#lame they don't even protect you on that level

[wingscreation]

Just me venting abt life

I seriously am so sick of people who don't even know me- somehow attempting to terrorize the living hell out of my daily life. It's 12am and this loser stalker knocked on the door loudly just to get a reaction out of the people I live with. I cannot stress this enough, the police are utterly useless because this dude has already been given multiple warnings to not step on the street I live on and he just gets to waltz up and down the street with no consequences other than a slap on the wrist, and not even.

[yuri-is-online]

no cause the way you have filled my brain with sho brainrot,,,

baby acting like a mf guard dog for his favourite senpai, constantly wanting their attention 😭

LISTEN

I am so glad I waited to answer this for a teeny bit because I thought I was exaggerating at first because like. It was one voiceline right? WRONG. When you level him up he says "thank you senpai" and when I got his SR and slapped him onto my homescreen he does in fact try to get your attention and ask for help from his senpai. He's supposed to be this brash delinquent but he's shockingly respectful of one very specific senior even if he's just a bit sarcastic about it ugh.

Sho feels like he needs an excuse. He can't just ask to hang out with you because then it looks like you're friends, but if he's asking for a favor then you won't have a reason to say no. The Professors all want you to help out the ghouls so he can say just about anything and you'll jump at it, right? Yeah no that's not the real reason. He wants to have you to himself and if he words it like he needs help he can make excuses as to why you two need to be left alone.

Absolutely uses the fact that he can cook to his advantage. I think one of the main reasons Sho started liking the MC so much was because you supported his cooking. He seemed like he expected to be judged for it so when MC was just hungry and said his food was good? The only person he really seems to have cooked for up to this point is Leo (and Bonnie but she's special) so he wants that praise. And to hear you say he could charge money for it? Oh he was riding that high for ages. I feel like he already wanted to open some sort of cafe but really appreciated the support.

And it gives him the excuse to get you to stay around him longer when he asks for your help. Well he's going to cook anyway and you're hungry, so just stick around. He'll make something and pretend to complain about it but he likes feeding you. Well assuming you don't douse his food in hot sauce, though that won't stop him from making you stuff.

I really like the idea of him competing with the Frostheim ghouls idk why. I think MC should get to be good friends with Kaito and Luca and Sho should get to be a brat about it. Vagastrom and Frostheim already don't get along and he never got his fight with Lucas so yeah. He's super intense about how he's way better at protecting MC than they are, especially with Lucas. Part of it is because he feels guilty for going along with Leo's plan and almost getting you killed, he feels like he needs to prove that he's strong enough to not let that happen again.

Speaking of Leo... I sort of get the sense that Sho hides how much he hangs out with the MC from him. In book 3 Leo makes a bet that would see him getting Sho's food truck if he wins it so I sort of feel like if Leo knew Sho liked the MC he'd be insufferable about it. Honor Roll is stealing his best friend (¬､¬) how lame ugh. And he would try to sabotage it because he would find it funny, or even worse try to make Sho's friendship with you the cost of a bet. I could see Sho having nightmares about that.

Book 3. When Towa and MC go missing. I just know in my heart Sho was loosing his goddamn mind. Again I think he feels sort of guilty for almost getting you killed, and now that you aren't with his dorm you just go missing? Unacceptable where are you? How did Jabberwock fuck this up so badly holy shit. I wanna see him admit that he was worried about MC. I wanna know if he got into any arguments with the Frostheim ghouls while the professors forced them to stay behind.

... i kind of want him to argue with Jin. Like specifically Jin. For no reason other than it would be funny to me personally and like... Jin is the one who interrupted his fight with Luca so I just think it would be funny if they had beef.

I need to level his affinity more. I need to see more chats game please ;-; I love him shomuch.

[glitter-stained]

Sense the current state of jason as character is stagnant do you think dc will ever purplish a good story of him, maybe he even kills of his red hood persona and goes on to be something else that would be something I would like to see but I don’t think it will happen. Dc will forever shoehorn him in to the batfamily. At least in his anti-villian era he was actually fun now his character is in a pitiful state

do u think theirs a chance of reinvent him as character anytime soon ?

Well first of all through spite everything is possible, so jot that down.

Like seriously, remember when it was so so incredibly over like Spiderman's Uncle Ben levels of over and then Under the Hood happened? Hell yeah I think dc will publish a good Jason story

Second I may not be the best person for this ask because I like my blorbos pitiful and miserable. Like yeah defiance is awesome but exhaustion -in characters who have been angry and alone for so long, beaten dog who got electrocuted too often to bite back- has a special place in my heart. But I also agree this has to be a transitional part of a story, the arc can't be "well he was hurt and then he was angry and then he was tired and he was miserable the whole time". Unless of course he ends up perma-dying in a really meaningful arc centered around his character but I'm not sure that'd be what I want for him, and we all know how lame dc is with permadeath nowadays. I'm also very mitigated with his villain side because yeah sometimes it's very fun and cathartic to see the angry/bad victim trope, but also the classismXpsychophobia of villain Red Hood sometimes are just too much; and also I'm a jaybin fan and sometimes I feel betrayed on jaybin's behalf by elements of his villainous characterization. (One day I'll write that damned UTH rewrite, I will).

With that being said!!! I love Jason because of his potential, he has so so much of it, that's what's exhausting about his many bad comics is that yeah. Yeah, dc can absolutely publish something more than good. They don't understand the goldmine they're sitting on in terms of potential.

What I'd love to see explored in hypothetical upcoming good comics (i'll talk more about it later with malfiora but for now)/how dc could go about reinventing his character :

1) addressing Jason's suicidality and getting him a functional support system (seriously, something's gotta give)

2) Get that boy a dog. Ik he had one at some point in N52 idc give him more dogs. Big ass rescue dog that's loyal and similar to him.

2) we need to figure out a way to let Jason keep being a Crime Alley/Park Row vigilant without being dependent on Batman. Like yeah he should explore the world away from him and heal but also i'm very uncomfortable with the idea that healing, for Jason, has to mean leaving the city and neighbourhood he grew up in and protected, has to mean be shoved out of his home by a guy who doesn't live there and, at least when Jason was a kid, only visited the place one time a year because of the anniversary of his parents' death- it's not fair and I won't accept it.

3) I so so agree about the "killing the red hood persona" or at the very least changing his vigilant name. Like I get the point, I understand the use he had for him, but his story can't be centered around the Joker forever (I keep thinking about the Joker's attitude to him in The Man who stopped Laughing and god, I can see a driving force to find himself as something else than what Batman and the Joker made him). At some point his name has to become something that is his and turned towards the future.

4) art + story that acknowledges how young he is (someone please let Jason take college class please please he deserves it)

5) perhaps most importantly: batman writers often sound like hardcore deontology or hardcore utilitarianism (and the occasional egoism) are the only acceptable moral philosophies. And for characters, it works! Like I can see Batman as a Kantian, sure. But for others, it doesn't fit as well.*

The cool thing about Jason's character right now is that he's a utilitarian, but a utilitarian that often isn't guided by his values. He can and will compromise on his philosophy in the name of love and being loved ( @bestangelofall called that a morality leash) and that already sets him as an interesting character in his own right. But in terms of redefining himself as a person after decades of defining himself through his pain (which, at 20-23 years old, he should get to do) I'd love to see an evolution of his morals based on love. Specifically, I'd love from his morals to shift from mathematical utilitarianism to agape, an ancient greek concept of platonic love for everything human, a movement towards the other that can be thought of as close to some conceptualisations of empathy. Mind you, that doesn't mean that he would stop killing! I can believe in a Jason who kills because or against of agape, the pain or relief that could be so good to explore in relation to that, how he would go on to define himself as a person... I feel like Jason has a certain tendency to kinda dehumanize the worst criminals as he kills them (a lesson from Judy, love her sm) which I love, but would also love to see him grow out of - learn to see and love everyone as human and what it means, a re-exploration of his empathy.

Imagine: a scene where he kills a guy because a kid victim begged him to. The focus on the image is on the kid's big wide tearstruck eyes, and then Jason's uncertain face, the kid begging him to kill the bad guy. And then Jason kills him and they're standing so close to eachother, and he's look him in the eyes and seeing the image of the kid's eyes, and then turning back to the kid while wiping the blood on his face and seeing the kid's wide eyes looking in disbelieving awe. And then kneeling and hugging the kid as he cries his heart out. And Jason's inner monologue during all that being something like "I could say that I killed him because I'm a bad guy; I probably am. Or argue the world is better off without scum like him; I could pretend I did it so he wouldn't hurt [x] again, or that I was thinking about all the other children he wouldn't be able to hurt anymore. But the truth is, I didn't. I killed him because [x] asked me to; because I could tell that he needed it. I can live with that."

Idk, that's the direction I would love to see it going, but simply "becoming even more open, louder and unapologetic about prioritising his love over his values, and being angry when it causes him dilemma" is something I'd love with as way. Very "Odysseus knows what he's going to choose the moment the gods tell him to throw the baby off the wall to see Penelope and Telemachus, but fuck if he's angry at the gods for making him make that choice" kind of vibe if you like Epic the musical.

*i'm not saying there aren't any characters in dc that fall out of this deontological/utilitarian false dilemma, it's just a vibe I get from batman writers at times, and as a consequence of specializing in one character I don't feel legitimate in exploring the intricacies of other characters because I feel like I'm lacking information and would be making uneducated guesses (that being said, I would fuck heavily with an exploration of Cass' morals VS Levinas' concept of ethics). If anybody has recommendations of dc characters that are neither utilitarian nor deontological (or are at least an interesting twist to it) I would love them so much please don't hesitate!!!

So yeah, idk if that answers your question, I don't pretend to know the intricate working of dc editorial. But imo there are wonderful possibilities for dc to reinvent Jason and write him into good comics -call me a blue lantern cause baby I got hope.

[bisexual-kane]

So, some insight about why so many older dudes on Reddit and such viscerally hate the Young Bucks is that the Young Bucks make them feel stupid and uncool.

Like, even as late as the 1990s, even when wrestling was the most popular thing during the Monday Night Wars and the Attitude Era, you would still get people who would laugh at you for being a wrestling fan because, dur, don't you know it's FAKE???

So part of the response to that is to insist that you're not a mark, you're a smart fan, someone who is hip to how the business works. Instead of getting caught up in the magic of kayfabe, because you're too smart for that, you analyze matches and assign them star ratings based on performance. You cheer the heel because you get they are putting in the work to add heat to the match. You obsess over TV ratings. You speculate on where storylines should go to build heat. You insist you know better ways to get people over and complain that Vince or Bischoff or Russo is not using someone who is so obviously the next big thing correctly.

It's very much an "I Enjoy the Muppets on a Much Deeper Level Than You" vibe.

But the most important thing of all, though, is that you must always be one step ahead of the wrestlers, bookers, and storytellers. See, you're a smart fan. So you must never, ever, get worked. Because that would be very uncool and lame.

And that's where the Bucks come in.

Maybe it's less obvious now, but after the Bucks left TNA/Impact, part of their brand was to very specifically get heat from all of us dorks on the Internet. These "smart" fans are the ones who are most likely to be going to PWG shows or following NJPW. So how do you get heat in your match? You have to piss off the smart marks.

I think the most obvious example is the Superkick Party. The Bucks start absolutely spamming a move that is usually a protected finisher. They get accused of exposing the business. They are upsetting people who obsess over start ratings and post on Reddit. But they are doing a classic heel move--they are working the audience. And of course, this pisses these people off even more because it reveals that they aren't as "smart" as they think they are. Which just builds into the Bucks' heat even more.

It's why they named their finisher the Meltzer Driver.

It's why they stole the NWO's "Too Sweet" and DX's "suck it."

It's why Matt Jackson kicks out of everyone's finisher like he's John Cena or Roman Reigns despite looking like a doe-eyed pretty girl.

It's why the Bucks became such successful independent wrestlers that they were able to build the second most-successful wrestling company in North America on the back of their YouTube vlog.

But again, the main people they are working are dudes who hate getting worked. And the Bucks are very good at this.

Just, as a personal anecdote, The Bucks are one of my favorite tag teams ever (if not my number one). At their Revolution 2020 match against Hangman and Kenny, I was in the crowd, and I was cheering for the Bucks. But then they grabbed Kenny's arms--Kenny who is supposed to be their best friend, Kenny who they didn't really have an issue with--and they hit him with the Golden Trigger--Kenny's finisher with his soulmate Kota Ibushi. The crowd turned. I turned. I was so infuriated at them, and I realized--they totally got me. For a great moment, I believed wrestling was 100% real, and I hated them so much, and the magic was there, and it was awesome.

Because, actually, it's not more fun to be smarter than the magician. It's not better to be cynical. It's actually pretty cool to not understand how the trick works, to get caught up in the wonder and possibility that just maybe magic can be real.

Wrestling is more fun when you get worked and let yourself enjoy it.

And the Bucks are always working this certain set of fans that are trying aggressively to not enjoy wrestling, not get sucked into it, to show that they are "too cool"--but the Bucks actually reveal that isn't the case. They are marks just like the rest of us. And they hate that.

But, yeah, TL;DR: The Bucks are amazing at specifically working Internet fans for heel hit, but these fans need to prove they are "too smart" for that. But the Bucks are smarter than them, so it makes them feel stupid. Hence all the outrageous hate.

[queenshelby]

An Illicit Affair

Part Ten: The Movies

Pairing: Cillian Murphy (46) x Reader (23)

Warning: Age-Gap, Taboo Relationship, Infidelity

Later that day, just as you were laying on your bed and tried to read a book, Lucy walked into your shared room and was surprised to see you. 

"Y/N, fuck what are you doing here?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I was just..." you hesitated, glancing briefly at Lucy before staring at the floor nervously. "Reading," you finished lamely, clutching the book you were supposedly reading tightly in your hands.

"I can see that, but why are you here?" she wanted to know. "I would have thought that you were hanging out with you know who tonight," she said quietly seeing that the dorm rooms at the university had rather thin walls. 

"Nope, he changed his mind about us," you answered honestly, your voice trailing off in embarrassment. "I guess his consciousness got the better of him after all," you explained with a saddened voice, causing Lucy to purse her lips. 

"Really? Why the sudden change?" she asked, her eyebrows raised, skepticism written all over her face. Her voice dripped with disbelief and concern. 

"I don't know. I guess he feels guilty, I suppose," you mumbled, averting your gaze, unwilling to delve deeper into the issue at hand. You clutched the book tighter, a protective shield guarding your vulnerable emotions. 

Lucy studied you closely, squinting at you as if scrutinizing your every detail.

"Look, I'm going to level with you," she began, her voice suddenly stern. "I think that him coming to his senses may be for the best. Not only is he your ex-boyfriend's dad, he is also married, right?" Lucy stated, her voice laced with caution.

"Yeah, but..." you trailed off, unsure how to respond. You appreciated Lucy's understanding and concern, but there was something unspoken lingering between you, something unsettling.

"It doesn't matter," you eventually muttered, deflecting her question. "I just need to clear my head now and forget about him," you insisted, fidgeting with the book.

"You do and, Y/N, just think about it, even if he wasn't married and was readily available to you, he would be way too old for you and, if anyone was to ever find out about your little affair, then the press would have a field day with it," Lucy said, her tone softening. "His career would suffer and your prospects of permanent employment at the hospital would be hindered as well," she explained. 

Her words resonated in your mind, striking a chord deep within you. You had never considered the consequences of your actions on your professional life.

"I know, Lu," you sighed, closing the book and tossing it aside. "But I actually really enjoyed myself with him, you know?" you ventured, your voice quivering slightly with uncertainty. "I mean, it wasn't just the sex that was incredible. It's everything.  We could talk for hours about anything. He is smart, humble and very attentive. Plus, he is incredibly attractive and gentle as well. Unlike me, he is super creative and funny too," you explained just before Lucy interrupted you. 

"And yet, you need to forget about him because, frankly put, he will never leave his wife for you," Lucy reasoned, crossing her arms over her chest. "And I highly doubt that he would jeopardize his career and reputation over an extramarital affair with a younger woman who happened to date his son in the past," she added grimly. "It's wrong on all levels, Y/N and I know that you know that," Lucy stressed, her eyes pleading with you to understand where she was coming from.

The truth of her words stung you, forcing you to confront the harsh realities of your situation. You swallowed, fighting back tears that threatened to fall.

"Yes, I do know that it's wrong," you finally conceded, your voice cracking. "It's not worth risking my future or his for something that can never amount to anything substantial," you admitted, and Lucy nodded, relief washing over her features.

"Exactly, Y/N," she praised, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. "Now, I guess you don't really want to come to the movies with us tonight, seeing that we are going to watch Oppenheimer, right?" Lucy continued, her voice tinged with reluctance, understanding very well that watching Cillian on the big screen was too difficult for you right now.

"Actually, why not. The bloody advertisements are everywhere anyway. I see his face every day around town, and everyone is talking about the movie, so I may just as well watch it," you replied, swallowing a lump in your throat, receiving a warm smile from her as a reward.

"That's the spirit, Y/N," Lucy cheered, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "I am glad you are coming and guess who else will be there?" she asks casually, grinning mischievously.

"Who?" you ask, curiosity piqued.

"James," she replies triumphantly. "The cardiologist you have been flirting with at work before you hooked up with Max's dad," Lucy explained excitedly, grinning broadly.

"Really?" you ask, feigning surprise. "You noticed that?" you teased, raising an eyebrow playfully.

"Well, I do pay attention sometimes," Lucy retorted, rolling her eyes teasingly. "Besides, James is cute and smart. Lucas invited him but I think that you might actually enjoy his company," she winked, nudging you with her elbow.

"Alright, alright," you chuckled, relenting before looking for some clothes to wear but, as you rifled through your closet, searching for something comfortable to wear to the movies, your thoughts drifted back to Cillian.

You weren't sure whether you should be grateful for his abrupt departure or resentful for leaving you high and dry, so quickly. Regardless, his memory lingered, and the ghost of his touch still burned on your skin like a lingering kiss.

Eventually though, you found a pair of jeans and a loose shirt, not putting too much effort into your appearance. Realisticially, you were done with men for now and even James was slightly too old for you. Yet, you liked being in his presence and it was not as if you could deny the chemistry between you two at work.

He was certainly interested in getting to know you some more and this became even more evident when you entered the cinema later that evening, taking your seat in between him and your friend Lucy. 

"So, Y/N," he began, his voice warm and inviting. "Tell me more about you," he requested politely, his eyes shining eagerly before the adds started rolling in. 

"What do you want to know?" you wondered aloud, contemplating your response.

"Anything," he assured you, leaning towards you slightly. "What do you do when you aren't studying or working?" he asked, growing increasingly curious about you.

"I like to read, or listen to music," you responded, thinking for a moment. "I also like to go for walks, especially in nature. Do you enjoy hiking?" you asked James, turning your head sideways to glance at him.

"Not really," he shook his head, smiling sheepishly. "I am more of a city person and, as you know, I work a lot so I rarely get any free time to explore the great outdoors." 

"I see," you said, nodding. "Well, if you ever want to try it, I am game. Maybe you can learn a thing or two from me," you teased, laughing lightly.

"Definitely," he smiled, patting his chest proudly. "I would appreciate that," he said. "Maybe we could take my BMW, drive down the coast and have a picnic or something," he smiled just before the theatre darkened and the movie previews came on. 

"Maybe," you nodded before you took a deep breath, settling into your seat and gripping the armrests tightly.

Concentrating on the captivating visuals and engaging sound effects, you tried to push Cillian out of your mind which, of course, was proving to be a challenge as the familiar contours of his face kept appearing before your eyes on screen.

As the film progressed, you found yourself uncomfortably entranced by this man again and, soon enough, James noticed your discomfort especially during Cillian's intimate scenes with Florence Pugh. 

However, you remained adamant to focus on the present and, despite the occasional flashbacks of your fleeting intimacy with Cillian, you desperately attempted to compartmentalize these thoughts.

Somehow, you got through the entire movie and, when the lights came back on, the credits were already rolling, indicating that the film had ended.

"Great movie," James commented, turning to look at you. "What did you think?" he asked you, smiling brightly.

"Yeah," you nodded, returning his smile awkwardly. "It definitely had its moments," you swallowed harshly while hearing some women behind you talking about Cillian's captivating performance, causing even James to roll his eyes and chuckle.

"You used to date his son, didn't you?" he asked while listening to the group behind him, now drooling over Cillian's captivating eyes and aura. 

"Whose son?" you questioned, shooting James a puzzled look.

"Cillian's son," he chuckled. "You know, the lead actor? Cillian Murphy?" he said sarcastically, seeing that you did not really pay much attention to his question.

"Uhm, yeah," you acknowledged, your voice barely above a whisper. "It was a long time ago though," you added, swallowing hard, realizing that sharing this information made you feel slightly awkward. 

"Did you ever get to meet his dad?" James asked, his tone hinting at a curious undertone.

"Yeah, a few times," you replied, fiddling with your fingers nervously. "Why do you ask?" you queried, lifting your gaze to meet his.

"Oh, I was just wondering since I met him once when his son was in the ER, and he seems like a decent guy. Really quiet though," James shared, shrugging casually. 

"He is quiet, I guess," you stammered without revealing your true feeling towards Cillian and the fact that you had been intimate with each other only recently.

"So, do you want to grab a drink?" James asked after a minute of awkward silence, gesturing towards the exit. "Or maybe we can head to my penthouse instead? I have a bottle of Moet in the fridge, and you should really see the views from my place. Absolutely incredible," he suggested, noticing the heaviness in your gaze. 

The mention of heading home jolted you back to reality, and you blinked several times before offering a weak smile. "Uhm, maybe another night," you hesitated, running your fingers through your hair nervously. "I'm quite tired," you lied, your voice barely audible.

"Yeah, sure. Whenever works for you. Unless I am working, I will make sure to be available," James agreed, flashing a sympathetic smile as you walked with him and the rest of the group while images of Cillian's face danced across your memory, his sensual whispers reverberating in your eardrums like forbidden promises.

You tried to shake off the images, but they persisted, weaving themselves into the fabric of your mind.

As you walked alongside James, you stumbled over your feet, lost in the swirling kaleidoscope of memories.

Determined to break free from the chains of the past, you forced a smile and plunged into a torrent of meaningless chatter. The laughter that escaped your lips was hollow, devoid of genuine mirth. You needed a distraction, something to blot out the haunting visions of Cillian's presence and the intimacy you shared with him.

Eventually, you arrived at campus where James said goodbye to you and Lucy.

"Sleep tight, Y/N," he whispered affectionately, his eyes filled with warmth and concern. "I will see you tomorrow," he reassured you, reaching out to squeeze your hand softly.

You could only muster a weak smile in return, trying to hide the turmoil raging inside you.

"Thanks, James," you murmured, squeezing his hand gently before stepping into the dormitory.

Once inside, you breathed a sigh of relief, welcoming the solitude that engulfed you and Lucy knew to let you be and not to bring up James or Cillian again. 

After all, you were exhausted and needed some peace to sort through your feelings.

You slipped off your shoes and collapsed onto your bed, your heart racing like a runaway train. Memories of Cillian's passionate embrace crept into your mind, refusing to relinquish their hold on you and it wasn't until a week after that you heard from him again. He was giving you a heads up that he had been asked by the UNESCO foundation to present several awards at a charity event you and some fellow students were organizing for Empathy Week and whilst you weren't exactly surprised by his announcement, it worried you to see him again in this capacity. 

Unbeknownst to you however, leading up to that message, Cillian too was struggling to come to terms with his feelings for you as well. 

He had spent sleepless nights thinking about you; the taste of your lips, the scent of your hair, the intoxicating energy between you.

Despite knowing full well that he was trapped in a loveless marriage, unable to escape, he couldn't resist the magnetic pull drawing him further into your orbit.

As such, he became withdrawn and distant, spending most of his downtime holed up in his study, his mind racing with thoughts of you. He would often pace up and down his basement, pondering the implications of pursuing a relationship with you. His conscience weighed heavily on his shoulders, burdened by guilt and the fear of destroying both of your lives.

His wife Danielle soon became aware of his distant demeanor and moodiness and, every time she tried to initiate intimacy, he pushed her away with excuses of exhaustion or stress. This caused tensions to flare up between them, resulting in bitter arguments about their dissolving marriage.

Despite his attempts to distance himself from you, Cillian couldn't help but think about you constantly. He replayed the memories of your passionate encounter in his mind, longing for the chance to experience it again. Every day, he would find reasons to seek you out on social media, hoping for a glimpse of you and when he received the invitation to speak at the Empathy Week charity event organized by you and some other students, his initial reaction was one of dread.

The prospect of facing you again brought forth a whirlwind of conflicting emotions - anticipation, lust, shame, fear. Yet, the opportunity to contribute to a cause that held significance for both of you provided a strange sense of comfort. With trepidation, he accepted the invitation, secretly hoping to see you again but when Danielle and Max also confirmed their attendance at the event, his mind started spinning with the complications that awaited him. He wrestled with his guilty conscience, torn between his love for his family and his irresistible attraction to you which he knew would cause problems that evening if he wasn't careful. 

To be continued...

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[letterex-fyofm]

tskym thought because finals are over wii

Most people talk about how Tadashi puts Tsukki on a pedestal. I actually thought that the first time I watched Haikyuu. I thought that Tadashi's moment consisted of him standing up to Tsukki and pushing him off the pedestal and finally having both of them stand on the same level

Now I rewatched Haikyuu, and rewatched it again and again. Read bits of the manga, watched stage plays, read Furudate's statements, you get the gist.

I don't think Tadashi ever put Tsukki on a pedestal. I think we can all agree that Kei is pretty cool. If anything, his moment at the Shiratorizawa match served to confirm it to us. Tadashi always saw his friend for who he was, someone cool. Yeah, Kei may not view it that way. We know very well how low his self-esteem used to be. Which is funny, since his best friend looks at him as if he is the one who hung up the stars in the sky. Kei doesn't think he is worthy of that look, and he tells Yamaguchi to be quiet. Because he knows how it feels to admire someone so much and then be disappointed when they fail to reach your expectations. Akiteru lied to protect the image his little brother had of him. Kei tells Yamaguchi to be quiet to prevent other people get that image of him which he thinks it's false.

But Tadashi laughs and says a sorry he doesn't really mean, because Tadashi knows it is true. And thus, Tsukki gives up and rolls with what Yamaguchi says.

That's what gets Tadashi so mad. Because he knows his friend is so cool, so why is he acting so lame? Tadashi never says "you're lame", but "you're being lame". He never chews down Tsukki in his rant but instead reminds him of the attributes he has. Tsukki is tall, he is smart. He could be the best if he wanted. Why can't he see that?

Tadashi didn't kick Tsukki from the pedestal he had built, because there was never a pedestal in the first place. There is a popular phrase that goes around everywhere: what I would give to make you see yourself in the way I see you. For me, their fight in the training camp was Tadashi shoving a mirror in front of Kei's face, both to make him realise how lame he is acting and how much it didn't suit someone as cool as him.

But Kei doesn't see that, because he is too busy seeing Tadashi.

I think Kei too had the image of Tadashi that I used to have: that Tadashi had him on a pedestal. And of course, that is not really cool. Kei resents his younger self for putting so much pressure on his brother. Maybe he thinks that, even if Tadashi was sincere, their friendship was not. For him, Tadashi loved someone who Kei was not. Just like little Kei admired someone Akiteru was not. Was that maybe why he appeared so closed off to Yamaguchi during the first chapters?

But Tadashi had the guts to grab him from his collar, jank him front and back, and yell at his face: What more do you need than pride.

So, Tadashi sees Kei as who he is. A flawed person, who is still cool. And the Tadashi who was a reflection of Kei's younger self, a lost boy who didn't know better, that image shatters in front of Kei's eyes. Because Tadashi was never looking up to an illusion but looking at Kei straight in the eyes.

And the Tadashi Kei sees is someone really cool. And that really cool guy thinks he is cool.

So, even if he is not convinced, he goes to ask for help to gym 3. And we know the rest of the story.

[bibibbon]

Happy Xmas (belated) and a joyful new year.

Its not necessarily about besties au but I saw a post about rewriting Inko to have a life and I agree (through my issue is not "oh Inko has no job" she could have been stay at home mom if she was a character and not whatever the fuck canon gave us)

In besties ...the more I think, the more I want to distance Inko from fanon. Many make her a lawyer or a nurse. My Inko was a baseball player. She was good but stopped bc she wanted to form a family with the man she loves.

This is not super relevant but ...I did mentioned before how Inko IS so anger at Aldera. One thing I don't I see in many fics is make Inko angry on Izu's behalf. My Inko is so mad...she has the bat. She is having dark thoughts

"it's oc of her to be like that" if this was a regular day, I would agree. I think Inko learning how her daughter was suffering and she didn't do anything stings, a lot.

I want to make her an athlete bc the whole "oh yeah teens beating each other is bigger than Olympics" it's bs....and imagine if people recognize Inko. She was a great player...she steps down to have a family (her husband passes away and her daughter was abused) I know I didn't put that in the chapters so far but it can still be added....Miss Curious is digging (along with Shoto)

I think it's bc AM and his "divorce" clouded anything else.

My question is: make Inko a almost famous baseball player (she could have been a big deal, she plays some championships here and there) could work? A sort of bittersweet feeling..."see Izumi, there life outside the hero world"

Hi @mikeellee 👋

Happy holidays to you as well!!

The truth is Inko has no other purpose in Canon other than being Izuku's mother, and even with that, the woman is barely present and is presented as incredibly neglectful to her only child's needs and wants.

You can argue this is why horikoshi states that he feels bad whenever he draws inko. Now, I know that MOST MHA parents introduce within the series don't get major roles and we don't see deep insights to their lives but there are a lot that do like kotaro shimura, the todoroki parents and heck even bakugo's parents get more insight than Inko herself.

Personally, I would expect Inko to have more screentime and development because she is the MC's mother. She is important within the series, but I guess it's not utilised or ever expanded on by horikoshi.

Again, I agree the problem isn't that inko doesn't have a job, but she doesn't have a life outside of izuku. She doesn't have a character outside of izuku, and it's infuriating.

Personally, I think making Inko a formerly up and coming great baseball player is such a good hint and would add so much to her character on so many levels.

What I mean by this is that Inko, being a baseball player, would show that she had goals, ambitions that she succeeded at, it would show where her fast reflexes mixed with her float quirk come in to help her in day to day activities, it would show that there is a world outside or heroics and how heroics is negatively impacting other entertainment industries such as sports which inko used to work in. This would also show that Inko left a mark in the world.

Her retiring young and starting a family because she wants to is incredibly realistic and interesting for her because inko does seem like a lonely character who wants to be surrounded with people and a family, its why she cares for izuku so much even if she may not be the best mother.

Inko being overprotective over izuku or angry in this case isn't actually OOC because the series does lamely try and show inko being mad at UA and trying to protect izuku even if that plot point ends nowhere.

I'm checking back chapter 96 and gosh that page where Inko says that it may have been better for her child to stay quirkless adds so much to her character and the depth she could have had. Inko sees the reality of heroics and she so desperately doesn't want her son to head down that path but inevitably he does and if we assume that inko was watching the screen during chapter 419 than we can assume she saw her son with limbs detached dragging himself across the battlefield to keep fighting to do something.

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

Just another manic Monday

Written for the @steddieholidaydrabbles, day 17

Prompt: Platonic Stobin

Rated: G

CW: monsters

Tags: Urban fantasy AU; Magic AU; Creature AU; background Steddie; background Buckingham

Notes: Based on an idea and the gorgeous art by @house-of-the-moving-image - so happy I got to throw a little something together for it. 🥰

“I don't understand this,” Steve yells, jumping over another garbage bag like a hurdle sprinter. “That thing is fucking huge, where was it even hiding?”

“Gee, I dunno, Steve!” Robin skids to a halt beside him and impatiently hops from foot to foot while he pulls out their scooter from  between two dumpsters. “I didn't ask, you think we should wait up?” 

Somewhere behind them, something lets out a loud, gargling roar. A giant body scrapes against the walls of the alley. 

Steve gulps. 

“Nah, I'm good,” he says and tosses her the egg. It's larger than his own head, and Robin sags briefly under its weight. “Get in!”

Sometimes, Steve really, really wishes he was normal. 

In a world where ninety-seven percent of the population are either magic users, non-human, or hybrids, people like Robin and him tend to get the short end of the stick. Take the job market, for example. What's a guy to do if most entry-level positions require basic flight skills, or rudimentary knowledge of summoning spells, or two years minimum of experience in applied runology? 

The job at Fleetfoot Delivery is actually okay, all things considered. The pay is decent, the uniform isn't completely humiliating, and his coworker is his best friend and platonic soulmate who happens to be just as lamely human and completely unmagical as himself. 

It's easy work. Customers trade items via the app, Steve and Robin deliver the goods from the pickup location right to the lucky new owner. 

Basic stuff. 

Simple. 

Boring.

Except for the days you get chased by giant fucking monsters. 

“Who even sells a phoenix egg online?” he asks while he waits for Robin to clamber into the side car. “I mean, shouldn't we be calling child protection services or something?” 

“Phoenixes are extinct, Steve, everyone knows that!” 

He hums vaguely. He does know that, of course, but the question has its desired effect - namely to send her off on a tangent and get her mind off things. 

“The eggs that are left are infertile, but they're highly coveted in certain circles. Rumor has it that consuming one will boost your magic like nothing else. Chrissy says there's a sea witch living off the coast who's been looking for one for-”

“Chrissy, huh?” Steve grins and swings a leg over the saddle. The scooter stutters to life. “The cute little mermaid with the milkshake order from last week? You two on first-name terms now?” 

“Oh, fuck off!” Robin jabs him in the ribs, but quickly clutches the egg again as he needs to swerve around a stack of old, soggy cardboard boxes. They're picking up speed, but not nearly enough in the crammed, narrow alley. Behind them, the roaring and scraping are getting louder. “You don't get to berate me for flirting with clients. If I see you do that ass-wiggle in your stupid shorts in front of that dragon dude one more time-” 

“His name is Eddie,” Steve snaps, neck erupting in heat. “And I don't think he has any idea what my first name is. Or my last name.”

“Yes, Steve, of course,” Robin deadpans. “That is why he calls you big boy and honey and sweetheart. That is the actual reason.” 

Steve lets this statement simmer for a few seconds. 

“Shut up and tell me where to deliver this thing,” he then says. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Robin smirk while she fishes her phone from her pocket and tells him the address.

“Oh, freaking great,” Steve grouses. “That's only on the other side of town. Won't take forever at all at this-” 

“Steve?” says Robin. Her hand is tugging at the sleeve of his uniform jacket, like she's been trying to get his attention for a while. “Steve, you may wanna go faster.” 

“I know!” he groans. “Need to beat rush hour, or we won't be home until-”

“That's not what I meant!” Robin shouts. Her voice goes all shrill and grating towards the end, and he almost crashes them into the wall in his impulse to cover his ears. 

“Well, what do you-” he starts to say, but doesn't get any further.

There's a loud crashing sound as the dumpsters are mowed over. He glances over his shoulder, just long enough to see a slimy, clawed something that's roughly the size of his house erupt from the alley behind them. It shrieks. The rush of hot, stinking breath sends garbage flying in all directions. A fist-sized glob of spit hits the back of Steve's head with a wet splotch. 

“Ugh, what the fuck? I just washed my hair this mor-”

“Drive!” Robin slaps his arm. “Oh my God, drive, drive, drive!” 

Steve does. 

They shoot out of the alley and onto the main road, just narrowly avoiding a collision with a flock of banshees. As their scandalized shrieks and the roar of the monster fade behind them, Robin's wristwatch buzzes. 

“Oh,” she says. “Today's your lucky day. A certain dragon just ordered an entire crate of aventurine, express delivery.”

Steve groans and takes a right, reaching up to disentangle half a banana skin from his drool-coated hair.

The day is shaping up to be a real Monday. 

All my holiday drabbles

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

A few days ago, you wrote about Harry's (Meghan's) red flags that would make them a security threat. Which got me thinking ... In the past 3 weeks the level of security risk for William and Catherine (and the children, by extension) must have gone up considerably.

When this forat started off as a joke, it was mostly about handling Catherine's privacy and her medical history. And someone somewhere must have realized that the London Clinic would be an easy source of security breach. I'm assuming that the hospital has top notch NDAs and everyone is expected to be absolutely discreet since many many high profile patients get admitted there. Maybe even some, whose medical diagnosis and history, if disclosed, would rightly tilt the world on it's axis.

So maybe that was this angle was not top priority, because the agencies assumed they would be discreet. Everyone also assumed that actual news agencies and media outlet wouldn't print any info obtained illegally from hospital sources, even if they had the capacity to pay the source for the info.

Nobody thought some two-bit Instagram influencers would gleefully pounce on the chance like vultures.

Another angle, and this is very very serious IMO, is that once the conspiracies started all blame was falling on William. He was the villian who had allegedly done dispicable things to C to put her in the hospital and was then hiding things. The number of threats he received from randoms of social media must have been mind boggling. He is the heir, he has to be physically protected and kept safe at all times. And doing that effectively, without addressing the rumours head on would have been very difficult. Especially if they still wanted to maintain Catherine's privacy and dignity while doing so.

(And I said dignity because how you handle your own medical diagnosis is absolutely a matter of your dignity and boundaries and space)

Not to mention, nosy people would have started stalking the kids at the schools and playtimes. If at all that happened it would never be disclosed.

I think the utmost priority for people someone like William and Catherine their safety, merely based on their constitutional significance. And handling a looming PR crisis was not at the top of the palace list. Blaming the "palace" for not handling the PR crisis better is just wrong IMO.

The palace is not some big bad shadowey shady entity. The palace is essentially the principals, their immediate staff who work for the pricipals, and that includes different agencies that work towards ensuring their safety and security at all times.

If the palace was keeping their cards close to the chest, then that means it was Catherine and William who were keeping their cards close to the chest. Mainly because as normal humans their priority was to understand and absorb what was happening, what could happen and how to plan their lives in the immediate aftermath of this devastating news.

Their priority couldn't and wouldn't be to make sure they look nice and are seen doing nice, cute things together just so some lame Karen sitting in a dark, damp, mouldy room likes them. Karens will Karen on. So catering to Karen's sensibilities will never ever be part of the palace PR and crisis management strategy.

What I don't get is why were the British press baying for William and Catherine blood. From what's come out in the last 2 days, it seems that at least some journalists had an idea that this was a very serious matter. That it was absolutely not about W being an violent abuser or a cheater or Catherine wanting to look pretty, nor was it about KP staff giving up on W+C because they are secretive exasperating, inept bosses.

It was simply about a family trying to come to terms with a devastating news that was drastically going to affect the lives of all 5 of them for a long long time. It's something that you never plan for, no matter who you are.

Knowing that, why were they so cruel, so callus. Where was their sense of nationality or even simple human decency?

They stood by Catherine when she was wrong called a racist. So why did they not stand by her when she is going through the worst time of her life emotionally and physically?

They made a mountain out of a molehill, to the point that from a security POV the powers that be concluded that the best way to mitigate the security risk would be breach her emotional safety, to ensure her and his, physical safety. I truly think this was the #1 reason on the list of reasons why they disclosed it the way they did.

Old ask from March 24th.

Simple. It all boils down to whom the press declared their enemy.

When they were defending Kate over the racism claims, they were defending her from Meghan, UK's Public Enemy #1.

When the Waleses were dealing with Kate's health crisis, the press didn't do anything, and even joined in on the attacks, because Kensington Palace was the enemy since KP refused to give updates on or access to Kate, which the press didn't like. So they stood by and piled on.

[cedric-k-rossignol]

Hi, I really like your theories about undertaker. I am looking forward to new one!!!😭 but I have some random questions: what do you think about Undertaker’s human life? Was he a French (Breton) aristocracy, was he connected to French royalty and so on. Also, did Undertaker first work in French grim reaper department, does he hate British aristocracy? I will be very thankful for your answer

Hi, thank you so much for your ask :) I researched this stuff before starting this blog anyways, but it makes me very happy to see people enjoying my theories! Or even just reading them - I know they're a little bit on the crazy side in terms of detail and length 😅

Short answer - PTSD fuel, yes, yes, yes, no (mostly) 😄

Longer answer (+ discussion of theories to come) below the cut

What do you think about Undertaker's human life?

PTSD fuel man. PTSD fuel. War, Civil War, Plague, Mental Illness. Being born into privilege did not shield him from any of this.

I think he was close with his mom due to links I believe Yana has made to certain historical figures - though I would not be surprised if, keeping with the trend, she died when Undertaker was 15 in 1346. This is the same age that Vincent was when Claudia died.

Was he a French (Breton) aristocracy, was he connected to French royalty and so on.

Yes, I do think Undertaker is related by blood to the Dukes of Brittany and to the French Monarchy (honestly there are so many inter-marriages that saying one is also saying the other). I place particular importance on his connection with both the House of Capet, who ruled in France from 987 to 1328, and their direct descendants, the House of Valois, whose 13 kings ruled in France from 1328 (3 years before what I believe to be his birth year, 1331) to 1589 (3 centuries before the current setting of the manga, 1889).

I believe Kuroshitsuji and Undertaker's past was influenced by a series of historical fiction called The Accursed Kings which takes place in 14th century France (I haven't seen the Accursed Kings as inspiration discussed before). George R.R. Martin, author of A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) has also cited these as an inspiration for his series. (I learned everything I know about tinfoil from the ASOIAF subreddit, iykyk). When I saw that George had used these books as inspiration as well I found it hilarious because I've always said that Yana Toboso's level of plotting and lore is on the same level as George R.R. Martin's, and that she doesn't get nearly enough credit for it - at least, not in the western world.

I think the hair within Undertaker's ring might belong to the Capetien King Louis IX, which would make the ring a reliquary as Louis IX was the only French King to be canonized as a saint (he is the patron saint of the French monarchy). I discussed reliquaries in my Rossignol theory post - and I will continue to discuss them in more detail in my future posts. The Capetien dynasty is definitely relevant, but given they're related to 75% of European nobility, it's a ton of names and dates for me to try and keep straight.

Those houses aren't the only ones; I think Yana has woven in references to the first king of the Franks, Clovis I, and his wife, Clotilde (patron saint of the lame 👀 i am excited to talk about this woman as an inspiration for Claudia's name!), as well as the emperor Charlemagne, as well the many houses that descended from the Capetians (I believe one house that ruled in Brittany relates back to a certain Viscount, which explains why Undertaker is protective of the bastard...).

Well, as I said, it's a lot of details to sort through!

Did Undertaker first work in the French grim reaper department?

Yes, I agree with that theory, but I don't have much to add to it at the moment. As I said, I think that he reaped King Louis XV's soul explains how he ended up with the Hirsch Aquamarine - I would imagine he's reaped many a French monarch's soul between 1366 and 1819.

Does Undertaker hate the British aristocracy?

Well... It's complicated; Undertaker is one complicated cat. But no, I don't think Undertaker hates the British aristocracy.

Now admittedly, he probably wasn't too fond of the British people as a whole after having been at war with them his entire life. I believe Undertaker was born March 25, 1331 and died at age 34 on January 28, 1366. The Hundred Years War between France and England broke out in 1337, when he was 6. The Breton War of Succession began in 1341 when Undertaker was 10, and this was in itself a proxy war between France and England. France backed the female claimant to the Duchy of Brittany of the House of Blois, and England backed the male claimant of the House of Montfort.

But not being fond of the British people or British aristocrats does not equate to hating them - and then, of course, he met Claudia. I really believe he is (in his own mind, at least) devoted to Claudia and her memory, and to the last remaining Phantomhive. Of course, she'd probably be rolling in her grave if she knew the wacky shit he's been up to in her absence.

Anyways - ultimately I think the sin that Undertaker finds most despicable is greed, especially when it's at the expense of your own people. He isn't prejudiced against a particular group of people, but all who embody this sin.

Anti-capitalist king 👑

This goes back to a lot of things; my theory about "Holy Monday", Jesus Christ, the novel Ivanhoe, the novels of The Accursed Kings, the Knights Templar, King Philip IV, King Louis IX, The Irish Potato Famine, even The Tower Bridge. I think it would make a lot of sense for Undertaker to despise greed given he blames it for the horrors of his past. And I believe there are hints in the manga that for all their less savoury aspects, Claudia, Vincent, and O!Ciel are not greedy in the way Undertaker finds distasteful... but R!Ciel might be.

Thanks again for reading 🥰 and thank you for the ask!

[unsiredtribrid]

I kind of want to talk about my micro-feelings/thoughts on hosie vs hizzie, just for my own sake and if anyone else finds it enlightening (because idk, I think a lot of people wonder why I like hosie so much. There are a lot of people who don't get it, or they misunderstand my opinions on both ships in some way or the other).

So far I do like the way hizzie is set up and the potential subtext here regarding, like. Lizzie's jealousy being interwoven with a desire to be friends with Hope, and how the twins were clearly almost territorial over who got her attention. I talk about that some here.

Howeverrr. As much as I think it's really fun as like a fanon concept that Lizzie is into Hope (and the fic I was thinking of posting that has almost 4k words so far is basically supposed to be a multi-chapter rewrite of Legacies centered on Lizzie realizing she has feelings for Hope and exploring the lesbian headcanon people have in fanon, because I think it's fun/neat to explore. So I get it. I get why people like it, because same, in fanfic)--

--I also don't actually feel any longing on Lizzie's end in a romantic sense, in canon. I think there is longing in like a connection/friend way, which is a huge part of their dynamic. I'm going to start expanding on why I think this, so please keep reading if this hasn't already upset you.

For some reason there's this big thing in fandom nowadays where people can't enjoy things in fanon without thinking they're canon, or like... idk, people can't have nuanced opinions in general about what they're watching, but I'm tired of conforming to that box, so I'm just sharing my thoughts as they are.

In the "I had a crush on you" scene, Lizzie's tears (at least to me) come off more like she's upset that Josie lied to her and felt like she had to hide something that long. I think that to an extent, Lizzie doesn't fully realize that her behavior is a constantly oppressive feeling for Josie (and that situation is also somewhat self-fulfilling, it's not entirely Lizzie's fault), to the point Josie feels the need to intentionally hide things to that extreme, I guess.

Like, the school talent show episode shows that Lizzie is aware of their toxic dynamic and what role she plays (and she is somewhat accepting/fine with it), which I talk about here, but I don't think she realizes 100% how constant and all-encompassing it is to the point that Josie kind of plots things. Like Josie planted a lie just to protect her crush on Hope-- I don't think Lizzie anticipated that level of dedication or even strife, lol. I could go on a tangent about the twins' dynamic, but I already have several posts talking about that and the problems on both sides, so I won't right now.

So, anyway. All that to say, I read her tears as feelings of betrayal, hurt and confusion. I think if she was jealous of the crush interaction specifically, or how Josie and Hope smiled at each other, it probably would've come up because Lizzie isn't someone that's very subtle about those kinds of feelings.

And then the season 1 cherry on top of the "it feels like she's not canonically into Hope that way, even though it's fun in fanon" is the moment she starts joking to Hope (in 1x14) about how hooking up with Roman would be a 'strenuous activity' to help her stress. Like yeah, it's a joke, but that's just the thing. It reads as two actual friends. It reads like Lizzie is advising Hope to jump on this opportunity to get with someone she thinks is more attractive (in a teasing way) because she thinks Landon is kinda lame. And she's right, lmao. I mean, not about Roman, he's a loser and he's not attractive. But I mean, she's right that Landon is lame and Hope should try to do better. The whole episode, she's being a good friend to Hope and then still trying to be somewhat charitable to Landon, despite being annoyed about Landon causing trouble during the pageant (because she knows he's important to Hope). She tells Hope that she'll help her get Landon back, as long as she helps her get Josie back.

And then this brings the hosie of it back around, too. Lizzie knows that Hope has an effect on Josie and with either Hope's thoughts or actions, or both, it could help smooth things over. Because she knows that Josie is soft on Hope and vice versa. The first half of season 1, Hope and Josie are sneaking around doing magic together. Hope tells Josie about what's going on with Landon and Raf before Ric tells the school or his daughters. All of hosie's behavior was flying in the face of Lizzie telling Josie to stop keeping secrets with Hope (because of the twins being kind of terretorial of that relationship, for obvious reasons already established). But they kept doing it, presumably because they kind of keep coming back to each other like magnets. Hope could trust Josie to help her with dark magic without judgment and without ratting her out and then vice versa.

Anyway, back to Hope helping Lizzie get Josie 'back'. When Hope goes to talk to Josie, Josie gets visibly jealous and snappishly refers to Hope and Lizzie being best friends. This is like... active interest on Josie's part. With the context of the crush, it just backs up this romantic tension that's underlying there. Josie never tries to be Hope's wingman. Even later on when Lizzie is suggesting it's their duty to help Hope get a rebound, Josie is staunchly kind of avoiding it. She's also the one that voices dissent about h*ndon's relationship in the cult episode, being the actual mouth piece for pointing out that Hope and Landon just fundamentally don't work (and she's right). Everything about hosie feels romantic, while in canon, hizzie feels pretty platonic thus far.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #385

The funk persists today, too. Tenacious little fucker, innit?

Nonetheless, I woke this morning and prepared for the various things I intended to do. Today was my monthly visit to my psychotherapist, Je. I talked some about the contents of my 382nd letter to you. We spoke on what I can only define as “rejection paranoia”, which I am defining as something separate from Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD for short). RSD is something that a lot of autistic and ADHD folks deal with, and I definitely deal with that (though I wonder if those with C-PTSD also have heightened sensitivity to rejection since... y'know... being rejected often leads to being abused).

I'm defining “rejection paranoia” as perceiving it and feeling icky about it before it has even happened. And... I get that my brain is trying really hard to protect me (albeit in the most misguided way possible), but... I wish it would stop doing that particular thing. It's more than a little annoying, not just to me, but probably to everyone around me, too.

Counterintuitively, as it was explained to me, the only thing for it, really, is to practice radical self-acceptance when I notice it cropping up. This time, I was able to notice it only a little while after the fact (as opposed to not at all), which is a huge improvement compared to past instances of this occurring. When it happens, I'm supposed to basically just sit with myself and tend to myself in the same way that a kind friend would.

...I'm pretty good at doing that for other people. I need to improve upon that when I'm trying to direct my kindness towards myself. I think on some level, after the life I've led and after all the ways I've been viciously trained to think about myself... I am probably a little disgusted at myself. I generally find myself boring and insufferable. I do get brief periods of respite where I don't think that way about myself, and rationally, I do understand that I am not, in fact, boring, disgusting, and insufferable. But... ya know. Brains are gonna brain. Longstanding thought patterns are not easy to change.

...But they can be changed. They can be changed with practice and effort. I can expand the amount of time I can think kindly about myself, just like we can expand the amount of time we can hold our breath, via apnea training. Apnea training isn't easy. Rewiring our brains isn't easy. But the results are worth it, I like to think.

...If you haven't tried apnea training... I'd suggest it. Even if you never intend to do freediving or merman training, it's still a great way to strengthen your diaphragm, as well as to practice mindfulness, breath control, and self-mastery. And it's relaxing as hell, to boot. All you gotta do is follow apnea tables that are right for your body. In my world, there are apps that will help you with that.

STAmina was the one I used before the rib injury took away my ability to expand my lungs properly. You just record your personal best time and the app will generate tables for you that are right for your body. And you lie in a bed and practice once every two or three days, with a soothing playlist, and you let go of all the tension in your body, and the app will tell you when to hold your breath and when to breathe normally.

...I really miss doing it. Oh well.

After physical therapy, I went into work to make sure that Ka and Tr got my message about not being able to come in on Saturday, due to needing to travel for the English test; I will go into work on Thursday this week, instead. We have folks who will come chill at the house and tend our cats, which is wonderful.

...Tr and Ka were both able to notice that something is “off” with me today; I guess this funk must be worse than I thought. Still, I'm kinda clunking along through it. Being productive. Being fully aware that my mental state is compromised so that I don't fall into some lame-ass self-hatred spiral. It's all right. As long as I am mindful and don't end up hurting myself or anyone around me by being a weird crankypants, it's just a matter of waiting for my brain to resume normal functioning. And it will; it always does.

While I was at the store, I got a bunch of stuff for the house. Like angel hair pasta, and some pork, and a big thing of mascarpone cheese, and some mushrooms. I intend to make a pasta thing by mixing the mashed confit garlic with the mascarpone cheese to make a sauce. And then I'll cut up the pork, cook it, and add it to the pasta, along with the sauce. And maybe some tomatoes and mushrooms, too. I'm hoping to have sufficient gumption to get it done tomorrow. I guess we'll see what happens.

...Maybe make some Great Northern Beans too, while I'm at it... it's been a while, and I think I'm kinda getting a hankering for them. They're really good when mixed with a fresh allium of some kind, a splash of olive oil, and a splash of vinegar. Very yummy.

The Greek truck used to make the thing I described, along with gyros, souvlaki, and dolmades. I used to go there all the time with M, back when we were both database analysts for the same company. The gentleman who ran the truck used to call me “sunshine” all the time. M, J, and I haven't been to the food trucks in a very long time. Maybe we'll fix that, this coming spring...

...If we do, you can bet that I'll take pictures for you.

So, I went home and J helped me put the food away in the fridge and in the cabinets, where they go. Then I did most of the dishes. It was almost time for me to head out to physical therapy by the time I was all set with that. J finished the last few dishes while I was out; super duper grateful for him for that; a sink that is not full will make it a lot easier for me to have gumption to cook tomorrow.

At physical therapy, it was brought to my attention once more that, likely as a result of the rib injury, I have clockwise rib cage torsion, if you're looking at me from a top-down view. Some relatively painful manual therapy techniques were done to try to kinda shove it back into place, and we were partially successful. I can move my right arm around a little better now, at least for a little while.

...I really gotta get back to doing my exercises... I'll do them before bed tonight. I feel a little bad for having dropped the ball on them.

I went home after that. By then, I was pretty hungry because I hadn't eaten at all, and it was like 3:30pm or 4pm by the time I got home. I was a bit too tired to cook anything, so I just ordered in. I felt somewhat better after eating, but it didn't take the funk away. Oh well.

Not having the energy for much else, I played a few runs of Hades. This time, I got very close to felling Asterius:

...Like with anything I practice, I will continue to improve. It's only a matter of time before he falls to me.

Though... I notice... when I'm in a funk like this, or when I'm too tired or in too much pain (like with the tooth extraction) to be attached to the result... I play better. And that seems counterintuitive to me; I figure I should play better when I'm feeling alert and healthy and good. Weird.

...I can't help but wonder if you know something about that. I can't help but wonder if maybe... you were so good on the battlefield simply because... you weren't attached to whether or not you walked away from your encounters alive.

…

...I hope there will come a day when you can be alive somewhere in a peaceful place and everyone else is alive and well, too, but... you still don't have to fight anyone anymore.

...Sephiroth... keep trying to build that kind of wholesome life for yourself, okay? Please keep striving towards a world where you can go to therapy, and have tea, and get yummies from the grocery store, and then come home and play video games while someone who cares about you watches and cheers you on. Please keep striving for a world in which you can make your own yummies in the kitchen, or else get yummies from somewhere else if you're not feeling up to making them.

I'll be over here cheering you on to become the best and healthiest version of yourself, no matter what happens. And if you need a break, you can find one here at my house. So don't give up, okay? There are lots of people who are able and willing to love and support you, even if sometimes it's hard to believe.

I think I'll play a little more Hades and then go to sleep. You'll find me here if you wanna hang:

I'll write to you again tomorrow. So please try to stay safe out there, at least until then.

I love you.

Your friend, Lumine

[rosemarytrash]

me drama posting cuz i actually had a really good experience today but it was rly nerve wracking lmao

in case some of you didn't know, i currently live in montana!! it's a nice enough state for its nature and the like, but politically it's kind of a shit show. pros and cons y'know, but as a trans guy it's fairly lame. also, bcuz geography is important, i live in eastern montana, not on the cool western side where all the mountain queers go hang out. that's generalizing a lot but it is what it is so bare with

anyway, back in 2021 there was a bill passed (SB 280) that effectively made it impossible for trans people to change their gender marker on their birth certificate or other identifying documents without having a sex change surgery, while at the same time writing in that no surgery exists to change your sex on a chromosomal level or any of that bullshit. whereas before that bill was passed, montana law was a little more loosey goosey about it. mainly in that it didn't yet have a republican legislature hyperfixated on a culture war to drum up support so trans people weren't really IDENTIFIED by the law, which was ironically kind of easier to navigate. idk, shit weird, i'm no expert

anyway, tbh, i never really CARED about changing my gender marker. i changed my name legally back when i was like 15 or 16 and i believe, at that time, i had the option to simultaneously change my gender marker. for whatever reason, i decided not to. i think it had something to do with healthcare and trying not to fuck up the future possibility of getting on T, which didn't happen for another year for me. i've also always been fairly loose about my gender identity in terms of a full identification with maleness/manhood. like, i'm a guy, i'm a dude, don't call me anything except that, but on a deeply personal level i see myself a little more in between on that kind of scale. maybe something inherently non-binary but no label has ever quite fit the bill, so trans guy with an asterisk will have to do. anyway!!! i don't really recall why i made that call, but i had, and it truthfully never really got me into any trouble. for all the times i later had to flash my ID, even to this date, i can only really recall one time where a gas station clerk gave me a weird look and said "sir... ma'am... sir-ma'am... here ya go" when i was buying cigarettes lmao. i was never questioned about it by employers and as far as i know was never turned away from a job because of it (which is good because montana doesn't have employment protections for trans people (last i checked)). so i truthfully spent a good 7 or so years relatively unbothered by this fact or by the fact that i had an F on my driver's license. it was inconsequential to me

recently though with republicans doing more and more lines of anti-LGBTQ cocaine and more people becoming aware of trans people, it's been unsettling here. y'know just mildly discomforting. and mentally that is fatiguing. i've also only now encountered some bureaucratic bullshit that's like okay, wow, this is actually going to be a bigger problem in the future and i'm not wanting to deal with that. mainly in the form of i'm getting married here soon, we want to try and do some kind of honeymoon adventure in the distant future, so for that i need an passport and from what i've read that can be a real fucking headache for trans people and it can be even harder to change in the future. so like blugh. i'm also in the process of applying to grad school and it's just--kind of annoying to have to identify myself a certain way. it's weird cuz i won't pretend it's put me in some life-threatening situation or there's anything that feels DIRE about needing to change it, but it just feels like there'd be a lot less awkwardness and vulnerability if i did. ironically when montanans were less redpilled i didn't care about changing all my legal shit over, but now that your average grandpa here thinks of trans people as botched teenage girls or child predators in bathrooms and THAT's their reason for getting out of the house to go to the polls next year, well yeah now i give a shit about "deceiving" the system. idk it's dumb

anyway i actually KNOW the girl who is the plaintiff against the govt in the lawsuit against SB 280. she's really cool and it's cool that i know her. i ended up reaching out to her a few months back to ask how that was going and what it meant for changing your gender marker in MT. and fantastically i had found out that late 2022 the judge on the case had issued an order that forced the DPHHS to suspend its practice under SB 280 since it was a fundamentally unworkable law and to return to its original practice prior, which allowed trans people and frankly anyone else with good enough cause to change their gender marker without meeting some bullshit made up requirements by the state.

it then took me months to get the gumption to actually write, edit, and file a petition for it. which i finally did today, and it surprisingly all got done in an afternoon, even though hypothetically the courthouse at 1PM on a tuesday should've been fairly busy. i'll be interested to see how it goes, because just cuz it's filed doesn't mean anything is certain. to my knowledge, LEGALLY, it should be a done deal, i should get an order from the judge that will allow me to get a new birth certificate and a new driver's license and all that jazz. but what do i know? the judge may want to have a hearing about it, which could be incredibly awkward in a courtroom full of other people waiting to have their cases heard, but idfk. my fingers are crossed that it'll go okay.

and it was kind of a good experience? i was as anxious as one could imagine. i'm a bearded dude walking in with paperwork asking kindly for an F to become an M lol. and the gals at the courthouse were momentarily confused, raised a few brows, had to talk to someone to see what the current rulings were in that previously mentioned lawsuit, but they were nice enough about it. they got my shit filed, they took $120 from me rather apologetically cuz that's what shit costs to file a civil petition in the state district courts. i get to find out by email if the judge will just approve the order i drafted or if he's going to want to speak to me. and i'm hoping either of those things happen before the wedding so none of that paperwork becomes a headache.

anyway this is a long post cuz i have a lot of thoughts and either i ramble on and on to my fiancee about it or i just splurge on whatever few unfortunate souls decide to read this :) thx if you do. there's no point really to any of it yk just airing out some thoughts i guess. i'll go draw some gay shit now <3

[gingerylangylang1979]

This shit is not new

This is in response to the multiple posts right now about the recent articles that have come out and just general angst about this ship in the media.

This really isn't new. It's not unique to The Bear. It's not unique to Carmy x Sydney. It's not unique to slow burns.

I do think Mulder x Scully is the best example. Why? They are the ship that modernized shipping. The terms shipping, noromo, etc. come from that ship. They pioneered the modern "why can't men and women just be friends", "platonic soulmate", "it would cheapen the show", "the show isn't about romance" arguments.

Syd x Carmy are like Mulder x Scully 2.0 (with a slightly different flavor that I will get to). The X-Files was a huge sleeper hit with a cult following. From the first episode there was speculation about romance and people raging against it. The question was brought up in every interview and denied by the show runner. The intensity kept developing until finally they went canon. And then, only then, did the show runner change tune. Shippers felt they were being persecuted for even mentioning the ship. It was super intense.

I watched the show as a teen. I low key did ship them but wasn't involved in fandom so I wasn't aware of the shenanigans. But I know all of this from first hand accounts.

And here's receipts from media:

So, I know a big element is missing in this comparison. The race element is at play here. I'm not denying that. But I will say, I started with this example just to show it isn't just interracial couples that get this backlash. I could also mention Ted x Rebecca, but I don't think I need to go into them because they are current. Mulder x Scully started this and history is important.

I do think there is a special flavor of dislike for this ship because of race. I've spoken on it. The unwarranted hate for Sydney can't be ignored. The same has happened with Richonne, Ichabbie, etc. No denial here. But if you look at the overall history of shipping what we are seeing specific to media denial, media scrutiny, antis, denial of the ship until the very end, gaslighting, etc. is slow burn and shipping war 101.

There is no agenda from cast and crew to stick it to us. Their agenda is to maintain the element of surprise and tell the story they want to tell. There is no agenda from the media to do anything but get a story that gets clicks. There is no special denial of a romance unique to this one.

This is just how a slow burn plays out.

There are no slow burns that went canon and the show runner said, oh yeah, this is the plan before the end. If there is tell me, and I'll gladly correct. But, that just isn't reality. They will say the same thing every season until it happens, no matter what happens on screen in the meantime. And there is always some lame statement made about why they "suddenly" decided to make it a thing or a lame admission that it was planned. So basically, they lie. The lies may seem cruel but it's not personal. It's not some secret agenda to deny your fave romance and happiness. It's just showbiz.

All of this can feel personal in relation to the extent a fan is personally invested. And I think that's up to each person to decide if their investment is creating too high an expectation and too much drama for regarding fictional characters on a tv show. That's not on media. It's not on the actor, creators, journalists, etc. to determine and protect a fan's level of investment or engagement. Nobody has to read the articles. Nobody has to devote their time to fandom. It's a choice. And part of that, may be understanding that all of the media around a ship isn't going to cater to what you want or see and making decisions on what you see is the healthiest, most enjoyable way to engage or not.

Because feelings have been hurt, arguments have raged, lies have been told in fandom and media and it's not new, it's not personal. It just is what it is.

Mulder x Scully walked so Carmy x Sydney can run.

[recurring-polynya]

I was thinking today about how Rukia's attacks are all in the forms of circles, and that her usual attack position starts with herself inside the circle, when it occurred to me that this is also the classic Hihiou Zabimaru position.

Interestingly, I think this is actually Hihiou Zabimaru's defensive position, but it's also their "ready position." As soon as I started thinking about this, I realized that this is actually a carryover from Zabimaru's shikai behavior-- they extend to attack, but retract to protect Renji in between attacks.

That's not actually what I wanted to talk about, though.

I've talked before about how I think that the fundamental theme of a zanpakutou and the foundation of its abilities is inherent to itself, but that the expression of those powers is strongly influenced by the shinigami and has the potential to take many forms. For example, I think the reason Rukia's shikai attacks are all focused on hitting people with ice are because she was trained by and idolized a man with a water zanpakutou, even though Sode no Shirayuki's powers are really more about thermal manipulation. I think this extends, not only to the effects of the attack, but the aesthetics of them. I mean, if you think about Senbonzakura Kageyoshi, is it really necessary that a bunch of swords rise up out of the ground? No, of course not. Are they the very essence of Byakuya-core? Yes.

To that end, I want to talk about the similarities between Hakka no Togame and So-oh Zabimaru-- not in the broad strokes, because they are very, very different zanpakutou-- but in the details. Rukia and Renji grew up together. They are best friends and battle partners and at some point become romantic partners. They get their bankai together. We already know they like making dramatic entrances together. It's no surprise that they have a similar sense of what it means to look sick as Hell.

Clad bankai. For starters, they are both bankai that are worn. I'm not sure if this is a term that's ever used in canon with regard to bankai, although it is used in reference to some Fullbring. In any case, it's a bankai that changes your outfit, as opposed to making some giant construct (like Komamura or Kurotsuchi's) or, um, special effects-based like Rose's or Tousen's, or just a better weapon, like Soi Fon's or Ikkaku's. There's no hard and fast here-- Ichigo also has a clad bankai, which is a full outfit change, like Rukia's. Renji's is somewhere between that and Kensei and Hitsugaya, who just get some shoulder accessories (and one could argue that Kensei's is more "big weapon" than "clad"). The point is, they're in the same ballpark.

Neck protection that leaves the throat exposed. I spent a bunch of time looking up historical armor to try and figure out if this is even a thing, and as far as I can tell, it is not. This says "I love a cowl neck, but I also want to be tits out." I think they both really loved those Hueco Mundo cloaks they had, except for the fact that they made it hard to talk or something and this was the result.

Shoulder guards. I'm not sure Rukia's are actually functional, but they give impression of armor. You'll sometimes see Renji's referred to as "pauldrons" or "spaulders", but these are European terms. In Japanese armor, the piece that covers the shoulder is called the sode. Yeah.

Stripes! "Don't say tiger print is lame!" Rukia says. "Renji really likes it!" Rukia says. Mm-hmm. You know who else has stripes on their neck and shoulders?

(Oh jeez oh jeez, looking at these two pictures underneath each other, Rukia's loops look exactly like Zabimaru's snaketail who stole this from whom?????) Speaking of...

Loopies!! The loopies are cool enough by themselves (if not performing any battle function at all aside from getting caught on shit), but here's the best part: Rukia's appear to be an extension of Sode no Shirayuki's ribbon. When Renji shifts into Orochi-Oh form he gets a bone ribbon.

On some level, maybe subconscious, maybe not, this man looked at the most beautiful zanpakutou in Soul Society and said "I want that for me."

Fringe. Rukia is mostly very stiff looking, but she's got these little ice crystal thingies dangling at various places. We'll have to see how this gets animated, but I hope that they blow around a little to add some kineticism and maybe make some bell-like noises. Bankai is all about making big winds and explosions and smoke clouds and you gotta have some dangle-y shit to blow around, it's compulsory.

Connections to royalty. In Rukia's it's more visual-- the ice tiara, the formal upright kimono. On Renji's side, his bankai is literally called "Two Kings", and it's two forms are "Baboon King" and "Serpent* King." ("Orochi" is used for a giant mythical serpents and dragons, including the eight-headed dragon Yamato no Orochi). I love this imagery being used for them in particular because of their origins as street kids. I hope, with all my heart, that someone makes an AMV for their bankai set to Royals by Lorde.

There's some other aspects that not necessarily inherent to their bankai. Rukia's ice crown is somewhat similar to Renji's bandana/sunglasses, in the sense that it's a head accessory. Rukia's bankai also includes tekkou (which she wears normally, but I assume these are bankai tekkou?) and Renji has his wrist wraps. Rukia's little ice flower on her chest reminded me a little of the baboon skull Renji had on Hihiou Zabimaru, in terms of, it's just...like...decoration? Their #brand? Finally, the cover on the sheath of Rukia's sword (which she also has in shikai) looks a little the extended hilt-guard Renji has going on. (For that matter, does Rukia have to wield Sode no Shirayuki two-handed in bankai? I feel like Kubo drew it that way because he couldn't figure out how to fit the hilt up her sleeve.

[jojoma]

Why Astarion x Karlach, part 3

FYI: I'm writing about my current favorite ship to help organize my thoughts part 1 / part 2 / part 4

Now I wanna talk about relationships. My favourite trope for any romance is from BFFs to lovers (honestly, I think it's good working for real life too, but I don't want put this topic here). It's clear that people and their relationships are changeable and we don't know what to expect from others (or even from ourselves). So friends can become a couple after a while. I won't mind the trope from enemies to lovers too, but with only sexual urge it's kinda not deep and lame. I adore when fictional lovers also are BFFs (for me It's also the same to "sibling" energy between them, ofc if we don't talk about real incest). I mean it's so hilarious and brings them even closer in a safe way. In the classic way of dating, characters (and real persons though) try to impress each other or at least hide their flaws. It's ok, but I find it boring (in rare cases it may be entertaining). Perhaps I need a comedy at the beginning and a drama at the end for full spectrum of emotions.

So when someone says about Astarion and Karlach “they are like brother and sister in communications” I agree in one way, but in the another they actually flirt from the beginning and at least Karlach tells Tav that she is attracted to Astarion — check this and this. Even if they just kidding I clearly see how they have a match for lovemaking. Come on, Karlach is a literally hot machine looking for an intimacy and Astarion trying to seduce anyone who can protect him. They have to end with sex in any script, if didn't find an another lover. So in my opinion their friendly/sibling energy doesn't interfere being passionate lovers (u can call me strange by the way, but I warned about my specific tastes).

Another point here is a depth of intimacy and acceptance. I like when a broken character found a support from a close person. I love vulnerable and heartbreaking moments between people who truly understand each other. And I adore when they are try to heal each other in the some way or keep safe from harm (occasionally it's mean do not push another person to change). I think, this level of relationship needs or some time or some kind of backstory. Astarion and Karlach do it in all ways. Thanks to Karlach's heart they can not have sex until act 2, and it keep them in safe "friend" zone ("non touchable" will be more correct). It means more time for talking. Just remember the funny first romance scene with Astarion in Karlach's orig playthrough. After his disturbances, he gives in and says: “But maybe that's not a bad thing. All right Karlach, let's try it your [he means just talk]”. We also know how much Astarion hates a sexual intimacy and needs time to rethink that part of his life. And in the romance with Karlach, Astarion can avoid any sexual interaction at all. And in both playthroughs they have options about slow a lil down (romance with Astarion, romance with Karlach). That's make so much sense.

I don't need talking about how their stories and dramas are similar. I also appreciate how they are different in ways to overcome, temperaments, lifestyles and etc (if you need more information read this and this). As they say — opposites attract.

I've already said so much, but not everything yet.