#i even still have to same perspective
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i love being alive and living in the world as a trans masculine person it’s so fun and everyone including the trans community definitely doesn’t either want me dead or think i’m simultaneously receiving male privilege and am basically a girl :)
#/sarcasm#god i hate being alive#cis people hate me for sacrificing my body or something#trans people hate me for wanting to be a disgusting man and poisoning myself with testosterone#i’m not allowed to enjoy masculine things about myself unless they’re feminine masculine things#i’m afraid to go on t because i’ve been trained by everyone in my life including trans people that masculinity is inherently disgusting#i’m so scared to pass because i get a pass not because i am a twink teenager but how will i be treated as an adult man#i even still have to same perspective#i see a trans man on t and i am jealous and scared and so many things#it feels like my brain has been poisoned by fucking tiktok and twitter and everyone who tells trans men that their existence as men is vile#i constantly see trans women celebrating milestones in their transition and embracing their femininity#but i never see trans man celebrating their masculinity that isn’t acceptable masculinity#we aren’t allowed to be proud of muscles or facial hair or deep voices or bottom growth without someone reminding us#that we aren’t really queer#and we don’t really experience oppression#and while it’s great we’re happy with our transition#everyone else thinks it’s disgusting and threatening and sad that we’re giving up the wonders of womanhood just cause we want to#just because we want to say “i’m a man! out loud and receive our certificate of certified male privilege#i am more afraid than i ever was as a woman#he speaks
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Was thinking about this line because Harrow what the actual fuck are you talking about, and I realised something.
Not only does Harrow really for real not know that Gideon loves her—in the bullshit context of their lives, this is a reasonable misunderstanding for her to have.
What has Harrow known Gideon's life goals to be since they were children? Hint: There are at least two Harrow is fully aware of.
The first is to be wanted. As much as Gideon hates and wants to escape the Ninth, she also paradoxically craves their acceptance. They're the only community she's ever known. Harrow plays on that desire from the very beginning, mostly by kind of .... well, okay, by negging her about it. Ironically appealing to her sense of loyalty and duty to her house when they both know Gideon never even had that bridge to burn. That kind of thing.
Whether or not she's right, Harrow sincerely believes that acceptance to still be important to Gideon. First flower of my house, the greatest cavalier we have ever produced. You are our triumph. The best of all of us. When Harrow has only seconds left to make amends, she not only banks hard into praising Gideon, she frames it to unambiguously offer Gideon the acceptance she's always been conspicuously denied. Assuring her of her value not just as a person or as a cavalier, but as one of their house, one of their people.
The second thing Harrow knows is that Gideon wants to join the Cohort. Easy, everybody knows that. She's only been telling everyone with ears (and then some) since she was eight years old. It's the bait Harrow dangled to entice her into this mess. She wants to be a hero, to do great deeds like in the comic books. She wants to be a soldier.
Against the backdrop of all that context, Gideon's dying declaration "for the Ninth" starts to sound a hell of a lot more like "for Queen and country." Especially when you remember that Harrow is still the sovereign ruler of the Ninth. From Harrow's vantage point, Gideon could easily be playing the heroic underdog in a war movie. The soldier no one believed in until she threw herself on a grenade to save her squad. The knight errant who proved her chivalry by giving her life in service to her king.
From that perspective, Harrow's line to Ortus makes sense. She's following through on her promise of acceptance, defending Gideon's loyalty to the first Ninth face she sees. She's playing out Gideon's war hero fantasy, where Gideon's act of heroism proved them all wrong about her. In which case Ortus's response, "You are the most worthy heroes the Ninth House could muster. I truly believe that," flows very naturally as a reply. He understands what Harrow is trying to say, and affirms it.
It's not a hero's burial in the Anastasian, but it's the closest thing Harrow has the power to give her. And it's a fucking reasonable interpretation of Gideon's actions that doesn't touch on her feelings for Harrow at all. Fuck me.
#the locked tomb#griddlehark#harrow the ninth#don't mind me just. still dissecting these characters to figure out what is even going on in there#this series is the most satisfying exercise in limited perspective I've ever encountered#no one is on the same page but all their pages are coherent#god I love mess#tlt meta#tlt character analysis#gideon nav#harrow nonagesimus#harrowhark nonagesimus#and it's not really relevent here bc this is about Harrow's understanding of events but#I think she's right about Gideon and the Ninth#Gideon said ''for the ninth'' as she died which she very much didn't have to do#and. well. no spoilers past htn in this post so no spoilers past htn in these tags
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Lan Wangji goes to Lotus Pier (No relation to the AU of the same name)
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#wei wuxian#Another split type comic because I decided to be ambitious.#This flashback is currently beating my ass. There are so many timeskips within the flashback! My flow and pacing are wheezing!#I loved how this scene starts with the crowd's point of view. The observations and gossip add a lot.#And it helps reposition us to what the external perspective is on these two. Namely that 'they don't get along.'#Tensions are known! Even here in Nouveau Lotus Pier.#Ah...Lan Wangji never got a chance to see the Lotus Pier of Wei Wuxian's childhood and adolescence...did he?#It's not the same. He's not the same. Call them by the same name and people will know what you mean...#...but the first version - the one with the fond memories - is gone for good.#It's sort of interesting isn't it? How names can hold so much power and still be hollow?#We often get stuck over past versions of things. Be it ourselves or other people or places.#Change is scary but the truth is nothing ever stays the same. It's always moving. You're always moving.#It's okay to mourn the past. Maybe it's people you lost or the person you hoped to be. Let yourself feel the grief.#And then? Then you grow around that pain and keep on going. If you feel like you can't - remember you don't have to do it alone.#A side note: Listening to the tossing flowers extra is so essential for this scene. It's cute and gives us more of [redacted]#What's [redacted]? You'll see in the next comic!
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THE HEART KILLERS (2024-2025) เขาจ้างให้ผมจีบนักฆ่า dir. Jojo Tichakorn Phukhaotong
#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#joong archen#dunk natachai#tuserhidden#tusersilence#tobelle#userrlana#userlinnea#vishingwell#zeystuff#gif: thk#you know what I wanted to upload this despite maybe there is already the same set out there... which I rarely upload anymore if I know#but I have things to say about this scene... I feel like this is the first genuine conversation they had in all the episodes so far#as the cautious guy Fadel is he must've searched style beforehand (which we don't see but he must've) so which also means he knew about#his mother not being alive and yes obviously also him working at the garage but this is the first time fadel asked style things out of#curiosity... (even if he knew in my opinion) and style being so comfortable with fadel that he forgot that he's talking to a hitman#it's the guy he's interested in. he forgot for a split second whom he talking to and trusted him enough to tell all about these#things about him which is kinda personal at least for some yet here we are with one who's trusting the other enough to tell things#and fadel is surprised!! no one can convince me otherwise I might be delulu but like i said i believe he already knows all of this#yet he asked and didn't expect that style would be so open about all this to tell him this the 6th and 8th gif tells a lot#fadel is still trying to figure style out but I feel like the conversation here and at the garage where fadel saw himself#style in working mode and how he helps out a lot at the garage and the conversation how his dad became his most important person#added a lot to his trust barometer when it comes to style. he sees him in a different perspective. light whatever you wanna call it#but it definitely trust his view on style a bit. I already talked a lot under my own set so I'll stop
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So I think my perception of Grian's reasoning for enabling the horrible Jimmy ecosystem and also my perception of his character as a whole has been turned on its head completely and I feel really bad for him after watching Kingdom of Valor and it's like bad roleplay but it's. it's done things to me and I've never ever felt this much for Grian not even in my sadboy Grian Desert Duo phase. I don't know what to do about this
SA word under cut
Episodes 6 and 10 (like the entirety of it) for context. :( . :(. But like major warning if you watch those episodes, especially 10, because um they didn't use any disclaimers
#what the fuckkkkkkkkkk man what the fuckkkk hello#dont talk to me#Grian will never be the same to me again. Like everything makes too much sense now esp with Jimmy but at what cost#dont want Grian to kill himself anymore but at what cost...#like obviously its a completely seperate and abandoned thing but it makes so much fucking sense#from the perspective that Grian prioritizing his wellbeing over anyone else's is why he enforces the ecosystem#just so no one else including potentially him can take his place. Not so much putting Jimmy down as it is him protecting himself#he is still very awful but. I feel bad for him he might be a little bit of a son now I fear#Grian repeatedly saying he'd kill himself and shit. what the fuck#cw sa#cw suicide#tw suicide#tw sa mention#tw rape mention#and they made the conscious decision to put a new skin on him of him being bloodied and his clothes ripped and in um specific ways#and I could so easily see Jimmy in that same situation like that is just alternate universe Jimmy right there#and the two guys with him. his FRIENDS. who he cares about. are just joking about it nonstop and hitting him. help him. Help him#and they have this whole diary about a previous victim who's named Jimmi like hello. what a wild fucking coincidence#most unintentional abhorrent foreshadowing ever just to torture me specifically even though I've seen kingdom of valor only now#kingdom of valor#ok bye dont talk to me#tubby art
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I think getting railed by Mac would give Dennis a new perspective that doesn’t change who he is and is consistent with his characterisation... Just a thought tho.
#2 hour long podcast drops in the evening#and now i am not sleeping apparently#i’ve been ruminating on this one#and i think it’s just the same stuff they always say between seasons really#it’s interesting Rob talked about bringing in writers for new perspectives on fresh air#more specially meg lol#but in general that it’s necessary they have the team for those perspectives#cos it’s harder for them now as they’re older and richer#glenn has the same sentiment clearly#but god dude there’s still soooo many angles to hit#plots okay you got those? but need a new character angle?#mac and dennis are fully fucking this season#it’s the s5 dynamic but with actual gay sex this time#boom insane character angle there#it’s 5am ignore me
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For reference about what i said about Enid's werewolf height the other day, this is how crazy her size is in wednesday's description in the novel and i hope SO MUCH they never change it cause it's both fun and funny as fuck
Example 1:
Example 2:
Example 3:
And now the side by side with my favorite werewolves one of them having until now the title of biggest werewolf
PLEASE NETFLIX THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY IT OPENS SO MANY POSSIBILITIES, KEEP IT, like, bring it into the show, also because the novelization as many others more likely than not was based on the show's early development and then still got approved in the end means that despite the weird ass golden retriver we got they were probably really going for a horror inducing werewolf in the finale, in the final side by side specifically if she was on all fours like in the show she would still be around Van Helsing's own height, this is insane, can my fellow werewolf nerds come talk about this we got a gold mine here on teenage show territory and i need more
#wednesday addams#wednesday netflix#blood moon wolf fanfics just got more to work on#enid sinclair#wenclair#because wednesday who was crazy about werewolves as a child addams would have a bigger crush than she does in the start#werewolf tumblr#WEREWOLF NERDS ASSEMBLE#hell i also want to know which “type” of werewolf she is in the novel if its the same as the show#or if netflix is still not fully sure were she will land when it comes to being fully turned#she's a “hispo” in the show very ginger snaps like#but we know she can be a “glabro” because of the use of the claws and strenght in seaosn 1 as well as the leaks on season 2#maybe she can shift through the phases? im not sure they know were to land in werewolf mythology or if they will do their own thing#there are peculiarities about enid like how shes visibly in control or at least favorable to wednesday while turned#despite the show itself telling us there are cages for the werewolf students#aaaanyway please someone talk about this im so excited even if netflix dont have the guts(money) to do that level of cgi anytime soon lmao#hopes on a later or final season tho#werewolves#van helsing#mega lycan#tyler galpin is also around 3 meters tall as The Hyde but the show perspective make him seem smaller with the hunchback and the way he walk#wednesday would want to make tests and enid would be terrified but its nit like they are very good at saying no to each other
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ok i do really hate the danganronpa fanon category of "antagonists" (ie. komaeda, togami, + ouma as a group). in part because its just the wrong term for these characters and it can be confusing whos being referred to, like i saw a post saying like 'danganronpa is wild the antag will tell the protag they want them carnally and just move on no explanation' and i was like ???????????? when does junko say that to naegi?????? tsumugi said something like that????? kamukura????????????????
and my bigger issue with it, is its really hard to not see this as like a direct symptom of people ignoring women characters and over-valuing male characters. i know this accusation gets brought up a lot in fandom spaces, and then it just becomes a circular argument of misogynistic writing leads to fans favouring male characters which reinforces the demand for male focused stories etc etc or ppl being like 'im gay of course im going to have a preference for male/male stuff over things with women', but it really really does feel like women get completely pushed to the side to center two men. using the dr1 characters as an example, its not even like how kirigiri and fukawa are "pushed to the side" as romantic interests so togami and naegi can be together, its over crediting togamis character to be at an "antagonist" level when junko (and mukuro and even sakura if u want to generalize her role as 'the traitor') is Right There. it also isnt lost on me how out of the main three actual antagonists kamukura is included in fanworks/written out the least (though the 'ultimate evil abuser' kamukura vs 'totally innocent' hinata that happens frequently isnt great either...... but like at least hes there vs junko and tsumugi who are forgotten.)
but idk, i know languages changes and a group of ppl being like 'hey to our group this term means this even if is not the original definition' happens all the time. sometimes these shifts are useful, especially for the in-group doing the re-defining, but it can also be confusing and frustrating for the fandom at large when the words have other agreed upon meanings and when women are being ignored/erased
#my posts#komahina#naegami#saiouma#main tagging bc im brave and am curious what ppl have to say esp ppl who are like Yes Togami Ouma Komaeda: The Danganronpa Antagonists Yes#bc im not coming from that perspective at all so i want to know ur thought processes and like how they even ended up grouped like that#also for the record komaedas the only one that if u want to put an antag label on like ur still not correct theyre a deuteragonist first bu#with their roll as a direct foil to hinata theres more of an 'opposing' nature there EVEN THO THEYRE ULTIMATELY STILL WORKING TOWARDS THE#SAME GOALS+IDEALS (for better or worse lol)#and no togami and ouma arent deuteragonists u cant just change this group name to that it would make as much sense as the antag label#also sorry i havent posted in a week and when i do post its just a Rant lmao i will reblog/post more stuff soon!!!
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Discord is basically a spyware program with the NSA crawling through it so no shit Russia blocked it. If I were in conflict with the USA I'd block all the shit I possibly could
usa is shit, but don't you come to my DMs trying to defend russians gov
bc they are shit too, I'd say they are worse but honestly I don't think its productive to argue on which's government is crappier
#Like... Just don't even start it#Get lost#Leave me be#Im tired#Yes YES there are fucking spies everywhere and internet is a horrible place yes we all know#But regular people just want to be able to talk to their friends and family and coworkers and commissioners and etc#And what alternative they have?#Im sharing my friend's post about the ways people in russia can walk around ban and still use discord to be able to contact to other ppl#I dont think i need you to come and explain me russian governments perspective because i sincerely wish most of them to die and rot in hell#And before you ask yes im russian but at this point anyone should wish the same imo
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Mike and Will - "Double Feature" from evermore by Taylor Swift, Both POVs (7m 46s)
@best-thing-at-this-party @imatotallynormalteengirlok @your-local-bi-guy @throne-of-crows
#stranger things#byler#byler edit#my edits#i love messing with the same lyric meanings#even when it is separate edits#i have two out there that are you feel nothing and yet you still let her but in the other pov the same clip for i might not feel real but it#s okay#and for this one i love the contrast almost argument of#but you'll find the real thing instead#they expected me to find somewhere some perspective but i sat and stared right where you left me#buddy you didnt set me free you froze me in time
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Imagine you're Mr. Wu and your weird gay daughter runs away in tears after destroying some unespecified object while yelling about you ruining her life. Because you told her you'd be moving to another state. This is the last time you see your daughter in half a year, and when she comes back, she comes back... wrong. She's wearing a light leather armor, a fur-lined cape, and a green flower crown. She has two long scars, one alongside her spine and the other along her chest, the tissue around them covered in burn scars. Doctors say she shouldn't have survived. Doctors say she didn't. Yet she's right here, in front of you, hospital gown clinging to her small, fragile, trembling frame. She fidgets with her hands. Getting her to stay still has always been difficult, but now it seems impossible. She won't let go of her phone. She's always texting her two friends. When you take it away, she gets anxious. You always knew those damn phones cause kids to act weird, but your kid having a panic attack seems too extreme, even for her. Then again, she's always been odd. Nowadays, she wakes up crying and screaming almost every night, and you realize she's been stealing her phone from your bedside drawer every night to text her friends, returning it before you wake up. You catch her once and decide to give her that damn phone back. It's the only thing that calms her down, as if she were a baby with a pacifier. She spends her last weeks in LA clinging to her friends, having sleepovers and playing her weird board games with them. Everytime they drop her back at her house, there's an excessive amount of hugs and tears. But the moments when they call her, or when she leaves to meet with them, or when they show up at their door to pick her up... those are the only moments in which you see her happy. One of her friends, the rude and disobedient one, came back with a big scar on her face. She's been acting a lot nicer, though. The other one too. She acts a great deal more adult now. You doesn't know what happened or where your daughter went. She won't tell you. But you can tell this friendship is the only thing keeping her afloat right now. Maybe you know, deep down, that no one else would understand.
And then you decide to move anyway because fuck her amirite
#amphibia#marcy wu#my posts#so like what if marcy moving away was a proper tragedy#what if things were WORSE for her#what if *smashes marcy with a ROCK*#i realized that.#despite my parents being shitty (just found out literaly today my mom had doctors give me the wrong treatment because she assumed my body#would react the same way as hers. instead of doing what literally every doctor told her to do. now i need to get it fixed)#they still asked me how I felt about moving away to a different province when in like. 8.#like. oh right. this is something parents generally ask their kids about. instead of uprooting their entire lives out of nowhere.#marcy's situation is complicated in a narrative sense because#in order for her arc to work her departure must be dictated by morally neutral forces outside of her control#but her parents' decision seems very shitty with the context we're given. you COULD give context that justified their actions#i.e have them explain that they really do need this if they want marcy to go to college or some shit like that#but then it stops being Marcy vs. Forces of Nature#and it becomes Marcy vs. Her Dad (and she has to accept he's right in this one)#the show is clearly for a Marcy vs. Forces of Nature conflict (in this case it's the inevitability of change)#and in order to keep the antagonistic force abstract you CAN'T have her dad be a proper character#BUT. as a consequence -> Marcy has to give into the ''#the ''natural order'' which would be accepting her parents' power over her as natural and inevitable#it's not even like... accepting her parents are right or anything. just that their o#that their complete control of the situation and marcy's total powerlessness is natural and inevitable#and that's tragic! from a more watsonian ñerspective#perspective* : Marcy is sent back to her shitty parents and she just needs to learn how to deal with it away from her support system#the solution imo would have been to change the motivation behind her family moving away so that it's outside her parents' control too#it really has to be completely inevitable. i can't think of an alternative reason but it's just what it#it's what would fix this problem imo#it's a simple fix really
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puppies go shopping
idk if that color makes it better or not so im just leaving the normal version here
#anyone remember dragonhound likes strawberry cake?#okay i think no one even remembers them at this point anymore#i doubt if anyone knows who am i referring to when i say dragonhound and velahound#anyway#it's been a long time since the last time i draw them together in a piece#honestly it's kinda draining#dragonhound and velahound are not easy to draw#and since their helmets have that symmetrical design that stretches out from the side-#-you can't just half-ass their helmet because the perspective will look very very weird and anyone would pick it up#same goes to bloodhound but yk. it's still a problem#especially dragonhound. like. that is one the most complex helmet i have come across these 2~3 years#and because i mostly draw comics that means i have to draw a lot of their helmet. so i need to rotate that in my head#it's hard. dragonhound is the sole reason i tried out blender because i need to see them in 3d#i still only use 8 angle reference tho. opening blender everytime i draw is annoying#if i keep talking i will need 30 more tags so i'll stop here#apex legends#apex bloodhound#bloodhound#bloodhound apex#my art
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Little brother
#in other words. one of the shows producers finally gave context for wukong staring at the stone#apparently he was trying to find MK by ripping thru memories but the scroll kept returning him to the same spot#so he didn’t know MK is a stone monkey either. also confirmed that MK was born from the stone BUT that doesn’t technically make Swk his dad#although bodhi does mention that MK was born from the same stone egg unless he was speaking metaphorically. or that was a translation error#idk man I’m waiting for the dub to come out. shrugs#I do like the idea of wukong being more like an older sibling to MK. even if not technically#I feel like there is dad energy there but older sibling just makes me go ‘ah yea that makes sense now’#I do have to say I fucking hate perspective and I never want to do it again#edit: ok fuck wait I went back bodhi said he wasnt born from the same egg as Swk. but still#my art#myart#doodles#Lego monkie kid spoilers#lmk spoilers#monkie kid season 4#monkie kid#lmk#Lego monkie kid#lmk season 4 spoilers#lmk s4 spoilers#lmk s4#lmk sun wukong#lmk monkey king#sun wukong#lmk MK#technically#lmk xiaotian
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see my brain just doesn’t register the idea of anyone having a ‘one true love’ which is why the common fandom tropes of making canonical love interests terrible in order to justify why your ship is better always bugs the shit out of me. it feels like the only reason you would do that is if the idea of the characters in your ship having any other sort of romantic relationship that was important to them, even in the past, is a threat to their current one, therefore all their past relationships need to be demonized in order to make them ‘not real love’ so that they remain pure and chaste and ready for the True Love of the endgame ship.
#im not crazy right like other people notice that trope ajd get annoyed by it right#its a very weird trope to be so common from my perspective because like. why not just. break up the couple you dont want.#for reasons that arent ‘i made this person into a charicature of themselves to justify why my blorbo would have never actually loved them’#you know? its weird. its weird right?#and then of course there’s the offshoot of this that intersect with fandom misogyny where that demonized person is usually the female love#interest. or sometimes not even that. sometimes she was just standing there a little too close to one of the guys and that made people feel#insecure about their ship so they make her a bitch. gwen cooper. im. im talking about gwen cooper. people do this to gwen cooper and ill#never know peace about that.#anyway. is there a word for like. heteronormativity for monogomous people. because thats what i think this falls under.#because it is a very. like its a very conservatively monogomous idea. i feel like it is not unrelated to christian values of not having sex#before you’re married. that maybe someone in fandom might manage to ditch that particular ruleset to make their blorbos fuck nasty but NOT#the underlying idea of it that you can only ever have One Person you share that love and intimacy with. so you still end up perpetuating the#same toxic beliefs. you know? sorry im rambling it just annoys me
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some people are so weird about talking about opression as if its just a very cut-and-dry idea that ONLY EVER affects These people and never anyone else. when thats. really just not how anything works.
and then people act like saying this is trying to silence people and not let them have a word to define their oppression or something and its like ??? thats not what is being said ??? have words for certain types of oppression absolutely! its good to be able to have a term to use to spread more knowledge about what certain groups tend to go through!
but oppression for different groups overlap. to claim that x thing only ever happens to y people is just fucked up, because then YOURE the one trying to silence other peoples experiences.
and of course, just having a word to define what oppression a certain group goes through isnt inherently saying no one else experiences it, but some of yall certainly act like thats what it means and that perception is only going to divide you from other people and what things they also go through that are the same or similar to yours.
and it can easily influence the idea in ones mind that x people is The Most Oppressed and everyone else is The Oppressor (when oppression is an action, not an inherent quality of any individual of a non-ideological group), even when theres so many people that are hurting right alongside you and yall can be supporting one another and FIGHTING FOR EACH OTHER instead of with each other. remember, people that are actively trying to oppress others will ALWAYS benefit from people being divided and infighting.
#the is predominantly about queer discussions around oppression but can apply to other stuff as well#feel free to add discussions/examples of what different groups share in their experiences#bc im much too tired to try to make comparisons rn#and multiple different perspectives about peoples experiences will generally benefit this posts topic anyways#*also i mean predominantly about queer stuff as in like. thats what im thinking about mostly while writing this#anyways. im losing brain juice by the second. adios#queer#oppression#and yes this is about tme/tma bullshit#stop acting like people that dont share your exact identity will never go through the same or similar things to you#and tangently related: people also need to stop acting like their experiences are universal#people can be the same exact identity as you and still have experiences or simply BE wildly different from you#including details of their own identity. even if you think it ''doesnt make sense'' with the label you share#labels arent yours to define and everyone will have a different understanding and relationship to them#and will use them for different reasons and in different ways
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it's not sinking in that today might be the last day in my house and town for many months to come
#like how do i even feel#on one hand im excited because like now that i finally agreed to dads stupid whims he technically will have to give in to things#ive been wanting since FOREVER like going to the gym#plus it's impossible to eat junk food when he's there he won't even let me kacchi maggi because maida hai bimar ho jayegi#and aadhe se zyada din toh pyaaz ye sab nahi kha sakte so it rules out any outside food#which is so good because like i just found out im pre diabetic lol#like borderline sugar like ab kuch nahi kiya toh seedha type 2 diabetes#so i need to eat healthy or ill literally die#i mean eventually but whatever being diagnosed with this in my 20s would kill me#also simply the fear of living with him is so much that i HAVE to study#and i want to now it's high time#but yeah want doesn't really work for me#i read a quote somewhere that 'goals' don't mean anything because winners and losers have the same goals#and i was like WOAH. like the person who gets an all india rank had the same goal as me: to pass the exam with good marks#but they succeeded and i didn't so it's isn't our goals that differentiate us#which ik is obvious but like still idk put things in perspective#anyway yeah that way my life MIGHT be fixed#but there's also living ALONE with my sociopathic FATHER who has more mood swings than me on pms#and being cut off frm the rest of civilisation and yk developed roads and buildings and ice cream shops#i guess it is mostly food ig :( which is good like the most junk food i can eat there is a burger from a nearby stall and that's pretty#much it they literally do not even have havmor or anything in walking distance forget scoop wali ice cream#but i like my bed and i like my ceiling with the stars and i like looking out of my window and knowing that the first ever crush of my life#lives right next to me and i like knowing that ill meet my bestfriend atleast once a month#i don't really love my mom or my brother tbh but idk maybe ill miss them it's weird ive never lived without them#i don't know i really hope that this is like a boot camp kota types experience rather than so much isolation that i sink deep into#depression. but then ive hit pretty shocking lows this year so hopefully i can handle it#my sister did say that when she lived alone with him for a month it was quite peaceful and okay because he usually gets more angry when mom#is around warna mostly he's fine#i don't know i don't know bhagwan ji please ab aur mushkil mat banana life bohot jhatke de chuke ho already ab pls#mujhe apni galtiyo ko sudharne ka mauka dena 🙏
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