#let me aggressively be your friend
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I came across your blog ewanmitchellcrumbs right before NYE I think and I immediately thought ”This person is fuckin hilarious. I’d love to be friends with her.” I had no idea how to approach you and didn’t dare to do or say anything😅
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#waaaahhhhhh#who are you?!#let me aggressively be your friend#asked and answered#ask games#it doesn’t count as typing a response if I leave it in the tags
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fun side effect (thats so not the right word but idc) of being aro is that while everybody else is in love with fictional characters, i just really want to be their friend!!! i just really really really want to give them a hug & make them a nice warm drink (yes i am one of those people that makes drinking tea their whole personality. what about it.) like. i just. i want to listen to them rant about their life & how their day was. I WANT TO LISTEN TO THEM INFODUMP‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ ugh. just please be neurodivergent with me for a minute. please. guys. autism. please.
#also nd does not just mean adhd/autism but that is what i’m referring to here‼️‼️#also i am actually autistic i am not just saying autism for no reason LMAO#but uh yeah. anywyas. love my silly little guys. just want to give them a hug & listen to them rant#please please pkease tell me about your special interest or current hyperfixation or whatever#i want to hear everything tell me every single little detail i love you#ALSO ON THAT NOTE!!!! i experience platonic love SO FUCKING AGGRESSIVELY#and i feel like alloromantic people do not understand that as much???#like i said to one of my friends thst they were ‘one of my best friends’#and they were like wdym. u only have one best friend. and i was like bro. actually i love you all so intensely so don’t even say that man#like i just. ugh. i love ny friends so much. platonic love is truly sososososoo beautiful & we need to appreciate it more bc what.#anywyas.#aromantic#aro#arospec#tea#comfort character#autism#adhd#yeah idk that’s all i got#oh one more.#martin blackwood#bc that is really who i’m talking about here lets be so real
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He then proceeded to, among *many* other things, punch him in the face, literally bite his hand, and spit blood on his clothes
#re zero#re:zero#natsuki subaru#subaru natsuki#vincent vollachia#abel re zero#I cannot get over their dynamic. It is SO interesting!!!! The way they both claim to hate each other so so much but also#helping each other and abel's absolute trust of him in other senses. The fact they can literally hold each other at knifepoint#And scream at each other and let their emotions out the way they dont with anyone else#But will protect each other from any outside harm#If you thought julius and subaru had a complex relationship this is like that squared#Subaru's relationships keep getting more and more aggressive dont they#Emilia: oh youre so sweet youre the love of my life!!! Ill do anything for you!!!!#Reinhardt: Friend!!!! Buddy!!!! Handsomest coolest knight!!!#Rem: we're a little more than a bit codependent but thats only due to the circumstances :)) we're both in pain but we support each other :)#Julius: I wont get over you beating me up and being too handsome therefore i will be tsundere >:(#Otto: You'll punch me in the face and I'll laugh at your feelings#we'll torment each other a lot but hey we're buddies.#And then abel and subaru are just. Completely concerning as a duo but somehow id hesitate to call it toxic#I dont know what they are. Except maybe gay idiots#You cant tell me abel's not gay#Can you tell the Chisha Gold chapter and the shut the hell up/vincent & subaru chapters stuck with me a lot#Btw im caught up with re zero's web novel!!!! (Besides the last 3 chapters)
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#they speak!#it's probably just the illness that's making me extra irritable but like.#roommate kept coming up to me this morning going oh did i wake you up? i'm sorry if i did. did i do that or no? i'm really sorry.#and i kept telling him to stop saying sorry because i didn't have the brain power to phrase#'you could've been more considerate of your volume but you also have the right to use the common space so it's whatever'#but he said it to me again before i went to my room just now and it's like. ok. shut up.#if you actually cared that much u would've just been quieter in the first place actually.#anyways. annoyed. there were some annoying customers in the store today but it was whatever.#i feel like my fucks to give had already worn out with all the ppl in my social circle/my parents and the recent ongoings of that#[redacted] was being passive aggressive to me in the group chat and it's like. ok! idk what u want from me.#and i'm grateful for them for coming over and helping me with cleaning last week#and it's those sorts of actions that let me know they care and want good things for me#but like. i haaaate telling them anything because even innocuous non-private things get turned into judgement with them.#also. more and more i can feel how i'm drifting away from h and now with retrospect i can see how we mutually hurt each other :)#i keep coming back to this one period where i really wanted to take them to try dimsum and they kept saying they were too scared to try it#and in their new friend group they regularly go out n get dimsum together. which on the surface is like. why didn't you want to go with /me#i told you i wanted to share what i liked and i would explain what things were and i could do the talking and you still said no#but it's also very much a reflection of how i always rolled over and enabled them. i never challenged them. i was always passive.#i also feel like i'm heavily neglecting e and a recently and i can tell how the physical distance is affecting us and idk. it's weird.#anyways. another post that should've been a journal entry! lol!#when [redacted] helped with cleaning they also buried my journal under my like#300 packets of sesame candies and i can't be bothered to dig it out. also my bandaids are missing now. <3#ik this also sounds passive aggressive but genuinely appreciate the help i just kinda hate how they think hidin everything in boxes is good#'we need to get you some more storage boxes and containers!!' actually i think that will be the opposite of helpful.#i need everything visible and on open surfaces so i can 1) remember they exist for me to use and 2) not have barriers for me to get to them
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Listen, and I say this as a Rhaenicent fan, but seeing some on Twitter going "Alicent would never hurt Rhaenyra like that," or "But if she were with Alicent..." really has me shaking my head because, really? That's what you thought coming out of this episode?
#house of the dragon#hotd#as rhaenicent fan i will wholeheartedly admit that alicent has hurt rhaenyra like im not going to sugarcoat it#from humiliating her after joffery's birth to literally slicing her arm open to etc#i can still ship them & admit that! it's okay to admit that they both hurt each other bc (unless its some au) ignoring that takes a lot awa#for both of their characters and the ship itself (best friends to strangers to friends to enemies is what makes them interesting! leave it!#and this isn't me ignoring how daemon hurts rhae either bc seeing him act so aggressive towards her & her flinching hurt me so bad#but i also don't think that moment or even the episode where he does choke her is the right time to go advocating for your ship especially#when harm has been present within said ship too#the only ships with rhae where she probably was not harmed by her partners are rhaewin and laenyra#top two (+ laenor platonically) that i can think of#and again i say this as a rhaenicent fan so don't come at me saying im not#there's just a lot of nuance to them that im not going to ignore#alicent hightower#shes messy let her be messy#rhaenrya targaryen#deserves so much better and i will stand by that statement#hotd critical
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i will fight to my grave defending sisyphus
#If you characterize him to be cruel and mean ALL the time and thats all there is to his character(i have only heard of this. i dont engage#enough w the fandom to really see interps like that). Thats your take i guess... its just extraordinarily weird.#for the only dark skinned character.#Ahem. anyhow i just think he tends to be passive aggressive and hes Quick to dislike someone and hold a lil bit of a grudge hes not like#super outwardly violent#unless if it came to the safety of those he loves and considers friends. He will kill#gooptalks#i get so ill about this guy LET ME OUT
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ugh. my father insists on telling the family group chat whenever i take a lil half-step towards being a functional adult. "oh, ella is learning how to drive in the snow! also, did you know that shes taking a class to become a pharmacy technician?" dad im 25. your next youngest daughter is starting a master's program. shut the fuck up, not everyone needs to know i couldnt drive in the snow until now
#PLEASE just forget i exist#ill let you know if i ever become a homeowner and therefore 1/4th as successful as everyone else#not infrequently i look at my peers and remember that autism is actually. like. a significant disability#and that the vast majority of people diagnosed with autism are unemployed#and it. uh. doesnt make me feel better about myself#it used to be a 'hey. compared to your real peers you arent lagging behind at all!'#but now its 'you are statistically unlikely to ever pull yourself out of this rut and into a position where you feel#comfortable asking for the love you want and nearly all of your friends have had'#its at least partially the meds but i feel aggressively nauseous#immediately after posting this i entered the crying and throwing up and acting visibly hysterical in front of others#*phase. the phase of screaming crying throwing up. not screaming yet but ive got a drive coming up and i plan on#screaming in the car
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#i ran out of tags on my last reblog.#but yeah basically i wish the high guard leaned more into that toxic masculinity that they had going on#you know the type of masculinity where guys egg each other on to be more an more aggressive/violent/strong etc#the type of masculinity where... when asked ''how did it get like this? why did you and your friends take it so far?'' the guy doesn't know.#they get swept up in. let megs get swept up in this shield of strength and power which makes him feel (in the moment) not helpless.#but it goes too far. he does things he can't take back. his best friend is horrified by him-- doesn't ACCEPT him anymore.#he and Orion argue and instead of defending Sentinel Orion defends a random cronie and gets shot.#cue that moment of regret. except in this case he wouldn't catch Orion and go ''why... i'm done saving you.''#instead he'd go ''why...'' notice the cronie is trying to flee and Orion begs him to not become the monster Sentinel was.#but Megs takes offense to that. is he for real?? ''I am nothing like Sentinel. and I thought you of all people would know that...''#''... I'm the only one strong enough to fix things. It's what's best for everyone.'' ''D... no...'' ''Sorry Orion. Cybertron needs me.''#*drops him to shoot the cronie trying to escape*#Orion is so hurt. his sense of jutice is wounded but so is his spark. he dies and comes back as prime. and megs isn't happy to see him.#Starscream stands behind him emboldens Megs. the High Guard refuses to bow to another Prime. Megs now stands firmly in opposition to Optimus#this is because Starscream sees Megs as strong but easily manipulated. he thinks with him at the helm that he'll have a shield#while he basically runs the HG behind the scenes#Optimus and Megs fight. Megs loses. all his blustering about being the savior of Cybertron is thrown back in his face#it's embarrassing. he feels helpless. he never wanted to feel helpless again.#instead of banishment Megs shoves Optimus' outstretched hand aside-- he KNOWS he is in the RIGHT.#and just UGHHH THE HIGH GUARD CREATING THEIR OWN MONSTER BY SPURRING HIM ON!#no one is able to help Megs regulate his emotions he just feels bad and his new friends tell him to punch someone about it! it's not healthy#I WIIIISH I COULD LIKE IT MORE
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People who don't know dog body language who have pushy sketchy dogs are so awful to be around. I told our housemates that their dog Klaus doesn't like me when we went out to watch the eclipse earlier today because I didn't want to go in the fenced yard with him out and they were like "oh no he's fine don't worry." When he saw me he charged up to the fence, high flagged tail, snorting and barking and jumping at the fence and they still were like "oh he's friendly, he just wants to smell you, see his tail is wagging". Like my dude... tail wagging does not mean friendly, and what about the noises he's making rn sounds friendly to you?
Selene's sister grabbed him and I thought she was going to take him inside because she acted like she was going to, but instead she stopped halfway and just held him back while I came into the yard and then let him go to run up and sniff me, which he had very stiff body language the entire time he did so. For a while after that he ignored me because of the kids calling him away and was chill, but still kept coming over and sniffing me occasionally and was very tense each time so I just tried to stay calm and sweet talk him and didn't try to touch him to help defuse the situation.
Then I walked a little away from the group to point out a plant in the yard to Selene's mom which was a mistake because once I was out of the little circle we were standing in he started body blocking me, tense face, stiff body, whale eyeing, and then jumping at me and barking. They tried to call him away and were like "oh he's just trying to get you to play, sorry he's so demanding of attention." I started trying to walk toward the gate to leave because he very much was NOT trying to get me to play and I did not feel confident in their ability to control him, and he immediately did it again. And again they tried to call him away. And I got maybe another two steps before he turned right back around and did it again. And they called him away again saying he was just trying to play. Rinse and repeat for a total of like six times of him body blocking me, tense and whale eyeing, and then jumping at me and barking. All while they're just laughing like "Sorry, Klaus just really loves playing". Dudes your dog is actually behaving aggressively toward me right now, please get control over him so I can leave he is NOT TRYING TO PLAY WITH ME.
This is the second time I've been invited into the yard while Klaus was out and the first time they kept telling me the same thing but he was actually following me around growling at me then and they were still like "oh it's just cuz he doesn't know you yet, he'll warm up to you, he's friendly". YOUR DOG IS SKETCHY. I DONT WANT TO INTERACT WITH HIM. HE DOESN'T LIKE ME. PLEASE JUST PUT HIM INSIDE WHEN I'M IN THE YARD WITH Y'ALL. And PLEASE learn some dog body language because nothing about his right now says "friendly" at all!!!!! Not even a little!!!! TAIL WAGGING DOES NOT MEAN FRIENDLY, ESPECIALLY A HIGH FLAGGED TAIL.
#i will not be going back into the yard while he is out#i only did this time because they made it seem like they were going to put him inside#but then didn't#i do not trust that dog#and they are oblivious and just laughing while he is actively menacing me#cant tell them shit about it though because they act like we're criticizing their parenting if we do and get offended#and then be like 'well your dogs are out of control so what do you know' because my dogs bark at strangers#like... okay your dog growls at and menaces strangers???? mine just bark at strangers who talk to them and try to rile them up#and i dont correct them for that because its not worth correcting and also not their fault#your dog is actually dangerous and you dont have control over him#my dogs are not dangerous and when i tell them to be quiet and get inside they do#so who doesnt have control huh????#theyre just mad because theyre the strangers my dogs bark at sometimes and since i dont like how they interact with my dogs i allow it#because they are rude as fuck and do not respect my dogs' boundaries at all#and think that dogs shouldnt be allowed to have boundaries because they should be 'kid safe“ which really means shut down from punishment#thats how they are with klaus which is a big part of why i dont trust him too#because they have created a dog who gets punished for setting boundaries so that the kids can 'safely' climb all over him and annoy him#and to me that is a recipe for a dog that doesnt give a lot of warning before becoming aggressive because hes been punished for it#i do not trust dogs who have been punished for having boundaries#and i dont trust their owners either#also them doing that means their kids think they can do whatever they want to dogs and interact very rudely with them#so i dont let their kids interact with my dogs at all now because even with me constantly correcting them they ignore me and are rude#and that definitely is something theyre also salty about because their kids want to play with my dogs#and they also want my dogs to play with Klaus and there is mo way in hell I'd allow that which they also dont like#hes an intact bully who they have admitted can be 'really fiesty' with other dogs#and Hermes is an intact male who seems to have a 'kick me“ sign on him for other dogs and i just wont risk it#and it drives them crazy that i dont trust their strange dog not to be aggressive to my dogs and wont let them all be 'friends'#DOGS DONT NEED TO BE FRIENDS WITH STRANGE DOGS THEY DONT KNOW OR LIVE WITH#I hate ignorant pet owners that make their ignorance my problem#rant
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proshitter fucking weirdo,,,, liking kids isnt cool!!
buddy. buddy. do you know how to read?
^^ do you see that? i know this is gonna be difficult for you to fathom but *THAT* little bit there means don't fucking talk to me. i don't need or want you and your puritan dipshit friends on my page bugging me all the time like you have been. judging by the general lack of intelligence behind your message i'm gonna assume you're some kid that was brainwashed by tiktok and/or twitter and you need to chill the fuck out. go find a hobby that doesn't thrive solely off of annoying everyone else with hatemail. normally i wouldn't respond to these but i found it hilarious how sad it was and also clearing out my inbox constantly is annoying
#you could at least give a compelling argument instead of falsely accusing me of predation#i dont even know how you came to that conclusion because i'm positive you saw maybe two posts maximum from me#the only time i talk about kids on my tumblr at all is telling them to stop being fucking stupid about fandom politics#not usually this aggressive but clearing out my inbox is annoying and ive not slept in a hot minute#anon#antis dni#proship safe#shipcourse#antis being vomit inducing#i dont care much about the tags here because its just me yelling at some dipshit but i want to emphasize that antis arent my friends-#and as far as im concerned as long as your view on shipcourse is either “i could not give less of a shit” or “ship and let ship” or-#something along those lines then you're golden regardless of whether or not you use the proship label#otherwise... go find somewhere else to exercise your complete lack of self awareness
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Hope people know that when I’m saying nice things and complimenting people it’s not just shit I’m pulling out my ass like I GENUINELY mean everything I say
If I don’t have anything to say I won’t FUCKING say anything like I’m almost physically incapable of saying things I don’t mean like I can’t fucking LIE about shit like that. If I don’t like smth I just wont say a fucking thing about it aight?
AND ALSO I will point out every fucking thing I like because I KNOW people like to hear it because I ALSO like hearing the specifics of what people like about MY things holy FUCK
Sorry. I’m having a uhhh. Aggressive positivity moment LMAO
#random post#you can literally see this everytime I reblog a friends drawing like I KNOW y’all spend time on these things and I KNOW you want compliments#so I’m fucking GIVING you compliments because y’all DESERVE compliments#yaknow what send me some fucking drawings. give em here. let me see.#send me things you thought deserved more recognition and I will FUCKING give it to you. come on now#I won’t bite you. I’ll just bite whoever didn’t care enough to give you the praise you deserve#I’m completely serious btw about sending me things like I will ALWAYS accept your stuff in my inbox it’s what I LIVE for show me the GOODS#I am SO fucking pumped after aggressively singing Barbie girl and also Numb by linking park#fucking WILD
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#keroro#i love this. she is me. i can live my unbridled amounts of cute aggression towards him THRU HER#i literally need to do this irl#like i just skimmed ep 64 bc i was curious about this trauma switch thing and ive never wanted to grab him and whack him around more#in an affectionate way not because im mad at him oh no. i understand him so deeply. i feel him. i know his most inner psyche.#and he inspires unrecorded levels of senseless violence in me#me in my little ignoramus bubble writing a 4 pages dissertation on his character anyway bc like. i get him ok#his deep seated sense of guilt that he's constantly fighting against. that he needs to repress and deny in order to function.#his fear of abandonment. fear of never being enough. not being able to make up for it. for himself. thats why hes self sacrificing#his selfish childishness that comes from not having been allowed a lot in his youth. taking friends for granted in his past but knowing -#you dont fit in with them. constantly apologizing for yourself. taking space. too much. self indulgence. because friends is s scary concept#and yet one you couldnt survive without. letting them walk all over you. denying your anger. your fears. crawling back to them with a smile#at their feet and biting time because what you really want is friends. company. but you think you don't deserve it. deep down.#maybe u dont. your worst reminder the friend you love. and if they ditch you it's deserved. you don't need them (you do)#why am i rambling!!!! he has ruined me. if im wrong dont even tell me bc i prefer this version in my head anyway#*charlie voice* look at me. psychological trauma up to here#im not saying growing up poor with a father that shames you for your interests and ''disciplines'' you made him selfish but. no yes!#i am saying that. bc i know how it is. growing up with friends that have a lot that u can never afford. u feel guilty just being with them#ok we strayed a lot from the og post which is just me saying I WANNA PUNCH THIS GUY SO BAD (he is me)#keroro gunso
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I started with posting about my autistic experience on twitter, reading posts on there, and interacting with people there.
then twitter got unbearable, so I moved back here and made a new account and side blogs to mirror twitter and lurk in the tags.
i've noticed a difference between autism twitter and autism tumblr from the big algorithm-controlled posts I usually see:
autism twitter makes me feel like i'm not allowed to say autism disables me or causes problems in life
while autism tumblr makes me feel like i'm not allowed to feel positively about being autistic and can only see it as a struggling disability.
the contrast makes me dizzy 😵💫 it's like no one wants to see the perspective of other people when we are all different. each side wants their narrative to be the told one.
#autistic#actually autistic#autism#a little criticism for both. can we not do this 😭#twitter is always “dont use your autism as a disability/excuse for why you cant do a thing! it'll mean i wont be able to do the thing#anymore if they know i'm autistic!“ like when i asked if i can be exempt from jury duty because TALKING HARD. due to autistic#but on tumblr it's always “dont call autism a difference in brain. it's a disability and that's all it is because it ruins my life and is#so hard for me! stop trying to make it look like a positive thing!“#and like....both????? its both?! because it depends on the person and how they see it themself and how affects THEM. not you.#its both positive thing that makes me who i am and disability that makes many things difficult. it can be both 😭#let people describe whats best for them and dont speak for everyone!#linking this to twitter too because both sides gives me headaches lmao#lee rambles#i know people disabled by autism want their storoes told. i know people not as didabled by autism want their stories told#but we cant just do ONE and push only that narrarive. telling one doesnt discredit the other. both are equally important!!! learn to share!#help each other. dont disagree and post passive aggressive posts about each other on social medias. ugh.#i feel like im stuck between where i see it positivly while it disrupts parts of my life at the same time so i dont fit anywhere#people tell me “if you want friends then be friends with other autistics” but i dont even fit in with “my people” sometimes#if anyone else noticed or feels like this then *internet ghost hug* belonging ks difficult :(
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Ppl gotta understand that just bc you do x thing because you're mentally ill, doesnt mean your actions dont have the same effect if you weren't. Like if you've been manipulative to your friends, you cant get mad at them for not sympathizing entirely with you when you go on about how they dont accept you for your mentally ilness. Regardless of your reason, you were still manipualtive, you fucked with peoples trust. Theyre still gonna have trust issues about you even if its bc of whatever mental illness you have.
#im not saying its cool for them to abandon you but cmon. you have to consider sometimes other people and what they can handle#bc if you keep manipulating your friends or whatever theyre gonna get used to being manipulated and expect it from other people#whatever the case. people have limits. your friends have limits. im not saying theyre always justified. im not saying your friends are#never abliest. but they do have limits. and if you're yelling at them all the time about being perfect or whatever you cant exactly#be surprised when they dip out.#like for example. im a p aggressive and angry guy. clearly. if youve seen any of my posts.#ive always got something to rant about. and while im not quite as much like this irl its still a thing about me. im very very vocal about#whatever injustice i percieve happening to me or others lol. but i can understand why me being intense and angry and ready to throw hands#at the drop of a hat would make some people want to avoid me. i understand it makes some ppl feel scared and unsafe.#its not something i try to do. i dont try to make ppl i like feel unsafe. i try not to be that way around ppl w those kinds of issues#but im not gonna throw a fit and be like 'you guys are okay with bpd until i get really really angry and call you a cunt'#like... uh... yeah. i dont blame ppl like that for dropping me entirely if im getting angry all the time around them and it triggers them#and i dont seem to stop or be able to stop.#sure its not great. sure i dont want to be as aggressive and angry around anyone let alone ppl afraid of that sorta thing. but this is#the current state of my being. its something im working on. and i can understand why some ppl cant handle me right now as i am.#idk. just. shit like that man#another example. im hella hella HELLA bad at communicating via technology. unless you're in front of my face my mind just forgets we were#even talking sometimes. this naturally will cause issues. how am i gonna get upset at someone for being mad i stoped responding#in the middle of a conversation? sure i didnt mean it. this is purely unintentional. however that doesnt change the fact of my actions.#it doesnt change the fact that that person might feel unwanted. i can apologize day and night but until i actually try to be more attentive#of my phone this is just gonna keep happening yknow. how is it fair to get mad at other ppl for getting mad at you over that?
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once again thinking about sunandmoon from hit game fnaf: what if we just got rid of the gameplay loop
#random thoughts#fnaf#i like the idea of sunandmoon being a bit of an asshole to staff#sun is passive-aggressive while moon is just aggressive#sun's backhanded compliments. fake positivity. false compliance. finds loopholes in what you say and blames you for not being clear enough#he'll avoid doing stuff until you say the Exact Phrase he's looking for and he'll be like#'well why didn't you say so sooner friend?'#'there's no shame in asking for help' and literally every time you ask for help he is NOT helpful at ALL#says it's a learning opportunity#he DOES take advantage of people thinking he's basically a child to low-key insult everyone#looks at what you're wearing like 'oh boy i didn't know this was gonna be a COSTUME PARTY!!!'#he'll explain how to do literally everything even if you say you've done something before#moon steals your shit and takes pot shots at you from the rafters with ballpit balls#he is uncooperative. explicitly uncooperative#sneaks up on you in dark rooms just to watch you jump#can walk in a way where his bells don't jingle so he'll randomly jingle from different areas in a room#so you have no idea where he is at all times#they both try to be self-sufficient and only rely on each other because staff has let them down WAYYY too many times#they don't have a concept of personal agency because they consider themselves to be objects but once they learn? hoo boy#they'd have to learn what things they should and shouldn't avoid. how to balance their own needs and the needs of those they love#like they don't want to go to P&S but it's important and it makes their little friends sad when they break down#it's one thing telling kids things like 'we need to play games EVERYONE likes and not just your favorite all the time'#and 'you need to ask before hugging a friend'#actually applying that to yourself? developing the self control necessary?#compels me#when your animatronic best friend realizes he has personal agency so now HE decides when the hugs end#i think he corrects people on how to do things to keep them from doing them#like you're trying to wipe him down and he's like 'we need to keep our hands to ourselves friend!'#or if the daycare had a day pass to monty golf and you kept missing the hole he'd be like 'you're supposed to get the ball IN the hole!'
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what are you sorry for
I was very sorry for just about everything back when I made this blog in like 2013
#i've talked about this at some point but it took me like a full month to come up with my tumblr url#and then one afternoon i was sitting in french class and i wasn't having a very good day#and i was trying my best to look like i was normal and doing just fine (though i did probably cry a little bit lets be honest)#but the only thing going through my mind was.#“im so sorry for what a failure i am. so sorry for everyone who has to meet me and deal with me.”#“sorry for my parents who got such a shitty worthless kid. im so sorry so sorry so sorry for being alive”#just like on repeat. for the entire class. i was just sitting there blinking aggressively not being able to think of anything else#and i was like. yeah. that's the essence of who i am as a person. i am sorry. i am a sorry excuse for a human and i fuck everything up#it'll be a good tumblr url.#needless to say my entire adulthood's been a breeze compared to that shit lol. so there's good sides to it too i guess#like it hasn't always been good or easy. but no matter how bad stuff goes i can always look at how i was doing at 13#and go#“you're nearly 30 and you're still alive. you have a job that pays your rent. you don't cry yourself to sleep on most nights.”#“your 13-year-old self would be so fucking impressed. i'm pretty sure she'd think you were making shit up if you tried to tell her.”#“you're doing better than you could ever have hoped for my friend. keep it up.”#herr's personal tag#noelleaxolotl#ask
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