#bucky barnes!ew

[urween]

Skittish | Bucky Barnes x ftm!reader | english version

summary: After a long battle and especially hard research, the Avengers finally found the Winter Soldier. To keep everyone safe, they keep him locked in their HQ. In semi-freedom but especially in a trance, Bucky Barnes attracts the attention of the young boy in charge of taking care of him during his stay here.

notes: I prefer to specify it, the temporality is not exactly respected. Let's say that all this takes place just after Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

⚠︎ warnings: mentions of heavy trauma related to the war and the Hydra projects, a form of depressed!Bucky, violence, weapons, incomprehension of transidentity without transphobia, mentions of suicidal thoughts.

English isn't my first language, sorry for the mistakes <3

- 2nd person description

- 5 371 words

french version here

You were the little protégé of the group, he had quickly noticed. Even if Natasha didn't have superpowers or a robotic suit either, she was part of the team. She and Clint were kind of the superhumans of the group, with superhuman abilities but nothing that surpassed Thor's lightning or Hulk's muscles. Then, there was you, a fairly normal little human with no particular specificities. High intelligence, extreme kindness and an adorable smile. But no mastery of martial arts. You knew the basics of fighting, Nat had taught you the main thing. You had ended up understanding Bruce's extravagant chemical formulas, and you understood the most important things Tony said in his intense nerd phases. But once again, you were nothing special, and that made Bucky wonder. Why was a basic human here? What were you doing in the middle of the Avengers? Even though he had missed a few decisive years from a social point of view, he didn't understand.

As he stared from his cell, he saw scenes he didn't know how to interpret. You assisting Tony Stark and Jarvis, you laughing with Bruce Banner, you helping Natasha Romanoff train, you carrying Steve Rogers' shield to him, you sorting Clint Barton's arrows, you redoing Thor's braids.

What were you doing there?

You had cheerfully introduced yourself to him. With a friendly smile on your lips, you had stated your name, first name and pronouns – he hadn't really understood this last point –. You had surely been informed of his situation. Don't be offended, he'll need a little time, someone must have whispered to you. He hadn't answered you, and you hadn't seemed offended. You had then left, and he had remained perplexed. If you already knew everything about him, why come and introduce yourself? You must have read his files, you must have all read his files. Steve had to slip away to get some air, Natasha inspected everything in detail, Bruce muttered "it’s awful". You had to read his files. See his life laid out on a large table, foreign hands going over the medical reports. You had to read with anguish the endless list of victims he had killed during his missions, observe the modifications that had been made to him, the treatments inflicted, the pains endured. You had seen all that. Then, why come see him?

"Let's just say I don't really like you hanging around this guy," Tony's voice had been saying for several minutes, "Jarvis copy this plan for me and make a 3D reconstruction with train stations, airports and all the stuff."

The holograms moved before your eyes, but you hadn't paid attention to them. Back then, the first time you saw this virtual world being modeled in Tony's office, you were like a kid. Stars in your eyes, you asked a thousand questions per second, making the creator of this program smile. But now you knew yourself how most of the "Jarvis" system worked, and you weren't so impressed anymore, or at least you weren't with every move Stark made.

"I don't see what's bothering you," you replied, innocently swinging your legs in the air.

Tony turned around with his ever-so-dramatic gestures, making a vague movement with his hand he tried to make you understand things without having to speak. Unfortunately for him telekinesis was not part of your abilities.

"Okay," he admitted to himself, defeated, "to start with his sophisticated robotic arm that could crush you before you could scream," he mimed disinterestedly, “did you look at him? Unstable and completely high."

A non-hidden smile drew a curve across your lips.

"We're still talking about Bucky Barnes?” you had fun, “because I rather have the impression that you're looking at yourself in a mirror"

You glanced at Jarvis, who was finishing your friend's request. Then, your attention went back to the billionaire who was visibly desperate to have this discussion with you – you were getting used to it, a demonstration of love coming from Tony –.

"I prefer to cut you off right now," your voice continued, "I forbid you to give me the traditional excuses like he's dangerous or armed or he's a murderer”. You got down from the table where you were sitting and gestured around the room, “look around Tony, only weapons or future weapons,” you got closer to him and pointed at his forehead, “you have the greatest weapon that humanity has ever known in this skull. Natasha and Clint are professional killers, Steve is a traumatized soldier who makes a denial, Thor is an alien with supernatural powers and Bruce is a scientist haunted by a destructive alter-ego”. You pause to admire the still indecipherable facial expression of the man in front of you, “you are all murderers and dangers to Mankind, the only difference between you and Barnes is that you chose to devote your talents to a cause, and he had no choice".

Tony remained motionless for a few long seconds, a whirlwind surely vibrating his neurons. Then, he shrugged his shoulders and quickly bowed his head in defeat.

"You're right," he declared, "I’ve no more arguments and yours are solid”, he turned and went back to Jarvis, “well done kid"

A year ago you would have been perplexed by this reaction, but time had taught you that you had to take Tony Stark with a grain of salt and observe him as you would with a foreign mushroom. All you could remember from this interaction was that you were tired, that you had won against the great megalomaniac Iron Man and above all that you had to talk to Barnes again.

No one had really agreed with Steve on the idea of ​​bringing a Hydra mercenary back to Avengers HQ. It's the equivalent of serving him our secrets on a silver platter, Clint had rightly said. You had been surprised to see Nat defend Barnes, alongside you and Steve – of course –. There was Bruce who couldn't deliver a distinct judgment, then Tony and Clint who were against. Thor having left, you didn't know where in space, the votes had therefore been closed with a majority of for.

You had helped Captain set up a room that was at least habitable in a protective cell, a bit like the one that had sheltered Loki. While the tall blond carried the fold-out bed, you had taken care of a bag of clothes – approximately Barnes' size – and another with water and sweets, this idea had come from you. You found it unfair to call this man a simple murderer, he had been manipulated and controlled. As you put the cereal bars on a small iron table, you tried not to think about the chaos that must be going on in the Winter Soldier's head at the same time. He must have been just as traumatized as his victims, maybe even more so. And finding himself in such a particular environment overnight must have been disturbing. So a chocolate bar and a soda couldn't hurt him.

Thank you, Steve had murmured, for understanding. You had given him a touching smile, holding back the urge to ask him how he felt. He had just found his best friend, who was supposed to have disappeared for several decades, and on top of that, this friend had suffered inhumane treatment for most of his life now. It was obvious that he didn't feel well, that he was helpless in the face of this situation. Bruce had advised you to give him time, and that if he needed it, he would end up talking to one of you. You had listened to his advice, and focused more on Barnes instead.

You had introduced yourself first, starting with a simple acquaintance. You had then made sure to take care of his needs, slipping in a new bottle of fresh water when the previous one was empty, opening his prison only when night fell so that he could go shower without running into a contemptuous Tony or a depressed Steve.

On this subject, rules had been established to guarantee everyone's safety. If Bucky left his cell it was always in the company of one of you – you were the only ones with the passes –, if he asked for something – which he never did – the object had to pass through several control portals before being given to him, and finally no matter where he went, toilets or showers, someone had to watch over him within the limits of privacy. Bruce had offered to take turns, but judging by the faces of the others you had volunteered to ensure most of his outings. Natasha was supposed to replace you when you weren't available, then Tony if neither of you were present. This way you had avoided conflicts but also and above all Steve wouldn't have to go there.

You didn't know him, Bucky, having only seen the videos in his file, and yet every time you went to visit him your stomach knotted. There was no question of fear, since his robotic arm had been censored to the maximum thanks to a Stark gadget, leaving him only the freedom to use it as a normal limb, without super-strength or integrated weapons. He remains a super soldier, Bruce had warned, his physical faculties are superior to Nat's and he has a serum similar to Steve's in his veins. But you weren't afraid. Unfortunately a goat would have made you shiver more than Barnes when you went to see him. He was always on pause. Never spoke, barely moving his gaze from the ground. You had been reassured to see that he ate the bare minimum, and he had even tasted a chocolate bar one day. But aside from these details, it was as if you were seeing the same robot in the same position, day after day. Your stomach knotted for these reasons, because when you brought him clean sheets he had nothing of the man you had seen on video. The rage that haunted his eyes had disappeared, there was only a nameless emptiness left, and you had never seen anything so sad. You didn't feel like you had a hundred-year-old Hydra soldier in front of you, but a broken orphan.

You spent a lot of time rereading his file, his reports, his exams. You tried to understand him through these papers. Steve was lost, he no longer saw Buck in those eyes, and you were trying to understand what he had become, Buck. According to his personal file, he had been found at the age of twenty-six before undergoing Hydra’s experiments. A photo of him, in 1943, was stuck to the paper. A shy smile on his lips, his infantry hat slightly tilted on his head and his uniform without a crease sitting proudly on his chest. A tear had seriously rolled down your cheek, ending its path in a Russian handwriting: Зимний Солдат, in other words Winter Soldier. Bruce had carried out a complete tradition of all the documents, later corrected by Natasha. Maybe rereading these texts was not good for you, but you needed it. You were the only one here who was interested in Barnes. Steve felt so guilty that he was in a kind of denial, Nat was only coldly studying the soldier’s file and let’s not even talk about the others. Bucky needed time, understanding and gentleness to at least not make his after-effects worse. You most certainly had to make mistakes, not being a psychologist by profession, but you were already doing better than your comrades and than Hydra.

"Nice evening, huh?" Your voice echoed in a leaden silence.

The sun had set for over three hours, most of the Avengers were in their rooms or gone outside, which meant that it was the perfect time for Barnes to take a shower. You had gathered your strength and went to the soldier's cell. When you had passed by, about two hours ago, he had not wanted to eat his meal so you had taken it back and heated it up again for later. With the hot dish in one hand, you carefully closed the armored glass door behind you. As you expected, Barnes had hardly moved since your last visit. Still sitting cross-legged in his bed, he seemed vaguely to notice your presence.

"I know you didn't want to eat earlier," you began, putting the meal down next to him, "but I thought that maybe your appetite had returned in the meantime."

Sometimes you were entitled to a small, hoarse "hum" from the back of his throat as a response, but you wondered if it was intentional since his gestures didn't match this slight sign of life. Unfortunately, tonight wasn't part of that "sometimes." No noise, barely a breath. But you didn't get discouraged.

The first few times you came to talk to him, his complete lack of reaction had made you wonder about his possible understanding of your language. Yet you had read that he read and spoke at least two languages, including yours. You might not understand what I'm telling you, you had mumbled while picking up his used clothes. Your biggest interaction with him had been when he had looked you straight in the eye and said in a pleasantly deep voice: I understand.

“Other than that you can-”

You were surprised to see him stand up on his own, studiously heading towards the exit door while waiting for you to open it. You were usually the one who went first to the exit, waiting two or three seconds for him to get up and join you. But this was a nice surprise, maybe it meant that his condition was improving.

Your electromagnetic pass stuck to the dashboard, a small beep sounded before you pushed the heavy door and let Barnes go first. These security questions were mandatory for you to approach the Winter Soldier. Always making him walk in front of you, making your pass inaccessible – hidden in your sleeve most of the time as Bruce had advised you –, a bladed weapon concealed against your ankle in case of trouble, and you weren't supposed to talk to him about yourself or the team. Clint had wanted to add an additional rule: not to speak to him unless necessary, to prevent any risk of manipulation. Did you look at him carefully? Had you imposed yourself in the discussion, he didn't utter any opposition during the whole process to bring him back here, and then remember his mission reports, he wasn't a spy but a mass murderer, he was programmed to speak as little as possible to his victims. Tony had agreed with you on the subject, recalling the case of Loki – once again – who was very different from Barnes.

Stupid rules, you thought as you watched the silhouette of the man in front of you advance in the long corridor. If the others saw him for more than five minutes, they would realize that he was nothing more than a victim in this cell. They all found you a little naive and they appreciated you for that, a ray of hope in the midst of chaos. Yet you were by far the one with the best perception of the others. Each villain had arguments, good or bad, you listened to them all. You reasoned with the team, making them come out of their superhero bubble to show them the possibility of a little levity.

You did not doubt the abilities of Barnes, you wanted to find yourself face to face with him even less than with Nat – and that was already a lot –. You sometimes looked again at the surveillance videos taken the day Natasha and Steve fought him for the first time. He was hypnotizing, in the way all his movements seemed to come together with such fluidity and speed, the way his body thought for him and acted accordingly. You were dizzy from a roll in comparison, so seeing it all was astounding. Of course, there were horrible explanations behind these gifts, just like most people who could reproduce all this, but you still couldn't help but analyze these videos. And then, there in that hallway, you looked at Barnes' back, his arm gleaming, the red star enthroned there, and you wondered what was going on in his mind. What he could do was inhuman, and seeing it in image reinforced that feeling.Then you had to realize that he was a human being, who had once been like you. His way of functioning had to have been completely disrupted, distorted and destroyed. We had to reduce to crumbs what had been to build what was now, that was how it worked. To adapt to a new environment we were always advised to forget everything we thought we knew, all the movies said it. In the same way that flat-earthers were convinced that the Earth was flat, Barnes no longer saw the world the way you did.

As the rules said, you discreetly put your pass in a pants pocket as you reached the bathroom. Simple locks served as security, and it was more than enough. No one except you had ever mentioned the possibility that Bucky was trying to end his life. If he did, the bathroom was the best place, which is why a simple lock would do the trick so that you or someone else could break down the door if necessary. But you avoided thinking too much about this exit, because through the few interactions you had had with him and the thoughts you had about him, you had become truly attached to him.

You opened the shower curtain, under Barnes' intrigued gaze. Each Avengers had a bathroom with the bare minimum in their room, but there were also three larger bathrooms on the second floor. These were the rooms to clean yourself in an emergency when you came back covered in blood, or Bruce went there in the event of a green alert for example. They were more accessible than the bedrooms, which explained this function. But what made Bucky curious was not that. You always gave him room number two, with a basic shower, a sink and a toilet. But there you were in number one, with a bathtub. He quickly detailed the room, slightly larger and apart from the bathtub there was nothing that differentiated it from number 2. As always, you had previously removed all objects that could be used as weapons. The pile of two clean towels overhung by harsh soap and shampoo – to avoid the risk of swallowing or too aggressive eye attacks – and the washcloth, were still carefully placed on the edge of the sink. So why a bathtub?

As if you were reading his mind, you turned around in a fluid movement. You took the time to appreciate Barnes' expressive gaze – it was so rare – before answering his questions.

"I assumed it must have been years since you had a real bath, you tried to avoid the Hydra subject, so I thought it could be a good idea?”

A good number of emotions passed through the blue of his eyes, only accentuating your apprehension about his reaction. No one had been even friendly to him for a long time, which meant that he was going to take a while before properly reacting. But as you had imagined, his gaze scanned the bathtub behind you at breakneck speed in search of a trap. I'm not like them, you thought with a pang of heart.

"I know what you must be telling yourself, but there is no trap Bucky,” his name resonated more than you would have imagined, “it's going to be long but believe me I'm not trying to kill you or hurt you"

A heavy doubt seemed to weigh, and you could only understand. This kind of sentence, he must have heard far too many before ending up electrocuted or worse. To help his process, you moved away and let him fully observe the place. His eyes locked on the shower head longer than expected, and once again, you felt nauseous as you imagined the traumas that must be replaying in his head. In that moment, you thought back to the first time you had led him into a bathroom. He had refused to get into the shower, his jaw clenched to the point that his teeth must have hurt, he had stared at you with a cocktail of indecipherable emotions in his eyes. You had ended up remembering the treatment reserved for Jews in the showers during the Second World War, and you had immediately apologized. Sorry, I should have thought of that, you had said guiltily, if you want you can just wash yourself with the washcloth and the faucet water, no need for the shower head today if you don't trust it. And the situation seemed to be happening again tonight, he was afraid that you would want to get rid of him during his shower, or bath in this case. Unfortunately, techniques have evolved since 39-45, especially since he was in the HQ of the greatest engineer in the United States, which meant that you could have found many methods to kill him while he was washing.

But you had to find a way to reassure him, because you had no intention of executing him quietly, and you wanted to be sincerely nice.

"Maybe if it reassures you I can-,” you hesitated before telling yourself that it was for a good cause, “I can stay with you? There's a curtain anyway"

Faced with his expression that swayed from surprise to doubt, you felt obliged to justify.

"If there's gas or an explosion, I'll die with you, which wouldn't be very appreciated by the team”, you paused slightly to gauge his reaction, “and if there's anything else threatening you can kill me yourself since I'll be right next to you”. You then brandish the door’s key between your two fingers, “on top of that I lock us in and leave the key on the edge of the bathtub, so I don't run away and lock you behind me"

You had the strong impression that in another time, Barnes would have smiled, maybe even laughed. Then, to your surprise, you saw a semblance of amusement in his eyes. An almost invisible veil that lasted only a second, just long enough for a distant version of him to take over the Winter Soldier. You couldn't help your smile, waiting despite everything for a more concrete reaction before reacting in return.

Bucky tried to get a dominant emotion out of the hubbub that was playing in his mind. You were definitely different, and he was beginning to understand why you had your place in the middle of a band of superhumans. And even if someone who spoke like you had the perfect profile to manipulate people at a high level, he risked taking his chance.

"Can I have twenty seconds alone to undress"

The shiver that electrocuted your entire body surely did not go unnoticed. His voice, his tone, gave a more directive than questioning turn to his question, and you only nodded slightly. In turn, you became as silent as him, too disturbed by the outburst of reactions on his part in such a short time. You left the bathroom, pushed the door behind you without closing it, because despite your shock, your unconscious valued your safety.

While you waited for some signal authorizing you to enter the room, you wandered on new thoughts. Barnes had not spoken to anyone from what you had been told. The cameras had recorded that during the fight to neutralize him he had spoken, a few Hydra men were with him so you had assumed that he was giving them orders in Russian. Natasha had been too busy trying not to die to pay attention to what he had said, but in hindsight, you wanted to know what had come out of his mouth that day. Tony liked to say that Russian was one of the least welcoming languages ​​in the world, but strangely hearing it from Bucky made you want to. Maybe it was his growling voice, maybe because Russian had been his “native” language for years. Besides Russian, he spoke other languages ​​according to reports, but then again he hadn’t shown off his skills to anyone but you. Besides, I’m pretty much the only one he’s seen since he arrived, you thought. But he had still had the opportunity when Bruce had come with you to visit him to check a wiring on the dashboard. He could have done it from his cell too, since it was completely transparent and he could see the hallway where many people passed, he could have talked. But he hadn’t, and without knowing why you had the feeling that he only wanted to talk to you.

The sound of water almost made you jump. You muttered a curse – hoping Bucky hadn’t heard – before slowly turning towards the door.

“Can I?” You rather ask to avoid a drama.

By the time he answered, you let your mind wander again. What if he was just naked in the middle of the room? Hydra had conditioned him to lose all sense of ownership, to make even his body no longer belong to him, which he meant was that nudity was no longer taboo and that on the contrary – given to the horrors these people had done – they could very well have forced him to stay naked to humiliate him further.

"Yes," his voice echoed vaguely.

Preparing yourself for the worst, you took a deep breath and kept your eyes high to avoid any eye contact in the wrong place. But as you opened the door you were relieved to see the curtain halfway drawn and Bucky already in the water. A feeling, which at the time you compared to a parent proud of their child, warmed your heart. It may not have been much in the eyes of the world, but you imagined the man's feelings when he plunged a body that had become almost unknown into warm water prepared for him, and him alone. Comfort, surprise, relief. A lot must have been going on in the Winter Soldier's head.

You closed the door behind you, locking the exit as planned. But as you moved closer to place the key next to him, a second wave of heat passed through your body as you realized something. He had only drawn the curtain halfway, thus hiding the lower part of his body but leaving you all the pleasure of seeing from his torso. Once again, in other measures you would not have found the situation moving, but rather comical. Except that this is the Winter Soldier, and all his communication was done without voice. He had left his arms and face visible so that you too could see that he wasn't a threat. In the same way that you had found a solution to his anxiety, he was taking a step towards you, showing you that you had no reason to fear him at the moment.

"Thank you," you murmured.

As if you were afraid of breaking the moment, you settled down without a sound. There was no chair here, but the floor suited you. You crossed your legs while resting your back against the small extension of the wall attached to the bathtub. This way, you stayed close enough to him while respecting a necessary distance to avoid seeing the rest of his naked body.

You forgot to check the time, no longer counting the minutes of observation that the man in front of you gave you before asking questions.

Bucky stayed in the water for a whole hour before it started to cool down. You spent all your time detailing his relaxed face, his eyes closed as if he was going to fall asleep from one second to the next. Then when he opened his eyelids again, he looked at you in turn for a few seconds, before asking you if he could get out of the bath. In his sentence, reality hit you again.

You had a mad desire to tell him that he was free, that he no longer had to take orders. You wanted to show him the world, to make him taste vanilla ice cream, to make him smell incense in churches, the greasy of triple burgers. You had the need to see him buy with his own money, help him get up from his first falls. When he looked at you with his big blue eyes, waiting for your permission to get out of a bath, you wanted to ask him for forgiveness, in the name of humanity. To promise him that no one would come and hit him, to promise this little boy that nothing would happen to him, that he could live a peaceful and happy life with his friends and family. But looking at the raw skin on his left shoulder, looking at the weapon that was implanted in his body, you felt your stomach turn. No one had been there to protect this child from Brooklyn, none of the people who had done this to him had even felt sorry for this man. And today he was sleeping in a cell capable of resisting the strength of the Hulk.

"You can get out of the bath," your voice broke.

He obeyed, rolling the superhuman muscles of his body to straighten up. You barely moved, being too far away in your thoughts to even think of looking away from him. A new blow was dealt to your heart as you realized that yes, he no longer had any notion of possession over his body. Two drops of water fell against your calf as he grabbed the largest towel and wiped his skin without emotion. The rough sound of the fabric made you shiver, and then you slowly stood up. He was taller than you, but neither that nor his robotic arm stopped you from grabbing his wet towel. His body failed to react when you passed the white fabric against his arm, his face was frozen in an expression of total incomprehension, faced with the softness with which the towel came into contact with his skin.

You finished your task, as if he were just a tiny puppy to wipe. Then, you took three steps back and fixed your eyes on his. You handed him some clean clothes, before taking the key back and heading towards the door.

“I really need some hot chocolate,” your voice still broken with tears declared, “and I’d love to share it with you, Bucky.”

Your slightly trembling hand wiped the moisture from your cheeks, then gradually turned back to the soldier after unlocking the exit. He had already dressed, the black jogging bottoms falling low on his hips. Bucky examined your face, and his eyebrows met in a half-confused, half-sad expression. He got close enough to you for you to feel the warmth he gave off.

“No cinnamon,” he said, “I don’t think I like it.”

You let out a nervous chuckle, telling yourself that only you could find yourself in these situations.

“No cinnamon.”

There was a first time for everything, and when you saw – later that night – whipped cream on the Winter Soldier’s lips, you thought that after all, the child could not be saved but that you could bring the man back to life.

pictures : Pinterest

dividers : @/strangergraphics, @/pommecita et @/thecutestgrotto

[destialpal]

I’m gonna need a hell of a lot more information on Thunderbolts like immediately bc I really do not like that fact that Bucky is on the same team as John Walker like tf is that

[a-bucky-a-day]

| Avengers no road home #10

By Al Ewing, Jim Zub, Mark Waid & Sean Izaakse

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

welp, i did have a post scheduled to tell you guys about the stories that’s coming over the next few weeks, but apparently tumblr decided to eat it. it was supposed to pop up 3 hours ago and it’s nowhere to be seen! it’s not the first time i’ve experienced that glitch and knowing this site it won’t be the last…

so here we go again. a little schedule of what’s to come during the next few weeks:

30/10, miguel o’hara request (in an addams family au)

31/10, young ladies shouldn’t waltz with vampires (vampire!bucky, vampire!steve)

8/11, eyes on the prize (mma!rafe cameron)

9/11, angel & devil!steddie 101 (a guide/intro to the au)

16/11, lotus (massage therapist!bucky)

there might be more, but those are just the ones already finished and ready to post.

[ghostsandmirrors]

( continued from here with @stripesofbrooklyn )

"Am I bein' judged for wantin' to have a nice, calm time with you?" he asked with a laugh. "M'sorry that all I need for my day to be at least alright is you."

It was an overdramatic joke, said with an overdramatic tone and a hint of laughter. As insulted as he tried to pretend to be, he couldn't be convincing with it.

"'sides, there's that bakery on the way..."

[ch3rubd0lls]

However many flaws DC/Marvel will inevitably have in terms of sexualisation/stereotyping/bad story arcs, the comics are so much better than the movies ALWAYS I don't make the rules

[juhneenteagues]

I must’ve really grown bc I just saw on twt CEvans did a GQ photo shoot and I’m not gagged… nothing moved, nothing jumped……..

[brunchable]

This is your boyfriend, Mom? | Beefy!Bucky Barnes x f!reader.

Pairings: Beefy Bucky Barnes x Single Mom reader. Themes: Bucky getting absolutely roasted by a six and half year old baby boy. Summary: Bucky comes over and meets your very protective son for the very first time. A/N: I'm in a phase where I like Bucky interacting with kids. . .🥲

The doorbell chimes, and you pull open the door, coming face to face with a broad-shouldered figure that fills the entire doorway. Bucky’s piercing blue eyes twinkle with humor, but there’s a hint of uncertainty in his posture, as if he’s unsure whether to step inside or bolt.

“You’re here!” you exclaim with a warm smile, stepping aside to let him in.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Bucky murmurs, leaning in for a brief kiss before glancing around your living room nervously. “So, where’s the little guy?”

A shuffle of small feet behind you catches your attention. You turn to see your son peeking out from behind the couch, his eyes narrowing suspiciously as he sizes up the man who just entered his territory.

“There he is!” You wave your hand toward your son encouragingly. “Come say hi.”

Your son doesn’t budge, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at Bucky like a miniature security guard. “So, this is your boyfriend?”

You can hear the disdain dripping from each word, and Bucky’s lips twitch into an amused smile. “I guess I am.”

“Mom,” your son deadpans, his eyes never leaving Bucky’s. “This is what you’ve been hyping up? He looks like he just rolled out of bed.”

“Hey, kid, I put in a lot of effort today.” Bucky gestures to his dark leather jacket, perfectly disheveled hair, and rugged stubble. “This is my ‘I’m totally put together but still approachable’ look.”

“Approachable?” your son snorts. “With that hair? You look like a drowned dog who’s been through a tornado and then zapped by lightning.”

Bucky blinks, surprised. He looks at you, then back at your son, and his mouth quirks up in a grin. “A drowned dog, huh? That’s original. So, what’s your excuse for your hair?”

Your son’s small hands shoot up defensively to his carefully combed locks. “My hair looks great, thank you very much. I didn’t put all this mousse in for you.”

You bite your lip, trying to suppress a laugh. “Be nice,” you whisper to your son, who rolls his eyes dramatically before turning his attention back to Bucky.

“Alright, old man—”

“Old?” Bucky interjects, eyebrows lifting. “I’m still in my prime, kid. What are you, five?”

“I’m six and a half.” Your son’s voice drips with indignation, as if Bucky has committed an unforgivable crime by getting his age wrong. “And you’re still old. You probably creak when you sit down.”

Bucky shakes his head, chuckling. “I don’t creak, but your mom might tell you I’ve got a few squeaky joints, yeah.”

“Ew, don’t—don’t tell me stuff like that.” Your son makes a gagging noise and then glares up at you. “Why is he even here, Mom? You know I’m supposed to have final say.”

“You have final say?” Bucky repeats, clearly intrigued. He shifts his weight, giving the boy a once-over. “What’s your name, anyway, kid?”

“Lucas.” He squares his shoulders, a defiant lift to his chin. “Got it memorized, old man?”

Bucky nods slowly, a glint of amusement in his gaze. “Lucas, huh? Alright, Lucas, I’ll try not to forget it.”

“You better not.” Lucas looks Bucky up and down, his brow furrowing in concentration. “Mom, this guy looks like one of those 90s action figures. You know, the kind where the legs don’t bend, and they’re so top-heavy they keep falling over.”

You snort loudly, unable to hold it in, and Bucky shoots you a betrayed look.

“Kid’s got a point,” you manage to say between laughs, and Bucky shakes his head, feigning exasperation.

“Oh, really?” Bucky folds his arms across his chest, staring down at Lucas. “Well, you look like a baby duck that wandered into a windstorm. All fluffed up and ready to pick a fight, huh?”

Lucas blinks, startled for a moment before narrowing his eyes, a grin forming on his face. “Better than looking like a grumpy cat that hasn’t had its coffee yet.”

You cough to hide your laughter, and Bucky raises an eyebrow. “Grumpy cat?”

“Yeah, with all those lines between your eyebrows.” Lucas steps closer, squinting as if he’s examining a rare species. “I bet you frown at the sun, too.”

You stifle a giggle, and Bucky sighs dramatically, placing his hands on his hips. “I’m starting to think you don’t like me, Lucas.”

“Starting?” Lucas tilts his head mockingly. “I’m basically giving you a head start, ‘cause if I really didn’t like you, you’d know.”

Bucky chuckles, glancing at you. “I like him. He’s got guts.”

“Yeah, well, don’t get too comfy, Gramps.” Lucas gestures to the couch with a flourish. “The only reason you’re even here is ‘cause Mom seems to think you’re ‘cute’ or whatever.”

“I am cute,” Bucky agrees seriously, causing Lucas’s mouth to drop open in disbelief.

“No. Way. You’ve got metal bits, and your beard is all scratchy, and—” Lucas cuts himself off, his gaze dropping to Bucky’s stomach. “And a jelly belly! Mom, did you know your boyfriend has a jelly belly?”

“What?” Bucky sputters, glancing down at himself with wide eyes. “I don’t have a jelly belly—Also this beard?” He strokes it like he’s pondering life’s great mysteries. “Your mom likes it.”

“Yes, you do!” Lucas insists, poking at Bucky’s midsection with a tiny finger. “Superheroes are supposed to be all muscle, but you’re hiding a squishy balloon in there.”

“Squishy balloon?” Bucky repeats, looking thoroughly betrayed as he turns to you.

“Lucas,” you chide gently, but your son’s eyes are wide and innocent. “Don’t be mean,” you add, fighting back laughter.

Bucky sighs and looks down at Lucas with a mock serious expression. “You know, I’m part super-soldier, part robot, and part… dad bod. It’s a package deal, kid.”

Lucas narrows his eyes, scrutinizing Bucky’s face. “I guess that makes you a little cooler, but you’re still a metal-armed grumpy pants.”

“Metal-armed grumpy pants?” Bucky echoes, eyebrows lifting. “Wow, we’re just racking up the nicknames today, huh?”

“Yup.” Lucas grins, then frowns again, cocking his head thoughtfully. “You’re also kinda like a… metal mop. All hair up top and a shiny stick arm.”

“A metal mop?” Bucky asks, his voice filled with mock offense as he raises his eyebrows. “You’re really on a roll.”

Lucas shrugs, the corners of his mouth lifting slightly. “I think it suits you.”

“Well, you’ve got guts, I’ll give you that,” Bucky says with a chuckle.

Lucas scowls, but there’s no real heat behind it. “You’re lucky, you know.”

“Oh?” Bucky leans down, hands on his knees to get on eye level with Lucas. “And why’s that?”

“‘Cause Mom likes you,” Lucas mutters, eyes flickering to you and back to Bucky, a hint of protectiveness in his tone. “But if you hurt her, I’ll tell everyone you still sleep with a nightlight.”

Bucky’s eyes widen in shock. “What? I don’t—”

“Yeah, okay,” Lucas interrupts, holding up a finger. “But I’ll tell everyone you do. Including all the Avengers.”

Bucky’s mouth opens, and then he shuts it, clearly struggling for a response. “You wouldn’t.”

Lucas just stares at him, completely unblinking. “You wanna test me, Mr. Metal Mop?”

Bucky glances at you, looking for support, but you just raise your hands innocently. “He’s tougher than he looks.”

After a long pause, Bucky leans down, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “Alright, kid, name your terms.”

Lucas pretends to think for a moment, tapping his chin. “You have to play video games with me… three times. No complaints. And no quitting when I beat you.”

Bucky looks horrified. “I—”

“Deal?” Lucas extends his tiny hand with a sly grin.

Bucky glances between you and Lucas, then sighs dramatically. “Deal.”

Lucas’s grin widens. “Oh, and one more thing—if I catch you throwing the controller in frustration, I’ll know you can’t handle losing.”

Bucky stares at him, completely lost for words.

“Just a fair warning.” Lucas pats Bucky’s arm as if he’s the one doing Bucky a favor. “Welcome to the family, Mr. Jelly Belly who’s gonna get his butt kicked at Mario Kart.”

You burst out laughing, and Bucky groans, running a hand down his face. “You’re really not gonna let this go, are you?”

“Nope.” Lucas shakes his head with a grin. “Better practice up, Grumpy Pants.”

“Practice? Against you?” Bucky scoffs, but the smile pulling at his lips betrays him. “Kid, I’m gonna wipe the floor with you.”

“Sure, Mr. Nightlight,” Lucas replies smoothly. “Sure.”

Bucky glances at you and then back at Lucas, a mischievous look in his eye. “You know, at this rate, you’re gonna start calling me Dad.”

Lucas pauses, then tilts his head with a confused look. “Why would I call you Dad?”

Bucky smirks. “Because you know I’ll beat you so bad at those video games, you’re gonna need a parental figure to console you.”

“Right, I can call you Dad,” Lucas’s eyes light up, and he leans in, voice dropping to a whisper. “Only if you pay me twenty bucks a week, Dad.”

Bucky’s jaw drops. “Twenty bucks?!”

“Yeah,” Lucas shrugs nonchalantly. “Think of it as a ‘dad fee.’ I’m expensive. Mom’s got good taste.”

Bucky looks at you, baffled. “Did he just—?”

“Oh, and I’ll need a ride to school every morning,” Lucas continues, holding up his fingers as he lists his demands. “And ice cream. Twice a week. But no toppings. I’m not greedy.”

Bucky bursts out laughing, shaking his head. “You really thought this through, huh?”

“Business is business,” Lucas says with a serious nod. “So, what’s it gonna be, Dad?”

Bucky blinks, then leans back and sighs dramatically. “Sorry, buddy, but I think I’ll just stick with Mr. Metal Mop.”

Lucas crosses his arms, a sly grin forming on his lips. “Your loss. Could’ve been Dad. Now you’re just gonna be the guy who cried during Shrek.”

Bucky’s shoulders slump as he glances at you, utterly defeated. “I’m doomed.”

“Yup,” you say with a grin. “But hey, at least you didn’t agree to the ‘dad fee.’”

“True,” Bucky mutters, then he turns back to Lucas, raising an eyebrow. “But for the record, I did not cry during Shrek.”

“Sure, Mr. Nightlight,” Lucas deadpans. “Sure.”

[buckyalpine]

Pick Me

Bucky x reader 

The new recruit has her eyes set of a certain set of super soldiers. Especially your super soldier. 

warnings: jealously, Angsty bangsty, but also so fluffy fluffy and smutty, clueless Bucky, he really means no harm, go easy on him.

A/n - editing to add: when I first started writing this I loved the concept and wrote a large chunk but then I left it for months cause I struggled to actually finish writing it. This wasn’t even the original ending I had planned but I just wanted to finish it so yes Bucky should’ve done way more, pretend there was a time jump where he does a better job with earning forgiveness 🥲

-

“Everyone, meet Nicole, our newest recruit for the field agent training program” Tony walked into the common room where you were sprawled out on the couch with Nat, Sam and Wanda while a young woman walking confidently behind him. “She’s going to be staying with us for a couple of months to train before she goes onto the the field” Tony turned back to her, bringing her to his side. 

“I’m sure you know everyone but let me introduce you to them anyway. This is the very Natasha, Wanda, Sam and y/n” 

“Hey Nicole” You gave her a warm smile, happy to welcome her while everyone else also got up to greet her. “Nice to meet you” 

“Oh, ew, just call me Nic! I don’t really go by Nicole” She scrunched her face at the sound of her full name, her eyes scanning the room, clearly looking for someone. “Don’t suppose the very Captain America and Sergeant Barnes are here?” 

The hopeful uptick in her voice made it clear that’s who she’d been searching for. Right on cue, the two super soldiers walked into the living room on their way to the kitchen after a morning run. 

“Speak of the devils and I do mean devils” Tony snorted beckoning the men to meet the new recruit. “Rogers, Barnes, this is Nicole, preferably Nic” 

“Hello handsome” She gave Bucky a bashful smile before turning to Steve and batting her lashes, “and handsome” 

“Nice to meet you” Steve reddened at the way she gripped onto his hand before slinking over to the brunette, purposely sticking out her left hand so he’d shake with his metal one. “And you Sergeant” 

Bucky gave her a smile and quick shake, excusing himself to get some water while Steve quickly trailed behind him. Tony went on to take her to her room which was on the same floor as yours, all the other spare rooms occupied by a few others who had already started training. Nicole returned to the living room moments later with sweats and a hoodie, her hair tied up, plopping down onto the sofa beside Sam. 

“Hey, were doing a girls night, movies, junk food, wine, you wanna join us?” Nat offered with a smile hoping to make the new recruit feel more welcome even though a part of her was wary. 

“It’s a lot of fun, I was just about to get some snacks for tonight, let me know what you like” You add with a smile, only to be met with a scoff.

“Mmm, hard pass on that, wine isn’t really my thing, thanks though” She gave the group a tight lipped smile before turning back to the two super soldiers who had also joined at some point, scrolling through phones they finally knew how to use. 

“What are you boys up to tonight” She threw them a smile while laying back on the couch and kicking her feet up, letting her hoodie ride up in the process. 

“Bucky and I were actually just going get in a work out, nothing much tonight” He said with a smile, not noticing the way Nicole’s eyes lit up. 

“Oh wow I actually haven’t been by the gym yet but I guess it’ll be where I spend most of my time for the program” 

“You could join us if you’d like, we can show you around” Bucky offered, also missing the smirk that crossed her face, only seeing her bounce right up with an enthusiastic nod. 

“Really? That would be great, I’d really appreciate it!” 

“Of course, anytime. We’re just about to head down soon” Bucky stretched as he got up, along with Steve, waiting for her to change before heading down. She got up and went off to her room while you picked at the skin on your fingers. You felt a pang of something at the pit of your stomach at Bucky’s offer but you knew he was just trying to make the girl feel like she was part of the team. He knew more about feeling left out than anyone else; of course he’d never want anyone else to feel the same way. 

Still.

Something was off.

You shook off the inkling of insecurity you felt, not wanting to over think his intentions. You and Bucky were not official yet but everyone knew there was tension and a clear unspoken dynamic between you both. It was just a matter of time. Unless he had his sights on the new girl...

No.

He wouldn’t do that. 

Right?

*****

“She’s getting really comfortable around those two” Nat cocked an eyebrow watching Nicole have a field day sparring with the two men, throwing herself onto Bucky in particular, giggling when he’d help correct her stance or catch her before she slipped. Every since she joined them at the gym, she made a point to only work out when they were both there, finding excuses when anyone else would offer to help her train. 

“I guess they are really experienced, so it makes sense...” Your voice trailed off, trying to reason why she was practically glued to their side, again ignoring the uneasiness you felt when Bucky picked her up with ease and set her back on her feet. 

“Uh-huh, we’re all experienced” Nat rolled her eyes, plastering on a fake smile when the three finished up on the sparring mat, making their way over to the both you. “You three have a good workout?” 

Steve blinked, noting the iciness In Nat’s voice though Nicole seemed unbothered. 

“They’re great, can’t beat having the two best soldiers train me” She drawled out, giving them a wink. Bucky couldn’t help the blush that spread to his cheeks, not used to being praised and you couldn’t help the jealously that started to gnaw at you again. 

No.

Relax. 

“Anytime, Nic” He shrugged while Nat retched internally, deciding to cut through that conversation before it went further. 

“You know, if you come by in the afternoons, Agent Hill hosts a great self-defense workshop for women, great way for you to do some networking as well” Nat gauged the way Nicole’s nose scrunched, shaking her head. 

“Women’s workshop, sound’s like a drama fest waiting to happen, honestly most of my friends are guys, makes life easier, thanks though” her eyes didn’t leave the brunette, placing herself perfectly between both soldiers. “Besides, I’m pretty good with self-defense already, that's why I got these two helping me with a little extra” 

“Anyway! Y/n and I were talking about the event Stark is hosting later night. You’re both coming, right?” Nat looked at the two men before her, purposely avoiding the Nicole but it didn’t seem to matter. 

“Are you coming as well?” Bucky asked her, her eyes lighting up again, quickly recomposing herself after. “You could meet a few of the other agents too, get to know some more people” 

“Uh sure, I could come by for a bit” She shrugged, coming off as indifferent while shaking with excitement on the inside. “Thanks, Sarge” 

You sucked in a breath at the name she kept calling him, always dropping a suggestive tone in her voice. Or maybe you were over thinking it. It was perfectly plausible she was just being nice to the person who was making an effort to make her feel welcomed. Maybe she had bad experiences in other places that made her wary of women, hence why she only stuck to all the guys on the team. You tried to wrack you brain for answers that would make you feel a little better but came up short. 

But you didn’t want to be petty. 

You were more mature than this. 

“We have plenty of dresses if you want to come by and get ready together” You offered again, mustering a smile, making a final attempt to befriend the new recruit but she didn’t even look your way, fully focused on the brunette. 

“Uh- not really the dresses and heels type. I’m more of a sneakers girl to be honest” She tossed her pony tail over her shoulder, missing the way Nat’s eyes nearly rolled out of her head while you nodded, watching her sway her hips as she walked off. “I’ll drag myself over if I’m feeling it” 

“Oh-okay, then we’ll just see you there!” You called after her while Nat dragged you off, uninterested in your constant attempts to be friendly. 

“C’mon, lets get you ready. I’m going to make you look so hot, Barnes ends up on his knees” The red head smirked while you squeaked, feeling your face heat up.  “We’re putting you in that red dress, the one that makes his pants feel too tight, don’t think I didn’t catch him adjusting himself the last time you wore it”

“Nat!” You hissed, hoping he didn’t hear, the both of you in a fit of giggles as you made your way to your room. “Oh my god” you hid your face while she dug through your closet, pulling out the tiny dress that hugged your body perfectly, the red color making you stand out in the best way possible. 

“Go shower while I get all the make up out, I’m tired of miss pick me trying to get a buy one get one free deal with those two” 

You snorted, hopping into the shower, letting the hot water destress your muscles, feeling a little more hopeful with the dress choice you were going with. Nat didn’t waste any time; as soon as you were out, your hair was styled, make up done and heels strapped. You knew you looked good when both Sam and Tony did a double take, letting their eyes shamelessly linger on you with low whistles. 

“Y’know if you’re done playing games with terminator, I’d be happy to take his place” Tony wiggled his eyebrows while you giggled, taking a seat on the plush couch of the lounge where everyone else sat. 

“What are you ladies drinking” Steve came over with a tray of drinks from the bar, already well aware of what each person liked to typically order. 

“I’m good with a beer” Nicole shrugged, rolling her eyes when you took the pink drink from the tray, “Ugh, I don’t know how you drink those, they’re so sweet, do you even taste anything at that point?”

You shrugged, quietly taking a sip of the raspberry lemonade while she gulped her beer, signaling for another after slamming her bottle down. 

“You guys took forever to get ready, this is why I can’t deal with makeup and dresses n’shit” she snorted, directing her comment mostly at you, “That’s a pretty bright color, I thought tonight was supposed to be lowkey?” 

“Well I think you ladies look beautiful” Thor boomed, not catching the snark in Nicole's voice, his smile wide and voice completely sincere. “Especially you, Lady y/n” 

“Thank you Thunder” You smiled, though the giddiness you felt initially had taken a second hit for the night. He beamed, setting down a bottle of Asgardian mead, searching for the two soldiers.  

“Alright, where are the two that need this” He looked around for Steve and Bucky, since they couldn’t get drunk off of regular alcohol. Bucky strode in clearly dressed to kill, in all black from head to toe. Steve joined his side, their faces lit up like it was Christmas day seeing the crystal decanter in the God’s hands. Bucky’s eyes flicked back to you, his breath hitching in his throat, seeing you in his favorite dress. 

“Fuck sweets, you look- 

“C’mon Sarge, how about a little competition” Nicole nudged Bucky, cutting off the trance he had on you, her shoulder pressing into his, biting her lip and eyeing the alcohol, “Let’s see how many shots we can do” 

“This might be a lot to handle doll” Bucky chuckled while you froze hearing what he called her. Her eyes lit up again, quickly glancing over to you, her eye brow quirking before leaning into him more. 

Since when did he call anyone else doll. 

You felt your stomach sink, taking another long sip of your drink instead, but nothing distracted you from the banter that was taking place before you. 

“Ugh, finee, I’ll stick to regular vodka, c’mon Buckyyy, lets gooo!” She practically clung off him waiting for him to pour shots, inches away from crawling into his lap as he grabbed the bottles. You couldn’t tell if the flush from his cheeks was from the alcohol or the constant giggles Nicole made whenever he spoke but either way, you didn’t want to watch any longer. 

“Where are you going” Nat grabbed your arm as you got up to leave, though you didn’t need to say anything for her to understand. Her green eyes glared at the tipsy solders who were now busy with a game of pool, surrounded by the rest of the team, Nicole practically crawling up Bucky’s legs each time it was his turn. “For fucks sake-

“They’re just having fun, don’t worry about it”  You stopped Nat before she stormed over, shaking your head. As much as you wanted to red head to have her way with any of the three at this point, you couldn't be bothered. You were not about to fight for Bucky’s attention; if he wanted to give it to you, he would...

Right? 

You thought things would go back to normal at some point. But it didn’t. Nicole made a point of training twice a day, anything to get her hands on the brunette. Anything to feel the cool metal of his hand on her. In fact she’d taken up most of Bucky’s time outside of just training, always finding ways to tag along with Steve as well, all while avoiding the rest of the team.

*****

“What's wrong sweets” Bucky could tell something was on your mind while he stroked your back, his body still warm from the way he took you apart at least 3 times before filling you up till you were dripping and soaking his sheets. He had finally gotten an afternoon off, tossing you over his shoulder when he found you in the kitchen, not letting you get a word in as he shut the door behind him. You wanted to argue back that he couldn’t just have access to you any time he felt like according to his convenience, but as soon as his soft lips were on you, you melted, turning into a moaning mess seconds later. 

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages” You shrugged, toying with the corner of Bucky’s blanket, starting to feel more like you were just a body to warm his bed than someone he actually wanted to be with. “We haven’t really hung out recently” 

You had let yourself relax into his hold only for him to curse under his breath a second later after he noticed the time. He shifted you off him, making his way over to the closet to pull over his jeans and Henley before scrambling around for his wallet and keys. 

“Bucky, what are you-

“Sorry doll, I forgot I promised to take Nicole to the corner diner, showing her around a little bit cause she’ll be staying for a few extra weeks”

Fantastic.

“You spend a lot of time with her” You didn’t want to come off as jealous, keeping your voice even, though you were close to tearing someone's head off. Bucky didn’t seem to notice, humming in agreement while sitting at the edge of the bed to pull on his socks.  

“Yeah, she’s fun!” Bucky said casually, which only made the weight in your stomach feel heavier. “She almost beat Steve in MarioKart, just when he thought he was unstoppable”

“Hm” You didn’t bother saying anything else while Bucky threw on his jacket, patting down himself to be sure he didn’t miss anything. He caught the way your face had fallen, his cool metal fingers slipping under your chin to tilt your face up. 

“How about we hang out after? Around 7, we’ll watch a movie together, okay? I’ll grab dinner for us. Promise doll” He kissed your forehead before jogging off, closing the door behind him.

You were ready by 6, too excited to wait till 7, having showered and changed into something comfy, laying out Bucky’s favorite snacks and adding a few more soft pillows to the bed. You knew it was still early so you didn’t mind lounging around for a bit, anxiously checking the time as it neared closer and closer to when he was supposed to show up. 

An hour later, it was 7. 

Then 7:30. 

And then 8.

By 9, you had left everything as is, blinking back the hot tears that wanted to spill, retreating back to your own room, not wanting to see him at all, even if he did have a good excuse for not showing up, which was highly unlikely. You shut the door, throwing on an oversized t-shirt and crawling into bed, burying yourself under the covers, no longer bothering to hold back the tears that began to soak your pillow. 

****

Bucky cocked his head curiously, seeing his bedroom door left ajar, wondering why it was open when he definitely closed it before leaving. As soon as he stepped in, his heart dropped to his stomach seeing the pillows that were propped up against the headboard, his favorite snacks piled on the fluffy blanket, your fuzzy bunny slippers left behind beside his bed. 

He cursed under his breath when he realized the time, remembering his promise to you, running straight to your room, only to find it closed with the lights turned off. He tried knocking only to be met with silence, carefully turning the handle and letting himself inside. 

“Doll?” He felt his heart break further seeing the small lump under a mountain of blankets, curled up into a ball “Oh, doll” He strode over, sitting at the edge of your bed, careful not to wake you if you were asleep, his hand gently tucking a strand of hair from your face. 

“What” Your voice cracked, hoping he’d think its from sleep and not the fact that you had been crying. 

“I’m so sorry sweets, we lost track of time, we went out to grab food and then Sam suggested we check out that new arcade just down the street” 

We were supposed to do that you thought to yourself, swallowing down the lump in your throat, refusing to let your emotions get the better of you. 

“And then Steve and Sam had to leave half way cause they had a mission early in the morning. Nicole wanted ice cream so we went by Carla’s before coming back-

“You took her to Carla's?” You cut Bucky off, your heart breaking further. That particular ice-cream shop always felt like something special you shared with Bucky, the place he took you to when neither of you could sleep. It was the place you shared your first kiss with him, the place where he said he felt something between the two of you. It’s not like you owned the store but it felt like the final straw, your resolve finally breaking. 

“Yeah, I-

“Just go Bucky” There wasn’t a hint of iciness in your voice; just disappointment and defeat, both far worse than you being angry. Bucky froze, pulling your blanket away from you, only for you to push his hand away, burying yourself further into the sheets. 

“Doll?”

“Don’t call me that” It was the indifference in your voice that left him hurt and confused, mouth opening and closing, “Please leave” 

“Sweets, I can make it up to you, I promise-” 

“It’s fine James” You shrugged, pulling the sheets higher up, not willing to speak anymore, knowing you’d burst into tears again if you did. Bucky reluctantly decided to let you sleep, figuring you’d hear him out the next day but no.

How wrong he was. 

You avoided him in the morning. 

And the day after that. 

Nearly a week had gone by and you didn’t spare him a second glance, always finding an excuse to evade him whenever he trailed behind you. It didn’t help that Nicole attempted to stay glued to his side, not giving him chance to get you alone. 

*****

“What’s with you” Sam watched Bucky slump down onto the sofa, where everyone else lounged around, his face sullen from a lack of sleep, grumpiness amplified because why were you avoiding him so much? 

“Y/n isn’t talking to me” He shrugged, while Nat glared at him. 

“I wonder why” the red head mumbled, rolling her eyes at his confusion. 

“When was the last time you guys spoke” Steve inquired, equally concerned about why you were ignoring his best friend. Bucky was the last person to share stories about his love life but at this point he was desperate. He recalled the events of the last time he spoke to you, promising a movie night, going out with Nicole, taking her for ice cream, running late, apologizing to you afterwards, where did he go wrong? 

“I didn’t mean to forget- 

“Bucky!” Nat slapped him upside the head while he yelped, looking at her with puppy eyes. 

“What did I do?”

“Barnes, you absolute doorknob, you took her to all the spots you take y/n to, you’ve been spending all your time making little miss I’m one of the guys feel comfortable, you’ve made y/n seem invisible and you’re wondering why she’s not talking to you?” Bucky blinked while Nat continued, her annoyance only growing when she saw a message from Nicole pop up on Bucky’s phone. 

“You treat Nicole like your girlfriend. Imagine some new guy joins us, makes a point of eye fucking y/n the entire time, finding ways to constantly flirt with her and touch her, you’d be fine with it? Imagine he avoids hanging out with the guys but makes all the time in the world to chase after anything with breasts. On top of that, how would you feel if y/n went out of her way to make said guy feel more welcomed when he clearly just wants to get into her pants. You’d be fine with it?!”

Bucky shook his head, though still not fully understanding because Nicole was just a friend, not someone he’d even be into. Plus, its not like she was into him like that, right? 

“But Nicole doesn’t want to-” Bucky started, shutting his mouth when Nat nearly hissed, staring at him while he did the mental math, “Nicole wants to get into my pants?” Bucky looked at Nat wide eyes, ducking the cushion she was about to whack at his face, all the pieces finally clicking together. He groaned, running a hand over his face, realization hitting him like a ton of bricks. Just as Sam and Steve were about to hum in agreement with Nat, she glared at them, their eyes growing wide.

“And you” Nat turned to glare at Steve, his shoulders slumping when he realized he wasn’t in the clear. He squeaked when Nat pulled his ear, giving it a squeeze, “What were you thinking. You didn’t once think it was weird she only trained with you two? Haven’t any of you noticed Nicole doesn’t hang out with any of us, Just you?” Nat waved her hand at the men that sat before her, their dumb stuck faces only adding to her annoyance. “Idiots” 

As much as Bucky wanted to hit his head onto a brick wall, he didn’t have time to waste, immediately springing up from the couch to look for you. He checked everywhere he could but you were nowhere to be found. He was so desperate, he found himself shuffling outside of Tony’s lab, hoping FRIDAY would give him your location. 

“You’re asking for a lot Barnes, y/n might add my name to the hit list if I tell you where she is” 

“Please” Bucky was ready to beg on his knees while the billionaire huffed, watching the former assassin look like a lovesick puppy. He cocked an eyebrow, noting the glassiness of Bucky’s eyes on his desperate face, nodding before calling for FRIDAY to look for you. “Also, I need another favor...” 

****

“Y/n, babygirl” He’d never felt such relief before, seeing you make your way to your room, coming back from your hiding spot from the roof, the scowl on your face clearly showing you weren’t trying to talk to anyone one your way over. 

“Oh, I’m babygirl now? Has doll now been reserved for Nicole” You couldn’t hold back the sneer in your voice, walking away faster, ignoring his calls. 

“Baby, please!”

No. 

“Baby, wait!” Bucky chased after you, not willing to let another day go by without you knowing exactly how he felt. He managed to get hold of your hand, gently tugging you towards his chest and spinning you till your back was against the wall, his chest nearly pressed to you. “Please, I-I need to talk to you, tell you how I feel” 

“There’s nothing to talk about”

“Yes there is” His voice was earnest, baby blues searching your downcast eyes, his finger tilting your chin up to look at him, “There’s so much to talk about, I adore you” 

“Do you also adore Nic?” You scoffed, while Bucky’s cheeks warmed with embarrassment, the pink spreading up to his ears.

“There’s no Nic or Nicole, theres just a y/n, my y/n, only you doll” You rolled your eyes at his response, trying to move away but Bucky wasn’t having any of it, keeping you pressed against him, “I’m sorry darling, I didn’t realize what she was doing or get her intentions. I thought she just wanted to get to know the team better”

“Wow” you huffed under your breath, wishing you had the space to flick the super soldiers forehead. 

“I know, I’m an idiot, and I’m an even bigger idiot for not making it clear I’m so utterly and desperately in love with you” Bucky bit his lip as soon as the words left his mouth, he’d said everything under the sun except those words before. But they were true and he’d kept it inside long enough. “I love you, I love you, fuck, I love you”

You squeaked in surprise when he scooped you up in his arms, tossing you over his shoulder, walking over to his bedroom, smiling when he felt your small fists hitting his back, your butt wiggling to be put back down. 

“Barnes, put me down, you can’t just say you love me and then carry me away like a complete ogre!” He set you down, kicking the door shut behind him before wrapping his arms around you tightly again, falling more in love with your irritated pouty face. 

“I love you sweet girl. God, I’m so in love with you”

“You’re an absolute idiot”

“An idiot who is in love” 

“You’re so cheesy” You willed yourself not to smile, ignoring the butterflies that fluttered at his words and love struck eyes. “you’re still a dick”

“I know. M’sorry angel, I didn’t realize what I was doing, I never wanted to hurt you. I should’ve known something was up when all she wanted to do was train 24/7 but I guess I misunderstood her intentions cause I didn’t see her as anything else. I’ve only ever had eyes for you baby, you have my heart. You always will” 

“Where is she right now anyway?” You melted into his chest, closing your eyes at the feeling of his lips pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “Isn’t she supposed to be leaving soon?” Bucky didn’t respond, his hands starting to wander your body instead, slipping up your shirt, rubbing soft circles on your hips. Without warning, he picked you up again, tossing you on the bed and pouncing on you, peppering your face with kisses. 

“Bucky what are you doing” You giggled feeling his beard tickle your skin as he started to trail kisses down your neck. 

“I may have requested Tony to have her stay an extra night” Your face twisted in confusion at his words but the devious look on his face made your tummy flutter. 

“And he happily agreed because...”

“Because...?”

“I want her to hear how good I can make the girl I picked feel” Bucky smirked as he crawled off you, stripping his clothes off before tearing yours off immeitedly after. “M’not gonna waste another second, gotta let the whole compound know who my best girl is” 

****

“OH G-GOD J-JAMES FUUCCCKKK” 

“That’s it pretty princess, that’s it, cum on my dick baby, my good girl, fuck you’re so good to me, look at that, God you’re soaked baby”

“Jesus Christ” Nicole huffed, no longer able to ignore the moans coming from Bucky’s room while the rest of the team pretended to be none the wiser, your loud love making carrying all the way down the hall. Bucky happily disabled the sound proofing in his room before pushing his cock in as deep as it would go, railing you into the mattress. 

“Baby you look so pretty when you’re all stretched out like this, c’mon you can take more, spread those legs for me baby, open up, c’mon, lemme in” 

“HNG PleasepleasepleaseJames” 

“So perfect when you beg, cock’s all yours mama, m’all yours, go on and use me, that’s it, ride this dick, you own me” 

“Bucky, gonna-c-cum, gonna-cum!”

“Cum for me princess, God I love you” 

“You want a snack?”

“Nick?”

“Uh-Nicole?”

“Huh?” Nicole whipped her head around to where Steve was innocently holding out the bowl of popcorn, while Sam stood up to grab more snacks before the movie started. She stared at everyone surrounding her acting as if they couldn’t hear the way you were screaming your vocal chords raw, the super soldier moaning louder than you, “N-no, I’m fine”

Tony cocked an eyebrow at the way her jaw clenched, mindlessly scrolling through her phone while Bucky’s thrusts punctuated with each word. 

“Y’feel so. Damn. Good. baby, could spent my whole life like this making love to you” 

“Fuck, I love you James” 

“Ugh- they’re so loud” Nicole rolled her eyes again in hopes that someone would feel the same but all she got were blank stares back. 

“I mean, terminator is practically in love with her” Tony shrugged while the others nodded in agreement.

“They’re cute. It’s about time they made it official, don’t you think?” Nat asked sweetly staring directly at her while Steve tried to chime in as well, his cheeks burning hot pink between the sounds of skin slapping and moaning. 

“They sound so happy together” he stuttered out while Sam snorted, choking from laughter. 

“Oh God, oh god, fuck-Jamie-JAMIE” 

“Yup, real happy”

“I-I think I’m actually gonna call it at early night, stay at the recruiting center tonight instead” Nicole headed straight to the main doors without looking back, the rest of the team giving each other satisfied smirks. 

Bucky collapsed beside you, panting, his short locks clinging to his forehead, a thin sheet of sweat covering his body. He truthfully stopped caring about what Nicole could or couldn't hear half way through, meaning every single word he said as he took you apart over and over again. You giggled at his shy smile when he pulled you into his chest, pulling the sheets over you both, kissing your forehead. 

“I love you pretty girl. I love you so much” 

[bucks-babe]

Change My Ways For You

Pairing: College!Fuckboy!Bucky x college!fem!reader

Summary: One of the only girls in school that didn’t want Bucky Barnes was somehow the one he fell in love with

Warnings: Smut, fluff, reader doesn’t take any of Bucky’s shit, himbo!Bucky, Bucky being a fuckboy,a bit of forced proximity, small part where Bucky is fucking someone else (ew), pinning, Bucky proving himself to be a sweet boy, non consentual kissing, Bucky being tooth rottingly sweet, Bucky calling reader sweets sweetheart and sweetcheeks, Steve is a dick (sorry not sorry), PROTECTED p in v (they are responsible in this one), fingering, fluffy smut, dirty talk, cockwarming?, so much praise, talk about STDs, delayed aftercare, talk about no aftercare, Bucky learns about aftercare so all is good

Word Count: 14.6k This is a long one

A/N: Thank you to @buckys-wintersoldier for beta reading and helping with the direction; however, any and all mistakes are mine and mine alone. This fic is the most adorable and full of emotions. The angst, the fluff, the feelings and especially Bucky. The way they act around one another — it’s absolutely great and definitely a read worth it!

“I have to admit, some of your grades in this class are less than I expected. Some of you have excelled in my class, but there are quite a few students to which their performance, to put it nicely, has been subpar.” A few students in the room look around, trying to see who looks guilty of having shit grades. You couldn’t care less; you know your grades are great so it’s not your problem if someone else is failing. 

All you want to do is get out of class and go back to your dorm to sleep, having stayed up way too late to finish a research paper for a different class. Your professor walks back over to his desk and leans back on it, sighing and taking off his glasses to wipe them on his sweater. 

“Now, while I understand that this course is not for the faint of heart, I still expect all of you to put in effort, and based on these,” he holds up the essays that were due last week, “I can tell that some of you just don’t care. Not even mentioning those of you who didn’t turn in your paper.”

You hear a scoff a few rows behind you and you know it’s Bucky Barnes without having to turn your head. He is the resident fuckboy, not caring about school or his education, just going to parties and fucking every living thing in sight. Sometimes you think that the only reason he is even in college is to have the “college experience” of “being free and having a bit of fun.” 

He’s never turned your head, rather just been a thorn in your side three times a week when you go to class, always joking with his friends next to him or talking about his latest trist. You don’t want to hear about how loud a random girl screamed when she came on his cock. You were here to get your degree and finally move out of this shitty town you were stuck in.

Honestly, you doubt that Bucky was even giving anyone orgasms. In your experience, men who brag about how good they were in bed were nothing but a disappointment, giving you about 30 seconds of mediocre sex until they came inside a condom and rolled over only to ask you, “did you cum?” The answer was always no. You didn’t have the patience to stroke any man’s ego when they couldn’t even make you wet. 

Bucky did nothing but make you roll your eyes, annoyed by the absolute gall of himself. “Now, because I don’t want my class average to go down because of a few dumbasses, I have sent some of you an email to meet me in my office after hours in which I will pair you up with another student in hopes that it will give you a kick in the ass since I cannot be bothered to spend more time teaching you.” You like your professor, you really do. He was one of the chillest professors you’ve had, but a twinge of fear goes through you. You fucking hope that he doesn’t pick you to help another student, especially Bucky.

You hang on to the sliver of hope that he won’t pick you. He knows that you’re busy, right? Between work and school you don’t have any time to tutor anyone. The topic stays on your mind long after you leave class, delaying looking at your email just in case he picked you to help another student. 

As the hours went by, however, you knew that you had to check it. You cursed when your laptop had battery; if it didn’t, it would have given you an excuse to not show up if you were picked. Nonetheless, you opened your school email, only to find out that you had been picked and you needed to go down to your professors office in a half hour.

Getting dressed, you had the most intense scowl on your face. This was the last thing you needed added onto your plate. You only hoped that he would pair you up with someone who didn’t need that much help, but you were proven wrong when you walked in only to find Bucky sitting down looking like he would rather be anywhere else.

“Take a seat, please.” You huff and sit down, moving your body away from Bucky as much as you could. You didn’t really feel comfortable around him. He’s never done anything to you per say, but you’ve seen his shameless flirting and it makes you uneasy and never want to be on the receiving end of it.

You don’t pay attention to anything your professor says, something about helping Bucky over the next few months until he’s passing or fails out of the course. You’re too lost in thought to care. On top of everything you have going on, now you have to help the one person you can’t stand.

Your professor dismisses the both of you with instructions to meet at least twice a week to study together. Bucky walks out before you and you assume that he has sprinted away to go to another party given that it was late afternoon, but you find him right outside the door. 

“So, sweetcheeks, I guess you’re gonna be seeing a lot of me now.” His eyes run up and down your body, like this was the first time he’s seen you. It makes you shift and wrap your arms around your middle, trying to soothe yourself. Bucky clearly takes this the wrong way and thinks that you like his hungry eyes and steps closer to you. “How about I give you my number and we can meet up, ya know, to study? Or if you ever need something, I’m sure we can figure something out.”

You don’t want to give him your phone, thinking about where his hands have been. Ever since his step closer to you, you can smell the scent of sex on him. If you look closer at his beard you can see the glisten on it, most likely from some girl he ate out right before he came to the meeting. 

“Just tell me your number, James so we can get this over with. I don’t want to help you and you don’t want my help. Clearly you don’t give a shit about this class and you only want to get in my pants.” He raises his eyebrows at your tone, a little shocked that you spoke to him like that. Before he opens his mouth you continue, “I mean, look at you. You’re flirting with me when I can fucking see that someone’s pussy was on your face, and that makes you think that I want to have sex with you?”

He opens his mouth one more time but you aren’t finished, finally able to snap at him for all the times he’s pissed you off. “I’m not going to be one of the girls you add to your roster so you can get that idea out of your head right now. The only time I am going to interact with you is when I have to, okay? Now give me your number so I can go back to my dorm and fucking sleep.”

Bucky is shocked, not having anyone talk to him like that. It pisses him off that you rejected him. Everyone wanted a piece of him, but he has time to change your mind. He can’t lie, your sass was making his pants tighter, but he relents and gives you his number before you walk away while he watches your ass, palming his dick through his pants. 

He needs to relieve the pressure in his groin and he’s sure as hell you’re not going to help him and his hand is nowhere near good as a pussy, so he goes out to Steve’s party, knowing that he can get a girl in minutes.

“Fuck, yeah baby, that pussy feels so good wrapped around my cock. Shit, love that ass too, you gonna let me fuck it? Yeah, I bet you fucking would too.” Bucky doesn’t know how the two of them ended up in the bathroom, fucking each other’s brains out, but he’s not complaining. When she offered to get on her knees and suck his cock he pulled her into the nearest room, cumming on her face before pushing her into the mirror, smearing her makeup and his cum all over the mirror.

The slam of his hips was brutal, surely going to leave bruises on her hips but he didn’t care, as long as she wasn’t complaining, he would do whatever he wanted with her, fucking her like she was a slut. “Fuck, baby, gonna make me fucking cum. Pussy is so fucking tight.” He lets a groan out, close to cumming. 

 Usually he didn’t make much noise during sex other than dirty talk, only breathing heavily and groaning when he was about to cum, but he was always composed. Sex felt great, but he never felt the need to moan. He never understood why men would moan like a slut just over some pussy, and he doubted that he would ever embarrass himself like that during sex.

“Love the way that ass bounces, so fucking hot.” This was the way Bucky fucked - from behind watching the girl’s ass jiggle. He wasn’t one to fuck any other way. Bucky didn’t give a shit to watch her face or look into her eyes, he just wanted to cum as fast as possible so he could move on with the rest of his day. He thought missionary was quite possibly the most boring position ever created, not like he ever made it to a bed anyway.

“Shit, gonna take my cum, bitch? Yeah, you fucking are, just a little fucking cumdump for me, letting me fuck you in a dirty bathroom, too horny for my fat cock.” He was babbling, just wanting to cum so he could go back out to the party and have another drink, maybe even pick another girl up for later.

Bucky lets out a low groan, filling up the condom with his cum. Once his orgasm is finished, he pulls out, taking the rubber off and throwing it away. Pulling his pants back up, the girl turns around, clearly affronted. “I didn’t even cum, baby.” Her voice was high and annoying, making Bucky roll his eyes. 

“Sorry, but your pussy made me bust early.” He chuckles knowing damn well that it was a lie. He just couldn’t be bothered to make her cum. Why would he put in the extra work to make her cum when he was just having fun? If she wanted to cum so bad she could have handled it herself. He wasn’t stopping her from using her own hands. Bucky either ate a girl out until she came to get her nice and wet if he was feeling generous that day or left her to her own devices while he took his own pleasure from her body.

She blushes, “oh, thanks, that’s sweet of you.” Bucky just wants to get the fuck back to the party and she’s talking too fucking much. “Maybe we can do this again.”

He can hear how hopeful she is and he felt just a little bit bad so he decided to humor her. “Sure, Sherry, whenever I’m free. You know college life and all, working hard in classes every day. Gotta keep up that 4.0 GPA.” As he heads for the door, he hears her squeak out, It’s Sally!

The next day is when you’re supposed to meet Bucky in the library to study, but it’s been a half hour and he still hasn’t shown. You decide to study what you need to. If Bucky wanted to fail you weren’t going to go out of your way to help him. You weren’t his mother; he was a grown man and he was responsible for himself. 

Nearly an hour later, Bucky stumbles in, clearly reaping the effects of the alcohol binge he must have been on the night before. It was no wonder  why he was failing his classes. When he sees you, a smile graces his lips, trying to make you forget that he was more than fashionably late. “Heeyyyy, sweetcheeks. You been waitin’ on me long?” The closer he gets the more you can smell the musk of sex and alcohol.

“James, are you wearing the same clothes as yesterday?” You know he is and you fight the urge to turn your nose up at the offensive smell coming off him.

“Huh? Oh, shit, I am. Well would ya’ look at that?” He laughs before plopping down in the seat next to you, his smell even worse than before. He tries to give you what you assume is a sexy look, but he just looks like he just awoke out of a coma. “How about you help me change them then, sweetcheeks? Maybe even give me a good scrub, make sure I’m real clean? Oh, and sweets, call me Bucky since we’re gonna get real close.”

There is no way that he is trying to have sex with you when his stink is filling up the entire section of the library. Anger bubbles up in your chest. You were here to help him and he is taking this whole thing like a joke. “I don’t have time for this, James. Unlike you, I actually care about my grades and don’t think with what’s in my pants.”

As you go to walk away, Bucky tries to grab your wrist, wanting to mess with you some more, but his motor skills haven’t come back yet and he was too slow. “C’mon, sweetheart, I was just messin’ with ya’, don’t get your panties in a twist.” Bucky holds his tongue about wanting to sniff your panties, not wanting to antagonize you further, but you just keep storming away and soon enough you’re out of Bucky’s sight.

Bucky huffs, annoyed that you walked away from him. Not because he actually wanted to talk to you, no of course not, it’s because no one has ever walked away from him. He walks away from girls after he fucked them, not the other way around. Grabbing his shirt, he lifts it up to smell it, turning his head away when the stench hits him. “Damn, no wonder she fucking sprinted away from you, Barnes.” Bucky stands up, almost falling over when gets lightheaded, the effect of drinking all night with no food catching up to him.

He slowly makes his way back to his dorm to shower and get out of his grimy clothes, feeling it stick to his skin in the worst way possible. He realizes that he only gave you his number and you didn’t give him yours so he has no way of texting you to see when your next session is. Maybe he would have made it on time if you texted him. It wasn’t his fault he was late. Honestly, you should have reminded him since you are supposed to be helping him.

The next day Bucky sees you in class and luckily he doesn’t reek this time. Instead of sitting in his usual seat, he goes down a few rows and plops down next to you. “So, sweetheart, I don’t mean to question your teaching methods, but seems to me like you’re a pretty lackluster teacher, runnin’ out on me like that.” You slowly turn your head, completely shocked at the sheer audacity of this man. How dare he say anything about you when he showed an hour  late and proceeded to ogle you like a piece of meat?

“Excuse me? You wanna say that again, James? Because I don’t think I heard you right, because you better not have just said that I’m the problem.”

“I was just teasin’ ya, sweets. But if this is gonna work ya gotta help me a little bit. I mean, you’re the teacher and all.” You wanted to slap that smug smirk right off of his face.

“If this is going to work, James, then you need to try. I’m not going to pull my weight and yours so get that idea out of your head right now. I’ll be in the library at 4:30. If you’re so much as a minute late, I’ll tell the professor to get someone else to deal with you.” With that you got up and changed your seat, not wanting to be around him for another second. 

Bucky felt his pants tighten again. He really needs to do something about your attitude, like fuck it out of you. It wasn’t a lie that he found you attractive and the thought of bending you over your desk and watching your ass bounce made his cock even harder. Bucky was contemplating asking the girl next to him for a handjob but the thought of her hands around his cock didn’t seem as good as what he thought your hands would feel like.

So instead of that, Bucky moved his seat to the back of the room so he could jerk off. A man has needs after all and Bucky has never had to worry about someone taking care of his boners until now.

Bucky decides not to push his luck and he actually shows up to the library on time, sans all of his books, but at least he’s there. He sees you in the corner, hunched over your laptop, typing away. You look cute too, with your tongue slightly passed your lips in concentration and eyebrows pulled together. Reading glasses perched on your nose. His sweetheart was working hard. What the fuck, Barnes? Bucky is taken aback by his own thoughts. He has never looked at a girl like that, when none of his thoughts are about how many different ways he could fuck them.

You roll your eyes when you see that Bucky didn’t bring anything with him, just the air of arrogance that seems to follow him wherever he goes. “Would ya’ look at the time, sweets? I’m early. See I happen to take my education very seriously.” You swear, if you roll your eyes anymore because of this man, they’re going to be stuck in the back of your skull. 

“Yeah, yeah. What did the professor say you needed to work on?” You want to get straight to business. The faster you get this done the faster you can leave.

“Uh, well. I don’t exactly know what.” He tries to smile to soften the blow of his incompetence as he sits next to you, but you are almost vibrating in anger at how useless he is.

Huffing, you angrily click at your laptop, going to check the email your professor gave you, knowing that Bucky couldn’t be trusted to remember. “James, please tell me how your grade is a 13% and you’re still in college?” You had no idea that someone could have a grade that low and not be kicked out of the entire course.

“What! No way, let me see that.” You slide the laptop over to him, showing the proof of his negligence. “Well, damn, we have a lotta work to do then, sweetcheeks.” You ignore his comment and pull up his most recent essay, surprised that he turned it in at all, but not shocked to see how terribly he did.

“James, what did you even think this essay was about?”

“Uh, nature and care?” Your mouth drops open and you just stare at him for a minute, making him squirm under your gaze.

“James, this was an essay on Frankenstein, and you were supposed to analyze the difference between nature versus nurture. You wrote about the fucking trees!”

Bucky clearly didn’t understand the problem with his essay. “Yeah, that’s nature!”

“No, James. Nature as in how you are, like how you were born, not how you were raised. You were supposed to compare how Victor was nurtured all his life but was full of hate and spite, but the creature never had any care but he was benevolent until everyone who encountered him abhorred him!”

You were talking too fast and Bucky didn’t understand a word of what you said. You were using words that he had never heard of before. “So, you can fix it, right, sweets?” That same sly smile was on his lips. The look on your face was enough to make him backtrack. “Uh, so we can fix this right? You know, since we’re a team now.”

The resting bitch face you gave him had him shifting his eyes around the library, trying to avoid it. As soon as he did, however, he regretted his decision when his party hook up locked eyes with him. His eyes immediately went to your laptop, typing random words onto the document you pulled up, trying to seem busy.

“So, sweetcheeks, I’m picking up what you’re putting down. So Victor is a bitch and Frankenstein is cool.” The sound of your voice correcting him by calling the creature Frankenstein is drowned out by the shrill voice of his past trist.

“Hey, baby, haven’t seen you since that party. See you're working hard, keeping up that 4.0 I see.” She lets out a giggle and strokes his bicep. You raise an eyebrow but don’t say anything about his supposed GPA. You’re taking great pleasure in watching Bucky squirm, clearly not wanting anything to do with her now that he’s gotten his rocks off. 

“And who is this? I bet my smart baby is helping her study, right? That’s so sweet of you to help out, really. Not everyone would want to help the ugly girl.” You wheeled your head back, about to bite her head off for daring to say shit about your looks when the foundation on her face was three shades lighter than her chest that was almost spilling out of her way too small top. Now you were never one to judge, but if someone comes for your looks, you come right back at them.

Before you got the chance to tear her a new one, Bucky interjected. “Ya’ know me, always helping out where I can, even those less fortunate than me.” His eyes were glued to her chest and you doubted that he even knew what she said to begin with. “Listen, Sandy, how about we catch up after I’m done and I can help you out too?”

The “sexy” look on her face dropped. “My name’s Sally, nevermind, you can have the ugly bitch!” Bucky cringes slightly at getting her name wrong again; he was never good with those. You don’t know why you were involved with their lovers quarrel, but a twinge of hurt sprouts in your heart. You didn’t even do anything to her and she had to come at you for your looks, and Bucky didn’t say a fucking word.

Grabbing your things, you pack them with more force than necessary, but you don’t give a fuck. “Sweetheart, where are ya’ going? Don’t listen to her, she’s just a bit jealous that I’m with ya’.”

How does he not see what he did wrong? You just glare at him before turning on your heels and walking away. There is no way that you’re going to spend anymore time or energy on him when he isn’t going to try. If it was anyone else, maybe you wouldn’t be so hurt, but for just one second you thought that Bucky wasn’t as bad as he made himself out to be.

“Sweets, c’mon, we still have that essay to write.” Was this man really following you down the hall? Yes, yes he was. 

You spin around, eyes ablaze just to walk back up to him and push his chest. “You have an essay to write because I. Am. Done. You don’t give a fuck about this and I refuse to put myself through this for nothing.”

“What did I even do?” Now you were shaking with anger.

“What did you do? You haven’t tried at all, showing up late, trying to get me to fuck you, and worst of all, you let someone talk about me like that right in front of you and didn’t say a fucking word. You know, for a second there I thought you might be a nice guy, but you proved me the fuck wrong.”

Bucky had the nerve to look angry at what you said. Pushing you against the wall, he stares into your eyes. “Sweets, you’re really starting to piss me off. I’m fucking trying and it’s not good enough for ya’. I ought to fuck that attitude right outta ya’.” His eyes drop down to your lips and you’re too stunned to speak, not expecting him to push you up against a wall. 

He was starting to scare you, getting into your space like this, but before you could tell him to back off his lips smashed against yours. It was rough and fast. Your lips stayed still but your eyes were wide open, shocked at what he was doing. You tried to push his chest, but he only got closer to you, wrapping his arms around your waist, one hand dropping to your ass.

You struggled to free one of your hands, but as soon as you did you slapped Bucky in the face as hard as you could given your angle. He pulls back, shock on his face at the fact that you hit him. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing! What made you think that I wanted to kiss you, asshole!” You try to wipe your lips, wanting to get the memory of his lips against yours off.

Bucky just stood there, not knowing what to say. He didn’t know what came over him. You shook your head and practically ran away to your dorm so you could shower and wash his touch off of you. The next day you were glad you didn’t have class with Bucky, but the remains of his kiss were still lingering. You didn’t even want to help him to begin with and this is how it ends up? With him forcing you to kiss him.

You didn’t want to tell anyone what happened, just wanting to forget the whole thing. But you couldn’t avoid Bucky for long since you did have to share a class together. He tried to come up to you, but you saw it out of the corner of your eye and switched seats before he could reach you. The entire hour and a half lecture was spent making sure Bucky wasn’t making his way any closer to you.

Instead of rushing out when class was over, you made your way down to your professors desk. “Professor, could I talk to you in your office for a minute? It’s important.” He might be relaxed most of the time, but your professor always made sure everyone in his class felt like they could talk to him if needed. 

Nodding his head, he leads you to his office and closes the door behind you, but not before you catch a glimpse of Bucky looking like a kicked puppy. He knew what you were about to talk about in that office, but there was nothing he could do about it. “Have a seat and tell me what’s going on. You’ve seemed off the past couple of lessons and I’m starting to get worried.”

You gulped, not knowing why it was so hard to say that you don’t want to tutor Bucky anymore. You didn’t want to let your professor down. Maybe it was because he reminded you of a father that you never had, but you just wanted to make him proud, showing him that you were capable of what he entrusted to you. He was looking at you, waiting to listen.

“Um, well, I have been distracted, but I think that it would be best for James to-” You can’t finish the rest of your sentence when you look at your professor. He trusted you to help Bucky and you can’t throw his trust away. “I think it would be best for James to have a more structured plan and I wanted to discuss that with you.”

The pride in his eyes was undeniable and you forgot about all the shit Bucky has put you through over the last few days. “Of course, what did you have in mind?” When you get out of his office, Bucky is still waiting, most likely missing the next party one of his friends is having.

You don’t even look at him, only grabbing the front of his shirt and dragging him with you all the way down to the library. “Sweets, listen, I didn’t mean to make ya’ feel-” Turning around, you cut him off and he stumbles to a stop.

“No, I don’t want to hear it, James. You listen to me. We will meet in this library every other day at this exact time and you will keep your mouth shut and work. Do you hear me?” Bucky feels his pants tighten, but doesn’t say a word about it, slightly scared to talk back to you. 

He just nods his head, finally noticing how beautiful you were. How your eyes held so much emotion in them, even when you didn't let it show on your face. Or how your lips form a small frown, the sides pulling down giving you an adorable pout. The small belmishes on your face, the tiny imperfections, created the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.

“A nod is not an answer, James. Use your words.” Bucky swears that he could have cum in his pants at that exact moment. No woman has ever been so dominant with him in or out of the bedroom. 

He gulps before finding his voice again, hoarse but still working. “Yes, ma’am. I won’t let ya’ down again. I swear.” You stare into his eyes for a few seconds longer, determining if you believed him or not, giving Bucky more time to appreciate every part of your face he didn’t notice before.

You let go of his shirt and keep walking and Bucky follows you like a lost puppy, eyes downcast to your ass but not being able to see much with your hoodie going down past it. Instead of going to the corner of the library you were at last time, you walk to one of the private study rooms. “Sit and get your shit out.”

Bucky wastes no time following your direction, loving how brazen you were. You sit down next to him, giving him the opportunity to smell your perfume, the light scent intoxicating. “So, teach, what are we working on first?” His eyes are bright and attentive, taking in your facial expressions. He’s trying to butter you up, make you less angry at him.

“We have to fix your atrocious essay. It’s worth the most amount of points so hopefully it will bring your grade up.” You root through his binder, nothing organized at all. When you find it and pull it out you sigh, not knowing where to even start. “Okay, first things first, you need to at least understand what this is about.”

You explain everything to him, stopping to see if he is still following along, surprised to see him paying attention, going so far as to interrupt every so often to ask questions. For the first time since he got to college, Bucky is trying. The two of you sit there for a few hours, going over the essay line by line, fixing his mistakes. To your surprise, his grammar wasn’t too bad. At least he had something going for him.

The next few lessons go by the same way, Bucky working hard to not piss you off, but also to improve his grades. There were no flirty comments, no complaining about you being bossy. He was falling for you, something that Bucky never thought would happen to him.

He didn’t know how it started. Maybe it was that day you told him off, grabbing his shirt and putting him in his place. Whatever it was, he didn’t care. You were so beautiful and smart. God you were smart. It amazed him how easy it was for you to explain the assignments to him. 

Bucky stopped going to parties, too. For once he didn’t find interest in getting shitfaced drunk and sticking his dick in a random girl; although it was giving him his first ever case of blue balls, it just felt wrong to have sex with another girl. He tried once at the last party he went to before he decided to stop going, but her hand on his cock didn’t make him pulse with need. Bucky ended up faking a phone call, saying that his friend was in the hospital and he needed to go see him.

As the weeks pass, Bucky can tell you’re getting soft on him, especially when you called him Bucky for the first time.

 “C’mon, sweets, it can’t be that bad helpin’ me out.” Bucky leans back in his chair, his signature smirk plastered on his face. 

“Don’t know what you’re talking about, James because from where I stand, I’m losing IQ points by the minute with you.” You still try to sass him but Bucky can tell you’re fighting off a smile. The two of you talk like actual friends now - no more jabs at his promiscuity and no more ogling.

“Ah, I think it’s the other way around. I can feel myself gettin’ smarter with ya’.” Bucky puts his head on the table in front of you, moving so he could look at your face. His eyes glisten, showing the sweet man hidden underneath his tough exterior.

“Oh, give me a break, Bucky, you’re just trying to butter me up so I’ll do all the work for you.” You smile, looking down at him with the same adoration he’s giving you. His name leaving your lips felt right, smooth and sweet.

Bucky’s eyes widen, not expecting his name to sound so damn good coming from you. He doesn’t say anything in fear of you going back to calling him James. Now that you’ve called him Bucky, he never wants to hear his first name come out of your mouth again. He wants to be your Bucky.

You can’t deny the feelings you’ve developed for Bucky. The man charming his way into your heart, but you know you can’t act on them. You doubt that Bucky has ever been in a serious relationship, only going for one night stands. Even though you’ve seen first hand how sweet of a man he can be, you still aren’t convinced that he would be interested in dating.

But Bucky doesn’t share the same sentiment. Today is the day he’s going to ask you on a date, hoping that you’ll say yes and give him a chance to prove himself to you, prove that he can be the man you deserve. Like always, you’re in the library before him, already set up and waiting. When you see him walking over you wave, the same gorgeous smile he fell for gracing your lips. 

You could tell that he was nervous, stuttering and not meeting your eyes. “Bucky, what’s going on with you? Don’t tell me that you forgot to turn in the essay that we’ve been working on.”

Bucky smiles sheepishly at you. “No, sweets, I remembered to turn it in. I, uh, well, ya’ know. I got a question for ya’.” Mentally slapping himself in the face, Bucky blushed.

Staring at him suspiciously, you pushed your laptop away, giving him your full attention. “Well, sweets, you’ve been so good to me over these past few weeks. Really turned me around. I didn’t think that I would be able to do all this college shit, you know?” It wasn’t a question that he wanted you to answer. “You made me change my ways. I don’t want to go to parties and get blackout drunk anymore. To be honest, I’d much rather spend my time with you.”

Bucky takes a deep breath while you gaze at him with a blank expression on your face, making him even more nervous than before. “Doesn’t matter what we’re doing, s’long as it’s with you I don’t care.”

You cut off his rambling, afraid of where he is going. “Bucky, what are you trying to say to me?” You know what he is trying to say, but you don’t know how to react to it. It’s not like you haven’t imagined what it would be like to go out with him, but that’s just not the man he is.

“I’m tryin’ to be romantic right now, sweets.” He lets out a little giggle, playing with his hands to try to calm himself down. “What I’m tryin’ to say is, would you like to go on a date with me?” Bucky feels his heart drop when you only stare at him, not even blinking. His knee starts to bounce, the anticipation becoming too much for him.

You sigh, thinking about what to say to him. The two of you have a good friendship, one that you never thought you would have, but starting a relationship with him is terrifying. “Bucky, listen.” Just from the way you started your sentence, Bucky regrets saying anything. “It’s not that I don’t like you, I really do, but I can’t deny that your past scares me.”

“What do you mean, sweets?” For a man so observant, he can be a little dumb.

“You don’t do relationships, Bucky. You’re used to no strings attached and dating includes a lot of strings.” Bucky clenches his jaw, of course his past would come back to bite him in the ass.

“I don’t want no strings attached anymore. I want to be with you and only you.” You close your eyes, putting your head down slightly. You want to believe him, you really do, but you don’t want to get your heart broken. Gently, Bucky’s hand grabs your chin, moving you to face him. “Let me prove myself to you, sweets, just give me a chance and if I blow it I give you full permission to kick my ass.”

That brings a small smile to your lips, but you’re still not convinced. “What if you get bored of me? Being with the same person over and over again?” Bucky’s heart aches at your words, not used to seeing you unsure of yourself. How could he ever get tired of you? He knows that he is the one who caused your insecurities. If he didn’t sleep around as much as he did, then you wouldn’t worry about his loyalty.

“Sweetheart, ever since you put me in my place, I haven’t touched another woman, can’t even think about someone who isn’t you touchin’ me. Just one chance is all I’m askin’ and I promise that I will show you how much I care.”

Closing your eyes, you lean into his warm palm, letting yourself feel him. His eyes hold so much vulnerability and you feel yourself losing the ability to say no to him. “Just one chance, Barnes. And if you hurt me I swear to God.” You’ve never seen Bucky smile so wide, pure joy adorning his face. 

The smile never left his face, only growing wider. “Wouldn’t dream of it, sweets. What about you come over to my dorm and we can have a movie night? Maybe you could even stay over?” He looks sheepish, worried you’ll turn him down. At the quirk of your brow he rushes to explain himself. “Not like that! Just to hang out.”

You head back to your dorm to get a change of clothes while Bucky waits outside so he could walk with you back to his. As soon as you walk out, he is rushing to grab your bag from you, insisting that he carries it. “Bucky, I can carry my own bag, you know. I’m capable of that much.” He loves your little attitude, never accepting his help.

Throwing an arm over your shoulder, Bucky leads you away, not giving you your bag back. His dorm is just what you expect from a college frat boy: trash can overflowing, clothes on the floor, food left out, bed a complete mess. Scratching the back of his neck, Bucky shyly looks at you. You decide to only give him a little bit of grief for the mess. “Am I allowed on the bed or have you fucked someone here?”

Bucky’s eyes widen, frantically shaking his head. “No, never brought anyone back to my dorm.” Toeing your shoes off, you ask him where the bathroom is, changing your clothes before you flop onto the bed, letting yourself sink into the fluffy mattress. For a minute, Bucky feels his brain malfunction. The sight of you in his bed is probably the hottest thing he’s ever seen. He would give his left arm to have you naked right now, his cock buried deep inside you, your pussy pulsing around his cock, moaning when he rubs little circles on your clit.

“You just gonna stand there, or are you gonna put on a movie, loverboy?” Shaking his head, Bucky nods and heads over to grab his laptop before climbing into bed, leaving space in between the two of you in case you didn’t want to be too close. “I didn’t know that hanging off the side of the bed was your style, but if you want to leave me to freeze feel free to do so.”

Bucky doesn’t know how to act around you, this whole dating thing is uncharted territory for him. He just moves over, your thigh pressed to his. Bucky had to will his cock to not get hard, the softness of your body was making it hard to think straight. The fact that he’s only jerked off for the past month isn’t helping either.

You move to get more comfortable, which so happens to include you snuggling into his side, curling your arms around his bicep. Bucky has no clue what the movie is about, the image of all the things he wants to do to you in this bed are too much for him. He doesn’t know what the feeling passing over him is. He likes this. He likes the feeling of your body pressed to his. Not in a sexual way, although he wouldn’t mind that either, but in a completely innocent way. Bucky never stayed around after he came, always getting dressed and leaving. He’s never had a woman press their body against his just to find comfort.

Somehow, Bucky is following along with the plot of the movie, but he knows that it was just because of how you interacted with all the characters like they could hear you. Bucky would usually hate that, he hates when people talk through movies, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be angry with you. If anything, he was glad that you kept talking, giving him the opportunity to hear your voice.

Halfway through the movie you stop talking. When Bucky looks down he sees that you fell asleep on his chest. Of course at that moment Bucky’s bladder decided that he needed to pee urgently. He tried to hold off for as long as he could, focusing on the part of your mouth and the bit of drool leaking from it. But try as he might, he needed to use the bathroom. 

He tried to maneuver you to not disturb your sleep but you woke up as soon as he moved. “Where you going?” Shit, he’s going to have to pee with a boner because your sleepy voice sent blood right to his cock. 

“Just gotta take a leak, be right back.” You just snuggle deeper into the pillows, humming in understandment. Bucky has to put one hand on the wall in the bathroom, leaning over the toilet at an awkward angle trying to push his erection down with his other hand so he could pee. It took a bit of work, but he was able to go without making a mess. Now, Bucky might be a lot of things, but unhygienic isn’t one of them and before he goes back to bed he washes his hands.

Once he walks back into the room he sees that you’re more awake than before but still laying in bed. He hits the lightswitch on his way over and turns on the lamp, letting the soft glow illuminate your features. “What took you so long? Almost fell back asleep.”

Before he could answer, you wrap your body around his and feel his hard cock through his sweats. Pulling away slightly, your face gets hot. That’s why he took so long. “Shit, sweets, I’m sorry. It’s just, well, you were in my bed, and you look so gorgeous. Not that I’m expecting anything! But the image of you is fucking hot. Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that.”

Your giggle catches him by surprise. “It’s okay, Bucky. Can’t imagine going from having sex all the time to being abstinent for a month.” With the soft glow of the lamp, you see Bucky’s blush. “Just don’t think I’m going to fix it for you though.” He shakes his head and chuckles lowly, pulling you back into him, keeping his pelvis away from yours even though his dick was begging for release.

Bucky doesn’t say anything back, but his hand moves to your waist, resting over your shirt. His thumb rubs small circles before he trails his hand up to your ribs and you can feel the heat of his palm through your shirt. For a few minutes he keeps his hand there, feeling your heartbeat, all the while moving his face closer.

He can feel your heartbeat pick up the closer he gets. You can feel his breath on your lips, warm and inviting. You’ve never been this close to his face, seeing all of his freckles up close. You don’t want him to pull away, not when your whole body is thrumming with need. Never in your wildest dreams did you think that Bucky could be this gentle.

He moves his hand up to your arm, delicately trailing his fingertips up and down, giving you goosebumps. Bucky is waiting for you to make the first move this time. The first time he kissed you was crass and unwarranted. The little gasp that leaves your lips when his palm rests on your cheek makes his cock jump.

Eyes fluttering shut, you lean in first. His plump lips meet yours and you moan into his mouth, not expecting his lips to be so soft and warm. You move your hands to his chest, pulling him closer to you, wanting to feel his whole body pressed to yours. You ignore the erection pressed against your stomach, completely lost in the sensation of his mouth on yours. 

Bucky frees his other hand from under him and wraps it around your waist, pulling you on top of him. The pressure of his hand caused you to arch your back, gasping when your core meets his hard dick. Bucky doesn’t waste the opportunity to put his tongue in your mouth, groaning at the taste. He has to use every bit of self control in his body not to buck his hips up, but he doesn’t have to because you grind down onto him, searching for friction. The harder you kiss him, the more his will slips from him and he was the first to break the kiss, a trail of saliva still connecting you to him.

Both of you gasp for breath, having deprived yourselves of oxygen for too long. “Why’d you stop?” God, you were perfect. Eyes wide, pupils blown, kiss swollen lips - Bucky knew that he wanted to keep you like this all the time, having you look at him like that was addicting and he was already hooked.

“If we keep going I won’t be able to control myself and I told you that I’m going to prove to you that I’m in this. That I don’t want you just for sex. I’m going to treat you right, make sure you know how much I care first.” You have to bite your lip to stop the moan leaving you. That was the hottest and sweetest thing you’ve ever heard. The fact that Bucky, the resident fuckboy, is denying sex because he wants to show you what you mean to him first has your cunt clenching around nothing.

You can’t think of words to convey how much that means to you, so you just slam your lips against his, kissing him with as much passion as you possibly could. Bucky has to use every morsel of restraint to move you off of him. “Sweets, you’re going to kill me with this.” The giggle you let out makes leaving his throbbing dick alone worth it, but you take pity on him and ask if he wants to go to the bathroom to fix his issue.

At first he declines, but he eventually caves and goes into the bathroom, shuts the door and handles his business. You scroll on your phone for a bit but you’re surprised when he comes back so fast. “Loverboy, this better not be a sign that you don’t last in bed, because when we do have sex, I want you to fuck me properly.”

As he flops back down on the bed, he groans. When, you said when, not if, when. “Sweets, if I hadn’t just came my dick would be rock hard again. You can’t say shit like that to me.” He rolls over, stradling you. “And sweets, I promise you, I’ll fuck you so good you won’t remember your name.”

You just raise your eyebrows, choosing to tease him a bit. “Well, based on the time you spent touching yourself, I’m not convinced. Hope your reputation hasn’t gone to your head because I’ll be honest if you can’t fuck me right.”

Bucky squints his eyes at you before leaning down, like he was going to kiss you again, but at the last moment, he pulls back and tickles your sides. Your laughter is easily one of his favorite sounds. “Bucky! Stop or else I’ll never have sex with you.” That makes him pause, even though he knew it was an empty threat and lays back down next to you.

“Okay, okay, sweets, I’ll leave you be. But I wouldn’t be opposed to you tickling me.” 

“What, is this a kink that you have, being tickled?” He scrunches his nose while he laughs, knowing what he was going to say next.

“No, but I would love it if you would tickle my pickle.” He smirks like it was the best joke ever told, proud of himself. You groan and turn away from him so he can’t see your smile. “C’mon, sweets, that was a good one.”

If you turn around you know you’ll see his puppy dog eyes. “Buck, that was the worst joke in the history of jokes.” 

“Ah, ah, I can hear your smile. You loved it.” You don’t respond, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing that you liked his joke. It’s silent for a moment and you are about to turn back around but Bucky talks before you can. “Do you mind if we spoon? I mean, you don’t have to stay overnight, but if you want to, ya’ know.”

“Well, it is pretty cold outside, and I would hate to have to walk all the way back. And who knows, I could freeze to death at my dorm. Better be safe than sorry.” Bucky knows what you're doing and plays along.

“Of course, sweets, can’t have my girl freeze. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t keep my girl warm.” You skooch back, pressing against his chest and his arms circle your waist, chin resting on your head. “Night, sweets, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Only if I don’t run away, loverboy.” You feel the vibrations of his chest as he chuckles before leaning back to turn the lamp off, falling asleep with your soft body pressed to his.

Over the next few months, Bucky proves himself to be the perfect boyfriend, always asking you how your day was, remembering all the little things about you, kissing you and holding your hand around campus, not giving a single fuck who saw the two of you. He wasn’t embarrassed to admit he was whipped.

“Buck, c’mon, this is the best fucking party of the year, you have to go. It’s gonna be packed with girls in slutty costumes, Halloween man, everyone wants to fuck everyone.” Bucky only rolls his eyes at Steve.

“Dude, how many times do I have to tell you, parties aren’t for me anymore. Hangovers suck dick and I have better things to do in my free time.” Steve doesn’t seem to understand how much Bucky loved you. He’s never said it, at least not yet. 

“Like what, hanging out with the nerd who hasn’t put out in three months? C’mon, I know you want some pussy and it’s gonna be on a fucking platter tonight.” Bucky sees red, not giving a shit that Steve is his best friend. No one talks about his girl like that, no one.

“Steve, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you, but you fucking know how much I care about her. If I ever hear you call her that shit again, I’ll put you in the fucking hospital. I couldn’t give less of a shit about how long I have to wait for her to know that I don’t just want a pussy to fuck, not anymore. I’m done with the parties and the random girls, okay. So get that through your thick skull.”

He doesn’t wait for Steve to answer, storming out of Steve’s dorm and walking away, not even caring where he was headed. He doesn’t know how he got there, but he stands outside of your door, raising his hand to knock. You always answer the door for him and this time is no different.

“Bucky, what’s wrong?” You were so tuned into him, reading him like a book. Without waiting you pull him into your dorm, shutting and locking the door behind him, leading him to your bed. His jaw was clenched, eyes set. If he was a cartoon, steam would be pouring from his ears.

“Fucking Steve.” He kicks off his shoes and gets comfortable in your bed, you following right after. You would go anywhere he goes.

Cuddling up to him, you pull him into you and his muscles relax at your touch, body responding to yours without thought. “What about Steve? You two get into a fight?” You never really liked Steve, but he was Bucky’s friend and you would listen to whatever he had to say about Steve. He was just like Bucky was before he met you.

“Being a fucking asshole. You wanna know what he said to me?” Bucky doesn’t wait for you to answer, only turning his head to see you better before continuing. “Wanted me to go to the Halloween party tonight, talking about all the girls that want to fuck as if he doesn’t know that I’m with you.” That doesn’t seem as bad as you thought, thinking that they got into a fist fight. It doesn’t surprise you that Steve was still trying to convince Bucky to go back to his playboy ways.

But Bucky wasn’t finished. “He had the fucking nerve to say that I should go because we haven’t had sex yet, like I give a shit about that. Fucking disrespected you right to my face.” You couldn’t deny that you were turned on by the fact that Bucky was defending your honor even when you weren’t there, not letting anyone bad mouth you.

“And what did you say, Buck?” Fuck, your voice was breathy, heartrate picking up. You wanted to hear what he said, how he told his best friend off. Bucky didn’t seem to pick up on your arousal, still too heated from his argument.

“Fucking told his ass that if he ever says that shit again, I’ll fuck him up. No one talks about my girl like that, don’t give a shit who it is.” You swear you could cum right now. Why was that so hot? Maybe it was because you’ve never had a man that didn’t let anyone disrespect you, or maybe you just liked to see him mad.

“I want you, Bucky. Want you to fuck me.” It just comes out, shocking the both of you. Bucky whips his head around, eyes as wide as your own.

“What?” 

“I want you to fuck me. I’m ready, know you don’t just want to use me.” Bucky’s dick is rock hard in seconds, all the anger in his body disapparating instantly. 

“Are you sure you want this, sweets? Because I have no problem waiting.” Throughout the course of your dating, Bucky can’t count the amount of times that he’s been hard and left his cock untouched. It’s gotten to the point where the two of you knew he was going to get hard when he was around you, not that it bothered you, knowing how much you were affecting him, but Bucky’s used to ignoring his erection now and he has no problem waiting for it to go away if you don’t want to have sex with him.

“Yes, Bucky, I think I’ve made you wait long enough. And to be honest, if I make you wait any longer I don’t think you’ll last more than a minute.” The mouth on you marvels Bucky every time. 

“Excuse me, sweets, but I’ll have you know I’m no two pump chump.” You only raise an eyebrow and Bucky huffs before kissing you again. It’s slow and hot. Bucky’s never kissed like this before, but with you he just can’t help but savor the feeling of your lips on his. He doesn’t want to rush, if he could he would kiss you forever, stuck in limbo, floating with only your touch to ground him.

You whine, hands pulling at his shirt, trying to get him to take it off. Bucky moves back, smirking at you. “Desperate, aren’t we? Just wanna feel me ‘gainst you, huh?” Teasing hasn’t been something Bucky really did, always hurrying to the main event, but he wants to make you crave him as much as he does you. 

The glare you give him holds no heat, not able to be mad at him when he’s looking so damn hot above you. Bucky relents, just this once, and takes his shirt off, revealing his toned stomach. He sucks a breath in through his teeth when your hands land on his abs. “Holy hell, woman! Your hands are fucking ice cubes!” You giggle but don’t pull away, sitting up and moving your hands across his back, slipping them into his sweats, finding his bare ass and squeezing.

“Well, loverboy, warm them up for me.” Bucky shakes his head in disbelief, chuckling at you. He takes your hands out of his pants and lays you back down, letting his warm palms circle the soft skin of your belly under your shirt. 

“Can I take this off, sweetheart? Gonna let me see those pretty tits?” Your cunt pulses at his words. Men that you’ve been with before haven’t talked to you like this, making you yearn for them.

“I mean, you can take it off but they’re not that pretty.” Bucky wheels his head back, clearly offended by your statement. For the first time, you shy away from his gaze. You weren’t exactly insecure about your body, but you also weren’t the most confident and you doubt that your body is better than the surplus of girls Bucky’s had.

“I beg your fucking pardon, sweets. I’m gonna need you to run that by me again.” Bucky lowers his face to yours, and you’re sure he is looking right through you. 

“Well, I doubt they’re the best pair you’ve seen, Buck. Don’t roll your eyes at me either.” You catch the eye roll Bucky gave you. He wasn’t rolling his eyes at you, but rather the words you were saying.

“I can’t believe my ears, sweets. The smartest girl I’ve ever met is saying what is quite possibly the dumbest thing I’ve heard. And that’s coming from the guy who is friends with Sam.” It’s your turn to roll your eyes and instead of saying anything back to him, you grab the bottom of your shirt and take it off, revealing your naked chest to him, foregoing a bra.

Like any man, Bucky gets distracted by the sight of your breasts on display for him. It takes him a second, but he shakes his head and comes back from his daze. “Fuck, sweetheart, you got the prettiest set of tits I’ve ever fuckin’ seen. Fucking perfect.” Bucky isn’t lying either, he really does think that you’re the most beautiful woman on the entire planet, every part of your body is perfection. “Should be a model, sweets, let everyone see how gorgeous you are.”

You feel the heat creep up your neck and rest on your cheeks. You aren’t used to being looked at like this. The look he’s giving you is so much different from when you first started working with him. It’s not filled with lust, although you can tell it’s there, but filled with awe and love. “Uh, uh, don’t look away from me. Want you to look at me while I make you cum.”

He pressed a chaste kiss to your lips before moving down to your neck, sucking on your sweet spot that he found the first time you made out. The little gasps and whines that leave your lips has his cock begging to be touched, but right now it isn’t about him, it’s about you.

You arch your back, pressing your soft breasts against his solid chest, drawing his attention away from your neck and to your tits. Trailing kisses down your chest, he swirls his tongue around your right breast, purposely avoiding your sensitive nipple. He doesn’t listen to any of your protests so you take matters into your own hands and grab a fistfull of his hair and jerk his head to where you want him to be. 

 The moan that leaves Bucky is pornographic, having no idea he liked his hair pulled that much. Bucky abides and takes your nipple into his mouth, sucking on it. “Oh, Bucky, just like that, feels good.” Bucky has to buck his hips into yours, never hearing something so sexy in all his life.

His other hand comes up to grab your other breast, rolling your nipple in between his fingers, every so often switching to give each one the attention they deserve. The longer he plays with your breasts, the more you feel your panties soak and you can’t take it anymore, needing some type of release.

Bucky pulls away with a pop, the cool air hitting your wet nipples makes you gasp. “Baby, I need you to touch me.” You can sense the words about to leave his mouth and answer his unspoken question. “Touch my pussy.”

Letting out a deep groan, Bucky grabs the hem of your sleep shorts, pulling them and your panties down when you nod. Your hand jets down to cover your pussy when you remember that you haven’t shaved, not expecting to have sex with Bucky tonight. “Wait, I have hair right now, maybe we shouldn’t.”

Bucky just blinks at you. He can’t believe that you would deprive him of your pussy because of a little hair. “Sweets, I have been a patient man, but I swear to God if you don’t move your hand and let me see my pretty pussy I’m going to lose my mind. You really think I give a shit if you have some fucking hair?”

You just smile sheepishly at him before removing your hand. “There she is. Look at her, so beautiful ain’t she? Yeah, she’s dripping for me, knows who she belongs to.” Fuck, you didn’t expect him to be so enamored with your cunt. “Ya gonna let me touch my pretty girl?”

You gulp before giving a breathy yes and Bucky spreads your legs a little wider and brings his right hand up to your pussy lips, gently tracing them making you twitch and giggle. “Bucky, that tickles.” Bucky smiles and his nose scrunches before his thumb goes from your hole up to your clit. “Fuck, Bucky, rub my clit.”

He just stops his movement, resting his thumb on your bundle of nerves. “This is where I’m in charge, sweets, and I don’t think that was a very polite way of talking to the man who is touching you.” You huff, not used to taking orders from anyone, but you want him to keep touching you so you relent.

“Will you please, rub my clit, loverboy.”

Bucky clicks his tongue at you. “Now, sweets, that didn’t sound very genuine but I’ll let it slide this time because I want to see this pretty pussy soak your sheets.” 

He starts to rub your clit from side to side, making you jerk your hips away. “Don’t fucking DJ my cunt. Circles, Buck, circles. You’re making me lose faith in you, babe.” Heat makes its way up his neck, his selfishness finally catching up to him. He doesn’t say anything, but switches up his method to what you said and you giggle at his confidence wavering.

His little slip up doesn’t slow him down, though, quickly finding the pace and pressure that seems to work best and draws those pretty sounds from your lips. Bucky knows that he isn’t going to be able to get enough of this, of you laid out before him, consumed by the pleasure he is giving you. 

“You want my fingers inside ya? Cause I wanna feel my pretty girl cum around my fingers.” You can feel the coil in the pit of your stomach, and you can’t remember if you’ve ever gotten to the edge this fast. All you can do is nod, moans and gasps the only sounds leaving your lips.

When his first finger slips inside you, your back arches and somehow the moans leaving you get even sexier and Bucky slips another finger in. “That’s it, pretty girl, suck my fingers in. Doing so good for me, knew you’d treat me so well. Don’t ya think, sweets?” The way he talks to your pussy has you leaking more arousal out.

“Please, Bucky, don’t stop, keep going just like that. M’gonna cum.”

A jolt of excitement shoots up Bucky’s spine. He wanted to see you cum so bad. Using every bit of self control in his body not to speed up, Bucky kept the same pace, curling his fingers to find that spongy patch. “Wouldn’t fucking dream of it, sweets, need to feel my pretty girl cum on my fingers. Promise I’ll feed her my cock after.”

Bucky groans with each clench of your cunt around his fingers, more desperate than you for your orgasm. “C’mon, sweets, give it to me. Can feel your clit pulsing. Be my good girl and give me what I want.” That was all you needed to fall off the edge, trusting that Bucky would catch you. 

Bucky’s sure that the sight of you cumming is the greatest thing in the world. He couldn’t dream of fucking you and not seeing you fall apart for him. He never stops moving his fingers, riding out your orgasm, only relenting when you push his hand away. It takes a few minutes, but you come back down, an open mouth smile on your face, eyes closed and Bucky falls even harder for you.

Blindly, you search for his pants, wanting to see his cock. “Bring him out, Buck, wanna see my new friend.” If it wasn’t for the orgasm he just gave you, Bucky would have been positive that you were drunk off your ass. Doubling over, Bucky cackles, not expecting to hear that come out of your mouth. “Don’t you laugh at me, loverboy, know your cock is huge. Let me meet him. Wanna put him in my mouth.” You give him a lopsided smirk.

“Don’t worry, sweets, you can meet him.” Bucky struggles to hold back his laugh. In all fairness, he did refer to your pussy as her, but the thought of you calling his dick him is hilarious. Nonetheless, Bucky strips the rest of his clothes off and you practically drool at the sight of his dick.

A little over average length, but thick as hell. You don’t think you’ve ever seen a cock that thick and you know he is going to destroy your cunt. Under his cock, his balls were heavy and full, the amount of cum in there building up just for you. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you pull him into you and Bucky has to catch himself with his arms so he doesn’t crush you with his weight. 

You both gasp when his bare cock rubs against your soaking cunt. Bucky has to close his eyes and think about all the assignments he still has to complete to stop himself from cumming on the spot. “Want it inside me, please, Buck, give it to me.” Bucky is near the verge of crying when you grind your cunt on him.

All you want is for him to fuck you until you can’t see straight and so does Bucky, but it takes everything in him to put away, knowing that the next words to come out of his mouth aren’t going to be sexy. “Hold on, sweets. I have to get a condom first.”

You don’t like that one bit, wanting to feel him inside you with no barrier. “Don’t need one, ‘m on the pill.” That has Bucky about to cum all over the sheets and your pussy. He knows that he needs to be responsible, not only for him, but for you too.

“Sweets, I, well, I haven’t been tested since my last partner. I’ve never done it without a condom, but I don’t want to risk it until I get tested.” He hangs his head in shame, yet again his promiscuity is coming back to bite him in the ass. What he wouldn’t give to feel your sopping cunt choke his dick, hell only knows, but his statement seems to sober you up.

“Oh, yeah, that’s probably for the best.” You can’t meet his eyes, the conversation awkward enough even if you weren’t about to fuck. Bucky takes in a deep breath and huffs out, clearly not knowing what to do next so you decide to lighten the mood. “Well, loverboy, you better wrap that bad boy up so you can prove that you can actually fuck me like you said you would. Top drawer. I got the good ones.”

You got Bucky to crack a smile before he gave a small smack to your thigh and walked over to your nightstand to get a condom. You wolf whistled when you saw his toned ass. “Damn, baby, you’ve been holding out on me?”

Bucky wheels around and says some clever retort, but you don’t hear it, not when his cock swings around with him, bobbing at the sudden change of direction. Not only that, but with each step he takes, his dick bounces up and down. “Sweetheart, it’s all yours. Stare all you want but close your mouth before I put somethin’ in there.”

Bucky rolls the condom down his length, giving it a few pumps while he admires you laid out on the bed, naked and ready for him to fuck you. Before he climbs back into bed, you stop him. “Wait, loverboy, do a little spin for me, let me see him move.”

Throwing his head back, Bucky lets out a belly laugh, and he just so happens to make his cock and balls bounce. “C’mon, s’all I want.” When he calms down, Bucky relents and circles his hips a few times, his cock, although stiff, moves with his hips and you have to close your legs to try to relieve the ache in your core. “Fuck, need you now, Bucky.”

“Yeah, sweets, you need my cock? Does my pretty girl need to be stuffed with my cock?” No smart retort comes to your mind, only the need to have him fill you up. It’s been way too long since you’ve had sex and you know Bucky’s cock is going to ruin you for anyone else.

“Please, Buck.” Fuck, the way you’re looking at him, with wide, pleading eyes, and a pout on your lips has Bucky’s dick pulsing. He climbs on the bed, in between your legs. “How do you want me?” You’ve overheard Bucky relive his one night stands more than once in class, before he fell for you. He was always adamant that the only positions worth doing were the ones where he could see the girl’s ass, and how boring positions where he could see her face were. 

Bucky stares at you for a second, cupping your face and leaning down to give you a tender kiss. “Want you just like this, sweets, wanna see you.” You swallow hard, willing yourself not to cry at how intimate he’s being. Despite your best efforts, tears well up in your eyes, making Bucky panic.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” His eyes hold so much love, something Bucky never thought he would feel for a partner. You wrap your legs and arms around him, clinging like a koala.

“Not a damn thing, Buck, just love you. Love you so fucking much it hurts.” Bucky feels his heart swell. If this is what it felt like to love and be loved, Bucky would spend the rest of his life trying to keep you, show you how perfect you are, love you as hard as he can and then some.

“Sweetheart, I can’t even put into words how much I fucking love you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, made me change from the asshole I was.” Bucky had his own tears welling up in his waterline.

“Buck, make love to me, show me how much you love me.” Reaching down, you wrap your hand around his dick, drawing a gasp from his lips, and line him up with your pussy. He presses his forehead against yours, gazing into your eyes as he pushes in, cock stretching your cunt with every inch.

Crashing his lips into yours, Bucky tries to hide his moan, whiny and long, never feeling such intense pleasure. Neither of you can kiss, just gasping into the other’s mouth. When his hips are flush with yours, balls resting against your ass, Bucky has to stop. If he moves he’ll cum; he knows it. He’s never felt like he would cum on the first stroke, but the way your cunt hugs him has him doubting that he’ll last more than a few minutes.

You can’t handle it, the stretch of his cock almost too much, but you needed him to move. “Please, baby, move, need it.” The moan that leaves him is sinful and you involuntarily clench around him.

“Sweets, can’t. Need a minute.” His arms go to your waist, and he pulls you up, groaning when his cock shifts deeper inside you, and sits with his back against the headboard, keeping you wrapped in his arms, bodies pressed so close together you could feel every muscle. Bucky closes his eyes, resting his head in the crook of your neck, breathing in your scent and relishing in the intimacy of the moment, with your breasts squished against his chest, feeling every breath you take, loving your soft hands scratching his scalp.

“Do this with all the girls, loverboy?” The breathiness in your voice has his cock pulsing against your walls.

“Never, sweetheart, never. You feel so fucking good.” Bucky sounded like he was about to cry with how hard he was trying not to cum.

You wanted him to fuck you, pussy leaking down his thighs. You decided that if you annoy him enough he might just fuck you dumb. “Guess I was right then, loverboy can’t last in bed. Gonna tell everyone how I broke your cock, how fast you came for me.”

That seemed to strike a nerve and Bucky rolled over, pining you to the bed with his body. You gasped at the quick motion and the jostle of his cock. “Sweets, now is not the time to tease me. Use your mouth for something better.” He could already hear your, like what, so he cut you off before you could get anything out. “Like moaning my name while I fuck you.”

He doesn’t pull his cock out far, wanting to stay as close to you as possible. Pushing back in, he groans, having to will himself not to cum. You feel so good, pussy wrapped around him perfectly. “Sweets, love you so much, never wanna leave this pussy.” You whine, a jolt of pleasure going through your clit at his words. 

“Love you too, Buck. Want to stay like this forever, want you.” It’s Bucky’s turn to whine, rutting into you, the coarse curls at the base of his cock rubbing your clit, the sensation of your breasts pressed against him new. 

He can’t help it, you just look too pretty underneath him, grabbing both of your hands in his, lacing them together and putting them above your head and pressing his forehead to yours, staring into your eyes. His lips meet yours, both of your whines and moans mix together. 

The constant roll of his hips is pushing you to the edge faster than ever before. You take one of your hands, still laced with his, and place it over his heart, feeling the erratic beat. The coil in your stomach is curling tighter and tighter. “C’mon, sweets, can feel you clenching ‘round me. Give it to me, cum on my cock.” 

Bucky is doing his best to hold on, wanting this moment to last, to relish in the bubble the two of you have created. His moans get louder, his own orgasm creeping up on him. Wiggling your other hand out of his grasp, you run your fingers over the back of his head, crashing your lips on his before you fall off the edge, eyes rolling back and body quivering, his body the only thing grounding you.

He had to pull out, your pussy almost milking his cum out, but he didn’t want to cum just yet. He wants to make you cum again, this time while he looks at your face, seeing it scrunch up in pleasure. You didn’t seem too happy at him for pulling out, needing him to be as close as possible. “Keep fucking me, Bucky. I need you to cum for me.”

Bucky groans before guiding his cock back home, squeezing his eyes shut when he feels your pussy somehow got even tighter. Not wasting any time, he starts thrusting again, this time much faster, still rolling his hips, hitting your sweet spot every time.

Pulling his body away from yours, Bucky sits up, resting your thighs over his, keeping his dick inside of you, not missing a single thrust. With the new position, he can see your breasts bounce, but more importantly, how beautiful your face looks screwed in ecstasy. “So fucking beautiful for me, sweets. Love the way your pretty tits jiggle, look gorgeous when your getting fucked dumb on my cock, gonna keep you like this all the time.” 

In this position, your clit is being neglected so you reach one hand down, desperate to cum again. Bucky quickly swats your hand away, replacing it with his own. “Ah, ah, I’m gonna make my girl cum. Just want you to lay there and look pretty for me. Can you do that for me?” You just moan in response, thumb rubbing quick circles on your clit, bringing you to the edge again. “Use your words, sweetheart.”

“Yes! I’ll do anything you want.” You feel Bucky’s cock pulsing inside of you, thrusts becoming sloppy and losing their rhythm. “Cum for me, Bucky, fill me up with your cum.” You both know that he is wearing a condom, but the thought of his cum rushing into your pussy, stuffing you to the brim, is enough to have Bucky emptying his balls into the rubber, groaning deep, almost whining your name.

He can’t stop thrusting into you, still rubbing your clit, desperate for you to cum around him. “Sweets, so much fucking cum for you, know you can take it. Fuck, cum for me, milk my cock, get every drop out.” Bucky was right, you looked absolutely divine when you came. At that moment you’ve never looked prettier.

Bucky never felt an orgasm that intense, leaving him weak in the knees. Collapsing onto your chest, not able to hold his own weight up. You huff, air being pushed out of your lungs, but you don’t mind, his weight soothing, helping to bring you back down from the high of your orgasms. You both lay there, hands stroking each other until you fully come back to reality.

“Gonna pull out, sweets, okay?” Bucky has never had his cock in a girl this long after he’s came, and it was getting too sensitive. Words don’t come to mind and you just nod your head dumbly, both of you hissing at the sensation.

Without a word, Bucky gets up and heads to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and clean himself up. All of a sudden tears well up in your eyes, body cold and craving his touch. He’s been so sweet to you for the past months, proving that he didn’t just want sex with you, but now he’s walking away as soon as you’re done. 

The buzzing of your body goes away, dread filling you. Rolling over, you burrito yourself under the covers, facing away from the bathroom, not able to stop the tears from streaming down your face. It only takes a few minutes, but to you it feels like a lifetime, until Bucky comes back, sliding under the covers himself. 

“So, sweets, what do ya’ want to do? I could go for a bite to eat myself. Don’t know when the last time you ate was though.” Bucky, on the other hand, was basking in the afterglow of the best sex of his life, already thinking about all the things he could do with you, all the ways he could get you to cum for him.

When you don’t respond right away, Bucky thinks you fell asleep. Leaving a kiss to the back of your head, he gets up and puts his sweats on, not bothering with anything else and heads to your kitchen. He doesn’t feel like making a full meal so he decides to just make a quick sandwich and head back to bed after eating.

You burst into full blown sobs when Bucky leaves, assuming that he left your dorm all together, having no idea that he was just outside. How could you have been so stupid to think that he really wanted you? Bucky goes to take a bite out of his snack when he hears your sobs, immediately thinking the worst - he hurt you, did something you didn’t like.

Rushing back into the room, Bucky climbs back into bed, rolling you over without warning. “What are you still doing here? Thought you left?” How could you ever think that he would leave you?

“No, sweets, just went to make a sandwich. What’s going on? Why are you crying?” Bucky has never been so fucking scared in all his life, terrified that he hurt you.

“Thought you left after you got what you wanted. You just left me in the bed after we were done.” Bucky’s eyes widened, not expecting you to say that. He doesn’t know what he did wrong. He’s never stuck around after sex, confused at what’s going on with you.

“Sweets, I’m so sorry that I made you think that, but I don’t know what’s going on. Need you to talk to me. I don’t want you to think I don’t care.” Your bottom lip wobbled, of course he didn’t know about aftercare. It wasn’t his fault that he never had a relationship like this. It meant so much to you that he was asking how to fix his mistake.

“I get really sensitive after sex. It’s annoying actually, but I need to be held and told that you still love me.” You avoid his gaze, more tears making their way down your face, Bucky wiping them away. How could his perfect girl think that her needs were annoying or an inconvenience to him.

“Oh, sweetheart, come here.” Bucky pulls you into his lap, almost petting your hair. “You did so good for me, you know that? I love you so fucking much and nothing is going to change that, okay?” He pulls your head back to look into your eyes.

“It’s just that my last boyfriend said that he couldn’t look at me after sex, said he couldn’t see me the same way.” What in the fuck. 

“Sweetheart, I need you to understand that I know that I’m the fucking luckiest man alive to be able to be with you any way you let me. When I look at you I’m so proud to call you mine.”

You bury your head in his shoulder, letting him hold you and whisper sweet words in your ear. For his first time doing aftercare, Bucky is doing great and soon you come all the way down. Pulling away from him you giggle. “Love you too, Buck. Thank you for that. I know some men don’t care about that. After they get what they want they leave.” Bucky hangs his head in shame, thinking about all the girls he made feel like they were worthless. “I know that you did the same thing, but the fact that you were so willing to change means a lot to me.”

Bucky knows that there’s a lot he has to learn about being in a relationship, but he wants to learn it all to be the man you deserve. He is going to treat you like the goddess you are for the rest of his life, he knows it, already planning on picking out a ring, because he’s gonna love you for a long, long time.

[urween]

Skittish | Bucky Barnes x ftm!reader

notes : je préfère le spécifier, la temporalité n’est pas exactement respectée. Disons que tout cela se déroule juste après Captain America : The Winter Soldier.

résumé : Après une longue bataille et surtout de dures recherches, les Avengers ont fini par retrouver la trace du Soldat de l’Hiver. Pour maintenir la sécurité de tous, ils le gardent en sécurité dans leur QG. En semi-liberté mais surtout dans un état second, Bucky Barnes attire l’attention du jeune garçon chargé de s’occuper de lui durant son séjour ici.

⚠︎ warnings : mentions de lourds traumatismes liés à la guerre et aux projets Hydra, une forme de dépressif!Bucky, violence, armes, incompréhension de la transidentité sans transphobie, mentions de pensées suicidaires.

english version here

- Description à la deuxième personne

- 5 605 mots

Tu étais le petit protégé du groupe, il l’avait vite remarqué. Même si Natasha n’avait elle non plus pas de supers pouvoirs ou de combinaison robotique, elle faisait partie de l’équipe. Elle et Clint étaient un peu les supers humains de la bande, avec des capacités surhumaines mais rien qui ne dépasse la foudre de Thor ou les muscles de Hulk. Puis, il y avait toi, un petit humain assez normal et sans spécificités particulières. Une grande intelligence, une extrême gentillesse et un sourire adorable. Mais pas de maîtrise des arts martiaux. Tu connaissais les bases des combats, Nat t’avait appris le principal. Tu avais fini par comprendre les formules chimiques extravagantes de Bruce, et tu comprenais le plus important de ce que disait Tony dans ses phases de nerd intenses. Mais encore une fois, tu n’avais rien de spécial, et ça interrogeait Bucky. Pourquoi un humain basique était ici ? Qu’est ce que tu faisais au milieu des Avengers ? Il avait beau avoir raté quelques années décisives d’un point de vue social, il ne comprenait pas.

Lorsqu’il marchait à travers le bâtiment, il tombait sur des scènes qu’il ne savait pas interpréter. Toi assistant Tony Stark et Jarvis, toi riant avec Bruce Banner, toi aidant Natasha Romanoff à s’entraîner, toi portant le bouclier de Steve Rogers jusqu’à lui, toi triant les flèches de Clint Barton, toi refaisant les tresses de Thor.

Qu’est ce que tu faisais là ?

Tu t’étais gaiement présenté à lui. Un sourire amical aux lèvres tu avais énoncé ton nom, prénom et tes pronoms – il n’avait pas vraiment compris ce dernier point –. On t’avait sûrement mis au courant de sa situation, ne te vexe pas il lui faudra un peu de temps avait-on dû te murmurer. Il ne t’avait pas répondu, et tu n’avais pas semblé vexé. Tu étais alors reparti, et il était resté perplexe. Si tu savais déjà tout de lui, pourquoi venir se présenter ? Tu avais dû lire ses dossiers, vous aviez tous dû lire ses dossiers. Steve avait dû s'éclipser pour prendre l’air, Natasha tout inspecter en détails, Bruce marmonner des “quelle horreur”. Tu avais dû lire ses dossiers. Voir sa vie exposée sur une grande table, des mains étrangères parcourant les contre rendus médicaux. Tu avais dû lire avec angoisse la liste interminable des victimes qu’il avait tuées lors de ses missions, observer les modifications qu’on lui avait fait, les traitements infligés, peines endurées. Tu avais vu tout ça. Pourquoi venir le voir ?

« Disons que je n’aime pas vraiment que tu traînes autour de ce type, déclarait depuis plusieurs minutes la voix de Tony, Jarvis copie moi ce plan et fais en une reconstitution 3D avec gares, aéroports et tout le bazard »

Les hologrammes bougèrent devant tes yeux, mais tu n’y prêtais plus attention depuis le temps. À l’époque, la première fois que tu as vu ce monde virtuel se modéliser dans le bureau de Tony tu étais comme un gamin. Des étoiles dans les yeux, tu posais milles questions à la seconde, faisant sourire le créateur de ce programme. Mais à présent tu savais toi même comment fonctionnait la plus grosse partie du système “Jarvis”, et tu n'étais plus si impressionné, ou du moins tu ne l'étais pas à chaque geste de Stark.

« Je vois pas ce qui te dérange, répondis-tu en balançant innocemment tes jambes dans le vide »

Tony se retourna avec sa gestuelle toujours aussi dramatique, faisant un vague mouvement de la main il essaya de te faire comprendre les choses sans avoir à parler. Malheureusement pour lui la télékinésie ne faisait pas partie de tes capacités.

« Très bien, s’avoua-t-il vaincu, pour commencer son bras robotique sophistiqué qui pourrait te broyer avant que tu ne puisses crier, mima-t-il avec désintéressement, puis lui-même au global, tu l’as regardé ? Instable et complètement perché »

Un sourire non camouflé dessina une courbe à travers tes lèvres.

« On parle toujours de Bucky Barnes ? T'amusas-tu, parce que j’ai plutôt l’impression que tu te regardes dans un miroir »

Tu jetas un petit coup d’œil vers Jarvis, qui finissait la demande de ton ami. Puis, ton attention partit de nouveau sur le milliardaire visiblement désespéré d'avoir cette discussion avec toi – tu finissais par avoir l’habitude, une démonstration d’amour de sa part –.

« Je préfère te couper tout de suite, continua ta voix, je t’interdis de me sortir les traditionnelles excuses dans le genre il est dangereux ou armé ou c'est un meurtrier. Tu descendis de la table où tu étais assis et montras avec des grands gestes la pièce, regarde autour de toi Tony, que des armes ou futures armes. Tu te rapprochas de lui et pointa son front du doigt, tu as la plus grande arme que l’humanité n’ait jamais connue dans cette boîte crânienne. Natasha et Clint sont des tueurs professionnels, Steve un soldat traumatisé qui se voile la face, Thor un alien avec des pouvoirs surnaturels et Bruce un scientifique hanté par un alter-ego destructeur. Tu émis une pause pour admirer l’expression faciale toujours aussi indéchiffrable de l’homme en face, vous êtes tous des meurtriers et des dangers pour l’Homme, la seule différence entre vous et Barnes est que vous avez choisi de livrer vos talents à une cause, et que lui n’a pas eu le choix »

Tony resta durant quelques longues secondes de marbre, un tourbillon sûrement en train de faire vibrer ses neurones. Puis, il haussa les épaules et inclina rapidement la tête en signe de défaite.

« Tu as raison, déclara-t-il, j’ai plus d’arguments et les tiens sont en béton, il se retourna et repartit vers Jarvis, bien joué petit »

Il y a encore un an tu aurais été perplexe face à cette réaction, mais le temps t’avait appris qu’il fallait prendre Tony Stark avait des pincettes et l'observer comme on le ferait avec un champignon étranger. Tout ce que tu pouvais retenir de cette interaction était que tu étais fatigué, que tu avais gagné contre le grand mégalo Iron Man et surtout qu’il fallait que tu parles de nouveau à Barnes.

Personne n’avait vraiment été d’accord avec Steve sur l’idée de ramener un mercenaire d’Hydra au QG des Avengers. C’est l’équivalent de lui servir sur un plateau en argent nos secrets, avait à raison dit Clint. Tu avais avec surprise vu Nat prendre la défense de Barnes, à tes côtés et ceux de Steve – bien entendu –. Puis il y avait Bruce qui ne savait pas livrer un jugement distinct, puis Tony et Clint qui étaient contre. Thor étant parti tu ne savais où dans l’espace, les votes avaient donc été clos sur un majorité de pour.

Tu avais aidé Captain a installé une chambre un minimum habitable dans une cellule de protection, un peu comme celle qui avait abrité Loki. Tandis que le grand blond portait le lit dépliable, tu t’étais occupé d’un sac de vêtements – approximativement à la taille de Barnes – et d’un autre avec de l’eau et des sucreries, cette idée venait d’ailleurs de toi. Tu trouvais injuste de qualifier cet homme de simple meurtrier, il avait été manipulé et contrôlé. Tout en posant les barres céréales sur une petite table en fer, tu avais essayé de ne pas penser au chaos qui devait au même moment se jouer dans la tête du Soldat d’hiver. Il devait être tout aussi traumatisé que ses victimes, peut-être même plus. Puis se retrouver dans un environnement aussi particulier du jour au lendemain devait être perturbant. Alors une barre en chocolat et un soda ne pouvaient pas lui faire de mal.

Merci, t’avais murmuré Steve, de comprendre. Tu lui avais rendu un sourire attendrissant, retenant l’envie de lui demander comment il se sentait. Il venait de retrouver son meilleur ami, qui était censé avoir disparu depuis plusieurs décennies, et en plus de ça cet ami avait subi des traitements inhumains durant la plus grande partie de sa vie à présent. C’était évident qu’il ne se sentait pas bien, qu’il était démuni face à cette situation. Bruce t’avait conseillé de lui laisser du temps, et que s’il avait besoin il finirait par parler à l’un d’entre vous. Tu avais écouté ses conseils, et t’étais davantage concentré sur Barnes à la place.

Tu t’étais d’abord présenté, commençant par un simple rapprochement. Tu avais ensuite fait en sorte de veiller à ses besoins, glissant une nouvelle bouteille d’eau fraîche lorsque la précédente était vide, lui ouvrant sa prison seulement quand la nuit tombait pour qu’il puisse aller se doucher sans croiser un Tony méprisant ou un Steve déprimé. À ce propos, des règles avaient été instaurées pour garantir la sécurité de tous. Si Bucky quittait sa cellule s’était toujours en compagnie de l’un de vous – vous étiez d’ailleurs les seuls à avoir les pass –, s’il demandait quelque chose – ce qu’il ne faisait jamais – l’objet devait passer plusieurs portails de contrôle avant de lui être remis, et enfin peu importe où il allait, toilettes ou douches, quelqu’un devait le surveiller dans la limite de l’intimité. Bruce avait proposé de fonctionner à tour de rôle, mais au vu des visages des autres tu t’étais porté volontaire pour assurer la plus grande partie de ses sorties. Natasha devait te remplacer lorsque tu n’étais pas disponible, puis Tony si aucun de vous deux n'était présent. Tu avais ainsi éviter les conflits mais aussi et surtout que Steve ne doive se rendre là-bas.

Tu ne le connaissais pas, Bucky, ayant seulement vu les vidéos présentes dans son dossier, et pourtant à chaque fois que tu allais lui rendre visite ton estomac se nouait. Il n’était pas question de peur, puisque son bras robotique avait été censuré au maximum grâce à un gadget de Stark, lui laissant seulement la liberté de l'utiliser comme un membre normal, sans super-force ou arme intégrée. Il reste un super soldat, avait alerté Bruce, ses facultés physiques sont supérieures à celles de Nat et il a un sérum semblable à celui de Steve dans les veines. Mais tu n’avais pas peur. Malheureusement une chèvre aurait davantage fait frissonner que Barnes lorsque tu allais le voir. Il était comme toujours sur pause. Ne parlait jamais, bougeant à peine son regard du sol. Tu avais été malgré tout rassuré de voir qu’il mangeait le minimum syndical, et il avait même un jour goûter une barre chocolatée. Mais mis à part ces détails, c’était comme si tu voyais le même robot dans la même position, jour après jour. Ton estomac se nouait pour ces raisons, parce que lorsque tu lui apportais des draps propres il n’avait rien de l’homme que tu avais vu en vidéo. La haine qui hantait ses yeux avait disparu, il ne restait qu’un vide sans nom, et tu n’avais jamais rien vu d’aussi triste. Tu n’avais pas l’impression d’avoir un soldat d’Hydra d’une centaine d’années en face de toi, mais un orphelin brisé.

Tu passais beaucoup de temps à relire son dossier, ses rapports, ses examens. Tu essayais de le comprendre à travers ces papiers. Steve était perdu, il ne voyait plus Buck dans ces yeux, et toi tu essayais de comprendre ce qu’il était devenu, Buck. D’après sa fiche personnelle, il avait été retrouvé à l’âge de vingt-six ans avant de subir les expérimentations d’Hydra. Une photo de lui, en 1943, était collée sur le papier. Un sourire timide aux lèvres, son couvre-chef d’infanterie légèrement penché sur sa tête et son uniforme sans un pli trônant fièrement sur son torse. Une larme avait gravement dévalée ta joue, finissant son chemin sur une écriture manuscrite russe : Зимний Солдат, autrement dit Soldat de l’hiver. Bruce avait effectué une tradition complète de tous les documents, par la suite corrigée par Natasha. Peut-être que relire ces textes n'était pas bon pour toi, mais tu en avais besoin. Tu étais le seul ici à t’intéresser à Barnes. Steve culpabilisait à tel point qu’il faisait une sorte de déni, Nat ne faisait qu’étudier froidement le dossier du soldat et ne parlons même pas des autres. Bucky avait besoin de temps, de compréhension et de douceur pour au moins ne pas aggraver ses séquelles. Tu devais très certainement faire des erreurs, n’étant pas psychologue de profession, mais tu faisais déjà mieux que tes camarades et qu’Hydra.

« Douce soirée pas vrai ? Résonna dans un silence de plomb ta voix »

Le soleil s’était couché depuis plus de trois heures, la plupart des Avengers étaient dans leur chambre ou partis dehors, ce qui signifiait que c’était le moment idéal pour que Barnes puisse prendre une douche. Tu avais rassemblé tes forces et t’étais rendu dans la cellule du soldat. Lorsque tu étais passé, il y a de ça environ deux heures, il n’avait pas voulu manger son repas alors tu l’avais repris et fait chauffer de nouveau pour plus tard. Le plat chaud donc d’une main, tu refermas avec précaution la porte en verre blindé derrière toi. Comme tu t’y attendais, Barnes n’avait presque pas bougé depuis ta dernière visite. Toujours assis en tailleur dans son lit, il semblait vaguement remarqué ta présence.

« Je sais que tu ne voulais pas manger tout à l’heure, commenças-tu en déposant le repas à côté de lui, mais je me suis dit qu’entre temps l’appétit t’était peut-être revenu »

Tu avais parfois le droit en guise de réponse à un petit “hum” rauque provenant du fond de sa gorge, mais tu te demandais si c’était volontaire tant sa gestuelle ne collait pas avec ce léger signe de vie. Malheureusement ce soir ne faisait pas partie de ce “parfois”. Pas de bruit, à peine un souffle. Mais tu ne te décourageas pas.

Les premières fois que tu étais venu lui parler, son manque complet de réaction t’avait interrogé sur sa possible compréhension de ta langue. Pourtant tu avais lu qu’il lisait et parlait au minimum deux langues, dont la tienne. Si ça se trouve tu comprends pas ce que je te raconte, avais-tu marmonné tout en ramassant ses vêtements usagés. Ta plus grosse interaction avec lui s’était alors produite lorsqu’il t’avait regardé droit dans les yeux et avait prononcé d’une voix agréablement grave : Je comprends.

« Mis à part ça tu peu- »

Tu fus surpris de le voir se lever de lui-même, se dirigeant studieusement vers la porte de sortie en attendant que tu l’ouvres. C’était d’habitude toi qui allait en premier à la sortie, attendant deux ou trois secondes qu’il se lève et te rejoigne. Mais c’était une bonne surprise, ça voulait peut-être dire que son état s’améliorait.

Ton pass électromagnétique collé au tableau de bord, un petit bip retentit avant que tu ne pousses la lourde porte et fasse passer en premier Barnes. Ces questions de sécurité t’étaient obligatoires pour approcher le Soldat de l’Hiver. Le faire toujours marcher devant toi, rendre ton pass inaccessible – caché dans ta manche la plupart du temps comme Bruce te l'avait conseillé –, une arme blanche camouflée contre ta cheville en cas de problème, et tu n’étais pas censé lui parler de toi ou de l’équipe. Clint avait voulu ajouter une règle supplémentaire : ne pas lui adresser la parole sauf en cas de nécessité, pour prévenir tout risque de manipulation. Est-ce que tu l’as bien regardé ? T’étais-tu imposé dans la discussion, il n’a émis aucune opposition durant tout le processus pour le ramener ici, et puis souviens-toi de ses rapports de missions, il n’était pas un espion mais un tueur de masse, il était programmé pour parler le moins possible à ses victimes. Tony était tombé d’accord avec toi sur le sujet, rappelant le cas de Loki – encore une fois – qui était bien différent de Barnes.

Stupides règles, pensas-tu en regardant la silhouette de l’homme en face de toi avancer dans le long couloir. Si les autres le voyaient plus de cinq minutes, ils se rendraient compte qu’il ne s’agissait plus que d’une victime dans cette cellule. Ils te trouvaient tous un peu naïf et ils t’appréciaient pour ça, un éclat d’espoir au beau milieu du chaos. Pourtant tu étais de loin celui avec la meilleure perception des autres. Chaque méchant avait des arguments, bon ou mauvais tu les écoutais tous. Tu raisonnais l’équipe, les faisant sortir de leur bulle de super-héros pour leur montrer la possibilité d’un peu de légèreté.

Tu ne doutais pas des capacités du soldat Barnes, tu avais encore moins envie de te retrouver en face à face avec lui qu’avec Nat – et c’était déjà beaucoup –. Tu regardais quelquefois de nouveau les vidéos de surveillance prises le jour où Natasha et Steve l’ont combattu pour la première fois. Il était hypnotisant, dans la manière dont tous ses mouvements semblaient s’assembler avec tant de fluidité et de rapidité, la façon avec laquelle son corps réfléchissait pour lui et agissait en conséquence. Tu avais, en comparaison, la tête qui tournait après avoir fait une roulade, alors voir tout ça était stupéfiant. Bien sûr il y avait derrière ces dons d'atroces explications, tout comme pour la plupart des personnes en capacité de reproduire tout cela, mais tu ne pouvais tout de même pas t’empêcher d’analyser ces vidéos. Et puis, là dans ce couloir, tu regardais le dos de Barnes, son bras étincelant, l’étoile rouge y trônant, et tu te demandais ce qui se passait dans son esprit. Ce qu’il savait faire était inhumain, le voir en image renforçait ce sentiment. Puis on devait prendre conscience qu’il s’agissait d’un être humain, qui un jour avait été comme toi. Son mode de fonctionnement devait avoir été totalement bouleversé, déformé et détruit. On avait dû réduire en miettes ce qui avait été pour construire ce qui était à présent, c’était comme ça que ça fonctionnait. Pour s’adapter à un nouvel environnement on nous conseillait toujours d’oublier tout ce que l’on pensait savoir, tous les films le disaient. De la même manière que des platistes étaient persuadés que la Terre est plate, Barnes ne voyait plus le monde comme tu le faisais.

Comme les règles le disaient, tu rangeas discrètement ton pass dans une poche de pantalon tandis que vous arriviez à la salle de bain. De simples verrous servaient de sécurité, et c’était amplement suffisant. Personne à part toi n’avait jamais évoqué l’hypothèse que Bucky tente de mettre fin à ses jours. S’il le faisait, la salle d’eau était le meilleur endroit, c’est pourquoi un simple verrou faisait largement l’affaire pour que toi ou quelqu’un d’autre puisse défoncer la porte en cas de nécessité. Mais tu évitais de trop penser à cette issue, car à travers le peu d'interactions que tu avais eu avec lui et les réflexions que tu entretenais à son sujet, tu t’étais attaché à sa personne.

Tu ouvris le rideau de douche, sous le regard intrigué de Barnes. Chaque Avengers avait une salle d’eau avec le strict minimum dans leur chambre, mais il y avait aussi trois salles de bain plus grandes au deuxième étage. C’était les pièces pour se nettoyer en urgence lorsque l’on rentrait couvert de sang, ou Bruce s’y rendait en cas d’alerte verte par exemple. Elles étaient plus accessibles que les chambres, ce qui expliquait cette fonction. Mais ce qui rendait Bucky curieux n’était pas ça. Tu lui donnais toujours la salle numéro deux, avec un douche basique, un lavabo et des toilettes. Hors là vous vous trouviez dans la numéro une, avec une baignoire. Il détailla rapidement la pièce, légèrement plus grande et mis à part la baignoire il n’y avait rien qui différenciait de la 2. Tu avais comme toujours préalablement enlevé tous les objets sujets à être utilisés en tant qu’arme. La pile de deux serviettes propres surplombée du savon et du shampoing durs – pour éviter les risques d’ingurgitation ou d’attaque oculaire trop agressive – et le gant de toilette, étaient toujours soigneusement posés sur le rebord du lavabo. Alors pourquoi une baignoire ?

Comme si tu lisais dans ses pensées, tu te retournas d'un mouvement fluide. Tu pris le temps d’apprécier le regard expressif de Barnes – c’était tellement rare – avant de répondre à ses interrogations.

« J’ai supposé que ça devait faire des années que tu n’avais pas pris de réel bain, tu essayas d’éviter le sujet Hydra, alors je me suis dit que ça pouvait être une bonne idée ? »

Un bon nombre d’émotions passa dans le bleu de ses yeux, ne faisant qu’accentuer ton appréhension face à sa réaction. Personne n’avait dû être ne serait-ce que sympathique avec lui depuis un long moment, ce qui voulait dire qu’il allait prendre du temps avant de proprement réagir. Mais comme tu l’avais imaginé, son regard parcourut à une vitesse folle la baignoire derrière toi à la recherche d’un piège. Je ne suis pas comme eux, pensas-tu dans un pincement de cœur.

« Je sais ce que tu dois te dire, mais il n’y a pas de piège Bucky, son nom résonna plus que tu ne l’aurais imaginé, ça va être long mais crois-moi je n’essaie pas de te tuer ou de te faire du mal »

Un lourd doute sembla peser, et tu ne pus que comprendre. Ce genre de phrases, il avait dû en entendre beaucoup trop avant de finir électrocuté ou pire. Pour aider son processus, tu t’écartas et le laissa pleinement observer le lieu. Ses yeux bloquèrent plus longtemps que prévu sur le pommeau de douche, et encore une fois, tu eus des nausées en imaginant les traumatismes qui devaient se rejouer dans sa tête. En cet instant, tu repensas à la première fois que tu l’avais conduit dans une salle de bain. Il avait refusé de rentrer dans la douche, la mâchoire serrée au point que ses dents devaient le faire souffrir, il t’avait fixé avec un cocktail d’émotions indéchiffrables dans les yeux. Tu avais fini par te souvenir des traitements réservés aux Juifs dans les douches durant la Seconde Guerre Mondiale, et tu t’étais tout de suite excusé. Pardon j’aurais dû y penser, avais-tu dit avec culpabilité, si tu veux tu peux juste te laver avec le gant et l’eau du robinet, pas besoin du pommeau de douche aujourd’hui si tu n’as pas confiance. Et la situation semblait se reproduire ce soir, il avait peur que vous vouliez vous débarrasser de lui durant sa douche, ou bain en l'occurrence. Les techniques ont malheureusement évolué depuis 39-45, d’autant plus qu’il se trouvait dans le QG du plus grand ingénieur des États-Unis, ce qui voulait dire que vous auriez pû trouver bien des méthodes pour le tuer pendant sa toilette. Mais il fallait que tu trouves un moyen de le rassurer, parce que tu n’avais pas l’intention de l’exécuter en douce, et que tu voulais être sincèrement gentil.

« Peut-être que si ça te rassure je peux-, tu hésitas avant de te dire que c’était pour la bonne cause, je peux rester avec toi ? Il y a un rideau de toute façon »

Face à son expression qui tanguait de la surprise au doute, tu te sentis obligé de justifier.

« S’il y a du gaz ou une explosion, je meurs avec toi ce qui serait pas très apprécié de l’équipe, tu émis une petite pause pour jauger sa réaction, et s’il y a quoique ce soit d’autre de ménaçant tu pourras toi-même me tuer puisque je serais juste à côté. Tu brandis ensuite la clé de la pièce entre tes deux doigts, en plus de ça je nous enferme et laisse la clé sur le rebord de la baignoire, pour ne pas m’enfuir et t’enfermer derrière moi »

Tu eus la ferme impression qu’à une autre époque, Barnes aurait souri, peut-être même ri. Puis, à ta grande surprise, tu vis un semblant d’amusement dans ses yeux. Un voile presque invisible qui ne dura qu’une seconde, juste le temps pour qu’une lointaine version de lui ne prenne le dessus sur le Soldat d’Hiver. Tu ne pus empêcher ton sourire, attendant malgré tout une réaction plus concrète avant de réagir en retour.

Bucky essaya de sortir une émotion dominante du brouhaha qui se jouait dans son esprit. Tu étais définitivement différent, et il commençait à comprendre pourquoi tu avais ta place au beau milieu d’une bande de surhumains. Et même si quelqu’un qui parlait comme toi avait le profil parfait pour manipuler à un haut niveau les personnes, il se risqua à tenter sa chance.

« Je peux avoir vingt secondes seul pour me déshabiller »

Le frisson qui électrocuta tout ton corps ne passa sûrement pas inaperçu. Sa voix, son ton, donnèrent une tournure plus directrice qu’interrogative à sa question, et tu ne fis qu’hocher légèrement la tête. À ton tour, tu devins aussi silencieux que lui, trop perturbé par l’accès de réactions de sa part en si peu de temps. Tu quittas la salle de bain, poussa la porte derrière toi sans la fermer, car malgré ton choc, ton inconscient valorisa ta sécurité.

Pendant que tu attendais un quelconque signal t’autorisant à entrer dans la pièce, tu divaguas sur de nouvelles réflexions. Barnes n’avait parlé à personne d’après ce qu’on t’avait raconté. Les caméras avaient enregistré que durant le combat pour le neutraliser il avait parlé, quelques hommes d’Hydra étaient avec lui alors tu avais supposé qu’il leur donnait des ordres en russe. Natasha avait été bien trop occupée à essayer de ne pas mourir pour prêter attention à ce qu’il avait dit, mais avec du recul, tu avais envie de savoir ce qui était sorti de sa bouche ce jour-là. Tony aimait dire que le russe était une des langues les moins accueillantes au monde, mais étrangement l’entendre de Bucky te donnait envie. Peut-être que c’était sa voix comme grondante, peut-être parce que le russe avait été pendant des années sa langue “natale”.

Outre le russe, il parlait d’autres langues d’après les rapports, mais encore une fois il n’avait pas fait valoir ses talents à n’importe qui à part toi. En même temps, je suis presque le seul qu’il voit depuis son arrivée, pensas-tu. Mais il avait malgré tout eu l’occasion lorsque Bruce était venu avec toi lui rendre visite pour vérifier un branchement du tableau de bord. Il aurait aussi pu le faire depuis sa cellule, puisqu’elle était totalement transparente et qu’il pouvait voir le couloir où beaucoup de personnes passaient, il aurait pu parler. Mais il ne l’avait pas fait, et sans savoir pourquoi tu avais le sentiment qu’il ne voulait parler qu’avec toi.

Un bruit d’eau te fit presque sursauter. Tu murmuras un juron – espérant que Bucky n’ait pas entendu – avant de doucement te retourner vers la porte.

« Je peux ? Préfèras-tu demander pour éviter un drame »

Le temps qu’il réponde, tu laissas encore une fois ton esprit s'égarer. Et s’il était juste nu au milieu de la pièce ? Hydra l’avait conditionné pour qu’il perde tout sens de propriété, pour que même son corps ne lui appartienne plus, ce qu’il voulait dire que la nudité n’était plus un tabou et qu’au contraire – vu les horreurs que ces gens avaient fait – ils auraient très bien pu le forcer à rester nu pour l’humilier davantage.

« Oui, résonna vaguement sa voix »

Te préparant au pire, tu pris une grande inspiration et garda tes yeux bien haut pour éviter tout contact visuel au mauvais endroit. Mais en ouvrant la porte tu fus soulagé de voir le rideau tiré de moitié et un Bucky déjà dans l’eau. Un sentiment, que sur le moment tu comparas à celui d’un parent fier de son enfant, réchauffa ton coeur. Ce n’était peut-être pas grand-chose aux yeux du monde, mais toi tu imaginais les impressions de l’homme lorsqu’il plongea un corps devenu presque inconnu dans une eau chaude préparée pour lui, et lui seul. Confort, surprise, soulagement. Il devait se passer beaucoup de choses dans la tête du Soldat de l’Hiver.

Tu refermas la porte derrière toi, verrouillant la sortie comme prévu. Mais, tandis que tu te rapprochais afin de déposer la clé près de lui, une deuxième vague de chaleur traversa ton corps en te rendant compte de quelque chose. Il avait seulement tiré le rideau de moitié, cachant ainsi le bas de son corps mais te laissant tout le plaisir de voir à partir de son torse. Encore une fois, en d’autres mesures tu n’aurais pas trouvé la situation émouvante, mais plutôt cocasse. Sauf qu’il s’agit du Soldat de l’Hiver, et que toute sa communication se faisait sans la voix. Il avait laissé ses bras et son visage visibles pour qu’à ton tour, tu vois qu’il n’était pas une menace. De la même manière que tu avais trouvé une solution à son angoisse, il faisait un pas vers toi en te montrant que tu n’avais pas de raison de le craindre en ce moment.

« Merci, murmuras-tu »

Comme si tu avais peur de briser le moment, tu t’installas sans un bruit. Il n’y avait pas de chaise ici, mais le sol te convenait. Tu croisas tes jambes en tailleur tout en reposant ton dos contre la petite extension de mur collée à la baignoire. De cette façon, tu restais assez proche de lui tout en respectant une distance nécessaire pour éviter de voir le reste de son corps dénudé.

Tu oublias de vérifier l’heure, ne comptant plus les minutes d’observation que l’homme en face te laissait avant de se poser des questions.

Bucky resta une heure entière dans l’eau avant qu’elle ne commence à refroidir. Tu passas tout ton temps à détailler son visage détendu, ses yeux fermés comme s’il allait d’une seconde à l’autre s’endormir. Puis lorsqu’il rouvrit ses paupières, il te regarda à son tour quelques secondes, avant de te demander s’il pouvait sortir du bain. À sa phrase, la réalité te percuta de nouveau et tu eus une envie folle de lui dire qu’il était libre, qu’il n’avait plus d’ordres à recevoir. Tu eus envie de lui faire voir le monde, de lui faire goûter une glace à la vanille, de lui faire sentir l’odeur de l’encens dans les églises, du gras des triples burgers. Tu eus le besoin de le voir acheter avec son propre argent, l’aider à se relever de ses premières chutes. Lorsqu’il t’avait regardé avec ses grands yeux bleus, attendant ton autorisation pour sortir d’un bain, tu eus envie de lui demander pardon, au nom de l’humanité. De lui promettre que personne ne viendrait le frapper, promettre à ce petit garçon que rien ne lui arriverait, qu’il pourra vivre une vie sereine et heureuse auprès de ses amis et de sa famille. Mais en regardant la peau vive de son épaule gauche, en regardant l’arme qui était implantée dans son corps, tu sentis ton ventre se retourner. Personne n’avait été là pour protéger cet enfant de Brooklyn, aucune des personnes lui ayant fait ça n’a ne serait-ce qu’eu pitié de cet homme. Et aujourd’hui il dormait dans une cellule capable de résister à la force de Hulk.

« Tu peux sortir du bain, se brisa ta voix »

Il obéit, faisant rouler les muscles surhumains de son corps pour se redresser. Tu ne bougeas presque pas, étant à ton tour trop loin dans tes pensées pour avoir l’idée de détourner ton regard de lui. Un nouveau coup fut porté à ton cœur en te rendant compte que oui, il n’avait plus de pudeur. Deux gouttes d’eau tombèrent contre ton mollet tandis qu’il attrapa la plus grande serviette de essuya sans une émotion sa peau. Le bruit rêche du tissu te fit frissonner, et alors doucement tu te levas. Il était plus grand que toi, mais ni ça ni son bras robotique ne t’empêchèrent d’attraper sa serviette humide. Son corps ne parvint pas à réagir lorsque tu passas le tissu blanc contre son bras, son visage était figé dans une expression de totalement incompréhension, face à la douceur avec laquelle la serviette entrait en contact avec sa peau.

Tu finis ta tâche, comme s’il ne s’agissait que d’un petit chiot à essuyer. Puis, tu te reculas de trois pas et planta tes yeux dans les siens. Tu lui tendis des vêtements propres, avant de reprendre la clé et de partir vers la porte.

« J’ai bien besoin d’un chocolat chaud, déclara ta voix encore cassée de larmes, et j’aimerais beaucoup le partager avec toi, Bucky »

Ta main quelque peu tremblante essuya l’humidité de tes joues, te retournant ensuite progressivement vers le soldat après avoir déverrouillé la sortie. Il s’était déjà habillé, le jogging noir tombant bas sur ses hanches. Bucky détailla ton visage, et ses sourcils se rejoingèrent dans une mine mi-confuse mi-triste. Il se rapprocha assez de toi pour que tu sentes la chaleur qu’il dégageait.

« Pas de cannelle, énonça-t-il, je crois que je n’aime pas ça »

Tu lâchas un petit rire nerveux, te disant qu’il n’y avait que toi pour te retrouver dans ces situations.

« Pas de cannelle »

Il y avait un début à tout, et lorsque tu vis – plus tard dans la soirée – de la chantilly sur les lèvres du Soldat de l’Hiver, tu pensas qu’après tout, l’enfant n’avait pas pu être sauvé mais que tu pouvais ramener l’homme à la vie.

images : Pinterest

bannières : @/strangergraphics, @/pommecita et @/thecutestgrotto

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ʜɪɢʜᴡᴀʏ ᴛᴏ ʜᴇʟʟ

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Summary: In an effort to get the two of you to bond, Tony Stark sends you and the ex-assassin Bucky Barnes on a road trip together. The reason? You hate each other. The situation? Two weeks in a car together. The reward: three days of a resort vacation. And the problem? He's kinda cute.

Warnings (Entire Series): Enemies-to-lovers, cursing, sexual tension, angst, fluff, crying, fighting, violence, chaos, mentions/talk of trauma, discussions of mental health, and potentially more.

Warnings: Enemies-to-lovers, sexual tension, cursing, arguments.

[Series Masterlist]

𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝑻𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝑨𝒊𝒏’𝒕 𝑩𝒊𝒈 𝑬𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑩𝒐𝒕𝒉 𝒐𝒇 𝑼𝒔

“It’s just two weeks, Buck. You’ll be fine.” Steve attempts to reassure his best friend, though it doesn’t seem to be working. “She’s really not as bad as you make her out to be.”

Bucky says nothing, rolling his eyes instead. "This whole idea is a waste of time. I'm not going." He grumbled. Stark had the grand idea to send the most incompatible people in the entire Avenger's Compound on a fucking road trip.

"You have to go. Tony said it's non-negotiable. I'm sure she doesn't like the idea either, but there's nothing we can do about it. Just...try and make the best of it." Steve offered, tipping his head and shrugging hesitantly.

"That's easy for you to say. You don't have to actually go." Bucky grumbled, stuffing more things into a suitcase. Steve was supposed to be helping, but he was really just there to try and convince Bucky that this was for the greater good, or whatever. Something like that.

This was going to be an insufferably long two weeks.

"Two weeks and three days. Three days of actual vacation! This is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard. Nat, you gotta get me out of this." You pleaded with the Avenger.

"Already tried. Tony won't budge." She gave an apologetic shrug. "Maybe you'll find out you share a lot of common interests."

"Right, because me and the ninety-nine year-old man are basically twinsies. Thanks, Nat."

"Maybe you'll just decide to fuck halfway-through." Yelena interrupts. "Like, full-on go at each other. The tension is very strong. Very strong." Her accent is thick as she digs through your closet.

"She's right, I've read too many romance novels to know how this turns out." Kate agrees, judging your shoe collection.

"What? Ew--God, no. That's...so fucking disgusting to think about." You shudder. "He's a total asshole."

"He's not so bad." Yelena shrugged. "Helped take down the Red Room. Good enough for me."

"He can't be that bad, right? I haven't really talked with the guy, but he seems chill." Kate ponders.

"What they mean to say is that it will be fine." Nat attempts to assure you, spinning you by the shoulders to face her.

"I hate him and I hate everything about it." You rage quietly as Yelena stuffs shampoo and conditioner into your suitcase. You were packing one suitcase and one backpack. Yelena, Kate, and Natasha were supposed to be helping, but they were really just goofing off and occasionally helping you grab something.

"The trip isn't even worth it, anyway. One week of driving to get there, three days of the actual resort, and then a week back. It doesn't make any sense." You tried to reason.

"The whole point of the trip is to get you two to bond. Or at least to not bicker and argue over the comms during missions." Nat rationalized. "It'll not only be good for you two, but for the team as a whole."

You thought for a moment, considering it. You could agree that the idea made sense, but still. He was a dick to you most of the time, so what was the point?

"Fine." You said. "But if he starts shit, I'm not going to let him walk all over me."

Sighing, Natasha nodded.

"If he pisses you off, just kill him--very easy. You know how to do it." Yelena stated ever so casually.

"Yelena!" Kate and Natasha exclaimed at the same time.

You scowled as you loaded your suitcase and backpack into the backseat of the truck. You even made sure all of your stuff was directly behind the driver's seat. Your seat. You were going to drive.

Bucky Barnes, seemingly getting the message, put his singular suitcase behind the passenger side.

Tony and Steve stood outside the huge garage, watching as the two of you loaded up the truck. Tony had bought the truck a while ago, but he never really ended up driving it often. He thought it would be perfect for this trip.

"Don't die, if you sleep in the car make sure to lock the doors, get a motel when you can, stay safe and have fun, blah blah blah, don't crash my truck." Tony told the two of you. Steve gave him the Eyebrows of Disappointment before turning back to you.

"Please don't kill each other. Stay in a motel or something when you can." Steve quickly hugged Bucky goodbye, stepping inside, and you turned to walk to the driver's side.

"What're you doing?" Bucky asked from behind you.

"Getting in the car?" You snarked back. The way he had asked his question annoyed you.

"I'm driving." He declared.

"No you're not. I am. You watched me put my stuff behind the seat--my seat!"

"I am driving the damn car. Move."

"No you are fucking not. Get your ancient ass to the passenger seat." You growl.

"Your driving is shit. Move out of the way before I make you." He says, sharp blue eyes glaring straight into yours.

"What're you gonna do? Throw me?"

Without saying a word, he put both of his hands on your biceps, squeezing lightly, before slightly picking you up and moving you to the side. He did it so easily, too. Most likely due to the serum, along with the vibranium arm. You felt the rage seeping into your body, and just before you could throw a punch, Tony called out from the door inside the garage. "Take turns, losers! Jesus Christ."

You both look at him as he says this, before looking back at each other. Shoving him out of the way, you open the truck door. He sticks up both of his middle fingers as he walks around the back of the truck. As you buckle your seatbelt, you consider just backing up the truck as he walked behind it. He wouldn't die. He probably wouldn't even fall over. It could be a total accident. A little oopsie, if you will.

Just before you could ponder the potential attempted murder, Bucky opened the passenger door, hopping into the truck. You plug your phone into the truck, putting on your favorite playlist. The one Bucky hated. It was a very personal 'fuck you' to the Super Soldier sitting next to you. He looked like he wanted to make some kind of comment, but he didn't.

Pulling out of the huge driveway, you knew one thing for sure.

This was going to be a long two weeks.

Day One

A/n: This has been in the works for a while. And while the anniversary has technically passed, I do feel like rebooting this because it’s very dear in my heart. I kept most of the text the same for this chapter with a few minor edits.

Taglist: @afraidofshrimp @laughterafter @cjand10 @kandis-mom @emmsybucky@mrsnotfeelingsogood @matchat3a @identity2212 @ilovemcuff @unaxv

note that this is the only series I’ll be doing a taglist for, but let me know in the comments if you’d like to join!

Reblog if you enjoyed!

dividers by @saradika-graphics

[a-bucky-a-day]

| Avengers no road home #10

By Al Ewing, Jim Zub, Mark Waid And Sean Izaakse

[world-of-aus]

I Like Looking at You

Pairing: NHL!Photographer!Reader x Hockey Player!Bucky

Warnings: None except for Bucky Barnes being a heart throb i fear. 😮‍💨

Authors Note: a little inside dip into the lockscreen fiasco 🤭 Enjoy! Back to the trenches i gooooo!

“Get your damn finger out of the way Barnes, I can’t see – oh wait go back, go back I want to see that one!”

You toggle with your camera flipping back to the previous photo, Sam let’s out a low whistle his hand coming down on your shoulder as he squeezes, “send me that one, I'm making it my lock screen.”

Laughter bubbles up around the booth, “What? Come on what – it’s a great photo, like y'all have never put a photo of yourselves as a lock screen?”

“We’re not all madly in love with ourselves like you are Wilson.” Bucky says from next to you. “Some of us prefer putting things we actually like to look at.” He adds lifting his phone to show a picture of a white fluffy cat spread out on its back across his chest, eyes peacefully closed. You coo over the screen before Sam’s dragging your attention back to him.

“We get it Al’s a cute cat, but I mean come on look at this!” Sam argues as he shows his now updated photo screen. You can’t help the snort that makes its way past your lips, Sam giving you a pointed look, “Really you too? Well come on then let’s see yours hot shot, what do you like to look at?”

Your shaking your head, pointing a finger at him, “hey now don’t drag me into this, this is between you and Barnes.”

Bucky chuckles, “What you got a shirtless guy you don’t want us to see hotshot?” he questions leaning into your side hand going for your phone that sits on the bar top.

You’re quicker as you snatch it up, “You do, don’t you!” Sam joins in also going for your phone now curled in your hand. You swat his hand away, “oh come on show us, show us! Is it me, it’s me isn’t it?” Sam teases as he continues his attempt. “Like who else would it be.”

It wasn’t but God how you were wishing it was. You were thinking your current might be worse if discovered, you were certain you wouldn’t hear the end of it.

“Why do I have to show mine, Natasha and Steve haven’t!” you argue trying to deflect the situation from you. Your tactics seems to work but only momentarily as Steve willingly shows his, a photo similar to Bucky’s stares back at your group you and Natasha cooing over the dog nestled on his lap. Natasha then follows, though begrudgingly she flashes her screen, the teasing coming almost immediately as she shares the photo you got of Steve last week, “oh fuck off,” she laughs brushing it off, “it's what I like to look at!”

You watch as Steve throws his arm around her shoulder pulling her close, “now that’s a great photo.”

“Yeah, yeah whatever,” Sam waves off, his attention now back on you, “it’s your turn hotshot come on let’s see it.”

You’re shaking your head smacking away at Sam’s hands, you knew if he got his hands on your phone you’d be placed in a situation similar to Natasha but seemingly worse. Because while Steve and Natasha were in the beginning of something flourishing between the two of them, you and Bucky were not, you’d barely started to call him a close friend.

“Oh come on now hotshot we showed you ours, now show us yours it’s only fair.” Bucky purrs.

“Fair? Fair?!”

With your attention on Bucky Sam is able to successfully get your phone from your weakened grasp. You can only stare in horror willing the ground to open up and swallow you whole as Sam lights up your lock screen, a photo of Bucky stares back at your group. A grin lights up his features after bringing his team to the first win of the season, you had captured it last year well before you had been signed on with the Bruins. A game Natasha had bought you tickets too after yet another failed rejection letter this one from the Rangers.

“Oh, Ew,” Sam pretends to gag, “I thought we were supposed to put something we liked to look at, do I need to get you some glasses hotshot.”

Sam’s reaction should have you laughing along with the group but all you can manage is a weak chuckle as you reach for your phone, though Bucky’s large hand grabs at it first. The smirk is unmistakable as he takes in your screen “I think her eye sights just fine Wilson, because this, this is a damn good photo, you should send this to me.” He teases, deflecting your hand by gripping it with his hand, his fingers curling around yours, warmth flooding you instantly.

“Man whatever, mines better!”

The table is off in laughter again your embarrassment short-lived as the group launches into a new conversation about grabbing more drinks the lock screens now seemingly forgotten. “You want the same y/n?” Natasha questions as she slides off her stool Steve following her actions, you nod trying to get your phone back, “What about you Barnes?” Sam questions following the duo. “Nah man, I’m good thank you.”

With the rest of your friends disappearing through the crowd, your attention is now solely on the brunette still holding your phone and your hand. “Barnes my phone, give. Me. My. Phone.”

He blocks any feeble attempt you make, “No I don’t think I will,” he grins lighting up your screen, “You like looking at me hotshot?” Bucky teases.

“I like looking at my work yeah.” You huff trying to pry the phone from his hand once more. He chuckles diving out of your reach once more. “Barnes,” you whine sliding off your stool to bring you impossibly closer to the man as you get into his space “my phone, give it back now.”

“Not until you admit you like looking at me hotshot.”

You roll your eyes, stomping your foot, “fine yes you’re nice to look at,” you grumbles as you finally get ahold of your phone, “but that’s not the only reason it’s my lock screen.”

The brunettes intrigued, the hand that’s holding yours not loosening it’s hold as he keeps you there. “Oh? What’s the other reason.”

“That picture gave me hope, it inspired me to keep going when I felt my lowest, showed me that despite what the odds might be, I two could come out on top a winner.”

His grin turns warm, fingers squeezing yours, “m’glad the Rangers dropped the puck then.”

“And why’s that Barnes?” you chuckle backing out of his space to reclaim your seat.

“Because I like looking at you too hotshot.”

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

So I 2

Warnings: non/dubcon, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: Bucky Barnes

Summary: your casual arrangement turns a bit too serious.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

A sheen of sweat coats your forehead, beading in the strands of your hair, your teeth gnashing as you strain to lift the bar just a little higher. Use your legs, you remind yourself. You suppress a grunt as your body trembles with the effort. 

“You got it, flex, you can do it,” a voice taunts from behind you. You roll your eyes and push up. Bucky steps closer and tickles along your hips. “Need a spot?” 

You growl and hook the bar in place, letting the weight off your shoulders. You step out of his reach and swipe up your towel. Your wipe your face as he comes around the weight rack and grabs your bottle out of your grasp. You growl as he squirts it into his mouth. 

“Thirsty?” He winks and wiggles the bottle. 

“What are you doing here?” You narrow your eyes and take the bottle from him. 

“Looking for a work out.” He winks. 

“Really? ‘Cause you’re not dressed for it.” You look him up and down. He’s in his usual; dark jeans, grey tee, canvas jacket. 

“Don’t need to dress up for the kinda work out I’m thinking of,” he snickers. 

“How’d you find me?” You challenge as you check your smartwatch. 

“Tuesday’s. You’re always too busy for me.” 

“Uh huh. And it’s a Tuesday. I’m busy.” You retort. 

“Ah, come on. I can help you with your cool down. Get you nice and stretched out.” He rests his hand on the barbells, his other on his hip as he leers at you. 

“You’re gonna need a good dose of protein after that,” he teases. 

“You’re gross.” 

“You love it. Come on. I'll take you by the shake place first. I’m a gentleman, you know?” He laughs and you shake your head. 

“Right. Let me change.” 

“Ah, I like you sweaty. Pheromones or whatever. You know, my sense of smell is enhanced.” He smirks. “I can even smell when you’re horny.” 

“Ew, shut up.” You jab his ribs and push past him. You sling your towel over your shoulder and strut off. He follows you. 

“Doesn’t this remind of old times?” He asks. 

You’re taken back to the day you met. Your first week in the gym. You were lost and you looked it. He helped you figure out the leg machine. He also fixed your form. Strange how time passes. 

“I feel like you were less annoying then.” 

“Really? Cause you were a lot more tense back then. Glad I could loosen you up, although your ass is looking tighter.” 

You stop at the locker room door and face him. “You--” You squirt the water bottle at him. “You’re gonna have to wait out here. Weirdo.” 

You spin and push through the door. You hear him growl as he’s shut out. You continue on to your locker and grab your bag. You unzip it and peel off your tank and leggings. You stretch and look around the empty space. You like to go on Tuesdays when it’s quiet. When you can focus. 

That isn’t easy lately. With work and the Bucky’s inconsistent consistency. Every time you think you have a moment to chill, he’s there to tie you up. You’re going to have to talk about boundaries. You’re going to be too busy to deal with his spontaneous drop-ins. 

You turn to grab your water bottle from inside the locker and as you turn back, you’re shoved against the cold metal. Your yipe is smothered in Bucky’s hands, his metal one around your throat. You wriggle and clutch his wrist. Your eyes round and flick side-to-side. 

He chuckles, “I got tired of waiting.” 

You murmur into his hand and slap his arm. Your heart picks up and a shiver rolls over you. You kick your feet around his. It’s the first time you’ve ever felt this with him. Panic. 

“Hey, just playing,” he drags his hand away and slackens his grip on your neck. “Don’t need be scared.” 

You take a deep breath and step away from the lockers. He stands back and watches you. His eyes rove up and down. He tilts his head. 

“Really, I wasn’t meaning to scare you. I was just...fucking around.” 

“It’s fine,” you shrug and reach for your blouse. “I was just surprised.” 

“Your heart’s still going--” 

“I told you, I hate that,” you hiss. 

“I can’t help it. I can’t not hear it.” He insists. 

“Just... go wait for me outside. I’ll be a minute,” you don’t look at him as you pull the shirt over your head. 

The reminders of how much stronger he is are jarring. At times, it's hot, at others, it's frightening. He's not just a man, he's more than that.

He lingers and sighs. His boot scuffs as he slowly slides it across the tile. He walks off and you listen for the door behind him. You blow out between your lips. 

You definitely need to have a talk. It’s all good and fun until he gets a face full of the mace you keep in your purse. Besides, he’s getting a bit clingy. This isn’t supposed to be that. It’s casual. It’s easy.

Well, it was. 

[scoonsalicious]

Unbelievable

Pairing: Bucky x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: It's your first Girl's Night since you moved out of the Tower to live with Bucky and a game of Never Have I Ever has been suggested. What could possibly go wrong?

Warnings: Language, drinking, mentions of sex, angst.

Word Count: 5.2k

A/N: More Pocket x Bucky; enjoy!

“How are things?” Nat asked as she refilled your glass of wine. “Barnes behaving himself? Keeping his dick in his pants?”  It was your first Girl’s Night with her, Wanda, and Pepper since you had moved out of the Tower two months ago, and your friends were desperate for some tea. 

“Nat!” Wanda scolded, before turning to you. “I’m sorry, Pocket– we all agreed we weren’t going to bring up Bucky’s… mistakes. We’re just glad you’re happy. …You are happy, right?”

You smiled at your friend as you grabbed another slice of pizza. You knew they had reservations about you getting back together with Bucky– they’d been by your side for the worst of it, after all, but, for the most part, they’d been supportive of your reconciliation. 

“He’s been wonderful,” you assured them, and pointedly, Nat. “His dick has not been kept in his pants, I have to say, but I confess to not being upset about that in the least.”

Pepper choked a little bit on her wine as she tried to stifle her laugh. “So, the makeup sex is good, then?” she asked with a wry grin.

“The makeup sex was phenomenal,” you corrected her. “And the return to normal sex has been fantastic, too. Not a single complaint from me in that department; just the downstairs neighbor!”

“As long as you’re happy,” Nat said, sitting down next to you once she had refilled everyone’s glass. “That’s all that matters, I guess.”

“I am happy, Natty,” you assured her. “He fucked up. He knows he fucked up, and he did the work to make it right– he’s still doing the work to make it right. That’s more than I could have asked for.”

Nat sighed and put an arm around your shoulder. “I know, honey. It’s just hard for me to forgive him for hurting you as badly as he did, that’s all. Don’t worry– I’ll get over it.”

You gave Nat a side hug. “I appreciate you. And I promise, he ever fucks up like that again, you can help me kill him.”

“Who’re ya killin, sweets?” Bucky asked as he entered the room, Sam, Vision, Tony, and Rhodey trailing close behind, Tony and Rhodey passing a basketball back and forth between the two of them.

“Just you, baby,” you said, giving him your most innocent smile and stretching your head up to meet his as he leaned down to kiss you. “You know, if you ever pull shit like last year on me again.”

“I’ll kill myself before I ever let that happen again,” he assured you. He was dressed in a tight black tank and a pair of basketball shorts, and he looked fucking good. 

“How was basketball?” you asked as he sat down next to you. He opened his arms and you climbed happily into his lap.

“Ugh, come on, Pocket!” Nat grumbled. “Don’t welcome him! It’s Girls’ Night!”

“Too late, Natasha,” Tony said with a grin as he sat down next to Pepper, giving her a kiss on her cheek. “We worked up an appetite playing b-ball downstairs, and you cannot separate a man from his pizza!” He reached across the coffee table and grabbed a slice, and you were grateful you’d decided to order extra pies tonight.

“Don’t say ‘b-ball,’ man,” Sam said as he typed away on his phone. “You don’t have the melanin for it.” He slid down on the floor in front of Nat and reached for a pizza slice of his own. 

“Ew, could you not lean against my legs?” Nat exclaimed as she pulled her feet up and tucked them under her. “You’re all sweaty and you stink.”

Sam turned around to grin at her. “That’s the smell of man, Red. You like?”

“Gross,” Nat said, shaking her head. “Remind me to take you out back and hose you down.”

“Do I stink, doll?” Bucky asked, rubbing his sweaty head into the crook of your shoulder. 

“Yes,” you giggled, ruffling his hair, “but I like it. Very sexy. It makes me want to do very dirty things to you.”

Before Bucky could retort, Tony stood up and exclaimed “Alcohol? Anyone else want alcohol so we can get so drunk we forgot we just heard that? Rhodes, Vis, help me out. Please.”

“You sure love giving him heart palpitations, don’t you?” Pepper asked with a smile as Tony, Vision, and Rhodey headed to the bar in the back of the common room, where you assumed they would retrieve some adult beverages.

“Come on, Pep,” you teased as you wrapped Bucky’s arms around your waist, “you and I both know that, for that to happen, Tony Stark would need to have a heart in the first place.”

Those of you still sitting around the coffee table shared a laugh at Tony’s expense, but were cut short when the doors to the common room flung open and Thor and Bruce walked in. 

“Ah, so this is where the party is!” Thor exclaimed, raising a jug that you knew must house some Asgardian liquor in it. “Pocket, Barnes! So good to see you! Barnes, I trust you will join me in a little Asgardian indulgence?”

Bucky looked at you, as though checking to see if you would be alright with him drinking. “Don’t look at me,” you said, laughing. “You’re a big boy, more than old enough to decide if you want to get drunk or not. Besides, I’m not your mom.”

“Thank God for that,” Bucky said, kissing your neck. “I’d have a whole new set of issues to discuss with Raynor. Yeah, Odinson, I’ll take a glass; thanks.” 

“Excellent!” the god exclaimed. “Stark! Fetch tumblers for myself and the metal man! Tonight, we drink like kings!”

A few of the guys cheered, and you took the opportunity to lean into Bucky’s ear. “You’re super cute when you’re drunk, anyway,” you told him. “You always want to tell me all your secrets.”

Bucky grinned and squeezed you just a bit. “I don’t have any more secrets from you, doll,” he teased. 

Tony, Rhodey, and Vision returned then, carrying six packs of ice cold beer from the fridge, along with glasses and bottles of liquor from the bar. Tony handed tumblers to Bucky and Thor, who made quick work of pouring healthy servings for the both of them.

“Malibu and pineapple for the Kiddo,” Tony said, handing you a large glass of your favorite mixed drink.

“Thanks, Boss,” you said, happily taking the glass and giving it an experimental sip. “Mmm, delicious! You always get the ratio just right.”

Tony winked at you as he sat down and popped open a beer. “I know my girls,” he said with a grin before handing Pepper a fresh bottle of wine. “And the Bordeaux for my lady love,” he said, to Pepper’s delight.

You noticed curiously that Bruce had sat himself down as far away from Nat as possible, and you wondered if the two were off again. You tried to catch her eye to silently inquire, but she was engrossed with something Wanda and Vision were saying, and not paying you any attention. 

“We should absolutely play a drinking game!” Sam exclaimed to no one in particular. When all eyes turned to him, he elaborated: “Come on! When was the last time we were all together to just have fun?”

“Um, probably when you all showed up at the apartment with Cards Against Humanity to cockblock me and Bucky on our first night there,” you offered with a teasing grin. 

Sam shot you a Look. “Never gonna let me live that foot-in-mouth moment down, are ya, Baby Girl?” he asked.

“Not ever,” you agreed. “I cried that night, Dark Chocolate!” 

“And I felt really bad about it!” he protested. “You gotta let bygones be bygones.”

“Fine, fine,” you conceded with a laugh, not wanting him to feel worse for it than you knew he already did when it wasn’t his fault you still had unresolved trauma. “What game did you have in mind?”

Sam made a thoughtful face, but before he could, the common room door opened again and Steve walked in. When he saw you and Bucky sitting together, he stopped in his tracks, face falling ashen.

“Um…” he began, clearly uncomfortable, “Sam said there was pizza, but I didn’t realize you two… if you’re… I don’t have to… I can leave.”

You sighed and stole a glance at Bucky, each silently seeking out the other’s opinion. You shrugged slightly, as if to say I’d rather not make this awkward. Bucky nodded at you before turning back to Steve.

“Stay, Rogers,” he said, though there was no warmth in his voice. “This is your home; Pocket and I are just visiting. We’re not gonna put you out. I think we can all be civilized for an evening.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Steve said before sitting down next to Nat and grabbing a slice of pizza. The room was filled with awkward silence until Thor stood up. 

“Let me get you a drink, Rogers!” he bellowed as he walked over to the bar to grab another tumbler and fill it with Asgardian liquor. “Tonight, we drink like kings!”

Steve took the cup gratefully, as though happy to have something to focus on other than the company in the room.

“Never Have I Ever!” Nat shouted in her attempt to break the tension. Everyone turned to stare at her. “That’s what we should play,” she said. 

“Wanna run through the rules for the elderly, non-Earthlings, and non-humans among us?” Tony asked.

“Right,” said Nat, taking a sip of her beer. “One person starts by saying ‘Never Have I Ever,’ then you say something you’ve never done before. If you haven’t done that thing, you do nothing, but if you have,” her smile turned sharp, “you take a drink. And then someone else goes.”

“And what’re the parameters for winning?” Vision asked. He had his index fingers pointed together, resting against his lips, as if he were taking the entire thing very seriously.

“Everyone gets drunk, and then everyone wins?” you offered, what you thought was hopefully. 

“Basically,” Nat agreed. “You just learn more about your friends and have a good time,” she added. “It’s not really about winning.”

Vis nodded as if this was revelatory information for him. “I see,” he said with all seriousness. “This sounds like it will be fun!”

“Alright, I’ll go first with an easy one,” Nat said, picking up her beer bottle. “Never have I ever… been able to fly on command.”

Immediately, Tony, Rhodey, Sam, Wanda, Vision, and Thor all took a drink. 

“Pep!” you chastised. “You’ve absolutely worn an Iron Man suit and flow before! Drink up!”

“You know, I completely forgot about that?” she said with a laugh as she drank. “Okay, I’ll go next. Never have ever… punched Tony Stark.” 

The room broke out into groans as each one of you, save Pepper and Tony, himself, drank to that. “Wow,” said Tony as he looked around the room. “I’ve never felt more like a victim than I do at this moment.”

“Tell me you haven’t deserved each and every one of them,” Rhodey teased.

“Yeah, fair. That’s totally fair,” he conceded. “My turn. Never have I ever been poor.” This time, everyone but Tony, Thor, and Vision drank. 

“I have no use for currency,” Vision clarified when Wanda looked at him. “And as such, I have no concept of poverty or wealth, beyond the value I place in you, my dear, and for that, I am most wealthy.”

Everyone made gagging noises at that.

The game continued on, with questions both bland (“Never have I ever been arrested;” though most of you drank) and ridiculous (“Never have I ever fallen off the giant horse Goldfaxi.” “Well obviously, Point Break, none of us have either, because we’ve never been to Asgard.”) and soon you were all, at the very least, pleasantly tipsy. Bucky, in particular, having crossed the line over to drunk several drinks ago. Living as long as he had, he’d done a lot of shit.

“Okay, okay,” Bucky said, stuttering his words a little, which you found adorable, “Never have I ever… made out with more than one person on this team!” He grinned while Nat and Steve took a drink, but frowned when he saw you raise your glass to your lips. Had he forgotten about your… mistake with Steve after your birthday party? God, you wish you could have.

“Well,” said Tony with a cough, not recognizing the dark territory the game was delving into, “Never have I ever made out with more than two people on this team.”

You felt your shoulders sag; this was not going to help you, at all. Bucky watched in disbelief as you took another drink.”

“Seriously?” Tony exclaimed. “Under my very nose?”

“What the fuck, Pocket?” Bucky asked you, no levity in his voice. 

“Nat drank, too,” Steve said, as though that made things perfectly okay.

“No one fucking asked you, Rogers,” Bucky spat back at him, then turned back to you. “Who else have you made out with, Pocket?”

You sighed. You really didn’t want to have this conversation, let alone when Bucky was drunk and in front of all of your friends, but you knew he wouldn’t be able to let it go. “You already know about my birthday,” you told him softly, wishing you were both somewhere else, alone. 

“We made out at a Stark party once,” Nat blurted out. She offered you an apologetic look, but you were grateful to her for not making you say it. 

Every head in the room snapped to look back and forth between you and the assassin. There were surprised shouts of ‘What?’ ‘When?’ ‘How long?’ ‘With tongue?’ and ‘Under my own roof?’ (that one came from Tony). Looks like you were going to have to speak to it, afterall.

“It was years ago,” you clarified, addressing Bucky, and Bucky alone. He was the only one you owed any sort of explanation to, after all. “Nat was working undercover for Fury, kinda… I dunno, would you call it ‘spying,’ Natty?” Your friend shrugged. “Spying on Tony for him, to evaluate him for the Avengers Initiative. She was his assistant. There was a party, we were drunk, and we were both just kind of like ‘You’re hot, I’m hot, should we kiss?’” You looked at your boyfriend, trying to discern what he was thinking. “It just happened the one time. Afterwards, we laughed about it, because we both realized it was stupid, and we decided to become best friends.”

Bucky looked to Nat, as though daring her to contradict you. “That’s all, Barnes, honestly,” she said.

“So, that’s it?” he asked you. “You just kissed Nat the one time, and Steve the one time? No one else?”

“Well,” you said, drawing the word out. Fuck, he was not going to like this, not one bit, but you weren’t going to lie to him.

“Who else, Pocket?” he spat out, standing up abruptly and practically dumping you to the floor in the process.

“Can we please have this conversation somewhere private,” you asked him, standing up, but he just looked at you, arms crossed. “Okay,” you said, “first of all, it was just one time, and it honestly didn’t mean anything, but it wasn’t just a make out…”

“Jesus Christ,” he exclaimed, “You fucked someone else on the team?!”

You gnawed on your lip. You would have told him, one day. You really would have, but you’d honestly never had had the body count conversation before. But you didn’t want it coming out like this. Your eyes subconsciously found Thor’s, and that was all the information Bucky needed to put the pieces together.

“THOR?” he bellowed, the sound making you flinch. “You fucked THOR?!” Around you, your friends gasped. Not even Nat knew about you and the God of Thunder.

“Watch your tone, Barnes!” Thor said, standing up to come to your defense. “The night of love making Lady Pocket and I shared was beautiful, and I will not let you speak to her this way!” Oh, that was not going to help things, Thor, you beautiful idiot!

The room was perfectly still, as if everyone was holding their breath, afraid that breathing would break the delicate balance that was holding your reality in place. Tony’s eyes were wide with shock, while Pepper, Nat, and Wanda gave you subtle looks of surprise and respect.

“Bucky,” you said, trying to diffuse the situation, “seriously, can we talk about this… just you and I? Please?”

“Why?” he asked, glaring at you. “Gotta anymore surprise lovers you want to spring on me?”

“Barnes, that’s enough!” Tony said, standing up now. “You’re drunk, and you’re not thinking straight. You’re not going to talk to Pocket like this.”

“It’s fine, Tony,” you said, putting a hand on his shoulder to reassure him. “I get why he’s mad. I should have told him.”

“You think?” Bucky spat. “Lemme guess– next you’re gonna tell me you actually did fuck Stark for your education!”

He may as well have slapped you with that accusation, his words forcefully taking you aback. “That’s enough, Barnes!” you said, your voice sharp now. You’d had quite enough. “You know what? Sleep here tonight. Don’t come back home until you get your head out of your ass.” 

You stood up and collected your bag. “Thanks for the time, guys,” you said before you stepped out, leaving the room in silence behind you.

“Fuck this!” you heard Bucky shout, and the sound of the common room’s other door slamming behind him as he stormed away. You shook your head as you punched the elevator button repeatedly. You could not believe he had the audacity to be mad at you over something that had happened before you had ever even met. How dare he? After everything he’d done? Everything you’d worked so hard to get over?

“Pocket?” You closed your eyes and sighed at the sound of Steve calling your name. Great. You weren’t in the mood for him to start questioning you on why you’d deemed to sleep with Thor but not him. You really didn’t have the mental resolve for that.

“What do you want, Steve?” you asked, resigned to just get the conversation over with. All you wanted right now was to get into your bed and cry yourself to sleep. 

“Don’t be too hard on him,” Steve said, much to your surprise. You turned to face him. He stood a more than respectable distance away from you, hands shoved awkwardly in his pockets as he looked down at his shoes, as though unable to meet your eye. “I’m not saying what he said was okay, because it’s not, but you know how inadequate he feels when it comes to you. He’s never thought he deserves you, and it’s like he can’t help but latch on to anything that he thinks proves that.”

“That doesn’t give him the right to talk to me like that, Steve,” you said, rubbing at the space between your eyes. You felt a headache coming on, for sure. “I don’t deserve to be slutshamed for things that happened before I ever even met him.”

“I know that,” Steve said, taking his hands out of his pockets and raising them as if in surrender. “And I know that Bucky knows it, too.”

“Why are you telling me this, Steve?” you asked him. After all the work Steve had done last year to try and get you and Bucky to break up, it was almost bordering on suspicious that he’d be speaking in favor of his former friend now.

Steve ran a hand through his hair. “Because you two are real,” he said with a simple shrug of his shoulders. “What you have, that’s real, and it’s rare. I get it now. I’m sorry I ever thought I had the right to decide whether or not it wasn’t.”

You swallowed and nodded at him. You appreciated his words, though you weren’t sure if it was enough to forgive him for everything he’d done. “I’ll take your advice under consideration” was all you said to him instead before you got into the elevator and let the doors close behind you.

*

Sleep proved to be elusive that night. Despite crying to near exhaustion, you found yourself tossing and turning, unable to find rest and knowing that it was from the lack of the warm, familiar body that should be curled up by your side. Your brain had gone into overdrive at imagining worst-case scenarios of what Bucky might be getting up to when he was drunk and so angry at you, and you were trying very hard not to remember what he’d done the last time he thought you’d betrayed him.

A soft chime got your attention, and you picked up your phone. Bucky had texted you, and you held your breath, wondering what more vitriol he was going to spew at you.

Magic Dick🍆🦾: Can I come home? Magic Dick🍆🦾: Please?

You blinked in surprise at your screen. That was not what you had been expecting.

>> Of course you can. It’s still your home, too. >> But as for whether or not you’ll be welcome back in bed… >> Depends on whether or not you got your head out of your ass.

Despite what you’d told him earlier, you’d never actually deny him entrance to your apartment. Not unless you’d ended things with him for good, and you’d fought too long and too hard to be together for that to happen over something like this.

You stared at your phone screen, waiting to see if he would respond, but the text thread remained inactive. You wondered where he was, and what kind of shape he was in. Where he had been, what he had done. Who he had done it with.

“Hey.” Though his voice was soft, its unexpectedness startled you. There he was, standing in the doorway of your bedroom, leaning against the frame, barely illuminated from the ambient light of the city outside. 

“Jesus Christ, Barnes!” you exclaimed, clutching at your chest. “You nearly gave me a heart attack! How’d you even get here so fast?”

“Been sitting in the hall for the last two hours,” he admitted sheepishly. “Working up the courage to ask if I could come back home. Think the only reason I was brave enough to text you was ‘cause I convinced myself you had to be sleepin’ by now. Planned on just spendin’ the night out there.” He offered you a soft half smile before his face turned serious. “I’m so sorry, doll. Ya gotta know, the things I said…”

“Were really uncalled for, Bucky,” you interjected. He visibly flinched before you.

“I know,” he admitted, his voice so low you had to strain to hear it. “I had no right judgin’ you for things that happened ‘fore we ever even met. ‘Specially not after everything I did. It took me by surprise ‘n my ego got bruised. No man’s gonna like hearin’ the love of his life slept with a literal fuckin’ god, but I took it too far, and I’m sorry.”

At hearing him refer to  you as “the love of his life,” your heart warmed in your chest, and you pulled back the blanket and sheets on his side of the bed, silently inviting him in to join you. You very well couldn’t hold his continued insecurities against him when you had just been worried he was off with someone else. It was a process, you reminded yourself.

Bucky looked at you, eyes wide. “You sure, sweets?” he asked hesitantly. 

You nodded at him. “We need to talk,” you told him, “and I’d rather do it with you here next to me than with you all the way over there.”

Bucky swallowed and slowly made his way over to the bed and got ready to climb in… fully clothed.

“Gonna sleep with your clothes on, Barnes?” you asked, raising a brow. 

You could barely make out the flush that came to his cheeks in the low light. “I didn’t wanna just assume…” he began.

“Get undressed and get your ass in bed,” you told him. You watched as he slowly stripped down to his boxer briefs, folding his discarded clothes and putting them in the hamper, always the regimented soldier, before crawling under the covers next to you.

Once he was settled on his back, you curled up against him, your head on his chest and your leg hooked over his torso. You could feel him physically relax into your touch as he wrapped his flesh arm around your shoulders, and you knew he’d been terrified that you wouldn’t let him be close to you after what he’d said.

“So, you and Thor, huh?” he asked, voice strained, and you knew he was doing everything in his power to keep his emotions steady.

“Are you sure that’s something you want to hear about?” you asked him guardedly. You certainly appreciated his willingness to discuss it, but you didn’t want to cause him any additional pain… or cause him to freak out on you again. 

“I think I have to,” he answered. “If I don’t, I’ll just keep on imagining it, and that’ll be worse for me.”

“Fair enough,” you agreed. “But before we get into it, tell me where you’ve been tonight.”

He looked down at you, understanding drawing on his face. “I went down to the gym,” he began. “Punched the bag for a little while, tryn’a get the anger out, but then I started feeling gross from that Asgardian shit, so I went up to my old room and crashed for a couple hours. Woke up with a splitting headache and a hell of a lot of remorse, so I came home and just hung out in the hallway, working up the courage to text you.”

You hummed in acknowledgement, feeling a sense of relief that he hadn’t felt the need to revisit old bad habits. He could have been lying to you, of course, but he knew that you could check the security feed at the Tower to verify his story if you didn’t trust him. Truth was though, you did trust him. 

“Okay,” you began, snuggling further into him. “I won’t lie and pretend like I never thought Thor was hot.”

You felt the laughter rumble through Bucky’s chest. “Yeah, you never made a secret of that,” he said, and it was a relief to hear.

“Yeah, well, it’s an objective fact. That can’t be helped. Anyway, his girlfriend, Jane, had just dumped him. He was devastated. He tried to pretend that he wasn’t phased by it, like it was a mutual decision, but everyone could see he was heartbroken. I guess Tony and Clint convinced him that the best way to get over her was to have some rebound sex with someone else. Granted, I highly doubt Tony ever thought Thor would consider asking me, but I was really the only other single Earth girl he knew at the time. 

“So, one night, after we’d all had a couple of drinks, he just… asked. He was upfront about his reasons, never implied that it would be more than what it was. And I hadn’t been with anyone in a while, and I thought he was good looking, and he was just so sad, I figured ‘what’s the harm in it?’ 

You sighed, thinking back on the night in question. Thor had been a gentle, attentive lover, though you didn’t think Bucky needed to necessarily know that, but there had been no spark of connection, no need. Nothing like what you felt when you were with the man before you.

“Afterwards, he thanked me for helping him get through a tough time, and we left it at that. Never spoke about it again until tonight.”

“He said it was ‘beautiful,’ though,” Bucky said, and you were proud of him for keeping his tone light, when you knew this must be difficult for him.

You chewed on your lip, trying to come up with the right words to express what had happened that night. “It was beautiful in the way that sad things are beautiful,” you told him eventually. “Neither one of us were in great places. He was dealing with losing Jane, and I had just found out that Darren had died in prison.” You could feel Bucky’s questioning stare, so you clarified. “I was thrilled he was dead, don’t get me wrong; it’s just that the news brought up a bunch of old memories I didn’t really want to deal with. Here was this kind, handsome man that wanted to sleep with me, and that felt like a salve. It made me feel like more than what Darren had made me. We were two people who were hurting and found some solace in each other for a little while.”

The hand that was wrapped around your shoulders tightened as Bucky pulled you closer. “I’m so sorry I overreacted,” he said before kissing the crown of your head. “I know we’ve talked about it. I’m scared there’s always going to be a part of me that’s terrified you’re gonna realize you��re too good for me and leave me.”

“That’s never going to happen, Buck,” you assured him. “I’m with you because I want to be with you. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have fought so hard to make this work.”

“I know, doll,” he said. “The part of me that’s Bucky, that’s a man, he knows that. But… the part of me that’s always gonna be the Soldier, the monster, that’s the part that needs convincing. I see guys like Thor, Steve, hell, even Stark– these guys that are just good, heroes, who don’t come with lifetimes of baggage and trauma, and I think ‘that’s the kinda man she’s supposed to be with, not a used up sad excuse of whatever’s left of me.’

You felt your heart squeeze painfully in your chest. “You know I hate it when you talk about yourself like that,” you told him.

He chuckled derisively. “Yeah, yeah,” he said. “Doesn’t stop me from feelin’ it, though.”

“I wish it would,” you sighed. “You’re everything. All I want is for you to see that.”

“Maybe someday,” he said quietly into the dark of the room. “Maybe someday.”

You wished there was something you could say to convince him. To get him to see himself the way you saw him everyday, but that was a battle you weren’t going to win tonight. You did know of something that would probably cheer him up, though.

“Hey,” you said, turning your head and resting your chin on his pectoral so you could look up at him. “If it makes you feel any better, you’re bigger than Thor.”

Bucky snorted a laugh. “Whaddaya talkin’ ‘bout, sweets? The man’s huge. His muscles have muscles, for fucks’ sake!”

“No, baby,” you said, carefully moving your leg so that it rubbed pointedly against his groin. “I mean you’re bigger.”

Bucky’s eyes widened in surprise. “That so?” he asked, his voice gone suddenly husky. 

You nodded. “Yup,” you said, popping your ‘p’. “Longer and thicker. He could never make me feel as good as you do, Buck. No one could. I don’t ever want anyone else to even try.”

Bucky’s smile turned predatory, and you knew you weren’t going to get much sleep tonight.