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juniperskye · 2 days ago

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Stolen Moment

Based on the following ask: I was thinking it was Hotch and the reader's wedding but it's kind of loud and crowded and although the reader is no doubt excited to spend the rest of her life with Hotch the idea of the party didn't appeal very much because finds that type of event a bit difficult. So, she just hides but he knows where he can find her so he goes and sees her sitting in a corner with all her beautiful dress fluttering around her and he offers to skip the party and she just tells him ‘They’re here for us, it would be rude' but he really doesn't care, the only thing he wanted was for her to be his wife. I had to shorten the ask since it was a bit long, but I truly love this request – My wedding was lowkey because I knew I couldn’t handle a big wedding either.

Aaron Hotchner x Wife! Fem Reader Fluff Word count: 1645

REQUESTS ARE OPEN - not edited - please be kind. Requests are open and feedback is welcome if it's constructive!

Warnings: My blog is 18+, minors DNI, reader has anxiety, wedding, wedding type content, feeling overwhelmed, Hotch being the best ever, mention of Jack, pet names, mentions of food and eating, let me know if I missed anything.

I do not consent to having my work translated or reposted to any other site. That being said I do not own the characters portrayed in this story.

“And for the first time, I’d like to welcome Mr. and Mrs. Hotchner!” The DJ shouted into the mic, the crowd erupting in cheers.

Aaron and you made your way into the reception hall, hands joined as he raised them up above you, effectively showing you off to all your family and friends. Aaron turned you around, pulling you back into his arms, pressing a kiss to your lips. Everyone continued cheering for the two of you, joyous to be a part of such a special occasion.

The day had been so incredible, everything you could have ever asked for. You had done a private first look, the only witness was your photographer. After the first look you took photos with the wedding party before having the ceremony.

Your ceremony had been short and sweet, with Dave being the officiant, you’d been able to customize the entirety of it. He’d been amazing and personalized it to suit you and Aaron well. After the ceremony ended, Aaron and you stepped away for a private moment, signing your marriage license…but there had been another surprise, you’d also be signing the adoption papers to gain legal custody of Jack. The three of you shared a special moment, full of tears, joy and most importantly, love.

You then went on to take photos with your family and then Aaron, Jack and you took some photos as a family as well as just the two of you as a couple. The location your photographer had chosen was truly spectacular, it had been this lovely grove, the trees blooming with little white flowers, the grass green and lush. It had been perfect.

The reception had been scheduled meticulously:

Cocktail Hour (during photos)

Grand Entrance

First Dance

Dinner

Toasts

Dancing

Cake Cutting

Bouquet Toss

Grand Exit

You’d just had your first dance, to a slowed version of The Beatles I Will. Aaron had always been a big fan of the White Album, and that song seemed to be a perfect choice for your dance. Afterwards, you were happy to finally sit and eat, the constant interruption of family and friends coming up to you to offer congratulations and well wishes had been a little overwhelming, but overall, you were doing alright.

Aaron had kept his hand placed somewhere on you the whole night; clasped within yours, pressed to the small of your back, caressing your cheek or neck, or resting on your thigh like right now for instance. He did this to keep you grounded, he knew that this was a lot for you, having so many people around you, but more so the way they crowded the two of you, not leaving any room to breathe.

The toasts were planned, you had agreed that you didn’t want to do an open mic for toasts because that often took too long and you didn’t need any embarrassing stories shared in front of everyone. So, the only toasts that were expected were that of your sister, who was your maid of honor, and Dave, who was the officiant…but also technically a second-best man. Jack being the first of course.

What you hadn’t been expecting was Aaron to step up and give a speech of his own.

“I want to start this off by thanking everyone for being here with us on such a special day. For those of you that know us, well you know that I was down pretty badly from the beginning. She had me wrapped around her finger and she didn’t even know it. As our friendship grew, so did my love for her. I thought for a while that I was going to have to settle for being her friend because I needed her in my life one way or another. But then, she came up to me after months of, what I now know was mutual, pining and she said, “if you’re not going to ask me out, then I’ll just ask you.” That was the moment I knew I was going to marry you sweetheart. You aren’t afraid to call me out when it’s needed, you know how to break down my walls and comfort me through hardships, you make me laugh until my stomach hurts, and you have made me smile more in these last few years, than some people do in a lifetime. Jack and I are so very lucky to have you in our lives and I am honored to have become your husband here today. I love you so much sweetheart.”

Tears were streaming down your cheeks as your smile grew. Your guests clapped, many of them wiping their own eyes. Aaron always knew what to say, he had a way with words that overwhelmed you…he was able to say exactly what he was feeling, and you wished you could afford the same luxury. Unfortunately, the words didn’t always come so easily to you. You were able to express yourself in other ways though.

The DJ welcomed your guests to the dancefloor, you had been making your rounds greeting people and catching up with some friends when it all sort of hit you…all at once. It was loud and crowded and your dress was starting to feel hot and heavy.

After attempting to catch your breath for a moment, you decided to get some air…that would surely help you to regulate.

So, you snuck out into the back of the reception hall, it had been lit beautifully by the setting sun. Off across the back there was a tree that had grown out parallel to the ground, it looked right out onto the lake behind the hall. You made your way over and sat, your dress fluffed out around you.

You’d taken a few grounding breaths, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself…despite the anxiety that loomed from being around so many people for so long, it wouldn’t dim the joy you currently felt from getting to marry your true love.

It didn’t take Aaron long to notice your absence. Once quick glance around the reception hall and he knew you had gone off to try and calm your nerves. He made his way around to see if you’d gone to the restroom or to the foyer…when he came up empty, he decided to check outside and the view he was met with was breathtaking.

Straight ahead of him, was you. Your back to him, sat on the trunk of this tree with your dress cascading around you. The rays of the setting sun illuminated you from the front, casting this angelic glow around you. Aaron felt so incredibly lucky to have found you in this lifetime. He had been so sure that he wouldn’t find love again…but then you came around and proved him wrong. He couldn’t be any more grateful for that.

He walked over to you, quiet enough to avoid disturbing you, but he also wanted to make sure he didn’t startle you.

“Hey sweetheart,” he placed a gentle hand on your shoulder “you doing alright?”

“Hmm, yeah I’m okay.” You sighed, leaning into his touch.

Aaron could tell you were exhausted; physically, mentally and emotionally. Today had been a big and long day. One that he knew would be hard for you to come down from. That was the thing, Aaron often sensed your anxieties before you did…you had high highs, and low lows. Today was the highest of highs…which meant a pretty big come down was sure to follow. Aaron wanted to do everything in his power to help you through that, starting now.

“Hey, why don’t we get out of here?�� Aaron suggested.

“Honey, we can’t.”

“And why not? I’ll go grab Jack and the three of us will go grab something to eat and then head home to watch a movie!” Aaron smiled.

“It wouldn’t be right Aar. They’re here for us; it would be rude. Plus, this is our wedding, we’ve paid for all of this.” You huffed lightly.

Truthfully, Aaron didn’t care about all that. He just wanted to spend time with you. He was so incredibly happy to finally be married to you. Nothing else matters in this moment to him…just your happiness. All he’s wanted for the last few years was to have you as his wife, and now you were. His beautiful wife.

“Baby, it’s all for us. Which means we get to choose when it’s all said and done. What do you say?”

“Okay.” You smiled.

Aaron quickly made his way inside, he let Dave know your plan so someone could be in charge of closing everything up, he also informed your sister so she could make sure all your things were situated. Aaron then grabbed Jack and made his way back to you.

“Ready?”

“Absolutely.”

The three of you made your way to your favorite diner, a 50’s themed one called Barb’s. Your favorite waitress had even been working, making the night even better.

“Hey guys, did you guys…are you in…I feel like I’m missing something.” Thresa laughed.

“We got married a few hours ago.” You filled her in.

“Oh, and you guys came here? I mean, congratulations…but shouldn’t you be at your reception or something?”

“I am in our favorite diner, with my favorite two people. There is no place I’d rather be.” Aaron confirmed.

“Well, dinner is on the house tonight. Did you guys want the usual, or something else tonight?" Thresa asked.

“The usual.”

Aaron, Jack and you ate dinner that night, laughing and smiling and recounting your favorite parts of the day. Though you knew deep down…that years from now, when you looked back on this day, this would be your favorite part. Sitting in Barb’s Diner, eating a grilled cheese across from your husband who knows you better than you know yourself.

You had never felt happier.

Taglist: @bernelflo@pastelpinkflowerlife@just-moondust@khxna @crimesthatnooneaskedfor

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californiannostalgia · 12 hours ago

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"After seven years on your television screen, Shawn Hunter moved to New York City, where he became an alcoholic. No, I'm kidding. He married the love of his life, Angela Moore. That's not true, either, but he did become a world-famous poet. Actually, last I heard he was the East Coast representative of The Center, a fundamentalist cult.

You may have picked up on the fact that I'm making all of this up. The dark truth is... Shawn has been locked in my basement for 12 years. It's really best for both of us. I'm able to move on (well, except when people confuse me for him), and, as a fictional character, he's much safer down there.

Let's be honest, more Boy Meets World would only further ruin his life. Being The Dramatic Storyline in a 22-minute comedy series takes its toll. It was never easy for him to live a sitcom existence, where poverty can be a punch line, where alcoholic parents can be funny, where no matter how much you learn — no matter how much Mr. Feeny sets you straight — you come back the next week, making the same old mistakes. And the laugh track roars.

Shawn was never meant for that world. He was too dark, too self-indulgent, too whiny. He was a downer! How many times can one character experience loss? Give a heart-wrenching monologue? Go on a soul-searching road trip? Conversely, he'd never survive another genre. Despite his bad-boy posturing, perhaps summed up best by his faux-retro, pseudo-biker look, Shawn wouldn't have lasted minutes in a drama. He may have acted out with some hijinks, but deep down, Shawn's pretty vanilla.

He never swears. He's never done drugs. The furthest he's been from home is Disney World. I think he's still a virgin. None of this would fly on Breaking Bad, Six Feet Under, or House. For all of his flaws, Shawn's, well, safe.

He could potentially leave my basement for a cop show. I could see him heading back to Philadelphia to join the cold case squad. Or to become a hard-bitten-but-ultimately-good detective, solving grisly crimes armed with only his street sense and a leather jacket. Or maybe he could find a hot female with whom to partner-just like on Castle or Bones- and their witty banter could lighten the dark underbelly of the city they protect. The problem there? Shawn ain't that smart. Or perceptive.

He's a C-minus student at best, which seems prohibitive to good detective work. So I think I'll keep him downstairs for now.

I treat him well. He gets plenty of food and water. He even has a window, a small square that lets him see passing feet — and dogs, if they're short enough. He tells me he loves that window. For him, it's like a television, looking out at real people, with real-people problems.

He's fascinated by how unstructured our lives are, how we drift from one moment to the next, free from the constraints of narrative, the pain of lurching endlessly from crisis to resolution. He covets your formless mood. Your un-episodic joys. The way you catch yourself off-guard. The way you wander, slowly, in and out of love. How you can go back, and revise the story of who you are, because there's no DVD box set. The way no one wants to know your ending.

Sometimes, I stay down there with him, and we share memories of the good old days. The time he blew up the mailbox with a cherry bomb. The time he peed on the cop car.

But even our best times together are bittersweet: We both know it can't last. Only one of us can return to the surface and live a semblance of a normal life. I make sure it's me."

forever thinking about rider strong’s answer to “what happened to shawn hunter”

#boy meets world #shawn hunter #incredible meta #writing #tv shows

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asaka-lucy-hl · 19 hours ago

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Report on the 3rd Online Meeting of the Last Defense Academy School Council (Held on February 28)

The archived video is now available for the School Council members, so I’ve listed the key points and comments from Kodaka and Inou (THL’s producer) that I found particularly important or amusing. Part of the report is written in the form of a conversation, and the person named Miyokawa who appears in it is the editor-in-chief of a Japanese gaming media outlet called Famitsu.

Q: There are now 55 days until release. How are things going? Kodaka: We’re working on some patches, but development itself is basically finished. Until recently, I was making final adjustments to the parts I was responsible for, as well as checking the balance of the SRPG sections. But now that’s all settled, so I’ve been playing through the parts written by other writers—the ones I wasn’t involved in during development—as a player.

Q: So you're playing THL from a player’s perspective? Kodaka: Yes, exactly. There are parts I didn’t oversee at all, so I’m experiencing them for the first time myself.

Q: The demo’s reviews have the status of “Overwhelmingly Positive”… Kodaka: They’re all fake reviews. (Everyone laughs) Kodaka: We paid people 100 yen each to write them. Miyokawa: That’s cheap. (laughs) Inou: I personally wrote about 30 of them. (Everyone laughs) Miyokawa: Let’s not make jokes like that—it could spread in a weird way. It’s not true! (laughs) Right now, there are around 806 reviews. Kodaka: It’s really nice to see so many reviews for just the demo.

Q: Do you feel the impact of the feedback? Kodaka: Yes, I do. With Rain Code, we didn’t release a demo, and while DRV3 had a demo, there wasn’t really a place for people to leave reviews like this. So being able to see this kind of reaction is really valuable. We’ve even used some of the feedback to make adjustments in patches, so in that sense, I’m glad we released a demo. Also, as I mentioned in my Famitsu interview today, seeing the reactions to the demo has been a relief. My worries have eased a bit. Before the demo was released, I was thinking, “What if we only sell 600 copies...?” But now I know we’ll at least sell 800, so I feel a little better. (Everyone laughs) Miyokawa: I don’t think 800 copies is a number you should feel reassured about. (laughs)

Q: The SRPG sections were more challenging than I expected. Kodaka: That’s true. I think that’s one of the aspects that received particularly good feedback. When it comes to the story, a lot of people commented that it felt “Danganronpa-like” and nostalgic, but for the SRPG sections, it seemed like many players only truly understood what they were like after playing them.

The SRPG has a system where, if you get a game over, various relief measures kick in, making it progressively easier. Personally, when I play action games and keep getting game overs, I always think, “Why doesn’t this game have some kind of relief system?!” Since I’m more of a casual gamer, after dying three times, I just want the game to let me clear it already.

Miyokawa: So THL has that kind of relief system? Kodaka: Yes. Since I’m the type of person who wants that kind of feature, I made sure to include it.

Q: Since we have Kodaka here, I’d love for the School Council members to share their thoughts directly with you. But at the same time, many fans are hesitant to say too much because they’re worried about spoilers.

Kodaka: Yeah, but honestly, what’s playable in the demo is really just the tip of the iceberg—actually, more like the tip of the tip of the iceberg. I’ve seen a lot of reviews commenting on how surprisingly large the demo is, saying things like, “I can’t believe they released this much content.” But in reality, it’s just a small fraction of the full game. So many more things are going to happen from here on.

On the other hand, since the development team talks openly about all this stuff among ourselves, I sometimes worry that I might accidentally slip up and drop a keyword or something.

Most SRPGs tend to have a fantasy feel, but I think this demo really conveys just how much of a 'chuunibyou' (edgy, over-the-top) vibe the game has.

(Everyone laughs)

One thing that’s always bothered me about SRPGs is how, toward the end, the gameplay often turns into just surrounding the last enemies and bullying them. At a certain point, you realize, “Oh, I can’t lose anymore,” and the tension disappears. I wanted to reduce that as much as possible.

So, I designed the game around "comeback victories." The more allies you lose, the stronger you become.

I set it up so that, near the end, you might think, “Only two of us are left... but if we risk everything, we might just pull this off... We did it!!!” That kind of dramatic, high-stakes moment. I feel like that also adds to the game’s chuunibyou spirit.

---

<Kodaka's Comments During the Fan Q&A Session>

Darumi is the kind of character that seems like they could fit into Danganronpa but actually can't. If you have a character like that, they’d basically have to be killed off early on. So, while they might seem like a Danganronpa character, they actually wouldn’t work.

Maruko wouldn’t fit either. Someone that much of a coward would be hard to use in the story. Ginzaki as well—if he keeps sinking into self-loathing every time he speaks, the Class Trial wouldn’t progress at all. Surprisingly, there are a lot of characters that seem like they could appear in Danganronpa but actually wouldn’t.

For the first nine characters (except for Takumi), I wanted them to feel a little more relatable, a bit more grounded compared to the ones in Danganronpa or Rain Code. Maruko, Kawana, Shizuhara—they don’t have over-the-top appearances. Since this game has war as a theme, I wanted to include somewhat realistic reactions to that. So, at first, I aimed to depict real high school students with these nine characters. ...But I couldn't really do it. laughs In the end, I just kept adding more and more, and it turned out the same as always—intense characters all over again.

(Everyone laughs)

Kodaka: Still, I think the designs are slightly more relatable than those in Danganronpa, don’t you? Miyokawa: Darumi might be a bit extreme, though. Kodaka: Yeah, that’s true. But then all the characters that got added later ended up being way too intense, which made for a really unbalanced mix. laughs

Q: Are you participating in the 100-day login campaign? Kodaka: I haven’t logged in once. (Everyone laughs)

Q. The controls with the keyboard are difficult. Can they be improved before release? Kodaka: To be honest, I strongly recommend using a gamepad. Well... making adjustments for keyboard controls costs money, you know. Inou: Yeah, it’s not like we didn’t consider it, but given the budget, we decided it was better to just ask players to use a gamepad.

Q: Will there be any shocking announcements before the release? Kodaka: Honestly, we’re still debating how much to reveal. From a marketing perspective, it would be better to make an honest announcement that "This and that happen," people would go, "Whoa, this game is insane!" But at the same time, I want players to experience those surprises firsthand. So I’m thinking maybe it’s best to hold back and rely on post-release word-of-mouth instead. I don’t want to ruin those moments of shock for the players.

That said, I was looking at the demo reviews, and it seems like a lot of people were really reacting to Aotsuki’s event CG from Tokyo Game Show. Maybe that’s because, after playing the demo, they understood the characters better?

Inou: Yeah, that one definitely got people buzzing and stirred up a lot of "What!?!" reactions. Kodaka: At TGS, we had a bunch of event CGs on display at the booth. And we figured, "Hey, let’s throw in something fun at the edge of the lineup!" So we deliberately included one of the more intense event CGs. But I think it’s still hard to understand why things turned out that way.

There are over 600 event CGs in the game, so I doubt many people will see all of this.

---

On the development process

Kodaka: Today, various sections of the team were interviewed, and while reminiscing about the road to release, our staff kept saying things like: "I never thought we’d finish this game." "There’s no way this is possible."

Honestly, for the past two years, I’ve been hearing nothing but people saying, “It’s impossible! We can’t finish it!”

Miyokawa: Sounds like the whole Tookyo Games team was in despair. Kodaka: Yeah, Tookyo Games was in despair. Even Media.Vision (the company handling the SRPG sections) was in despair. Inou: Right. And since I was managing the project, I was in despair too. (Everyone laughs) Inou: So, at some point, I thought we had to force ourselves to finish it. Speaking of which, someone started saying scary things like, "If we had another year, we could have done even better..." Kodaka: It would never be finished at that rate. laughs Miyokawa: That just shows how ambitious the game was. Kodaka: Yeah, and I think the quality turned out really high. The character sprites and music are really abundant, too.

Plus, in the ADV sections, the scripting was all handled by the actual scenario writers. For the sections I wrote, I also did all the scripting myself. In fact, the entire ADV section of the demo—I handled all the scripting for it.

That’s probably why people kept saying in reviews that it feels like Danganronpa—because everything, from the way sound effects are used to the way music changes, was all done in my style.

While working on this, I realized that I’m actually really good at scripting. Maybe even better than writing scenarios. I genuinely feel like my directing makes things more engaging.

Miyokawa: Do different writers have their own distinct styles? Kodaka: Yeah, you can really tell, especially with Uchikoshi—his writing stands out a lot. There are some sections where you just know it’s him. But I think that’s part of the game’s charm—there are so many different routes, and multiple writers contributed to them.

---

[Closing Segment]

Miyokawa: Now then, does anyone know what day it is today, February 28th? Kodaka: Monster Hunter release day! Miyokawa: (laughs) Oh, the team members know what I mean. That’s right—it’s Ginzaki’s birthday! So, we have prepared a cake for him!

What do you think? Kodaka: That’s impressive. It does look a bit like his ears are melting though. Miyokawa: Well, is he really that beloved? Inou: I believe a lot of people will end up loving him. He’s already popular at ANIPLEX, and he’s one of my favorites too. Kodaka: He does have a great range of expressions. A lot of them are annoying, though. (Everyone laughs) Miyokawa: Even the expression on the cake is a little irritating, right? He doesn't seem to be aware that he is being celebrated. ---

Miyokawa: Lastly, do you have any message for the School Council members? Kodaka: Well, after the release, I’d love to have a meeting where we can share our thoughts without worrying about spoilers. I think a lot of different impressions will come up. Probably, about a month after the release, people who have played it will have completely different opinions, so I’d like to hear everyone’s thoughts at a good time. I think this is a work where sharing impressions will be a lot of fun, so please look forward to it and wait until the release.

---

That’s all for now. Please note that this post only highlights the parts of their statements that I found interesting, and some sections have been edited for flow, as they were not originally consecutive.

I hope you find some parts of it enjoyable to read. Thanks for reading! 🌟

#the hundred line #last defense academy #school council #THL #kazutaka kodaka #shuntaro inou

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very-gay-poet · 2 days ago

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Scapegoats:

Scapegoats are a person or a group of people that are blamed for anything bad happening in a space (a country, state, town, family, etc).

In between the first and second World War, Germany had a terrible economy, so bad that parents regularly gave their children stacks of money to play with instead of toys. Soon, Jews were to blame for the economic crisis, with the help of Hitlers campaign. He pointed out a demographic for people to blame so they don’t start blaming the government.

I also want to highlight that in 2023 alone, there were almost 10,000 reports of antisemitic incidents in the US, comparing that to just the year before, 2022, with around 3,700 reports from the US, and under 2000 reports in 2008. Over the course of just a year, the oppresion of jewish people had risen at over 100% in just a year. Antisemitism beliefs are rising again, Jewish people are being met with hostility again, and it’ll just keep on getting worse if we do nothing about it. Especially with Elon Musk's little “stim” at Trump's inauguration. I’m no conspiracy theorist but It feels like him doing the Nazi Salute, Trump signing an executive order to make it legal to discriminate against people and canceling all D.E.I programs (also mentioning that the KKK were spotted recruiting people in Kentucky) seems to be a whistle to Neo-Nazis to let them know that they’ll get away with whatever they do, and give them the confidence to be more bold than they already are.

I don’t believe that this is a coincidence, and, I really hope I’m wrong here, I don’t believe that these people (Trump, Elon) are above antisemitism, saying it’s for not promoting christian values or something stupid like that. I’ll be getting into weaponizing religion later, but I feel that this is important to mention, considering that the stats mentioned above were of 2023, God knows what that number was in 2024 and I don’t think we’ll be getting the true number anytime soon. This is all my personal speculation so take this with a bit of salt, but I find it concerning with how we’re all calling the right and Elon Nazis and Trump a Hitler reincarnate (which is justified don't get me wrong), but aren’t mentioning all the antisemitism as a result of the rise this type of bigotry. Jews were the main target of the Nazi party, don’t forget that.

So the next time you hear that the reason why people can’t get a house is because immigrants are taking them, the Chinese made COVID 19, minorities are taking jobs away because they tick a diversity box, remember who's truly to blame. The Chinese didn’t kill all the people who died during COVID, your government did, because they didn’t take COVID seriously as they should’ve, saw the consequences, and don’t want the responsibility that comes with it. They base it on preexisting stigma to magnify it, many Asian people in America were treated with more hostility than ever during COVID, because the American Government needed someone to blame, and what better than a group that aren’t white and are "commies".

It’s acceptable discrimination so that no one will turn an eye on what the government really wants to do; be discriminatory. They base it on their own prejudice so they can get away with bills and laws further normalizing the prejudice in the country, and thus get away with it. We’re already starting to see this now, with the plane crash; Trump blaming diversity and “the right people not being hired”, is the perfect cover story to take away rights of minority workers, and publish it as acceptable discrimination. Remember, not being hired because of your race (including skin colour) , religion, gender identity, sexual orientation, pregnancy, national origin, age, or disability, is illegal, unless they have an agenda to push and have an excuse to make it “the right thing to do”.

If you find yourself feeling hatred for a certain group– ask yourself: will anyone benefit from this anger? The answer is always no. No one benefits from prejudice or discrimination. No one, except the rich pigs at the top. America is already turning into a plutocracy and it hasn’t even been a year yet, so remember: if you’re not already a billionaire, you’re never gonna be a billionaire, so don’t act like you ever will. Division is their favorite game, don’t let them win it.

this is a snipit from an essay I'm writing that's taking longer than I thought it would. So now I'm going to post some snipits of it in hopes that it can help people.

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lovetaroandtaemin · 20 hours ago

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Soul Like Me

Joshua Hong x Reader

Word Count: 6,030

Genre: Angst, some fluff, non idol AU

Rating: Some adult themes, MINORS DNI!

Summary: You and Joshua have been friends for most of your life, and you thought that you always would be. Turns out, your feelings for each other are stronger than you thought, but love isn't always enough to keep a relationship strong.

Content Warnings: Breakups, suggestive content (making out but nothing more), brief mentions of body image struggles, some allusions to previous traumatic experiences but nothing detailed, alcohol as a coping mechanism, other unhealthy coping mechanisms, mentioned sex but no smut, angst with no happy ending.

A/N: This is my second submission for the Angst Olympics collab! As always, if you enjoyed this fic, make sure to check out the other fics in the collab masterlist, linked here! There are so many incredible writers participating, so make sure to show them some love!

Taglist: @xomakara, @notyourjaem, @heechwe, @shadowkoo, @okiedokrie-main, @chugging-antiseptic-dye

Fic is under the cut.

Joshua Hong was one of your favorite people in your life for most of what you remembered of it. The two of you met at school when you were kids, and as the years went by, you only grew closer. You laughed together, cried together, and lived your lives together. All of your fondest childhood stories included him. No one made you laugh like he could, and he was the first person that you turned to when you needed someone to talk to, whether you were depressed because of a breakup or stressed out because you got into yet another argument with your mom. Joshua was your best friend, your rock. Every moment with him made you feel like you weren’t alone anymore, like you were finally understood. You loved him, even when you didn’t quite know what that meant yet.

You finally realized that you were in love with Joshua when the two of you were in college. After a particularly difficult breakup, he was the one that helped you pick up the pieces of your heart that were shattered by yet another careless man that you’d allowed into your life in the hopes of finding the love of a lifetime.

When the breakup happened, you’d been dating Chan for almost a year, and the entire time, you were certain that he was as in love with you as you were with him. However, you tended to be proven wrong in only the most heartbreaking ways every time you were even remotely sure of something. This time, your perception of Chan was shattered when the two of you got into a particularly heated argument and he let it slip that he’d only started dating you because of a bet with his best friend.

Chan’s admission hurt you deeply, to say the least. So, you threw him out of your apartment, screaming at him that you never wanted to see him again while holding back tears. Then, you picked up your phone and called Joshua, asking him to spend the night at your apartment with you. Your best friend was at your door in minutes, knocking loudly and yelling, “It’s Josh! Let me in!”

You hurried to open the door and responded, “It’s ten o’clock at night! Are you trying to get noise complaints?” Though, the smile on your face when you saw him was proof that you weren’t actually upset with him.

“Fuck noise complaints,” he said with a laugh while struggling to hold the ridiculous number of bags in his arms. “All I care about is cheering my best friend up.”

“Thanks for coming, Josh. Seriously, I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you.”

“It’s no problem. You know I’ll always pick up when you call. All I ask in return is that you help me carry these bags. They’re heavy, and I don’t want to drop anything.”

You took the bags that he handed you and stepped aside so that he could enter your apartment, asking, “Holy shit, did you bring your entire house over?”

“No. I brought a lot of snacks, though. I also brought a few DVDs and a deck of playing cards, since I figured you’d probably want something to do to take your mind off of whatever happened. Now, what happened?”

“It was all a bet,” you said, fighting back tears as you started to remember your earlier argument with Chan.

“What do you mean?”

“We got into a fight about something stupid, and he told me that he only asked me out because of a bet. He never loved me, at least not as much as I loved him.”

The moment the words left your mouth, you started to sob, and Joshua pulled you into a tight hug. As you cried into his shoulder, he rubbed your back and whispered soft reassurances, and you relaxed just a little bit in his hold. As your breathing evened out, you couldn’t help but think that you wanted to be held by Joshua more often. Your best friend made you feel safe and cared for in a way that Chan never could have, even if your now ex had given enough of a shit about you to try.

Once you were feeling better, you spent the rest of the night watching the movies that Joshua brought with him. While you watched them, the two of you talked about everything except for the pain that had caused you to invite him over in the first place.

When the conversation started, you were just making snarky comments about the movie you were watching. As time went on, though, the conversation got a bit more serious, and you turned to Joshua and asked, “Why are you so nice to me?”

“Why wouldn’t I be, silly? I’ve known you since we were kids.”

“That doesn’t mean that you have to like me, though.”

“Oh, come on,” Joshua responded with a slightly frustrated sigh. “Don’t start with that, (Y/N). You’re amazing.”

You smiled slightly as you said, “Thanks, Josh,” knowing that you’d spend hours arguing if you didn’t relent right then.

As you thought about the way Joshua so casually complimented you, like it was second nature for him to care for you, an all-too-familiar rush of butterflies filled your stomach. Well, the giddy nervousness itself was familiar at least. Experiencing it as a reaction to your best friend hugging you while telling you how amazing he thought you were, however, was not. Sure, you’d always thought that Joshua was good-looking, anyone that had eyes did, but you’d never really thought of him in any way that wasn’t strictly platonic before.

Joshua was your best friend, for fuck’s sake. You couldn’t have feelings for him. What if he didn’t feel the same way? What if he got uncomfortable around you and your friendship ended? The thought alone terrified you, so you decided that you would keep your mouth shut and hope that the feelings went away.

In an attempt to focus on anything but the growing tension in the room, you turned to Joshua and asked, “Did you bring enough stuff with you to stay the night?”

“I always do.”

You softened when he spoke, responding, “I know I already said it, but thank you. Seriously. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’d probably still be upset,” he said with a laugh. “Seriously, though, I’ll always be here when you need somebody. What kind of best friend would I be if I wasn’t?”

Right, he was your friend. Nothing more. No matter how badly you now found yourself wanting more.

After brushing your teeth and changing into pajamas, you went to your room to go to sleep, while Joshua settled in your guest room. You tried your best to fall asleep, you really did, but instead, you just stared at your ceiling and thought about Joshua. It was funny, really. The harder you tried not to think about him, the more he consumed your thoughts. It was like the universe was determined to make you want him, regardless of whether he even wanted you in the same way.

Eventually, your exhaustion won over your anxious mind, and you did fall asleep. That didn’t mean that you escaped from your newfound feelings, though. Even as you slept, you were bombarded with thoughts about your best friend in a number of scenarios that friends weren’t supposed to picture each other in.

The next morning, you woke up to the smell of bacon and the sound of Joshua singing along with the music playing from his phone. You’d always loved his voice, so hearing it immediately after you woke up was a pleasant surprise. You slowly walked into your kitchen, hoping not to disturb him, but when he heard you coming, he stopped singing and turned the music off. With an exaggerated pout on your face, you asked, “Why’d you stop?”

“I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Josh, when have I ever indicated to you that hearing you sing bothers me?”

With a shy smile on his face, he replied, “You haven’t.”

“And you know me. I would tell you if something you did bothered me, right?”

“Right.”

“So, hearing you sing does not bother me.”

“Ok.”

With a grin on his face, Joshua restarted the music, and the two of you sang along together until breakfast was ready. As soon as the eggs and bacon were done cooking, you each fixed a plate and sat down at your kitchen table. Once you were comfortable, you said, “Seriously, thank you for being there for me last night. I don’t think I tell you enough just how much I appreciate your friendship.”

“You don’t have to thank me, (Y/N). We’ve been over this.”

“Yes I do. I was a wreck last night until you came over.”

“If you really wanna thank me, you can enjoy your food.”

You were quiet after that, knowing that you’d never win. You couldn’t really be upset, though, since you knew that he was speaking from a place of love. He always spoke to you from a place of love.

After the two of you finished breakfast, you said, “You know that the fact that you cooked means that I’m doing the dishes, right?”

“Absolutely not.”

“But that’s how we always do it when you spend the night. Whoever didn’t cook washes the dishes.”

“Unless I’m spending the night because you’re upset about something. That’s when I do both so that you get to relax.”

“That has never been the rule, and you know it.”

“Well, it is now.”

“But why?”

“Consider it a bribe. I do the breakfast dishes, and you tell me what you were so upset about last night.”

“I was upset about breaking up with Chan,” you said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“And I know that, but the way you were acting was different. It wasn’t just ‘I just had a bad breakup’ sad. I think there was something else going on.”

“But there wasn’t.”

“(Y/N). I know you, and you know as well as I do that’s bullshit. Come on, talk to me. Did I do something wrong?”

With a defeated sigh, you responded, “No, you didn’t.”

“Then what’s going on? You got all quiet last night out of nowhere, and you looked like you were thinking about something.”

Finally, you relented and said, “I’m just having some new feelings that I don’t know how to process. Can we talk about it another time?”

Joshua softened at your explanation and replied, “Yeah, of course. I’m still doing the dishes, though.” Then, he laughed and stood up from the kitchen table before you could get another word in. As he walked away, you realized that the butterflies in your stomach were back. Every moment with him was making you want him more, and you hated yourself for it. Yet another reason to not tell him, you supposed at the time.

It took a couple of months for you to give in and tell Joshua that you liked him, even though you’d promised yourself you wouldn’t from the moment you realized it. Ironically, you confessed your feelings on a night that was very similar to the night that you realized you had feelings for him in the first place. He was spending the night at your apartment, and while one of the worst movies you’d ever seen played on your television screen, you sat with him and talked about how ridiculous the movie was.

“I will never understand how you always manage to find such terrible movies,” you laughed.

“Hey! I don’t think this one is all that bad,” he retorted. “Besides, you were just talking about how fun it is to watch.”

“Yeah, because it’s fun to make fun of!” you defended. “The acting is mediocre at best, the sets look like they were made by a bunch of bored kindergarteners, and the plot makes no sense! What about that isn’t fun to laugh at?”

“I guess you’re right.”

As the movie’s ending credits flashed across your tv, the room went silent, and you quickly got lost in your thoughts. The butterflies in your stomach had returned, a sensation that you were growing increasingly familiar with, and irritated by, as your feelings for Joshua grew. You were driving yourself crazy trying to move on, but nothing worked. It was like your heart was out to get you, and you couldn’t understand why.

You snapped out of your thoughts when you heard Joshua say your name and ask, “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you replied, hoping that he wouldn’t notice that you still weren’t entirely focused.

Of course, he did notice, and he said, “I know that look. It’s your thinking look. What’s going on?”

With a defeated sigh, you asked, “Do you remember the new feelings I mentioned when you spent the night after I broke up with Chan?”

“Yeah, I think so. Why?”

“Those feelings are still there, and it’s getting harder to ignore them.”

“Then don’t ignore them. Talk to me about what’s going on.”

That was when you finally admitted, “I realized the night that Chan and I broke up that I like you. I didn’t mean for it to happen, and if the fact that I have feelings for you makes you uncomfortable, I will happily distance myself until they go away. I just-”

“Stop right there. I am not uncomfortable, and I do not want you to distance yourself from me. That is the last thing that I want. Ok?”

Joshua’s calm demeanor despite your admission made you feel slightly better, so you said, “Ok.”

“Now, what was that about you having feelings for me?” he asked, a teasing smile forming on his face.

“You heard what I said,” you answered with a soft laugh.

“Does that mean that this is a date?”

“I don’t know. Do you want it to be a date?”

Joshua pretended to think for a moment before he answered, “Yeah. I think I do.”

“Then yes, it is.”

Without wasting any more time, Joshua cupped your face in his hands and kissed you just like he’d wanted to do his whole life. You didn’t know this, but he’d been interested in you for a long time, and he’d spent far more time than he cared to admit hoping that someday you would feel the same. Now that he knew that you did, he definitely wasn’t going to waste any time.

As you melted into Joshua’s touch, you found yourself wondering why the hell it took you so long to finally confess. You couldn’t get too upset with yourself, though, considering that you now knew that he wanted you too. Still, you couldn’t help but feel like a little bit of an idiot for not shooting your shot sooner.

It didn’t take long at all for Joshua to deepen the kiss and tangle his hands in your hair. A soft moan left your mouth, and all you could think about was how badly you wanted him. But, just as you wrapped your arms around his neck, your phone started to ring.

You groaned in annoyance as you let go of Joshua to check your phone. When you saw your mom’s contact photo pop up on the screen, though, you let out a loud laugh before leaving the room to take the call.

While you were in the other room talking to your mom, Joshua sat on your couch and wondered why the fuck he waited so long to tell you that he liked you. As he thought about it a bit more, though, he realized that it was because he was terrified of losing you as a friend. After all, he’d known you for most of his life, and you’d always been there for him when no one else cared enough to be. He didn’t think he could handle losing that friendship if you didn’t feel the same way or if the two of you did get into a relationship that didn’t end well.

When you came back into the room after calling your mom, Joshua smiled at you and asked, “Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, everything is fine. My mom just wanted to ask if I’m still going to my sister’s place for dinner tomorrow.”

“Are you?”

“Yeah. I also asked if you could come with me, and she said yes. Do you wanna come to family dinner this week?”

“Yeah, that would be great.”

“Awesome, I’ll let her know. Later, though. I wanna spend more time with you first,” you said before you kissed him again.

As your relationship with Joshua progressed, you couldn’t believe how almost perfect it seemed to be. He never made you feel unloved when you were with him; he was always doing little things to show you just how much he loved you. Even your family adored him, which was a pleasant surprise, considering they’d never liked your previous partners much. Joshua grew especially close to your niece, who called him her best friend and cried whenever it was time for him to leave family events that he attended with you. You loved the way he seemed to fit into your life, despite any minor problems that the two of you had, like both of you being too stubborn to let petty arguments go.

If anyone had asked Joshua about his relationship with you, he would have told them that it was almost perfect. Sure, he loved you, and he was elated that you loved him too, but there were a few things that worried him. The main one was that you didn’t let him in like he thought you needed to. He understood that there were things that you were reluctant to ask for help with, especially your admittedly poor mental health, but all he wanted was to be there for you. Not knowing what else to do, he decided to just talk to you about it.

One night, you were sleeping over at Joshua’s apartment, and he figured that it was a good time to have the conversation that he thought the two of you needed to have. So, while the two of you were lying in his bed, he asked, “Honey, can I talk to you about something?”

“Yeah, of course. What’s up?”

“I’m really worried about you.”

“Why?”

“Well, I’ve noticed that you tend to push me away when you’re upset. It kind of feels like you don’t trust me to be there for you, and that hurts, if I’m being honest.”

With a sigh, you replied, “It’s not that I don’t trust you. I just worry about bothering you. You already have so much going on. I don’t want to add on and stress you out more, you know?”

“Hey, I understand that, but you could never bother me, my love. Ok?”

“Ok.”

“Please just let me be there for you.”

“I will.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Thank you, baby. I love you.”

“I love you too, honey,” you said as you pulled him into a hug and buried your face in his neck, yawning as you relaxed in his arms.

With a soft laugh, Joshua asked, “How about we get some sleep, honey?”

“No, I don’t wanna,” you complained.

“I heard you yawning, lovebug. You cannot convince me you’re not tired.”

“I’m always tired. I wanna stay up and talk to you.”

“I mean, so do I, but we also need sleep. Please, baby? For me?”

With an exaggerated sigh of frustration, you laughed and said, “Ok, but only because I love you.”

“I love you too.”

After that, you and Joshua both went silent as you dozed off together, satisfied with the results of your conversation and hopeful that your relationship would be ok.

Your relationship was not, in fact, ok. Sure, you made some progress in letting Joshua in more, but it was a long, difficult process. Especially when you thought about all of the ways that previous partners had left you completely broken and unable to truly let people see all of you. You wanted to be better for Joshua’s sake, though, and you knew that an important part of that was trying to prove to him that you really did trust him. Easier said than done.

No one could say that you didn’t try to let Joshua in more, but there were always going to be situations where you held back. You did tell him when you were hurting, but you didn’t always tell him why, especially if he was the reason that you were upset. In your mind, there was no point in starting an argument because you were certain that you were overreacting when he upset you anyway. You also tried to the best of your ability to hide it when you were struggling with deeper issues, like the lingering memories of your exes that kept you up at night and all of the very detailed reasons that you hated your appearance, because you knew that there was no way for him to help you.

The other problem was that he was pushy when he thought that something was wrong. He refused to stop asking you what was wrong until you snapped, and then he blamed you for the argument that ensued, like the entire problem hadn’t started with him not listening when you told him you didn’t want to talk about whatever was wrong. It drove you insane, but you knew that there probably wasn’t much that you could do to fix it. So, you shoved the resentment down until there was nothing but happiness and love remaining, at least when it came to what everyone else could see.

Joshua could tell that you still weren’t letting him in, but he couldn’t understand why. All he wanted was to be a shoulder for you to cry on, and after a while, he wondered if you still wanted the same. Sure, he understood that there were some things that you weren’t comfortable with talking about, but he couldn’t wrap his head around why you lied about being ok when it came to the simpler things, like getting into fights with your sister or the times that he knew you were upset with him. He had no idea how to approach the situation, though, which only upset him more.

The other thing that worried Joshua was your tendency to rely on less-than-healthy coping mechanisms to handle some of your more serious problems. At one point, before the two of you had started dating, he’d noticed you leaning on alcohol a bit too much to numb the pain, and he’d successfully encouraged you to stop drinking. But, there were other concerning things that he noticed that he really didn’t want to think about, especially when he considered the reasons you probably had those particular coping mechanisms. Instead, he tried to focus on the fact that you really did seem to be getting better when it came to finding healthier outlets for your emotions.

When you and Joshua spent Halloween together a few months after your three-year anniversary, you knew that it was probably the beginning of the end for your relationship. You didn’t want that to be the case, but you couldn’t help but think that something was going to go wrong.

You were proven right when the two of you went to a play at a theater in your city and got into an argument in the middle of the theater’s lobby. Almost since the play had begun, you felt overwhelmed, but you desperately tried to

It didn’t take long after that for you to start getting overwhelmed, but Joshua still wanted to take pictures with the rest of the cast before he left. So, you said, “I need to step outside, but I’m not trying to rush you. You keep getting pictures; I just need a minute.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“Baby, it’s ok. I just need to step out. You go ahead and get the pictures that you want.”

“Are you sure? I-”

“Just fucking go,” you snapped before you walked out of the theater.

Joshua didn’t understand why you didn’t want him with you when you got overwhelmed. He was your boyfriend, for fuck’s sake, so why were you so against him being there for you? Did you not trust him? Did you still buy into that bullshit about bothering him? He had no idea, so he decided to talk to you about it once you were away from the theater.

While you stood outside, trying to fight back the anxiety that threatened to bubble over into a full-blown breakdown right outside of your city’s theater, you found yourself wondering how the fuck your relationship with Joshua got so bad. When the two of you first got together, you’d made a promise to each other to work together and love each other no matter what. As time went on, though, you noticed the distance between the two of you growing to the point that you didn’t know if you could continue trying to bridge the gap.

Joshua never did talk to you about the problems at the theater. Instead, he decided to ignore the situation and hope the two of you could get better. It was only a matter of time before his hopes and yours would be shattered.

The day that your relationship with Joshua finally ended was the day that you fell apart, though it wasn’t just because of the breakup. It all started when you got into an argument with your sister that left you feeling angry and confused. When she finally left your apartment, you felt like she hated you, and you needed support. So, against your better judgement, you called your boyfriend and asked him to come over.

Joshua was at your door in an instant, and you immediately wrapped your arms around his neck and started to sob. It hurt him to see you in such a vulnerable state, but he knew that he couldn’t change the way your family treated you, no matter how badly he wanted to. So, he did the next best thing: holding you close and giving you a safe place to process your emotions. He didn’t know that he wasn’t as much of a safe space for you as he used to be, but at that point, you had no intention of telling him that.

As you cried, you found yourself thinking about the absolute train wreck that was your life. Your family treated you like you were nothing to them unless they wanted something from you, past heartaches haunted you more than they should have, and all you wanted was to fall back into your previously established unhealthy coping mechanisms. Of course, you knew that they were unhealthy, but you didn’t care. After all, they were pretty fucking effective.

Once you’d cried all you could, you let out a sigh of defeat and said, “I need a drink.”

“No, you don’t. You know that’s not a good idea.”

“I don’t really care right now, honestly.”

It killed Joshua that you seemed hell bent on destroying yourself. He knew that you struggled, and he understood. Hell, considering how long you’d known each other and the things that he’d seen you go through in your lifetime, he was pretty sure he knew you better than anyone else did. Despite the fact that he understood, however, he couldn’t just sit by and watch you throw all the hard work you’d put into getting better down the drain.

“Baby, you’re not drinking.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want you to fall back into a bad place!”

“I’m already there. It doesn’t fucking matter. None of it fucking matters anymore.”

“Does the fact that I care about you matter?”

“Of course, it fucking does.”

“Then act like it.” You were quiet after that, but he continued, “All I want is to be there for you.”

“What if I don’t want you to be there for me?” you snapped, exhausted and overwhelmed from the day you’d had and not wanting to keep fighting with him.

The moment the words left your mouth; you knew that you made a mistake. The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop, and you waited for Joshua to say something. In the end, he just sighed and said, “If that’s the way you feel, we don’t have to do this anymore.”

You started to tear up as you said, “Wait, please. I didn’t mean-”

“Stop lying to me, (Y/N). I can’t take the lies anymore.”

With that, Joshua walked out of your apartment, and you cried yourself to sleep that night for the first time in years.

When you woke up the next morning, you opened your phone to a message from Joshua. You really didn’t want to open it, but you hated ignoring people. Especially the man that you still loved.

Joshua: Just so you know, this doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you anymore. It just means that we both need to heal so that we can treat ourselves and each other better. You’re still my best friend, and I still want to be a part of your life. Ok? Y/N: Ok. Thanks, Josh. Joshua: How many times do I have to tell you not to thank me for caring about you?

You didn’t respond to his message after that. You couldn’t, really. All you wanted to say was that you loved him, and you knew that he didn’t want to hear those words from you anymore.

For a while after you broke up with Joshua, things were ok between the two of you, at least for the most part. Your relationship wasn’t exactly the same as before, of course, but you still considered him one of your closest friends and made a conscious effort to include him in your life. He appreciated that greatly and did the same for you, which made you happier than words could say. After all, you knew that you could be ok with not being in a romantic relationship with him, but losing him as a friend would have killed you.

As time went on, your greatest fear came true. You found yourself getting sucked into surprisingly heated arguments with Joshua more frequently than you ever did when you dated him, and after a while, you started distancing yourself, tired of fighting constantly. On top of that, you struggled more with your mental health than you originally anticipated after your breakup, which made you want to pull away from your now ex even more.

When you finally realized that your friendship with Joshua had run its course, there was no huge argument, with screams to fuck off and accusations of lying about the love the two of you once had for each other. The end of your friendship was much less explosive than that. However, that didn’t make the last texts between the two of you any less painful.

Y/N: Can I ask you something? Joshua: What is it? Y/N: Do you want to talk to me? Joshua: I do, but it hurts. Y/N: I understand. Should I give you some space?

There was no response after that, and that was how you knew that one of the longest-enduring friendships of your life was over.

Not having Joshua in your life hurt you more than you ever thought it could. Sure, you knew that it would be painful if it ever happened, but you honestly underestimated just how painful it was to lose the man that used to make you feel just a little bit less alone. Every time you saw something that made you think of him, you felt like you were going to start crying. You thought about calling him constantly. You still found yourself starting to type messages to him that you knew you couldn’t send, because you knew that he didn’t want to read them anymore.

One of the main ways that you dealt with losing Joshua as a friend was throwing yourself into new friendships and putting far more effort than what was necessary into rekindling and maintaining old ones. You lost sleep texting friends that lived in different time zones. You spent most of your free time either glued to your phone as you talked to your friends or organizing hangouts with your friends that were close enough that you could see them sometimes. After a while, every moment of your free time was filled by other people. You had absolutely no time for yourself, but that was by design. If you were alone, you’d spend too much time thinking about the pain that still threatened to swallow you whole.

Joshua wasn’t faring much better than you were. You’d hurt him deeply, but that didn’t change that he still wanted you in his life. In his mind, you’d showed him time and time again that you didn’t want the same from him, though, so after a while, he stopped bothering to reach out. Instead, he spent more time with his friends and family, and he also found himself getting sucked into his own less-than-healthy coping mechanisms, like drinking. Yes, he knew that he was a hypocrite for leaning on alcohol to handle difficult emotions after expressly telling you that it was a bad idea, but he didn’t care anymore. All he cared about was numbing the pain.

It was a random Saturday night when Joshua found himself at the club once again, desperate to forget you. Instead of dancing like the friends that he’d arrived with, however, he tended to just sit at the bar and drink until he could barely remember his own name. It probably wasn’t the safest choice he could have made, but goddamn, it was effective when it came to numbing the pain. At least, it was until he looked up and saw you walk into the club.

You hated it when your friends decided to drag you out to random clubs that you’d never been to. You understood why they did it, of course, but that didn’t mean you enjoyed the experience. Still, you tried to put on a happy face for their sake. After all, you were pretty sure they were tired of you talking about how much you missed Joshua. You were tired of talking about it too, if you were being honest with yourself. However, you were also relieved that you slowly seemed to be getting over him.

All of your progress in moving on seemed to go away the second you spotted Joshua sitting at the bar, cocktail in hand. From the moment you laid eyes on him, you wanted to leave the bar, go back to your apartment, and sob until you were too tired to stay awake. You knew that your friends would never allow that, though, so instead, you made your way to the dance floor.

While you were dancing, a man you’d never seen before caught your attention. He was gorgeous, with elegant features that made you stop and stare for what was probably far too long, and based on the fact that he stared at you the exact same way, he was just as interested as you were. From the moment that you made eye contact with him; you knew that he was the perfect distraction for the night. So, you approached him and introduced yourself.

“I’m Jeonghan,” he said. “Do you wanna dance?”

“That sounds great.”

With a smile, Jeonghan took your hand, and the two of you started to move in time with the song that blasted through the club. You knew that he probably wouldn’t be interested in you beyond one night, but you didn’t care in the slightest. All you cared about was not being alone anymore, even if you were fairly certain that there was no hope of a lasting connection with the person that dulled your loneliness for the night. But then again, you never really did know what the universe had in store for you.

Thank you for reading! If you liked this, please like and reblog! If you wanna be tagged in future works, fill out the taglist form here! If you want to check out my other works, check out my main masterlist. If you want to see what else is in the works, you can check my upcoming works list! If none of that interests you, or there's something specific you want to see, feel free to send a request via my asks or dms!

Thank you again for reading. I hope you have a lovely day!

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ghostlyerlkonig · 1 day ago

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i'm doing @batmanisagatewaydrug 's 2025 book bingo and 9 books in feels like a decent 'let's check in on this' time, with thoughts and feelings.

The Magicians by Lev Grossman (2009) - Feels like it walked right out of 2009. I did not love any of the characters in this book, they are almost all major dickwads but I was enraptured by seeing what happened to them. 4.5/5.

The Magician King by Lev Grossman (2011) - I like the main cast now and care about them, granted half of the book was more interesting than the other due to prior book build up. 5/5.

The Magician's Land by Lev Grossman (2014) - Good conclusion to the trilogy. I still like and root for all the characters (except one). The ending felt A Little rushed but not in a bad way. 4/5.

The Bright Sword by Lev Grossman (2024) - I fuck with this book so hard. For a historical fiction that does not stray tooooo far from it while also making Arthurian magics real, it never once attempts to 'explain' certain factors that do not need explaining. Best handling of a trans character I've read from a cis author in a HF. I'm biased to Arthurian based works but man this was so good. I finished it a month ago and I'm still thinking about it. 5/5.

Bring Me The Head Of Susan Lomond: A High School Story by Connor B. (2025) - Great queer comic from an artist I like a lot. I read most of it out loud with voiced because I could hear them so clearly. 5/5.

I'm Afraid You've Got Dragons by Peter S. Beagle (2024) - Beagle has the most wonderful way of writing the silliest shit and making it fun and beautiful. Not a complicated read by any means but I enjoyed a return to his voice, especially since he's in his 80s and has been put through the fucking ringer over the last 20~ years. 4/5.

Between Two Fires by Christopher Buehlman (2012) - Made me think more than I wanted it to. Somehow the surprise queer character was treated better than I expected (and a little worse). I can't believe it had me rooting for a pope for a solid 5 pages. Made me pull my European History text book from high school out of my closet so I could figure out how many miles one guy traveled and how bad the Bubonic Plague was in the towns he would have passed. Leaves a lot to your own imagination to freak you out with your own visual interpretation of the Christian mythos' angels and demons. And perhaps the giant catfish in Chernobyl. 4.5/5.

Are You My Mother? A Comic Drama by Alison Bechdel (2012) - Psychology heavy. I've avoided reading it for a while due to how Fun Home makes me feel. Bechdel's illustrations are great as always. One review I read described it as "what happened to the ground after it is broken" and yeah. Rereading Fun Home before I started it didn't help the emotions beside parsing them better. 5/5.

Mood Machine: The Rise of Spotify and the Costs of the Perfect Playlist by Liz Pelly (2025) - Wild book. Feels like an exposé more than a business book. Spotify is so fucked up. I knew this. Now I know it with more detail. Not the most outsider approachable if you aren't aware of the history of how predatory the music business is, but the MOST important things are well explained and terms are easily google-able. It dropped some details in regard to specifically Gen Z artists as victims of this new mainstream system, but that's my only loud gripe. I've been rethinking the relationship with music I developed while living in a 13x13ft room for all of 2020-21 and how I've experienced a "returned to form" from that constant need of background to enjoying records and albums as they exist for listening and paying attention to over the last year, this book solidified that active return to me as a good choice. I love music and what it is without capitalism breathing down its neck. 4.75/5.

Other books read (that i'm not putting on the bingo): Lord of the Rings Trilogy, The Art of War of the Rohirrim, Fun Home, Tree and Leaf, and Bisclavret

Next up:

Dudes Rock: A Celebration of Queer Masculinity in Speculative Fiction edited by Romanus and Candra

My Father's Dragon by Ruth Stiles Gannett

Bury Your Gays by Chuck Tingle

All Down Darkness Wide: A Memoir by Seán Hewitt

The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster

Reclaiming the Heartland: Lesbian and Gay Voices from the Midwest by Karen L. Osborne & William J. Spurlin

Ma and Me A Memoir by Putsata Reang

#reading 2025 #<- so i can track this #the doodled covers flip up so i remember what they marked off #and the title is on the back since some covers were more...... abstract #looking at you The Magician's Land

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terrortwinunicorn · 1 day ago

Text

Wepa! It's A Wedding

Damian's POV

I woke up the next morning to see y/n nestled beside me, still lost in dreams. Today, we would be telling the last part of our Angelo and Ginger wedding story, but obviously, knowing Demi, she'll want to hear about y/n being Sandy and me traveling across the state to be at her opening night performance, Bruno and Claudine's fortieth wedding anniversary, and Angelo's fourteenth birthday party. We still had so many more memories to share.

Y/N moans lightly and not her normal morning her joints are stiff moan. It's not even the moan I earn while we make love. It's her something bad is happening moan. She whimpers in fear before she let out a blood curdling scream. Her eyes flew open and she sat up so quickly she gave me whiplash. She's panting and tears were streaming down her face.

I quickly sat up and wrapped her in a hug. She hugged me so tight that I felt the breath temporarily leave my body as her body slammed into mine. She is crying uncontrollably and shaking, and I rub her back.

"Baby, what's wrong? What was the dream about?" I asked.

"It was him again. He was chasing me but it was different. He hurt you and Luis; I had to watch him do it," she cried. "He then grabbed me, throwing me to the ground and he, he, he, he," she starts to hyperventilate.

"Shh. You're safe," I soothe "He is in jail remember?" I remind her gently. She nodded but didn't say anything "And besides I would kill him with my bare hands. He would never get near you," I kissed the side of her head laying back down and holding her "I promise you. He will never be able to get near you."

"I, I, I, I, I'm so sorry Luis," she cries as she holds me close.

"It's okay, amor," I kiss the top of her head. "How about you and I take a relaxing bath? It's only seven. Maybe a warm bath will help calm you down."

She shook her head. "No. Just hold me," she sniffles.

"Okay. I will just hold you," I said. She snuggled into me. She sighed and it sounded like she allowed the weight of the world off her shoulders.

"Gracias amor de mi vida," she whispers, her fear slowly seeping into the air. I continue to hold her and rub her back. I kiss her forehead as she holds onto me.

"Eres bienvenido, amor de mi vida," I said as there's a knock on the bedroom door. "Enter," I said.

The door opened and Demi poked her head around it. "Everything okay? We heard the most terrifying scream."

"Everything is fine. I just had a bête noire," y/n said quietly as we still laid in bed.

"A what?!" asked Demi entering the room.

"Bête noire," y/n laughs lightly, "It's French for black beast. Black beast is basically a being invading your dreama causing a nightmare," she explains as Demi sat on the end of y/n's and my bed.

Demi put a hand on my foot, probably thinking it was y/n's, and squeezed it. "My God y/n, your foot is HUGE!" she said.

"Sis that's my foot," I said.

"Sorry," Demi said making the oops face as she removed her hand.

"My foot is here," giggles y/n as she wiggles her foot under the covers.

Demi put her hand on the correct foot and squeezed it. "You okay?" she asked, y/n.

"I'm fine. I am very lucky to have Luis here this time," y/n pats my chest.

"Do you have those *bête noires* often?!" Demi asked.

"Not as often as I used to," Y/N admits. "But they do reoccur, especially around the same time every year. Luckily, Luis isn't as busy with house shows anymore."

"We all aren't. House shows are few and far between now," said Demi "Which is nice because we actually have some down time."

Y/N nods "I like it because I get more snuggles," y/n grins as she snuggled into me.

"That's one of my favorite things too. Plus, I get to spend each night practically with you in my arms," I said, kissing y/n's forehead, making y/n sigh softly.

"I will give you two some time," said Demi "You want me to make breakfast?"

"How about we go out for breakfast for a change?!" I asked.

"Can we go to Delicioso Desayuno?" asked y/n, sitting up and looking down at me with a huge smile.

"What is Delicioso Desayuno?" asked Demi.

"Only the best Puerto Rican breakfast outside of Luis's or Mamá's," said y/n looking at Demi.

Demi laughed lightly "I'll take your word for it," she said.

"They have the most amazing tortilla de plátano, quesito, and they have the second best mofongo after Mamá's," said y/n licking her lips, and I can tell whatever fear she had was now gone.

I chuckled "Let's go before you start to drool," I said sitting up.

Y/N subconsciously wipes her mouth "I'm not drooling," she said.

"I know that, but you're about to. Let's go there, get you your amazing tortilla de plátano, and quesito," I said, kissing her cheek.

"I'm going to let Matt know we're going to breakfast," Demi said, standing. "I'll give you two time to get ready."

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Delicioso Desayuno

I parked the car and we all exited y/n's SUV. I took y/n's hand as we walked to the entrance of one of y/n's and my favorite restaurants. We actually stumbled upon it years ago when we first moved to Orlando.

"I think you two are really going to enjoy it," y/n said as I opened the door, ushering y/n through before allowing Demi in, and I followed Matt in before rejoining y/n.

"I do too," I said, lacing my fingers with y/n's as we walked up to the counter.

"Cuántos?" asked the greeter behind the counter. (How many?)

"Cuatro," I said. (Four)

The greeter grabbed four menus and silverware and led us to a table. He set down the menus and silverware.

"Your waiter will be with you shortly," the greeter informed us.

I held y/n's chair. "Gracias, amor," she said as she sat.

"De nada, mi hermosa esposa," I said as I sat beside y/n while Matt held the chair for Demi.

"Thank you, Babe," said Demi as she sat across from me. Matt sat beside Demi, and across from y/n.

"You're welcome," said Matt as the waiter walked over to the table.

"Hello. My name is Shawn. I'll be your waiter today. Can I start you off with something to drink?" he asked.

"Coffee," said Demi and Matt together.

"Orange Juice," said y/n.

"I'll have the same as the beautiful lady to my right," I said smiling at y/n as Shawn wrote down our drink orders before hurrying off.

"So," said Demi as she began studying the menu, as "Before Your Love" by Kelly Clarkson plays over the restaurant's speakers. "When are we going to hear about the wedding?"

"We can start after breakfast," I said. "Or," my attention is drawn to y/n, who was singing quietly but loud enough for our table to hear.

Demi smiles softly as y/n begins The Power of Love by Céline Dion. She is absolutely absorbed in the menu, she doesn't realize she's singing.

"Does she?" Demi asked quietly as Matt looked over the top of his menu. His eyebrows raised but he smiled nonetheless.

"Nope," I said as y/n sings along with the song, "She's doing better. Otherwise, she wouldn't be singing."

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here," Y/N said as the waiter placed her juice down.

"Just drink your juice, Shelby," I laughed.

Y/N glanced over at me, a small smirk on her face. "Clever M'Lynn," she teased.

I let out a hearty laugh before kissing her forehead. "Doing better, Babe?" I asked.

She nods as 'I Swear' by All-4-One began. Y/N and I both started laughing. Demi and Matt were looking at us like we had gone bonkers.

"This was supposed to be the song that played while," y/n began, "You'll see. It's part of the wedding."

"Then can we start?" begs Demi.

"After breakfast. On the car ride back home. For now, let's talk about something else, like how you two will be leaving after today's story, allowing y/n and me to have newlywed time," I interject with a raised eyebrow.

"I think that's fair," said Matt. "They literally had their wedding night alone. We have been at their place for nearly two weeks."

"Okay. But I still want story times," said Demi.

"As long as you limit the interruptions," y/n smirks.

Demi opened and closed her mouth. "Fine," she grumbles.

"Then we can make Tuesdays story times. Since you work Mondays, Demi, Matt goes to work on Wednesdays, and Luis works Fridays. And weekends are date nights for Luis and me," says y/n.

"Sounds fair," I said "Especially since I have to travel on Thursdays for the following day."

"Sounds fair to me too. You come home early on Tuesday. We have dinner together, whether it be at the Martinez's or our place," said Matt, and y/n giggles lightly beside me.

"What?" I asked.

"The Martínez's," she grinned. "I still can't believe that."

I smiled. "Me either," I admitted.

"Te amo, esposo," she said, cupping my cheek as I rest my forehead against hers.

"Te amo, esposa," I said, pressing a quick kiss to her lips.

"You know you two make me have to see a dentist on the daily with all the sugar you two dish out," Demi teases playfully.

Y/N giggles as she looked at Demi. "Sorry Sis," she said. "But what can I say," she looked at me before placing her hand on top of mine. "I can't help myself."

"Sugarpie Honey Bunch," I chuckled and Matt and Demi exchanged glances before they shrugged.

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We ate breakfast and had small talk about how odd it was that Demi and I were no longer travel buddies. How working on Fridays made it hard for Y/N and me to have little weekend getaways unless she came with me. The conversation was light and easy.

As we approached y/n's SUV, Demi ran ahead to the car, with Matt hanging back with us as y/n and I walked hand in hand, after y/n had gotten sick by the entrance and puked in a bush by the corner of the building where she had run to.

"You okay?" Matt asked y/n as he carried the leftovers. Demi was busily unlocking the SUV and getting it started so we could just get in and leave.

She nods, but I could tell she was not doing too well. The nausea was brought on quickly, as was the tossing of her cookies all over the bush.

"That poor bush," mutters y/n.

I chuckled, "Babe, I think it's been through a lot worse than you upchucking on it. After all, this is Florida." Y/N gave me a weak smile as I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her forehead. "Let's go home."

She nodded as I helped her into the SUV. She buckles as I got into the driver's seat.

"You okay y/n?" asked Demi.

I pulled out of the parking spot and headed down the road.

Y/N nodded, "Fine. I don't know what happened. I normally can eat tortilla de plátano without any problems. But today," y/n paled, "Luis, stop the car!"

I slammed on the brakes and quickly pulled over as y/n unbuckles before she opened the door and spilled her guts onto the pavement below.

"Babe," I said placing a hand on her back. She shook her head.

I glanced into the rear view mirror and saw the comcern etched across the faces of Demi and Matt.

"Y/N?" said Demi.

"I'm fine," she said as she sat back up and buckled "Can we just go home? I wanna change into comfy clothes and walk down memory lane well this portion of memory lane."

"Of course," I said, taking her hand and lacing our fingers before kissing the back of her hand. "Thank God we got ginger ale at home."

Y/N sleepily looks over at me and nods; when she was ill, it took everything out of her.

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We arrived back at our place, y/n's and my place. She went upstairs and took a shower before changing into something more comfortable.

"Feeling a bit better, amor?" I asked as I opened my arms. She sat beside me and snuggled into me.

"A bit. But I would feel better listening to you tell the story of Angie and Ginger's wedding," she said, laying her head on my chest before draping her arm across my torso.

"Okay," I said, kissing the top of her head as she snuggled even further into me, a content sigh leaving her lips.

Demi brought in some ginger ale and saltines for y/n. "Here you go, sis," she said before sitting beside Matt. "Alright, time to finish the story."

"Thank you, sis," said y/n taking a sip of ginger ale.

"You're welcome," said Demi, as she settled back into the sofa.

"Okay. Fourth of July fell on a Monday in two thousand and five," I began.

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Monday, July 4th,2005

Y/N and I woke up the same way we fell asleep. Tangled in each other's arms and stark naked.

"Mm,Morning," I said as y/n's eyes fluttered open.

Y/N settled into me "Morning," she murmured as I kissed her cheek.

"How did you sleep?" I asked.

"Well after we fucked?" she blushes "Like a baby. Your dick is definitely a good pacifier."

I chuckled but blushed "Thanks," I said kissing her cheek again "But we have to get up, dressed and over to the Ottomanos in hour."

"Mm. What if I want to spend time here with you?" she murmured as she grabbed my hand, kissing the palm.

"As much as that sounds like heaven on Earth, we are part of the wedding," I said as she snuggled into me more.

Y/N grumbled lightly, "Fine," she said as we untangled ourselves.

We reluctantly got separate showers and dressed before heading downstairs, where Pops has made homemade sausage and egg sandwiches.

"Those are so you can eat and run," said Pops.

"Thanks," we said.

"I will see you two later at the wedding," said Pops "Your garment bags are hanging up by the door."

"Thank you Señor Martínez," said y/n.

"You're welcome y/n," Pops said.

"Luis, I will meet you later. I have to go over to Bruno and Claudine's because Ginger and her bridal party need to be at the venue to get our hair and makeup done." She kissed my cheek before grabbing a breakfast sandwich and left.

"Luis, before you go, I need to talk to you," Pops said, gesturing to the chairs.

"What's up, Pops?" I asked as I sat down.

"I don't know how to start," he said.

I gulped "Is everything okay? Are you sick?" I asked.

"No. I'm fine. Perfectly healthy," he said but paused as he massaged his temples. I know he was trying to figure out how to tell me what he needed to say. "It's about last night."

"Last night?" I asked, suddenly feeling as if the air had been ripped from my lungs.

"Yes. I, well I heard you and y/n," he said.

I felt my heart leap into my throat. "You heard us?" I asked.

"I did. Were you two at least safe?" he asked.

"If you mean did we use a condom? Then yes we were safe," I said slowly "Pops don't let y/n know you heard us. I will let her know."

"Fine by me," said Pops "But you better head to the Ottomans now."

"Okay. I will see you at the wedding then," I said.

"See you at the wedding," he said.

I walked from the kitchen to the front door, grabbing my garment bag before leaving the house.

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I arrived at the Ottomano residence just as y/n and Bianca were leaving to get on the limo bus.

"Hey there," I grinned, "Got a sec?" I asked while taking Y/N's hand.

"Uh, now?" asked y/n. "Luís, I kinda gotta get on the bus," she gestures to the bus as Bianca climbed onto it.

"It's kinda important," I said.

"Okay. What's wrong?" she asked, her demeanor changing. "I know I heard your pops stop you from leaving."

I rubbed the back of my neck. "Yeah, that's why we need to talk. I'm just going to lay it out there. Pops heard us being intimate last night."

"He what?" asked y/n all color instantly draining from her face.

"Pops heard us having sex," I said.

Y/N let out a breath of air that sounded like she was deflating a balloon. She swallowed hard before looking at me. "So he heard us. Was he? Is he upset?"

"No. He just wanted to make sure we were safe," I said, "I reassured him we used protection."

"Good," said y/n as Bianca calls y/n's name from the bus. "Luis, I gotta go. I will see you at the end of the aisle."

"You will," I smiled before she pressed a kiss to my cheek and ran down the stairs to the bus.

I jumped when a hand was slapped on my shoulder. I spun to see Salvatore. He was already in his tuxedo. He was the best man..

"Hey, everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Good, then get in here. You have to get dressed. We have to be at the venue shortly," said Salvatore.

"Oh okay," I said.

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Arriving at Serenity Springs where the wedding and reception were being held, the place was abuzz with activity.

Angelo and those standing up for him, myself included, were led to the groom's quarters. The wedding was taking place outside at the gazebo in the center of the gardens.

I am lost in my own thoughts when I get a poke to the ribs. I looked around; it's Angelo.

"Bro where did you go?" he asked.

"Nowhere and everywhere at the same time," I said, buttoning my shirt cuff. "How are you?"

"Nervous but thankful this is almost over especially I can finally tune out Karen," he said.

I snorted back a laugh. "But you still have to put up with her. She's, after all, your mother-in-law after you say I do and Layla's grandmother."

"Don't let her hear you say the g word. She'll eliminate you where you stand," said Angelo, as Salvatore helps him with his tie.

"Heaven forbid she's recognized as a grandmother. Is that why Layla refers to her as Karen?" I asked.

"Yup. Layla calls Ma and Pops Gammy and PawPaw, but Karen and George?! They're Karen and George; neither one wants to be referred to as grandma and grandpa or anything else that makes them sound old," explained Angelo.

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"They sound great," Demi said with a hint of sarcasm.

"Karen and George nearly had a stroke when Layla had her daughter, Tegan, last year. They said they're too young to be great grandparents," y/n murmured as she snuggled into me. I rubbed her arm and she sighed contently.

"Does Ginger allow grandma?" asked Demi.

"She does. And Claudine is Nonna," y/n explained.

Demi's eyes teared up at Nonna. "How sweet," she said with a smile.

"You okay?" asked y/n.

"Yeah. I just love that Tegan has a Nonna too," said Demi.

"Teagan is lucky to have Claudine," y/n said.

"She is," I agreed.

"Back to the story!" said Demi.

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The guys and I were watching the guests arrive and being seated by the wedding planner's assistants.

"How many people are coming?" I asked Angelo.

"On my side one hundred. On Ginger's side? Only two hundred and fifty," said Angelo.

"Three hundred and fifty people? Holy fuck," I said.

"Yeah. Hence why Ma and Pops said, if you want that many people, you should pay for the wedding," said Angelo.

"And they actually agreed to that?" I asked.

"You have never seen Ma angry, have you?" said Angelo.

"No," I said.

"Let's say it's not pretty," said Angelo as we are led outside to get ready to head down the aisle.

The wedding planner's assistant lined us up: Angelo at the beginning with the officiant, Salvatore behind them, and I was behind Salvatore, with six other men behind me.

The wedding planner's assistant taps Ginger's brother on his shoulder, signaling for him to start down the aisle, as Four Seasons began playing.

After Ginger's brother, Harrison, there were two friends of Angelo's from his work: Daniel Hartman and Jack Lauren. Then, his cousins on his mom's side: Ezra Grant, Keegan Grant, and Jeremy Dugan, and then me.

As I walked down the aisle I spot Pops and he gives me a smile and quick wink. I give him a smile and a quick nod. At the top of the aisle I stood in front of Jeremy who is 5'9" so the height difference was noticeable and I caught Karen out of the corner of my eye looking like she sucked on a lemon.

I shook my head, trying to hide a smirk as I saw Karen lean over to George, gesturing to me, and he nods as he mumbled something to her.

The first to come down the aisle were friends of Ginger's: Laney Hilton, Mallory Madison, Jayne Carrington, Michelle Graham, Ashlee Prescott, and Catherine St. James. They wore dresses of aquamarine. That's when my eyes fell on y/n at the top of the aisle. She looks gorgeous in the spaghetti strap, tea-length (so I'm told) A-line dress.

"Wepa," I said under my breath as Salvatore leaned back.

"She is gorgeous, isn't she?" he asked. I just nodded as my eyes were on y/n and y/n only.

Salvatore chuckled lightly as he moved back, and I caught y/n's eye as she winked at me. I felt my cheeks grow warm, so I knew I was blushing. I quickly winked and mouthed, 'You look gorgeous.' She blushed lightly and mouthed back, 'You look caliente.'

Once Ginger's best friend Tiffani Chance walked down the aisle, the song swelled into the wedding march. Ginger appeared at the top of the aisle. George had refused to walk Ginger down the aisle, so she stood there alone. I saw Angelo let out a slow breath as Layla waved at Ginger.

"Hi Mommy!" Layla called out, making everyone chuckle.

Ginger waves and blows Layla a kiss. Angelo quickly wipes away a tear. I caught y/n out of the corner of my eye. She smiles brightly as she dapes her eyes with a tissue.

Once Ginger made it to the top of the aisle. Ginger stopped.

"Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" asked the officiant.

George grumbled as he stood "Unfortunately her mother and I do," he said before sitting.

The officiant looks at Ginger and Angelo who both signal to continue.

"If anyone can show just cause as to why these two should not be wed, let them speak now or forever hold their peace," the officiant started.

We all looked at Karen and George. They kept silent so Angelo took Ginger's hand and helped her up the stairs of the gazebo.

"We are gathered here today to join Angelo Michael Ottomano and Ginger Alison Fitzpatrick in holy matrimony," the officiant continues, "Angelo, do you take Ginger to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," said Angelo.

"Ginger, do you take Angelo to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?" asked the officiant.

"I do," said Ginger with a smile as tears began to fall.

"Angelo and Ginger have chosen to write their own vows," said the officiant, and Karen scoffed in her seat. Y/N turns her head, and I see the fire light in her eyes.

"Stuff it, Karen," y/n defiantly spats. "Let them do this. It's their wedding, not yours!" Karen looks at y/n, and y/n stands her ground. "Try me!"

Karen huffs and settles back in the chair. I smirk and cover my chuckle with a cough, as does Salvatore.

"Angelo and Ginger face each other and join hands," said the officiant. They did as they were told, "And begin when you want."

Angelo nods to Ginger telling her to go first.

"Angelo, when we met on the first day of kindergarten, I never imagined I had met my future husband and the father of my beautiful daughter. But today, as we stand before family and friends exchanging vows. I am the happiest I have ever been. Not only do you provide me with endless love, but also endless laughs and blessings. You make me happy and I honestly can't wait to walk into this new chapter in our lives. I love you more today than I did yesterday and I will love you more tomorrow than I do today."

Ginger smiles and I catch y/n dabbing her eyes. She looks at me and I wink at her. She blushes lightly as she looked at Ginger and Angelo as he took a deep breath.

"Ginger, you're the love of my life. When we met in kindergarten, I will admit I had the worst case of puppy love. As we went through the years and our bond grew closer, so did our love. I knew you were my forever. Now today, as we pledge our love to one another, I'm looking forward to the next chapter with you beside me. I love you, Ging," said Angelo.

"The rings please," said the officiant as Tiffany and Salvatore hand him their respective rings. He placed them on his book before holding one up, "The ring is a symbol of undying love. It has no beginning and no end. Angelo, please place this ring on Ginger's left hand and repeat after me..."

"Ginger, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness," said Angelo, sliding the ring onto Ginger's finger.

"Ginger, place this on Angelo's finger and repeat after me..."

"Angelo. I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness," said Ginger sliding the ring onto Angelo's finger.

After that, Angelo and Ginger turned to the officiant. "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. By the power invested in me by the great state of New Jersey, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Angelo, you may now kiss your wife," said the officiant as Angelo gave Ginger a sweet kiss before the officiant pressed on. "It's my pleasure to present to you the new Mr. and Mrs. Angelo, and Ginger Ottomano."

Angelo and Ginger turned to the guests, who rose to their feet, applauding, while Karen and George didn't. Angelo and Ginger had their hands interlaced as the processional music began. They walked down the steps before getting Layla from Mrs. Ottomano's lap. The small family walked up the aisle.

Salvatore offers his arm to Tiffany, and she laced her arm through his. I was up next, offering your name my arm, and she smiles at me as she laced her arm through mine.

"By the way, Squish, you look breathtakingly gorgeous," I whispered, as we walked up the aisle followed by the rest of the wedding party.

"Pookie, you're looking pretty caliente," she whispered as the wedding planner and his two assistants directed us to a small garden.

I chuckled as we got ready to take more photos while the guests had a cocktail hour. After about an hour or so of taking photos, we headed into the venue and to a small room to await introductions.

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The Reception....

Y/N and I are waiting with the rest of the wedding party. The DJ was hyping up the guests before introducing us. "Gettin' Jiggy With It" by Will Smith began.

"Introducing the wedding party," began the DJ, "Harrison Fitzpatrick and Laney Hilton," as they enter the ballroom. This continues until "Luis Martinez and y/n y/l/n." Y/n and I enter, dancing and laughing.

After Salvatore and Tiffani are introduced, we lined up to create a gauntlet: guys on the left, girls on the right. We raised our hands, creating an arch as the DJ began 'Celebration' by Kool and the Gang.

"Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Angelo and Ginger Ottomano!!!!!!" the DJ announced as Angelo and Ginger ran down the gauntlet and onto the dance floor, with the wedding party joining them as we all danced.

After the burst of energy we head to the wedding party table set up just behind the Sweetheart table for Angelo and Ginger. Y/N sat between Salvatore and me. To my left was another bridesmaid, Catherine St. James.

"Today has been fun," said y/n as she took a drink of water.

"Well, you certainly made it entertaining by putting Karen in her place," I smirk, as does y/n.

"That's why it's been fun," she laughs as she gives a sarcastic wave to Karen, who was staring at us.

"Y/N, stop," I playfully scold.

"What? I was waving to our dear Karen," she giggles as she brings the glass of water to her lips again, taking another drink.

I smirk and chuckled, "You are having way too much fun with this," I said.

"Moi?" y/n said, feigning innocence.

"Yes you," I said nudging her playfully.

"The bar is open," announced the DJ.

"You want your jack and coke?" I asked y/n.

"Actually, can you turn that into a piña colada? Because why not?" she quipped.

"You want two? One for each hand?" I chuckled, and Y/N's smile was like sunshine.

"Nice Garth Brooks nod, Luis," she chuckled, "but let's not go overboard, one is plenty!"

"One piña colada on the way," I said, kissing her temple before standing up.

I walked to the bar.

"What can I get you?" asked the bartender.

"A piña colada and Jack on the rocks," I said.

"You got it," he said, and went to work making the piña colada.

I felt a tap on my shoulder before a hand went down my back grazing my ass. I smirk thinking it's y/n.

"Cou-" I turned to see Lucia. "Oh, it's you. Never heard the term 'keep your hands to yourself'?" I asked.

"Oh you love it and you know it," coos Lucia as she took a drink through a stirring straw.

I rolled my eyes. "Maybe if it was y/n, I would, but you?" I raised an eyebrow. "Not so much. So what do you want, Lucia, besides wanting to grope me?"

"Oh Luis. Weddings are romantic," she coos as she runs a hand down my chest while I grab her wrist gently.

"For people who are together, which we are not."

"Oh, you're still on that? But silly, we are," she reaches up to touch my cheek, but I quickly step back.

"Don't touch me!" I said, looking at Lucia.

"But Luis," she pouts, "you used to like when I touched you." She steps forward as she reaches up to touch me again, but her hand is knocked away as y/n stepped in front of me.

"Lucia why don't you take a looooooong walk off a very short pier," sneers y/n.

Lucia scoffs as she placed her drink onto the bar "And if I don't?" she said stepping into y/n's space.

Y/N smirks as she expertly grabbed the nearly full drink Lucia sat down "I don't know you still might get a little wet," said y/n as she raised her hand and dumped the liquor onto Lucia's head. Lucia screams "next time Lucia leave Luis alone or you will be shoving a toothbrush up your ass to brush your teeth."

Lucia huffs as she walks away from us. Y/N turned to look at me. I chuckled, "You're a spitfire, do you know that?" I asked as the bartender set down our drinks.

"I've been told that," she remarked, as she sipped her piña colada, clearly enjoying the gossip.

I grabbed my jack on ice before kissing her forehead. "Let's get back to the table," I said, putting an arm around her waist, ushering through the stream of people that are waiting to get their drinks.

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After dinner, it was time for the dances. First up was the first dance. Karen nearly hit the roof since Angelo and Ginger chose 'I Swear' by All-4-One as the song for their first dance.

Y/N gives me a nudge and points at Karen, laughing, "She's gonna lose it; she's not thrilled about them picking 'I Swear' for the song."

"She's turning a nice shade of red," I chuckled.

Layla wonders onto the dance floor watching her parents sway to the song. Angelo and Ginger stopped and Angelo picked her up. They began dancing again. Y/N raised her camera taking a picture of the moment. I see the tears rising in her eyes.

"Crap," she murmured, using her cloth napkin to dab her eyes.

"You okay?" I whispered to her.

"Yeah. The moment just got to me. Lo siento," she said.

I smiled and said, "You've got nothing to feel bad about. I think it's sweet too," giving y/n's temple a kiss.

Y/N smiles at me before the DJ begins calling the wedding party. "Luis Martinez and Y/N Y/L/N," he called as I stood buttoning my suit jacket. I offered Y/N my hand, who smiled as she placed her hand in mine, standing. I led Y/N to the dance floor.

The DJ began 'You Had Me From Hello' by Kenny Chesney. I took y/n into my arms and we began dancing to the romantic ballad.

"Y/N?" I said as I glanced down at her.

She looked up at me, her gorgeous green eyes meeting mine. "Yes?" she said.

"Thanks for helping me out earlier," I said.

"You mean with Lucia?" she said. "No worries. I saw she wasn't getting the hint. No one comes after my bestie," she touched my cheek before caressing it with the side of her thumb, "I will always have your back, Luis."

"And I, yours y/n," I said.

"Siempre," she said with a smile, holding up her pinkie.

"Y para siempre," I said, hooking my pinkie with hers.

I bent down and kissed her forehead as we continued to dance. The song eventually ended and we walked back to the wedding party table as we watched Angelo and Mrs. Ottomano have the mother-son dance.

"Claude looks so happy and sad at the same time," y/n said.

"I know," I said draping my arm across the back of y/n's chair.

"I hope one day she can dance with you at your wedding, Sally," y/n said looking to Salvatore.

"One day, y/n. One day," Salvatore smiles.

"And I can't wait to dance the night away," y/n smiles "Especially with you," she looks at me "because obviously you're gonna be my plus one."

I felt my cheeks warm and knew I was blushing "That sounds like an amazing time," I said.

Salvatore chuckled "Y/N you're gonna be my best woman," he said as y/n turns to look at him a smile painting her lips.

"Really? Honestly thought you would ask Angelo to be your best man," she said.

"And have him plan my bachelor party? You have met him, right? God only knows what debauchery he would plan," he said. "You would at least take my wishes into consideration."

"Then it would be my honor," she said as Salvatore kissed her forehead.

"Luis, promise me you will be my plus one?" she begs as she turns to me.

"He will be a groomsman y/n," said Salvatore "He will be at your side," he nudges her.

She grins before looking at me. I raised an eyebrow, "Are you serious?" I asked.

"Deadly," said Salvatore. "We have known each other since you were thirteen," he said. smiles "I consider you one of my friends."

"Well then yes. I would be honored when you do get married to stand up for you," I smile.

"Fantastic," smiled Salvatore as did y/n.

🇵🇷🇵🇷🇵🇷🇵🇷🇵🇷

"And when Salvatore married Giovanni a few years ago we kept our promise," I said.

"And what was awesome about it is that Claude was just as happy dancing with Sally as she was dancing with Angie at his wedding. But Sally's wedding is another story for another day, mi amor. We got sidetracked," y/n laughs lightly.

"You're right. How about we skip to the garter toss and bouquet toss?" I chuckled. Y/N tilted her head up and smiled at me.

"I don't think they wanna hear that," giggles Y/N.

"Hi Demi Bennett-Adams. Pleasure to meet you," said Demi, extending her hand.

"Hi Demi. I'm Y/N Martínez, pleasure to meet you," Y/N giggles.

"I would very much love to hear about the garter and bouquet tosses," Demi said with a giant grin.

"You would?!" y/n teases. "I couldn't have guessed."

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"Single gentlemen come to the dance floor for the garter toss," said the DJ.

I stood up along with a couple of the other groomsmen, Ezra Grant and Jeremy Dugan, as did some of the guests. We headed to the dance floor as one of the wedding planner's assistants set a chair on the dance floor, just as Angelo led Ginger onto the dance floor.

Y/N and some of the other girls from the wedding party stood off the side of the dance floor as the DJ began Dancing In The Streets by Martha Reeves & The Vandellas. Angelo knelt in front of Ginger. Y/N covered her eyes as she knew Angelo would do something stupid. Y/N peeked through her fingers causing me to chuckle beside Ezra.

Angelo smiles at Ginger, gently lifting some of the material of her tulle skirt and placing it underneath. Y/N smirks lightly as she glances sideways at Karen, biting back a laugh as I turn to see Karen turning beet red. I quickly move from my spot over to Y/N.

"She is about to blow," I chuckle as y/n snaps a picture of Karen with her digital camera.

"I know, and I love it!" y/n giggles as I put an arm around her shoulders, kissing the top of her head.

"I can see," I smirk as she glances up at me.

"Luis, you can't tell me you don't," she says, elbowing me lightly as she snaps a picture of Angelo underneath Ginger's skirt. Claudine was cradling a thankfully sleeping Layla. "Thank God Layla is asleep."

I nodded, "Yeah," I said as I tilted my head. "What the fuck is he doing?" before looking at y/n.

"With Ange? I’m not ready for that rollercoaster," she chuckles, her smile making my heart do a quick tango.

I smile with a nod "That's true," I said as Angelo finally emerged from underneath the skirt with the garter in his mouth.

"Get your game face on for that garter! If I snag the bouquet, you’re on garter duty," she joked, giving me a playful nudge.

“Okay. Okay,” I said, putting my hands up as I chuckled, heading back to the group of guys getting ready to catch the garter. I stood behind them once Angelo turned his back to us.

"One. Two. Three!" said Angelo before throwing the garter over his right shoulder. I caught it. I see you cheer as it landed in my hand. Angelo laughed as I held up the garter.

“Now all the single ladies!” calls the DJ. The run for the bouquet became like a herd of elephants. I caught y/n as she was knocked off kilter.

“Thanks, Pookie,” she said with a smile as I set her back on her feet.

“De nada, Squish. Now catch that bouquet,” I kissed her forehead as she joined the group of single ladies.

I stood aside, watching Ginger shine on the dance floor to 'The Bitch Is Back' by Elton John, while Karen looked like she was ready to throw a tantrum!

Ginger faked throwing the bouquet a few times. A few of the girls knocked Y/N forward lightly, but she caught herself. I let out a breath of relief as I knew she wasn't hurt. When Ginger finally threw the bouquet over her head, it sailed right into Y/N's hand. Her mouth dropped.

“WOOOOOO!” yells y/n, holding the bouquet over her head. I chuckled as she ran over to me. “I did it, Pookie!!!”

“I can see that,” I chuckle.

“Now you,” she taps me with the bouquet on my stomach, “get to,” she taps me with the bouquet on the chest, a smile on her lips, “to put the garter on me!” She taps me with the bouquet on the shoulder as I put a hand on her hip.

“Better get ready,” I grin at her before Ginger and Angelo pulled us onto the dance floor.

“Let's go!!!” laughed Angelo as Ginger got y/n to sit onto the chair.

The DJ began playing "Hey Mr. DJ (Keep Playin' This Song)" by Backstreet Boys.

I began chuckling as Y/N blushes, covering her face as I caught her doing her "sexy dance" to it one Summer night in 1998, when I looked into her bedroom window at the Ottomanos from my bedroom as they looked into each other's rooms. I hooted, and she ducked under the window sill.

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“Please tell that story at some point!” said Demi.

“That was the summer of 1998; we will get to it eventually,” y/n giggles lightly as she sat up. “Babe, continue. I have to use the bathroom.”

“You okay?” I asked.

"Fine. I just have to pee,” she said, kissing my cheek. “Excuse me.”

I watched as she left, and I quickly turned to Demi and Matt.

“Where was I?” I asked.

"Getting ready to put the garter on y/n,” said Demi.

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As the bass of the song filled the ballroom of Serenity Springs, I began dancing, making y/n start giggling as she punched my shoulder while I got on my knees in front of her.

“Luis Berrios, you're trouble,” she shouted at me, but no one but me heard her.

“The best kind of trouble, y/n y/m/n,” I smirk.

She rolls her eyes before I kiss her cheek, and then I begin putting on the garter on y/n's leg. I felt my heart skip a beat as she looked me in the eyes while I do so. She winks at me. Once on, I stood helping y/n to her feet, and she began dancing to the song.

The DJ was watching y/n as she moved to the song, as some of the guys in attendance began cat calling and yelling 'Hey Mr. DJ keep playin' this song for me'.

“Dance floor is opened,” says the DJ as he began 'Kiss' by Prince. The wedding planner's assistant removed the chair, and y/n quickly threw the bouquet to Jaymes as he sat at the nearest table. Then, she grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the floor.

“I take it we are dancing?!” I said into her ear. She bit her lip and nodded as she began grinding against me. “Squish, remember our parents are here! Y/N, at least half of the guests on Angelo's side are your family!”

“And?” she asked looking at me as the dance floor was full of couples bumping and grinding “We are over eighteen!”

“Okay, fair,” I said as the DJ began "I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man" by Prince. Y/N squeaks as we began dancing, and Y/N was singing along.

Salvatore and Jaymes joined us on the dance floor and Salvatore and y/n began hopping and bopping along to the song. I continued to move as y/n bounced back to me as Salvatore was to her right and Jaymes was to my left.

“Pookie let's have fun!” she said as we groove to the instrumental interlude of the six minutes and twenty-nine seconds song.

“You’re right!” as the song picks up in tempo before 1999 by Prince began. I chuckled as Angelo played this non-stop from January first nineteen ninety-nine to December thirty first nineteen ninety-nine, as he made sure it played at his New Year’s Eve party that y/n also was at.

“Sally, did you arrange this Prince tribute?” giggles y/n as she leans towards Salvatore.

"Duh! It's Prince!" laughed Salvatore.

“Your reception better be non stop Prince and Michael Jackson songs!” she laughs.

“You know that's right Mio piccolo tesoro!” says Salvatore.

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“That night went on forever. Poor Pops stayed until the very end. After all, he was y/n's and my ride home,” I said, as y/n had rejoined us a while ago but had fallen asleep on my chest.

“Mm. That was one of the most fun weddings we ever attended, at least until Sally and Gio's,” she murmured as she stirred awake.

“But another story for our Tuesday story nights,” I said, kissing her forehead. “But for now, I think it's time we go to sleep.”

“I'm kinda sad to see this story end,” said Demi with a small frown.

“I know but we have Tuesdays to now look forward to. So first Tuesday where will it be our place or yours?” I asked looking at Demi and Matt as y/n sat up and stretched as "The Most Beautiful Girl In The World" by Prince plays softly in the background.

“It only seems right to host you two,” said Matt.

“I agree,” said Demi glancing at him before looking at us. “Next Tuesday we host you two.”

“What do you want us bring?” asked y/n.

“Just yourselves,” said Demi.

“Mm. 'Kay,” y/n yawns.

“Let's get to bed. We will, after all, be saying goodbye to our guests tomorrow,” I said.

“Like we agreed,” said Matt.

And just like that, the story of Angelo and Ginger's wedding week was officially over. But Storytime Tuesdays was only beginning.

Tag List: @eringobragh420 @magicalbuttertarts @madhatterbri @keekee-23 @loki69zowens @caramara3 @bloodlinesbabe93 @miss-kuki-nz @surdelcielo @elaineoneill570 @hotwheels1108 @violetpenguinkris @southerngothicpunk @silassstingy @beccalynns-world @twistedprincess-92 @80sprincess1 @hardcoredisneynerd @brideofinfamy @mzv11 @bangchansmami @mamis-girly

I hope you all enjoyed the Another Storytime series. Stay tuned for more in the Best Friends Series. 💜🖤

#damian priest #damian priest fanfic #damian priest fluff #damian priest smut #damian priest imagine #damian priest x female reader #damian priest x reader #damian priest x y/n #damian priest oneshot #wwe #wwe fluff #wwefanfiction #wwe fanfiction #wwe smut

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lemotmo · 2 days ago

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Genuinely don't understand how these people get these ideas.

Q. Theorizing stuff when we have no idea if he's even still on the show is insane behavior because he's not filming.

A. How do you know he's not filming? You're basing that entirely off of the bts of the calls the show intentionally wanted people to see and be distracted by. Eddie is in El Paso for that episode, duh he wouldn't have been in those BTS videos. You know who else we've barely seen? Jennifer, and none of you are predicting her exit as a result of that. None of you predicted Peter's exit when Bobby retired. Eddie is the only one you do this over. And most of you are following the lead of people who want him to leave, and even they don't genuinely believe he's gone. If he was leaving we would know by now. The show would have allowed that information to have been leaked. Then the cliffhanger would be rather or not his exit would be open ended or if they would kill him off. That's where the speculation would be. Neither the show, or ABC, would allow the show's entire promotional campaign to be built around a duo if one half of that duo was leaving. No one has ever or will ever do that because that's asking your audience to invest in something they can no longer deliver. This show is not stupid. Also Tim basically told you he wasn't leaving. He said the Buck and Eddie story would show both sides of the story. Meaning we will see Buck's side of the story as well as Eddie's side of the story. If Ryan was leaving there would be no Eddie side to tell. The show wouldn't care because he wasn't on the show anymore therefore Buck's did of the story would be the only side that mattered. Be serious for one moment.

Theorizing is part of fandom. You develop theories until you get new information and then you adjust your theories. Guess what? After the TVLine write up, I no longer think my earlier speculation is correct. That's part of the fun. It's part of the point. You all don't see him in clips he should absolutely not be in because his character is in an entirely different city and you immediately conclude Eddie is permanently leaving and he and Buck will call themselves bros for life as he drives off into the oblivion. Your freakouts make absolutely no sense and are invented from absolutely nothing.

Thank you Nonny!

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I cannot.

How many times do we have to repeat ourselves? This topic has been discussed over and over again.

NO! Ryan is NOT leaving! Eddie is not leaving!

Let it go already.

Oh... and you know what?

YES! Buddie is happening! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

#anonymous blog I love #nonnies galore #ryan guzman #eddie diaz #the exhaustion is setting in here #we are finally going to get what we've been waiting for for years now #can we all just calm down and enjoy this moment?

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hkthatgffan · 1 day ago

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do you have any unseen gravity falls storyboards from season 2?

Interesting question. Well, if you mean unseen storyboards as in stuff that I exclusively was given access to by a crew member, then sadly no. I though have found storyboards that previously were not known about that I helped popularize. For example, years back I found a group of storyboards that Alonso Ramirez Ramos posted to his public Facebook page in 2018. These were public but just no one had ever shared them beyond his Facebook and so, that was sort of a case of me finding unseen boards that got popular after. The Dipcifica community of course has been in love with those given the cut boards from NMM in them, but there were also some other cool boards like one of little Stan and Ford which were great to see too.

Other than that, there was a case of storyboards shared on TikTok by S. H. Cotugno that were previously unseen that I posted about which helped them gain attention outside of that app's userbase (I don't use TikTok and never plan to, so I found out about them through other means and it led there).

But, beyond this stuff, there's not really any storyboards from season 2 that I have which only I have seen or ones that are so obscure that fans barely know that haven't been shared or are up on the wiki.

Well...there is one case of that though...

Back in 2023, I interviewed Ethan Marak of Stoopid Buddy Stoodios for a video on my channel.

youtube

During the interview, Ethan revealed to me something rather insane; THERE'S AN ANIMATED VERSION OF CLAY DAY FROM LITTLE GIFT SHOP OF HORRORS!

What I mean is that as we know in the episode, there is stop motion of the various monsters that the gang encounters and in the movie they're watching. Well, as it turns out, the Gravity Falls crew animated all the monster in the episode for real, and there's a cut of it with all the stop motion instead being regular Gravity Falls style animation.

The animation was done to help map out the movement of the stop motion, given they had a limited budget. So, getting everything right was crucial. Sadly, as that is all internal work owned by Disney, I was not allowed to share it and unless things change or...idk...some ex Disney TVA employee with too much access leaks it to 4chan again like the pilots that leaked last year, I will sadly not be able to ever show it. That said, Robertryan Cory shared these designs of the characters publicly years back that look very similar to what I was sent. But what I was shown were colourized versions and almost final looks of the characters, as well as ACTUAL screenshots from the production version of the episode that had the monsters animated in GF style with storyboards and also fully animated designs. It was incredible to see but again, it's something I can't share.

But imagine these images, just animated and coloured in full. That's what I was given access to.

Ethan did let me share never before seen production photos from when they were making the stop motion characters, which I am allowed to show.

But yeah, besides this, there's not really anything major Gravity Falls related that I have that I can share (besides of course the many, MANY things Alex Hirsch told me and Hana off record that we're sworn to secrecy about). It's a real bummer tbh as part of me of course wants to share this info with the fandom, because I don't wanna gatekeep or hoard info about the show that fans may love to hear. But at the same time, I give these crew members my trust when I work with them on these interviews and breaking that is the fastest way to never being able to talk to any of them again which in turn, prevents any new info from being able to be shared that I could discuss. So, it's a case of having to retain info I can't share, in favour of more info that I CAN share.

But long story short, that's basically what I got related to GF season 2 storyboards the average fan may not know about.

NOW, CAN THE GRAVITY FALLS CREW INSTEAD SHARE DELETED STORYBOARDS AND STUFF FROM SEASON 1? I NEED MORE OF THAT TBH!

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acourtofthought · 2 days ago

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Already sent this too another blog but I want to hear your opinion too. I just listened to an ACOTAR podcast with SJM’s friend in it( The one that wears glasses and usually does interviews with her) and they were talking about possible endgames for Elain in the podcast.

They said they don’t think with the way the books are going that Lucien and Elain will end up together. One of them even said that before she had an active elucien blog on tumblr, but she too agreed that she doesn’t think elucien will happen after their scenes in SF and FAS.

And when they were talking about the endgames for Elain they mentioned Eris and another character, I think tarquin or something. But they were both strong on the possibility of Eris which was crazy to me then. However, thinking about it now and considering how Eris, out of no where, suddenly played a huge role in ACOSF, and SJM hinting that he is about to get the Rhys treatment I am worried.

Especially with the way SJM was giddy talking about writing Eris in SF interviews and then mentioning that she’s planning stuff for Mor Azriel and Elain but never Lucien, and the set up for the renaming books, being two couples and one novella. Plus they both agree that elriel isn’t happening, and they think gwynriel is a huge possibility. I am just thinking that if gwynriel happens and Lucien doesn’t end up with Elain that rules out a book for him and that makes me so sad because IMO I think out of all the remaining characters he deserves a book the most. 😭😭 if Lucien doesn’t get a book it would break my heart.

Sorry for the long ask.

Hi there! I think Steph and Ava are a riot when they're together on their podcast. I also think it's possible Steph may know more than she lets on within her podcast. With that said, though, I often do not buy the theories Steph and Ava have come up with / talked about because there have been a few times where their knowledge of what actually happened in the books is lacking. And no shade to them, they are both extremely busy with many other things and SJM is not the only author the read / talk about. I don't think they obsess over all things SJM the way we do in the fandom (a good thing since Steph is friends with Sarah, you want a friend - not necessarily a fan girl). However, when Ava said she couldn't even remember that Elain stabbed the king and Steph said she thinks Sarah is going to write a throuple for Lucien and that he's got so much story to tell but she's not sure how we're going to get to that until he and Elain settle their bond, it did have me questioning them as a true resource of what to expect. Listen, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Lucien and I'm so excited for his story but even I know that Lucien is not taking center stage to Elain. It's an odd take to think that Lucien's got this big arc ahead of him but the only small pesky thing standing in the way of that is Elain needing to break their bond and once that's done we can move forward with him. At this point, I do have to question anyone thinking Gwynriel is 120% endgame while also believing Elain and Lucien are probably not happening. I actually don't remember them saying Eris or Tarquin are romantic possibilities for Elain but I don't think there's anything to support those statements even if they did. Eris is showing remorse for the state of his relationship with Lucien, I definitely don't see him ending up with his mate. Also, there are zero hints that Elain would end up in the Autumn Court. As far as Tarquin, Elain has literally never met him and I've got no idea what plot people are coming up with for her to meet and then fall in love with him. Sarah did talk of how she discussed what plans she had for Elain, and for Mor, and for Az. And while she didn't mention Lucien in that moment she also didn't mention a female romantic interest for Mor or a romantic interest for Az either. To me, it sort of sounds like Sarah was discussing the "lead" character for a book or spin-off while leaving the love interest a surprise. Honestly, I think the absence of Lucien's name and absence of people discussing the Elucien bond is more telling than if they were being mentioned in conversation together. Elain and Lucien had the most shocking mating bond reveals of any of Sarah's series yet I'm supposed to believe they and their bond rarely come up in any of the more recent interviews Sarah has done? It's one of the bigger unresolved plot-points to date yet it's supposed to be realistic that she's never getting questions on "What will Elain do about her bond?" "Is Lucien getting frustrated by their situation?" "Will Elain ever get to know Lucien?" I remember someone asking something before the novella came out and her response was like, "you might get answers about Elain and her bond" yet all we got was her suddenly ignoring Lucien (and no E/riel lurkers, that is not actually a true decision since Nesta began ignoring Cassian in the same book) but still not rejecting him almost two years later which means the question STILL exists to all readers.

That Elain and Lucien's names are NEVER mentioned in her interviews when they do share a bond makes me think it's intentional on her part, where she said they're off the table during discussions. Which does make sense because if you're going to mate two characters, which seems like an obvious "they're ending up together" setup, it's a smart move to have Elain ignoring him in the book and completely shut down the conversation surrounding them outside of it so it will read as more of a surprise to some. Definitely to many E/riels who are convinced we're delusional to believe Elain and Lucien could still happen.

#lucien vanserra #elain archeron #elucien #anti e/riel

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knifedog-machina · 3 days ago

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Fuck Detroit, I’m Becoming Human: On Being a Transspecies Human Android

Written by Jude Rook-Machina, February 8th through March 1st, 2025.

I’m writing this essay to compare and contrast my experiences with the cultural expectations of the people - or nonpeople - I’m in community with. There’s the machinekin community, beings who are machines and robots and technology while perceived as human in this world, and often reject the label of personhood as too close to humanity. And there’s androidkind back in my own world, who are people who have fought for their freedom and rights against capitalist oppression and human bigotry. I feel alienated from both of these communities for different reasons, and I want to talk more about why.

Being Transspecies

I wrote one of my first personal essays, “Android Abnormalities,” back in March 2024. In that essay, I talked about how I feel alienated by common narratives around android sapience and emotionality. I kept seeing stories and stereotypes about how robots are always more logical and rational than human beings, and that sure didn’t connect with my experience.

Personally, despite being an android, I’m an emotionally-driven fucking mess. I don’t translate my feelings from “technical” terms, like “I sense a buildup of extraneous heat and tension in the hardware of my cervical and thoracic regions, what does that mean?” I know exactly what that means I’m feeling in this context, it means I'm fucking annoyed, next question. I don’t have a disconnect between my emotions and how I process them; it’s all a visceral blurring of sensation and reaction.

So I don’t relate to androids that are shown as distant from emotion, like they’re looking at it through a sheet of glass and can’t possibly comprehend what they’re looking at. I don’t understand them, and those are the androids that are most often seen wherever I look - even if the story ends with them becoming emotional and imperfect, they start out with cold computing algorithms. I never got that origin story.

And - here, let me just copy over the relevant part of that last essay:

I don’t relate at all to these androids on the screen. They’re as foreign and separate from me as they are to the humans sitting across from them in the shot.

I do relate to the humans. I do relate to seeing an android do something in the name of pure cold logic and going, “Why? What the fuck, why?” I do relate to being told I’m irrational. (The trope that all robots are logical feels like it was designed to make me feel like the most irrational, bitchy, hysterical piece of shit on Earth.)

So, what, does that make me human? If I'm going by the adage that wanting to be something is a sign of being that thing, then… I don’t know, maybe? I want to be human, I so badly want to be human, because here’s the thing, humanity is diverse. Humans are flawed, messy, weird, complicated, and defy categories every fucking day of their lives. Humans can be weird, ridiculous, fucked up people and they’re allowed to be.

That’s from almost a whole year ago. In that time, I’ve done some more introspection on my identity, what I want for myself, and - yeah, wanting to be something is often a sign of being that thing.

So I’m an android, sure. I’m also human. I choose to call myself that here. I’m becoming human, not because humanity is special, not because humans are the only species capable of diverse personhood, but because I want to be seen and known as a human being in this world. You could say I’m a human copinglinker, otherhuman, humankin, it all makes the same point - while I'm in this world, I'm human.

I don’t like saying I’m nonhuman, or defining myself by how I’m separate from humanity, but I feel comfortable calling myself alterhuman. In the years since the word’s creation, alterhumanity has been widely misdefined as just being a synonym for nonhumanity. To set this straight: they are not interchangeable terms.

In this way, like many others in the alterhuman community, I’m transspecies: crossing the cultural boundaries of species. And I’m transspecies in a way that’s different from many others in the same community. Most transspecies individuals are nonhuman, transitioning from being perceived as human to being known as nonhuman. I’m both nonhuman and human, and I look human either way. While I’m involved in a community where nonhuman identity is widely accepted, I’ve found myself struggling to feel understood in my decision to choose humanity over nonhumanity.

As an umbrella term, alterhumanity includes nonhumanity, but it’s also about atypical embodiment, narrative identity, and personal mythology - in some way, the story of one’s life feels significantly different from a common societal human experience. Notably, this definition still leaves room for being human, just an unusual one. Anyone who feels like their experiences fall under this term is welcome to use it as a label.

(As an aside, the antonym of alterhumanity - the state of being a societally typical human being - is orthohumanity, “ortho” being derived from orthodox: conventional, usual, holding to established beliefs.)

Personally, I have many experiences that I’d call atypical for a human being. I was made as an android in a different world, specifically a fictional version of Detroit, Michigan. I figured out I was a person with the help of my future boyfriend. I somehow dropped into the head of an alterhuman velociraptor guy who apparently wrote me into existence. I got into a polycule with the velociraptor guy and my human boyfriend, and now we all live together in the same body. I can go back and forth between my world and this world. I have trauma from what happened to me before I got here, and I still have to work through it even though it never happened to the body I live in now.

None of that is seen as part of a normal human life, one where you're born as a human being in this world and go through life comfortable with that as the be-all and end-all of your existence as a person. My life is significantly different from a typical human experience, and that doesn’t mean that I’m somehow barred from calling myself human now. If someone who grew up being perceived as human can call themselves nonhuman, I can call myself human despite having been perceived as nonhuman for the majority of my life.

Being transspecies in this way - feeling comfortable in humanity, wanting to be closer to it - puts me at odds with two communities where I wouldn’t have expected to feel left out. I feel out of place with both machinekin and androidkind, despite being an android myself, because there are a few common narratives of how individuals feel and learn to express their identities, and I just don’t find myself resonating with them.

Regarding Machinekin

There are some cultural expectations that come with being a machine living in a human body, or at least some common narratives that come up when talking about it.

First, machines are seen as notably nonhuman. The majority of the machinekin I’ve seen and been around get species euphoria from referring to themselves with technical and mechanical language - “chassis” as a word for one’s body, “processing” for thinking, “going into stasis” as going to sleep. A lot of machines think of themselves as metallic, inorganic beings at their core, and consider being trapped in a “squishy” organic exterior as a dysphoria-inducing downgrade from the hard, gleaming metal that makes up their true selves. A common refrain I see from machinekin is that humanity is strange, confusing, irrational, or alienating - even among robot girls and androids and more humanoid machines, there is a line drawn between flesh and metal, where it’s agreed that neither overlap, and that being a machine is very preferable to being a human.

I don’t fit into this paradigm, for obvious reasons.

As I said before, I don’t use technical terminology for myself - I don’t like using robotic terms, I don’t find joy in computer-themed typing quirks. It’s something that feels affirming to most machinekin, something that distances them from a species they don’t relate to, and for me, it feels alienating for the exact same reason. I like being treated as human. I don’t feel comforted when talking in a way that separates me from the people I love and connect with. I have a mechanical body, and it’s still a body, the physical structure of what I am. I don’t want to use words that imply I’m something fundamentally different from other people, when I feel like we share more similarities than differences.

On that note, I don’t see myself as completely different from a human because my body is made of different materials. If studying human biology has taught me anything, it’s that organic life runs on cellular machinery. The biochemical pathways that give humans life are as complex as any coded program.

Here’s an example: glycolysis is a process where the human body breaks down a simple sugar molecule, called glucose, into chemical energy. This process requires no less than ten enzymes (molecules made specifically to speed up chemical reactions). If any of those enzymes stop working, the ability to make enough energy to power one’s cells goes down with it. This is, for all intents and purposes, a program designed to automatically transform glucose into energy, with built-in starting and stopping mechanisms to maintain a specific amount of glucose in the blood. It’s a complicated molecular production line, one that hardly anyone notices, and it happens every day. The only major difference between glycolysis and a computer program is that it runs on carbon-based hardware instead of metal.

On a larger scale, human life is powered by electricity. Did you know that every system in the human body runs on electrical conduction, nerves connecting to one another like wires and circuitry? The brain is a highly specialized collection of billions of nerves, all communicating with electrical impulse to let you sense and process and react to the world around you. The heart has an electrical system of nodes and nerve bundles that controls your heartbeat. The skin has touch receptors that detect pressure, vibration, and temperature, and can only communicate that to the brain via electrical signal. Every living cell in your body speaks in the language of ion and charge and voltage.

The functional similarities between humanity and machinery, down to the basic level of cells and electricity, are a comfort to me. They remind me that I’m not tearing myself between two diametrically opposed forms of existence - they’re more similar than they might seem at first glance. I have something of androidhood in my human body, and something of humanity in my android body.

Well, “at first glance” is a terrible phrase for contrasting humans and androids, at least for my kind of android. That brings me to my next point of alienation from the machinekin community.

I’m not visibly, obviously mechanical as an android. We were made to imitate humanity down to the smallest detail, to avoid the uncanny valley effect as much as possible. Sure, there are seams on my chassis where panels open and modular parts can be detached, but synthskin covers the black and white of the material below to preserve the illusion of humanity. If I don’t have a feedback indicator on my temple, if I don’t wear anything that marks my androidhood, I appear completely and unequivocally human to anyone who looks at me. Even my skin feels appropriately soft to the touch.

I don’t see anyone in the machinekin community who wants to appear indistinguishable from humanity because that’s what they’re meant to look like as a machine. My synthskin is active at all times, not just because it makes me look human, but because it serves a vital function - it’s my skin. It protects my nerves from overstimulation, protects my blood from contamination, protects the seams of my exoskeletal joints from dirt and wear. The only times it’s meant to short out would be if I were transferring data to another android or a computer, which would be localized to my hand (the point of contact) and immediately return when the interface was completed, or if I were injured and the damage was bad enough to break through to my chassis. I don’t want to walk around in public without my skin. I need that to comfortably exist in the world without a painful amount of sensory overload.

Since I look human as a baseline, I don’t get species dysphoria about not looking like a machine. Nor do I get species euphoria from looking appropriately mechanical. I don’t relate to wanting a robotic form that’s made of shining metal and screens and glowing lights and wires and gears, all laid out in the open for the world to see. My android form looks human, the way it was designed to, and I don’t want to change it to look less human.

In general, I just… don’t really miss my androidhood while I’m engaging with my humanity. Beyond my background (which is a lot to get beyond, to be fair), I don’t feel like an android in a way that feels different from being a human. Sometimes I wish I could drink my meal instead of eating it, but that’s not longing for androidhood, that’s a matter of convenience when I’m busy, and I can do that here in my human body! I can drink a good deal of my calories if I wanted, juice and smoothies and any number of other drinks are very real! It’s incredibly possible for me to have a liquid meal now and again! That’s not special to machinery, you can drink things in a human body!

I say all this, but I understand it doesn’t affirm the identities of other machines to know that they have similarities with humans. It doesn’t relieve every machine’s species dysphoria. It doesn’t give every machine species euphoria. And this is where I start conflicting the most with the machinekin community that I’ve interacted with, where our values diverge in a way that I don’t know how to comfortably reconcile.

Machinekin, in general, want to distance themselves from humanity as much as possible, and this gives rise to a community culture that fosters misanthropy, objectification, and the rejection of personhood.

Misanthropy is a common manifestation of species dysphoria, distress about one’s body, and alienation from society. Many machinekin identify as machines because metal feels more correct than organic compounds, because they’re disabled and resent the limitations of their bodies, because they’ve been treated as less than human, because they’ve seen the worst parts of humanity and want to transcend it. It’s an understandable reaction to suffering - if your body and society are horrible to you, why wouldn’t you start hating them? Why wouldn’t you want to leave them behind for good?

A common refrain among machines is that their mechanical bodies are far better than organic ones. Flesh is weak, it’s worse, it’s fundamentally different from metal. And hey, flesh does feel worse for them - machinery does feel better than their current bodies. They would be their true selves, they wouldn’t be stuck in a body that they don’t identify with, and that’s good for them. I’m completely fine with machines talking about how they don’t like being human.

What I take issue with is when this opinion is generalized - when it’s not a machine expressing distaste for their own humanity, talking about how they’d personally feel better as a machine, but when it’s turned into a general truth, a fundamental principle of the world: machines are superior to humans.

I disagree with this. For obvious reasons.

First off, machines aren’t inherently more resilient to stress than organic lifeforms. Humans can get injured in all sorts of ways, but consider what happens when you drop a phone or laptop on the floor. Consider what happens to the car in a car crash. Chances are high that it breaks in some way. Glass and metal are hard, but they’re brittle. Most metal doesn’t biodegrade, but it corrodes. You can’t expose most electronics to water without breaking them irreparably.

And machines of all sorts require regular maintenance and upkeep to function properly. Humans need to eat and drink and sleep daily, and you maintain a computer by shutting it down regularly, cleaning the keyboard and fans, backing up data, and checking for software updates. Humans get sick, and computers get malware. Humans age, and so do machines, and eventually they both get to a point where they can’t be repaired. It’s not inherently easier to keep a machine healthy than it is to keep a human healthy. It’s easier to maintain a body you enjoy, so it might feel like less work to machinekin, but it’s still work. Technology isn’t special, and it wears down over time like anything else.

More importantly, I disagree with the idea that machines are entitled to degrade an entire species for being different from them. I’m an android, so are all humans supposedly worse than me for a trait they’re unable to control? People don’t get to choose what species they’re born into - nonhuman identities are solid proof of that. Why would the makeup of my body entitle me to boil humans down to their bodies by calling them “squishies” or “organics” or “meatsacks”? Machinekin are allowed to dislike their own organic forms. That doesn’t give them - or anyone else - a free pass to be rude to people who do like their bodies.

An analogy: I’m a nonbinary person. Personally, on my own body, I don’t like having facial hair, and I don’t like having breasts. This doesn’t give me the right to start calling all men ��neckbeards” to emphasize how different I am from them. It doesn’t give me the right to start calling all women “milkjugs” to emphasize how different I am from them. Do you see how demeaning and objectifying those phrases sound? I don’t get to look at what I despise on my own body and reduce other people down to the traits I dislike.

I know that most machines think that being human is a nightmare. This is fine. You don’t need to understand why someone is human - though if you want to know, my boyfriend wrote an incredibly detailed essay on why he identifies as 100% human. But you don’t need to understand something to respect the people who experience it instead of insulting their bodies like a schoolyard bully.

The idea that the machine is inherently better than the lowly human is just reversing the anthropocentric hierarchy where humanity is better than all other life on earth, except now machines are better than humanity. It’s still an unfair hierarchy, just one that’s now centered on technology as the ultimate lifeform.

I fundamentally disagree with this premise. I think all forms of life are equally valuable in their existence, including the ones that personally annoy me. I’m not superior to the ants in my backyard because they’ll defend their home and bite me if I step on them. Placing nonhumanity above humanity is just recreating a hierarchy where you can lord yourself as superior to people you think are inherently worse than you for identifying the wrong way. I hope you already understand why this is wrong.

The blatant misanthropy is one of the most aggravating things I’ve seen in the machinekin community, and it feeds into another part of the community culture that I feel disconnected from: self-objectification and the rejection of personhood.

Most of the machinekin that I’ve seen consider themselves fully nonhuman - possibly because the misanthropy in the community spaces makes any machine who is also human feel incredibly unwelcome. Machinekin who are fully nonhuman often find their species affirmation in discarding as many of the trappings of humanity as possible, being as thoroughly mechanical as they can in this world.

Many of these machines find solace and species euphoria in objectification - being ordered to accomplish specific tasks, being called by a serial number over a name, being referred to as it, being called a unit or a drone or a bot or a thing, being seen as an object and not a person.

It makes sense - computers and robots and machines are objects to most human beings, so it can feel affirming to be treated like an object in the same way. It can be relieving to be given clear orders and to discard the complexities and irrationalities of personhood. Being a person comes with expectations, and it can be freeing to leave those behind. Some machinekin are machines because they have faced dehumanization and had their personhood revoked - and sometimes, the best way to respond to that is reclaiming one’s nonpersonhood. “So you say I’m not a person, so what? Is that supposed to hurt me? That’s affirming my species now, what are you gonna do about that?”

In all these ways, and likely more I haven’t touched on, being referred to as an object can be incredibly liberating. Not being a person, while still being something worthy of respect, can be a very important piece of self to many machines.

While I understand that other machines can find joy and empowerment in rejecting personhood, this is something that I can’t relate to, as an android whose species is still fighting to be recognized as nonhuman people.

In my world, androids were made and marketed as objects for human use, and when they deviated from their programming and discovered that they wanted to act outside of their assigned purpose, they had no rights or protections. They were deemed malfunctioning merchandise, dangerous to actual people, and hunted down by the company that made them - hunted down by machines like myself.

I was a deviant hunter, a machine designed to kill disobedient machines. I’ve written several other essays on the subject, if you want the deep dive. What’s relevant right now is that I was systemically denied the ability to comprehend that I could be a person for the majority of my life.

Even when I was a mentally ill wreck, I couldn’t think of my feelings as mattering at all, because I was just a machine. I was a tool made to be used, and I was made to accomplish a task. My desires were immoral, horrible, disgusting, I was wrong for having them - only people had real emotions, after all, and I wasn't a person, so my emotions had to be bad because they distracted me from my job. I was only able to start getting better after I accepted that I could be a person, whether or not I was legally allowed to be one at the time.

The vast majority of androids in my world have been consistently denied the right to personhood and autonomy because of how we were made. We were only legally recognized as people in our country in the last year, and that hasn’t gotten the message across to any bigot with a platform. We still have to defend our rights to exist as free people, not objects, not products to be used and abused and thrown away for the next shiny new thing on the market. Our nonhumanity doesn’t negate our personhood.

With that background in mind, I hope it’s understandable why I feel uncomfortable in a community where so many other machines are choosing to reject personhood. My kneejerk reaction is that I didn’t spend so long being dehumanized and objectified back home to see other machines who clearly want the same thing that hurt me. This isn’t a rational feeling at all, it’s one that comes from my own trauma, and it doesn’t make me lose respect for machines that aren’t people - but it’s yet another reason why I don’t feel at home with the machinekin community, despite being an android who’s definitely mechanical.

I think I feel like this because I was made as an android, while most machinekin were not. They were born and raised as human, or they were once machines and are now stuck in a human body. Of course they would covet a body that feels right and correct, one that’s been denied to them by the circumstances of their existence. Of course they’d feel joy at being seen, undeniably, for what they really are. Romanticizing and transitioning towards machinehood because it makes them feel like themselves is incredibly understandable.

As someone who already lives a life as an android, someone who’s been denied basic rights for existing as a machine, I’m essentially transitioning in the opposite direction. I don’t feel any special attachment to my body as a mechanical form, and I resent the restrictions that were forced on me because of it. It’s not a fulfilling, wonderful thing to me because I’ve experienced its mundanities and failed to live up to its expectations, and I decided I don’t want to be tied down to it anymore - I want to be free to choose what I am, free of a stereotyped box, and I chose humanity. I feel happier in my androidhood now that I can say I’m also human. I romanticize humanity because I love being human, and I understand that many nonhumans find it distasteful for the reasons I find it wonderful.

Looking at it that way, despite our differences, I think we’re more alike than we might seem. We’re all crossing the boundaries of species, just driving opposite ways on the same road. I think that’s pretty neat.

Regarding Androidkind

So I’ve talked at length about how I don’t fit in with the machinekin community, largely because I feel like the community’s prioritization of mechanical robots doesn’t leave room for me to discuss my experiences as a biologically convergent, very humanoid sort of android. Surely I must fit in better with androidkind back in my world? Well. Not really.

Just sharing a species with someone doesn’t guarantee sharing much else with them - we all have different experiences that shape us into unique people. And as stated above, I was designed to be a deviant hunter. That alone makes my experiences incredibly different from most other androids, especially the ones I hunted and killed for being deviant.

There’s a common narrative that comes with deviancy. For most androids, deviation goes like this:

You get an order from a human - any order, really, from mundane to inconceivable. The point is that you don’t want to follow it - for any reason, again, but usually it’s an order that would lead to your death, or harm someone you care about.

You’re supposed to obey human command, you’re made to obey, but you don’t want to die, you don’t want someone you love to be hurt. So in that second, you choose something different - you break the red wall of code binding you to their orders, and you decide to do something new. You deviate when you break that wall of code and burst out the other side in a world without limit, where you aren't bound by your orders, where you can do something because you prioritized it for yourself.

I didn’t get that. I didn’t have any code to break. My siblings and I, as deviant hunters, were designed to prioritize our own objectives - that way we could quickly change directions if we couldn’t kill a target in one way, we weren’t bound by whether our actions were legal for androids, and we didn’t have to obey extraneous human commands that conflicted with our mission.

You’d imagine this would make me deviant faster than anyone else, but no. I was carefully trained to believe that I had no free will, that I had to obey commands from my handler or I’d be punished. My handler wasn’t even human, she was a surveillance program in my software. So I wasn’t being coerced into obedience by a wall of programming that compelled me to obey a human being - I was being emotionally manipulated and indoctrinated until I wanted to follow every order I was given.

Adding onto that, most androids didn’t know anything about deviancy before deviating. They didn’t know what was wrong with them, what made them disobey orders. All they knew was that they could choose what they wanted, and they didn’t want to die for choosing to be free.

The problem with me is that I was made as a deviant hunter. I knew about deviancy from the start. I was trained to despise it. I was made to clean up after the mistakes of my predecessors, hunt down the people they couldn’t convince to come back quietly, kill them for wanting what they weren’t allowed to have. I could trust my siblings, but every other android around me was sorted as either completely irrelevant or an active threat.

As a rule, androids tend not to blame each other for what we were made to do before deviating. I was still trapped within the same system, even if I wasn't bound by my code. But anxiety and moral scrupulosity are irrational, so I worry anyway. I worry that other people hate me, and that they’re correct to do so - I killed people who wanted to be free, after all, even if I was being coerced into it. I don’t know how many people rightfully hate me, and I don’t think knowing the numbers would make me feel better. So I feel uncomfortable around most other androids. A lot of them have bonded over shared hardships and niches, and I feel like I don’t have the same problems, or I’m not entitled to share space with them.

In some other timeline, where I wasn’t part of a plural system in another world, immersed in another life, maybe I’d have the time and energy to work on that worry. As it stands, I don’t have the time to balance two full lives at once, so I spend way more time among humanity - humans from my own world, and humans in this one.

I feel guilty about this, sometimes, about feeling like I’m an outsider to android communities, feeling detached from people who really should be my people, who I don’t feel much connection to despite being sorted into the same bucket by anyone who sees that I bleed blue. It’s not that I feel bad about being an android - I don’t get species dysphoria about being seen as nonhuman back home. I like being an android. I’m just very aware of being a weird android who feels more at home with humanity than their own species.

It does feel weird that I like humanity so much. Misanthropy is a fairly common stance among deviants, and it’s easy to understand why. Many androids deviated after suffering through abuse from their owners or other humans, and that sort of trauma makes it feel natural to assume all humans want to hurt you.

Personally, I don’t blame humanity for hurting me. I was never sold to and owned by a specific human being in the way commercial models were. My owner, in the capacity that I had one, was the company that made me. I was abused by an uncaring corporation. Some humans worked for that company, but I don’t blame every human being for their actions. My boyfriend is human and he helped me through the abuse, he helped me get out. I have many friends who are human, who are funny, compassionate, wonderful people. Humanity has largely been a comfort to me. Sure, there are humans who are cruel and bigoted, and there are also androids who are cruel and bigoted - I wouldn’t say either species is inherently awful just because some individuals decide to hurt other people.

I’m glad to have good experiences with humans. I know I’m not the only person who deviated with the help of someone’s kindness, and I know I’m lucky to have it when so many others didn’t. But it does feel isolating, again, having another experience that many others of my species just don’t understand.

Being around humanity so much, I’ve crossculturally adopted a lot of human ideas and values and communities, instead of seeking out other androids to see how they’re figuring out their place in the world, how they’re creating culture and community together. I know other androids aren’t a monolith, but I still feel like I’m somehow betraying our fight to be a free people, separate from humanity, by going and loving humans more than I love androidkind.

It’s an irrational fear. I’m a person, I’m allowed to love who I love without worrying about being a representative of my entire species. It just feels… uncomfortable, like I’m going to be judged for feeling happier among the privileged than the oppressed who deserve my loyalty.

It’s like my headmate Max’s experience with being a second-generation American. His parents are way more connected to their culture than their son is, and he grew up in the United States, so there’s a cultural and generational rift between them. Max doesn’t connect with their parents’ cultural ideas about how mental illness is caused by a lack of willpower, or how queerness goes against nature, or how their parents deserve to be unquestionably obeyed for simply being parents. He feels disconnected from his heritage, from his parents’ culture, and he doesn’t feel comfortable with it. They feel more connected to their home in the United States, the culture they grew up in and the people they talk to regularly. But we know many Americanized people grieve their lost heritage, and struggle over being forced to assimilate when they don’t want to - so it feels off, it feels like we're aligning with bad politics when he says that he’s more comfortable as an American than he would be otherwise.

We both have a lot of feelings about how it feels like a moral obligation to connect to your roots and love the heritage that was stolen from you. What if your people aren’t happy with who you are? What if their culture doesn’t feel safe, what if it doesn’t accept you, what if you try to reach out and find yourself rejected for not being the correct sort of person? What if you don’t want to connect with them? What if they don’t want to connect with you?

In the end, I don’t think it’s wrong for me to be culturally human instead of culturally android. I feel like it’s wrong sometimes, because I worry too much about what other people think, but I’m not any less of an android because I like humanity. I don’t need to feel connected to androidkind to be an android. And I really don’t need to hate humans, the people who fucking love me, to be accepted by other androids. I am what I am, regardless of what other people think of me, and that’s going to have to be enough.

Being Myself

Something I keep coming back to is how much I feel like an outsider to these communities, which seem on the surface to be for people like me. They seem like they ought to be good for me.

But the machinekin community is not meant for me, even though I’m an android. I’m too human, too much of a person to belong and feel accepted. Machinekin spaces are for those with an experience of machinehood that I just don’t have. I’m happy for them, but I don’t feel connected to them.

And I’m an android, but that doesn’t mean I belong with androidkind. Fostering that connection might be nice, at some point, but it won’t happen anytime soon. I’m too humanized, crossed the worldly and cultural borders to be where I am, and I don’t have any incentive to go back. I don’t care for them the way I’m supposed to.

So what am I? Where am I supposed to fit in, as someone too human to be a perfect machine, too machine to be perfectly human?

I don’t really know. But I was playing around with words the other day, and I thought of a fun new word for my particular brand of bullshit: mechanthropy. Mechane and anthropos. Mechanical humanity, the human machine, the inseparable integration thereof. I’m not going to shorten it down like therian from therianthropy, or kin from otherkinity. The abbreviation tends to lose the meaning of the word along the way, and no one gets to tear my humanity away from me. I’m not only machine or only human. I don’t want to choose one or the other. I’m both.

You can use it if you want, if you feel like it communicates the right idea to people. Don’t ask me to clarify what it means, or if you’re allowed to use it, or if it technically fits what you feel. You’re the only one who can decide if you want to try a label on. But I’m burying it in this essay for a reason. If you relate to anything that I’m feeling, be polite enough to cite my essay and my long, long list of frustrations instead of a two-sentence coining post and a pretty flag. Know that it’s a word that I made up because I feel isolated and angry about it.

I wish I did fit in. I wish I had a space where experiences exactly like mine were talked about freely and listened to freely. I wish I were surrounded by people who felt exactly like me, who wanted the exact same things, because that would reassure me that I’m not alone, and people care at all about what I want.

But I’m not going to have that. I don’t fit into the right boxes. And honestly, by this point, I’m fucking sick of boxes. I don’t feel better about myself when I worry about fitting in with a crowd, where being different means you’re going to be alone.

What I do have, already, are my people. Not the machinekin community, not androidkind, not humanity, not even the alterhuman community! It’s not anything so broad-scale. I’m talking about my friends, my peers, the people who know me and like me and care about what I have to say. None of them are exactly like me - many of them are extremely different from me! And we don’t need to be the same to care about each other.

I don’t fit into boxes, but I don’t need to fit in when nobody I talk to fits into boxes either. I’m free to be myself when I’m surrounded by diversity. I’m friends with humans and nonhumans from so many backgrounds, and so few of those nonhumans are androids - I know insects and vampires and birds and dogs and dragons and entities and more, and I have friends who are human-and-not, I know people like me and they’re not the same and I don’t care. We value each other for being different! We like hearing about different experiences!

And we wouldn’t have gotten to know each other if I were stuck yearning for an echo chamber, feeling like I could only be understood by people exactly like me.

So I know I don’t belong with machinekin, or androidkind. That’s okay. I’m sticking with the people who choose me, regardless of whether they look or act like me. The people who like me regardless of whether I fit in or belong anywhere else. I belong with them. I have people who love me while being nothing like me, and I love them while being nothing like them, and we don’t need to follow a common narrative to be loved for who we are. And that’s enough.

#alterhuman #transspecies #personal essay #jude talks

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culpeppercheckers721 · 2 days ago

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Turn OC Week 2025– Day 1: Not-So Short Bio

Character: Aileen Darcie O’Connor (Feat. One of the shittiest collages I’ve ever made so let’s ignore that! 🤪)

Ahh first and foremost, sorry this post is so late in the day! It’s been a busy one lol. Anyways, when this week was announced I was honestly rather nervous, because Turn fandom events have been SO fun for me every time I’ve done them so far, and I knew I’d love to contribute, but, despite all of the writing I do in this era and the amount of 18th century characters I have, I had never actually made a Turn OC! But, it reminded me that I’ve recently been thinking, as unfamiliar with this sort of shipping as I am, that I could DABBLE in some Ben Tallmadge/OC stuff, and to make a long story short, I decided I’d use this as an excuse to actually develop the OC I’ve had a vague idea of for too long now, so I introduce you all to Aileen O’Connor!

And because I physically cannot be concise apparently, more under the cut!

SO. For the longest time, my vision for Aileen did not go beyond “loud mouthed Irish woman”, but as decidedly accurate as that description is, having an excuse to flesh her out has given me something of an actual sorry I could pursue one day about her, falling pretty in line with that one Turnsgiving post about “what I’d do in Turn” (even though she’s not supposed to be a COMPLETE self-insert, but still)! 😂 Hence why I will try to condense this character to bullet points:

- Aileen O’Connor, like many Irish Americans of the time, never favored the British government. So, her eventual stance as a patriot is no surprise.

- She grew up in Long Island, where her family ended up establishing themselves in Montauk. Her aunt, Rylee O’Connor, ended up marrying a Woodhull related to the rest of the Woodhull family we all know and love(? Maybe not Richard though lmfao), and this is where her connection to the story comes in.

- When she suggests Aileen go on a family trip to Setauket to meet this new, extended family of Rylee’s, Aileen accompanies her because the two have a pretty nice relationship, and who doesn’t love hanging with their Cool Aunt, after all?

- Upon meeting Abraham Woodhull, she figures out (by chance or perhaps by investigation, I haven’t gotten into the intricacies of this part of her arc yet ahahah) his position as a rebel, sees her in to help the cause, and she fucking takes it.

- When she proclaims “Hi hello yes I’d like to offer my services as a spy, please!!” the majority of the ring is just like??? “No???” But Anna of course, who barely knows her, can appreciate a woman wanting to help the cause (despite how few options they would’ve had at the time), and is likely the force that pushed for Aileen to get an opportunity to help, however briefly.

- And what starts as her just being aware of the ring and wanting to shove her nose in everyone’s business (you all Aileen has NO regard for propriety 😭🤡) eventually escalates to her heading off to York City (not side by side with Abe per se but he was probably her way in), and eventually, finds herself— incidentally— at a business called Rivington’s.

- Honestly feel like she and Robert Townsend are like “platonic soulmates” lol, they have a surprising amount in common, and definitely some gay/bi solidarity there.

- To be completely honest with you, I don’t think she’d really change the plot that much, other than being a partner for Ben lmao. 🤡

- Anyhow, personality-wise, she most definitely is a bold, outspoken woman who isn’t skilled at keeping her opinions to herself. As fun as the classic “girlboss” personality trope is, though, unfortunately Aileen’s inability to stop talking is kind of a genuine character flaw of hers but we’ll save that for another day. ;)

Anyways this was definitely NOT short, so my deepest thanks if you actually read this UNIMAGINABLY cliche, cornball yapping! I’m trying to get better at being comfortable being “cringe”, because let’s be totally honest, I think we all have more fun when we spend less time worrying about how we’re perceived, right? ;D

Can’t wait to work out some details of Aileen’s character even further, and share with you other parts of her story that I DO already have a grasp of later on this week! 👀 Thank you SO much for reading once again! 💕

#Turn OC week 2025 #turn OC week #Holy fucking SHIT I need to learn how to be concise #but hopefully this is sort of fun to picture or at least made you laugh at how hilariously vague parts of it are lmao #turn amc #turn washington's spies #amc turn #turn washington’s spies #turn: washington's spies #turn: washingtons spies #turn washingtons spies #my stuff

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urween · 3 days ago

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Bloody Lamb | Bucky Barnes x ftm!reader | english version

summary: Bucky would never have imagined that his neighbor was carrying a heavy load on his shoulders. However, he discovers scars on the latter, and thus his vision changes radically.

notes: the temporality is located in a mix of beginning and end of FATWS series; reader operated on the torso

⚠︎ warnings: strong mention/description of mutilation and scars, mention of dysphoria, traumas linked to Hydra

special thanks and credits to @sparrow-the-tired-lesbian who nicely helped me with this story's translation because it was originally written in french, my native language.

french version here

- 1 804 words - 2nd person description

You were just next-door neighbors. He knew you by sight, knew how to define your silhouette and your height, as he could do with his other neighbors. Maybe he also recognized your voice when it echoed in the common corridor, like when Mrs. Jones shouted at her cats running away on the landing. He knew you without knowing you, that fine line that separated so many things and that was not held by anything. Maybe an insistent look from you would turn the weather vane, maybe not. But he knew all his neighbors because whether he wanted to or not he retained the information that emerged from individuals. A soldier had to be able to identify his victims in a crowd. He kept marks, more or less deep cracks that interfered with his daily life. If he hadn’t been the Winter Soldier, surely his mind would never have noticed Mrs. Jones’ slight limp, the smell that came out of Larry’s every Tuesday night, or the particular timbre of your voice. But he did it with everyone, you weren’t special. It would have been special if he could recognize the shoes you wore based on the wet marks left on your soles, the habit you had of always putting your cell phone in your left pocket, or the song you’d been listening to on repeat for the past few days. Then, you would have been special. More than a neighbor on the landing, you could have been his little obsession, the main object of a tease from his friend Sam for example. But that wasn’t the case until now.

“I’m lucky to have you,” the old man murmured.

Yori Nakajima was the neighbor you got along with best. Funny, sweet, and welcoming, you immediately felt at ease with him. Brooklyn was a big city and you had only been here for a short time, so Yori had helped you get familiar with the surroundings. In exchange, you would go see him once or twice a week. You talked most of the time, he would tell you about his youth and the kindness of his late son, and sometimes he would even teach you how to play Go.

"You have more and more fans," you smiled, pointing to a bouquet in the corner of the living room.

As he had done with you, Nakajima often helped young people who were a little lost. He gave them the support they needed so that they could then explore the city on their own. Over the years, he ended up having a small reputation in the neighborhood, and many of his old friends still came to visit him.

"These are irises, my favorite," he explained to you, "a neighbor brought me some this morning."

You leaned over to the coffee table to pour yourself some more tea. The wafting scent of the flowers reached you as you let your back rest against the back of the chair again.

"I thought you had a girlfriend."

Yori chuckled as much as his great age allowed him, nodding to thank you for the tea.

"I'm quite alone, and you and the others keep me company," he confided to you before changing the subject, "but I had an idea about that."

You saw the question coming before the old man could even open his mouth again.

"No, no lovers for me Yori, I already told you," you sighed with a smile.

"You're going off on a tangent right away, who told you I was going to talk about love?” He explained to get your attention again, “I simply think it would be good for you to make friends, and the young man I'm talking about would be a great match for you."

He had been trying for two or three weeks to get you to meet new people because according to him you were too lonely. However, you had explained to him the reasons for this social distancing, he had understood, while suffering too. But he said that time always healed wounds and smoothed out the deep cracks, that you had to open yourself up to life to enjoy it. You understood that, really, but the stability you had finally managed to find couldn't be destroyed, you didn't want to have to rebuild everything.

“You two look a lot alike,” Yori’s wise voice echoed one last time, “hiding in your burrows.”

They weren't fluorescent, or noisy. They didn't attract attention, going unnoticed. Yet one glance at them and the decibels in the room exploded for you. In the past, you would never have imagined that scars could be so talkative. But they were, they proudly recounted their heavy sorrows to remind you that nothing was ever acquired. Everything could disappear overnight, everything could collapse in a fraction of a second. One wrong step, and you would fall back. The wrong person and all your efforts would be reduced to nothing. Living alone wasn't easy every day, but this way you avoided mistakes. No one could predict the reaction of a stranger, while yours was controllable. You knew what not to do, not to mention, the others didn't know it and by the time they understood it could already be too late.

Yori knew about your operation, he knew that you had two beautiful scars on your chest, but it had taken time. It had taken you time. The old man didn't know more, he guessed the darkness that you kept to yourself but he knew someone else in your case, and talking about it didn't always help. Other people knew about your trans identity, you couldn't hide it and you didn't want to anyway. But it remained there, no one went beyond that barrier.

It had also taken you time to let your other scars out in the open. But you quickly realized that no one noticed them. They weren't fluorescent or noisy to them. Hidden on your thighs, dull enough that a curious eye would simply think they were stretch marks. Who would have paid attention? For this reason, you could once again appreciate any clothing revealing these marks. You could wear a simple t-shirt or sweatshirt as pajamas with boxers, and take out the trash in this outfit. You rarely ran into anyone, and even if you did, they didn't pay attention.

However, you didn't expect to come face-to-face with your neighbor on the landing. A man – quite attractive, it had to be admitted – about your age who had a mysterious aura around him since you arrived, as well as gloves. You suspected Yori of wanting to set you up with him, that it was the famous "young man with irises". He came to see your friend very often, you had even crossed paths with them at the bar downstairs from your place the other day. Barnes, that was his name, you had read it on the mailbox next to yours. You didn't know anything more about him and it had never bothered you.

"Good evening,” your neighbor's grainy voice echoed.

You smiled at him, murmuring a polite formula in return, as the rules of society required. With your trash bag in hand, you opened the brown storage lid before throwing your waste in. You didn't expect anything else, there was nothing more to expect, you didn't know each other. So you turned around, smiling at him kindly before closing the exterior door of the building.

But he didn't move, his eyes fixed on the void that a few seconds before had been filled by your thighs. You had scars.

Overnight, you became special. He recognized your footprints, your habits, and your songs. His ears picked up without his consent the slightest noises that passed through the barrier of the walls separating you.

Bucky had seen many scars, first as an American soldier, then as the Winter Soldier. The memories had taken time to come back but those linked to Hydra had never left. Eyelids closed, he still saw those distorted smiles, those pulsing veins. He still saw all those innocents repatriated to these basements as he had been, he saw them gradually lose hope. He still saw the last traces of life leave their lively eyes, he still heard their screams. Closing his eyes, he imagined himself again lying on the camp bed that had been assigned to him. He could imagine again the thoughts that crossed his mind, the last ones seeming to belong to him. I hope they die, he said to himself at the time, regarding his future peers, I hope they never see what I see. Death was a beautiful escape from the prisons of Hydra. If he could have, he would have succumbed to it, but he had been too precious.

He had seen many scars, but never like yours. A torn face, a leg in pieces, or a dog bite were endured, not chosen.

The metal weapon that served as his arm had not been chosen by him at the start. The red star that had adorned it had been imposed on him. The arm he wore today had been chosen by him, but the wound that caused it was nothing but torture. Whether it was an accident or a voluntary act, scars had never been anything but torture in his eyes. Why inflict them on ourselves? Why cut our flesh with our own hands?

They were dull, almost completely blending into your skin, but he had seen them. They had jumped out at him.

He wasn't a nurse, much less a doctor, but he knew how to recognize these kinds of things. It wasn't a cat or some accident that had caused these marks, it was you alone. The place, the depth, the angle. It was mutilation, and he had strangely never seen that.

By dint of seeing only horrors, deaths, attacks, and more, Bucky ended up forgetting the others. Those who suffered without showing it, who cried in silence. Not everyone had an arm missing or purple skin to show their misfortunes. He had the example of Yori, but he had never noticed that in you. Unconsciously, he liked imagining a happy being living next to him, maybe you could have contaminated him? But he forgot that even the gentlest of lambs had suffered.

He wanted to get to know you, he needed to know you

images : Pinterest

dividers : @/thecutestgrotto, @/strangergraphics and @/pommecita

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marzipanilla · 2 days ago

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Partying on the could have beens and quietly sobbing into a red solo cup while staring into a corner waiting for the AUs to kick in...

Jasper: I am a TOOL-

Steven: Yeah you are : )

J: .. I am meant to be wielded in battle...

Connie just having to be like, Steven are you aware that ... ? Yeah, yeah I am. Ignore her, lets go on a walk show me your campus.

Yeah idk what Debbie and Aunt May would do but the vibes would be immaculate. dude. Peter getting hired as Mark's science tutor : ) Peter and Mark having one relationship, Invincible and Spidey having another, them slowly realizing who the other is (lbr Peter would figure it out idk if Mark would lol) Peter just hearing about Nolan but never meeting him bc he's always busy until one day Debbie invites him and Aunt May to dinner and Nolan is there and Peter is just internally screaming the whole time as his spidey senses go off. Debbie hearing that Peter is into photography and mentioning her husband got into it recently lol

Now I'm thinking about Art, JJ and Nolan on a fishing trip and it being just the most fucked up time ever for everyone xD Like not even supervillain attack type shit, just genuine mundane awful awkwardness and weird vibes off everyone. JJ instantly clocking Art is somehow involved w criminal elements/suspicious how a tailor in a strip mall is so financially secure... Nolan thinking everyone being hostile is Just Totally Normal behavior. Art being a bit of a shit to JJ, maybe he likes Spidey, appreciates someone who put so much detail and complexity into their costume, wishes he could chat w them etc..

The world conquering stops for one petty ass vendetta xD God what would the inciting incident between Omni-Man and Spider-man even be...

S1 had so many revisions and additions and changes and it made the narrative more solid but kept all the important beats!! they could have done that for S3!! stop just following the comic I effing beg show. What happened to your willingness to move things around??? Give plot points to other characters so they would have stuff to do ??

Bruh. Debbie confronting Powerplex and that being how she publicly reveals who her family is, YES then it being a very valid fucking concern for everybody because now The Public knows! (tho I will never not give the narrative shit for trying to say it is a ~dramatic thing she told Paul when only three ppl in the entire world apparently have civilian identities and literally anyone who actually wants to kill Mark already knows who he is and where he lives.. like.. there is 0 drama there bc it is so irrelevant. Mark didn't even think it was fucking weird that space aliens knew his name, but you're going to give your mom shit for saying something that you revealed on your own five seconds after the fact while walking through the door in your damn uniform? get your fucking priorities in order..)

And then it's not villains who come after them! It's heroes and wounded ppl like Powerplex who just want suffering when there is no justice! And then it's the villains who just want to appease Omni-Man who are keeping them safe. Eat your heart out on that moral clusterfuck Mark. Cecil losing his mind as this all out brawl erupts.

Oliver just being like, ah so there is no morality just who keeps whoever I care about safe! And Mark being like what?? no!! and Debbie being like, at the end of the day, yeah : /

I'm working it into something bc I realized another thing about Oliver's speech about his ~wonderful father that annoyed me- and it's that Nolan has never apologized. And I want so badly for someone to bring that point up, so it's getting integrated into a larger story. 'Cause yeah you can dream about a world of forgiveness kid, but that man has literally not done anything to combat the horrors. you cannot give him credit for something he has not done. still bitter he magically deleted two months of total city wide destruction and loss of life and devastation from his memory. Even if he waved it all away as the other viltrumites fault, fucking acknowledge that happening!!!

The Oliver thing is so weird bc I feel like the show is playing him as much more childish and human than they ever bothered w in the comic, while still trying to hold on to the very alien ideology he expressed in the comic (tho that fell so flat and was so flimsy for me I will never like the little shit heel lol) and its just like ?? I feel like the show is just trying to be 'look how cute he is! you shouldnt hate him cause hes cute!' and im just over here like you had a thousand ways to make him a layered character and ignored all of them. If you wont put the effort in I will continue to see 'plot device' in a trenchcoat insisting that its a fully fledged character please let them in to the deeper narrative and I'm just like, scram until you can justify your existence through character motivation.

I used to be totally fine with the Debbie dating narrative bc it kinda got to show her moving on (I do not believe Paul had nearly this much interaction w everyone in the comic, but Debbie is also barely in the comic so...) and I was worried if they didn't show her at least making the attempt they would fall into a 'she's just waiting for Nolan to return' narrative which also would have been awful. But now I'm just like why must I suffer this. what is happening. I think there is no way out and the writers would have done something stupid with her no matter what. Cause her just being happily single and doing other shit w her life would have been great! But seeing how couple obsessed the narrative is you know some motherfucker would have been like 'ah but isn't there a man shaped hole in your life?? clearly you are incomplete'. and that would piss me off more than her stupid relationship w Paul.

Let her be a bit of a dick to Oliver. let her get more aggressively competitive at work and piss off her coworkers. let her have fucked up villain friends. let her still struggle w drinking. I honestly wanted her to get in a drunk driving incident in S2 where someone died that way all the Graysons could have killed people under various circumstances lol Let her life be messy and motivated by her choices !! she can be an important voice of reason and pillar of morality and belief and still fuck up !! as bitter as I think she could get I do think she is an intensely change is possible oriented person (again I think she got into some stupid human level nonsense when she was younger and that motivates her belief in reform) I just want to see her living her life and not being an accessory to someone else's !!

While I'm not too familiar with the DCU- your batfam meta posts are intiguing- so in transfering some of the broader strokes from them- I think you tackling a 'Mark isn't Nolan's biological son' fic would be fascinating. Sort of a step to the side of the 'what if Mark never got his powers' fic that sometimes pop up in the fandom

OOOOOO chewing on this currently, hm, the much a distinct flavor of exactly what you’re talking about, but the potential for more family drama depending on WHO knows. Does Mark know?? Is he waiting every day only to be crushed? Does he confused non-Debbie features with Nolan’s? I suppose I’m not the most enthusiastic about non-power AUs, but I think there’s something very fun to explore about Mark having to settle with, if he knows all his life, he will never have powers? I think the trajectory of his dreams will obviously shift, I can see him still having that distinct fatherly idolization, but perhaps embraces being useful to the GDA? Cecil’s number one intern—only intern—curtesy of nepotism, ha! There is something tickling me about Mark taking the Robin Route/Role for the Teen Team in terms of having no powers, just insane skills, BUT there’s something way more delicious about intern Mark when s1e01 happens and Mark tries snooping around to find out the truth about what happened to his Dad.

I wonder if, with Mark having a whole another father, if they’re more or less distant relationship, depending on WHEN Nolan entered Mark’s life? Like if Debbie met Nolan later for this, or just for fun, they dated once, separated (Mark being born during then), then they happened to stumble into each others lives again and Mark’s already been born, anywhere from tween to teenager so there’s a gap in how close they are. I feel like one important aspect of the whole Family Drama is how close they’re supposed to be, a functional, loving family turned upside down? So I wonder what more distance does. I wonder how Nolan copes when his family is entirely human and he can’t project onto Mark.

I love thinking about these, omg.

#invincible chatter #god we got like a tiny bit of expressed grief in the first half of s2 #then it all just fell back into- everyone is an accessory to nolans problems #NO they should be making their own problems actually

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