#let me know if im forgetting anyone
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Man, I feel like every clip I see from Pints with Aquinas lately Matt Fradd is demeaning women. Really sad to see it, I used to love his interviews :/
#lilac rambles#pints with aquinas#matt fradd#catholic#if anyone knows of anyone who has adressed this (not a paid substack. im very broke rn and only looking for podcast type things)#please let me know about it#honestly it feels like every other day someone i really admired turns to our polarized culture of hate#i was watching his recent interview with jason evert and jason is saying all these beautiful things about how the women he's encountering#who are dressing immodestly or being promiscuous or engaging in the culture are deeply wounded and matt just keeps jumping in with all these#reminders that yeah thats great and all but dont forget women suck too#and like. we know! we know the ways we suck! the entire red pilled manosphere spends a lot of time pointing it out to us!#but if you dont want women constantly pointing out the ways men have failed us then for the love of goodness please stop taking every moment#where someone is talking about female woundedness to talk about Why All Women Except Your Wife And Friends' Wives Suck#im just feeling very let down
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sometimes i feel compelled to delete this account
#every time i open tumblr i feel so inadequate and irrelevant#it's suffocating honestly#this site is so great at archival. i wish i could use it without feeling sick#someone on strawpage asked me what its like being popular#i dont know. i wish i felt like i had any impact on this fandom and the people around me#i dont think ive inspired anyone or contributed much of value#especially not on here#sorry. my mental and physical health are pretty terrible#every day i feel like im dying#i plunge myself into art and into fictional worlds into some sort of creative production#to try and drown out the inescpable dread#i would like to do something. i need to improve my organizational skills. i need to work harder#i need to improve myself. sorry#im not sure why im sharing this. i dont really want to worry anyone or make anyone feel bad for me#vent#delete later#expressing myself is nice. but i shouldn't because it might hurt people.#life is difficult isn't it? let's all forget about this tomorrow.
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this is a formal apology to anyone I've met ever
Im so sorry I got bullied into this but I'm a man of my word,,,
#wanchii draws#fallout#vault boy#fallout bottle#bottle fallout#vault boy x fallout#how do i even fucking tag this#mpreg cw#im ending it after this yall it was a nice run while it lasted WLKHFLEK#im so sorry to anyone i know irl that follows me on this blog#fallout fanart#mpreg#let us not forget that this is a canon pairing
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a prediction for nwos. or at least the reaction to it.
i think people will walk away from the game confused/unsure and it'll take a couple of weeks or months for the definitive consensus
#professor layton#if someone who was around for the releases of layton since the beginning can give me some insight about the lead up and immediate reception#to all the layton games that would be amazing but idk if anyone would remember something like that#turning my parents into oysters bc they didnt let us have video games growing up otherwise id probably know#goddd i remember the lecture i got when i put a dsi on my christmas list#*shivers*#anyways im too disorganized and forgetful to run a google survey for this#maybe ill make one in the future
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Tidbits of ATSV That I Enjoyed (Or Alternatively: Just Miles Being The Most Endearing Spidey Ever)
Miles patting The Spot's head after successfully webbing him (I don't see this as condescending, but rather him still engaging with the humanity of a villain like Spot) and ~very assertively~ telling/asking him not to escape.
"I'm like Robin Hood-if he gave to himself."
Miles' spidey senses going off when he arrives late to his dad's party because there's nothing more frightening than Brown parents when they're mad at you. Beware the chancla or correa!
O.k. So we all know there are different versions of the movie out there. You may already know that one of the slight differences is when Miles goes to save Inspector Singh. There's a version where you can hear Gwen's voice in the distant background yelling no! when she thinks Miles gets crushed under the rubble, and there's another where she's silent as she webs to him. Now, I have found ANOTHER version (online) where her shouting is even more at the forefront. She's practically screaming and sounds more desperate, (prolly because it's close to the same way her Peter Parker died so she's reliving trauma) and the fear in her voice is palpable. That one haunts me.
Jefferson trying to equate studying for his police exams to childbirth, which Rio quickly nips in the bud.
Ganke having a soccer poster of Son Heung Min, a famous Korean footballer who currently plays for the Premier League Tottenham Hotspur and is captain of the South Korean national team.
Miles having a Sashimi (his universe's version of Supreme, but I just like the idea that Miles loves eating sashimi. Like I know that kid has good taste in food) poster in his bedroom.
The fact that Miles kept in touch with Aunt May for long enough after the events of ITSV that he helps her move.
The Spot saying he was one of the more handsome scientists at Alchemax according to his colleagues.
Miles and Gwen having the same collectible toys, the only difference being that he keeps his in the box and she doesn't.
"Hey, don't try to wow me with big words, man," *in deep manly voice* "I do crosswords every day"- Miles after Spot points out Alchemax as "the crucible of our connection!"
Miles going, "This job is so dumb sometimes" after he tries to web Spot at the deli, but it goes through a hole and lands on his face.
"Nahhh, he seems more Dominican to me." Kinda want Miles to meet a native Dominican Spidey because that dynamic would highkey fuck hard *pun not intended*. They would repair relations between our two islands-PR&DR.
"Almost there Mami *smiley face* *cowboy* prayer hands*"
The college admissions coach at Visions Academy straight up saying, "That's your story! Now, just stick to the script..." Ma'am what???
"Calmate Mami, eso no es my fault."
"I've hit a lot of different villains with a lot of different food...I'm just trying to lighten the mood."
Miles in his angsty teen era and smart-mouthing everyone around him. Love that for him.
"He almost killed his mom as a baby, I mean, look at those shoulders." No but for real tho. Those shoulders are as wide as a truck. Kim Seokjin who??? (if you understood that reference, ily).
Miles writing a love letter to his dad in 2 cakes.
Gwen at the water tower chowing and saying how feelings make her hungry after her and Miles talked about how they can't be together cause it would end in tragedy. Like Gwen, come again?!
Also, Miles' and Gwen's talk at the Williamsburg Bank Building being lowkey the catalyst for the 2nd/3rd acts of the film. Without them both kind of silently admitting their feelings for each other, Miles probably wouldn't have chased after her the way he did. Pretty sure you know the rest.
"I bet she doesn't even speak Spanish," and Jeff going "Que barbaridad" in his very broken Spanish. Queue Rio's bombastic side eye.
Both Gwen and Miles referring to Spot as a Villain Of The Week, even though neither of them have spoken about Spot to each other.
"I was bitten by a-wouldnt you like to know? Know what I mean?" SIR. Chill. This movie is for children.
The Spot inverting himself, going from a white mass with black spots to a gaping black hole with smaller white spirals. It's giving Junji Ito.
The irony of Pavitr exclaiming, "Well that was another easy adventure for Spider-Man!" right before an incoming canon event. HIS. He was about to experience his first big loss, and his happy-go-lucky nature would've been challenged.
Miguel saying conyo! when all the Spideys start pointing at each other.
"!Cállate!" "Nosy!" Sidebar: we don't talk about Gwen's banter with bad guys enough. She's so funny!
A lot of the Peters saying hi to Gwen as she passes HQ because she is canonically the one lost love--the love interest they all would've ended up with had she not died, so they all have an affection for her.
Web-Slinger going "Giddy up!" Cause he's swinging up.
Miles offering his fresh new takes on how to deal with the Spot upon meeting Miguel, saying "He just wants to be taken seriously. Like we all do." MILES YOU BEAUTIFUL, COMPASSIONATE GOLDEN SUNFLOWER BOY I LOVE YOUUUUU.
Hobie referring to Peter B. as Humbling Reality Spider-Man, which considering how steeped in tragedy the Spidey lore is, is really saying something.
Miguel's nonono no puedo más no puedo más. His misery is very funny and delightful to me. Little bitch ass.
"You know you're the only Spider-Man who isn't funny." Yes! More Miguel slander in the next one, please! Little bitch ass.
"Snitch!"
Miles shouting out Peter's name for help whilst Miguel pins and lays into him the fact that he's an anomaly. This after he momentarily glitches back to his ITSV store-bought suit. Mimicking the way-in also the first movie-Miles shouting out Peter's name for his own rescue as Doc Ock attacks him at the research facility. Because even though he feels hurt by Peter at this point, that's still his dad mentor and he still instinctively looks to him for protection. Rip my heart out why don't you!
Gwen sneaking back into her and her dad's place just to get that printed polaroid of her and Miles, a pic she already has on her phone.
Earth-42 Miles wearing Nike while our Miles wears Jordans.
#hi. ive seen this movie 8x in theaters and twice on pirating sites. i am unwell#also sorry not sorry for the miguel slander. i am a miles loyalist thru and thru thst bitch is on thin ice#but also literally can't get over gwen “it really is so nice to get to talk to you. me & him its different. in every other universe...stacy#cause directly underneath that she's actually saying. “i missed you. and what i have with you i literally do not have with anyone else and.#you dont know this but ive met hundreds and thousands of spiderpeople. nd even in my friendship with hobie its not like what i have with yo#and im actually really smitten with you. the one person i shouldn't be smitten with bc there is no happy ending for us. and idk...#if i should hold off. and im letting you know all this so that you can decide for me. whether to take that lesp of faith or not with you. &#hope that say yes and make the first move so that i cant but help to just sink into you.“#AND IT MAKES SENSE! SHE MET HIM JUST AS HE WAS LIVING THROUGH AN EXPERIENCE SHE DID. OF BECOMING SPIDEY. AND RIGHT AFTER#SUFFERING THE GREATEST TRAGEDY OF HER LIFE WHICH SHE WAS ABOUT TO BEAR WITNESS THRU WITH HIM. SHE WAS THERE FOR HIS UNCLE DYING AND WATCHED#HIM BECOME SPIDERMAN. WE FORGET THAT THEY ACTUALLY WENT THRU SOME HEAVY THINGS TOGETHER. THEYRE TRAUMABONDED. I KNOW THATS NOT WHAT THAT WO#ACTUALLY MEANS. BUT IT MAKES SENSE THAT SHE CAN ONLY TALK TO MILES BC THEY PERFECTLY UNDERSTAND EO.#anyways idk why im shouting. im high rn. but crazy how all of that meaning was subtly thrown in there. like we got a confession scene folks#from gwen of all people! i love that for me.#also back to miguel: so i know he's hot. but if a hot person were to ever be rude to a waiter we agree theyre no longer hot right? right.#atsv#miles morales#itsv#miguel o'hara#the spot#ghostflower#gwiles#gwen stacy#ghost spider#gwen x miles#rio morales#across the spider verse#into the spider verse
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actually making my tags from my last post into their own post. writers who struggle with grammar, spelling, typos, errors etc i love you. writers who struggle with rereading their stuff thoroughly no matter how much they try, who don't always have access to other people to help them read i love you. whilst reading through and checking for these things is good practice i really believe that the weight of it should not be put wholly on the writer's shoulders. especially writers who are neurodivergent, disabled, have any condition that can impede their reading + comprehension, are overworked and overtired, are not writing in their native language, list goes on....because grammar mistakes/language mistakes/typos have nothing to do with your abilities as a creative. this is where editors should be uplifting writers, helping them, not scrutinising them for something they cannot always control
#and in case anyone is going to say it...like i said in my tags i get that it can be frustrating#if it feels like a piece has NOT been reread or checked for these things at all#but even then its like...do you know the writers context? their background?#does the story itself still hold up strong creatively?#im just saying some leniency and grace goes far and esp in the short story/litmag scene i think#an editor who is considerate and inclusive should not use those things against a piece's worth#for me its like....1) the word spelling and grammar check is really confusing to work with sometimes#and also just. straight up does not work sometimes#and 2) no matter how much i reread and check for spelling and grammar i will forget a word. i will misuse a word. i will forget things#a bitch is forgetful! a bitch struggles with rereading their pieces and i do what i can to help that#but i need help and grace from the editors who wish to work with me!#i remember one time i wrote vacancy as vanacy in an excerpt in a writing update#literally passed me by and i was so humiliated?? nobody even pointed it out#but i assumed people were going to think of me less that i would make a simple mistake#its just...v hard and daunting being open with your writing sometimes lol lets all be kind to each other
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decorate my tree <3 tagged by the lovely @userparamore and @chiefofmilfs – thank you so much!! this is adorable... if anyone else has trees please let me know so i can write a message <3
tagging: @fbidirectorscully @tanglesmp3 @pleasuresoftheharbor @kneadingwater @humanveil @livbensonfinalgirl @peoplespartiesmp3 @jacketrepresents @wordsoflove2004 @meadow-dusk @thecenterwillnothold @lettertoanoldpoet @lesbxh @joni-witchell if you guys want to make a tree! also anyone i haven't tagged feel free to say i tagged you or msg me for a tag if you'd like to do it!! love and light 💘
#i feel like im forgetting someone am so sorry 😮💨 anyways no pressure. but pls do let me know if you already have a tree!#goes for anyone not tagged too id love to write you messages 💓#facing the mortifying ordeal of being known for once and participating in a tag game! this is so cute
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can someone go on anon and tell me how they really feel about everlark
#first and foremost though if anyone does do this try not to be hateful :/#yall know me i love being a negative nelly but at the end of the day these are fictional characters. we need to be classy w it#okay with that out of the way let’s continue with the initial tags of this post#i’ll go first: i don’t really think about them a lot 😔#like i’ll be writing an annie fic and then get scared like oh shit!!! we are approaching canon!!! how could i forget!!!#idk i love katniss and i love peeta and i love that they found happiness with each other!#but i think that stems more from me loving happiness LMAO like tbh i’m not a fan of the fake dating trope so maybe that is why im not like#obsessed
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i typed a huge post and it went to drafts but basically even ppl that like me r fatphobic to me and how do i escape that
#kirbco brand cola#i really wish i didnt have a body sooo often#i want to love my body but god it is fucking hard#everything abt my body has been deemed faulty and ineefrctive and gross by outside sources from like the time i turned like 3#yanno. when you start realizing you even have a body#there was not a day on this earth that i was cognizant for where i was unaware that i was fat and people found that disgusting#they started me on diets when i was 6 man. and they never in 23 years figured out that#i never lose anyrhing significantly and i always gain back more hahaha#so yeah my eating disorder!!! my futile and stupid gestures of suffering that no one has ever even noticed#if youre fat enough then there is just no convincing anyone that you have ever missed a meal or anything#my mom has fully experienced the broad ranges of my restriction and purging and is like 'yeah ur just being annoying abt it' or something#dont even know. barely reacts.#i think in a 'if he wants attention im not giving him the satisfaction'way#the thing is i didnt want attention its just like. when someone puts u under a microscope. spesifically to watch and control what ur doing#well sometimes theyre gonna see u doing other shit#oh my god make the longest posts on earth and then add a bunch of tags why dont you#oh my god can they stop letting me be mentally ill online its so embarrassing#i make these posts and then forget abt them#and then ppl get to know thkngs abt me for free without any time and effort#why should they. why should they. people should have to suffer to get to know me as much as i have to suffer to let them
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I had a dream I was following my work crush's Goodreads account. I didn't FIND it in the dream—I was already following it. A fascinating concept because I probably follow less than 10 accounts on Goodreads so I remember following every one of them, and he had his full ass name on there for some reason. And he was showing up on my feed because he has been very active going through lists of interesting lists I would frankly not expect the average young white man from New Hampshire to be reading, and marking things "want to read"
#idk what this dream says but it feels like somehow a consequence of when i found his linkedin by accident#i was just trying to see if he had a staff photo (he doesn't) but i suppose if u search someone's name + place of work. u get linkedin#i think so little about linkedin that that honestly didn't occur to me. i will never seek out anyone's linkedin intentionally. i prommy#i will do my damnedest to forget about the existence of linkedin#not of goodreads though. i really do just like reading and leaving reviews tbh#tales from diana#the books he was marking as want to read were like. queer feminist books on sexuality#fiction by indigenous queer authors#stuff *i* don't even rly read but ppl i follow read and review sometimes#high expectation of again. a young white man from new hampshire. i hate to say it but that's what he is#i like how i know literally nothing about his hobbies let alone worldview so my brain was like. yeah no he's woke#it's funny bc whenever i don't specifically meet someone in like a queer-affirming space or whatever#and it's a cis man im like ooooh what if he's like transphobic and racist for all i know. bc that happens irl!!#and obviously knowing nothing about him but how pretty he is. i am very much holding back the urge to idealize#tempering it down with the reasoning of 'well he could be awful and i wouldnt know'#my dream was like 'no. not only does he Get it. but he's Well Read about it'#i do not say this lightly: lol.
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i know the healing process is supposed to be a long journey or whatever but the way i know that no matter who i dance with im always going to feel sad at the end of the day cuz its not her
#in the moment its fun but i dont think im gonna be able to like anyone like i liked her in a loooong time#like im thinking about all the people ive talked to these past few weekends and yeah its fun trying to flirt but when i get home#all i can think about is her#like idk. i didnt think id forget her this easily but it really sucks that even being with new people doesnt let me forget about her#like i genuilnely dont think im getting over her#and i know its mean but i dont want her to get over me either#ive said that a billion times but its true#like the thought of her facetiming or going to cafes or going on car rides with someone new is so fucking stressful for me i hate knowing#one day shes going to do all the things she did with me / was going to do with me with someone new#as if we never happened and as if we didnt think of it first
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#big gender rant ahead i just need to write down my thoughts#personal#so i think im a he/him trans lesbian??#i think ive been denying my feminine side for a long time now but middle school me was right. well. half right#idk why id built up some weird barrier in my mind about being trans and being a lesbian#but now im like more sure than ever#i still dont know if i could call myself a woman. and i thought i was so adamant about not using she/her again but it honestly?#doesn't bother me that much anymore. its not my preference but its not as soul crushing as it used to be#i have these weird subliminal gender rules for myself that ive been beating myself down with even though i#understand that theyre fake and dont hold anyone else to them. so why have a double standard? cant i have a fun gender?#ever since high school its been an uphill battle just letting myself live freely and having self confidence#i just turned 24. i dont have to be beholden to stupid hormonal teenage self loathing anymore#the world is a beautiful place and gender is just made up anyway. so why cant i be trans and butch? who cares??#i think i worded it well in my last personal post. ive been living a gender of convenience#but fuck that! i want the gender that makes sense to me! that makes me happy! its my life and i should live it how i want to!#...i still have some regrets about my top surgery. i wish i wasnt so weirdly flat chested now.#but hopefully the fat will redistribute eventually and itll look more natural as the years go on..#but i definitely dont regret going on T. i love my deep voice and my body hair#anyway if you've read this far thanks for listening to my mad ramblings#and dont forget you can have a fun gender too!
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Imposter syndrome is hittin' very hard in the club tonight 💀
#to anyone who idk perceives my art#if it ends up looking either so much worse later or drastically improved in comparison I literally can't help it#I've struggled with it all my life I don't know what the fuck consistency is#im sorry if i let anyone or accidentally set high expectations 😞😞😞#sometimes i literally forget how to draw and it shows so much#really have this itch to take down the art of blake cuz it makes me feel so embarrassed#Those weren't done with me being locked in and it shows#i feel like such a fool#i hope to improve and learn consistency#guh
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I don't hate or get annoyed by BiscuitBites/Nuzi as a ship, I just don't care much for most ships in general (besides PinkLemonade/Vizzy because personally I think their dynamic is really cute ok??) And I'm not irritated that Nuzi is becoming canon like a lot of people are complaining about, Murder Drones is not becoming a shipping-focused show because of this, this episode had probably the most horror and emotional scenes by far... I'm happy shipping wars will be over and I'm happy that people are voicing out their happiness that the ship is canon! Yippee! People are happy, everything is good, and I'm not irritated by that! What I do find irritating about some Nuzi shippers is that I'll have actual tears running down my face from reading a V memoriam post and then scroll down to see some people saying that they "didn't care V died that much and that they're glad that V is dead to completely set in stone Nuzi as a ship". Most of the main cast of characters were comfort characters for me and this is a shot in the heart because I loved V as a character. Even though I was kind of emotionally hurt by the last scene, I really do think a sacrifice was a good call by Liam. That won't stop me from being sad however. But PLEASE, I don't want to see people complaining about how everyone's upset over V's death and not putting enough focus on Nuzi confirmation (which both statements are super untrue, both get a respective amount of attention) Like I understand why some people wouldn't be super upset about the (presumably) V death, you can voice your own opinion and not be too emotionally affected by the death and I'm not judging you for that, but when I see people get to the point where they're judging and kind of shaming people for getting stressed or anxious or generally upset at a character death? It kind of kills me. Please stop beatboxing I'm crying on the floor Though a lot of Nuzi shippers I see aren't like this and I'm so happy about that, it's super nice to see that!!!! I've seen some of the most amazing works of this community come from Nuzi people and I still respect them so much because they're still people and part of this fandom even though I don't directly care much for the ship itself anymore, I'm not judging anyone based on their favorite robot pairings (UNLESS YOU'RE LIKE. A PROSHIPPER. ICK. OFF WITH YOU.) :)
#i really don't want to point out names on the people posting these things (also i completely forget because i tried to block out the posts)#i don't know if i'm the only one seeing them but i still hate it#crackships are funny though those fuel me so much#ooh and i think dizzy is fun i just prefer vizzy because DD x WD is fun imo#lizzy as a character is just.. top tier shipping material in my opinion#nuzi still is just meh for me#and i get why it's a comfort ship to many#i too shipped uzi for a short amount of time because i thought it was cute#but it's still one of the better ships and i see why liam wanted it to be canon#relationships with a lot of fluff can be comforting to some#i don't mean to offend anyone just i'm seeing a few of these and it's genuinely just kind of upset at this#LET ME COPE AND DON'T UNDERMINE THAT WAHHHH#but i really just get comfort from individual characters as an aro/ace and it really just hurts to see the disrespect of V's death#i don't know if this is even a hot take i'm just. :((((((((#AGAIN NOT GETTING UPSET AS NUZI SHIPPERS AS A WHOLE JUST I'VE SEEN POSTS THAT REALLY JUST KIND OF UPSET ME AND I'M SURE A FEW OTHERS AS WEL#im.#ranting#in tags.#guh.#I don't even know if I proofread this right I'm like too upset rn#murder drones#murder drones spoilers#dumpster bullshit#i'm not tagging ship tags because i really don't want to get involved in much drama#i really don't want any hate barrages on me in my asks or replies or dms about this#mongrel behavior
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it is dangerous to promote unverified fundraisers! marryum-aljabill/Murryum Al Jabill/Marryum Al Jabill is a scammer. they previously linked to a known scam paypal account, and then edited their paypal link out of their post once people caught on
what's more, the only pictures posted on their gogetfunding link are taken from these three articles
https://www.timesofisrael.com/uk-charities-urge-government-to-welcome-gazans-with-family-ties-in-britain/ https://www.channelnewsasia.com/world/israel-hamas-war-gaza-talks-truce-ramadan-mossad-netanyahu-4184131 https://dppa.un.org/en/un-chief-calls-israel-to-spare-civilians-more-suffering-gaza
https://www.tumblr.com/justforyouu/753745959576535040/this-is-a-scam-this-user-has-not-been-vetted-by?source=share
would you mind deleting their scam from your blog, or clearly labeling it as a scam so it doesn't spread to others?
please familiarize yourself with the posts of some current scammers while they are still under these usernames: fancystudentyouth, smwitais, glitteryfesthaks, tacofriends, millicah, mallycahs-blog, holiyfarrtfatuma, nuttydestinieallli, dutfullydeepdreamlland, beatriceegiveer, nako700, marryum-aljabill, kawaiipeachpainter, burningvoidbird, chieffurygiver
i really recommend looking at their pinned posts in order to better recognize scams, not just using this list as a blocklist, because once they are terminated they each will immediately remake their scams under a new username
I literally didn't know.
I don't have the energy, time, or knowledge to verify every single gofundme and donation link. So I am no longer going to reblog any of them unless it's a master post of them.
If I get any asks about sharing donation links, I'm sorry. I'm not going to and will delete the asks because I literally can not verify it. Again, at this point I'm only going to reblog long master posts of verified donation links.
#ask#thanks for letting me know#i had to wait a day before answering cause when I got this ask I was going to kneejerk react and honestly im positive#you are only trying to help even if I read it as aggressive. thansk for the links#this is still important to share#but im so fucking tired#and to anyone reading these tags who want to try or does these scams#shame on you and fuck you. how DARE you try to use peoples tragedies for your own profit#as for the master post I reblogged once#ill try to find it again and pin it unless I find a newer one#anything about palestine/gaza/the genocide is just under the palestine tag#palestine#and to make it clear. of course I think its important to donate and/or just help where you can#but i am out of my depth here#honestly I just want to start just sharing stuff about their food and culture whenever I come across posts like that#especially since most posts I find about palestine is more and more tragedy and the horrors they are facing#its feeling like they are only being viewed as their tragedy#lets not forget they also have lifes and things to share too that are important to keep alive#this will also be under the palestine tag
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like i confessed my love for him (1st time i've ever even done that) then i got neither rejected or accepted, patiently waited for 7 months and still hearing nothing about it... i still dont know what he felt or feels for me....then just being discarded like im absolutely worthless and my love completely useless.. i know it's my own fault for allowing it, but it still hurts.... i know i shouldnt even let him do this but ??? honestly what if im just asking for too much? idk idk. all i know is that i do feel like he doesnt appreciate anything i do and he is so extremely emotionally avoidant even i am shocked... i want to be patient with that bc i know that it isnt his fault or whatever. but he gives me absolutely nothing. then im just being pathetic and stupid honestly. but i still cant stop....
#tbh my best bet is just getting a life#having a job or going to school. meeting ppl IRL#trying to make new friends#move out#if i do all that then i can let go of him#i dont want to bc i actually want to spend my life with him#live with him be with him give him all my love. things he's said he wants (in general)#but if he doesnt want me thats that. no matter how much it hurts thats reality#cant force anyones feelings cant force anyone to care or wantyou#but i dont want to accept it bc he is all i want... but i cant have him....#:((((((( well#just gotta keep swimming ig 🐟🐟#the years will pass and i'll forget him and it will stop hurting#it will hurt for a long long time but it will pass#everything passes in the end#i know this. i just dont want to so thats why im fighting it
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