#let’s make this a chain post
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You know I get it.
#let’s make this a chain post#everyone know this iconic sentence#so just reblogg and add the next sentence that comes after whatever sentence you just reblogged#im extremely bad at explaining#but you know what I mean I’m sure of it#let’s just create this entire speech with rebloggs#aftg#all for the game#mutuals#aftg fandom#neil josten#andrew minyard#andriel#aftg riko#Riko roast#you know i get it
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i refuse to believe that boycotting is hard. my favourite thing in the world is ordering maccies after a late night at work/a concert/getting drunk. yes i do miss it sometimes. but the other night i ordered from a small place near my house instead and it was the most orgasmic burger i've ever had in my life. i very rarely say this but fucking suck it up people are DEAD
#ramble#also only 0.29 delivery instead of 3.99#and chilli cheese bites#i swear to god the best food you'll ever eat while drunk is from the tiny shithole that's open until 4am#if you're refusing to do literally the smallest thing you can do to help then i have questions#it's FOOD. you'll survive#it's not even NECESSARY food#if it was like a chain grocery place and you don't have access to anything else then i would understand#but it's just NOT#make your own coffee for the love of god#when there is NOTHING you can do to stop this fucking tragedy. and let's be honest there isn't a lot normal people can do#and people say to you 'do this insignificant thing just to show that you even CARE'#and you DON'T do that???? what is actually wrong with you#also i've been worried about this since my last post about sbucks but this is Not an attack on the people who WORK at the boycotted places#because it is an absolute privilege to be able to leave your job and immediately find a new one
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Honestly the funniest thing about TDP to me is that Rayla for some reason always thinks Callum isn't 100% ride-or-die with her on any given situation. Seriously, she could decide she's jumping off a cliff and he'd do it too--oh wait.
I get that half of it is 'protecting' him but like. Girl he has been ready to die and kill for you since the first snake chain incident. It has not lightened up since. In fact its gotten worse. She's his special little guy and if anything happens to her he will kill everyone in the room and then himself. She physically cannot ever sacrifice herself for anyone because Callum WILL be following her straight into the afterlife in no less than a minute. I'm fully convinced he can and would go even further than Claudia and he'd barely have to think on it for five seconds before shrugging like "damn this sucks, can't believe I have to turn evil" "you literally don't have to--" "no I'm gonna"
And honestly I think that's peak teenagers first girlfriend behavior.
#tdp#the dragon prince#tdp rayla#tdp callum#text post#tdp season 5#rayllum#talk#funny#its so funny to me girl he would KILL EVERYONE FOR YOU (except ez)#HOW WERE YOU SURPRISED HE WAS SO DEAD SET ON HELPING YOUR PARENTS ITS CALLUM#not only that bestie you could put the blade to his throat & he would let you. he wouldnt even fight he'd just let you#he would go so feral for you. release his chains. free him.#he wouldnt say 'please let me kill for you' but he would dramaticaly get on 1 knee & say 'rayla i would kill for you if it came down to it'#as if he wouldnt just do that if someone pushed him enough. i want someone to push his buttons enough. set him off it'll b funny#absence did make the heart grow fonder but i think he overdozed a bit. like just a smidge. theres like way too much fondness now#also its great bc MMMMM how do those callum & viren/claudia parallels FEEL BOYS#WILL DO ANYTHING FOR FAMILY SO TRUE. and also communication issues BUT MOSTLY THE SACRIFICE#hes the number 1 rayla defender. he supports her rights AND her wrongs
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soul gets sick of heart and minds bullshit and puts them in a saw trap, their goal is to not kill each other for six hours straight(they barely make it)
lineart+nonfiltered below:3
sawney jash
#chonny jash#cccc#chonnys charming chaos compendium#chonny jash fanart#cj mind#cj heart#cj soul#happy halloween yall. here is an insanely indulgent crossover as a treat:3#ooohh u want to zoom in and see all the detail in coloring i put so bad oooohh#i had sm more planned for this post but tbh its a halloween miracle i even finished this much of it#if you havent seen saw this doesnt make much sense#and if you have it actually still doesnt make sense. its okay tho#soul after realizing heart and mind would rather cut off their legs than be in the same room with each other for more than five minutes#minds hand is holding heart's face it gets kinda lost in there lol#i imagine through the shared pain and agony of being trapped and chained they finally get closer to somewhat caring about each other#yeah lets go with that ANOTHER SAW TRAP SUCCESS#jaggy posts
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Realizing that the fist bump wasn't just a shounen-classic of symbolic acknowledgement between two enemies but also an alternative to holding hands because they tried that, couldn't do it and Izuku's arms decayed
If you look back at the pages in 423, the vestiges are clearly already coming at AFO with their fists closed, ready to punch, while Tomura comes straight out of the gate with an open-handed attack to kill AFO
At the point of contact, we don't know whether his hand is closed or open, but in the next moment, we see it is closed and pressed against Izuku's, meaning that they met in the middle once AFO disappeared
Which could mean 1) Tomura switched to a fist as he hit AFO so he could just fall back on the fistbump or 2) he switched from an open-handed attack to a loose fist within seconds of killing AFO so he didn't decay Izuku again
Either way, I believe this means that no matter what the action was, Tomura did not want to decay Izuku again. Actually, there is a great chance that he chose a fist because it was one of the only ways in that moment where they could make a physical connection and he wouldn't have to bring Izuku down with them
I need you to understand how amazing it is that Tomura actively CHOSE to bring AFO down with him as soon as he could and, at the same time, within seconds, prevent Izuku from dying while still reaching out in his own way so he could make that physical connection again for the last time
From this (Izuku to Tenko)
To this (Tomura to Izuku)
And this along with his last words? Smiling at Izuku and telling him to do his best? Believing he himself had no future but pretty much leaving the future to Izuku?? "It depends on what you do from now on"??? Literally what the hell Horikoshi
#how can their ending be so disappointing and yet give SO much to their dynamic anyway#willing to bet izuku letting his arms decay was like a light switch moment for tomura#he was like 'ah yes i see your intentions i can't let you die'#'like either one of us dies or neither of us dies and my time is up so i have to prevent the chain reaction and let you live'#idk would a man who believes the future is fucked say to his hero 'yeah you could fix it tho' in his last moments?#EXACTLY. IZUKU GIVING HIS ARMS TO MAKE A CONNECTION WITH TOMURA LIT SOMETHING IN HIM#WHAT THE FUCK HORIKOSHI#anyway gonna go throw up now#smthg smthg hori smthg catch you smthg etc#bnha#bnha 424#bnha manga spoilers#bnha spoilers#shigaraki and midoriya#shigaraki and midoriya analysis#mettys posts#metty posts#tomura shigaraki#izuku midoriya
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life is short post willace were-rabbit angst on main
#FOUR POSTS IN ONE DAY i was so scared i would forget to post some art if i didn’t do it Now#ANYWAY. let me explain this comic#first off i hc wallace still transforms every full moon bc he deserves it. as a treat#and he just has a big ankle chain in his basement lol so he doesn’t go on a rampage and cause a ruckus#and they think willard oughta know about this sooner or later so gromit takes him down to meet were-wallace on a full moon#and willard just gets overwhelmed. it’s a lot to process and the newness of the situation makes him extremely anxious so he freaks out#he feels bad about it the next day bc ultimately he doesn’t give af if his bf transforms into a giant rabbit monster on the regular#but it was just a LOT to process at once and i think wallace would understand sndfwuhilvwirughth#WHATEVER MAN I JUST THINK THEYRE NEAT#apple pie with cheese#no id#giddly’s art#chicken run#wallace & gromit#willard tweedy#cotwr#were-wallace#between me and pant-eater we have drawn so many comics where willard ugly cries HSJSHDBSJSJ#what can i say. i love me a sopping wet paper bag of a man 🫡
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Guys I’ve been thinking about these two all month…they deserved some more time together and if we don’t get to see that happen canonically then I’ll just need to take matters into my own hands and manifest a universe where they joke around together. This is serious business
Also just felt like this audio matched the dynamic well :))
#alsooooo it’s on my YouTube channel guys just so you knowwww#but for convince sake I’m just posting the footage here without link since Tumblr loops it automatically#smg4 Puzzlevison fandom I love you guys mwah here’s a treat for you all enjoy the sillies <3#I’m going to explode you don’t even know how insane I’m going right now ehehheheheh#oh the power I’ve been given as an animator I can create ANYTHING AHAHHAHAH#I’ll subject you all to my brainrot of these two and NO ONE will be able to chain me down I’m letting my creativity TAKE OVER#I’m kinda scared that my channel will devolve into SMG4 fandom content only tho 💀#I’ll get a hold on myself before that happens because it would be embarrassing explaining it to my freinds & family & current subs lol#I don’t want them left in the dark simply because I let this TV guy poses my every waking thought#oh well we will see what the future brings and what prospects we gain >:3#guys make this blow up but not enough to reach popularity levels thanks k bye#smg4 fan animation#smg4 Puzzlevison arch#Meggy & mr puzzles#mr. puzzles and Meggy smg4#hplonesome art
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of course i still believe in santa. where is your childlike joy and wondrous whimsy
#actually inspired by another tag i put on a reblog of mine#this is another addition to the endless chain of posts that were originally going to be tags#but i decided were too funny to let just sit and marinate there#alone and untouched and unseen by the world#not me though guys stay safe xx#thoughts ୨𖹭୧#girlblogging#it girl#wonyoungism#girlhood#pink pilates princess#this is what makes us girls#girly tumblr#girly stuff#girlcore#girlworld#girl talk#girl therapy#girl code#pinterest girl#messy girl#thoughts#manic pixie dream girl#diaries#im just a girl#girl thoughts#this is a girlblog#pink girl#christmas#santa claus
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Hi! Sorry for notification spamming you but wanted to tell you that your TROD tags made me lol, I LOVE your art so much and I’m interested in your AU too. Anyway, love your blog!
P.S. maybe I missed it but you said somewhere that your Narinder was pretty messed up for a few years post revival. Could you give some more details on that? Did he try to hurt them? Who had to take care of him, the lamb? What’s been the downstream effects? Basically, how is this cat still messed up lol.
dont be! everytime i get a notification i go yuppiee!!! im glad you enjoy my art :DD
okay okay its prime yap time under the cut oof i love my fucked up cat sm
Lambert, mainly, took care of him! They made sure that every comfort he needed was provided and were worried out of their mind the entire time. Their disciples helped watch over Narinder when he was unconscious, just so he wouldn't bolt the moment he awoke, and Witness Allocer stitched some of his wound and prepared a special painkiller blend for him. (in my au the high priests, aka the mini bosses, and the witnesses were very close to the bishops! Allocer made the same painkillers for Shamura as well.)
Okay so obviously his wrists and ankles were pretty fucked up from being chained for a thousand years and he's got a lot of internal damage as well bc some of the chains went through him (og Stychu hc that I adopted bc it's so good). Also just general wounds from the final fight and the unfathomable pain of shrinking down from his godly form.
Upon being spared, he did attack them in a post battle adrenaline and hate fueled delirium, right on the indoctrination stone and not only broke his arm (bc he put too much weight on it), but probably gave himself a heavy concussions by slamming his head on said stone seconds after the break happened lmao. After waking up in,,, just a Haze of agony he tried to get up and run away bc he was scared that the lamb would just keep him existing in this special Purgatory and shattered his opposite calf so there's that as well. Unlucky tbh
He bleeds like,,, constantly. All of the time, for literal years on end. From his eyes mostly, but also nose and ears and he throws up ichor a lot in the beginning as well bc his body is adjusting rapidly to being smaller and there's just No Space for the ichor to go, other than out. He’s constantly exhausted and spends a lot of time sleeping, and is very frail physically, if snapping two bones by simply putting weight on them didn't make it obvious enough lol
All and all not a great shape to be in, but! His wounds aren't actually what caused him to be bedridden for so long. It was the fact that he no longer saw himself as a god while still being one and suffering injuries befitting of one!
His body/the Red Crown isn't healing him as much as it’s literally regenerating parts of itself while he suffers everything that comes with that, alongside being out of the Veil/Gateway for the first time in forever and emotionally dealing with the deaths of his acolytes and the supposed betrayal of the one he allowed himself to trust after his family. In fact, Narinder barely heals at all for a while bc he was just mentally stopping the process. And also unconscious for a lot of it.
The other big reason is that god hearts are a great power source, but his heart has been in Lambert's chest since Silk Cradle. So he is Struggling ™ but he’d actually rather die than take his heart back he’s a simp like that smh
After he inevitably breaks and he and Lambert finally talk, he gradually starts seeing himself as a person again and his healing process gets easier. He still has chronic pain for his joints but eventually everything else heals alright :3
On a side note, his siblings bleed excessively and are disoriented for the first couple of days but are ultimately fine within the week. They are kind of horrified to learn that their brother is STILL struggling with the side effects of his imprisonment
#god this was a lot of words#i love yapping 😔#i think even if he won he would've been fucked up from the chains at least#but with the true extent of his godhood it would've taken him maybe a day to get everything in order#honestly i think he suffers most mentally bc nari Knows and Accepts pain but it needs to have a vissible end to it yk#like getting absolutelly wrecked in a fight. but knowing that once its over u can rest#but bc hes genuenly out of his mind from pain/medication he doesnt see that end and it makes him absolutely hopeless for a while#doesnt help that lamb stays w him only when hes out and the resulting loneliness is. Not Good.#op has let me free of my cage and i got way to far away from it /pos#dont have anyone irl to talk abt this so. ill take any chance i can#im writing abt his fist couple of years btw! not sure when ill post it but its nearing 20k yuppie#ask#cotl#cotl narinder#main cotl verse#<- placeholder name till i figure out a real one
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i love it when i can tell that someone purposefully went further up the reblog chain on one of my posts to avoid rbing a version with someone else's later addition. like good for you, i also thought that version was stupid lol.
#people really just add all sorts of random shit to things. i'm like okay that's nice but the post wasn't about that#and then everyone rbs it anyway. except every once in a while someone goes up the rb chain <3 twinsies#i just ignore it when people add irrelevant stuff to my posts 99.9% of the time unless i'm really annoyed by it. then i turn rbs off#that's happened like twice and never for an important reason it's just because i was really pissy that day lol#people can add irrelevant shit in the tags. that's what the tags are for. why are you saying it in the loud part of the post#diffrent strokes it takes all kinds to make a world life is a rich tapestry any minute now i'm going to start appreciating#tumblr#my posts#to be clear i don't mind in general when people add stuff to my posts. just when it's irrelevant. or when i don't like it for another reaso#but don't let that stop you. if it really annoys me then i just turn off rbs lol#there's a fine line between yes anding and totally derailing and far be it from me to oppose yes and culture on this site#it's one of the best things about tumblr. so sometimes you swing and you miss it's the cost of doing business
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FUCK what I said about the majority of significant changes to dialogue in Re:CoM being to adjust Axel's characterization, the most egregious change is actually this
(GBA CoM)
(Re:CoM)
if I had to guess, the reason for this change was because in GBA CoM, The Superior was a spooky, unknown being at the head of this Organization we had very little knowledge on, and for Vexen, the guy who runs his mouth constantly about how much better he is than the others, to be terrified of him, he must be some pretty scary dude. But then after kh2 we know him, it's Xemnas, he's very dramatic, he likes to talk to the moon, and the effect of your mind filling in the gaps about what "The Superior" must be like is gone. So it wasn't really necessary anymore, right?
(rest under cut because it's long)
Except... the way they changed it is so weird. In the GBA version, what's happening is pretty clear:
Marluxia tells Vexen that his project is a failure
Vexen demonstrates that he does not give a shit about Marluxia's opinion
he does care very much about The Superior's opinion, though, and Marluxia uses this to blackmail him into eliminating Sora- an action which is nonsensical, as the entire point of what they're doing needs Sora alive, making it clear to everyone in the room that he is deliberately sending Vexen to die
and then after that, when Vexen shows up to fight Sora, he goes "if you want to fight me for real you've gotta do it in the memories from the other side of your heart lol bye" and Sora goes "huh? other side?" and then it cuts to a scene on the top floor:
and then this gets more into subtext but here, Vexen has realized he's totally fucked and his only hope is to mess directly with Marluxia's plans (well, they were the Organization's plans, but it's pretty obvious by now Marluxia's abusing his power for his own purposes) by giving Sora more information than he should know. This does get the traitor gang worried enough to send Axel to go kill him (as opposed to just letting Sora take care of him, which was presumably the original plan)- he very specifically cuts Vexen off to keep him from saying too much (this is retained between the original and the remake)
Anyway, what happens in Re:CoM sort of follows the same order of events, but everything is changed slightly in a way that just makes things more confusing.
Marluxia tells Vexen his project is a failure and Vexen demonstrates that he doesn't give a shit about Marluxia's opinion, as before
Marluxia threatens Vexen with a weapon, rather than threatening to tell the Superior
this, notably, does not seem to faze Vexen very much. he continues to run his mouth while having the scythe pointed at him.
Xemnas is still leveraged- Marluxia points out it was the Superior who entrusted him with the castle
...even though reasonably Vexen would already be aware of this, and has still demonstrated that he has zero respect for Marluxia despite it
the lines about betraying the Organization being a capital crime are retained, probably because it's super relevant later, but then that line of thinking is abandoned in favor of Marluxia and Larxene just taunting Vexen instead
The part where Marluxia says "do it. you won't" could be seen as a sort of threat... if not for Axel's line: "You give a challenge like that to Vexen and he'll seriously want to eliminate Sora." It frames it all as though Vexen went to fight Sora out of some sort of pride.
And look, Vexen may have a temper and a superiority complex, but he's not stupid. They're obviously baiting him. Plus, what happened to him seeing himself as above the others and countering things he doesn't like with "well actually I'm higher ranked than you and also you're an idiot"? Is he that insecure in his fighting capabilities? I could deal with characterization changes doing him dirty if it didn't also make no sense in the context of the plot.
So now we have Vexen going to try to kill Sora, something that really makes no sense to do, out of pride. What was the purpose of sending Sora to Twilight Town? Also pride, over the fact that he managed to get that information? Giving the writing the benefit of the doubt, I could say that these nonsensical actions can be explained as evidence that Nobodies can have hearts and people with hearts do strange and rash things, but that just feels like a reach, which is bad because what they had in GBA CoM worked perfectly fine and made sense without any reaching for the "idk emotions make you do strange things" explanation.
It continues. After Vexen gives Sora the Twilight Town card in Re:CoM and Sora wonders about what the "other side" means, this is that version of the conversation the top floor members have:
...what? "If Sora disappears, that would mess up the Organization's plans"? what are you worried about? the only reason Sora would disappear is if Vexen killed him. there's no way they think Vexen being in Twilight Town would give him an advantage, right? they know he's a pathetic fighter. "Vexen has clearly committed a treasonous act against the Organization" HOW? HOW IS IT CLEAR? they don't express any worry about Sora learning too much, up until Axel says "I came to stop you from talking too much" when killing Vexen- and that being there makes it seem like they were worried about Sora learning to much, but if that's the case, why would they replace the perfectly serviceable lines in the above scene? it's just... baffling that they would want to lean into the narrative that Vexen going to kill Sora (which he'd been goaded into doing) is the problem here, because it just makes so little sense compared to what it was originally.
once again giving them the benefit of the doubt: Marluxia's real plan was to take over the Organization, and he saw an easy way to pick off one of the members, so he took it. the motive for stopping Vexen doesn't actually matter.
buuuuut it's the same as with Vexen earlier. Marluxia may be too self-absorbed and power-hungry to notice Axel is scheming against him, but he, too, is an intelligent man. he's plotted for a while, getting into Xemnas's good graces in order to be put in charge of the Castle. this is incredibly sloppy for him. I guess it could be said that getting so close to his goal would make him sloppy, but again, if they'd just left things the way they were in GBA CoM, I wouldn't even have to be saying this
in conclusion: GBA Chain of Memories' intra-Organization strife subplot is so tightly woven with calculated moves on all sides that Re:CoM changing certain things without taking into consideration the consequences makes certain parts of the plot fall flat and become far more confusing than in the original story
#kingdom hearts#kh#chain of memories#kh com#vexen#axel#axel kh#marluxia#larxene#the inevitable re:com comparison tag#conclusion 2: go play gba chain of memories right now !!!!!#me post#concocting a counterargument in my head rn about how emphasizing the humanity of the organization through their nonsensical actions is#a good thing#gba com leaned into how fucked up they are- kh2 showed us the rest of them- re:com backpedaled to give them a shred of humanity#see also: lexaeus's death differences between gba com and re:com#however#1. i believe making a kingdom hearts game make less sense on purpose is not a good choice due to its reputation of#already being incomprehensible#chain of memories is one of the easier plots to understand!#2. im not convinced it was on purpose. i think the only intentional one was axel saying he really was enjoying himself#and that this specific thing spawned from what i said about xemnas no longer being a spooky mystery#lexaeus's death scene change on the other hand was actually a change in characterization#and since it wasn't wrapped up in the nightmare 5d chess that this thing was it worked fine#3. if they wanted to show us the humanity of the chain of memories crew then they should've let them survive a little longer in 358/2 days#like. we don't know for sure how long end of kh1 -> start of com actually took. that was decided in Days#kh2 we saw a little humanity in all of its organization members but that's because there were lots of themes of nobodies and humanity there#days was extremely heavy on “hey these guys are all people”#but chain of memories' org members were written to introduce us to a group of extremely powerful and clever manipulators#changing that to add a little more humanity sacrifices some of the writing quality because they didn't commit to it
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GUYS! GUYS!! I met the Repliku (though he looks like Riku for a second) AND YALL. GUYS!!
“Go home, Sora. I’ll care for Namine.”
AND THEN IT CUTS TO HIM SUMMONING SOUL EATER ONLY TO THEN SAY:
“Anyone who goes near her…goes through me!”
AND THEN IMMEDIATELY ATTACKING!! IF THIS ISNT GIVING PEOPLE FLASHBACKS TO DDD WHEN HE LOOKS AT THE NIGHTMARE AND SAYS:
“Are you what’s trapping him in that nightmare? Cause if you are, I’m what nightmares fear!”
YALL GET AWYA FROM ME. GET OUT!!!
#soriku#riku x sora#sora x riku#I CANT. I CANR DJWKWJWB#MY mind immediately went to that scene in DDD when he said this and I literally paused the game to make this post#but I also have to let myself get killed just so I can change decks :)))#anyways I’m insane#me playing chain of memories
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"use commas" this "learn how to spell" that. you fools. the very core of linguistics is the change that you so despise on account of lacking any sort of knowledge or foresight. you imbeciles. we the linguists laugh at your little commas and dots that you throw around in your playpen. you think it matters? you think any of this matters? the only thing you should even slightly care about is if you can understand or interpret the core of the message. you hold up the punctuation system as you do the values of the past, thinking it sacred, much like a false idol. you will never be free if you dont stop policing the victimless crimes we've made up. you will never ascend.
#linguistics#language#mepost#every time someone fixes a spelling issue that isn't necessarily relevant a linguist loses their wings#we call your behavior prescriptivism and laugh at you behind your back by the way#this isn't to say let's not teach kids the official spelling rules#i just mean if someone's shitposting it's unnecessary#shitpost#i'm rambling#love u all#are you still here reading this#check out my other posts and make me feel loved#hey have you guys ever heard that song 'would?' by alice in chains?#it sounds like it's a 2000's videogame soundtrack dont you think?#i just think it's neat#oh god are they problematic#i should've googled this#well i guess let me know if they are#hey does anyone wanna be friends?#it gets lonely out here in the tags#i mean message me?#i cant promise you the best skills in the art of conversation#but i am known to hold one or two in my time#the conversations i mean#anyways thats all
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EXPLICIT YAOI?!? IN MY DANGANRONPA SPIRITUAL SUCCESSOR?!?!?!?
(Shoutout to @shinigamichan for catching this gem.)
#the hundred line#last defense academy#the hundred line last defense academy#thllda#takumi sumino#eito aotsuki#my dumb post#yaoi jumpscare#seriously wasn't expecting this#I was already sold on this game but possibly having bi romance routes paired with permanent character death makes my brain go feral.#danganronpa spiritual successor#Kodaka and Uchikoshi have been let off their chains and I could never be happier.
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U cant hurt me, im wearing armour. 😎
Treat me ~ Tip me
#I have absolutely used a similar caption before but its very relevant. Again.#My mental is unhealthy rn!!!!! Pls excuse any unfortunate posting.#Lost my volunteering position bc im too unreliable and thats totally reasonable of them but wow it makes me not like myself lots!!!!!!#I cant rely on myself either so i really do see why they cant keep me on. But still!!!!! I need to go back to the gp again if its this bad#Anywhore. Lets find some fun lil reasons to live despite that. Plus I can be useful in other ways.#Sorry for my mini therapy session in the tags. I am not thriving.#Satans knitwear#At least this shoot i did with my various mando looks was entertaining#Alt pinup#Pinup girl#Mandalorian seduction techniques#Tassles#Pasties#Body chain#Thigh garters#thigh harness#Stockings and suspenders
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I know yall probably know about poverty and generational poverty and what not but I just want to vent….
Because like… the things people don’t like know about generational poverty unless they’re experiencing it is just how… trapped you feel… weighed down by absolutely everything.
See I honestly think something may be up with our gas line
Which is a terrifying thought.
Now, idk if it’s a leak per se (though we’ve got the windows cracked just in case) but if we turn on our stove the gas smell is really strong, the flame flairs out of the sides of the stove, etc.
Shit that shouldn’t be happening.
Shit that is really fucking dangerous.
We know this is dangerous, we’re not stupid.
We know we should get it fixed.
But here’s the thing, okay?
The floors are just base boards, they’re falling in and there’s holes everywhere.
There’s rats that we’ve tried every trick in the book to get rid of, short of hiring an exterminator. We’ve borrowed traps, had traps “gifted” to us, tried poisons that friends and family have bought for us, etc. It cuts them down but they come back.
All of our food is in thick sealed plastic containers and yet they’ve eaten some of the containers open. They even ate our soap and makeup and cleaning supplies and that didn’t seem to stop them. (Our soap and cleaning supplies are now in plastic containers too but idk how long it will deter them, and the makeup is thrown away)
We have shoddy wiring in the house, done by my own grandpa back in the 70’s when they first bought this place.
Our roof has cracks in it that have failing patches, done by a family friend.
Our AC doesn’t exactly work very well and it’s been reaching 100°F weather (with 70% humidity no less) and to fix it we’d need $10k at least, but we’d also need new flooring, so it would likely be more than that…
Etc.
And like, it’s not that the house is dirty, but that it’s falling apart.
And here’s the deal… calling someone who knows what’s what about houses to check the stove means calling someone who is going to inspect the whole house, someone who’s going to say:
“hey uh, your gas is messed up and your electricity is messed up and so’s your plumbing… Your floors are bad… we have to condemn this house and if you can’t pay to fix it up then you’re going to lose it.”
And it’s not like we got this house and destroyed it by a lack of maintenance, this house is like, 50+ years old, and has been my home since I was born.
My grandma and I couldn’t take care of everything because my grandpa had Alzheimer’s and he was going downhill and it was me and her caring for him.
My health is really bad and I can’t work a regular day job because of it, but I haven’t been able to hire a lawyer to apply for disability, so we’re living off one income and whatever side gigs I can do from time to time.
We don’t have the money to pay the mortgage, buy groceries, pay the home insurance, the gas bill, pay medical bills, buy pet food, etc and also then pay for our house to be inspected and potentially condemned for things I didn’t even do in the first place, things that came before I inherited this house…
My whole family has been poor my whole life, from my great great grandparents to my parents, etc.
It was always “you don’t pay for a professional to fix it, you either fix it yourself or get a family member or a friend of a friend to fix it”
Which means that if we ask a building inspector to tell us what’s wrong with the house… well… it’s going to probably be everything. Because this house has never been “professionally” fixed, it’s only ever had family members and friends of family members slap duct tape over glaring issues and say they’ll only charge you a glass of sweet tea.
Which means it’ll probably cost nearly the entire value of the house to fix tbh.
I just feel like I’m on a ship that’s sinking and way more water is coming in than I could ever manage to get out. I keep trying to patch the leaks but the materials just not available, and besides, if I stop bailing out the water for even a second to go and try and patch the leak, I’ll go fully underwater.
And you know, it’s not fair. It’s not right that it’s like this. This is our home and we love it. This has been my home for years and we love this house, this land, the trees and plants that grow, everything here is loved. It’s cared for. We try to take pride in it.
But you wouldn’t know that because we’re too busy trying to bail out that sinking ship. We’re too busy from constantly working and cleaning and repairing.
It’s not okay that it’s set up that way. We need help, we need community. We should be able to call someone and be like “Hey, we love this house, we’ve never been late on a payment, we’ve worked our butts off to try and keep things going, but we need help. Can you look at everything this house needs to function and be in good condition and help us get those things?”
Like, hell a payment plan option would work, wouldn’t it? Why isn’t that the done thing?
I mean, I know why, the more houses that are taken from the poor means the more real estate that’s available for the rich, they’re already trying to make our whole neighbourhood into some corporate venture instead of a residential area. And besides, if they manage to make us homeless they’d be just as happy throwing us in jail for the “crime” of being homeless and poor and making money off free labour.
Like that’s why it’s normal practice not to help anyone keep their home when they actually have a home. The system is set up for you to fail unless your family is at least moderately wealthy.
It’s just such an unforgiving cycle. And I know I’m beating a dead horse with this vent. I know that like over half of America’s population is likely in the same shitty place we’re in.
It’s just… I’m so tired of being in cycles like these.
I’m too sick to work, too poor to afford to get on disability, and both too poor and too exhausted to go to the doctor to get proper treatment, and it’s just a loop.
I’m too exhausted to fix the house, too busy cleaning the house to rest, too exhausted to make money to have professionals help fix the house, rinse and repeat.
The house breaking down is very likely making me more sick, but I’m too sick to be able to get the house fixed.
My grandparents didn’t have money to fix the house, my parents don’t have money to fix theirs, I don’t have money to fix my house.
Every step forward is like ten steps backwards and I genuinely don’t know what the solution to all of this is.
I feel so fucking trapped. I don’t even have the energy to run a gofundme for myself to try and get the help we need, because it takes so so much to to actually get a gofundme up and off the ground, I have tried before and it’s always been a failure because I just literally never have enough energy for it.
We have so many things we’d love to do. We’d love to make this house into an eco-friendly, sustainable home, with solar panels and a huge garden. We want to make a farm stand with fresh eggs and vegetables and fruit and let it operate on an honour system, so anyone who needs food can take what they need and pay what they can, yes even if it’s $0. I want to crochet hats and mittens and set those out too, for sale or just for those who need them…
We want so badly to take care of our community… but it feels like our community isn’t there to support us, not because people don’t want to support one another but because we’re all trapped or are being prevented from supporting one another.
Because having a farm-stand means you need to buy business licenses… building a sustainable home means you need to buy a building permit.
Every step of the way feels like good intentions are wasted, road-blocked.
I can’t even begin to explain how many jobs I’ve applied to, writing, editing, working as a cook or a waiter, data entry, etc.
In school they told me I’d be able to do anything I wanted to. I was a “gifted” straight A student and as I’m sure many people on this site know, that’s not bragging. It’s the opposite. The school system, the system that is supposed to help me be successful in life, told me I would be, and now I would be lucky to make $7.25/an hour while living in a place where the minimum liveable wage is $35/an hour.
It costs $35 an hour for one person to live moderately comfortably in my town. And this isn’t an arbitrary number, it’s literally on our county’s government ran poverty assessment website.
And that’s not a thriving wage it’s a surviving wage. It’s Home, Food, Utilities, Transportation & Clothes.
It leaves no room for medical care, comfort, entertainment, etc.
So what the hell are those of us who are working for anything less than that, or those of us unable to work, supposed to do?!
And like I said, I know I’m preaching to a choir rn, I know everyone is experiencing some version of this. I just… I need to be able to express it from time to time. To talk about how unfair and ridiculous and needlessly cruel this is.
It’s so deeply flawed and evil that we’re unable to have legitimate health concerns inspected because we’re worried about the house being taken away from us.
It’s trash. It’s inhumane.
And if anyone has any like… suggestions or advice that would be great… I’m considering just having our gas service canceled by our gas company and buying a small electric grill instead… but our gas also powers our hot water heater so…
:/
#homeownership#old home#housework#chronic illness#living in america#poverty#poverty in America#generational poverty#homeownertips#poor things#vent post#rant#systemic injustice#this goes from the top down man#shit is fucked up#and I know things are worse everywhere#I know I should be grateful for the home we have even if it’s poisoning us but hey that’s a fucked up sentence isn’t it#because should I? like really should?#should we be at all happy that we have a broken house that is making us more sick than we already are?#I want nothing more than to live in the house I grew up in#but I want it to be as well cared for and loved and functional as it sss when my grandparents first bought it#I want it to be a home#and right now it’s barely a house#I don’t want to move#we don’t even have the money to move regardless but I would chain myself to my fig tree either way#I love this house and this land please just let me make it into the home of our dreams#somehow
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