#like ‘in every universe i will find you i will love you’ but also ‘i choose you over and over it is a choice’

[blackcrystalball]

I find this take really interesting, I also feel like a part of my doesn't fully understand what's off-putting about self-centred social media.

I was born in 2004, so when I was growing up, self-centred social media apps were on the rise and then at their peak. I didn't use any of it until I was like 14 because I didn't really care and I had books to read. I only really became earnest in my usage of Instagram during lockdown and I downloaded tiktok from the first time in 2022.

I started making tiktoks in 2023 because I was in university, away from home and finally in an institution that didn't have a uniform. So it was a lot of fashion and hair content. Near the end of last year and all of this year so far, it has been a lot of dancing and edits of celebrities and characters I like.

Overall my social media accounts are centred around myself and the things I like, 2 parts because I want to have a space to store those things that isn't just my phone in case something happens to it, and 1 part I just think I'm really pretty and I like looking at myself.

I find self-centred social media to be really fun because then you can easily find people you have things in common with and make friends, I live in a relatively small town and I was one of three alternative kids in my school. Since posting online I've made a bunch of alt friends in my area and the vibes are immaculate.

Self-centred social media kind of feels like having a communal diary with your mutuals and I love that about it. It's really fun to share the vibes.

But at the same time, I literally went through all my formative years with this type of media at its peak, it was literally every. Every piece of media tried to brute force social media into their stories and in general kind of normalised it to people my age. So my stance is coming from a person that literally knows no other way of life. I think my stance might have been different if I was born in the 90s instead because in general I'm a pretty private person. All my super personal information stays completely under wraps. The only things I put on social media are things I would comfortably talk to a stranger about irl.

Overall, I feel like it might be because of a bit of a generational gap and different influences.

I feel like I kind of meandered off topic a bit, but yeah, the idea of this type of social media being off-putting has never once crossed my mind, and maybe that's a bad thing. Being perceived on such a large scale really isn't a normal experience and it is probably doing some weird stuff to our brains.

social media has evolved into such a voyeuristic spectacle over the last five to ten years its truly shocking to me like excluding tumblr 90% of the explore pages on other apps is just videos of peoples faces set to music or people talking directly to the camera etc etc......by contrast on tumblr there is still a sort of sheen of anonymity based on how its formatted and usually when you interact with a post you read or watch the content first and then learn the users identity second by clicking on their profile ie the dash is not just a wall of people filming themselves unless its a repost......i remember even only a couple of years ago there was a distinction between people who were influencers and got paid to film themselves 24/7 for instagram but now its like every average person on reels/tiktok is performing the same kind of theater for free......i cant imagine what that would do to your psyche long term

[tigerpearlsworld]

Pick a card...

Your appeal vs your true self

Before you chose the cards know that this is a general pick a card. There are infinite energies in the universe and the energies if align with your stars will guide you to my reading. So, welcome. Know that you can only chose one card. This pick a card is meant for your soul not for you to resonate but for you to realize when you get the message and truth in time. To pick a card you must follow your hearts tug and instinct and look deep within each image something about yourself rather than what you want it to be Breathe in and Breathe out, light a candle/ incense, meditate to the beating of your heart and let every thoughts come through and accept what is coming in your heart and then light and form a picture in your heart as you close your eyes and meditate in yourself. After that when you open your eyes choose the image where your heart calls for the most and remember your heart is your guide not your brain so.....

Sorry if my english is bad.

To those who stumble across my reading i pray to the stars to bless you with pure energy and strength.

Choose the pile:

The reading starts...

Pile 1:

The Vibes i get from this pile : Like a Ocean

Cards: (Page of pentacles, Page of wands, 6 of wands, The emperor)

Your appeal:

First of all the appeal you guys have is of both practicality and passion, Beauty and distance, warmth and silence. This are the contradicting things of how you are perceived as. Your natural appeal is of curiosity to learn, its also about devoting yourself to do the routine work which you had promised without any lack. People may find your nature very practical and sometimes dull when you are in your work mode. But when you get back to your creative self i see you charming anyone without any effort. Also there is a certain shy awkward confidence which i don't understand but its coming like that to me. I see you are very likeable due to your nature of not being so dominant. Your appeal to the opposite gender may even be of seductive allure and submissiveness although that may not be your intention. I also see in nature your appeal has a lot to do with your creative sense and fashion. Some of you may even be a tattoo/henna artist i also see fashion designer. Your appeal can be equated with vines its delicate, its intricate and so different yet its so far out of reach and so creative in its climbing ability to get the light.

Your true self:

Like i said in the beginning of the reading your vibes which the stars are whispering are of ocean. You have a depth in your soul like the ocean. You have a beauty about you which is free flowing like water. You can never be chained to anything or anyone yet when you are devoted no one can outrank you in your devotion. I see a bigger than life attitude in your soul. You want experiences or relationships or achievements which gives you satisfaction in a universal way. Your love is like the ocean, it doesn't have any impurities its like a Childs love. And also there is a lot of creative talents and skills which you have with you but you only display those gifts in silence with your friends and family. I see you are a person who is open but there is a very intriguing mystery and coldness which no one can pinpoint not even the people who are in a relationship with you can understand this nature of yours. I see in contrast to how people perceive you as passive or submissive inside you are filled with confidence, dominance and stubborn energy. I also see in your true self you are someone who is very sensitive and aware yet conscious of your actions you display in front of others. Some can say you have this quality about you where you hide your true feelings and thoughts behind your actions. In your truest self no matter what life throws at you but you have this inherent flame or amber inside you which never lets you give up. There is also this sense of war which keeps happening in your life or maybe inside you, its very dramatic the choices. I also see you can also be a spiritual person who does witchcraft, Tarot reading or is interested in gothic things. I also sense there is something about mermaids coming in maybe when you were a child you wanted to be a mermaid. But in your true self i definitely sense you feel more connected with water and you feel more at peace when you are near water. In the future you may even have a house or build a house near the sea or any waterbodies. In your trueself i sense when you work hard on yourself the most or you work at something with true intention without any malice i see you get more results. I also see you have a life of pain where you always had to devote yourself to either your mom or dad or husband in every choice of life no wonder it said life for you is like a dramatic choice and of war. I also see in your true self that you are someone who may not like to tell a lie. your honesty is something dangerous. I see its hard for you to even tell white lies its not like you can't

say because you most certainly can even deceive but you will feel unclean afterwards in your heart and soul. there is also expectance you have from others to be honest which always leads to disappointment. I also sense you can be harsh and very judgmental in times to people who lies to you or maybe you just feel something is off. I see in your true self you are someone who once doing a task or devoting to something/someone can't be shooked easily, you are like a mountain than tall and cruel who wont let anything interfere or come between you and your goal. Even though im telling your vibes are like the ocean but its like the ocean which churns fire and sparks.

Before i even begin the reading this song was being repeated in my head. This may have some messages or something which means something to you.

Pile 2:

The Vibes i get from this pile : Intense Duality

Cards: (The chariot, 4 of swords, The devil, Page of cups)

Your appeal:

I sense in your appeal there is a yin and yang energy. Its like you have two souls inside you which people may not be aware of. I sense your appeal to people sometimes can be scary other times it can be

awkward. People may think you have this boring life about you until they find this rough and scary energy that you possess and also may think that your interest are very alien or very weird. Your appeal to some people even though you may not try but is very intimidating. I sense you may get judged alot quicker than others or people may just try to defend you more especially your peers but no one truly understands you. TBH.

I also sense in your appeal some people may find think you are very discipline and hard to approach and sometimes people may even claim you are controlling or dominating in some ways. In another aspect i sense you appeal can be sort of 'Rest' where people may think you have this easing quality to you like if they are angry and if they talk to you for some reason they may feel more calm and collected.

I sense in your appeal there is something very taboo like something very scary even BDSM like which for some is very intriguing but for others very horrifying. I sense your appeal is like a blue fire

very warm but also very hot which can be like moth to a flame for many people even people from your own gender may be attracted to you but like i said this burning flame keeps long lasting relationship away from you. I see your partners may either get insecure by you or intimidated by you. There is a duality like very bipolar kind of energy to you. I don't know why but some of you may have some Autism, Epilepsy, OCD, ADHD or Bipolar disorder of some kind its really random but im getting the message. the stars are saying to be easy on yourself. And if im being honest your energy is a mess i really cant read it its so mixed.

Your true self:

Now coming to who you are i see that inside you're someone who is very in tune with nature and the universe. I see when you were a child that you may had this idea about being a mage or were just very curious about the abilities to control the weather and rain. its very random i know. um.. i also see you i know again its very random but you had a foot injury or you have a very strong feet.

In your true self i sense there is something very divided like very bipolar in one hand you are someone who is very intense with your thoughts, like you can pierce and find out any information about anyone. But on the other hand you are someone who likes to keep their peace. I sense sometimes you may just get certain information out of no where or you may even get outer body experience during your sleep. I sense you have very sensitive ears and to calm your anxieties and paranoia you may keep your headphones on even when you're out or sleeping. I see that in your true self you are someone who is very misunderstood. I see that in relationship when you give advice to your partner with goodwill they often ignore or just ridicule your advice but i see that in time what you say comes to fruition like a prediction truly. I see that in your soul you are someone who likes to do things in a rhythm, life is a rhythm to you and you like to march on your own beat. I see that in one period of your life you may had shaved your head or you may have been very boyish in your appearance or the way you just dressed. In your true self i see you are a counsellor who has this ability to understand people from every stage of life no matter if you are young or old. I see that your self literally can connect anything in life be it information, energy, people, theories or music. i sense that you are very old soul and you may have a very mature opinions and ways of thinking than the people of your age. I sense that inside you are someone who on one hand is very childlike, innocent and idealistic but on the other side you're also very dark and in conflict with your own feelings. I sense that you may be interested in things which people may find disturbing.

This is very peculiar but only for you two songs came in my head together now you may take it as a message or a sign its up to you....

Pile 3:

The Vibes i get from this pile : Purity

Cards: (The Empress, Ace of swords, 7 of pentacles, knight of pentacles, King of swords)

Your appeal:

I see people have this image of you where they want you for what they idolize you as not for who you are. I see people looking at you as someone who is very alluring and seductive. They feel this compulsion towards you like there is something very magnetic about you. At first people may feel you are weird but later on i see people tend to want to coddle you. I sense people's appeal towards you is of fantasy where they fantasize you in different ways in their head. I also sense people feels there is a disconnect in understanding you as they feel your way of communication or expression is very odd/alien like. Your appeal also come off as someone who is very self contained and people may feel that you're someone who is very unattached to things which people find precious or normal in society so they may misunderstand you or not understand you at all. Sometimes your peers may also feel that you're the oddball of the group and that you have this habit of talking with yourself alone or even when you're in a group. I see they look at you as something which is very sacred and soft but also fierce. I see people tend to forgive you easily too. There is a fluidity to your allure and energy which attracts everyone and makes them question about themselves. I sense people want to do things for you and that your appeal is of someone who is very likeable to everyone of every age its like you're a chameleon which can mold and be anything what the person or the situation wants you to be.

Your true self:

For your true self i see you're someone who is magical. yes. I see that you're someone who although may seem weird and odd but i see that in your truest self you're the most observant and creative. I see that in soul you're a natural introvert. I also sense that even if you have different shape of eyes can be siren, doe, almond, round or downward looking eye i see there is something very dreamy and soft about it which cannot be describe its very ethereal tbh. In your truest self i also see you as someone who fits in this saying of "work smart not hard" You can be lazy too but you get your work done. I also see you don't typically get emotionally attach to people but when it does happen its gets real deep like your love can be compared to the bottom of the ocean, Unknown, dark and all consuming. For the girlies who are reading this i feel like you really don't need a man you're someone who wants something more than just relationship in life. You want the most purest and the most broadest form of love. There is also something very unbothered about you where you may not care what others have to say about how you are... like as long as people who you care about likes what you wear you can give less shiz about others its the truth. There is this quality to you like a switch in you where you can pull your sweet side like a angel or a dark side like Satan for real!!!

I'm also sensing that you will have a rags to riches path in your life. I also sense that even though in your appeal people may conclude you as like a kid who doesn't understands anything but in your truest self you are not even close to what they think or feel about you. You are someone who has this uncanny ability to read people and understand situations. I also sense there is a natural pull towards art, jazz and in abstract things. I also sense there is this dormant feeling inside you where you may empathize more with the villains because of how your truest self feels so different from everyone or may even like characters like Joker. I also sense someone of you may had substance or mental health issues. I also sense that in your truest form you are an advocate for animals and you are someone who likes animal and children a lot. I sense for this group in particular either some of may you lean towards being a celebate or indulging in that pleasure and this i am talking from an extreme angel. I also sense that even though you are kind and understanding but those qualities are often overlooked and that i also feel that sometimes you feel this compulsion inside you to be the person which people paints you to be just for the fun of it. I also see you may like to do or act in a way which surprises people. I also sense some of you have problems like ADHD or insomnia. And in your truest self i see you as someone who overcomes every challenge given your way.

This song was came to me when i was channeling your energy:

[majikkulu]

✮ ˖° ⸜ masterlist ꕤ ･

╭₊˚๑  ૮꒰˶˃  ᵕ  ˂˶꒱ა  ♡

in  this  pick-a-card  reading,  we’re  uncovering  who’s  watching  over  and  protecting  you  on  a  spiritual  level.  is  it  deities,  spirit  guides,  ancestors,  the  universe  itself,  or  another  higher  power?

remember,  this  is  a  general  reading.  take  what  resonates  and  let  the  rest  flow  away.

trust  your  intuition,  choose  the  picture  or  pile  that  calls  to  you,  and  let  the  magic  unfold!

✧˖°.₊  ♡  ✩˚  ༘

﹒ ﹢ ♡. PILE ONE ﹑ ﹒ you  have  an  unstoppable  force  by  your  side,  a  warrior  at  heart.  this  being  is  a  protector,  a  guide  who  pushes  you  to  move  forward,  to  grow,  and  to  overcome.  i’m  sensing  they  could  be  a  teacher,  maybe  even  someone  who  helps  you  navigate  life’s  obstacles,  keeping  you  aligned  with  your  path.  if  you’re  into  deities  then  they  embody  the  energy  of  a  fighter,  a  leader,  a  guardian,  someone  who  stands  in  the  trenches  of  war  and  protection.  archangel  michael’s  energy  feels  strong,  but  i  also  sense  the  might  of  ares  or  athena,  deities  of  battle  and  strength.  they’re  sending  you  messages,  whispering  through  synchronicities,  guiding  your  way.  they  want  to  help  you  unlock  your  psychic  abilities,  amplify  your  talents  in  communication  or  divination.  they  shield  you  from  lies  and  illusions,  guarding  your  mind  from  deception.  your  intuition  is  powerfully  tuned  in  with  their  guidance.  i’m  also  getting  the  sense  of  a  beloved  figure.  a  mother  or  grandmother  for  some  of  you.  they  had  a  nurturing  heart,  fun-loving  but  wise  beyond  measure,  someone  who  lifted  your  spirits.  i’m  also  picking  up  on  the  energy  of  ra  and  apollo.  radiant,  uplifting,  warm,  and  strong.  their  protection  is  a  shield  of  light,  guiding  you  toward  truth  and  away  from  negativity.  they  defend  you  fiercely,  blocking  spiritual  attacks,  and  preventing  energy  drains.  if  people  have  tried  to  harm  you,  you  might’ve  noticed  that  they  somehow  face  their  own  setbacks  instead.  when  things  seem  hopeless  but  then  suddenly  align  in  your  favor,  it’s  their  divine  intervention  clearing  the  path  for  you.

﹒ ﹢ ♡. PILE TWO ﹑ ﹒ this  energy  feels  so  deeply  connected,  almost  like  a  quiet,  steady  presence.  it’s  someone  who  knows  your  heartbreak,  who  understands  the  weight  of  your  tears.  if  you  find  yourself  crying  often,  trust  me.  they  hear  every  sob.  they  stand  beside  you  through  the  moments  you  feel  abandoned,  betrayed,  or  crushed  by  life.  they’re  the  ones  who  teach  healing  through  pain,  showing  you  that  even  the  darkest  wounds  can  lead  to  growth.  they  protect  you  from  toxic  relationships,  pushing  people  out  of  your  life  who  aren’t  meant  for  you.  even  when  it  feels  like  a  loss.  they  help  you  process  grief,  release  that  emotional  weight,  and  move  forward.  they’ll  warn  you  about  betrayals  or  disappointments  before  they  even  happen,  preparing  you  in  ways  you  can’t  always  understand  at  first.  there’s  something  about  rain.  maybe  it  speaks  to  you  in  some  way?  their  honesty  is  pure,  and  they  watch  over  you  constantly,  even  if  they  don’t  always  leave  you  obvious  signs.  they’re  there,  keeping  a  close  eye  on  you,  making  sure  you’re  aware  of  any  potential  threats,  even  when  you  might  not  feel  them  coming.  they  communicate  with  you  through  signs,  dreams,  and  those  gut  feelings  you  can’t  ignore.  when  you  sleep,  they  protect  you,  too—guiding  you  through  dreams,  or  through  meditation,  making  sure  you’re  safe  when  you’re  vulnerable.  they  shield  you  when  you’re  at  your  weakest,  keeping  you  safe  from  energy  vampires  and  people  who  drain  you.  this  could  be  an  ancestor  who  fiercely  protected  their  family,  always  watching  over  the  ones  they  loved.  they  block  energy-draining  people  or  situations  from  knocking  you  off  balance.  i’m  also  getting  the  presence  of  raphael,  or  just  your  own  guardian  angels,  who  love  you  deeply.  and  if  you’re  into  deities,  hades  might  also  be  stepping  forward,  holding  that  protective,  yet  transformative  energy  over  you.

﹒ ﹢ ♡. PILE THREE ﹑ ﹒ this  being,  your  protector,  brings  a  playful,  almost  light-hearted  energy  to  your  life.  they  feel  like  a  spirit  guide,  someone  here  to  help  you  with  your  emotions,  to  offer  comfort  when  you  need  it  most.  there’s  a  childlike  essence  to  their  energy.perhaps  they  help  you  reconnect  with  your  inner  child,  remind  you  of  the  simple  joy  and  wonder  you  once  felt.  for  some  of  you,  this  could  be  a  loved  one  who’s  passed,  someone  who’s  faced  deep  personal  loss,  carrying  with  them  regrets  and  disappointments.  they  offer  comfort  in  times  of  sadness,  and  though  they  may  carry  sorrow,  they’re  here  to  help  you  heal.  they  see  the  bigger  picture,  providing  perspective  when  you’re  emotionally  overwhelmed,  guiding  you  through  the  fog.  they  might  send  you  signs.  songs  that  play  at  just  the  right  moment,  names  that  spark  memories,  or  objects  that  seem  to  appear  out  of  nowhere.  they’ve  been  with  you  through  it  all,  guiding  you  through  life’s  struggles.  whether  you’ve  faced  financial  hardship,  loneliness,  or  isolation,  they’ve  been  by  your  side,  keeping  you  company  when  you  needed  it  most.  they  may  also  communicate  with  you  in  your  dreams,  offering  clarity  or  guidance  while  you  sleep.  i’m  sensing  a  connection  to  the  moon.  maybe  hecate  or  selene.  goddesses  of  mystery,  intuition,  and  hidden  knowledge.  their  protection  comes  in  subtle  forms:  dreams,  visions,  or  flashes  of  deep  insight.  vivid  dreams,  especially  those  involving  water,  the  moon,  or  paths  you’ve  yet  to  walk,  could  be  their  way  of  reaching  you.  and  there’s  something  about  the  number  5.  perhaps  it  holds  significance  for  you. 

﹒ ﹢ ♡. PILE FOUR ﹑ ﹒ there’s  a  deep,  almost  sacred  connection  to  your  family  and  roots  here,  a  loved  one  who’s  protecting  you.  maybe  even  a  pet  or  an  ancestor  from  past  generations.  you  were  born  to  break  the  cycles,  to  heal  the  wounds  that  have  been  passed  down  through  the  years.  it’s  like  a  tutelary  spirit,  a  guardian  who  offers  you  strength  when  life  gets  tough,  wrapping  you  in  a  gentle,  compassionate  energy  that  brings  peace  and  healing.  their  presence  is  both  soothing  and  powerful,  guiding  you  through  the  hardest  times  with  the  comfort  only  someone  deeply  connected  to  you  could  offer.  whether  you  feel  them  consciously  or  not,  they’re  always  there,  either  in  your  mind  or  your  soul.  they’re  helping  you  move  from  chaos  to  calm,  from  turmoil  to  tranquility.  this  could  be  someone  who’s  walked  a  similar  path,  a  family  member  who  truly  understands  the  struggles  you  face  and  wants  nothing  more  than  to  see  you  heal.  if  you’ve  lost  someone  dear  to  you,  it’s  possible  they’re  one  of  your  main  protectors  now,  watching  over  you  from  the  other  side.  you’ll  know  who  they  are.  they’ve  been  a  huge  part  of  your  life,  and  they  still  are,  even  now.  if  you  don’t  recognize  them  in  a  physical  sense,  it  could  be  an  ancestral  presence,  one  that’s  been  with  you  for  generations.  this  could  be  the  spirit  who  triggered  your  spiritual  awakening.

[crossbackpoke-check]

"Bees" [remixed, abridged], Claudia Emerson // "Letter to Someone Living Fifty Years from Now" [remixed. abridged], Matthew Olzmann // "Letter to my Great, Great Grandchild" [remixed, abridged], J.P. Grasser | Len Redkole, Nina Weiss, Brian Babineau, Christian Peterson, Mitchell Leff, Dave Isaac, Megan DeRuchie

[pickingupmymercedes]

Your future was Ferrari - 3 / ?

Chapters - 1 / 2 / 3

summary: Some rules are meant to be followed—others were made to be broken. And they were breaking them all.

pairing: Lewis Hamilton x Ferrari Engineer!Reader!

warnings: alusion to mature content.

wordcount: +3K

a/n: Let's head into the season then, each episode is probably going to cover 2 gp's, except for the more important ones.

As always, I'm open for feedback, come say hi!

MILD CONTENT UNDER, -16 PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

______________________________________________________________

It was your first Sunday after a real GP weekend and the garage hummed with the controlled chaos of post-race analysis.

The sharp scent of burnt rubber and fuel still lingered in the air, a stark reminder of the battle fought on track just hours ago. You sat at your workstation, eyes flicking between the telemetry data on the screen and the notes scattered across the desk.

The tension in your shoulders refusing to ease, even as you forced yourself to take slow, measured breaths.

Carlos’s podium was a win for the team, a much-needed morale boost, but Leclerc’s brake issues gnawed at you like an unsolved equation.

You know the motto, every fraction of a second on F1 it’s a universe on its own

And honestly, if you had a dollar for every time Ferrari found a new and exciting way to stir up Charles’ race, you could probably afford your own kart by now.

That was your job now though, make sure those mishappens were reduced to none, if possible.

Your phone buzzed beside you, lighting up with a familiar name.

Dad.

A small smile crept onto your lips as you answered. “Dad, before you start, yes, I saw the race. Yes, I know the exact moment Charles started having those brake issue. And no, I don’t need you to tell me we should have pitted him earlier.”

Your father chuckled on the other end. “I raised a sharp one, didn’t I? You sound tired, though.”

“Not tired, just over-caffeinated and slightly delirious”

You glanced around the garage, watching as engineers worked through their notes, tweaking simulations for next week. “It’s just… Charles could’ve been on that podium too, but the brake issues ruined any chance of fighting.”

Your father hummed in understanding. “You always did hate problems you couldn’t fix.”

“Tell me about it” You leaned back in your chair, rubbing your temple. “Carlos did an amazing job, though. I should focus on that.”

“You should.” He paused, his voice turning softer. “And you should also enjoy this, Y/N. You’re in Ferrari, at the track. You dreamed of this.”

You swallowed past the sudden lump in your throat. “Thanks dad.”

Your father sighed. “And I know you, which means you’re probably stressing about something else, aren’t you?”

You exhaled sharply, rolling your eyes. “Can I get through one phone call without you playing therapist?”

“Not a chance” he quipped. “Now, tell me, have you met Lewis Hamilton yet?”

You nearly dropped Your phone. “Dad!”

“Oh, come on, kid. He’s my favorite. I also know how much the media has been circling around his struggles. And if I had to guess, I’d say you’ve been paying attention.”

Y/N’s grip tightened around the phone because you had been paying attention.

Too much if you ask me, but you’ve always ignored warnings, so go ahead, do Mercedes’ job as well, why won’t you?

But it wasn’t just the headlines dissecting his performance or the murmurs in the paddock. It was the way your stomach twisted every time you caught a glimpse of him, the way you couldn’t let go of that night in Abu Dhabi.

You cleared your throat. “He’s not my concern. I have to go though, call you later okay?”

Your father laughed. “Not yet buddy, not yet. Talk later then, love you.”

As you hung up, you heard a familiar voice behind you.

“Talking to your secret boyfriend?”

You turned to find Charles leaning on the counter beside you, arms crossed, an amused glint in his eyes.

“Just my dad” you replied, raising an eyebrow. “I’ll let him know you think he’s my secret boyfriend, though.”

Charles smirked. “Well, tell him I said hi. Now, what’s the verdict?”

 “Those brake issues cost you more than I’d like to admit.” You sighed, gesturing to your screen.

Charles groaned dramatically. “Tell me about it. I was fighting that car more than the others drivers.”

“Oh, trust me, we could tell.”

Charles rolled his eyes but couldn’t hide his grin. “Welcome to Ferrari, we love to keep things stress-free and simple” he quipped.

Carlos, who had just walked into the room, scoffed. “Where’s my analysis?”

Y/N grinned. “Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Podium. You did great.”

Carlos rolled his eyes but a grin tugged at his lips. “That’s the spirit.”

Carlos nudged Charles. “Hear that? I’m the favorite now.”

Charles scoffed. “For one race. Let’s see how long that lasts.”

Before you could reply, a voice called out from across the room.

“Y/N!”

Fred stood by the entrance, giving you a small nod of approval. “Good work this weekend.”

It was brief, but it meant everything. You nodded back, feeling a swell of pride. Maybe you did belong here.

As Charles and Carlos continued their playful banter, you let yourself enjoy the moment. Because for the first time in a long time, despite the chaos, despite the ghosts of the past, you felt like you were exactly where you were meant to be.

And if you just so happened to check Lewis’ latest interview later on? Well, that was nobody’s business, right?!

By the time the Saudi Arabian GP rolled around, you had found your rhythm.

Meetings, data crunching, strategic planning—it was a symphony you were beginning to conduct effortlessly.

“Kid’s got guts.” you muttered, watching the Ollie’s onboards. “Thrown into the deep end and still holding his own.”

Leclerc nodded beside you. “He reminds me of someone.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“You. You acted like you belonged here from day one.”

You chuckled. “Fake it till you make it, right?”

As the race unfolded, Bearman’s performance cemented his place as an impressive stand-in, but your attention, no matter how hard you tried, kept slipping toward the Mercedes garage.

Toward Lewis.

His struggles were written all over the timing screens. The frustration in his radio messages, the dissatisfaction on his face—it gnawed at something.

Get a grip, Y/N. His problems are not yours.

You’d been hoping for a quiet night at the hotel. You just wanted a cup of tea, something to wind down after a long day at the track and podium celebrations afterwards.

But I could always count on the universe, ever the comedic genius, to shove him directly in my path.

He was sitting at the hotel bar, fingers absently tracing the rim of a half-empty glass. He wasn’t talking to anyone, no entourage, no Mercedes engineers hovering around.

Just him. Alone.

Abort mission. Walk away. Nothing to see.

But before you could turn on your heels and make a clean escape, Lewis looked up, and his gaze locked onto yours.

“Couldn’t sleep either?” His voice was quieter than usual, lacking its typical confidence, the easy charm that was him.

You considered lying. Saying you just happened to be passing through, had a Zoom call, an emergency meeting—anything but admitting you couldn’t sleep because your brain refused to shut up.

But lying required energy, and you had none left.

“Something like that,” you admited instead.

Lewis motioned to the stool next to him. A small, barely perceptible invitation.

This is how things started last time. A drink, a conversation. Next thing you know, you're waking up in a tangled mess of sheets again.

And yet, you sat down.

For a moment, there was only silence. Not the awkward kind, but the weighty kind, like the air between them was filled with unspoken words neither knew how to break.

Lewis sighed, shaking his head slightly before speaking. “It’s funny,” he murmured, more to himself than to you. “We spend our whole lives trying to be the best. Always pushing forward, always chasing something. And then one day, you wake up and wonder if the thing you’re chasing even exists anymore.”

Your fingers curled slightly around the edge of the bar. You recognized that look in his eyes. Not self-pity. Not even frustration.

It was doubt. Self-doubt.

Your first instinct was to wave it off, to remind him he was Lewis Freaking Hamilton, and if anyone was born to win, it was him. But something stopped you.

Because this wasn’t about his ability. He knew he was good. He knew he was one of the greatest to ever do it. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was… what if being great wasn’t enough, not anymore?

And you got that. You really did.

So instead of feeding him some empty platitude, you decided on meeting him halfway—being vulnerable too.

“I know my world isn’t the same as yours” you said carefully. “But I get it. The uncertainty, the constant pressure, the feeling you don’t belong in the place you fought so hard to get to”

Lewis turned to you, his full attention snapping into place, and it nearly made you regret opening your mouth. Nearly.

“These past two races, they were my tryouts for Ferrari’s trackside team,” you admitted. “And when we get back to the factory tomorrow, I have to give them an answer. Stay or go back to the factory.”

Lewis’s brows lifted slightly. “And?”

You exhaled. “I like it, being out there. It’s exhilarating. But… there’s so much I’d have to leave behind. My family, my life outside of this.” You shook your head. “If I follow the team around the world, I won’t see my dad as much. I won’t get to just… go home when I need to.”

Lewis studied you, nodding slightly. “You’re giving me the pros and cons,” he said after a beat. “But what does your gut tell you? What do you really want?”

Your mouth opened, then closed.

Oh, he’s good.

You hated how easily he saw through you, how he cut straight to the core of your hesitation. Because deep down, you knew the answer.

You let out a quiet breath. “I really like it here.”

Lewis’s lips curled slightly, like he knew you had always known but just needed to say it out loud.

Then you narrowed Your eyes at him. “You’re good at this.”

His smirk widened. “At what?”

“Making people admit to things they don’t want to but deep down need to.”

Lewis exhaled slowly, his expression unreadable. “Just so you know, that voice, telling you’re not good enough, never really goes away,” he admitted. “Not even after seven championships.”

Y/N let out a breathy chuckle, shaking your head. “Great. Something to look forward to.”

That made him smile, but there was something else in his eyes now. A quiet kind of appreciation. Like he hadn’t expected you to understand, but you did.

And instead of dismissing what he felt, you had met him there.

He leaned back against the bar, watching you for a long moment before a small smirk pulled at his lips. “I had one night with you, and I’m already breaking every single one of my rules.”

You couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow, playing along despite the sudden flip in your stomach. “Rules?”

His smirk widened. “I don’t open up like this.”

Your lips twitched. “Well…you were my first one-night stand, so I guess we’re even.”

Lewis blinked, looking genuinely caught off guard. “What?”

You shrugged, picking up a cocktail napkin and folding it absently.

For a second, he just stared at you, then let out a real, genuine laugh. The kind that cracked through the tension in the air and made something inside you ease.

“That makes this even more ironic.” he murmured, shaking his head.

Silence stretched between you two again, but this time, it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was fragile.

He looked away for a moment before speaking again. “I don’t even know what I want anymore. I think.”

You tilted your head, curiosity tugging. “You think?”

Lewis hesitated, then finally admitted, “I guess I just don’t want to feel like I’m chasing something that might not exist anymore.”

The honesty in his voice knocked the breath from your lungs. You had never seen this side of him before—unguarded, unsure.

You swallowed, then offered, “Maybe it’s not about chasing the same goal though, but finding something new worth fighting for.”

Lewis studied you for a long moment, a unreadable gaze “And for you? What’s worth fighting for?”

You hesitated, then smiled softly. "This dream… it isn’t just mine. My dad, my family—they sacrificed so much for me to be here. And I feel like if I don’t make it, I’m letting them down too."

Lewis nodded, understanding settling in his eyes in a way that made your chest tighten. Because you knew his story.

"I know what you mean," he murmured. " But sometimes, that weight… it gets heavy, doesn’t it?"

A small smirk tugged at your lips. “It does.”

The air between them shifted again, a thread pulling tighter, a connection neither of them had anticipated but couldn’t ignore. And for once, neither tried to fight it.

A sharp vibration startled you as your phone alarm went off, signaling the ungodly hour you had set to remind yourself to get some rest before the next travel day. You groaned, reaching to silence it before rubbing your temples.

Lewis glanced at you "Early flight?"

You nodded, stretching slightly. "Leaving tomorrow morning with the crew, heading back to the factory."

He hummed, taking a sip from his drink before setting the glass down. "Good luck on your decision"

You stood, smoothing down your shirt, trying to shake off the odd weight in your chest that came with the realization that whatever this moment was, it was ending—for now. "Guess I'll see you around."

Lewis looked up at your, his gaze lingering. "In Melbourne."

You gave him a small nod, and as you walked away, you found yourself wishing the same thing.

God help you. This man is going to be your end. And might even be mine.

______________________________________________________________

TAGLIST

@palefacestudentlove @omgsuperstarg @sltwins @lh44girl @freyathehuntress @irisesinthegarden @ncrsbrg

If you’d like to be added to my taglist you can leave a comment or send me a dm/ask.

[copperbadge]

hi sam - I feel a bit bad asking this, but I'm also a prospect researcher (your post on it about a decade ago is how I found out about the field! and now I'm in a job I love, doing deeply weird research, so, uh, thank you!!), but don't suppose you have any tips on keeping up with... doing research, basically, while also not going insane from 'oh god, The News™'? I'm not in the US, but I do have to keep up with your news (for prospects and just. generally) so. any advice?

Hey, that's awesome, I'm so glad to hear I helped someone find a calling! But you shouldn't feel bad about asking this, it shows both a concern for your mental health and a willingness to consult your colleagues.

I don't monitor nearly as much news as I used to, because I'm in a very specific healthcare niche and honestly as a shop of one there are better uses for my time. That said, when I was in a much bigger shop we did a lot of news monitoring and for a while I was part of the team that assembled that news for broader consumption, not to mention of course that I was occasionally researching public/political figures. I still do, but they're not generally as active as previously, so I've never had to do the kind of work you're doing in this specific hell moment in time.

I was chatting with a friend the other day who works in a very politically charged area of the nonprofit world, and she's had to set a work-life boundary that includes counting her work as activism. She does activism, essentially, eight hours a day, and so she's had to learn to give herself a break when she's not at work. That's going to look a little different for you than for her but I would try to do something similar -- recognize that there isn't much you can do about The News, so all you have to do is report it, and recognize that since your job basically forces you to look at The News for a certain amount of time each day, make that the only time you're doing it. Treat it like it really is just a job -- or even like you're reading reports from an alternate universe. This news is work, not news, and once you're done for the day (or the week) it's not something you need to look at again.

If you don't deal with politics or news or similar for your work on a daily basis it's a lot easier to engage with it as and when you choose in your personal life, so if you DO have to deal with those things without the option to disengage, then you need to make sure that the rest of your life makes up for that. Give yourself permission not to know everything about every current event; give yourself permission not to look at the news or engage in activism outside of work if you need to. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

And, perhaps, keep an eye on how you're coping with doing it for work, and if you're not coping well, reach out. Ask your boss if there is a way you could occasionally hand this duty off, or if there's a way to reduce the amount you have to do, because it's rough on your mental health. Or, if you think your boss wouldn't be sympathetic, perhaps try to find your own workarounds -- set a time limit per day, or speak to a colleague about helping out. It really depends on what your options are, but I do encourage you to recognize that this is a difficult task and that you may need help with it -- before it becomes so difficult that it's a problem.

Good luck. It really is rough out there, I know.

[yeonmuse]

ᥫ᭡ f!reader x Park Jongseong ── 𝒢enre. Uni au. fluff, non idol enha. feats. ot7 [reqs are closed until previous reqs are fulfilled] ᝰ.ᐟ 𝓁ibrary 🎸

⍣ ೋ AUTHORS NOTES . This is part of admins Enhypen University Special Event. This series also has slight connections to every series in said event so occasionally characters from the other members chapters may appear in this series as well.

˗ˏˋSUMMARY ´ˎ˗ Jays favorite guitar gets stolen, breaking his heart and forcing him to to buy a new guitar from the music store downtown. While on a search for a new set of strings he has a chance encounter with one of the stores employees and finds there’s more to her that meets the eye. Eventually his visits to the store become more frequent as he now spends most of his time trying to convince her to join his band. Though things only grow complicated when old flames return and drive a distance between the two of them once he finally gets closer to her heart.

Join taglist here

MOTHERS LEAVING

The following day it had been Jay's first day returning to work with a new guitar in his hands. He entered Sacrifice with a newfound stride, whistling a cheerful tune as he was immediately greeted by his bandmates.

Jay had worked at Club Sacrifice for two years now, having started the job his freshman year at UA. Though it started as an easy job to make quick bucks he slowly found himself falling in love with the job. Getting to play shows every night, making money doing something that he absolutely loved to do. He was quick to become friends with the other members of the band, each of them having their own reasons for having decided to take the Job. The band's popularity had grown pretty quickly, the members consisting of seven members including Jay himself. Soyoon, Jay, Jungsu, Wonbin, Masami, Leedo and Sohee Or at least it had been the seven of them until a week ago. Soyoon, who happened to be their lead singer, had decided to pursue other endeavors, leaving them without a lead.

“You found your guitar?”

“Unfortunately no, I had to get a new one.” The others watch as he sits his case on a nearby table. Each of them gathered around to see the guitar that now replaced Jay's beloved guitar. The very guitar that every single one of them had been sad to see him depart with.

“So this is your new jewel.”

“It suits you.”

“Yeah we can get into all of that after we figure out what the fuck we’re gonna do about Soyoon?”

“So she’s really gone huh?”

“Yup, she left two days ago.”

“So in other words we have to find another lead singer in two weeks?”

“Yup. Next saturday is the reopening so unless we find someone by then we’re pretty much all we got.” The group looks around at one another as if waiting for someone to suggest something that gets them out of their dilemma.

“Should we put up some flyers downtown? And Jay goes to UA right so he could also put some up around campus?” Wonbin suggests, being the first of the group to actually come up with some sort of solution

“I mean it’s our best bet, it's not exactly a terrible idea?” Leedos the first to agree, making the others give in almost instantaneously knowing neither of them had a better plan.

“I can maybe take some to the music store too? The girl that works there seemed pretty cool so I’m sure she won’t mind us hanging up a few flyers there.”

“Looks like we’re having Auditions then.” Leedo sits back in his seat twirling the drumstick between his fingertips

MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER

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[etirabys]

just did 90m of painting work over 3 hours that was (1) mentally demanding (2) that did not pay off. I have nothing concrete to show for it.

today's work was prefaced by 90m of prep last night: looking my long and short term goals, identifying bottlenecks, and designing exercises to widen those bottlenecks (which I executed on today). so if you count that it's 3h of work

interestingly: after today's work, my mind was unusually, legibly split on whether that was a waste of time (prediction: feel bad) or a good use of time (prediction: feel good). and the fact that it felt like a choice – or at least indeterminate in a way I could somewhat influence – suggested to me that finding experimentation (regardless of outcome) worthwhile is a skill?

(in 2021 I stumbled into enjoying the mild-moderate fear of social risk-taking, which led to running a lot of events, which had noticeably positive effects on my social life and popularity. seems like a similar type of meta-skill – something that leads you to find skill development more attractive)

if I may be corny and quote this book review on The Education of Cyrus [the Great]:

Of all Cyrus’s many qualities: willpower, strength, charisma, glibness, intelligence, handsomeness; Xenophon makes a point of emphasizing one in particular, and his choice might strike some readers as strange. It is this: “He did not run from being defeated into the refuge of not doing that in which he had been defeated.” Cyrus learned to love the feeling of failure, because failure means you’re facing a worthy challenge, failure means you haven’t set your sights too low, … He doesn’t flee failure, he seeks it out, hungers for it, rushes towards it again and again, becoming a little scarier every time. He’s found a cognitive meta-tool, one of those secrets of the universe which, if you can actually internalize them, make you better at everything. Failure feels good to him rather than bad

fine, okay, let's lean into feeling good about today's failure and hope it updates my personality 0.01%:

that was cool! it wasn't cool to get frustrated and have to stop at one of the stages, but I have concrete ideas on how to tweak the instructions for tomorrow's run. Even if I abandon conscious directed improvement for a year, writing down what did and didn't work will help future me design better experiments / workflows. I have, in fact, built something that'll last

also, I have a spreadsheet where I log three variables and a generated column that uses those variables to spit out a "score for the day". how much I did and how hard it was have a multiplicative effect on that score, and that was pretty hard, so I'm going to get a Gold Star from My Google Sheets Function for having done this

also also, I have the slightest kernel of the desire to paint ("just not like that dear god I'm not doing that again") which I don't think was there before I forced myself to do a hard and unpleasant painting run

■ Yay

[ghostcat404]

I’m also glad we share the same joy and that we’re not so different in this moment!! :3

I’m so glad u find me fascinating as well!! :D

and noted on the fact that it’s taken a lot to build up your ability to be able to write as you do, after all an art master hasn’t earned their skills overnight, but takes years to hone their craft

I all I wish to say is that i immensely enjoy this line and cannot really name why

After all, all ‘facts’ are just patterns of belief that time has proven to be accurate.

Perhaps it’s the simple truth of it? perhaps also the sounds of the words in one’s mind… I’m not sure, but I quite like it

But know you must always change, you can’t stay stagnant especially not when you know there’s something wrong in the way you’re acting or thinking or feeling. Do things until they feel right, even if you don’t yet know why. May movies, songs, stories, art, writing, people, sights, and thoughts all bring you a step closer into figuring out the secrets of the universe and all its pleasures it upholds..

Indeed! Not even the body knows being stagnant, isn’t it every 7 years when all cells in the body have been replaced by new ones with no trace of old ones? I pray that’s an established fact and not misinformation

and yes, truly everything everywhere is but a piece of the puzzle of one’s self! And that, that is beautiful…

I understand understanding certain things but not the basic things… Well, perhaps in a way? Indeed! Sherlock collecting knowledge specific to his passions, as well as the cases he undertakes…. I don’t know where I was heading with that point but perhaps it’s relatability lol

there is so much beauty around!! It’s wonderful….

i am quite glad I can see, see all threads connecting everyone, and indeed the parallels! The universe loves to use parallels in its narrative of time and existence

you’re welcome!! I’ve quite enjoyed reading your words! Seeing a new perspective is always lovely and I’ve learned more as a result!

ah, yes, contradictions! I find myself being a contridiction sometimes, at least I think so? Yes, for I’ve described my mind as a contradiction before… but yes! Truly after all contradiction is beautiful too….. for what would we be without it? After all, as you’d said, there are multiple answers to everything

afternoon tea

….i need to just schedule these in advance…

Uh, how are y’all?

free spot for question (ramble about whatever/nf)

no pressure taglist: @neowanderseternally @numisanubis @berrybird054 @saireye @lifenconcepts

(Again, if u wish to be added or removed dm me and explicitly say so and I’ll respect your wish)

[vammppyre]

tired and hormonal and thinking too much about early dan and phil im gonna be sick

[atlas-the-bastard]

there are two wolves inside of me.

one wolf absolutely devours the zolu dynamic of "oblivious idiot and angsty pining idiot". like, a zoro who is constantly internally beating himself up because what the fuck he's gone and fucked it all up how could he fall in love with luffy he's practically betraying him luffy needs a first mate not a lover and it's not like luffy would ever even love him back he just has to suffer this in silence. and a luffy who doesn't even realise zoros internal crisis and is becoming more and more touchy and seeking out zoro more because he just. wants zoro. because being around zoro feels more right than anything. but doesn't stop to figure out what that feeling actually means.

the other wolf just goes fucking nuts for the zolu dynamic of "are those two together or what?" "no one knows they're just like that". they don't know when they started actually being "together", they didn't even really decide, it's always been this way, since day 1 they knew they would follow each other to the ends of the earth and beyond. they don't talk about it, they don't need to talk about it, because they just know, they know each other so well and understand each other as if they're literally part of the same brain. their relationship transcends that of "boyfriends" or "dating", they're simply luffy and zoro. it's always been a mutual understanding, luffy is zoros and zoro is luffys and they belong to no one else and. and. it just feels so natural and right and instinctual and being together is as easy as breathing. even the rest of the crew don't know what exactly they are, but they never question it because it just makes sense.

[sonknuxadow]

the romance drama on my sonic tomodachi life island is honestly kind of insane im trying to make a chart of it right now and im struggling to not make it super cluttered

[talesofkhaos]

Spencer, on the other hand, was captivated by Oliver's vulnerability and saw in it a reflection of his own hidden desires. He longed to immerse Oliver in the depths of his own darkness, to explore the shadows together and emerge stronger for it. Spencer wished to guide Oliver into a world where their fears and passions could coexist, where they could both find solace and strength in each other's presence. "Together, we can face the storm," Spencer whispered, recalling a line from his favorite novel about finding light in the darkest places. He believed that by embracing their vulnerabilities, they could forge an unbreakable bond, one that transcended the superficial facades they both wore. This journey into the unknown was not just about confronting fears but about discovering the power of their shared connection. Spencer knew that by pursuing this path, he was venturing into dangerous territory, but the thrill of it all was intoxicating. He was consumed by his love for Oliver, yearning to feel him in every fiber of his being. The idea of their darkness intertwining ignited a hunger in him that he couldn't resist, a desire to lose himself in the chaos and passion they could create together.

From the moment they met on their first date, Spencer was entranced by Oliver's enigmatic aura. He didn't care about the secrets Oliver held; in fact, he found them alluring, like hidden treasures waiting to be uncovered. Spencer wanted all of Oliver—his beauty, his darkness, and his light—to consume him entirely, to become one with the essence of Oliver Bloom's soul. The desire Spencer felt for Oliver Bloom was all-encompassing, an insatiable craving that transcended mere attraction. It was a deep, unyielding need to unravel every layer of Oliver's being, to understand his complexities and to be fully immersed in his world. This longing was not just physical but spiritual, a magnetic pull that drew Spencer closer to the very heart of Oliver's enigmatic soul. Within weeks of their decision to be exclusive, the intensity of Spencer's hunger for Oliver only deepened. He was consumed by an insatiable desire to know every facet of Oliver, to explore the depths of his mind and soul as if they were uncharted territories. Spencer yearned for the moment when he could claim Oliver fully, to become so intertwined with him that their very beings fused into one.

Their relationship had evolved into something intensely possessive, a consuming obsession that bound them together like two celestial bodies caught in each other's gravitational pull. Spencer loved the way they lost themselves in each other, the way their passion blazed like a relentless fire. "We are like two gods, shaping our universe with every touch, whisper, breath we share." Yet, amidst the consuming passion and fiery intensity, there were also tender moments of tranquility between them. They would sit on the couch, Spencer reading softly to Oliver, their shared silence speaking volumes. These gentle interludes were cherished by Spencer, but it was the times when they lost themselves to their darker desires that truly captivated him, when their souls danced on the edge of chaos and creation.

Spencer captured Oliver's lips with a fervent kiss, pouring all his longing and possessiveness into the embrace. Pulling back slightly, he met Oliver's gaze with a fierce intensity. "And I won't let anyone else have you," Spencer declared, his voice a low, determined whisper, "You're mine, now and always." "You've always belonged to me," Spencer continued, his eyes never leaving Oliver's. "Even before we met, my soul was searching for yours, waiting for the moment when our paths would finally cross." He paused, a soft smile playing on his lips as he whispered, "It's as if we were destined, two halves of the same soul finally reunited." From the moment Spencer laid eyes on Oliver, he felt a profound sense of completion, as if a missing piece of his soul had finally been found. In Oliver, Spencer saw everything he had ever desired, and he never dared to look at anyone else or crave anyone else's presence. It was as though Spencer's heart had been waiting its entire life for this one person, and now that he had found Oliver, he was resolute in his belief that their connection was preordained.

Spencer's breath hitched at Oliver's words, his heart swelling with a fierce, possessive joy. He could feel the rapid thrum of Oliver's heartbeat under his palm, an intoxicating rhythm that matched the urgency in his own chest. "I can feel it," he murmured, eyes dark with desire, "It's like a symphony just for me." Leaning closer, he added with a teasing grin, "And as for your promise, well, I want to savor every inch of you, like a feast for the senses." "Just as you're mine, I'm completely yours, heart and soul," Spencer reassured, his voice filled with unwavering devotion. "I think of you every moment, Oliver, consuming my thoughts, my every breath. In my mind, I see you reaching into my chest, ripping out my heart, and devouring it whole, as if you were made to possess every part of me." The image of Oliver covered in him, both physically and emotionally, sent a shiver of anticipation through Spencer's body. He could almost see it—a vivid mental picture of Oliver embracing every facet of their connection, consuming his heart with an insatiable hunger. The thought alone was enough to stir something deep within Spencer, a fiery arousal that left him breathless and yearning for more.

Spencer had always been more comfortable expressing his feelings through actions rather than words. He knew Oliver might be waiting for those three simple words. However, Spencer hoped his gestures—the way he lingered in Oliver's embrace, the thoughtful surprises he left for him, and the unwavering support during tough times—conveyed the depth of his affection. Spencer's heart raced at the thought of saying "I love you," a phrase he'd never uttered before. However, he believed that in every shared moment, Oliver could feel the truth of his unspoken love. Spencer was pleasing Oliver in such a vulnerable and intimate way, he didn't feel it was the right moment to voice his feelings. He feared that the words might somehow cheapen the sincerity of the connection they shared in that instant. Instead, he chose to let his actions and the tenderness of the moment speak for themselves.

Spencer paused for a moment, his breath hot against Oliver's skin, before murmuring, "Trust me, these marks will remind you who you belong to." His voice was low and filled with promise, sending another wave of shivers down Oliver's spine. As he resumed his teasing, Spencer's fingers dug into Oliver's hips, determined to leave bruises that would linger long after the night was over. Spencer paused his ministrations, shifting slightly to sink his teeth gently but firmly into Oliver's hip. A sharp gasp escaped Oliver as a small bead of blood welled up at the bite, only for Spencer to tenderly lick it away. Pulling back, Spencer admired the mark he'd left, feeling a surge of possessiveness as he traced the indentations with his fingers, appreciating the sight of his own imprint on Oliver's skin. Spencer growled at Oliver's bold words, his eyes darkening with a mix of amusement and desire. "Careful, Oliver," he warned, his voice a low rumble that vibrated against Oliver's skin. "You know what happens when you call me pretty." With renewed determination, Spencer intensified his efforts, drawing out a series of broken moans from Oliver's lips, each one a testament to the power he held over him.

Spencer couldn't help but revel in the symphony of sounds Oliver was creating, each moan and gasp a testament to the effect he had on him. The sheer vulnerability and rawness of Oliver's voice only fueled Spencer's desire to elicit more of those beautiful noises, wishing he could capture them and replay them endlessly. Every whimper and cry was a victory, a reminder of the power he wielded, and he vowed to keep drawing those heavenly sounds from Oliver for as long as he could. Spencer leaned in closer, his lips brushing against Oliver's ear as he whispered, "I want to hear you, Oliver. I want to hear you cry out my name." His words were a command, and the intensity in his voice left no room for disobedience. With each movement, Spencer drove Oliver closer to the edge, desperate to hear the ultimate confirmation of who Oliver belonged to. Spencer's desire for control stemmed from a deep-seated need to feel indispensable to Oliver, to be the singular source of his pleasure and satisfaction. He was possessive of Oliver because, in his eyes, Oliver represented a unique vulnerability and trust that Spencer craved to protect and dominate. This control wasn't just about power; it was about an intense connection, a way to bind Oliver to him in a way that transcended physical touch and delved into the very essence of their relationship. Spencer felt a surge of satisfaction as he watched Oliver's reaction, knowing he had pushed him to the brink and back. The sight of Oliver's flushed cheeks and trembling body filled Spencer with a sense of pride and fulfillment. This was the connection he craved—the harmonious blend of power, trust, and intimacy that only they could share.

Spencer positioned himself carefully, aligning with Oliver's entrance, and pushed his length forward with gentle yet deliberate ease. He paused momentarily, allowing Oliver the time to adjust, watching the subtle shifts in his expression for any signs of discomfort. The moment he heard Oliver moan, a smirk tugged at Spencer's lips. Spencer knew he had just crossed another threshold of intimacy and trust. "I'm glad to hear that," Spencer murmured, a teasing smirk playing on his lips as he brought a hand down sharply on Oliver's backside, causing him to gasp and arch his back. "Now show me just how good you can be." Oliver's eyes fluttered shut as he surrendered himself to the rhythm, letting Spencer guide him into a euphoric dance that only they understood. The pleasure built between them, an electric current that coursed through their bodies. Oliver's grip tightened around Spencer's length, drawing a groan from him as the intensity heightened. Spencer's hands took hold of Oliver's hips, guiding and urging him to move in sync with his rhythm, even as his fingers pressed hard enough to leave marks. When Oliver faltered, Spencer delivered a swift spank, a reminder to keep pace, and the sharp sound echoed through the room, mingling with their shared breaths and moans.

Spencer's heart raced wildly, each beat resonating with the intensity of the moment. His breathing grew heavier, matching the fervor of their movements, as he leaned closer to Oliver's ear. "Come on, you little fucker," he taunted with a playful yet commanding tone, "where's that attitude now? Show me that brat I know you can be." Spencer tightened his grip on Oliver's hips, guiding him firmly onto his length, and leaned in to whisper, "Ride me like you love it, like I'm the only one you want." His voice held a commanding edge, making it clear that this wasn't merely a suggestion—it was an order. Spencer's mind was overwhelmed by the sensation of Oliver's tightness enveloping him, each movement drawing him deeper into a world of raw, unbridled passion. As Oliver rode him with increasing fervor, Spencer marveled at the way their bodies moved in perfect unison. This was a testament to their trust and connection. The slick warmth of their combined juices heightened every thrust, intensifying the pleasure and driving him crazy.

"Yes, like that, you fucking little shit," Spencer growled, his voice dripping with satisfaction as he helped Oliver bounce on his length. "Show me who your god is." Spencer's voice was a low growl as he urged Oliver on, "Ride me so hard you'll forget what it's like to be anywhere else but here, with me." His words were a promise, a challenge, and a plea all at once. "I want to feel you in my bones, in my fucking soul," he continued, his grip unyielding as they moved together, lost in a world that was theirs alone. Spencer's moans mingled with Oliver's as he thrust upwards, desperate to intensify the pleasure coursing through both of them. "Come on, baby boy, make me fucking cum," he urged, his voice raw with need. "I'm dying to fill you up." Their bodies moved in perfect harmony as Spencer's hand tightened on Oliver's hips, urging him to take everything he had to give.

Oliver knows he’s intense with his affection for Spencer. he’s been enamored with him since the moment they had met and he couldn’t stop the way he fell for him- it wasn’t even like falling, it was more like . . . he walked into love with Spencer, no falling involved. he had walked so casually into it, fully and expectant, he knew what he was in for the moment they shared their first kiss. it was addictive and serene in its own way- something Oliver had decided he was going to need more of for the rest of his life. after their first kiss, Oliver decided that Spencer was meant to be his. they were to belong together forevermore. maybe he hadn’t quite realized it at the time, but now as he’s staring his lover in the eye, seeing the love reflected there, he knows this was always meant to be. there was no better person for Oliver than Spencer. out of all the people he’s seen and all the people he’s dated, no one’s ever quite matched him in his intensity. the professor was a close second and in fact, Oliver had loved him in his own way, but it was nothing in comparison to his love for Spencer. whenever they are together, everything seems to fall right into place; everything seems so right. there’s nowhere else on this earth he’d rather be than right here in Spencer’s arms.

of course, his obsession stems from the fear of being left behind and Oliver knows that. he knows he’s terrified of losing Spencer, so he clings to him in hopes that maybe if he’s a good partner, than maybe Spencer won’t even consider leaving him. it’s an unhealthy habit that his psychiatrist has warned him about, but for whatever reason, he can’t seem to shake the need to please. he wants to make Spencer happy, so happy that he never wants to leave, and if that’s obsessive and possessive, then so be it. Oliver knows that Spencer feels the same way- or at least, feels something similar. they share an intensity for each other that no one else can possibly compare to. their love is more than ephemeral- it is eternal. it would make the gods envious, for they’ve never held onto a love as powerful as theirs. only stories could ever replicate what they have and even then, they couldn’t possible understand how it feels to be this much in love with someone. Spencer is his- he belongs to Oliver, and Oliver belongs to him.

Oliver understands the darkness in Spencer more than he’d probably like to openly admit. while discussion has been minimal, they’re both aware of the darkness of each other and they welcome it with open arms. Oliver had seen Spencer’s darkness when they met- he could see it just behind his playful gaze and knew what he was getting himself into after he initiated a second kiss, pushing the boundaries of just two strangers falling into each other into something much deeper. their relationship blossomed that day in the coffee shop- something magical had come into play and they had found each other when they had least expected it- or at least Oliver hadn’t expected it. being in love with Spencer was probably the best thing to ever happen to him. he remembers that night, their first date, when Spencer decided to cook for him instead of taking him out- Oliver had been grateful, because he didn’t do well with people staring at him, and he was afraid of being the center of attention yet again. so instead, they were planning to have dinner at Spencer’s place, a calming and quiet atmosphere that was interrupted when Spencer cut his finger and Oliver had taken his finger into his hands and stuck his finger into his mouth. he hadn’t even thought about it, he just did it. he could feel the tension thickening in the room as he looked up to meet Spencer’s gaze and could see a raw hunger there that matched his own. that’s when Oliver knew for certain that this was it for him. Spencer was going to be his everything.

when Oliver kissed Spencer back, he made sure it was as hungry as he perceived it to be. he wanted to show how much he wanted Spencer- how much he had actually missed him. he wanted Spencer to know that he craved his presence more than anything in this world and now that he was home, he couldn’t imagine a better case scenario. while the situation hadn’t been as ideal as he’d have liked, it lead him straight to where he wanted to be and that’s all that matters- here, he’s in Spencer’s arms, and that’s all he really wanted. he breathes out a needy sigh, eyes watching Spencer as he speaks, licking at his lips in wanton anticipation. “i wouldn’t want to be anyone else’s,” he promises, voice thick with emotion. “you’re all i want. you’re everything i want.”

Oliver’s stomach fills with butterflies at the intensity of Spencer’s words, a low whine emerging from the back of his throat. he couldn’t help it- he’s aroused by the sound of Spencer’s voice and hearing him plan his murder sends more shivers down his spine, but in the best kind of way. he knows Spencer wouldn’t actually hurt him, but the idea is exhilarating. he’s fascinated with every single word that passes through his lips, licking at his own in anticipation. “my heart is all yours,” he tells him like a promise as he forces Spencer’s hand to his chest, letting him feel the beat of his heart. it beats rapidly for him, only for Spencer. he wonders if he could feel the way it accelerates with desire, wanting him in every way he possibly can. he wants to show his devotion to Spencer, by giving him a piece of himself, and by giving up his heart and his body, he’s reassured that Spencer knows just how much he loves him, even if he has yet to speak those words.

it wasn’t until Spencer left for this case that Oliver finally realized that maybe it was love. at first, he wasn’t so sure- he knew he fell fast and hard, but he’d been in such denial; he didn’t want to rush into things, but their relationship blossomed on that first day, and all they’ve done is rush into things. Oliver knew with Spencer’s absence that he loved him, had plans to tell him as such, too, but then Oliver had fallen asleep and then the injury . . . and now really isn’t the time to profess his undying devotion with words. ‘i love you’ will just have to wait another time. he doesn’t want to ruin this moment of intense lovemaking with three words that might -that would- catch Spencer off guard. there’s also the fear that Spencer won’t take it well . . . and well, Oliver just isn’t prepared for the possibility of rejection. it scares him to say ‘i love you’, but he feels it so strongly in his chest, he’s bursting with love for Spencer; he’s overflowing, and eventually, he’s not going to be able to stop it from spilling over. soon. soon.

hearing Spencer’s words sends another wave of pleasure throughout his body, another shiver down his spine as he gasps out loud, it’s almost embarrassing how he squirms at the words, a low whine emitting from his throat. he hates what Spencer’s voice does to him, and hearing him saying that he’s going to bite him only intensifies his arousal. he’s so hard, it’s almost painful. Spencer knows exactly what he’s doing and he does it so fucking well, it drives Oliver fucking crazy. he shakes his head in an attempt to banish the desire he feels, but it’s of no use as Spencer continues to tease him, using his godforsaken mouth on him like he’s done it a thousand times. Oliver knows he’s losing his will to fight, but he’s so goddamn stubborn that he refuses to give in until he has no choice but to do just that. “if you’re going to bite me, you better leave a mark. i want to wake up with bruises,” he tells him, his voice filled with such raw desire, he spills it out all over the floor. he doesn’t care that he’s giving in to his pleasure at this point- he wants Spencer to see just how much he wants him, how much he’s driving him crazy, he wants him to see it all.

another gasp is heard as Spencer continues his teasing, his mouth now on him. Oliver’s eyes roll to the back of his head with pleasure, letting his head fall back onto the pillow, an unfiltered moan leaving his lips. he knows he’s loud- his throat has a tendency to go raw after their vicious lovemaking and it takes him days to recover every single time, but he doesn’t care. he’d rather lose his voice than give up this kind of pleasure- the kind of pleasure that only Spencer can give. “so pretty,” he agrees, straining with his binds as he looks down at Spencer. “the prettiest boy i’ve ever seen.” then, he kind of grins, a lopsided grin, as if he wasn’t the one being a brat this entire time. “you’re especially pretty like this, sucking me off.” he likes the arrogance- it sends another thrill of pleasure down his spine. he tries to hold back another moan, digging his teeth into his bottom lip in an effort to keep the sound out. instead, he breathes quietly, watching Spencer with a familiar hunger in his eye. “i’ll be good,” he promises again, just to show that he can be.

a surprised moan erupts from him as Spencer’s tongue is suddenly at his entrance, toying with him. he squirms again, the warmth of Spencer’s tongue inside of him drives him crazy, and he can’t help the sounds that leave his mouth, no matter how hard he tries to keep them at bay. Inevitably, he bites down too hard on his lip and busts it back open, blood dripping into his mouth. the sweet taste of his own blood combined with the pleasure of Spencer’s tongue thrusting in and out of him is almost too much for him to bear, his breathing shallow. “fuck-” he says, his voice already sounding raw from all the noises he’s made. it won’t take much for him to lose his voice and he anticipates the eagerness of it all. he wants to lose himself to the pleasure and if that includes losing his voice, then so be it. he doesn’t need it, yet he clears his throat anyways, as if the lubrication from his mouth will help the dryness of it.

as if it couldn’t get any better, suddenly Spencer was administrating a finger, teasing at his entrance with the tip. Oliver, eager as ever, tries to roll his hips downwards to encourage him to just do it already. once that finger is inside of him, Oliver let’s out a few more sounds that he knows Spencer will enjoy. Spencer always has enjoyed it when Oliver gets loud and proud about his pleasure, making sure he knows that he’s doing a good job. “fuck-” he whimpers again, nails biting his palms again. with nowhere to grab other than his own skin, he feels another trickle of blood, unable to resist the temptation of digging in to his own skin. usually, Spencer’s back would be taking the brunt of his aggressive loving, but with his hands tied up, it leaves Oliver no choice but to dig into his own flesh. it’s too bad, really, because he loves leaving his mark on Spencer, a proud indication of what they’d done the night before. he’ll just have to make up for it next time.

with each thrust of Spencer’s finger, Oliver can feel himself coming undone. his legs quiver at the motion, each sound leaving his lips, repetitive like a broken record. his throat hurts from the exertion of his vocal chords, but he doesn’t seem to care as he ensures Spencer knows how much he appreciates what he’s doing. he wants to show him just how good he feels, his hips rocking a little with each thrust. then, Spencer adds another finger and it’s heavensent, forcing Oliver to lay back down as he’s assaulted with pleasure. he can barely understand that Spencer is saying as he talks to him in that husky voice of his; his abandoned cock leaking with evident desire, it throbs, missing Spencer’s touch. “please, Spencer-” he begs finally; finally giving the man what he wanted as he continues to fight the restraints keeping his hands from exploring, from touching. he hates that he can’t do anything, stuck in this position and forced to take whatever it is that Spencer wants to give him. it’s both arousing and frustrating at the same time.

his breath hitches when Spencer picks up pace, his eyes rolling with pleasure yet again. he shouts Spencer’s name, high-pitched and filled with evident love and emotion, he can’t seem to be able to control it. pleasure wracks his body as he moans, his toes curling again. it feels so good, he doesn’t want it to ever end. but of course, it does come to an end and when Spencer pulls his fingers out of him, Oliver can feel the loss of being filled up, a low whine leaving the back of his throat. he wants to complain about it, to tell Spencer to keep going, but when he lifts his head to do just that, he watches as Spencer places his fingers into his mouth, and he watches with fascination as he licks them clean. the sight makes his mouth water. he whimpers lowly and lets his head fall back against the pillow, succumbing to his reality. but before he has a chance to really just settle with his punishment, Spencer is untying him from the bedpost and pulling him on top of him and he’s left shocked yet again.

“Spencer-” he breathes, his voice shaky as he settles onto his knees, looking down at him with desire mirrored in his eyes. “i-” he cuts himself off abruptly as Spencer aligns his body with Oliver’s and pushes inside of him, a surprised moan leaving his lips as he shifts his body, his arms tightening their hold around Spencer’s neck. the sudden fulfillment is almost too much for Oliver to bear, choked up as tears prick at the corners of his eyes once again. but it doesn’t take him long to get used to the feeling of Spencer inside of him, slowly sitting more comfortably on top of him. “you’re an asshole,” he mutters just as Spencer begins to move his hips, Oliver letting out a low moan. then, he’s moving his hands to place them on top of Spencer’s chest, holding himself up as he shifts his hips a little, his breath loud. “you want me to be a good boy?” he asks after a moment, panting slightly. “t-to listen to you?” slowly, he begins to rock his hips in rhythm with Spencer’s, unbridled sounds erupting from within the walls of his chest. he picks up the pace slowly, effectively fucking himself on Spencer’s length, another shiver down his spine. “fuck- o-okay. i’ll be-i’ll be a good boy.”

[eyluvu]

the JOY when i see that stupid monster james p sullivan on my screen again

[david-box]

There's a certain something something to Bojack Horseman that makes it not really furry media despite ostensibly having all the elements it needs. I think I need to rewatch that Patricia Taxxon video bc for the life of me I cannot figure out what it is

[thotsfortherapy]

having mommy issues be like I hate that you know me I hate that we’re related I hate that you birthed me I hate that you don’t know how to love me properly I hate that you can’t see how much you hurt me I hate that I’m expected to love you