#kryptonians are aliens

[natalievoncatte]

Alex rolled onto her side, and was a little surprised to see Kelly Olsen laying next to her, turned away and curled up the Egyptian cotton of her bed

(their bed)

snoozing softly in the morning light. Alex took the time, as one does, to admire the vulpine curves of Kelly’s back and the elegant sweep of her shoulders. She wanted nothing more but to lean in and plant a soft kiss on the back of her neck and wake her, which would hopefully lead into a glorious Saturday morning of sun-kissed, gentle lovemaking that would result in an forgotten breakfast and breathy declarations seared into hot skin with caressing fingers and tasting lips.

Unfortunately her fucking phone was going off.

Alex rolled out of bed and snatched it, relieved that she hadn’t disturbed her girlfriend. She threw on a button-down as a makeshift robe and plodded out into the kitchen.

She wasn’t expecting a call from…

“Lena?”

“Alex?”

“Yeah, what’s up? You don’t call me often.”

“I need help. It’s an emergency. Sort of.”

Alex glanced back at Kelly’s languid form and one long leg slipping out from under the sheets.

“Where’s Kara?”

“I can’t talk to Kara about this. It has to be you, Alex.”

“Okay, sure,” Alex said, warily. “We can grab a coffee later at-“

“Alex, it has to be now and at my place. This is serious.”

Alex bit her lip. There was a compelling urgency to Lena’s voice. Alex didn’t have Kara’s super senses but she could pick up the nervous energy and hint of feed behind the words.

“Okay,” said Alex. “I’m on my way.”

Alex pulled on her cleanest pants and most readily available tank top and scribbled a note for Kelly (encouraging her to either stay in or be back in bed by the time Alex returned, as their business was unfinished) and grabbed her car keys.

Rising her bike would have been… a sore subject, as it were.

Morning traffic was surprisingly light and she made good time. Lena buzzed her up and she walked into Lena’s weirdly cold penthouse, and found her sister’s best friend pacing rapidly back and forth, dressed in a hoodie and hugging herself.

“Okay,” said Alex. “I’m here, Lena. What’s going on?”

“I’m pregnant,” Lena blurted out, before Alex had finished speaking.

Alex stared at her.

“Funny, I always thought you were a virgin.”

Lena glared at her. Alex knew why Kara was so fascinated by her- she had those big pretty eyes that radiated sadness and set off Kara’s protective instincts. Alex had figured out a long time ago that these two dipshits should just bang it out, but it wasn’t really her place to tell them, especially if it meant outing Lena, or dealing with Kara’s baggage from her weirdly fascist home planet and its bizarre ideas about sex.

(One example of said baggage being her sister’s heart breaking over the alien fuckboi from the asshole planet. If only Kara had realized that her gorgeous kind billionaire best friend was in love with her… you know, before the whole world domination Kryptonite laser thing)

(People who aim orbital fusion cannons at their friends should not cast stones, Alex had decided)

“Alex?”

Oh. Lena was talking. Alex pretty much blue screened there.

“Right, you’re pregnant. Are you sure?”

“I’ve taken two tests, and I’m late.”

Alex rubbed at her chin. Lena looked like a drowned rat, more than a little terrified.

Alex swallowed hard.

“Okay, first question. Did someone hurt you?”

Lena looked up sharply. “What? No.”

Standing to pace the room again, Lena rubbed at her arms as if she were cold.

“So um,” said Alex. “Do you need my help with…”

“I just need someone I can talk to that isn’t Kara. I can’t tell her yet.”

Alex swallowed. Hard. “Okay. Tell me what’s going on.”

Lena sighed and stared out her balcony window.

“Do you remember that game night where we all got sloshed, last month?”

“Yeah,” said Alex. “You hosted. As I recall, Kara was the last to leave.

“She didn’t leave. I… I did something stupid. I tried to seduce her, clumsily. I was drunk off my ass.”

Alex tensed, the hairs on the back of her neck rising.

“Oh,” said Alex. “She brushed you off and you went out for a hookup? I’ve done worse. Are things okay between you?”

Lena stared at Alex as if she’d just grown a second head.

“No, Alex. Kara spent the night. She insisted we not do anything intimate until we both sobered up, but I talked her into staying in bed with me.”

Alex sighed. “You got any of that expensive single malt? Your dad’s brand?”

“It’s eleven in the morning.”

“Well, it’s not like you can drink it. You can have juice.”

Lena glared at her. “Cabinet by the fridge.”

Alex ended up pouring two glasses of cranberry juice and sat down at the kitchen island, pushing one over to Lena.

Lena sighed. “I don’t want to get into the details but we were definitely sober when we woke up.”

“And?” said Alex.

“We, um, we had sex,” said Lena.

“And then she got weird and brushed you off and you went out for a hookup?”

“What? No! Just let me finish telling the story.”

Alex sipped her juice, enjoying the bite on her tongue. “Okay.”

“We’ve been sort of seeing each other ever since. Quietly, keeping it to ourselves. Kara is…” Lena sighed, “she’s very protective and she’s afraid that you’ll get upset if you find out we’re together.”

Alex’s fist closed tightly around her glass.

“Lena,” Alex explained, “I’ve forgiven and forgotten a lot from you, but I’m having a hard time understanding how this happened if you’re with my sister. Did you cheat on her?”

Lena looked up sharply from her glass. “What the fuck, Alex? How could you even ask me that? God, am I ever going to be good enough for your sister? I know I fucked up. I know what I did was wrong. Hurting her was the worst thing I have ever done and I would trade anything to take it back, but we are in…”

“Okay,” Alex cut her off. “Fine. Our lives are fucking weird, so I’ll give you the benefit of tbe doubt. But usually you being pregnant would imply that a man was involved somehow.”

Lena blinked. “What?”

“You’re pregnant. There has to be a father.”

Lena stared at her in abject confusion.

Then she said, “Alex, Kara is the father.”

Alex looked at her for too long a moment.

“I’m sorry but what the fuck, Lena? What did you do?”

“What did I do?” Lena demanded. “It’s not my fault! I mean it is as much my fault as it is hers, but we weren’t worrying about protection the first morning and after that neither of us brought it up. I know, I’ve been stupid, I just…”

Alex’s mouth fell open.

“Protection? You and her? What the fuck?”

Lena took a long pull of cranberry juice and winced at the tartness.

“You didn’t know?”

“Know what?”

“Apparently, under a yellow sun, Kryptonians can, um, adapt to a sexual partner’s body.”

“Okay, okay, okay!” Alex snapped, “okay fine my little sister… with you… and you’re pregnant. Fine, we’re on the same page. What now?”

Lena stared at her, biting her lip as she sought answers.

“Are you going to keep it?”

“Keep it?” said Lena. “It’s Kara’s. Of course I will. That’s not even a question. I’m just… I’m scared, Alex. What does this mean? How is she going to react? What if… Jesus, I’m carrying a half-Kryptonian baby. Is that even safe?”

“It worked out fine for Lois and Clark. Twice. You’ll be okay, if having the baby is what you want.”

“It is,” said Lena. “Kara makes me deliriously happy, Alex. She was like a knight in shining armor that night and she was so kind and gentle the next morning and it’s like… like this was natural. We both fell into it so easily that it was like it had always been this way. I love her. I love her so much.”

Lena was red faced, looking embarrassed as she cast her eyes down. Alex reached across the table and took her hands.

“Well, I’m glad you dipshits figured it out. Watching you two blush and stammer at each other for another five years would’ve killed me.”

“ALEX!”

“If you want my blessing, you have it. I’m sorry I doubted you, but in my defense, I didn’t know she could… do… that.”

“Uh, right,” said Lena. “I want to call her and ask her to come over now so I can tell her. I know this should be a private moment but… can you stay? It just feels like you belong here for this.”

“Yeah, Lena. I’ll stay.”

Lena smiled.

[blorb-el]

Do you think Clark makes some secondary larynx alien sounds when he’s fucked out of his mind

yes 😌and also when he is doing the fucking😌

[t00thpasteface]

talked about sharks feeling heartbeats in marine zoology today

[shroudedmoon]

Kinda tame today but I procrastinated a lot lmao

Day 3: Alien Biology

I love love love the headcanon that kryptonians purr.. also did I mention I'm weak for pointy teef and ears..

[hypewinter]

Danny raises Superman au

So we all know that Superman touched down in Kansas and was adopted by the Kents and bla bla bla. But you know what state also has farms and is only like 600 miles away? Illinois.

So Danny is chilling in the countryside, enjoying his sweet, peaceful early retirement when an alien pod, that's a little a lot off course, suddenly crashes near his house. When he checks it out, there's a baby inside. Welp looks like he's a father now. No way is he risking the government getting their greedy little mits on this precious ray of sunshine.

Clark grows up with a father who teaches him early on how to control his powers and use them for good (They may or may not stop a robbery or two occasionally). He also gets two cool aunts. One is free spirited and always bringing him souvenirs from her travels. The other is very grounded and teaches him many techniques to deal with his conflicting emotions (his father is not happy when he uses said techniques on him).

Danny for his part is happy we his son develops a support system like he did. They can even actively help him beat up the villains! He's overjoyed at the man Clark becomes and even happier when he brings home an ace reporter who knows how shifty the government can be. He might be already saving up for their wedding but who can say?

[science-lings]

regardless of the answer, every single one of them get a moment where they realize that 'oh shit, I sound like my dad'

[nelkcats]

Superman doesn't know how to curse

So, Clockwork had sent him to another dimension. No problem with that, he actually liked to explore the different dimensions, though he wondered what "lesson" was there for him to learn.

He avoided all nearby beings (he didn't want to face them, even though he had so many questions for the Martian). His plan was going spectacularly well until he tripped over a chair and hit his foot. The pain was immense and he just started cursing.

Now, Jazz was very sensitive about the "we don't swear in this house" part since he was little so, well, he had to get creative and start swearing in languages ​​she didn't understand. Alien languages ​​he had known in the Infinite Realms.

The first thing that gave away the halfa wasn't the lack of invisibility or the Watchtower-wide intruder alert. No, what gave him away was an embarrassed Superman who didn't know how to explain to his teamates that yes, that boy was speaking in Krypton language, and no, he couldn't translate because he didn't want to repeat what he was saying, but no, it wasn't bad.

Conner and Kara who were visiting laughed at Clark's face, he looked completely mortified. Bruce's insistence on knowing exactly what the boy was saying wasn't helping him. While Conner didn't know as much of the language as the other two Supers, he could tell a curse word when he heard it.

Danny looked up to find many individuals looking at him uncertainly, he chuckled, noticing that a man with bat ears was staring at him and a boy in blue pajamas couldn't bear to look at him.

It was the moment where he realized that his invisibility had failed him, so he did the only thing he could think of: he raised his hand in greeting. And disappeared immediately after.

[donkoogrr]

Hey, I want to share my brainrot.

Broke: Superman is actually a bad person who doesn't love his bi son Kon because he thinks the kid is going to be a future villain.

Woke: Superman is understandably standoffish to his nonconsensually created clone made to replace him when he was dead. Superman didn't step up when and how he should have - that doesn't mean he didn't have character growth and learn to love Kon, even if he have the kids a name that is a Kryptonian slur.

Bespoke: Superman would LOVE to get to know and mentor this new guy, but whenever he looks at the kid his lizard hindbrain registers DANGER and it freaks him out. He doesn't know why, there's just something intensely Uncanny Valley about Kon. Clark has never understood humans talking about creepy dolls or being afraid of mannequins until now and he doesn't know how to process it? He doesn't even know how to explain it because everyone around him is acting like Kon is perfectly normal and fine and safe and Superman's the asshole for never engaging with him.

Human scientists fucking around with alien DNA made it so that Kon is permanently sending out Aggression in subtle, Kryptonian-only ways. By scent or sub-vocalizations, or posture, or some other alien subconscious way, Kon is both peacefully hanging out with his friends and at the same time indicating that he's about to murder them. Neither Kon or Clark know this! Clark unlearned most of these instincts when he was being raised as human and is used to the people around him not hearing/seeing/tasting/smelling quite right. Until there's this guy here, serving these VIBES.

(about the slur name. Consider that Nightwing is Superman's dear friend and nephew. Consider that he calls himself Dick. Imagine if Clark named Kon "Kon" as a way to honor Dick and like, it's his genuine belief that future Kryptonian speakers will think of Kon as a name first and a slur second, because this person is going to be so amazing)

[natalievoncatte]

Lena knew her pulse was racing, but Kara was either pretending not to notice or too tired to care. They were curled together tightly under the blanket, Kara’s head resting on Lena’s chest, the pair of them curled into each other with a desperate intensity.

An outside observer would see no difference between the way that Nia was tucked and folded neatly into Brainy, his head lolling against hers as they slept on the other side of the couch. Nor would they see any discrepancy between the way Kelly and Alex were stuffed together in the armchair next to it, curled up in one another like a pair of cats tucked in against a cold night.

The outside observer would see three couples who’d begun with a game night and progressed to an unplanned movie marathon and started to crash out and fall asleep, full of wine and mirth and too tired to get home.

One couple wasn’t. One of these pairings was just friends, and the knowledge of it was like a ragged gaping hole in her chest, where something had crushed and torn through her and left a gap that would never be filled.

Lena was terrified.

Alex and Kelly were married now. Nia and Querl were getting very serious. They were going to start building lives.

Kara’s coming out had gone well. She was truly growing into herself in a way that frightened Lena as much as it warmed her heart. The Girl was growing to equal the Super, Kara becoming more and more herself even without the crutch that her suit provided. She was uninhibited, free.

In her secret heart, Lena hated it. In the end, Kara had been right, damn her. The Secret had meant something. They once had a space that was uniquely theirs, where Kara was a person only Lena knew, that not even Alex ever experienced. Yes, the Secret frequently intruded, but in those moments where it hadn’t, where their mutual pining to be normal met and they used it to build a space all their own, the real Kara came out.

That space had been shattered by their falling out but rebuilt stronger, its foundations laid the day that Kara came home from the hell outside the multiverse, the first brick laid when Kara had leaned in as Lena broke their hug and stared at Lena’s lips.

God damn me, Lena thought, why didn’t I make the move? Why didn’t I do it?

The moment was lost.

She looked down at Kara now, purring away on her chest. Kara had begun embracing her alien self, slowly stripping away all the ablative secrets that she’d layered onto herself to pass for human. Lena was delighted to discover that Kara could do that; that if she relaxed it would happen on its own. It made Lena contented and sleepy, especially when they were close in like this.

God, she was so beautiful. Lena had never laid eyes on Kara’s equal and never would, and when she walked tall and smiled and flashed her easy, invulnerable confidence, the sight of her was almost unbearable. Looking at Kara left marks on Lena’s heart the way that looking at the sun left burnt streaks in her vision.

Fear, cold and merciless, clenched in her chest. One day it would happen. Someone would succeed where James and William had failed and Mon-El had come so close. They’d snatch her away and Kara would throw herself into it with abandon and Lena would lose her.

Lena pressed her eyes shut to fight back tears. She willed herself not to mourn a loss before its time, to savor the soft weight propped on her chest and the tangy scent of Kara’s skin but she couldn’t help herself.

“Lena?” Kara whispered.

With all the guilt of a thief found red-handed, Lena froze, her mouth dry.

“What’s wrong?”

Lena glanced around the room. The others were all sleeping soundly, passed out in each others arms. Lena wondered what that was like, to sleep with the joyful comfort of assurance that they would not wake alone, that the others would stay.

“Nothing,” Lena lied.

Kara knew. In the dark, her blue eyes seemed to emit a faint light, another peculiarity of Kryptonian physiology that Lena honestly just hadn’t noticed before The Secret was revealed.

Kara turned slightly, shifted, and tucked the blanket in close, wrapped tightly round them. It was chilly in her loft and Kara was like a living furnace, warming Lena’s cold bones. When Kara slipped a hand free, her skin was fever hot on Lena’s cheek. She leaned into the touch, greedy for it.

“It’s okay,” Kara murmured. “Nobody’s gonna get you while I’m here.”

Lena smiled sadly. Kara knew about the night terrors, about her fears and how she sometimes hated the dark, because the barriers of their friendship, the walls that defined it, were so bent and strained that they’d never return to shape, even as they refused to yield.

“That’s not what I’m scared of. I’m scared of when someone gets you.”

Kara blinked.

“Sooner or later you won’t have as much time for your best friend. You’ll find someone else.”

“Why would I want someone else?” Kara said, almost too loud. “I want you.”

Oh God, that hurt so much. It made the frayed edges of that hole in her ache, at once raw and fresh and old and desiccated. She couldn’t go on like this. Why did Kara say things like that?”

“Were you going to kiss me the night we got you back?”

Kara flinched, and now she looked the thief.

They were both silent. Kara stared.

“I was scared to. We’d only just… I was afraid everything would break.”

Lena swallowed hard.

“Kara, what the hell are you waiting for?”

She blinked a few times more, a storm of emotions clouding her angelic features. She flushed, eyes wide, and was looking directly, openly at Lena’s lips.

She tasted like cherry lip balm and red wine. Kara’s kisses were like Kara herself, ardent and gentle in equal measure, the chaste softness of pressed lips smoldering with the same alien fire that burned under her lushly warm skin. Lena moaned softly, and that from little more than a soft peck on the lips.

She was an addict who’d just tasted the ambrosia of her dreams and her head was spinning. In an instant everything had changed, though Kara had barely moved. There was something new in the way Kara’s arms snaked around her. A slight shift and Kara touched her forehead to Lena’s before kissing her again, deeply this time. Lena let her eyes drift shut and savored it.

“I. Am not. Going. Anywhere.”

There was a heavy, almost oppressive silence. A sob of relief choked out of Lena and she hugged Kara fiercely, freely, joyfully free to crush herself against her unbreakable love.

“I mean,” Alex said, “you could move to the bedroom. I think we’d all prefer that.”

Lena almost jumped out of her skin. Kara let out an equally surprised yelp, as they both realized that everyone else was awake and watching them get lost in each other.

Lena cleared her throat. Kara sat up. She was beet red, and Lena was sure she was, too.

“Guys,” said Kara. “Get out.”

[its-toast-time]

Kryptonians are predator species that traditionally hunted using endurance, stalking their prey for days and miles with single minded focus. Evolutionarily, that intensity never really faded. Furthermore, Kryptonians often inherently connected interests to purpose and thus to personality. I mean, in Krypton’s later half of existence they literally started breeding Kryptonians in a caste system that designated purpose at birth, obviously these beings meant for one thing are going to be invested in that one thing with their whole kryptussy. Kal-El might have been a natural birth but his parents weren’t. His grand parents weren’t. He definitely inherited that interests=purpose=personality psychological pipeline.

This is all to say that Clark Kent has been known to exhibit very very normal Kryptonian behaviors and psychology but comes off as wildly autistic to humans. That man doesn’t ever just focus. He hyperfocuses. He doesn’t have hobbies, he has special interests and obsessions. Bless him.

[thefanciestborrower]

Little doodle showing off how goopy normal insides are vs Kryptonian insides lmao. Featuring Clark (mildly soggy) Kent and Bruce (literal hagfish) Wayne

This is about how they each look right after getting spit up by the other lol

[plethorawrites]

malady do you think there are some weird ailen biological things that clark has maybe even jon has them since yk his half ailen

Yesss!!! Plenty. I don't know in what capacity you're referring to, but I have thoughts in general.

---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---___---_

A. No cavities. I mean, if their bones are basically unbreakable, there's no way they'd get any tooth damage.

B. Sleep hovering. Pretty sure this is canon, but they absolutely dream of flying and suddenly start to do it. Often. And even as a baby, Jon would float out of his crib.

C. Weirdly good intuition. Not exactly like Spidey senses, but similar. They just have feelings that are right 9/10 times.

D. Empathy. To the extent that if someone is hiding an emotion, even extremely well, they just know. Immediately. It's not even reading their lies with a heart beat, it's just their ability to read general body language.

E. Randomly quotes something from Kryptonian history. Lois or some other justice league members understand or at least know he's referring to something from home, but if he does it in front of a civilian by accident he has to make up some excuse about it being from a book or movie.

F. Soothed by the sound of an incredibly specific pitch that's only obtained by a machine star labs built. They hear every sound on earth all day every day, and for the most part can handle it, but sometimes just need it to disappear. The pitch makes it disappear almost entirely and Jon, only being half Kryptonian and therefore needing sleep unlike his dad who just does it out of habit, puts it on like white noise to go to bed.

G. Jon LOVED playing in dirt as a kid. Like utterly adored it to the point he'd get multiple baths a day and Lois could never figure out why until Clark realized it was because he could feel the vibrations of the ground and the earth as it shifted. He could feel everything within the soil too, for that matter.

H. Loves hugs for that reason. Can feel the barest hint of goosebumps, the heartbeat of the person they're hugging, and it feels so warm when Clark wraps his arms around his wife or Jon hugs his parents. It's just relaxing.

I. Music from Krypton. Not even something that was learned. It was just embedded in their minds from birth. A very specific melody that helps them think and it's frequently heard when Clark is writing an article or Jon is doing homework.

J. Bland food. Such bland food. They have the most sensitive taste buds so a normal amount of salt is way too much, even the slightest dash can be overwhelming so when they cook dinner they have to use the barest bit possible. Yet, they still taste as much flavor as most people would if they dumped half a bottle of seasoning into a meal.

[timblrdrake]

Afternoon Mr Drake-Wayne,

I understand you're considered quite a gifted little computer expert, especially in compsec. I've recently acquired @officialdailyplanet and I'm interested in branching into some more extreme investigative journalism.

Let me know if you would be interested in contracted work, and it's so wonderful to see you've truly bounced back after the unfortunate incident with your parents.

Lex Luthor he/they

hi there.

i’m interested, but i’m curious as to what you mean by ‘more extreme investigative journalism’. provided more details i’d consider it.

thank you.

[incorrect-green-lantern-quotes]

I find it so hilarious how the wider universe views Earth as a primitive backwater populated by barely sentient primates, yet pretty much every Green Lantern from that planet has gotten it on at least one alien baddy.

Like, you got Kyle x Soranik, John marries Katma and later dates Merayn, Simon has a fling with Ungara's biggest rock star, Jo boinks both men and women while in the Far Sector...

Either the GL uniform is doing some serious heavy lifting, or 2814's officers just have so much rizz it overcomes intergalactic prejudice. And I think we all know which option is funnier and thus correct

[syppys-den]

This is unironically how I'd write Krypton

don't worry, this version is less idiotic and Dystopian

[ijustthinkhesneat]

So don’t get me wrong I love Henry Cavil’s Superman , but I’ve always imagined Clark to be like less human…

First off I think Clark’s proportions would be just like a little to perfect. Like the silhouette of a bodybuilder but like if you look to long the proportions are just barely not human. Like his chest with verse his waist is chest a little to broad and his waist is just a little to thin. His muscles are like way too aesthetic for someone how doesn’t hit the gym. His arms are maybe just a few centimeters beyond what is normal. the cleft in his chin is a little to deep, his hair doesn’t move enough when the wind is blowing, his skin looks like it’s from an Instagram filter. Like chad but from the uncanny valley.

I also love the slightly feral Kryptonian interpretations. His canines are too long and look like fangs, his finger nails grow to sharp tips, he has reflective eyes.

Like he is objectively not human looking if you look for too long but everyone ignores it because Clark is such a sweet silly midwestern boy who is objectively attractive and there is nothing strange about him at all!