#i really wish i didnt have a body sooo often

[horrorsequel]

i typed a huge post and it went to drafts but basically even ppl that like me r fatphobic to me and how do i escape that

[hanasnx]

heyyy do you have any advice on how to write smut cause its sooo difficult for me *cries in virgin*

ur like one of my fav smutty writers and idk if you have any tips 😭

first off thank u very much i appreciate that :)

this isnt the first time ive been asked for writing tips so im gonna give a lot of info. youre bound to find something useful in this mess

im so sorry but one of my solutions to giving myself confidence in smut-writing was to literally fuck and fuck a lot

after losing my virginity it still wasnt enough experience tbh. so i gave myself room to explore my sexuality and was privileged enough to do it with a partner that encouraged that growth. that experience of fucking sure didnt hinder my smut-writing ability if you know what i mean ;0 but everything else about writing i learned from years of practice. ive been writing since i was in elementary school like id come home from fourth grade and read and write on quotev klsdjfsfj smut writing skills came later post puberty

when i tried writing smut as a virgin i genuinely couldn’t get past the build up. i was fantastic at writing the build up, it was the actual sex part that was hard bcos even tho i had done enough research (i read a lot of porn) it didn’t instill me with enough confidence that i could write it correctly, and so i never did. however! i sure wish i’d committed to it more, so let me see if i can write out some tips that would’ve helped me in the past

(this is just how i write smut, im by no means an expert)

my timeline

the way i write smut is pretty formulaic so i’ll break it down:

hook line ⟹ settings ⟹ build-up ⟹ foreplay ⟹ sex ⟹ ending

☥ hook line. maybe: a dialogue piece to kickstart; an ambiguous line that reels you in; an exciting action. i dont like starting my story with the name/pronouns of a character doing something boring. i.e. “you were getting ready for the day…�� idk it’s not the worst thing in the world and we've all done it but just writing out what i try to avoid.

☥ build up is key to me. i have such a hard time reading and writing porn with no plot. i’ll do it sometimes if i like the writer enough, but i rarely write smut without the build up bcos i feel like that’s where the juice is. its whats fun and what you get to play around with bcos the actual sex part of the fic is pretty predictable.

focus on what’s said and unsaid in dialogue between characters. focus on the emotion each of them are feeling and how that emotion manifests into body language.

⟹ dirty talk is not for everyone, but god i love it. literally get nasty with it, this is your writing and we’re all just readin it. build anticipation using dirty talk, make filthy promises, make threats. make your characters talk about the nasty shit they wanna do to each other.

imagine someone you really wanna fuck, imagine the things youd do to them if you had the chance,,, write it into your characters.

☥ foreplay. goes hand in hand with dirty talk, its where the touching starts. decide how you want to play it. who gets oral, who gets fingered. both? one of them? neither and they just go straight to fucking?? i like foreplay, but if youre writing a “quickie” scenario then it may not be in the cards.

lets say it is in the cards tho. so some things to remember:

⟹ foreplay gets the dicks hard. when dicks get hard they leak pre-cum. balls have like no cushion and theyre soft and have little sacks in em that move around. the skin of this genital is often described as velvety bcos its soft. ive honestly never had sex with an uncircumcised penis so i have no idea if there’s a difference between how they feel.

foreplay makes the pussies loose and wet. the inside can be lumpy. it can be ridged or smooth. it can be all kinds of flesh colors like brown and pink.

without the foreplay (which can be verbal communication, or touching of the body or genitals) its a little painful for afabs bcos theyre too tight or too dry. and a flaccid dick is a little unpredictable to try to fit in.

⟹ afabs can have multiple orgasms, amabs are less lucky. afabs can cum and squirt multiple times, amabs can cum multiple times.

⟹ genitals get really sensitive after cumming though. so if you write someone finishing, write out how they might need some time before they finish again or start fucking, or that they get overstimulated getting touched still after they came and that sensitivity is a little uncomfortable.

⟹ the head of the penis is the most sensitive and that’s what makes it cum/orgasm. clits on pussies are the most sensitive and its what makes cum/orgasms happen. its very difficult if not impossible to achieve orgasm (if youve got a pussy) through penetration alone without clit stimulation

⟹ you can cum/squirt and not have an orgasm

☥ sex

⟹ changing positions can change angles and hit new pleasurable spots inside pussies.

⟹ probably write a couple different positions during the sex part, just to keep things fresh.

⟹ sprinkle in dirty talk to prolong the sex scene and to avoid sounding repetitive because if youre writing p in v it’s pretty standard to thrust over and over again until youre done. its a lot less glamorous when you spell it out like that, so you gotta add shit to make the sex scene more enjoyable to the reader whos not actively experience the sex.

☥ ending. i usually end the one shot after the fucking is done.

the smut tips

☥ think back to a time you were really turned on. from a show, from a book, something someone said to you, your own sex life, porn you really liked,,, take inspiration from it. use it and channel that own arousal within you.

if youve got a dirty fantasy and it gets you so hot and bothered thinking about it, write that.

if youve got a partner that fucks you crazy good and supplies you with inspo for dialogue or for settings or for scenarios, write that too. theres been a whole bunch on my blog that was inspired by my boyfriend. not everything, but enough to mention it.

also! another thing that people underestimate is the inspiration you take from other blogs. like mine for example, if you like my stuff take inspo from it. study my writing style and you’ll see all kinds of little tips in subtext id never be able to list for you. i do that with other blogs, i dont copy them but i definitely learn little things i like from them and incorporate it into my writing for a more cohesive story. if i take an idea though i ask for their permission & credit them.

☥ the most important tip i can give you is be as self indulgent as possible. youre wasting time worrying about other people. “will they like this? will people think im weird? what if they think im weird for writing this?” fuck that noise. warn accordingly, and go ham. your self indulgence is your best friend. it’ll guide you through all those dirty things you want to say or do to someone, let it take root and write what excites you. chances are you will find your people, and your fic will be set apart bcos it’s so specific to you that people will be drawn to that. and if theyre not? it ends up not being popular? it doesnt matter! because you had fun writing it right? fuck yea u did

☥ the types of words you use are so important. words that invoke a certain emotion or sexy feeling. its difficult to explain but i try my hardest to use “beautiful language” paired with dirty, disgusting, cacophonous language. marry them together so you can convey whether youre “love-making” or “fucking”. i dont like words that dont look or sound good in my head. like when you paint, you probably use colors you like looking at to create the entire picture on the canvas that’s beautiful. so pick out paints that are pleasing to the eyes. the bold ones and the soft ones.

examples of words i dont use cos i hate the way they sound and the way they look: “vagina” and “penis” LMAO

even “butt” isnt a word i like to use. i’ll almost always use “ass” or “backside”

⟹ the smut writer’s dictionary

☥ i keep comedy out of it for the most part, ive never really seem humor added positively into a smut that added to the experience. its usually physical humor stuff like the characters bumping heads or stubbing their toe or something its just cringy to me idk. if i add comedy (i am not good at writing comedy)i put it before the smut. and if you must have some sort of lightheartedness id keep it casual, light, and personal. like an inside joke or something tongue in cheek. you dont have to hide your deepest desires behind humor , you can be serious

☥ your pain tolerance is heightened so run with that. get spanked its fun

more important tips i love and stand by:

☥ call backs are important to me. it’s like if you have something in the future of your fic to be used, try to incorporate it in some small way in your establishing settings or build up. but it’s not as important to others as it is to me. an example would be in my one shot “talk huttese to me”, at the end anakin fucks reader on the tool table. at the very beginning of the fic, when i had reader taking in the surroundings of the “garage bay”, she scanned the drawer stack where she set his broth she brought him, and the tool table he’d later fuck her on. its kinda like,,, foreshadowing (i think?). you’re setting up your reader to be like “?? i wonder why the author thought it would be important to mention the tool table.. wonder if anakin fucks her on it later.” but even if your readers dont react that way, i still think it ties things together nicely

☥ try to write 15-20 mins uninterrupted. create a ritual. i use the bathroom, refill my water, grab a fun drink like sweet tea, put on a silent youtube video (like my ahsoka star wars lofi live i love so much), listen to a playlist of music (preferably music you havent heard before so it can fade into the background. maybe even cultivate a playlist for the vibe youre going for in your story, aids greatly in creating an atmosphere in your writing if youre translating the music in your ears), and turn your phones notifications off (ofc i leave on notifs for calls in case of emergencies, but i can answer my friends’ texts after my writing session). set a timer so you dont have to keep checking the time.

☥ don’t stop in the middle of your storytelling to check the thesaurus or dictionary. write out whatever word/phrase first came to mind and highlight it to come back to later to alter or replace it completely. you’re interrupted your creative flow and its difficult to come back to it when youre checking the thesaurus every five seconds. this hack was crucial to my ability to stay on task i promise you

☥ avoid sounding repetitive by using the same words close together. you’ll create a fuller story by adding to your vocabulary using the thesaurus.

☥ avoid listing actions, break them up with adverbs at the start of your sentences if you must, or description of things or the place your character is in, or explain the emotion your character is feeling or what that emotion is causing within your character. starting sentences over and over again with the character’s name or pronoun breaks up the flow for the reader.

☥ really try to finish your works in progress even if you think its bad, the challenge of it will help you practice and learn to overcome your own mind trying to hold you back

☥ if you dont like the direction your fic is going,,, and youre experiencing writer’s block:: cross out the most recent bit and take it in a new direction. “oh but indy!! i really have a certain goal in mind!!” great, find another way to get to it because youre blocking yourself from finishing this forcing yourself into a non entertaining corner. switch it up! challenge yourself. “but indy!! i really liked what i had for this scene!!” yea but youre blocked right? youre not writing anything else for this scene and you cant, right? if you like what you have for this scene (an action, a dialogue piece youre proud of, a plot twist) save it! use it for a different piece !

hope this helps you and others!

[bangsinc]

I didnt see a rules list somewhere so im so sorry if this goes against them!

Could I get a Spot x Trans male reader (or non specified) coming out to him?

Like...Spot comes back after the whole collider accident and the reader is like "pshh thats fine, im different too" ?

💗 Spot x Transmasc! (And Transfem and Non-binary) Reader coming out to him! (Hcs) 🏳️‍⚧️

Thank you so much for the request! I wanted to make this as Inclusive as possible for any reader out there, so I made 3 different versions of different identities!

No big warnings, although gender dysphoria and identity is mentioned. Reader has some initial insecurities opening up, but the spot is supportive!

Transmasc! Reader -

The Spot is.. incredibly familiar with the feeling of not belonging in one’s skin. Every morning when he wakes up, he’s forced to face the reality that he’s an anomaly. He knows how it might feel being cast out and/or neglected by society, having experienced certain unwanted behavior himself due to his apperance, he is drawn to the your strength and resilience. You’re incredibly brave, at least to him! :)

Coming out is something uncomfortable. It makes you feel all sorts of emotions at once, and while the spot can at worst not notice and at best be akaward, he tries his best to validate you throughout it all. He’s open to hugs, pats on the head, and reassuring words if he feels as if you’re becoming overwhelmed.

It’s a big BIG deal to him that you would open up about something so intimate about yourself to him. It shows him that you trust him enough with your true identity and with who you truly are, and it means a lot!!

He offers a listening ear whenever he can, sharing his own experiences of overcoming adversity and navigating a world that often misunderstands and rejects him.

He considers, from now on, your journey of transitioning to also be a big part of his life too. He keeps track of when you take your testosterone shots and how much you take, and is pretty much willing to do anything if it means it can ease some tension off of your shoulders. He’s fully supportive, willing to take you to appointments to your endocrinologist, gender therapist, or a healthcare team at a gender clinic. Hell, do you want him to schduale them?

He’s also incredibly strict about binding, worrying that you might forget to take it off because of how good it feels with it on. You could break a rib yknow! Breaks are mandatory!

Gender dysmorphia comes in many different forms. Sometimes you’re about to take a shower and look at yourself too long and just feel so.. uncomfortable in your own skin. Your own body doesn’t seem like yours, and The Spot understands this. He’s willing to listen if you wish to talk to him about it, and be a shoulder to cry on. He sees you as a man, nothing more and nothing less, and sees no issue in reminding you.

So many compliments. Sooo many, but his favorite one is commenting on how handsome you are, because you are!! You’re his handsome little boyfriend, and he feels no shame in gushing about that.

If you’re thinking about getting any surgeries, expect his full and unconditional love. Typically surgeries are a very draining process, before and after. Therapy is required, and you tend to be incredibly sore after the procedure. Jonathan is willing to take care of you after, holding you, making your bed a little more comfortable for when you sleep, even making meals if you feel to drained too. (MALEWIFE behavior)

Transfem! Reader -

Similar to Transmasc reader, if you identify as Transfem, The Spot will immediately understand and be able to relate. He sees you coming out to him as the most intimate form of affection, as a way to let him see who you really are deep down.. and of course he’s just as supportive! He’d do anything for his wonderful girlfriend.

Coming out to him is hard, and once again, if you feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable he’s right there for you. He wants you to know that no matter what he loves you.

If you take Estrogen, Anti-androgens (testosterone blockers), or any other medication, you’ll find he’s very strict about when you take it and how much. Your health and saftey is very important to him, and he wouldn’t want you to get sick!

Expect him to take you shopping with all the money he stole ;3. He’d love to spoil you with all sorts of cute little outfits, and show the world just how amazing and pretty his girlfriend is! Might be a lot of black and white though.. what? No that’s.. not intentional.

He probably gazes at you like a lovesick puppy, like you’re just the cutest girl in the world. He’s not very shy about reminding you either, even if he is generally awkward.

If you also plan on doing any surgeries, he doesn’t mind caring for you before and after! He’d hate for you to have to go through such a long and tiring process by yourself, and he’d want nothing more than to be able to assist you in any way he can. He’s willing to adjust anything to make it more comfortable for you, cook, clean, you name it!

Nonbinary! Reader -

The Spot already has a very unique perception of reality, and readily grasps the concept of your nonbinary identity. He intuitively comprehends the fluidity of your gender and appreciates the fact that you’re brave enough and trust him enough to come out to him.

He doesn’t necessarily have a gender anymore either soo… twinning! Maybe that might make you feel a little better?

Of course, that said, The Spot can espically understand what it must feel like to be outcasted for how you appear. You’re not a boy, or a girl, and it’s hard for practically most people to understand.. but he does! There is no binary for you, and to him that’s amazing.

He doesn’t mind showing you off to anyone and everyone, and might even get a little mad if someone were to ask if you were the ‘boy or girl’ in the relationship. He’s generally a very docile dude, but he doesn’t mind getting a little agressive if he feels as if you’re being mocked. You’re everything to him, why can’t everyone see that you’re just.. the best?

This applies to everyone buttt.. he loves you :3

[ohleander]

2.9.23

Ive been in freeze mode for a couple of days and it kinda has me a bit shook. I'm still trying to learn to keep myself and body calm but my hormones definitely feel more out of control than I'd like. A little over a year ago I thought to myself that taking testosterone might be a good option for me but I also wanted to understand my body and my baseline better before I made changes to it.. I try to respect and understand my body for what it is, but sometimes I do want to change things. I often find myself feeling the best when I have more testosterone in my cycle and less so during the other parts of my cycle. The other parts are where I feel absolutely out of my mind and I cant take it, I've read where a lot of people who start taking T feel better and more "normal" and I wonder if that would be true for me. I'm kinda interested in a low-dose to start with. I also often feel sooo disconnected from my physical body, though I try to have respect for it as well. I wonder if I'll ever get to feeling okay with myself. I still crave so much external validation. Still learning to give it to myself. Learning to not give everything I have to others has been intense. Keeping things for myself is certainly a practice.. But here I find myself holding onto so much that I either don't want or don't even realize. I still find myself shaming myself over certain things. Its silly and I'd like to keep letting go. I'll most likely always feel a bit unsure. I'll most likely always feel a bit uncomfortable. Is that my baseline? I really want so much more for myself but why don't I feel like I deserve to go after it? Why do I feel like me taking up space will take space away from others? Why do I think making room for others instead of myself is more valid? Isn't there room for us all? That's a mindset thing I'd like to change.

I don't know why all of this serious self reflection always flows right out of me. I'd like to write about other things sometime but things just don't flow so easily like they do when I think of this serious stream of consciousness stuff.

Right now I really am just kinda taking it one day at a time.. I can only do so much.. and as always I feel like I'm bracing for something big that's coming next. Its hard for me to feel okay when I feel like I cant keep up with the modern world and it makes me not even want to try. I've still got to find another way. Another way that's more effortless.

Also these days I'm feeling more clueless.. I reckon thats fine. I'm really looking to simplify my mind.. I thought it was my duty to be the wise wizard type, the nurturer but lawd.. the minute I try, it feels like something I dont want to do. I think its my self destructive tendencies.. why actually succeed and risk being a hated fool when you can self sabotage and stay ~ in control~ of your vibe, amiright? I also fear that when I'm not paying attention others will point out something I didnt see and I'll feel so dumb.. and maybe thats okay.. I fear my boss coming in and telling me I'm not doing enough.. I fear the unpredictable rejection.. unpredictable rejection is a tender core wound of mine..

I find myself faced with learning all the things I did not get during my formative times.. learning all the things and ways in which I fell short and was fallen short.. its easy to blame the parents and the way you were raised.. nurture and nature are both important. I'm still coming to understand my nature. I wish I could see myself as a valid person who can be seen in this world but I just want to nestle back and be as opposite from the vibe as possible. Modern life has you feelin guilty over NOT sharing your life.. I dont have anything to hide, I just dont really want to be SEEN so much.. just by the right people.

I'm allowed to dream big and I'm allowed to be absolutely grand and silly with it. I believe I am worthy of my biggest dreams and dreaming big is not selfish nor does it take anything away from anyone else.

LA

[arthurflecksgirl]

Reader finds out she`s pregnant with Arthur`s child

@jaraysha1121 requested this one! Thank you so much for the lovely request!!! I really, really, really hope you will like the result :)

Arthur humming quietly into your ear was the perfect way to wake up in the morning. Smelling his hair, that felt tickelish into your face while he kissed you awake was. You just wished that all of this, his bed hair in the morning, him humming oldies in the kitchen while making coffee, his skin on yours at night, would never come to end end.

You have been together for one year now but it felt like you had known him before the beginning of time. Having him in your arms felt like holding the entire universe in your hands. Like anything was possible and there was nothing that you weren`t able to face together. Arthur was your muse, your inspiration. Your proof that no matter how cruel life has been to you, there is still hope to stay gentle at heart and to end up being loved. It was just the same the other way around. You ended up being Arthurs salvation. His soul mate. Everything he ever hoped for and daydreamed about. You and him. It was just fate.

"Hey Y/N. I made you some tea. I hope you feel better this morning? I noticed you couldnt find sleep tonight?" He handed you the cup "Careful, its still very hot." You took a careful sip and put it back on the table. " Arthur crawled back on the couch with you, so you took him under the green blanket. He softly kissed your cheek.

"Um...yeah well I feel better now" you lied.  You didnt wanted him to be worried about you, since Arthur worried about you a lot. Whenever he thought there was the slightest chance for you to get sick or cold or anthing that made you feel uncomforable. He would ask you every five minutes if you already felt better, which was beyond adorable, but still, you didnt wanted him to get worried, because after a while he tended to get nervous and anxious , and that wasnt good for his mental health and insomnia at all. So yo decited to try to hide it from him. But he just knew you so well.

"Are you sure, baby? You seem like there is something wrong? You didnt even ate your fave cookies yesterday. The plate is still full so... I got evidence!" He joked and pulled your nose. "No, I`m fine, Artie, really. I mean.I just woke up beside you. How on earth wouldnt I feel great?" You took another sip of tea.

"Yeah..." Arthur lit himself a cig and stared at the ceiling while his arm was wrapped around you "You know, I just wish we could do this more often. The sleepover.  But its very diffucult to hide you from my mother. I dont know how she would react if she knew that a girl was sleeping in the living room."

You nodded. It was obvious that Arthur loved his mum but he was also afraid to get into a confrontation with her. He would only confront her with anything if there was absolutely no other way to handle it. So you sneaked into his apartment when Penny was already asleep.

"Sooo what if she just wakes up and walks through the living room? She will notice me for sure."

Arthur shook his head while he took a deep drag of his cig "She will not wake up".

"What do you mean?"

"She took some sleeping pills yesterday. Well... I made her do it but...anyway..." he stroke your hair "Dont worry abut that okay? She will still be asleep for the next few hours for sure. And even if she will wake up, she would be so confused, you could just hide under the blanket and she wouldnt notice anything."

"I see... you thought of anything didnt you? I wonder what she would sayif she knew there was a girl on the couch."

Arthur leaned in to kiss your ear "Just think of what she would do if she knew what I did with this girl last night...?!"

You smirked "Yeah that was definitely helping with feeling better."

"So what do you think she would do?"

"She would tell you you`re a naughty boy"

Arthur put the cig in his pink ashtray and  kissed you passionately.

"Yeah...being naughty is fun isnt it?"

You nodded under the sweet pressure of his lips.

You tried to be as quiet as possible, even though he claimed that Penny wouldnt wake up.  She was still in the back of your mind. There was something about the thought of being caught that you really liked.

Arthur checked the clock "Oh. I gotta go to work now. I`m pretty late. " He got up from the couch and grabbed his clown gear. You stood up to change your clothes as you realized how your head was spinning. Arthur didnt noticed. He was distracted by checking his bag.  " We`ll see each other on Monday, right?"

"Yeah, sure. I will visit  when you get home from work. "

Arthur grabbed the keys "Great. I cant wait to see you again, sweetheart. Any plans for today?"

You opened teh door "Yeah I will visit my best friend over the weekend. We`ll be watching movies and stuff."

You both headed down the hallway and got into the elevator "Sounds like fun" Arthur smiled at you with so much love in his eyes. His tiney wrinkles made you want to cover his beautiful face with kisses.

"What?" he asked as he noticed you staring.

"Nothing....its just...I love you so god damn much!"

Arthurs cheeks turned red "Dito!" he said, gently touching your cheek before you said goodbye. You watched him running towards the subway station. He was really late.

Being in the elevator a minute ago made your dizzyness even worse. You closed your eyes for a moment, wondering if you might catched the flu. You felt sick to the stomach for about three days now and it didnt seemed to get any better.  Hopefully it wouldnt ruin the whole weekend. You knew that your best friend bought sweets and cake but you didnt felt like eating anything at all.

Thirty minutes later you arrived. Your best friend welcomed you with the warmest hug. She was the only one who accepted your love to Arthur. Most of your other friends thought he was weird for his laughter and for still living with his mother at the age of 35. You started to realize that some of those people didnt even deserved your friendship, especially they didnt deserved to get to know the wonderful man that Arthur was.

"Hey Y/N ! I`m glad you`re here. I`ve planned something for tonight. You will be excited to hear about it. How is Arthur doing?"

You got out of your jacket and sat down on the couch "He`s doing fine. Thank you for asking. He`s on some new meds and they are much better than the last ones he had."

"I`m happy to hear this. But you kno what his best medicine is? YOU. Imean it. He looks so much healthier since the two of you meet each other on a regular basis."

Hearing those words coming out of her mouth meants the world to you "Thank you so much. I appriciate that. The others dont understand...."

"Pffff" she headed to the kitchen and came back with a huge self made pizza "Dont listen to them. They are idiots. Every single one of them. Arthur is a nice guy and he is good for you. I can see the way you look at each other. There is so much love between you."

"Yeah. I really do love him. More than anything. I think he`s my soulmate."You smiled "I understand him.  And he gets me. We get each other. We dont even have to say anything. Its just....we know. We`re the same. "

"Heyyyyy check this out" she put the huge pizza on the table in front of you "Its self made. i`m kinda proud. We will kill this delicios thing this evening. What do you think?"

Just looking at the food made you feel sick again "Um.....yeah thats....great. It looks delicious"

Your friend put her hand on your forehead "Y/N. You look kinda pale."

"Yeah...I dont feel so well....its been this way for half a week now. I can barely eat something and I feel dizzy at times and just....weird. Like...I dont know my body and mind feel funny and....I dont know....I havent slept for days..." you started crying.

"Ohhh noooo why are you crying? Is there anything going on with Arthur you wouldnt tell me?"

You wiped a tear away "No. No really. He is fine. I`m just very sensitive these days. I`m not sure why.... maybe it was all to much with the others not respecting Arthur as my boyfriend. ...I dont know....Just stressed out emotionally I think.. But I will be fine."

Your friend told you  that you didnt have to eat anything if you dont feel like it, but two hours later you decited to give it a try and grabbed a piece of her selfmade pizza. After one slice you felt so bad you coudlnt hide it from your bestie anymore "Oh my god. I think I gotta go to the bathroom" you hurried up and closed the door behind you.

"Y/N? Are you okay in there?"

"Yeah....kinda....just...I`m just sick to the stomach. I think I catched the flu or something. maybe its better for me to go home. I dont want you to get infected."

Ten minutes later you got back into the living room again. She waited for you with a big grin on her face. Why would she make fun of you feeling sick?

"Feeling better?" the grin still lingering on your lips. It kinda hurt you to see her reaction.

"No. I think I`m gonna go home. I think I have to rest until I see Arthur again on Monday.  I dont want to cancel our date. He is looking forward to it. I`m sorry thatI ruined our weekend before it even started...."

She giggled.

"Why are you laughing? Cant you see I`m feeling like shit?"

She pointed at the empty place beside her "Si down Y/N. And calm down for a second. I dont think that you`re ill at all. You feel sick to the stomach, dizzy and emotionally sensitive.....Think about what it might be."

"I dont know what you are talking about!" you yelled

"Oh I see, currently very emotional with your  reactions."

"Yeah go ahead making fun of me" you replied with a dissappointed look on your face.

"Y/N. You and Arthur I mean....you want to stay together right?"

"Of course we do!"

"You love each other to death?"

"Yeah!"

She clapped her hands "So I think Monday will be even more special when he hears the news!"

"Which news?" you still didnt understood what she was all about.

"Y/N. My dear, you might be pregnant with Arthur`s child!"

The very second you heard her saying this your heart just stopped. You tried to think about the symptoms  but all you could think about was Arthur and how he would react if this was really true. You rubbed your dimples, tried to remember how one of your friends felt like when she got pregnant.  It really could be it.

"Oh my god..." you whispered.

"YES great news. I mean....if you really are this would be great news for you, right? Hopefully...I mean...did you talked about that? You and Arthur?"

Concentrating was hard "We did....I mean....a while ago he told me how much he loves kids and that he always wanted to have a family and .....I mean look at him when he is with kids. he would be a great dad. I know he would. "

"And how do YOU feel about it?" she asked.

"I...I`m not sure....I mean...I want to spent the rest of my life with him and...the thought of being a parent is stil kinda scare, isnt it? But...yeah I think I really want to have a kid with Arthur. He is the only man who ever made me feel this way. Its just overwhelming right now. The thought that it might happen NOW. But yeah...I would be happy about it for sure. " you started to cry. Your best friend hugged you tight "Shhhhhtt . Eighter way it will be good. What do you think about going to the pharmacy and get a test right now? So you dont have to ask yourself that question all day?"

You nodded. Knowing would help. You just had to know if your friend was right.

An hour later you couldnt stop your hands from shaking as you got back to your friends apartment. The pregnancy test in your hand felt surreal. You never did such a test before, so you sat down with her to read everything through.

"Are you ready?" she asked you.

You werent sure. How could anyone ever be ready for something like that? Deep down you knew that there was nothing to be afraid of. The more you thought about it, the more you wanted the test to turn out positive. You just felt deep in your heart that Arthur would be happy,too. There was only a slight chance that he would be too overwhelmed and scared. But then again, who wouldnt be?

"No. I`m not ready" you smiled while you said it out loud.

"But you are smiling! Thats a good thing. Take your time. We can do this tonight if you want."

You got up and headed to the bathroom "No. No. I really want to know now.  So I will have more time to think about how I will tell Arthur on Monday."

"Ha! You`re already talking like you are pregnant. I like that" her face lighted up.

And you realized that this was true. Somehow you suddenly felt like you already knew. Like everything was coming together. You imagined Arthur holding your baby for the first time. Imagined his big puppy eyes while trying to make his kid laugh. You already felt the love he was radiating as a dad. Your eyes started watering when you closed the door behind you. You followed the discriptions of the test and waited.

It wasnt long but it felt like a lifetime.

So many scenarios went through your head. Any possible reaction from Arthur. You checked the watch. It was time to take a look at the result. Your heart was beating fast. You didnt even knew how much you wanted a kid with him until now. You hoped for the test to be positive. So much it would even hurt you if it was not the case. This morning you didnt even thought of being a parent and suddenly it was all you could think about. Arthur as a dad. Arthur as the father of your child. What a wonderful life it would be! Not easy, but wonderful and worth living for.

Your shaky hand grabbed the test with eyes closed. One deep breath in. And another.

Okay.

Now.

Now you will know.

Postive. The test was positive. Arthur and you would be parents soon!

You wished for him to be here with you right now. A brief moment you felt regret for not making the test when he was there with you but anyway, you would make sure to surprise him in the sweetest way!

"Ohhh my god, you were right!" you screamed as you got out of teh bathroom "You were right!!!!"

Your friend ran towards you and held you tight "I knew. I just knew. I am so happy for you. Are you happy? You are feeling good, right? Oh my god!"

"Yeah, I...I am happy. So much happier than I thought I would be. I cant wait to tell Arthur the day after tomorrow. God, I dont even know if I can wait until then. But I have to because....I want the surprise to be perfect. And I gotta figure out how I will tell him the news!"

"You`re going to be a great mum Y/N. I just know. And Arthur is going to be the funniest daddy ever!"

You sat down on teh couch, dizzy but happy at heart "Wow,thats just...a lot to think about!"

Your friend told you to rest and made you a cup of tea to calm your stomach.  You realized that life would never be the same again after the kid would be born. But you wanted it. You wanted it all. With him. And him only.

It was so hard to no tell Arthur when he called you the next day. But you wanted to see his face when you told him. You wanted to feel his arms around you and this wasnt possible through the phone, so you waited for Monday evening.

You made sure that you arrived earlier than he would and put the pregnancy test into an envelope, so he would find it as soon as he checked the box for letters. He always did because his mum was waiting on a letter from Thomas Wayne for months now. Standing in the hallway was torture. You checked your watch at least twenty times until he finally arrived. Arthur was still wearing his clown make up. He carried his green wig and clown shoes in his big bag, looking tired. "Ohhhh honey. I`m so glad to be home. It was a long day at HaHas.  There was a kids birthday. I danced for at least three hours. But it was worth it. You should have seen the little boys face! God. I love making kids happy.....Y/N? Are you okay?"

"Arthur!" you jumped into his arms and felt him with all your senses.  "Yes I`m fine. Just so.....good to see you again and I missed you so much!"

A real smile was visible underneath his big, red fake smile "I`m happy to have you in my arms again,too. I missed you the moment you walked out of the elevator two days ago!"

Arhur grabbed his keys to open the letter box. That was the moment. In less than a minute he would know.

"A letter!" he mumbled "Maybe my mum finally gets what she was waiting for ."  He checked the envelope. "Wait....It says For Arthur....there is no stamp and....this is...your handwriting...?" he looked at you. The confused frown on his face made you want to kiss him so bad.

"Open it, darlin. please!"

Arthurs fingers felt that there was something in it.

"Darling, its not even my birthday." he joked "Did you got me a present?" he reached for what was in there and pulled it out.

Arthurs face froze for a moment. No reaction. Just him staring at the test and the little note that said "Soon we`re going to be a family! "

For a second your heart seemed to stop. Why didnt he say anything? Why wasnt he even moving? Was it bad news for him?

The envelope fell down to his feet as he covered his face with his hands. He was crying.

"A-Arthur? Darling?" you took a step closer to him. And another. Until you were able to put your arm around him. His tiney body was shaking.

"Arthur....please say something.

Seeing him cry now was torture. You were looking forward to this moment until you saw the test result and now he was crying in silence. He didnt even looked at you. His beautiful hands just covered his face while he was sobbing like a little boy.

"Oh Arthur, I thought....I really thought this would make you happy,too?!"

Arthur uncovered his face. His puffy eyes glanced at you with love "Are you kidding me Y/N? Of course I am happy. I was never happier in my whole life! Oh my god. I am....I never felt this way before. We are going to be a family! This is all I ever wanted in life. Thank you for making my dream come true!" Arthur fell into your arms. His head resting on your shouders  as tears of happiness ran down his face.

Now you started crying too.

"Oh god, I`m so glad. So reliefed. You`re going to be the best daddy ever. I love you so much, Artie! So incredibly much."

Arthur kissed you softly on the lips. Traces of his clown make up covered the corner of your mouth.

"You know what? Tomorrow I`m taking a day off and we`ll have a beautiful picnic in the park. Just the two of us. Out on a date to celebrate this! And when we`re back home, I´m going to tell my mum!"

You smiled "Your mum didnt even knew you had a girlfriend. She will be shocked."

"So what? Its our life! And our desicion. We will be looking for a new home anyway."

"Yeah" you wiped a curl out of his face.

"C`mon, honey, lets get in and relax for the night."

Arthur took you by the hand and soon you found yourself all cuddled up on the couch. Arthur on your side. Skin on skin. His breath behind your ear. His hand caressing your belly.

"So you think its going to be a boy or a girl?" he asked you while his fingers gently moved in circles. He lit some candles to make it even cozier for you.

"I dont know" you whispered "I would love a son who looks just like his father."

Arthurs hand on your tummy felt so calming. Like a charm that made your child feel loved.

"And I would love a daughter who is just as precious as her mother."

You smiled.

"I promise I will try my best to be a good dad. I will make our kid laugh as often as possible and teach him or her how to do magic tricks and I´ll dance to make the child feel better. I will try anything. to be.....good enough! I`m gonna take good care of our baby."

"I know you are going to be amazing. Who wouldnt love to have a funny clown as a father?"

Arthur leaned in to kiss you "I promise you, I will find a job as a stand up comedian so we can afford much more than now. I`m gonna make it work. "

"I know we will Arthur. The two....no. The three of us together."

Arthur pulled you even closer to his chest. The warmth of his body lulled you in as you drifted away into sleep. The last thing you`ve heard before your eyes closed was Arthur whispering "Sleep tight, little angel" while he placed his lips on your belly to kiss your child good night.

[leossmoonn]

hii congrats on 1.4k!! can i request 🔮 for male marauders and golden trio era? my pronouns are she/her, i’m gryffindor, i laugh in situations i shouldn’t be laughing at, i’m very friendly and i act the same around a person i know for 5 minutes and a person i know for years, i’m loud when talking, i’m too kind for my own sake, i get annoyed easily but everyone says i’m funny then, i get nervous easily especially around a person i like and i get especially loud then, i love nature and swimming and i love dancing but i’m really bad at it,, thank you!!

thank you so much! yes yes of course!

male marauders ship - james potter

when james first heard your laugh, he immediately fell in love. he was in detention and had heard your laugh from outside the classroom. you were walking through the halls w marlene and dorcas as you all had a free period. james turned his head and fell even more as he saw your face. he then realised it was you, gryffindor prefect and top of all your classes. sirius had always thought you were a know-it-all, but james thought you were funny and pretty and he was determined to get to know you better.

so after detention, he went to his house to find you. luckily, you were studying w remus and lily. he walked up to you all suave and gave you a little smirk, to which you reacted by just staring at him while sweating profusely. little did he know, you also liked him. but ofc he didnt know that, not yet, so his smile faltered and he gave you a warm, polite smile instead and said “hi, y/n. i’m james potter. we have potions and DADA together.” he held his hand out for you to shake and you stared at it for a good few seconds before laughing. youre like “y-you, you know my name? ohmygod, haha- WOW. s-sorry, i-i’m not usually this um, giggly. HAHA” and james just grins and says “no worries love. do you mind accompanying to hogsmeade this weekend” and youre like “… alright…” and james is sooo happy hehe. “it’s a date!” he exclaimed before running up to his dorm to find sirius to tell him the good news. the wait for the weekend was painful for both of you, but def worth it.

you met him at the gates, looking beautiful as usual. james complimented you like 100 timed in the first 5 minutes, you were grinning like a child who just got their christmas wish. you two strolled around the town, james ending up buying everything for you 💀. you open up to him pretty quickly and you two bounce from topic to topic seamlessly. at the end of the night, you two were at hog’s head and (ik this sounds like a muggle thing but shhh) they had karaoke night and lily and remus sung a duet, to which james pulled you up from your seat in surprise. at first you're confused and are like "wth???" and james is like "dance with me, darling!" and you're like "HAHA NO" and james frowns and asks why and you pull him close and say "i'm horrible at dancing, james. althought i will admit, i love it," you chuckle. and james is like "perfect! here, i'll teach you, m'kay?" and you're not so sure but yk james won't let up so you follow him to the dance floor.

he puts your arms around his neck and he puts his hands on the middle of your back, not too high, not too low, and you two start dancing. james at first is impressed and is like "you're not half bad, l/n." but he's spoken too soon bc you then begin to step on his feet as you two sway faster. and he's like "OW OW OW!" and you pull away from him and is like "ah im so sorry. i didn't mean to :((" and he just shrugs, "it's alright. no worries. here, lemme teach you". and he takes you in his arms again. "just follow my lead, okay. relax and just feel the music. if you panic, just stop, look at my feet, and regroup, m'kay?" and you nod tentatively and he smiles and you two start swaying. for the first 3 minutes, your eyes are at his feet, watching his and making sure you don't trip again and hurt his toes. and a few minutes later, you are dancing like a pro! (you step on his feet still... but only a few times so its not that bad hehe).

male golden trio ship - fred weasley

fred made smth blow up in hagrid's face (bless his soul) and the whole class went silent except for you. fred and george were laughing, but they were keeping it quiet while you were literally honking. your whole face gets hot with embarrassment as you realise you're the only one laughing and everyone is staring at you. you look down in shame at your desk as you feel everyone's judging eyes on you. well, not everyone is judging hehe. hargrid ends up taking 15 points from your house, 10 for the prank, 5 for you laughing (oops...). hagrid continues class and everyone goes back to paying attention to him except for fred. he's staring at you the whollleeee time.

you're two grades below him (u two are 5th and 7th year but ill age u up to 16 instead of 15 since he’s 17:)) so honestly he's never really noticed you outside of the common room before. you are friends w ron tho so ofc he knows of you and has seen you around the school, but he's never really paid attention to you before until now. and he glad he finally did because you are gorgeousss. after class, he ends up approaching you and ofc you're starstruck bc your best friend's cool, funny, hot older brother is talking to you.

he's like "i noticed you were laughing at my prank. you think that was funny?" and his tone kinda makes you scared bc he's really serious, but you end up nodding really slowly. his serious face breaks into a happy one as he says "great! at least someone was amused. say, you're friends with my baby brother, right?" he asks. and you're like "um... yeah..." and he says "great! well, why don't you take a break from hanging out w my loser brother and hang out w me tonight? george and i are planning a few more pranks." your jaw drops to the mf floor and youre like “uh. um yeah… s-sure” and fred’s like “😁😁😁 GREAT. see u then, l/n!” and your heart goes 🦋🦋🦋 and youre like “alright.. see you then”

so like you tell your friends, harry ron and hermione, abt your plans and harry is like “cool cool. tell us how it goes!” and hermione and you are giggling abt you hanging out w a boy two years up from you. and ron’s like “yeah whateva. have fun ig🙄” and hes just jealous bc his cool olders brothers are stealing his best friend but you reassure him you’re still his bff and youll hang out w him after/the next day. A

NYWAYS so it comes time and you step into the common room, confused as there was no one there. so you go and sit on the couch to wait but as you sit down, fred’s face immediately emerges from nowhere and you literally trip over and fall into him (which youre freaked out bc you cant see his body) but the invisibility cloak drops and he puts his arms around you quickly and holds you up just as your abt to fall. and your faces are literally like millimeters apart. and you think youre abt to kiss but fred pulls away and helps stabilize you before grabbing his cloak. youre like all shy again and he just smiles and says hello and sits down in the couch. you follow him in suit and he explains what the invisibility cloak is. then he gets out all his toys and prank stuff and you’re honestly really interested and you even give him ideas for new pranks and yk he likes you like 1000 times more hehe.

you two end up talking for a few hours and you emerge out of your shell and fred is very happy bc he now sees like the real you. a few hours later and your curled up on the couch, head on his shoulder and youre about to fall asleep (super romantic). fred then mentions george and youre like “oh wait. how come he isnt here?” and fred’s like “hes w angelina. his gf” and youre like “oooh” and then you boldly ask “do you have a gf” and you lift your head up from his shoulder and your face is so close to his, not as close as before, but you can feel his breath on your lips. and he looks you in the eyes and is like “no” and youre like “do you like anyone?” and as he speaks he looks down at your lips, “yeah. i think i do” and you think you know its you bc well like, how can you not in this moment. and youre like “who?” and hes like “you” AND THEN (im sorry this shit is so long but im living the dream) he leans in and your lips touch and you kiss and its all 😍🦋😏😁😋😩🥰🤩😽👻. lol anyways you pull away and are like 😳 and fred is like 😏 “ill see u tmrw right?” and youre like “y-yeah…” and you watch as he stood up and collects his stuff and leaves you. once you know hes gone, you stand up and start squealing and jumping around hehe and you run upstairs to tell hermione.

next morning, fred finds you at lunch and asks you point blank if you wanna be his gf and youre like “yes duh.” and you two then become official! so even tho fred is a prankster and is always carefree and stuff, he does have a compassionate side that comes out when he feels need be. hes so supportive too and he treats you like a mf queen. he’ll literally buy you anything and will do anything for you. he also plays jokes on u which you get him back and hes very impressed w your creativity and boldness.

so during breaks and summers, you visit the burrow and you two often hang out outside near the willow tree in their yard. you two also go swimming in the lake (let’s pretend its a big lake not a pond lol). its super nice and relaxing especially on like 90 degree days where you two are melting. you two always are splashing each other and laughing loudly. sometimes you two just cuddle and drink pumpkin juice and talk about what fred is gonna do now that he’s outta school. tbh youre afraid that once you go back to school and youre apart, youll grow apart, but fred always assure you two that you wont bc you two are soulmates <3

hope you enjoyed this!

join my celebration!

[skeleb0yposts]

I have come to the conclusion.... when i smoke at night I binge. I often wish to restrict like the old me could but the old me didnt get high every night. So my new rule is (since i know i cant just stop smoking) reduce times I get high and no smoking weed at night yes I did binge AGAIN last night I am literally so ashamed of myself. At least the scale says 153.2 now so like a lot of the food is out of my body from my really bad binge the other day. Sooo uh my fast starts today I feel like damn amberlyn Reid :(

[tumblunni]

OH FUCK I THINK I FINALLY CRACKED THE CODE OF WHY I ALWAYS LIKE THE VILLAINS BETTER

Like man it always makes me so confused cos i mean im a soft AF person and i always end up having sympathetic redemption headcanons for them so its not like i like VILLAINY ITSELF but what else do all these characters have in common?

Thats it. Thats it, ursula helped me crack it.

I just WANT THOSE TRAITS ON THE HEROES

I really want a nice confident sassy funny chubby trans auntie who promotes body positivity to our young hero and always gets to say the coolest lines and get the best moments and BE LOVED FOR WHO SHE IS

And like usually whenever you get anywhere close to seeing those "villain traits" on a hero they like.. Remove all the good parts. If you have a supportive hero aunt she's always boring and generically supportive instead, and has to look like the most stereotypical boring mess ans have a super small plot role and uuuugh thats IF SHES EVEN THERE i mean seriously aunties and grandmas are weirdly less represented as mentors than grandpas who are already REALLY HARD TO FIND and again OFTEN GENERIC AND UNFUN WHENEVER THEY GET TO APPEAR

And how damn often are we allowed to have a chubby gay aunt!! WHERE IS MY CHUBBY GAY AUNT!! ive met SO MANY chubby gay aunts in real life like 90% of all my psychologists have been either that or like.. The exact same but a straight lgbt ally instead. Sassy plus size aunties are THE BACKBONE OF OUR SOCIETY DAMMIT! I've had so much help thanks to sassy gay aunts!! And like even just looking at any damn crowd scene in a normal city centre youre gonna see so many chubby aunts and long nosed uncles and all those sorts of bullshit "ugly people" that mass media pretends are ugly and relegates to One Minor Role In The Entire Cast despite them being infinately more common than supermodels and NOT UGLY AT ALL GEEZ IT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH

I cant believe im a fuckin disney villain fan cos of body positivity

Tfw u suck so bad at making hateable people that the fandom universally hugs all your villains and ignores your boring protagonists like fuckin TAKE THAT DIDNEY

God i wanna hug hades sooo bad he just needs a friend aaaaaa

And i mean its not just disney, every damn time ive obsessed over a villain its been because they have some trait thats supposed to be "bad" but its actually good and we dont get to see it on the heroes

Like my thing with science villains in particular is that when i first played ff7 i really liked the idea of an evil minion who's a bad sidekick not just because he's "dumb" or "bumbling" but because he's actually not interested in any of the evil stuff and he works against his own boss and is like.. Friendly to the heroes, i have no particular grudge against you and i wont stop you if im off duty and all. I liked the Turks for the same reason but in the origibal ff7 translation they were kind of stoic and serious and i didnt really become as much of a fan of them til i saw them being more goofy and comic relief in some optional sidequests and then their movie adaptation. But hojo was always being all "lol my boss's plan is so stupid amirite" and had that very memorable scene where he's just sunbathing and tells you everything you need to know to get to the next thing to ruin his boss's plan cos i mean fuck it who even cares im just here to soak up some sun while fully dressed in a turtleneck and labcoat. It sucked so much that he was such a reprehensible bastard with creepy sexual assault vibes and murder and child abuse and experimenting on people and basically just NOT A LOVEABLE VILLAIN but his CONCEPT held so much potential to be filled by a sympathetic character instead...

So yeah then cos of him i kept being obsessed with finding SOME CHARACTER SOMEWHERE that actually lived up tp that potential, and thats why i was instantly interested in charon from pokemon and totally on edge waiting for the slightest chance for him to become That Perfect Sass Gramps Of Legend. And then he was indeed sassy!! And had so little screenyime that there was potential for interpretation of him as potentially redeemable cos i mean the game never said he wasnt, the game barely said anything about him at all, lol. And he was so old and small and frail looking and i just wanted to protect him!! And then that one wifi event that actually hinted at synpatheticness!! Aaaa its a recipe for a Forever Fave~

And i guess maybe it all started with my grandma being awesome and me really missing her? Cos i had shitty abusive parents and she was my ONLY good family member who showed me what love was like. And she was also basically a supervillain. Like every damn supervillain trait except being evil! She was bombastic and confident and sassy and mischievious and loud and passionate about stuff and always had something funny to say and never gave up no matter how many times she failed. And she also used all that great power for the forces of good!

So yeh thats why i love sassy good guys and i hate that often even when a sassy villain gets redeemed they seem to lose all their edge and become more generic now theyre a good guy. Or they get totally sidelined with no screentime anymore, or they ONLY get to be comic relief and dont get the full and complex redemption they deserve. Or just a lot of bads!! Its never the simplest answer of just fuckin.. Keep the character the character. Thats kinda why i didnt feel too much for the maleficent movie even though the concept itself sounded like everything i ever wanted. The character in that movie is a very different person to origibal maleficent, she's more just a stoic tsundere mumsy figure than a hammy badass iconicness. Still a nice villain redemption but it felt like it would have been better as an original story instead of an attempted maleficent. Also i wish they handled it better with the whole "true love's kiss could be from your mum instead" thing cos i get sooooo grossed out whenever i see people shipping movie maleficent and aurora! Like yes sleeping beauty with lesbians would be great but not when one of them is old enough to be her mum and raised her like a mum and changed her goddamn diapers! Also why did they have to ruin the three good fairies just to make maleficent have the mum opportunity? Like just remove them from the story if you wanted maleficent to raise the kid instead. No need to rewrite them into incompetant assholes when they were everyone's fave part of the original! Dont sacrifice the rare and elusive Good Sassy Gay Aunts!! THEYRE LIKE THE ONLY ONES IN DIDNEY!!! (Incodentally merlin is the equivelant of this to hades as the fairies are to ursula)

Also also villains tend to have ACTUAL FLAWS in stories that have a more boring bland protagonist. I wanna see the story behind charon's neuroses and how he struggles with overcoming his temptation to be bad because of greed but ultimately manages to conquer his own negative side because power of friendship and such. Thats a great character arc that provides so much more than he does as a villain where they just wasted him entirely :(

SO BASICALLY IN SUMMARY

* villains are often more complex and well developed characters with flaws while the same wroter might make shitty heroes due to the illogical fear that nobody would root for them if they werent 100% perfect and successful at everything ever

* villains are also often made as negative stereotypes of minorities and other rarely seen traits, which means its easy to reach out to them and reclaim them as a more positive version when theres literally no other options for you to cling to

* the quite common accidental sympathy factor where a villain will seem to be hated more than they deserve for their actions, ir unjustly punished so much that they feel like an underdog, since the writer assumes you'll think theyre "more evil" for being a stereotype and if you dont agree that this thing is bad then it seems like they have way less sins than the story claims they do

* also sass. Sass is good.

But basically the whole root of it is that its stupid and cruel and doesnt goddamn work when you make villains bigoted stereotypes. It just makes me love them! The only person i hate when i see a stereotypical villain is the writer who thought that was a good idea, lol. Just imagine that meme of the samurai holding the cat but its me holding all disney villains!

Also even if a villain isnt outright intentionally meant to be "this minority is bad", it can still make me symoathetic to them if theyre still something thats rare amoung the hero side in the same series. Like charon being the "most unredeemable" villain despite being the most harmless and funny and his plan being so much less world destroying than cyrus, and also he's the only grandpa villain in like.. The whole of all. And he's drawn very much in that way thays supposed to be "ugly" i.e normal grandpa, vs that weird sort of younger than he looks grandpa that hero ones tend to be because blablabla beauty ewuals goodness anti body positivity whatever. Tho actually sinnoh was good with that, they had the best grandpa professor in my opinion cos he got to be sassy too! Rowan always reminds me of auron from ff10. Sinnoh was a good game where i liked a lot of both the heroes and villains even if i still had more villain faves cos i mean pokemon is always biased towards that for me since every game has a voiceless perosnalityless main character and often theyre the one doing most of the heroing with the supporting hero characters having surprisingly little proper screen time. Thats a big part of why i loved hau gladion and lillie in sun and moon! They felt more like a real friend group than any other ones before.

ANYWAY now im just going offtopic into more "i love lots of stuff about every pokemon game" so ill stop typing now

But just basically VILLAINS ARE GOOD COS THEYRE GOOD CHARACTERS and if those stories gavethe same character a good guy role then id still love them just as much, if not more. I dont specifically like villainy, its just that my definition of a good character is often considered a bad character by lazy writers, apparantly?

Also WHERE IS MY SUPPORTIVE GOOD GRAMPS CHARON GAME AND GAY AUNTIE URSULA GIVES YOU FASHION TIPS SMARTPHONE MMO

[lovemesomesurveys]

[[ Random Survey Questions // By @x-hallie-x ]] 1. When was the last time you realized something about yourself, your abilities, or your financial situation that left you feeling disappointed? Uhhh. Well, I’ve been disappointed in myself for quite some time. I don’t like the personal I’ve become these past couple years. I just feel like such a failure. I don’t like that I’ve completely surrendered to my health and just have really given up. I don’t take care of myself like I should. I self-sabotage. I sit and mope and throw pity parties and I don’t do anything to try and make things better. Some things are out of my control, but some things aren’t. Even the things that are, they could still be better managed. I have no idea at all what I want to do with my life. I just can’t seem to get it together. What scares me is that I just don’t have the energy or motivation to care and the longer this goes on, the worse things get. It has really had an effect on my health.

2. Generally, are you more likely to blame others or yourself for problems you experience? Oh, definitely myself. I’m very quick to blame myself for everything.

3. What is one thing about your life that you don’t ever see changing, even if you might wish it would? It’s hard for me to imagine a time when things won’t be how they are now. I can’t envision myself being at a point where I’m happy and doing something with my life and I have finally have it together.

4. At what point in your life have you been the most social or had the most friendships? And at which point have you been the least social? My early 20′s. I had a few friends and I actually used to have a social life and did things. Hard to believe now. Over the past couple years I’ve become a complete hermit crab. I haven’t hung out with friends in almost 2 years, which is wild. I had a friend I saw at least once a week, sometimes more back when we were in school. I had another friend I saw every couple weeks or so, too. Now to have gotten to the point where I haven’t seen them in almost 2 years... it’s crazy. It’s the same with my cousins that I used to be close with, too. I even became withdrawn and distant from them. I have no social life now. Outside of my immediate family that I live with, the only other people I see are doctors.

5. Do you prefer to have a few close friends or a bunch of random acquaintances? Which would describe what you have now? I liked having my few close friends. Now I don’t have any.

6. Do you journal? Generally, what do you write about? Do you find it helpful to get your thoughts out that way, or do you prefer another form of self-expression? I used to write in a journal all the time in middle school up until I was in the 10th grade. I had a Xanga I wrote journal entries in as well in high school. Now the closest thing I have to that are these surveys. These allow me to vent and ramble and sort through some of my feelings.

7. Do you like eating foods that other people have cooked for you, or do you prefer to have control over your meals? Well, I don’t cook apart from Top Ramen and things I can zap up in the microwave, sooo I have no problem with other people cooking for me. My parents and brother are great cooks. I also really enjoy takeout.

8. Have you ever been somewhere and REALLY didnt like a food that you were expected to eat? How did you deal with this? Are you someone who is likely to suck it up and be polite or refuse and save your taste buds? When I was a kid my grandparents made us grandkids eat our vegetables and we had to eat everything on our plate. I hate most vegetables, so it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

9. What is one way in which you compare yourself to others? In this comparison, do you regard yourself as better or worse off than the people to whom you usually do the comparing? I compare myself to others quite a bit. Like I see people my age and younger who seem to have their life together, at least more than I do. They have jobs and families of their own and they’re doing things they want to do. Not to say they don’t have their own struggles, but it just seems like they’re farther ahead in life than I am in many ways. I look at myself and I’m almost 30 with no direction, no aspirations, still living at home, never had a relationship (nowhere near a real one), never had a job...

10. What is something you’ve been particularly grateful for lately? That I have my family because without them... I really don’t know what I would do. I couldn’t keep going without them. I’d be a hell of a lot worse without them. These past couple years have been really hard and I’m just grateful that I have them by my side. They put up with so much. 11. What kind of change or opportunity would be the biggest help in your life right now? Well, I think seeking therapy would be a good start. If I did that and it was helping, then I could hopefully be an active participant in my life again at some point and start really working on things.

12. Is there one emotion that you experience more often than any other? Is there an emotion you rarely ever experience? I’d say I battle depression, but it’s not even a battle anymore because it won a long time ago, but yeah that. I feel irritated and frustrated quite often, too. 13. How mature would you say you are? What qualities do you think make a person mature? I’m not sure how to measure that, exactly.

14. When was the last time you believed there might be something seriously medically wrong with you? What was the ultimate diagnosis? Now? I’ve felt that way often throughout my life. I’d always think the worst and assume something was wrong. Sometimes there was, sometimes there wasn’t. I am currently dealing with health stuff and have throughout my life.

15. What is one illness you are afraid of having? Do you know anyone who has faced this illness? I am afraid of possibly getting cancer. I have had family members who have battled cancer, so it is in my family.

16. How do you tend to behave when you’re sick? What kinds of things do you like people to do for you, if anything, to help you feel better? I just sleep a lot and lie in bed...which is really what I do a lot of the time so I guess it’s not all that different. I sleep more; though, when I’m sick. I’m also moody and irritable, but that’s also not much different than how I always am. ha.

17. If you’re someone who rarely eats breakfast, is there a reason for this? If you do usually eat breakfast, are there any other meals you avoid or skip for any reason, and why so? I’ve never been much of a breakfast person. My body doesn’t like to eat early or when I first get up. I sleep in late, sometimes until like 4 in the evening, so by then it’s like late lunch and dinner time, ha. But even when I did used to get up early for school and such I’d maybe have a granola bar if anything. I like to just have my coffee and then after I’m finished I’m usually ready for something about an hour or so after, especially because like I said, I sleep in pretty late. I do like breakfast foods a lot, though.

18. When was the last time you did something you were proud of? Were other people proud of you as well? Does it matter to you whether or not other people care about your accomplishments, or is your own satisfaction enough? The last thing I did that I was actually proud of myself for was graduating with my BA. Towards the end of getting my degree, I was so burnt out, overwhelmed, stressed, and just to the point of being done with everything. I was also dealing with some health stuff back then, which made things difficult. There were many times I wanted to just give up. Despite all that, I kept going and pushed myself to finish school and get my degree. It’s been almost 4 years now since I’ve graduated, and I’ve done absolutely nothing. Ya’ll know the rest of the story (see question 1). I feel like it was such a waste now. I also hate to admit that I don’t even want to do anything in psychology, which is what I got my BA in. I am not cut out for that. I have no idea what I want to do. I think about all that money that went into getting that degree and for what? I actually wish I would have thought long and hard after I graduated from community college before continuing on to get my BA. Truthfully, I wasn’t entirely sure what I wanted to do with a psychology degree, but I was so interested in it and I kept thinking/hoping it would just come together and I’d figure it out. I kept thinking I had to get my BA and not going to school wasn’t an option for me. I just really, really wish I would have thought more about it and maybe even took time off after community college. I was just afraid that if I didn’t keep going and took that time off that I would never go back. I put that pressure on myself that I had to do it. All the good that did me, though...

19. What is your least favorite thing about the season you’re currently experiencing? Are you okay with most types of weather, or are you only happy under certain conditions? Well, it’s supposed to be fall but California is still experiencing summer it feels like and I hate it. Summer is just miserable to me. I’m like, wtf it’s fall can this warm weather please go away now?? We’re still getting mid 80s and that’s still too hot for me. We’re in November now, like seriously??

20. Have you made any changes to your style or “look” lately? How often do you change your appearance, hairstyle, fashion, etc? Or is it a pretty constant thing? No. I don’t have the energy or motivation for that. I really need to get my hair done, but sigh. I last got it done in August. :X I was really good about getting it done once a month and keeping it nice, but I suck at that now just like with everything else.

21. What are some things you do to feel pampered? Getting my hair done. It feels good after it’s done and my hair looks all nice and pretty. Sigh. I really need to make an appointment.

22. What was the last thing you felt hopeful about? Do you think there’s a good chance of whatever-it-is working out in your favor, or not so much? I really don’t know the last time I felt hopeful about anything.

23. In what ways are you prone to black and white thinking? In what ways do you see more in terms of color or gray? I mean, I’m generally pretty open minded and I know there’s more than one side to some things and it’s not always just one thing or another. I guess when it comes to my life and health, I see things more gray.

24. Are there types of people you will simply never understand (not necessarily ~empathize with) no matter how hard you might try? Are there people you seem to understand almost immediately? Oh, definitely. I don’t even really understand myself I feel like, so. You can’t possibly understand everyone. There are just certain opinions and beliefs that I just can’t understand.

25. When was the last time you tried something you’ve never tried before? How likely are you to break from your routine and try new things? A crispy chicken sandwich from Burger King, ha. That’s about as adventurous as I get, guys. I don’t try a lot of new things and my life is very routine.

26. Have you ever “recovered” from anything? What does “recovery” mean or look like to you? Uhh, well physically, yes. Like from surgeries and other stuff. I can’t think of another example of recovery, though.

27. What are some ways your childhood differed from those of others around you? Do you think this difference was harmful or advantageous in the long run? I mean, apart from being in a wheelchair, I feel like I had a pretty typical, “normal” childhood. I was still able to most things. I really enjoyed my childhood.

28. What is one thing you are really good at compared to most people? What about one thing you are really bad at compared to others? I don’t feel I’m really good at anything, honestly. I am your basic, average girl. I’m really bad a lot of things compared to others, even when it comes to just being a functional adult.

29. Do you think people are “all good” or “all bad”? What would make someone qualify as “bad” or “good” to you, or do you simply not think in those terms? Even the best of people have their bad traits. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. I’m tired now so I can’t dwell more on that right now.

30. When was the last time you did something out in nature? Do you notice a dip in your mood when you don’t get enough of the Great Outdoors? When I went to the beach this past summer. I’m not an outdoorsy person at all, but I do love the beach.

[igivethistoyou]

Journal 1

I’m going to try and write some of my journal entries through this blog from now on. I haven physically wrote in my own journal in a while. I haven’t really had the motivation to. There’s been a lot on my mind tho so I know I need to. When I would write in my journal almost daily, my mind felt less clogged. Maybe typing it out, which is a lot faster and more efficient, will help with me write more often like I used to.

Now that i’m writing i cant really figure out what has been on my mind. lol. idk if its the mercury retrograde coming up but ive been thinking alot about my past and the people who are no longer in my life. like my old “partner” and my old best friend. I miss the memories i had with them. i miss them so much i still get emotional about it. theres just so much that went wrong with both of those relations. so much that could have been preventable and so much more that could have been. I don’t really miss my old partner but I miss what i thought we had. but i know i deserved better. when i think about our whole situation i can help but get angry about it from time to time. i get angry with the fact that i still think about it sometimes. i get so tired of thinking about it. i want to forget it even happened but i just cant get over this small hill. i dont want to get mad about it but i still do. it has taken me months to come to terms with the fact that i have every right to be angry. they do too. it was just so complicated and so frustrating. i know i didnt deserve that whole mess tho. i made a mistake and they couldnt forgive me. if they couldnt forgive me they shouldnt have had me waiting and hoping on forgiveness. i was naïve. i should have left when i felt consistently unwanted. this is what bothers me. this is what makes me cry. i know now that i shouldnt have waited. but i thought we had something. i had a breakdown one day because i couldnt take it anymore. i remember it just hitting me and having to run to the restroom and turning the water on so my roomates didnt hear me crying. i was just so overwhelmed and felt like i didnt mean anything to them after months of them telling me they didnt know if they wanted to be with me or not but continuing the flirting, the late night facetime calls, the texts, and just the overall connection we had. so i cut it off and we didnt speak for a few weeks until i was in vegas visiting my family for my nephews birthday. it was awkward at first but then it felt like things went back to normal until it didn’t anymore. i asked them if they still had feelings for me and they said no. and that was it. i didnt want anything to do with them anymore and shut myself off and blocked off the pain until i got home. then i had to move to vegas and after one week here i had a dream that they were with someone else. i checked their twitter from time to time before that just to see what they were up to but they were private so it was just their pfp that i would see. but something told me to check it after i had that dream and when i did it was them with another girl. i got sooooo mad. i cant even explain it. they were already in another relationship with someone? after whatever we had just finished? this is what told me their feelings were not real. how could they be?? what could have happened in the month or two when we cut things off that made them get into another relationship? they were probably already talking to her. it was their coworker too lol she probably swooped in or something between them was already going on while we had our thing happening. i dont really know but it hurt so bad. and just a quick note; theres no way we could have both been their type...i just dont see it. no shade butttt shade lol. it probably just has to do with my confidence growing and me feeling sooo good about myself but thats all im gonna say about...that. i also found out it was a thing at least two weeks after we cut things off. at the very least lol. but now they are together doing their own thing. i dont care about my old partner anymore i couldn’t care less what they are doing but the principle is what hurts still. it made me feel unworthy, unlovable. and caused alot of self doubt. ive gotten alot better but there are days where i just think about how much i wish it didnt happen. the whole thing. like the wholeeee thing. but you live and you learn. i almost feel bad for them in the sense of them being alone. i dont think they are the kind of person that likes to be single. like i feel like they always have to have some kind of romantic relation going on. They started talking to me only a few months after their 4 or 5 year relationship ended and then got into a relationship right after we cut things off lol. but thats just my personal opinion. im not that kind of person. after every kind of ending whether it be a friendship or romantic relationship i like to have time alone with myself. i feel like so much energy is taken after an ending of something,  i need time to recuperate and just fill some of what i feel is empty. ive been doing my own thing and talking and seeing other people which had been kind of fun and kind of crazy lol but i dont think i want a relationship any time soon, at least not this summer lol.  #hotgirlsummer <3 

i found myself crying while writing  best but i feel so much better. i know my body needed to release this. i really hope i can say this will be my last time writing about this situation but sometimes it creeps up on me and i think it did today because of the mercury shadow period. i know there is still healing to do and i am trying my best to continue moving forward:)

[emoelrics]

hhh i have been working on a paper and i think i sorta got it down i just need to have some logical evidence for my premises. i’ll probably double check it with my prof. but GOD I AM SO BUSY TOMORROW i had 3 appointments scheduled and i have to cancel all three of them which is GREAT. i’m not really sure if my parents will be charged but we’ll see! i’m bummed abt cancelling on my psychiatrist bc my initial consultation person seemed very insistent on me coming. well that’s because i was talking about the suicidal thoughts. and i also need to get my ecg done at some point.....i could probably get my mom to drive me down and get it done during spring break and then i’d get my labwork done so for my next psychiatrist appointment i’d have all my labwork done..... 

but GOD i really am SO busy my mental health has been off the fucking rails which has NOT been helping at all. like i need to go meet with someone for my tour guide thing and then i wanted to go to dc and get lunch with this girl from my anatomy class and also maybe go to a comedy show and hang out with someone else h..... so many things going on! i really should pack up and leave to go on saturday cause uhhhhh im sooooo stressed and there are very few things making me want to stay on campus esp the fact that my roommate isnt going home and she’s bringing her damn friend and she didnt even TELL ME BEFOREHAND. like yeah i wouldnt have said no but the fact that she gaslights me and was like ohhh i thought i told you like NO!!! 

there’s also all these club things i’m ignoring and i need to finish this paper and i havent gone to rugby practice in ages i just ugh let me write down my responsibilities 

print out testimony for general assembly tomorrow 

BIOETHICS PAPER

finish docu for epi and then write 3 page movie critique 

respond to emails abt my awol article 

go to office hours for au ambassadors 

send in short sizes and figure out how to pay for rugby dues 

work out all of my psychiatry stuff 

submit my food log for cbrs 

send my availability for club 

practice piano 

work out bc i have not eaten or taken care of my body in several days 

ya that’s abt it god im sooo overwhelmed and it’s not going to help that when i come back my life is going to be STACKED. like i’m gonna try to go to rugby practices as often as possible and then after a practice im going to have rehearsal and then i have tour times two times a week and then i also have to volunteer for my scholars program.... god everything is so much i really overcomitted didn’t i. i also forgot about my internship LOL. like i wish i was just doing rugby, au ambassadors, awol, and the public health club? but ughhh we’ll figure it out i just have been soooo incompetent bc of my depression and suicidal thoughts. here’s to being competent when i come back from break! hopefully the worst of my side effects from meds wont be there! 

[valleyofthefae]

Dang Mac you really wanna go off like that ??? Okay,, OVERSHARING ASK ALL OF THEM LETS. DO. THIS 💖💕💓👀🌸💝💞

Hecks yeah man, AND YEAHI GOT THIS i deleted the ones i didnt wanna answer/didnt know how to answer tho :) Who hurt you the most?Hmmmm, idk ? Who have you hurt the most?Idk, but im sorry to them Who do you miss the most?My grandpaWho do you want out of your life the most?Mom, probably (i like.... half mean that) Who had the biggest negative impact on you?momWho do you wish you could be honest with?My parents i guess Who would the world be better off without?me (lol)Who do you wish you’d treated differently?Everyone ive been friends with, and am friends with What was the worst day of your life?The day my grandpa died, and the day my parents found out about a certain thing What’s your biggest insecurity?My bodyWhat’s the angriest you’ve ever been?When my parents found out abt a thing What’s the saddest you’ve ever been?I dont know at the moment... actuallyWhat’s the best case scenario for your future?being able to do what i want in lifeWhat’s the worst case scenario for you future?The opposite of the otherWhat’s the most physical pain you’ve ever felt?Hmmmm, one time i fell off that boat thing and allen park, and my man, it fuckin’ hurt so bad Describe a time you felt like a hypocrite.When I tell people certain things, but dont do said things myselfDescribe a time you felt like a failure.Everyday of my life :)What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?Idk? tbh? What’s your relationship with your family like?Hmmmmm, not too great? idk, i dont really talk to them often ? idk, i distance myself from them a lotWhat’s your relationship with religion like?Idk, im distant from that too.. tbhI’m trying to get back into it though! (im a wiccan) Talk about someone you’ve lost.My grandpa was legit the best omg. We were v close, and he would always call my parents if they didnt bring me over there on weekends asking where i was. We watched sooo many horror movies together tbh, and he’s legit why i love horror movies :) Especially halloween, friday the 13th, jaws, etc I miss him, so freakin’ much :( Talk about someone who abandoned you.Idk if ive ever really been “abandoned” ? What’s something you wish you were capable of?Telling people about how im feeling, or just being more open in generalI wish i could talk to people about things without having trouble doing so What’s something you’re afraid that you’re capable of?Completely cutting everyone off and just not talking to anyone :/ Im not capable of that though, i wouldnt be able to do that Describe the kind of life you wish you’d been born into. One where my parents wouldnt get pissed at me for having a mental illness that i cant controlDescribe your worst heartbreak.I’ve never had my heartbroken, honestlyHave you ever taken a fall for someone?No ? Have you ever forced or let someone take a fall for you?No ? i dont think so Have you ever done serious physical harm to someone?Not any serious harm Have you ever done serious emotional harm to someone?Potentially ? Have you ever self-harmed?..yeah.. but not by cutting Have you ever attempted suicide?no Have you ever stolen something?no Have you ever cheated on someone?nopeHave you ever been cheated on?probablyHave you ever taken revenge on someone?nopeHave you ever seriously considered killing somone?NopeHave you ever betrayed someone who trusted you? Not to my knowledge? Have you ever experienced something supernatural or unexplainable?Hmmm, that one time where it was the middle of the night and i thought i heard child laughterAND WHEN I HEARD SOMETHING MOVING ACROSS THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR AND IN THE BASEMENT THIS PAST WEEKENDOML

[yieniall]

question tag

thanks for the tag @textingniall ! @bb-bambam @dongbangsoojjp @jacksonwangtastic @showyourdesire @beummieyoungie do it if you want :)

1| how old were you when you had your first kiss?

16  2| What made you decide to have a tumblr blog? for 1d and memes 3| Been depressed: yea. but im recovering well and generally much happier :) (if you ever wanna talk or need someone to listen to, dont hesitate to come to me!) 4| how many people have you fist fought? 0 5| do you want to have kids? how many? yea :) 2 or 3 6| Do you want to change your name: LOL yea. ok so my name is “iana” but i would like my name to be “ayana”, which would sound exactly the same but i like how it’s spelled phonetically and the spelling itself is prettier   7| Right or left handed: right 8| do you have piercings? how many? my ears are pierced (just one on each ear) but i dont like wearing earrings :/  9| who was the last person you cried in front of? my mom 10| do you believe in soulmates? lol i know i throw the word “soulmates” around quite loosely with jjp but i dont think about it a lot, actually! sure i guess, it’s a nice idea :) 

11| Zodiac sign: scorpio 12| Do you have a dream job? ok so when i was a kid my “dream job” (aka something that i would fantasize about but didnt/couldnt entertain as an actual career path) was to be a singer or actress lollll. but my career aspiration (aka what i am currently pursuing and think i will genuinely love) rn, is to go into public policy. currently, i wanna work in the government and focus on youth employment and social development. i also hope that i can publish academic articles while i work, specifically reviewing national and international policies 

^thats a kinda long answer bc it’s one of the most important things in my life rn and something i think about constantly. every time i read testimonials from graduates of the MPP program at my uni i get so excited (yet also nervous!) about this career path  13| A crush: nobody lol  14| What do you like about yourself: im filipina and i love my tan skin :) 15| Right now eating: nothing 16| who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my bff 17| Height: 5′0 /152cm 18| what is/are/were your best subject(s)?

law, economic sociology, political sociology

19| Met someone who changed you:

my gr12 philosophy teacher. i have/will always have the deepest respect and admiration for him. he was the first person to introduce the importance of intersectionality in my feminism and he taught me many invaluable critical thinking skills. he was so calm and patient and he ALWAYS listened to me. like sometimes he would give us study periods, and i would come to him with one question- and that question lead to 1.5hr discussion. and i learned a lot about his life too which was really fascinating. and then i would be late for chemistry and he would always take me to my class and apologize to my teacher for it. (ok needless to say.. pls dont misunderstand the nature of our relationship, he was like a mentor to me). 

^anyway, this is also kinda long bc i really do admire him so much. and i actually saw him again on my uni campus! i was like “sir?? what are you doing here?!” and apparently he was doing his phD. and it was so nice, before we parted he gave me a friendly hug and said “i’m glad to see you’re still happy and smiling” :’)

20| do you like someone: all my friends and family obvs :) 

21| I’m about to: go to bed!

22| do you believe everything happens for a reason? yes! but sometimes the reason isnt as meaningful as youd think so it’s often not worth dwelling on such things 23| Sports I joined: mmmm, most prominently: figure skating, cheerleading and swimming  24| what’s irritating you right now? nothing?? 25| do you give out second chances too easily? idk? i dont really feel like ive been purposefully hurt enough by anyone to say that keeping them in my life was me “giving them a second chance” 26| What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: maybe just wish i didnt lose my native dialect when i immigrated to canada :/ 27| are you mean? i hope not! i have my shortcomings im sure :( 28| Cried when someone died: when my neighbour passed away 💔 29| Blood type: O 30| If you could meet ANY Korean CELEBRITY (Includes Actors, Models, K-Music artists, etc.), who would it be? ahhhhhh well i feel so lucky to have met got7 :’) (no joke i think about that literally everyday) but i would love to meet them again and be less shy toward jaebum. id also LOOOOOOVE to meet NCT! and as for actors i would love to meet jung kyung ho and gong yoo

31| Birthday: October 30 32| Been drunk and thrown up: yea but LISTEN. my body doesnt take to alcohol well so im gonna throw up even with very little  33| are you scared of spiders? nah not really 34| What would you like to achieve (or experience) before the age of 60?

sooo many things. id like to achieve the career goals i mentioned above and id like to learn at least 2 more languages. and travel more. 

35| What do you wish for the most to happen? idkkkkk :o 36| is cheating ever okay? never 37| Do you have any pets: a dog!  38| When did you get into kpop and how? around september 2015 cuz i stumbled onto Just Right  39| Favorite animal? dogs! 40| Love at first sight: personally no? 41| how do you want to die? sleeping 42| Lips or eyes: eyes 43| Hair length: like? mine? to my boobs 44| would you go back in time if you were given the chance? literally just to relive meeting got7 lol 45| who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? my dad 46| how exactly are you feeling at the moment? sleepy  47| Laughed until you cry: no i dont think so :o   48| favorite food? sooooo manyyyyy idk! 49| when was your last physical fight? never 50| Do you believe in yourself: working on it :)

[emilylikestodream]

another evening just for me and myself. flatmates gone, i finally managed to fall asleep this afternoon for at least two hours so i could catch on some sleep that i didnt get last night. green tea and some good indie helped me to wake up after that, and i felt sooo comfortable in my own skin, and with myself as my company. i love this feeling.  especially after i shamed myself this morning for the unhealthy and too big breakfast i bought on a street corner, as i am struggling anyways with my body again at the moment. i start to feel fat growing everywhere, and its annoying. as i have some problems with my digestion i don’t feel too hungry anyways atm, and i wished i had the time to go for a run more often. problem is, that i like to do this most in the morning, but to go for a run before uni i’d have to get up at 5 or so, which won’t happen in this world. anyways, as i was so unhappy about feeling unproductive, uncreative, some kind of lost i am trying to implement a routine for my afternoons after class. so i try to learn russian everyday, prepare my next tutoring class, revise chinese and write a bit everyday. it feels good to have something to do, and it feels even better that i myself chose to do all of this, no one but i myself wants me to learn russian, write everyday and read one book at least every month. future projects are definitely to cut down on snacks and sugar, and exercise more. but its fine, i’m fine, i’m feeling good. just this monday i thought my life in shanghai is a constant struggle of tripping, tumbling, falling, getting on my feet again, and keep running until i trip over something again. its so exhausting. I really hope, i can grow stronger and more brave so that i won’t feel bothered by so many things anymore.  things i am struggling with most right now are, that i am not financially independent. it’s less of a financial and more of a personal problem, because i often feel like everyone around me makes their own living, or can rely on a scholarship. i feel bad for the money i receive from my parents every month. i feel dependent, like teenager, not grown-up. i feel bad for working just once a week, and for spending money so carelessly. wait, that’s not true. i’m not careless with money, i could probably save more than i’m doing but i can’t help it, i like going out and i like beer. and beer is too damn expensive in this city.  i really look forward to a productive day tomorrow, and i miss hamburg quite a lot at the moment. i miss the beer prices, i miss political discussions, events, just the whole underground lefty thing. i even started missing my hometown, which means a lot, haha.  i bought dragonburn tickets today and i’m so excited for that!! can’t wait. my life is good and i’m grateful for everything i have. i really am. and i am proud of myself for everything i did so far. i like you, gurl!

[the-rainbow-robot]

Dragon Age Companions, Part 1

I recently read a post (originally from Weresquirrel, sorry I don't know how to tag), about the criticisms characters from the Bioware fandom face. So I guess I'm just feeling the need to lay out my feelings for the characters, after so long of playing (I'm only doing dragon age here, I loved all the Mass Effect characters so much I don't really need to explain it further) Vivienne: In my first playthrough of Inquisition, I LOVED Viv. Aside from her fabulous nature, I was glad to see a black woman in a position of power, who is both elegant and demanding of your respect. I still to this day respect her a great deal, but I now agree with Sera, she's a bitch. I respect her achievements, she has accomplished more in her life than I probably ever will, but her schemes and manipulations make her difficult for me to trust and make me question her motivations. When you first meet her, she uses your presence to publicly shame a rival, which at first I thought was awesome but now I think was quite rude. But she also showed that, under her Orlesian Noble veneer, she is a deeply caring person, as can be seen if you give her the snowy wyvern heart. I lover her as a character, she is interesting and has fantastic depth, but as a person I just don't know if I could trust her. Sera: My brother still hates her, and initially I thought she was annoying but I trusted bioware enough to give her a chance. And boy was I glad! She may be a bit naive as less well-educated than our other friends, but she is intuitive and clever. When I learned about her past, I wanted to build a pillow fort and share cookies with her in it to make her feel better, but I guess the roof will suffice. Her wit and humor helps make the Inquisition's leadership more approachable and human to the commoners and soldiers that make up the body of the organization. And while I wish she was more open-minded, she is right; a lot of the stuff that happened in Inquisition is fuckin wierd. The Iron Bull: Personally, my view of him is a bit colored. I love big burly, lumberjack like males and he was a cookie I couldn't wait to eat. I find his humor raunchy and his manners lacking (not as much as Cassandra, close the damned door people!), but he was genuinely sweet at times during the romance. I wish he wasn't such a womanizer, but if he said that barmaid was a man instead, I would have cheered him on so I guess double standards can go both ways. My first play of Trespasser he was Qun-loyal, and I had to stop the game for a bit to cry (Alicia Key's song, "No One" coming on exactly then did NOT HELP FUCK ME), so I vowed to save the Chargers in every future playthrough. Krem: I can't remember his full name but I felt so embarrassed when I found out they were trans. I thought, at first, "great, it's that dumb Eowyn cliché, she dressed like a man so she could fight" thing but no. Krem really was trans and I felt stupid for not even considering that. Otherwise, Krem is my fave I wish we could chat more!! Varric: I guess I should have mentioned the lying thing with Iron Bull too, but I don't think either of them is untrustworthy. They both admit that they lie a lot, but I honestly don't believe that they ever lie to you, at least not on anything big, or at least something you wouldn't understand (obvi, lying about Hawke was pretty big). Varric is practically the embodiment of what I want my video-game self to be; witty, charming, devilishly handsome, imaginitive, and quite capable and smart. He isn't as intellectual as others, but that doesn't mean shit to me here. I love him, from one fellow little brother to another. Cassandra: OMFG DID YOU SEE THOSE EMBOSSED HEARTS ON HER ARMOR SHE IS SO PRECIOUS!!!!! I honest to god hated Cassandra in DA2, for kidnapping Varric. But she is just so god damned awesome! She's strong, capable, determined, inquisitive, has an awesome scar, and holds little back. And with an accent like that, how could she NOT be a hopeless romantic? She's literally perfect, I just wiSH SHE DIDNT INTERUPT BULL AND ME though to be fair, she didn't start it, she just... was the most blunt about it. OF COURSE ITS MORE THAN JUST A FLING HAVE YOU LOOKED AT THE MAN?! Josephine: jesus christ I feel like a fangirl just thinking about her. She is so cute and silly and innocent, but then she just turns around and steels the pot at Wicked Grace and is the calmest person I've ever seen considering she JUSt learned an organization of assassins is gunning for her. She is perfect as a diplomat, and I would be proud to call her a friend. Solas: he makes me angry. At first, and I guess even still, I find him intriguing. The fade interests me a great deal, and Solas has so much cool info about it! And then I saw how racist he was. And hypocritical. And genocidal. Honestly, Solas, I thought you were better than this! I am very disappointed in you, bad boy! Blackwall: I wish he was gay, he is sooo adorbs! I think he is incredibly courageous, and while I try to follow a Retributive philosophy regarding justice, I think his guilt was enough punishment And he is genuinely a good man now. Dorian: totally fab. He is very sarcastic, which I love, but I do think Dorian legit has some kind of anger issue. He doesn't get angry often, but when he does he says very hurtful things that he later regrets, and sometimes I worry whether he might actually mean them. That is understandable, your dad trying to make you straight by using blood magic is fucked up. But he's a bit of a spoiled brat, and while he jokes about it I think he still doesn't quite get it. But his goals of wanting to bring change to the Imperium are noble, and I think I could call him a friend. Romancing him is on my to-do list. Cole: Since Cole is a spirit, things get a bit wierd about him. I definitely love his character, I always go the more human route because the spirit route is just too... idk, it just feels wrong. Lile he's actually less compassionate than before. But I think he has a good heart and thats what counts

[idontknowandidontcare]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

Myself

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Super Shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Jane

4. Are you easy to get along with?

I think so.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Im 99.5% sure if she’s not drunk as well haha

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Tall Dark and Good Looking

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Nope, I have to ask her out in person apparently 

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Genji (Blackwatch)

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Nah

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Jane? Taro? Josh? idek

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“You post it yet?”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Thinking ‘Bout You,... idk

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Never had... maybe

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Yep

15. What good thing happened this summer?

Life’s pretty mundane so no

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

God no

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Of course

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

Nope

19. Do you like bubble baths?

HELL NAH

20. Do you like your neighbors?

They uh... disappeared

21. What are you bad habits?

Nail biting

22. Where would you like to travel?

Japan, South Korea, Australia, and Italy

23. Do you have trust issues?

Nope

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Going to sleep

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

Stomach, thighs

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Check my phone for messages from Jane. If not that then pee.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

not really

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My mom

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

YEP

30. Do you ever want to get married?

uhhhhh

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

Yes, sir

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Amber Heard...that’s it. Maybe James Marsden

33. Spell your name with your chin.

kjia’kola

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Yes. Volleyball, Basketball and Softball

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

Music. TV still has music

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Yep

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

stay silent

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

A smile that I can fall in love with, a laugh that’s basically X2C. She doesn’t even have to try to be amazing. Being kind, funny, caring and passionate just seem so effortless. She has a similar sense a humor to mine, not the same so i can find new things to be entertained by. Is just as sarcastic as meand she’ll give me just as much shit as i give her and still know how much I love her. She makes it so easy to love her it almost scares you how fast you fell for her.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Super market

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Live a happy life

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

No

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I’m super pissed

43. Do you smile at strangers?

eh

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

bottom of ocean

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

money

46. What are you paranoid about?

Fucking ghost

47. Have you ever been high?

Nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

As often as possible

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Nope

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Grey

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Nope

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

The way parts of my hair grows

53. Favourite makeup brand?

Anything black

54. Favourite store?

What? Redundant.

55. Favourite blog?

idk anyones name

56. Favourite colour?

Green

57. Favourite food?

Ediable

58. Last thing you ate?

Bacteria inthe air

59. First thing you ate this morning?

celery

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Yeah. Volleyball basketball gymnastics

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? nah

62. Been arrested? For what?

no

63. Ever been in love?

curently

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Terrible. His tongue nearly choked me if his slober didnt drown me first. I was 4.

65. Are you hungry right now?

Very

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Of course

67. Facebook or Twitter?

YouTube

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Sadly no

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Jackie

71. Craving something? What?

Food

72. What colour are your towels?

Green

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

2

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

no...yes

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

too fucking many 40?

75. Favourite animal?

Cooper

76. What colour is your underwear?

palm trees

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

in what?

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

rainbow vanilla

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Navy

80. What colour pants?

red

81. Favourite tv show?

Bob’s Burgers

82. Favourite movie?

Uh...

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean Girls 2 shouldn’t have happened it was a mistake. Mean Girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Why ask that question like 21 jump street is even a ROFL movie? Mean Girls....can you tell im hungry and just want to go get food?

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

.....OMG Karen

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Crush

87. First person you talked to today?

Jane

88. Last person you talked to today?

Jane

89. Name a person you hate?

no one i don’t put in the effort to hate people

90. Name a person you love?

Mommy (Jackie, Jane, Taro)

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Whoever decided to ask so many questions

92. In a fight with someone?

yes

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

5

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

6

95. Last movie you watched?

POwer Rangers 2016

96. Favourite actress?

Rosario Dawson

97. Favourite actor?

James Marsden

98. Do you tan a lot?

No

99. Have any pets?

A Cooper

100. How are you feeling?

Fucking starving

101. Do you type fast?

no... that and this sentence that follows took 5 minutes

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

yeah

103. Can you spell well?

fuq knoe

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

nope

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

no

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

yep

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yep

108. What should you be doing?

getting food

109. Is something irritating you right now?

these questions and not getting food

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

currently

111. Do you have trust issues?

YOu ask me this 963 questions ago

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Jane?

113. What was your childhood nickname?

KK

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yes

115. Do you play the Wii?

not anymore

116. Are you listening to music right now?

was but it turned off and im scared to play somthing else in fear of me having to do this again...ins been 25 minutes

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

no

118. Do you like Chinese food?

yes

119. Favourite book?

What is a book

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Silence

121. Are you mean?

when im hungry

122. Is cheating ever okay?

no

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

yes

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

no

125. Do you believe in true love?

yes

126. Are you currently bored?

sooo fucking

127. What makes you happy?

Janey if not her Cooper and playing video games

128. Would you change your name?

Nope

129. What your zodiac sign?

Taurus

130. Do you like subway?

nope its all turkey

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Nothing he knows whats up

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

I swear to fucking christ did you forget you already asked me this question

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Ever see a princess be a bad bitch

134. Can you count to one million?

yes

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

i can count to one million

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

cracked

137. How tall are you?

5′10

138. Curly or Straight hair?

depends

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Black

140. Summer or Winter?

Summer

141. Night or Day?

Hot

142. Favourite month?

July

143. Are you a vegetarian?

meh

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

yes

145. Tea or Coffee?

tea

146. Was today a good day?

was

147. Mars or Snickers?

ew

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“If we’re just a noise in the system, might as well be a symphony” 

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yes

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

Book? Page?