#kiss favorable aro culture

[aro-culture-is]

[TW: KISSING]

Kiss favorable aro culture is wanting to smush mouths which your comfort characters, but in like an act of kindness and compassion way without a shred of romance involved 👍🏻

.

[aroaceconfessions]

Could I be aro?

Tw: details of romantic and sexual situations

I’ve recently been questioning whether or not I might be aro and want to know if that seems way off base to others who are. What led to me thinking this is what appears on the surface to be a fear of commitment. I’ve always desired a romantic relationship in theory, and I’ve had crushes on plenty of people growing up (I’m 23). As I got older and started to try online dating, I’ve had lengthy conversations with many different people on the apps, and probably between 5-10 first dates. In high school up to now, whenever the possibility of a relationship with someone I’m romantically interested in becomes real (irl crushes ask me out or online crushes suggest meeting in person), I get sort of sickened by the idea. People that either are very compatible with me on paper or that I flirt with a bunch over text suddenly gross me out.

Now, you might be saying, “It seems like you’re pretty romance-repulsed when the idea of being in a romantic relationship yourself becomes a possibility, rather than a fantasy or theory.” And it does seem like that. But my fantasies do involve me specifically, and I want to point out an important exception.

When I was 14, I had a crush on a guy who also had a crush on me. We were in a ton of classes together, he was actually one of my teacher’s sons. Same scenario, he asks me out, I say yes, we go on a first date and I hate it. But, for a lot of not great reasons, I decide to try and wait it out to see if that feeling goes away. I guess I thought relationships were hard and once you put the work in they get fun. So I was pretty miserable for about a year and a half, maybe two. But then, I started to get less miserable about the romantic aspects of our relationship. To a point where it seemed like I was enjoying all of the things I fantasized about. We were together until I was 18, and the last two years I was very happy with the romantic things like kissing, cuddling, dates, etc.

So. Idk if I got stockholm syndrome or what, but clearly I enjoyed that romantic relationship eventually. Idk what changed, because we definitely had a deep emotional connection way before I was comfortable with him in that way. There are a lot of little things too that make me question being aro, like not really having very many/if any significant crushes in the last 2-3 years, however I haven’t met a ton of new people in that time either (thanks pandemic). I went on a couple dates with one guy under the assumption we were both seeking a romantic relationship, but the first date was pretty much just hanging out as friends and the second date on did involve sex without any kissing or much cuddling at all, and after we decided to just be fwb we did things like kissing that didn’t gross me out. Also, the guy I dated for 4 years is the only romantic relationship I’ve ever had, so no other examples to provide. I expect some advice might be to try again and date more people to see if it’s a pattern, but I don’t really want to waste more years of my life in relationships that gross me out.

Some possibly helpful background: I was AFAB and I’m pretty sure I’m cis, but have questioned in the past. Purity culture and gender roles were very enforced growing up, but I’ve been working on breaking away from them for the past 5+ years. Until I started questioning being aro I identified as panromantic, but it did take me until I was 20 to even entertain the idea of being queer despite having had crushes on girls my whole life (probably because of religious trauma, you get it). I’ve ID’d as asexual since I was 21, and I believe at least part of that comes from sexual trauma. I don’t experience sexual attraction ever, but I am sex-favorable and I do desire sexual relationships. Sex for me is very much a fun/exciting performance, and I also get gratification from it the same way you might get gratification from giving someone you care about a back massage. I come from a verbally/emotionally abusive household with an enmeshed family that I am still in frequent and close contact with, by my choice. We don’t/have never shown any physical affection to each other past occasional, sometimes awkward hugs.

I know this might be a good thing to discuss with my psychiatrist and/or therapist but despite their full support, they aren’t as well-versed in aspec culture/issues/sublabels/etc and they don’t have aro experiences.

Does anyone relate to any part of this and/or have any insight they’d be willing to share? Thanks

[void-tiger]

…for the love of.

Ace people kiss. And have (gendered) aesthetic attractions.

I’M the rare ace gremlin who’s kiss-repulsed. But just about every other ace I’ve talked to either 1) likes kissing or 2) is curious to try kissing if they ever reach that “base” while dating. Or 3) doesn’t go into a near panic about whether or not they have to stage-kiss.

Because kissing isn’t inherently linked with sexual attraction, neither is having preferences for human beauty, and Platonic Lip Locking used to be a thing in some cultures (who knows, maybe it still is in places. No Thank You for this ace tho.)

What an ace does or doesn’t do (and aros, and aroaces, too for that matter) really doesn’t say a damn thing about their orientation or where, exactly, they fall on the asexual (or aromantic, or aroace) spectrums.

That’s…literally why we have terms like “favorable, neutral, repulsed” for things—largely sex or sexual acts, but it’s not limited to that.

[journeysfable]

for the ask game - 4 and 5!

Ty for the ask!

4-what moments make you go "well I'm definitely aro"

Too many moments like that. People actually fantasize about a life with someone they probably don't even know? Like why not fantasize about slaying dragons or smth lol. I just draw a lot of blanks about things like type, marriage, dates, I feel like I think completely differently to alloros

5-Are you romance favorable, romance repulsed, or indifferent

I'm very romance repulsed. I avoid romantic stuff whenever I can. Even when I was a kid I hated romance, one time I even had a tantrum over a kissing scene. Some things make me go "aww" but most of the time romance just makes my skin crawl. Idk if it's because the culture of where I live has ruined it, or if romance on its own just makes me uncomfy

[aro-but-not-ace]

Carnival of Aros: December 2021 Roundup!

Thank you to everyone who submitted and reblogged the submission post! I appreciate all of the time everyone took to support this month of the Carnival, especially with the holidays, finals, and the entire situation of the world.

If you would like a recap, the submission post is here. The theme for this month was "attitudes towards romance," which refers to how some aros identify as romance repulsed, neutral, favorable, adverse, and so on.

Without further ado, here are the submissions in chronological order, and my submission/perspective (under the keep reading):

Cyril: https://arobydesign.wordpress.com/2021/12/07/my-attitude-s-towards-romance/

Roboticanary: https://roboticanary.wordpress.com/2021/12/19/attitudes-towards-romance/

mesotablar: https://mesotablar.dreamwidth.org/21969.html

Ettina: http://abnormaldiversity.blogspot.com/2021/12/how-do-i-feel-about-romance.html

sildarmillion: https://sildarmillionjournal.wordpress.com/2021/12/15/is-romance-transactional-in-nature/

https://sildarmillionjournal.wordpress.com/2021/12/17/why-do-people-want-romantic-relationships/

https://sildarmillionjournal.wordpress.com/2021/12/19/exploring-attractions-why-i-wrote-this/

aspecofstardust:

https://aspecofstardust.wordpress.com/2021/12/16/attitudes-towards-romance/

keygoose: https://www.pillowfort.social/posts/2496405

nzcienief: https://nzcienif.wordpress.com/2021/12/28/013-romance-in-fiction/

arias_hollow: https://href.li/?https://arias-hollow.dreamwidth.org/16216.html

I honestly really enjoyed reading all of these submissions. Every single one. While some of these perspectives differ from my own, I think that's the beauty of this community. We all share different thoughts and opinions (obviously, as with any community), and yet, we still generally support each other and ask insightful questions to understand the other side. I noticed this in a lot of discussions on the posts, which I was glad to see!

To discuss what I've noticed in the submissions, I've noticed a lot of people mention the differences in how different cultures experience amatonormativity and romance. I wholeheartedly agree! I'm personally affected by amatonormativity found in Western cultures, since I live in America and haven't traveled (the furthest I've ever been from home is Mississippi, and I have never left the United States). But as someone who is heavily interested in learning about different places, experiences, and cultures, I have to agree with this point.

I want to say that when I personally refer to amatonormativity, I refer to the kind I've been exposed to. But I want everyone to know that Western amatonormativity isn't the only kind--in other cultures, kissing isn't always inherently romantic, holding hands isn't always romantic, and living together isn't always thought to be romantic. Marriage isn't even entirely romantic in most cultures. Likewise, things that are seen in Western cultures as non-romantic might not be seen that way in other cultures (such as certain gestures and body language), so there is no one way amatonormativity presents itself across the world. Because of this, the way that some of us view romance may be different based on what cultures we grew up in or have been exposed to.

I also noticed a lot of people discussing how they feel about these terms. I didn't want anyone to feel like they had to fit into a box for this, and I'm sorry if the way I worded my call for submission felt this way! I definitely wanted my examples and discussion questions to be guidelines rather than things you had to go by. I think it's important to express yourself the way that you feel is best--whether you fall under any of the terms, don't use them at all, or use an entirely different term (even if you made it yourself). I'm all for interpreting your experiences and feelings as a way you see fit, instead of how people tell you to interpret them.

Anyways, I think that's all I had to say regarding the submissions. Here is my post if you're interested in seeing my perspective on this topic. Thank you to the Carnival of Aros for letting me host this month, and I encourage everyone to stay updated on the carnival! The topics are really great every month, and I think it's an amazing opportunity to share your side of our community.

Thank you to everyone, and I hope you have an amazing 2022!

[asexualone]

(pls take the time to read)

Signs I should have known I was aro: Disney edition

I think this topic has been stressed a lot already. But here is my take, anyway.

Of course, romantic love had been, is and will always be one of the main themes in kids' movies. Why, I can never fully understand. I'll explain below how I like other themes more.

Some time ago, I did a post on the kiss/hug scenes in Rapunzel which depicts how much more I value acts of showing love that don't include kissing.

Not only those two. I have a history of hating Disney on-screen smooches. As a kid, I thought, "Well, maybe, I don't like seeing these characters kiss because it's a grownup thing."

Could you blame me? When my parents were in the room and a kissing scene appeared on the screen, they changed the channel. So my toddler brain concluded that the reason I didn't like watching kisses was because I wasn't of age to like it. Or something.

At the time, I had no idea that I was hand-picking my favorite movies by the level of romance they had in. Or lack thereof. And I was a very judgemental kid. Let's go through my original thoughts on some Disney classics.

Snow White — No. Just no. She's a child, fourteen. Marrying an older guy she doesn't even know. After he kisses her corpse. NO.

Cinderella — The age difference is a little better, I guess. So is the age of consent. But they only talked one (1) night and he relied on that slipper to find her instead of asking to meet all women and see for himself. Fairytale logic I guess. I didn't like how she called it love immediately and kissed the prince at least once that same night. Or how they got married immediately.

The Sleeping Beauty — Must I even explain? Aurora didn't even know Philip that much, had only met him once (if you exclude the "dreams"). And yet, he's her true love, the only one who can revive her corpse. Ridiculous. And yes, kissing a comatose body, ew. Also, the arranged marriage trope pisses me off, royalty or not. Aurora was engaged as a newborn baby, come on.

Mulan — Cinematic gold. I didn't know it back then, but the fact that romantic love is such a pushed-aside aspect in this movie gives me life. The songs give me life. Especially when the trio dresses as concubines and "Be a Man" plays in the background. An absolute gem, lmao. The sequel however ruined the story somewhat for me, too much lovey-dovey stuff. I like Mulan more when she's fighting than when she's acting all sappy towards Shang, sorry not sorry.

Peter Pan — Loved it, still do. But I did dislike the mermaids, the image of fangirls who are petty towards other girls. And Pan's brief "relationship" with Tiger Lily was nauseating to me. I couldn't explain it but when Pan blushed at her nose-nuzzling thing, I always pulled a face.

The Princess and the Frog — In my opinion, (remember, always my opinion): Tiana, this hard-working girl who doesn't belong to anyone, was lost to love. Well, not lost. But falling for Naveen in the course of three days? Unrealistic and kinda unnecessary. Sweet, but still. I adored the "relationship" between Ray and Evangeline more. Either way, it's a movie that I enjoyed when love wasn't that prominent on screen.

Aladdin — I love this movie because of the Genie. The relationship between Jasmine and Aladdin is meh. She forgot his face and didn't recognize him until later. Their coming together is a lot like that trope "first guy who treats her right sets the expectations and wins her heart". Usually that's a thing, not only in Disney movies but media in general. The female lead settles for the first guy that treats her right because the bar is that low. A good movie, all in all. Love how Jasmine stands up for herself at least. Not a lot of princesses fight against the objectification of women.

Pocahontas — I used to hate this movie. I didn't sit right with me: the racism in it, the manipulation, the murders. And the romance, yes. Pocahontas fell for the strange man who tickled her curiosity in the span of two days. I also hated how her father just sold her to marry Kocoum like that. I know it's tradition. Heck, that's a tradition that still goes on in my country. Maybe that's why I didn't like seeing it on screen. And Pocahontas doesn't even end up with John Smith. The second movie definitely ruined the story. So yes, she's the first princess who fell for a man in three days, TWICE. Needless to say, only the songs kept me from blacklisting the movie entirely.

The Little Mermaid — I actually loved this movie for some reason. I can't explain why, maybe it was my obsession with mermaids. Yeah, that was probably it. But I was pissed when Ariel exchanged her tail for legs. Not to mention human periods and overall, all the bad in the world, for a man she'd only seen once. As I grew up I realized just how f*cked up that story was: Ariel giving her entire lifestyle, family and identity up for a guy she hadn't even spoken to. I don't know why I loved that movie, alright? Hell I still do a little. The sequel too. Say what you want.

Brave — (I know this is technically Pixar, shut up) Much like the paradox with Ariel, I didn't like this movie. I can't explain it. Maybe because Merida wasn't the typical Disney princess I had been used to seeing. Now though, I ADORE that story. No, it's not because Merida knows archery... Okay, yes maybe a little. I love the aro-arrow word play, alright? Anyway, the way Merida fights against being shipped to a husband like the "tradition" I aforementioned asks her to, has always had my heart, even when I didn't like the movie. The focus on the mother-daughter relationship is special, I love it. Stellar movie.

Tangled — One of my favorite Disney movies, my favorite princess. But her relationship with Eugene.... Well. Again, three days. That's all it takes to fall in love. Classic of Disney. Not only that, but Eugene is literally the first man person Raps has ever since, besides Gothel. The bar is nonexistent for her, she would have fallen for anyone. He lied to her and she still... Well, I won't stress that any longer. Their relationship in the end is sweet, one of the few cases where we are actually shown that they would risk their lives to save each other. Respect that. Mostly, I love her magical hair and Pascal. And the guys of Snuggly Duckling.

Moana — EPIC MOVIE. The story, the culture, the character growth, the plot twist, everything! Loved it at first sight, at second and forever. Even more when I became aware that there's no romance in it. I don't think I need to say more.

Frozen — My opinions on this movie have always been changing, accompanied by mixed feelings. So the relationship between sisters was cute, but Lilo and Stitch made that more realistic. Anna's relationship with Hans, ugh. I think that for a long time I used the fact that he was the antagonist to justify my absolute hate for the way Anna "fell" for him in one evening. Again, Anna sweetheart. This is the first man you've met. The bar is nonexistent for you too. God bless Elsa for forbidding her to marry Hans. And while it's cute to think Elsa as a lesbian, she has aromantic vibes. Sorry not sorry, but she's also a God by the end of Frozen 2. Gods are beyond attraction, I said what I said.

Raya and the Last Dragon — Loved it, still do. Say what you will about "dragon Elsa". Sisu is her own character, and I adore her. And yes, I love the lack of romance in the movie. Make no mistake, I shipped Raya and Namaari from the first moment they smiled at each other. I swear on my name that I paused the movie and screamed, GAYYYY, at the top of my lungs. Luckily, I was home alone. If only Disney directors would do the right fcking thing and give me a queer main couple!! I swear I wouldn't mind the lovey-dovey romance one bit.

Of course, I've left dozens of movies out. This post is already way longer than I wanted it to be. But I think that was enough to make a point.

While I'm not romance-repulsed, seeing animated kisses (and unnecessary relationships) on screen makes me uncomfortable. As a child and as a grownup. It just doesn't sit right with me. Not to mention all these princesses who identify with their princes and specifically their relationships with said princes when they're perfect on their. Wreck it Ralph 2 made them a favor, I think, by making them work together and showing their strengths. Another movie I love.

Friendship just makes an overall better theme to apply to kids shows, my opinion. Family, work, self-discovery, mental health, happiness. These are all better themes to portray in media dedicated for children. Which is, again, my opinion.

And yes, Disney has been getting better. They've fixed the age difference and the age of consent. The female characters no longer depend on the male ones, at least not as often. They understand the assignment, alright. There are still many questionable things about Disney's reputation though, things we all choose to overlook for the sake of the good movies. But who knows? They might change. Hopefully soon we'll also have an obviously queer couple in a movie. Hope dies last.

[romo-aro-culture-is]

romo favorable aro culture is loving fanfiction and shipping and you usually don’t mind/like reading about your ship kissing, but you’re actually kiss-averse and it’s turning into kiss-repulsion because your friends are dating and they kiss a lot and somehow it’s making you less comfortable with kissing and now you can’t enjoy your ship kissing anymore because it reminds you of that :( (not blaming my friends at all though, i’m glad they’re happy. this is just a me-problem T_T)

<3

[aropodcasting]

The Fabled A-spec Post I Keep Saying I’ll Make

Since I’m p aro on sideblog + community terms are unknown to people outside the community (as well as those inside the community due to the wipeout exclusionism on the website circa 2016-onward) so I figured I’d make a quick post to let people know abt some of the things I’ll be referring to!

Terms

Allo: someone who is not a-spec; used in front of -romantic or -sexual (ex. alloromantic) or used as a descriptor (ex. I cannot believe everyone else here is allo)

A-spec / Aro-spec / Ace-spec: abbreviation for the spectrum; A-spec as an abbreviation for the entire spectrum, aro-spec as an abbreviation for the aro spectrum, and ace-spec as an abbreviation for the ace spectrum

-> a note: can be written as a-spec or aspec, but due to screen readers/ what I’ve seen dyslexic a-spec people discuss, I use a-spec. I am not dyslexic nor use a screen reader, so I cannot comment on this, and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong

Qpr/ qpp: queerplatonic relationship/ quasiplatonic relatonship; queerplatonic partner/ quasiplatonic partner. Qprs do not have a strict set of rules, and as such are hard to describe. They are not romantic nor sexual inherently, though one could be. A qpr can be committed, married, and non-romantic/ non-sexual; they can look like a romantic relationship; they can include sex and sexual elements; they can appear casual; they can be monogamous or polyamorous; they can occur at the same time as a romantic relationship. They’re very moldable. They are a relationship that, as it comes from the aro community, is not inherently romantic, but goes above and beyond traditional societal norms for friendship (though, friends can do everything a qpr does and not be in a relationship labeled as other than friends). To get a better understanding of qprs, I’d suggest looking into community resources and finding other posts a-spec blogs have made about them. AUREA, or aromantism.org, defines them as “A committed non-romantic relationship that goes beyond what is the subjective cultural norm for a friendship. Levels of intimacy and/or behaviors between the partners involved often don’t fit the conventional standards set by society. Some QPRs can include sex and elements that are generally considered romantic. In practice every queerplatonic relationship is different. Abbreviated to QPR, and queerplatonic (quasiplatonic) partner to QPP.”

Squish: a catch-all term for non-romantic and non-sexual attraction; commonly mistaken for a crush

-> a note: there are many other words for different types of attraction (plush for queerplatonic attraction, swish for aesthetic attraction, etc) but squish is a catch-all and used most often

Peach Fuzz: a qpr that pretends to be romantic/ dating for any reason

Zucchini: an old term that became uncommon after exclusionism became widespread; another way to refer to your partner in a QPR (ex. This is my zucchini!)

Amatonormitivity: The assumption that everyone is looking for a long-term romantic relationship; the assumption that romance, marriage, ‘partnering off’, etc, is the only path someone would want to follow in their life

Queerplatonic / quasiplatonic: an attraction that is ‘non traditional’ and not romantic or sexual. A hard to define attraction that is different than platonic attraction but not romantic or sexual

Aplatonic: Someone who does not experience platonic attraction; also a spectrum called the aplspectrum; can be used as an identifier (ex. demiplatonic, greyplatonic, etc)

SAM: the split attraction model, which serves to split types of attraction (ex. aroromantic and bisexual as two different terms used at the same time)

Non-SAM aro, ace, etc: commonly used as Non-SAM aro. People who don’t use the split attraction model (ex. only identifying as aro/ terms related to aro and not ace/ allosexual)

Oriented aroace: a term for people who are aroace who experience another type of attraction larger enough to label it (ex. Lesbian aroace, pan aroace, etc)

Angled aroace: a term for people who are on the a-spectrum (grey, demi, akoi, etc) and who experience a type of attraction that is not romantic or sexual, and feels significant enough for them to label it (ex. see above, angled omni aroace, angled gay aroace, etc)

Relationship anarchy: the belief that no relationship is better than another; instead of a pyramid of relationships, they’re all equal. Not specific to the community, but often discussed

Romance/ sex repulsed/ averse: someone who does not want romance/ sexual relationships/ actions taken towards them. This can go from feeling uncomfortable to getting triggered by these actions. One can be romance repulsed and not sex repulsed, or sex repulsed and not romance repulsed, or both

R/s indifferent: someone who does not care one way or the other about romance and/or sexual actions taken towards them. One might be unwilling to do romantic/sexual actions because they don’t care, or, on the other end of the spectrum, might do them anyway even though they do not feel any real want to. On a spectrum and can apply in any combination, like r/s repulsed.

R/s favorable: someone who likes romantic/ sexual actions and wants to do them. Again, on a spectrum, and in any combination, like the two above. They might seek out romantic/ sexual interactions, enjoy them, and want a romantic/ sexual relationship, despite not feeling romantic/ sexual attraction

-> a note: be careful! Sex negative and sex positive are used to refer to whether you support those who are sexual or not (ie. sex workers, those who are in sexual relationships, etc) instead of whether you specifically feel repulsed/ favorable. Don’t mix the terms up, as they mean two different things

Voidpunk: a section of punk morals/ aesthetic not unique to the aro community but coined in it. The practice of rejecting ones humanity and reclaiming their inhumanity, specifically only to be used by groups that people use inhuman against; a way to cope with dehumanization from oppressors. Not specific to the aro community (also used by poc, neurodivergent people, etc, and the intersection of multiple identities that are called ‘inhuman’) but popular inside it

Soft Romo: a term used for anyone but most often on the aro-spectrum; for people who like to perform stereotypical ‘romantic’ gestures such as dating, etc. without wanting the high-energy kissing, holding hands, etc. A ‘low-level romantic relationship’, where performing high-level romance is not preferred or just not possible due to different aspects.

-> let me know if there’s anything you would like me to add/ explain!

Symbols

[ID: an image of two hands, palm up. The right hand is on the left, and the left hand is on the right. They are resting on a dark grey blanket, and there is a light blue rug behind them. On the middle finger of the right hand there is a black ring. On the middle finger of the left hand there is a white, almost transparent, ring. End ID]

Black ring: a symbol of the ace-spec community. Worn on the right hand, middle finger. A way of identification/ pride in public w/o displaying flags

White ring: a symbol of the aro-spec community. Worn on the left hand, middle finger. A way of identification/ pride in public w/o displaying flags

Cake: a symbol commonly used in the ace community, either as a joke (ex. This cake is better than sex!/ Cake will always be better than sex) or as a symbol

Arrow: a symbol commonly used in the aro community, drawing on the way the words ‘arrow’ and ‘aro’ sound the same. Similar themes (archers, bow and arrow, etc) can also be used

Ace card symbol: the ace of a card deck, commonly used as a symbol in the ace community. While the card usage isn’t often discussed, I’ve found sources discussing each meaning; Ace of hearts-> alloace; Ace of spades-> aroace; Ace of diamonds-> the ace spectrum Ace of clubs-> questioning. Draws on ���ace’ and ‘ace’ word play; also used in jokes (ex. I have an ace up my sleeve/ Aced it!)

Yellow roses: a symbol commonly used in the aro community. Symbolizes friendship, using the symbolism in the yellow rose

Purple/ Green: the colors in the ace / aro flags, respectively

Yellow: the ‘color of friendship’. Commonly connected to yellow roses.

-> a note: there are many more symbols in each community; space ace, frogs for aros, griffins, dragons, etc. I’d suggest looking up symbols and finding some more yourself! These are just some common ones I have seen frequently

That’s all I can think of right now, but if anyone would like me to add on things / explain more my ask box is always open and I am always willing to edit. People in the a-spec community, please feel free to comment/ correct things/ add on things you feel like I’ve missed! While I did not do a list of identities, I did not want to leave out identities that are lesser known/ made fun of. Again, my ask box is open. I linked AUREA (linked to the FAQ) above earlier (linked to the home page), which is a great site for the aro community if anyone would like to know more.

[lavonathon]

regarding ur aro/ace post......... am i the only one that thinks that maybe if you feel that way, maybe you're not aro? if you find yourself desperately yearning for a romantic relationship, even if it's fleeting, you may not be entirely aromantic

i think there’s a difference between wanting to experience the love and emotional comfort a romantic relationship can offer, versus experiencing actual romantic attraction. personally, I don’t get crushes on people, or experience any desire to kiss or do romantic things with other people, so I’m aromantic. That being said, I still get lonely, and crave emotional intimacy. The intimacy I want isn’t necessarily romantic in nature, but because our culture so heavily favors romantic and sexual relationships over platonic ones, it’s difficult to articulate a desire for intimacy and comfort outside of a romantic context. 

that’s why some aspec people gravitate towards queer-platonic relationships, because regardless of romantic or sexual orientation, there’s still a desire for emotional intimacy. i think it’s perfectly valid to identify as aromantic while wanting to be, or even being in a romantic relationship. it’s the lack of romantic attraction that makes someone aro, not a lack of wanting to be loved. 

[aro-culture-is]

Romance favorable aro culture is getting Romance Exhaustion (new term?) when the New Couple is being overly lovey dovey at a family event. Like guys i get it but do you need to constantly kiss each other and go "where is my boyfriend???" Whenever the other is out of sight. Every three seconds. For two days. Is that necessary and if so can you do that in another room Perhaps. "Where is my boyfriend????" He's taking a piss. Calm down.

.

[ocprompting]

Hey everyone, we put this together and i think this is a good blog to put it on. it’s a big text document we made thats like a big oc bio/questionnare like thing, its just a bunch of questions about your oc. i realize its very slightly biased to fantasy settings but only slightly, so ignore the magic section if yours isnt fantasy based. if you do decide to fill it out, you can skip any parts that dont apply to your oc, and just please do link back to this blog if you post it! i dunno who would actually fill it out or if its any good but uh its here if u want it! (im not claiming this post to be good - its just useful for us so i’m sharing it incase it is useful for others too) 

Fun Character Bio 

Name

What is it?

Does it mean anything, who gave it to them and why?

Do they like it?

Is it a common name for their setting/culture, or is it obscure?

Other basics

Age?

Species?

Personality traits

What are their most defining traits to their personality? What sticks out as soon as you meet them, what kind of first impression do they make?

What are their good traits?

What are their bad traits?

Any other traits?

How do they describe themself, how do they view themself?

How do others describe them, how do others view them?

What parts of their personality always prevail and are always present no matter what the situation is?

Are they a different person when you first meet them than when you get to know them, does it take them time to open up? Or are they an open book from the get go?

Appearance

Height?

Body build/shape/weight?

Facial shape - What are their eyes like? How about their nose, or lips? Shape of cheeks? Eyebrows?

Hair - Is it short? Long? How is the texture/shape? How is the style? Do they wear it different ways or only one way? What colour(s) is it, and is that natural or changed?

Skin tone?

Anything such as glasses? freckles? dimples? scars? any wrinkles?

Do they look younger, average, or older than their age?

Anything else such as a tail, unusual ears, wings, etc?

How do they feel about their appearance? Do they like it, do they dislike it, is it mixed, or do they not place much value on their looks?

Is there anything they would want to change about their appearance? Is there anything they refuse to change about their appearance?

Gender identity/etc

What is their gender?

Are they intersex or perisex (non intersex)? Or does their culture not even have different "sexes"?

Are they cis or trans? Or does their culture not even assign genders?

What are their pronouns?

Orientation/attraction (if oc is aro and/or ace, skip the ones you feel not applicable)

Sexual orientation?

Romantic orientation?

Are they dating anyone? Are they married? Do they want to get married? Or do they prefer 'one night stands'?

How do they react when they first fall for someone?

How do they react when they first begin being intimate with someone?

How do they react further on down the relationship? Do they change or do they stay the same but stronger feelings?

Do they have a lot of dating experience, a little, or none?

What ways do they express intimacy or love? Hugs, Kisses, Giving gifts, Doing favors, Creating things for them, Verbal flattery, etc?

Are they casual or intense in the relationship? Do they value the relationship as important and lasting, or just fun and fleeting? Are they fast or slow in their relationships?

Are they dominant or passive in the relationship? Do they take the lead, let their partner(s) take the lead, a mixture, or is there no lead in their relationships?

Do they enjoy sexual aspects to their relationship more, or romantic aspects more?

Do they have any sexual interests that they do with their partner(s), either for themself or for their partner(s)?

What do they do if there is something upsetting in their relationship, how do they handle slight turmoil in their relationships? (as in, not abuse, but a small/singular problem)

Are they confident when with a partner, or are they insecure? If they are confident, how do they feel about confident partners? How about insecure partners? if insecure, then how do they feel about confident partners? or insecure partners?

Do they have a 'type'? Personality wise, what do they enjoy in a partner(s)? Looks wise, what do they enjoy as well?

How well do they handle heartbreak?

Platonic relationships

What kinds of people do they make friends with? What kinds of people DON'T they make friends with?

What kinds of things do they enjoy to do with friends? Do they like to chill at home, go out somewhere exciting, hang at a quiet coffee shop, etc?

Do they enjoy a large friend group or small? Would they rather a few great friends, or many good friends?

Do they make friends with anyone easily, or are they selective?

How long does it take them being around a person to consider them a friend?

How do they handle a fight with a friend?

How do they express their friendship? What kinds of things do they do to/with friends to let them know they care for them?

Animals

How do they feel about animals as a whole? Do they view them as friends, helpers, tools/rescources, equal companions, annoyances, or enemies?

Do they have a favourite animal, for any reason? A least favourite animal?

Do they have any pets? Have they formally had pets? If no pet, do they want one?

Are they good with animals or are they bad with them?

Food/Diet

What kinds of food do they enjoy?

What kinds of foods do they not enjoy?

Do they eat a little, a lot, or somewhere inbetween?

If a little, Do they only eat a little due to being poor/conserving, or is there another reason such as culture/religious/etc? If a lot, do they do so due to money/abundance of food, or would they still find a way to eat a lot even if poor? 

Do they have any food allergies, or restrictions such as vegetarian/vegan/pescetarian/etc? If the latter, is it a personal belief, a cultural belief, a religious belief, due to allergies, or something else?

Do they view food as just sustenance or as a pleasure? Or balance it out?

If given a big plate of food, do they eat their fav food first or last?

If given a big plate of food, do they eat it all at once, or save some for later?

How do they feel on sweets? How do they feel on sour foods? How do they feel on spicy foods? How do they feel on bland/basic foods?

Are they good at cooking/baking, or do they instead just buy premade meals? Do they cook basic storebought foods or do they make food from scratch? Or if rich, do they pay someone else to prepare their foods?

Social/political beliefs

What are their views on social groups? Are they open minded or close minded? Are they progressive, or do they dislike if their society changes?

What is the government like in their setting? Do they like the way it is set up, or not? Do they like their current leader, or not?

Fashion

What kinds of clothes do they like? What kinds of things will they include in every outfit?

What kinds of clothes do they dislike? What kinds of things would they refuse to wear?

Any accessories they always wear, like a bracelet, hair tie, ring, locket, etc? Does it have any significance?

What is their relationship with clothing? Do they wear what's comfortable, what they aesthetically like, what is easy to work in/what fits their profession, something formal, something casual? Do they view clothes as just fabric to cover their body, or do they consider it an important/integral part of their identity, or somewhere in between?

Do they prefer to have less or more skin exposed in their outfits? Do they wear as little as possible, or maybe do they use clothes to hide something about themselves?

Do they live somewhere with the same temperature/weather all year, or does the climate change? if it does change, do they change their clothes by the changing seasons, or do they stick to their "brand" no matter what? if it doesn't change, do they like having the same style clothes all year or not?

Disabilities

Do they have any physical disorders/ailments/etc?

Do they have any mental disorders/ailments/etc? What about, are they neurodivergent?

Do they have any other sort of disability?

Is their disability something formally diagnosed or understood in their setting, or is it something not well known or understood in their universe?

Does their culture offer accomodations, treatments, and services for their type of disability, does their culture just ignore or not recognize it, or does their culture view it negatively?

How does their culture/setting view their disability(/ies) in general? Is their society open to help those disabled, or quick to shun them?

Hobbies and talents

Do they have any hobbies or recreational interests? Do they practice them a little at a time/during whatever free time, or are their hobbies more time consuming and take up a good deal of their day/week/etc?

Is their hobby to de stress, to bring fulfillment, to build up a skill, or another reason? Why do they do their hobby?

What made them pick up/do this hobby?

Is their hobby something done in their alone time, or something done in a group setting/with friends?

What kinds of talents do they have? What are they good at? Is it something more well regarded like singing, dancing, painting, etc.. or something more obscure like quickly organizing things alphabetically, remembering what kind of flowers their friend likes, or another skill that isnt as widely seen as a typical "talent/skill"?

is there any type of hobby they detest and would never partake in?

Is there any sort of skill or subject they are just completely bad at?

Is there a hobby they wish they could try? Is there a skill they wish they had?

Are their hobbies or skills more practical and useful in a job or career, more suited for social life/aspects, more creative and for fun, or do they serve a different kind of purpose in their life?

Do they have skills they don't know about yet, or hobbies they haven't tried, and maybe even don't even know to try (on either)?

Religion and spirituality

Are they religious? Are they a part of a group or place which practices their faith in an organized manner, or do they practice it on their own/by themself?

Are they spiritual? Are they part of a group or place which practices this in an organized manner, or do they practice it on their own/by themself?

Do they consider religion and spirituality to go hand in hand, or are separate things in their life? Do they do one without the other?

What parts of their beliefs do they enjoy the most, what speaks to them the most? What is the core reason they are a part of that faith?

Is there any part of their faith they don't like? Be it the faith itself, or the people within?

If they are not religious, is it due to indifference, due to it being not of interest, due to a more scientific view, or even a personal grievance with the faith, the deities, or the people within the faith?

Is their belief a widely practiced one in their culture, or is it a lesser known practice? Is it the only religion established in their setting, or are their multiple?

Where they raised on their faith, or did they convert in later?

Were they raised in one faith and left it for another faith? Were they raised in one faith and left it for something like athiesm/agnosticism/etc?

financial status/job

What financial class do they belong to? Are they a ruler/royalty, nobility, upper class, middle class, lower class, or poor as can be?

Were they born in to this class, or came in to it later on?

What is their job, if they have one? How do they earn their money, or at least things like food and other necessities?

Do they enjoy their work, do they only work for the money, or do they detest their job? Is work something enjoyable or is it stressful?

Is this their dream job, or is there something they'd like to be doing more? What is stopping them - do they not have the social class, do they not have the money or ability to achieve it, or do they maybe just not believe they're capable?

Phobias

Do they have any phobias or fears? Anything that scares them beyond belief or something that they reguarly avoid out of fear?

When confronted with their fear, how do they handle it?

After escaping the situation, how do they recover? How long does it take to do so?

Is their fear easily able to be overcome after facing it once or twice, or is it something more chronic and they have the same response no matter how often they experience it?

Does their fear come from a frightening life experience, or is it more 'random' and not 'derived' from anything?

Magic

Is there anything equivalent to magic/etc in their universe? If so, can they use it? 

Where does their magic come from? Their own body, an object/book, a deity, their universe, etc?

What powers do they have?

How do they recharge their powers?

When do they use their powers; what situations, how often?

What kinds of drawbacks do their powers have?

Fun/misc

When playing truth or dare, which option do they take when asked?

If hypothetically stranded on an island for a week, what three objects and three people would they take with them?

If given 3 wishes, what would they wish for?

What's their fav music genre? What's their fav tv/book genre? Fav video game genre?

Do they like board games, or do board games frustrate them?

Do they sing in the shower? Do they sing when they cook? Do they sing when doing chores?

How do they react to having an annoying song stuck in their head for 3 days?

Are they good with kids?

What's the quickest way to make them smile/laugh?

Quickest way to make them cry/break their heart?

Quickest way to get on their nerves/piss them off?

How do they sleep? Light sleeper, heavy sleeper, do they snore? do they toss and turn or are they a brick?

Do they own a comfort object? Do they own a sacred object? Do they own a useful object? Any sort of thing they own that they heavily rely on for something? 

Zodiac sign? Do they care about this sort of thing?

How do they react to/act when they are sick?

How do they react to/act when in pain?

How do they react to/act when hungry?

Any tropes that apply? Or, what is their basic "character type"?

Three words that perfectly describe them?

ok cool thanks have fun -claude & irak

[aroaceconfessions]

I keep seeing aro people complaining about how they feel left out of the community. And even tho I know that some of them have actually experienced targeted discrimination and i don't want to invalidate anyone's feelings....... i feel like some people's expectations of what "the community" should be and provide for them are just wrong.

Like some people say they're sick and tired of hearing other romance favorable aros go "well just because you can't feel feel romantic attraction doesn't mean you can't have a romantic relationship xd". I get it, they feel invalidated and that sucks.

And then the other half are sick and tired of aro spaces pushing them aside because they're romance favorable and yes, they would actually enjoy a romantic relationship, thank you very much. Some of them even are in relationships with romantic people! and all those aros going "aromantic culture is looking at a couple kissing and throwing up in your mouth a little xd" are disheartening. And well, yeah, they're right too, they feel invalidated.

But like, just because you found a community you belong to, doesn't mean said community is going to cater to the specific way in which you experience and express your sexuality every single time. I sometimes feel like people expect way too much from "the community" that it's literally just other aros!

And "aromantic", just like "lesbian" or "queer" are umbrella terms, like, a sex repulsed trans lesbian is going to express and experience her lesbianism in a very different way than a 40+ dyke in New York or a 15y/o cis lesbian in a small town in Bolivia! And that's OKAY! They're all still lesbians!

Stop expecting everyone in "the community" to cater to your specific flavor of aro. You are the community too! Make and be part of those spaces you feel are missing, but don't shit on other aros who are just doing their thing. It's not personal, we're all just trying to live.

[too-spicy-and-too-queer]

can you explain what you meant by 'amorous aromantic'? it sounds kinda counterintuitive Im was just wondering if you could elaborate on that somehow

Edit: Several people have pointed out that the way I’m using “amorous” in the below post to define an identity makes it very confusing to use in conjuction with “nonamory” which is a relationship model and not an identity.  I’ll work on a revised edition of this post with a new term.  In the meantime, any suggestions for a different term besides “amorous aromantic”?  My original post starts below.

An amorous aromantic person strongly desires affection or emotional intimacy or otherwise feels that affection or intimacy are very important to them, and does not experience romantic attraction and may experience romance repulsion.  Like most queer experiences, this is going to be different for every individual, and experiences of affection or desires for affection can have complicated interactions with romance repulsion.  Many amorous aros want intimate relationships or are favorable to intimate relationships, and these relationships can follow any model, whether that’s friendship, romance, QPR, alterous, relationship anarchy, or something else, and some amorous aros are uninterested in committed relationships.

It’s important to make sure that the definition of amorous aromantic includes people who want affection without committed relationships, and doesn’t reinforce amatonormative narratives about friendships or nonamorous relationships being lesser than intimate relationships.  Amorous aro solidarity with nonamorous aros is very important, and respectability politics should be avoided.

My experience of being amorous aromantic is that I want my closest personal relationships to have strong components of emotional intimacy in them, and preferably to feature regular physical affection as a foundation of the relationship.  I don’t feel a distinction between what kinds of physical intimacy I’d like to share in specific relationships.  I don’t reserve any particular kind of affection for any particular model of relationship or for any one partner.  Basically if I love someone strongly enough, I’m interested in expressing that love through hugging, cuddling, grooming, sleeping together, and possibly kissing or sex.  These things are culturally coded as romantic, but to me there is nothing inherently romantic or platonic about them.  In fact, for me, a robust and committed emotional bond is a much stronger impetus to show affection through cuddling or kissing or sex than attraction is.  Of course, there are huge taboos about this kind of behavior among friends in American culture, and my allo friends don’t want to break those taboos, so I try to respect those cultural boundaries even though they don’t make sense to me.  Wishing my friendships with allos featured more physical intimacy is a pretty strong part of my experience of being amorous aromantic.

Affection doesn’t have to be physical, it’s just what I prefer.  Affection can also be words of affirmation, gifts, spending time together, helping each other, or other things.  My alterous partner and I intersperse lots of affirmation of each other throughout our conversations each day, saying things like “good job on finishing your errands today” and “I’m really happy to see you again!” even though we plan on talking to each other every day.  We say “I love you” frequently, and sometimes explain why we love each other, or state specific things we are admiring about each other.  We play games as a way to spend time together.  Shared hobbies are a great way to develop emotional intimacy with someone.  I also love cooking food for the people I love, or giving them gifts of food.

Romance repulsion can be tricky, but it’s definitely possible to deal with romance repulsion as an amorous aro.  Some aros find the phrase “I love you” to be very repulsive, but that can be avoided.  I feel repulsed by common romantic pet names like “honey” and “dear” and especially “baby”, so I ask my partners not to use those.  Many aros, especially trans aros, may not like strongly gendered terms like “beautiful” or “handsome”, and sex-repulsed aros might not like terms with sexual connotations.  As always, it’s important to talk with the people you’re being affectionate with and find out what works for them.

[miriamandvictoria]

Fun character bio

@ocprompting Fun Character Bio Victoria

Name

What is it?

Victoria Willsson

Does it mean anything, who gave it to them and why?

It doesn't have a specific meaning, but was given to her by Catherine Willsson, the woman who originally adopted her when she was two months old. Catherine died when Victoria was five, and her name is one of very few thing she has left of her.

Do they like it?

Yes, but sometimes they wonder what their biological mother might've called her

Is it a common name for their setting/culture, or is it obscure?

It's common

Other basics

Age?

52

Species?

Human

Personality traits

What are their most defining traits to their personality?

Absolutely past giving a shit about anyone, compassionate and protective, and very intelligent

What sticks out as soon as you meet them, what kind of first impression do they make?

First anyone would notice is that they are very creative. It shows in their clothes, in the way they act, everything. A real free spirited artist. They usually make a good first impression, but they can quickly be stereotyped as a 'quirky artist'

What are their good traits?

Creative, compassionate, intellegent, dependable

What are their bad traits?

A bit too artistic, not the best at socializing, naive (not in bussiness, but personal relations), strong fight or flight reflex (run away when things get over her head), proud

Any other traits?

Fiercely protective of her family

How do they describe themself, how do they view themself?

They see themselves as a grounded, dependable person with an a creative side. They don't have the best self-image, especially not when it comes to close relations, and often second guess themselves in pretty much anything they do, but they try to act proud and unwavering.

How do others describe them, how do others view them?

Others see them as a nice, dependable person and a good mother. They are often impressed by her determination to not give up on her creativity and artistic calling, even if they have to have a regular 9 to 5 job as well. Sometimes their uncertainty about close relations show, and it can be a bit unsettling because it appears to go against their confident and dependable nature.

What parts of their personality always prevail and are always present no matter what the situation is?

Her creativity and dependableness. She is always quick to come up with inventive solutions even in terrible situations, and even if she can sometimes be umcertain about close relations she will be there when you need her no matter what.

Are they a different person when you first meet them than when you get to know them, does it take them time to open up? Or are they an open book from the get go?

They are pretty much an open book from the get go, though you sometiems underestimate how complex the story is. The more you learm to know them the more you learn that there's a complecity to it that doesn't immidiatly show from the outside.

Appearance

Height?

About 185 cm

Body build/shape/weight?

Tall, lean and wide hips & larger breast.

Facial shape - What are their eyes like? How about their nose, or lips? Shape of cheeks? Eyebrows?

They have green eyes that are rather cat like - some of her friends claim they glow in the dark. Thin lips and nose. Sharp, downwards pointing eyebrows that can make her look angry even if she is just sad or concerned.

Hair - Is it short? Long? How is the texture/shape? How is the style? Do they wear it different ways or only one way? What colour(s) is it, and is that natural or changed?

Her natural hair colour is auburn, but they went gray in their mid-20s and coloured it a chocolate brown colour until her mid 30s. They had long (down to stomach, little longer) and straight hair until their late 20s. Since then it's a little past their shoulders in length, and it has it's natural texture which is wavy. They also curl it occasionally with quite good results.

Skin tone?

They're white (American)

Anything such as glasses? freckles? dimples? scars? any wrinkles?

She got slight crows feet and small wrinkles around her mouth. She also have dimples. She got reading glasses, but use them less often than she should. She has scars on her fingers from when she first learned to play guitar, because she didn't know how to tune it. She also has a c-section scar from having her daughter.

Do they look younger, average, or older than their age?

Physically they look a bit younger than their actual age, but their grey hair tend to 'give away' their real age.

How do they feel about their appearance? Do they like it, do they dislike it, is it mixed, or do they not place much value on their looks?

It's pretty mixed. They have good and bad days, like most people. She decidedly dislike how she look with glasses though.

Is there anything they would want to change about their appearance? Is there anything they refuse to change about their appearance?

When she was younger she definatly wished that she hadn't gone grey so early, and solved it by colouring leticoulesly and never letting any of the grey show. It was rather hard on her hair and she first started trying shorter hairstyles to make it easier for her and her hair. Nowadays she strictly tells herselg she is perfect the way she is, and leave it at that.

Gender identity/etc

What is their gender?Are they intersex or perisex (non intersex)? Or does their culture not even have different “sexes”? Are they cis or trans? Or does their culture not even assign genders?What are their pronouns?

Perisex cisgender female, she/her

Orientation/attraction (if oc is aro and/or ace, skip the ones you feel not applicable)

Sexual orientation/Romantic orientation?

Bisexual with a heavy preference for women

Are they dating anyone? Are they married? Do they want to get married? Or do they prefer ‘one night stands’?

They aree married to a woman called Miriam Willson-Paul. She met her when Miriam had just turned twenty, and she was twenty-six. They fell in love rather quickly, but it took 15 years before they got married, both due to trouble in the relationship and because it was not legall in either of their home states.

How do they react when they first fall for someone?

She's a head over heels kind of person. She falls in love quick and hard.

How do they react when they first begin being intimate with someone?

At first they can be worried and uncertain. They're not really very trusting when becoming intimate with new people, even if they love them dearly. This has however grown away a bit as they got older, and got more secure in themselves and the fact that it is not their fault if people chos eto leave, as logn as she doesn't do anything bad to the relationship.

How do they react further on down the relationship?

They get much more secure in themselves, and though they always fall hard from the get go, it truly starts to show when they get comfortable further down the line. Her wife once described it as 'the eruption of the emotional volcano'.

Do they change or do they stay the same but stronger feelings?

They stay the same. They're head ove rheels for the getgo, sp the only thign that happen is the feelings become more solid.

Do they have a lot of dating experience, a little, or none?

Only a little. A number of one night stands and two true loves in their life.

What ways do they express intimacy or love? Hugs, Kisses, Giving gifts, Doing favors, Creating things for them, Verbal flattery, etc?

Creating gifts, verbal flattery, favours and hugs & kisses

Are they casual or intense in the relationship?

Intense, once they dare to show it

Do they value the relationship as important and lasting, or just fun and fleeting? Are they fast or slow in their relationships?Are they dominant or passive in the relationship? Do they take the lead, let their partner(s) take the lead, a mixture, or is there no lead in their relationships?

They value it as important and lasting, they're fast in their head but pretty slow in reality. Once they're comfortable they are definatly dominant, though it rarely show because they got a more dominant partner. Usually its a mix of who take the lead. They got their insecurities and their expertises, and take lead accordingly.

Do they enjoy sexual aspects to their relationship more, or romantic aspects more?

They enjoy both equally, but they have a Demisexual partner who do not enjoy sex as much, so Romantic has come to be most important.

Do they have any sexual interests that they do with their partner(s), either for themself or for their partner(s)?

Not really, they like sex as such but they'r enot very adventurous and their partner doesn't much care for sex.

What do they do if there is something upsetting in their relationship, how do they handle slight turmoil in their relationships? (as in, not abuse, but a small/singular problem)? Are they confident when with a partner, or are they insecure? If they are confident, how do they feel about confident partners? How about insecure partners? if insecure, then how do they feel about confident partners? or insecure partners?

Usually they try to run from the problem. She and her partner are terrible at communicating, and especially when they were younger she could spend weeks sleeping on the couch in a silent stand-off. Omce they get comfy, they are very confident but their wife is even stronger, which sometiems make them look insecure in comparising. However, small issues can make them both dissolve into insecure messes, so it's really individual to the situation. They do, however, like someone who is confident in a relationship.

Do they have a 'type’? Personality wise, what do they enjoy in a partner(s)? Looks wise, what do they enjoy as well?How well do they handle heartbreak?

They do't have a type, but prefer women over men and do find hair very fascinating, so women with longer hair and more elaborate hair styles are more intresting. They are terrible at heart break! They still have a lot of emotional scars & unproccessed trauma from their first real heart-break. It was an on and off relationship with a married man who abused drugs and alcohol. It also included a triangle drama with his jelous wife, her girlfriend of the time and several assorted women that he played with. It ended with the man killing himself with drugs and alcohol, and Victoria still carries a lot of deeply rooted issues from it.

Platonic relationships

What kinds of people do they make friends with? What kinds of people DON’T they make friends with?

They caan make friends with just about anyone, but will drop you if you are not faithful to your partner or talk shit about people who are mot present.

What kinds of things do they enjoy to do with friends?

They lile to sing and play music with their friends, as well as paint and sculpt. Their own hobbies, but with others. Otherwise just going out fir a beer or to the movies is fine too.

Do they like to chill at home, go out somewhere exciting, hang at a quiet coffee shop, etc? Do they enjoy a large friend group or small? Would they rather a few great friends, or many good friends?

They like to go out, but can stay home too. Its fine with either for her. She has a few trusted friends that she stick to, and a large group of shallow aquintances.

Do they make friends with anyone easily, or are they selective? How long does it take them being around a person to consider them a friend? How do they handle a fight with a friend? How do they express their friendship? What kinds of things do they do to/with friends to let them know they care for them?

They make friends easily, but to really have a strong bond with them will take years and years until you can be accepted a 'proper' friend. They handle fights terrible. People usually avoid fighting them because they know how bad it can get. They express their friendship through unwavering lpyalty and dependability. They will always be there.

Animals

How do they feel about animals as a whole? Do they view them as friends, helpers, tools/rescources, equal companions, annoyances, or enemies?

They love animals!

Do they have a favourite animal, for any reason? A least favourite animal?

Favourite animal are dogs. No least favourite.

Do they have any pets? Have they formally had pets? If no pet, do they want one?Are they good with animals or are they bad with them?

They are great with animals! They have three dogs, their wife has a cow and a horse, and their son has a cat.

Food/Diet

What kinds of food do they enjoy? What kinds of foods do they not enjoy?

They like hardy homecooked comfort food. They dislike sleak, fat free upscale resturant food.

Do they eat a little, a lot, or somewhere inbetween? If a little, Do they only eat a little due to being poor/conserving, or is there another reason such as culture/religious/etc? If a lot, do they do so due to money/abundance of food, or would they still find a way to eat a lot even if poor? 

They eat a lot when their wife has cooked for them, but left alone they eat very little both due to having had little money growing up and early on in their adulthood, and due to not really mich experiencing hunger.

Do they have any food allergies, or restrictions such as vegetarian/vegan/pescetarian/etc? If the latter, is it a personal belief, a cultural belief, a religious belief, due to allergies, or something else?

No allergies

Do they view food as just sustenance or as a pleasure? Or balance it out? If given a big plate of food, do they eat their fav food first or last? If given a big plate of food, do they eat it all at once, or save some for later?

Again, if someone else cook its pleasure, otherwise its sustenance. They eat their fav food last always. If given a big plate they'll take it all on the spot. They were raiaed with the principle of 'clean plates equal respect for the cook'.

How do they feel on sweets? How do they feel on sour foods? How do they feel on spicy foods? How do they feel on bland/basic foods?Are they good at cooking/baking, or do they instead just buy premade meals? Do they cook basic storebought foods or do they make food from scratch? Or if rich, do they pay someone else to prepare their foods?

They like sweets, but prefer savoury food. Sour is not a taste they care much for. Spicy food they've come to like because their wife likes cooking spicy mexican cuisine. Bland/basic foods work well for them if theyre cooking for themselves. They're rather mediocre at cooking but will do simple form scratch meals for themselves rather than buy preprepped.

Social/political beliefs

What are their views on social groups?

They think that the society is way too segregated as is today.

Are they open minded or close minded? Are they progressive, or do they dislike if their society changes?

They're open minded, and are posetive to a lot of changes since they're youth since its made it easier for her and her wife.

What is the government like in their setting? Do they like the way it is set up, or not? Do they like their current leader, or not?

They live in modern day America. They do not like the leaders and think the system could be better.

Fashion

What kinds of clothes do they like?

They're a real redneck and like shirts and cowboy boots and jeanse most the time.

What kinds of things will they include in every outfit?

There is always colour. They would never dress all black, white or grey

What kinds of clothes do they dislike? What kinds of things would they refuse to wear?

They dislike smart suits and you can never get them to wear fancy fabrics like silk, cashmiere etc

Any accessories they always wear, like a bracelet, hair tie, ring, locket, etc? Does it have any significance?

They often wear earings. They always have their wedding ring, even if they may not admit its a wedding ring.

What is their relationship with clothing? Do they wear what’s comfortable, what they aesthetically like, what is easy to work in/what fits their profession, something formal, something casual?

They're pretty casual and artsy. They care a lot for aestethic, but will always make sure they are practical and comfortable too.

Do they view clothes as just fabric to cover their body, or do they consider it an important/integral part of their identity, or somewhere in between? Do they prefer to have less or more skin exposed in their outfits? Do they wear as little as possible, or maybe do they use clothes to hide something about themselves?

Its an important part of their identity. When they were young they could be pretty skimpily clad, but have become more and more prudish with the years. Especially her C-section scar is something she is keen to cover at any cost.

Do they live somewhere with the same temperature/weather all year, or does the climate change? if it does change, do they change their clothes by the changing seasons, or do they stick to their “brand” no matter what? if it doesn’t change, do they like having the same style clothes all year or not?

They live in an area with relatively predictable weather, but will stick to their 'brand' no matter what.

Disabilities

Do they have any physical disorders/ailments/etc?

No

Do they have any mental disorders/ailments/etc? What about, are they neurodivergent?

They quite possibly have PTSD as a result of traumatic events in their past, as well as some abadonment issues from being abadoned as a baby, and having her first adooted parent die when she was five, but has never been to a psychiatrist. They are not neurodivergent.

Hobbies and talents

Do they have any hobbies or recreational interests? Do they practice them a little at a time/during whatever free time, or are their hobbies more time consuming and take up a good deal of their day/week/etc? Is their hobby to de stress, to bring fulfillment, to build up a skill, or another reason?

They paint, sculpt, sing and play rythm guitarre. Painting and sculpting take a lot of their time in the week. It is both destressing and a thing that fills her with personal fullfillment as it is a skill since shes had since a child and she feel successful as a person as she develop it.

Why do they do their hobby? What made them pick up/do this hobby? Is their hobby something done in their alone time, or something done in a group setting/with friends?

All theur hobbies are things that has come naturally to them since childhood. Thry love doing it with others, but their subject and the contents might vary a lot deoending on who is presemt/watching.

What kinds of talents do they have? What are they good at? Is it something more well regarded like singing, dancing, painting, etc.. or something more obscure like quickly organizing things alphabetically, remembering what kind of flowers their friend likes, or another skill that isnt as widely seen as a typical “talent/skill”?

Painting, sculpting, singing and playing guitarre are their skills. All widely regarded skills that are taken seriously.

is there any type of hobby they detest and would never partake in? Is there any sort of skill or subject they are just completely bad at? Is there a hobby they wish they could try? Is there a skill they wish they had?

Not really. They are a well rounded person who is not completely horrible at snything really, even if they defiantly have their owm expertise. They are also willing to try most things if someone want them to.

Are their hobbies or skills more practical and useful in a job or career, more suited for social life/aspects, more creative and for fun, or do they serve a different kind of purpose in their life?

They use their hobbies as a career, but most freely they handle it as a job on the side of their normal job.

Religion and spirituality

Are they religious?

No, they are an atheist. They only partcipate when their wife, who is religious, ask them to.

Where they raised on their faith, or did they convert in later?

They were raised christaim, but a very liberal type of christinaity that did not include visiting the local church as their mother found it too negatibe and restrictive compared to her take on christianity. They decided they were atheist around age fifteen.

financial status/job

What financial class do they belong to? Are they a ruler/royalty, nobility, upper class, middle class, lower class, or poor as can be?Were they born in to this class, or came in to it later on?

They are normal middle class citizensbut was raised in a finacially limited family.

What is their job, if they have one?

They're an art teacher on a middle school level. They sell art and sculptures on the side.

How do they earn their money, or at least things like food and other necessities? Do they enjoy their work, do they only work for the money, or do they detest their job?

They do not much like their normal job but love selling art and sculptures and doing paid jobs as a preelance artist. Their favourite thing is doing album covers.

Is work something enjoyable or is it stressful?Is this their dream job, or is there something they’d like to be doing more?

Its stressful and definatly not the dream job to be a teacher - they want to be an artist full time.

What is stopping them - do they not have the social class, do they not have the money or ability to achieve it, or do they maybe just not believe they’re capable?

They do mot become an artist fulltime because they've had three kids to look after and did not think it was economically viable evem if they do make some money on it on the side. As they grow older and the kids move out, they're considering going straight at it.

Phobias

Do they have any phobias or fears?

They have a fear of abadonment that can be triggered by foghting with friends and family, amogn other things

After escaping the situation, how do they recover?

Lots of tlc with family or friends.

How long does it take to do so?

Between a few hours and a few days. Usually it last until the trigger that started it is resolved.

Is their fear easily able to be overcome after facing it once or twice, or is it something more chronic and they have the same response no matter how often they experience it?

Its chronic

Does their fear come from a frightening life experience, or is it more 'random’ and not 'derived’ from anything?

It comes from being abadoned as a baby of two months, her first adooted parent then dying when she was five.

Fun/misc

When playing truth or dare, which option do they take when asked?

Dare!

If hypothetically stranded on an island for a week, what three objects and three people would they take with them?

Pocket knife, waaterbottle with cleaning filter and their wife

If given 3 wishes, what would they wish for?

More dogs, to meet their Bio. Mum and for their first love not to have died.

What’s their fav music genre?

Folk/Country

What’s their fav tv/book genre?

Fantasy & historical fiction

Fav video game genre?

They don't play videogames

Do they like board games, or do board games frustrate them?

They get frustrated, but they still played it a lot with their kids

Do they sing in the shower? Do they sing when they cook? Do they sing when doing chores?

Yes on all 3

How do they react to having an annoying song stuck in their head for 3 days?

They play it 24/7 until its out of their head

Are they good with kids?

Yes

What’s the quickest way to make them smile/laugh?

Remind them of something embaressing they did once.

Quickest way to make them cry/break their heart?

Pick a fight and walk away before it can be resolved/fail to accept apolegise/explanations

Quickest way to get on their nerves/piss them off?

Cheat on your partner

How do they sleep? Light sleeper, heavy sleeper, do they snore? do they toss and turn or are they a brick?

They toss around a lot, and is quite a light sleeper. Snore a lot.

Do they own a comfort object?

Yes, a rag doll in the shape of a White bunny with a blue dress.

Do they own a sacred object?

A 1950s J-200 Gibson Guitarre

Do they own a useful object? Any sort of thing they own that they heavily rely on for something?

Their painting/sculpting equipment.

Zodiac sign?

Libra

Do they care about this sort of thing?

No

How do they react to/act when they are sick?

They try to get through it but often end up covered in blankets on the couch while their wife looks after them

How do they react to/act when in pain?

They get aggressive

How do they react to/act when hungry?

They rarely notice and it doesn't affect them much when they don't eat.

Any tropes that apply? Or, what is their basic “character type”?

Nope

Faceclaim:

[anxietycheesecake]

Every time I see a post from a person in the a-spec saying a good faith critic of homophobia in media/fandom spaces is aphobic bs actually and someone replies by rightfully telling them this is not about them, I have to stop for a second to think "wait, is this bitch cool or are they an exclusionist?"

I hate how disagreeing with someone on a topic where so much shit overlaps is two steps away from being a dogwhistle for aphobes. So to make it clear:

I'm not an exclusionist, I'm nowhere near an exclusionist.

Exclusionists should have started touching grass ages ago.

Asexual and aromantic folks are valid af and deserve representation too.

It's totally valid for them to get frustrated about the amatonormativity and all its cousins in every aspect of our culture.

Other queer people on the internet wanting to see two guys kissing because they look cute standing next to each other is not the biggest threat out there. It can bother you like it bothers me to see so much Harry Potter on everything, but I'm not entitled to anyone's fandom experience and neither are you.

Bros being bros is not inherently ace/aro rep. The words don't need to be used themselves, but that alone is as much rep as a male character not kissing the girl is gay rep.

Ask more from the media first. You deserve more than crumps as well. And yes, if you praise something for potentially having ace/aro rep when it's just dudes being dudes, I'm sorry, but it's easier and wiser business-wise for people behind the thing to just roll with it without ever committing, than making the characters explicitly gay or bisexual or whatever. You're doing them a favor even if they don't actually care.

Again, shipping can be annoying. It's not harmful. As long as you're not being an asshole about it and doxxing/harrasing people, it can easily be solved by touching grass.

Kink belongs at pride. If you're not mad about girls in thongs but leather daddies is where you draw the line, you need to unlearn a few things. This is not allonormativity, this is puritanism with a progressive coat of paint. We'll never be welcomed at the cisallohet club, by the way, no matter how respectable we make ourselves seem.

Aphobes, don't come anywhere near this.

[down-diabolical]

I posted 5,081 times in 2021

49 posts created (1%)

5032 posts reblogged (99%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 102.7 posts.

I added 321 tags in 2021

#loki - 84 posts

#queer - 33 posts

#aro - 31 posts

#arospec - 31 posts

#aromantic - 28 posts

#lokius - 27 posts

#loki 2021 - 24 posts

#mobius - 24 posts

#bisexual - 21 posts

#bi - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#like i saw someone in someone’s notes talking about how they can’t fantasize of david tennant kissing them bc that’s pedophillic of him

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Shoutout to mspec people who are both bi and pan!

Shoutout to mspec people who are both bi and poly!

Shoutout to mspec people who are both bi and omni!

Shoutout to mspec people who are both omni and pan!

Shoutout to mspec people who are only comfortable with one mspec label and think of it as separate from other mspec identities!

I love you all and you all are valid and I'm sending so many good vibes and positivity! Don't let individuals, whether outside or inside the community, tear us apart or tell you what you can/can't identify as!

128 notes • Posted 2021-07-13 17:22:32 GMT

#4

The White Album really do be just:

HARD ROCK ! ! ! ! !!!!!

soft acoustic fingerpicking

paul fucking.

animals

i want to fucking die im depressed as fuck

TEN MINUTE LONG SURREAL ART PIECE

lullaby~~

144 notes • Posted 2021-08-10 04:07:48 GMT

#3

I'm so sick of finding bi positivity and awareness blogs that I like and then I scroll down a couple of posts and then BOOM! fucking PANPHOBIA and EXCLUSIONIST shit

It's fucking exhausting-- panphobes do me a favor and fuck off. Pansexuals aren't a threat to the bi community, celebrating the bi community should never include having to tear pan people down.

151 notes • Posted 2021-07-14 14:19:49 GMT

#2

allos will never understand just how IMPORTANT Aziraphale and Crowley's relationship is to arospec and acespec people

567 notes • Posted 2021-07-03 23:08:17 GMT

#1

ADHD culture is the fact that I CANNOT brush my teeth or do my skincare routine without listening to music or a podcast even though it takes me like 5 minutes tops to do these tasks because I literally CANNOT STAND being bored for or understimulated even for like a minute

2067 notes • Posted 2021-07-17 02:37:55 GMT

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