#kind of a shit post

[silkoodles]

Does this count as speculation?

Totally not serious meme i did instead of work. assets are from the official WH website

[talk-danmei-to-me]

Oh I get it! So basically Jun Wu and Xie Lian had a messy break up, and now Jun Wu is trying to love bomb him, but it's all for nothing because Xie Lian is constantly horny for Hua Cheng now.

Am I right?

[ninjamelissajulien]

everytime i see cinder's stupid fucking smirk i want to smack him with a stinky sock and shoo him away like a cockroach or shove him in a salad spinner

[the-writing-mobster]

My iPad is so old I have to delete all my art sometimes just to keep it functional. 🤪 Good thing I keep it stored... Somewhere. Somewhere on one of these websites... 🤔

[0junemeatcleaver0]

rank thingy, fashion wise: Louis, Marius, Daniel, Lestat, Armand

Oooh, fashions, you say?!

Armand (takes the most risks) Marius (what is a robe if not a big snuggie you get to wear all the time? 10/10) Louis (most of my stuff is moth eaten too, bud. but we make it look good.) Lestat (never forgiving him for his Brooks Brothers phase. ew.) Daniel (cannot remember a single canonical 'fit of his. but bonus points for using cigarettes almost like an accessory bc same bestie.)

[theragethatisdesire]

eren jaeger LOVES bitches. like he strikes me as the guy that runs around with his tongue wagging after the absolute meanest woman he can find. cold, snarky, can’t stand him? that’s eren’s type imo LMAO

[queen-of-wisdom]

The sun loves me

She kisses me fiercely

Until I'm red and passed out

I'd like to return a kiss or two

But apparently,

Because she's inevitably a lesbian,

We have a

✨Long distance relationship ✨

[axmoth]

Okay so like- why does everyone I come across in the stardew vally Fandom hate shane???

He's like the best bachelor and I will fight everyone on that.

[leaderintitleonly]

If you all get food borne illnesses he's charging money. After he treats you, of course. What? He's not evil. He's not gonna let you suffer. You just have to pay a bill this time! How's he gonna keep up with Dopey's soap addiction?!

[goodhealthyshiningcara]

Ok I'm going to weigh in on this (always a bad idea) because I think it's strawmanning allistic eye rolling (new sentence never before said).

The up and down flick (↕️), the complete roll(🔄), and, unmentioned, the DIAGONAL flick (henceforth ↗️), are all DISTINCT MOVES, with DISTINCT PURPOSES.

Preface: Im not going to say something like "nice try autists, but you've fallen for my biggest trick yet: unwritten social cues!" To justify why the phenomena I'm describing are distinct, so please also do me the courtesy of acknowledging that even allistics are not always 100% masters of social cues (and I am certainly not 100% of either!) so maybe the people ↕️ing around you are mere babes, children not yet grown, who do truly mean to 🔄, but whose unsteady motions betray them. But I think not.

Preface the second: ↕️ and 🔄 exist on a spectrum, and up then to the side, i.e a mix of the two, tends to be be the accepted implementation, since ↕️ actually has non-🔄 uses. 🔄 Is a subset of ↕️ in other words.

Also, one more nitpick: an up and down motion is still rolling back and forwards, and thus is still Technically an eye roll. It rolls backwards (up) then it rolls forwards (down), like, you know, a rolling pin? (Checkmate, autists) You didn't interpret things more literally, you just interpreted them less flexibly. Also, I don't want anyone to say the words pitch or yaw in the notes, those are not words that people know or use.

Ok. Eye rolling.

🔄 is a highly exclusive maneuver, in particular because it's very exaggerated, too much so for everyday use. It is used for emphasis, when a "normal" eye roll (↕️ or ↗️) would be insufficient. In a normal eye roll, there is an implication that you are looking for something (like a 4th wall break, or a higher power, or inner strength etc). With 🔄, that implication is exaggerated to make a point (I'm looking ANYWHERE for a possible reason to respect what I just heard), but it's all for show because actually, rolling your eyes like that doesn't let you see anything; it's purely for drama. It's also a bit combative, imo, because a less exaggerated version exists (↕️) for when faux-annoyance is called for.

↕️: This is the most common eye roll, and it is meant to communicate exasperation, with the implications described above, but also "I am containing my rage/annoyance by not looking at your dumb face for one second, for even such a brief reprieve will save me relative aeons of torment". Similarly "If I look up here, I can pretend I didn't see what you just said". It's also a way of saying "sigh, this shit again." This is what people tend to use because it's easier and less dramatic, and conveys everything 🔄 does. It is still some amount of dramatic however, and not something to be used with a stranger/within a professional relationship unless you want to seem hostile/rude. Importantly, you can roll your eyes in agreement with someone, and that's fine to do, and actually very sympathetic if you pull it off.

↗️: now I posit that this exists as actually a more thoughtful version of ↕️, almost like 🤔. It's like, hm, I have to mentally track and analyze what you just said because it's somewhat confusing or complicated. In this case, you're looking away not because you are fucking tired of someone's clown -looking mug, but because you need to think and are trying to NOT receive more information from them. You are saying "timeout, wtf are the implications of that". Your eyes are leaving the spatial plane occupied by your co-conversator to linger in the middle distance so your brain can catch up. ↘️ Works for this too. You may instead be putting important information in your memory palace for later, in a diagonal location. Like ok, I am remembering what was just told to me. Typically this is something you just "pepper in" to a conversation so as not to interrupt your conversation partner, and it may require you to say "ok, noted, got it" etc afterwards. Can be used to tease by doing it ironically of course.

In summary:

They are all eye rolls, they occupy specific body-language niches, your art has failed you, and you were insufficiently literal.

[inbabylontheywept]

bad dating stories time: the shoe incident

so in highschool, my best friend wasnt allowed to go on dates unless there was another couple there to keep an eye on him. part of this was his parents being insane, but also, part of it was him being insane. in a problem with no reasonable parties, there are no reasonable solutions.

at some point in my junior year, my sorta-gf broke up with me, and i just wasnt feeling dating, which was bad for my friend, because he had a good thing going with a girl he met in court.

he kind of hounded me about it. kept pushing me to just put me feet back in the dating pool and i wasnt real thrilled about it, because i knew he was pushing me for his own benefit, not mine, so i kept telling him to fuck off, and after a few weeks of being told that i would date when i was damn well ready, he eventually said: okay. what if i paid for the date AND found you a blind date AND all you had to do was show up?

and i shouldve said no, i know, but i let him wear me down, and i will own my fault in that. a date starting on such a stupid premise could never have gone well.

but he still managed to find a way to make it worse.

i dont know how long he tried to set a blind date up. it couldve been multiple attempts. he couldve stooped to this immediately. but what happened in the end was that he called a girl from the ward he attended - a girl that he knew had a giant, mushy crush on him - and he said: hey! how would you feel about going on a date this weekend?

(you know, implying it was with him, but never actually saying it.)

and she said YES WOW I WOULD LOVE TO and he said great! and then he called me up and said he found me a date.

i did not learn about his crimes until several weeks later. i will die swearing before god almighty that i would never have allowed this travesty to happen if i had known.

that was on a monday. the date of the date rolled around that friday evening, and im sorry to confess, i really phoned the whole thing in. i showed up in my favorite comfy outfit, which was also a fashion crime: basketball shorts and flipflops and a baja hoodie. it was super comfy but it made me look kind of crazy. i picked him up first, and then i picked up his date next, and then we went to pick up my date, and thats where you're gonna get the play by play.

i arrived, walked across the yard, and knocked on the front door. she opened it almost immediately, like shed been waiting right by it, and i could see her expression go from OMG IM SO EXCITED to super disappointed, then disgusted and finally pissed. and because i didn't know about my friends sins, i thought it was from my outfit. which seemed... harsh. like, hey, im allowed to be quirky, fuck you. also its a blind date, i thought the deal was that we were both going to be sad broken sacks of mortality.

anyway, we looked at each other for several seconds before she slammed the door in my face.

i looked back at my friend. he was sweating bullets. i dont know what he expected from this, but there was this big long pause where we both tried to figure out what to do, and then the door opened up, and her dad invited me in, and he said she was gonna need a few minutes to finish getting ready, and that in the meantime we could sit and talk.

we did not talk. we did sit. i sat down on the couch, and he sat down in a chair across the couch, and then instead of talking he cleaned his pistol on the coffee table. i wasnt actually sure if it was a threat, or if it was just a fidget thing for 40+ year old republican men, but when i tried to help he got snappy so i just watched him put a pistol back together.

he was okay at it.

eventually my date came downstairs, still mad as hell for reasons beyond my ken, and i felt pretty guilty for being such a mess because i thought that was why she was so angry. i tried to make up for by walking her to the car and getting the door for her, just generally trying to be extra polite, but before i could make it back to the drivers side, her dad called me back to the door. so i flipped around, went to the door, and immediately regreted my decision.

soon as i was within range, her dad got waaaay too close to me, leaned in, and said "whatever you do to her, i will do to you," and my brain went into overdrive making three consecutive realizations.

realization one was, damn, the pistol thing was a threat. that sucks. what an asshole. realization two was, wait, im autistic and even i know theres a 0% chance me and my date even hold hands, least of all boink. does this guy actually think there's even a 1% chance of anyone in that car getting laid tonight? is he an idiot? and then realization three went through, which was wait, is this guy threatening to fuck me? and unfortunately, with my brain doing so much processing, my mouth was left to run amok, so somewhere between realization 2 and 3, i said:

"i can't get pregnant"

which, i swear, wasn't actually me trying to be a smartass, it was just me pointing out that he couldn't actually follow up on that threat. it just wasn't possible. we do not live in the omegaverse and im not scared of you.

still, it was an insanely catastrophic thing to say, and the moment we both heard it, we bluescreened. that single sentence obliterated both of our momentary streams of consciousness like a saltine in front of a sand blaster. problem was, he'd probably gone his whole life not even realizing someone could say something that stupid, and making that realization was going to cost him a lot of thinking time. me though? i had been saying shit like that for 17 years, i didnt have to rewrite my expectations of human nature, i just had to plan an exit and start striding. so i was already halfway back to the car before i heard "hey. hey come back. Hey. Hey. HEY. HEY WAIT. HEY GET BACK HERE. HEY-"

and then i was in my car, and i drove away.

if this happened today, he'd have called her, and the whole thing wouldve imploded then and there, but back then, there were still a decent number of teenagers without cell phones. especially the teenagers of insane, gun toting parents. so she just said: whoa what was that all about? and i said: dont worry about it, he'll tell you about it when you get home.

and she said: ok and went back to staring daggers at me and my friend.

WHICH SURPRISINGLY isnt even how the story ends.

we went to an improv comedy show, and it was a disaster. it shouldve been like, 7/10 tops, but between my date being mad, and my friend having a good time, and me having the existential terror of knowing that a guy with a pistol was probably waiting outside his house for me to come back, it was easily 11/10. i laughed way too hard at everything. especially the jokes that flopped. id sit there in this mostly silent room and laugh until i dry heaved a little, and my date was absolutely disgusted, and even my friend was a little embarrassed, which would just make me laugh harder. i laughed so hard that night i could barely talk the next day. and then the show ended, and my friend said, you know, that was a good time, but i think we should maybe do something a little chiller? who wants to walk around the park? and his date said yeah, and my date said no, and i finally had mercy on the poor woman so i said, look, im gonna drop you off. and i am so, so sorry about this, but im dropping you off like a block away. super duper sorry.

do talk to your dad about the pistols thing if you dont want this happening more in the future tho.

and she said: okay. so i dropped her off, and she walked a block down, and that was that.

then i drove my friend and his date to a park that was good for wandering. i figured they wanted something more private, so instead of following them around point blank, i chose a park with this 30 foot rope tower, and i climbed to the top and i said: hey i can see you anywhere from up here, you are officially chaperoned from a distance. get panopticoned idiot. except my friend really is an idiot, and he didnt really get the whole 'now i dont have to third wheel so insanely hard with you guys' thing so he climbed up the tower too, and then his date followed behind him, so there are three people basically sitting together on top of a telephone pole.

and then they started making out.

i was close enough to hear it.

i didnt really know what to do so i was just kind of sitting there, dissociating, when some college kids came around and started shaking the tower. my friend's date went aaaaaaaaaa im afraid of heights :( and my friend went oh, dont worry, ill hold you tight ;) and i went hey, im gonna climb down and ask them to stop.

so i did climb down, and i did ask them to stop, and they flipped me off, which i wasnt even mad about. at that point i was i was like yeah, it would be weirder if this wasnt a mess. gods plan has been to fly this day like a 747 into my metaphorical twin towers and brother he is close enough for me to see him grinning through the cockpit window. still, eventually the college students got bored, so they climbed up the tower, which gave my friend and his date a window to climb down, and together we walked back to my car.

now, i cant explain why this is, but sitting back in the drivers seat was my carriage-back-into-a-pumpkin moment. i'd been chill about all the chaos, just rolling with the punches, but sitting down made me realize how much of a shitshow the day had been, and while i couldnt go back and fix all of it, i could go back and fix one thing.

so i told my friend and his date, hey, you two, stay here and don't do anything weird. don't. then i walked back to the rope tower, and i started picking up the shoes the college students had left at the base in order to climb.

about halfway through this, i realized that if i took all their shoes, they might think i was in it for the money, and i actually wanted them to know i was in it specifically to spite them. fuck those guys. so i put all the right shoes back, gave myself a 100 foot headstart, yelled "nice shoes, assholes", did a little jig, and started running.

my advice to everyone is that college students are faster than you think. even with the headstart, and the whole climb down the tower thing, i was still only fivish seconds ahead of them by the time i got to my car. i flung the door open, looked in the backseat, didnt see anyone, flung the stolen shoes in the backseat, heard two "ow"s, took that as proof of presence, jumped in and pealed out of the lot.

my friend and his date popped up a few seconds later. they were, uh, doing something weird in the back seat. my one request - obliterated.

they climbed up to ask where the hell all the shoes had come from, and i was like yeah i stole them from the college students, and they were like oh. cool. hope you had fun. and i was like, i did. i did. but speaking of fun, what were you doing back there?

and for the first time in my buddies life, i think he was actually embarassed.

[crossthread]

moments like this I wish I had a therapist cause I have some mad family drama to spill

[dougielombax]

I wonder what the largest shellfish is?

Edit: Okay this post is getting a LOT of traction. What is going on?

Edit: Fucking hell.

This post has set off a fucking MINEFIELD!!!

What have I DONE????!!!!!

I’ve lit the blue touch paper and found there’s nowhere to run to!

I’ve summoned a wolf only to unleash a tiger!!!!! Made of fire! And nails.

Probably….

Idk.

Edit 2: 5,000 Notes! Good god! What the HELL do you want from me. I’ve never had a post of mine take off like this until now.

Some got close like the one about homeowner associations (fucking powertripping middle aged mediocrities!) which got at least 1.5k notes but this is the most I’ve gotten on a single post so far.

Anyway.

AND this post has officially gone to hell. (6,666 notes)

Edit: 8,000 notes! Holy shit!

Edit: 9,000 notes!!!

Edit: 10,000 notes!!!!!!!!!

Edit: 15,000 notes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edit: 20,000 Notes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHO THE HELL TURNED OFF THE REPLY THREAD FOR THE REBLOGS?!

Okay never mind it’s back. For now at least.

Anyway.

[aru-and-leopard-cat]

I feel like this has to be said, since it’s becoming increasingly popular to be extremely rude to ppl and trash on their interests (especially on tumblr)

You can enjoy any media you like despite what losers on tumblr tell you that you should and shouldn’t enjoy, be it music, books, or shows and movies. If you’re having fun and enjoying yourself that’s all that matters, lame ass ppl on this site will try and make u feel guilty about what you enjoy and I think that’s stupid as fuck

Listen to pop, watch that popular show, read that book that everyone claims is bad. Who cares, ppl are way too obsessed with being different and unique that they’ll try and squash your interests and enjoyment to make themselves seem interesting

Bottom line, just treat people with kindness and don’t diminish their interests, it’s such a shitty thing to do

[bigfatbreak]

they both got bonked for being silly.

[fanaticalthings]

POV: You're on Gothamtwt

just gothamite things

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