#I am convinced the people who would matter wouldn’t be found like this anyway

[dreamyberry]

/3.11.24

[nouearth]

a day at the office.

jim halpert x male reader.

summary: what happens when jim finds out that there's a secret place in the warehouse that's used for sleeping? hint: it's not used for sleeping.

wc: 6.6k. genre: smut. warnings: coworkers, top!jim, bottom!reader, bigdick!jim, spit as lube, fingering, milking, over-stimulation, spitting, kissing, lots of french kissing, breeding, public sex, established relationship, au where pam is with someone else, jim has a bi-awakening, seasons 1-4 jim!

It was a call-back that he’d been expecting. It didn’t take much of an utter of the familiar client’s voice, the principal of Dunmore High School, to assure Jim that he had already secured another renewal of paper supplies for the school; an impressive three-year loyalty from the school, but who was counting?

Jim held the phone and watched you at your desk, two sections diagonal of him. He looked pleased when the client began voicing out compliments because of his efficient service, smiled because you were absolutely terrible at playing computer Chess despite lowering the difficulty settings, and beamed when you caught his gaze, warm like the mug of coffee sitting by the small picture frame of your dog on your desk.

It was impossible to know if you could hear what Jim was saying, but the grin on his face told more than a thousand words and you bid him a thumbs up when he looked up from his notepad after scribbling the client’s purchase.

“All right, and before I let you go, our customer service representative will follow up with a short survey regarding our products and services.” A question followed after. “Yep, similar survey as last time—you got it. All right, it was a pleasure doing business with you. Take care.”

Despite originally feeling aversion for his job, he couldn’t lie about feeling some sense of accomplishment whenever he secured a huge order. Not to mention how much of an ego booster it was since he earned a commission out of the sale. Gradually over time, Jim found himself to be one of the top salesman at the office, convincing himself that his stay at Dunder Mifflin would only be temporary.

Then the gratification completely ceased, weakly fluttering like a limp balloon, when he looked at the time on his taskbar.

It was only 10 AM.

This is going to be a long day. Jim groaned, slouching in his seat because the negotiation felt like forever, sucked out all of the energy left in him during the half-of-an-hour call despite fueling himself with caffeine and random fruits he’d stolen from his roommate. They were nearing that gross, wrinkly stage anyway.

When he turned his attention back towards you, the phone was in your hand, the other typing on the keyboard what Jim presumed would be the client’s answers to the survey questions. There was always a smile on your face, even if the client couldn’t see you. And then tone in your voice. It was inviting and personable, a voice that made people feel safe and heard, as if that mattered at all because how could buying paper feel anywhere near dangerous? 

Or maybe it was simply because Jim was too high on his own infatuation for you, that he was mostly projecting his appreciation.

A couple of hours had passed, 1 PM, and Jim managed to make a few sales here and there. A couple of clients hadn’t finalized their choice of supplier yet, but Dunder Mifflin was certainly being alluded as the option once he offered free deliveries on the count that they ordered a certain number of shipments of paper. That always sealed the deal.

To be honest, other than enduring many of Michael’s annoying antics with Dwight being his right-hand man, most days in the office were exactly as mundane as today was turning out to be. Usually, he would find himself passing time by hanging around your desk, catching you up on the weirdest news he discovered through a deep-dive in the internet.

And you wouldn’t believe what’s about to happen next…

What..? Don’t tell me they found the fing— Yep, they found the finger in the chicken tenders. Cooked. Medium-rare. Crisp to the bone. Blistering. Oh god—that’s horrifying! Jim—

And usually, they were lies that he made up on the way to your desk, mainly because he loved drawing a reaction out of you. And you were also extremely gullible, which made it all the easier to do so.

But as far as today was concerned, you were knees-deep into your responsibilities. Phone calls concerning shipment delays siphoned you into brief turmoil because—of course there were going to be delays, we’re in the middle of February where the earth was working in mysterious ways to conjure up snow days!

As much as Jim wanted to cut the phone line off when a client had suddenly erupted into an audibly loud one-sided yelling match—he was winning, of course—it always impressive how calm and composed you were under those circumstances.

Though, while he acted the same way regarding his approach to customers, he preferred to give people time and space to calm down. Whereas you accessed the situation and carefully structured how you sounded to hopefully pacify their anger. Your voice was gentler, but it never faltered into a frailness that made you a pushover for the client to rag on. Rather, it was stern, especially authoritative when you would assert, “Sir, I understand this situation is very frustrating for you, but I am here to help. And I cannot help you if you do not tell me your order number. And it would also be very much appreciated if you lowered your voice.”

You were fairly new to the company, a little over two years in your position, and every day, as a little more of you unfolded, you’d shown Jim why you were hired on the spot. You were practically the face of what Dunder Mifflin desired, of what any company expected really; friendly, collaborative, hard-working, efficient, all those cliché keywords on a résumé. 

A golden boy, Jim liked to describe you as. He didn’t mean anything negative by it, simply by evidence of your personality at first. But when he mentioned that moniker for you one day, of course you laughed like it was the funniest thing Jim had told you since you’d introduced yourself, because you were a people-pleaser. Easy to get along. Charming. Handsome. Bright. Golden. 

That was you.

Honestly, Jim never expected to cross ‘fall in love’ off his New Year’s resolutions right before the year even started. He also never thought he’d strike out ‘discover your bi-awakening’ in any timeline of the universe—only because he didn’t even know he had a type in men—but the future worked in wondrous, confusing ways. Though, if someone actually asked for him to describe his type, it would be indescribable because Jim doesn’t know exactly what made him fall in love with you, except for the fact that it was you. Your presence. Your personality. Your looks. You.

Jim liked how you would say greet everyone ‘good morning,’ but it was him that you held in high-regard. He liked how you were shorter, like many others in the office were compared to him, but you had a build, or maybe a presence, that made him want to take you in his arms and never let go. He liked how you would end up snorting at his jokes because he never found his jokes incredibly funny. It was mainly a tactic, or rather an invitation for you to know that he wanted to be friends. With every laugh that spilled out of your mouth, fortuitous snorts that would embarrass you when Jim kept the joking going, a mutual bond was shortly formed and it felt even better than scoring a huge sale.

He liked how you were generous, tossing a bag of chips on his desk after a visit to the vending machine, and he’d suspected that you’d been watching him too, because you always got his favorite flavor without Jim ever telling you the minor details of his insignificant life.

He also liked how confusing it was to like you, to suddenly develop a crush on a man like he had just discovered a new aspect of life. There was something exciting and new happening in his mundane world, giving him a newfound motivation to come to work other than to pay his bills. He thought he discovered everything about himself by his early 20s, but you’d shown him that life truly does throw you off-course, or in Jim’s case, on the right side of the path. 

He casted doubts about his sexuality early on, pondering that loneliness had caught up to him and constructed an entirely different narrative as a last ditch effort to set him on an expedition to find love again.

But would loneliness really be influential enough to compel him to suddenly kiss you in the parking lot after having dinner together? He recalled you gasping, pulling away, thankfully not because you were repulsed by him, but because you were in complete shock that Jim was even into men in the first place. 

Jim never realized how much he brought up his ex-girlfriends to overcompensate for this sudden attraction for the opposite gender until you brought it up.

I don’t know yet, about all of this… I’m still figuring things out, but I really like you, (M/N).

Jim, I think you had too much to drink.

All I had was a Sprite—

He pondered that night, then many more until it began weighing on his conscience.

But he oddly found himself kissing you again a month after, properly this time, in his Subaru when he took you home after your car broke down. He felt like a volcano erupting when his lips landed on yours, soft and delicate like the first time he kissed you. His breath rattled into your own hesitation with every exhale, but then you took him in, let him in, and Jim melted. 

And then calmed, stilled, when you led, cupping his jaw to keep Jim from pulling away, and instead closer, leaning over the armrests of each respective seat and center console. The leather pressed uncomfortably into his body, but when you slipped your tongue inside of his mouth, he was spellbound, then purged of any feeling other than the ones you’d enthralled him with.

As you assured him on that night, with a late night conversation that refused to let you out of his car and Jim out of your neighborhood street, that was when he found himself.

Huh.

What?

Nothing… Usually my gay-dar is pretty spot on, so if I knew you rocked that way, I would’ve flirted with you early on.

Okay, one; never mention gay-dar to Michael or Dwight ever, because then they’ll go ‘I told you so’ on me. And two; you had a crush on me? Tell me more.

You’d be surprised how much height can make a gay man go feral, Jim.

Seems like you managed yourself pretty well, don’t you think? That you know of.

You animal…

Another hour passed by as Jim willingly let himself be sucked into a black hole of thoughts recalling those moments with you, those ‘firsts’ that could keep him distracted for another two hours or so. Alongside his first kiss with you, there was the first time he touched you; clumsiness took his hands to roam around your chest, stomach, then erection until you blew from Jim’s increasing interest, and then profound knowledge in your body.

He kissed you elsewhere other than your lips. It started off with your neck, then your shoulders, chest, and so-on, until his lips suddenly began wrapping around your own length without warning, sucking you off with cloddish, yet enticing attempts that made you laugh, because Jim was greedy, awkward with his tongue, but that didn’t stop you from wanting him to yourself.

You pulled him off and made him lean back on the couch instead, settling on your knees and then rewarding his service with your own mouth, to show him how to properly work a cock. Jim was never a man that was enticed by blowjobs, only because a mouth never felt gratifying enough, but with every swirl of your tongue, every spit that dripped off of his thick cock and back into your mouth, he was fully convinced that he was a changed man by the time he filled your mouth. 

He then intruded deep inside of you because to fully have an understanding of your body, he needed to explore every inch, every surface, every crevice. It was on his bed, in his messy room that Jim tried to hurriedly clean before you came in, that could barely accommodate room for two, but it was you who made it work when you straddled on his lap and rode him instead. You’d never felt so full, you said it yourself he was balls-deep inside of you.

And jesus christ, Jim knew he was big considering the women he’d dated were apprehensive about taking him, barely taking his cock before surrendering. It gave him deja vu with the way you held your eyes shut, bracing your position by having one palms on his chest, and the other guiding his cock carefully into you, controlling the stagger of your breath to the best of your ability. 

In the moment where he’d expect you to stop pushing yourself and tell him to settle for a blowjob instead, determination set you aflame like the painful stretch Jim had been providing you with, and with three more pulses to your breath, a brief break to apply more lube on Jim’s erection and your hole, you were entirely breached when Jim aided your hips and pushed you down until you were flushed against his body, flesh sticky and sweaty from your persistence.

You’re amazing… Jim, I’m close. Harder—

It was a memorable night, a messy one where you offered to change his sheets, and Jim swore he could’ve gone all-night if they hadn’t had work the very next day.  Instead, he held you close, panting and continuing to fill you despite your protest to shower, gazing into your eyes while you held his stare with a warmth that might have rivaled his own infactuation for you, and smiled.

I really like you.

I really, really like you too, Halpert.

And now Jim was here, fantasizing in his seat with an aching hard-on, but absolutely guilt-free this time, because it’d been a few months since you two made it official.

It took several pings from Jim’s computer to put his musing to a halt. He leaned forward to view the unread messages, tending to his erection with a few gentle squeezes, then peeked over his monitor with a grin when he realized it was from you.

[M/N]: lunch? [M/N]: hellooooo

[M/N]: if you don’t answer i’m ordering ahead without you [M/N]: wow you’re really out of it [M/N]: stare deep into space if you hate me [M/N]: wow, jim.

“Hey,” A gentle kick to your shoe knocked your attention up to Jim, where he greeted you with a warm smile as soon as your gaze fell on him, a coat draped over his arm. “What are you feeling today?” The weather wasn’t too cold, the coat mainly providing an obstruction to the evident outline in his khakis.

Glistening, you returned his smile tenfold in brightness, sprouting from your seat to stretch your arms over your head, loosening the tuck of your shirt crinkle by crinkle until you felt a pleasing crack to your back and shoulders. “Anything’s fine. Sushi? Wait, no—we had that last week.”

“You have…” Jim rolled a sleeve up to check the time on his watch, and your eyes immediately pivoted towards the veins in his forearm, endearing and taunting. “…the two minutes it takes to get to my car to decide.”

“Wait, but that’s not even enough—“ He turned his body so you were complaining towards his back, broad and firm through his blue dress shirt. You’d never felt so envious of a piece of clothing hugging tight on his body when that could’ve been you.

“Up and at ‘em, a minute and twenty seconds now.” Jim began walking towards the entrance, chuckling as he could hear you scramble through your desk in search for something. “Gotta find my wallet first—“

“Seriously? It’s already been thirty seconds now!” 

Turned out, all that rushing was for nothing as Jim had other plans when he pulled you past the exit to the parking lot, and instead another floor lower, and then another, until you and him reached the warehouse. He acted on impulse, his sudden thirst for you taking the reign of his actions that he didn’t exactly know what to do had the warehouse not been empty. Luckily, it was and Jim would keep that in mind for the future.

“Uh… Jim, why are we down here?” The warehouse was bigger than you last remembered from the brief introductory tour you were given. Though, to be fair, you were running on a half-mug of coffee, and the adrenaline rush of meeting everyone for the first time hadn’t worn off yet.

“You’ll see,” Jim shrugged, nonchalant in his demeanor as his gaze was seemingly in pursuit of something above him along the rows of storage shelves and units. “Don’t want to ruin the surprise for you.” The words rolled off of his tongue suspiciously, and beneath the growing smile on Jim’s face that was supposed to keep you calm and composed like it did on normal circumstances, was something that did the opposite, riling a wave of conflicting feelings within you.

Especially when Jim began to climb a ladder and step into a shelf space in the back of the warehouse that was hidden impressively well from the entrance.

“What—What are you doing?! Get down here!” Your eyes widened in panic, scanning the space from left to right multiple times in case any of the warehouse employees were within vicinity. “Jim!”

“It’s fine, come on up!” He waved you up once he got himself situated, head awkwardly bent and shoulders slant because of the shelf barely accommodated for his height and build.

“No way. We’re going to get fired if we get caught.” You frowned, crossing your arms as you stared up at him, baffled.

“You know, it would help your case if you weren’t standing where everyone could see you.” Jim reasoned and you huffed after. “I promise, we won’t get caught. I’ll keep an eye out. And if it helps, Darryl told me about this area. Toasty in here too.”

Apprehensively, you took ahold of the ladder railings and climbed your way to the shelf space where Jim awaited for your arrival, anticipated with a smug smile as he held out his hand to pull you in once you took his palm.

The shelf was in the darkest corner of the room. A few lights above had been burnt out for quite some time, and the large boxes of paper supplies that surrounded the perimeter casted shadows that ultimately provided an agreeable space despite your original complaints. In this case, as you cataloged the pillows and one throw blanket around you and Jim; a comfy place to rest your eyes.

“You took me here… to nap.” You stated matter-of-factly and stared at him disengaged, but nonetheless foraged a pillow behind your head and snuggled up to his left side when he opened his arm up. 

“The things I do for you. Absolutely no appreciation whatsoever.” Jim joked, then pinched your nose with a chuckle. The gesture always managed to pull a smile out of you, and he already anticipated you mirroring it back at him, to which he keenly blocked with a strong hold of your wrist. Then another when you attempted sneak attack with a neck-chop with your other arm.

“You know…” Your voice wandered to a deepness, a slight hush as if anyone around you could hear. “You could’ve just told me you were horny.” You tugged your hands in resistance.

“What—How did you know?” Jim broke out into a toothy smile despite being caught red-handed.

“I mean, you weren’t exactly hiding your boner that well. A hand isn’t going to cover that.” You nodded your head towards the size of his bulge, the center of Jim’s khakis creasing when his erection greeted you with a throb. The boxes of paper supplies couldn’t shelter Jim had they tried.

“Hey, are you shaming me for having a big penis? Wow, (M/N). I thought you were different.” He loosened his hold on your wrists, but nonetheless kept them within his grasp to guide your right hand to his inner thigh, dropping the other after. He leaned in, his gaze pivoting to your wet lips when you licked your lips. The scent of his cologne, along with the way Jim’s eyes glazed over you like a piece of meat, stirred something inside of you. Your pants felt tighter than a couple seconds ago.

“If blowing you until you finish in my mouth is shaming, then…” Jim’s hand pressed on top of yours to move you upwards to his bulge, but you resisted, a teasing grin beamed towards the smug smile on his face before you enchanted his lips with a soft, languid kiss. “Call me a monster.”

Jim abandoned your hand to take ahold of your jaw, cupping the underside of it softly while his thumb caressed the structure with composed strokes. Your breath tasted like coffee, sweeter than how Jim preferred his own cup, but perfectly delectable when it came from your tongue. 

“You stole my line.” He joked again, then kissed you harder; a stroke of his tongue parted your lips again in desperate need to take you, in a sloppy pursuit of some kind of reward for his terrific work this month. His tongue explored your mouth, panting among both parties, your own wet flesh gliding and slipping against and around his needy endeavors, prompted by the gentle squeezes and strokes on his erection, and it didn’t take very long before you were completely captivated by Jim and the way he took you, your body going limp except for the growing tent in your pants.

You palmed him through his khakis. Your hand barely moved up his thigh before you could feel a long and thick lump residing beneath the crinkle of his left pocket, and a moan slipped from your throat because you could never stop marveling over the size of Jim’s cock. “We only have twenty minutes.” It was a complaint rather than a reminder. The clock ticking in your head peeled you away from the captivating kiss, frowning because there was so much you wanted to do to Jim, for him.

“Better get to work then.” You felt his hands suddenly begin to work at your belt, unbuckling them with deft and efficiency. Impatience left the leather hang loose, flopping stiffly as Jim unzipped your pants, and then pushed them down to your ankles after turning you on your side, your back facing him.

Jim snapped your briefs below the smooth curve of your ass, plumping them with the help of the tight restraining digging into your skin and pushing your mounds of flesh upwards. It was a delicious invitation for him to spank your right ass cheek once to watch how his slap reverberated off your flesh in soft jiggles, then another because your hushed whimpers were the perfect accompaniment to the force of his palm.

“Couldn’t stop thinking about your ass today.” He confessed while the strong kneads to your ass, palms of thick flesh groped and spread, provided proof to his confession.

“Yeah? Is that why you couldn’t keep it in your pants today?” You groaned when something wet and lean slid nimbly inside of your hole without warning. Tight and warm, you squeezed around Jim’s lone finger as it thrusted inside of you. Whimpered when it curled, another finger joining after a couple of flicks of his wrist, with the intent to wreck vengeance on the source of his erection.

“You know it,” His voice ghosted over your ear, closer than you expected, and your head knowingly turned to meet his lips for a yearning, sloppy kiss that Jim mutually had been craving all day for. He pushed himself closer to you, your mouth and his parting open and lingering as tongues mingled for an open-mouthed kiss. It was wet and sickly, enough to get you high on the act alone, cock throbbing when Jim closed his mouth around your tongue and sucked the spit bubbles off your tongue. All of that simultaneously stirring butterflies in your stomach while he worked your hole open, presently stretching you out with three fingers barreled into your cavity. 

Usually three fingers was enough to take Jim’s cock. It was uncomfortable, at times painful when you barely stretched yourself. But you liked that you could feel every inch of Jim’s muscly cock pushing you open. You likened it to rolling out a tight muscle after a tough workout. Painful, but incredibly satisfying once you felt him turning you out. Plus, it never failed to make Jim incredibly gratified, his cock somehow growing harder, thicker while he was shelved inside of you.

It wasn’t the most ideal position; you were facing boxes of copy paper that instantly evoked shame, the Dunder Mifflin logo plastered across the cardboard seemingly mortified by the lack of restraining when it came to your boyfriend. It wasn’t often that you two involved yourself in public sex, but when Jim was either too impatient to wait at his apartment, or you needed something to recharge you in the middle of the day, those circumstances mainly resided in his car. You bought extra blankets to cover up the windows too, though ultimately, they served no purpose because you were here—ass out, jerking yourself off to the hastened sound of Jim’s belt unbuckling, khakis and boxers shoved down to his ankles similar to yours in turn.

“Shoot,” Jim grunted irritably. You turned your head over your shoulder, curiously finding the source of his evident annoyance along with him as Jim began searching through his coat pockets, only after taking a long peek at the glorious throb of his cock.

“What? Having regrets already?” You grinned, and you discerned a vacant smile of his own, Jim’s mind occupied by a multitude of thoughts.

“I forgot the lube. I thought I put it in my pocket, guess not…” A sigh of disappointment came after Jim’s habit of clicking his tongue whenever he felt any kind of feeling. “Well, I guess we could try—“

You suddenly took Jim’s hand and spat in it, Jim watching wide-eyed, stunned, while you pushed a few more out with your tongue since saliva never had the ideal longevity and viscosity of lube. “Hurry before it dries.” You turned back calmly, beckoning for his cock with a push of your ass. 

“I’m in love with you.” Jim breathed out, a toothy smile you could imagine from the giddy tone of his voice. The spit in his hand was then used to lube his thick cock, in a thick sheen you presumed from the sticky sounds that tingled the tips of your ears, then the base of your tightened balls.

“Prove it to me.” You folded the arm you were lain on behind your head, cushioning the weight of it while your other hand reached back to lather his cock in your saliva after spitting a few more times into your palm. You felt veins pulsing strong with every stroke, a weight of thick cock that made your wrist sore, and then as you pivoted towards the pink glans of Jim’s dick, a bulbous head that intimidatingly maintained the girth of his shaft.

“You’re going to regret it.” He said smugly, adjusting himself closer and lower to match your smaller build. His moans were bitten back, swallowed down with hard gulps while you were carried away in providing him a temporary relief that you were too impatient to ignore.

Your hand continued stroking him off, your saliva sticking on his cock and then eventually in between your ass as you guided him towards your entrance, immense warmth emanating from the blood surging through his cock veins. “Have I ever?” 

“No,” Jim replaced your hand, making it return back to fondling your balls, and teased by running his cock over the crack of your ass. You felt his cock bolt with a spring, taunting when the plump head pressed its slick pre-cum to your pucker. He loved how he could see your ass clench in desperate efforts to lure him in, but it was futile as he’d return to sweeping over your hole with languid swipes, drawing out whimpers that signified that your impatience was running thin. 

“And I love you even more for that.”

He suddenly pushed. Your breath got caught in your throat from the abruptness of it all, and your body immediately tensed in turn, frozen in place when a burning sensation from beneath alerted you to stay put and just breathe. Jim groaned, already feeling the swell of your pucker refusing to let the head in, so he pulled himself out and restarted. Harder, he pushed his cock inside of you again, persistent despite your body naturally arcing forward to escape the emerging pain, but his hand on your hip pulled you back, anchoring your withering body, until the thick inch of his cock slid in.

“Careful—F-fuck, Jim.” Your stomach was in knots as it always was when he would first push inside of you. Feelings, conflicting ones of need, want, and regret battling for the throne of your body, of your mind, as Jim kept pushing, sliding in and out, rough and impatient because he needed you to open yourself up for him.

He was so big, too big at times, and you felt so pathetic because you thought you’d get used to him by now; used to the way you felt so full even when only his head had penetrated you; used to how your hole stung as more of Jim sheathed inside of you, slowly with a couple of thrusts aiding its insertion. 

“I know, I know…” He breathed with a rattle, the tightness in your cavity gripping pleasurably around him as he thrusted with only the first few inches in, absolutely riveting that he couldn’t help but let his desires dominant his methodical approach in letting you adjust to his large size and instead, making you to take it all at once with one long and deep push.

“J-Jim!” A scream abruptly left your throat and before you could let another slip out, his hand suddenly came up to cover your mouth, pressing his palm hard to your face and squeezing your cheeks. Your eyes shut, and your body writhed from how Jim’s cock roughly worked you opened. You felt uncomfortably full, beyond stretched to your limits as Jim was balls-deep inside of you now, but most importantly, you felt so wanted.

Bounded by the strong hold around you; his hand squeezing your cheeks in his palm to muffle your moans; his cock penetrating you deep and hard with fast and needy rhythms; his lips soft against your neck before they surprised with a painful suck to your jawbone; you were enraptured by Jim’s dominance over you, leaking from the tip of your cock in heavy drips while he fucked you from behind, the metal of his belt clacking with every precision of his thrusts.

“You’re so tight. Fuck. No one can take my dick like you.” Jim panted, embellishing your neck in hot breaths before climbing to kiss you on the lips again once you were prompted to turn your head. 

It was the small sounds from you that drove Jim nuts. They spilled into his mouth without restraint, an open-mouthed kiss again as he licked into you, suckled on your tongue, and let drool join your own slick mess at your chin. Tiny whimpers and occasional gasps when he hit your prostate fed his thirst for you, knowing that only he could drive you this mad; fumbling over your begs and surrendering because his cock was too good for you to think properly and find your words again.

“Harder. Harder.” You gulped, your demands muffled as Jim had his thumb in your mouth now. After, you went back to sucking his thick thumb off, tongue laving him in circular motions, as best as one could as Jim sped his pace and fucked you into oblivion. “Harder.” You gritted your teeth, hustling through the burn as the saliva had dried off his dick by now. You were beating your cock, pumping it with an ample amount of strength that rivaled Jim’s hips against you, motivated by the ticking countdown of your lunch break coming to an end soon.

It still stung. You barely had time to adjust to him before you were completely taking Jim’s cock as if you were a cheap flashlight he bought online, a piece of silicon that he’d break. Your hair bounced, sweat-dripping down your forehead while you felt his own sweat dripping of his forehead and staining your dress shirt. The back of your shirt felt damp, heat building up at your back-side as Jim had enclosed around you with an embrace that thawed any ounce of pain and replaced it with intoxicating pleasure. An onslaught of thrusts kept you writhing by your toes, then curling into the blanket that had bundled beneath your feet.

Harder. Your demands were immediately met after Jim pulled himself out completely, as if he was recharging his strength, lubed his erection with a spit to the palm, then shoved himself back into you with one strong thrust, sending your body into an arc that he’d immediately restrained back with a push to your abdomen, forcing you to take his cock in full stride. Your ass rippled like the rattle in your moans, flesh clapping loud whenever Jim met his groin to your skin, and you couldn’t get enough of it, the sounds glorious in your ear. Your hole clenched in vain as Jim always managed to power through and forced you open again, hollowing you out until your pucker shaped itself to the exact size of his thick cock.

He would marvel at the gape when he pulled himself out again, for his own sake as he was nearing his climax, and spread your cheeks open. “Just for me?”

“Just for you.” You used the small break to catch up on your breath, wetting your parched throat with multiple gulps as you turned over your shoulder to catch him staring, finding it futile as your throat felt brittle again.

He clicked his tongue multiple times, that habit again whenever he felt something, when the rim of your hole tensed up at the multiple spanks he’d given you, seemingly swallowing at nothing but air, until he breached himself back in, angling his hips perfectly to press at your prostate.

It was nearing—your climax. You rarely touched your cock, abandoning it because your arms tend to be locked behind Jim’s warm embrace around you, but it sprouted strong in between your legs, aided by the repeated violation against your prostate. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head multiple times, Jim’s large cock knocking the breath out of you with every snap of his hips, pounding into the swelling of your insides.

“Oh god, Jim—“

That spot again, he never missed once in hitting your prostate, a storm of delight torpedoing the pit of your stomach as Jim impaled into you like lightning. Jim muttered something under his breath, striking on your skin as he bit into your neck, then pressed hard against your hip bone.

“I’m gonna—“ Jim gripped at your hips harder, a slur of words near your ear making goosebumps raise all over your body, beneath the layer of sweat that had dampened your clothes. 

“Too, me too—“ You huffed, closing your eyes, but deftly finding Jim’s lips when you turned your head to kiss him one more time. An immediate tangle of tongues was enforced, your mouths mutually opening on impulse while he held your head comfortably to keep you from straining your neck. You moaned, reeled your tongue back from the slippery closure of his mouth, and cried out as your pucker clamped down on his large cock moving inside of you. Your hole throbbed around his girth with exquisite spurts that came from within, pulsated with the veins that had adorned Jim’s cock delectably, grasped him like a tight sleeve that refused to let him go. 

When you opened your eyes, you were blinded by the lights that had donned over you instead of casted shadows, a heavenly choir celebrating with holy bells when your balls tightened once before loosening when your cock erupted thick cumshots onto the boxes in front of you, painting the cardboard in thick layers of yourself, of your desires, with the help of Jim’s cock, pounding strong ropes of cum out of you until they’ve hit every box like target practice. 

“Fuck.” Jim let out a deep groan, pushing painfully into you, his hand reaching over to milk your cock until you were only spewing out the tiniest bits of cum left in your emptying sack. Your whimpering and the convulsion of your body, as he continued to milk your cock, triggered Jim to finally break within a couple more thrusts and a deep grunt, his cock exploding hot and thick in the confines of your ass, flooding your tender hole with his thick cum loads.

“Jim.” You whined, drawing out his name. His cum was dripping out of you, a few thick droplets rolling to the side of your ass as Jim’s thrusts were beginning to shallow, but never once pausing. “Fuck—“

“You feel so good like this.” Jim was creaming your insides, using your ass to ride out his orgasm and milk his hard cock inside of you, even when he was beginning to feel sore at the base of his balls. You whimpered quietly, knowing it was such a waste of cum dripping out of you like that, but also because you felt your cock hardening again despite just now recovering from Jim’s devious hold on you.

“We’re going to be late if you keep this up.” You should’ve known better. Any time you offered him a reason not to do something, Jim was motivated to do the opposite. 

His thrusts remained the same, shallow yet deep against you, and right when you thought you felt soaked in your ass, Jim pressed another low grunt to your lips, snapping once into you and rattling another moan out of you, before the convulsions bound his body to your backside once again, and let him spill another load inside of your creamy hole.

Jim shuddered, feeling drained and especially aching as his cock went limp and slipped out of you, the only connection between you and him being the sticky cum that had webbed his cock and your ass together as you involuntarily pushed his cum out of your tender hole in a daze.

“Think you can work the rest of the day like this?” The pleasure subsided into exhaustion, a wave of drowsiness hitting you and Jim like a truck despite the uncomfortable pool of cum sitting beneath you two. Jim kissed your shoulder, then pulled your briefs back up, your pants following after.

“No way.” You laughed, lightly punching at his shoulder after buckling your belt because now all you wanted to do was use what the shelf was actually purposed for: sleeping. “You owe me a hot bath later.”

“Tch, the things I do for you. You're ungateful.”

"You love me for it."

"I do."

nouearth. please do not repost, plagiarize, or translate my works. andif you like this story, please reblog and leave a like!

[vibratingskull]

Ok, I have absolutely no idea if this is how I send requests or not (I’m new to this and technically, you’re my first person I’ve ever sent a submission to. So I apologize in advance if this isn’t where I’m supposed to ask-) anyways, I was wondering if you’re still taking requests and if you are, do you mind writing for thrawn? 🥺

I am obsessed and I can’t get this man out of my head 😵‍💫

Anyways here’s what I’m thinking-

Reader is an agent/captain (preferably female) and she works on the Chimaera and is known as the joking type. Very expressive (both in her facial expressions and in her voice) if someone says smt stupid she’s gonna make a face. Doesn’t really care about anyone’s opinion, but is very nice towards people.

She made friends with kallus and pryce. When we catch thrawns attention (being that we have a humorous personality), but are also very eager to learn from him. Whenever he starts talking about his plans or the benefits of art she’s always asking questions. (Not in a disagreement or disrespectful manner, but in a curious one)

So the admiral likes us, but then someone takes an unnecessary liking towards us (cough cough- constantin-) and no matter how blunt we make it that we aren’t interested, he just can’t seem to take the hint. Us being who we are, we don’t want anyone else to interfere in the matter cause we can handle it ourselves (aka kallus or pryce ask if we need help or if they can do something but the readers got it all under the bag and reassuring them) but one day it’s gotten kinda out of hand and thrawn sees how pushy constantin is being and he does interfere, shutting him down immediately. After that, he’s kinda more protective around us. Makes it so that are duties circulated more around his. And we start to form a bond with him.

Maybe something where kallus and pryce are teasing us about it (and maybe a confession from the reader 😳) when all of the sudden we realize that thrawn was listening in and he takes the reader aside and makes it clear that he fancies us as well?

I don’t care if you wanna end it with fluff, but is certainly wouldn’t mind if you go hardcore and make it a spicy ending 🥵 I just really want something like this and haven’t really found anything that scratches the itch! 🤣

Sorry if this is kinda long (and detailed) like I said you are my first ever submission..😅

P.s. Love your work so far, you’re doing amazing!❤️

Thank you so much dear ❤️ You did well, don't worry

I compressed the timeline a bit, but it is close enough of what you asked. I hope you like it!

Thrawn x f!reader

Tags: Konstantin being a creep, fluff, humor, p in v, creampie, alien anatomy, knot...

“So?” Arhinda asks with gleaming in the eyes “You and Thrawn? You seem quite close lately, he took you under his wing?”

“Oh no, it’s rather me who harasses him.” you laugh..

You appreciate this quiet moment with your friend, she rarely comes on the Chimaera lately. Next to her Alexsandr walks with you in silence, focused on his datapad.

“I’m constantly glued to him for him to teach me.” 

Arhinda raises an eyebrow, she doesn’t seem convinced.

“Whatever you say, I just noticed he seems to ask your opinion quite a lot lately. And me who thought he was a frozen ice cube, he might have more games than I first anticipated.”

You tuts.

“No, he’s simply patient with people who want to learn.”

“Yeah, I doubt it too,” Alexsandrs raises his gaze from his pad, “he asks you to his office quite a lot. He may have an ulterior motive with you.” he teases you with a smirk.

“Well! I wouldn’t mind, he’s exactly my taste, he looks like a whole meal to me!” you joke along.

Like you got a chance with the Grand Admiral, yeah! He’s untouchable and above all that. But it is true you would not mind, you would gladly bite into that treat of a man. 

They exchange a gaze.

“Oh Maker, she’s blind.” Arhinda sighs.

You wince at her.

“I’m simply a realist.”

“It’s a shame, the cold stern one and the jokester are a popular trope in movies, no?” Alexsandr ponders.

“Only in duds, Alexs! But you seem the type to be familiar with that genre.” you tease back.

“Ah! Captain (f/n)!” you hear an unpleasant, well too known voice.

Away from you you see Admiral Konstantin walk towards you with long strides and a large smile. Not him again…

“You want us to stay?” Alexs asks.

“No,” you sigh “You can go, I’ll handle it.”

“You’re sure?” Arhinda insists.

“Yes, I’m a big girl! Do not worry about me.” You say with a reassuring smile, walking away from them, closing the distance with Konstantine.

It’s been like what? 3 times you told this guy to fuck off? But he’s dunce like a rock, never taking the hint.

“Captain (f/n)! I am very happy to see you.” He exclaims, rubbing his gloved hands. “I just heard a marvelous news.”

“Oh really, Admiral? Please don’t make me wait.” you try to smile joyfully, but he gots the talent to suck up your energy.

“We’ve been announced on the same mission together, isn’t it wonderful?”

You bite your cheek 

“It’s… Incredible news. Does that mean you’re gonna let me take the lead on the mission?” you ask, knowing full well a captain never leads when an admiral is present.

“Letting you lead? No.” he laughs “But that would give us plenty of time to… discuss.” 

Yurk.

“Discuss about what? The weather in space?”

“You know the weather is always the same in space.”

“Yes I…” He’s he really that dunce? “I was making a bit of humour…” 

“Oh!” he explodes laughing “I like you Captain (f/n)! You are funny!”

You smile, completely on edge, how this man became an admiral again? Not by being smart, that’s for sure. He passes his arm around your shoulder, pressing you against him and you tense up immediately, you’re maybe a jokester but you’re not familiar for all that.

“Please don’t do that.”

He sniffs the air, ignoring your comment.

“You smile divine, do you know that?”

Yes you know, you bought your perfume a real fortune, but if it elicits this kind of behavior you won’t hesitate to throw it across space.

“Yes I know. You don’t need to come this close to scent it.” you bite back.

Then to your utmost horror, he buries his nose in your neck to scent it.

You’re about to send him flying against the consoles when a voice raises behind your backs.

“Admiral Konstantine! What have I said about fraternization of my ships?”

You turn your head to your impromptu savior to meet a red gaze and beautiful blue skin.

Thrawn approaches with his hands behind his back and a hard gaze.

“Oh, Grand Amiral. I’m, huh…” Konstantin really looks caught off guard “I thought you were still in your office.”

“Release my captain at once.”

“Yes, Grand Admiral.” He smiles, truly not sorry to have overstepped your boundaries. He looks at Thrawn to find masculine complicity but he only finds ice, to your pleasure. “I was just… She’s cool with it, I was just trying to install a more friendly ambiance.”

Thrawn raises his brow, unconvinced. Konstantin releases you and you immediately step on the side, letting him alone in the blast zone. Thrawn takes one step towards him, towering him with all his height, forcing Konstantine to look up to him. He shoots him with his gaze.

“I do not want to hear you pathetic excuses and you should learn to treat your female counterparts with respect. I want none of that on my ships, am I clear?”

“I… Yes, sir.” Konstantine lowers his head submissively.

“Present your excuses to the Captain and return to your post immediately.”

Konstantine wince turning to you, clearly displeased to let his eye candy escapes him.

“I am sorry Captain. My behavior was inappropriate?”

“Indeed it was very much, Admiral.” You say with a big unapologetic smile.

You wave him goodbye as he walks away rapidly.

“Are you okay?” Thrawn asks lowly.

“Yes! Thank you Grand Admiral, I almost sent him flying but you intervened just in time.”

“Glad to hear it. Those behaviors are simply unacceptable, do not hesitate to come to me directly if it happens again.” He looks at you softly.

You nudge him.

“With you at my side I am sure he would not dare!”

He looks at you with a frown and you wonder if you crossed the line with him.

But he instantly relaxes.

“This is the effect I am counting on. Come to me if you meet any difficulties.”

“Sir, yes sir!” You salute him with your signature smile and he nods.

“I am counting on you to bring me the datacards tonight again.” And he walks away

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“And then?!” Arhinda asks on the edge of her seat.

“And then nothing, he walked away.” you explain, munching on your dish.

She looks disappointed, her shoulders lowered.

“She omits to say he keeps her at his side at all times now.” Alexs interjects.

“No, not really.” you temper. “He’s just protecting me from Konstantin.”

“So he keeps her at his side all the time.” He concludes.

“You’re exaggerating.” 

“And you are completely blind, as always. From an exterior point of view it is evident.”

Wait.” Arindha intervenes “What do you mean he keeps her at his side now?”

“She has been upgraded to his personal secretary.”

“I am merely helping him sort some files.”

“Yes, we got droids and algorithms to do that.”

“He likes to do it manually.”

“And he needs a tier party help for that? I don’t think so.”

“Wait, you’re telling me that they spent all their evening for the last four months together alone?” Arhinda asks him

“Yes.”

“It is less saucy than that.” You explain. What if they ascribe him intentions? Thrawn has been nothing but respectful and helpful to you. “Maybe he is just preparing me for my next promotion?”

“Your promotion to his bed?”

You slap Alexs’s hands with a grimace, he’s so silly sometimes.

“I don’t remember him doing that much to prepare Faro for commandment.” Arhinda recalls

“Because he didn’t.” Alexs shakes his head.

“But what about you? How does that make you feel?” Arhinda turns back to you.

“It’s nice.” you remain succinct.

“What I love about you it’s the abundance of details.” she snarls.

You pull out your tongue to her.

“Well, it's… Great? I like being with him, he’s respectful.”

They both look at you, awaiting for the juicy details.

“There is nothing to say guys, really.” you defend yourself.

“So you didn’t try anything? You remained a pretty doll in his office, never tempting your chance?” Arhinda chokes.

Alexs sighs.

“I told you she was blind, but I didn’t know she was also impotent.”

“Oh come one guys! Place yourself in my shoes, I am intimidated, okay?” You bite into your meat. “He’s really… something else. I am always on edge in his presence. It’s hard being all alone with him in a room.”

“And you didn’t crack some jokes to ease the atmosphere as you do so well?”

“Of course I did. But that doesn’t do all. He’s hard to discern.”

“Really? Because on our end the signs are pretty clear.” Alexs comments “He’s consistently devouring you with his gaze, always commenting on how good you did on the last mission, keeping you next to him…”

You let your bite roll inside your mouth, thinking. It would be wonderful if that were true, he always was to your taste and if he asked you would jump in his arms no question asked. But that is simply a dream.

Arhinda leans forward to lower her voice.

“But in your heart? Did something change? Did it not comfort you in your sentiments? You always had a crush on him.”

“Well…” you lower your voice too, they both lean further pricking up their ears “I… I think…” You gasp for air, not believing your about to reveal your sentiment, but it will help you face them. “I think… I am truly in love with him now…”

You immediately hide your face as you flush, feeling your cheek burning hot.

You hear no response.

You look at them between your fingers, to see them cowering back on their seat, looking behind you. You turn and jump out of your skin.

Thrawn is right behind you.

“Captain (f/n), would you please meet me after your dinner?” he simply asks with his haughty voice.

“Yes, sir.” you simply respond, decomposing yourself.

He walks away without another word, navigating between all the tables of the cantina of the Chimaera.

You slowly turns back to you friends, mortified.

“You think he heard me?”

“I have no idea.” Alexs answer with pursed lips. “What are you gonna do?”

“I don��t know.” you shout lowly, feeling panic rising in your blood

“Well don’t keep him waiting, you should go.” Arhinda presses you.

“What?” you choke on your own words. “I can’t face him right now!”

“Go!” she orders.

You obey with reluctance, you turn one last time to your friends that try to cheer you up with thumbs up and smiles, but your stomach is turning acidic.

For the first time in your life, you have no joke.

You knock at his office door and wait for permission to enter.

“Come.” He simply orders.

You brace yourself for what might be your biggest humiliation you have yet to face. You enter to discover him focused on his datapad, his “best Grand Admiral” mug in the other hand.

The mug was your idea three years ago, you thought it would be funny but right now it can’t even give you a smile.

“You wished to speak to me, Grand Admiral?” you say with the most assured voice you can muster.

“Indeed.” He lays down his mug and datapad, looking at you up and down with a light smile.

You remain still, waiting in complete silence as he gauges you with his amused expression.

“Is… Is there a problem, sir? Am I in trouble?” you finally ask.

“No. Absolutely not.” He says standing up.

You release your breath.

“Please sit down.” He orders, retrieving something in a closet of his desk.

You sit down, taking as little space as possible. He takes out a bottle and two glasses of the cabinet and starts pouring the alcohol.

“You hide a bottle in your office?” you open your eyes surprised. You never picked up on that during the four months you stayed with him.

“Shhhh. It is a secret.” He grins lightly, handing you a glass. “If I am not mistaken this Bourbon is one of your favorites.” He observes the amber bottle.

You take a sip to taste it.

It’s delicious

“Why do we drink today, sir?” you ask.

“To thank you for your help for the last four months.” He clinks his glass with yours, leaning against the desk and towering you from his height.

“Oh… Well you are welcome, it was natural.”

“Absolutely not, those tasks were not in your job description. You had every right to refuse.”

“I thought it was to keep Konstantine at bay?”

“It was…” he takes a sip, not leaving you with his gaze “And it served a more selfish purpose.”

“Dumping some files gestion on someone else?” you joke with a grin.

“No. Something more down to earth. Simply keeping you close to me at every given moment.”

You choke on your sip.

What did he just said?

He observes you coughing out the liquid, handing you a handkerchief to wipe your mouth.

“Sorry sir.” you press the fabric on your lips “I think I misheard.”

“On the contrary, I think you heard perfectly right. Just as I heard you ten minutes ago.”

You froze.

He heard you?

“Sir, whatever you thought you heard I meant no disrespect and-”

“Why would I take offense in a love confession?”

You wince, it was technically not a confession.

“Sir, again I am truly sorry.” You can’t push yourself to meet his gaze, you’re way too embarrassed.

It was supposed to be a secret between your heart and your friends, and now the object of your desires is aware of everything. Talk about discretion…

“You are absolutely adorable when you are embarrassed and confused like that.” he sings softly.

“Sir, please do not mock me. I am already embarrassed enough like that.” you try to defend yourself.

“Who says I am mocking you? I am serious.” he bites back.

You look up to him in surprise. You don’t see any ill intent or mockery in his gaze, but instead a clear and unwavering résolution. And something… heavy, dark and dangerous. 

You gulp, your mouth dry despite your drink.

He leans forward slowly, his long fingers coming to graze your lips. It is such a simple touch, barely there, but it makes you gasp.

“How many of those visages do you have?” he murmurs “What visage do you have behind the doors of your bedroom?” he brushes your lip with his thumb “Will you allow me to see it?”

To say all words escaped you is an understatement. Your brain completely froze and you can’t move or say anything to save your life.

His thumbs part your lips lightly, entering your mouth. By instinct you gently bite down the tip of his finger and see his grin growing larger.

“Is that a yes?” 

“You… You suggest we…sleep together?”

“Was I not clear enough?” He raises an eyebrow, amused

“You were not scant in details.” You say with a small voice.

“Let me be more explicit then.” He flashes you his fangs “I want you in my bed, I want to feel your pussy clench around my cock and see you struggle to take it. I want you to ride me to exhaustion, I want you to beg for me to stop because you cannot take so much…”

You just listen to him explaining his fantasies to you, mouth agape.

“Obviously, we will not do anything without your consent.” He raises back his bust to look down on you with all his height. “Is my offer acceptable to you?”

Your brain is fried, the man you dream about for years proposing to you to spend the night with him?

Oh hell yeah!

“Captain (f/n)?”

You blink and shake yourself realizing you didn’t answer him.

“Yes, sir. This is a very… tempting offer.”

He leans back to kiss your cheek and whisper in your ear.

“Then join me at my suite in two hours. I will wait… patiently for you.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You knock on his door with a flustered heart, feeling light with butterflies in the stomach. You took a thorough shower, combed your hair with a drop of perfume and passed on a fresh uniform.

“Enter.” you hear a welcoming voice.

The room is large, decorated with taste. A melody floats in the air with the scent of petits fours, and the distinct sound of a glass bottle. In the middle of the room is a large sofa with Thrawn slouching on it like a tired king. He stands up as he sees you approaching.

“Captain (F/n). Welcome.”

You wince at the title. You hoped you could be on a first name basis now.

“Thank you Grand Admiral.”

“Please, call me Thrawn. May I address you by your first name?”

“Of course.”

“Wonderful, please take a seat.” He gestures to the sofa and you sit, pressing your legs together. He sits close next to you, brushing his leg to yours. “I took the liberty to prepare a bottle of champagne for us.”

“Alcohol again? Are you trying to get me drunk, Grand Ad-Thrawn?” you ask with a smirk.

His hand holding a glass stops mid movement.

“I am sorry, it was never my intention. Please refrain if you think it is necessary.” 

“No, it's good.” You take the glass from his hand. “I need something to relax.”

“Am I that terrible?” he asks, tilting his head.

“No, it’s just…” you click your tongue, thinking about your next words. “I loved you for so long, I am a bit nervous.” you confess, turning to meet his gaze.

His hand comes caressing your cheek, pushing away a strand of hair.

“(Y/n), you have nothing to worry about. I hoped for this night to happen for long on my part too.”

Your heart flutters at those words and you press your cheek against his palm.

“Really?”

“Yes. You have enchanted me with your spirit and you plagued my dreams from our first encounter. I cannot believe that you are here tonight.”

You take his hand and kiss his palm.

“I am truly here, Thrawn.”

“To my utmost joy.” He leans forward, approaching his lips but letting you the choice to close the gap.

You don’t have to be asked twice! You close your eyes and brush your lips with his before pressing them firmly. The touch is soft and inviting. His tongue comes part your lips apart to enter your mouth and hug your tongue. You let him enter without hesitation. His hand cups your head, combing through your hair, you moan in the kiss and you feel the vibrations of a chuckle.

You part reluctantly. He presses his forehead against yours, both taking back your breath. 

“Before we proceed further.” He warns “I want you to know what you are engaging yourself with.” he says breathily.

You nod silently, all ears.

“I am not merely proposing to you a one night stand. I do not have time for trials and errors and stories without any futures.” He whispers. “I hope… We could build something together. A long lasting story à deux.”

You blink. He’s suggesting you become a couple?

“Are you willing to try?” 

You nod enthusiastically.

“Yes. Yes!”

“My love is demanding and sometimes selfish. Are you sure you want that?” He warns you.

You take his head in your two hands and kiss him feverishly.

“Yes! That is all I ever wanted. Thrawn… I am so happy!”

He caresses your cheek and kisses you back.

“I love you, (y/n).”

“I love you Thrawn. I love you so much!” You throw yourself at him, to his surprise.

You push him on the sofa and straddle him, pressing your body on his, kissing him fiercely. He combs his fingers in your head, squeezing you tight with a deep rumble coming from his chest.

“I did not know chiss could growl like that.”

He grins snarky.

“You have no idea what I can do, cha’cah.” he bites your lower lips.

He rises back and stands up, holding your hands.

“Follow me, my darling.”

You smile broadly at the surname.

“Can I give you a nickname too?”

He guides you to his bedroom, another large room with a double bed that looks real comfy and… inviting.

“Of course.”

“My love?”

“I would be honored.”

“Sweetheart?”

“As you wish, cha’cah.” He pushes you against the wall, pressing your warm bodies together

“Honey booboo?” You stick your tongues out.

“Alright, you are pushing it.” He bites and nibbles the crook of your neck.

“Isn’t that why you love me?” you gasp.

“Oh, I do love you very much. Especially with your little humor, but I am not going to allow everything.”

“Oh.” You falsely pout “You’re no fun.”

“That is your role, cha’cah.” He kisses back your lips, his tongue pushing to enter your mouth and hug yours. You let him pass, meeting his tongue with delight. His lips are soft and warm, getting swollen as the kiss gets languorous. “You are my little jokester.”

“Your favorite jester?”

“You are more than that.” He grumbles in the kiss.

You giggle and jump into his mighty arms, circling his hips with your legs. He carries you no problem and falls with you on the bed, you yelp in surprise. His body weight cuts your breath, but you hold him even tighter. You seize his face and start pecking him all over with a growl.

Muah! Muah! Muah! You sparkle a surname between each kiss, showering him with love.

“My love! My Grand Admiral! My Prince! My heart!...”

You press his cheeks to make him look like a fish and explode laughing.

“You are having fun?” he asks patiently.

“Sorry…” you cry “I couldn’t resist!” you release his face to hold your ribs laughing.

He pinches your cheek.

“Look at you. I will make you wear a buffoon costume.”

“Promise?”

He sighs, his shoulders lowering.

“You are not supposed to want it.”

“But it is such a good idea!”

“You are impossible.” He smiles, lowering himself on you and kisses you softly.

It isn’t like the earlier hasty kiss, this one is soft and slow, gentle. His lips travel on your mouth, your cheeks, your jaw, your neck… You hear him purr loudly, like a satisfied tiger.

“I love you.” He whispers again.

“I love you too…” You comb your fingers through his hair.

“I cannot get enough of you.” He peppers kisses everywhere on your face, waving his body against yours. You can feel his bulge rubbing against your core.

You try to purr in unison with him, but only manage a gurgling. He grins at your effort.

“You do not have the vocal cord for that.”

You pout.

“Not fair.”

He takes your hand and places them on his chest.

“Listen.”

You both remain still in the arms of the other, listening to him purr and feeling it through your palms, all the little vibrations and waves. His head is buried in your neck while he caresses your back, lazily kissing the crook.

“It’s amazing.” you let out, absolutely fascinated. “What else can you do?”

“Many things.” He grazes his lips against your forehead “We Chiss are capable of numerous things human males cannot.” 

“Like what?” you murmur, deadly curious.

“You will see in a given time.” he purrs.

You bite your lips, you don’t wanna wait, you want to know! You start unbuttoning his jacket to gain access to his chest, hurriedly pulling on his shirt to uncover his abs and pecs. You let your hands travel and roam around his warm skin and wiggle your way under him to kiss his chest.

“Let me get rid of that.” He sighs satisfied.

He rises on his knees and starts undressing, you follow the movement and sit down, ending up at eye-level with his bulge, you press your palm on it, feeling warmth emanated from under the fabric. You knead him through his pants, playing with his hidden cock. 

The bulge is massive! It makes you drool in anticipation. You can’t wait to play with it. You gesture towards it but Thrawn slaps your hand.

“Do not touch.”

“Ouch!” You protest “Why?”

“I will take care of that.” 

You pout. He took a delectable candy from you.

He chuckles.

“Do not fret, cha’cah. I will give it to you.”

You snarl.

“But I want to play with it, to taste it…”

“Another time, I promise you.” He says falling down on you.

You are crushed under his weight, but it feels comforting and safe. His hands roam your body and one find its way in your pants, gently stroking your clit and trailing your slit. You mewl and wave your body under his touch. He nibbles your neck, leaving hickeys everywhere.

“Mmmmmmmmh.” He sighs “I wanted to claim you like a beast, but I will rather make love to you all night long.”

“Why did you changed your mind?”

“You being adorable. I want to take care of you.”

“I protest, sir. A good fuck is of upmost importance to take care of me.”

“Tomorrow then. Tonight I will hold you and love you gently.” He purrs.

You bury your nose in his neck, inhaling his musk and cologne. He smell so good! You lick his shoulder, the alcohol of the perfume stinging your tongue.

He enters you with one finger, teasing your entrance, curling his knuckles. You press your thighs shut, locking up his hand in its place. He locates your gummy spot and grazes it gently, circling it with the pad of his finger. You moan in his ear and bite it.

You press his body on top of yours, circling his waist with your legs and his shoulders with your arms. You comb your fingers in his hair, disheveling him. He pushes another finger into your leaking sex and scissors you thoroughly. You feel your pussy contracting around his fingers as he stretches you so deliciously.

“Thrawn….” You whimper.

“Mmh? Vocalize your bliss cha’cah. I like to know I am giving you pleasure.”

“I think I am ready for you.” you press him.

“I am the one to decide that.” He gently chides, “Let me check.”

He takes out his fingers and inspect them.

“No you are not. See my fingers? They should be dripping.”

You frown.

“I… I have never done that before.” You inform.

“You are capable of it. I trust you.” He approaches his fingers to your mouth “Give yourself a bit of help.” 

You open your mouth and taste yourself on his fingers. It’s rather salty. You lick them clean, lapping them conscientiously. He purrs approvingly and takes them out. You lick you lips clean with an exaggerated satiated expression. He kisses your cheek.

“Never change, cha’cah.”

He re-enters you and fingers you aggressively, draining moans and sobs from you. You dig your nails in his shoulders to hold on. His lips travel down your nipple that he licks and glides over. He takes it in his mouth, sucking on it and gently bites into it. You can’t help but yelp in pain and excitement. 

He keeps scratching your g-spot until your pussy convulses on his fingers and you suddenly squirt in his hand.

“See?” He chuckles, “You could do it.” He shows you his dripping fingers.

You nod, still a bit shocked that it happened. It was unprompted but apparently it was part of Thrawn’s plan all along. He surely is confident in his abilities to give you pleasure, you’ll give him that.

He finishes pulling down your pants and spreads your legs wide apart, placing himself between them. He opens his trouser and finally free his cock. It is blue like the rest of his skin safe for the tip that is purplish, it has ridges all along the length almost like scales but of soft flesh.

Well, soft, if it wasn’t painfully erected that is.

The girth and length are consequent, but it is okay. You like a challenge!

You lick your lips and open your pussylips with two fingers, titillating him, daring him to enter you.

He slightly grins and aligns himself with you, pushing his swollen member inside you delicately. You open your mouth round, he’s maybe larger than you first anticipated…

He kisses your lips gently once he’s fully inside your leaking sex.

Maker, he is so large! He stretches your poor pussy so, so much. You are stuffed to the brim, like you were made for him.

“Mmmmmmmmh.” He hums appreciatively “You are perfect for my cock, you are strangling it just like you should.”

“Move, please, please, please.” you demand, on the verge of explosion.

“Of course cha’cah, anything for you.”

He starts to rock his hips in a deep and languorous manners, hitting deep into you, waving his hot body against yours. You observe his cock disappearing into your sex, utterly fascinated. His ridged dick feels so good inside you, the ridges graze deliciously the wall of your puffy pussy, your swollen walls embracing his girth with ease like a fluffy pillow. 

It feels so good.

He alternates between thrust and circling motions of the hips, always loving and profound, reaching the depths of your being.

He is slow and languid, delicate and loving, never stopping kissing you languorously, robbing you of your breath. He hits your cervix with ease, a creamy O at the base of his cock. 

“Can I come inside?” He asks after rolling his hips against yours to oblivion.

Your pussy is spasming and contracting around him like it’s trying to keep it inside, but your slick makes it slippery. 

You nod, out of breath, face hot and body sweating. You hold onto for dear life. The pace is slow but it feels like too much for you, he puts so much love in each thrust you’ve never felt adored like that before, so much you feel tears rolling on your cheeks.

He looks at you confounded.

“Why are you crying? Did I do something wrong, did I hurt you?” He immediately worries.

“No, no.” you sniff. “It’s nothing. I’m good. Continue.”

“You are sure?”

“Yes.” You kiss his cheek and hold him tighter. “Continue, don’t stop.”

He resumes his thrusts with a quicker pace, making you bob up and down. 

You feel something weird.

Something is growing inside you…

His movement became erratics and with a final push he cums deep inside you, hot ribbons of seed that your pussy milks for all its worth. You came with a gasp of his name, clenching all around his shaft and the weird mass you feel inside.

He lays on you, out of breath, kissing the side of your neck. As you try to move you realize you're stuck. You lower your gaze, wondering why you can’t move.

“Do not worry, it is perfectly normal.” He reassures you.

“But what is…”

You open your eyes round when you see the bulge of your tummy, is it…?

“You have a knot?” you ask, dumbfounded.

“Indeed.” He nods “I told you Chiss could do impossible things to humans.It will ensure you have been properly bred and you will become pregnant.”

“I’m…” you’re completely out of words “I’m on pill.”

“A pity.” He brushes his nose with yours “We will have the occasion to speak about it.”

You nods, eyes fixated on the bulge.

“You do not like it.” you hear a hint of sadness in his voice “It repulses you?”

“What? No! No, no ,no no! It doesn’t repulse me.” You hold his face in your hands lovingly. “It just surprised me, that’s all. I swear it’s good.”

“It does not weird you out?” he inquires, a tad worried.

“No. I quite like it actually. It’s exotic and…”

“Alien?” He has a lopsided grin.

“Yes.” you chuckle “A bit alien can’t hurt. I like everything about you, that included.”

“I am glad.” He pecks your lips.

“Plus it might come in use at some point.” you cheerfully joke.

“I very much hope so.” 

“But not now!” you temper. You are not ready to become a mother yet!

“We will have a long discussion about it” he promises.

“And how long does it stay swollen?”

“It depends, between  minutes to one hour.”

You choke.

“One hour?!”

He hums, nodding.

“We can stay like that while it lasts.” He calms you down “In each other's arms. I cannot think of anything better.”

“No, you are right.”

@bluechiss @thrawnalani @justanothersadperson93 @al-astakbar

@thrawnspetgoose @readinglistfics @elise2174 @debonaire-princess

☆Tag list

[shadowmonkstone]

Fuck. Fuck fuckety fuck fuck fuck.

It’s all kicked off. Or, it’s about to. If this is my last one, tell Prim that Jayce is a massive bellend, she’s better off without him and she was right. I should never have taken that gig.

So why am I saying all that? Well, because the four of us are about to go an take on an entire bloody goblin camp.

It all started when we found our way to this Drow commander, Minthara. I swear she’s got the same lust for lopping off heads as Lae’zel but with this extra cruel streak that sends a fucking chill down my spine. While she was talking about glory to the Absolute and finding a weapon our minds connected, tadpole to tadpole. This Drow has one of the Absolute’s three top brass whispering directly in her ear so no matter how things pan out from here, we’re fucked.

But you know how I said the artefact Shadowheart had was protecting us? Mate, this time I could feel it was afraid. In a way that says ‘keep me the bloody fuck away from the Absolute’s hands’.

The Drow asked me to join her, to obey. I played the game and said I’d think about it before buggering off. The four of us needed to find somewhere to work out our next move.

Problem was, after we’d walked over a death pit full of spiders (because of course there’s a death pit full of fucking spiders) we stumbled straight into a big fuck-off hobgoblin trying to cast a speak to the dead spell on a Mindflayer corpse.

And he fucking pulled it off!

Which then threw another spanner in our plans because the stupid fucking squid recognised my stupid fucking face!

Thankfully, the hobgoblin had used up all his brainpower on casting the spell so I was able to convince him I was a True Soul and the dead squid was a lying toerag.

After that he was a bit more friendly and sent us to speak to Minthara. We took that as a good opportunity to fuck off somewhere else to work out what we had to do next.

“Where was that somewhere else?” I hear you ask. Well, it was the prison, where the goblin bastards were keeping a bear. A bear we freed and a bear that just happened to be the fucking Druid chief!

I swear this all happened and I’m not making it up.

Anyway Halsin, Druid chief who is built like a fucking oak trunk by the way, when he wasn’t talking about how wonderful it is to hug trees told us that he doesn’t know a cure. What he did know is that we have to go to a place called Moonrise Towers to find the answers, because people go in and tadpoled worshippers come out. He thinks there’s magic at work here and those towers have the answer.

Lae’zel was so fucking smug about all this. She took great delight in telling us (and Halsin) that her crèche would cure us all and Githyanki were the best blah blah blah… honestly, Kay looked like she was about to tear Lae’zel in two and I probably wouldn’t have stopped her.

Anyway, Halsin can help us but only if we help him. And we help him by killing the priestess, the Drow and the Hobgoblin. Which means the four of us taking on the whole Goblin camp together.

Lae’zel and Kay are well fucking up for this.

Wyll has his reservations.

And me? Fuck it, I’m in.

Let’s go!

[robininthelabyrinth]

The Other Mountain - ao3 - Chapter 5

Pairing: Lan Qiren/Wen Ruohan

Warning Tags on Ao3

———————————————————————-

Lan Qiren woke up at the usual time for his sect, which was well before most people in the Nightless City were up and about.

Most, though not all, of course. It was said that in the aptly named Nightless City, there were always people awake and about their business no matter what time it might be, its corridors always illuminated until it seemed as though the sun truly never set. Lan Qiren had found that to be true, bright lights and constant activity both, and today the Nightless City was living up to its magnificent reputation. Even now, early in the morning, he could hear the distant sound of footsteps in the corridors outside his courtyard, the distant clatter of things being moved around in preparation for breakfast, the murmur of voices pitched low to avoid disturbing those who were still sleeping.

The ceaseless noise had driven Lan Qiren up the wall the previous times he had visited the Nightless City, but now…now he found himself grateful for it.

At least I know I am not alone.

The feeling of relief probably wouldn’t last more than a month. Indeed, half a month was more likely, since Lan Qiren generally disliked noisiness as a rule…but for the moment it was fine.

He was fine.

Mostly.

Lan Qiren got out of bed and began going through his usual morning routine, or as close as he could get to it in this strange new place. Luckily, he had been a guest in the Nightless City several times before, albeit always previously in the guest quarters, and this meant that he had some notion of where things were placed, rendering the location not as strange as it could have been. In fact, previous visits meant that he had already come up with a modified version of his morning routine that he could feel comfortable with, ensuring that he still had rules to follow and was not completely unmoored. The familiarity was good.

It would be enough to postpone the inevitable meltdown he was going to have once he realized he was trapped here permanently for at least another day or two.

(He would need to make a plan to deal with that. Somehow. Without thinking too much about it, lest he trigger it early – he didn’t want anyone to see him having an undignified emotional fit like that, not if he could prevent it.)

At least everything seemed to have gone well with Wen Ruohan.

Well, as well as he could possibly expect, anyway. It was Wen Ruohan, after all.

Wen Ruohan, who was now his wife.

Lan Qiren had no idea what to do about that.

He was married.

He still couldn’t quite bring himself to believe it.

If Lan Qiren started thinking about it for too long, his brain felt as though it was starting to overheat, so full of thoughts that he couldn’t keep a single one straight in his head – and yet he couldn’t not think of it, either. Multiple attempts to puzzle it through had not helped: he could accept the initial step, could acknowledge his brother’s decision to send him off to marry out as a husband to some other family, but anything beyond that simply refused to process. And yet the facts were what they were, and the truth had to be confronted.

He was married.

He had a wife.

That wife was Wen Ruohan.

How utterly bizarre!

Lan Qiren had not been lying the evening before, when he had told Wen Ruohan that it being him that Lan Qiren was marrying made the whole thing easier. That his brother had somehow managed to convince Wen Ruohan to agree to be his bride – though in retrospect, now that he thought about it, it seemed to him to be more likely that it was Wen Ruohan that had done the convincing, given his penchant for schemes designed to increase his power though obscure means known only to himself – solved any number of Lan Qiren’s most pressing concerns about losing face for his sect, which had been his primary worry. Lan Qiren had never asked for much for himself, but he would not let his sect be shamed by him, and Wen Ruohan had the status, power, and rank to make such a match into something less than hideously embarrassing. After all, a sect leader couldn’t possibly marry out to another sect; that was even more beyond the realm of the possible than the idea of Lan Qiren, a Great Sect’s second son and heir, doing so.

Even Wen Ruohan’s personal reputation for engaging in all types of wicked plots was useful.

Simply because Wen Ruohan was involved, once the news of their marriage spread, people would react to the revelation with suspicion, rather than mockery. Such a marriage proposal was so incredibly unlikely, so incredibly unorthodox, that everyone looking at it would immediately get the wrong idea about it. After all, if Wen Ruohan were involved, it couldn’t be something stupid. No, it had to be something clever, diabolically clever, the way so many of Wen Ruohan’s schemes were – he was always coming up with subtle ploys, the sort of things that could easily be missed, the sort of things that made sect leaders around the world react to everything he did by worrying themselves to death looking for hidden angles. No matter how ridiculous it was, they would always react that way. And that meant that the rest of the world wouldn’t see this marriage as the deliberate humiliation Lan Qiren knew his brother meant it to be, but rather as some sort of insidious political move.

Which, in fairness, it probably was in some way Lan Qiren wasn’t seeing right now.

But that was fine. If he had to pick, Lan Qiren preferred to be thought of as a partner in crime in some terrible conspiracy, rather than embarrass both himself and his sect by admitting that it was all because his brother hated him.

In truth, Lan Qiren still didn’t understand why his brother hated him so much. They had never spoken of his increasing dislike of Lan Qiren in the past, before he had decided to retreat into seclusion. Lan Qiren had been bound by filial duty to respect his older brother like a father and was in no position to raise any questions, while his brother had never chosen to explain. Certainly they’d never spoken after his seclusion, his brother refusing to even speak to him through the door when Lan Qiren made his regular reports on the state of the sect. And once he’d emerged from seclusion…

Lan Qiren had asked, of course.

He’d demanded an explanation during those two terrible times that they had spoken, or tried to, but his brother had never answered. Lan Qiren had asked, even begged, for some small glimmer of understanding, but all of his appeals and questions had been rejected, every one of them met uniformly with deaf ears and utmost disdain.

Disdain, and hatred.

Hatred enough to send Lan Qiren into the power of a man notoriously known for his instability, for his potential insanity, a man known as much as anything for being a would-be conqueror, a merciless tyrant, a sadist and a torturer…

Ironically, none of that took away from Lan Qiren’s profound sense of relief at finding out that the person he would be marrying was Wen Ruohan.

That was something he would not be telling his brother, not now, not ever, Lan Qiren thought, shaking his head a little at his own ridiculousness. His brother wanted him to suffer, he knew that much, but his brother had also never understood how Lan Qiren worked, had never really bothered to try to understand. Above all else, Lan Qiren hated change, unexpected deviations from his routine and from what he understood to be normal. For him, Wen Ruohan was a known quantity, or at least a familiar one, and that made him far, far better from Lan Qiren’s perspective than the alternative of a complete stranger.

Wen Ruohan…Lan Qiren knew him. He knew how to manage him, how to deal with him, or at least at minimum he had already developed a set of strategies for coping with his presence.

He hadn’t really had much choice.

After all, Lan Qiren had been a sect leader, or acting sect leader, of a Great Sect for ten years, and Wen Ruohan, as the sect leader of another Great Sect, had been his peer, one of the few who could stand on equal footing with him. Their status alone meant that they had regularly been required to interact during the discussion conferences. Sure, Wen Ruohan’s personal behavior was regularly reprehensible, rendering the man barely worthy of the begrudging respect to which his position entitled him, but he had been there, consistent, inevitable.

Familiar.

Lan Qiren had invariably been placed side by side with Wen Ruohan during the yearly discussion conferences, given that the standard seating order was Wen, Lan, Jiang, Jin, Nie, reflecting the order in which their clans had achieved prominence as sects in their own right. Lan Qiren couldn’t even escape him later in the evenings, when the seating was traditionally rearranged to reflect commonly understood personal preferences – the Great Sects were still grouped together, because everyone assumed the most powerful would always want to mingle first and foremost with each other.

These days the order for the more informal gatherings was almost always Jiang, Jin, Wen, Nie, Lan, putting Wen Ruohan between the two sects he was least likely to start a war with and pairing up the two sets of allies, Jiang and Jin on one hand and Nie and Lan on the other. It was an arrangement that made logical sense, but which also unfortunately left Lan Qiren no choice but to routinely endure conversations involving Wen Ruohan if he wanted to have the chance to talk with Lao Nie.

Lan Qiren had always liked Lao Nie, and thought that he was liked in return; he had even flattered himself to think that they were friendly beyond the mere politeness required by their sects’ alliance, though he was never entirely sure how much of that was true and how much of it was mere wistful thinking. But Lao Nie also liked Wen Ruohan, and Wen Ruohan had always been possessive of him in return, likely a result of their not-so-secret off-and-on affair that had always seemed highly likely to end in disaster for them both. Every discussion (and every discussion conference, for that matter) had therefore by necessity involved all sorts of interactions with Wen Ruohan, each one carefully judged and thought out in advance to avoid instigating a disaster of Lan Qiren’s own making.

Lan Qiren had never thought there would be a day he would miss such petty political considerations.

Perhaps it was simply that he had not been naturally talented at politics, with his single-mindedness and tendency to take things literally, his inability to read people (at least people above the age of adolescence, after the point where they’d learned, as he never really had, to properly dissemble), and so he had had to work very hard to develop the skills he’d needed just to survive. As much as he’d deplored the circumstances that had forced him to have to learn them, he’d still been proud of those skills. They represented how far he’d gotten through effort and hard work, how thoroughly he’d developed himself, how much he’d grown – it had shown him something of the man he’d made himself to be, that there was something in himself that he could be proud of, no matter how much he’d disliked the actual business of politicking itself. And now, all of a sudden, the reason for having those skills had been taken away from him...

It had been a shock, provoking a feeling of loss, even though it wasn’t something Lan Qiren had wanted in the first place. It was as if a peaceful man who had been forced to take up arms as a soldier was later one day informed that his sword would now be melted down as useless scrap, with all his hard-won achievements tossed aside as if they were little more than worthless rubbish – even if that man had once dreamt of putting down his sword voluntarily, it didn’t make his hands feel any less naked after that sword had been snatched away.

Well, luckily Lan Qiren was not in quite as much of a bind as he might have otherwise have been. Those hard-won political skills of his would still be useful to him here, in the Nightless City. He was married to Wen Ruohan, after all – the man schemed as he breathed, as constant as any rule Lan Qiren had ever known. There was simply no way that Lan Qiren was going to escape from politics here in his new married home…

…he was married.

Married! Him!

Lan Qiren rubbed his temples, shaking his head. He simply could not get over the strangeness of it. He, Lan Qiren, was married, with a wife of his own (albeit a very fearsome one), a household of his own…!

No doubt the very notion of it would make Xichen laugh and Wangji scowl –

Oh.

Oh, no, that hurt.

The mere thought of his nephews hurt, the pain visceral and very real, causing Lan Qiren to curl into himself as if he had just been stabbed through the heart with a dagger.

His boys, his boys – maybe they were not truly his, not his sons in any way respected by the world, but he had raised them himself, not trusting anyone else to help him. He had laughed over them, he had wept over them, he had raged over them; he had been there with them through every twist and turn of their lives to date, experienced with them every joy and every frustration. They had always been in his thoughts, no matter what else he was doing. He had seen Lan Xichen’s first steps and heard Lan Wangji’s first word (which to no one’s surprise had been “no”). He had guided their first steps into the world of cultivation, he had led them in playing their first musical notes, he had walked them through their first sword moves, his hand on theirs as they wielded a slender branch in enthusiasm – they were his boys.

And they were gone.

No, that was an inauspicious thought. They were not gone, they were not dead. They were merely half a world away from him, being kept away from him by his brother’s vicious hatred and society’s rules that gave him, as their father, the power to do as he liked with them.

Lan Qiren missed them like dying.

He’d missed them every single day of his forced seclusion, and he missed them still now. He missed them in every moment, with every breath and every heartbeat, and that he had been able to maintain his composure until now was only through having forced himself to forget, even for a little, that they had been taken from him.

He didn’t even know how they were doing. Xichen, Wangji – were they well? Were they suffering? Did they miss him as well, or had they already started to forget him?

Lan Qiren swallowed hard and opened his eyes, which had at some point closed. He found that he was sitting, without remembering deciding to do so or to make any move to get himself there. At some point he had fallen down onto a bench and curled in on himself, softly making a sort of keening noise, as if he were some wounded animal.

This was not acceptable.

Do not grieve in excess. Do not covet what is others’. Do not be unreasonable.

Lan Qiren felt very much like being unreasonable.

His brother hadn’t even let him bid his nephews farewell before he’d been sent away. He hadn’t even been permitted to see them, not even from a distance..! Before, when he’d been in seclusion, he at least had had the comfort of knowing that they were not far away from him. He could imagine them going about their daily chores along familiar paths, visiting the classroom and the training yard, and knowing his schedule as well as he did, he could even associate the different types of day with when they were doing each activity, and in so doing feel close to them.

He could even, in a moment of weakness, recall the image of Lan Wangji kneeling in the snow outside the very same house that Lan Qiren had later been trapped in, and wonder if Lan Wangji would do the same for his uncle as he had for his mother. The thought had been painfully sweet at the time, though of course once Lan Qiren had realized that he’d almost wished for his nephew’s suffering, however inadvertently, he had felt tremendous guilt and sentenced himself to punishment at once, writing copies of the rules on familial harmony until even his hands had been sore.

Even that cold comfort was gone, now.

Now that Lan Qiren was no longer in the Cloud Recesses, he had no hope of seeing his nephews, not unless he could somehow convince Wen Ruohan to bring him along to the discussion conferences – and even then, who knew when the Lan sect would next be hosting one? Such a thing was at his brother’s discretion, now. There was no longer any opportunity for Lan Qiren to spin futile fantasies of his nephews finding some sort of excuse to make their way to the gentian house, where there would then be some flaw requiring him to end his seclusion early – a fire, perhaps, and in light of the risk to human life he could leave and rush to them, take them into his arms for one last embrace –

Wishful thinking.

Pointless.

Qishan was so very far from Gusu. There was no possibility that Lan Qiren would see his nephews by chance here. He would not see them for a long time – maybe years – maybe never again –

Stop it!

Lan Qiren savagely rapped his hand against the edge of the table, using the pain to distract himself from his terrible thoughts. He could not allow himself to fall into a state of despondence and depression as he had in seclusion, even if that meant he could not permit himself to think about his nephews. He was in the Nightless City, firmly in the grasp of Wen Ruohan, the most dangerous man alive, and Lan Qiren wasn’t stupid enough to think that a mere marriage ceremony made the man any less of a threat.

At least Sect Leader Wen does not appear to have noticed any discrepancies in my behavior that cannot be explained by the fact of our marriage. He must have realized from my behavior that it came to me as a surprise, but at least he seems to be blaming my brother for that...as he should. I should have been told, I should have been given time to prepare..!

There was no point in thinking about it now.

Lan Qiren rubbed once more at his temples. He didn’t actually have a headache, not yet, not the way he usually did after weeping his eyes red as so often happened when he thought about his nephews these days, but it felt almost as though he should.

Do something productive instead of moping, Lan Qiren instructed himself sternly. When you have nothing else, you have your rules and self-regulation. Maintain your own discipline. Remember, diligence is the foundation.

Right. He’d already wasted half the morning doing little more than thinking. He should do – something.

Lan Qiren tried to move on with the next step in getting ready for the day, only to realize he had already finished them all without thinking, even his morning exercise. He was now wholly prepared to get started with his day…only he didn’t actually have anything to do.

When Lan Qiren had last been at the Nightless City, his role as acting sect leader meant that he had had an endless amount of work to stay on top of, between the intricate politics of the discussion conference and the usual day-to-day issues of running a sect. He’d woken up knowing exactly what he needed to do and how little time he had to do it all, and the rest of the day had typically been an extensive exercise in sensitive negotiations, frantic multitasking, and (worst of all) obligatory social events.

But now…

Now Lan Qiren was not a sect leader, acting or otherwise. He wasn’t even a guest.

He was married.

With uncharacteristic hesitancy, Lan Qiren went out of his courtyard, looking for a servant of sufficient rank to speak with. The Nightless City was a little excessive with its hierarchy in that way, he had found, with a convoluted set of internal rules that weren’t written down and weren’t shared with outsiders, leaving the rest of them to merely guess at what might be proper or improper. The Lan sect had servants, of course, and hierarchies within them, but in the Nightless City there was an entire underclass of servant that was under strict orders to be neither seen nor heard by outsiders. Lan Qiren had made the mistake once of trying to ask one of them a question during his earlier years as sect leader, and it had been disastrous. Not only had Lan Qiren not gotten the answers he wanted, the servant having been too terrified to respond, the servant had very nearly ended up getting beaten to death as punishment; it was only Lan Qiren’s intervention and explanation that he had been the one to initiate conversation that had spared him.

Better to avoid such a thing in the future, and instead find someone appropriate.

Ah, there was one, robes marked with the red suns that indicated higher-rank servants.

“Has Sect Leader Wen risen for the day?” he inquired, flagging down the man with a wave. “Will he be requiring my presence for breakfast?”

“Sect Leader Wen always breaks his fast in his rooms,” the servant said, bowing deeply and not quite answering the first question, which meant that Wen Ruohan was probably still asleep and quite likely to be annoyed if anyone else found out that he was still subject to such human requirements. Well, it was still early by the standard of most other sects. “After that, he usually starts his day with sect business, so it is unlikely that he will seek to speak with you before midday. Do you also wish to have breakfast brought to your rooms…?”

“Yes, that would do very well. Bring it to the main room in my courtyard,” Lan Qiren instructed, and retreated back to his courtyard, shaking his head at his own folly. What had he been thinking…? He should have guessed the answer already. Even at the discussion conferences, Wen Ruohan had rarely condescended to do business before mid-morning at the earliest, even when he was the guest. Naturally he wouldn’t bother deviating from his usual schedule here at his home simply because of their marriage.

Though, thinking of the still-unbelievable fact that he was married…

Maybe he should study up on that.

Yes, that would be something to do, something productive. That would be good.

Once he had finished eating his breakfast, Lan Qiren settled down at the writing desk, pulling out some paper and grinding himself some ink. The marriage had been mostly if not wholly settled by the time he had been informed of it and he’d been sent away not long after; he’d barely had time to pack, much less review material on the subject of marriage. His brother had sent him some books on marital duties, eventually, but irritatingly enough the ones that had been delivered with his meal had been exclusively about the role of the woman; someone must have misunderstood. And while he knew the Nightless City had an excellent library, since Wen Ruohan would never allow himself to be embarrassed by not having something that other sects had if he could help it, Lan Qiren also knew that any requests for books that he made would be reported to Wen Ruohan, and he was simply not ready for that level of embarrassment.

No, clearly if Lan Qiren were to be a good husband, he would need to figure out the rules himself.

Pay your wife the respect your wife is due, he wrote first, thinking of the myriad of examples to the contrary he had seen in the cultivation world. Perhaps it was merely the fact that he was a Lan, and therefore raised in a sect considered to be unduly romantic by others, but he could not understand why anyone would marry someone they did not, in some way, respect, and even if they didn’t, why they wouldn’t make an effort to overcome that for the sake of family harmony. The rules said Harmony is the value, and that was doubly true in the context of a marriage as it was in the context of sect or family.

Do not embarrass your wife in public. That one was as much inspired by Jiang Fengmian as it was by the formal rule of Do not argue with family. Jiang Fengmian’s marriage troubles were notorious throughout the cultivation world, and also almost entirely the man’s own fault. He had been so public in his mooning over Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze, even after he had married Yu Ziyuan – surely he must have realized how shameful she would find such a thing, how humiliating. Had he really thought that she would forgive him for that? Had he really thought that a proud woman like Yu Ziyuan would ever tolerate her husband disgracing her in front of outsiders like that?

Actually, that might be the basis for another rule.

After all, Jiang Fengmian wasn’t the only one who routinely embarrassed his wife in public. There was always Jin Guangshan as well, which…hmm. What sort of rule would Madam Jin appreciate?

Do not be alone with other women, perhaps.

Lan Qiren thought about that rule for a while, considering, then crossed it out and replaced it with the somewhat vaguer Do not give your wife reason to doubt your fidelity.

After all, he was in a cutsleeve marriage, and his wife was also a man. Lan Qiren couldn’t reasonably be expected to refrain from all contact with both men and women, and he could imagine perfectly reasonable and even unquestionable circumstances in which he might be alone with a woman, such as a female sect leader or a rogue cultivator like Cangse Sanren. Creating a rule that made generalizations about half the population would create more problems than it would solve. No, Lan Qiren would simply have to behave in a manner that was above reproach, and go from there. It shouldn’t be too difficult: the rules already said Be loyal, as well as Promiscuity is prohibited.

Lan Qiren didn’t have the habit of being lustful anyway. And neither was he inclined to drink, and there was already Alcohol is prohibited, so he didn’t need to add a rule about that.

Hmm. What else?

Appreciate your wife’s efforts and be supportive of your wife’s interests. That seemed like a good one – the rules said Do not flatter, but they also said Have affection and gratitude, as well as Do not criticize. It seemed reasonable that a marriage would call for something a little stronger than that, an affirmative exhortation rather than merely a prohibition. Of course, Wen Ruohan’s interests tended to be things like torture and trying to take over the world, which was problematic when considered alongside Stay away from evil and Honor good people, but, well, Lan Qiren was married now; it was too late to “stay away.”

He would simply have to get over their differences, somehow. Harmony is the value, after all…

(How had he once heard Lao Nie say it – “a happy wife means a happy life”? Of course, as far as Lan Qiren knew, Lao Nie had only married for relatively short periods of time, so maybe he wasn’t exactly the best authority on such things.)

Support your wife’s family, for they are now your own. That one was straightforward, although not easy. Like it or not, Lan Qiren had now married into the Wen sect. Its interests were now his interests, both of them aligned – it didn’t quite sit right with him after ten years of maneuvering against Wen Ruohan and his schemes, but it was what it was. Naturally Wen Ruohan would not be able to depend on Lan Qiren if he had any plans directed against the Lan sect or its interests, but he wouldn’t trust him in such circumstances anyway. Lan Qiren would simply have to do his best to demonstrate his willingness to offer his support in other situations, assuming he could find any in which he would be a help rather than a hinderance.

None came to mind at the moment – useless, hopeless, worthless, his brother’s voice hissed in his head, very unhelpfully – but Lan Qiren hoped that he could eventually demonstrate to Wen Ruohan that he could be of some value for something other than his bloodline.

Eventually. Somehow.

What else?

Under normal circumstances Lan Qiren might have added something to do with money, since he was aware that a good husband allowed his wife to control the household finances, but that didn’t really seem to apply here. The Wen sect was richer than the Lan sect, and wholly under Wen Ruohan’s control in a way that the Lan sect’s finances had never been under Lan Qiren’s; while he would never be a poor man, even if Lan Qiren gave Wen Ruohan everything he had, the sum was unlikely to be large enough for Wen Ruohan to even notice. There was no need to include anything like that.

Maybe he could add a reminder to himself not to cite Being frugal is a virtue and Do not lead a luxurious and dissipated life every time he saw further evidence of Wen sect excess…but that wasn’t a rule, and he was focusing now on rules.

What else?

Lan Qiren stroked his beard, thinking deeply. What did wives typically expect from their husbands?

Children, he supposed, and specifically sons. Wen Ruohan already had two sons, though, and it wasn’t as if Lan Qiren could provide any of Wen Ruohan’s own blood, which of course Wen Ruohan preferred above all else. Eventually he would likely be obligated to produce a child with one of the illegitimate girls of Wen descent, providing Wen Ruohan with a child of the Lan bloodline if he so wanted one, but Lan Qiren didn’t expect the request for that to come any time soon. Wen Ruohan thought himself a god, after all, or near to one; he wasn’t too concerned with succession planning as of yet.

He could certainly help teach Wen Ruohan’s boys, if that was something Wen Ruohan might like for him to do, but that wasn’t a rule, either. That wasn’t a duty of marriage.

Though…while they were on the subject, he supposed that there were marital duties as well, the sort that were usually involved in the creation of a son when the marriage wasn’t between men. And although Lan Qiren personally lacked amorous inclinations, he was well aware that most people considered sex an absolutely critical part of a happy marriage. Why else would there be so many torrid novels about women fighting for their husband’s favor?

Of course, he would need to strike a balance between not being the sort of husband that abandoned his wife, leaving her bed desolate and empty, and also not being the sort that made excessive demands on the marriage bed, which he was given to understand was also bad. While of course Lan Qiren had no personal experience in either direction, as acting sect leader he had been obligated to deal with marital disputes within the Lan sect. He was familiar with female complaints from both sides.

No, sex was important, important enough to be a rule – and Lan Qiren always followed the rules.

Of course, knowing it was one thing, but writing it down was another.

Lan Qiren fought with himself for a while on the subject. On one hand, he was fairly sure it would be inappropriate to put such words on paper, skirting near to a violation of No vulgar language, but on the other, he had always believed it was important for rules to be stated clearly. How else were you supposed to follow them if they weren’t laid out? He’d always disliked unwritten rules…

In the end he gave in and wrote down one more rule: Be attentive to your wife’s needs and diligently perform your duties as husband.

That seemed fair enough, did it not? Neither too explicit nor too subtle – it was clear enough what he meant, but also avoided being unduly crass, or setting out unreasonable expectations.

Now. What else?

What else, what else…had he really already exhausted the examples set for him by the other Great Sect leaders, whether positive or negative? Lan Qiren had already reviewed both Jiang Fengmian’s faults and Jin Guangshan’s. He had never met Lao Nie’s first wife, who was said to be either an unknown genius of the martial arts world or possibly a goddess, depending on how effusive Lao Nie was feeling at any given moment, and while he had briefly met his second wife, it had been only once, and while she was pregnant, so he had not really gotten very much of a distinct sense about her. Anyway, he hadn’t had the chance to observe Lao Nie as a husband, and so could not use him as a standard from which to derive rules. Who else did he know?

Other than his brother.

It wasn’t as though Lan Qiren could write Do not marry your wife to cover up her crimes and then imprison her against her will, forcing her to bear your children and languish in isolation until she kills herself as a rule, no matter how tempted he might be.

As for his brother’s conduct before his marriage…no, that wasn’t useful either. The rules already said Do not harbor doubt and jealousy and Do not take advantage of your position to oppress others. It had been his brother who had violated those rules, not any fault in the rules themselves.

Finally, at the end, Lan Qiren dipped his brush in ink and wrote one more sentence.

Be a partner to your wife, if your wife will be yours.

It wasn’t a rule, not really, though he intended to treat it as one. It was more of an aspiration. A highly unlikely one given who his wife was, Lan Qiren admitted, but what else was a marriage for, if not a lifetime’s aspiration?

Lan Qiren put the page aside to dry. Perhaps he would add more rules later, once he had time to think further on the subject, but seven was a good start. He felt better about the whole situation already, comforted by the mere existence of rules that he could simply apply and abide by. Truly, his ancestors had been wise. Having rules just made life so much easier…

There was a sound at the door.

Lan Qiren rose to see what they wanted.

“Sect Leader Wen has invited you to join him for the midday meal,” a servant announced. Fortified by his morning’s work, Lan Qiren nodded his asset and followed the servant down to a ridiculously lavish dining room that he had not seen before.

Wen Ruohan was already seated at the head of the table. He waved his hand idly at Lan Qiren, clearly excusing him from having to pay any respect.

Lan Qiren nodded to him in greeting. “How many of these do you have?” he asked. “Dining rooms, I mean. I thought I’d already seen them all, but this one is new.”

“This one is for family only,” Wen Ruohan said with teeth in his smile. His posture accorded with those Lan Qiren had previously observed as consistent with a combative mood, though it was not yet clear if he was spoiling for an actual fight or if he was simply out to irritate people. “Though I’m afraid it’s just us today.”

Lan Qiren sat down.

“I heard that you woke up at your usual time,” Wen Ruohan remarked, managing to make it sound vaguely insulting somehow. “The Lan rules, I assume. I trust you weren’t too bored…”

He trailed off in a way that suggested that Lan Qiren should answer him.

“Speaking is prohibited at mealtimes,” Lan Qiren said instead, and was amused when he saw Wen Ruohan’s smirk change into a scowl.

Provoking Wen Ruohan probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but Lan Qiren had as little intention of allowing a precedent that involved Wen Ruohan walking all over him now as he had had when he had been sect leader. That would be a truly intolerable way to live.

Also, when listing Wen Ruohan’s (very few) merits as a spouse earlier, it occurred to him that he had briefly forgotten how annoying the other man could be. The rule Lan Qiren had made said Pay your wife the respect your wife is due, but Wen Ruohan in this sort of trifling mood wasn’t due any.

“That rule doesn’t apply when you’re a guest,” Wen Ruohan said. “I distinctly recall that we had reached an agreement on the subject, some years back – at least seven by now. Are you reneging now?”

“Not at all. The rules remain the same, only I am no longer a guest,” Lan Qiren pointed out. “This is now my home.”

Wen Ruohan stared at him.

Lan Qiren very pointedly served himself some food out of one of the main bowls, signaling the start of the mealtime and, therefore, of silence.

“You know,” Wen Ruohan said thoughtfully. “I think I forgot how annoying you can be.”

Lan Qiren didn’t laugh, though his lips twitched. It was a little funny how their thinking had run in parallel like that.

At least Wen Ruohan knew Lan Qiren well enough to begrudgingly accept that he wasn’t going to be able to convince him to break his sect rules when he found a situation where he believed they applied – they’d settled that discussion seven years ago as well – and they were able to finish the meal with relatively little fanfare.

Afterwards, Wen Ruohan said, “I have several meetings this afternoon which cannot be shifted, but I will be done before early evening. If you are amenable, I can then show you around some of the portions of the Nightless City with which you may be less familiar.”

His tone suggested that Lan Qiren had better be amenable.

“Certainly,” Lan Qiren said. “Indeed, I expect to need several such tours, given the impressive size and grandeur of your Nightless City.”

That got him a beady-eyed look, as if Wen Ruohan suspected him of trying to fit some complaint or criticism into the statement. Lan Qiren met his eyes calmly, having been wholly sincere in his compliment, and eventually Wen Ruohan gave in with a dry chuckle.

“My Nightless City is indeed very impressive,” he said, as usual always willing to compliment himself. “Your belongings will have been delivered to your courtyard by now. As for the servants…”

He trailed off meaningfully once more, looking pointedly at him, but unfortunately for Wen Ruohan, Lan Qiren wasn’t entirely sure what he was trying to get at. Something to do with the distinctions between levels of servant, perhaps?

Abruptly reminded of that disastrous interaction once again, Lan Qiren grimaced and asked, “I assume I’m permitted to speak with all of them, now?”

“Of course.” Wen Ruohan seemed satisfied by that, oddly enough. “In your own time, of course. Under the circumstances, I assume you’d rather start with unpacking.”

Lan Qiren still had no idea what Wen Ruohan thought he was implying, or how their unusual present circumstances – namely, their marriage – would have any impact on his willingness or lack thereof to speak with the servants, but he really did want to go back to his room, so he just nodded and took his leave. Unpacking took the rest of the afternoon, between ordering the servants to rearrange the courtyard to suit Lan Qiren’s preferences and arranging those few items which he did not permit the servants to touch, such as his sword stand or his still-wrapped guqin, now settled on a low table.

He did his best the entire time not to think of the permanency of his new arrangement.

It was difficult, though. When he had visited the Nightless City as a guest in a discussion conference, there had been no need to bring along a copy of the Lan sect rules, much less several copies; this time, he had brought three. There was a formal one, of course, as well as his own much longer version, containing his personal notes and thoughts on the various rules, and lastly there was the one in a childish scrawl that Lan Xichen had presented him with for his last birthday, extraordinarily proud of having completed an entire copy of the whole set of rules. That one had very nearly not made the journey: Lan Qiren’s baggage had been carefully inspected before he left, removing anything to which his brother believed him not to be entitled, and this particular copy had survived only through having been shoved into the middle of a set of extremely dry treatises he’d brought along as camouflage.

(He had been obliged to meditate for a little while after he’d seen it on his bookshelf, just to maintain his self-discipline. He hated his brother, he missed his nephews; he missed his nephews, he hated his brother…but now was not the time to think of either of those. Maintain your own discipline.)

Lan Qiren was back in possession of himself by the time Wen Ruohan appeared at the door to his courtyard to take him on the tour. It was a good thing, too, as Wen Ruohan was now in a mischievous mood – which was annoying as well, though far preferable to the spiteful one from earlier. This mood at least meant that he was more inclined to be simply obnoxious, rather than actively malicious.

Still quite irritating, though.

Lan Qiren managed to maintain his dignity through the first few turns of the conversation, which started with commentary on his clothing and demeanor (according to Wen Ruohan, when they stood together he looked like an old cow eating fresh grass, which was patently ridiculous given that Wen Ruohan was over a hundred years old), touched upon the weather (supposedly better in Qishan than in Gusu, which Lan Qiren personally doubted), briefly became a back-and-forth debate on the merits of particular architectural styles that they had touched upon several times before (neither of them actually cared, but since the Nightless City preferred one style and the Cloud Recesses another, neither was inclined to yield the point), and ultimately concluded with a series of probing questions about Lan Qiren’s classes.

“– yes, they are held every year, and no, I don’t repeat myself,” Lan Qiren said testily. He couldn’t say he was starting to get tired of Wen Ruohan’s company since he’d more or less started off already sick of it. The other man had been so bubbling over with insinuated insults and overly clever little quips that Lan Qiren hadn’t had a chance to actually observe any of the things he was supposedly being shown. He was completely lost, too, and disliked the experience. “The beginning is often similar, given the importance of having a firm foundation, but different students call for a different curriculum, both in terms of cultivation focus and scholarly merits. There are enough rules to be flexible.”

“You can say that again.”

Lan Qiren opened his mouth to repeat it, then bit his tongue: years of politics had taught him the painful lesson that this particular social pattern meant Wen Ruohan was almost certainly not genuinely asking for a repetition.

Wen Ruohan still laughed at him, though, and Lan Qiren scowled at him.

“I nearly forgot how literal you can be.” Wen Ruohan was smirking. “I see that I shall have to be quite clear in my statements and expectations in the future.”

“You will, or else risk being misunderstood,” Lan Qiren agreed, glaring. “I prefer it.”

“Mm, yes, I look forward to taking into account your…preferences. To the extent you have them.”

Lan Qiren frowned at Wen Ruohan, who was doing his insinuation voice again, and decided that he had had enough of this nonsense. It was time to be straightforward himself. “What are you trying to imply this time? Say it flat out.”

Wen Ruohan chuckled and ostentatiously glanced around them, as if confirming where they were, even though it wasn’t anywhere new, having by now returned to Lan Qiren’s courtyard where they’d started.

“Well?” Lan Qiren demanded. “You’ve been dropping hints all day – unsuccessful hints, let it be said, as I haven’t been understanding you. Will you finally just explain yourself?”

Wen Ruohan turned back to him, his smirk widening into an outright leer.

“All right,” he said. “I’ll be blunt, then. A marriage is not considered fully complete until it has been consummated, and I will not allow a technicality to interfere with my plans. We are back at your courtyard, so we might as well get it over with, don’t you think?”

Lan Qiren stared at him, aghast. “In the middle of the afternoon?”

“It’s already early evening.” Wen Ruohan’s smirk was especially smug. “Don’t worry, I don’t expect we’ll miss dinner, and you’ll certainly be in bed by your sect’s little bedtime.”

Lan Qiren’s jaw worked. This was a ploy to get under his skin, he was abruptly certain of that, and possibly a little revenge for Lan Qiren having outmaneuvered Wen Ruohan at lunch. There was no other reason that Wen Ruohan wouldn’t be willing to wait until a normal hour for such a thing, especially given that he was fairly sure the man wasn’t actually all that interested in him.

Well, maybe. How would he know? Wen Ruohan wasn’t like him – he was of an amorous inclination, though thankfully nowhere near as lecherous as Jin Guangshan.

Maybe Wen Ruohan really did think sex was that important.

“Are you nervous?” Wen Ruohan asked with a tone of consideration so fake that it was clearly being put on as a means of being even more obnoxious, making Lan Qiren’s eye twitch in irritation in response. “It being your first time with a man, that is. Or is it your first time at all? It’d be a bit late, given your age, but I know how you Lan are with your rules against promiscuity…you can tell me, you know. I won’t judge.”

He was already judging.

“Remember, do not tell lies is a rule…”

“So is speak meagerly,” Lan Qiren retorted, only to blush when Wen Ruohan laughed in triumph: he’d given himself away there. He ground his teeth for a moment, his temper – never his best trait, even if it had been somewhat deadened recently – fighting to escape, but he reined it in with an effort.

Be attentive to your wife’s needs and diligently perform your duties as husband, he reminded himself. He’d written it himself just this morning. His pride was not worth breaking a rule.

He took a deep breath and held it for a moment, then released it, letting his aggravation go with it.

“Very well, then,” he said, and had at least the pleasure of seeing Wen Ruohan’s eyebrows go up in surprise, having presumably expected Lan Qiren to put up more of a fight than that. “You are not wrong. It will be better to get it over with before anyone raises any questions. Would you like to come inside?”

Now it was Wen Ruohan’s turn to have to take a moment to master himself, though in his case his recovery from his surprise was both quick and extremely smug.

“I think I would, yes,” he said, smiling indolently. “In fact, since you’re being such a good sport about all this, I’ll let you get in as much initial fumbling as you like before we get properly started, how’s that? I won’t lift a finger until you tell me you’re ready to proceed.”

Lan Qiren felt the urge to roll his eyes. He really had married the most obnoxious man in the cultivation world, hadn’t he…? Well, no, that would probably be Lao Nie, who was above all else extraordinarily loud and persistently irritating in a way that belied his seeming affability, but Wen Ruohan was making a solid case for himself being in second place.

(He still wasn’t the worst man in the cultivation world to marry, though. Compared to Lan Qiren’s brother, surely anyone would be better.)

“Very well,” he said again, and stepped forward to scoop Wen Ruohan into his arms, enjoying the squawk of shock and outraged protest – they were both tall men, about the same height, but Lan Qiren had the advantage of surprise. He hadn’t originally had any intention of carrying Wen Ruohan across the threshold, given that they were both adult men, but if Wen Ruohan was determined to be annoying, then Lan Qiren wouldn’t yield, either. “Mark your words.”

“Oh, I’ll mark them all right,” Wen Ruohan said as Lan Qiren carried him in. He looked offended but also disbelievingly amused, as if he couldn’t believe that Lan Qiren was capable of lifting him – or perhaps that he’d dared to. Lan Qiren had the feeling that Wen Ruohan was already planning revenge for this slight as well. “Do your worst.”

Did everything have to be a fight with this man?

“I’ll do my best,” Lan Qiren corrected, putting Wen Ruohan down on the bed and looking down at him thoughtfully.

Wen Ruohan certainly wasn’t what Lan Qiren had expected from marriage, to the extent he’d ever expected anything. But at least he was familiar, even if the act they were about to engage in wasn’t, and Lan Qiren was fairly sure he could count on Wen Ruohan to continue to be annoyingly, irritatingly himself the entire time. That would be immensely helpful in reducing his anxiety about trying something new.

Anyway, Lan Qiren might lack the inclination to be attracted to others, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t been at least mildly curious to find out what everyone was always raving on about. He’d read any number of spring books in his time, trying without success to learn attraction the way he’d learned everything else, but maybe it would be more interesting to actually try it with someone else.

Who knew, perhaps it would actually even be enjoyable.

This was, Lan Qiren supposed, his opportunity to find out. Maybe even his only opportunity, given that Wen Ruohan was unlikely to be as cooperative when he wasn’t getting something he wanted out of it – in this case, the legitimacy of their marriage and the opportunity to make fun of Lan Qiren.

He’d have to make the most of it.

[callsign-bunnie]

Hellooo I saw ur post about fic requests and how u want to write parts that people will read so I wanted to ask u please for more of slasher field trip! :)) I’ve found it very compelling and I like it a lot! No pressure to actually write, just thought I’d tell u I would like it a lot!

Sorry, I know I lollygag on this and Slasher Party, I am trying to get them done, but they require a bit more energy and thinking

--

Gaz sat on his bed and tried not to focus on how overwhelmingly lonely he was. He got up and decided to go to a cafe in order to ignore it. The notes had slowed down and… Gaz would have been lying if he said he didn’t miss them. 

He’d had another hookup on Friday. Some random guy named Evan who had ended up dead the next day. So, Gaz was no longer having hookups. He didn’t want to blame himself, but Tyler, Mr Smith, and Evan all ending up dead…

It was a massive coincidence, one he very much wanted to ignore. Though… who would kill for him? Who the fuck would kill anyone because they slept with him? Alright, reasonably he knew it had to be connected with the notes that kept popping up. 

Or, used to pop up. He hadn’t received one in a couple days. Why did that upset him? Why did he care? Why?

He shook it off and carefully headed into the cafe, despite how early it was. This cafe was open 24/7 for studying students, since a lot of night classes let out late. He ordered a tea and a snack before going to a table, sitting down and holding his head. 

Laswell had suggested he see a therapist but… what would they do? He wasn’t really that depressed, he definitely wasn’t suicidal, he was just lonely… He doubted a therapist would be able to fix that. Besides, maybe they’d just try to fuck him, too.

Frustration settled into his chest and he just tried to sip his tea and push the issue out of his mind. What did it matter, anyway? 

“Hey, are you okay? You look upset.” 

Gaz blinked and looked up, flushing when he saw Alex. “Oh. Yeah… Just… having trouble sleeping, I guess.” Well, he definitely couldn’t consider Alex, now. He did not want him to end up dead. How unfair… He’d maybe had a chance with Alex, but that had been killed before it even began. “What about you?”

“I have troubles sleeping at night. Nocturnal, I guess.” Alex shrugged and sat in the seat across from Gaz. “Any particular reason you’re having trouble sleeping?”

Gaz hesitated before just shaking his head. “After Mr Smith died, I just… I don’t know. It’s weird, I feel like every guy I’ve hooked up with lately has ended up dead.”

“I’m sure it’s not every guy…” Alex frowned, and Gaz furrowed his brows when he noticed him fidget. Ah, probably grateful he never went for it. 

Gaz snorted. “No, I mean… I’m sure it’s just a coincidence but… I don’t know, it’s had my head full, I guess.”

Alex smiled, sympathetically. “I understand… I can imagine it’s a lot.” More than a lot. Gaz felt antsy just having a conversation with Alex but… He doubted anything could come from just a conversation… Besides, he was more than convinced it was just a coincidence. “Hey um… you want to come back to my place? Not for… anything just… I don’t know, we could like watch a movie or something?”

He looked awkward and Gaz’s heart just melted. Oh, he wanted to. He wanted to so bad but… What if it led to something? What if Alex died? No, he couldn’t handle that. Rational people would go to the police when three of their hookups die. Gaz wasn’t rational, but he wasn’t going to let Alex die. “I… I can’t…”

Alex frowned. “Oh uh… Alright. No, that’s okay.” He shrugged it off and smiled. “I’m content to keep talking to you, here…”

Oh, Alex respecting his boundaries shouldn’t make Gaz want him more but he did… He wanted Alex so much more, now, and it was hard to ignore… “Okay.” He smiled, trying to fight temptation to give in and take Alex up on his offer… Oh, it was probably coincidence, anyway, right? 

Surely nothing would happen, right?

“You know, maybe a movie wouldn’t be so awful… might take my mind off of things.” Gaz decided, against his better judgment, and smiled. “Just a movie, though… right?”

“Whatever you want it to be.” Alex nodded. “Nothing more or less.”

“Well, then a movie sounds fun.” Gaz relaxed and then gathered his stuff up, following Alex out of the cafe. 

They went back to Alex’s place, and it was only a short walk from the cafe, though it was in the opposite direction of Gaz’s dorm building. He followed Alex up to his apartment, surprised by the size of it. Apparently, Alex got it for half of the normal rent because he also worked for the apartment building on the weekends. He revealed this while rambling to Gaz about it and taking Gaz’s jacket from him. “I love it, though.”

Gaz thought it was very nice. A bit empty but… Alex claimed to have just moved in a month or so before. Not much time to make it a home, yet. “It’s a little big for just me but… I’ve considered a dog.” Alex sighed.

Very nice furniture, but it was furniture Gaz wouldn’t be afraid to sit on. Black suede, it looked like, and it was very comfortable looking, an L shape with a very nice looking black coffee table. He took a seat when offered and Alex went over to a very large entertainment center where a massive amount of DVDs and a huge tv rested. “I have a lot of movies on DVD and whatever I don’t have, I could probably stream if you give me a minute, so any idea what you want to watch?”

Admittedly? Gaz didn’t watch many movies. He just… couldn’t focus on them long enough. So, he just shrugged. “Whatever you pick will be fine.” He looked around the apartment, liking how open it was. The kitchen was separated from the living room not by a wall, but instead by a kitchen island, which had two stools sitting in front of it.

The kitchen itself, while not massive, had a decent amount of counter space in it. Not useful for Gaz, he didn’t cook much. “Do you cook?” He asked and saw Alex glance back at him.

“Oh. Yeah, a decent amount. No one to cook for me and I’m not one for eating out. Not that I want someone to cook for me, I’m self sufficient.” Alex chuckled and shook his head, finally picking out a movie. “My mom wants me to find a nice girl, settle down… I’m not really for that, though.”

“Oh?” Gaz tilted his head. “Is it the girl part or settling down?”

“Oh, I’d love to settle down.” Alex came back over to him. “Getting married, making a life, that sounds nice. It’s the girl part. I’ve never been interested in them. Probably her fault.”

Gaz frowned. “What do you mean?”

“She sexually abused me.” Alex was blunt, it shocked Gaz. “Pretty heavily. She would have me dress up like my dad and… have sex with me.”

“That’s awful.” Gaz frowned, furrowing his brows. He couldn’t imagine… “I… I hope you don’t still talk to her.”

“No. She’s dead.” Alex sighed. “Someone… broke into our house and stabbed her to death. When I was 17, it was pretty horrible. I don’t think they knew I was in the house, or they might have killed me, too. I found her body in the morning.”

“Oh…” Gaz blinked and then bit the inside of his lip. Alex was so open about it… Gaz doubted he’d tell another soul. He hardly wanted to talk about what happened with Tyler, he’d barely been able to tell the police about it. “I… I’m sorry… being around Tyler when he died… that was bad enough, but I couldn’t imagine it was my mom… Even if… if…”

“It’s alright.” Alex smiled at him. “It’s been three years, I moved on. It was… difficult, I’ll admit, but I did. It helped me get away from her, as horrible as that sounds.”

“I don’t think it sounds horrible…” Gaz admitted. “She was abusing you, I… I’m glad you were able to get away.”

“Me too.” Alex sighed. “But, yeah, never interested in girls. I prefer pretty boys…” His eyes turned to Gaz and Gaz looked away, flushing. “Alejandro, Ghost, and I have that in common, though, I guess. Well, we have a lot in common.”

Gaz nodded, able to pick up the unspoken implication. He settled into the couch, unsure what to say, and tried to focus on the tv, though his mind was racing. He really couldn’t imagine… He used sex as a coping mechanism, but it was always consensual. 

Though, what was Gaz really coping with? Was loneliness a good excuse to call it a coping mechanism? 

He blushed when his face was touched and he was made to look at Alex, biting the inside of his lip. “God, you’re so beautiful when you think.” Alex murmured. “It’s like I can see every thought as it passes through your head, right across those eyes… I can’t comprehend them, but… I’d love to.”

Gaz felt his skin go dark red and he couldn’t help just melting. He wondered, briefly, if this is what romance felt like and… maybe he was easy, he could accept that about himself, but he wanted nothing more than to give in… “I can hardly comprehend them, myself.”

Alex shook his head, smiling. “You’re too intelligent, I highly doubt it.” He let go of Gaz’s face and then his eyes moved down to his mouth.

If Alex was trying to seduce him, it was working… Whatever you want it to be. Nothing more or less. Fuck… Gaz leaned forward and Alex met him, and the kiss was soft… delicate. Wonderful. He understood that moment in movies where there were fireworks, because he swore he felt them. 

Gaz went to push forward, but then Alex was breaking away. “I don’t-” Alex started and his eyes opened, though they were soft as they met Gaz’s. “I don’t want you to mistake my intentions, I don’t want just sex.”

Oh. Disappointment coursed through Gaz’s body, because he knew he’d never be worth more than sex. Alex didn’t want him. “What do you want?” He murmured, furrowing his brows. “I…”

“I want love,” Alex shrugged. “It’s cheesy, but I do. I want a relationship. I want to be happy, I want…” He paused and then he reached up and touched Gaz’s face, his thumb running over his lips. “I want every piece of you and then I want more…”

I want every piece of you. Of you. 

Oh… 

Gaz softened and then he was just melting. “But… nobody wants me for more than sex.”

“I do. Anyone who doesn’t is an idiot.” Alex shook his head and he moved his hand down to Gaz’s neck, resting it there, gently. “Tyler was an idiot. Mr Smith was an idiot. Evan was an idiot. I mean, Tyler had the opportunity in his hands and he was just going to waste it. I would never do that. I would never waste having you like that.”

Gaz stopped. “What?” He’d never given Alex details, just said they’d gone on a date and Tyler had died. “I-” He went to back away, and thankfully Alex let him.

But, he kept talking, “I would have just let it happen but then he had to speak to you so cruelly, too, and that just wouldn’t work for me. Being stupid is one thing, but to waste the precious time he had with you and then to just… insult you like that. No, no, I couldn’t let that fly.”

Realization struck right into Gaz’s chest. “What are you talking about?” He knew what Alex was talking about. Blue eyes… Looking at him not with malice but… affection. 

“I was just so angry… I tend to get carried away, I’m a bit passionate, and… I was going to explain to you, then, everything. Take you home… keep you, but you were so scared and… I wanted to wait. Until you were comfortable. I thought, later, when you were going to meet with Mr Smith, that then would be perfect. But… you were preoccupied. I thought you might think I was bombarding you. So, I backed off. And wouldn’t you know it? He was an idiot, too. Those pictures you sent him? He would show his friends. He bragged about how easy you were. How much you cared for him. You didn’t deserve that… So, he had to go, too. Evan was just collateral damage, I have no real reason… Just another careless idiot that didn’t deserve you.”

Gaz stood while Alex was talking, about to back away towards the door. “You… You killed them.”

“I did.” Alex nodded, his eyes watching him. He smiled. “Gaz, you don’t think I’m going to let you leave, right?”

Gaz wasn’t going to give him the choice. He turned to rush to the door, but Alex was there before he made it, standing right in front of the door. “Oh, Kyle…” He didn’t look malicious, even then. But, Gaz looked up into Alex’s eyes, at the bright blue eyes that had been in his nightmares, and he shivered, stepping back. They still held that same affection. “Alejandro said Rodolfo and Soap had similar reactions… Farah warned me that her girlfriend had freaked out, too.”

Gaz paused. “Farah… Farah… what?”

Alex reached and touched Gaz’s face, and Gaz couldn’t find himself backing away. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“You’re a murderer… You… You murdered Tyler and Mr Smith! Evan and… who else?”

“Eh… It’s a list.” Alex shrugged. “You don’t want to know. No one else that you know, don’t worry. I don’t feel bad for who I’ve killed… I wish I could, but I just don’t. I just feel bad for frightening you.” 

Gaz stared at Alex in horror. “Why?? Why would you… you do that?!” His mind was caught on the names. Alejandro said Rodolfo and Soap… Farah said her girlfriend… Did that mean Alejandro and Ghost were… were murderers too? He needed to get away, he needed to tell the police, he-

Alex leaned forward and kissed him, again, soft and tender and… gentle. Loving. His arms moved around Gaz and pulled him close, carefully. 

And Gaz…

God, he really was easy, wasn’t he? Because he gave in. He was so lonely, he was so desperately lonely, and he wanted nothing more than to be loved, and to be held, and to have someone want him, so he gave in. 

He kissed Alex back.

--

Hey! Just a reminder that this series and others are ask based, which means I'll only write other parts if I have asks for it! Which means if you want more, go ahead and send an ask for the next part!

Do you want to be added to this taglist? Reply to this post that you wish to be added to the taglist and I will start to tag you in it every time I post it. You can also use this form!

@Wittymanatee @Humanmilkerr @vergilnelosparda @cathsolos @thegodofsleep @bl-nk-sp-ce @captainsimcoe @del79jji @stardust-medic99 @thatnerdnamedtj

[recurring-polynya]

Renruki Week Day 1: Alternate Universe

I have, um, written a lot of Renruki Alternate Universe stories over the last few years. I really did intend to continue my Spirit Society AU, but I totally writer's blocked it, so instead you get Dr. Renji AU: Part Three. This chapter is sadly lacking in Unohana, but it is very Renruki, so, I think it fits the occasion.

If you're behind, this is an AU where Aizen had Renji shipped off to the Fourth instead of the Eleventh. You can read parts one and two on ao3, or here.

| ao3 | ff.net |

🩹 💔 🤕

“Second floor, east wing…” Rukia repeated to herself, her eyes scanning the identical office doors. “This really doesn’t seem right.”

She’d already been shuffled through three different departments downstairs before a harried nurse had directed her up here. It was very quiet in this part of the Coordinated Relief Station, and the few people that she saw seemed to be going about their business more sedately than on the ground floor.

“Excuse me!” Rukia said, accosting the next person to pass, a slender, nervous-looking young man with kind eyes. “I think I’m lost?”

The young man bobbed his head and smiled shyly. His nametag said ‘Yamada’. “How can I help, ma’am?”

Rukia sighed. “I’m trying to find the, er, the head of the trauma department, and I was told to look on the second floor, east wing, but this doesn’t seem like…an emergency room.”

Yamada tilted his head to one side. “The emergency room is downstairs.”

Rukia groaned.

Yamada waved his hands. “You seem very calm and there doesn’t seem to be any blood coming out of you, so I’m guessing you probably just want to talk to the Third Seat, right?”

“Er, right,” Rukia agreed.

Yamada nodded happily. “You’re in the right place then! His office is that one over there!” He pointed at a doorway just past the next cross corridor. “I’m not sure if he’s in or not, but if he’s down on the floor, he’s not available for talking, anyway.”

“Oh! Right. Of course,” Rukia realized. Obviously the guy wouldn’t have time to talk to her if he was trying to reattach someone’s arm. A small wave of disappointment washed over her. It would have been kind of cool to see an arm get reattached. “Tha--” she started to say, only to realize the little shinigami was already bustling away. “Thank you?” she called anyway.

Heaving another sigh, she walked over and rapped on the doorframe. There was no answer. Rukia sucked her teeth for a moment then rapped again. “Er, hello?” she called. “Doctor Third Seat, are you there? It’s…um, Kuchiki Rukia.” She thought about adding her squad, but she supposed she wasn’t actually here in her professional capacity. “First Daughter of the Kuchiki,” she mumbled instead. It didn’t matter. He wasn’t in.

After all this, she would just have to come back later, she decided, although she had no way of knowing when this guy might actually be in his office. Kiyone said that everyone at the Fourth was terribly overworked. For all she knew, Dr. Trauma Boss spent twenty hours a day packing people’s livers back into their bodies and the other four sleeping it off in a supply closet. Now that she thought of it, maybe Kiyone could ask Isane to ask him to give her a call when he had a minute.

Rukia was so lost in her own thoughts as she headed back down the hall, that she didn’t notice the voices coming from the cross corridor, and nearly ran face first into the chest of a tall shinigami who was talking a mile a minute to one of the pink-clad Squad Four nurses.

“I am so sorry!” Rukia sputtered. “I wasn’t looking where I was…” Suddenly, all the words fell out of her brain. “R-renji?”

Rukia had never really understood why humans found the prospect of seeing a ghost so alarming. She had seen quite a few ghosts on the occasion that she had been deployed to the Living World with Kiyone, and it had, for the most part, been a very professional and not-at-all affecting experience.

Now, confronted with a person whom she hadn’t seen in thirty years, she got it.

For a second, she tried to convince herself that she must be mistaken. (But how could she be mistaken? Who else would get eyebrow tatts?) Renji was taller now, his shoulders broader, and his rangy frame filled out with cords of muscle, a fact made obvious by the fact his sleeves were tied back, putting his handsome biceps on full display. His hair was longer, a long, neat braid hanging out from under a pale green scrub cap. His eyes were familiar, though, brown and wide with surprise, behind the dorkiest pair of heavy-framed glasses Rukia had ever seen.

“Since when do you wear glasses?” she demanded.

Renji’s face split into a sheepish, goofy grin. “Rukia! Ah, um, hi!” He blinked and shook his head like he was trying to get his brain back into place. “Er, Nurse Yuki, did you--?”

Nurse Yuki was sizing up Rukia, like he was ready to throw hands over Renji’s honor. Rukia realized belatedly that the little fellow also appeared to have an eyebrow tatt. Maybe it was a Squad 4 thing. “I got it, sir,” Yuki said, icicles hanging from every word. “I’ll go see to Mr. Fueki right away.”

Rukia’s brain raced, still trying to make sense of it all. At some point, she’d heard Renji was no longer at the Fifth, but she didn’t know any of the details. She’d avoided trying to find out any of the details, to be honest. Renji had never been very careful with himself when left to his own devices and, well…as long as she never heard anything to the contrary, she could assume he was out there somewhere, working hard and making a name for himself.

He was still alive, though, and right in front of her. “What are you doing here?” she demanded. The very moment after she said it, her brain put together the tied-back sleeves and the scrub cap and the fact that the nurse had called him ‘sir’. Fuck.

“I…uh…work here,” he said stupidly.

“You work here?” Rukia repeated. “In the Coordinated Rel-- wait--in the trauma department?”

“Yeah, actually.” He looked confused. “Um…why?”

“I am supposed to talk to your department head, but he’s not in. Do you know how I could get ahold of him?”

Renji blinked at her for a moment, then frowned. “He’s in.”

“He’s not! I just knocked on his door and no one answered!”

“I tell you, if he’s not in, he’s gonna be back very shortly.” Renji straightened up and strode past her, back toward the office of the errant Third Seat. As Rukia scrambled to catch up to his stupidly long legs, he bent over and squinted at a placard mounted on the wall next to the door, just underneath the room number. “Hey, Rukia,” he said, his voice dripping with trollish delight, “come read this for me.”

“I didn’t see that,” Rukia grumbled as she finally caught up. “‘Trauma Department, Chief Officer,’” she read off, “‘Third Seat… Abarai…Renji.’” With horror, she looked back at him. He was grinning and waggling those stupid eyebrows at him.

“I didn’t see it!” she repeated.

“I gathered that.”

“This isn’t a prank? You’re really…” she waved her hands vaguely at him, “a surgeon?”

“Surprises me too sometimes.”

It seemed completely absurd, but at the same time, it made perfect sense. Renji had been a funny kid. His public face had been as pure a son of Inuzuri as there had ever been-- sneering and swaggering, a temper like dry kindling, tough as a wild boar and twice as strong. But all this was a defensive armor that Rukia had watched him construct, brick by mud-packed brick. Underneath, there was a certain tenderness, a heart that couldn’t help caring about everything and everyone. He patched holes in their roof and learned which wild herbs were edible. He somehow always ended up with the smallest blanket, even though his legs were the longest and stuck out ridiculously. He never hesitated to offer a piggyback when Mameji got too tired, or a kind word when Fujimaru got down in the dumps. Just because he held a sword like he’d been born with one in his hands didn’t mean that’s what he actually wanted.

A doctor. Go figure.

Renji cleared his throat politely. “Um. So…you were looking for me?”

Rukia tried to pretend like she hadn’t just tripped headfirst into her feelings. “My brother,” she announced, pulling herself up to her full height, “came home yesterday after spending two days in the Coordinated Relief Station! He won’t tell anyone what happened. Even his lieutenant doesn’t know. I haven’t even seen him, but this morning, he sent me this note.” She rustled around in her sleeve and pulled out the little folded slip of paper. She almost just handed it over, but changed her mind at the last second and shook it open so she could read it out loud. “‘Rukia. Please go to the Fourth Division and speak to the Head of the Trauma Department.’ That’s it!”

Technically, that wasn’t ‘it’. There was another line, which read, “Dress in a manner befitting the First Daughter of the Kuchiki and comport yourself accordingly.’” She still wasn’t entirely sure what the reasoning behind that was-- she certainly would have felt more comfortable facing a senior Gotei officer--childhood friend or not--in a shihakushou instead of the wisteria-patterned semi-formal kimono her maid had stuffed her in before shoving her out the door.

“Ummmm,” said Renji.

Rukia narrowed her eyes and leaned forward. “So what the Hell happened? Is my brother going to die?”

“What? No!” Renji squeezed his eyes shut for a second. “Look, let’s go into my office to talk about this.”

Byakuya was definitely dying. Rukia could feel it in her bones.

Renji led her into his office. It was small, and full of stuff, shelves packed with medical books, primarily, but also practice swords and weights and the ubiquitous piles of Gotei paperwork. Unlike her own Third Seats’ shared office, at least there was some order to it. The walls were crowded with various framed certifications, as well as pictures of Renji with his friends-- playing soccer, dressed up for something fancy, manning what looked suspiciously like the safe sex booth at the annual Squad Four Health Fair with a horrified looking Kira Izuru. His zanpakutou sat on a wall-mounted sword rack behind his desk.

“Can I make you some tea?” Renji offered, waving vaguely at a kidou-powered kettle and some tins of tea crammed onto a shelf next to a precariously leaning ikebana arrangement of chrysanthemums and greenbrier.

“Do you still make tea so strong that a stick would stand straight up in it?” Rukia asked.

“Only when I’m pulling graveyard shifts,” Renji replied. “And don’t say that too loud. My captain takes tea very seriously.”

“I’ll pass, then,” Rukia said, sitting down in the visitor’s chair, as he settled down behind his desk.

“So,” said Renji.

“So,” Rukia echoed.

Renji folded his hands in front of him, and composed his face into a very professional mien. “Your brother is fine. He lost a fight, and I put him back together afterwards myself. Captain Unohana signed his discharge papers personally. The only reason he was here for so long was because we have a mandatory 48-hour observation period for infection when someone’s had an open abdominal cavity in non-sterile conditions.”

“He lost a fight?” Rukia’s brows furrowed. “To whom?” There weren’t that many people in Soul Society who could beat Byakuya, and even fewer who wouldn’t have bragged about it to the entire city by now. “Was it the Kenpachi?” she guessed. “Or Captain Ichimaru? Have you ever met that guy? He’s really creepy.”

“I…have, but let’s hold off on badmouthing other people’s captains for now.” Renji sucked his teeth for a moment. “It was me. I was the one who fought your brother.”

Rukia blinked at him. “What?”

Renji sighed. “This is really not how I pictured explaining this to you. He really…he really didn’t say anything?”

“Just the note!” Rukia singsonged.

Renji looked down at his desk and nodded for a moment. “Of course he didn’t. Why would he? I deserve this, I suppose,” he mumbled to himself. Then, suddenly pulling himself together, he slapped his palms on the desk, and looked up at her, jaw set and eyes blazing behind those stupid, nerdy, unspeakably hot glasses. “Rukia,” he said. “I have something to tell you.”

Rukia stared back at him and waved the note again. “Yeah? That’s why I came here?”

“It’s not about-- well, not directly-- that is to say--” He screwed up his face again. “Are you seeing anyone?”

“Am I what?” Rukia echoed.

“Seeing anyone. You know. Romantically.”

“I am not, but what does that have to do with anything?”

“Oh! Great!”

“‘Great’? ‘Great’?! What is that supposed to mean?”

“In that case, may I prevail upon you to go to dinner with me? This weekend maybe?”

Rukia squinted at him. “Are you a person who says ‘prevail upon’ now? Ew.”

“Not--not usually! I was trying to sound classy!”

“Well, stop it. I get enough of that at home. Anyway, can’t you just tell me the thing right now? I am not a patient person and I will explode if I have to sit on this until this weekend.”

Renji squinted back at her, and for a long moment, they made faces at each across his desk. “Are you serious?” he finally said.

“Just tell me!” she insisted.

He laughed softly for a moment, then flashed her a fangy grin. “Fine. Here goes: Kuchiki Rukia, I think you’re the best girl in the world, even though you’re a huge blockhead. I like you so much that I trained every free hour I had until I could beat your brother up and ask him for permission to ask you out. Then, I studied and practiced every working hour I had until I could heal him back up afterward, so you wouldn’t get too mad at me for doing it. I’m sorry, I thought most of this was implied when I asked you out, but I honestly had forgotten about the blockhead thing.” He studied her gobsmacked face for a moment. “So, do you wanna go out or not? I’m paying. I got a place picked out and everything.” His face softened. “I’ve really missed you, you know.”

Rukia stared at him blankly for a moment. Absolutely none of this made any sense. She pulled the note out of her sleeve again, and re-read it. Dress in a manner befitting the First Daughter of the Kuchiki and comport yourself accordingly.

“Are you telling me, Abarai Renji,” Rukia said slowly, “that you just attempted to win me back from my brother?”

Renji’s face flushed. “No! Well--I guess you might see it that way, but my intention--”

“I guess you won,” Rukia mused. “So I guess you did just win me back from my brother.”

“No, it’s not like--”

“What the Hell, Renji? And for that matter, how did you manage to beat him anyway? Hit him over the head with a frying pan while he wasn’t paying attention? I’m still grappling with the fact that you’re a Third Seat. There’s no way you beat up my brother.”

“Look,” said Renji, having abruptly snapped free of his stammering and stuttering when there were fight retrospectives to be done, “Captain Kuchiki’s been in a lot of public fights and he makes no efforts to keep his zanpakutou’s abilities secret. His fighting style is well documented. He always trash-talks his way through the first half of a fight, and slow-rolls his bankai, which after enough study, I realized is because it takes him some time to build his reiatsu up to the nosebleed levels he’s capable of. I went in hard, straight to bankai, and didn’t let up until he was on the ground. If I’d let him get up any head of steam at all, he would have rolled me over, so I…didn’t.” Renji made a thoughtful face. “He says he wants to fight me again, and I kinda want to see how I would do outside of win-at-all-costs mode. Could be fun, you know?”

The way he explained it, so matter-of-factly, sent her right back to Inuzuri. He could have been telling the story of how he distracted a fruit merchant while palming an apple instead of talking about his--

“Renji,” Rukia said slowly. “Did you just say you have bankai?”

“Yeah.”

She stared at him. “How the Hell did you find the time to get bankai on top of,” she waved vaguely at his bookshelves, “learning to be a doctor?” She thought she had been doing well with two sword attacks and getting up to 60’s-level kidou.

“Those two things turned out to be weirdly complementary,” Renji scratched his head. “Makin’ bones do stuff that bones normally shouldn’t be doing.”

“What is it like?” Rukia blurted out. “I want to see it.”

Renji’s eyes widened. “My bankai?”

“Yes! Do you do something with your own bones, or is it extra bones, like do you get bone armor? I don’t even know what your shikai does, is it bones, too?” Rukia’s mouth snapped shut, as she abruptly recalled why she had never seen his shikai. She stared down at her knees. “I’m sorry. That was very forward of me. I…I forgot.”

Renji regarded her very somberly. “Forgot what? That we aren’t friends any more?”

“Mm,” Rukia replied noncommittally, rubbing her fingers over the intricate woven texture of her kimono as a distraction.

Renji sighed. “Look, Rukia. I’m sorry I hit you with the dating thing out of the gate. I never told you how I felt about you back then, and I wanted to be upfront about my intentions. If you’re not interested in that, or you don’t feel that way about me, I still--”

“How am I supposed to know how I feel about you, you dumbass?” Rukia snapped. “I haven’t seen you in thirty years! And for that matter, it’s not like I’ve stayed the same, either. How do you even know you still like me? This is just like you, latching onto some stupid idea and--and going to the trouble of getting bankai over it before even asking my opinion!”

“I’m sorry,” Renji repeated. “I just wanted it to be a sure thing, that’s all. And you’re right. You’re absolutely right. But what if we started slow? Get to know each other again. We can figure out what we want to be later.” There was open desperation painted on his face. “I just want to see you again, Rukia.”

Rukia crossed her arms over chest. “Answer one question for me, Abarai.”

Renji looked like he was torn between horror and hope. “Okay?”

“What kind of face did my brother make when he conceded to you?”

Renji stared at her for a moment. “Oh. Um. Well, he didn’t exactly concede. It was very…pbbbbblllth!” He made a vague gesture with both hands that suggested fountaining. He thought for a moment. “Hmm, his normal face is kinda like this?” He lidded his eyes, tilted his chin up slightly, and made a face like he smelled something unpleasant.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s pretty good,” Rukia nodded.

“Well, the face he made was more like this.” Renji made the same face, only he opened his mouth ever-so-slightly. He still managed to look about a thousand times more surprised than Rukia had ever seen Byakuya.

She nodded again, curtly this time. “I wish you had invited me.”

Renji’s eyebrows shot up.

“I don’t know how I feel about you or about any of this,” Rukia decided. “But based on this note, you asked Byakuya for full courting permissions, didn’t you?”

“Er, maybe?”

Rukia scanned Renji up and down one more time. Everything about him--the braid, the glasses, the scars, the muscles-- it all screamed down-to-earth practicality. He was exactly the opposite of the rarefied assholes her brother regularly surrounded himself with, the stuffed-up peacocks her aunts constantly tried to interest her in. “No,” she said. “No, you beat him fair and square, so you’re my boyfriend now, and he is going to deal with it.”

“Ummmm,” said Renji.

“Do you own any nice kimono?” Rukia asked.

“I do, actually!”

“Perfect! We’re going to a garden party at the Shihouin’s on Sunday afternoon. You will escort me. I will be wearing green.”

Renji looked like he was about to say something, but instead, he set his jaw and nodded. “Okay!”

She could get up and leave now, Rukia reminded herself. She had done exactly what Byakuya had asked her to do, and was being more than generous in upholding his end of this stupid bargain. Renji knew it, too.

Except that Renji had the courage to say a bunch of things out loud, and just because she couldn’t bring herself to process any of them at the moment didn’t mean he didn’t deserve better than this.

“If you show me your bankai on Saturday morning,” she said slowly, “I’ll let you take me to lunch afterward. Lunch! Not dinner! And if it turns out your bankai is lame, I’m walking.”

Renji’s facial expression relaxed into an obnoxious smirk she recognized all too well. “I think I’ll take those odds."

[thusatlas]

Okay, after spending what feels like 5 hours to try to send a longer message on tumblr – as the comments would only let me send a short paragraph and I didn't want to spam (to my shame I have to admit I’m not here very often and don't know how to tumblr) – I might finally be able to send this (or accidentally make a post or start a new cult instead, who knows, I'm talented like that). 🙈

First of, hello 😊

You have no idea how relieved I am to have found this information on The Fuckening. I just wanted to reread it (again 😅 because it's one of my go-tos for comfort reading) and was shocked to see it gone. I had feared that it would be lost forever, but knowing now that it will be back – no matter in which form – I’m glad. And you can bet that I will buy the hell out of your books when they arrive ❤

Do you have a rough estimate when I will be able to give you all my money in exchange for the best entertainment of my life? I will wait forever if I have to, of course, I’m just curious (and as you can guess eager to see how the story continues) 😅

And I don’t know if you want to give away any kind of information, but will Taliesin still be in it? I have kind of (read: completely) fallen in love with his character. And if I wouldn’t already ship him with Agent Jay like I (maybe too often) mentioned in the comments on the story (because I can’t help to be like that and obsess over minor characters and tiny side characters – just like with Theo and Blaise in the original books... and someone who almost no one understands, Zacharias Smith... but I'm repeating myself), I would want him for myself. 😅

I wish you the best of luck with your project and much inspiration 🍀❤

P.S.: Sorry for the many paranthesis 😅

Hello, my dearest! I have missed hearing from you! Kudos to you for figuring out the ask system - ngl, it all remains a mystery to me and I end up spamming people because I haven't the foggiest where to begin on fandangling the website to bend to my will. So well done! You're doing better than me! (But also, I will always endorse the creation of any cult, so I feel like you should do that anyway).

The only reticence I had about pulling the Fuckening was losing contact with the regulars who weren't necessarily in contact on Tumblr, so I am relieved to see you here. And I am really pleased you're still invested in the story despite it shifting universe - it's actually a huge relief. I hope you like where it ends up!

As for a rough estimate of when it'll be available? Not a clue. Not this year. I'll aim for an optimistic soft deadline of it being available in some form or another in 2024, but this is dependent on a million different variables that I don't really have control over. I'm going to try the traditional publishing route first, so this is going to eat into a lot of time, and then, in the miracle that I'm successful at securing the various buy-ins, the timeline will be dependent on a whole host of other things, so it may not even be in that year at all.

Failing all of that, I'll just self-publish, which shortens the timeline substantially. But even still, got to at least give the trad publishing route a go first before writing it off.

And this doesn't include the inevitable periods of writer's block and lack of will.

Either way, I'll keep you all updated with news, etc.

Alternatively, I've launched a (rough) author website and a Twitter where I'll be posting short stories and probably looking at newsletters, etc: Regan Atlas Website, Twitter

(I hate the whole marketing side of this business. My roommate is trying to convince me to start a Tiktok... I don't know if I can bring myself to that yet). For now, Tumblr will be my main source of coms because I am comfortable with hiding in this hellsite.

(( Also, spot the author name))

As for details, I love that you appreciate Tal and Agent Jay. I loved them very much too, so, of course, they will be appearing in the adaptation. The relationship between Tal and Hermione was something so tender that I think this new world is going to need to offset from the rest of the fuckery. And Jay and Kilmore are essential for the whole worldbuilding shenanigans so they'll def stay for the ride.

Thank you so much for your kindness, and I hope you know how much I have and continue to appreciate you. Stay in touch!! <3

[daughteroftheseasblog]

There have been many extraordinary couples throughout history. Romeo and Juliet, Lancelot and Guinevere. And I was there to meet them when their times came, some came quicker than others, but all of them were just as painful as the next. Over the centuries, I grew passionate about books and stories, and in what little spare time I had, I spent as a wandering storyteller, telling stories, to those who would listen, about the people I had met, all the souls I had touched and the adventures I went on along the way. People laughed at me, said I had a vivid imagination. There was nothing I could do to convince them otherwise. Not without revealing who I was. But here I am, and I am about to tell you one of the most tragic love stories I have ever come across.

This story takes place on the banks of the River Lee in County Cork, in the south of Ireland. The year was 1800, and the world was still recovering from a smallpox epidemic, over a million people had died worldwide. I wouldn’t be that busy again until 1912, over a century away. Society was still rebuilding itself, people were coming to terms with a new world, a more dangerous world. On a hill overlooking Blackrock Village, there was one of the most protected castles in all of Ireland, Blackrock Castle. And it is inside this castle that our story takes place. You see, in the early 1800s, this castle was used as military barracks to stop incoming invaders. Once I entered this particular castle, one lieutenant caught my attention, which is unnatural, as I tend to avoid the company of, how do I say this, the living.

But this particular mortal, he managed to catch my eye, there was nothing special about him, as a matter of fact, you could say he was quite unassuming, but it was this singular quality that gave him the courage to carry out destiny’s plan.

This story takes place over a few freezing cold weeks, it was the the middle of winter, the sky was grey and overcast, not a single tree had a leaf on any of its branches and freezing cold rain would pelt down on the village or maybe even Jack Frost would pay a visit. Go on, picture it in your head. I know you can.

Anyway, one particular day, the commander-in-chief decided to pay a visit to the barracks to see if his troops were improving in any shape or form. But this day was unlike all others, you see, he decided to bring along his daughter, a young girl of about 19 years old, Elizabeth I believe her name was, and she was one of the most beautiful women in the country.

The lieutenant I had been watching had been on guard duty this specific day and it was clear that it was love at first sight, and not just for him. Her father left her in his care and he went off to inspect his troops and over the course of a few short hours, they knew each other like the back of their hands. But you see, there was one thing in the way of them, or person I should say. And that person was Elizabeth’s father. Over the next few weeks they began seeing each other more and more often, sometimes even hiding out in the turrets of the castle. As more and more time passed, I saw their love grow more and more with each passing day. Until one day, tragedy struck.

They were hiding out in the turrets, as per usual, and they didn’t hear the footsteps until it was too late, they were found by superior guards and brought before Elizabeth’s father and a marriage was arranged with a wealthy family from a neighbouring County within the hour. Elizabeth was to be wed to their son within a few days. And as for her lieutenant, his last act of duty before being sent off to the frontlines, where he would surely die, was to act as a guard at her wedding. As they passed into the corridor from her father’s office, I whispered a idea into Elizabeth’s ear, she will never know it was me, and I will keep this secret for the rest of eternity. This was the last I saw either of them alive.

When the big day arrived, the castle was bustling with activity, everyone had something to do. The food had been prepared, the decorations had been put up, the only thing’s missing were Elizabeth and her lieutenant. They were found hours later in Elizabeth’s wardrobe holding hands and hanging from a makeshift noose. Their funeral was held a few days later, and though it was winter, it was one of the most beautiful funerals I witnessed in my lifetime. They were buried holding hands. As for Elizabeth’s father, he never forgave himself and resigned from his role a few days later.

As for me, I don’t believe I introduced myself yet. But you will meet me eventually, it’s inevitable really, nobody lives forever. And I will be there when it happens.

I am Death.

[in-my-feels-probably]

Congratulations on 900 followers hope the numbers keep growing.

Can I ask for a marauders-era romantic ship request?

I'm a 5'10 girlie who mainly owns dark clothes but I feel my personality is bright. I love all the mystery and thriller content. The things I like about life are winter, coffee, and dogs.

I am a hopeless romantic who vents through her writing and is very touch-starved (guilty). I am very intimidating due to my clothing, so I am surprised when people approach me. Again I love a good coffee and am always ready to give hugs.

I love talking about movies and conspiracy theories (honestly best date idea). I love solving puzzles and spend a lot of time on youtube (watching and learning facts about movies and true crime and horror). I am scared of people who have good grammar. I am afraid of disappointing people (maybe it's also because I am Indian)

Anyways have a lovely day ahead

hi!

thanks for participating :)

i ship you with james!

james loves a challenge. and he can talk enough for the both of you, so he’d have no trouble approaching you. you might intimidate other people, but not him. in fact, you’d intrigue him. he’d love getting to know you and finding out that your hard exterior is nothing compared to how you are once you get close to someone. you’re a lover, just like him, and he’s finally found someone who’s got as much love to give as he does. i think one of his main love languages is touch. i don’t think he’s huge on pda, but he would need to be constantly touching you in some way. your hand in his, his arm resting around your waist, your knee rested against his. it didn’t matter, he just likes feeling you. and he’d be more than happy to give you all the hugs you wanted. you wouldn’t even have to ask, he’d just give you one whenever he felt like it, or if he noticed you needed one.

another one of his love languages is quality time. i don’t think he’s a big fan of puzzles and things like that, but he’d take an interest in ant interest you had. hed love seeing you get all excited about something, and would be content to join you with it. he’d find your conspiracy theories fascinating, but wouldn’t know what to make of them himself. he’d just sit back amused as he watched you and sirius having a screaming match. sirius clearly felt passionate on the subject too, and could debate it with you for hours. and then remus would come in with his logic, and shut you both up. you’d all eventually laugh about it, but it could get quite heated in the moment. it was james’s form of tv watching his friends argue.

i think james is also deathly afraid of disappointing people. he feels like he always has to be strong and put on a brave face for people, thinking that his problems weren’t as bad as other peoples, and therefore unimportant. you’d have to help him break that habit, convincing him that he was allowed to feel that way. but you’d also remind him that he has never disappointed you, and it would be near impossible to do so. he’d start feeling more confident around you, opening up and being vulnerable when he felt like he needed to. it would be a big step for him, and he’d really appreciate that you make him feel comfortable enough to do that.

eventually, you’d figure out that remus was a werewolf and that the boys were animagi. he’d finally muster up the courage to tell you, after the boys decided they could 100% trust you with the secret. he’d expect you to overreact and freak out, but you’d just smirk, telling him you had a feeling that was what was going on. monthly hospital trips and disheveled mornings weren’t exactly a hard equation to solve.

one day, a few days before the full moon, it would snow. you’d follow the boys to the edge of the forbidden forest, nearly bouncing out of your shoes with excitement. they were finally going to show you their animagi forms since the tracks would be buried by new snow fall. plus, james knew how much you loved winter, and he wanted to do something sweet with you. james would shift first to show you the stag, before turning back to normal. sirius would shift last, and you’d immediately light up at the sight of him.

“a dog!” you’d shout, dropping to your knees and motioning for sirius to come over. “that makes a lot of sense. of course you’re pretty as an animagus, too.”

james would pout as your ran your hand through padfoot’s fur, laughing as sirius kicked some snow up onto james’s shoes.

“stop showing off, mate!”

you’d laugh, and sirius would shift back to himself, laughing with you.

remus would just shake his head at his friends, chuckling as well. “you’ve got antlers, james. not exactly cuddly, are you?”

you’d smile at the pout on james’s face, standing up to hug him. “i’m only teasing, love. you’re cool, too. antlers, hooves, and all. expected something with messier hair, though.”

james would grumble, but wrap his arms around your waist, trying not to smile as you smoothed down his hair, cooing at his rosy cheeks.

“alright, alright! point made, darling. point made.”

—

thanks again for participating :)

[themorningsunshine]

They don’t know you the way I do

Pairing - Bucky Barnes x f!reader

Based on the prompt, 'I am afraid you'll end up seeing me the way I see myself.'

Summary - Bucky overhears a conversation between some agents about the both of you and he couldn't help but agree.

Warnings - Deprecating thoughts, shitty agents and just some fluff!

Word Count - 2.6k

Bucky tried to ignore them. He always did.

It had been this way since he joined the team. Steve asked him to not be bothered. It would fade away sooner or later. But it didn't. It's been a year since he came into the tower and if anything else, the whispers had increased.

Bucky didn't blame them. He didn't blame them when they didn't want to ride the same elevator as him even if it meant waiting extra for another one. He didn't blame them when they took the longer route because they didn't want to walk across the same hallway as him. He didn't blame them when they stared at his metal arm with fear and disgust in their eyes. He didn't even blame them when they would whisper about him behind his back but fall dead silent once he looked their way.

Truth was, he was convinced he would do the same if he could.

Sometimes, he could hear bits of what they were talking about him. Owing to his super hearing.

It was ....... not pleasant. They questioned his position in the team. Placed bets on how long it would take for him to get back to what he used to be. Made guesses on why Tony let him stay in the tower considering what he did to his parents.

Bucky tried his best to tune out everything they said. To not think much about their actions. They were just SHIELD agents and people working in the tower anyways. Bucky knew there was a whole world of people outside thinking about him this way.  At least the team didn't think about him like he was a timed bomb about to explode anytime.

After everything, Tony understood that it wasn't Bucky's fault. Nat was understanding considering the similarities of their past. Bruce just kept to himself, spending most of his time in the lab. With Sam, even though Bucky wouldn't admit this on his grave, he had found a friend in him. Or atleast a tolerable aquaintance.

Steve tried getting him to who he used to be. The outspoken charmer, who lived life like there was no tomorrow. But what he didn't realise was that Bucky could never be that person again. He couldn't just walk into the world picking girls, going to clubs, drinking and enjoying life. That's what 70 years with Hydra does to you.

Sometimes, Bucky felt guilty. His best friend wanted to see the Bucky Barnes from the 40s not the weapon Hydra made him or the broken, lost man he was now.

So, no, Bucky didn't really care about what the SHIELD agents had to say about him. Not until now, Not until they also included you..

You were like the morning sunshine. The kind you could travel across the country to see because just one glimpse of it could make you feel peaceful, like everything was going to be alright. With the prettiest smile he had ever seen, you could make anyone feel better, like there is always light at the end of a tunnel. Like this life is worth living.

You looked at him like he's safe. Like he's more human than weapon.

But Bucky knew better. And it was only a matter of time till you realised it too.

But that didn't happen. You didn't treat him like he was a timed bomb, or a weapon, or like he was delicate glass, who would break at the slightest pressure.

So, no, Bucky didn't like what he heard today. For the first time in so long,, the whisperings bothered him. Because, they were true and they included you.

It was a pretty much normal day at the compound. As normal as a house of the Earth's mightiest heroes could be. Bucky was walking in after his morning run when he heard it.

There were a couple of agents. Bucky didn't want to listen to them. He really didn't but to hell with his super hearing.

They were talking about him. Bucky sighed inaudibly. Why couldn't this elevator come anytime sooner? It was just the usual stuff. How he shouldn't be a part of the team. How he should be in a prison after what he had committed because even if Hydra asked him to do it, it was still him. Bucky almost scoffed at the word, 'asked him to'. Hydra did have a very pleasant way of asking.

Some of them were softer. Who suggested a mental asylum. Well, Bucky would rather go to a prison, he thinks.

The elevator reaches him and the doors open with a ding, that's when he hears it, your name. They were talking about you now and Bucky doesn't climb inside the elevator. That could wait.

One of the agent says how kind it was of you to get all of them cupcakes after the gruesome mission. How you were so humble even after being an Avenger. Bucky almost smiles at that. He could never get tired of listening to people talk good about you.

But then their tone changes. Their conversations include him now. And Bucky is stepping inside the elevator when he hears it.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚

"Hey, Nat. Have you seen Bucky?" You call out to your best friend when you find her looking into her phone. You have been searching for Bucky for the past half an hour and he was nowhere to be seen. There were no missions today and the training grounds were empty. If it had been anyone other than Bucky, you would have thought he went out but it couldn't be the case with him.

Nat looks up at you with a smirk on her face and you internally roll your eyes. It was stupid to ask her but the damage had been done so might as well go with it.

"I haven't seen him since morning. I thought you would know but it seems like your spying skills have gotten rusty." You take a jab at her and a smile crepts your face when the smirk is removed from her face.

"I haven't seen him too. He didn't show up for breakfast. Did you try calling him?"

"I did. It's switched off. I am surprised he didn't even show up for training today." You sighed as you realised this wasn't going anywhere. You had looked for him everywhere but couldn't find him. It was probably nothing, but you couldn't help but worry.

"What I am more surprised at is the fact that he knows how to switch off his mobile." Nat replies with a slight chuckle, amused at her own attempt at a joke.

"Nat." You gave her a pointed look.

"All right. Did you look for him in his room?"

"Of course. I - " You are about to tell her that it was obviously the first place you looked when it strikes you. You knew exactly where he was. It baffles you that you hadn't thought of that before.

"Ha. So, you forgot to look into his room? Great, smart ass." Nat breaks your train of thought.

You wanted to tell her that that wasn't the case but then that would be followed with more of her questions and you didn't have time for that right now. So, you just narrowed your eyes at her and walked out of the living room.

"I guess it's you whose spying skills are going rusty, but I get it. Love makes us do stupid things." She calls out to you and you couldn't thank the heavens enough that your back was turned towards her. You wouldn't admit it on your grave, but you liked Bucky, a lot, much more than a friend. Scratch that, who were you kidding? You were irrevocably in love with him. How could you not? Bucky was the most gentle, sweet and attentive person you had ever met. And the fact that he looked like that didn't help your case either.

But you hadn't told anyone. Nat had caught up to some extent but you would walk upto your grave before admitting it to her.

Before you had realised, you had reached the roof. You knew you would find him there.

You slowly walked on the roof and noticed how peaceful the sky looked today. It was beautiful and you would have stayed to admire it if it wasn't for the worry increasing inside you.

You looked around and your eyes finally landed on the slumped soldiers of the supersoldier. He looked defeated like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

You slowly walked upto him and stood by his side.

"Buck?" You called out to him softly as the wind rustled your hair.

Bucky looked up and his eyes met your concerned ones. You were worried about him but he couldn't understand why. He couldn't understand why you cared so much.

"You didn't show up for breakfast or training. You should have, I kicked Nat's ass in the gym today. You should have seen her face. She blamed it on Steve distracting her." You let out a light chuckle and hoped that this would lighten his mood like it usually did, but when you looked at him, you were taken aback to see that he was still staring ahead with a grim expression on his face.

"Buck, are you okay? I am getting worried now." You asked gently, concern dripping from your voice.

Bucky opened his mouth to tell you that he was fine, that there was nothing to be worried about. But once he looked at you, all those lies died at his tongue. How could he lie to you when you were looking at him like that? With tensed brows, concerned eyes, parted lips, like you would do anything to ease his pain. He couldn't lie to you now, or ever, for that matter but he couldn't tell you the truth either.

"I - "

"Don't you dare say that you are fine, Buck. I can see it." Bucky let out a sigh and began again. "I was coming back from my run and - I - I just heard some agents talking."

Your concern changed into anger rather quickly. You hated the people who talked about Bucky that way behind his back. You couldn't understand why they just couldn't see him. Not the winter soldier or the Avenger, just him. "Bucky, don't listen to them. They don't know you. You are not what they say. You - "

"They were not talking about me. They were talking about us." Bucky interrupted you and looked away. He didn't want to see your expression when you realised what you had got yourself into by just being around him, by being his friend.

"Us?" You were genuinely confused. What could they be talking about the both of you? What could it be that got him so upset? It was common for people to assume that you were a couple. Did that bother him so much? This thought hurt you more than it should have.

Bucky thought about it for a moment. You deserved to know. Even if it meant the inevitable will happen and you would finally realise what being with him was doing to you, he had to tell you. "They were saying how bizarre it was for us to be friends. How exhausting it would be for you to have me around. How I was sucking away all your light. It's as if like - like we are the Beauty and the beast."

Your heart broke at his words. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve any of the harsh things that had happened to him and definitely not these words spoken by people who didn't even know him. You wanted to tell him what a lie those words were. You wanted to convince him till your last breathe that that was not so. That he was not sucking away your light, that he actually lightened up your world. But you knew those words weren't exactly the problem here. "And you believe them?" You asked in a small voice.

Bucky couldn't look at you when he nodded his head. He didn't want to believe those agents, but he couldn't help but agree. The both of you weren't supposed to be friends. It was silly of him to silently wish you could ever be anything more.

Your heart boke even more. How could he not know that you cared about him too much to even give the words of those agents any thought? That you were so concerned about him that you couldn't breathe? That you just wanted him to be happy? That you were in love with him?

"Buck.." You sighed and took his hands towards you so he faced you. When his eyes met yours, you realised there were tears threatening to come out of his baby blues.

"You should know this ... I don't care about what they think. I - " When Bucky opened his mouth to interrupt, you kept a hand on his mouth. "Please, just listen. I don't care about what they think, Buck 'cause I know that's not true. You are not a beast, you never were. You are the kindest, the sweetest, the most understanding, the most gentle, the softest and simply the best man I know. I understand that you don't think that highly of yourself right now, Buck, but trust me, I would convince you till my last breathe if that's what it takes." You removed your hand from his mouth and placed it on his cheek.

Bucky could never get tired of how gentle your touch was. In all honesty, he would hold you there for eternity if he could. If you were his. But for that to even be a possibility, he first had to voice his biggest fears, "I am afraid you'll end up seeing me the way I see myself."

You could feel tears pooling in your eyes for the man you loved, as you replied, "Look at yourself through my eyes, Buck. You'll know just how much you mean to me."

You had sad that with so much emotion, Bucky's heart skipped a beat. You were looking at him as if he had hung the moon and the stars, like he was the most precious thing in the whole world. You were looking at him the same way he was pretty sure he looked at you. Like you loved him too.

Before he could even realise what he was doing, he leans in a little.

Your heart is beating so fast, you are pretty sure he could hear it. Before you could change your mind, you lean in too.

As your lips meet, the world seems to stop. The whispers in Bucky's mind remind him not so politely how he didn't deserve it. How he didn't deserve you. But your kiss silences those whisperings and the whole world condenses around him until you are the only one comprising it.

As the necessity to breathe arose, you broke apart. But fearing that all this was a mere dream and the other will vanish, you keep close and lean till your foreheads touch eack other.

You stay like that for a long time. The only sound being your breathing. The silence conveys everything and none of you wants to ruin the moment with words.

After what could have been hours or mere seconds, you ask slowly, "Buck?"

When he hummed and you knew he was listening, you continued, "Who were the agents? I promise I'd just talk."

[elysianslove]

ay yo? lmao haiiiii any chance we can get some haikyuu boys and nicknames they'd call their s/o? a lil deprived of kageyama, so if possible can you pls include him?? i hope you're doing well :)

omg wait i remember seeing this in my inbox and planning on answering it but i ,,, i forgot :( im sorry :( but here it is lovely <3 

HAIKYUU BOYS AND NICKNAMES 

ANGEL ! — 

akaashi; out of all his nicknames for you, this is his favorite!! he just thinks it’s very fitting for you, because you’re nothing short of ethereal for him. loves to say it when he’s first greeting you or as he kisses you gn or!!! when he says thank you :) 

osamu; it slips sometimes with him!! not his go-to but it’s very familiar on his tongue when it comes to you, and that’s very endearing :,) just slips casually when he’s asking you a question like, “angel, do we need milk?”  

daichi; omg he usually adds to it and it ends up being some cheesy stuff like “angel-face” and it makes you all flustered because wtf man :( and he always says it while laughing teasingly too ugh :( 

suna; suna has the cheesiest nicknames for you and you cannot convince me otherwise, and you can never tell if it’s genuine or ironic but,,, it doesn’t matter. he sounds so sweet calling you “angel” so whatever :) 

aran; this man. this man. he says it cause he knows it has you weak. he says it so lovingly, so sweetly, so casually, so suave and relaxed and his voice is so smooth and deep. who wouldn’t be swooning over him??? 

aone; AONE AONE PLS AONE PLEASE. he’d just think it’s such a sweet and kind and soft nickname and he likes the way it sounds when it’s whispered and he thinks nothing is more perfect than nicknaming you angel and he says it all the time like “ok, angel,” and “see you tomorrow, angel,” and, “love you, angel,” and it’s so quiet but so sweet hwbwjsjd 

oikawa; he’s about to be in 90% of these cause he’ll be calling you anything but your name. is it because he wants to be annoying and to get on your nerves? or is it because he genuinely means it? the world will never know. you’re not even sure he himself does. 

DOLL ! — 

matsukawa; are you kidding me this is his. it’s HIS. he sounds so hot saying it and he looks so hot saying it and he’s so charming and it’s so like easy on his tongue. and he has a slight drawl to it too and he always says it with this aura of relaxation and ease it’s so hot. he just. he loves it. he loves you. you love it. the world is a better place. 

atsumu; he thinks he’s way cooler than he is when he says it. you suppose he is pretty hot when he calls you doll but you’re not gonna tell him that!!! it’s not his go-to but you can catch it slipping off his tongue every once in a while. 

kuroo; yesyesyes he loves it. only ever says it when he’s so up close and personal with you like cups your cheeks and hovers his lips against yours like, “heya, doll,” and he’s just so handsome. ugh. 

kageyama; at the start of your relationship, kageyama called you by your name and nothing else!! but then he had like this talk w someone and they asked him what he calls you and he realized like,,, am i supposed to be doing it differently??? spent so long just searching up “cute nicknames for my s/o” and then he found “doll” and was like ok. i’ll try. and he tried!! and it stuck!! plus timeskip kags calling you doll??? that’s so hot bye

oikawa; this might be the only sincere nickname he has for you cause everything else is either to provoke you or to be cringy and annoying. and i’m sure you prefer doll over sweet cheeks and pumpkin pie and cinnamon whatever like you hungry tōru?? anyways he loves loves loves calling you doll cause he thinks it’s such a ? smooth and serene nickname? and his voice always gets deeper and quiet when he says it so!!!! 

SUNSHINE ! — 

hinata; please he is all the sunshine, but he always claims that you’re the true sun in his life. idk hinata would be so lame yet so cute like that :( and he always says it with such a big grin he’s so cute pls :( 

tendō; he’s so cute he’s so cute he’s so cute !!!!! your contact name is “my sunshine” definitely definitely definitely. he is literally in love with you and wants the whole world to know it. he loves screaming it out for everyone to hear but also absolutely adores like hugging you from behind and whispering in your ear as he kisses your cheek, “hey, sunshine.” :(((((

kenma; kenma doesn’t wanna think too hard on the whole nicknames thing but he also does kind of sort of really wants to call you something special and the first thing that pops in his head is sunshine. first time he used it you were Shocked but he was acting nonchalant about it (read: freaking out on the inside) and you were like “ok guess im sunshine now.” and you are his sunshine to this day. 

BABY/BABE ! — 

atsumu; it’s easy and it’s endearing!! he personally loves being called babe but he loves hugging you close to him after a long day and just sighing, “hey, baby,” like. he loves it okay. he thinks it’s perfect cause it fits and cause it’s like kinda traditional yk!! 

bokuto; he loves calling you baby cause he just cannot fathom that you’re his like he loves to always say it!!! and he loves how casual it is too like he can just call you that?? that’s so cool?? 

iwaizumi; again with the traditional but endearing and fitting. he doesn’t have to think too hard on it, but also it still means something and is more than just your name or a shorter version of it. also he sounds so hot calling you baby or babe idk i just know it. 

hanamaki; king of “babe! babe :( babeeee! babee. babe come on! babe! baby :(” you’re 99% sure he’s just provoking you at this point. like say babe one more time. but he actually loves resorting to baby, especially when you’re upset and he wants to be as endearing and kind as he can to you. 

daichi; very traditional too tbh. honestly when you two first started dating it was all he could think of saying without feeling awkward or feeling like he was trying too hard. later on when he started to feel more comfortable and more secure he got more creative. 

nishinoya; he has been waiting for this moment his whole life. the moment he can actually call someone his baby or babe. it’s his favorite and possibly only nickname (aside calling you pretty or gorgeous or handsome) and it will always be. 

MY LOVE ! —

akaashi; definitely definitely definitely calls you “my love” like i am 100% sure of this. akaashi is just so. he’s just so romantic but it’s also so unintentional? he says it because it feels natural and it feels right like you are his love after all, aren’t you? 

sakusa; he’s not one for elaborate nicknames honestly, and he feels like “my love” is the right balance of sweet, kind, fitting, and subtle and serene. it’s not doing too much but it’s also doing more than enough yk? also people that look like they would wear a trench coat/blazer and a turtleneck beneath also look like they would use the term “my love” hence sakusa and akaashi. 

tendō; i am telling you guys he is a simp. the loveliest simp ever. he says it so sweetly too like it genuinely makes your tummy twist and heart backflip when you hear him say it cause you can hear how genuine he is in his words oh my god. 

kita; he just !!! he is just husband material okay!!! he is so endearing and he says it in the softest most genuine voice ever and it’s literally his go to because yes you are his love you’re his entire world!!! he loves you!! he wants you to know it every time he calls out to you!! 

BUNNY/PUPPY ! —

bokuto; ARE YOU KIDDING ME. HE LOVES IT. he. loves it. he just finds it so cute and like. he loves the way he associates it with you now. prefers puppy over bunny but like. he loves both. he adores both. 

matsukawa; calls you bunny all the time. not more than doll, but it’s definitely so common. he won’t use it around others not because it’s embarrassing but more because he kinda wants it to be just a thing between the two of you, honestly. 

kenma; IT SLIPPED ONCE AND HE WAS LIKE. A DEER CAUGHT IN THE HEADLIGHTS. he calls you bunny!! sometimes, not always. when he wants something from you mostly. “pass me the water.” “no.” “bunny please :(” it works like magic every time. 

oikawa; oh my god can you imagine??? he loves it so much because one, he thinks it’s such a cute nickname props to whoever decided let’s use pets as literal pet names, but also two, he thinks nothing describes you or fits you better. you are just his bunny :( his puppy :( he loves you :( 

kageyama; timeskip kageyama calls you puppy. i have nothing more to say.

hinata; timeskip hinata calls you puppy. again, i shall say no more. 

suna; hello !!! he loves to call you bunny and/or puppy. the feel of satisfaction he gets when he calls you that like ,,, he feels like you’re properly his yk? yk.

KITTEN ! — 

kuroo; this one is for him and only him. 

LOVELY ! — (maybe sweetheart too) 

osamu; is there anything more beautiful than a tired osamu snuggling up to yoi and with a deep gravely voice saying, “missed you, lovely,” ? no there is not. it’s his favorite nickname for you, and he uses it all the time!! kisses your forehead as he leaves and tells you, “have a good day, lovely,” and comes back home and says, “hiya, lovely,” and tilts his head when you wanna talk to him about something like, “what’s up lovely?” cause you are his lovely, you’re his loveliest. 

sugawara; i have no other explanation other than i can picture it perfectly. he thinks it’s the best choice of a pet name he’s ever chosen and thought of. and he loves the smile on your face whenever he says it, he thinks it’s the sweetest thing ever <3 

BAE ! —

hanamaki; is it a joke? is it not? both. 

okay im sure i missed so many boys but i can’t think of any rn bc it’s like. hella late :( but i wanted to put something out for you guys!! point is, if i didnt mention a boy and you want to know, send me an ask!! and if i didn’t mention a nickname and you want to know that too? send me an ask well!! ill be happy to answer it <3 

love u all mwah <3 

[spookyboywhump]

Hi hello I had stumbled across This and I finally got some writing done because of it :3c

***

 “God, I can’t fucking stand you, you know that?” Zander growled, at the point of the night that he’d begun to antagonize Nicholas. It wasn’t a smart move, he knew that, but he was bored and he knew that he wouldn’t get out of this unscathed anyway, he may as well earn whatever punishment he’d receive in the end. 

 “The feeling is mutual, mutt.” Nicholas said bluntly, not even looking away from his laptop to spare any attention to the man at his feet, hands cuffed behind him. 

 “I’d rather die than spend another minute around you.”

 “I’d also rather you died.” Nicholas said, and it almost looked like he was about to smile. “It would be quieter around here at least. I wonder, how long do you think it would take me to convince Cain to have you put down once we’re married?”

 “Oh fuck off, if he hasn’t offed me yet he’s not going to do it just because you tell him to.”

 “You know you should watch your language.”

 “Why don’t you make me? Too lazy to get off your ass and find a muzzle?” He snickered, and Nicholas sighed heavily. 

 “Really, I think that’s quite enough, Daniel.” 

 For a moment, Zander just stared at him, like he wasn’t sure he heard him right. He couldn’t have, he swore he was just hearing things. All of a sudden, he found it harder to think, harder to speak, everything slowing down as he tried to process what he’d heard.

 “W-what… what did you say…?” He asked hesitantly.

 “I said that I think that’s enough, Daniel. I know you have trouble listening but honestly now, it’s not that hard.” He finally turned his attention to Zander, and as they made eye contact he was sure, Nicholas knew exactly what he was doing. He felt like he was going to be sick. 

 “Why- why are you-”

 “Why am I what?” He asked, raising his eyebrows. 

 “That name, you- you can’t…” He didn’t know how to say what he was thinking, and Nicholas seemed to be enjoying every second of this.

 “Hm? It is your name, isn’t it?”

 “No!” He cried, his heart sinking as he realized what he’d said. “No- no I mean, it- it is, but you can’t- you aren’t supposed to-”

 “You keep forgetting, I can call you anything I’d like to.” Nicholas said, leaning forward and grabbing Zander by the face, gripping his chin tightly despite the fact he made no effort to pull away, still staring at him in shock. “Zander, mutt, sweetheart, Daniel, Danny, it doesn’t matter, you’ll answer to whatever I decide to call you, understand?” He said sternly, and for once Zander was completely at a loss for words, slowly nodding his head, if only to get Nicholas to let go of him. The man smiled at him, and let go of his chin to gently pat the side of his face, Zander bracing for a slap though. “Good boy. See, you really are more tolerable when you keep your mouth shut.” He said, returning to what he’d been doing before.

 Zander still felt sick, he didn’t understand why Nicholas suddenly decided to do that, nobody had used that name for him in years, at one point it had been a punishable offense. He gave it up, it was easier, safer to just give it up than take a beating every time he or somebody else dared to say it, he’d long since accepted that he’d lost that part of himself, he didn’t expect to ever hear it again, and he certainly didn’t expect to hear it from Nicholas. He wondered if Cain had told him, or if he’d read his file from when he’d first been kidnapped. He supposed it was possible Nicholas had known all along, his case had been a big deal at one point, but he’d never let on that he knew, or even cared who Zander used to be. He was starting to wish it had stayed that way. That name sounded wrong coming from him, it sounded like a taunt. He’d rather never hear it again than have to hear it from Nicholas of all people.

 In the end, Nicholas got what he had wanted. He’d dragged up memories of his early days in captivity, that constant ache that never went away, he could only try to ignore by forcing himself to never think about his father, or the rest of his family for that matter. It hurt too much to think of the things he’d lost and left behind, to think of the pieces of himself that had been ripped away from him all those years ago. It took all his energy to focus on holding himself together, to blink back tears and refuse to show any emotion on his face. Nicholas was no doubt satisfied with himself, Zander was so caught up in his own thoughts, he didn’t say another word for the rest of the night.

[kpostedsum]

high | d.m

summary: you find an unhealthy way of coping after draco cheats on you

warnings: drug use (marijuana) angsty¿, cheating, illusions to sex

song: habits - tove lo

a/n: this fic isn’t meant to romanticize drug use in any way. i also know nothing abt weed so LOL and very rushed & not edited

masterlist | taglist

I eat my dinner in my bathtub

Then I go to sexclubs

Watching freaky people gettin' it on

It doesn't make me nervous

If anything I'm restless

Yeah, I've been around and I've seen it all

you had a few minutes left of your charms class which was your last class before the weekend. you wanted nothing more than to get out of here and cuddle up with your boyfriend— who was enjoying his free period right now.

draco was one of the best boyfriends you could ask for, the frequent dates, gifts, and attention— it was more than you could wish for.

“you’re excused. you essays are due at the beginning of next week” snapes monotone voice dragged on as you quickly packed up your things and made your way to the slytherin common room.

I get home, I got the munchies

Binge on all my Twinkies

Throw up in the tub

Then I go to sleep

And I drank up all my money

Days get kinda lonely

entering the slytherin common room your eyes immediately searched for a certain blond boy, yet he was nowhere to be found. you made your way to the boys dorms in hopes of finding him there but you’re quickly interrupted by two familiar voices.

“why hello y/n, marvellous weather we’re having today aren’t we?” theo asked looking towards the ceiling and smiling as if he were outside, blaise blocking your path as he did so.

“i’m not sure what weather you’re talking about since we’re inside but i am okay thank you” you responded with a chuckle, trying to make your way past blaise.

“wait y/n” he stopped you. “can i borrow the astronomy notes? i would ask luna but i can’t find her anywhere” blaise continued.

they both seemed awfully on edge and anxious, you figured it was just quidditch nerves getting to them since there was an upcoming game this week.

“i have yet to finish my astronomy notes, but i did see luna in the great hall if you want her notes. now if you’d excuse me i’d like to see draco” you said trying to push past the two boys who still wouldn’t let you through.

“forget malfoy! let’s do something instead, we’re so much more fun than him, right blaise?” theo said giving blaise a pointed look as he threw his arm around your shoulder.

“right you are nott, let’s go!” blaise continued also throwing his arm around your shoulder and leading you away from the boys dorm.

“what? no, i have plans with draco. now excuse me” you said pushing them both off and heading towards dracos door.

as you get closer to his door you can hear heavy breathing, pants and skin slapping on skin. you’re confused, you figured draco would be taking a nap or running over drills for quidditch practice. the closer you get, the louder the noises become.

“pans, you feel so good”

you recognize that voice anywhere.

You're gone and I gotta stay

High all the time

To keep you off my mind

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

High all the time

To keep you off my mind

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

quickly you turned your head towards blaise and theo who had their heads lowered in shame, refusing to meet your gaze. “is this some kind of sick joke, are you guys pulling a prank or something because this isn’t funny” you said seriously not wanting to believe what you’re hearing from inside of your boyfriends dorm.

“we’re sorry, we tried to convince him not too but he wouldn’t listen” theo muttered silently.

it felt like your world was breaking apart slowly. just not too long ago you were excited to spend a weekend with your boyfriend who you loved so dearly, the same boyfriend who you’ve been dating for years, the same boyfriend who gets jealous about how much time you spend with his mum rather than him.

with shaky fingers you put your hand on the door knob and quickly pushed the door open, already preparing for the worst.

there he was, wrapped up with parkinson in the same bed you two shared not even twenty-four hours ago. her body straddling his naked, just like yours was doing the night before. you stood there frozen, mouth agape— not even knowing what to do with yourself.

“baby, i can explain, just please— y/n please don’t leave” draco said pushing pansy off of him, shuffling on his pants and reaching out towards you.

“dont touch me, malfoy!” you yelled and everyone froze. “you lost the right to touch me the minute you even thought of touching her” you continued sending both him and pansy a glare with tears threatening to slip from your eyes.

“darling please, i can explain—”

“no draco, we’re done just leave me alone, please” your voice cracking at the end as you pushed past blaise and theo rushing towards the girls dormitory.

Spend my days locked in a haze

Trying to forget you babe

I fall back down

Gotta stay high all my life

To forget I'm missing you

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

it’s been days since you last left your room, days since you last saw draco. daphne would come by and check on you but you’d always dismiss her, wanting to be alone. regret is one word to describe how you’ve been feeling— you gave him everything and he threw it away so carelessly for a quick hook up.

you missed waking up against his smooth skin in his embrace, tracing the lines and scars across his porcelain skin as you waited for him to wake up, the way he’d try to kiss you in the morning without brushing his teeth and you wouldn’t let him because of morning breath— but he’d still do it anyways.

you missed him, but he didn’t want you anymore.

maybe it was something you’ve done, you’ve been quite busy with work recently so you haven’t been spending as much time with him as normal. he was probably lonely and trying to seek the attention you lacked to give him.

getting up, you stared at yourself in the mirror picking yourself apart. you were pretty, it was a well known fact around hogwarts, maybe he thought she was prettier. she was the life of the party and always up for some mischief whereas you preferred to do stuff in silence and would rather be with a small group of people. maybe he liked how exciting she was in comparison to you, she probably brought a spark of excitement to his life that you couldn’t.

dreading to feel something you quickly showered and got ready to leave your room hoping to run into a specific set of twins.

Pick up daddies at the playground

How I spend my daytime

Loosen up the frown,

Make them feel alive

I'll make it fast and greasy

I'm on my way to easy

“well what can we do for you today” fred said to you with a cheeky smile plastered across his face.

“do you have any muggle herb left?” you asked in a low voice making sure no one heard you.

“maybe we do, maybe we don’t” george said. “how much are you offering in exchange though” he continued.

“ten galleons for three ounces, is that enough” you said pulling the galleons out of your pockets and placing them in george’s palm.

“it was a pleasure doing business with you” they said in unison as fred placed the tiny baggie in your pocket so no one would see.

once you returned to your dormitory you quickly pulled out the pre-rolled muggle herb, lit it and let yourself forget.

You're gone and I gotta stay

High all the time

To keep you off my mind

Spend my days locked in a haze

Trying to forget you babe

I fall back down

Gotta stay high all my life

To forget I'm missing you

you started showing up to class late with red tired eyes, not caring about the looks you got. at this point every one knew what had happened but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

the muggle herb brought you a sense of bliss and freedom, a new feeling you haven’t felt before but something that you now craved.

“are you high right now?” draco said as he sat himself in the seat beside you.

“since when do you care about what i’m doing” you said sharply, not wanting to talk with him.

“love, you don’t smoke. who gave that stuff to you, i’ll kill them—”

“no you won’t.” you said turning towards him. “you won’t do any of that because you don’t own me and i’m not your girlfriend anymore. so mind your business malfoy, i’m sure parkinson’s waiting for you”

the rest of the class you both sat in silence working on potions that draco did most of since you weren’t in the correct mind state and he wasn’t willing to let his mark falter over your slip up.

you find it amazing how even when you’re on drugs he still looks amazing. the way his nose curves perfectly with a slight bump, and the way his hands move with caution as he pours the potion into the waste bucket.

“look, i’m sorry for what happened with pansy. it didn’t mean anything i swear, i don’t know why i did it but i regret it with my life” draco said breaking your thoughts, he looked older than normal and had dark circles underneath his under eyes. you wondered why he looked so distraught when he wasn’t the one who got cheated on.

“a sorry isn’t going to fix this draco” you told him. he knew you were right but he didn’t want to admit it. he hadn’t talked to pansy since the day you walked in on them, the guilt has been eating him up inside. he stayed silent and didn’t bother respond to you, he knew anything he said would have made the situation worst than it already is— but how he wished you were still his sweet y/n.

“now if you excuse me, i have some fun to attend too” you said leaving him alone as you made your way back to your dorm.

Staying in my play pretend

Where the fun, it got no end

Can't go home alone again

Need someone to numb the pain

You're gone and I gotta stay

High all the time

To keep you off my mind

over the last few weeks, you couldn’t remember the last time you were sober. you started skipping classes to smoke and avoiding your friends so they’d stop questioning your habits.

you were forgetting and that’s all that mattered, you didn’t care how it was affecting your health— it made you feel better. sometimes you wished there was another way, another way to forget how he held you at night pressing soft kisses to your skin, another way to forget the way he took pansy the same way he took you. you wonder if he feels as sorry as he looks, he’s the one who cheated so he can’t possibly care that much.

you hear two knocks at your door which quickly break you from your state making you more attentive, cleaning yourself up and opening the door. there stood draco— his eyes red as well, like hes been crying.

“y/n listen, i know what i did was wrong and that i tried to pretend it wasn’t me but please. i didn’t mean too, you mean the world to me. i miss you so much love.” he pleaded with you.

“y’know draco, i miss you too” you admitted. “but i’ve found a way to forget about you, maybe you should do the same”.

Gotta stay high all my life

To forget I'm missing you

-

taglist: @mauvea @teenwolfbitches28 @ilygw @nic0lodean @s1ater @henqtic @justreadingficsdontmindme @i-love-scott-mccall @harmqnia @gwlvr @alishahpotter

[witch-hazels-musings]

Okay okay, I’m super excited and nervous bc i’ve never requested anything but: can I request some headcanons of Dainsleif, Scaramouche and Tartaglia falling in love with a god? I’m the anon from that ask 😅

archons of my heart

this might have been the most different set of short little stories i’ve ever written - each character responds so differently to this scenario! (note: based on what we know about these characters, I stuck true to their values* - it might not be what you were intending, and I keep things true to their character) <3 

Warning -> angst (Dain), fluff (Childe), genera/fluff?(Scara - mention of long hair)

Character X GN Reader | Anthology 

Includes: Dainsleif, Scaramouche, Childe

Dain

Devastated, conflicted - these words have never resonated more in his mind than the day he found out about who you were, what you were 

What does he do … he dislikes, no hates the archons and yet … you were one of them - you’d always been one of them and the whole time you hid this fact from him knowing full well the feelings he had for them 

He couldn’t really hear as you desperately tried to explain to him why, he only heard the shattering of his heart as your face turned into something he no longer recognized 

He stood there, his hands balled into tight fists at his sides, eyes tracking your movement as you paced back and forth in front of him, your feet wearing down the grass with each passover. 

“I know you’ll never forgive them for what happened …” You begin, your voice somehow distorted now that he saw you for what you really were. He didn’t have words to respond, he felt out of his body. An observer rather than a participant, how he wished that were the case. 

You stepped closer to him, hands reaching for his arm - the arm that had been tainted for so long - and without noticing he recoiled from your outreach. It was the first time he had ever deliberately refused your touch and, although he understood the pain it caused you, it was clear from the reaction of your face, he couldn’t bear your hands on him. Not now, not when the whole world was crumbling down around him. 

You stood there, just the way you always did, incredible, perfect, beautiful and reverent in a way no-one ever looked before - he loved you, he thought he loved you 

You were so different than those gods that destroyed everything he ever knew, everything he ever cared for, fought for 

If only you hadn’t tried to save him then maybe he could have gone on living in the delusion of this relationship .. though, it was only a matter of time before he found out anyway - one day he’d notice how you never aged ... it was inevitable 

To love you, to love you so deeply and intensely; to love you after keeping his heart sealed up for so long, to love you with the passion that burns like the stars in the sky only to know this truth - he felt that light burn out in a painful flash 

An eye for an eye - he will maintain his beliefs  

“Dainsl…” 

“Do not …” His voice caught in his throat, it was the first time you’d heard him be taken over by his emotions, “ … do not speak my name.” 

“Please, I love you.” Your hands pressed against your chest, body bent forward as if to beg him, plead with him to reconsider. 

“I owe you nothing but the repayment of the life that you saved. I shall spare yours to conclude my debt.” For one final time he gazed upon your face, burning into memory the cheeks that he once touched, the eyes that held his breath, the lips that lingered against his skin and were capable of transforming into the most incredible smile. He looked, he lingered, he tried so hard to will the power in him that would whisk him as far from you as he could go but each time he tried he stalled, like a stubborn fool he hesitated. 

Your wet cheeks moved as you studied at him with a hopeful, supplicating smile, your head shook and your lips parted as if to call out to him and the power he lacked to leave you filled him suddenly. Like a flash of lightning in a storm he disappeared from your eyes. 

Citizens will often recall the days when it rained with an intensity of a woeful god, and can’t help but notice the mysterious man who would leave the room every time your name was mentioned. 

Scara

Cool -- cool, cool, cool - you’re a divine being - bet

It’s very likely that Scara will be excited about this revelation - he already thinks so highly of himself that knowing that he has captured the affection of a god only swells his pride more than it already did

He’s so smug when you tell him, when you spill to him what you are - he doesn't believe it either and will make you demonstrate that power to him and if you look back at him after your display, you’ll see him with a devious grin 

Be careful, he may manipulate you to act as an extension of his wishes -- and if he has any vengeance to enact on the people who harmed him, you’ll have to be very strong in your convictions (though, you can do whatever you’d like honestly, you a god) 

“Again.” Scara commands, his arms crossed over his chest, head tilted up so he can look at you from his perch on the rock and a smile stretched so far across his face you wonder how his lips don’t steam in pain. 

“I’ve already shown you multiple times. Do you still not believe me?” You huff, resting your hands on your hips, adamant that you won’t comply with his request. 

“Okay okay, I’m convinced.” He shrugs, hoping off of his stoop and walking toward you. “So how long have you been a god?” 

“I don’t know, it’s hard to keep track of the years … though I’d say around 500.” 

“Interesting. Can you make me a god?” 

“No, I don’t have that authority.” 

“Disappointing, but oh well.” He stopped just before you, he was shorter than you so you looked down at him, thankful that he removed his hat otherwise you’d have a hard time seeing his face. He reached for a strand of your long hair, his fingers twirling around it before sliding down the silky strands and repeating the process. “So, why did you decide to tell me this secret of yours?” 

“I …” Why did you tell him? You knew what kind of person he was, you knew the actions that would follow - his greed and selfishness would motivate him to use this information for his own advantage. “Against my better judgement, I told you because I love you.” You cover your face with your hand, embarrassed by the confession. It’s the first time you’ve ever fallen in love with a human before, Scara was your first and that notion electrified your skin. 

“You love me?” You didn’t need to see him to catch the cocky attitude spilling from him. 

“I do …” You replied with a sigh. 

“Who would have thought that?” “Listen, if you’re going to make fun of me then I’ll just …” Your voice was cut off by Scara pulling you toward him and pressing his lips against your own. Your knees nearly gave way at the contact and you reached to his arms to stabilize yourself. His lips are thin and the power he uses, the pressure of the kiss tells you what kind of man he is. 

“This is excellent news, don’t think I’ll let you get away from me now.”  He hummed, his lips dancing over your own as he spoke, his breath warming your skin. Was this really the best human that could have stolen your heart? Well, you were sure it wouldn’t be borning. 

Childe

He’s likely indifferent to your real status - to find out that you’re an archon or a god - he’s almost unsurprised by the news  

You wonder if he didn’t already know that you weren’t human, you wouldn’t put it past him to have done some digging on you and after being alive for so long it was bound to be suspicious that you knew things that many people didn’t anymore -- it was also suspicious that Zhongli seemed to recognize you pretty quickly, his eyes shining as if he saw an old friend  

“You could have just told me.” Childe emphasized, crossing his arms and leaning against the large pole behind him. 

“I know … but, well I wasn’t really planning on sticking around.” 

“Oh, so you’re one of those.” 

“Ah, no! That’s not what I meant.” For being of reverence, you always found yourself stumbling over your words when talking to Childe. “Ugh, I meant that I didn’t think that … well that I’d fall in love with a human.” You picked at your clothes and shook your head. 

“If there was ever a human for you to fall head over heels for, I am the best candidate for that.” You looked at him, laughing at the way he pointed his thumbs at his chest and grinned from his own joke. 

“I don’t know … maybe I made a mistake?” You express, rubbing your chin with your hands.

“Hey now!” 

“I’m joking of course … so, you really aren’t … upset?” 

“Why would I be upset?” He asked, eyes furrowing and head tilting to the side. 

“I don’t know … my timeline is different from yours for one.”

“So. That doesn’t matter to me.” 

“There will be a day when you’ll be old and I won’t have aged a day.” 

“Don’t care.” You huff and take a few steps away from him. He didn’t seem to grasp what it meant to be in love with a god. This was the reason you rarely took human companions, the guilt in your heart at watching them age and the pain of losing them was all a strain on your heart. 

“Childe …” You begin again but as you turn to face him you notice he’s moved from his place and is now standing in front of you. 

“I don’t care who you are, what you are, or what you’ve done.” He takes your hand and brings it to his lips, his breath of humanity filling your very soul. “I love you, and I don’t take that feeling lightly.” 

“I don’t want you to regret choosing a partner who cannot live a normal human life.” 

“If I wanted a normal life, I wouldn’t be where I am to begin with. What I want is you, and I’m pretty good at getting what I want.” He smirked and kissed each knuckle on your hand. How was it that a man could bring down a god so easily? 

“Now, the real question …” Childe’s tone shifted, his body extended to his full height which made you tilt your head to look at him. “Do you still have your divine powers or whatever?” 

“Like …?” 

“Like, can you summon lightning or manipulate the earth with a snap of your fingers?” 

“Haha, oh, I still have my abilities, yes. There were times I had to fight, so I’ve adapted them for those purposes.”

“Excellent.” He grabbed your wrist and pulled you along after him. “Let’s fight, don't hold back.” 

“Childe! That’s dangerous.”

“Even better.” He gave you a quick wink before dragging you to a place where the two of you could engage in the battle of his dreams.

[absolutelyfizzing]

he promised

poe dameron x reader

description - Poe always promised he would come back from missions. One time he doesn't. (Ends in fluff i promise i promise)

warnings - depression?, anxiety?, fem pronouns, talk of injury and death, grief, fluff at the end, use of petnames, reader gets carried for a while and sits on a lap, mentions of eating and eating avoidance (not ed)

word count - 3800

A/N - so this was an oops. I wrote this hella fast but i was in the zone and i am pretty happy with the emotionally devastating product. I promise it has a happy ending i just dont want to give too much away. I feel like for maximum emotional damage you need to be a little in the dark. anyway, forgive me

MASTERLIST

You were stood in the command center with your hands wringing together. No matter how many missions Poe went on, the waiting was always hell. How were you supposed to remain sane when the love of your life was out fighting a battle that he might not come back from. That you might never see him again. He always reassured you that he would always come back to you. That you never had anything to worry about. You tried to believe him, and for the most part you did, but that didn't prevent you from being worried when he was gone.

You listened through the coms, trying to keep track of what was happening during the battle. Leia let you stay in there because she had a soft spot for you, as well as the pilot you were worried about. You were thankful she let you listen in on every mission, it meant that you weren't alone worrying in the room you shared with Poe. The conversation over coms was rushed and loud, they were scared and that made your heart beat faster.

'I have to go through, they're gonna come after us if I don't.' You heard your fiance yell. Worry stuck in the pit of your stomach, he was going to take a risk, you could feel it.

'Poe, it's not worth it. We should get out of here while we still can'. You agreed, wanting him to get out of there as soon as possible. You prayed he would listen and just get out.

'I have to try, I can't go back knowing that they could be following us to base.'

'Poe wait-' You heard someone rush out before comotion ensued again. You could feel your heart in your throat. You could have cried. After a minute of listening to pure chaos, nobody in the control room dared to speak a word. Everyone was waiting for an indication of what to do from the squadron. You found yourself zoning out in your worry. You were only broken out of your trance when you heard your fiance's name.

'Poe is down.' You stopped breathing.

"Down? What do you mean down?" You heard Leia call over comms.

'I'm sorry commander, he got hit. His X-Wing engine got shot and he was heading to crash on the planet right below us, his coms died. There's no way to know if he made it through but I don't know many who could take that crash and live. We have to head out and hope he comes back to base but I wouldn't get my hopes up.'

"Get out of there while you still can. We will have to worry about Poe when we gather our strength." Leia responded and the squadron called their understanding before the process of bringing them home began. You hadn't moved. You weren't sure if you had breathed. Your body was fully numb. You could feel eyes on you as everyone waited for you to respond. To show some emotion of your boyfriend having just gone MIA. You couldn't feel yourself though, your fingertips were numb, and you refused to believe he was dead. He promised. He told you he would come home.

Your brain was split between trying to grieve for the loss of the love of your life and trusting that he would be back. That he had to come back because he promised he would and he never breaks a promise. You felt hands on you and you realized you had fallen to sit in your spot. Leia was above you and was ushering you to your feet. You mindlessly let her push you somewhere and you barely even looked to see where you were going.

Eventually you showed up at your apartment door. You couldn't tell whether it felt like it had been instantaneous or an eternity to get there. Leia unlocked your door and pushed you inside and to the small couch that was stood in the living room-like space. The apartments were all very small, Poe had one a little bigger because he was housing with another person and because of his rank. Still, the extra amenities included a small couch, a smaller kitchen, and a window along the bedroom wall. When Leia sat you on the couch she kneeled in front of you. Her hand went to your cheek and you looked at her for the first time since you'd heard Poe go down. She seemed to almost be in tears but your eyes were dry. You didn't feel anything.

"Y/N, what can I do?" She asked gently. "Do you need anything?" You felt yourself shake your head and open your mouth like you were going to talk but closed it again as you thought.

"He said... He said he was coming back." You stated as if it changed the situation. "He promised." You mumbled.

"I know, Y/N. I am so sorry." She tried to console and your head shook. "We don't know what happened after he went down. You heard the team. He might contact us in the next few days, he is a smart man and he knows how to get a message out. But I don't want it to hurt you more if he never does." She tries to reason and you shook your head.

"No, you don't understand. He promised, " your head was spinning, "he's coming back." You felt tears fall down your face. When had you started crying? "He promised me that he was coming back home." Your voice broke which surprised you. Before you knew it you were crying into Leia's arms and you couldn't stop yourself. That was how you stayed with her for a while after, you weren't sure how long. She shed some tears of her own but eventually you both ran dry. You lost feeling again and you couldn't tell if it was better or worse. You made a decision. You wouldn't grieve over him until you were sure he was not coming back. You wouldn't mourn until you were sure.

The alternative was not, however, to recover. Instead you just stopped doing anything at all. You stopped eating, taking care of yourself, caring. Soon, your friends came in to talk to you. Instead of it being conversation though, they just talked at you. You couldn't bring yourself to respond or really even listen. Or maybe you did but you just couldn't remember. They would periodically come through to help you into a shower in which you just let the water run over you while someone else, you thought maybe Rey but you couldn't even recall, washed your hair. You drank water when they asked and would take a bite of food if they begged but other than that you might as well have been dead to the world. You almost hadn't realized how much of a vital part to your existence Poe was. How little you could bring yourself to do without him. You had thought you were prepared to be separated, you were in the middle of a war after all. Instead it was impossible to do anything without him and you wondered how long you could keep doing it.

This went on for a week. That was how long it took for them to declare him 'killed in action'. They felt that, if he was alive, he would have found a way to contact the base with the help of BB8 and local lifeforms. That was when you allowed yourself to grieve. The numbness turned into pain and it was a million times worse. You would have given anything to go back to numb.

You finally listened to your friends when they talked to you but their consolations did nothing to put you at ease. You still struggled to do anything but you complied with their pleads. You had been convinced, 2 weeks after the KIA announcement, to go to the canteen. To see people and interact. Finn pulled you along with an attempt at a smile on his face. Your face was blank but you tried to soften your eyes. You knew he was trying to help and he was grieving the loss of his best friend as well. When you were pulled into the large cafeteria, all noise ceased. You knew that they were looking at you and you guessed that they pitied you. You had seen yourself in the mirror that morning and you would have pitied you too. You got pulled to a table and Finn went to go get you and himself food.

People periodically came by and said hello or asked how you were as you tried to eat something. You responded with one word answers usually and you hadn't met anyone's eyes. You could feel yourself getting overwhelmed and decided you would head back to your room. You quietly thanked Finn for trying and left to the hallway.

Suddenly, alarms sounded. You were startled into awareness and people began running past you.

'ALL EMERGENCY CREW TO FLIGHT DECK'

You were curious about the alarm but you weren't emergency crew and you knew they didn't need any more bodies there than would already be there. That was until you heard someone as they rushed by as they talked to the medic next to them.

"Yeah I heard it was him but he went missing weeks ago." They sounded confused and continued jogging toward the flight deck. You feet started moving before you could even process it and it was the fastest you'd moved since he had gone missing. Since he had died.

When you got to the flight deck there was already a crowd. You could see over the see a people a beat up X-Wing. You thought you might have heard a droid. You elbowed your way to the front of the crowd, not apologizing when people grumbled their frustrations at you. When you made it to the front you were stood no more than 50 feet from him. He was soot covered and beat up but he was standing as he tried to wiggle out of the grasp of the medics. BB8 beeped and turned, spotting you. He made a loud excited noise and rushed to roll over to you and Poe turned at the sound. When he met your gaze he smiled.

You felt your knees give out and tears start to fall from your eyes. Your arms crossed over your stomach and you started to curl into a ball over your knees. A sob left you and suddenly large warm hands were on your shoulders.

"Y/N? My love, are you okay?" He rushed out, checking over you for injury as the medics still grumbled about needing to see him. His hand came under your chin to move your face so he was making eye contact with you. You let out another sob before grabbing his vest and pulling him into you, he kneeled to the ground as you clung to him and cried into his chest. He moved himself so he was sitting on the ground and he pulled you into his lap. You felt his hands on your back trying to soothe you but you couldn't stop crying. "I'm back. I'm so sorry I was gone but I'm back." He mumbled out as he kissed your head a few times.

"I'm so angry at you." You whispered and he almost laughed, just happy to hear your voice. You finally pulled your head out of his chest and kissed him like your life depended on it, like it was the last time you would ever see him. You pulled away so you were looking into his eyes. "Please don't leave me," you begged almost silently. You weren't even sure if he could hear you. "Please don't leave again."

"I'm not leaving, baby, I promise." He tried to calm you. "I'm right here. I'm okay."

You nodded, trying to convince yourself that he was real and he was here. You kissed him again just to check. You pulled away again, still trying to convince yourself.

"You died." You struggled out and Poe felt tears in his eyes as well. "You were dead, you crashed and you didn't make it and then they said you were gone." You said like that was what happened.

"I didn't die, my love. I'm right here. I'm alive, I'm okay." Poe pleaded and he grabbed your hand, bringing it up to his face so you could feel him. Your hand moved along is jaw which was now covered in stubble and grime. Your head shook like you were disagreeing with him but you were simply in disbelief.

"I love you" You mumbled as your eyes traced the lines of his face and tears fell from your eyes. He let a few tears fall as well before pressing meaningful kisses to every part of your face that he could reach.

You spent the next 2 hours like that. You wouldn't leave his hold and he didn't try to move you. The medics worked around you and everyone greeted him without disturbing you. You stayed, on his lap, curled into his chest. Your breathing had slowed to a normal pace and you were holding onto his vest tightly. Eventually, he had to be debriefed. He petted your hair and cooed at you to catch your attention.

"Y/N, my love," he whispered, "we have to get up now." He felt you nod but you made no move to get up from him. He took a breath before moving you off of his lap as you whined, standing up, and then picking you up so you could wrap yourself around him. You hummed contentedly into his chest and he had a smile on his face as he walked through the base.

"I love you." You whispered again into his chest. You had been doing it periodically every so often in the last 2 hours and every time Poe would repeat it back to you, kiss your head, or say something else. This time he chose to kiss your head.

"Baby, I have to go to the debriefing now and you know you can't come with me." He tried to say gently but he knew this separation might be hard for both of you. "I'm gonna put you down." He warned before encouraging your legs to go to the floor. You listened but didn't release his neck which you were also clung to. His hands fell to your waist and you both stood for a moment with your heads in each others necks and breathing deeply. "I'm gonna hand you off to Rey, okay?" He asked as he flagged down Rey from the hallway.

"Okay." You whispered, still not releasing him.

"Hey, Rey, sorry to bother you but could you keep Y/N company for a few minutes while I talk to Leia and the squadron?"

"Oh of course!" Rey chirped and you took a deep breath before releasing Poe. You let him kiss your cheeks and your nose before he walked the other direction toward the command center. You stared at him until Rey put her hand in yours and clasped it. You turned to look at her and for the first time in weeks, she saw you smile. "I'm so happy for you, Y/N." She assured and you believed her.

"Thank you." You whispered and another tear fell from you, this time of joy and happiness. Not grief.

"What do you say to heading to your room and get cleaned up a bit, yeah?" She tried and you nodded, following where her hand lead with one last glance toward the direction that Poe went.

"-the converter didnt even work until a day ago because the main power source broke down." Poe finished explaining his time on the planet he had crashed on and the rest of the squadron nodded and asked a few more questions. Once he was done, Finn met him outside the command center.

"So-" he paused, "I'm not sure how to say this nicely but most of your stuff went into the redistribution center because you were presumed dead." He rushed out. Poe took a moment to process and nodded.

"Well that's sort of a bummer. Could I borrow some of your stuff?" Poe asked, knowing it would take at least a day for him to get reassigned sets of uniforms.

"Yeah of course, that's why I'm standing here waiting for you. You could get cleaned up in my room too if you want. I know Y/N kept a few of your jackets and shirts but most of it got taken." The boys began to walk toward Finn's living quarters and there was a moment of silence before Poe asked something he wasn't sure he wanted the answer to.

"What happened when I was gone?" His throat felt dry suddenly and his words came out hoarse. "To Y/N I mean. Was she okay?" Poe wasn't sure what answer he wanted. He knew from your recent reaction that you were devastated, as he would have been, but he also knew he had a dangerous job. He might not come back from some other mission in the future and he hoped you would survive without him.

"Do you really want to know?" Finn questioned.

Poe nodded.

"I mean, she was broken." He paused to think. "She didn't talk to anyone for a week. Wouldn't move. Wouldn't cry. Rey had to help her shower and we had to beg her to eat. We almost sent her to the med wing because we thought she was gonna pass out from dehydration, she would barely take a sip of water." Poe's heart was in his throat but he was sure there was more. "Then you were pronounced KIA."

"Oh god."

"Yeah it wasn't pretty. They pulled your stuff out of your guys' room, took your name off the ledger. Leia let her keep some stuff but it was hard to watch. She finally cried, she just wouldn't stop. She was more responsive but she wasn't even moving towards okay. You could tell she was only doing what we were asking because we were begging. That she was doing it out of guilt. Today was actually the first day that I talked her into coming out of her room. She had been to the canteen for about an hour when she felt she needed to leave and then alarms sounded that you were back." Finn finished with a glance to his friend and Poe looked like he might throw up.

"I want her to be okay if I don't make it back one day." Poe tried to explain to his friend.

"She probably would have been functioning in a few months. She wouldn't have recovered but she would function. She's a strong woman, but she also loves you a lot. I mean, how would you react if she was killed on mission?" Poe could tell it was a rhetorical question but he thought about it very carefully. You were an engineer so you weren't called out on mission often, not nearly as often as him. When you were, he was worried sick the whole time. He hadn't really thought about how him being gone affected you before. Now looking back on it he kicked himself for it.

Poe thought about what he would have done if you had died and he thought that your reaction was probably mild. That he would have been unresponsive for weeks or even become violent with anger and grief. He knew that you were the one for him, the most important thing in his life, and without you he didn't know if he would find purpose in his life anymore. He fought in the war as hard as he did for you. To make the galaxy safer for you.

When he went MIA it was because he tried to take out a couple more imperial ships than he could handle. He only did it because he knew they would have followed them back to base if they left. Back to you. So he took the risk and it backfired but he knew he would do it again to try and keep the First Order away from you.

He was knocked out of his train of thought by the arrival at Finn's quarters. Poe tried to get cleaned up and dressed quickly, getting the grime off of himself and shaving his face. He hurried back to your shared quarters and when he entered his room he was greeted with your smiling face as you laughed.

You were sat on the bed, Rey on the other end, as you were talking about something which caught you in a fit of giggles. At the sound of him stepping into the room you looked at him and got up quickly to rush up and hug him tightly.

"Missed you." You mumbled into his chest. As he held you Rey silently nodded at Poe and left the room.

"Was only gone for a minute, honey bun." He reassured and you pulled your face back.

"You know I hate that one."

"Boo bear?" he teased and you shook your head no. "Munchkin?" nope. "honey bear?" no thank you. "Baby love?" You tilted your head a bit.

"I don't loathe that one."

"Sweetheart?"

"I like that one."

"Princess?"

"That's my favorite" You giggled and kissed him quickly for a moment. He could have cried at the sight of you giggling. He had missed that, you, the sounds you made, so goddamn much. More than he would ever put into words.

"I know it is, pretty girl." He smiled before picking you up and you squealed. He walked you over to the bed before dropping you on it and laying next to you. You climbed close to him, practically laying on his chest. His arm was snug around your waist and he left no room for you to move, not that you would have anyway. "How would you feel about going to bed, princess?" He almost whispered, not wanting to disrupt the fragile quiet in the room.

"Yes please. I love you Poe." You whispered back and closed your eyes a bit, focussing on his breathing.

"I love you, Y/N" he responded.

You both got the first decent sleep you'd had in weeks that night.