#lifes been fucking hard lol

[chikkou]

ok i was waiting until my laptop got here to finally tell all the bullshit thats happened in the last like. 5 months lol. cause its a lot to type

im gonna put it all under the cut so no one has to read if they dont want. its a LONG fucking story.

tl;dr:

ok so for basic background, for the last two years or so, i was living with a roommate in connecticut. the roommate was my (now former) best friend since middle school. in july of this year his behavior totally shifted, and he started picking fights with me out of nowhere, told our high school friends a bunch of straight up lies abt me to make me look like a horrible roommate & person, and just generally became a two-faced dickhead. in the end, it turned out to all be excuses to justify his decision to move out (unofficially, name was still on the lease) so that he could live with his boyfriends and not pay any bills. at the time i was really devastated by this bc i felt totally betrayed by this person i had been close to since i was 12/13, but frankly after everything else that happened i barely fucking think about it now LMAO. this is set dressing more than anything else

so anyway, i had been living alone since about august, that was the last time i saw him in person. i wasnt handling the situation well because i had spoken to my high school friend and found out the extent to which hed tried to paint me as a slovenly, horrible roommate, to the point of telling actual lies about really dumb stuff (which didnt work btw - my friends, god bless them, were more concerned about my mental health than anything and thought i was going down a depression spiral, which my former friend told them he was helping me through. they believed me right away once we finally did talk). all that is to say, i was going kind of crazy lol, and i decided to go back home in october just for a short while, to recharge my batteries and all.

i was gone for a couple of weeks, not very long. i felt MUCH better after being with my family & friends in person, as i felt pretty isolated from everyone (my hometown is in new york, i was only 2 hours away by train but scheduling times to visit was sort of a hassle, so i only did it once every couple months). my grandfather and mom dropped me off at my apartment in early november, we were very lighthearted and discussing my next steps, since my shithead friend had been behind on rent more than 5 times (i always paid my half on time) and i was facing eviction because of it. we get to my apartment, i go to open the door, and it wont open. not that its locked, it just straight up WONT open. my grandpa tried to ram the door with his shoulder, and nothing. hes a strong ass dude, and this door wouldnt budge for anything.

my mom managed to get the kitchen window open and climb in that way, and it took both her and my grandpa pulling/pushing at the same time to force the door open. i wont even dress this up: there was mold. fucking. everywhere. on the floor, on the walls, all over everything i owned. i have pictures (had to take them for insurance) and im not even going to show them because they are beyond fucking disgusting. everything i owned was soaked in water and mold, and i do literally mean EVERYTHING. it was very warm in there too, like the temperature of a swamp. i was in a haze after that. i just remember sobbing, like genuinely heartbroken sobbing, as i wandered around looking at everything that was ruined. my mom & grandpa had to go and get maintenance because i was just utterly useless, and they were equally horrified & said they'd never seen anything like it.

i managed to save some items that were irreplaceable (journals, notebooks, etc) and whatever clothes werent utterly soaked in mold. all of my cookware, my books, my laptop & desktop (i cried the hardest when i saw the desktop) - it was all ruined. we found out later that the water boiler in my apartment had a catastrophic failure while i was gone, which caused it to constantly send water back through the pipes, empty, and refill itself. my bedroom was directly above the boiler downstairs, so it got the most significant amount of damage. all told, i lost like 95% of the things i owned. it is possible that i could have saved more, but the amount of mold in that apartment made it a genuine safety hazard for me to even be in there, so i had very limited time to grab what i could. the cruelest irony of all that? my shithead ex-friend's room, which was on the other side of the hallway, was pretty much untouched. he lost absolutely nothing lol.

so immediately, i had to leave the state. i moved back to ny with my family. my mother - who had a stroke last year following a diagnosis of an exceedingly rare neurological disorder, AND had two separate brain surgeries to improve her quality of life - was in the process of getting evicted. the landlord didnt give a fuck about any of my moms situation, not her being disabled, not her being widowed, not her having 3 kids under the age of 18 to care for - he just wanted her out so he could increase the cost of rent on our house. at the same time as all this was going on, i got saddled with a $600 electric bill (likely caused by the water heater's malfunction), which neither insurance nor the apartment would pay, so it came out of my pocket. in addition, i found out in december that i was also getting laid off.

we had nowhere to go and couldnt afford to live anywhere in the tri-state area. we had no choice but to move somewhere much cheaper, and since my mom already had a friend living in a mid-atlantic state, we chose to move there. the eviction went through in january and we had less than 2 weeks to pack all our shit, find a place to live, and get the fuck out. needless to say, we were not successful lol.

we stayed in my grandparents 1 bedroom apartment for about a week, then all of us drove down together to stay with my moms friend in her 3 bedroom apartment (she has 5 kids, 3 of whom live in the apartment). my moms apartment, which was supposed to have been ready by january 31st, still had people actively living there. the property manager kept promising us it would be next week for the entire month of february, to the point that my mom got fed up and chose to rent a small house instead. the reality of being essentially homeless for that time was beyond horrifying, and having anywhere between 8-10 people in that house (my cousin also moved with us, but he stayed in a hotel for the first week) was more taxing than i can express.

but things have gotten a lot better since then. i also found a cute little house to rent just up the road from my moms, and its very cheap for its size. i still havent found a job yet, but thanks to what was essentially the liquidation of everything i owned, ill be ok for a couple months more. im slowly but surely repurchasing all the things i lost and trying to acclimate to the new environment. things are still not totally stable right now, but they are slowing down, and at this point thats all i can really ask for lol.

so yeah. if u were wondering why i suddenly stopped posting after literal years of posting every day, thats why LMAO

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

[iknowwhereyousnoozeatnight]

this one's for all the yuri enjoyers out there — nsft under cut

meronia event prompt(s): scar

[cakemousse]

so toxinelle has snuck up on marinette and alya in marinette’s bedroom and this is what they see when they finally notice that she’s there, toxinelle hanging upside down listening in on their plan (click for a clearer image!)

reference below the cut

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

[shannonsketches]

he's so important to me

[forcebookish]

had to stop taking the new adhd medication but the good news is i can drink coffee and iced tea again

[mogwaei]

The fact that you only started drawing recently blows my mind, because you are beyond skilled!!

You can write, you can draw - can ya leave some skills for the rest of us?!

I consider you my friend and want to say this but I don't have the guts to say it off anon SORRY:

I AM PROUD OF YOU AND THE HARD WORK YOUVE DONE TO GET SO GOOD

ASKFFHJKF GAWD *ragdolls out with emotions* PRECIOUS.

This is what 10 years of Solas does to a frog previously marinating in a bog 😂

You're much too kind skjfhfjk I'm TRYING, which is a very strange feeling to have when I don't know where I'm going art-wise! I'm so overwhelmed with people being nice to me lately, and even more so that I have people that are proud of me?? My keyboard has a tear droplet on it now thx ok I'm going to stop before I say anything else ridiculous. thank you 💜💜💜

[owleics-fr]

Hi i need someone to tell me things r gonna be okay lol

[foreverxdaydreaming]

x

[coridallasmultipass]

Nikke: Goddess of Victory event Beauty Full Shot minigame spoilers: (LONG POST)

So yesterday, I managed to catch the last couple fish in the fishing minigame!!

Check it:

I'm surprised there wasn't the great white shark?? I guess that's just gonna happen in the story instead? Unless it's like a 1 in a million chance of getting it in secret or something? But the fucking whale lmao, that mf was SO HARD to get.

In general, it was super fucking hard to catch them all, but I really grinded for the first couple days to keep getting all the fishing rods (the blue one at the max 60k price level is the best for catching the large fish because it does the most damage), and then all the equipment, too.

Hot tip: Don't bother with the red puddles until you've gotten the highest fishing rod and practised on the blue and gold puddles (unless you're already like a god at rhythm games, but I'm sure NOT especially on a touch screen).

OH also, I don't think the game explained it, but the casting animation before the rhythm game is for choosing which size of fish you want to get, NOT for the starting percentage of the rhythm game. (I mean, yeah it affects the percentage, but ALL blue catches start at like 50%. All of the legendary ones start at 80% regardless of the fishing rod or equipment.) Took me a while to notice that and I would've saved myself a lot of attempts if I'd have just aimed for the easy blue section on the meter in the beginning (I was clicking the gold one every time and suffering because it went too fast every time, and was confused why gold wasn't giving me an easier starting percentage).

Here's my union ranking for the minigame lmao (I'm Vi):

You can see how much I've been playing the game compared with everyone else. It's fucking addicting and I gotta catch 'em all. Almost at 1mil earned lol.

The fucking Spongebob easter eggs were hilarious. I caught Spongebob and didn't realize that's who it was supposed to be until I caught Patrick next. RIP Sandy.

((EDIT: I FORGOT TO ADD PLANKTON. HE'S THE BAIT FOR FISHING LOL.))

Anyway, yeah, that's my post. Just wanted to share bc I love Nikke and the event and the mini games. I even went and got the Dave the Diver full game on PC bc I'm OBSESSED with the Aegis minigame and it's so chill and cool from the few minutes I played (just got it so haven't had time to do more yet). It was also on sale! (Probably still on sale?)

So yeah. Really loving this event, they really went all out. OH and the music, too? Love it.

[dennisboobs]

Dennis says the L word

[bleaksqueak]

Insomnia is letting up off and on, but I'm still super jelly brained from it case in point, I want to continue back with posting WIPs for the aired pages, but I can't remember what page I left off on now lmao (guess I'll have to dig through my blog to check... eesh. at least it's decently organized by tags?) Not a result of goo brain, really, but equally "AUGH" is that I let my screen protector go for too long without replacing it and now it's slick as snot and I don't have a replacement handy to put on it. This isn't a resulting consequence of goo brain but it does mean I'm going to be trying to draw without any traction while I'm already loopy. Good times ahead!

[clockworkbibliophile]

lord I am so exhausted of applying to dozens of jobs every week without getting a single response other than your application wasn’t selected. my current job is wrecking me and I am so burnt out and just want a job that pays well and doesn’t make me want to die 24/7. im at my wits end like who do I need to pay to make my resume/linkedin stand out because how do people hear back from jobs??? what am I doing wrong

[itspileofgoodthings]

you know what I’ve realized lately? that’s really helped? the axiom: it just doesn’t really make that much of a difference. Or at least it doesn’t when you’re talking about good things and not, like, doing good vs. doing evil. Big choices, little choices, decisions, decisions —it’s not just that they don’t matter in the grand scheme of things—because they do! —but just. It won’t make that big of a difference. Life will continue to be wonderful AND difficult, fascinating AND hopelessly mundane, full of roses AND thorns and all the other cliches whether you walk down one road or another. And you’ll get used to the joys and sick of the sorrows whatever they are, and you’ll be ungrateful and bored and dissatisfied in some measure some of the time and you’ll have to work on all the things you have to work on anyways and just. Yeah! It doesn’t make that big of a difference! Even the biggest things!

[melancholyfleurs]

little self esteem brag i knew i have made progress in the body image department when i tried on an old pair of shorts from like 3 years ago today and they didn’t fit and instead of having a breakdown i just shrugged and went on with my day. yes i looked great but i cried when i had to use oil and didn’t eat pasta for 2 years so was i really enjoying my life when i wore those??? absolutely not. and im still hot as fuck now most importantly so who gives a fuck. not me! happy saturday