#last time i was here was like 4 years ago
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The source of those rumors is a guy from Carlos's family's tennis club who is close to Kiko Navarro & knows some members of Carlos's team & is a regular collaborator with Punto de Break. According to him (he's said this before) Carlos & Juanki had a significant fight towards the end of 2023. But the claim that they nearly split up back then came from someone else who's less reliable.
As for 2025, the first guy says Carlos's dad has apparently not been happy with what Juanki is doing for a while... but it seems like Carlos doesn't agree. If things don't turn around after clay season his family might push for changes to the team.
From my perspective it's hard to understand the coaching strategy sometimes. Like you said Juanki's strength is not tactics but it seems like that's what Carlos really needs. This is just one example but I think it's crazy that he sat on court in silence for three sets without suggesting Carlos change his return position v Djokovic - Carlos eventually figured it out... in the last game of the match. And that was honestly the main factor in him losing. You could argue Juanki wanted him to figure it out himself but why on earth did they not discuss that beforehand when it also cost him massively at the Olympics (which Carlos said he didn't even think about before the match?)
I know Juanki's whole thing is treating team like family but there are a lot top coaches who say that after 5ish years a coach has nothing to give a player anymore & I wonder if their partnership has run its natural course. Carlos doesn't seem any more tactically equipped than he was two years ago & his technicals have mostly not improved either (return... backhand...).
thanks for this background - after replying to some earlier asks i dug around and saw some folks citing punto de break but not any specifics so this is appreciated. this does immediately increase the credibility to me bc i know pdb values their access and would not jeopardize it for nothing lmao. tho if it's like, a guy who sometimes writes for them and is mostly posting on his own time... i guess that's somewhere in the middle. (btw i still haven't seen anything other than reports of reports of reports? if you've got links i would very much appreciate them!)
as usual i think we're looking at two questions here: could carlos benefit from a different coach, and does carlos want a different coach.
i think we are all in agreement that for carlos to continue to develop as a player he needs something he's not getting at the moment, whether we're thinking in terms of incorporating a new addition to the team or making a wholesale switch. and i don't disagree with you at all about the natural lifespan of a coaching relationship. i've cited this before in discussions of juanki's own career (stuck with one guy; was it a mistake?) and of ferru's (split but waited too long; chalked the delay up to personal feelings).
but as long as it's presented to carlos as an all-or-nothing choice i don't think he's there yet and i would not be surprised to find out that his recent post-match declarations were a message. (tbc it very much MIGHT be an all-or-nothing choice, regulars here know i have plenty of thoughts about the academy lmao.)
the thing is that at this point the unknowns are still really, really risky. if you've had the same coach for most of your teen/adult years and you're ready to strike out and try something new, then that's exciting and stimulating and you're in a good place to make the best of it. but if you're dragging your feet? if you feel like you've been pushed? maybe someone else could give you more, but you have to be ready to receive it, you know? if you're an environment that you know enables you overall to perform at a high level (4 grand slams), where you feel overall confident and supported even if you're lacking direction in some big matches, where you get value from your coach's presence above and beyond the specifics of tennis--it is inherently going to be a risk to make a big change and if you're not all in on doing so the risks will be even more likely to find you.
that's why i keep saying is that i don't see it happening unless carlos' results gets much worse than this--or, potentially, unless a voice that holds as much weight with him as juanki's (so, his dad) gets strong enough that he listens to it. that might be where we're headed!
(incidentally i have feinted at this without saying so explicitly, but there is an unbelievable amount of money riding on carlos' success or lack thereof--i don't mean prize money, i mean his brand as a star--and it would be naive to pretend that's not a factor in decision-making. that's one of the reasons i've pointed to a sustained slump, rather than one or two disappointing slams. when the results start to affect the brand.)
just talked this over with friend who compared the ideal set-up to darren/simone for jannik--supervisory coach + tactical/court coach. if so, then the question is whether they come to that same conclusion and get the set-up in place before the decision is out of their hands, so to speak.
#and when ferru comes on board after his dc contract expires to beef up carlitos' positioning and problem-solving. WHAT THEN.#no no no keep him out of this that can only lead to disappointment#inside you are two dog-coded tennis players.#ask#juan carlos ferrero#carlos alcaraz#LATE-BREAKING ADDITION FROM CHAT: âandy murray coaches his favorite athlete. everyone is mad about it.â#anyway. it's funny that this is exactly the premise i laid out in figure skating au like 10 days ago. congrats to me ig??#wah sf in 30 minutes and i'm still here furiously typing away in the office TIME TO BOUNCE
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TimCass sibling duo sketch *explodes*
#i stole this pose from instagram#theyâre matching ponytails#cassandra cain#tim drake#tim in his depression era so they can match ponytails#red robin#black bat#my pookies#i need them two interacting more#not a ship#tho you can ship them ig#idc#theyre siblings to me#- who date(d) the same girl at some point#steph has a type#idk what im yapping about at this point bye#batfam#can you tell i dont know hoe to interact with this fandom#last time i was here was like 4 years ago
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âtied by blood and yet, you are my greatest nemesisâŚâ
#the valentinos#yall these actually. an old pics like. dang.#yall imagine these pics from last year. like I was at my peak w/o editing LIKE I WAS HAVING FUN AINT WASTIN TIME#this just teases cuz imma just dump them all on october IDC I LOVE THWEMMMM#if yall curious abt them I did have a three years ago a vampire family#and oooh boy they are evil. VERY evil#maybe only adam & vlad are not#the father name is vlad but trust he is not the famous vladdy daddy. there is lore behind it hehe#ahahahsh#bro just watch me dump all their pics here. ITS ALOT.#like literally I wont even care if nobody seen it I WILL PUBLISH THEIR PICS THEY HAVE TO PRINT WORLD W THEIR TOUCH#and im surprised the pics were nice? I didnt use SRWE that time only gshade and I was having fun#now look at me crying over SRWE because I relied on it too much. literally I got spoiled by its service#rip. I dont even plan to fix my SWRE if it WONT EVER open w gshade anymore#rando flovoid shit#thorn valentino#vladamir valentino#dawn gaffney#luther valentino#lilith valentino#ts4#sims 4#simblr#ts4 vampires
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An analysis on c!Owen and his behaviour throughout the Outsiders SMP series!
Some disclaimers before I go into this. There will be spoilers up ahead! I would like to warn anyone reading that this post will mention some blacklisted members from the smp because their characters play a role in showing us about cOwen.
For convenience, all the members mentioned are the characters, not the actual ccs themself. Some of this might seem all over the place, but when the characters learn random parts of themselves at different points it's bound to happen.
Owen has changed a lot as the series has progressed and many find his personality to have changed entirely towards the end, however, this isnât really the case. When we go over his character, we can see his core values have stuck with him throughout the series, so in this post, I will go over how exactly he has changed over time and his character in general.
To make it easier, Iâm gonna split it into 3 parts. Early maze days, the introduction of clearing 2, and post memories.
During the early maze days Owen establishes his character very early on. Right from the beginning, Owen arrives with the demon Rasbi. They are notably one of the three pairs that come up, with most coming up the elevator alone. The first time we see him, Owen immediately takes up a role as a protector, asking if Rasbi knows how to fight in case there is danger up ahead.
In this first section, we can also see that he acts a lot more childish and naive. Heâs very emotional and easily upset by his past. He can be seen jumping on rocks with Mohwee and the others and crying on his first night over his loss of memories. The overwhelmingness of the clearing gets to him. This isnât to say he is some weak, stupid or soft character though.Â
Owen may be naive in believing things should be played in certain ways according to his rules but there are many instances where we can see heâs not stupid. First episode he can immediately recognise what knife Oeca is holding âHey thatâs a throwing knife right? No thatâs a daggerâÂ
After getting more settled in the maze he asks about the mazeâs agriculture, he mentions everyone is unarmed despite fearing the dangers in the maze. He starts asking about protection, armour, shields and notably, âSo this place is safe on the inside? It's safe to walk at night?â Heâs already worried for everyoneâs safety here, he knows the maze is dangerous so is there anywhere thatâs safe?Â
Very early on his past also becomes a very important aspect of his personality. He is probably one of the first to remember anything significant about his past. By episode 2 he is getting flashbacks about how to make a bow. But he makes a javelin first, noting âI think I was a hunter. No, I was an archer. I was a hunter. I was a soldier? I was good at this.â He then proceeds to aim the javelin at Oecaâs name, because at this point he canât fully trust Ocea. He is very quick to violence, although he doesn't want Oeca dead, he certainly canât trust in him.Â
Another important note is that Mohwee is one of the people in the clearing he respected and saw as someone with the ability to act. Which is why we get this interaction where Mohwee calls out âOwen.â and Owen replies with âyes sirâ. His past even without his memories is important and ingrained enough he still acts like this, and this only continues as we go through this section.
The first time they go in the maze as a group is when Apo arrives. This is a very important moment for Owen because their first trip in the maze solidifies his personality throughout this section and maybe even the series. Oeca is shot because Mohwee was careless and brought anyone in. When the group comes back, Owen asks Graecie, âHow many entrances are there to this maze?â After finding out this is the only one that opens, he refuses to let anyone get hurt again and starts blocking it off.
Trust and promises are very important to Owen here too because it's one of the key reasons he blocks off the entrance. Itâs not just Oeca getting hurt, itâs the fact he promised Graecie he wouldn't go in. âI broke my promise.â He also takes Apoâs word very seriously in the mine when he tells Owen he didnât pull the lever. Also because of this he only trusts himself to go in the maze.
When the entrance is blocked off Owen is quick to violence and threatens people if they try to get past him. After finding the old battle axe he starts using it to threaten and intimidate people. âAnyone who goes past this (the gate) i will attackâ
âAnyone else that will, I will just cut downâ are some of the things he says. He punches Mohwee for trying to get past him. When Oeca comes back after Mohweeâs disappearance, Owen follows him with that battle axe trying to talk.
Owen then goes on to say âIâm not looking for violenceâ and âI'm not collecting weapons this was instinctual (points at bow)â he doesn't want people to think heâs dangerous and he knows people are scared of him.
Even if he seems aggressive he still wants to protect others. Owen goes back in the maze to look for Mohwee after he randomly disappears on their way back. âMy job is to protect people and I will do that to the best of my abilities. At every possible stageâ
When Mohwee disappears Owen takes a massive risk to stay in the maze overnight to see if the gates would open. âThe only thing I remember about my life Graecie, is that I was raised to protect people. That's all I remember. And I know it was dumb and stupid to go in the maze but if it got us a step closer to finding Mohwee. I was willing to make that riskâ
So weâve established that Owen cares about the people in the clearing even if he doesn't trust all of them, he wants to protect them and he will do it no matter what. It's the purpose he has given himself in order to be useful.
He knows it doesnât work how he wants it to. People are scared and wary of Owenâs protection. There are multiple instances where he tells his voices, âThey donât get it,â because he knows people donât trust his methods. His method of control is disliked by a lot of people.Â
Ori is one of the main characters to go against Owen. Owen hates this because not only does it risk the safety of others but it goes against his main purpose he gave himself. He takes this job very seriously. So when Ori goes in the maze itâs no wonder Owen becomes very violent.
âOri I'm seriously sorry I will break your legs and I'm very close to it. Are you gonna make me. â
He doesnât see himself to be super aggressive though âPeople think I'm being really aggressive when I talk like âoh hey if you come near me I'm gonna break your legsâ but I'm saying it in the most friendly way I can, you understand that right? I'm not trying to be aggressive with thatâ
âI'm saying like if you do step in here I will have to break your legs. In like a very gentle and I'm very sorry I hate to inconvenience you but I do have to break your legs.â
When Ori sneaks into the maze, Owen talks a lot about his purpose. Things like âDon't, I'll fail them. They'll kill me. My entire purpose here is to stay by this door and stop you from coming in.â
Owen hates to know he is failing the purpose he has given to himself âWhen I discovered I was a soldier that's what I set myself to (protecting others) but what do I have to show for myself? I have tried my hardest to protect these people. And get they look at me and tell me I'm a tyrantâ âyou're not in control, who are you to say what happens?â
He would do anything, even if it meant sacrificing himself. As shown before when Mohwee disappears but also as he protects the gate after the second lever gets pulled he says âI'm going to protect them if I die in the process so be itâ Â
Another note before this section ends is that itâs not just Ori who opposes Owen. Sillvia also talks about Owenâs method of leadership.
Sillvia about Owen: Owen I think you would be great. If not for the fact that you have a militaristic mindset. I don't want to see your leadership spiral into a place where Apo wants. Owen I fear you and I want you to know that. I actually fear you and I don't say that about many people. And ruling should not be through fear. You are a terrifying individual and to see you be in a position of power would be a slope we cannot afford or gamble slipping down. We've seen you tussle with Ori. I know you're a strong individual. You could lead us quite well but it's the risk that comes with your leadership that I am not willing to risk.Â
The perception Owen has of himself differs from how he comes off. It becomes more of an issue later but we can already see this happen.Â
So as clearing 2 is introduced this is what we know about Owen. He was a soldier once, he wanted to protect people in the clearing even if it meant sacrificing himself. Heâs nice to others but his methods are still aggressive and violent, ready to hold a weapon to someone if needed and Owen cares a lot about trust.Â
With the introduction of clearing 2 we can see how Owen changes and develops. Heâs very cautious of clearing 2 members because for all he knows they could have led the creature that destroyed half their clearing in on purpose.Â
Owen also faces betrayal from Apo. We know trust is something Owen values a lot. Itâs mentioned in the early days, and itâs a major part of why he feels so strongly about Apo lying. During the scene where Owen faces Apo after finding he pulled the lever that killed the second clearing, his main issue with Apo isnât the fact that he killed people. It was the fact he lied to him.
âYou lied to me. Why did you do it? No no no I don't care about the lever. Apo why did you lie to me? You're my friend I trusted you. I stayed there. I held your back when oeca said it was you. I put my name on the line. Because we stood together in the mine and I asked you to swear to my face that you didn't do it. And you lied to me. Im meant to be your friend and you lied.âÂ
You can also see what Owen values in a person when they discuss Apoâs punishment and Owen says there's 3 main things he did
- went into maze without group consent
- pulled the lever
- he lied
Owen only adds on at the end that he left Squidney.
With all of this too we see Owen for the first time back away from the job he gave himself. He backs away from leadership, we start to see how tired Owen is from the stress of it all. His reasoning has to do with his trust being broken.
âWhat's the point they're all liars. This entire place is filled with filthy liars. Every single person. All I've ever done is tried to protect themâ
âForget it. I'm done. I'm don't helping people. No I'm not villain, I'm not a hero I'm nothing.
From now on there is no leader of the maze. They put me in charge. My word means nothing to them I'm done.â
âHow am I meant to protect them when I try and stop them with physical force im made out to be some kind of monster. When I try to reason with them I'm made out to be soft.â Â
Owen being viewed as soft has always been something heâs aware of. People tend to think because heâs kind that they can do whatever they want (sneak into the maze etc) and this perception Owen is a soft person develops. Even if heâs emotional and kind weâve seen before in early maze days he is not soft.Â
Owen tries to ignore all his problems but with it he grows more aggressive than before. His tone changes when he speaks about other people to his voices.
âTo visit him would be to acknowledge he exists. And right now the last thing I want to do is consider the fact that this thing lives and breathes and eats and sleeps under my feet. The sooner he wastes away and fades into nothingness the better. I don't see a life going forward with him in itâ - Owen about Apo
âThe more I look around these stupid 4 walls the more I'm reminded that he that. That I trusted him.â
"he's everywhere. It's like a disease. Like it festers. The outside looks fine and you look just below the surface and it's rotting vile and it's himâ
Apo: Just give me a chance.
Owen: why should I? So you can have another tick to the long list of times Owen has naively believed there is some good in the people that infests this clearing? Oeca, mohwee, Bekyamon, Magic, Graecie, Ori, you, liars. All of you.
Iâm not just putting quotes here just for you to see oh trust is important! But more so for you to see that Owen changes when his trust has been broken or when he sees someone as a threat. Some of these things sound very similar to what Owen would say when he gets his memories back. Because to Owen trust and protection are 2 very important values. When that is broken he canât be certain someone isnât a threat.Â
With this change Owen does become more aware he isnât the most approachable person due to his methods. I do want to bring up this quote first thoughÂ
"Can I kill someone? Ive been thinking about this recently I say I'm a soldier. But I've never actually killed anyone. All my life in these 4 walls I've spoken about security and fighting and I can't remember a time I've actually taken someone's life. What if I have to. What if it comes to that I don't think I could stomach it either. I doesn't feel like me. It's not me it's not who I am. No I can't. I'll only attack this person if they do something first. And even then I'll just aim to incapacitate"Â - Owen about Ash
This is an interesting quote from Owen knowing his later actions but itâs not that out of character. If we look at every flashback heâs had so far we can see the life of a soldier is not one heâs always wanted.
Owen to his dad: What if I'm not ready to be your protector? No It's what you've always wanted! What if I wanted to do something else? What if I don't want to be a soldier what about me when do I get to look out for myself.
However he is always ready to attack if he needs to, if it comes to it he would do anything to protect someone. I think that means to kill even if Owen doesnât think so at this point.Â
His notebook btw
Another note about his behavior is that because of how others view him he almost dies from the creatureâs venom. Ayngel even said before Owen is more angry. Other people even though it sounds jokingly say Owen gets grumpy when people disrupt him, leading to no one but Soup to check up on him when he gets stung.
When Bek comes back he doesnât hesitate to do the things he did before. He does what he thinks is right and protects Magic by aiming a javelin at Bek. He says heâs not violent but anytime he feels like heâs in danger he pulls out a weapon. He did it when he was in Soupâs basement, he does it anytime he hears about someone potetially harming Rasbi, and he did it when he heard Oeca attacked Graecie.Â
Owen in general is a fighter at heart. Even if he says he doesnât want to kill anyone he is still ready to attack.Â
Owen: this isn't you Ori. You fight. That's what you do.
Ori: what are you talking about?
Owen: you fight people. When you don't get your way you fight. You and I are the same
At the end of this section, the group decides not to go back in the maze. They had lost Squidney, Oeca, Mohwee, with the presumption that Red, Apo and Graecie were either dead or dying. Owen is tired of it all âEvery Time I've tried to protect someone they've ended dead Kyleâ he tries to hope but he is so tired. This tiredness also explains some things that happen when he gets his memory back.Â
So to summarise before looking at Owen when he gets his memories back, this is what we know about Owen. He wants to protect his friends, he believes in trust a lot, he is both seen as more aggressive and angry these days and soft at the same time, he wants to be a good leader but other people donât listen. Not much has changed since the early maze days, but itâs a more solid character now.Â
When the reunion comes around Owen in the story has finally had a moment to think about everything that happened between him and Apo. His main regret in the series was how he treated him even if he broke his trust.Â
Owen loves to contradict himself a lot but itâs a very human trait he has. He has complex feelings about Apo, and Beks and a lot of people. Yet heâll still offer his protection to them. Itâs because of this the âsuddenâ shift in personality he has becomes very shocking to the audience.Â
Since right before he sees Apo, Owen is very emotional here. Very similar to how he was in the early maze days. Itâs out of his character to hope for something like seeing Apo because he knows itâs very unlikely heâll see him again. However he gives himself this hope, one more chance.Â
When Owen regains his memories the tone shift is obvious. He acts less emotional, he seems more mature. But we do need to consider this is someone who just had a lifetime of memories shoved back in his head and his core values are so strong that Owen doesnât hesitate to act the way he used to.Â
Thereâs lots of similarities to Owen here to the one weâve known. Like his purpose. He sets one for himself immediately after arriving in the clearing. Even as he talks to Apo about his past he talks about his purpose
âI had a purpose once. I was useful, vital, adored. And suddenly everything changed. The world grew tired of blood shed. When all you're good for is violence, when you've been breed into a killing machine, a nation of peace will toss you aside like a spent torchâ
Thereâs an obvious difference here right? The man weâve watched in the maze who wanted to protect his friends just killed his best friend. This is definitely a different person right? Yes and no. Owen hasnât changed that much, and I'll explain why after we go through some more things. But itâs important to note that this isnât a completely new person, this isnât something that is unexpected when we go through the information we already have about Owen.Â
âI know what you are, you are everything wrong in the world has to offer. You are the amalgamation of all the gluttony and lust of humans with the evil and cunning of demons. You stand as a testament to everything vile. You are a disease on the face of this earth and I am it's curseâÂ
Apo: this isn't you you've changedÂ
Owen: incorrect, this is me. The man you manipulated and lied was nothing more than a puppet driven by the instinct to survive.Â
Owen wants protection for his friends. He goes to extreme lengths to keep people safe, so when he remembers demons as this evil creature that will hurt people for their own gain he wasnât going to stand around and do nothing right?Â
Surprising or not this is very in character for Owen if we look at everything else we have from the series. To him, he is still doing his job, the one heâs done since day 1 in the clearing. Just now the threat isnât just the maze and the occasional person, itâs demons.Â
The way Owen became a demon hunter is essential too. He used to live in comfort, and based on past flashbacks he was training to be a soldier even if he didnât fully enjoy it. His mother was a poet and his father was a general. He had grown up hearing all about how terrible demons are, and he didnât understand until his village had been burned down.
One negative interaction with demons had put this deep hatred in his heart for them. Before his memories returned he was ready to forgive Apo, he knew he wasnât as dangerous as he made him out to be. But when the sudden influx of memory comes, he has this past knowledge that Apo is a threat.Â
Since Apo had hurt Owen before this only adds to it. Remember Owen really values trust. Apo has broken that trust in the past, so everything combined and letting go of the final restriction itâs no wonder he kills Apo.Â
Despite this âmassive personality changeâ Owen has, when he returns to the clearing he still makes sure Magic is safe. He doesn't tell people about the lava rising so he wouldnât cause panic. He still cares about these people.Â
But Owen starts to view all the demons as a threat, every demon in the clearing has done something to suggest they could be dangerous. The reason Owen kills Guts is because they poisoned the food at the feast, which led to Magic being poisoned. He carries out this duty for protection
I think another thing people tend to forget about Owen is that he's been slowly breaking apart trying to fit what others want from him as seen in the last section. And it took a major toll on him. His outburst at Magic is one of the ways shown to us how much stress heâs been under. Perhaps even guilt heâs been feeling.
Magic: if you don't you're just putting everyone danger by not leading us⌠in thereâŚ
Owen: danger? You want to talk about putting others in danger? All of this coming from who exactly? The woman who's clearing burnt down under her leadership? The woman who lied about that previous position of leadership as she lacked the spine to correct her friend when she lied? The woman who was tied up and left for dead by that same friend? The woman who swore to protect a stranger only to them shot down in front of her? What the woman who stood still as her friend was ripped apart beside her? Oh yeah the magnitude of your failures Magic is deafening. Do you hear it? When you fall asleep at night, do you hear the screams of the dead who's blood stain your hands? How do you cope? When you find out be a good friend and let me know would you? Been looking for a way to shut them up.Â
Owen does try to justify his actions to his voices even if they donât listen. He knows people here arenât good. Heâs known this since clearing 2 was introduced, but with his memories back he feels like he has to carry on this duty by killing the threat. Thatâs the only way to keep people in the clearing safe right?
Owen to voices: have you stopped to think why I'm doing this? You seem so attached to these creatures, why? What good have they done? These people aren't good people. None of us good people. We're all in here for a reason. Just because you haven't taken your rose tinted glasses off to see that doesn't mean the rest of us haven't.Â
Like before he wonât let anything stop him, even if it means hurting a few people. He doesn't hesitate to pull out a weapon when he hears Ayngel might know him. He canât risk anything ruining his plans because he canât afford to. Heâs so tired. I think at this point anyone that was a major threat to him he would kill.Â
Ayngel: I feel like I recognise you. You and your face from somewhereÂ
Owen: oh? (Starts to pull out knife from his bag)
Ayngel: I've been having this thought and it's got me thinking (Owen pulls out a knife in case)
Ayngel: actually, honestly forget it. It's all a dream and I'm overthinking
The only exception to his thinking is Rasbi. Rasbi actually hasnât done anything wrong to him personally. Sheâs one of the few people that didnât break his trust but he still kills her. Why?Â
First off he doesnât see her as the friend he wanted to protect but instead as something he protected only to kill in the end to fulfil his duty. Her sister is the reason why he ended up in the maze, so even without Rasbi directly harming Owen in any way itâs enough for Owen to kill her. Iâm sure any small mistake or detail would have led Owen to killing any demon, because it only proves his thinking.Â
Owen barely survives after Rasbi attacks him. So as Owen starts planning how to kill Krow he starts going a bit insane. His room is a mess, his mind is a mess and he can barely stand it anymore. We really start to see him fall apart here
Owen: this yolk is a burden is a burden I can't carry for much longer. I'm tired. I want to rest. But I took a pact, I made a promise. A glorious death is his for who his country falls and either I or they thing will have to die before I stop.Â
Something thatâs brought up when discussing the idea of âMaze Owenâ is the fact that we can see âglimpsesâ of him in different interactions. For example when Owen and Krow go out into the maze and Owen spots Puddy he makes sure Puddy doesnât die by keeping him away. Even if heâs aggressive in the scene the fandom interpretation is the care he has for Puddy as âMaze Owenâ slipped through. But Itâs not out of character for him to still show care for people after his memories are returned based on everything weâve seen.
Before âkillingâ off Krow, Owen does say this âThere's no escaping who you areâ Which is really interesting since most characters heâs interacted with will tell him in the maze you can escape who you used to be. Owen knows for a fact no matter what he does in life now he will never have anything outside the maze. Because the world doesnât need him anymore. He kills the demons as his final act of service to the world because he has nothing else to offer.Â
When Krow finally comes back and Owen gets hit in the head he says to the rest of the group âI was protecting you all.â and âYou don't know what they're like! You haven't seen the outside world.â
Looking at his final moments we see that everyone that Owen has cared about doesnât trust him anymore. They donât believe his protection was needed. Heâs told that he will not get out of this cell. Heâs left alone in the silence of the cell. Finally with the time to think. He starts experiencing multiple flashbacks and it makes it hard for him to think.Â
Weâve seen in the past how Owen deals with multiple flashbacks. It gives him a headache or causes him pain in some cases. He also becomes really emotional afterwards. This follows the same case. Except he starts to realize some things.
Krow: I know those eyes. That glint of desperation for approval but knowing it's never coming. We're more similar than you let yourself believe you and I
(Flash back âi was an archer.?â âi was a hunter?â I was a soldier)
âI was a tool. Used.â
He knows heâs going to die soon and he starts to panic. The most important line he says isÂ
âSo what now? This is it!? I deserve to die in battle. I killed them. It was what I. Its just what I was meant to do. I was trained. Should i have? I should have. I should have. I can't think inside my head, it's split in twoâÂ
âSo what voices? What was I before then huh? Was that me? Is that who people trust? People trust that one. Old Owen. Yes? It wasn't me. That wasn't meâ flashback about Apo first coming up
âI can't think. I can't. They trusted him. They trusted him but not me? My headâŚâ
After this he pleads with Magic to let him out. Owen claims âI hurt them, I hurt my friends. Rasbi, Guts. And Apo, Krow I don't know why I did those thingsâ He pleads and cries. And he's desperate
Owen: âNo magic it's me please.âÂ
Magic: âYou kill people owenâ
Owen: âIt wasn't me I'm sorry. I just wanted to keep people safe.âÂ
Owen: âMagic please don't go⌠no⌠magic. You can't do this.â
Magic: âI can and I amâÂ
I think when we look at these final clips thereâs a very important thing happening. Owen is separating himself from the past. He canât understand why his friends donât trust him. Even though nothing has changed. To him his eyes have been opened to the dangers of demons and he fulfilled his purpose.Â
Why does this separation even happen? This is where we move to the final part of this long analysis and look at theories. Thereâs no way I can say for sure this is right or this is wrong. I can only tell you what I think based on the material already there.Â
So before I go into this I have to emphasize I am not saying you can't refer to earlier Owen as maze Owen to explain Owen at different periods of his life. I'm saying when we really look at it, maze Owen doesn't exist since they're the same person.Â
So what am I talking about? The concept of âmazeâ Owen has been around for a long time. Even ccOwen talks about his character like that. The idea that just because Owen didnât have his memories that he was some sweet, soft guy that needs to be babied is something that affects a lot on how you view him as a character.Â
'maze' Owen doesn't actually exist because it's a way that Owen has come up with to justify to himself how he could have cared for demons without shattering his ideals. This is confused with Owen have distinct personalities and missing how he hasn't strayed from his ideals since the start with his idea of protecting everyone.
To separate that period of Owen's life in the maze ignores the fact that the characteristics you see in Owen post reunion are the same from before but taken to the extreme.
He's always been capable of âevilâ'. It's the same as every other character in the series. We don't separate them like we do with Owen. Every character in the series is inherently morally gray, they do things out of desperation to survive. You can never say someone is 100% good or bad.Â
Owenâs same mindset of 'I need to protect the people I care about because they're in danger now' carries through. After the reunion in his head demons are no longer part of that group he wants to protect.Â
The separation of 'maze' and post reunion Owen forgets even in the post memory phase he had the ability to love like 'maze' Owen had. He released Puddy, he started a small farm, he started to relax. It's all part of him.
In his final moments he says a few important things to note. The first being "I was a tool. I was trained. Should I have... I should have." And then right after "I can't think in my head it's split in two"
It seems some take this as 'maze' Owen coming back and fighting with Owen on should he have killed Apo and the others. However rather than 'maze' Owen coming back i think it's this internal conflict he has with himself and his ideals.
Before he says this he's getting flashbacks to the early maze days where he showed kindness to demons. Something he would never let himself do in the past outside the maze. And something he would never do after he remembers it all.
Then he says to the voices "Is that who people trust? Old Owen" while those memories are playing. The voices respond saying they miss that Owen and he replies "Yes? That wasn't me" this is possibly where it further adds to the whole 'maze' Owen is a different person thing.
Rather than facing the fact that his thinking doesnât make sense anymore he separates himself from those memories. As soon as Owen accepts that demons are not these creatures that betray and kill you at any moment, his life has no purpose.
Owenâs thinking comes from the manipulation and propaganda he's been fed. In his final episode we get these quotes which show just how much his thinking revolves around protection and also showing what years of training did to him.
He understands he was a tool that was used. He's well aware everything he is doing may not have a purpose and yet he still plays this part. He can't break away from that thinking because if he lets himself, Owen has to face the fact that his whole life had no true meaning.
That is a terrifying thing to do. He has been in this environment for so long you canât just take him out of it.Â
Going over everything you can access in Owenâs pov, we know that before gaining his memories Owen is a person that cares deeply about his friends, he risks himself to protect them, he wonât hesitate to hold a weapon against someone he sees as a threat. Owen thinks trust is an important value to have, he takes it very seriously. But we also know that not everyone likes Owen and his leadership. Heâs seen with a military mindset, people donât want to upset him and it nearly costs his life.
Now letâs compare that with the Owen we get to know after his memories return. He wants to protect the people he deeply cares about, he risks himself to protect them, he doesnât hesitate to hold a weapon against someone that he sees as a threat, only now the threat is demons. When we start looking at these differences, yes, Owen when he regains his memories is different, his tone changes, he murders people. But those core values weâve seen throughout the series stay with him.
Itâs one of the reasons why Owen canât understand why no one in the clearing is on his side. He protected them against the threat they didn't know about. That is his purpose, and thatâs what heâs good for. Remember right at the beginning of the series Owen sets his purpose to protect these people, now this is still the same. He views demons as a threat because he hasnât had good experiences with them. Even if Apo became his friend in the clearing, Apo ends up lying to Owen, and betraying his trust. Guts became his friend but Guts tried to poison Magic. Owen has never fully trusted Krow and that distrust only furthers once he knows what Krow is capable of based on his experiences with demons.
So letâs go back to the previous question: who was it there? Youâre probably thinking well how do you explain maze Owen and the chips. ccOwen has mentioned before that it's a possibility for the chips to alter memories. Maybe Starr suppressed those memories and maze Owen was there again. Or he was hit hard on the head right? Maybe his chip was damaged and it altered his emotions and memory.
There is too little known information to us as an audience about the chips in their head. We know they can supposedly make the outsiders lose track of time, alter their memories, their emotions and change how they act. But if the chips in their head is the explanation for everything then why does Owen remember killing his friends when he talks to Magic? He says it like he wasn't the one doing it, like he watched someone else do it. How do you explain his behaviour then? If the damaged chip really made him act like that then why do flashbacks still occur when he's in prison? He seems to have no control over those, so the chip must still work fine?
I think when we look at his character the maze has already changed him whether he likes it or not. Thereâs more doubt in him than before. He lets Apo go with extra time. He hesitated before he ran after him. No matter how small, he has changed.
But when Owen talks about himself in the past he makes this separation. The voices in his head won't stop calling for the guy they used to know, even though he's right here. I think Owen doesn't even want to acknowledge at one point he was friends with the demons he hated so much.Â
In that prison cell all his ideals and values are facing him. Everything he's done and he's known has been a lie. I think he knows this but can't bring himself to acknowledge that. Would you admit what you thought for your entire life was wrong? That you killed countless for nothing?
When faced with death Owen becomes desperate. Which I think explains his behaviour with Magic. That is his last hope and he knows people like the older version of him. I don't think he's fully lying though when he says i don't know why I did those things. Not because maze Owen came back or anything but because in the maze he no longer has this duty but he still carries it out. He's so tired from it all and he wants to leave it behind but he can't.
So let's go over his death scene one more time. âMy head it's split in twoâ I think the explanation for this is that he was just hit with a bunch of flashbacks of his first days. Right before this he also says âI was a tool. Usedâ I believe in his final moments where he has a moment to think he starts to fight himself. Should he have done all this for a country that throws him away the second he's useless? He was trained to do this. But should he have really? That's what I think is making him say my head it's split in two. He's fighting his own views and alongside these positive memories it makes him confused. And overwhelmed.
It's important to note Owen doesn't have a single bad flashback about Apo and Rasbi. He doesn't think about the levers, he thinks about his friends that he met. That he protected.
The more flashbacks he gets the more defensive he becomes. âI'm right here you can't convince me otherwiseâ He doesn't understand why the Owen in his memories is trusted so much, even though they're the same person. In his mind he's doing what he's always done. protect.
âIt wasn't me I'm sorry I just wanted to keep people safeâ everything he says to Magic is half genuine and half lie. I don't think even Owen knows which parts are which. It's easier if he separates himself into the nice trusted Owen and who he is now.
No matter what in the end, that was Owen. Not Maze Owen but Owen who is desperate to live. He's tired of it all. He's finished his mission and he won't even get to see what he thinks will be an honorable ending for him.
Remember what Owen says to Apo? "The man you manipulated and lied was nothing more than a puppet driven by the instinct to survive."
So of course he'll do anything to survive even if it means playing up the truth.
It's hard to separate Owen into these neat boxes and say for sure that was Maze Owen at the end or that was full manipulation. Because like Owen everything is a bit grey here. Maze Owen wasn't the best person, he hurt his friends, people were scared of him. And post memories Owen isn't some misunderstood guy that needs babying either.Â
My final thoughts on this debate is that in the end the one that pleads for his life is just Owen. To separate him and say it was Maze Owen doesn't allow you to understand how complex Owen is as a character. And continues to let you believe that Owen can't do anything wrong. Not understanding sometimes a good person is capable of this evil. To the end Owen still believed he was doing what was right and that was protecting the ones he cared about. So has anything really changed since the start?
#zara rambles#outsiders smp#outsiders smp spoilers#owengejuicetv#okay if you read this whole thing just know this was about 6k words sjdfhsd#i spent a looooong time writing this mainly cause i started in july got busy with school and continued it last week. along with rewatching#owens pov to get everything here. the original document with all my notes is like 12k long because cOwen looooves to talk#i'm open to other people's opinions obviously like i said i could be wrong but this is just how i see it based on the episodes we have on y#it's kinda unfair to expect people to know random knowledge buried deep in some 4 hour vod from 2 years ago so everything here is from yt#with the exception that one fighting cOri quote since Owen deleted that section from his yt series. but it was originally there#idk what else to say really. i'm not the biggest fan of the whole 'maze' owen thing as you can tell by this and many other posts of mine#i think its fine to call him that but you gotta understand there aren't actually 2 different people. thats the tldr#anyway ty for reading wish me luck when i post this on twitter#oh sorry for no videos tumblr hates those so you guys only got the quotes đ still the same stuff though so it doesn't really matter sjdjdj
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i'm starting to understand shannon because now that i'm actually trying to write sokeefe from fitz's pov everything just sounds like fitz is in love with keefe
#and this is the one time in my writing where he's not#well. the one time in the last 4 years#by the way this fic is 100% me making up for that time 5 years ago i promised someone a fedex chapter for lady galvins chemistry catastroph#and just never wrote it#so here i am. 5 year anniversary and i'm writing a new sokeefe fic featuring prominent tiertice#wait actually it might be a tiertice fic featuring sokeefe. but like you get the point it's to commemorate lady g's chemistry catastrophe#august rambles#also i still can't believe this blog's going to turn 5 years old this year. how does that even happen
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No KH news coming out today!!! Hope this helps xx
#yall gotta join me out here in Camp Cynicism its pretty neat you can play like other games and do other things and stuff#your KH autism lying in wait and biding its time until it can strike again the moment the next trailer hits#but yeah Missing Link is NOT coming out this year they have less than 2 months lmao#hey remember that trailer from last year??? that was pretty fun. that was almost a year ago. im gonna cry now#i salute all of u still holding out hope tho i think thats beautiful o7#kh#kingdom hearts#khml#kingdom hearts missing link#kh4#kingdom hearts 4
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Trying to fix my ass sleep schedule with the self-inflicted insomnia method. I'm on some other shit I plotted a whole villain found family crackfic at 6am and I haven't even taken my ADHD medications yet
#idk rambles#this happens sometimes lmao#not jsut the vrakfic thing i did mean the self-inflicted insomnia as well#last time this happened was like 4 years ago where i stayed up for 56 hours straight before fucking crashing#never wanted to do it again#but here we fucking are
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finally went and got my GED diploma a year after i graduated :)))))
#the check in woman was like 'come on you cant leave without saying bye first!' and iwas like nonononono please no#she made me go talk to the woman who single handedly delayed my graduated by 6 months.#who is annoying as fuck and super classist and pro college.#when she asked what i do for work i was like 'an educator' and she was like 'oh so you've used the free college credits to get your early#childhood education?' and i was like 'uhhh no. still just as against college as i was last year. i don't plan to be an educator for long.'#and she goes well what do you want to do (not your fucking business lady. at all.) and then when i said 'anything' bc real people don't hav#the choice of their dream job or nothing. real people have to just take whatever is available to them--esp in our dead town.#and she was like 'oh come on in during the summer! I'm here for summer school! can take a bunch of tests to find out what your dream job is#can figure out what colleges youd like!'#i was just like ''yeahhhhhh. anyway have a good day' and fucking left.#i was actually debating going to college just a month ago. for the first time in my life i was seriously debating college bc it was my#choice and n oone had been pushing college to me for years. and then she starts this bullshit and im even more anti college than i was in#highschool#anti college#college is a scam#not to mention 'come in during the summer to take completely unnecessary summer school after youve graduated with almost a perfect score'#???? seriously how entitled do you think you are to my time?#i have work this summer. i have plans this summer. and even if i didnt i sure as fuck wouldnt spend my time being preached at about how#im wasting my life and dooming myself to poverty bc i dont want to go 6 figures in debt#and lost 4+ years of time i could be earning wages.
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King's Quest Fan Remakes
After talking about them a bit recently, I felt compelled to play through the old KQ fan remakes (1-3 from AGDI and 3 from IA), and I wanted to share my more in depth thoughts for anyone interested in these love letters to the original games.
King's Quest I: Quest for the Crown Remake from AGD Interactive
A lovely update to the original! While clearly the least polished of AGDI's offerings, it's nice to be able to play KQ1 with KQ5-style graphics and voice acting (the original voice of Graham, Josh Mandel, voices him in all four of the games in this post, ftr). There is an option to turn off any chance of softlocking yourself before you even start the game, which is a welcome feature. Puzzle-wise, this one stays the most faithful to the original out of the three from AGDI with a few updates here and there (like that stupid name puzzle! lol). The vocal performances and sound effects can be a bit fuzzy, but I found them enjoyable nonetheless.
Overall a solid fan remake with limited extra bells and whistles!
King's Quest II: Romancing the Stones from AGDI
Easily the most ambitious of the three from AGDI. Pretty much all of the core elements from KQ1 are further polished here - artwork, acting, music, and sound effects. The story and puzzles, however, have been changed enough that the end product is sizably different from the original. In some cases, this is fun and interesting (more lore and character interactions! new and unique puzzles!), but not everyone will enjoy all the changes. I, for example, find the underwater section kind of fun, but the new content around the count... not so much (for reasons I'll avoid due to spoilers, but know they're more mechanical than anything). There's less freedom in when you can do things, the added story making the game far more linear than it originally was. But then I'm sure many would agree that if any KQ game could do with extra content, it'd be 2, so I can't fault them swinging for the fences, even if not every hit was a home run.
All in all, this version of KQ2 doesn't really work if you're simply looking to experience the original game with updated graphics, but it's a fun playthrough nonetheless, and newcomers might enjoy the added lore/story bits. Just be aware that I could probably sum up the original game's story in about two sentences while this one would take far longer. XD
King's Quest III: To Heir is Human Redux from AGDI
If KQ1 wasn't fully polished and KQ2 was a little overworked, then KQ3 is juuuuuust right! (For anyone who knows the game, yes, this is a purposeful pun. XD) The graphics, sounds, music, vocal performances - all are the best yet (though still with some minor hiccups as any fan game is wont to have - the music was sadly cutting out during the climactic sequence for me). It even has a neat little feature where the timer changes color depending on how close you are to being zapped into oblivion that is not only useful but adds a sense of urgency in it's own way (especially if you forgot the item that makes travel a lot easier for like 2 meals I mean what lol). While it does carry over some of the story threads from AGDI's second entry, this game still works well enough on it's own, with the majority of the new content being added in naturally rather than supplanting whole sections of the original. In fact, personally speaking, I think the added content only enhances the game, your encounters with Medusa and the yeti especially getting a nice boost. And the extra lore only helps you feel for the protagonists plight all the more. The ending is a bit drawn out, perhaps, and I may not agree with the order you're supposed to choose the four items in to get the treasure (insert rant here XD), but those are minor nitpicks at best.
This is easily the best of the three, AGDI having perfected their KQ formula at this point. It works as a remake of the original while still adding in a bit of new content that doesn't feel unwelcome. I would highly recommend it to anyone interested in giving the King's Quest series a try.
King's Quest III: To Heir is Human Remake from Infamous Adventures
Look. I know that it's not as impressive as AGDI's version. The time limit is laughably long, the spells are impossible to mess up, and some of the clickable areas can be a bit wonky. But I really like this version, ok?? I like the design and voice of Gwydion, I like the storybook quality that the cutscene art has, I like that it feels lonely when it should. And as much as some of the changes in AGDI's version were really nice, I like that it's basically just the original game without extra stuff added in.
This is like AGDI's KQ1 - a really solid remake of a game that gives you the feel of the original but with an updated interface and graphics. It's not as impressive as the one above, but it doesn't have to be. The original KQ3 is an awesome game, so an update of just that can't be bad. It can easily be played as a standalone game, and I will continue recommending this version 'til I die, lol.
#king's quest#kings quest#kq#kq1#kq2#kq3#agd interactive#infamous adventures#gosh i had a lot of fun playing through these the last week lol#i admit that 2 had me a bit frustrated at times because i kept wanting to do things the original way lol#even though i knew it was different#but some of the original puzzles are just not super intuitive or require backtracking#like i KNEW there was a different solution to the wolves but nothing else on me worked#so i looked it up and was like 'why on earth would i go THERE for the solution when it told me to go HERE'#both versions of three though#GOSH i love 3 XD#that feeling of finally finishing that cookie and watching the result... so good man#both times i was giddy XD#and it's hardly my first time playing lol#i just like it ok#i mean i did choose the name gwydion for a reason all those years ago XD#anyway on to the new point and click version of 4 i've never played before!#so excited!
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I work ok tje 17th Let me put let me out. Let me oouuuutttttt
#probBly the 18th as well but i dont actually know yet#but the 17th here will be the acgual time of chiak day..#Aell its okay bc i dont care bc i dont like him. So.#i liued imnsorry. i like gim#in other news: tomorrow i think is officiappy one year aince i started workijg my cirrent job so#im going to count my tip jar.. to see.. one full uear#last time.i cojnted ghere was 100 something hut that was a frw momths ago now#i dont rmbr exactly when..#but yaaaaay. counting. yaaaay#moneyyyy#also ghe csndle jar thing i have it ik is getting cramped and messy#bc i havent counged it in a while.so.i uavent Taken all.of.itput in a while so tjeres lile#a neat circle in ghe middle.and them i jusg stuck stuff after around it and it barely all fits#i need go invest in a second empty candle#Or actually d9 something with the money. <- not going to.happen#the only time.ibe ever used anu of it was times.i ran out of singles for bus fare#so id take one ftom thefe#That reminded me#Eafloer.i was tjinking like#itd be soooo much easier to get bus fare if i had a car...#bc its always a hassle bc i habe to wapk to tje bank and Dude the bank is never fuckint open#Aas a kid ur like oooohh the bank so.importsnt and adult..#and theyre open lile 20 minuyes a day. If this place is so damn importsnt why is it closed all ghe time#Nyways my point. i tjought that and then was like#.....If i had a car i woidpnt need bus fare at all bc i wouldnt have to take the bus#anyways th e bank is so annoying#closes at 5 on weekdays and i get home after 4 most days i work#and i also jist. dont geel like doing errands after worming all day#and Closed complefslu on sunday#and open from 9 am to noon on saturday like the fuck
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Starkly, sparkly (Patreon)
#Doodles#Just Desserts#Villainsona#True Villainy AU#Some silhouette Charms for funsies#Bit of Healing Plane bit of classic JD style just black and white/blocked out - why not both#Something like that one inverted one I made of her a while-while ago#I still can't believe this year will be six years and she's still my favourite ever#She's just always fun to draw! Always the best#I actually pulled out my manga inking pens for these haha - I always keep my 1 on-hand as I use it elsewhere regularly#But my .6 and .4 got a bit of use here as well! And my micron .005 to clean up around my white gelly roll#Tools âĽ#For the larger ones it just made sense to use the biggest! Take up paper space! It looks so stark irl compared to the graphite neighbors#Once I remembered I wasn't Just doing silhouette practice - although she does silhouette nicely :) Love that for her#But also the Healing Plane style! Stick figure!! I don't stick figure that often#Think the last time was the Inside and Out in a Nutshell/Stick VUX#Very fun style to play in#Her silhouette looks funny stickified with her bonbon belt hehe - and had to include the way her shoes stick out from her thighs!#Important business obviously#She really is giving Undertale Angel with those unconnected wings huh#The wicks sticking out from the topside fully rather than anywhere in the middle Is interesting....hmmmm#If I do this again I might see about having a white wick and flame in the center - see how that reads#She looks like a birthday cake as is lol#And ending off with Kaiein's wing style - a fully freaked out Charm#She really does look so different with her hair down - doesn't read as Sweets at all!#I really will have to push the Ink look harder one of these times hmm#Considering how close I am to settling on her TVAU outfit finally - have another comic planned there#Since I last posted about her latest design pft :P Plans always
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As of yet unnamed game card art!
#pixelart#pixel art#card game design#card games#scottish mythology#Happy new year gang#I've been on my course for a good while now. I have a new very close friend from it and have made a few others as well#Our little group is in a discord and we're all a good bit nerdy haha#I'm far from the oldest one in the class/group which is always good to see#We got two weeks off for winter break which is great. We come back tomorrow. I'm not ready lmao.#But with the time I got I treated it like a game jam. Me and friend were like âwe got two weeks let's make what we canâ#And I wasted the first few days. Not by not working but by using AI to try and help with code. Turns out it's terrible at it.#I've been openly anti-AI but our course encourages us to use it for coding so I thought it would be good at games.#Nope. It's dogshit. It worked for a while but I ended up working so much more efficiently just making the code myself#So this new game. It's a card game. you might be thinking âThis has nothing to do with the 16 characters you were making what happened??â#It's all connected. ALL of it. Greenhollow. HoaM. Elphame. This new project. The 16 characters. They're all connected.#It's gonna sound like the story will be oversaturated and it is. But I'm not worried about that rn. Just making sure the game is fun.#And I can confirm: The game is fun. It's playable. Graeme and I have been playing it a ton and I feel so happy. I love designing the cards#I don't want to explicitly state what's up but here's a clue: These 20 cards are all playable by the ISTP character#That will either make you understand completely or not help you at all.#Anyway. I'm tying in previous projects so they all get to tell their story. My sister made designs for characters ages ago#and I'm finally getting to show them. One is on one of these cards. But I intend to show all of them and tell all their stories#Of course since there are so many characters a lot of the little side stories will be optional.#I'm getting ahead of myself. But I'm loving doing art and programming for this rn. Tomorrow I return to DA lifestyle...#But at the end of the month I'll be a lot less busy and might get to work on this again. No idea of a release ETA#but in 2 weeks I've done 20 cards. I'm hoping for between 128-256 (I love symmetry). That said it's faster once I'm in the habit of it.#I have a little bit of programming left before this version is final (4 cards left) but yeah. It's looking damn good.#I'm not as manic as the last post but I am very proud of myself#Also 2024 was my favourite year for movies lmao. Inside out 2 wicked and sonic 3 were all amazing All 3 make me sob like a baby#2024 was crazy. I lived so much hahaha. I met a lot of people and travelled so much and got so fit (then lost it all in winter)
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/3.11.24
#itâs incredible how i feel tired just by the thought of swiping peoples profiles on a friend/meet app#like I really have to force myself#I forced myself to say to a girl I saw in july if she wanted to meet and she couldnât back then and now Iâm like okay I tried it Iâm#I whine to myself Iâm lonely yet looking for people is not a thing I fancy#I am convinced the people who would matter wouldnât be found like this anyway#but chances of meeting people are 0#still clinging on to this person I met at the only friends of friend group thing which is almost sci -fi for me#despite I probably shouldnât#and on top ov everything I always mess everything up because I canât communicate well what I feel or actually I donât really know that anywa#colleague added to me to a chat group pf expats here it doesnât look exciting but I imagined that#I should see a high school mate after xmas#i am genuinely glad about it#although I am kinda thinking I should probably pretend itâs all fine#last time was..2020 which feels like yesterday but is 4 years ago#Jesus cjrist#maybe I should still reply to that girl who gave me depression but her and the sister were quite into me#asked like in may if i wanted to hang out and do creative stuff (3rd time#and I had told myself after the second time which was also major depression time and winter#blues#that I was done with it although always pretending it was fun#but god I was getting depression from them#would take pics of us where I think I never forced a smile more than that time#and my policy is just b clear and polite#but I swear I donât have energies to just text and say sorry we donât match
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itâs finally starting to settle in that christmas is in 3 fucking days
#like. it doesnt even feel like winter#maybe iâm js getting older but last i checked i was counting down the hours and it was getting hard to sleep at night#it was a âits finally cold out! my favorite time of year! weâre off on break! christmas is almost here!â#n now its a âoh right christmas. free stuffâ#my parents apparently have something big planned for my 18th this year and i canât bring myself to even look forward to it?#like. yeah. my fucking eighteenth birthday is in like a week#and the start of a new year is less of a celebration and more of a sigh of relief#its more of a âyippee. another year. at least itâs a fresh start.â#i think this is the 2020 effect#2020 was 4 years ago guys. that is absolutely insane#its not even nostalgia itâs just âwow. okay.â#its like getting punched in the gut yk#2020 was the last year the holidays felt right.#now my whole life feels like a blur and i cannot believe it was four whole years ago#and now weâre entering 2024 with nothing but see you again by tyler the creator and a few loose hopes#the election is this year#maybe things will fix themselves and go back to normal#thats all ive ever wanted since 2020 ended. was for things to just be normal#after the masking mandates were lifted i felt like maybe they could#but im just kinda being rushed through life#and i wish it would just be normal.
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new simblr !
hi friends, i'm ara! some of you might remember me as @fishtrait, but it's been a long time since i was on that account, so i wanted to get a fresh start :^) i've taken a massive hiatus from simblr but i'm itching to come back and hopefully actually talk to people and make friends this time around !
pls like/reblog this post if you're a maxis match/mix simblr, i'd love to follow and interact with you guys !! <3
#new simblr#ts4#sims#sims 4#the sims 4#ts4 legacy#ts4 gameplay#sims 4 gameplay#s4 gameplay#ts4mm#it feels like a lot has changed since i was last here !!!!#which makes sense since that was an alarmingly long time ago (it feels like it was last year)#lemon legacy#lemon gen 1
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Iâm BAAAAACKKK!
How have you been doing?? Now I have a question and this will dictate some of my future asksâŚ
How do you feel about Soulmate Aus??? Love em, Hate em, THE PEOPLE NEED ANSWERSâźď¸ đ¤
Thank you :3333
With love,đŚanon<3
Ima be so fr my ass thought you were talking about Australia (bc Aus) for a hot second I was like?? Is there a music artist named Soulmate or sumn here? đ/lh
Real talk but - I don't have much experience with reading stuff containing them, but I think they are cool from what I've seen đ
#i like the red string of fate type stuff#đŚ anon#outing myself here but the last time i read Soulmate AU it was Sanders Sides shit like 4/5 years ago đ#also heyyyy#ive been bad a bit lately tbh but im hoping it'll piss off đ
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