this; it seems he finished. Now, you know you should speak, but as the silence continues, you grow more unsure of what to say. Issues like these are things you’ve never dealt with. You didn’t want to say something stereotypical.
“I’m sorry I’m putting all this on you.”
“No, no,” you quickly console, trying to think. “Um, well,” you say, starting unsteadily, “this is probably going to sound stupid and not helpful. I don’t even remember the exact context or what was truly said so it might not make any sense either but, do you remember when I had my Oasis obsession? Earlier this year?”
“I do,” he laughs, turning his head over to your music table. His eyes scan any of the visible album titles to see if he can find it, but the print on most of them are too small. He turns back to you as you continue:
“This is going to sound a little far off but I think you and Daryl are like Liam and Noel.”
His eyebrows furrow, “Didn’t those two hate each other?”
“I mean, yes— but it’s much more complicated than that to me— but no, I don’t mean in that way. It just that there is this quote Noel says that I don’t remember exactly, but I really liked: he said that even though he wrote the music and Liam did the singing that Liam meant the words just as much as Noel did because they’re brothers and he wrote them. I thought that was beautiful, but…” you trail off.
He stays silent, trying to give you space to find your words but you feel like you’ve gone too far. It’s all pretty convoluted and not a true comparison to what’s going on that you’re even confusing yourself a little. “I think what I mean is that even though they have their different roles, they still feel very similar things and believe in the same purpose. I think that’s like you and Daryl. You two are so similar yet so different. But there’s still a binding force that always brings the two of you together. So, like I’m sure you already know and I didn’t even need to tell you, but you two will be okay. You two have different ways of doing things, but the music or the life you’re trying to create in Alexandria still has the same meaning to the both of you.” You laugh small and breathily as you end. “That probably didn’t make sense.”
Rick smiles to himself. “I didn’t get that first bit, with the quote, but no… that made a lot of sense to me.” He nods toward you and you return his smile. “You’re so bright. You know that? Not everyone knows how to stitch things together like that the way you do.”
This makes you feel good. Rick thought you were smart. You know you should say thank you, but instead, something else comes out: “May I, may I kiss you?”
“Yes,” he answers, almost stuttering it out, a hint of hesitation before he did, but he nods so kindly, so reassuringly as he tells you again: “yes.”
Your fingers touch his lower cheeks lightly, feeling the bristles of his beard. You’re slow, and careful, and scared. Your fingers linger on his jaw for a moment until they completely caress his right cheek and then you move in, swiftly— worried you’ll lose your confidence, worried he’ll change his mind. You catch his lower lip and seal the kiss. Your lips are locked for a few seconds until you retreat. It was nice, and exciting, but short. You knew you could have put your tongue in his mouth. You believe he would have let you because you remember when he did it last time, but you didn’t want to embarrass yourself by doing it wrong and once again reminding him how much you don’t know. But you’re sure giving him a grade school kiss like this one was enough of a reminder.
Your eyes roll down, chin low. Your cheeks are on fire and your hands do not know where to go so you start fiddling with the hem of your dress and then you laugh. You were trying to be courageous this time, and you were, but you also weren’t.
Rick grabs your left hand, holding it at the end of your thigh, “I liked that,” he says softly.
“You did?” You ask as softly as he, eyes meeting his.
A short, airy snicker comes out, “Mhm,” he hums, giving you a closed-mouth smile. He found you simply adorable.
“Can I… try it again?”
Rick pulls on your forearm, attempting to bring you closer to him. “Yeah,” he nods, voice gentle. “Do you want me to help?”
You nod before you speak, happily accepting, “Yes.”
He puts your hands on his shoulders. One of his grabs onto your waist and the other holds you lightly under your chin, adjusting your head to meet his lips. The first kiss he places holds just for a couple of moments as the one you gave him did, gentle but packed with longing. The next two are slow, pretty pecks that already have you melting at his touch, lips agape waiting for the next one. The fourth is the one where he brings his tongue into your mouth, carefully bringing it in quarter by quarter. He tastes the top of your mouth and tongue and you feel him as he slowly starts to explore how far you may like to go, but truly you become stagnant other than your hands that press into his shoulder. Luckily, Rick either doesn’t notice your hesitation or is already silently helping you as he takes the lead, pulling you closer by the hips and slipping his tongue in and out of your mouth to kiss you more. It makes you smile— the excitement of your first make-out session. You giggle, and then it makes him smile too and your teeth slightly bump into each other. Accidently you nip his lip because of it, making you pull back.
Your fingers hover over your lips as you impart a quiet apology but Rick just shakes his head giving you another quick kiss instead. He starts to move back on your bed, back pressed again the headboard and he tells you quietly, “Come here.”
You get up and sit higher up on the bed as well, calves folded under your thighs. He takes one of your legs and starts to put it over his as he asks, “Is this okay?”
You nod, vigor growing as you do it now, thrilled to sit on his lap. Your dress bunches around your hips and the tops of your thighs. You move closer to press your chest into his and you kiss him first again, another small one but with intent as you look at him afterward, feeling the scratch of his beard on your fingertips as you smile at him, in awe that this is happening.
“You want to try this time?”
“Uh,” he means you put your tongue in his mouth this time, but you’re afraid to do it wrong but you know you want to say yes so you do, “Yes, okay.”
So he brings you in again and you kiss him. He mouth opens a little and you try to bring your tongue in slightly but you teeth clash. “Sorry,” and quickly he responds that it’s okay and rubs your cheek, telling you to just open your mouth a little wider, no teeth, let your tongue go on top of his.
You try it. Your tongues meet again, licking each other tips before you slowing press in more, your chest touching his as you try to close the gap.
Rick starts slowly rocking your hips against his and he takes control of the kiss again. It helps you not think, you like it. And you like the feeling of that incoming tight bulge starting to form under his jeans, but then you let go. “Wait,” you say, “I like this.” You pause for a moment, confusing him more as to why you stopped. “But… there is something I wanted to ask you.”
“Okay,” his hand stay fixed on your hips and waist, rubbing soothily, “What it is?”
Another pause. “I feel nervous,” you whisper.
“You have no reason to be, sweetheart. You can ask me anything.”
You laugh, smiling as you look off to the side. Anythang.
He smiles too, although unknowingly to what you found funny. His head tilts as he tries to find your gaze and turn it towards him again.
“Well, the last time we were together here you taught me how to do something. You taught me how to pleasure myself better so,” you stutter, “I want to pleasure you. If that’s okay. And I was wondering if you’d teach me how- to touch you here.” You remove yourself from straddling him and point in the direction of his cock.
Instantly he feels a stir of his already hardening dick.
This is not how he expected things to go this time. Or truly, he didn’t expect any of this at all, but when you asked to kiss him he decided he would be gentle, more giving. It felt like you wanted him to take again, the exact thing he was trying not to do. “I feel like I took advantage of you last time.”
“Rick…” you shake your head. “I’m the one who didn’t close the door all the way. You asked if it was okay and then you asked if you could go faster. I said yes to everything…” You start to worry— is he second guessing everything now?—“I feel maybe we remember this differently.” You bow your head again now. Feeling ashamed, wondering if he did.
Rick places one hand on your knee to comfort you although he still says, “It’s just that I’ve never done something like this before.” His thumb sways on your skin. “I just don’t want you to end up feeling like you’re wasting your time. Your first times.”
You’re surprised, “It’s so funny how you can be so self-assured in front of a crowd and now you don’t think you’re good enough.” You take his hand and press it towards your chest. Your heart was racing. “I like you. So much.” You swallow as he says your name softly, realizing how fast your heart was going. “No one in town is truly ever mean to me or anything, and Rosita has been so kind with letting me move in with her and we talk and its nice but, you know— she has her flings and her friendships that are separate from mine and everyone just always seems like they have their person and I just don’t. I don’t have my person, or any person.” You remove your hands from your chest but Rick still holds onto it, squeezing your hand as you start speaking again. “You’re kind, Rick, and you make me excited, and you remember things about me… “ If your face could get any hotter, it does, “And, well, you’re very handsome. If you could teach me again, I would like that.”
God… Rick was trying to be a romantic yet you were so adamant on getting him off. He laughed inwardly, shaking his head, deciding that the best way to handle this situation— and make up for some of his guilt as he was trying to— would be to give you the thing you say you want and not what he thinks you want. Suppose that’s one for widower’s wisdom.
Decidedly, Rick gets up from the bed, giving you a once over, still admiring how adorable, and how sexy, you look to him with your feet under your lap, hands on your knees as you look up at him from the bed and your white dress. He starts undoing his shirt buttons. “Remember when I did this the first time?”
A smirk came on, there’s the Rick you remember. Blue eyes intense, and voice getting cocky as he gets ready to give you what you need, what he knows you only want from him.
“Yes,” you say quiet yet with budding excitement. You start going for the hem of your dress, “Should I start taking this off too?”
“Mm, stay like that.” He’s taking off his belt. “Thought you looked beautiful in it right when I saw you.”
Your thighs squeeze together slightly. Rick Grimes was undressing before you, for you, and calling you smart and beautiful all the while.
As Rick lowers his boxers, his cock springs up. He returns to his spot on the bed, back leaning against the headboard. All of a sudden he seems to truly recognize that he is the only one exposed. He would tell you what to do, guide you, but in a small way, in a way you probably didn’t realize, you were in control. It seems that each time this happens— although it’s only been twice— and each time he talks to you— which has been plenty— you steal a little more of Rick’s heart and he just can’t stop it.
“So,” he clears his throat, your eager eyes on his cock making him twitch, “you usually just wrap your hand around, start from the base and keep pumping up.” He shakes his head, “there’s not too much too it but it’s best to keep your hand light at the start, you—”
You nod quickly, “May I?”
As he nods back you, “Yes.” And as he says it you’re already licking your hand.
“Is it okay if I spit? That helps right? Or is that nasty to you?”
He’s caught off guard, “No, no, that helps.”
So you do and you place your hand lightly at the base as he said and you start to pump. Instantly, he lets out a gasp, and the next noises that follow are repressed grunts and groans. You want to ask him to stop doing that but you’re a little scared to speak up that way just yet and you’re too engrossed in how you can see the light veins of green and blue on him and how he’s so red at the tip. It was honestly exciting. Just this, touching him with your hand, staring at his member and watching him twitch as his mouth opens to pant lightly. It still felt unreal but you liked it and you were happy to learn. You start to pump him more towards the top, placing your thumb on his slit- pressing in. His abs clench at that. You push in a little harder and you squeeze your fist around him a little— testing it out to see what happens—and he groans, unadulterated this time, “oh, fuck.”
The heel of your foot that’s under your lap pushes into your center at that.
You start pumping faster. “Am I doing good, Rick?”
Hearing your voice sets him off, ���Fuck, sweetheart. Yes.” He’s honestly choking out each of his words, he didn’t expect to get so turned on by all of this. He realizes the last time he had sex was with you that first time, and before that… he can’t even remember. “You’re doing an amazing job.”
As you pump, you start to slow down, only doing it shallowly towards his base. You’re feeling confident and you kiss the side of him, licking a fat stripe up to the top and then you pump him fully again.
“Oh, fuck, yeah,” he breathes out. He wants to tell you to slow down but it comes out of nowhere, he stutters before he can even speak. An unintelligible groan mixed with a moan comes out abrupt and louder than he intends and white spurts of liquid come out.
You go faster for a few moments, then start to slow down, a little unsure of what is best to do, but you notice when you start squeezing him a little more as you continue to pump up and more whiteness fall out from inside of him.
“Did I, make you come?”
“Yeah,” he says, huffing.
“I did?” your cheekbones rise as you ask with awe— it was another first for the books.
Rick’s tries to let his embarrassment fade, he can tell you were just excited about it, but still, he looks down and to the side, avoiding direct eye contact— almost like you typically would. You peer at him, almost nervously because of it. Rick is usually the confident one. “Doesn’t always happen that fast,” he explains.
“Well before a month ago I didn’t know how to make myself come so I wouldn’t know,” you say with self-deprecating assurance. You had heard from the girls in town that it was easier to make men orgasm. You already had it in your head as something not to judge. You wonder how hard he must have been restraining himself the first time he placed himself inside you, or if it just happened to be easier for him that time around. “I didn’t expect I could do it or anything really. I thought it was…” you smile while giggling, “interesting.”
“A good interesting I hope.”
“Very,” you assure. “I liked it.” You kiss his cheek as you take some wipes that are by your night stand and you start cleaning him up. He doesn’t tell you that you don’t have to; he helps along with you.
“You sure you’ve never done any of this before?”
You shake your head. “I just read fiction books.”
He smiles to himself, a quiet snort of laughter leaving his nose. You always surprise him.
When you two are done cleaning, he puts his boxers back on. Quickly, he is on the bed again and starts to kissing you. Rick holds your shoulder and pushes you down. Finally, it’s time for his redemption, he feels. It was your turn to be pleasured. Just like he wanted to do from the beginning.
Rick kisses down your neck to your collarbone, and the parts of your exposed chest and he pushes your dress up past your hips. His lips move back up to yours, kissing you more before saying, “I really wanna show you something sweetheart.” He presses his thumb into your clit over your underwear. “Can I kiss you down there? Have you ever had that before?”
You shake your head slowly, eyes wide. “I-” you start nodding your head, “-I would really like that.” And in such a small voice you add, “Please.”
Rick kisses your cheek. Deep and softly he breathlessly tells you, “I would love to.”
Rick moves his head lower and gives you slow kisses over your underwear from your mound to the end of your lips. He starts to drag your panties over your legs and once they’re gone he kisses up your thighs. Then his nose rubs and sways ever so lightly on your lips. He breathes in and it makes you shutter. Your heart is going crazy again. Finally, he licks upward. One long and languid stripe ending with a kiss to your clit and then he truly begins.
Tongues are wet and sticky and everything you ever dreamed of. Your eyes roll back instantly from that first lick and kiss. You remember a time when you started touching yourself that you used to never think of receiving oral. You thought it was scary, nasty, that you wouldn’t like it until the moment you thought about it as a million kisses on your most sensitive lips, or someone liking you so much that they’d get drenched by your wetness just to touch you, to taste you. After that, you thought about it all the time and now it was finally happening– someone needing you so much they just had to know what you taste like. Here he was: kissing, licking, sucking, not caring about how he looks but only how you feel— you now knew what it was like to be desired.
Rick presses his tongue flat on your clit, rubbing deep circles. His eyes are open, looking up at how your mouth opens wider and wider. You let out little whimpers, enamored by his tongue, still deciding if you like the scratch of his beard, but your eyes stay glued to the ceiling, scared to look at the scene below.
He gives you kitten licks in between speaking, “Look down. Don’t miss your first time.”
Your eyes go down slowly, watching as he gives open mouth kisses to your clit and right lip, tilting his head. He stays there for a moment, hearing your short and breathy pants, kissing and licking your clit and lower lips like they were the ones above your chin. His eye contact sends bursts of sticky wet fluid down your hole and you release a whimpered moan, they’re always sp short and soft and high pitched. He can tell you like it but he can also see you’re nervous. You don’t trust yourself, you know it, and he’s starting to realize it too. You’re scared of completely letting go.
He peppers kisses to your clit before moving upward, his tongue rolling and mouth kissing from your lower stomach to your breasts till his face reaches yours again. “No one’s here,” he tells you. He then kisses your lips allowing you to taste yourself for the first time. “Relax,” he whispers, rolling out each syllable. He holds your chin with one hand while he inserts a finger into your hole with the other, his pointer is instantly drenched and you shudder at the feeling. His single calloused finger reminds you of the time he was last inside you. He pumps slowly, looking into your eyes as he speaks, “Don’t think about who could come downstairs.”
“What if Rosita or Daryl come back?”
“What if?” He says it so simply as if he’s ready for everyone to know. Truly, that would be an issue, but right now it was not about him and it was completely about you; he wanted to give. It was short-sighted, reckless, yes, but… you were just so pretty, so bright, so insightful, and he felt like he needed to make up for all the taking he did last time, of your first time. Rosita had went to run after Daryl, hopefully no one was here anyway. But again, he didn’t care. It didn’t matter. “Lay back,” he gently commands, “forget what I said before- close your eyes. Just give in to it. Like I’m the only one who's here.”
Rick licks zig zag stripes down your slit and then he decides to insert his tongue in your hole. He goes as deep as his tongue allows, collecting your wetness and trying to swallow it in moments when he turns back to kissing. He his nose is brushing and rubbing up against your clit as he sucks wetness from down below and you start letting out stringy moans you can’t control. Soft, pretty, and continuous, “uh, ah, uh, uh” that turn into “sorry, I’m sorry.” You’re still self-conscious about your own noises. This was still only the second time you’ve heard the sounds you make when someone else is fucking you.
But Rick shushes you. Giving small kisses to your clit as he looks up at you, seeing your scrunched eyes and open mouth. “I like knowing you like it, pretty girl. I like all those pretty sounds you’re making.”
Your pussy tightens around nothing at that phrase.
“Keep going. You don’t have to be shy.” He grabs your chin and you look down at him. His beard is wet. “We’ve already made a mess anyway.”
He starts kissing your labias, licking up wetness when you decide to ask, nervously, “Can you make sounds too?”
Instantly, Rick goes again to kiss your clit, humming into it as he sucks. Breathing against you he says, “Want me to tell you I like it, sweetheart?” His tongue slides down again, tongue reaching into your hole and he moans into your pussy.
Your back arches and you mewl, you could almost scream.
That’s it, he thinks. Rick keeps humming and groaning into you now. His voice is so seductive. “I love tasting your pussy, baby.”
You couldn’t breathe.
Rick starts rubbing your clit with his thumb and going fast with his tongue in your hole “My bright, pretty girl gonna come for me? Hm?”
“Oh, Rick, I want to. Please, Rick.”
Rick starts to go faster and your brain turns to mush. Only noises coming out and when he stops his tongue movements to say something more you push his head down. “Sorry,” you say. You’ve never been forceful before but he says nothing, just continues going down on you and taking his free hand to place it over his, gesturing that he wants your hands in his hair. You tug on his curls and he grunts into you. You start chanting his name and then he switches to placing his lips on your clit and putting two fingers in your pussy. It reminded you of the first time but instead of your three fingers they were two of his and it felt so much better than you ever knew before, better than you could ever do it yourself. It sets you off. Your eyes shut tighter if they could. “Rick! Oh my god,” you moan and then again and again and then you come.
Rick laps at your cunt, vigorously trying to wipe you clean. He makes it look like it will be the last and only time. It makes you worry but at the same time he looks so sexy like that; needy for you even after you finished.
He takes your wipes and cleans his lips before cleaning you up as you did for him. He kisses you thighs and your lips and your cheeks as he continues. “You did such a good job,” he says. “You always do.”
You’re filled with pride at that. “Thank you.” Then worry sets in. You realize how public you’ve made everything. “Did I just ruin your life?”
He laughs while caressing your thigh. That anxious expression of yours that he just got rid of returns after all the work he did.
“I’m gonna check downstairs. Okay? If they’re there, they’re there.” You nod. We already made a mess anyway, you remember him saying. “They might want to start the meeting when I go down so, whatever happens, happens alright? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Your eyes are still nervous, but it’s all too late anyway. “Okay,” you respond.
“Okay,” he says back, kissing you once more. As he dresses himself again, he tells you, “I promise I won’t wait two weeks to see you again.”
“I’d like that.”
“Me too,” he says as a send off and goes into the bathroom to clean his face.
When he reaches the living room, there is no one. Rick is thankful but confused.
As he nears the coffee table there is a sheet of yellow lined legal pad with a talkie next to it.
Call when you’re done, it reads.
“Rosita?” He questions into the device. Who else could it have been, right?
He can almost hear the grin on her face. “They should start calling you Reckless Rick for all the agony you put these Alexandria girls through.” She pauses for dramatic effect. “There’s just something about that stupid hair cowboy accent, I guess.”
Before he can respond, telling her that it’s absurd to think of him as a playboy, that he was far from it, she continues:
“So, fucking my roommate? You’re glad Glenn and Maggie called everyone over to theirs instead. Hershel took his first steps while you were teaching someone else how to take theirs.”
She unpressed the button to suppress her laughter. “Just get over here,” she concludes, putting down the walkie and going back to meet the rest of the group with a perfect poker face. She tells everyone Rick will be here shortly.
Oh, Alexandria’s leader and her new little best friend who has been hearing the townswomen’s fantasies of him for years: Reckless Rick and his reckless romantic girl.
Rosita would give you so much shit for this when she gets home.
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