#killing myself is always an option | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

baniterasia · 1 year ago

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I've only heard now the latest news about Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears. I'm really feeling sick, and I don't know if I'll just vomit or if there's a crisis coming. I'm devastated and literally don't know what to believe. I'm so lost and afraid. I really need a hug.

#justin timberlake #*nsync #britney spears #outburst #is my whole life a lie?#guys hey what about the implications on the Trolls franchise #idk but remember Jhonny Depp lost a lot thanks to polemics and nobody envites J.K. to stuff now #killing myself is always an option

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mythicalcoolkid · 5 months ago

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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side

#m/cc #mine #I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges #and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like #a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with #there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example #or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone #*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have #I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side #for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others #for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me #and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public #and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist #that's why there's so much awareness happening for it #but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people

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urfavisananimegirl · 2 days ago

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walter white from breaking bad

Walter Hartwell White (Breaking Bad) is an Anime Girl!

#my name is walter hartwell white. i live at 308 negra arroyo lane albuquerque new mexico 87104. this is my confession. if youre watching thi #s tape im probably dead. murdered by my brother in law hank schrader. hank has been building a meth empire for over a year and using me as #is chemist. shortly after my 50th birthday hank came to me with a rather shocking proposition. he asked that i use my chemistry knowledge t #cook methamphetamine which he would then sell using his connections in the drug world. connections that he made through his career with the #DEA. i was... astounded. i always thought that hank was a very moral man and i was thrown. confused. but i was also particularily vulner #able at the time. something he knew and took advantage of. i was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. han #took me on a ride along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. and i was weak. i didnt want my family to #go into financial ruin so i agreed. every day i think back at that moment with regret. i quickly realized that i was in way over my head an #hank had a partner. a man named gustavo fring. a business man. hank essentially sold me into servitude to this man and when i tried to quit #fring threatened my family. i didnt know where to turn. eventually hank and fring had a falling out. from what i can gather hank was always #pushing for a greater share of the business to which fring flatly refused to give him and things escalated. fring was able to arrange uh i #uess you could call it a hit. on my brother in law. and failed but hank was seriously injured. and i ended up paying his medical bills whic #amounted to a little over 177000. upon recovery hank was bent on revenge working with a man named hector salamanca. he plotted to kill frin #and did so. in fact the bomb that he used was built by me and he gave me no option in it. i have often contemplated suicide but i am a cowa #d. i wanted to go to the police but i was frightened. hank had risen in the ranks to become head of the DEA and about that time to keep me #n line he took my children. for 3 months he kept them.my wife who up until that point had no idea of my criminal activities was horrified t #learn what i had done. why hank had taken our children. we were scared. i was in hell i hated myself for what i had brought upon my family.#recently i tried once again to quit to end this nightmare and in response he gave me this. i cant take this anymore. i live in fear every #ay that hank will kill me or worse hurt my family. i... all i could think to do was make this video in hope that the world will finally see #this man for what he really is.#breaking bad #walter white #your fave is an anime girl #your fave is #hall of fame

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lotus-pear · 1 month ago

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Morgana is so silly, I low-key cried when he had the option to choose the thieves or the shadow. So heartwarming

i cried too. we both crode. 😭

#NO BUT SERIOUSLY WHENEVER HES LIKE “you'll let me stay right?” I WISH THE OPTIONS WERENT SO HALF ASSED #LIKE “i guess :/” OR LIKE “sure.”#NO. I WANT HIM STAY FOREVER PLEASE STAY BY MY SIDE FOREVER DONT LEAVE ME I WILL DIE WITHOUT MY CAT BY MY SIDE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#idc what game/show/movie/book it is i will always become attached to the animal companions. i love when the protag has a pet.#like ur my pet too now and if anything happens to you i will kill everyone else in this room and then myself #lotus’s asks

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imminent-danger-came · 5 months ago

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Part of me, deep deep down, wonders if we still may have a scene of MK on his knees versus his friends a la 4x07

#like maybe we WON'T. and that's totally fine #I did get ''You were locked in a corner- told to get on your knees and accept your fate! And you didn't!#You came back and chose to stand to meet your end! Together.'' Like at the very least *kisses kneeling/standing motif*#And it's like ''your friends will turn on you- seeing you for the monster you will become!'' like where did that fear come from. Wukong #Wukong & Macaque #And what are we MAYBE getting answers to next season. Wukong V Macaque #I just. *gestures* the chaos shit is so weird. the staff corruption is so weird #''When the chaos makes them who they are'' SO WEIRD #So like. Rn I feel like MK finally gets hey. You really don't have to do it alone! And it's okay it all leads to pain! Good job bestie #Like the option is it all leads to pain or there's nothing. Cool cool #But I do feel like. He needs to be okay with his role specifically? You know? Like the ''it's always my fault!'' aspect of it #''It definitely shouldn't be left up to me'' like. Well. It kinda was #This was YOUR choice #Idk man like. This is just gonna have consequences #like ''I saw my children couldn't survive the chaos'' We have lost the safety net of the cycle #We have lost the 10 kings. We've lost heaven (ish).#MK you quite literally chose your sentimentality for mortal pleasures over a lot. Over guaranteed survival #God part of me is like. U were so willing to kill yourself so you could finally make up for being you I know it #I fucking know it MK #Ur so rayla core #my god #U were like "I can finally make the world better than I found it by fucking killing myself'' like dude. dude no #this is such a weird amalgamation of getting better/worse MK like I love you #character of all time #And earlier in the season being like ''You're a beast. A monster'' and then calling nine a monster like. MK. whatever #was part of LBD's plan literally destroying chaos with the fire (''And everything beyond even that!'') like idk I'm losing it #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk rant #lmk spoilers

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burningcomputerpersona · 1 month ago

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ahhhhhhhh guess who made the mistake of getting a haircut

#i was planning on growing it out for real i swear #but then the back of my hair got to that length (like it always does) where it starts touching the back of my neck wrong and i cant stand it #so i figured I'd juuuuuust get a trim maybe only the back so it wouldn't keep bugging me #and it started off pretty good too she was doing well with everything and i liked the way it looked #then she asked me a question with two options. and i answered the question. and she repeated my answer. good enough right?#well i think she maaaay have forgotten my answer in the span of like 2 seconds bc she started cutting SUPER short suddenly #and now my perm is completely gone lol #i think she's used to going a bit shorter so it looks good in like a week when it's grown out a bit #and you don't have to go back for a haircut every 2 weeks #but like. i would rather not hate my reflection (more than usual) for a week or two while it grows out yknow #eurghhhh it's not that bad tbh ive had haircuts where i wanted to kill myself and this is just 'hmm maybe i should wear a hat for a week'#but still. very annoying. and especially so bc i was actually feeling optimistic with where we were going at the start #anyway there's this weird phenomenon that keeps happening where I accidentally get my hair cut too short #then i decide this is going to be the time i finally grow my hair out for real #and after a while the back reaches that length where it starts bothering me again #and ill get a haircut juuust for a trim #then i somehow end up with a bowlcut #it's an emo bowlcut to be clear. so im not super hung up about it bc i still love that haircut for reasons i cannot comprehend #but everybody else seems to go 'ew a bowlcut why' except for the alt queers who go 'omg gender'#which i consider to be one of the biggest compliments i could ever get. and have gotten. seriously that moment will never leave my mind #like having someone that you consider Gender to look at you and say *you're* very gender? my crops have been watered my cattle have been fed #etc etc. anyway this currently has the shape of a bowl cut but it's too short esp on top #so im back in my 'okay im gonna grow it our FOR REAL this time' phase again. as it goes. like fucking sisyphus.#anyway. im gonna be tearing it up in the pit at origami angel tomorrow so if anybody's also going feel free to join me there #just gotta let off some steam. goddammit i knew i should have gone the queer route and just done it myself. in my defense i still had a perm #and i didn't trust myself to cut curly hair. turns out i shouldn't have trusted the barber either bc she just held it straight out #and chopped right across. and soon the curls were gone and everything was straight. ...that sounds like a metaphor for conversion therapy #'yeah just head into that place by the time you leave you'll be straight'#anyway. sorry for the waterfall of tags if ur still here kudos to you and may you have a wonderful day #mine

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phagodyke · 1 month ago

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wanted to go to the gym social tn but as I was getting my stuff together to go out, a friend said smth that rly pissed me off and now I'm too fucking angry to go out. fucks sake man

#fucking hate ppl commenting on my 'self control' for being sober bc I get it all the fucking time and its so patronising !!!!!!#even if its not intended that way. dont care didnt fucking ask. especially from someone im friends with #but whatever i should know better than to expect ppl to know me #maybe other ppl need discipline to stay sober but i dont bc the alternative is a non option and always has been. not that hard for me #and i have my own self control struggles w other shit man like im not pristine and perfect fuck off. you only dont know abt the #shit i actually fucking struggle with bc i dont know or trust u well enough for that.#and i HATE when ppl fucking imply im susceptible to peer pressure. im not. dont fucking overestimate your influence #ppl act like shit is a choice like actually i have a trauma rooted fear that comes from ppl in my family dying of substance abuse thanks 👍#which i dont expect strangers to know. but my friends should fucking know that!!! but i guess its not worth remembering #whatever it doesnt matter im prolly upset for other reasons im going to go out for a walk to calm down i cant be at home right now #even more fucking annoyed that im missing the gym over this. i shouldve been there an hour ago.#i mean i could still go maybe the cycle ride would stop me feeling mad and blowing everyone up once im there. i doubt it tho #UGH. fucking whatever. whatever whatever whatever. sorry for ventposting i was typing out a longass reply #but its not gonna fucking do anything except come across needlessly aggressive and ruin the conversation #even if i really really want to be needlessly aggressive. and ruin the conversation. but i guess i have the self control to not. lmfao #what if i just killed myself. anyway i think im gonna go get some shitty fast food on this walk and watch a horror movie when im back #.vent

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chumpy1012 · 2 years ago

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gangrene? what, do Hank and John have a secret third brother we’ve never heard of?

#im the funniest person alive #killing myself #i really want to meet gan #i bet he would be so cool #he’s the secret third option everyone is always talking about #hank green #john green #gangrene

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punch-love · 2 days ago

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dragon age 2 is a game for recovering people pleasers because it's near impossible to please everyone and the game genuinely requires that you don't

#punch.txt #dragon age 2 #love you baby. fenris <3 I will never be liked by you #unless I morally you know. bankrupt myself which I LOVE that it gives me the option to #that glowy elf will always try to kill me. and that's okay cause we are not friends

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jaxieshauna · 1 month ago

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who up being neglected by everyone in their dumb fuck life again jfc

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mars-ipan · 4 months ago

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this is gonna sound incredibly virtue signal-y i fear but i have been feeling. so fiercely protective of all the transfems i've ever met lately

#marzi speaks #I PROMISE I'M NOT TRYING TO EARN GOOD BOY POINTS HOLD ON LET ME. EXPLAIN MYSELF HERE #obvs we're in kinda a tense political climate rn #and i'm noticing trends have been getting . increasingly misogynistic lately?#in like . a subtle but for sure still noticeable way #and women are being dismissed and all this awful shit #and ppl are going. completely mask off about it when the woman happens to be a trans gender #and it reminds me of when i was a little girl. and how my mom spent so much time in my childhood #training me to not stand for and take misogynistic bullshit from anyone. and to defend other women too #she taught me to assert myself in professional or academic environments. she taught me to stand proud and take up physical space #once as a kid my great uncle (who's always been a nut) didn't let me come on a fishing trip because i was a girl #when i came to my mom crying about it because i loved boats and fishing and my family she just about murdered him. completely tore into him #my whole life my mom has been there to tell me that people will try to put me down. they will try to overlook me or dismiss me #or make me feel smaller. and if i dare to get too confident i'll be labeled bossy or a bitch #and that no matter what i do i cannot let those pieces of shit win. i cannot let that stop me #and that i'd have to fight so fucking hard for it my whole life and it won't be fair but i will do it because i have no other option #and i'm seeing a lot of transfems having to navigate that now too #but they didn't get the privilege of being trained in this since day 1. they have to figure it out on their own #and the demonization right now is so strong that a single misstep can be. so dangerous #and it makes me so mad. all of that built up anger from every time i've had to learn how to not take misogynistic bullshit comes to a boil #the little girl scout in my brain who grew up forcing people to see that a girl can do whatever the fuck she wants fuck you is ACTIVE rn #she's angry. she's so angry. because she's seeing the same bullshit she dealt with in middle school being repeated again #anyways. transfems. i love you so much. you deserve so much fucking better.#i hope you can safely advocate for yourself. until then i will fucking yell and scream from the rooftops because this shit is so unfair #you should be allowed to succeed and you should be allowed to fail. and you should be allowed to take up as much goddamn space as you want #and wear whatever the hell you want. transfems i love you and i am so so angry on your behalf. modern feminism has failed you #and i am going to kill someone over it #remember to be loudly and unapologetically yourself as much as you safely can. do not let them crush your spirit

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heartual · 4 months ago

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going back to the eye doctor tomorrow morning for the chalazion inside of my eyelid that was SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN EXCISED AND HEALED BY NOW

#🍄.txt #there’s still smth in there. i’m killing myself if i have to sit through another lidocaine shot in my fucking eyelid #apparently knocking me out is an option though and i’m seriously considering it #idgaf how quickly the surgery was over i was trying not to hyperventilate the entire fucking time #and trying not to try so i didn’t mess the doctor up 😭 look where that fucking got me #jesus fucking christ #why is it always one thing or another WHYYYYYYYY #i yam so tired. does the universe understand this #one day fully headache free i am literally on my knees begging

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graevs666 · 6 months ago

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#I wish I saw another option #I feel like killing myself is becoming the only option at this point #like everytime I try move forward I just feel myself going back #I don’t want to die I just want to live and heal and move forward #but it feels so hopeless for me rn #feel like I’m always struggling w ppl #I just don’t think I’m liked at all tbh #journal

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ame-to-ame · 6 months ago

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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them

#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris #muscle memory is crazy #i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic #when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good #but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor #what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet #bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back #and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id #it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category #or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is #my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread #something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it #but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore #ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me #delete later

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inquisimer · 8 months ago

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also I continue to make major changes to Nika's canon and this time it was about the isolde/connor dilemma because. originally I think I had her let jowan kill isolde for the ritual but I don't think she would actually fuck around with magic at all.

and she would totally not be down to let connor live, because even if he was unpossessed, I think she would see him as a sort of ticking time bomb, it happened once, it'll happen again eventually. And she's completely unsympathetic to isolde because so many people are dead. and they were the people that eamon and isolde were meant to support and protect and she's definitely drawing parallels in her mind between how the upper castes in orzammar step on the lower castes and casteless to spare themselves even the slightest inconvenience. she doesn't know anything about the Circle, but she just sees isolde taking advantage of her privilege and is not inclined to trust her judgment when that judgment was what led to all of this in the first place.

like isolde saying "I have nothing to live for now" and nika is just like.....you don't know what having nothing to live for is.

ANYWAY Nika's playthrough is feeling a lot more authentic this time around but also ow

#this is very different from the choices I normally make and every new dialogue option gives me anxiety slkdgjldfkhjlk #i keep having to check myself and make sure i'm rping as nika and not just choosing what I always choose lmao #she's not a particularly forgiving person after how she grew up so while I appreciate isolde's character and choices nika decidedly does No #and she's very 'get the job done in the fastest most efficient way possible'#but also I feel a turning point here #and the turning point is specifically having to fight the corpses of the people that she left to die #i think that's going to hit her different than just. killing someone herself #psychologically anyway lol #do a simple replay on xbox i said it will be quick i said #now i'm rewriting her whole goddamn canon and it's totally worth it #oc: nika brosca #mer plays dao

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itstimeforstarwars · 8 months ago

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Had to detour TWICE today due to accidents and I feel like this is a sign that I should have stayed home and written smut rather than going to work.

#chit chat #work stuff #staying home and writing smut is always the preferable option but alas #everything is a sign i should stop coming to work here including coming to work here #lmao #absolute dipshits on the road today i almost got killed myself #because truck drivers think that being large gives them the right of way even when i am clearly there

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